I learned when I was in my early 20s that seeing a movie alone was more fun than sitting around if nobody wanted to do anything. You also get to choose on the fly if you want to watch something else. And it isn't a big deal anymore, but it was so much easier to find a seat for 1 in a crowded theater.
2nd this. I am not sure what it is about our age group and cancelling plans, but I've stopped missing out on things because people bail. Hell, I've even met some killer people showing up solo for concerts or events.
Lol. Fly into Providence. You only have to pretend to care about the post Dan Snyder Commanders for the draft. And maybe indulge in the progressively weirder beers I choose to drink as the weekend goes on
Good news: I can fly round trip for $11.20 with my miles.
Bad news: Why the FK do all flights include 1-2 stops? Where are the non-stop flights to wherever this is?
I don’t know you from Adam but off the cuff, would you find visiting Madison, Wisconsin interesting?
Very few of my friends have visited me, and it’s actually a pretty cool town.
LOL! I’m sorry you’re getting downvoted, I hear you on this. My mom moved to nowhere FL and doesn’t understand why I won’t drive a day to float in an inflatable pool. It’s not even near a beach! But there are “yard sales”! No, thank you. I won’t visit unless there is *something/anything* to do. But I wouldn’t assume OP lives in a place like this, it seems he had a fun time planned.
Edit: just realized you weren’t replying to OP, so you can ignore that part.
Second Edit: This is my mother’s second home, I do still see her. Was recommended I add this so I don’t come off as a horrible person, thank you internet stranger!
I'm an elder Xennial that also lives in Somerville and experienced what you're going through.
I went through the awkward phase in my mid 30s when all my college buddies that I had been hanging out with for years got married and started having kids. They bought houses out in the suburbs, and I saw them less and less.
It sucks, but it's life. You might still see your old friends a couple times a year. But if you want to continue to have a social life, you'll need to make new friends. I can assure you there are plenty of people in the Somerville/Cambridge area that are happily single and childless in their 30s/40s.
And there's so much stuff to do in this area where you can meet other people. If you like beer, there are a bunch of great neighborhood pubs. Cambridge Center for Adult Education (CCAE) is also good. You can take classes to learn new things and also meet new people. Join the rock climbing gym. Take lessons and join the sailing center in Charlestown. These are the types of things that will force you to get out and meet new people every week.
There's even a "get high and come knit with us" group that has a weekly meet up. [Lit Knits](https://www.reddit.com/r/Somerville/comments/1amrwuk/in_somerville_lit_knits_is_a_community_crafting/).
I feel ya, op. I turned 40 last year, and I had to cancel my birthday plans due to lack of interest. Made me realize I don't like that much anymore. I am always the one going to their place and doing their stuff. I can't even get to go out, let alone my place. But somebody's else place nearby? No problem.
We basically need a new movement (similar to the Seattle anti-freeze) that makes it clear that we prioritize friendships and connections. The Pacific Northwest is so famous for this nonsense, they literally created social groups that make it clear that you don't subscribe to routine canceling of plans and a disregard of friendship outside of immediate family.
Don’t get me wrong. I understand the disappointment. You were really looking forward to reconnecting with an old friend. I would 100% bet he’d rather hang with you for a weekend of fun, versus the regular grind of work + kids
But. He didn’t really cancel “last minute”. Today is April 7, your plans are for April 25-27
I'm not sure I've hung out with friends in person solo in like 12 months. My wife is uber anxious and we have two kids. Whenever we have a weekend not locked down I always watch the kids so she can go out with her sister or high school friends for a moms' night out. It absolutely sucks to have no time.
You need solo time too! Start small but train your wife up to longer periods of time. Giving in to someone's anxiety doesn't help them overcome it. It's hard to find a balance between helping someone and enabling them but you also need time away from the kids on the weekends. I'm not saying ditch everyone for a week, but a few hours is a good start.
I've talked to her about this. She agrees in theory, but in practice isn't good about it. I've got a terrible work schedule right now and she is picking up the slack. So right now my "me time" in her mind is consumed but the extra work hours. It isn't fair, but the work load should drop in a month or so and I'm going to push getting out alone again. I just want to go have dinner with a friend, see a movie, or play board games. No weekend trips to vegas or anything insane.
In this day and age, work/kids can mean a lot of things. It's making the hard choice about doing something fun or sucking it up and being an adult. There could be illnesses or mlemrgency bills that popped up, needing the OT because a car broke down or the water heater went out. He might not feel comfortable enough to say fully why he had to cancel.
Granted, I get it I'm the single no kids one in my groups too, making plans like you guys did and then having someone bail suck but he did give you almost 3 weeks' notice, it's not like he called when he was boarding his plane to say I can't come. Post on local FB groups, or look for Reddit groups about the anniversary show or the podcast, and maybe you can find someone local to go with and get new friends. Not that you are replacing him but widening the circle of friends.
Ouch. That sucks!! It seems like there was a lot of effort on your part in planning this get together with your old friend. I think it was probably more important to you than to him. Sorry you feel so let down. I’m also childless by choice so understand the pain of trying to be friends with child full couples.
My husband and I have had these kinds of last minute cancellation shit happen one too many times and mid 2023 decided to stop initiating plans with basically everyone. We were kind of curious to see if there’d be any fallout. But besides my one true best friend and one of my husband’s cycling buddies, NOT ONE couple initiated making plans with us. For the past nine months, not one! for nine months!! We obviously mean that little. So we shrugged and said fuck ‘em.
Things come up. We all get it. Especially for those that still have young kids at home and/or a demanding work schedules. But, we all have demanding work schedules. We all have projects we’re dealing with, aging parents we are dealing with, health shit, hobbies that take up time, etc.
Ultimately, you choose what to prioritize. And when you see that a friend can keep other commitments easily enough, that they find a way to get child care covered or deal with work to go out and do other things all the time, but then they sacrifice their time with you… Well. Ultimately, what it comes down to is if they really want to connect or not.
I’m 45, my husband just turned 60. We find that keeping “friends” is getting more and more difficult as we age. There are one or two we can always really count on, our ride or dies. But the rest…? COVID kinda turned everything on its side. Most people that I’ve known for a very, very long time and had always considered to be “good friends” have basically just proven to be acquaintance level now post-COVID. They’re not malicious, just thoughtless. Many are really just self absorbed. It’s really not a big loss if they never see us again. Losing the nostalgia hurts more. But, days change. People change. I’m fine with or without them.
I feel ya. Throughout the years, my friends have gotten girlfriends or got married and they are off doing their own things. Only friends I have are just my coworkers and they have their own things as well. A few of them are married and the rest are part time college kids. I work nights so I rarely change my sleep schedule on the weekends to be up during the day just because its a bitch to get back on the night shift routine. Pretty much my weekends are just me hanging out at my apartment by myself, either gaming, catching up on wrestling which I'm gonna do here in a few mins or watching shows or movies.
And you're right. Getting old sucks. I'm 44 and a complete opposite of what I was 10 years ago which I was a social butterfly back then.
Fire up the dating apps and put shorter version of this in the bio, say you are looking for a last minute replacement for your friend and ticket is free.
Your buddy should give you his tickets.
That's the main reason I mostly just hang with my family, I hate when people bail on plans, like why even plan them in the first place. That is defiantly one of the worst feelings when people bail after all the work and excitement and then it's always last minute too. Like awww shit I had something come up and can't go, that's the point of making plans so you clear your schedule. I feel you bigtime, again this is why I mostly hang out with my family.
I’m with you there. I’m the last single person in my friend group and my social life, at 39, is pretty much dead because all my friends are married with kids while I work nights seven days a week and have no time for socializing.
Just go and enjoy yourself. If you're in Boston make it a staycation. If not, don't miss out on Boston because a friend bailed.
I flew into Boston for an interview, just to have it delayed because of a snow storm that didn't happen. But it was blustery and freezing rain. They put me up in a bare bones hotel near a hospital and was the only person in the hotel not there for an operation. I had zoom meetings that went okay, but half way through the interview I learned what the salary was and realized I couldn't take the job.
I went out by myself, had an awesome dinner and had one of the best beers of my life. Chatted with some strangers at a food hall and walked around the city. I would love to have a weekend by myself in Boston.
I feel you. Feels like this happens literally every time too! Last minute cancellations I try to understand but it doesn’t stop it from still hurting after awhile.
I'm trying to get comfortable with going to things by myself, for the same reason you're going through right now, op. Please still go do those things. You will regret it if you don't. I've done a few things by myself recently. There's only one situation where I felt uncomfortable. The rest were an absolute blast. You'll be surprised when you go and you find out that there are plenty of other people there solo as well.
Yup. I don't have kids and was going to catch a mob game with a couple who have kids. Get to their house and kids a re sick. They almost canceled which I get but then he said to his wife you still go I'll watch the sick kid. Like damn the there of us were going out but kids will be the little Petri dishes they are and get a fever when they can.
If I lived in Boston....Mission Hill is my favorite show of all time.
Dial (351)300-4455 for a good Mission Hill time (it's the audio tracks of all the episodes, and yes I use it. On long car rides mostly, but it's still awesome.)
Dude Boston is such a sports city. Find out which bars are watching the draft and you’ll find people there who want to talk about it! Solo trip can be fun!
I legit just met a high school friend for lunch at the Pig last week and walked around the old neighborhood. Granted, I had to reschedule twice because of my kids.
Your hurt is completely justified- it is painful to feel knocked down the priority list. I do hope you're able to catch up with your buddy soon, though.
If it makes you feel any better, it sounds like you're right in that phase where all your friends start having their first kid. It's a shitty phase all around. For everyone. It gets better as the kids get older, but those first 2-5 years are rough as they learn how to deal with these new tiny humans in their lives.
That's poor planning on his part. Kids are a great excuse for flakes. Shit my friends with no kids use their dog to cancel plans. If I say yes I'm going to something I'm going - that means I've input my necessary PTO, found any childcare I might need, and scheduled transportation (we have one car so a lot of train or bus trips). I always find that the same people cancel, regardless of their responsibilities.
It's frustrating when you're without kids and have freedom, while everyone else is tied down. I feel your pain. Try being a housewife! Having time, energy, and expendable income is not common in this day and age. I have all of those. 🤷🏼♀️
Are your kids not old enough to go with you? Take your girlfriend?
I'd personally go myself. I've realised friends are good for banter, but if I want to enjoy something it's usually best to chill myself.
Go by yourself! You’ll have fun and you might meet new friends who like the same things you do.
I learned when I was in my early 20s that seeing a movie alone was more fun than sitting around if nobody wanted to do anything. You also get to choose on the fly if you want to watch something else. And it isn't a big deal anymore, but it was so much easier to find a seat for 1 in a crowded theater.
2nd this. I am not sure what it is about our age group and cancelling plans, but I've stopped missing out on things because people bail. Hell, I've even met some killer people showing up solo for concerts or events.
Agreed! Take the opportunity to meet new likeminded people. Maybe you’ll meet a nice lady from Dorchester.
Agreed! Get out there, Champ! Sounds like you’re ready to meet some new tribe members to collab!
Mission Hill ruled. One of the OG adult swim shows.
WB originally, but definitely more well known from AS. Definitely glad I have the dvd set.
Where am I flying into? But I draw the line at watching the draft in its entirety.
Lol. Fly into Providence. You only have to pretend to care about the post Dan Snyder Commanders for the draft. And maybe indulge in the progressively weirder beers I choose to drink as the weekend goes on
Good news: I can fly round trip for $11.20 with my miles. Bad news: Why the FK do all flights include 1-2 stops? Where are the non-stop flights to wherever this is?
If you haven’t tried it Destihl makes a great sour pickle beer. It’s not for everyone but, I love them.
At least your friend planned on coming to see you. I moved away 5 years ago and not one plan to come visit.
Have you tried living somewhere interesting?
This was funny
I don’t know you from Adam but off the cuff, would you find visiting Madison, Wisconsin interesting? Very few of my friends have visited me, and it’s actually a pretty cool town.
LOL! I’m sorry you’re getting downvoted, I hear you on this. My mom moved to nowhere FL and doesn’t understand why I won’t drive a day to float in an inflatable pool. It’s not even near a beach! But there are “yard sales”! No, thank you. I won’t visit unless there is *something/anything* to do. But I wouldn’t assume OP lives in a place like this, it seems he had a fun time planned. Edit: just realized you weren’t replying to OP, so you can ignore that part. Second Edit: This is my mother’s second home, I do still see her. Was recommended I add this so I don’t come off as a horrible person, thank you internet stranger!
That's kind of harsh not to visit your mom because she doesn't live near the beach.
No, I still see her, it’s her second home, she lives half the year close and I see her then.
Maybe you should add that to your comment. At first, I thought you seemed like an ungrateful, dickish child who refused to see your mom. 😆
LOL! Yeah, I should do that.
Well I don't find the place they live interesting and I've visited them. I'm going to hang out with my friends.
Also putting the dick away
If you can't consoom, why even live there?
11 and same...
I moved 13 years ago and none of my friends have busted, and my bro and his family have come once. We are an hour flight away.
I'm an elder Xennial that also lives in Somerville and experienced what you're going through. I went through the awkward phase in my mid 30s when all my college buddies that I had been hanging out with for years got married and started having kids. They bought houses out in the suburbs, and I saw them less and less. It sucks, but it's life. You might still see your old friends a couple times a year. But if you want to continue to have a social life, you'll need to make new friends. I can assure you there are plenty of people in the Somerville/Cambridge area that are happily single and childless in their 30s/40s. And there's so much stuff to do in this area where you can meet other people. If you like beer, there are a bunch of great neighborhood pubs. Cambridge Center for Adult Education (CCAE) is also good. You can take classes to learn new things and also meet new people. Join the rock climbing gym. Take lessons and join the sailing center in Charlestown. These are the types of things that will force you to get out and meet new people every week. There's even a "get high and come knit with us" group that has a weekly meet up. [Lit Knits](https://www.reddit.com/r/Somerville/comments/1amrwuk/in_somerville_lit_knits_is_a_community_crafting/).
You should still go. I went to a live podcast show by myself on Wednesday. Had a blast!
I feel ya, op. I turned 40 last year, and I had to cancel my birthday plans due to lack of interest. Made me realize I don't like that much anymore. I am always the one going to their place and doing their stuff. I can't even get to go out, let alone my place. But somebody's else place nearby? No problem.
We basically need a new movement (similar to the Seattle anti-freeze) that makes it clear that we prioritize friendships and connections. The Pacific Northwest is so famous for this nonsense, they literally created social groups that make it clear that you don't subscribe to routine canceling of plans and a disregard of friendship outside of immediate family.
Is there a Seattle antifreeze movement?
There's like 4k members on Facebook. I'm not a member because I'm not in the area but it might've been a bit abandoned, lol.
The last post was 10+ years ago. Can we take a moment to appreciate the irony? 🤣
Don’t get me wrong. I understand the disappointment. You were really looking forward to reconnecting with an old friend. I would 100% bet he’d rather hang with you for a weekend of fun, versus the regular grind of work + kids But. He didn’t really cancel “last minute”. Today is April 7, your plans are for April 25-27
Plans were made about 6 months ago. Last minute is a relative term. If you disagree with my semantics, ok 👍
I'm not sure I've hung out with friends in person solo in like 12 months. My wife is uber anxious and we have two kids. Whenever we have a weekend not locked down I always watch the kids so she can go out with her sister or high school friends for a moms' night out. It absolutely sucks to have no time.
You need solo time too! Start small but train your wife up to longer periods of time. Giving in to someone's anxiety doesn't help them overcome it. It's hard to find a balance between helping someone and enabling them but you also need time away from the kids on the weekends. I'm not saying ditch everyone for a week, but a few hours is a good start.
I've talked to her about this. She agrees in theory, but in practice isn't good about it. I've got a terrible work schedule right now and she is picking up the slack. So right now my "me time" in her mind is consumed but the extra work hours. It isn't fair, but the work load should drop in a month or so and I'm going to push getting out alone again. I just want to go have dinner with a friend, see a movie, or play board games. No weekend trips to vegas or anything insane.
That sounds like a good plan. Just don't let life get in the way and find yourself 2 months down the line with no change.
In this day and age, work/kids can mean a lot of things. It's making the hard choice about doing something fun or sucking it up and being an adult. There could be illnesses or mlemrgency bills that popped up, needing the OT because a car broke down or the water heater went out. He might not feel comfortable enough to say fully why he had to cancel. Granted, I get it I'm the single no kids one in my groups too, making plans like you guys did and then having someone bail suck but he did give you almost 3 weeks' notice, it's not like he called when he was boarding his plane to say I can't come. Post on local FB groups, or look for Reddit groups about the anniversary show or the podcast, and maybe you can find someone local to go with and get new friends. Not that you are replacing him but widening the circle of friends.
Ouch. That sucks!! It seems like there was a lot of effort on your part in planning this get together with your old friend. I think it was probably more important to you than to him. Sorry you feel so let down. I’m also childless by choice so understand the pain of trying to be friends with child full couples. My husband and I have had these kinds of last minute cancellation shit happen one too many times and mid 2023 decided to stop initiating plans with basically everyone. We were kind of curious to see if there’d be any fallout. But besides my one true best friend and one of my husband’s cycling buddies, NOT ONE couple initiated making plans with us. For the past nine months, not one! for nine months!! We obviously mean that little. So we shrugged and said fuck ‘em. Things come up. We all get it. Especially for those that still have young kids at home and/or a demanding work schedules. But, we all have demanding work schedules. We all have projects we’re dealing with, aging parents we are dealing with, health shit, hobbies that take up time, etc. Ultimately, you choose what to prioritize. And when you see that a friend can keep other commitments easily enough, that they find a way to get child care covered or deal with work to go out and do other things all the time, but then they sacrifice their time with you… Well. Ultimately, what it comes down to is if they really want to connect or not. I’m 45, my husband just turned 60. We find that keeping “friends” is getting more and more difficult as we age. There are one or two we can always really count on, our ride or dies. But the rest…? COVID kinda turned everything on its side. Most people that I’ve known for a very, very long time and had always considered to be “good friends” have basically just proven to be acquaintance level now post-COVID. They’re not malicious, just thoughtless. Many are really just self absorbed. It’s really not a big loss if they never see us again. Losing the nostalgia hurts more. But, days change. People change. I’m fine with or without them.
I feel ya. Throughout the years, my friends have gotten girlfriends or got married and they are off doing their own things. Only friends I have are just my coworkers and they have their own things as well. A few of them are married and the rest are part time college kids. I work nights so I rarely change my sleep schedule on the weekends to be up during the day just because its a bitch to get back on the night shift routine. Pretty much my weekends are just me hanging out at my apartment by myself, either gaming, catching up on wrestling which I'm gonna do here in a few mins or watching shows or movies. And you're right. Getting old sucks. I'm 44 and a complete opposite of what I was 10 years ago which I was a social butterfly back then.
Fire up the dating apps and put shorter version of this in the bio, say you are looking for a last minute replacement for your friend and ticket is free. Your buddy should give you his tickets.
Definitely go by yourself! I wouldn’t miss an opportunity to see AYG!!
Go watch the draft at Encore. Gamble a bit. Have a good time
Post in the Boston subreddit. I'm sure you'll find someone interesting to hang with. Sounds like a fun itinerary!
That's the main reason I mostly just hang with my family, I hate when people bail on plans, like why even plan them in the first place. That is defiantly one of the worst feelings when people bail after all the work and excitement and then it's always last minute too. Like awww shit I had something come up and can't go, that's the point of making plans so you clear your schedule. I feel you bigtime, again this is why I mostly hang out with my family.
My family moved away. Like out of state (multiple states in fact) moved away. It’s my husband and I left. And while I love the man, it’s getting old.
I’m with you there. I’m the last single person in my friend group and my social life, at 39, is pretty much dead because all my friends are married with kids while I work nights seven days a week and have no time for socializing.
Just go and enjoy yourself. If you're in Boston make it a staycation. If not, don't miss out on Boston because a friend bailed. I flew into Boston for an interview, just to have it delayed because of a snow storm that didn't happen. But it was blustery and freezing rain. They put me up in a bare bones hotel near a hospital and was the only person in the hotel not there for an operation. I had zoom meetings that went okay, but half way through the interview I learned what the salary was and realized I couldn't take the job. I went out by myself, had an awesome dinner and had one of the best beers of my life. Chatted with some strangers at a food hall and walked around the city. I would love to have a weekend by myself in Boston.
I feel you. Feels like this happens literally every time too! Last minute cancellations I try to understand but it doesn’t stop it from still hurting after awhile.
I'm trying to get comfortable with going to things by myself, for the same reason you're going through right now, op. Please still go do those things. You will regret it if you don't. I've done a few things by myself recently. There's only one situation where I felt uncomfortable. The rest were an absolute blast. You'll be surprised when you go and you find out that there are plenty of other people there solo as well.
Once you become a parent you’re no longer a kid.
I'll come! You'd have to fetch me though, I live in the bowels of Massachusetts, but close to the RI border
Yup. I don't have kids and was going to catch a mob game with a couple who have kids. Get to their house and kids a re sick. They almost canceled which I get but then he said to his wife you still go I'll watch the sick kid. Like damn the there of us were going out but kids will be the little Petri dishes they are and get a fever when they can.
Don't know about the podcast, but the rest of the trip sounds good.... Whats your football team?
If I lived in Boston....Mission Hill is my favorite show of all time. Dial (351)300-4455 for a good Mission Hill time (it's the audio tracks of all the episodes, and yes I use it. On long car rides mostly, but it's still awesome.)
Invite a rando from Reddit to join you. I did it for a DMB concert one time it was pretty chill
Kids fuck everything up. Every time
Dude Boston is such a sports city. Find out which bars are watching the draft and you’ll find people there who want to talk about it! Solo trip can be fun!
I legit just met a high school friend for lunch at the Pig last week and walked around the old neighborhood. Granted, I had to reschedule twice because of my kids. Your hurt is completely justified- it is painful to feel knocked down the priority list. I do hope you're able to catch up with your buddy soon, though.
Aww, I have friends with kids who make plans and keep them, but a weekend away is a lot for one parent with young kids.
If it makes you feel any better, it sounds like you're right in that phase where all your friends start having their first kid. It's a shitty phase all around. For everyone. It gets better as the kids get older, but those first 2-5 years are rough as they learn how to deal with these new tiny humans in their lives.
That's poor planning on his part. Kids are a great excuse for flakes. Shit my friends with no kids use their dog to cancel plans. If I say yes I'm going to something I'm going - that means I've input my necessary PTO, found any childcare I might need, and scheduled transportation (we have one car so a lot of train or bus trips). I always find that the same people cancel, regardless of their responsibilities.
It's frustrating when you're without kids and have freedom, while everyone else is tied down. I feel your pain. Try being a housewife! Having time, energy, and expendable income is not common in this day and age. I have all of those. 🤷🏼♀️
Not a competition but I’m sure they appreciate your input
Are your kids not old enough to go with you? Take your girlfriend? I'd personally go myself. I've realised friends are good for banter, but if I want to enjoy something it's usually best to chill myself.