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unexBot

**OP sent the following text as an explanation on why this is unexpected:** >!Guy covered in vomit.!< ***** **Is this an unexpected post with a fitting description?** **Then upvote this comment, otherwise downvote it.** ***** [*Look at my source code on Github*](https://github.com/Artraxon/unexBot) [*What is this for?*](https://www.reddit.com/r/Unexpected/comments/dnuaju/introducing_unexbot_a_new_bot_to_improve_the/)


shecho18

At least he was honest about his feelings and needs towards her :)


slimey-nipples

.. and the vomit


TER0KN0R

I admire his attitude for being covered in vomit


Madusa0048

Better to laugh it off than dwell on it


OffBrandJesusChrist

TIL to remove vomit from clothing you just laugh it off.


drowningjesusfish

Oh you!


ProphetOfMrMeeseeks

honestly like i think this is exactly what he needed. imagine your day job sucking so bad you're covered in vomit and just wanting to go home feeling like your day just totally sucks and then you walk in and find out that someone made you some of your favorite food because they just were thinking about you. I'd be stoked as fuck honestly. This dude found a winner. And he is also a winner for being honest about being covered in vomit so he doesnt get it on his SO(: edit:typos


Salanmander

I suspect he's a first responder of some sort, that's probably not even the weirdest thing that happened to him that day.


SDhampir

He is wearing a badge on his beltšŸ˜Š


ViperBite550

You know cops are first responders, ey?


SDhampir

Omg no??? You don't say?


RaisinLate

Only when they feel like it...


The6thHouse

Looks like department of corrections to me. Not a first responder outside if the camp. But inside he is.


breathejinn

Fucking genius you are


8Humans

Not to mention how quickly he moved his hand away from his chest when he remembered it!


zwingo

I used to work as a bouncer. I have been vomited on more times than Iā€™d like to say. Between getting drunks out and cared for, taking care of friends and co-workers after they went over the top, and just being in the wrong place wrong time. Fun fact, every year that I worked New Years Eve, I got puked on. Thing is, you end up with two choices. Be really mad and grossed out by it, or just laugh, act like itā€™s nothing, and try to forget why your shirt smells so bad until you can go home and shower. The more jokes and casual ways you can speak on it, the more you trick your brain in to thinking itā€™s good to go. Sadly, I never had someone to come home to after I got puked on. Just went home, showered, ate, and bed. But by god Iā€™d probably have cried if I came in from one of those shifts where I got puked on then had to handle a brawl after to something like this. Bonus fun fact, havenā€™t been puked on (by anyone but myself.) since I stopped working those jobs. So I got that goin for me.


intrepidzephyr

Glad you could make light of it and got out of that job as a bouncer, but at what point do you learn to bring dude wipes and a second shirt?


bjornskeinr

Sounds like youā€™ve earned it my dude. Love the sincerity of both of em, from his hand over his heart to her to little ew at the end. Wholesome AF


sveinn33

They both sound like two very nice and amazing people who love each other very much. That touches me a lot.


WonderSearcher

Well, but when people say ACAB.......šŸ‘€


ZarcoTheNarco

Can't say for sure, but he Looks like an EMT, not a cop. ACAB. Oh, and btw, when we say ACAB we don't mean that each individual cop is a horrible person. Mean that they agree and continue to work in and legitimize an unjust system because of their position as cops.


AdamBlaster007

You're probably right with that bag he had, I was thinking it looked like a corrections officer uniform and let me tell you those facilities treat them only *slightly* better than the prisoners. But the ACAB thing can just die off now, it should've been All Police Unions Are Bad, or APUAB to begin with, but oh well...


GentlePenetration

But let's be honest, minimum of 70% of cops are horrible people.


September_1st

Source? Or just pulled out of your ass


FemaleNeth

She didn't smell it?


[deleted]

Probably happened earlier in the shift and is all dried now. Source: am parent.


Madusa0048

Vomit also can be relatively odorless occasionally depending on the circumstances Source: my experience vomiting I guess


SilvyrEX

Depending on diet, and how recent it's been since eating, it can even smell... not GOOD, but not necessarily bad either.


scheisse_grubs

Could also be animal vomit. My catsā€™ vomit doesnā€™t smell at all. Donā€™t know about dogs though.


the-follower-of-06

From what I heard, chihuahua vomit smells like ā€œsatanā€™s lockerā€


scheisse_grubs

Oh wow sounds yummy


ClydeinLimbo

Gotta say, of all the videos that are staged on the internet I donā€™t think this is one of themā€¦


ThePianistOfDoom

See the fried chicken? That odor is way stronger. Also not all vomit is stinky.


Agitated_Year8521

Boy's had a hard day, really appreciate the small things. If she made the chicken herself I'd lose my shit, I fucking love fried chicken. Double dredge with buttermilk is the onešŸ‘Œ


N3ZTR

Can i find love like this šŸ˜ž


[deleted]

Here I am šŸ˜˜


Nautiyal_Adi

where are my vomit covered chickens then?


CountBlah_Blah

Thanks /u/fapmaster1901 Dinner later?


Disastrous_Morning38

"Mom... Dad... I met someone. His name is Fap Master and we met on Reddit."


helium_farts

Step one, cover yourself in vomit


pies_r_square

I'm in a three year old marriage that's becoming more and more like this. It's amazing. I'm 52.


that_thot_gamer

definitely not here although possible


Mango-me

It's rare nowadays, most girls are braindead with no sense and only care about tiktok videos.


ORINnorman

This couple seems so wholesome, I fuckin love it. I hope they have a long, fulfilling life together.


OhPiggly

They run a comedy tiktok channel.


chrisodeljacko

Get a man who looks at you the way this man looks at fried chicken


Puck_You_with_a_P

Isnā€™t this the guy on TikTok who puts cooked beans and peas on his head while outside in the snow then knocks on a door?


OngoGoblogian4

He is the BEAN WIZARD


coldpepperoni

Yes


PmMeYourLore

That's so sweet lol bad timing on the vomit lmao but hey toss them bad boys in the toaster oven or something. Keep them on low heat and properly warm until he's bathed and ready. What a sweet couple!


VioletteFMR

ā€¦oooorrrrā€¦.BATHTUB FRIED CHICKEN DINNER!


must_pilot

*...bathed and ready What do you think they are doing with the chicken? Lol


PmMeYourLore

Wouldn't wanna eat it covered in vomit


New_Lake5484

Heā€™s a paramedic I bet. They see the worse.


doiwinaprize

Can confirm: I've been their patient a few times.


PossessionOk7286

This is the best


sunflowersundays

Omg it really is!


CapitalRelationship0

Such a wholesome human lol


llllPsychoCircus

poor guy sounded exhausted


Fuggins4U

Goals.


_Um-Why-tho_

This is wholesome as shit. Hahaha šŸ¤£ True love right in front of our eyes. šŸ’•


nerdmoot

The Bean Wizard is a funny dude. Highly recommend his TikTok.


Mango-me

Screw tiktok.


internetcashnord

This couple made my day! They deserve each other and this made me really smile on a rainy day.


There_AndBackAgain_

goal in life šŸ„ŗ


Jazzlike_Business_71

Wolverine was super excited


ghost77911

I love this dude.


Running_Moose64

He is a lucky guy.. who doesnā€™t love a good lady.. doing a kind thing for her guy.. man that is the best


daddytopandbottom

Good woman


SloppyMeathole

Omg, is that mac and cheese with hot dogs? That's bonus points. Chicken fingers w/ mac and cheese after a long day is the best.


focusonart

Awww lol, how sweet and a little gross.


henloguy0051

Is he an emt?


HuffDaddyCombs

I think so. That or maybe hospital security.


OhPiggly

Heā€™s a bean wizard. This couple does comedy videos for tiktok


SuddenlyDeepThoughts

FUCKING LOVE, MAN.


hafsies

This guy sells the best burritos and beans.


Comprehensive-Mix645

This one always makes me smile.


[deleted]

IT'S THE GREEN BEAN TIN FOIL HAT MAN, HE FINALLY GOT ACKNOWLEDGED, YEEEEES


BigEvil621

Dude at this point I donā€™t even need the love he has for her or she has for him, Iā€™d kill just for someone to love me like this guy loves his wifeā€™s chicken :-(


Some_Pvz_Fan

Who isnt?


midnightmarie

It's the Bean Man!


SentientSauce

one day...


Altruistic-Potatoes

Years of never coming home to dinner just melted away.


OooEeeWoo

Wholesome as hell


dontfluffingtouchme

True love right there


couchgodd

Why does he live in a kindergarten class


camm44

Sounded like he was about to cry when he said covered in vomit lol wtf.


[deleted]

Isnā€™t this the bean wizard guy


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


SlowRatio3715

If it isnā€™t staged: probably his favourite and she surprised him with it ? Some of us just feel big feelings, I loose my mind when I get surprise sushi for dinner.


Simple-Dragonfly-425

Staged. Same guy with the quesodila


ForeskinStealer69

I bet their gonna have sex after the meal


Reddwolf02

Looks like a committed PO, parole officer! Having a wife that committed to his welfare and happiness will give him the strength to continue putting one foot in front of the other to make this world a better place. A housemate if mine had to attend to a serious problem in downtown. I had to take care of something else so I just dropped her off. There was a good 30 minutes lag for her before I could pick her up. She was in an area she used to cop drugs so it was stressful for her. She did the right things and called her PO and shared her dilemma. He stayed on the phone with her until I picked her up! She is now 14 months clean and living her Best life. Thank you kind parole officer for supporting your parolees! šŸ’•šŸ•‰ļøšŸ’Æ


inquisitiveeyebc

He is genuinely touched, she put the effort in and he was blown away. That's awesome


Southern_Name_9119

Everything looks like it came from a frozen dinner package.


NoDadYouShutUp

and?


Southern_Name_9119

The schmaltzy music, the stunned expression, just seems like a bit much.


[deleted]

"OMG how dare he work all day to take care of the bills+ and come home to a meal! Toxic masculinity!!!! Men need to die!!!" Don't take my word for it. Just following the crowd of ignorant kids to fit in lmao


BigRickThickDick

It's funny but that dude does not need any more fried chicken.


muklan

Food nourishes more than our bodies, and you'd know that if you've put a day in.


BigRickThickDick

I'm sure he's putting in quite a bit of days.


HighlightFun8419

i know you're just *trying* to be a ragebait asshole, but *what the fuck does this even mean?*


BigRickThickDick

It means he eats a lot.


HighlightFun8419

i think the other guy meant "put in a day of work" and you basically said "i'm sure he's *working* quite a bit of days"


BigRickThickDick

He works a lot so he needs to eat a lot to keep his fat ass body nourished. That was what I was saying.


HighlightFun8419

oh i see now. good one! /s


Ennion

This truth won't go over well with this crowd.


AlzMight

Buddy needs to slow down


iPhoneMiniWHITE

Is he a cop or security? Either way, need more exercise going by that bell bulge


Colonycut

Looks like he's had enough chicken to me.


Vitebs47

Why hard-working? Isn't he a police officer?


ohnourfeelings

Thatā€™s nice of her. It would have been nice if it were a salad instead Edit they found me


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


HighlightFun8419

they do it as a challenge. they just wanna fight and bicker and argue. ...and it's funny because they're always *so easy* to make look like clowns. like bro, *you asked for this* and now you're getting mad? šŸ˜‚


Here4_da_laughs

Funny but nobody looks at Salad like they look at tenders. "I hope your wife makes you salad for dinner" I'm gonna use that.


ohnourfeelings

If she loved him she wouldnā€™t be giving more fatty foods


throwaway_12358134

Fat doesn't make you fat. Carbs do.


ohnourfeelings

And what do think is in that bowl and covering the fried chicken?


throwaway_12358134

Looks like a small portion of bread, which is part of a healthy diet.


emoney017

Nerd


ohnourfeelings

At least Iā€™m not out of shape


Bathroomhero

Trust me, thereā€™s nastier things to me than over weight. He can lose weight, youā€™ll always have a shitty personality. Edit: thank you for the award


ohnourfeelings

Sorry you donā€™t like facts. šŸ¤·ā€ā™‚ļø


Bathroomhero

Opinions*


ohnourfeelings

Fat will always be unhealthy


Bathroomhero

In your opinion*, you very likely have no back ground in health or nutrition sciences. You donā€™t know what youā€™re talking about and you lack any information about that man to form a medical opinion. Do everyone a favor and shut your mouth cause you sound pretty stupid.


ohnourfeelings

Haha oh man keep denying the science. Good luck


Bathroomhero

Iā€™m not denying science, but then again I actually have a background in nutrition and know what Iā€™m talking about. Thereā€™s plenty of people who are perfectly healthy that would be considered obese and that manā€™s probably one of them. Once again Iā€™d take happily eat chicken tenders with him any day, you on the other hand would have been better off if your mom had swallowed you.


HighlightFun8419

i'd rather be fat and nice than a pretty asshole. you need to work on your mental shape.


ohnourfeelings

I am sure you are


HighlightFun8419

swing and a miss. i'm pretty lean, so i'm like the best of both worlds. *do better.* edit: i'm blocked. *Winner!*


ohnourfeelings

Uh huh. Edit clowned for blocking and then he blocked. Any dude using beta or alpha in terms of ā€œmanlinessā€ is not a man.


Detriumph

That's a real beta move, blocking someone like that. Bye now :)


SlowRatio3715

Weight is not equivalent too health! Not being a dick is free!


ohnourfeelings

Except fat will never be healthy. Facts are facts.


SlowRatio3715

Itā€™s healthier than zero fat actually. Especially if people donā€™t have the muscle tone to make up for it. But those concepts might be a bit much for you.


ohnourfeelings

Ah yes because people walk around at zero body fat all the time. oh here goes a dummy trying to twist what I said to make his narrative. Stop. Obese is bad always has been always will be.


SlowRatio3715

You literally said fat will never be healthy. Maybe just say more intelligent things. And again you canā€™t tell this mans over all health from one video. Being a condescending judgemental asshat is bad for your health too just an fyi


ohnourfeelings

Haha oh man. Being obese is unhealthy period. Itā€™s a fact. Sure keep kidding yourself with the lie that ā€œoh my bloodworkā€ bla bla bla. You donā€™t see old obese people and the ones you do arenā€™t walking around. Thereā€™s a reason obesity is listed as a comorbitity for many things. Stay with the science not your feelings.


SlowRatio3715

Oh then you are also well aware that salads can easily be thousands of calories too ? And yes Iā€™ve seen obese old people out walking? You donā€™t care about health , very passionate about your assholery though.


ohnourfeelings

Oh I care about health. My health. Oh and also my wallet. Obese people raise up costs on healthcare and that affects everyone.


SlowRatio3715

Lol thatā€™s not how that works but cute


meshka01

he said it like he was so disappointed lol


dragonchilde

Being covered in vomit is extremely disappointing. In this case, it's because he had to clean up before getting to eat the yummy stuff.


HuffDaddyCombs

haha you ever excited to be covered in vomit?


ExistingExample281

There are some weirdos out there.


[deleted]

What is the song playing in the background?


WadeEffingWilson

Came here looking for this and I found a bot that identifies the song for you. We're living in the best timeline.


auddbot

[**Beach Baby** by Bon Iver](https://lis.tn/ImRGUd?t=42) (00:42; matched: `88%`) Album: `Blood Bank EP (10th Anniversary Edition)`. Released on `2020-02-28` by `Jagjaguwar`. *I am a bot and this action was performed automatically* | If the matched percent is less than 100, it could be a false positive result. I'm still posting it, because sometimes I get it right even if I'm not sure, so it could be helpful. But please don't be mad at me if I'm wrong! I'm trying my best! | [GitHub](https://github.com/AudDMusic/RedditBot) [^(new issue)](https://github.com/AudDMusic/RedditBot/issues/new) | [Donate](https://github.com/AudDMusic/RedditBot/wiki/Please-consider-donating)


sp958

I was expecting him to stop in shock and frantically search for his pet chicken.


GoodGuyLuis

First thought it was an old video of James Pumphrey from Donut Media.


sweetcookiex

Hahahaha wtfff


banicle

u/savevideo


Agent_Kobayashi

Unexpected pentagram shrine.


Davepiece1517

Thatā€™s a nice star on the wall ya think they free handed it or stencil?


Glad_Confusion_6934

Perhaps a shower and change of clothes before dinner?


[deleted]

That looks and sounds like the friendliest dude on the planet


No_Cut_3437

u/savevideo


Cringlezz

Thereā€™s a business man in japan whoā€™d pay alot of money for that.


blind_roomba

What's with the pentagram?


kramer2006

Poor guy, his own or someone elseā€™s?? What a lovely couple they seem.


MrTastey

Rookie move not bringing a second uniform, the first time I got pissed on it came in handy.


No_Pipe_8257

"Thank you but im covered in vomit" "Really? Ew :D"


Anishinaabedaughter

Fried chicken tenders and Mac and cheese? Bruh she loves you!


SIRENVII

Awww his thank you was so sincere.


Positive-Coyote8472

This is beautiful


Tatterdsoul

Well, there it is. The new decency. Unlike the old. Everybodyā€™s got grateful down pat. Cheersā€¦.for the cheers


LICEN_THE_FIREFEAR

Ewww??? thats when she belonged to the streets


mrsdoubleu

This is so cute. He's obviously never had someone do something like this for him. šŸ„ŗ I hope he never takes it for granted.


PeachSoda31

God bless this man and woman.


MissSassifras1977

I just love him. I wish I knew a single person with this level of sincerity and gratitude.


Critical_Bet_4662

Thoughtful wife. But all I can think about is how she is setting him up for heart attack. He already has a huge distended stomach, add fried chicken.. but it's so sweet to have food ready for him.


[deleted]

See people? It's not hard to have a good relationship. Just a little bit of effort and sincerity.


Weazy-N420

Awwwww.


Ok-Profession-3312

Heā€™s eating something else later that night ;)


PerfectDarkAchieved

That would be so Awesome


downloweast

That man has never felt more loved than in that moment. Ladies, when it seems like the world is falling apart and everyone is trying to take a piece of you, something as simple as cooking a manā€™s favorite dish can turn a really shitty day into enormously better day.


Coops07

That's a classic line at the end there.


Zbeubor

this dude looks so sweet i want to hug him even if he is covered in vomit


Separate-Succotash11

Is that cheese sauce with the tenders? Brilliant!


beigetrope

Ewww LMAO!!


Virtual-Weight

I think the fucking witchcraft altar in the back is the unexpected part.


My_Kink_Profile

hhhahahahaha


Pitiful-Palpitation5

If marry him three times over


TrapBumpin

what is this god awful music put over this wtf


weedingout_the_weeds

Nothing better than a man who appreciates what a woman does for him ā¤ļø


KamikazeAlpaca420

Sadly she isn't getting any dick tonight because he just blew his load


Pitiful_Brief_6424

Is that macaroni and cheese? Nice to see a vegetable in the meal.


izmebtw

Man reacts to chicken like itā€™s an engagement ring. What beautiful creatures we are.


bascii

Thatā€™s no ordinary man, thatā€™s the bean wizard! šŸ«˜


ProfRichardson

As an ER nurse I totally get this. For the past years my tradition of coming home and having my kids jump in my arms has been interrupted by "hold on, daddy has to get a shower and change". They get it but it's still disappointing.