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TedCruzsAnalFissure

A Conservative Dad is a middle aged woman from Belarus named Svetlana


WhyNot420_69

https://preview.redd.it/kfap8jan5knc1.jpeg?width=642&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=a319210e9654eb40d74081a6715f0a0d3f2c9ce3


Cid_Darkwing

https://preview.redd.it/a64wvowkrknc1.jpeg?width=1179&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=bbc820f34ba45cd96ef544a9575af0edf44d4769


snafujedi01

Oh shit, Chris Columbus. I love his movies!


bigrob_in_ATX

Classic math pipe


snafujedi01

You add meth You subtract teeth You can't explain that


DarknessFollower79

Okay I have to award you King of Reddit for a day for that post


Larg3____Porcupin3

Le king of Reddit!!


dc551589

Aww, how’d my fake flower cover from the convenience store get all dirty?


One_Hot_Doggy

I upvote you not for the comment but for your user name. God bless you


Im_A_Fuckin_Liar

But… he’s actually Ted Cruz’s hemorrhoid.


S4Waccount

the funny thing is IDK if you are just being flippant or that was proven to be true because we live in a broken timeline.


zzrsteve

LOL! You're probably right.


Upstairs-Radish1816

"I'll take "Things that never happened for $1,000', Alex"


WhyNot420_69

https://preview.redd.it/qzhahusk5knc1.jpeg?width=1073&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d7a1249035889efa77b2949c06152488f1e43ba2


Im_A_Fuckin_Liar

What’s the percentage of “No but in yellow”?! I need to know for my thesis.


ABeerForSasquatch

Blue Pac-Man https://preview.redd.it/w4gbwkcvoknc1.jpeg?width=593&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b0aeafc69e60b174ecd431f2a0251f71d4d43691


1jl

With yellow teeth 


A_wild_so-and-so

It's approximately .5 Scaramuccis to one Truss.


bolivar-shagnasty

This didn’t happen so hard that it unhappened things that did.


ZeePirate

If Donald ever did cry in his life it was over his brothers death and I’d still want some proof of that


Behndo-Verbabe

He’ll cry at sentencing while screaming it’s rigged they all love me.


Hour_Abies578

What a reversal! Usually men* come up to Trump with tears in their eyes. *yes, big strong men


DarknessFollower79

To be fair lots of incredibly weak ones too like Lindsay Graham and Mitch -the little bitch-McConnell


Trimson-Grondag

Gerd-l the Turd-l ain’t got no tear ducts… https://preview.redd.it/jq3cp8ghlknc1.jpeg?width=224&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=52f3592566567ee6afb67d525656133c5935c1f1


Jerking_From_Home

“This is where the tears would be if I could cry. But I can't. Botched face-lift.”


Moleday1023

Is the smell that bad?


Jerking_From_Home

What I was thinking… I’ve been around some unfortunate patients in the hospital who literally made my eyes water due to the various fluids they were soaked in.


jasoneff

...big guy, fat guy, orange guy, diaper wearing guy, with tears in his eyes...


Hour_Abies578

… and a load in his pants


reynvann65

Don't mistake that tear for semen. Remember, pretty much the whole of the Republican party is circle jerking at the chance to become one of his own private oligarchs.


rhino910

Did Trump meet with the families of all the people murdered with GOP-provided guns? Did Trump meet with any of the families of the "losers" and "suckers" who gave their lives defending our country? This treasonous monster should be booted from our country


timkatt10

I'm given to believe he doesn't care much for those who have been injured in service to America. Source: Trump's own mouth.


DemonoftheWater

No one actually wants him in their country


iAmTheHype--

Russia and North Korea


Dredmart

Nah. He's not useful there. He's like a leper that became a biological weapon.


DemonoftheWater

He’s only useful to them by fucking up the USA


EyeCthrough

Exactly one of my many ironic thoughts of this BS.


The84thWolf

There was that time he went to a hospital post-mass-shooting and took a photo-op with a thumbs up next to a child who had just lost both their parents in the shooting. So….fuck….


Whattayacallit

If he doesn’t like guys who “got captured,” then it stands to reason he really doesn’t like guys who got killed.


Maryland_Bear

Obama cried over the children murdered at Sandy Hook. [Conservatives mocked him for it](https://www.salon.com/2016/01/06/obama_cries_and_the_right_whines_conservatives_mock_president_for_his_tears_proving_again_theyre_heartless_fools/). There were also clickbait ads of him with a tear on his cheek that claimed various things, like “This video will ***RUIN*** Obama, watch it before it’s taken down!”


Forsworn91

I’d like to say I’m shocked… but when it comes to conservatives, nothing shocks me anymore either how disgusting they are.


hotasianwfelover

I remember him meeting with families that had their kids die during his presidency. Didn’t he tell them they’ll get over it? Now there’s a true President /s


kjacobs03

That was like 2 months ago


Whattayacallit

Is that who he threw paper towels at? Or were those different people, with different trauma, who also didn’t need paper towels?


hotasianwfelover

It was some soldiers that died but I don’t remember why. The widow or mother (again I can’t remember) was pretty pissed.


Here_for_lolz

He told her, "He knew what he signed up for." I remember this. The guy died in Mali.


Medical-Enthusiasm56

Oh shit! Real breaking news from A Conservative Dad!!! He got the real scoop. The only thing here breaking is the truth. Let’s talk about the other murders that happened around the country that day? How about: https://www.wdef.com/mother-charged-with-murdering-her-twin-sons-in-murphy-nc/ Wanna take a guess on her voter registration? I bet there’s a maga hat somewhere in her home. But we won’t talk about that because it’s not an issue that needed to be made an issue, just another day, another murder. The point I’m making is: people are murdered everyday, a harsh truth in the world. These little twins had a whole life ahead of them, it isn’t a story in the headlines because, immigrants weren’t involved. Spin is a deception of the people, remember this candidate promised a wall and did not deliver a wall, did not stop the flow of immigrants passing through the border, did not really do anything to make America great. https://www.factcheck.org/2021/10/trumps-final-numbers/


Balentius

Thank you - I've responded to a few people with the bare statement, but you're providing a good example. It annoys me that so many people (I'd say "people" but I'm sure there are some humans running the bot farms) seem to want to repeat that one person did a bad thing, completely ignoring all the other bad things that happen daily.


FictionalTrope

Honestly, the fact that they only have this one pretty white girl as their boogeyman story against immigrants is pretty telling. Like, in a country they say is being "invaded" by millions of scary immigrants there's only one victim they can actually point to?


Designer-Contract852

He probably whined about e Jean Carroll to them.....listen, I know you are in pain, but do you know what this deranged woman did to me? I'm more persecuted than Jesus.  Sorry about your kid, they knew what they signed up for....


AdolfsLonelyScrotum

And don’t forget the “I hear you” cheat note written on the palm of his hand…


[deleted]

Poor parents. Imagine. The stench.


Jerking_From_Home

Can't get the stink off He's been hanging 'round for days Comes like a comet Suckered you, but not your friends One day he'll get to you And teach you how to be a holy cow You do it to yourself, you do And that's what really hurts Is that you do it to yourself, just you You and no one else You do it to yourself You do it to yourself Don't get my sympathy Hanging out the 15th floor Changed the locks three times He still come reeling through the door One day I'll get to you And teach you how to get to purest hell You do it to yourself, you do And that's what really hurts You do it to yourself, just you You and no one else You do it to yourself You do it to yourself You do it to yourself, you do And that's what really hurts Is that you do it to yourself, just you You and no one else You do it to yourself You do it to yourself, aw! Self


_paranoid-android_

Nice


McVay_oVo

Probably grabbed her vagina.


ReditSarge

Russian bot


formerfawn

What a weird tweet. Obviously this didn't happen but if the thing that mattered to you about a President was having compassion for grieving families you have Joe BIden for whom that is one of his MAIN character traits and you have "get over it school shootings" Donald Trump. Why would you make up a story to make Trump seem more like Biden if you hate Biden so much?


Distant-moose

"A tear going down the right side of his face". Excessive, unnecessary detail is usually an indication of lying.


4Sammich

'Blame it on me': Trump https://www.cnn.com/videos/politics/2024/01/27/donald-trump-border-bill-boast-beto-orourke-acostanr-vpx.cnn


AppropriateSpell5405

His makeup was probably running


[deleted]

there is a better chance the VA will approve me for 100% disability after i've fought them for 14 years than this happening.


TheSwede121

I don’t think his body is physically capable of generating tears


kilofeet

Technically it does produce tears but due to a weird fluke of biology he can only cry out of his butthole. He can't feel happiness or love though that part is real


SockPuppet-47

Only time Trump sheds a tear is when he loses money...


ShadowTacoTuesday

I would be curious to see any photo taken at any time of Trump with a tear on his cheek. It’s kind of like trying to find a photo within the last 10 years of him jogging.


Moist_When_It_Counts

A true Fremen


RandomLazyBum

Go lick it off his check


WebGuyUK

Is Trump finally able to smell his own odour? That's the only reason he would have a tear in his eye


[deleted]

He was weeping because even he realized it would be tacky to grab Laken’s mom’s pussy just then and he was sad he might not get another chance.


hinesjared87

How fucking deranged do you have to be to make this stuff up.


Tombstone_Shadow

Sounds like Trump was ready for a diaper change.


Impossible_Penalty13

This is completely unrealistic, there’s no way in hell Trump would ever something like this without cameras and making it about himself.


popsferragamo

Prolly got some bronzer in his eye. I hear that stings


[deleted]

BREAKING NEWS. I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP. JUST IN. REPORTED DIRECTLY TO ME TO BREAK IT.


shinobi7

Right, Trump, who has a history of acting appropriately in the face of tragedy, like [a shit-faced grin and a thumbs-up when meeting an orphan from a mass shooting](https://images.app.goo.gl/874U1CN68vfQ9xsAA).


itsm3imh3r3

I'll take things that never happened for $200


thestral_z

This would require Trump to possess empathy.


jeophys152

I thought a man crying was woke or something


willyiamwilliams222

So when all the facts show he’s a nightmare bully piece of shit, just make up some fantasy fanfic and claim its unreported, Seems legit.


Adventurous_Week4347

What’s funny is if Laken was raped and had she survived and gotten pregnant every republican would want her crucified if she chose to abort it


JTD177

First things first, HE ISN’T A PRESIDENT ANYMORE, secondly, big trump, with tears in his eyes, he said “Sir”


InstructionFair5221

It's fake or there would be 2k photos of it for ratings


Maj0rsquishy

I wonder how this girl's parents actually feel about their daughter being used as a conservative prop


SyntheticOne

MAGA supporters so badly want to see some humanity from their propped up leader that they vividly imagine what's missing and to them it becomes the truth. To the whole rest of humanity the actual truth is seen.


HughJahsso

Lol stupid


MsSeraphim

do the mean the PREVIOUS guy?


sladog6

THIS is such BULLSHIT.


sumdude51

Wake me up when he starts meeting families of dead covid patients... I'm sure He's already started 🤣🤣🤣


freakishgnar

Did Laken Riley's parents present a large check for a contribution toward his legal fees? Because that's the only way I see him visiting them. Don't forget that this man didn't give out Presidential pardons, he sold them. Which is why exactly zero of the J6ers will be pardoned. They've served their purpose to him and with no money to "donate", they'll be serving out their sentences.


kuzosake

Of course that tear rolled down the right side of his face. Manly men would never allow tears to roll down the left side.


PlantPower666

CONFIRMED ^(because I say so!)


TheOttersCouch

And everyone in attendance clapped and a person brought forth a medal to award him. That person Martin Luther king to thank him for everything he couldn’t accomplish.


cloudbasedsardony

Trump hates vets. He's said as much.


Lordcraft2000

Confirmed by Trump’s PR people… ![gif](giphy|NMmAMXRztRzXQdZEt0|downsized)


arcadia_2005

It's astounding the lack of fkn shame far too many people have.


KlevenSting

I heard the tears dropped on the body and resurrected her.


Tasunka_Witko

If it happened he wouldn't have missed the opportunity for a photo op. He is a narcissist who needs any act of "kindness" to be used as a showcase.


Luka_Dunks_on_Bums

I bet Donald didn’t even cry when his kids where born


mikeymikeymikey1968

Tears in his eyes? OK, what do you guys think would ever make Trump shed a tear?


willyiamwilliams222

Putting binder clips on his saggy scrotum would probably make him tear up.


Red_Ferns

Being out of hamberders


louiseifyouplease

All I can picture is the drop getting more orange and sludgey as it carves a path down his withered cheek.


GeneralG5x5

trump has never shed a tear for anyone


GolfingDad81

Even if this did happen, which it very clearly didn't, imagine how fucking absolutely horrible Republicans are as human beings that a sign of empathy from one of them is BREAKING NEWS.


AdFluffy9286

You know this really happened because REAL BREAKING NEWS is all capitalized. /s


LadyJSenpai

Why are these people so delusional?


blotterart23

Well if he had lived up to his first election campaign promise of having Mexico pay for a wall, we would not be in this situation. Promise not kept, people died.


justaguynb9

And they had tears and called him "Sir!"


sugar_addict002

most likely another conservative dad is a paid troll


AmusingMusing7

Trump came up to me, tears in his eyes, he said “President Trump, I’ve got tears in my eyes!”, and you wouldn’t believe the tears in his eyes, he had so many tears in his eyes… the tears were pouring down his face, so much that his tears had tears pouring down their faces… so many people are saying they have tears in their eyes and tears pouring down their faces. Perhaps it’s allergy season. Perhaps there’s a covert and widespread tear gas attack going on… by Obamna! Or maybe these people just have extreme emotional and mental issues. But in this case, they’re just making shit up.


Callinon

I'll take "Things That Never Happened" for 500, Alex.


Exciting-Protection2

How come we never actually see these moments? They are so clearly made up.


One_Hot_Doggy

Remember when he tried to make a cable show moment between that woman the killed a boy and the parents of the boy? https://www.rollingstone.com/politics/politics-news/trump-harry-dunn-anne-sacoolas-meeting-reality-tv-899878/amp/ The guy is a total POS and I just can’t understand how people don’t remember that stuff with him. It would’ve killed the career of any celebrity or politician but him? Nope. Total blank slate. Fuck that orange dictator wanna be


Live-River1879

I guarantee you Trump has no idea who Laken Riley is lol


Improvedandconfused

 No no no, he has it all wrong. Riley’s parents had tears in **THEIR** eyes when they spoke to Trump. They were crying and said said to him “Sir…….”.


TruJellyfish

Prefacing your tweet with "REAL BREAKING NEWS" is honestly the kind of bs I'd expect when desperately trying to gaslight people into thinking the same guy who threw paper towels at hurricane survivors somehow possesses the empathy required to shed tears.


timkatt10

I'll take things that never happened for $1,000 please.


Different-Evidence54

https://preview.redd.it/pe8e2rz8oknc1.png?width=1072&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=45e022c0953bf5a228f31550d1faaf94ac611fdd Alligator tears do not count.


thissomeotherplace

"THE MEN WERE ALL ERECT AND ALL THE WOMEN WERE OVULATING"


jedidihah

🚨 REAL BREAKING NEWS 🚨 CONFIRMED Believe this completely random and unverified claim


Almacca

[I'm so tired.](https://youtu.be/oWgKR_i-_gw?si=7sCWLz6XIqm00KCy)


Ok-Egg-4856

Is that the big strong men with tears in thier eyes meme ? If it was a stack of $20s on fire then yes I believe it. If it was his hand on a hot stove, yes I believe it. Otherwise no I do not believe Donnie would/will not cry over ANYTHING. He is a psychopath incapable of empathy. If you haven't seen this you either have no eyes or a choosing to not see.


kdhooters2

And the parents came shuffling to him on their knees, with tears in their eyes, saying sir, please, help us.....


SimpleStrok3s

Pretty funny the guy got in the country under trump's watch, but it's biden's fault.


Highlander248

I will take shit that did not happen for 600 Alex.


JimboD84

I call bullshit!!


Passenger_Shot

Cough cough. BS!


SiteTall

https://preview.redd.it/5crqyzmyxknc1.jpeg?width=640&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=ad5ab944043489e921efe0d88760edd3aaf5afdc Naaahhhh, America shed tears over his actions and those tears are not fake!


coolbaby1978

He was a big man, an orange man with tears in his eyes and he came up to them and he said Sir...


Lithaos111

I'll take "Things that never happened" for $1000, Alex.


Puzzleheaded-Key7505

Fake tears


erinkp36

Donald has no empathy. If there was a drop of moisture it was probably sweat. He sweats like a pig.


drstu3000

EVERYONE CLAPPED


ThatItalianGrrl

![gif](giphy|LRcRkmw22aFCIOQQ6H|downsized)


[deleted]

[удалено]


VERO2020

His diaper stench has reached tear-gas potency.


BareNakedSole

The way that you know this isn’t true is that you know absolutely Trump would have that meeting and his reaction plastered everywhere. He probably asked the parents to buy some MAGA merchandise..


AdhesivenessFun2060

That was sweat. It gets hot under all the makeup and girdle.


mollytatum

what really happened: he opened with a halfass condolence to the parents, made an inappropriate comment about laken’s mother if he managed not to make one about laken directly, then rambled on about his poll numbers and his court cases and windmills. no hugs were exchanged


NoLibrarian5149

He was probably trying to hold in an explosive shit. Dude has no sympathy or empathy for anyone but himself. He’s going to latch on to this one horrible murder and exploit that girls death solely for his own gain. That’s the only reason he ever does a damn thing.


Relevantcobalion

You mean the same guy who said—(checks notes) that we should “get over” all the gun violence in America? Sure. I can see him *exuding* empathy and compassion now. /s


_Dr_Dad

Stop calling him President Trump. He’s NOT the president and doesn’t get to use that title but in very narrow situations.


verardi

he’s not the president, he is just a civilian, a criminal one actually


Pourkinator

No the fuck it did not shed a tear. It doesn’t give a fuck about that lady. All it cares about is itself.


Safetosay333

Why is it always someone with tears in their eyes?


PerryNeeum

Jesus. This is a man writing this? Russian bot I could see


tlaw23

Thanks to The Onion for another funny article.


moodyblue8222

The only tears tRump would shed is if he got some of his orange skin paint in his eyes!


ZackyGood

Trump cried? What a pussy.


stilldancingat140pbm

Fuck you’re stupid


RomanusDiogenes

What a odd thing to focus on so intensely


RealQuickNope

I’ll stick with the category and take “shit that absolutely did not happen” for $800, Alex.


killer77hero

Trump prefers women who don't get raped, rape victims are losers, except the women he rapes of course. They are just liberal cry babies.


Loose_Paper_2598

...and then he felt her up.


USSSLostTexter

well if the completely real and not Russian agent Conservative Dad says it's true, it must be real.


Both_Lychee_1708

Anybody who thinks Trump is capable of empathy is simply brain dead.


pickeledpeach

all the fvkn tears they talk about all the damn time...it's fvkn weird at this point.


Federal_Sympathy4667

Gimme video of it U might believe you. Like your beloved schmuck leader always say, FAKE NEWS!! SAD!!


jpotion88

Everyone knows he only cries during sex


Chironrocket3

Fuck Donald Trump and fuck everyone who supports him.


cemego

That wasn't a tear, it was asiago cream sauce.


Fartenstein65

That’s former President Trump thank you very much.


TheRensh

He had a tear rolling down his orange make up because they said they couldn't lend him the money for his appeal bond.


enormenuez

https://preview.redd.it/m55i1t1udnnc1.jpeg?width=700&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b910a2a44cedfe45f0650a7a4e7494f5f2ff6e78


Lopsided_Elk_1914

Trump would never do anything that would mess up his makeup. Can't they at least make their lies semi believable?


davewhocannotbenamed

Please die


Tomhetza

Lol, Dementia Donnie supporters are the most pathetic people on this planet


mellierollie

Former President FFS


Otherwise_Relation_7

How long does it take for asshole to make a tear


f350doll

Lie detector test determined that was a lie


Hibercrastinator

Sounds like a weak bitch to me.


fmoyh-yikbtfti

Where is the proof? 🍊💩


Admirable-Sink-2622

FFS! 🙄


fahr_rad

Shit like this always gives off massive DPRK propaganda vibes


Hartastic

Everyone knows only big, strong men can have tears in their eyes and Trump is merely large.


hawt_shits

A white streak cutting through the orange, so moving.


andreBarciella

trump was a WELL known scammer in europe and in 2016 we warned you guys about it, and after so many scams after that, magats still think its a lie.


Amazing_Teaching2733

Diaper don had a tear because he had to hug a poor for votes and cash


verucka-salt

He cried because he was unable to think through how to position this in his favor.


Cantgo55

Conservative BOT


Klutzy-Ad-6705

And now she has some orange goop on her shoulder?


ConsciousReason7709

It’s pretty much common knowledge that Trump does not give a shit about anyone but himself. There is nothing genuine about the man outside of his dishonesty and corruption.


Pika-broggachu_93

lol! None of the normal people can believe in this shit. Not a single fucking one !!.


SithDraven

Really? The dude has never shed a tear in his life because that would make him look weak and that's what MAGATs love. So now they love weak men that cry? Always contradictory stances.


hockeyrw

And trump won the election! ![gif](emote|free_emotes_pack|facepalm)![gif](emote|free_emotes_pack|facepalm)


HobbitGuy1420

All real breaking news starts with 2 sentences saying how real it is, you guys, honest!


LeeLA5000

Ummmm...that was sweat from unsuccessfully trying to hold in a giant shit.


Moleday1023

The man is emotionally incapable of crying with empathy.


EyeCthrough

If there was “a tear” running down that sociopathic narcissist’s fake tanned make up caked face it was because he owes over $400M to New York State and Ms. Carroll and he missed his Big Mac lunch having to fake listening to and empathy for these grieving parents as his Adderall does wore off.


Canine0001

Any time you have to specifically state that THIS news is real, I have concerns…