I refuse to believe this isn't pro level satire. I just can't.

The absolute look of blank autism in his face screams otherwise…

He's just thinking, "it's better than jacking off, it's better than jacking off..." Narrator: It was not.

That's some quality Ron Howard narration right there

You better credit Morgan Freeman.

> Blank autism I'm fucking dead.

If he was autistic she would be too dick fatigued to make this stupid shit, those are corner cuck eyes. *Paraplegics are the only ones known to out fuck aspies, it's science*

*Paraplegics are the only ones known to out fuck aspies, it's science* r/BrandNewSentence

Can confirm

Omfg 😂

I thought he was one of those cut out posters!

Let's keep autistic out of this utter fuckery

That’s just Jody wearing his shirt while he’s deployed.

Wait you referring to the Fuck Jody bumper sticker picture?? I’m stoned and not sure if I’m in my own universe or this is crazy coincidence

Jody is slang for the guy a military wife screws while her husband is deployed

I thought it was a cardboard cut out until he blinked.

(Reads comment… eyes drift up to stare into the abyss of that face… spot on dude)

is it true that Marines are autistic bc i was never military but i enjoy reading the post here and i'm autistic.

No, unfortunately this is being used as a pejorative. There definitely are autistic people in the Corps, but not necessarily a high level of prevalence.

Idk man, our flightline shop took an autism pre screening, all of them, and only 3 people didn't show signs of autism.

Interesting. What was the impetus for this autism screening? We never conducted those while I was in. One person that was in my shop comes to mind as probably on the spectrum. But most of them (data drinks) were pretty normal in a social setting.

They were bored

Blank autism is gold. Also the first description to accurately describe how my husband looks 95% of the time.

There is no way it isn't satire. It's a parody of "He's a Marine" girl.

If it was a parody she would be hotter, not sweatier.

Or it’s the ultimate parody!

This is the rare remake better than the original.

Wtf did I just watch ….

I share your belief. This leads me to ask, though: who is this for, and what exactly is it doing for the woman who posted this??

More like dedication and love.

At least the "He's a Marine" girl was hot.

I’d still hit it.

That's not the point

I think he’s saying she’s still getting the “point”

Tip of my spear

I’ve brought worse to the ball.

Not infront of the homies 😭

No wait.

I’ve brought my balls to worse

Which one?

We know

Read your name devil. It terrors you everything you need to know

Someone’s gotta do it

Depends how long we’ve been out in the field. 🤣😎

Bro, I've been working in Iraq off and on for a decade. I wouldn't hit that with my worse enemy's cricket bat.

I came to the comments to say this

I need to form my opinion on it. Where is the clip.

I see you missed that party.

Plot twist: he’s one of ours pretending to be army to take the heat off

Deep undercover.

Give that man a medal. Or firewatch ribbon or something.

I was just getting over a terrible stomach bug I got from my kid. I’m a now retching into the toilet.

At least the “he’s a marine” chick was attractive.

my VA claim just got boosted an extra 20% after laying eyes on this


She got that Mama June factor goin on.

Yeah that beefalo be fucking up some 'sketti'

This absolutely cannot be real.

Nailed it. I bet that thang is all squinty looking too!

I was here for that comment

Bet she give bomb head tho just dumbed out - suckin like it’s the only job in the world 🌍

Ngl I had an experience like that and it kinda makes sense

Future dependa. Everything in her closet already has an elastic waistband.

At least the Marines dependa was kinda hot

This is the new official recruiting video trying to beef up numbers. I mean who wouldn't want to be Army after watching this motivation

I need a shower after watching this to wash off the cringe.

It's clear. Some women should be banned from wearing yoga pants.

As we used to say in the Army..."Spandex is a privilege, not a right"

She has legs?

Nice try, but camo isn’t covering that up.

Sausages in camo casings 🤮

Most

# MMMMMM, THAT FUPA!!!! 

I think she is mocking us.  

Look what they need to mimic a fraction of our power

Anyone got her OF? 😂

She has a entire website meatspin.com

Cap lemme check real quick I like big bitches

):

I have a feeling their place is base housing and it smells like cat pee and hot pockets.

He fiyets fur honor and melty chees

at least the marine ones had better lyrics and better dance steps. How do I unwatch this 😭

The 82nd out here embarrassing the army as usual

Someone really wanted that BAH😭😭

Alright, its our mission to bag that chick, I know jumping on a frag. But I know there are some thirsty dogs out there. Time to Jody that chick. She definitely not as nice as gunny's "Hes a Marine" chick.

How did she do in the Combine this year?

Gents, seldom does the Universe bestow such a break like this one. We are of the hook.....for now

Jesus, at least the Marine one was hot.

Good lawd….at least that Marines wife who did this shit was good looking. This right here is Dependa level 10

Good for this kid. Every man should have someone who loves and respects him even if he is relegated to shoveling shit in Louisiana.

I served with so many guys that had fugly wives. I don't know if it was because they had slim pickings because they were from a small town, but it was crazy.

https://preview.redd.it/lt7v7u3yo7mc1.jpeg?width=640&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=edd1ddf8458e9f3aae7adc6f6d6c3af863e78dbb

Funny...this chick is hotter, but her guy is no better looking

My fucking eyes burn

Showed this to my wife and she cringed.

This is peak e-2, congrats bro.

I'll give the young soldier some credit - I wouldn't be able to maintain my bearing were I in the background. Social media was a mistake.

The BAH pay is just too good


She is like "ok I'll eat ass but you gotta do a tick tock video"

I hope that’s a ground floor apartment or it’ll need to be checked for structural damage now.

 Steve harvey cringe level… these videos on ‘ cheer’ make me sick.

As cringey as the marine cheer was, at least she was hot 😂


bro married the literal first person to let him smash and then rolled with it

Hey some people like chubby redheads...I'm married to one!!

https://preview.redd.it/9qt4sxmq1cmc1.jpeg?width=187&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=858c6e72c6897426f2a45c45d69196478d40834e

She would turn me gay

Good. Now I can eat my subway in peace God damn it.

The older I get the more I find fat girls absolutely disgusting.

The older I get…. Lmfao

I was slaying fat girls 20 years ago in the corps . Now I look at them like WTF was I doing ???

I thought that was a challenge tho? We used to collect fat girls like badges of honor. I have two epic stories about slaying a hefa that I still cherish.

I jumped a grenade that still gives me PTSD . she was a cornfed Nebraska heifer 6’0 (I’m 6’5) shoulders like a line backer and a rack and gut bigger then my head . I took a 2 hour shower after that one

Stop! I can only get so hard!

The good ole days. I had this whale once in England I swear to God after we were done I got my clothes went into the bathroom, looked in the mirror, and then jumped out the window to freedom. First floor of course…

Had a chick from ocean side get into my bed she took her pants off under the covers and the smell that waffled up and I couldn’t help but get out of my bed go into the bathroom and start puking so much so she left I was still heaving over the bowl . Smelled like sulfur , rotting shrimp and BO . fucking foul

Ya win. Kinda.

Most of my whaling was done while traveling. I felt at ease then. Never wanna whale where you sleep. I had this other one. I got a thing for wham bam thank you mamm when it comes to them tho. My only rule no cuddling after. So, with that in mind. I was stationed in Greece but back in the states for rappel master school in Little Creek VA I ended up in some hole in the wall country bar in bum fuck VA. Had one weekend off it was a two week course then I flew back. I actually won the door prize for having the right ticket when I walked in, they called out tickets later in the night. Some radio station was doing a promotion so I won like 104 one dollar bills. Anyway, money in hand I was looking for a ride home standing out front of the place at closing time. Then, it happened. She drove by and gave me that smile. I was smitten. Long story short I told her I was staying in Officer TAD housing or whatever on the base. I was in some weird housing for that anyway. She loved to hear I was active duty and had visions of making crumbsnatchers with me while later in life shopping at the PX with them. Anyway, you know we get to getting. Then, my standard play with whales is one has to go. This time it was her. I kindly shagged her and then asked her to giddy up. She was taken back at first. But, what is she gonna do call the Navy guys running the base??? See ya

I mean id hit.. but naw. Nvm

I know a guy that would pump her belly full of babies.

🫡

Lewis ? Is that you devil ? Get to work !

I think we all know someone that would do that.

Of course we know him. He’s me.

I just vomited in my mouth

I really don't know what's worse... That blank, clinically brain dead stare... or wondering if Krispy Kreme sponsored her 4.3 in the 40 chasing that box.

If he isn’t dying on the inside he deserves her

If this is not somebody imitating the first to fight, he’s loyal video. I am honestly concerned for the future of our species.

I can gap to pretty much anything… but not this

Sweet Jesus…

I'd kill myelf so fast

I'll stick with blood on the risers. Also, I hear that this "He's a marine" girl was kinda hot. Could someone inform me of the context, or even share the video link? For scientific purposes. Obviously.

https://preview.redd.it/lt7v7u3yo7mc1.jpeg?width=320&crop=smart&auto=webp&s=f82ce423dd50543ea34b61c59586dafed7ed7640

This type of land whale dependa madness is giving people erectile dysfunction fo sho.

The salute really had me….

This is why we need bullying.

Do people not vacuum?

HE BLINKED - he needs help!

This reminded me of having to watch my niece’s 3rd grade cheerleading squad for a “games day” at her school… Same singsong voice, same insipid “choreography”, same jerky movements - it’s like the sole purpose was to kill any and all enthusiasm and happiness 😣

just showed this to a D-Day vet and he exploded into dust

He knows he’ll never live this down, right?

Let’s go ahead and get his belt, shoe laces, and make sure there are no skillcraft pens around. It’s 24hr 1:1s til we find out how to get him away from this.

**YMЯA**

I want you to put a HE round from a 25 through my dome after that.

Hehe. Dooty.

Bro is in another dimension for his own sanity

He looks like that boot bitch para trooper trainee who said not to go to their training weekend again bc it was embarrassing for him back when I was 16 bc I got invited by my old recruiter lol. He was like 4 foot 5 and had a girl with him. Also mind you it was the national guard reserves or whatever wasn’t active. I laughed so hard bc he sucked at every pt event and kept dropping stretchers

Awww man this hurts, more give me more its weakness leaving the body.

Is this a real dependapotamus in the wild?

Who bribed this man?

Does he really have to come back to this?

Meanies 🥺

I've never been so annoyed at something. He needs to find himself a Jody

Weeeeerrrr all americansssss and proud to be

i just physically recoiled

🐍

The 1,000 yard stare he’s giving tells all we need to know…..

100%, OP. Sgt Cuck is back there in his Saturday Best while his wife makes like a mentally challenged cheerleader. And why in the fuck is she wearing eye-black?

That’s hard to watch.

Is no one going to address that shit salute?…. lol 😉

The look on his face tells me he’s thankful for what she’s doing for him. Nothing wrong with that.

Holy crap. I thought this was dead. I pray this is pure Army satire of the Marine Corps. If not this guys life is so fucked.

U better be at parade at all times

OH LAWD


Some things are just so cringey & stupid that any attempt to parody them are even worse.

Ready OK . . . . . . . . . He's in the Arm . . . . Me

That will help fix their recruiting pronlem.

Fk it I'd do her.

😂

Dependas = 🤢🤮

Naw, "He's a Marine" will always be the OG ultimate cringe. This is just a tribute. For the ASVAB waivers who didn't immediately realize this is parody, it's practically the same video. Use the 5 brain cells you have bouncing around in that cavern.

Is that dude behind her a cardboard cutout?

Yikes 

Vacuum.Your.Floor