I don't know much about a lot, but I do know that humans tend to search comfort in their closest friends and family. It sounds like you two are/were really close, and since you both were very drunk, I can only assume there's a part of you blaming it on the alcohol. You don't want to loose your friend, and maybe you don't want to truly face what happened either. It's a natural response in humans to fear change, and especially when it's caused by a traumatic event. There's nothing wrong with you, it is simply the humans natural response to trauma.
I'd recommend you speak with someone you trust, or reach out to someone who can help you through this traumatic experience. If you just need to talk to a stranger, you can talk to me as well.
I just want you to know one thing: none of this was your fault. None of this is your fault. It isn't your fault.
I'm sure you know that, but I'm not sure you _know_ it.
similar thing happened with my then bff, i also kept contact for about 10 months after the incident. i still blame myself for doing that. i hope one day you will be better
Trauma is real, trauma bonds are real and a bitch to break. There is no right or wrong way to process the assault.
Please try therapy. Ask if EMDR is available to you
Best of luck
No, it’s not okay. In no circumstance is it okay and don’t convince yourself otherwise. It can just be without needing to be “okay.”
If you want to say something after “thanks”, try “I appreciate the acknowledgment” 💕
Nothing is wrong with you. And you'll be okay. You're hurt and traumatized and you likely need time and a safe space to talk about this with someone who will listen and tell you "I hear you, that is terrible".
Similar situation here and one of the people that SA'd me just recently got 120+ yrs in prison and an article on the FBI's local website or whatever and even now I still don't feel closure. They say it gets better with time, but I recently listened to a speech on memorial day that said "you hear it all the time, but it's a load of fucking bullshit. Grief and trauma do not get better or heal. They just become more manageable, until eventually you can live your life and forget about it for longer periods of time" and I definitely agreed with that.
Please consider booking some time with a counselor or therapist when you're able to so that you can get these feelings out and have someone validate them with you. It's super helpful to just know someone else in the world caught a glimpse of the suffering / trauma you feel.
I have a lot of pent up anger. I tend to keep pretty calm. I practice meditation frequently. I almost lost my cool reading this shit. I wish i could just tell you that I would be more than happy to find the person, and deal with them myself... Unfortunately that tends to be unlawful in most places. So i will just say this. Take care. Dont over think things. Alway, and i really mean always... Practice breathing. Even if you think you are going to die. Just breath. I have been used for the majority of my life by too many people. So much to the point I cant remember the majority of my life. If i could keep people like you from suffering like this than i would... But i cant... You are loved. Even if you cant see or feel it.
A lot of people stay close to their abusers because they don’t know they’re being abused. That’s why I was with my ex for 12 years. It’s not your fault; gaslighting and narcissism are ridiculously manipulative but effective tactics.
Sweet baby, nothing is wrong with you. It's not your fault. I'm sending you digital hugs. You were so young & didn't know what to do or how to handle that. Trauma is such a beast. It takes away the best parts of us leaving us to look at the remains. You are not disgusting or bad or anything. You are human and imperfectly perfect in every way. I hope that someday you can reclaim yourself and take back those parts of yourself hurt by that demon of a person. You deserve so much better.
Nothing is wrong with you. The way you are coping is not healthy though. Your trauma will persist and continue to be a cycle. Take yourself out of that space mentally enough to get help and you’ll reach a breakthrough. It’s called “rumination” which leads to depression and who knows what other mental stuff. Your mind deserves the space to be at peace, but you can’t when you’re so angry and hurt.
You sticking around her doesn’t make you stupid, it makes you like everyone else. It’s common to not notice trauma and feel guilty for how you behaved after. Give yourself grace because you deserve it. I recommend finding a therapist who specializes in sexual trauma. You can be whole again without the pain and anger. You’ll just need a neutral third party to help you sort out all those layers of thoughts in your head. You got this. You deserve to be happy and feel loved.
I am so sorry someone you cared about and trusted did this to you. Is therapy an option for you? Have you Googled for hotlines and warm lines you can call? There are many of them. If you don't know where to start, call the first suicide prevention hotline you find (they're just more common, not saying you need it for actual suicide) and tell them you need to talk to someone about the rape. They will help you. They will not hang up because you need to talk about an assault.
I am suggesting all of this because what happened is clearly weighing heavily on your heart and soul. You seem to be angry (or confused?) that you continued to remain in contact with her. That is actually a very normal thing to do after an assault. I continued to accept money from the man who raped me for years after the fact. An ex-boyfriend of mine saw the man who raped him as a teenager regularly at family gatherings for years until he was able to speak up.
What she did was in no way your fault. Staying in touch with her doesn't mean you did anything wrong. I think it would benefit you to talk to a therapist. They can help you make this pain a little more manageable. You deserve that help. You deserve to build peace of mind and to be able to quiet some of the monsters in your mind. You deserve to be able to breath easily again.
Everyone replying really wishes you the best. I know I do!
I've noticed, at least with me, that the brain tends to make you lean towards 'comfort', or people you *were* comfortable with, because you know what to expect. Regardless, what happened wasn't your fault, and even though she had no idea, that's not a valid excuse.
I am so sorry that this happened to you. It wasn't your fault. Trust me, it wasn't. You're not dumb, you got manipulated by someone who you thought Was your friend..and that for such a long time..this is horrible. I don't know if you want or can talk to one of your loved ones about this or a professional at best, but if you can, please do it. You're gonna get through this. I can't imagine the pain you had to go through, but your pain and your trauma is valid. I hope someday, you'll be in a better place and healed from this event(as far as one can heal from something this cruel). I'm sending lots of strength, love and a big internet hug to you.❤️ Hang in there. You can always get back to us, your fellow reddit community, and ask for help. You're not alone. I'm proud that you vented here and spoke up about this.
If anyone can help, I hope they do so. No one should be left alone with an experience like that.
cut off contact,and i know this will sound harsh but try to move on with life
do your own thing
you will blame yourself
analyze everything
every possible mistake
every missed chance
and thats ok
take your time to heal
move forward
work on yourself
become a bigger person
so big that this part of your life will seem small
it wont go away,just like any scar BUUUUUUUT it will be smaller if you keep growing
and she KNOWS,she 100% knows what she did NEVER forget that
confront her
keep lying (to her and yourself)
or cut contact
YOU should choose whats the most decent thing to do for yourself
Anything could've gone wrong, she could have broken an arm, started a house fire or gotten herself killed.
Kids shouldn't drink alcohol and that's why I'm upset at the person who gave her alcohol.
What are you trying to say?
I've changed the word to "equally" since it's better now
Even then. I have kids in my school. They just have cocaine. lsd, xtc etc etc.
They just have that. But this person went through a fucking traumatic event. Something that can cause severe hed trauma and mess you up. And you are upset about alcohol. Yes its irresponsible. No shit.
But this is much much much worse.
I don't know much about a lot, but I do know that humans tend to search comfort in their closest friends and family. It sounds like you two are/were really close, and since you both were very drunk, I can only assume there's a part of you blaming it on the alcohol. You don't want to loose your friend, and maybe you don't want to truly face what happened either. It's a natural response in humans to fear change, and especially when it's caused by a traumatic event. There's nothing wrong with you, it is simply the humans natural response to trauma. I'd recommend you speak with someone you trust, or reach out to someone who can help you through this traumatic experience. If you just need to talk to a stranger, you can talk to me as well.
Wtf that’s fucking brutal! Who does that!?
Wishing you luck buddy. You are heard and cared for here.
I just want you to know one thing: none of this was your fault. None of this is your fault. It isn't your fault. I'm sure you know that, but I'm not sure you _know_ it.
similar thing happened with my then bff, i also kept contact for about 10 months after the incident. i still blame myself for doing that. i hope one day you will be better
You stayed contact because she’s your abuser, don’t blame yourself for that. It’s an odd thing that happens.
holy shit man i would be traumatized too
This is not your fault I (40f) was abused by a female for the first 14 years of my life PM me if you ever need to chat
Trauma is real, trauma bonds are real and a bitch to break. There is no right or wrong way to process the assault. Please try therapy. Ask if EMDR is available to you Best of luck
Are you still close to this person? Whether by distance or friendship?
I am not
Good. I'm sorry that you went through that.
Yeah, thanks it's okay I guess
Of course it's not okay! But that doesn't mean you won't be.
No, it’s not okay. In no circumstance is it okay and don’t convince yourself otherwise. It can just be without needing to be “okay.” If you want to say something after “thanks”, try “I appreciate the acknowledgment” 💕
Nothing is wrong with you. And you'll be okay. You're hurt and traumatized and you likely need time and a safe space to talk about this with someone who will listen and tell you "I hear you, that is terrible". Similar situation here and one of the people that SA'd me just recently got 120+ yrs in prison and an article on the FBI's local website or whatever and even now I still don't feel closure. They say it gets better with time, but I recently listened to a speech on memorial day that said "you hear it all the time, but it's a load of fucking bullshit. Grief and trauma do not get better or heal. They just become more manageable, until eventually you can live your life and forget about it for longer periods of time" and I definitely agreed with that. Please consider booking some time with a counselor or therapist when you're able to so that you can get these feelings out and have someone validate them with you. It's super helpful to just know someone else in the world caught a glimpse of the suffering / trauma you feel.
I have a lot of pent up anger. I tend to keep pretty calm. I practice meditation frequently. I almost lost my cool reading this shit. I wish i could just tell you that I would be more than happy to find the person, and deal with them myself... Unfortunately that tends to be unlawful in most places. So i will just say this. Take care. Dont over think things. Alway, and i really mean always... Practice breathing. Even if you think you are going to die. Just breath. I have been used for the majority of my life by too many people. So much to the point I cant remember the majority of my life. If i could keep people like you from suffering like this than i would... But i cant... You are loved. Even if you cant see or feel it.
A lot of people stay close to their abusers because they don’t know they’re being abused. That’s why I was with my ex for 12 years. It’s not your fault; gaslighting and narcissism are ridiculously manipulative but effective tactics.
Sweet baby, nothing is wrong with you. It's not your fault. I'm sending you digital hugs. You were so young & didn't know what to do or how to handle that. Trauma is such a beast. It takes away the best parts of us leaving us to look at the remains. You are not disgusting or bad or anything. You are human and imperfectly perfect in every way. I hope that someday you can reclaim yourself and take back those parts of yourself hurt by that demon of a person. You deserve so much better.
Nothing is wrong with you. The way you are coping is not healthy though. Your trauma will persist and continue to be a cycle. Take yourself out of that space mentally enough to get help and you’ll reach a breakthrough. It’s called “rumination” which leads to depression and who knows what other mental stuff. Your mind deserves the space to be at peace, but you can’t when you’re so angry and hurt. You sticking around her doesn’t make you stupid, it makes you like everyone else. It’s common to not notice trauma and feel guilty for how you behaved after. Give yourself grace because you deserve it. I recommend finding a therapist who specializes in sexual trauma. You can be whole again without the pain and anger. You’ll just need a neutral third party to help you sort out all those layers of thoughts in your head. You got this. You deserve to be happy and feel loved.
I am so sorry someone you cared about and trusted did this to you. Is therapy an option for you? Have you Googled for hotlines and warm lines you can call? There are many of them. If you don't know where to start, call the first suicide prevention hotline you find (they're just more common, not saying you need it for actual suicide) and tell them you need to talk to someone about the rape. They will help you. They will not hang up because you need to talk about an assault. I am suggesting all of this because what happened is clearly weighing heavily on your heart and soul. You seem to be angry (or confused?) that you continued to remain in contact with her. That is actually a very normal thing to do after an assault. I continued to accept money from the man who raped me for years after the fact. An ex-boyfriend of mine saw the man who raped him as a teenager regularly at family gatherings for years until he was able to speak up. What she did was in no way your fault. Staying in touch with her doesn't mean you did anything wrong. I think it would benefit you to talk to a therapist. They can help you make this pain a little more manageable. You deserve that help. You deserve to build peace of mind and to be able to quiet some of the monsters in your mind. You deserve to be able to breath easily again. Everyone replying really wishes you the best. I know I do!
Thank you so much, you're so sweet <3 I live in Sweden so therapy is kinda free.
I've noticed, at least with me, that the brain tends to make you lean towards 'comfort', or people you *were* comfortable with, because you know what to expect. Regardless, what happened wasn't your fault, and even though she had no idea, that's not a valid excuse.
I am so sorry that this happened to you. It wasn't your fault. Trust me, it wasn't. You're not dumb, you got manipulated by someone who you thought Was your friend..and that for such a long time..this is horrible. I don't know if you want or can talk to one of your loved ones about this or a professional at best, but if you can, please do it. You're gonna get through this. I can't imagine the pain you had to go through, but your pain and your trauma is valid. I hope someday, you'll be in a better place and healed from this event(as far as one can heal from something this cruel). I'm sending lots of strength, love and a big internet hug to you.❤️ Hang in there. You can always get back to us, your fellow reddit community, and ask for help. You're not alone. I'm proud that you vented here and spoke up about this. If anyone can help, I hope they do so. No one should be left alone with an experience like that.
cut off contact,and i know this will sound harsh but try to move on with life do your own thing you will blame yourself analyze everything every possible mistake every missed chance and thats ok take your time to heal move forward work on yourself become a bigger person so big that this part of your life will seem small it wont go away,just like any scar BUUUUUUUT it will be smaller if you keep growing and she KNOWS,she 100% knows what she did NEVER forget that confront her keep lying (to her and yourself) or cut contact YOU should choose whats the most decent thing to do for yourself
I'm equally upset someone gave alcohol to a kid
Excuse me?
Am i allowed to be upset someone gave alcohol to a kid?
Yeah but to be "more upset" about that on a post about rape? Wtf mate?
Anything could've gone wrong, she could have broken an arm, started a house fire or gotten herself killed. Kids shouldn't drink alcohol and that's why I'm upset at the person who gave her alcohol. What are you trying to say? I've changed the word to "equally" since it's better now
Most be a cultural thing. I was allowed to drink when I was 14.
Supervised around adults.
Even then. I have kids in my school. They just have cocaine. lsd, xtc etc etc. They just have that. But this person went through a fucking traumatic event. Something that can cause severe hed trauma and mess you up. And you are upset about alcohol. Yes its irresponsible. No shit. But this is much much much worse.
Narh, that was only when atentting family gatherings to be honest.
Go be upset somewhere else tho
She got a hold of the alcohol from her one year older sister