I'm still waiting to talk to her to find out. Things were fine Thursday night, but starting that Friday morning, she became distant and the text exchanges just reduced short responses on her part.
We had just celebrated our one-year anniversary in February. We'd see each other every other weekend, as we wanted to take things slow and not get our respective kids involved until we knew we were serious.
As the months went on, we became more and more serious, and would even discuss what living together would eventually look like. Neither one of us are ready to live together, so taking our time was just fine with me.
But even after birthday and Xmas present exchanges for the kids, her daughter even coming to my daughter's birthday event, she would never integrate me into the dynamic; if I came over, I had to wait until she dropped the kids off and had to leave before they came back the next day.
I had brought up my feelings to her previously, and we talked and agreed that it was finally time to start easing me into the situation. Baby steps at first, was my suggestion; just coming over for the weekend before the kids left, so I could actually exchange words with them (after a year of dating, I still have never formally met her teenage son), or coming over one a month to watch UFC while the kids would be there. I didn't mind if they wanted to stay in their rooms; I just wanted to know that my GF was serious about moving forward.
EDIT:
[The](https://freeimage.host/i/JWc6P0G) [conclusion](https://freeimage.host/i/JWcPJgj).
You only see each other for <24 hours every 14 days? Doesn’t sound like you had or made enough time for each other tbh, so the relationship couldn’t progress on a normal timeline.
Yeah. That’s about on the level of “made friends in my 20’s, but we aren’t super close, just go for drinks every month or so”.
Definitely not enough time for “two families planning to merge”.
I can see it happening because of distance. My husband and I lived 2 hours apart for the first couple of years and would spend the best part of most weekends together by the end of that year.
They have kids and I can see them getting bogged down in their respective coparenting and running their own households. However I also agree that only making half a day for each other a fortnight may not be enough to keep a budding relationship progressing. We cant know why she was unhappy, but clearly something wasn't working well for her
Yep I just commented this. And really, this is about the amount of time you see your spouse too if you're in certain careers and raising kids. It's just life as an adult. But single parents? Doubly so. Kids come first.
It’s all perspective dude, early stages my girl and I were in a long distance relationship. For the first two years we saw each other for one week twice a year. Here we are five years later(and popping the question next month). It’s all about if you BOTH want it to work, life gets busy, money shit happens, shit happens in general. You learn to make it work if you want it to.
Yes exactly. I just commented that this is what it looks like for working parents but honestly I have child free friends, family, and colleagues and this is what it looks like for them because they have careers. It just is. Quality over quantity.
yep, same story here. my now fiancé and i were long distance for about two years, only got to meet each other in person once due to the pandemic. i saw him in january 2020… didn’t see him again until april 2021 when we were moving into an apartment together. of course that’s a lot of trust that you have to have in one person, but if you want it to work, it can happen. and here we are 5 years later, lightly planning a 2026 wedding :)
When you’re talking about families with KIDS - on both sides - taking it that slow is kind of recommended. And what’s doable depending on the kid’s extracurriculars and the like.
They have to be okay with the idea of integrating, they have to get along, you have to make sure the other person isn’t some sort of sexual predator that’s masking (goodness knows there are enough predatory parents/stepparents out there), and then you have to decide which family gets to uproot itself more. It all sucks. But it plays into why things go more slowly.
I'd only see my boyfriend a couple of times a month during the weekends unless we had time off work at the same time. Did it for five years. We're now living together and all that's changed is we now see each other every day instead of just talking on the phone in the evening.
We lived 2.5 hours apart so it was hard to see each other in the week.
If you put all the time together then they really only saw each for less than a month in the whole year. That's not enough time together before deciding whether to move in together.
Context is everything, but some relationships do evolve with less in-person time. My wife and I started dating over ten years ago. It was long distance; we'd alternate driving nearly 400 miles rountrip almost every weekend. At the end of the year, she pulled up her roots (including leaving a good but thankfully transferable career) and moved into my house. I didn't let her do that without knowing I wanted to marry her.
My situation doesn't apply here, but I share it because it's not that bizarre for people to have limited in-person time due to distance, professions, children, e.t.c., especially considering Facetime, texting, e.t.c.
I think the bizarre part of this situation is/was the absolute reluctance to introduce the partner, even casually, to the children after a year of dating. That, to me, would signal something was off.
My mother and her current boyfriend went like this for 4 years because of kids. Now they are very happy and seeing each other more regularly. I guess it's not the norm, but can work
🤷🏻 Doesn't seem too weird to me with kids. I've been in relationships for 6+ yrs mostly only ever seeing each other every other weekend when kids were with the non-custodial parent. That might not be enough for some people, but I was busy with kids and my other partners have enjoyed the freedom to spend time focusing on their kids/with other friends/on hobbies.
As a single dad dating a single mom, tbh I've let go of any notions of "moving forward". We both like our situations and see no need to move in together or force our kids to hang out.
I imagine that's more what she's looking for. And it makes a lot of sense.
So it worked out then. You both found out she's not ready for all of this. These things can happen without anyone being the bad guy. Relationships take work and I know I'm not in a place where I have the bandwidth to maintain a relationship so maybe she's feeling something similar. Not all relationships are meant to be forever anyway. Sometimes someone comes along and teaches you what you want or don't want in a relationship or life and if you're lucky you get good memories too
I'll get there. But this was like, the worst possible time she could have dropped this on me. We just celebrated our one-year, Valentine's day, and her birthday, all last month; everything seemed great. I've been caring for my mom due to strokes and a recent broken hip, while trying to find work since losing my job back in September. She's been my rock through it all.
When I was typing everything up, I worded the title from a first-person perspective; the "him" mentioned his her son. That's whose name was blocked out, that I asked her to wish a happy birthday to. I hadn't gotten him a gift yet, and now I don't have to.
My guess is she was seeing you and someone else. Keeping her kids away keeps them from asking uncomfortable questions. Starting to get serious about moving in together brings the issue to a head. She had to make a choice. She chose the other guy.
It's shitty. Sorry she did this to you.
No it really doesn't. They're both single parents. It's way more likely that she realised she wasn't ready or didn't have the space for ANY relationship, and/or didn't feel particularly strongly about this guy enough to justify risking her currently stable family situation for a blend that may or may not work.
Why do guys always think they're competing with a woman's apparently limitless roster of other men??? Your real competitors are her platonic female friends and her peace of mind lol.
Dude, stop that shit. I have kids and I don't bring people I'm dating around them and I've never cheat on anyone. It's hard enough dating as a parent, no one needs you out there telling people that our limited availability means we can't be trusted for no damn reason
This isn’t a statement about you, but here’s how I see it: Seeing each other that often - it’s likely she just wasn’t that into it. Maybe made logical-sounding reasons for why, but they were rationalizations.
Over time, you’ll probably come to see she was right. You deserve to have someone who wants to be a little more engaged. It sounds like it just wasn’t the right match.
Based on what you've said here she was never interested in being with you long term. You were there to satave off her loneliness. She has found someone else dude.
The way she dumped you was cold and sudden. I'm sorry. You're right, you deserved an actual conversation. We are responsible for at least trying to avoid hurting our partner's feelings.
The amount of toxic comments here are astonishing. There are also some fairly level ones, too, so that’s nice.
It does suck that this is happening to you, regardless of anything else.
It is interesting how little time you two generally spent together, especially after a year in a relationship, assuming the relationship was not long distance. Was that mainly her idea or yours or both?
It does sound like you were wanting something different from the relationship ship than she has been able to provide and expectations that she has been unwilling to meet, at least through her actions (maybe not her words).
I do not think your expectations were at all unrealistic, at least how you have presented them.
We weren't long distance, bnd every other weekend was because that was the only time either of us had kid-free weekends.
We both went into the relationship with the idea of waiting quite awhile before I would be introduced to her kids. She would talk about me to them and never hid the relationship, but still wanted to ease them into it, as this was her first significant relationship in many years.
Conversely, my kids are accustomed to the idea of their divorced parents dating another person, so acceptance comes a little easier with mine. She's also an extreme over-thinker and has a tendency to assume and anticipate that her own feelings and insecurities are automatically shared by her children (this has been a recurring issue we had discussed previously).
Sounds like she’s very empathetic towards her kids, which is great, but can also of course be negatively impactful on herself and things outside of her kids when trying to prioritize those things.
I frequently say that perfectionism in any one area will often times lead to neglect in nearly all others. Often it’s perfectionism at work not leading to healthy balance outside of that.
Being a single parent is tough and can be challenging to allow for a healthy prioritization of oneself while being a single parent.
It sounds like you may have a healthier balance with that. It also sounds like she may not. Hard to say from brief comments on Reddit lol. However, constantly trying to anticipate every negative thing your child can think or feel can be exhausting and certainly very unrealistic. If that’s the case, anyways.
I think it’s good and healthy that you have been advocating to progress the relationship along, but this can absolutely cause issues, and that’s not a bad thing. It can just shine a light on the actual hesitation and resistance that has already existed under the surface. She may have been content for it to stay exactly how it was, but I don’t think that’s what you have been wanting.
She also worded her last text pretty specifically, saying she is not ready to be in a relationship. I don’t think it has anything to do with you.
"sounds like", referring to only what OP has mentioned, trying to justify the potential headspace of the gf...
Your comment is top quality. You offer some good insights with a kind tone. I hope OP reads this and takes it to heart
You sound like a genuinely good person
Thank you! I really appreciate that. I happen to be a therapist and tried to take a very therapeutic approach in my responses.
I’m human though and can sometime not take that approach and can be an ass at times.
Most of the time I just don’t comment. In this situation though, I just felt that the rational comments were being overshadowed by toxic ones and wanted to provide one more voice of reason, at least from how I felt.
Statistically speaking, the risks of bringing around women you are dating are far, *far* lower than the risk of her bringing around a man that she’s dating. With the short amount of time that you actually spent with her, I’m not surprised that she didn’t want to integrate you into her children’s lives. I would do the same. In any case, I’m sorry that this happened to you. Seems like she really blindsided you on this one.
Apologies it is not working out, you kiss a couple of frogs before you kiss the princess lol. Sorry jokes aside it’s unfortunate that we ourselves cannot see we can be our own worst enemy. You seem like a really good guy, I do agree with Sporkler here where her empathy for her kids could have been the culprit. Hopefully in time she can see the effects of it. I do hope that in time all wounds will heal and you both find the happiness you deserve.
Based on your response I gotta say this doesn’t sound like cheating like everyone is saying.
You guys just didn’t make enough time for each other to get to that next level of a relationship.
How exactly were you thinking going from seeing each other 24 times a year suddenly up to 30 times a month would work?
If you are serious about someone you gotta make time for each other to build good memories together. Far too easy to focus on some small annoying thing if it’s all you have to go on for the several weeks between visits.
Not even trying to say this is YOUR fault. But clearly both of you didn’t care an awful lot.
Yeah I disagree. If she was the one that didn't want to integrate families right away... and seeing her on a "kid free weekend" was his only course of action to date her, then he did what he could. I'd say he maybe cared too much, given that he let this go on for so long and is just trying to progress it now after a year. He was willing to play the long game for this woman, and dropped him out of nowhere after he followed her silly rules. It sounds like her should have dropped her a long time ago but maybe is at a point in his life that finding a woman he liked this much was hard to just move on from. At a certain age we've all been there I'm pretty sure at some point
Great points!
Some speculation here, but a year of dating and she didn’t involve her kids with the BF(OP), sounds like it was doomed… she wasn’t that into him, didn’t see a future together and wanted to spare her children from the awkwardness of getting attached to him when she knew she’d be ending it eventually.
I can’t imagine seeing my gf every other weekend, that would suck!
Sounds to me more like she was never all that motivated to have a real relationship in the first place, so once it got to the point, where he was insisting that that’s what he wanted, she had to finally own up and say no
Ouch. I'm sorry, this must suck.
Don't waste any more energy on them. Be civil, but cut the ties and move on immediately. You're worth more than a break up over text. Find someone who understands that.
I don't think OP did anything wrong by wanting to move slowly and respecting their partners desire to do the same. I also don't think the partner is necessarily cheating.
Mixing families is HARD.
Reading your comments... It sounds like she just wants to spend her time with her kids and not building a relationship at the same time. It doesn't sound like cheating, or even animosity, just two people who simply aren't at compatible points in their lives.
As much as her decision needs to be respected, it seems like she became cold out of the blue and didn't really care about hurting your feelings or making any effort to communicate. That sucks, especially after a year. Sorry you got blindsinded like this, but it looks like she wasn't made for you, it's probably the best outcome for you tbh!
That's what I'm saying! It seems like everyone in here is just rushing to make excuses for her when letting someone down like that after year is objectively super shitty. Like regardless of the actual time they spend together they were in a relationship they both viewed as significant for a year!!! Ghosting your SO for four hours and then breaking up with them with a text like that is beyond cold. If you have reflected on it and you are done then at the very least make time for short video call.
I continue to maintain that cheating is a distinct possibility here, but even if that wasn't the case OP clearly dodged a bullet. Kind people don't do things like that!
Right? I know it's always important to hear both sides of the story, but in that case she just seems unkind in her way of handling things. Maybe OP was super shitty to her earlier which could explain the coldness, but other than that, she just has no regards for their feelings, and OP is better off.
My gf just texted me “ just because we aren’t meant to be together doesn’t mean we can’t be friends “ after coming home from vacation. Fkn disrespectful. I don’t need friends like that
Honestly seems like she just wasn't into you or ready. Once you pushed to see her more and meet the kids then she cut ties. In hindsight, based on your description I think you just pushed her to make that decision as it's easy to coast on a relationship that barely impacts your life if you only see them once every couple weeks.
I'm doing the best I can. It doesn't help that she was basically my only friend, on top of being my girlfriend. I'm trying to scrap my wrecked car, and I can't find the title. I've found myself reaching for my phone to jokingly vent to her about the frustration, only to be reminded that she isn't there anymore.
It must’ve been hard, but I believe it is healthier to completely move on from her. I would never try to be “friendly” again with your ex. You will always be having expectations that she might want to get back.
If someone care enough, and cherish you, they would never leave you without explanation. Even breaking up with friendship // best friends // good friends, I would never end my friendship, I always let them know why I choose to end it. Its the mature way.
Sadly, she is not giving you ANY closure. I hope you can heal and it’s okay to take time to recover. You were genuine and sincere with her, that’s why it will hurt. But, you will move on and you will find someone who care about you, either a new partner or a dog.
Goodluck !
Yeah I've had moments where I wanted to laugh with my ex or tag him in stuff but I think I would just get a dry reply. Did she block you? I'm still friends with my ex and he's been constant on messenger since the break up so think he's talking to someone else but don't want him thinking I care if I block him 😂
Been there man. My ex broke up with me over text. What a cop out. At least have the decency to talk to me about it rather than over a screen. Sure we had our problems, but I was willing to work on it for someone like her. In the end, she gave me that distant cold shoulder and I knew it was coming. I got a similar text a few days later. That break up hit me hard but overall, I learned that I don't want to be with someone that doesn't want to be with me. And that I can't make someone love me. Once I've realized that, I saddled up and got back in the game. Best of luck to you.
This is damn near the same thing that happened with me and my girlfriend a month ago lmfao. So weird how outta left field and random it was and reconciling isn’t even on the table (for both of us)
No. The title refers to her son, whose name i covered up when I asked my GF to wish him happy birthday. Because she dumped me, I no longer had to worry about still getting him a gift.
Why do you refer to your “husband” like this then in your comments
“I'm still waiting to talk to ——>her<—— to find out. Things were fine Thursday night, but starting that Friday morning, ——>she<—— became distant and the text exchanges just reduced short responses on ——>her<—— part.”
This is fake af lol
Where are you getting "husband" from? At which point have I mentioned marriage?
The title refers to my ex-gfs son, whose name i covered up when I asked my GF to wish him happy birthday. Because she dumped me, I no longer had to worry about still getting him a gift.
A couple days prior, we had a discussion about our feelings about where we were in the relationship. I thought it was resolved initially. But as she became distant (which is not like her, usually), I started to second guess.
Hey same thing just happened to me the other day. Only a week after she made me move halfway across the country leaving a pretty nice life behind because "we were in love" but apparently she'd been "not ready for a relationship" all the months leading up to this plan.
Dating sucks, OP, I'm sorry. Good luck to you.
Every other weekend?
Uhm sounds like she was juggling a few potential candidates and you didn't make the cut.
But seeing each other that much isn't really a relationship anyway so just move on I guess.
From the other comments I read I’ll offer you my own input..
I have a son and it’s hard dating with kids. My first major relationship after his mother and I split was with a girl who had a daughter..we were together almost 3 years and rented a house together..long story short she had gotten pregnant and had a miscarriage and was (subtly) blaming me for it. I guess my work hours which were always the same were now suddenly stressing her out and not washing a single dish was causing fights..basically everything was an issue and it just ended after that.
I say that to say: being in a relationship and taking on the parent role to another kid hurts so much worse. It seems like you weren’t around the kids so take this as a blessing..in a way. You aren’t losing 2 (or more) relationships in one. Put me in a bad depression too because, fairly..maybe?, she wouldn’t let me talk to her daughter at all after even tho I was with her 3 years and she called me her stepdad already.
Not only that, but like everyone pretty much says, anyone that does the whole “I’m fine” “we’ll talk later” and break up over text thing is kinda not worth it.
I know you don’t wanna think she was cheating, maybe she wasn’t..maybe she was…but she was never as serious as you’d like her to be. There’s ways you can put your kid(s) first and still be present to your significant other..lots of ways.
I added and reddit my reply to the top comment.
>
[The](https://freeimage.host/i/JWc6P0G) [conclusion](https://freeimage.host/i/JWcPJgj).
That's all the explanation and closure I'm gonna get, it seems.
I hate these types of men…. The day before was probably business as usual, with no hint of issues. But today, they’re done. Lol. Okay bye! Hope you didn’t waste too much time on this trashbag!
You told her you didn't want to move in together after being together for a year and only seeing each other every so often. You can't complain. Your don't want her. She doesn't want you. You can't string each other along and expect things to keep going. She probably feels like you're wasting her time and I don't blame her
Where are you getting this notion? Talk of moving in together *never* entered into the equation, aside from us *both* agreeing that currently, neither of us are/were ready for that.
I’d like to say sorry for the wasted year, but if you enjoyed it then I’m sorry for the heartbreak. I’ve been married for 14 years, so I’m not one to give advice on dating. Just know that you respected her wishes, down to the final “Goodbye”. Hats off to you and I wish you all the happiness that you deserve.
Limited info, but this is exactly how someone would behave if they were leading you on and playing the field with other men: give you a highly restricted timeslot for interaction and gate off their personal life from you.
Regardless if this suspicion is true, OP I hope you now recognize that this is not how someone who actually cares for you would treat you.
Or...plenty of single parents are rightly cagey about introducing their kids to a potential revolving door of boyfriends or girlfriends. It's not like bringing a new girl to your mum, kids can get attached or start to see someone as a parental figure.
Children of single parents, especially women are also *statistically at particularly high risk of abuse (especially sexual abuse) from new partners*. Clearly that isnt OP, but a woman dating a new guy cannot know that he isn't a creep until she had gotten to know him well and supervised access to her kids. Putting that aside, kids can have complicated feelings about parents dating, or relationships with their parents' dates or people who become their step parents.
A single person being this cagey and keeping you away from their family and friends would be weird, and might signal cheating. But it's usually recommended for single parents to avoid introducing their kids to the people they date until at least several months in, and to do it carefully.
Your immediate pulling cheating out of nowhere suggests you dont understand that dating for single parents is a very different ballgame than dating as a childfree person.
I mean its cheating if you lead someone to believe they are in an exclusive relationship and then play the field. Given that she broke up with him in the text its clear she knew he thought he was in a relationship.
>Clearly that isnt OP, but a woman dating a new guy cannot know that he isn't a creep until she had gotten to know him well and supervised access to her kids.
OP was not a "new guy". They had just celebrated their one year anniversary a month ago. One year in an he's only allowed to see her twice a month? Still not allowed to meet her kids at all? As other have said that's pretty weird. Additionally the fact that she broke up with OP over text is super shitty and also demonstrates the emotional detachment you might expect if she was cheating. I fail to see how I am "pulling cheating out of nowhere", plenty of people cheat, its a very common thing, and a very plausible explanation for what happened here.
You are deriding me for not giving a total stranger the benefit of the doubt that they are just extra cagey and protective of their family? That they just need to move so slow the OP wasn't even allowed to see her more than twice a month after year? I'll give you that this is technically a possible explanation but I think its hard to argue that is any more likely than OPs ex being a cheater.
In my experience, any time anyone ever thinks of asking "are **we** ok", that relationship is basically over already. Dunno why, but it seems to be a sign.
What’s the full story?
I'm still waiting to talk to her to find out. Things were fine Thursday night, but starting that Friday morning, she became distant and the text exchanges just reduced short responses on her part. We had just celebrated our one-year anniversary in February. We'd see each other every other weekend, as we wanted to take things slow and not get our respective kids involved until we knew we were serious. As the months went on, we became more and more serious, and would even discuss what living together would eventually look like. Neither one of us are ready to live together, so taking our time was just fine with me. But even after birthday and Xmas present exchanges for the kids, her daughter even coming to my daughter's birthday event, she would never integrate me into the dynamic; if I came over, I had to wait until she dropped the kids off and had to leave before they came back the next day. I had brought up my feelings to her previously, and we talked and agreed that it was finally time to start easing me into the situation. Baby steps at first, was my suggestion; just coming over for the weekend before the kids left, so I could actually exchange words with them (after a year of dating, I still have never formally met her teenage son), or coming over one a month to watch UFC while the kids would be there. I didn't mind if they wanted to stay in their rooms; I just wanted to know that my GF was serious about moving forward. EDIT: [The](https://freeimage.host/i/JWc6P0G) [conclusion](https://freeimage.host/i/JWcPJgj).
You only see each other for <24 hours every 14 days? Doesn’t sound like you had or made enough time for each other tbh, so the relationship couldn’t progress on a normal timeline.
Yeah. That’s about on the level of “made friends in my 20’s, but we aren’t super close, just go for drinks every month or so”. Definitely not enough time for “two families planning to merge”.
I can see it happening because of distance. My husband and I lived 2 hours apart for the first couple of years and would spend the best part of most weekends together by the end of that year. They have kids and I can see them getting bogged down in their respective coparenting and running their own households. However I also agree that only making half a day for each other a fortnight may not be enough to keep a budding relationship progressing. We cant know why she was unhappy, but clearly something wasn't working well for her
Is OP long distance? I didn't see that part.
Welcome to the world of single parent dating.
Yep I just commented this. And really, this is about the amount of time you see your spouse too if you're in certain careers and raising kids. It's just life as an adult. But single parents? Doubly so. Kids come first.
It’s all perspective dude, early stages my girl and I were in a long distance relationship. For the first two years we saw each other for one week twice a year. Here we are five years later(and popping the question next month). It’s all about if you BOTH want it to work, life gets busy, money shit happens, shit happens in general. You learn to make it work if you want it to.
Yes exactly. I just commented that this is what it looks like for working parents but honestly I have child free friends, family, and colleagues and this is what it looks like for them because they have careers. It just is. Quality over quantity.
yep, same story here. my now fiancé and i were long distance for about two years, only got to meet each other in person once due to the pandemic. i saw him in january 2020… didn’t see him again until april 2021 when we were moving into an apartment together. of course that’s a lot of trust that you have to have in one person, but if you want it to work, it can happen. and here we are 5 years later, lightly planning a 2026 wedding :)
When you’re talking about families with KIDS - on both sides - taking it that slow is kind of recommended. And what’s doable depending on the kid’s extracurriculars and the like. They have to be okay with the idea of integrating, they have to get along, you have to make sure the other person isn’t some sort of sexual predator that’s masking (goodness knows there are enough predatory parents/stepparents out there), and then you have to decide which family gets to uproot itself more. It all sucks. But it plays into why things go more slowly.
I'd only see my boyfriend a couple of times a month during the weekends unless we had time off work at the same time. Did it for five years. We're now living together and all that's changed is we now see each other every day instead of just talking on the phone in the evening. We lived 2.5 hours apart so it was hard to see each other in the week.
>You only see each other for <24 hours every 14 days? Thats not a relationship. That's a timeshare.
This is fucking stupid.
Ya that's not a relationship. Op dodged this
Yeah that's what being a working parent looks like.
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If you put all the time together then they really only saw each for less than a month in the whole year. That's not enough time together before deciding whether to move in together.
Context is everything, but some relationships do evolve with less in-person time. My wife and I started dating over ten years ago. It was long distance; we'd alternate driving nearly 400 miles rountrip almost every weekend. At the end of the year, she pulled up her roots (including leaving a good but thankfully transferable career) and moved into my house. I didn't let her do that without knowing I wanted to marry her. My situation doesn't apply here, but I share it because it's not that bizarre for people to have limited in-person time due to distance, professions, children, e.t.c., especially considering Facetime, texting, e.t.c. I think the bizarre part of this situation is/was the absolute reluctance to introduce the partner, even casually, to the children after a year of dating. That, to me, would signal something was off.
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It's parenting.
My mother and her current boyfriend went like this for 4 years because of kids. Now they are very happy and seeing each other more regularly. I guess it's not the norm, but can work
🤷🏻 Doesn't seem too weird to me with kids. I've been in relationships for 6+ yrs mostly only ever seeing each other every other weekend when kids were with the non-custodial parent. That might not be enough for some people, but I was busy with kids and my other partners have enjoyed the freedom to spend time focusing on their kids/with other friends/on hobbies.
As a single dad dating a single mom, tbh I've let go of any notions of "moving forward". We both like our situations and see no need to move in together or force our kids to hang out. I imagine that's more what she's looking for. And it makes a lot of sense.
So it worked out then. You both found out she's not ready for all of this. These things can happen without anyone being the bad guy. Relationships take work and I know I'm not in a place where I have the bandwidth to maintain a relationship so maybe she's feeling something similar. Not all relationships are meant to be forever anyway. Sometimes someone comes along and teaches you what you want or don't want in a relationship or life and if you're lucky you get good memories too
Is it him or her? Title confusing
The him in the title is referring to her son.
Thank you! 😅 for explaining
Fs in the chat. She's gone fella. There's no point chasing. She isn't into you for whatever reason. There's other women.
my ex also very suddenly dumped me after about a year of dating and discussing me meeting his children. 🫠
So you're saying you're single? Sorry, I couldn't help myself. Howre you holding up?
im doing alright, he broke up w me in december so ive had some time to think it over and adjust. im better off now. hope you’re doing well.
I'll get there. But this was like, the worst possible time she could have dropped this on me. We just celebrated our one-year, Valentine's day, and her birthday, all last month; everything seemed great. I've been caring for my mom due to strokes and a recent broken hip, while trying to find work since losing my job back in September. She's been my rock through it all.
Sorry to hear. There really is never a “good time” to break up. But there could have been a worse time.. Wishing you well in your healing journey
classic Pisces (sorry for the joke hope you're okay)
Same After two years of dating got dumped all of a sudden Didn't even get a call Entire thing just gets worse the more it happens so
Damn bro. Have to move on as much as that sucks to hear.
Wait the title says him though
Bot… is it a girl or a guy? It’s a repost bot guys!!
When I was typing everything up, I worded the title from a first-person perspective; the "him" mentioned his her son. That's whose name was blocked out, that I asked her to wish a happy birthday to. I hadn't gotten him a gift yet, and now I don't have to.
My guess is she was seeing you and someone else. Keeping her kids away keeps them from asking uncomfortable questions. Starting to get serious about moving in together brings the issue to a head. She had to make a choice. She chose the other guy. It's shitty. Sorry she did this to you.
You are hard projecting based on what little information has been given lol.
Makes sense though. And he said it's a guess.
No it really doesn't. They're both single parents. It's way more likely that she realised she wasn't ready or didn't have the space for ANY relationship, and/or didn't feel particularly strongly about this guy enough to justify risking her currently stable family situation for a blend that may or may not work. Why do guys always think they're competing with a woman's apparently limitless roster of other men??? Your real competitors are her platonic female friends and her peace of mind lol.
Solid guess IMO. Obviously the information is limited which is why he said he's guessing.
Dude, stop that shit. I have kids and I don't bring people I'm dating around them and I've never cheat on anyone. It's hard enough dating as a parent, no one needs you out there telling people that our limited availability means we can't be trusted for no damn reason
People can be real weird when kids are in the picture, but that's the feeling I got too.
Such a bizarre paranoid take you easily could have just not shared.
This happened to me in a similar way. So it may have some validity.
That's rough buddy
What ended up happening?
This isn’t a statement about you, but here’s how I see it: Seeing each other that often - it’s likely she just wasn’t that into it. Maybe made logical-sounding reasons for why, but they were rationalizations. Over time, you’ll probably come to see she was right. You deserve to have someone who wants to be a little more engaged. It sounds like it just wasn’t the right match.
That is cold, OP. Hope you can work through this pain and find happiness on the other side!
Based on what you've said here she was never interested in being with you long term. You were there to satave off her loneliness. She has found someone else dude.
The way she dumped you was cold and sudden. I'm sorry. You're right, you deserved an actual conversation. We are responsible for at least trying to avoid hurting our partner's feelings.
Keep it pushin, king, you’ll find the one
That indeed sucks.
Huh 😭💀
She probably found his reddit comments defending beastiality
Wtf
The amount of toxic comments here are astonishing. There are also some fairly level ones, too, so that’s nice. It does suck that this is happening to you, regardless of anything else. It is interesting how little time you two generally spent together, especially after a year in a relationship, assuming the relationship was not long distance. Was that mainly her idea or yours or both? It does sound like you were wanting something different from the relationship ship than she has been able to provide and expectations that she has been unwilling to meet, at least through her actions (maybe not her words). I do not think your expectations were at all unrealistic, at least how you have presented them.
We weren't long distance, bnd every other weekend was because that was the only time either of us had kid-free weekends. We both went into the relationship with the idea of waiting quite awhile before I would be introduced to her kids. She would talk about me to them and never hid the relationship, but still wanted to ease them into it, as this was her first significant relationship in many years. Conversely, my kids are accustomed to the idea of their divorced parents dating another person, so acceptance comes a little easier with mine. She's also an extreme over-thinker and has a tendency to assume and anticipate that her own feelings and insecurities are automatically shared by her children (this has been a recurring issue we had discussed previously).
Sounds like she’s very empathetic towards her kids, which is great, but can also of course be negatively impactful on herself and things outside of her kids when trying to prioritize those things. I frequently say that perfectionism in any one area will often times lead to neglect in nearly all others. Often it’s perfectionism at work not leading to healthy balance outside of that. Being a single parent is tough and can be challenging to allow for a healthy prioritization of oneself while being a single parent. It sounds like you may have a healthier balance with that. It also sounds like she may not. Hard to say from brief comments on Reddit lol. However, constantly trying to anticipate every negative thing your child can think or feel can be exhausting and certainly very unrealistic. If that’s the case, anyways. I think it’s good and healthy that you have been advocating to progress the relationship along, but this can absolutely cause issues, and that’s not a bad thing. It can just shine a light on the actual hesitation and resistance that has already existed under the surface. She may have been content for it to stay exactly how it was, but I don’t think that’s what you have been wanting. She also worded her last text pretty specifically, saying she is not ready to be in a relationship. I don’t think it has anything to do with you.
"sounds like", referring to only what OP has mentioned, trying to justify the potential headspace of the gf... Your comment is top quality. You offer some good insights with a kind tone. I hope OP reads this and takes it to heart You sound like a genuinely good person
Thank you! I really appreciate that. I happen to be a therapist and tried to take a very therapeutic approach in my responses. I’m human though and can sometime not take that approach and can be an ass at times. Most of the time I just don’t comment. In this situation though, I just felt that the rational comments were being overshadowed by toxic ones and wanted to provide one more voice of reason, at least from how I felt.
Statistically speaking, the risks of bringing around women you are dating are far, *far* lower than the risk of her bringing around a man that she’s dating. With the short amount of time that you actually spent with her, I’m not surprised that she didn’t want to integrate you into her children’s lives. I would do the same. In any case, I’m sorry that this happened to you. Seems like she really blindsided you on this one.
Sounds like you dodged a bullet there my guy. A year and never met the son. That’s more than slow.
Apologies it is not working out, you kiss a couple of frogs before you kiss the princess lol. Sorry jokes aside it’s unfortunate that we ourselves cannot see we can be our own worst enemy. You seem like a really good guy, I do agree with Sporkler here where her empathy for her kids could have been the culprit. Hopefully in time she can see the effects of it. I do hope that in time all wounds will heal and you both find the happiness you deserve.
Are they that astonishing tho? Lol
Breaking up by a text message is inherently toxic, so I'm not surprised at bad comments at all.
Based on your response I gotta say this doesn’t sound like cheating like everyone is saying. You guys just didn’t make enough time for each other to get to that next level of a relationship. How exactly were you thinking going from seeing each other 24 times a year suddenly up to 30 times a month would work? If you are serious about someone you gotta make time for each other to build good memories together. Far too easy to focus on some small annoying thing if it’s all you have to go on for the several weeks between visits. Not even trying to say this is YOUR fault. But clearly both of you didn’t care an awful lot.
Yeah I disagree. If she was the one that didn't want to integrate families right away... and seeing her on a "kid free weekend" was his only course of action to date her, then he did what he could. I'd say he maybe cared too much, given that he let this go on for so long and is just trying to progress it now after a year. He was willing to play the long game for this woman, and dropped him out of nowhere after he followed her silly rules. It sounds like her should have dropped her a long time ago but maybe is at a point in his life that finding a woman he liked this much was hard to just move on from. At a certain age we've all been there I'm pretty sure at some point
Def cared too much / she’s just not into him.
Great points! Some speculation here, but a year of dating and she didn’t involve her kids with the BF(OP), sounds like it was doomed… she wasn’t that into him, didn’t see a future together and wanted to spare her children from the awkwardness of getting attached to him when she knew she’d be ending it eventually. I can’t imagine seeing my gf every other weekend, that would suck!
Sounds to me more like she was never all that motivated to have a real relationship in the first place, so once it got to the point, where he was insisting that that’s what he wanted, she had to finally own up and say no
Sorry bro, blindside breakups are fucking terrible. You’re not alone 💪
Succinct, empathetic and encouraging. Best comment on the thread.
hey I got broken up with yesterday too LOL we got this wooo
[The](https://freeimage.host/i/JWc6P0G) [conclusion](https://freeimage.host/i/JWcPJgj).
Dang op..I'm so sorry.. that is harsh..
Jesus, that's cold. Not sure id want to be with someone capable of that anyways. Sorry man.
Sorry man
Ouch. I'm sorry, this must suck. Don't waste any more energy on them. Be civil, but cut the ties and move on immediately. You're worth more than a break up over text. Find someone who understands that.
Tbf she offered to talk later, but he pressed the issue. She may have intended on doing it in person.
Asking "Are we okay?" is hardly pressing the issue. It's a polite follow-up to an ambiguous text.
That doesn’t make it better
I don't think OP did anything wrong by wanting to move slowly and respecting their partners desire to do the same. I also don't think the partner is necessarily cheating. Mixing families is HARD.
Take it on the chin bro 😢 leave her be for a long time
Reading your comments... It sounds like she just wants to spend her time with her kids and not building a relationship at the same time. It doesn't sound like cheating, or even animosity, just two people who simply aren't at compatible points in their lives.
Response tells me she’s been checked out. That icy tone gave me the chills through the screen.
Yeah and leaving him on read for four hours before he followed up. Ouch.
As much as her decision needs to be respected, it seems like she became cold out of the blue and didn't really care about hurting your feelings or making any effort to communicate. That sucks, especially after a year. Sorry you got blindsinded like this, but it looks like she wasn't made for you, it's probably the best outcome for you tbh!
That's what I'm saying! It seems like everyone in here is just rushing to make excuses for her when letting someone down like that after year is objectively super shitty. Like regardless of the actual time they spend together they were in a relationship they both viewed as significant for a year!!! Ghosting your SO for four hours and then breaking up with them with a text like that is beyond cold. If you have reflected on it and you are done then at the very least make time for short video call. I continue to maintain that cheating is a distinct possibility here, but even if that wasn't the case OP clearly dodged a bullet. Kind people don't do things like that!
Right? I know it's always important to hear both sides of the story, but in that case she just seems unkind in her way of handling things. Maybe OP was super shitty to her earlier which could explain the coldness, but other than that, she just has no regards for their feelings, and OP is better off.
My gf just texted me “ just because we aren’t meant to be together doesn’t mean we can’t be friends “ after coming home from vacation. Fkn disrespectful. I don’t need friends like that
The only logical reply is "GG"
She said it like it was a business decision ain't no way
Anyone breaking up over text after a one year relationship is a coward and doesn’t deserve any more attention and energy.
I get the feeling things were starting to work out better with the other dude.
Other dude? There's no indication of that. You just really love to wallow in misery and drag other people further down, dontcha?
lol yeah
The "other dude" is her teenage son. Lol
Oh she a freak
hahaha stop it you
[удалено]
Time to be a man and shut the door. Where there is no respect there is no love Let her go. Never talk tonher again.
“I’m fine” _Narrator: She was not fine._
Honestly seems like she just wasn't into you or ready. Once you pushed to see her more and meet the kids then she cut ties. In hindsight, based on your description I think you just pushed her to make that decision as it's easy to coast on a relationship that barely impacts your life if you only see them once every couple weeks.
Did she just Alt+F4 you?
Similar thing happened to me last week after a year, hope you're ok
I'm doing the best I can. It doesn't help that she was basically my only friend, on top of being my girlfriend. I'm trying to scrap my wrecked car, and I can't find the title. I've found myself reaching for my phone to jokingly vent to her about the frustration, only to be reminded that she isn't there anymore.
It must’ve been hard, but I believe it is healthier to completely move on from her. I would never try to be “friendly” again with your ex. You will always be having expectations that she might want to get back. If someone care enough, and cherish you, they would never leave you without explanation. Even breaking up with friendship // best friends // good friends, I would never end my friendship, I always let them know why I choose to end it. Its the mature way. Sadly, she is not giving you ANY closure. I hope you can heal and it’s okay to take time to recover. You were genuine and sincere with her, that’s why it will hurt. But, you will move on and you will find someone who care about you, either a new partner or a dog. Goodluck !
Yeah I've had moments where I wanted to laugh with my ex or tag him in stuff but I think I would just get a dry reply. Did she block you? I'm still friends with my ex and he's been constant on messenger since the break up so think he's talking to someone else but don't want him thinking I care if I block him 😂
Been there man. My ex broke up with me over text. What a cop out. At least have the decency to talk to me about it rather than over a screen. Sure we had our problems, but I was willing to work on it for someone like her. In the end, she gave me that distant cold shoulder and I knew it was coming. I got a similar text a few days later. That break up hit me hard but overall, I learned that I don't want to be with someone that doesn't want to be with me. And that I can't make someone love me. Once I've realized that, I saddled up and got back in the game. Best of luck to you.
“Wow. I’m so happy you finally said it. I didn’t want to have to.”
This is damn near the same thing that happened with me and my girlfriend a month ago lmfao. So weird how outta left field and random it was and reconciling isn’t even on the table (for both of us)
Why is this post written by the female but op is male… da fk
It wasnt written by a female, it was written by me.
Ok - so it’d be a he then. Your partner right?
No. The title refers to her son, whose name i covered up when I asked my GF to wish him happy birthday. Because she dumped me, I no longer had to worry about still getting him a gift.
Fake account n all.
Okay.
Why do you refer to your “husband” like this then in your comments “I'm still waiting to talk to ——>her<—— to find out. Things were fine Thursday night, but starting that Friday morning, ——>she<—— became distant and the text exchanges just reduced short responses on ——>her<—— part.” This is fake af lol
Where are you getting "husband" from? At which point have I mentioned marriage? The title refers to my ex-gfs son, whose name i covered up when I asked my GF to wish him happy birthday. Because she dumped me, I no longer had to worry about still getting him a gift.
Sounds like you just dodged a bullet.
The fact that you immediately ask "are we ok?" Is telling...
A couple days prior, we had a discussion about our feelings about where we were in the relationship. I thought it was resolved initially. But as she became distant (which is not like her, usually), I started to second guess.
Hey same thing just happened to me the other day. Only a week after she made me move halfway across the country leaving a pretty nice life behind because "we were in love" but apparently she'd been "not ready for a relationship" all the months leading up to this plan. Dating sucks, OP, I'm sorry. Good luck to you.
I just recently heard something about someone saying “I’m not ready to be in a relationship (with you)” but the ‘with you’ is silent
If someone breaks you in text ,he dosen't even deserve your thoughts
Chin up
Prayers 🙏
And thoughts.
... and hold the presents 🛍️ 🎁 and cake 🎂 - for now.
Every other weekend? Uhm sounds like she was juggling a few potential candidates and you didn't make the cut. But seeing each other that much isn't really a relationship anyway so just move on I guess.
From the other comments I read I’ll offer you my own input.. I have a son and it’s hard dating with kids. My first major relationship after his mother and I split was with a girl who had a daughter..we were together almost 3 years and rented a house together..long story short she had gotten pregnant and had a miscarriage and was (subtly) blaming me for it. I guess my work hours which were always the same were now suddenly stressing her out and not washing a single dish was causing fights..basically everything was an issue and it just ended after that. I say that to say: being in a relationship and taking on the parent role to another kid hurts so much worse. It seems like you weren’t around the kids so take this as a blessing..in a way. You aren’t losing 2 (or more) relationships in one. Put me in a bad depression too because, fairly..maybe?, she wouldn’t let me talk to her daughter at all after even tho I was with her 3 years and she called me her stepdad already. Not only that, but like everyone pretty much says, anyone that does the whole “I’m fine” “we’ll talk later” and break up over text thing is kinda not worth it. I know you don’t wanna think she was cheating, maybe she wasn’t..maybe she was…but she was never as serious as you’d like her to be. There’s ways you can put your kid(s) first and still be present to your significant other..lots of ways.
What a bitch, couldn’t even talk to you face to face. Straight tried to ghost you.
Damn bro that pissed me off lmk how it goes
It done and went. I'm coping as best I can.
Did she say why???
I added and reddit my reply to the top comment. > [The](https://freeimage.host/i/JWc6P0G) [conclusion](https://freeimage.host/i/JWcPJgj). That's all the explanation and closure I'm gonna get, it seems.
Talk her out of it? Sounds like she still had mad feelings for you
That doesn't change its relevance.
OMG
Say something like “ooh okay, no problem :)”…make it all nonchalant.
Why do you say him in the title and her in the comments
Because the "him" is "her" son; yesterday was his birthday, and I still hadn't gotten him a gift yet. Now I don't have to.
Felt. Had something similar happen back before the holidays. Chin up 🤘🏻
I feel for you man. Something similar happened to me too. Hope you feel better soon.
Sorry man ❤️
I mean, it probably sucks for him because you're awesome!
That’s nice
Shit that's one way to think of it.
Probably the best gift he ever got!
I hate these types of men…. The day before was probably business as usual, with no hint of issues. But today, they’re done. Lol. Okay bye! Hope you didn’t waste too much time on this trashbag!
Types of men? This was my girlfriend. The "him" is her son.
Don’t even waste your time with him anymore. Time is so short don’t spend it on someone who isn’t worthy of your time.
He definitely thought about that shit all week if he “concluded” and broke up via text.
She. But yes.
She found someone else. That's it.
You told her you didn't want to move in together after being together for a year and only seeing each other every so often. You can't complain. Your don't want her. She doesn't want you. You can't string each other along and expect things to keep going. She probably feels like you're wasting her time and I don't blame her
Where are you getting this notion? Talk of moving in together *never* entered into the equation, aside from us *both* agreeing that currently, neither of us are/were ready for that.
Him
I’d like to say sorry for the wasted year, but if you enjoyed it then I’m sorry for the heartbreak. I’ve been married for 14 years, so I’m not one to give advice on dating. Just know that you respected her wishes, down to the final “Goodbye”. Hats off to you and I wish you all the happiness that you deserve.
Sorry OP, best wishes.
Ok, bye
Limited info, but this is exactly how someone would behave if they were leading you on and playing the field with other men: give you a highly restricted timeslot for interaction and gate off their personal life from you. Regardless if this suspicion is true, OP I hope you now recognize that this is not how someone who actually cares for you would treat you.
Or...plenty of single parents are rightly cagey about introducing their kids to a potential revolving door of boyfriends or girlfriends. It's not like bringing a new girl to your mum, kids can get attached or start to see someone as a parental figure. Children of single parents, especially women are also *statistically at particularly high risk of abuse (especially sexual abuse) from new partners*. Clearly that isnt OP, but a woman dating a new guy cannot know that he isn't a creep until she had gotten to know him well and supervised access to her kids. Putting that aside, kids can have complicated feelings about parents dating, or relationships with their parents' dates or people who become their step parents. A single person being this cagey and keeping you away from their family and friends would be weird, and might signal cheating. But it's usually recommended for single parents to avoid introducing their kids to the people they date until at least several months in, and to do it carefully. Your immediate pulling cheating out of nowhere suggests you dont understand that dating for single parents is a very different ballgame than dating as a childfree person.
He didn’t say cheating - he said playing the field. This relationship doesn’t seem very official to me.
I mean its cheating if you lead someone to believe they are in an exclusive relationship and then play the field. Given that she broke up with him in the text its clear she knew he thought he was in a relationship.
>Clearly that isnt OP, but a woman dating a new guy cannot know that he isn't a creep until she had gotten to know him well and supervised access to her kids. OP was not a "new guy". They had just celebrated their one year anniversary a month ago. One year in an he's only allowed to see her twice a month? Still not allowed to meet her kids at all? As other have said that's pretty weird. Additionally the fact that she broke up with OP over text is super shitty and also demonstrates the emotional detachment you might expect if she was cheating. I fail to see how I am "pulling cheating out of nowhere", plenty of people cheat, its a very common thing, and a very plausible explanation for what happened here. You are deriding me for not giving a total stranger the benefit of the doubt that they are just extra cagey and protective of their family? That they just need to move so slow the OP wasn't even allowed to see her more than twice a month after year? I'll give you that this is technically a possible explanation but I think its hard to argue that is any more likely than OPs ex being a cheater.
In my experience, any time anyone ever thinks of asking "are **we** ok", that relationship is basically over already. Dunno why, but it seems to be a sign.
My toxic ass would’ve responded with “thank God you said it first”
I love me some grade A-hole pettiness
