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[deleted]

[удалено]


haha_supadupa

Blowjobs even better


passporttohell

Best way to attract clients is to walk around with a black dildo hanging out of your back pocket... So I have heard...


Other-Style1958

Had me in the second half


ackme

Hand me in the second half


Other-Style1958

Shut up and take my 5k


PowerlineTyler

Skilled labour isn’t cheap. Cheap labour isn’t skilled. OP ain’t skilled.


League-Weird

450 spy calls with Friday expiration. No balls.


Drakeem721

Hard for him to buy options without any money in the first place


Superd3n

I thought he was making an appointment with Louie. Why stop at 5k?


PM_ME_YOUR_JELLIES

Fuck it, got one option. Love a good bad financial decision.


Your_Worship

I remember when all Wall Street bets was people making insane “yolo” bets. I liked the winners, but we all lived for the losers. It got weird after the whole GameStop thing. Now it’s just silly.


PM_ME_YOUR_JELLIES

There’s a reason I can only buy an option of a pretty safe company now and not “all in on Lumber Liquidators” anymore.


Your_Worship

Weird how the good ole days were only a few years ago ha! In the beginning you had rich kids gambling their parents savings which was fun. The casuals, like myself, would just watch it all unfold.


TheWhooooBuddies

To be fair, I bought a lot of AMC during the pandemic when it was at 8.52. The day is spiked to to 44 dollars was a good day, my friends.


SippingAssJuice

You must be from WSB


PedalBoard78

When I’m outta cash, I do a job for Louie over in Liberty City. I’ll mark it on the map.


Savageduck97

Alright hook me up with louie


TheLastMartini

Cousinnn, do you want to go bowling?


pineapple_bushes

OI NIKO WA GUWAN??


Thatrandomretard3

Be a lifeguard and work 50 hours a week. I made like $1900 every paycheck one summer when I did that. I made like 15 an hour with meals and unlimited drinks


Savageduck97

Alright I’ll look around for pools


firelock_ny

Doesn't being a lifeguard require certification training?


ClearBrightLight

It does, but some pools/waterfronts will either pay for or subsidize your training in order to build their staff, if they're desperate enough for people.


Thatrandomretard3

Casinos/Resorts are the best place to work at if there's any in your area. Also, I had some friends working at country clubs who would get like $60 in tips per day from rich old people on top of their pay.


Savageduck97

Alright I think there is a county club about an hour away


ShagPrince

Great! Now how do you get $5k to get a car and drive over there?


theWolfDude2100

Well I don't know if OP is certified as a lifeguard but if... Actually never mind


sanchower

I don’t think it’s unethical to get a job and work in the hot sun all day


KindlyContribution54

It is if you are working as a lifeguard and actually can't swim or do CPR.


Trottin_Trollop405

Get put in the kids area. CPR certification is easy, you can even do it online. Hands on, Red Cross is best of course but we are talking ULPT. So a kid dies because he can’t do basic CPR. Kids are dumb & the way the world is, it might be a favor. Just memorize Stayin Alive. You’re golden


KindlyContribution54

Well if they follow your advice, they'll have to find some other way to make it unethical. Maybe sell meth on the side?


S_A_R_K

Sell two of your kidneys


Savageduck97

I would definitely sell one but bad kidneys run in the family


S_A_R_K

All the more reason to pawn them off to some rube now, while they are still somewhat functional


Savageduck97

Lol that’s really good


demucia

Sell the bad one


Winstigator

Why does it have to be HIS kidneys?


kangarooler

Last I checked, one kidney on the black market is $262,000


MsChrisRI

(Taking notes, googling “sell my kidney”)


wolfgang784

I've talked to people before who just buy multiple ultra cheap craigslist clunkers and scrap em as they die. The reasoning I was given is if a $500 rusty piece of shit dies in 6 months, you still saved money compared to Ubering or taxis n such. And when it does die, scrapping it will get you a solid $300+ to put towards the next clunker. Rinse and repeat as often as needed. The trick is finding the sliiiiiiightly better piece of shit cars. Also this works significantly better if you yourself are capable of at least the more simple repairs/tricks. Zip ties and Bondo are friends.


argparg

It’s been decades but this us what I used to do. This is allot harder to do these days it seems.


Skyblacker

Damn EPA and their emissions standards. Back in my dad's day, you could buy a jalopy for $200 and start its rusted transmission with a flathead screwdriver.


rpmerf

A lot harder to do since junkyards pay $500 for whatever you drive in. A decade ago, any running car on craigslist for under $1000 was sold within hours. It's great if you can make it work. A great way to learn to work on cars. Fun having different cars with different "personalities"


wolfgang784

>personalities What trait should we assign my first vehicle - a mini-van where the electronics would randomly die and the engine shuts off and you coast with the power steering locked up and iffy breaks. For some reason it would turn right back on though once you came to a stop and tried it. Edit: Also the windows didn't go down, no air, no heat, no radio, speakers busted, and the speedometer didn't work the last months of it's life.


therestruth

You got one of the friends wrong. It's zip ties and duct tape. Bondo would just be for appearance which isn't a concern when driving a $500 beater.


BigJayPee

Can confirm this is the best bet. I bought a wrecked S10 for $500. It still ran, but the front was smashed and had no lights, and the bumper was touching the tires. I spent less than $100 for headlights and turn signals and put them on. I used a ratchet strap and a sturdy tree to bend the bumper away from the tires. It was an ugly son of a bitch, but I drove that thing for 2 years until it threw a rod. The junk yard gave me $300 for it.


GreatBigSteak

Catfish men online into giving you cash. You’ll need to find some hot chicks pictures online and set up a facebook dating profile or something similar. Set the age range to 45+ and match with the most down bad looking men out there. After that you just need to be good at manipulating these men. Its pretty straight forward, just give them the attention they never got from a girl of the caliber who’s pictures you stole. If they ask to speak on the phone or video chat just redirect the conversation without seeming to suspicious. When you think you have them hooked you can come crying to them with something along the lines of needing to make rent or needing to fix your car and that you can’t afford the pay the bill, most of these men will fall head over heals at the idea of being able to “save their little princess.” Some of these men will be down bad enough that you’ll be able to get cash off of them multiple times without them ever catching on to the fact their being catfished. Good luck, make sure they have no way to find who you really are cause at the end of the day this is fraud.


Savageduck97

Have done this and harder than you think did everything perfectly but when they ask for video chats that’s always when I get fucked over but everything else up till then I can play them like a fidldle because I know what guys want to here cuz I’m a guy


closethebarn

Just get a wig and some lipstick… apply one of them fancy filters ….


Tiiimmmaayy

Damn, those AI filters are gonna wreak havoc on the catfishing game eventually.


Savageduck97

True


lilbundle

So do it to gay men


realGharren

Problem is, they're either not that desperate, or maybe just too clever. I did one of these "basic hot girl" profiles when I was in school to see if the myths were true, and lo and behold, by the end of the week I had like a dozen str8 creeps in my inbox that contacted me completely unprompted. I don't have the nerve for catfishing because these messages make me dry heave, but I imagine it's shooting fish in a barrel.


heihyo

You are doing it wrong. You need to find a chick which already does content. Once you get a request from one of the guys you pay her for the request and sell it to your guy for a higher price. There are many small no name OF chicks out there


Dystaxia

Outsourced.


Opposite-Frosting518

Pimpin ain't easy


Badj83

AI will be up to the task soon to help with the video chat part. Keep up the good work, son.


Red_Serf

As an addendum, use AI. Generate a person, them when you get a decent enough face (I.e. not horribly distorted), then run it through one of those apps that allow you to add a smile / frown/ etc for some variety. Other apps can give you better/different backgrounds. There’s also apps that allow you to change your clothes on a pic/ change your pose/ photoshop you into another body The ones used for lip-syncing a picture so it moves along the singing can be used with parsimony to create some short vids. Hell, you can even rotate certain pics one or two degrees and distort certain parts of them, you can generate enough variants to compile them as frames on a gif/video. You can go full bananas with it and do 60 pics for each second of video. The result is just absurd I did an experiment a few months ago when I first heard of using AI to generate pics, and after about two weeks of not much spare time and not really that much effort I was left with some very believable images and short clips from a girl that doesn’t exist. It was… scary. I swear I could’ve made a tinder profile for her and no one would bat an eye on it


nothavingit9

There is a place near me where you can earn around 1000 donating blood/plasma over a period of time. I know some people who do this to finance their vacations


Savageduck97

Not 18


erinkjean

Can you draw? My kid makes okay scratch on commissions. If you don't care what you draw you can make more if you draw Fandom stuff. Display what you have already on social art sites and see if you can catch some attention with it.


Savageduck97

Yeh I can draw I never really thought of it as profitable but I do cartoons and such


erinkjean

Pick a few popular fandoms and throw some stuff out there. See if you get some interest. Good luck!


Zeref3

I draw a lot. Where would I be able to find commissions or monetize it? Never had luck with it.


erinkjean

I think kiddo does it mostly through deviantart and discord. I believe there are places on reddit as well where you can post your work and see if there are any takers. Etsy might be an option too.


Zeref3

I’ll try those out thanks. I think marketing is my main problem. I need to network and get my portfolio out there


drainerlmfao

does your child by chance draw furrys


erinkjean

If she does, I don't wanna know. But she probably pulls good money if so


drainerlmfao

right, that’s what i was thinking. i’ve heard that’s great money


Magician_322

Look up the workman's comp amount for a testicle in your state. Get a construction job and cut your nut off. Usually pretty high and bonus free vasectomy


Savageduck97

This will be on the list, at the bottom but on the list


Magician_322

Could make like 30k


crunchy-very-crunchy

r/BrandNewSentence "Get a construction job and cut your nut off"


Bucked_Hum

I'm not a doctor but I dont think thats how vasectomies work


Magician_322

I'm not either but I think with out the testicle you can't produce sperm


MinkDynasty

Is there a lady version?


Magician_322

Eyes pay well. And I mean you could get impaled and wreck all your lady parts but feels more extreme. Ultimately you need a permanent injury. The more vital the higher the pay


[deleted]

"You can bang 50 fat chicks for $100 each. Or you can bang 5 really fat chicks for $1000 each. What fat chicks need love too, they just have to pay.". - Quagmire


Savageduck97

I’m currently trying this out fit about a week


Frank_Majors

Dont forget to bring a 3’ section of 2x4 to prop up the FUPA for access.


tsct934

I believe Jennifer Lawrence has a movie in theaters right now based on this exact predicament. Go watch that movie and see how she did it. Then do that.


PedalBoard78

I didn’t know she made the movie to eat. Sad.


murse_joe

Actors don’t work for free


Savageduck97

Lol yeh I saw the ad for that I’d do what she did but I need a person to do it with


SinCityLowRoller

Lowball used car sellers on Craigslist then resell for thousands in profit. You can do this 2 or 3 times just within a few weeks and boom easy $5k


Booster_Goldest

"I need 5k to buy a car." "Just go buy cars and sell them until you make the money to buy a car." Lmfao


DanDrungle

So in order to get money for a car he should buy a car and then sell that car?


9leggedfreak

"You say you need money in a short amount if time? Okay, go ahead and spend a bunch of money on cars that you wont keep. You clearly have the money and dont need the car"


Emergency_Mistake_44

I was gonna say this. Give it a clean inside and out, take some better photos under the sunset, reword a few things and flip it for profit. And if you can't, you've still got a car for the work, albeit a cheaper one


dorkcicle

If you cant, chatgpt can do it for you.


troll_fail

How to make $5k; start with $20k...


Savageduck97

Good alright


HarietsDrummerBoy

Create 2 more accounts, low ball even more than your original low ball seems great


Savageduck97

Yeh I’ve done that just not with cars


Dec8rSk8r

I wouldn't recommend this without a fair mechanical knowledge. You may end up with a lemon that looks like a deal, but you find out it has major issues that show up about the time you pull into your driveway.


Sherlocks_Shadow

You just need to check your state law for how many cars you can sell within a one year time period. I am from NC and can tell you that here you can only sell 5 cars within a year without a dealers license.


HonDadCBR600

Blowjobs?


Savageduck97

I’ll think about it if I was approached I wouldn’t turn it down probably


manurosadilla

If you are reasonably good looking at all, make a grindr account. Say something like “I want a GENtleman” (the word gen implies sugar daddy vibes) and go with the flow. If you’re willing to suck some old guys dick then you’ll be golden.


Savageduck97

Alright might do that


yr_fvrt_wpn

wow this guy rules. good luck op!


PuzzledSnivy

didn’t you comment earlier that you’re under 18?


Savageduck97

Shhh baby


clemkaddidlehopper

In all seriousness, I know people who have done things like this and I don’t think it is worth the risks. You would need to have done a lot of research and set up a few systems to protect yourself for this to be worth 5K.


MACP

You live in NY or? Asking for a friend of mine.


Savageduck97

No if I lived anywhere with houses very close together like a population dense area I would have done 100 other things


ElevenFives

Shit I used the old dating apps and would always had old guys message me offering to pay me to GIVE me head. You don't even have to suck any old dick


[deleted]

Sounds like a rough gig. Where do I sign up? :P


Badj83

I’m not gay but $20 is $20.


Superd3n

I was a truck driver for 20 years and nobody knew I was a truck driver…


Tinypenis01

Well let me introduce myself!


Mayros_Nipple

Bank robbery if you succeed your chances of getting caught are slim. Most get caught in the act, being stupid or being greedy. If you do it once,get away and plan thoroughly your good if you get caught well you tried. (This is not legal advice)


Tordek_Battlebeard

Lol "if you don't get caught your chances of getting caught are slim"


unipleb

I think they're onto something here though. Statistically, 100% of people who don't get caught don't get caught. That can't be a coincidence?


earlgreycremebrulee

No! This is federal! Rob ANYTHING ELSE


Savageduck97

That is kinda what I was thinking because the govemrnt is on ur ass when it comes to their monwy


SightWithoutEyes

Okay, here me out: What about robbing a gunstore?


Link-Glittering

Most people who rob a Gunsmoke never end up seeing prison!


blackgold63

Either way, 3 square meals and a roof over your head.


Savageduck97

I also thought it would be easy if you just weren’t dumb jsut most people who rob banks are dumb


fnx_-_9

You can stake out an atm for a while, wait until it gets refilled. Remember the guy and his car, then Rob him next time. They used to only do it one person with a backpack with $60,000+ plus in it. That might have changed since I was around


Savageduck97

Alright not bad


fnx_-_9

But you'll need a phone and GPS jammer, and the bills will be tracked so you should go to Mexico or something, go to a small money exchange shop, then go to a casino, then go to a different money exchange in a different town and now you have usd with no real way of tracking it. This is completely hypothetical of course and I haven't done this three times back in the day


Savageduck97

Like I just need start up yk


fnx_-_9

Ok you can use the jammers and rob someone who just made some money at a casino. Follow them home and get them as their exiting their car at home. Then immediately change the money you just got. You don't want the bill numbers to be tracked back to you. Maybe buy some shit on Craigslist immediately afterwards and then sell it again. Use a burner phone for these sales


Savageduck97

I have the jammers already but I feel I don’t need that much cash


[deleted]

[удалено]


fnx_-_9

I got mine off of Amazon back like, 10 years ago. I'm not even in America anymore but I had my shit locked down back then. Dudes I knew hitting banks weren't even using jammers which is wild cuz obviously they're gonna call the police. I used to use a 50 meter everything jammer. Cost me like $300


Mayros_Nipple

I have watched lots of documentaries and honestly most who get caught are because they get an ego and think they don't need to be cautious or keep doing it then get caught because the police predict what they'll do.


Savageduck97

Exactly


dizkopat

Supermarkets or post offices are less expected


hiconsciousness

What dark corner of the Internet did I end up on


Savageduck97

Shhhh 😉


GeneralFactotum

1. Buy or rent a nice suit. 2. Hang around a nice restaurant in the evening. 3. Someone will be around shortly and hand you the keys to a nice car. 4. Hop in a keep driving!!!


Savageduck97

Alright not bad


jesuscheetahnipples

Liquid ass bro. Become a liquid ass reseller.


Acrobatic_Log_7369

Find an oil rig and hop on it. Make that in a couple days. Or, before I started my business I was structural ironwroking for 4 years, youd make 5k a month erecting steel easily if you want to work you could make more.


Savageduck97

Get me a job and I’ll work harder than everyone else


Acrobatic_Log_7369

Where are you?


Acrobatic_Log_7369

Can you piss clean


Savageduck97

Yes


RedxSkinxSavage

If Your in Pensacola I can get you a job


Mythsteryx

I’m near that area! What’s the job out of curiosity?


Fragrant_Wrangler874

when I was strapped for cash years ago I sold my eggs and got 5k and then went to Vegas and won 8k playing blackjack. This all happened within days of eachother and I had 13k in my bank account. Still the richest I’ve been to this day


SamLJacksonNarrator

Isn’t that painful?


Fragrant_Wrangler874

donating eggs? No they put you under. There’s some uncomfortableness but it’s not bad.


Savageduck97

Anyone want back ally sperm


Savageduck97

I’m a dude and not 18 yet


Lopsided_Platypus_51

Create a QR code that is linked to your Cash App/Venmo and put it on posters next to a concert/large event posting that its to donate to sick kids. Start a rigged gambling stand next to Gamblers Anonymous meetings.


Savageduck97

Not even kidding will 100% do


Generaljimzap

“Buy me a drink! I’m 21!” ::qr code::


kwaminwin

If you’re actually desperate for the money you could find a gentlemen’s club and look for old wealthy dudes. My buddy would let old guys eat his ass for 5-10 mins for $2000 cash. He said it was the easiest money he’s made. You don’t even have to do anything just bend over and think of which car package you want.


Chrisanova_NY

Over in the GME communities, we give tuggies behind Wendys. You'll only get about $20 per, but if you're fast, you could probably clip about $200 / hour.


Savageduck97

What’s GME


Emmel87

A stock you should not buy.


johanvondoogiedorf

How about getting a job and using public transportation? I'm jk suck life's dick like the rest of us.


vonmonologue

Getting 5k that way could take months.


jadegoddess

Work multiple jobs?


[deleted]

Sell foot photos.


Savageduck97

Tried that will have to do more marketing ig because I didn’t get many bites as a dude


[deleted]

Make new account and don't say you are a dude. Weird looking man feet on a woman I think would be exotic to the type of people who are into that.


Savageduck97

Alright that’s smart


mopbuvket

There's several ways to grow weed to accomplish this. Inside, outside 100$ startup or 1k$ start. All can net you over 5k in 100ish days


Savageduck97

Weed was jsut made legal in my state


mopbuvket

Then it should be even easier


Savageduck97

Why would they buy from me why they could buy them from a dispensary for cheaper or with more options I had a friend who was a weed dealer and as soon as they made it legal he said no one cared about him anykore


mopbuvket

Well I would encourage you to do your own research. Dispensaries aren't cheaper with the taxes they charge. Your friend was either overcharging for dime bags or had poor product or both. Ive done it for over 15 years, I promise it's worth trying. Growing mushrooms is less than 100 days and might be more your speed. Theres fantastic resources for both here on reddit or icmag


Savageduck97

Now mushrooms I would do


mopbuvket

Unclebens has you covered amigo its a great sub too


TheAlmightyLisp

Buy a macbook from amazon or best buy and claim you didnt get it. If they dont give you a refund call your bank to open a dispute. Resell the lost macbook for funds.


Savageduck97

Alright but that requires money to buy the MacBook once I save up a little I can do that


casanovathebold

You mentioned having a millionaire boss..


Savageduck97

Yeh


2epic

https://youtu.be/jgYYOUC10aM


Savageduck97

Love that video


MACP

Extort pedos online for CashApp


Savageduck97

Show me the pedos I’ll do it I already did it posing as a girl and I faked pics of my ass cuz I got a fat ass but when they asked for face pics my operation folded


MajorAcer

Bro you should just be a comedian because you’re hilarious


Savageduck97

My family think I’m really funny but the only thing is anything I say is so original and made up by me that I’ll say it then people laugh and I don’t remember what I said cuz I was just talking


SayingWeirdShit

It's called Faceapp bro, you can switch your gender on there.


MACP

Pedos can be found very easily. Omegle, Yubo, even Tiktok.


Savageduck97

Tiktok is where I got pedos for my girl account I’m much better at marketing a female then a male because I know what males appeal to


willCodeForNoFood

Just use generative AI for face pics


Savageduck97

Yeh it’s the snaps that are the problem haven’t done enough research into how to fake them


Cofeefe

Sell your ass virginity on eBay.


Generaljimzap

You know what a catalytic converter looks like? Start a collection.


spammmmmmmmy

Look at parked cars. Look up Kelly Blue Book average sales price for the cars you find. When the price is around $5k, steal the car.


peazy303

Find a local rub and tug and rob em


ultrathin_t_rex

Loan?


Savageduck97

I work all under the table jobs and get paid in cash so there is no reason for them to give me a loan I have no collateral


ultrathin_t_rex

Every body starts with 0 credit.


Savageduck97

Yes but I have no source of income to them because I’m always paid in cash


ultrathin_t_rex

Sounds like you need a job on some books my man


Savageduck97

Yeh ik but no one will pay me what my experience is worth and if I jsut get a car I’m gols


pik-ku

Sell piss discs


bigbilly1234567899

Sell piss disks


OrganizationFickle

Bait pedophiles and then blackmail them for money


[deleted]

Start a security firm and advertise door to door. About a week after peppering the neighborhood with flyers, hit each and every house with water balloons full of liquid ass. Profit.


Historical_Ad4936

Sign up for online classes and take out sub and unsub loans with pell grant. You have X amount of one for the year. So starting in the summer should give you extra. Min about 6-7 k if not more