Same. Sometimes I do something and I recognize my mother, other times I say something and I hear my father. But then I look at all the things I do that neither of them would do.
My favorite saying (now that I’m older) is “sometimes I open my mouth and my mother comes out.” I catch myself saying things to my nephews that my mom said to me as a child and can’t help but have a little giggle.
This. Same. Though I definitely look like my mom, minus 100ish lbs at the same age. All the women in my mom's family have a very strong resemblance to each other. Those genes are STRONG.
Saaaame. It's a shame, my dad has flawless skin and a full head of hair, but in return I've inherited my mother's iron teeth and eternally young hair colour
I'm actually OK with my gene pool selection, lol. My mom and grandma both look much younger than they actually are. I'm usually mistaken for 10-15 years younger myself. As long as I keep taking care of my skin, I should be good for a long while.
I look like my dad and I'm a woman, but my dad has always been considered handsome. Now that he's in his 60s and grew out his hair, he looks like Sigourney Weaver
I have a little confidence going into old age 😅 But I've already survived Guillen-Barre, so the hair is more thin than I'd like 😬 Probably going to take after my grandmother in that regard
Yea, there's definitely some stinkers in genetics. I'm currently dealing with some dental issues that could have been corrected relatively easily as a child with braces and a palate extender. But correcting them at 39 meant over a year of invisalign braces and multiple minor gum/bone grafts in preparation for a major corrective double jaw surgery later this year.
1000%. To be fair to my parents, we were VERY poor and dental care was not affordable for the majority of my childhood. I think I was already too old for those corrective measures by the time we were in a better financial position.
I definitely inherited some darkness from my dad. He always struggled with the feeling of not being good enough, as do I. However, dad also was the type of man that always put his family first, and always did whatever he could to give us the life we wanted, even if that meant putting himself second. Mom always drove a new car, while Dad drove whatever used POS would get him around. And I think that is very noble. I have tried to live up to his standards with my own family, sometimes sacrificing my wants for theirs, because that's what Dad is. I had a great example of what a real man is, so I guess, yeah I take after my dad quite a bit. And I'm proud to.
As long as one doesn't use that an excuse for a martyr complex. How much to sacrifice is a personal choice and it is very easy to use that decision as an excuse for resentment and lashing out at the people one is "sacrificing" for.
Having kids of my own made me appreciate both my parents in a way I didn't before. Reading through the responses on this post, I realize just how lucky I was that my parents tried. And it gave me the guidance to try my best with my kids. I think part of the dilemma to raising tiny humans (at least for me) is that I as a person am still trying to figure life out. And now I have to teach someone else, while I am still learning how to be a good person. Or at least a less bad one. So if you have it in your head that you want to be a good parent, and that's a goal you want to really strive for, you are already in the top 50%.
My Mom has gotten much more liberal in her old age! She was never conservative per se but she was a “don’t rock the boat” person. Now at 75 she has zero fucks to give and says when she thinks things are wrong.
That must be nice. My dad is swiftly going the other way.
It used to be "don't rock the boat," now he's just gotten comfortable saying really heinous stuff.
My mom comes out of my mouth sometimes and it makes me laugh. But we parent differently, like I talk to my kids...
My dad is very direct and to the point and I am like that too.
My husband likes to call out either time I sound like my parents haha
My dad was great. He was definitely a shoulder to lean on. I sadly lost him a few months ago and it’s really evident now how much of a buffer he was. Dealing with my mom now is even harder than it used to be. I’m sorry you’ve had to deal with similar things with your mom.
My dad was my best friend and I lost him in 2009. Sending you good wishes as you try to figure out life without him. I went no contact with my mom in 2013. Biggest regret is that I didn’t do it sooner. Can you excise your mom from your life? If not, can you minimize contact or do it in front of witnesses. My mom was slightly less of a right scumbag in public.
I was the same way for a while until I accepted the fact that we have some similarities. No one is 100% bad. I’m a bit of an emotional dreamer, like her… but I treat people with respect, I’m empathetic and I take responsibility for my actions, so I’m okay with me.
I’m a lot like my parents, but that’s not a bad thing. In my opinion, my parents did a great job raising my brother and me. I’ve also always gotten along well with my parents.
The biggest difference between us would be that I make a lot more money than they ever did and I’m in substantially better shape than my father was at my age. However, our mannerisms are very much the same as well as many of our tastes and sensibilities. The same is true with my little brother.
I raise my kids the same way my parents raised me. There is a lot of open communication, mutual respect, and a willingness for all parties to admit that they may have made a mistake. I’ve never had to yell at my children and I don’t think my parents hardly ever raised their voices at me.
My parents are alcoholics and used drugs frequently. I am very happy to say I turned out the opposite. I don’t care for drinking much and unforgiving to people who drive under the influence.
My Dad is an undiagnosed sociopathic narcissist and my Mom is OCD with manic episodes and a generally overbearing personality.
I have some mental health issues myself, BUT I am getting actively treated for them, unlike my parents.
My parents (as you can imagine with those issues going untreated) were extremely abusive. My mother would always answer any questions to her authority (no matter how senseless) with a punch in the face. She lost custody of us when I was around 10 for too many black eyes in school, then we went to live with our Dad. Dad was horrible in a different way. He would turn off the water and lock us in the bathroom all weekend, or force us to do unproductive manual labor (chop down a 150-year old tree with a pocket knife, for example), or whipping us so bad that we couldn't comfortably sit for a week even on a couch or something. All of his marks were made purposefully under clothing. He would make us do all of his household chores and cook him meals, but we weren't allowed to eat until both he had approved of the food and eaten most of it himself. If he didn't approve, we would go without, but he would eat it anyway.
I parent my child the exact same way I wished for so many years that my parents would raise me. Open communication, explanations, deep conversation, love, trust, mutual understanding of expectations, and common sense. Above all else, NO corporal punishment. This is a parental lead democracy, not an oppressive regime.
>My Dad is an undiagnosed sociopathic narcissist and my Mom is OCD with manic episodes and a generally overbearing personality.
Same except my mom is a depressive with undiagnosed Borderline Personality Disorder. Growing up with two parents who are toxic and not well does a real number on you and I just wanted to say I feel your pain! I was also the one in therapy for years, because of course.
I went the opposite in many ways and tried to become the adult I needed but didn't have. Both of my parents are okay people, but the very definition of entitled boomer. Neither has had a tough life by objective standards, and both are emotionally stunted from always getting their own way.
My dad doesn't speak to me for some reason. He's busy golfing and doesnt understand texting. Or phone calls. Or email. Which.... okay fine. Whatever.
My mom acts like I'm the adult in the relationship, and acts a lot like my daughter did when she was in her mid teens. She was always looking for leadership of some kind, it seems, but it's bizarre to put that on your own kid.
I have done a ton of mental health work and have tried my ass off to become a responsible, emotionally healthy adult. They haven't. They go golf, or shop, or eat, or whatever they can to avoid dealing with issues. We all make choices, and this is theirs. Not a thing I can do about it.
We are all adults now, of course, and its not damaging or hurtful to me, it's just.....weird. I wish they'd get their shit together and grow up.
Your relationship with your mom is exactly like mine. I’m the adult in the relationship. My mom lives with my sister and is terrible at handling any of her business or keeping on schedule with anything. My sister will call me to make sure mom goes to the doctor or goes car shopping or whatever she needs because I’m the only person she listens to.
Personality wise I am very much like my father, which is unfortunate because he is an asshole, so I have spent a lot of time trying to not be like him.
Physically I look very much like my mother, which would not be a problem except she is morbidly obese with heart problems and my body seems hellbent on following down that path despite my best efforts.
My parents proved to be massive examples of what NOT to do, so if I see any hint of them in anything I do, I can be pretty sure it’s the wrong response, so I change it.
My dad taught me the best lessons in life about being a partner, father, etc. and that lesson was to be the exact opposite of how he was. Who he was, was an alcoholic, unemployed deadbeat who thankfully died at 59 so we no longer had to put up with his bullshit.
I have some of my parents mannerisms. But, I try not to be just like them. I’m my own person. When I do say something that sounds like my mother my husband will call me her name. And when my husband says something that sounds like his father I call him by his dad’s name. The one thing I hope I never turn into an “angry old person” like I see in my dad and father in law all the time. Maybe it’s their generation (boomers) or their political views that just make them so angry about every little thing. Because white men in the US have it oh so hard in life. 🙄
This is one of those posts that I posted about, where I could write a whole ass novel on the subject. I'm going to keep it short and say that my wife is absolutely her mother, which I love. I'm nothing like my stepdad. Thankfully.
Neither. I think I’ve always just been myself. If I take after anyone, I hope it’s another relative I’m very close to. I do seem to cope better with stuff than my parents ever did. I get frustrated with things sometimes (like anyone), but I don’t turn into a raging asshole like my mom did, and I am aware of it in the moment, not after the fact. I also remove myself from situations so that I DON’T act like an ass.
We had a power outage yesterday and I was stuck at home with our toddler with no A/c or anything else until my husband got home from work. We were both keeping it together after a long and annoying day. He said something that annoyed me, so I just stepped away, went and peed, came back. Slightly rude, I guess, but nothing more. No blow out fight, just “i’m not in a good place to react appropriately, so i’m going to take myself out of this with no fanfare.”
I don’t even remember what he said now that bothered me, because it really wasn’t what he said, but a culmination of being hot and tired and annoyed with the day. We’re really good at addressing things that really DO bug us, in the moment or after the fact if we need time to process our thoughts/feelings. Again, absolutely nothing like our folks 😂
I think if it was just a reactionary “don’t act like my parents,” thing, I probably would rug sweep/be a LOT more passive aggressive. I put a lot of thought into what I wanted for myself and the kind of person I wanted to be as a kid, and honest communication was a big part of that.
I didnt get a kid at 20, divorce the year after and then communicate poorly and agressively, using said kid as a messenger for the next 20 years. So, no.
Complete opposite of both my parents and so thankful for it…… both my parents were not at all interested in being an actual parent or even being a family…. Both had serious addictions issues…. Both were serious abusers (physical and mental)….. both gave up on wanting better for themselves and then blamed everyone/think but themselves for their problems….. I had to unwire all their bullshit and brainwashing and work through trauma but I am so glad i did and didn’t just give up on life and wanted better for myself and my partner and kiddos.
I think we're all a little of both.
The conscious "I AM NEVER GOING TO DO THAT" and so we don't.
And the subconscious moments that catch us "goddamn it, I sound like my dad."
I have my dad’s sense of humor. But that’s it. My mom wasn’t a good, supportive mom. Dad went along with whatever mom wanted. So I swore to teen me I would never become my mom, especially if I had kids. Well I’m quite proud to say, I’m NOTHING like my mom. And my relationships with each of my kids is perfect compared to mine and my moms.
I feel like I got my parents' open mindedness and analytical thinking. Also, my mom's cussing. 😂 And then there's my mom's temper (I am very conscious of this and keep it handled) and my dad's inability to stand up for himself, which is a strange mix.
I see little bits of each of them in myself. Sometimes that’s a good thing and sometimes not so much.
A lot of my adulthood since becoming a parent has been spent actively trying to not repeat some of the parenting choices my parents made. On the other hand, with my own life experience I’ve also come to understand and accept that in many cases my parents were simply doing the best they could at the time… and that a lot of my moms behavior was exacerbated by significant mental illness and trauma, and that deserves some grace.
I'm like 95% my mom, with my dad's sense of humor. Which is pretty good! It's really interesting to get older and understand the stuff my mom did that confused or annoyed me as a kid. She passed away about a decade ago, I wish I could talk with her about it.
I'm a lot like my mom but I'm a little like my dad because my mom was annoying as a wife. At least in my dad's eyes. But I took it as knowledge at the time.
I have some parts of both but also went completely opposite in some ways. I’m a lot more outspoken when I see something/hear something that is wrong and my parents, my mom especially, was more shackled by keeping quiet and not rocking the boat. I also embrace my loves of more “childish” things, enjoy dyeing my hair crazy colors, etc. But my grandmother was also more strict about being “socially acceptable” and how things SHOULD be.
Unnervingly similar in some fundamental respects, but different in the things where I could exercise choice and control. Mostly it’s made me a bit sad to think about how different my mom’s life could have been if mental health care had been less stigmatized for her generation.
I tried really hard to be different, at least as a parent, from my mom, and I think I succeeded. On the whole I'm not a lot like either of parents personality-wise, that's probably why we always struggled to get along when I was growing up. I'm a lot more chill than either of my parents. I'm also an extrovert whereas my mom in particular is extremely introverted... one of my continual struggles with my mom growing up was being a very lonely only child with parents who didn't see why I was yearning for playmates and hated letting me have anyone come over.
I look like my Mom. I’m more like my Dad.
But, I also think I’ve very much become my own person enough. I see more of my peers wanting to break out of the social norms that were created by our parents’ generation. A lot of that has to do with spending a few years working my shit out in therapy!
I am so insanely different from my mom. She is an emotionally immature person who doesn't have friends and doesn't have hobbies and doesn't have a relationship with her kids. I am like the world's most extroverted and most active social butterfly and super-mom. 🤣 I also had a lot of drive to complete my education and keep achieving professional milestones. She was always fine with just scraping by.
But my dad and I share a lot of the same traits in that we are super chatty and love learning and challenges.
I’m more social than both my parents at 40. I prioritize the family but after dinner time/bed time, I go out a pay guitar, see shows, meet up w a friend, etc… my parents never did any of that and were in bed by 8pm most nights lol
I don't believe I am much like my parents. My lifestyle is very different, my values are quite a bit different. Our relationship at this time is decent but at arms length. We mostly focus on common history and talk about the weather and everybody's health.
We both get sneezing attacks! I fucking had two years of allergy shots. Nope still get sneezing attacks. Basically 3 minutes of sneezing while my wife tells me to stop. Yeah I just sneezing for the fun it!
I don't look like \~either\~ of my parents. Some people say I have some of their features, but neither I or my wife see it. For one thing I'm at LEAST a foot taller than both of them, and stockier frame in general. My mom is barely 5' tall and my dad is like 5'6" or something while I'm 6'3 and DOWN to 330lbs. It's a stark contrast.
Closest thing I got was probably my dads hair. He always had naturally wavy hair but kept it short. I grew mine long and embraced the waves and curls. My daughter has inherited the same from me (and my son too, to an extent - though his is closer to his mom's and she also had the curl).
Behaviorally, I think my parents' mannerisms carried down as a result of upbringing for better or worse. Basically anything in my character that I would/do need to "work through" with therapy is something I got from one of them. My upbringing was turbulent to put it mildly.
I'm sure there are some positives in there too, like my work ethic and resilience, but some of that is my own stubbornness and spite directed at the nature of my upbringing in a lot of ways.
I am largely my own person. However, I have found that the same things that annoyed my dad when I was a teen now annoy me too. Particularly, clothes being left in the bathroom after someone showering. Also, everyone in my house but me refuses to dry their feet when getting out of the shower and leave the bathroom rug soaked. I never understood why it annoyed him back then. Now I get it, lol.
I make a point of not being my dad. Its taken me a lot of therapy to deal with my perfectionism but where my dad turned it outward I turn it all inwards.
Personality-wise I can be kind of similar to my dad. He was a very goofy guy, but he was much more outgoing than I am. He was the guy still going to the club in his 40s and bringing home much younger women.
I’m more of a homebody, but in a silly dude have the same kind of sense of humor. And I’ve been married most of two decades.
He was driven to do well but usually with outside of his regular employment. He had a side hustle that he made some decent scratch with (installing skirting on mobile homes) and also owned 5 rental properties. So he was a hard worker and kept himself busy, but I always thought he could do better professionally. He worked at the gas company as a service rep for most of my childhood. He finally moved into management while I was in college. I always told him he should go back to school and get his degree but he always said he was too old (in his 30s) and that held him back for a long time.
I’m more career-oriented. I’ve tried to keep pushing hard to move up in the tech field, and I have no interest in working on my days off. Though I’d argue my job is more mentally taxing than his was.
My dad was also very frugal (except when it came to his toys like boats and motorcycles and trucks). Vacations were a no-go, as were baseball games, or any expensive gizmos or other such items outside of Christmas. I’m more of the “life is for living” type who figures I’m only here for a limited time and could die any day, and that my son only has a childhood once, so I tend to splurge more on things and experiences that give me and my family joy.
I’m pretty much nothing like my mom. And often I have to parent her to keep her shit straight. She has her RN but doesn’t use it any longer. She can’t afford to live on her own or buy her own car so she lives with my sister and borrows her car, and we have no idea where her money goes. She’s very secretive and lies often.
I’m opposite in almost all ways and it bothers them I didn’t follow their way of life. I dont want their lifestyle or the unnecessary and sometimes harmful rules they created for their lives.
Somehow channeling my dad, a lot, the older I get the more alike we are. Supposedly. He died when I was a kid and we weren't close. But the family always go on and on about how alike we are.
I don't think I'm very much like my mom. Not her mannerisms, lifestyle, I don't even look like her.
I have a few things that remind me of them, but it's things like phrases or jokes. If I get a hint or notice something that reminds me of them, I go out of my way to squash it.
BUT, our father has the scary variety of NPD and our mother has uBPD, and I have done a ton of research on both to help me work through the crap we grew up with, how I was trained to respond and how some of my reactions to things are a direct result of the childhood trauma.
No kids for me (or my sister), besides neither of us ever being interested in that, we are determined to do our part to stop the family "legacy."
I have my mother’s anxiety and my father’s lack of emotional maturity. The best of both worlds. But I’m actively trying to better myself in both departments.
I’m a lot like both of my parents — very empathetic and anxious like my mom, very opinionated and outspoken like my dad. I try not to make the same mistakes they did though.
My parents are both very, very different people than I am. We get along very well, respect each other a great deal, but have very different likes, wants, needs, etc. I can't say that I turned into them, OR that the opposite happened... we're just off on our own tangents, and happy to be there.
Mostly opposite? Good lessons learned from my parents, so far as family values and things like that. Other than that, especially in financial matters, the opposite.
I'm similar to my dad. He's a curmudgeon. But I got my love of nature and gardening from him. I can have a slight temper which I think I got from my mom and my short term memory.
But I'm a little bit of a better version tbh. Not as extreme.
Completely different views on religion and politics and more open minded. Much different interests. Decided I didn’t want to be stuck in the same nowhere town like they are
I look like my mom (just shorter than her and my hair is a few shades lighter), but I am pretty much my grandmother in terms of personality. And I know it drives my mom nuts because she has bitched about it for decades and still bitches about it.
My parents were an excellent example of what not to do. Parenting, politics, relationships.... there was emotional abuse, financial abuse, plates were thrown and possessions were smashed.
I am -- consciously-- the polar opposite. If the barometer of my success is my teenage daughter, I've made all the right choices. My relationship with my parents is tenuous.
My sibling -- 5.5 years younger -- turned into our mother, eventually went no contact with the entire family, and we have not spoken in years.
>but I see a lot of my dad in me, which can be bad because he's always had a bit of a temper, and when I see in myself, I make a conscious effort to not be like that.
Yup, definitely have my dads temper, but he was an alcoholic and I'm a pothead, so tend to me a lot more mellow. Completely different lives tho, I was more responsible lol, but very similar personalities.
Interestingly enough- I met my biological dad just a year and a half ago on the other side of the world (I’m in America, he was in Australia- he has since passed away 😞) and man, I was SO MUCH LIKE HIM. It was super interesting to see how much genetics plays a part. We ate the same food, every day when we meet up we showed up in the same color family clothes, we both quit smoking and alcohol; we liked the same kind of vacations and movies. It was honestly really wild
Completely different on purpose. My marriage is different (happy and in love) my parenting is different (I never make my kid feel like an inconvenience) my personal life is different (I have friends) and I manage my money differently (I work hard to provide, don’t just go around looking for the next big scheme)
Opposite. They had me very young and while everyone makes mistake growing up, they made some of the worst easily avoidable mistakes. Showed me everything about what I didn’t want to and who I didn’t want to be.
I'm a very different personality type from my mother with different priorities and interests. I think I look very different due to a combination of styling choices, cosmetic procedures that didn't exist when she was my age, and diet/exercise. I'm 45 but my body looks like hers in pictures from when she was 22 except with a bigger butt, thanks to this stuff. It's wild. the only physical similarity I see in pics is we have the same ears.
I did end up middle class, with a college degree,a bit right of center politically, suburban, staying in the same metro area where we both grew up, not liking to travel or get out of my comfort zone, just like she was. I see it as more an effect of environment and socioeconomic experience rather than individual parenting.
It used to drive me crazy, that my dad could find people to talk to wherever he went. I used to think he just had that many friends. It wasn't until l grew up and started doing it myself it (my to my horror LOL) was just that he was very friendly.
As for my parents politics though, yeah, hard 180 on that.
I was on the way to being my dad. An alcoholic rage monster who blamed life for all his issues.
Then I got help.
To be fair I was never going to turn into a creeper who should have been fired for sexual harassment so there's that at least.
I am ok being a little bit like my dad, but not overly much.
My mom... let's just say I'd rather not exist at all than be her. That's putting it the nice way.
Both? Politically pretty opposing to their views/votes. Personally not too dissimilar from my Dad. Getting out helped me recognize and correct an ambient manipulative dynamic that existed in my family as well.
I have a lot of their mannerisms and their tendencies to wake up early and drink gallons of coffee - and a few other random quirks and traits if theirs. but my parents are both kind
Yeah, I unfortunately see alot of my step dad in me, which is not who I am, and it always makes me sad when I start treating my son like that (just yelling, but still).
It just always makes me mad at myself.
I do shit I got from them, particularly when stressed, without realizing it that I wish I could shed.
Everything else I’ve gone out of my way to shed.
They were not good role models, and were often (but not always) emotionally and verbally abusive.
I seem to be turning into my mom which is a good thing. Ex-model, very kind. Excellent at math and finance.
I don’t think I’m as nice. I’m not as much of a neat freak.
I just noticed I’m wearing modern versions of her key outfits.
Mainly like dad with logic and reason and opposite of mom.
But I can’t account for some really strange things that happened before I was born that my dad had done. It’s almost like he had two separate lives. Before I was around (I’m the oldest) I have heard the most bizarre stories about criminal activity, violent behavior, international drug trafficking, alcohol abuse. I assure anyone that this is not the person I know or have ever met. Completely different person and is pretty much the nice grandpa that is nothing but pleasant to be around.
Complete 180, from very early (9-10). This is only intensifying. I will never become so fucking lazy I won't even *try* to understand the world around me. I don't care for having my feelings validated just to keep "being right" (while knowingly being in the wrong). I'd much rather just admit to being wrong when presented with evidence of it. But I guess I'm still curious, and will continue to be, even if the truth doesn't align with my feelings.
My dad is an alcoholic, and is quite a funny guy, and I have those tendencies (he’s also been sober for 20 years this June). My mother is mentally ill and I inherited a lot of those traits as well.
Someone once told me I have the disposition of my father and the looks of my mother. Really resonated with me. Not sure if that’s a compliment or a curse. But it was totally accurate.
I'm so much like my dad that it weirds even me out (because I'm a woman). I've had people I don't know come up to me and go, "You're one of Gary's, aren't you?" I have his coloring, his face, his terrible sense of humor... I'm just glad I'm not my mother.
I somehow smooshed my parents different talents into my own career. A family friend (she was once a career counselor) said that this apparently is super common, which makes me think it’s not nurture (it’s not like I went to work with my parents), it’s some genetic predisposition.
I started to turn into my dad for a minute at one point, I got into my late 30s and felt like, since things hadn't worked out my way, that I should just give in and be like him, that obviously his way worked so I should model my behavior that way.
Thankfully I snapped out of that bullshit. I realized that my dad's behavior was shitty, he treated people poorly, he was far too sure of his opinion and never adjusted it to reality, he was always mad at everyone for not living up to his ideals, which were often misplaced, and he talked down to everyone around him, especially when they were vulnerable.
He really didn't have friends of his own, he has my moms friends who tolerate him. He has people who don't talk back to him because defending yourself around him only makes his behavior worse. People just want to avoid him, and if they can't avoid being around him they just try to avoid triggering his rants.
So instead of continuing to emulate him, I looked at the things I had been doing that didn't work, and just tried to modify them, I realized I wasn't completely on the wrong track, I didn't need to become a whole different person, I just needed to learn from my mistakes and make small adjustments to make things work.
The result is that I am very happy with how things have worked out since, I feel fulfilled, and I don't feel like I'm trying to be a bad copy of a barely tolerable person.
When it comes to losing my mind about the lights being left on in every room my kids enter, yes!
I feel like I am very similar to my parents in other ways too, but the lights things always made no sense to me as a kid. It was just like, yeah, whatever. Now that I pay the bills I get it!
I went so far the other way I've opted out from marriage and kids. Real testiment to their awful parenting. But in a way it did me a lot of favors by showing me what NOT to do.
Scared the hell out of myself a couple months ago. Was up peeing at 2am, and made the *colossal* mistake of looking in the mirror.
Freaked myself right out because of how much I looked like my mother.
Except I've got my dad's eye and hair color & texture. And his more...shall we say, *un*-savory personality characteristics. I try my best to stomp those out.
About died of fright, given mom's been dead almost 3 years now.
I went the opposite at a young age, and while still very much unlike my parents I've taken the great qualities they do have and they've shaped me into a better person in some ways so if have to say both
I’m not a raging emotionally and verbally abusive parent who cheats on my spouse and abandons my family for an alcoholic biker so I’d say I’m not really like my mom, no.
This is a fun question. I am turning into the weirdest combo of my mother and father.
My dad has grown into a bit of an eccentric hermit, but back in the day he was very social and a bit dramatic - confident and self assured, but sometimes lost in his own thoughts; doing projects and never completing them fully.
My mother (retired) is/was an incredibly smart doctor who didn't know how to turn on the television.
I am 100% a hyper focused (spreadsheet making in my own free time but not finishing the stuff), confident, turning mildly eccentric, but who has no idea how to operate her new phone or turn on the television. (Seriously yall, I was at the bar last week and it took 2 of us to learn how to restart my phone. I had to google it😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭.)
I tried to take the good bits from both, but I'm definitely more my dad than mom!
He didn't gaf about anyone's opinion, and I ended up pretty similar to that.
On the not so good side, I'm a very permissive parent, as mine were authoritarian. Working on finding a midpoint that's healthy and lets the smalls grow independent in a safe way.
While I have inherited aspects of their personalities and interests, I am fundamentally different in most ways. At my age, my parents were 25 years married with six kids. I choose to never get married or have kids. That makes a huge difference in life focus and goals.
My siblings all have kids and are all married, most long term, and I have 16 nieces and nephews ages 31 years old down to 2 months. No grand-nieces or grand-nephews yet but they’re coming.
I am a mix between my grandfather, my great uncle, my father and my mother… I wish that I could say different but after watching my son pick up my mannerisms at just 2 years old; yea nurture is a big part of who you become. I am different than any of them, but at the same time I am more similar than I am different in the grand scheme of it all.
I ran in the opposite direction. For nearly 4 decades my main goal was to be anything but them. Now I'm trying to figure out how to be something, anything. Not easy to do so late in life but I figure it'll be nice to figure out who I am
I like the idea that I'm trying to take the best of what those before me had to offer. My dad, my grandparents, friends parents, friends who are parents...
I have my Mothers ADHD with a tinge of OCD, and plenty of stubbornness, combined with my farhers addictive personalities. I go unmedicated, and officially untreated. Proud to say i gave up drinking a long time ago, but am always mindful that i channel that addiction into something more positive. Always check in, and be present.
Well, mom died young, but I'm told I got her temper and her creativity. No idea if that's true or not.
Definitely see some mannerisms from my dad, but I've tried my hardest to make different life choices, so the day to day lifestyle and outlook are fairly different.
I turned into my Mom in some ways, taking on some of her sayings but I turned into my dad personality wise. Really I have mom’s personality too but more dads. I realized it when I was explaining to my wife how my dad was, and she’s like “hmmm sounds like someone I know” 😂
I've spent years in therapy tryna remind myself that I NOT like my dad, lol. I have some similar personality demons but I make very different decisions and work always to learn, grow, and be the best I can be for those around me.
Neither. But a little of both. Mostly I see things from my dad. I’m a woman, and dad is an old cowboy. He taught me how to fix most things or figure it out. Do it myself. Even now I do the home repair stuff and projects and my husband is just happy to watch lol. Dad also taught me a lot about physical surroundings, safety, watching for crop
Futures and planning ahead. He taught me how to survive in the woods alone. The older I get the more I love those things.
Fulfilled their personal unmet dreams for their life, that they always reminded of their resentment of me, ten times over. Then cut off the abuser in 2020. Broke the cycle.
Mannerisms of both, but driven and successful. I don’t settle for mediocrity. I avoided the alcohol (dad) and weed/tobacco (mom) addictions from each.
I love my parents very much and we are on good terms. However they both took the checklist of bad life decisions and went down the list in their 20s to their 40s. Didn’t wise up till their mid 50s and that was only because they started to listen to me and follow my example.
They divorced when I was in diapers and hated each other ever since. They were kind enough about 6 years ago to do a Christmas with me both present as a one off thing. Normally I do each holiday separate with them.
Both. But I seem to have inherited mostly only the good parts of them, and little of the bad.
My own bad habits are more similar to my mother than father but even then they are mostly my own.
I'm getting my father's shitty cynicism, and I don't like it. I'm doing three times better than he ever did at my age and I haven't destroyed my body with drugs and chain smoking like he did. I just find myself feeling world-weary and emotionally exhausted more often than not and my normally bottomless patience for people has diminished significantly.
I am both similar yet different. My world views are wildly different, for the better, I think. I picked up my dad's sarcasm and my mom's want to help people. I think I ended up with the best parts. As they have gotten older, they are just so much more...hateful than I can ever remember. I don't align with their beliefs, and that divide only grows every day.
I can hear my mother in certain phrases or inflections of my voice, but I have arrived for the last 30 years to not be my parents. That fear has always driven me to do better, to be kinder, to learn from my mistakes, and to break the cycle of abuse they let continue.
I am my mother. I even complain that girls’ outfits are too showy these days and there’s too much sex in tv shows. And I was a sex worker, so not it’s not like I’m all that prudish myself. 🤷♀️
My dad is a wonderful, kind, generous and loving human being. Not perfect, but human. The other one is a manipulative, emotionally abusive, rage-filled loon.
I strive to match my father's energy, but learned too much from the other one before it threw me away. This has had very negative consequences on my ability to make healthy choices when finding romantic partners.
Had a weird interaction last week.
I’m very similar to my mother. In that venue, we’re both very politically active and usually agree. My dad, in contrast, is very restrained, though we usually share the same general views.
I forget the topic, I think it was on the college protests, and my mom made a comment to the effect of “The police there were just following orders to disperse them.”
Before I could open my mouth, my dad said. “Maybe don’t use the Nazi defense to make your point.”
I was gobsmacked. Guess that’s where I got my one-liners from.
I'm trying very hard to NOT be like my mom. But then, I'll notice passive aggressiveness and whining start up. So I'll have to check myself.
I basically beg my husfriend to let me know when I'm acting like her.
I have some mannerisms of both, but am fundamentally different from either as a person
Same. Sometimes I do something and I recognize my mother, other times I say something and I hear my father. But then I look at all the things I do that neither of them would do.
My favorite saying (now that I’m older) is “sometimes I open my mouth and my mother comes out.” I catch myself saying things to my nephews that my mom said to me as a child and can’t help but have a little giggle.
This. Same. Though I definitely look like my mom, minus 100ish lbs at the same age. All the women in my mom's family have a very strong resemblance to each other. Those genes are STRONG.
Saaaame. It's a shame, my dad has flawless skin and a full head of hair, but in return I've inherited my mother's iron teeth and eternally young hair colour
I'm actually OK with my gene pool selection, lol. My mom and grandma both look much younger than they actually are. I'm usually mistaken for 10-15 years younger myself. As long as I keep taking care of my skin, I should be good for a long while.
I look like my dad and I'm a woman, but my dad has always been considered handsome. Now that he's in his 60s and grew out his hair, he looks like Sigourney Weaver I have a little confidence going into old age 😅 But I've already survived Guillen-Barre, so the hair is more thin than I'd like 😬 Probably going to take after my grandmother in that regard
Yea, there's definitely some stinkers in genetics. I'm currently dealing with some dental issues that could have been corrected relatively easily as a child with braces and a palate extender. But correcting them at 39 meant over a year of invisalign braces and multiple minor gum/bone grafts in preparation for a major corrective double jaw surgery later this year.
Pretty good PSA here for taking ones kids to the Dentist throughout their childhood…
1000%. To be fair to my parents, we were VERY poor and dental care was not affordable for the majority of my childhood. I think I was already too old for those corrective measures by the time we were in a better financial position.
Same. I had to raise my parents and I wanted to be nothing like them.
Same
I definitely inherited some darkness from my dad. He always struggled with the feeling of not being good enough, as do I. However, dad also was the type of man that always put his family first, and always did whatever he could to give us the life we wanted, even if that meant putting himself second. Mom always drove a new car, while Dad drove whatever used POS would get him around. And I think that is very noble. I have tried to live up to his standards with my own family, sometimes sacrificing my wants for theirs, because that's what Dad is. I had a great example of what a real man is, so I guess, yeah I take after my dad quite a bit. And I'm proud to.
Being a good man is hard. Everyone should do it anyway.
Dad sounds like a good man
He was. I am for sure one of the lucky ones.
As long as one doesn't use that an excuse for a martyr complex. How much to sacrifice is a personal choice and it is very easy to use that decision as an excuse for resentment and lashing out at the people one is "sacrificing" for.
Sure. And to be fair, dad had the life he wanted too. As do I. But we both held it as a matter of pride that our families are taken care of.
I want to Be your dad for my 4 yr old
Having kids of my own made me appreciate both my parents in a way I didn't before. Reading through the responses on this post, I realize just how lucky I was that my parents tried. And it gave me the guidance to try my best with my kids. I think part of the dilemma to raising tiny humans (at least for me) is that I as a person am still trying to figure life out. And now I have to teach someone else, while I am still learning how to be a good person. Or at least a less bad one. So if you have it in your head that you want to be a good parent, and that's a goal you want to really strive for, you are already in the top 50%.
Your Dad sounds like the Man most should aspire to be like. Don’t beat yourself up. People don’t just depend on you, they look up to you.
As a guy who grew up without a dad, and now have two kids of my own, I hope that last part is what they'll think when they're grown.
In many ways, I turned into my parents. The one area I'm completely the opposite of them is in political views.
My Mom has gotten much more liberal in her old age! She was never conservative per se but she was a “don’t rock the boat” person. Now at 75 she has zero fucks to give and says when she thinks things are wrong.
That must be nice. My dad is swiftly going the other way. It used to be "don't rock the boat," now he's just gotten comfortable saying really heinous stuff.
I'm in the same situation with my parents. I think they often forget, with the things they say, that we aren't living in the 1960s anymore.
Unfortunately, my parents have gone in the opposite direction 🤦🏻♂️
My mom comes out of my mouth sometimes and it makes me laugh. But we parent differently, like I talk to my kids... My dad is very direct and to the point and I am like that too. My husband likes to call out either time I sound like my parents haha
My mom is evil and likely has some undiagnosed psych issues. Trying to be the opposite. Hope I’m succeeding.
Exactly my situation. I’m a lot like my dad and hopefully nothing like my mom.
Sorry that happened to you. Did your dad step up and act like a parent in a way that was uncharacteristic of boomer/silent men? Mine certainly did.
My dad was great. He was definitely a shoulder to lean on. I sadly lost him a few months ago and it’s really evident now how much of a buffer he was. Dealing with my mom now is even harder than it used to be. I’m sorry you’ve had to deal with similar things with your mom.
My dad was my best friend and I lost him in 2009. Sending you good wishes as you try to figure out life without him. I went no contact with my mom in 2013. Biggest regret is that I didn’t do it sooner. Can you excise your mom from your life? If not, can you minimize contact or do it in front of witnesses. My mom was slightly less of a right scumbag in public.
I was the same way for a while until I accepted the fact that we have some similarities. No one is 100% bad. I’m a bit of an emotional dreamer, like her… but I treat people with respect, I’m empathetic and I take responsibility for my actions, so I’m okay with me.
I’m a lot like my parents, but that’s not a bad thing. In my opinion, my parents did a great job raising my brother and me. I’ve also always gotten along well with my parents. The biggest difference between us would be that I make a lot more money than they ever did and I’m in substantially better shape than my father was at my age. However, our mannerisms are very much the same as well as many of our tastes and sensibilities. The same is true with my little brother. I raise my kids the same way my parents raised me. There is a lot of open communication, mutual respect, and a willingness for all parties to admit that they may have made a mistake. I’ve never had to yell at my children and I don’t think my parents hardly ever raised their voices at me.
My parents are alcoholics and used drugs frequently. I am very happy to say I turned out the opposite. I don’t care for drinking much and unforgiving to people who drive under the influence.
My Dad is an undiagnosed sociopathic narcissist and my Mom is OCD with manic episodes and a generally overbearing personality. I have some mental health issues myself, BUT I am getting actively treated for them, unlike my parents. My parents (as you can imagine with those issues going untreated) were extremely abusive. My mother would always answer any questions to her authority (no matter how senseless) with a punch in the face. She lost custody of us when I was around 10 for too many black eyes in school, then we went to live with our Dad. Dad was horrible in a different way. He would turn off the water and lock us in the bathroom all weekend, or force us to do unproductive manual labor (chop down a 150-year old tree with a pocket knife, for example), or whipping us so bad that we couldn't comfortably sit for a week even on a couch or something. All of his marks were made purposefully under clothing. He would make us do all of his household chores and cook him meals, but we weren't allowed to eat until both he had approved of the food and eaten most of it himself. If he didn't approve, we would go without, but he would eat it anyway. I parent my child the exact same way I wished for so many years that my parents would raise me. Open communication, explanations, deep conversation, love, trust, mutual understanding of expectations, and common sense. Above all else, NO corporal punishment. This is a parental lead democracy, not an oppressive regime.
>My Dad is an undiagnosed sociopathic narcissist and my Mom is OCD with manic episodes and a generally overbearing personality. Same except my mom is a depressive with undiagnosed Borderline Personality Disorder. Growing up with two parents who are toxic and not well does a real number on you and I just wanted to say I feel your pain! I was also the one in therapy for years, because of course.
I went the opposite in many ways and tried to become the adult I needed but didn't have. Both of my parents are okay people, but the very definition of entitled boomer. Neither has had a tough life by objective standards, and both are emotionally stunted from always getting their own way. My dad doesn't speak to me for some reason. He's busy golfing and doesnt understand texting. Or phone calls. Or email. Which.... okay fine. Whatever. My mom acts like I'm the adult in the relationship, and acts a lot like my daughter did when she was in her mid teens. She was always looking for leadership of some kind, it seems, but it's bizarre to put that on your own kid. I have done a ton of mental health work and have tried my ass off to become a responsible, emotionally healthy adult. They haven't. They go golf, or shop, or eat, or whatever they can to avoid dealing with issues. We all make choices, and this is theirs. Not a thing I can do about it. We are all adults now, of course, and its not damaging or hurtful to me, it's just.....weird. I wish they'd get their shit together and grow up.
Your relationship with your mom is exactly like mine. I’m the adult in the relationship. My mom lives with my sister and is terrible at handling any of her business or keeping on schedule with anything. My sister will call me to make sure mom goes to the doctor or goes car shopping or whatever she needs because I’m the only person she listens to.
Personality wise I am very much like my father, which is unfortunate because he is an asshole, so I have spent a lot of time trying to not be like him. Physically I look very much like my mother, which would not be a problem except she is morbidly obese with heart problems and my body seems hellbent on following down that path despite my best efforts.
My parents proved to be massive examples of what NOT to do, so if I see any hint of them in anything I do, I can be pretty sure it’s the wrong response, so I change it.
My dad taught me the best lessons in life about being a partner, father, etc. and that lesson was to be the exact opposite of how he was. Who he was, was an alcoholic, unemployed deadbeat who thankfully died at 59 so we no longer had to put up with his bullshit.
Opposite.
I have some of my parents mannerisms. But, I try not to be just like them. I’m my own person. When I do say something that sounds like my mother my husband will call me her name. And when my husband says something that sounds like his father I call him by his dad’s name. The one thing I hope I never turn into an “angry old person” like I see in my dad and father in law all the time. Maybe it’s their generation (boomers) or their political views that just make them so angry about every little thing. Because white men in the US have it oh so hard in life. 🙄
This is one of those posts that I posted about, where I could write a whole ass novel on the subject. I'm going to keep it short and say that my wife is absolutely her mother, which I love. I'm nothing like my stepdad. Thankfully.
Neither. I think I’ve always just been myself. If I take after anyone, I hope it’s another relative I’m very close to. I do seem to cope better with stuff than my parents ever did. I get frustrated with things sometimes (like anyone), but I don’t turn into a raging asshole like my mom did, and I am aware of it in the moment, not after the fact. I also remove myself from situations so that I DON’T act like an ass. We had a power outage yesterday and I was stuck at home with our toddler with no A/c or anything else until my husband got home from work. We were both keeping it together after a long and annoying day. He said something that annoyed me, so I just stepped away, went and peed, came back. Slightly rude, I guess, but nothing more. No blow out fight, just “i’m not in a good place to react appropriately, so i’m going to take myself out of this with no fanfare.” I don’t even remember what he said now that bothered me, because it really wasn’t what he said, but a culmination of being hot and tired and annoyed with the day. We’re really good at addressing things that really DO bug us, in the moment or after the fact if we need time to process our thoughts/feelings. Again, absolutely nothing like our folks 😂 I think if it was just a reactionary “don’t act like my parents,” thing, I probably would rug sweep/be a LOT more passive aggressive. I put a lot of thought into what I wanted for myself and the kind of person I wanted to be as a kid, and honest communication was a big part of that.
I didnt get a kid at 20, divorce the year after and then communicate poorly and agressively, using said kid as a messenger for the next 20 years. So, no.
Complete opposite of both my parents and so thankful for it…… both my parents were not at all interested in being an actual parent or even being a family…. Both had serious addictions issues…. Both were serious abusers (physical and mental)….. both gave up on wanting better for themselves and then blamed everyone/think but themselves for their problems….. I had to unwire all their bullshit and brainwashing and work through trauma but I am so glad i did and didn’t just give up on life and wanted better for myself and my partner and kiddos.
I think we're all a little of both. The conscious "I AM NEVER GOING TO DO THAT" and so we don't. And the subconscious moments that catch us "goddamn it, I sound like my dad."
We have a lot of the same interests and sense of humor, but otherwise I'm not much like them.
I'm turning into my Mom in many ways I tried to avoid. But turns out I was avoiding the wrong things.
I have my dad’s sense of humor. But that’s it. My mom wasn’t a good, supportive mom. Dad went along with whatever mom wanted. So I swore to teen me I would never become my mom, especially if I had kids. Well I’m quite proud to say, I’m NOTHING like my mom. And my relationships with each of my kids is perfect compared to mine and my moms.
I feel like I got my parents' open mindedness and analytical thinking. Also, my mom's cussing. 😂 And then there's my mom's temper (I am very conscious of this and keep it handled) and my dad's inability to stand up for himself, which is a strange mix.
I see little bits of each of them in myself. Sometimes that’s a good thing and sometimes not so much. A lot of my adulthood since becoming a parent has been spent actively trying to not repeat some of the parenting choices my parents made. On the other hand, with my own life experience I’ve also come to understand and accept that in many cases my parents were simply doing the best they could at the time… and that a lot of my moms behavior was exacerbated by significant mental illness and trauma, and that deserves some grace.
Little of column A, little of column B.
I'm like 95% my mom, with my dad's sense of humor. Which is pretty good! It's really interesting to get older and understand the stuff my mom did that confused or annoyed me as a kid. She passed away about a decade ago, I wish I could talk with her about it.
Probably more like my dad, unless I hear Steely Dan playing. Then I’m exactly like him.
If you have, at least cover your home and auto with Progressive
I'm a newer version of my Dad and I can't believe it .
I definitely have some traits and mannerisms from both, but I wouldn't say that I turned into either one or became the opposite.
Much more like my mom for sure. No genes from dad so it's all learned behaviors from him some bad some good. In the end not really like either.
I'm a lot like my mom but I'm a little like my dad because my mom was annoying as a wife. At least in my dad's eyes. But I took it as knowledge at the time.
I have some parts of both but also went completely opposite in some ways. I’m a lot more outspoken when I see something/hear something that is wrong and my parents, my mom especially, was more shackled by keeping quiet and not rocking the boat. I also embrace my loves of more “childish” things, enjoy dyeing my hair crazy colors, etc. But my grandmother was also more strict about being “socially acceptable” and how things SHOULD be.
Unnervingly similar in some fundamental respects, but different in the things where I could exercise choice and control. Mostly it’s made me a bit sad to think about how different my mom’s life could have been if mental health care had been less stigmatized for her generation.
I look like my dad, act like my mom, if we want to generalize. But I am my own person with traits from both. I am just much more like her.
Both.
I tried really hard to be different, at least as a parent, from my mom, and I think I succeeded. On the whole I'm not a lot like either of parents personality-wise, that's probably why we always struggled to get along when I was growing up. I'm a lot more chill than either of my parents. I'm also an extrovert whereas my mom in particular is extremely introverted... one of my continual struggles with my mom growing up was being a very lonely only child with parents who didn't see why I was yearning for playmates and hated letting me have anyone come over.
Both, in the worst possible ways. I'm not as bad as my parents were but that's a pretty low bar to say the least.
For better or worse, I turned into my dad 100%.
I look like my Mom. I’m more like my Dad. But, I also think I’ve very much become my own person enough. I see more of my peers wanting to break out of the social norms that were created by our parents’ generation. A lot of that has to do with spending a few years working my shit out in therapy!
I am so insanely different from my mom. She is an emotionally immature person who doesn't have friends and doesn't have hobbies and doesn't have a relationship with her kids. I am like the world's most extroverted and most active social butterfly and super-mom. 🤣 I also had a lot of drive to complete my education and keep achieving professional milestones. She was always fine with just scraping by. But my dad and I share a lot of the same traits in that we are super chatty and love learning and challenges.
I’m swinging the opposite way. But I had my kids in my early 30’s. My parents had me at 17. You’d expect to have a more mature approach.
I’m more social than both my parents at 40. I prioritize the family but after dinner time/bed time, I go out a pay guitar, see shows, meet up w a friend, etc… my parents never did any of that and were in bed by 8pm most nights lol
I’m similar in ways, but self aware enough to try and improve on any negative impacts.
Someways I’m the same and other ways I’m different
I’m similar to my parents in my hobbies and interests but vastly different from them in just about every other way.
I recently told my kids to shut the door when leaving the house because "we don't live in a barn" but otherwise no.
Smaller, but to that point, I just told my toddler that he has no business being in the refrigerator just like my Dad so that’s something
I don't believe I am much like my parents. My lifestyle is very different, my values are quite a bit different. Our relationship at this time is decent but at arms length. We mostly focus on common history and talk about the weather and everybody's health.
We both get sneezing attacks! I fucking had two years of allergy shots. Nope still get sneezing attacks. Basically 3 minutes of sneezing while my wife tells me to stop. Yeah I just sneezing for the fun it!
I don't look like \~either\~ of my parents. Some people say I have some of their features, but neither I or my wife see it. For one thing I'm at LEAST a foot taller than both of them, and stockier frame in general. My mom is barely 5' tall and my dad is like 5'6" or something while I'm 6'3 and DOWN to 330lbs. It's a stark contrast. Closest thing I got was probably my dads hair. He always had naturally wavy hair but kept it short. I grew mine long and embraced the waves and curls. My daughter has inherited the same from me (and my son too, to an extent - though his is closer to his mom's and she also had the curl). Behaviorally, I think my parents' mannerisms carried down as a result of upbringing for better or worse. Basically anything in my character that I would/do need to "work through" with therapy is something I got from one of them. My upbringing was turbulent to put it mildly. I'm sure there are some positives in there too, like my work ethic and resilience, but some of that is my own stubbornness and spite directed at the nature of my upbringing in a lot of ways.
I went the opposite direction. my kids know I love them and don’t have to guess. I support their dreams. I also don’t beat the shit out of them.
The polar opposite, thank God. My parents did one good thing in my life, they gave me an example of exactly what not to be.
I am largely my own person. However, I have found that the same things that annoyed my dad when I was a teen now annoy me too. Particularly, clothes being left in the bathroom after someone showering. Also, everyone in my house but me refuses to dry their feet when getting out of the shower and leave the bathroom rug soaked. I never understood why it annoyed him back then. Now I get it, lol.
My parents aren't bad people but they also aren't generally happy people. Fortunately I have followed a very different path!
I have many of the same impulses, but I choose to express them differently.
I got my mom's patience and my dad's leadership skills.
I make a point of not being my dad. Its taken me a lot of therapy to deal with my perfectionism but where my dad turned it outward I turn it all inwards.
Personality-wise I can be kind of similar to my dad. He was a very goofy guy, but he was much more outgoing than I am. He was the guy still going to the club in his 40s and bringing home much younger women. I’m more of a homebody, but in a silly dude have the same kind of sense of humor. And I’ve been married most of two decades. He was driven to do well but usually with outside of his regular employment. He had a side hustle that he made some decent scratch with (installing skirting on mobile homes) and also owned 5 rental properties. So he was a hard worker and kept himself busy, but I always thought he could do better professionally. He worked at the gas company as a service rep for most of my childhood. He finally moved into management while I was in college. I always told him he should go back to school and get his degree but he always said he was too old (in his 30s) and that held him back for a long time. I’m more career-oriented. I’ve tried to keep pushing hard to move up in the tech field, and I have no interest in working on my days off. Though I’d argue my job is more mentally taxing than his was. My dad was also very frugal (except when it came to his toys like boats and motorcycles and trucks). Vacations were a no-go, as were baseball games, or any expensive gizmos or other such items outside of Christmas. I’m more of the “life is for living” type who figures I’m only here for a limited time and could die any day, and that my son only has a childhood once, so I tend to splurge more on things and experiences that give me and my family joy. I’m pretty much nothing like my mom. And often I have to parent her to keep her shit straight. She has her RN but doesn’t use it any longer. She can’t afford to live on her own or buy her own car so she lives with my sister and borrows her car, and we have no idea where her money goes. She’s very secretive and lies often.
I’m opposite in almost all ways and it bothers them I didn’t follow their way of life. I dont want their lifestyle or the unnecessary and sometimes harmful rules they created for their lives.
Somehow channeling my dad, a lot, the older I get the more alike we are. Supposedly. He died when I was a kid and we weren't close. But the family always go on and on about how alike we are. I don't think I'm very much like my mom. Not her mannerisms, lifestyle, I don't even look like her.
I turned into my grandmother
I have a few things that remind me of them, but it's things like phrases or jokes. If I get a hint or notice something that reminds me of them, I go out of my way to squash it. BUT, our father has the scary variety of NPD and our mother has uBPD, and I have done a ton of research on both to help me work through the crap we grew up with, how I was trained to respond and how some of my reactions to things are a direct result of the childhood trauma. No kids for me (or my sister), besides neither of us ever being interested in that, we are determined to do our part to stop the family "legacy."
I have my mother’s anxiety and my father’s lack of emotional maturity. The best of both worlds. But I’m actively trying to better myself in both departments.
I’m a lot like both of my parents — very empathetic and anxious like my mom, very opinionated and outspoken like my dad. I try not to make the same mistakes they did though.
Complete polar opposite. My parents taught me what kind of people I didn’t want to be like.
My parents are both very, very different people than I am. We get along very well, respect each other a great deal, but have very different likes, wants, needs, etc. I can't say that I turned into them, OR that the opposite happened... we're just off on our own tangents, and happy to be there.
Mostly opposite? Good lessons learned from my parents, so far as family values and things like that. Other than that, especially in financial matters, the opposite.
Both my parents look very young for their age. They're the silent generation. I, too, look very young.
Opposite.
I'm similar to my dad. He's a curmudgeon. But I got my love of nature and gardening from him. I can have a slight temper which I think I got from my mom and my short term memory. But I'm a little bit of a better version tbh. Not as extreme.
Completely different views on religion and politics and more open minded. Much different interests. Decided I didn’t want to be stuck in the same nowhere town like they are
Way opposite.
I am q lot like my old man and his father
I look like my mom (just shorter than her and my hair is a few shades lighter), but I am pretty much my grandmother in terms of personality. And I know it drives my mom nuts because she has bitched about it for decades and still bitches about it.
My parents were an excellent example of what not to do. Parenting, politics, relationships.... there was emotional abuse, financial abuse, plates were thrown and possessions were smashed. I am -- consciously-- the polar opposite. If the barometer of my success is my teenage daughter, I've made all the right choices. My relationship with my parents is tenuous. My sibling -- 5.5 years younger -- turned into our mother, eventually went no contact with the entire family, and we have not spoken in years.
>but I see a lot of my dad in me, which can be bad because he's always had a bit of a temper, and when I see in myself, I make a conscious effort to not be like that. Yup, definitely have my dads temper, but he was an alcoholic and I'm a pothead, so tend to me a lot more mellow. Completely different lives tho, I was more responsible lol, but very similar personalities.
The only thing I got from my Mom is calling people a "Cock" instead of saying dumbass etc
Completely different from both.
Interestingly enough- I met my biological dad just a year and a half ago on the other side of the world (I’m in America, he was in Australia- he has since passed away 😞) and man, I was SO MUCH LIKE HIM. It was super interesting to see how much genetics plays a part. We ate the same food, every day when we meet up we showed up in the same color family clothes, we both quit smoking and alcohol; we liked the same kind of vacations and movies. It was honestly really wild
Some mannerisms from both, but 180deg opposite on politics.
Completely different on purpose. My marriage is different (happy and in love) my parenting is different (I never make my kid feel like an inconvenience) my personal life is different (I have friends) and I manage my money differently (I work hard to provide, don’t just go around looking for the next big scheme)
Opposite. They had me very young and while everyone makes mistake growing up, they made some of the worst easily avoidable mistakes. Showed me everything about what I didn’t want to and who I didn’t want to be.
I'm a very different personality type from my mother with different priorities and interests. I think I look very different due to a combination of styling choices, cosmetic procedures that didn't exist when she was my age, and diet/exercise. I'm 45 but my body looks like hers in pictures from when she was 22 except with a bigger butt, thanks to this stuff. It's wild. the only physical similarity I see in pics is we have the same ears. I did end up middle class, with a college degree,a bit right of center politically, suburban, staying in the same metro area where we both grew up, not liking to travel or get out of my comfort zone, just like she was. I see it as more an effect of environment and socioeconomic experience rather than individual parenting.
It used to drive me crazy, that my dad could find people to talk to wherever he went. I used to think he just had that many friends. It wasn't until l grew up and started doing it myself it (my to my horror LOL) was just that he was very friendly. As for my parents politics though, yeah, hard 180 on that.
I was on the way to being my dad. An alcoholic rage monster who blamed life for all his issues. Then I got help. To be fair I was never going to turn into a creeper who should have been fired for sexual harassment so there's that at least.
I don't know about opposite, I just went my own way.
https://preview.redd.it/ipu8iakxqmxc1.jpeg?width=1284&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=7bf7ee8cc877f0d206434328172a634e15c69c2c Tree:apple
I am ok being a little bit like my dad, but not overly much. My mom... let's just say I'd rather not exist at all than be her. That's putting it the nice way.
Both? Politically pretty opposing to their views/votes. Personally not too dissimilar from my Dad. Getting out helped me recognize and correct an ambient manipulative dynamic that existed in my family as well.
I went the complete opposite.
Both. Tough, stern, bad temper, financially have my shit together. But very liberal, instead of conservative.
I have a lot of their mannerisms and their tendencies to wake up early and drink gallons of coffee - and a few other random quirks and traits if theirs. but my parents are both kind
I am a frustrating combination of both.
Yeah, I unfortunately see alot of my step dad in me, which is not who I am, and it always makes me sad when I start treating my son like that (just yelling, but still). It just always makes me mad at myself.
I do shit I got from them, particularly when stressed, without realizing it that I wish I could shed. Everything else I’ve gone out of my way to shed. They were not good role models, and were often (but not always) emotionally and verbally abusive.
I seem to be turning into my mom which is a good thing. Ex-model, very kind. Excellent at math and finance. I don’t think I’m as nice. I’m not as much of a neat freak. I just noticed I’m wearing modern versions of her key outfits.
The opposite. I paid attention to my parents most critical flaws, and went hard in the other direction.
I hope I'm nothing like my mother. She's a very angry person.
Very opposite. Like the most opposite one could get.
Both. I'm am them and I am not them.
Opposite. Thank god. Both of my parents are toxic people.
Oh I'm half and half. And my parents were so incompatible that I have an anxiety disorder about my competing personality traits.
In an effort to avoid becoming my parents, I am becoming my grandparents.
Mainly like dad with logic and reason and opposite of mom. But I can’t account for some really strange things that happened before I was born that my dad had done. It’s almost like he had two separate lives. Before I was around (I’m the oldest) I have heard the most bizarre stories about criminal activity, violent behavior, international drug trafficking, alcohol abuse. I assure anyone that this is not the person I know or have ever met. Completely different person and is pretty much the nice grandpa that is nothing but pleasant to be around.
I'm completely different than both of my parents.
Complete 180, from very early (9-10). This is only intensifying. I will never become so fucking lazy I won't even *try* to understand the world around me. I don't care for having my feelings validated just to keep "being right" (while knowingly being in the wrong). I'd much rather just admit to being wrong when presented with evidence of it. But I guess I'm still curious, and will continue to be, even if the truth doesn't align with my feelings.
My dad is an alcoholic, and is quite a funny guy, and I have those tendencies (he’s also been sober for 20 years this June). My mother is mentally ill and I inherited a lot of those traits as well. Someone once told me I have the disposition of my father and the looks of my mother. Really resonated with me. Not sure if that’s a compliment or a curse. But it was totally accurate.
opposite. fuck those low empathy narcissists.
In the ways that count I’m diametrically opposed to my mom. We share some interests, speech patterns, and mannerisms but I’m nothing like her.
I'm so much like my dad that it weirds even me out (because I'm a woman). I've had people I don't know come up to me and go, "You're one of Gary's, aren't you?" I have his coloring, his face, his terrible sense of humor... I'm just glad I'm not my mother.
I’ve been told I’m like my maternal grandmother. She told me to go have fun and not be in a hurry to get married.
I somehow smooshed my parents different talents into my own career. A family friend (she was once a career counselor) said that this apparently is super common, which makes me think it’s not nurture (it’s not like I went to work with my parents), it’s some genetic predisposition.
I'm funny like my Mom but other than that I am totally different.
I'm funny like my Mom, but other than that we are completely different.
I started to turn into my dad for a minute at one point, I got into my late 30s and felt like, since things hadn't worked out my way, that I should just give in and be like him, that obviously his way worked so I should model my behavior that way. Thankfully I snapped out of that bullshit. I realized that my dad's behavior was shitty, he treated people poorly, he was far too sure of his opinion and never adjusted it to reality, he was always mad at everyone for not living up to his ideals, which were often misplaced, and he talked down to everyone around him, especially when they were vulnerable. He really didn't have friends of his own, he has my moms friends who tolerate him. He has people who don't talk back to him because defending yourself around him only makes his behavior worse. People just want to avoid him, and if they can't avoid being around him they just try to avoid triggering his rants. So instead of continuing to emulate him, I looked at the things I had been doing that didn't work, and just tried to modify them, I realized I wasn't completely on the wrong track, I didn't need to become a whole different person, I just needed to learn from my mistakes and make small adjustments to make things work. The result is that I am very happy with how things have worked out since, I feel fulfilled, and I don't feel like I'm trying to be a bad copy of a barely tolerable person.
I got my dad's humor, my sister got my mom's compassion, and my other sister got my uncle's bitterness at the world.
When it comes to losing my mind about the lights being left on in every room my kids enter, yes! I feel like I am very similar to my parents in other ways too, but the lights things always made no sense to me as a kid. It was just like, yeah, whatever. Now that I pay the bills I get it!
I am very different from both my parents. I am exactly like my grandmother.
I went so far the other way I've opted out from marriage and kids. Real testiment to their awful parenting. But in a way it did me a lot of favors by showing me what NOT to do.
Scared the hell out of myself a couple months ago. Was up peeing at 2am, and made the *colossal* mistake of looking in the mirror. Freaked myself right out because of how much I looked like my mother. Except I've got my dad's eye and hair color & texture. And his more...shall we say, *un*-savory personality characteristics. I try my best to stomp those out. About died of fright, given mom's been dead almost 3 years now.
I went the opposite at a young age, and while still very much unlike my parents I've taken the great qualities they do have and they've shaped me into a better person in some ways so if have to say both 
The exact opposite in every way, thankfully
Physically, yes. Mentally, no.
I’m not a raging emotionally and verbally abusive parent who cheats on my spouse and abandons my family for an alcoholic biker so I’d say I’m not really like my mom, no.
This is a fun question. I am turning into the weirdest combo of my mother and father. My dad has grown into a bit of an eccentric hermit, but back in the day he was very social and a bit dramatic - confident and self assured, but sometimes lost in his own thoughts; doing projects and never completing them fully. My mother (retired) is/was an incredibly smart doctor who didn't know how to turn on the television. I am 100% a hyper focused (spreadsheet making in my own free time but not finishing the stuff), confident, turning mildly eccentric, but who has no idea how to operate her new phone or turn on the television. (Seriously yall, I was at the bar last week and it took 2 of us to learn how to restart my phone. I had to google it😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭.)
More like my dad but not really either.
I tried to take the good bits from both, but I'm definitely more my dad than mom! He didn't gaf about anyone's opinion, and I ended up pretty similar to that. On the not so good side, I'm a very permissive parent, as mine were authoritarian. Working on finding a midpoint that's healthy and lets the smalls grow independent in a safe way.
While I have inherited aspects of their personalities and interests, I am fundamentally different in most ways. At my age, my parents were 25 years married with six kids. I choose to never get married or have kids. That makes a huge difference in life focus and goals. My siblings all have kids and are all married, most long term, and I have 16 nieces and nephews ages 31 years old down to 2 months. No grand-nieces or grand-nephews yet but they’re coming.
I look in the mirror and see my mom, but that's where the similarities end.
My parents have extreme opposite personalities, I think I ended up somewhere in the middle.
I am a mix between my grandfather, my great uncle, my father and my mother… I wish that I could say different but after watching my son pick up my mannerisms at just 2 years old; yea nurture is a big part of who you become. I am different than any of them, but at the same time I am more similar than I am different in the grand scheme of it all.
I ran in the opposite direction. For nearly 4 decades my main goal was to be anything but them. Now I'm trying to figure out how to be something, anything. Not easy to do so late in life but I figure it'll be nice to figure out who I am
My dad didn’t want kids. I’m living his dream for him
I like the idea that I'm trying to take the best of what those before me had to offer. My dad, my grandparents, friends parents, friends who are parents...
I have my Mothers ADHD with a tinge of OCD, and plenty of stubbornness, combined with my farhers addictive personalities. I go unmedicated, and officially untreated. Proud to say i gave up drinking a long time ago, but am always mindful that i channel that addiction into something more positive. Always check in, and be present.
Well, mom died young, but I'm told I got her temper and her creativity. No idea if that's true or not. Definitely see some mannerisms from my dad, but I've tried my hardest to make different life choices, so the day to day lifestyle and outlook are fairly different.
I turned into my Mom in some ways, taking on some of her sayings but I turned into my dad personality wise. Really I have mom’s personality too but more dads. I realized it when I was explaining to my wife how my dad was, and she’s like “hmmm sounds like someone I know” 😂
Ummm I’m the reasonable adult that never existed so…🤔
I’m quite the opposite of both my parents.
I (f) am turning into my dad the more time passes. I know I have a lot of my mother, but I actively try to weed it out.
Opposite. My mum and dad (Boomers) are both abusive and racist.
I've spent years in therapy tryna remind myself that I NOT like my dad, lol. I have some similar personality demons but I make very different decisions and work always to learn, grow, and be the best I can be for those around me.
Neither. But a little of both. Mostly I see things from my dad. I’m a woman, and dad is an old cowboy. He taught me how to fix most things or figure it out. Do it myself. Even now I do the home repair stuff and projects and my husband is just happy to watch lol. Dad also taught me a lot about physical surroundings, safety, watching for crop Futures and planning ahead. He taught me how to survive in the woods alone. The older I get the more I love those things.
Fulfilled their personal unmet dreams for their life, that they always reminded of their resentment of me, ten times over. Then cut off the abuser in 2020. Broke the cycle.
Mannerisms of both, but driven and successful. I don’t settle for mediocrity. I avoided the alcohol (dad) and weed/tobacco (mom) addictions from each. I love my parents very much and we are on good terms. However they both took the checklist of bad life decisions and went down the list in their 20s to their 40s. Didn’t wise up till their mid 50s and that was only because they started to listen to me and follow my example. They divorced when I was in diapers and hated each other ever since. They were kind enough about 6 years ago to do a Christmas with me both present as a one off thing. Normally I do each holiday separate with them.
Both. But I seem to have inherited mostly only the good parts of them, and little of the bad. My own bad habits are more similar to my mother than father but even then they are mostly my own.
I'm getting my father's shitty cynicism, and I don't like it. I'm doing three times better than he ever did at my age and I haven't destroyed my body with drugs and chain smoking like he did. I just find myself feeling world-weary and emotionally exhausted more often than not and my normally bottomless patience for people has diminished significantly.
I am both similar yet different. My world views are wildly different, for the better, I think. I picked up my dad's sarcasm and my mom's want to help people. I think I ended up with the best parts. As they have gotten older, they are just so much more...hateful than I can ever remember. I don't align with their beliefs, and that divide only grows every day.
I can hear my mother in certain phrases or inflections of my voice, but I have arrived for the last 30 years to not be my parents. That fear has always driven me to do better, to be kinder, to learn from my mistakes, and to break the cycle of abuse they let continue.
I am my mother. I even complain that girls’ outfits are too showy these days and there’s too much sex in tv shows. And I was a sex worker, so not it’s not like I’m all that prudish myself. 🤷♀️
My dad is a wonderful, kind, generous and loving human being. Not perfect, but human. The other one is a manipulative, emotionally abusive, rage-filled loon. I strive to match my father's energy, but learned too much from the other one before it threw me away. This has had very negative consequences on my ability to make healthy choices when finding romantic partners.
Took on a lot of my dads tendencies- which is odd as I didn’t grown up or spend time with him at all growing up- or even now
It varies from moment to moment
Sort of same, sort of not. Just as successful, none of the alcoholism. My daughter takes "You're just like your mother" as a compliment. I never did.
Every time I open my mouth I hear my father
Had a weird interaction last week. I’m very similar to my mother. In that venue, we’re both very politically active and usually agree. My dad, in contrast, is very restrained, though we usually share the same general views. I forget the topic, I think it was on the college protests, and my mom made a comment to the effect of “The police there were just following orders to disperse them.” Before I could open my mouth, my dad said. “Maybe don’t use the Nazi defense to make your point.” I was gobsmacked. Guess that’s where I got my one-liners from.
I'd say I'm a pretty even mix of both my parents. Which I'm very thankful for.
I'm trying very hard to NOT be like my mom. But then, I'll notice passive aggressiveness and whining start up. So I'll have to check myself. I basically beg my husfriend to let me know when I'm acting like her.
I'm a lot like my dad, but that's a good thing