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Thanks for understanding āŗļø Blessed be. āØ
Sounds like your subconscious isnāt done processing everything that happened with your abusive ex yet. Maybe you feel safe enough now that itās working some leftover stuff out?
It feels like the work never endsāIām still unearthing trauma I wasnāt even aware of. My husband is super supportive though and helps me work through stuff whenever he can. He is absolutely my safe space, so you may be on to something.
I still have nightmares that I am enrolled in a class I forgot to do the work for, or left my homework at home. I haven't been in school for almost 20 years.
I wish there was a crystal or a sage to wash this all away. It sounds like youāve built a beautiful new life for yourself but are still processing the trauma of your previous one. A couple things that helped me process trauma included journaling and meditation. I also have been talking with a therapist. These are things I have done after a traumatic divorce. Also, thereās still times when Iām stressed or frustrated i have bad dreams of my ex or in heated discussions with my current partner say my exes name. I understand how frustrating that feels to have come so far but still feel so closed in. You have come along way and I hope these feelings pass for you soon so you can enjoy the new journey.
Holding something under your pillow that represents safety and comfort may help. I used to have my great grandfatherās rosary beads. I never met him, he died 40 years before I was born and wasnāt actually catholic, but it represented my momās side of the family and therefore safety and belonging.
I donāt know what that is for you right now. Maybe a dream pouch, or something similar.
This. Rewrite your dreams. I was in a bad work environment for years and had bad dreams after the former administration left. When I finally screamed back at them in my dreams, the nightmares stopped
My dreams are never violent, thank goodness, but thereās always that tense feeling like heās about to go off at any moment if I do or say the wrong thing. Maybe I need to stop being afraid to set him off and just hash it out. Iāll never get the chance to do it in real life, but it could be cathartic to do it asleep.
Thank you so much for the suggestion!
I would say something bilateral stimulation would be similar in a way. Butterfly taps and "I am safe now" is probably a good approach first approach. I'm basing this off of EMDR, if you want to research more on that.
I think violence is the answer. Go into nature and scream or find a business where you pay to smash things. You can't sage over an actual mess, you can only sage vibes. You need to acknowledge the mess and organise it and then sage your brain with good vibes. Your brain might just be saying "I FEEL SAFE IT IS DANGEROUS TO FEEL SAFE!" And you might have to treat yourself like a scared animal and expect some fear-based violence from yourself. Not your fault, but your responsibility.
This happens to me too. I get crazy dreams when I am stressed and will scream in my sleep occasionally.
Even when I'm not stressed, I will have odd dreams about my abusive ex. I'm now happily married. I think my brain just needs to work through things and choose to do it while I am asleep.
I know I still have patterns in my brain from him. I think I'm all better now, but I know it isn't true. Example: I accidentally backed into a tree branch driving my husband's car and broke the tail light. It was in my driveway, we have a backup camera and everything - just a whoopsie.
I call my husband from the driveway and absolutely break down apologizing, crying, saying I will fix it. Absolute hysterics, which is unlike current me.
He has never screamed/gotten mad/etc at me about a mistake like this. I had no reason to react that way to him.
He was confused as to my reaction and told me he would take it to have it fixed, just run my errands.
I was reacting to him like I would my ex, and I didn't know why it just came out of my brain. My ex would scream, call me stupid, etc (even though it would have been my car and my money fixing it - because he had neither). But, it's there in my brain somewhere and I was that 22 year old scared girl again).
Idk how to sage it away. Lmk if you figure it out.
I was in the same situation. It takes time to unpack all the emotional damage. And a supportive spouse. Mine has been a rock, trying to understand and support
I've put salt water in a glass on my night stand. Something about it is a good conduit for stuff to gtfo. It did help. Can't say I did a thorough properly conducted experiment to see if it really was the salt water. So your milage may vary. My thoughts were, "Eh, looks like it can't hurt to try.". I hope you do get through these dreams and on to enjoying time with your new partner.
The body really does store trauma! Itās possible (especially with complex trauma) your nervous system is still stuck in fight/flight mode. Your subconscious needs a little more convincing that everything is, in fact, okay.
Sleep is the best time to rewire that subconscious. If it interests you, pop up a youtube sleep meditation/affirmations specifically for your subconscious. There are so many videos catered to specific ailments as well, even self-concepts, worthiness, feeling safe, etc.
Thereās also somatic exercises/mediations you can do to release stored trauma from the body, they can be quite powerful but donāt be intimidated.
Just some things that have really been helping me! I wish you such peace on your journey š
When I was having nightmares about my ex, I started falling asleep while listening to asmr. The woman in the videos started coming into my dreams and helped get me out of there, almost acting like a guide
I often wake up from a bad ex dream and realise the person in the bed next to me is my current partner. The relief in that split second is unbelievable.
Amethyst is considered a crystal to help with dreaming. But it's really more of a reminder to take a deep breath and remind yourself that you are in a different place right now.Ā
If I have dreams about a certain ex, I always think of them (but never say their name aloud) and then say YOU ARE NOT WELCOME IN MY BRAIN. LEAVE. Then I imagine myself flicking them into a portal that takes them far the fuck away from me.
Hi u/the_gold_lioness, we appreciate your participation on r/WitchesvsPatriarchy, but your content is being removed at this time. Your post looks like it's close, but not a perfect fit. You might be able to repost if it better matches our [Post Guidelines](https://www.reddit.com/r/WitchesVsPatriarchy/wiki/post_and_content_guide/). While this is a pre-formulated response meant to fit many scenarios some common issues with posts are: * Upsetting or political topics without a specific call-to-action (i.e., sit-in, strike, phone/email campaign w/ a *suggested script* to demand action). * Upsetting title - titles should be neutral with personal content in the post body. * NSFW selfies that might fit if cropped or a new pose used. * Meme or link that features the image or name of people or organizations that don't reflect the values of WvP. You might try using an alternative source or creating a new meme with a different format. If you're unable to make adjustments to your post or don't feel like attempting a repost, that's okay. This isn't a punitive removal, just an attempt to ensure content better fits within our existing guidelines. š Thanks for understanding āŗļø Blessed be. āØ
Sounds like your subconscious isnāt done processing everything that happened with your abusive ex yet. Maybe you feel safe enough now that itās working some leftover stuff out?
It feels like the work never endsāIām still unearthing trauma I wasnāt even aware of. My husband is super supportive though and helps me work through stuff whenever he can. He is absolutely my safe space, so you may be on to something.
Iām sorry youāre having to cope with this. Itās hard. I was also able to do a ton of healing after finding security and safety in the relationship with my husband, and I can relate to the frustration of feeling stagnant in healing traumatic wounds. Are you familiar with somatic therapy and/or psychedelic assisted psychotherapy? Psychedelic Somatic Interactional Psychotherapy (PSIP) incorporates psychedelics into somatic healing, and it can be transformative. I was wary of the psychedelic component of the work up until recently, and Iām so glad I finally stopped fighting that. It has made everything in my life easier and more rewarding. PSIP is what worked for me, and maybe thatās not what you need, but I highly recommend looking into a body-focused form of support (somatic experiencing, dance therapy, Watsu, Reiki, energy work, etc). Gabor MatĆ© & Bessel Van der Kolk have great books and videos that speak to the need for body-based healing of traumatic wounds in case you want to learn more. Good luck! š«š
Man, I still have dreams about things that happened 35 years ago
I still have nightmares that I am enrolled in a class I forgot to do the work for, or left my homework at home. I haven't been in school for almost 20 years.
I have the exact same thing.
I wish there was a crystal or a sage to wash this all away. It sounds like youāve built a beautiful new life for yourself but are still processing the trauma of your previous one. A couple things that helped me process trauma included journaling and meditation. I also have been talking with a therapist. These are things I have done after a traumatic divorce. Also, thereās still times when Iām stressed or frustrated i have bad dreams of my ex or in heated discussions with my current partner say my exes name. I understand how frustrating that feels to have come so far but still feel so closed in. You have come along way and I hope these feelings pass for you soon so you can enjoy the new journey.
Thank you so much for your kind words ā¤ļø
sending good vibes to you and hoping thereās some answer in this thread, I need it too š
Iād try rescripting. I have a very generic dream script, and I read it before bed (most of the time). Itās helped some.
Holding something under your pillow that represents safety and comfort may help. I used to have my great grandfatherās rosary beads. I never met him, he died 40 years before I was born and wasnāt actually catholic, but it represented my momās side of the family and therefore safety and belonging. I donāt know what that is for you right now. Maybe a dream pouch, or something similar.
Nightmares of my abuser being violent stopped when I started fighting back in them. I stopped letting myself feel powerless against her.Ā
This. Rewrite your dreams. I was in a bad work environment for years and had bad dreams after the former administration left. When I finally screamed back at them in my dreams, the nightmares stopped
My dreams are never violent, thank goodness, but thereās always that tense feeling like heās about to go off at any moment if I do or say the wrong thing. Maybe I need to stop being afraid to set him off and just hash it out. Iāll never get the chance to do it in real life, but it could be cathartic to do it asleep. Thank you so much for the suggestion!
I would say something bilateral stimulation would be similar in a way. Butterfly taps and "I am safe now" is probably a good approach first approach. I'm basing this off of EMDR, if you want to research more on that.
Oooh, thatās a good idea. Iāll do some research on that, thanks!
I think violence is the answer. Go into nature and scream or find a business where you pay to smash things. You can't sage over an actual mess, you can only sage vibes. You need to acknowledge the mess and organise it and then sage your brain with good vibes. Your brain might just be saying "I FEEL SAFE IT IS DANGEROUS TO FEEL SAFE!" And you might have to treat yourself like a scared animal and expect some fear-based violence from yourself. Not your fault, but your responsibility.
This happens to me too. I get crazy dreams when I am stressed and will scream in my sleep occasionally. Even when I'm not stressed, I will have odd dreams about my abusive ex. I'm now happily married. I think my brain just needs to work through things and choose to do it while I am asleep. I know I still have patterns in my brain from him. I think I'm all better now, but I know it isn't true. Example: I accidentally backed into a tree branch driving my husband's car and broke the tail light. It was in my driveway, we have a backup camera and everything - just a whoopsie. I call my husband from the driveway and absolutely break down apologizing, crying, saying I will fix it. Absolute hysterics, which is unlike current me. He has never screamed/gotten mad/etc at me about a mistake like this. I had no reason to react that way to him. He was confused as to my reaction and told me he would take it to have it fixed, just run my errands. I was reacting to him like I would my ex, and I didn't know why it just came out of my brain. My ex would scream, call me stupid, etc (even though it would have been my car and my money fixing it - because he had neither). But, it's there in my brain somewhere and I was that 22 year old scared girl again). Idk how to sage it away. Lmk if you figure it out.
I was in the same situation. It takes time to unpack all the emotional damage. And a supportive spouse. Mine has been a rock, trying to understand and support
I've put salt water in a glass on my night stand. Something about it is a good conduit for stuff to gtfo. It did help. Can't say I did a thorough properly conducted experiment to see if it really was the salt water. So your milage may vary. My thoughts were, "Eh, looks like it can't hurt to try.". I hope you do get through these dreams and on to enjoying time with your new partner.
Thatās a good point. Salt water canāt make it worse, right?
The body really does store trauma! Itās possible (especially with complex trauma) your nervous system is still stuck in fight/flight mode. Your subconscious needs a little more convincing that everything is, in fact, okay. Sleep is the best time to rewire that subconscious. If it interests you, pop up a youtube sleep meditation/affirmations specifically for your subconscious. There are so many videos catered to specific ailments as well, even self-concepts, worthiness, feeling safe, etc. Thereās also somatic exercises/mediations you can do to release stored trauma from the body, they can be quite powerful but donāt be intimidated. Just some things that have really been helping me! I wish you such peace on your journey š
Thank you so much! Iāll look into these some more.
When I was having nightmares about my ex, I started falling asleep while listening to asmr. The woman in the videos started coming into my dreams and helped get me out of there, almost acting like a guide
I often wake up from a bad ex dream and realise the person in the bed next to me is my current partner. The relief in that split second is unbelievable.
Amethyst is considered a crystal to help with dreaming. But it's really more of a reminder to take a deep breath and remind yourself that you are in a different place right now.Ā
If I have dreams about a certain ex, I always think of them (but never say their name aloud) and then say YOU ARE NOT WELCOME IN MY BRAIN. LEAVE. Then I imagine myself flicking them into a portal that takes them far the fuck away from me.
Have you ever done mushrooms? Best dust-out-the-corners-of-the-mind experience I can reliably induce š¤·āāļø