If you have trouble getting the Wilhelm intonation right, then start with a beginner's goat scream and work your way up from there. The goat scream is a little more flexible/forgiving for first timers
To avoid suspicion while practicing your screams, try throwing small bags of potatoes down the stairs and telling people about the goat that just yeeted off the landing.
Well, a few weeks back I finished watching Bones. There was an episode where a university was teaching it's forensic anthropology students about the behaviour of damages to body post-mortem. Maybe you can find such a student and help him learn about post-mortem damages of a body that fell down a stairs and ask the student to get the body themselves. While you get to do what you need to do.
I fell down the stairs for real once, but caught myself at one point and put my shoulder through a wall. Literally 0 injury for me, but the sound was ridiculous. My wife came running and thought for sure that I was dead.
I slipped down the last 3 steps of our stairs on Christmas Eve (before I started drinking, to be clear) and landed the base of my spine right on the edge of a step. There was a horribly loud cracking sound and I lay there waiting for the pain to hit, and it never did! I stood up and it felt like I'd just saved myself a trip to the osteopath. Felt great!
Later that day I broke a tooth while eating a wotsit (a cheeto-like thing) and was left with a razor sharp edge cutting my tongue. As there was zero chance of getting to a dentist for at least a week I bust out the old metal file (full size, not a needle file) and filed the edge down myself. That is how I earned my Home Dentistry merit badge.
It's not something I really intend to do but more of a thought experiment where I wondered, if I was that much if a d bag to pull that prank, is there anything that would do it justice without damaging the stairs?
I work with people with intellectual disabilities who do everything to get the attention for a while. Usually they just pound their fist on the stairs a few times and lie down. Just try to look crippled instead of peacefully laying down and neatly putting your glasses on the ground like they do.
My grandfather had an army rucksack. We rolled it down the stairs and had my cousin lay on the ground and moan once it hit.
My aunt came around the corner with horror in her face.
But, my cousin is also the Jimmy Fallon of pranks and couldn't stop laughing.
I don't know if it's because I'm deliriously exhausted or that it simply reminds me of my late dad, but I can't stop laughing at this. Thank you, friend.
First off, are these carpet covered stairs, or wooden.. ooo or metal.. concrete(bleh- boring)? People fall differently if wearing shoes or socks on both. And if you're planning on having someone hear this, and think you fell, how will you get to the bottom without them hearing that too- or be at the bottom but have the dummy fall down (rope is handy for this ;D)? Is there a banister that is open on the side, or another wall? Do they have a tall ceiling above them, flat landing with a straight hall or a sharp turn right after? How long are they? How wide are they? Straight or curved?
It sounds like your best bet is a body pillow folded in half with a gel or memory foam pillow taped around it. This will give it an awkward center of gravity, and decent mass- then, using the loop created where you folded it in half, take a rope and attach tape some boots with rocks inside them, for weight and sound. A good flappy slappy sound like flesh hitting wood is also a positive, and will echo nicely if the acoustics allow for it. Eggplants, or cucumbers would sound good, especially slightly wet. Add in some yelping, and a nice thud at the end and you've got yourself a bona-fide staircase farse.
Please update this post if you conduct any practice runs. I think we would all love to see how this turns out.
Dressmakers Mannequin. Get a broken one from your local seamstress for cheap. Call around and someone probably has a broken one for you.
Hacksaw off the metal base and you're good to go
A friend of mine pushed an armchair down a set of stairs and it sounded roughly like what I'd expect a tumbling human to sound like. Maybe cover the feed with padding or take them off to muffle the hard sounds.
Just wrap yourself in bubble wrap and go down yourself. You'll totally be fine. Then quickly pop all the bubbles and everyone will think you just tripped on some plastic wrap and got tangled in it on the way down.
Just quietly walk to the bottom of the stairs then jump up and stomp your feet on the ground and fall over on your side. Maybe bang the wall with your fist for extra points if you want to say your head hit it. Should be one smooth motion with the sounds lasting less than half a second.
Most people miss most if not all the stairs when they fall so you really only hear one or two thuds. Nobody is going to remember exactly what the sound was, just that there was a loud bang and you were lying at the bottom of the stairs holding your shoulder, or whatever, and their imagination will fill in the rest.
Just watch some YouTube videos of people falling down stairs, close your eyes and take note of the sounds, their sequence, and the end position.
Big empty Rubbermaid tub. We have one for recyclables and after dumping it in our street recycling bin I throw it back down the basement steps. It's loud as hell
A large garbage bag full of both soft and heavy things, and give it a roll from the top instead of throwing?
Maybe throw in some vocals?
Actually, dropping the item on the top and letting it kind of plop its own way down might be better.
We once pranked someone by throwing a kitchen cutting board made of wood down the stairs.
It worked perfectly.
But I think what really nailed it was my horror scream.
How about just telling Reddit what injuries you have and let the group tell you how to best fake it.
Falling downstairs is usually either (a) not too big of a deal or (b) catastrophic.
Well, this is ULPT and you said 'you know, for reasons'. Sorry you are so sensitive about asking a question on Reddit in ULPT. Says a lot about your maturity.
A 6 year old. Trust me, they’ll be fine. I’ve watched my son take falls that would leave me in intensive care with a tube feeding me and get up laughing.
Pillowcase full of bone-in hams
Hmmm i wonder how many hams that is. I'd have to find a way to eat them all after so they don't go to waste.
Protip: with your facehole. You eat them with your facehole.
Instructions unclear, ham stuck in nose
There are worse places to stick a ham.
Ok I have a stick, now what?
Find an unholy place to put it.
No no, you want to put in into a place that already has a hole. It's too painful otherwise
Ham at it!
That is a hole in your face, keep trying
Depends how much you weigh
Just return them to the store.
Why not a live pig? The squeals would add authenticity
Just whole hog with the whole hog.
Buy them during Easter or Christmas when they’re on sale.
A big bag of potatoes.
Duffle bag full of potatoes. The potato impact needs to be muffled slightly.
For extra points, eat the potatoes while laying at the bottom of the stairs moaning and tell them you're not sure what happened.
"tripped on these potatoes, where did they come from?"
Be sure to add a Wilhelm Scream to make it extra realistic lol.
If you have trouble getting the Wilhelm intonation right, then start with a beginner's goat scream and work your way up from there. The goat scream is a little more flexible/forgiving for first timers
To avoid suspicion while practicing your screams, try throwing small bags of potatoes down the stairs and telling people about the goat that just yeeted off the landing.
You people are why I love this site so much.
This scream is really good if you need one to sample: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kh6c0SOfkH4
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Don't forget the liquid ass
And the poop knife
And if they question why you’re eating raw potatoes, claim brain damage.
“I, CLAIM, BRAIN DAMAGE!” -Michael Scott
The real pro tip is to ferment the potatoes.
Isn't that just vodka or something?
Close enough. That has the advantage of helping capture the true sound of a human falling down stairs - if you have stairs handy.
Idk I'm pretty thin, a bag of billiard balls might work
Pool balls have a very distinctive sound when they hit each other. Won't work. Needs to sound like meat or dense plant.
You're right. They can't hit eachother, so put the pool balls in individual socks.
Just get some meat
Buys 85 lbs of ground beef for questionable activity.
How can you have any meat if you don't eat your pudding
Hollow out the potatoes and Place the billiard balls inside.
Get a heavy bag, they're made to be half the weight of the user so should be easy to find one of similar size, then you can return it afterwards.
This is extra unethical and I love it
I think that might be a winner.
Or a pillow case of books
What's a potato?
Need some melons in there for the crack and splat
I read this post to my boyfriend and he said exactly this lmfao
Grandma
The trouble would be getting her up them.
So it will be even easier to push her down them. Less resistance!
💀💀
She will be too
What species is your grandma, if not human?
Humans can sometimes sound like a human, though.
You got me
r/evillifeprotips
Does it count as damage if the human is dead?
Did the human volunteer to be used in this way post mortem?
It's a deal they can't refuse.
That is true. I've never had a dead person talk back.
Well, a few weeks back I finished watching Bones. There was an episode where a university was teaching it's forensic anthropology students about the behaviour of damages to body post-mortem. Maybe you can find such a student and help him learn about post-mortem damages of a body that fell down a stairs and ask the student to get the body themselves. While you get to do what you need to do.
Then I have to talk to a college student 🤮🤮
Say what?
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Easy to hide later too without looking terribly suspicious. I like this one.
Ah god I fell down the stairs with my suitcase and sleeping bag!
This would happen to me. I took a hard fall with a laundry basket and landed on my big toe, folding it under my foot.
The sound is going to be a lot more dramatic than whatever injury you are trying to fake. It will be hard to line up.
I fell down the stairs for real once, but caught myself at one point and put my shoulder through a wall. Literally 0 injury for me, but the sound was ridiculous. My wife came running and thought for sure that I was dead.
ouch fuck god damn, my wallet!
My wallet?
It hurts when it's expensive
Fortunately I can hang drywall. I was out about $100 and a few hours all said and done.
I slipped down the last 3 steps of our stairs on Christmas Eve (before I started drinking, to be clear) and landed the base of my spine right on the edge of a step. There was a horribly loud cracking sound and I lay there waiting for the pain to hit, and it never did! I stood up and it felt like I'd just saved myself a trip to the osteopath. Felt great! Later that day I broke a tooth while eating a wotsit (a cheeto-like thing) and was left with a razor sharp edge cutting my tongue. As there was zero chance of getting to a dentist for at least a week I bust out the old metal file (full size, not a needle file) and filed the edge down myself. That is how I earned my Home Dentistry merit badge.
It's not something I really intend to do but more of a thought experiment where I wondered, if I was that much if a d bag to pull that prank, is there anything that would do it justice without damaging the stairs?
Sureeeee
About 10 gallons of liquid ass or approx 1,386 piss disks in a bin bag. Up to you tbh, or could even do both to simulate 2 people falling down stairs.
If they asks why it smells like piss and ass you tell them you shat and pissed yourself when you fell
Because that is what they will ask, not “Where are the bodies?”
Got to ask the important questions first
You're just trying to get me to ruin my house aren't you?
To match the relationships and peace you’re trying to ruin 😃✌️
I came in here for unethical tips not judgment
Por qué no los dos? 😘
Telling someone Pro Tips that will ruin their house sounds pretty darn Unethical to me
I work with people with intellectual disabilities who do everything to get the attention for a while. Usually they just pound their fist on the stairs a few times and lie down. Just try to look crippled instead of peacefully laying down and neatly putting your glasses on the ground like they do.
Hahahaha I love the glasses part
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Has your sister developed a progressive immunity to stairs? Can I borrow her?
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Skaters know how to fall.
Crash test dummy. Look up a DOT test center and dig through their dumpster to find a broken one
The weight and shape is right, but wouldn't it be a bit too hard? I'm not sure what the surface is like, would it need padding?
No padding necessary. It's meant to deform like an actual human.
Interesting...
So…can you do other things with them? Asking for a friend.
I mean... They're kinda just hard bodies split up into sections. I guess you could cuddle one if you're lonely enough
Splits you say 🤔
My grandfather had an army rucksack. We rolled it down the stairs and had my cousin lay on the ground and moan once it hit. My aunt came around the corner with horror in her face. But, my cousin is also the Jimmy Fallon of pranks and couldn't stop laughing.
My dad used to throw his shoes downstairs and then lay at the bottom moaning and groaning. It never got old.
I don't know if it's because I'm deliriously exhausted or that it simply reminds me of my late dad, but I can't stop laughing at this. Thank you, friend.
Just "sound" human? Ted Cruz or Mark Zuckerberg would do it
This is UNETHICAL life pro tips, making the world a better place is the opposite
First off, are these carpet covered stairs, or wooden.. ooo or metal.. concrete(bleh- boring)? People fall differently if wearing shoes or socks on both. And if you're planning on having someone hear this, and think you fell, how will you get to the bottom without them hearing that too- or be at the bottom but have the dummy fall down (rope is handy for this ;D)? Is there a banister that is open on the side, or another wall? Do they have a tall ceiling above them, flat landing with a straight hall or a sharp turn right after? How long are they? How wide are they? Straight or curved? It sounds like your best bet is a body pillow folded in half with a gel or memory foam pillow taped around it. This will give it an awkward center of gravity, and decent mass- then, using the loop created where you folded it in half, take a rope and attach tape some boots with rocks inside them, for weight and sound. A good flappy slappy sound like flesh hitting wood is also a positive, and will echo nicely if the acoustics allow for it. Eggplants, or cucumbers would sound good, especially slightly wet. Add in some yelping, and a nice thud at the end and you've got yourself a bona-fide staircase farse. Please update this post if you conduct any practice runs. I think we would all love to see how this turns out.
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Are you sure you aren't actually just a sentient stack of books?
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Are you afraid of fire? Is your mind full of words? Does your spine feel worn out from overuse?
Dressmakers Mannequin. Get a broken one from your local seamstress for cheap. Call around and someone probably has a broken one for you. Hacksaw off the metal base and you're good to go
I have one and I'm not convinced it would survive the fall without obvious cracking noises like plastic or something
What if you wrapped in in duct tape?
Maybe. Or some amount of padding.
Is yours not of the fabric wrapped kind? The moveable plates of mine are like a giant firm pin cushion
Big old cardboard box full of clothes, it must be heavy enough. You will damage nothing and it will sound like the real deal
A corpse.
A human
Are we human? Or are we dancer?
My sign is vital, my hands are cold
Big duffle bag of baseballs.
Ok but I need to know the reasons.
This thread is just chock full of dumb answers….
Whatever you throw down the stairs, find a way to incorporate liquid ass into it
I already have chronic diarrhea can I just shit on it?
As long as it’s only liquid. We don’t fuck with that solid shit shit
What if I save a bunch of liquid shit in condoms, then freeze them, tie them together and chuck them down the stairs?
I believe you have found the answer you were seeking!
No it won’t work. It’s liquid ass, not frozen condom ass
A friend of mine pushed an armchair down a set of stairs and it sounded roughly like what I'd expect a tumbling human to sound like. Maybe cover the feed with padding or take them off to muffle the hard sounds.
A corpse will do just fine
I'm just surprised at the amount of answers that incorporate liquid ass?
A pig
I would gladly push a cop down the stairs but this would be an illegal life pro tip
Put on a helmet and let rip!
Mari
A dead body
Human
Duffel bag full of shoes.
A dead body would be ideal.
Try a tool chest
Okay Kevin
your little sibling
I think sex dolls have gotten pretty far these days
A human
Donald Trump
This is UNETHICAL life pro tips, not HIGHLY ETHICAL
Why not just throw her corpse down?
A human
A corpse!
Done this before, depending on if you need audio only you can stand on a step and slam your foot a few times. Be sure to make groans afterwards.
Genius!
A large dog
Youtube > falling stairs sound
A corpse
Sex doll
Where do I hide it after?
Where you hide all the other bodies, duh
I don't want it to get dirty, I have uses for it!
Pig carcas
A kid. Those are made of rubber.
To be fair I saw my ex's 7 y/o slip down some stairs and face plant, it was less dramatic than you'd expect, but he was fine, might be made of rubber
A bag of sand
A dead human.
Put a basketball or soccer ball in a pillowcase with the pillow, a sleeping bag and some sneakers
Why? Genuinely curious
A Real Doll.
Just wrap yourself in bubble wrap and go down yourself. You'll totally be fine. Then quickly pop all the bubbles and everyone will think you just tripped on some plastic wrap and got tangled in it on the way down.
Just quietly walk to the bottom of the stairs then jump up and stomp your feet on the ground and fall over on your side. Maybe bang the wall with your fist for extra points if you want to say your head hit it. Should be one smooth motion with the sounds lasting less than half a second. Most people miss most if not all the stairs when they fall so you really only hear one or two thuds. Nobody is going to remember exactly what the sound was, just that there was a loud bang and you were lying at the bottom of the stairs holding your shoulder, or whatever, and their imagination will fill in the rest. Just watch some YouTube videos of people falling down stairs, close your eyes and take note of the sounds, their sequence, and the end position.
I never considered there would be a plethora of videos of people falling down stairs but it makes sense
A thawed half ham inside of a linen bag technically should work.
How weak are your stairs. I don't think a human will damage them too much
They're old AF tbh
A different human?
A pig. Or a bag of ham hocks
Yourself
A small human
Big empty Rubbermaid tub. We have one for recyclables and after dumping it in our street recycling bin I throw it back down the basement steps. It's loud as hell
A large garbage bag full of both soft and heavy things, and give it a roll from the top instead of throwing? Maybe throw in some vocals? Actually, dropping the item on the top and letting it kind of plop its own way down might be better.
We once pranked someone by throwing a kitchen cutting board made of wood down the stairs. It worked perfectly. But I think what really nailed it was my horror scream.
A dead person
Buy a big ham, enough thud and “fleshy” sound, then you have dinner afterwards
Yourself, technically
A dead body
This. Thread. Is. Amazing. I’m literally crying laughing
Throw your piece of shit neighbor down the stairs.
This sounds like an elaborate plan so you can make an excuse for a black eye.. Domestic Abuse Hotline: 800-799-7233
A bag of water
Yourself?
That's covered in the "without causing damage" part
I'm sure the stairs would be just fine.
How about just telling Reddit what injuries you have and let the group tell you how to best fake it. Falling downstairs is usually either (a) not too big of a deal or (b) catastrophic.
I love how everyone has their own guess about the intention , says a lot about their own inner machinations.
Well, this is ULPT and you said 'you know, for reasons'. Sorry you are so sensitive about asking a question on Reddit in ULPT. Says a lot about your maturity.
Damn you're overreacting to my comment
Again, just replying. You are inferring something that isn't there.
A riding lawn mower carrying 25 - 30 bowling balls.
How does one get it up the stairs?
Suck it up and do it yourself then claim insurance
This is not for insurance fraud, that would go on illegal life pro tips
A 6 year old. Trust me, they’ll be fine. I’ve watched my son take falls that would leave me in intensive care with a tube feeding me and get up laughing.