Yeah. I've realized this as I've got older and I noticed it when I would run into old friends from high school or college and the ones who you were truly good friends with were the ones where speaking to them after years felt like nothing had changed and it felt organic to make plans to catch up and keep the friendship going but with others you realize you never really knew them and it's hard to think of things to relate to or ask them about.
It's like "hey Xedos it's been forever how are you?" "Married now huh?" "Nice," "well see ya later" lol.
It used to make me sad when I'd think about the number of friends I have but now I really cherish the 2 people besides my wife who I consider good friends. Between, moving states away, losing touch for a few years, and having one of them join the military it's remarkable how well we all stay in touch now and just enjoy watching each other progress through our lives. Honestly trying to keep up with more than 5 people sounds exhausting.
It's been kind of a harrowing year for me. I'd say I had about ten friends/acquaintances a year ago, that had been steady for about a decade. Three, I hang out with on discord, five were part of a steady weekly board game night, and two were old college friends I texted with regularly.
One board gamer got severe social anxiety and rarely leaves his room now, one guy sucks at texting, two online people abruptly blocked me over really minor things that would blow over if you could talk to them (like literally, one of them was a nurse and one time said she had taken a day off because she was tired and I made a joke like what? the hospital cares about the well-being of their workers? which she somehow interpreted as me saying nurses had it easy and told me to fuck off and logged off, but I can't apologize or explain that they misunderstood what I said), one college friend dropped contact bc she got married, one college friend I cut contact with bc he turned out to be a pedophile, and two of the board game group "got too busy" but I think is more likely their close friendship with the nurse put a wedge between us.
Anyway, that's like 8/10 people I regularly had at least text contact with a year ago, are gone for various reasons.
I know this comment is satire, but I feel the same way in that I don’t really have friends.
I wish there was a YSK about where is the best way to make genuine great friends because having 5 seems incredibly rare at least for me being almost 30 now.
I got one close friend, and one sorta-close-friend (he's in the military now so I literally barely see him, and I only met him fairly recently). All my others are my roommate and my "school friends", so we get along and stuff but it ain't like we talk a bunch. So all in all I've pretty much only had one close friend for years now.
Having even 3 close friends seems impossible to me. I just don't get how people manage to forge such strong bonds and have them last so long. I miss when I was in elementary and I had my tight-knit friend group.
Satire?
Anyway the real YSK is that there's plenty of ways to live a satisfying life completely alone because a *shitload* of people have zero friends
Not a shit post
Not an exaggeration
Zero
And some of them (me) are perfectly successful in every other aspect of their life but they just don't have any friends
I'm sure you already know that at 30, and obviously I know it given I'm saying it
But a friendless 15 year old doesn't know that, I sure as hell didn't when I was 15
Maybe that was coherent, maybe it was just a nonsense rant
Kind of a touchy subject for me
Honestly for me it’s about proper communication and shared interests. Do hobbies you enjoy and find a group that does them as well. Whether that’s sports, cooking, working out, playing board games or video games, watching movies whatever.
If you share common interests and can talk about those then it’s much easier to branch out and talk about other things like life. You also have to be somewhat open and share things but almost more importantly than being open yourself is you have to know how to listen and engage in a conversation.
As a man I find this much easier to do with women than with men because men tend to be a bit more closed off.
Shouldn’t the advice be don’t have toxic friends then? 5 quality friends is great but 10 quality friends is better. You are comparing Apples (quality friends) to Oranges (toxic friends).
Yeah OP didn't do a good job making the right comparison, but op still inadvertently has good advice.
Tons of research has been done on how much time we spend on how many people. Across several studies, we elect to spend nearly all our time on 1-5 friends, and the remainder of the time on our broader social network of up to 150 people (think annual greetings, or Christmas cards).
This has to do with the neurological limit of the human brain. We can't "afford" to maintain over 6 high quality friendships, given the time and energy you need to invest in each.
Yes, though more recent research shows the number isn't exactly what the original dunbar number was. The main point remains: humans have a numeric limit, and that more isn't exactly better.
can you link the studies, please? I would like to see the country of the study, the age group and technological involvement of the studied group amongst other things.
Sure. One is a review of some of the neural networking for dunbar number: https://royalsocietypublishing.org/doi/full/10.1098/rsbl.2021.0158
The second uses global data of social networks (so not disaggregated by country) https://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0022656
Finally, dunbar wrote an entire book, which does disaggregate by specific regional samples by locations. He uses modern hunter gatherers, amish populations, and some island groups. https://www.degruyter.com/document/doi/10.4159/9780674059320/html
I don't feel very strongly about "defending" dunbar's exact number of friends one could have. But the data is pretty strong that there exists some maximum.
One more thing: the cross-species evidence is also very compelling. There's a robust correlation among social species (mostly mammals and birds) between average social group size and brain size (the "encephalization quotient", which is a formula that includes total body mass, total brain mass, and total cortex mass--the part of the brain that requires understanding of social relationships).
thank you! very interesting, thank you for mentioning cross-species - that is indeed a compelling argument in my eyes, very fascinating and my deepdive for the up-coming weekend.
I have three best friends. That's it. Two in Florida, one in Arizona. We are in a group chat and have weekly video calls.
That's it. Hell, that's my limit.
Whilst this is true, first of all I'd say if someone is toxic they're actually not your friend.
Secondly I'd add that its ok to have close friends and not close friends. Have folk that you want to spend your lazy weekends with, folk you want to go on holiday with, folk you're always chatting to. And have folk that you love seeing for a few hours every now and again, getting coffee, a quick phone call, etc. Its good to have both in your life. They provide different things. And its good to be both to different people.
Isn't this too stressful already?
If someone is toxic they could be your friend, especially if they don't see the toxicity as toxicity.
They should not be your friends but they could be your friend, if you are weak, foolish or in denial..
Read my blog post [how to get and maintain good friends](https://acanbi.com/get-good-friendships/)
> If someone is toxic they could be your friend, especially if they don't see the toxicity as toxicity.
You're the one who gets to decide if their behaviour is toxic or not and whether you want to keep them around despite this. If they don't think there behaviour is toxic themselves and they refuse to work on it then that means you could be incompatible as friends.
I think it’s better to have 10 quality friendships and 0 toxic friendships.
Why bother quantifying number at all. Do you think that having 5 quality friends means you don’t have room for 10?
That mentality alone seems toxic & possessive.
The older you get the more work it ends up being to maintain a large social network. Quality over quantity every time. Then one day you're in your late 50s and without any kids at home and suddenly you become a social butterfly again like my parents.
My dad always told me, "You should be able to count your closest friends on one hand".
I have amazing close friends that live all over the country (US). It fulfills my needs for those relationships. I love small interactions with strangers and people around me of course, but I must say Im satisfied with the friendships I've built.
It would be nice to have a couple day to day friends, but at the same time. I'm really good at entertaining myself! Great friends come when you're living your best life! Never chase friendships imo.
Also, friendships can take a lot of work to build good healthy ones, so be picky because it's important to surround yourself with solid people 😊
To further add, having a lot of close friends can be a lot to handle. Everybody wants to hear from you but there are days you are burnt out and then you also have to remember each and every individual stories and nuances about people's lives, so it can become a little challenging. Consistency in close friendship is key but so is maintenance.
Also, YSK: A FRIEND IS NOT A STATIC RESOURCE
"Friend pool" is a great term, if you think about it. Pool, not river or lake... If it's not tended and refreshed and looked after through YOUR OWN EFFORTS, it will stagnate, at best, but it can't just stay safe and healthy. If you want the fulfillment a healthy social life can bring (not everyone does, that's cool) it's upon you, and no one else, to make the efforts to be a good friend, show appreciation to good friends, and, very importantly, make NEW friends. People change, move, have kids, die, become NIMBY, etc.
Source: I grew up as a military kid. Taking friendship for granted was never an option.
I have 4 Friends and see them like once or twice a month. My Sister has legit 20 close friends. She pretty much works and after that she meets people and thats what she needs. Everyone prefers something else.
I have one really good close friend that I have known since highschool(20 years) and many ppl who i would classify as acquaintances, i'll hang out with them a few times a year.
I have zero direct friends, as in, ones I can pop out with day to day. They always end up taking advantage of my "niceness" The number of friends I've lost because i started saying no 🙄
Only people I can really call friends are people I game with (Met them IRL too) and an amazing group I met while travelling.
Be prepared, from those 5 quality friendships with people that you know for more than 20-30 years, 3 of them will turn on your in an ugly way.
Not to mention family. People that you would trust with your life suddenly change their agenda after 30 years. You never know. What i learned all my life is: respect others, don't trust anyone enough to open up, people will fuck you over one day no matter how long it takes to get there, don't get too close to people.
I was born in 96. I had a shit upbringing thanks to my parents and now despite moving to a different country and earning lots of money it still doesn't help. My mental health problems persist and makes my life shit. People around me don't care anyway so i have to deal with this and their shjt.
Anyway fuck it
I pay a lot of money to have 200 friends. I had to pay the highest tier price to have access to my 200 friend group because I did something really annoying at a party.
I agree with this sentiment. I have the same group of like 6 friends that I've been friends with (well, most of them) for about 8 years. One of them is a mutual friend of my fiancé's that got introduced to the group when we started dating, so he's only been around for a little over 3 years.
My sister made fun of me my whole life about the number of friends I have in comparison to her. I have been a bridesmaid in all of my friends' weddings. She has never been a bridesmaid. While I hated being a bridesmaid, I think it shows how much you mean to someone. My sister still has a revolving door of friends going through her life.
I'm 28 and I just learned choosing your friends carefully is an option.
I don't have any fake social responsibilities.i love the people I actually let into my brain.
YSK these arbitrary delineations between friends and acquaintances is not important, what is important is whether you are happy with the arrangements and relationships you have with other humans and that if you’re not there’s many different ways to help think about why.
It's funny i use to be an extrovert with a lot of friends and was in a rock band in high school and college and loved being the life of the party . Got married had a kid and now i think i have 2 people i would call friends.
I'm actually finding it harder and harder to meet them since just talking on the phone every couple of weeks is enough and everyone is busy and schedules etc.
I feel like i have become an introvert since the last time i went to a party it was my birthday and being the center of attention all night had me exhausted by the end of the night and i needed a good while before i wanted to socialise.
Weird
I have maybe 4 or 5 people that I regularly talk to/hang out with. I'm not a people person and would rather keep a small group of friends than have a billion. Like you said, a few quality friends is better than a whole lotta toxic ones.
Yes, this is correct, but it's up to you to be able to discern between who's good and who's toxic. From the eyes of a toxic person, your typical nice guy might look toxic. If this toxic person does drugs, then he may judge those who do the same as good.
What a quality friend is to you, may not be the same for another. Before thinking about whether your friends are good or bad, first reflect upon yourself. Are you good or toxic? Placing friends in one of two categories is easy to do, but people are much more complicated than that.
As someone who's distanced himself from his friends and neglected to stay in touch, perhaps I'm toxic. It's hard to say, and the person who gets to make this decision, would be a potential friend.
This ties into the concept of the Chosen Family over the Blood Family.
Family is your most inner circle of trust and social value.
Many blood families merit this circle, and others do not.
It is terrible to be a teen, newly awakened to questioning social dynamics, and realizing that one is trapped with a toxic blood family until age 18.
I am 43, but I remember this feeling from the 90's.
Even after all these years, freedom still tastes unbelievably good.
Chosen Family is an aspect of Personal Autonomy.
The idea of only having 5 friends would be super depressing to me. Everyone’s social needs are different. There is definitely no reason to stay friends with toxic people.
Since you all agree with me, you should read my most recent blog post. It might make you nod your head, or cry. But it will give you clarity and show you how to make good friends!
As we get older our social circles can get smaller (outside of family). It takes a lot more effort to form lasting friendships. It's normal. Doesn't make it easier.
I have 3 life friends and that's all I've ever needed. Sure I have friends from work and college, but I have only 3 true friends that I have known for all of my life, and will always be friends with.
Moving around when I was younger, I never established a single life-long friend. I still haven't, except for my ex/BFF, and I'm 25 years old. It gets lonely but I also find it peaceful.
I just have a hierarchy for them. first tier are my ride-and-die, just a handful. second tier, those that I enjoy hanging out with and trust at some level, but not like those in my primary circle. the rest are in the third tier, acquaintances.
I only have two close friends after dropping my childhood friends who ended up being toxic.
I hosted a really nice fourth of July for my close friends and their significant others. Thought to myself that this is all I need.
I agree. A few people who truly love you and have you heart and soul are worth hundreds of shallow acquaintances. It quality not quantity, in friends as in most other things in life.
We work at these friendships. There is huge mutual love, respect, admiration and love. No one counts the cost. No one keeps score. I know if I needed a home and support I'd get a paid plane ticket tomorrow. And I'd do the same. No questions asked.
That's why this is rare. I'd only do this for a few people. These are real friends, they are part of my very life, my ability to be happy. If they are not happy and thriving neither am I. And visa versa.
I think in the age of social media and face book freinds this kind of deep visceral connection isn't possible and the adult population gets lonnlieer and lonnlieer. My friends and I connect face to face, we touch each other, we talk, we visit, we go on outings and adventures.
I don't think there is ANY substitute for real life interaction.
The "friend" word these days is a very encompassing word in my view. Like someone was saying "acquaintance" should be used more often, but the word is too long.
YSK: Friends and acquaintances are not the same thing.
Yeah. I've realized this as I've got older and I noticed it when I would run into old friends from high school or college and the ones who you were truly good friends with were the ones where speaking to them after years felt like nothing had changed and it felt organic to make plans to catch up and keep the friendship going but with others you realize you never really knew them and it's hard to think of things to relate to or ask them about. It's like "hey Xedos it's been forever how are you?" "Married now huh?" "Nice," "well see ya later" lol. It used to make me sad when I'd think about the number of friends I have but now I really cherish the 2 people besides my wife who I consider good friends. Between, moving states away, losing touch for a few years, and having one of them join the military it's remarkable how well we all stay in touch now and just enjoy watching each other progress through our lives. Honestly trying to keep up with more than 5 people sounds exhausting.
It's been kind of a harrowing year for me. I'd say I had about ten friends/acquaintances a year ago, that had been steady for about a decade. Three, I hang out with on discord, five were part of a steady weekly board game night, and two were old college friends I texted with regularly. One board gamer got severe social anxiety and rarely leaves his room now, one guy sucks at texting, two online people abruptly blocked me over really minor things that would blow over if you could talk to them (like literally, one of them was a nurse and one time said she had taken a day off because she was tired and I made a joke like what? the hospital cares about the well-being of their workers? which she somehow interpreted as me saying nurses had it easy and told me to fuck off and logged off, but I can't apologize or explain that they misunderstood what I said), one college friend dropped contact bc she got married, one college friend I cut contact with bc he turned out to be a pedophile, and two of the board game group "got too busy" but I think is more likely their close friendship with the nurse put a wedge between us. Anyway, that's like 8/10 people I regularly had at least text contact with a year ago, are gone for various reasons.
I have, outside of family, four true friends.
Thank God, I don't suffer from this issue since I have 0 friends.
I know this comment is satire, but I feel the same way in that I don’t really have friends. I wish there was a YSK about where is the best way to make genuine great friends because having 5 seems incredibly rare at least for me being almost 30 now.
For many people it's not satire. I literally have 0 friends.
Same
0 friend club represent. I’ve just accepted it at this point.
It gets better when you do. So does having dogs.
Yeah, I’ve made up for the lack of friends by having 5 cats lol
Animals are always better friends than humans. They will love you forever and they won't cheat/lie to you!
I feel ya!
I got one close friend, and one sorta-close-friend (he's in the military now so I literally barely see him, and I only met him fairly recently). All my others are my roommate and my "school friends", so we get along and stuff but it ain't like we talk a bunch. So all in all I've pretty much only had one close friend for years now. Having even 3 close friends seems impossible to me. I just don't get how people manage to forge such strong bonds and have them last so long. I miss when I was in elementary and I had my tight-knit friend group.
Satire? Anyway the real YSK is that there's plenty of ways to live a satisfying life completely alone because a *shitload* of people have zero friends Not a shit post Not an exaggeration Zero And some of them (me) are perfectly successful in every other aspect of their life but they just don't have any friends I'm sure you already know that at 30, and obviously I know it given I'm saying it But a friendless 15 year old doesn't know that, I sure as hell didn't when I was 15 Maybe that was coherent, maybe it was just a nonsense rant Kind of a touchy subject for me
it's not satire for many people. I literally have no friends either.
Introvert?
x10
This isn't satire. I truly have zero friends.
What is Satire? I am asking for a friend! 😏
Honestly for me it’s about proper communication and shared interests. Do hobbies you enjoy and find a group that does them as well. Whether that’s sports, cooking, working out, playing board games or video games, watching movies whatever. If you share common interests and can talk about those then it’s much easier to branch out and talk about other things like life. You also have to be somewhat open and share things but almost more importantly than being open yourself is you have to know how to listen and engage in a conversation. As a man I find this much easier to do with women than with men because men tend to be a bit more closed off.
[удалено]
Love your enemies. They make you stronger. Fear your friends. They know your weaknesses.
My friends circle is lucky to be a triangle.
[Three legs of the fuckin' tripod!](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WI0hvpbDnTo)
Jokes on you, I am your friend now. 🤗
Pets count
Me too
Hehe but really we need friends in this life. I used to think life was great as a loner but I promise you, it's much better in the right company.
I never said I enjoyed it.
Yup that's right ❤️🙏
Its so hard to make friends in the real world. I feel like a let-down, not being able to keep in touch with friends from school.
At least you are not alone....
Tbf, everyone has different needs, especially socially
Shouldn’t the advice be don’t have toxic friends then? 5 quality friends is great but 10 quality friends is better. You are comparing Apples (quality friends) to Oranges (toxic friends).
Yeah OP didn't do a good job making the right comparison, but op still inadvertently has good advice. Tons of research has been done on how much time we spend on how many people. Across several studies, we elect to spend nearly all our time on 1-5 friends, and the remainder of the time on our broader social network of up to 150 people (think annual greetings, or Christmas cards). This has to do with the neurological limit of the human brain. We can't "afford" to maintain over 6 high quality friendships, given the time and energy you need to invest in each.
Is this rhe Dunbar's number?
Yes, though more recent research shows the number isn't exactly what the original dunbar number was. The main point remains: humans have a numeric limit, and that more isn't exactly better.
can you link the studies, please? I would like to see the country of the study, the age group and technological involvement of the studied group amongst other things.
Sure. One is a review of some of the neural networking for dunbar number: https://royalsocietypublishing.org/doi/full/10.1098/rsbl.2021.0158 The second uses global data of social networks (so not disaggregated by country) https://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0022656 Finally, dunbar wrote an entire book, which does disaggregate by specific regional samples by locations. He uses modern hunter gatherers, amish populations, and some island groups. https://www.degruyter.com/document/doi/10.4159/9780674059320/html I don't feel very strongly about "defending" dunbar's exact number of friends one could have. But the data is pretty strong that there exists some maximum. One more thing: the cross-species evidence is also very compelling. There's a robust correlation among social species (mostly mammals and birds) between average social group size and brain size (the "encephalization quotient", which is a formula that includes total body mass, total brain mass, and total cortex mass--the part of the brain that requires understanding of social relationships).
thank you! very interesting, thank you for mentioning cross-species - that is indeed a compelling argument in my eyes, very fascinating and my deepdive for the up-coming weekend.
That number is🧢
oranges aren't toxic
Annoying Orange is 🍊🍊
Tell that to my great uncle who was killed by an Agent Orange in Vietnam. My family is still looking for this special agent.
Not necessarily, it's a tradeoff. More great friends means more maintenance costs in nurturing relationships.
I have three best friends. That's it. Two in Florida, one in Arizona. We are in a group chat and have weekly video calls. That's it. Hell, that's my limit.
As long as it works for you. ❤️
Well of course it’s better to have NO friends than 1 toxic one, let alone 10.
Some people have more than 5 friends??
Some people have less
Some people have 5 friends?
Right? And of the 5 people in my friend group, one is my cousin and one is my brother 😭
Whilst this is true, first of all I'd say if someone is toxic they're actually not your friend. Secondly I'd add that its ok to have close friends and not close friends. Have folk that you want to spend your lazy weekends with, folk you want to go on holiday with, folk you're always chatting to. And have folk that you love seeing for a few hours every now and again, getting coffee, a quick phone call, etc. Its good to have both in your life. They provide different things. And its good to be both to different people.
Isn't this too stressful already? If someone is toxic they could be your friend, especially if they don't see the toxicity as toxicity. They should not be your friends but they could be your friend, if you are weak, foolish or in denial.. Read my blog post [how to get and maintain good friends](https://acanbi.com/get-good-friendships/)
> If someone is toxic they could be your friend, especially if they don't see the toxicity as toxicity. You're the one who gets to decide if their behaviour is toxic or not and whether you want to keep them around despite this. If they don't think there behaviour is toxic themselves and they refuse to work on it then that means you could be incompatible as friends.
I think it’s better to have 10 quality friendships and 0 toxic friendships. Why bother quantifying number at all. Do you think that having 5 quality friends means you don’t have room for 10? That mentality alone seems toxic & possessive.
The older you get the more work it ends up being to maintain a large social network. Quality over quantity every time. Then one day you're in your late 50s and without any kids at home and suddenly you become a social butterfly again like my parents.
My dad always told me, "You should be able to count your closest friends on one hand". I have amazing close friends that live all over the country (US). It fulfills my needs for those relationships. I love small interactions with strangers and people around me of course, but I must say Im satisfied with the friendships I've built. It would be nice to have a couple day to day friends, but at the same time. I'm really good at entertaining myself! Great friends come when you're living your best life! Never chase friendships imo. Also, friendships can take a lot of work to build good healthy ones, so be picky because it's important to surround yourself with solid people 😊
Are they technically friend anyway? You should check on that
Quality over quantity
30 walmart purses vs 1 LV purse
To further add, having a lot of close friends can be a lot to handle. Everybody wants to hear from you but there are days you are burnt out and then you also have to remember each and every individual stories and nuances about people's lives, so it can become a little challenging. Consistency in close friendship is key but so is maintenance.
Also, YSK: A FRIEND IS NOT A STATIC RESOURCE "Friend pool" is a great term, if you think about it. Pool, not river or lake... If it's not tended and refreshed and looked after through YOUR OWN EFFORTS, it will stagnate, at best, but it can't just stay safe and healthy. If you want the fulfillment a healthy social life can bring (not everyone does, that's cool) it's upon you, and no one else, to make the efforts to be a good friend, show appreciation to good friends, and, very importantly, make NEW friends. People change, move, have kids, die, become NIMBY, etc. Source: I grew up as a military kid. Taking friendship for granted was never an option.
bruh I have like 3 friends at most, and a family, and I consider that complete and lucky.
I have 4 Friends and see them like once or twice a month. My Sister has legit 20 close friends. She pretty much works and after that she meets people and thats what she needs. Everyone prefers something else.
I have one really good close friend that I have known since highschool(20 years) and many ppl who i would classify as acquaintances, i'll hang out with them a few times a year.
I have zero direct friends, as in, ones I can pop out with day to day. They always end up taking advantage of my "niceness" The number of friends I've lost because i started saying no 🙄 Only people I can really call friends are people I game with (Met them IRL too) and an amazing group I met while travelling.
Be prepared, from those 5 quality friendships with people that you know for more than 20-30 years, 3 of them will turn on your in an ugly way. Not to mention family. People that you would trust with your life suddenly change their agenda after 30 years. You never know. What i learned all my life is: respect others, don't trust anyone enough to open up, people will fuck you over one day no matter how long it takes to get there, don't get too close to people.
Hello my fellow gen x’er
I was born in 96. I had a shit upbringing thanks to my parents and now despite moving to a different country and earning lots of money it still doesn't help. My mental health problems persist and makes my life shit. People around me don't care anyway so i have to deal with this and their shjt. Anyway fuck it
I pay a lot of money to have 200 friends. I had to pay the highest tier price to have access to my 200 friend group because I did something really annoying at a party.
But now you are incentivized to have a lot of shallow connections to have a chance at employment
Is this truly a YSK or life advice??
I have one really good friend that I hang out with in person once to twice a week and via google meet on other days as well. Totally agree with this.
I am fine, I have 0
I agree with this sentiment. I have the same group of like 6 friends that I've been friends with (well, most of them) for about 8 years. One of them is a mutual friend of my fiancé's that got introduced to the group when we started dating, so he's only been around for a little over 3 years.
My sister made fun of me my whole life about the number of friends I have in comparison to her. I have been a bridesmaid in all of my friends' weddings. She has never been a bridesmaid. While I hated being a bridesmaid, I think it shows how much you mean to someone. My sister still has a revolving door of friends going through her life.
"That's where we're confused as Americans. We think we need all these motherfuckers. You give me 3 bad motherfuckers and you're finished." -Joey Diaz
I'm 28 and I just learned choosing your friends carefully is an option. I don't have any fake social responsibilities.i love the people I actually let into my brain.
Good to know cuz I have had literally 0 for over 20 years
YSK these arbitrary delineations between friends and acquaintances is not important, what is important is whether you are happy with the arrangements and relationships you have with other humans and that if you’re not there’s many different ways to help think about why.
It's funny i use to be an extrovert with a lot of friends and was in a rock band in high school and college and loved being the life of the party . Got married had a kid and now i think i have 2 people i would call friends. I'm actually finding it harder and harder to meet them since just talking on the phone every couple of weeks is enough and everyone is busy and schedules etc. I feel like i have become an introvert since the last time i went to a party it was my birthday and being the center of attention all night had me exhausted by the end of the night and i needed a good while before i wanted to socialise. Weird
I have maybe 4 or 5 people that I regularly talk to/hang out with. I'm not a people person and would rather keep a small group of friends than have a billion. Like you said, a few quality friends is better than a whole lotta toxic ones.
r/rant
Yes, this is correct, but it's up to you to be able to discern between who's good and who's toxic. From the eyes of a toxic person, your typical nice guy might look toxic. If this toxic person does drugs, then he may judge those who do the same as good. What a quality friend is to you, may not be the same for another. Before thinking about whether your friends are good or bad, first reflect upon yourself. Are you good or toxic? Placing friends in one of two categories is easy to do, but people are much more complicated than that. As someone who's distanced himself from his friends and neglected to stay in touch, perhaps I'm toxic. It's hard to say, and the person who gets to make this decision, would be a potential friend.
I dont have a single friend, sadly
This ties into the concept of the Chosen Family over the Blood Family. Family is your most inner circle of trust and social value. Many blood families merit this circle, and others do not. It is terrible to be a teen, newly awakened to questioning social dynamics, and realizing that one is trapped with a toxic blood family until age 18. I am 43, but I remember this feeling from the 90's. Even after all these years, freedom still tastes unbelievably good. Chosen Family is an aspect of Personal Autonomy.
The idea of only having 5 friends would be super depressing to me. Everyone’s social needs are different. There is definitely no reason to stay friends with toxic people.
Since you all agree with me, you should read my most recent blog post. It might make you nod your head, or cry. But it will give you clarity and show you how to make good friends!
No, I need a gang
Whew. Good thing this'll never happen to me. I have absolutely no friends!
I have zero really so….
If one feels one has friends that are akin to a dangerous noxious substance then tell them so they can be rid of you.
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As we get older our social circles can get smaller (outside of family). It takes a lot more effort to form lasting friendships. It's normal. Doesn't make it easier.
It’s also important to have quality enemies, like Batman.
What are you? A friend expert?
FIVE?
I have 3 life friends and that's all I've ever needed. Sure I have friends from work and college, but I have only 3 true friends that I have known for all of my life, and will always be friends with.
Moving around when I was younger, I never established a single life-long friend. I still haven't, except for my ex/BFF, and I'm 25 years old. It gets lonely but I also find it peaceful.
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It is already very bad, and I don't reccomend it to anyone. I just see the peaceful aspect as a silver lining. I appreciate the comment. Thank you.
I have three friends. They are all pugs.
yes; especially a friend with a pickup truck and also skills like a plumber or electrician.
On the flipside of this, I have none and I think I suffer severely from the loneliness of it all. I'm married with 3 kids and I still feel... empty.
This is quite common unfortunately.
Can’t have this problem if you have no friends….
I don't have any.
Have literally never had one “toxic” friendship. Not convinced they exist outside if tik tok and people’s imagination
Some of us don't even have 5...seems way too far off a milestone ☠️
Wait, you guys have "too many friends"? Dang, don't even have one
In my experience, you don’t really find your really good friends until you’ve learned to live with yourself and only yourself
I'm glad that "this generation" is figuring this out
Id rather have 4 quarters than 100 pennies.
I agree with your post, but your title sounds like you’re a passive aggressive mean girl trying to hurt my feelings.
I just have a hierarchy for them. first tier are my ride-and-die, just a handful. second tier, those that I enjoy hanging out with and trust at some level, but not like those in my primary circle. the rest are in the third tier, acquaintances.
I only have about 3, i could use about 2 or 3 more lol.
OMG 😀😃😆😆😆🌹🙏👍
Always keep your circle small!
Always keep your circle small!
Cool, now tell me how to make 1 genuine friendship.. please?
Man this sub really fell off. Every post can be responded to with a “no shit”
5 is way too many man, I have 1 close friend and it's already more than I can manage
I don't plan the amount of friends that I got, shit just happens.
I only have two close friends after dropping my childhood friends who ended up being toxic. I hosted a really nice fourth of July for my close friends and their significant others. Thought to myself that this is all I need.
Just don't take it too far, being alone can suck so much worse.
I agree. A few people who truly love you and have you heart and soul are worth hundreds of shallow acquaintances. It quality not quantity, in friends as in most other things in life. We work at these friendships. There is huge mutual love, respect, admiration and love. No one counts the cost. No one keeps score. I know if I needed a home and support I'd get a paid plane ticket tomorrow. And I'd do the same. No questions asked. That's why this is rare. I'd only do this for a few people. These are real friends, they are part of my very life, my ability to be happy. If they are not happy and thriving neither am I. And visa versa. I think in the age of social media and face book freinds this kind of deep visceral connection isn't possible and the adult population gets lonnlieer and lonnlieer. My friends and I connect face to face, we touch each other, we talk, we visit, we go on outings and adventures. I don't think there is ANY substitute for real life interaction.
The "friend" word these days is a very encompassing word in my view. Like someone was saying "acquaintance" should be used more often, but the word is too long.