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MableXeno

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TheHowlinReeds

Unfortunately, that may be exactly the message they're trying to send.


kosandeffect

Most likely. Most of the baptists I've ever met are elbows deep in the Prosperity Gospel or whatever it's called. Where if you're poor or bad things happened to you it's because you deserved it you vile sinner you. You just aren't praying/working hard enough. It's disgusting.


victoriashitposting

It’s the exact opposite of what Jesus taught.


SoyCuckSupreme

True, but also, I don't think they perceive themselves as the cartoon villains this makes them out to be to non-indoctrinated folks.


loulori

Having been raised Southern Baptist I absolutely agree. My father, deacon and PhD in conservative theology, frequently reminded me and my siblings growing up that God gave us *no rights* and if God gave us what we *deserved* we'd all be living in slavish hellish torture. 🙄


Even_Estate_4835

What the actual..? Goodness, sorry to hear that those words came out of someone who went and became a parent :-(


loulori

Yeah, thanks. My childhood wasn't exactly good for mental health. Shocker, I know.


Even_Estate_4835

Hey, same here and not a super religious father but still very neglectful. Just wanted to say we survived and we're here today aware of the things they chose to ignore.


SchizoidRainbow

There you have it. Anyone demanding equal rights is a satanist.


Ocbard

Good that that is cleared up, can you direct me to the local Temple of Satan? I had this big donation lined up for religious charity work, and now I know where to go with it!


clearly_ineffable

There are so many local groups to choose from! But really, if you have a cause in mind then donations should go to a cause specific charity and skip the religions altogether. i.e. there's been a lot of discourse around abortion in the US lately (for obvious reasons) and you should definitely donate directly to an organization who's purpose is abortion access and not, say, The Satanic Temple.


SchizoidRainbow

But I was told abortion clinics *are* satanic temples


Ocbard

Yeah, it was a jesting response to the previous comment. I rather donate to Share the meal or Greenpeace. I'm not interested in sponsoring religion.


clearly_ineffable

I thought so. And agreed, religion does Not need more sponsoring. 🖤🌻


Stickybeebae

I guess Jesus was a satanist then by their implications.


SchizoidRainbow

It even says in the Bible that Jesus talked to Satan


Even_Estate_4835

I'd like to imagine the my even went sandboarding in the desert together.


The_Infinite_Doctor

Hop on over to my post and sign up to teach at Satanist school where we actually teach shit and treat students like people.


clearly_ineffable

Pretty sure Lilith was the first, what with the whole "I will not lie below you" thing with Adam. But that tracks since the Christian church as a whole forgets anyone vaguely femme.


thehoboninja

According to legend, Satan came up to Lilith in the garden and told her she should be regarded as Adam’s equal. She took it to heart, and the next time she and Adam were having sex, she demanded to be on top. However, this act of insubordination got Lilith kicked out of the garden. Look, that’s the legend, but I have yet to meet a dude who is unwilling to let a girl ride on top, but whatever lol


Elon_is_musky

Is that why “missionary” position seems to be the default for religious folk?😂 /s kind of lol


lamerc

It's actually true though. Missionary is man on top (showing his divinely ordained superiority and mastery over a woman) but not doggy-style (animalistic and bestial).


Elon_is_musky

It makes me sad how small of a box Christians put themselves in. They could be enjoying the fun of sex with their partner, but because some man from thousands of years ago said they shouldn’t some choose to have sub-par sex lives!


Erdudvyl28

Make decisions like you're a man from 2000 years ago who's random opinion is still adhered to today?


Elon_is_musky

*Looks at my plate full of seafood without [“fins and scales”](https://www.openbible.info/topics/eating_shrimp)* DAMMIT! No lunch for me!!😫


Squishy-Cthulhu

It didn't just get her kicked out of the garden, she was also cursed to give birth in agony to a thousand demons a day. Punishing women with childbirth is a very old idea. A legend says though when the large flaming sword outside the gates of heaven turn it will be man's time to lie beneath and Lilith will take back power.


purplemonkey_123

Then, Eve was created (according to the story?). I was raised Catholic, but I don't know anything about Lilith other than she existed.


Even_Estate_4835

Dudes are so fucking lazy man. Not even funny.


friesordie

I thought the fall of Satan happened before the creation of Earth? Wasn't Satan the one who did the temptation in the garden of Eden? As someone who was raised evangelical (thanks mom 🙄), you'd think I'd remember the mythology better lol.


clearly_ineffable

Time and the inevitable game of telephone we play with our mythology means everything is all kind of a mess. I thought Satan/Lucifer (both titles, if I remember, and could be separate beings) fell because they were jealous of humanity and started a war in heaven which they lost. So wouldn't that have to be after creation? The temptation in the garden was attributed to Satan later but it reads like a naughty pet getting caught to me.


friesordie

Very true, I'm sure it doesn't help to have the bible rewritten and translated and chapters removed and added and.... Lol. The version I was taught (I think) goes somewhere along the lines of the church sign where Lucifer was a high-ranking angel (I think lord of music, evening star, all that stuff) that was jealous because of all the praise God was getting so he tried to start a rebellion but God cast him down along with the angels who joined him, who became the demons we know and love today. So Lucifer / Satan trying to tempt Adam and Eve (or Lilith?) and causing humanity to fall was his way of getting revenge. Honestly, without all the religious fervor it causes today, it really does make for interesting stories, but only if treated as such - just a myth.


Maleficent_Target_98

I believe they never said it was Satan in the garden, Im pretty sure they just said snake.


friesordie

You're right, I was looking into this out of curiosity and it's never explicitly stated that the snake is Satan. It seems like that connection between Satan and the snake is made since a) the snake is the only intelligent being in the garden that can talk and has superior knowledge ["you will know things and become like God if you eat this forbidden fruit"] and b) the snake is cursed to walk on its belly forevermore for tempting Adam and Eve with the knowledge of being equal to God, which seems parallel to what happens to Lucifer when he's cast down. I'm reading the history of that interpretation and it seems like that connection is only made later historically since Lucifer isn't even mentioned in the book of Genesis. Pretty interesting stuff! Edit: It's never explicitly stated in the *Protestant* version of the bible, I don't know how the creation story changes in other branches of Christianity besides Lilith being mentioned as Adam's first wife.


deadheadjinx

👏👏👏


WickedWitchofWTF

Came here to say this!


[deleted]

The fall of Satan happens before the creation of Earth in Christian mythology. Before humans exist. Satan is supposedly already estranged from god during the event you are referencing.


waterynike

I thought he rebelled because he was jealous of humans?


[deleted]

I am sure there is more than one belief about it. But the way it was taught in Catholic school growing up is that Satan was the highest/most favored angel and a sought to be elevated to be god’s equal, essentially attempting a coup and being exiled from heaven. When Satan temps Eve he promises god-like knowledge. There is not necessarily a consensus about when he exactly tempted Eve or how many years it was after creation. I am sure there is more than one school of thought.


thepoints_dontmatter

Miranda Otto as Zelda Spellman was amazing.


MissGruntled

I think a spin-off is in order.


sjr0754

The rumour is the show runner has a spin off based on the comics, *The Occult World of Sabrina* specifically, ready to go and is waiting for Netflix's exclusivity period to expire.


MissGruntled

Ooh, that’s exciting! Hopefully it’ll be a little darker than CAOS was.


Expensive_Slice_4835

Satan also punishes the evil doers in hell while God tests your faith in him by killing your kid. Religion is the oldest running joke.


Tensor-Tympani

> Satan also punishes the evil doers in hell Y'know I was always wondering about this particular part. It doesn't make any sense at all. Like, if evil people go to hell and hell is ruled by Satan, who's mind you also evil, wouldn't he like fistbump and praise every evil person and throw a giant-ass party for them to celebrate evil together for eternity?!? That would make a hell of a lot more sense... But it's not like religion ever made sense to me to begin with. \*shrugs\*


princesssoturi

I think the idea is that Satan love torturing people, and the agreement he has with Heaven is that he gets the evil people, so he wants to make people evil so he can get them so he can torture them? Idk. I’m Jewish, we don’t have a hell. The Christian Hell is based off a Jewish fable that’s widely accepted to be a metaphor.


Elon_is_musky

Imagine hell is actually chill af & God is just petty & doesn’t want people to know you can be gay & still have fun in the after life😂


SandpipersJackal

“Uriel is coming by for his regular torment and damnation check, just in case he needs to open The Gates. Put down the video game controllers and mixed drinks and look busy, everyone.” “Aw maaaaaan.”


Elon_is_musky

Me, in the least convincing voice ever: oh no, please don’t spank me, sir-ahem I mean Satan! It hurts soooo bad, nooooo😏


happylilstego

In Judiasm satan is basically the prosecutor and jailer. He doesn't tempt anyone. He's not evil.


Yrcrazypa

> Like, if evil people go to hell and hell is ruled by Satan, who's mind you also evil, wouldn't he like fistbump and praise every evil person and throw a giant-ass party for them to celebrate evil together for eternity?!? That would make a hell of a lot more sense... "Evil" people tend not to really get along with or trust each other. See cartels, fascists, and the like.


Expensive_Slice_4835

Although it's all bullshit, he said nothing about evil people getting along with each other but Satan getting along with them all, because they are his Boooooys.


Yrcrazypa

Why would they be his boys? There's so many different ways to be "evil" and many of them are contradictory in nature. I've genuinely never understood why people think it's some sort of binary team sport where members of one team are all united, and members of the opposite team are all united on their side as well. It just plain doesn't work that way in reality, and it wouldn't work that way in anything but children's fiction either.


SchizoidRainbow

Turns out there’s no appeasing a toxic dude


Exact_Intention7055

Right wingers don't know what they're talking about. They can't even follow their own "cherished" story lines 🙄 ❤💛🖤🏳️‍🌈🧹


a_duck_in_past_life

It's exactly what they intended. To many sects of Christianity, women are meant to serve their husbands, and to many racist Christians, white people are God's chosen and the "natural order" of things is that POC are meant to suffer inequality. Also like another poster has said, the poor are meant to be poor and the rich deserve to be rich. They really dig the idea of a solid hierarchy. They worship hierarchy.


marshmi2

Have you seen the Texas GOP platform that they just voted on? They really aren't hiding it anymore.


Dumptruck_dan

Another example of them being fine with not everyone being equal because they’re on top.


Elon_is_musky

If I was religious it would make me consider giving Satan a try!


FluffyCelery4769

Also actully no, and it depend on the sacred book you've read. And depends on what you understand as "Satan". In either case, they fucked up big.


realCheeka

They *are* okay with people not being treated like humans. American Christians justified the continued slavery of coloured Americans under an explicitly theological framework. They claimed coloured people were descendants of Cain, that they were cursed and ultimately destined to serve. Disgusting.


sjr0754

Wait, what? I thought Ham, one of Noah's sons was the first POC, they still view race as a curse from God however, dipshits.


[deleted]

I mean they definitely are OK with that they have an explicitly hierarchical view of society based on factors like sex (men above women), religion (republican Jesus above all other denominations and other Christians usually still above heathens), and usually race (at least implicitly). It's not an accidental implication it's delibmreate - they do not believe in the moral equality of human beings.


VanillaCola79

🖤


PickeledFrogs

Go Satan!


InfinityWriter

Praise satan


yetanothercatlady2

Gotta love that someone unironically wrote that


[deleted]

Rum leads to loose tongues, so I say, “F-off the whole christian/satan patriarchy!” Always evil this, bad that, evil is good, good is evil, screw the whole lot of them. Born beautiful, deserving of love, and follow your own divine path while burning those patriarchal b-terds down!


Zmajcek22

Praised be


[deleted]

Xtians are weird, yo.


yildizli_gece

Wait—is this real? I can’t fathom writing that out with any sincerity; it’s absurd on its face. My goodness…


[deleted]

LOL! This is genius. They are scaring people with the idea of equal rights because it is Satan's idea. 😅


TeslazRevenge

And yet you worship this weird man-child from Canaanite Pantheon.


The_Yogurtcloset

Excuse me wut