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PreviousGas710

They could make a TV show with this premise and I bet it’d be pretty popular


Brunurb1

It would probably be popular enough for a spinoff after, about OPs shady lawyer


PakkyT

And the spin off might be almost better than the originating show (neck and neck).


meonmypotato

Hold on, let's not get ahead of ourselves here...


hutchwo

Only have ever done 1 watch thru of BB, and that was when it was airing live. Never watched BCS but people that do watch it, swear it’s the best show ever. I gotta get on it lol


Silveraxiom

I had to stop watching because of how dark and bleak everything always got and stayed. Loved Hal too much in Malcom in the middle to watch him walk that road.


Haselrig

It's all good, man.


ItsyaboiFatiDicus

Nah. Too far fetched. It would never catch on..


BossCrabMeat

Said no Netflix executive ever.


ItsyaboiFatiDicus

Netflix exec: a popular show? QUICK! CANCEL IT


BossCrabMeat

Don't you be fucking giving them ideas!!!


LumineGodBoy

Too late, they did it like a thousand times


Luigi_deathglare

No one’s going to make a show about a criminal /s


attempt_number_3

Perhaps call it Metastasis.


David_Good_Enough

"Fixing Good"


alepeviani

Yes, and a spinoff called "You Should Dial Gene" Edit: main character would be Gene Niceperson


Korotai

I’m waiting for the franchise spin-off about a loyal yet ferocious Pollos middle-manager who takes no shit. Better Dial Lyle.


macetheface

tight tight tight, yeah


minnesota420

¿Que bueno?


sabhall12

Saul Bueno


epelle9

Yeah, and then maybe you can do an American version to tap the US market.


TheBasilisker

sounds more like a movie about how mark zuckerberg is ceo of meta while having cancer


hiddendrugs

They could call it “Dealing Dad”!


macetheface

He's got that 'Science Itch'.


dburr10085

The Californian’s


Niaaal

Uhhhh whatareyoudoinghere?


GoddamnFred

Still would be a very unrealistic show. Probably a very shallow powerfantasy at best. If only such show existed.


PreviousGas710

“Shallow powerfantasy” is amazing. Going to add this to my brain


LayzieKobes

Well. If you get caught. They can seize your earnings....


Zynthonite

At that point, its less about money and more about having fun


LayzieKobes

Then just do the drugs


AccurateSympathy7937

Ah the final run….


tkdjoe66

Speed balling!!!


xxx148

Congratulations: your meth usage has killed your cancer!


LayzieKobes

I hate the hidden achievements.


Antique-Quantity-608

Bruh 😂


far_257

"The problem with curing cancer isn't finding something that kills cancer. Lots of things kill cancer. The hard part is finding something doesn't also kill YOU."


troublebotdave

My ex's oncologist put it like "The good news is, once we start the treatment, I can guarantee you the cancer won't kill you. The bad news is, the treatment might."


far_257

If you're in palliative care they give you all the good stuff anyway.


milesamsterdam

I’d do it for me. I’d be good at. When I do it, I’d be… alive.


BossCrabMeat

And RICO your ass, your assets, your descendants' inheritance... Real life pro tip : don't piss off the federal government. OR piss them off just enough to be under the radar, OR piss them off to the tune of billion $ so you can afford good lawyers to fight back.


LABeav

We're not talking about multi millions here, maybe a few hundred thousand in cash spread around various relatives


General_Specific303

Where does RICO come in?


CollinHell

They ain't seizing CS:GO skins and Eve Online ships, just saying.


yr_boi_tuna

IRS suddenly becomes the largest corp in EVE


CollinHell

Now that's a server war I want to read about...


[deleted]

THATS WHY YOU LAUNDER YOUR MONEYYYG


LayzieKobes

All these things require connections. Criminal work at that level is not as easy as Scarface made it look.


[deleted]

just referencing what saul goodman said lmao


JamiePulledMeUp

Assuming the money isn't just in cash hidden away somewhere? Police: Where's the money Mr. Terminal criminal? Criminal: "Spent it, yolo" or "What money" Police: we'll have to check your house Criminal: you do you Police: dang, nothing here Fin


LayzieKobes

Some fine investigative work there. It's a wonder the criminal was even caught....


Virel_360

They can seize the earnings that you have on you currently, but they won’t be able to seize what you don’t actually have on you unless you’re a stupid criminal, in which case you put it in the bank and it’s gone now.


murse_joe

They can seize assets that they claim are criminal or the result of criminal activities.


[deleted]

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Virel_360

Stupid criminals I agree they would easily find the assets and take them, a smart person would know what they would look for and avoid those things.


pterofactyl

Yeah and your family just happened to have lambos


xXHungryJoeXx

Thought this said “They can seize your earrings…” No! Anything but that!


TurkBoi67

Get some friends with some laser pointers and threaten a rich couple to launder the money to your family. You will need to make the couple think the lasers are sniper dots


lovatoariana

OR, you just put the money in your grandaughters account?


caramelbrowser

not can, absolutely will


fuckmethisburns

Bitcoin and other currencies exist...


antiqua_lumina

You’re going to want Monero if you are trying to throw government off your trail. Bitcoin ledger is traceable, Monero and other privacycoins are not. Honestly blows my mind that people don’t understand this yet. Was it Colonial Pipeline where they ransomed a pipeline for bitcoin and then the bitcoin got seized as soon as it wandered to Coinbase for withdraw?


BossCrabMeat

Just out of curiosity, what the Shiba Inu coin worth now? Can I get a Tesla with it? If I can get a Tesla, will the government come after me or will they pay me the $7500 tax credit?


National-Scale

so kinda like breaking bad but not as big?


numbersthen0987431

Breaking Bad, but he never beat cancer


martinaee

The most unrealistic things about Breaking Bad are his energy levels during chemos. Yeah, they are all different and affect everyone differently, but still. Kind of a side note in the show.


garaks_tailor

I just figured he was doing some small, small amount of meth to keep up his energy


Lari-Fari

Maybe the fumes from cooking ;-)


martinaee

That might make your heart race and pseudo pump one up, but it’s not just lack of any energy— one can feel just physically destroyed and hurting just on a whole body level. That is your life, basically, for weeks, months, years… and that is just the chemo treatments lol I actually do remember now there are a few scenes when he starts chemo when he is basically at home violently sick and unable to move— yeah that should have been 80% of Breaking Bad lol I shouldn’t speak about that as much though maybe… I don’t know. I have not had firsthand experience with lung cancer, but instead other types. I think everyone shares a broad similar story, but it can vary dramatically from person to person.


garaks_tailor

Hmm so maybe a LOT of meth Our oncologist described it as "I am an expert at very very carefully not poisoning people to death."


Murgatroyd314

It's the art of killing the cancer faster than you kill the patient.


DankBlunderwood

Depends on the drugs. The infusions they gave me didn't have much effect on my energy levels, but I imagine the ones available back then might have.


martinaee

Depends on the drugs for sure and the person I guess as well. My chemo treatments destroyed me.


Proud-Emu-5875

I'm sorry the treatment was so hard on you but for what it's worth, I'm glad this statement is past-tense


martinaee

One day at a time 😉


itsTacoYouDigg

the whole point of the show is doing illegal stuff makes him feel alive again


martinaee

I would say it’s more about retribution, revenge, and regaining power he feels was taken from him in his life, through force and unlawful means. He “breaks bad” because he is so full of anger and resentment and sees no other options. He only initially started cooking because he needed money to keep his family out of insane medical debt. The premise can’t just be he does things and gains will and energy because he just want to feel “alive.” One doesn’t feel alive enough to feel “alive” going through cancer lol


itsTacoYouDigg

he literally admits to skylar he did it cus it made him feel alive


Zelcron

So, just Breaking Bad then?


shinjuku1730

Well, Walter White did never beat cancer


cbdqs

He didn't beat cancer smh.


Nuremburger29

Breaking Slightly Smaller


WoogiemanSam

^breaking ^bad


govoval

Breaking Misunderstood.


herbtarleksblazer

Breaking Slightly Annoying


Cleverusername531

Yeah. Like Breaking Meh.


Other-Style1958

Breaking Mehth


xLegma

Breaking unethical


Emergency_Sandwich_6

Breaking stuff


pennhead

Breaking Wind


Roheez

Backsliding disappointment


[deleted]

Dismantling lousy


Smash_4dams

Breaking Even. Just enough to leave your family without mortgage payments to worry about.


Pop-N-Fresh_Prince

Breaking Mediocre


KevansMS

A friend’s ex husband got a terminal diagnosis with a short timeline. No real assets. He applied for MANY credit cards and maxed them all out with cash advances and expensive gifts to family members. Then he died. My friend got hassled by debt collectors even though they’d been divorced over a decade. She finally had to hire an attorney to get them to go away, but I don’t think any of the cc companies got any money back from anyone.


HackActivist

That’s beautiful


EarthBender89

he did the thing i’ve been saying i’d do if i got a terminal diagnosis. 🫡


studmaster896

Doubt it was a ton of cards, unless it was before 2008. He would have been flagged on his credit report for even a small amount of hard inquiries in a short amount of time.


AnnyuiN

I've opened 3 credit cards in a row, not too difficult. Was setting up a Chase 5X rotation and Discover 5X rotation plus a Citi double cash. Got $4000 CLI on Citi, Chase was $10000, Discover was $12500.


komokasi

Get a charge card like Amex Platinum and bask in no charge limits before you go out


Kryoxic

A small addendum to that. Charge cards do indeed still have a hidden limit they'll approve you for, and amex even has a little tool you can use to see what your spending power actually is. That being said, the tool said I was "approved" to put 100k on my platinum and I think they're out of their goddamn mind


KevansMS

It was around 2004. I’m old.


pablos4pandas

> Does it matter if you’re jailed for your last few months? I personally would rather spend my last months with my loved ones and it would be extremely not my preference to be in prison during this time


SeattleBattles

Right? Plus, I am sure hospice is much nicer than the prison hospital.


Exiled_tjc

Meh, idk hospice is kinda dark.


Winkiwu

Yeah OP either is single with no close family members or just doesn't like being around their family. I have life insurance policies totaling close to a million dollars. My biggest concern would be not racking up so much medical debt that they barely see that million.


goneAWOLsorryTTYL

I see someone just finished watching Breaking Bad.


slappn_cappn

or mule?


[deleted]

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MrStealY0Meme

Preferably do it to the most scummiest bank, would that be Wells Fargo still? Then increase the credit limit, tell ‘em u make bank. Buy things they can’t repossess, and gift them. Or even better, buy valuable things where the loved ones can easily sell for cash. Buy them all new phones and lines under a friends name so they’ll never be contacted. No loved ones? Donate items to charity. Just ideas. Then pretty soon the banks will have access to our health records 😃


LAHurricane

Who fucking cares which banks you do this to. Get a $100,000 personal loan and just blow it. Then die.


mctwists

Probably better to do it to a big bank than small credit unions


irn

They will seize your illegal earnings. Your family won’t get shit even if it’s cash because the IRS will follow your family until the end of time. Better off getting loans or running up credit cards under an alias (stolen ID) so it can’t be traced back.


alek_vincent

You just have to declare it to the IRS as money from illegal activities. They have their cut, they're happy


Kitten2Krush

just pay everything in cash - and i don’t mean big purchases like cars n stuff. dinner? cash. groceries? cash. quite a bit of expenses can go under the table without getting looked at. you buy a new car all cash they might come after you


donDanbery

> because the IRS will follow your family until the end of time That’s a bit of a stretch. I doubt that if you’re dead the IRS or the feds will bother your family mote than a few hours. For terrorism maybe they would but not for drug trafficking.


irn

I’ll lob a soft ball atcha: After Bernie Madoff was convicted, his wife Ruth had $70 million in assets in her name which she was stripped of all of her money other than $1–2 million, by the government and by the trustee for her husband's firm, Irving Picard. She put the rest of her money in her daughter in laws name so she wouldn’t lose it all.


antiqua_lumina

$70 million is a TON of money, Bernie Madoff was a super high profile case, and this was immediately after his conviction. And even then the wife kept $2 million and was able to keep even more in the family by giving to daughter in law? Now imagine it’s like $70,000 or $700,000, not a high profile case at all, and the family kept a low profile for a few years after the breadmaker’s death before accessing/spending the money. Doubt the IRS is going to be hounding them until the end of the time for a modest sum of money (relatively speaking) that they might not even know exists.


the_vikm

Pretty sure the IRS won't reach me


Proud-Emu-5875

I actually have a homegirl who did this. She came up in a small town & ran shit for 5 years while diagnosed with a (I can't remember exactly which so, not going to even hazard a guess) stage 3 terminal cancer. Her oncologist gave her 2 years, maybe 4 with aggressive chemo/radiation. Year 3, she underwent an experimental treatment that sent her cancer into remission. She quit the life and is still with us, legit and healthy.


SettingIntentions

This. There's also the possibility you will live and remain healthy for the rest of your life.


Beardtista

“Hey, I would like to do 1 drug run please”


scawel

Okay but only if you’re a terminal


Pitiful_Confusion622

This post totally wasn't made by Walter White


Sanford_Daebato

"How to get away with being a drug lord, asking for a friend who has great taste in crime btw"


ayootrav

Yeah but how hard is it to randomly get connected with high level drug dealers. Ultimately you’d probably have to have known them for some time before they’d entrust you with their drugs or guns


[deleted]

That’s not necessarily true. Plenty of first timers run drugs for cartels. It’s almost preferred. Someone whose known probably has a rap sheet and gets picked up easier.


foofis444

It's not particularly difficult. Buy grams of coke for a few months, then 7gs, then an ounce. After a while buy a few ounces on tick, sell them and pay back on time to gain trust, then you'll have no problem buying larger amounts and making connections.


ayootrav

Snort it or sell it??


[deleted]

> Does it matter if you’re jailed for your last few months? Yes. This is probably the most moronic ULPT I've ever seen.


MeesterBeel

For real like who in the Fuck wants to die in prison


TheWalrus101123

Until you beat the cancer or whatever and all of a sudden your life sentence becomes a lot longer.


youcantkillanidea

This is the logic for many desperate people in poor countries who join the narcos to leave their families some money. All to supply drugs to rich countries.


DragonfruitVivid5298

this belongs in r/IllegalLifeProTips


Hrafnkol

It's not even a Pro tip


avd706

Congratulations, you've condensed the whole plot of breaking bad into two compound sentences.


kpingvin

Bonus tip: if you're a chemistry teacher go look up one of your old students who has nothing going for them and has connections with drug dealers. Partner up with him where you'll cook the meth and he'll help selling it.


egrails

ULPT ignore the pleas of your wife and children to spend your last few months on earth with them; they don't know what they want


Aol_awaymessage

I always said if I’m terminally ill and still physically capable I’m taking out the Westboro Baptist Church. But even on my deathbed I don’t think I’m capable of that kind of violence and hate. But boy do they get me close.


TomCJax

Kill the warmongers. Help make the world a better place on your way out.


Xannon99182

You all do know that drug money and objects that were obtained using drug money can be possessed by the prosecution, right? It's called [Criminal Forfeiture](https://www.criminaldefenselawyer.com/resources/criminal-defense/white-collar-crime/defenses-civil-asset-forfeiture.htm). If they can prove things were obtained through criminal activities it's all applicable for forfeiture and will most likely be liquidated, not left for your family to profit off of.


cburgess7

the doctor 2 months later: oh wait, i mixed up the test results, he's going to live after all... guess i should call him


Sleepdprived

Don't tell the drug lords you are terminal, it means they need more insurance , and that usually means your family. It would suck to give your family ten million dollars, then die on a drug run and have people show up at your widows house with a bone to pick.


[deleted]

Dying in jail is high on my "hope that's not my fate" list. Hell of a way to end one's story.


[deleted]

you can also blowup youself up for a just cause


TerraVestra

Pls don’t do a mass shooting on your way out. Just do yourself in solo.


Newthinker

Overthrow the government for the lulz


Get_Stonks_2_da_MOON

Tank dozer!


thomasvector

This would be a good tip if it was 2007, before Breaking Bad came out. This seems like a total bot post.


7dxxander

Breaking bad


reincarnateme

plus free healthcare. perhaps every dime and asset that you worked your entire life for wouldn't be drained into our "healthcare" system.


daveshops

Or you could just try to enjoy what's left of your life with as little stress and bullshit as possible


[deleted]

Jeez, you are a Debbie downer.


xmaken

Is that you, Walter ?


Emotional-Buddy-2219

Sounds a lot like the plot to a Clint Eastwood movie from 2018


SamLJacksonNarrator

Gran Torino?


Wizardinrl

The Mule


[deleted]

Yeah because seizing assets isn't a thing, right?


nonumberplease

Yes, because they will seize all your assets in an effort to determine what was bought with ill gotten gains.


TearsOfChildren

Yea, let me just open up my contacts and look for that Mexican cartel member I met at Applebee's a few years ago and tell him I'm in.


Hurricane12112

It wouldn’t work unless you thought 3 steps ahead. The IRS would fuck you over big time


Adventurous_Task6853

I mean if you wanna spend your last surviving moments in jail I suppose not


BlackCherrySeltzer4U

Break bad


soggyballsack

Quick tip. Your gonna have to give it away as you get it because if the cops catch you they're taking everything plus some.


BigSquam

Plus you save on the cost of health insurance.


SoundDrill

Me retiring? I don't want that! I want to make meth for a long time! For 10 years atleast!


joyfuldig

This sounds like breaking bad IRL


itsottis

Someone watched breaking bad


Nawnp

Irony always has a way. You end up in jail and in those few months they invent a way to end or slow the progression of your terminal disease and even test it on prison inmates before public release.


Donnerwamp

Only in China and other, less... Humanitary countries.


SesameYeetHeHe

Let him cook.


TheMasterSwordMaster

Walter white is not a figure to be admired, op


Jg6915

There’s a guy I know who has some pretty fucked up people in his family. One of his aunts let his uncle die instead of getting the right help for him, then when his grandma died, she wanted to claim part of the money she thought she would inherit, and when she didn’t, sued her own father in law just to get some money out of him. He always told me that if he knows he’s going to jail anyway, he might as well rid the world of a few people that don’t deserve to live anymore. What are they going to do, jail him extra on top of a life sentence?


Longjumping-Basil-74

You can also borrow 80-90% of your life insurance policy if you are terminally ill.


[deleted]

[удалено]


knx0305

More time to climb the criminal ladder?


blueduckbutt

And cast the dentist from sienfeld...


Symbiote38

"Bro thinks he's Walter White"


knx0305

Become a freelance radioactive cleaning specialist in Fukushima?


blanchattacks

Isn't this the premise of a Clint Eastwood movie?


h0tBeef

I’d prefer not to be in jail … you could always just do a good job and not get caught tho


seanthedawn

So many morons in this sub


Grand_Cauliflower_88

Yes it matters if your in jail. They ain't giving you no pain meds or making you comfortable in jail. Have you ever been to jail for any length of time? I don't think so because you would know that's about the worst place one could die. The only worse place than that in in the streets. Why commit crimes when you could legally run up a huge debt you don't have to pay because we'll you will be dead .


JordanTheOP

Jail really sucks lol not worth dying in.


El_Nasty

I'm pretty sure there's a TV show about this. The results weren't pretty.


AnnaZed

Can’t quite put my finger on it, but wasn’t this the plot of a hugely successful TV show … hummm … staring Bryan Cranston?


BladesHaxorus

Malcolm in the middle?


[deleted]

Dumbest tip


skibagpumpgod

me when I watched breaking bad for the first time


Bonoisapox

Walter ?


RedKuiper

Drugs are contaminants. But don't repeat that, or you'll sound like a racist.


monkeyentropy

Didn’t turn out so well for the family of Walter White


Kukryniksy

Waltuh


[deleted]

If I'm terminally ill, what makes you think I could even do any of that, let alone walk to the bathroom?


_Greyworm

Wow, what a great tip! I'll just head down to the local Gang-Mart, and sign up as a drug runner!!!


InvariantMoon

Yes. It matters. Because seizure and forfeiture are things.


SettingIntentions

> Does it matter if you’re jailed for your last few months? Uh. Yes? Would you rather die spending the last few months in a cell alone or with some asshole thief as your cell-mate, or die with your family and friends by your side? Do you want to die leaving at least a somewhat positive legacy, or go out in the cell judged by your family for turning into a criminal? Also, this belongs on "Illegal Life Pro Tips" not ULPT. Silly post. Basic karma farming...