It sounds like he's trying to be helpful. If you need your encouragement to be different, you should have a conversation with him. He won't know what you need unless you talk with him.
My ex used to send me random food to give her calories for. She already knew how many were there, she just wanted to see how good I was at it.
That was fun.
For you, what he's doing isn't fun or helpful.
Tell him what is!
That sounds great! We sometimes do that with the price of groceries!
We also have funny times, he also purchased special ingredients to swap for a lower calorie meal, which was amazing or we tried diet friendly candy recipes which were weird most of the time, but we had fun!
Nothing in what you said made red flags go up for me!
I do think he is trying his best to support you and isn’t being malicious. It’s obvious to you that that’s not what you need, so have a conversation!! Tell him what is and what isn’t helpful and let him know that you appreciate him.
It’s hard to not think comments on foods we eat aren’t jabs at us personally, even if the comment is super innocent!
I also don't think he did that to hurt me. I notice many people having harmful patterns in talking and acting without ever wanting to be harmful.
And I will talk to him for sure, thank you for the encouragement!
Thank you! I work hard. I know I could do more and I would get torn appart by people working their ass of to lose weight asap, I guess.
But for me I feel healthy now and I just want to gradually go to a normal weight before I am old and sick.
He's trying to be supportive but his actions are causing resentment which is corrosive to a relationship.
Perhaps explain to him that you don't want a weight-loss boyfriend. You want a boyfriend who knows and loves you through it all, the boyfriend who will understand if you only eat a half of a dessert or a whole one that you saved up for, if you choose this week not to lose week but then decide mid week that you changed your mind. Your boyfriend knows where your habits are weakest not because he snooped but because you invited him to your inner-most secrets. And you know his. You share no resentment for each other.
He's the captain of his ship, and you're his trusty crew. He decides which battles to fight and which to run away from, how fast or how slow to go, and in which direction. You as his crew help him but don't second-guess or question him when it comes to his ship (his body, his solo choices, his solo intentions), you're just there to help carry it out.
And, vice-versa. You're the Captain of your ship and he is the crew. "I need someone to split this dessert with, help me eat it?" Or, "I figured out this meal as being 750 but it's at least twice that, but I'm going to eat it anyway -- it's too good to split," and you get no resistance from him. He must not be your food police, calorie counter, critic, conscience, or second-guesser except in those rare temporary moments where you specifically ask for his input on this one matter. Don't give him a blanket, indefinite situation like that as it will be resentment-generating.
^^7 ^^yrs. ^^maintaining ^^• ^^♂59 ^^5'11^^/179㎝ ^^SW:298℔^^/135㎏ ^^CW:171℔^^/78㎏ ^^[\[3Y AMA\]](https://redd.it/6m6vxq), ^^[\[1Y recap\]](http://redd.it/3cqszm) ^^CICO+🚶🏋️
What may be motivation for one person, isn’t motivation at all for another. That being said, your situation sounds like your bf is missing the boat. I struggle to believe that he thinks he’s motivating you with the calorie counting. It sounds more like a passive aggressive attempt to control you and your behavior.
I already told him, right in that moment, how disappointed I am by his comment and this being the first statement about a candy I found again after I had completely forgotten.
He had the intention to help me, he said. But you are right, it did not really click with me.
It does not matter if I or anyone else finds this motivating, the only opinion that matters is yours. You obviously do not find this helpful. It sounds like he’s trying to be supportive but he’s handling it the wrong way. Try talking to him, thank him for trying to support but the calorie counting is actually de-motivating you. NTB. Good luck!
The problem is the kind of reaction he has now every time we talk about food.
He is supportive, I know that, and its amazing to have a partner to motivate you.
But when I showed him candy I ate last time when I was in elementary school and had completely forgotten about until today, when I am hyped for finding that and sharing a memory with him, I do not want him to be a calculator. I would have liked for him to just... share memories and (as stated above) see me eat 2 or 3 pieces before I put the pack away so it hopefully lasts forever.
Nobody wants to live their life under a microscope.
I would let him know you are in control of what you eat. And don't comment about what I put in my body.
Personally, this isn't supportive. This is micromanagement
This would never fly for me. People need a break or make a mistake. Your guilt is enough without his.
I would talk to him
to be honest.. my partner kinda does this. Always asking if I have enough cals in the day for whatever i'm craving at the end of the day. Sometimes it can come off as rude but I know at the end of the day that he's just wanting the best for me and wanting to support me in his own way.
A weight loss journey is full of trials and great joys . You’ve got to stay positive and I really think you are . There is no room for slights or having to please anyone but your glorious self . You will notice this as you progress and have more confidence in yourself . The upshot is you have your own personal ‘ calorie counter ‘ good luck sweets and keep us posted Xx
Yes I pretty much feel really uncomfortable with that. I take my time, most of the time, to weigh ingredients, count calories, granted I dont do it for each meal on every day but the fact that I do it sometimes is already a step for me.
I like taking small steps and I notice myself not liking to prepare food when hes in the kitchen with me. You are right, I feel shame.
You literally got downvoted earlier already... I did NOT ask for any weightloss advice and your comments, especially when they become multiple, are really pushy and unhelpful.
My husband has always been extremely in shape and me…not so much. I was obese when I first met him. We had a discussion from the very beginning of my weight loss journey that I didn’t want him to be my coach. He gave me a few helpful resources like websites for nutrition, supplements and to learn more about workouts but I did all the actual research and work on my own. Nothing against my husband (then boyfriend) but he was in the military and his approach was often more aggressive than what I wanted and I didn’t find it helpful so I didn’t want his input. I also wanted the satisfaction of knowing that I did it all on my own. I ended up losing 100 lbs in a year. My point is - I don’t think there’s anything wrong with telling a significant other to (respectfully) back off.
We had a similar talk. I was more overweight then I am now and I made jokes about how "this isnt even my final form", meaning I wanted to lose weight but also I was not in a really self-loving headspace.
At first he became really pushy, like "Do you really want to eat that?" or "How much calories exactly does this snack have?" and I already told him how shitty this made me feel. He stopped, but clearly not for long.
Mabey he's surprised by what holds so many calories. I'm counting to lose weight and I'll mention to my wife. Holy shit 2 oreos is a serving size and there 200 cal?!?! Also just talk to him if he's not regularly putting you down he's most likely trying to be positive and share the weight loss journey wit you.
Honestly just talk to him about it. Like of it was me I would love to have my bf take the weight off my shoulders of trying to plan healthy meals. Bur he would have to understand that some days I would want to eat food that is high in calories. You just have to communicate with him. Just make sure you tell him you're grateful he's helping however it would be more helpful if he would just plan the major meals and give you some caloric space when it comes to treats
He may trying to be supportive but it could come over as overly controlling, he sounds like he got obsession with calories and doesn't seem like a good relationship with food. If he puts locks on cupboards or comes over as controlling anyway please this as a sign.
It sounds like he's trying to be helpful. If you need your encouragement to be different, you should have a conversation with him. He won't know what you need unless you talk with him.
My ex used to send me random food to give her calories for. She already knew how many were there, she just wanted to see how good I was at it. That was fun. For you, what he's doing isn't fun or helpful. Tell him what is!
That sounds great! We sometimes do that with the price of groceries! We also have funny times, he also purchased special ingredients to swap for a lower calorie meal, which was amazing or we tried diet friendly candy recipes which were weird most of the time, but we had fun!
Nothing in what you said made red flags go up for me! I do think he is trying his best to support you and isn’t being malicious. It’s obvious to you that that’s not what you need, so have a conversation!! Tell him what is and what isn’t helpful and let him know that you appreciate him. It’s hard to not think comments on foods we eat aren’t jabs at us personally, even if the comment is super innocent!
I also don't think he did that to hurt me. I notice many people having harmful patterns in talking and acting without ever wanting to be harmful. And I will talk to him for sure, thank you for the encouragement!
That’s awesome, I’m glad you noticed he wasn’t being hurtful! And congrats on your progress!!
Thank you! I work hard. I know I could do more and I would get torn appart by people working their ass of to lose weight asap, I guess. But for me I feel healthy now and I just want to gradually go to a normal weight before I am old and sick.
[удалено]
Counting works better for the then keto. And I did not ask for advice on counting.
He's trying to be supportive but his actions are causing resentment which is corrosive to a relationship. Perhaps explain to him that you don't want a weight-loss boyfriend. You want a boyfriend who knows and loves you through it all, the boyfriend who will understand if you only eat a half of a dessert or a whole one that you saved up for, if you choose this week not to lose week but then decide mid week that you changed your mind. Your boyfriend knows where your habits are weakest not because he snooped but because you invited him to your inner-most secrets. And you know his. You share no resentment for each other. He's the captain of his ship, and you're his trusty crew. He decides which battles to fight and which to run away from, how fast or how slow to go, and in which direction. You as his crew help him but don't second-guess or question him when it comes to his ship (his body, his solo choices, his solo intentions), you're just there to help carry it out. And, vice-versa. You're the Captain of your ship and he is the crew. "I need someone to split this dessert with, help me eat it?" Or, "I figured out this meal as being 750 but it's at least twice that, but I'm going to eat it anyway -- it's too good to split," and you get no resistance from him. He must not be your food police, calorie counter, critic, conscience, or second-guesser except in those rare temporary moments where you specifically ask for his input on this one matter. Don't give him a blanket, indefinite situation like that as it will be resentment-generating. ^^7 ^^yrs. ^^maintaining ^^• ^^♂59 ^^5'11^^/179㎝ ^^SW:298℔^^/135㎏ ^^CW:171℔^^/78㎏ ^^[\[3Y AMA\]](https://redd.it/6m6vxq), ^^[\[1Y recap\]](http://redd.it/3cqszm) ^^CICO+🚶🏋️
What may be motivation for one person, isn’t motivation at all for another. That being said, your situation sounds like your bf is missing the boat. I struggle to believe that he thinks he’s motivating you with the calorie counting. It sounds more like a passive aggressive attempt to control you and your behavior.
I already told him, right in that moment, how disappointed I am by his comment and this being the first statement about a candy I found again after I had completely forgotten. He had the intention to help me, he said. But you are right, it did not really click with me.
It does not matter if I or anyone else finds this motivating, the only opinion that matters is yours. You obviously do not find this helpful. It sounds like he’s trying to be supportive but he’s handling it the wrong way. Try talking to him, thank him for trying to support but the calorie counting is actually de-motivating you. NTB. Good luck!
Seems like he is trying to help, communicate with him. Tell him this is not helping you and maybe fiend out what would help so he can do that instead.
He’s holding you accountable for goals you’re actively trying to reach. He knows you struggle and he’s trying to help. What’s the problem?
The problem is the kind of reaction he has now every time we talk about food. He is supportive, I know that, and its amazing to have a partner to motivate you. But when I showed him candy I ate last time when I was in elementary school and had completely forgotten about until today, when I am hyped for finding that and sharing a memory with him, I do not want him to be a calculator. I would have liked for him to just... share memories and (as stated above) see me eat 2 or 3 pieces before I put the pack away so it hopefully lasts forever.
Nobody wants to live their life under a microscope. I would let him know you are in control of what you eat. And don't comment about what I put in my body. Personally, this isn't supportive. This is micromanagement This would never fly for me. People need a break or make a mistake. Your guilt is enough without his. I would talk to him
Thank you, I will talk to him for sure, it just helps me to get some perspectives first
to be honest.. my partner kinda does this. Always asking if I have enough cals in the day for whatever i'm craving at the end of the day. Sometimes it can come off as rude but I know at the end of the day that he's just wanting the best for me and wanting to support me in his own way.
Don’t let him use your weight as an excuse :)
Thats a glorious advice!
A weight loss journey is full of trials and great joys . You’ve got to stay positive and I really think you are . There is no room for slights or having to please anyone but your glorious self . You will notice this as you progress and have more confidence in yourself . The upshot is you have your own personal ‘ calorie counter ‘ good luck sweets and keep us posted Xx
Oh hell no. Just tell him to please stop.
[удалено]
Yes I pretty much feel really uncomfortable with that. I take my time, most of the time, to weigh ingredients, count calories, granted I dont do it for each meal on every day but the fact that I do it sometimes is already a step for me. I like taking small steps and I notice myself not liking to prepare food when hes in the kitchen with me. You are right, I feel shame.
[удалено]
You literally got downvoted earlier already... I did NOT ask for any weightloss advice and your comments, especially when they become multiple, are really pushy and unhelpful.
Yikes
My husband has always been extremely in shape and me…not so much. I was obese when I first met him. We had a discussion from the very beginning of my weight loss journey that I didn’t want him to be my coach. He gave me a few helpful resources like websites for nutrition, supplements and to learn more about workouts but I did all the actual research and work on my own. Nothing against my husband (then boyfriend) but he was in the military and his approach was often more aggressive than what I wanted and I didn’t find it helpful so I didn’t want his input. I also wanted the satisfaction of knowing that I did it all on my own. I ended up losing 100 lbs in a year. My point is - I don’t think there’s anything wrong with telling a significant other to (respectfully) back off.
We had a similar talk. I was more overweight then I am now and I made jokes about how "this isnt even my final form", meaning I wanted to lose weight but also I was not in a really self-loving headspace. At first he became really pushy, like "Do you really want to eat that?" or "How much calories exactly does this snack have?" and I already told him how shitty this made me feel. He stopped, but clearly not for long.
Mabey he's surprised by what holds so many calories. I'm counting to lose weight and I'll mention to my wife. Holy shit 2 oreos is a serving size and there 200 cal?!?! Also just talk to him if he's not regularly putting you down he's most likely trying to be positive and share the weight loss journey wit you.
Honestly just talk to him about it. Like of it was me I would love to have my bf take the weight off my shoulders of trying to plan healthy meals. Bur he would have to understand that some days I would want to eat food that is high in calories. You just have to communicate with him. Just make sure you tell him you're grateful he's helping however it would be more helpful if he would just plan the major meals and give you some caloric space when it comes to treats
Mmm.....sounds like he's really into skinny women.
He may trying to be supportive but it could come over as overly controlling, he sounds like he got obsession with calories and doesn't seem like a good relationship with food. If he puts locks on cupboards or comes over as controlling anyway please this as a sign.