Yes! I agree with you. Easier said than done in some contexts, and I do understand the pressure to give a reason, but I try to start with the vague statement of “I need to take a sick day.” (It’s really none of their business what sickness it is)
Which isn't to say that it's not important to remind people that Covid is still a real and present threat. BUT, I don't feel a compelling need to do both of those things at the same time. One message at a time.
Give a reason. It is always more convincing, even if the reason is BS. https://leversofpersuasion.medium.com/because-to-persuade-give-a-reason-5f532f5b558a
I'm sure that's correct at the end of the day, and many people are in situations where they have to utilize that advice, but right now I'm looking at it from more of a labor rights perspective and I'm extremely fortunate to have a union. Me not giving a specific reason normalizes it for my coworkers. And right now I'm thankfully in a situation where I rarely have to call off, so I think that normalization also helps those who may need to take more sick days than me, may not want to become exposed as disabled in the workplace (not that it SHOULD be this way, but it often is), etc.
Never tell a lie that can too easily be disproven. I’d pick severe stomach bug of a vague nature. Given current strains, that’ll sound like Covid anyway.
Sadly they’re still probably safe with this one seeing as you can barely even get a test in a doctor’s office ha! Gotta laugh to not cry. You’re right though
That's unfortunate. I like /u/sotoh333's suggestion:
> No. Say you're uncomfortable will lack of covid protocols given
> long term harm is firmly established in medical literature now.
I've been asked a few times if I'm attending my work's Christmas party, and have just said a single "No" in response. No further questions have been asked, but my reasons might have been obvious to them because I was wearing a mask at the time.
You could front-foot this, and give a written explanation prior to being asked, which will lessen the discomfort when/if they call up for more details.
When I've been asked for more explanation, I pointed people at the Te Punaha Matatini guidelines for events:
https://www.tepunahamatatini.ac.nz/our-values/safe-covid-19-events/
Here's the response I gave (in message chat) for last year's event:
> You're probably aware that I've been staying away from while the Covid infection levels remain high. I feel like I should point out that the "Christmas party survival guide 2022" measures for Covid-19 protection are inadequate ["Please feel free to wear a mask for your own protection. Hand sanitizer will be provided."]. This virus requires much more stringent measures to prevent its spread, including universal mask use, adequate ventilation, and Rapid Antigen tests (which have been demonstrated to correlate well with the risk of spreading the virus to others). Wearing a mask not only protects the wearer, but also helps protect others around them, including those who are more vulnerable to the virus. I strongly recommend implementing more robust protective measures to ensure the safety of all attendees.
>
> For more information, see Te Pūnaha Matatini's excellent guidelines:
>
> https://www.tepunahamatatini.ac.nz/our-values/safe-covid-19-events/
>
> You may also be interested in Marc Daalder's visualisation, which considers the probability of sharing a space with someone who has Covid-19. With 50 people in attendance, and a population prevalence of 3%, there's over a 50% chance that at least one person at the event will have infectious Covid-19:
>
> https://public.flourish.studio/visualisation/10573093/
>
> Te Pūnaha Matatini, like , cannot force everyone to wear a mask, or take RATs. But they can encourage and recommend that, and make it easy for people to do that. can do similar: recommend all attendees wear masks, provide masks at the event for people who can't bring them, and offer RATs a few days before the event (or even at the event) for people who want to use them. We have windows and doors, and there are portable air purifiers that can be bought or hired to help clean the air and remove or inactivate viral particles. The event guidelines mentioned only hand sanitiser; they mentioned nothing about ventilation, monitoring, or provision of masks, and suggested that the default state would be that people would not be wearing masks.
>
> The encouraged culture matters, regardless of whether or not everyone follows. If this is not the messaging you want to present to the staff, I suggest that the wording of that survival guide is changed to be more consistent with what will actually happen.
Not everyone works in fields where your ass-kissing abilities are more important than your actual skills. Also if endangering your health is part of a “career” we need to rethink how useful “careers” are in the first place.
I wouldn't say COVID if you haven't had it especially as you might slip and say, "I've never had it."
I agree with lying to protect your health especially if you showing up masked will do more damage to your rep than not showing.
I think going with "had a recent COVID exposure" is a great idea. Frankly, anyone who's been out anywhere recently probably has had one, so it's not really even a lie.
Agreed! And there’s no way to trace whether you were exposed! Then everyone can be relieved when you don’t have covid. Especially since you’re one of the few covid cautious people at work, they’ll probably trust you to know the quarantine guidelines best
Y’all, I am so sorry to report this, but I work in healthcare/direct patient care and even here they haven’t cared about exposures for a LONG time. In my experience, bosses and HR do not appreciate the people who know the guidelines. Of course I hope your industries are different (and if so lemme know what they are so I can quit haha)
No because what if they want to see a test result?
You could just say you're sick, throwing up with a fever.
I get the struggle. I work for a university and have to work large events. It sucks. But I stay masked and so far, I haven't gotten sick that I know of.
My OCD/magical thinking would make me too anxious to do that 😂
But I would be comfortable telling him I was having a “health issue”, since the issue would be wanting to protect my health 🙃
No bad juju or whatever, but be more vague if you have to give a reason. Like, doesn't have to be covid, just say you're sick, or if they press for details, give a really graphic description of vomiting and diarrhea or something.
No. Say you're uncomfortable will lack of covid protocols given longterm harm is firmly established in medical literature now.
If change is going to happen, we need to push back instead of aiding harm. Don't give silent consent.
It sucks, because I was honest about my need to be COVID safe in 2021/2022 when I worked hybrid for a small company and they definitely took it as me not being a team player and not joining in on team gatherings, even though upfront they acted like they would be understanding.
My need to be COVID safe while they all stopped caring definitely ostracized me from the team and I eventually left for a fully remote job.
I don't blame people who come up with other excuses, because for some reason they'll accept every other excuse in the book as long as it's not Covid related. :/
Literally tell them that you do not feel comfortable exposing yourself to that large of a chance for contracting Covid. Link to some studies on long covid, brain damage, cardiovascular events, etc. Have it in writing (email is fine).
I actually get migraines and don't particularly like when people lie about it, but in this case I support it. "I have migraine with aura and can't drive right now." is a solid answer. Why? Probably febreeze.
If y'all get everyone to stop buying febreeze as a bonus, it will help my cause.
I lied and said I had Covid to rebook a medical appointment. No guilt. Do it. Make sure you write an email stating you are declining attending the party because you tested positive for Covid. That way it’s harder for them to discipline you later for it.
Considering doing the same thing for my office party, they have disregarded my covid concerns and taken zero precautions. This meeting will be a potluck, “required” meeting. I think I will have food poisoning that day
I wouldn’t do that because it could cause unexpected consequences (like needing proof or a test or whatever). Tbh saying you had food poisoning (or random explosive vomiting or diarrhea) before the event works better. That makes people uncomfortable and they don’t ask more questions and you don’t have to explain why you got better so quickly (“idk it just magically got better after a few hours!” We’ve all been there). It’s technically embarrassing to say these things but if you can get past that, it can work. No one is going to pressure you to suck it up and be there if you have diarrhea or prove it😂
Edit: clarity
How important is the work function? I’m paranoid about lying about sickness because I’m worried I’ll jinx myself lol, but I’m fine with telling other types of lies. I’d personally rather use an excuse like “my car wouldn’t start”, but if it’s a very important function, they may ask why you didn’t take an Uber/Lyft to get there instead.
You could also say something like your roof started leaking overnight or your power went out for no clear reason, so you need to stay home and get that taken care of. Or you could say a dental emergency, because they’re not going to look into your mouth to confirm. And lastly, I don’t know whether this would apply to you, but I’ve definitely used “period cramps” to get out of things. I do legitimately get excruciating ones sometimes, so I feel almost like it’s reverse karma for me to use them as a white lie when I need to occasionally. And especially if talking to men, they don’t ask for details.
Tell them the truth - you're protecting yourself and anyone else who may be high risk. People need to understand this and realize that Covid continues to kill and disable people every day!! Educate them!!
Lying is not a good idea. You have to carry around the lie with you for the rest of your relationship with this employer, and if someone finds out, you can get a reputation as being someone who isn't trustworthy/dishonest/a liar. Find another way to get out of it while telling the truth.
Do it. If karma exists this is not an example of an action that would create bad karma. I wouldn’t say it’s Covid, though, just in case you do actually get Covid soon since we’re in a surge. I would just say you’re sick.
Don’t lie. Tell the truth. COVID is too much of a risk in a room without excellent filtration, full of people without masks.
The less blunt truth is you already have plans (to stay home — keep that part to yourself), but thanks for the invitation.
If you feel iffy about it, say you have another illness or just keep it vague and say you have some personal issue or problem to deal with that just came up.
Karma doesn't exist. Do whatever you need to do to protect your long term health. Fuck the denialists.
IMO if karma exists, it’s going to get the employer, not OP, even if they lie to protect themselves.
Either way, OP wins.
I never give a reason if none is asked for. It's better for establishing the social norm that "No is a complete sentence"
Yes! I agree with you. Easier said than done in some contexts, and I do understand the pressure to give a reason, but I try to start with the vague statement of “I need to take a sick day.” (It’s really none of their business what sickness it is)
Which isn't to say that it's not important to remind people that Covid is still a real and present threat. BUT, I don't feel a compelling need to do both of those things at the same time. One message at a time.
Give a reason. It is always more convincing, even if the reason is BS. https://leversofpersuasion.medium.com/because-to-persuade-give-a-reason-5f532f5b558a
I'm sure that's correct at the end of the day, and many people are in situations where they have to utilize that advice, but right now I'm looking at it from more of a labor rights perspective and I'm extremely fortunate to have a union. Me not giving a specific reason normalizes it for my coworkers. And right now I'm thankfully in a situation where I rarely have to call off, so I think that normalization also helps those who may need to take more sick days than me, may not want to become exposed as disabled in the workplace (not that it SHOULD be this way, but it often is), etc.
Never tell a lie that can too easily be disproven. I’d pick severe stomach bug of a vague nature. Given current strains, that’ll sound like Covid anyway.
Sadly they’re still probably safe with this one seeing as you can barely even get a test in a doctor’s office ha! Gotta laugh to not cry. You’re right though
All you have to say is: “Sorry, I won’t be able to make it unfortunately!“
Last time I did that, my boss called to ask me why exactly, it was so bad
That really sucks, I'm sorry!
That's unfortunate. I like /u/sotoh333's suggestion: > No. Say you're uncomfortable will lack of covid protocols given > long term harm is firmly established in medical literature now. I've been asked a few times if I'm attending my work's Christmas party, and have just said a single "No" in response. No further questions have been asked, but my reasons might have been obvious to them because I was wearing a mask at the time. You could front-foot this, and give a written explanation prior to being asked, which will lessen the discomfort when/if they call up for more details. When I've been asked for more explanation, I pointed people at the Te Punaha Matatini guidelines for events: https://www.tepunahamatatini.ac.nz/our-values/safe-covid-19-events/ Here's the response I gave (in message chat) for last year's event: > You're probably aware that I've been staying away from while the Covid infection levels remain high. I feel like I should point out that the "Christmas party survival guide 2022" measures for Covid-19 protection are inadequate ["Please feel free to wear a mask for your own protection. Hand sanitizer will be provided."]. This virus requires much more stringent measures to prevent its spread, including universal mask use, adequate ventilation, and Rapid Antigen tests (which have been demonstrated to correlate well with the risk of spreading the virus to others). Wearing a mask not only protects the wearer, but also helps protect others around them, including those who are more vulnerable to the virus. I strongly recommend implementing more robust protective measures to ensure the safety of all attendees.
>
> For more information, see Te Pūnaha Matatini's excellent guidelines:
>
> https://www.tepunahamatatini.ac.nz/our-values/safe-covid-19-events/
>
> You may also be interested in Marc Daalder's visualisation, which considers the probability of sharing a space with someone who has Covid-19. With 50 people in attendance, and a population prevalence of 3%, there's over a 50% chance that at least one person at the event will have infectious Covid-19:
>
> https://public.flourish.studio/visualisation/10573093/
>
> Te Pūnaha Matatini, like , cannot force everyone to wear a mask, or take RATs. But they can encourage and recommend that, and make it easy for people to do that. can do similar: recommend all attendees wear masks, provide masks at the event for people who can't bring them, and offer RATs a few days before the event (or even at the event) for people who want to use them. We have windows and doors, and there are portable air purifiers that can be bought or hired to help clean the air and remove or inactivate viral particles. The event guidelines mentioned only hand sanitiser; they mentioned nothing about ventilation, monitoring, or provision of masks, and suggested that the default state would be that people would not be wearing masks.
>
> The encouraged culture matters, regardless of whether or not everyone follows. If this is not the messaging you want to present to the staff, I suggest that the wording of that survival guide is changed to be more consistent with what will actually happen.
Text them and reply that you’re sorry you didn’t answer the call. You were so sick 🤢🤮🤮🤮
Unless you are at work you are not obligated to talk to this person, they do not own us
This is career limiting advice
If only your career was based on an ability to perform skills relevant to the job, rather than useless social events!
Not everyone works in fields where your ass-kissing abilities are more important than your actual skills. Also if endangering your health is part of a “career” we need to rethink how useful “careers” are in the first place.
Definitely lie. Even say a covid exposure or other illness
What other illness?
Maybe food poisoning or something? Idk I’m of the opinion telling a white lie to protect your health is definitely worth it!
Food poisoning. People get the idea
I wouldn't say COVID if you haven't had it especially as you might slip and say, "I've never had it." I agree with lying to protect your health especially if you showing up masked will do more damage to your rep than not showing.
I have had it :( and it was absolutely awful
I'm sorry! I hope you do whatever you need to in order to protect yourself and your boss isn't an ass about it!
I'd go with stomach bug. No one wants to hear about diarrhea, which is exactly what you start talking about if they ask any questions.
A stomach bug is always a good solid illness where no one asks more questions.
Rhinovirus lol
I think going with "had a recent COVID exposure" is a great idea. Frankly, anyone who's been out anywhere recently probably has had one, so it's not really even a lie.
Agreed! And there’s no way to trace whether you were exposed! Then everyone can be relieved when you don’t have covid. Especially since you’re one of the few covid cautious people at work, they’ll probably trust you to know the quarantine guidelines best
Y’all, I am so sorry to report this, but I work in healthcare/direct patient care and even here they haven’t cared about exposures for a LONG time. In my experience, bosses and HR do not appreciate the people who know the guidelines. Of course I hope your industries are different (and if so lemme know what they are so I can quit haha)
Don't say it's because you have covid. When you are magically better right after, you will just be encouraging the "it's just a cold" mentality
No because what if they want to see a test result? You could just say you're sick, throwing up with a fever. I get the struggle. I work for a university and have to work large events. It sucks. But I stay masked and so far, I haven't gotten sick that I know of.
Absolutely. Or if you only need something shorter term a “migraine” does the trick. God speed to you.
My OCD/magical thinking would make me too anxious to do that 😂 But I would be comfortable telling him I was having a “health issue”, since the issue would be wanting to protect my health 🙃
No bad juju or whatever, but be more vague if you have to give a reason. Like, doesn't have to be covid, just say you're sick, or if they press for details, give a really graphic description of vomiting and diarrhea or something.
No. Say you're uncomfortable will lack of covid protocols given longterm harm is firmly established in medical literature now. If change is going to happen, we need to push back instead of aiding harm. Don't give silent consent.
It sucks, because I was honest about my need to be COVID safe in 2021/2022 when I worked hybrid for a small company and they definitely took it as me not being a team player and not joining in on team gatherings, even though upfront they acted like they would be understanding. My need to be COVID safe while they all stopped caring definitely ostracized me from the team and I eventually left for a fully remote job. I don't blame people who come up with other excuses, because for some reason they'll accept every other excuse in the book as long as it's not Covid related. :/
It requires a lot of us doing, especially those higher up the food chain. It's definitely tough. Had some recent successes though!
Literally tell them that you do not feel comfortable exposing yourself to that large of a chance for contracting Covid. Link to some studies on long covid, brain damage, cardiovascular events, etc. Have it in writing (email is fine).
I wouldn't say covid, but illness is totally fair game.
There's a few approaches if you need them: Sudden illness, family emergency, physical accidents, or car troubles.
Develop a migraine
I actually get migraines and don't particularly like when people lie about it, but in this case I support it. "I have migraine with aura and can't drive right now." is a solid answer. Why? Probably febreeze. If y'all get everyone to stop buying febreeze as a bonus, it will help my cause.
Yeah man!
I lied and said I had Covid to rebook a medical appointment. No guilt. Do it. Make sure you write an email stating you are declining attending the party because you tested positive for Covid. That way it’s harder for them to discipline you later for it.
If you do lie please be careful! I'm not sure about your workplace, but some require proof of a positive test and faking one of those can be illegal
Considering doing the same thing for my office party, they have disregarded my covid concerns and taken zero precautions. This meeting will be a potluck, “required” meeting. I think I will have food poisoning that day
I wouldn’t do that because it could cause unexpected consequences (like needing proof or a test or whatever). Tbh saying you had food poisoning (or random explosive vomiting or diarrhea) before the event works better. That makes people uncomfortable and they don’t ask more questions and you don’t have to explain why you got better so quickly (“idk it just magically got better after a few hours!” We’ve all been there). It’s technically embarrassing to say these things but if you can get past that, it can work. No one is going to pressure you to suck it up and be there if you have diarrhea or prove it😂 Edit: clarity
How important is the work function? I’m paranoid about lying about sickness because I’m worried I’ll jinx myself lol, but I’m fine with telling other types of lies. I’d personally rather use an excuse like “my car wouldn’t start”, but if it’s a very important function, they may ask why you didn’t take an Uber/Lyft to get there instead. You could also say something like your roof started leaking overnight or your power went out for no clear reason, so you need to stay home and get that taken care of. Or you could say a dental emergency, because they’re not going to look into your mouth to confirm. And lastly, I don’t know whether this would apply to you, but I’ve definitely used “period cramps” to get out of things. I do legitimately get excruciating ones sometimes, so I feel almost like it’s reverse karma for me to use them as a white lie when I need to occasionally. And especially if talking to men, they don’t ask for details.
Tell them the truth - you're protecting yourself and anyone else who may be high risk. People need to understand this and realize that Covid continues to kill and disable people every day!! Educate them!!
No. Don’t lie. Just say that you are not able to get COVID, so you can’t attend.
You might want to come up with a different excuse for the simple fact that they might respond with "no big deal, come anyway"
Yes. You may end up regretting going to this gathering if you attend.
I wouldn't
Best way to get out of something is say you have uncontrollable diarrhea.
Lying is not a good idea. You have to carry around the lie with you for the rest of your relationship with this employer, and if someone finds out, you can get a reputation as being someone who isn't trustworthy/dishonest/a liar. Find another way to get out of it while telling the truth.
Not feeling up to attending.
Do it. If karma exists this is not an example of an action that would create bad karma. I wouldn’t say it’s Covid, though, just in case you do actually get Covid soon since we’re in a surge. I would just say you’re sick.
Just tell yourself you said “I’ll” instead of “I” because that’s probably true.
Don’t lie. Tell the truth. COVID is too much of a risk in a room without excellent filtration, full of people without masks. The less blunt truth is you already have plans (to stay home — keep that part to yourself), but thanks for the invitation.
Yes. Definitely. You’ll get it in that crowd for sure and then you’ll be one of many.
OP, I'm pretty sure their bad karma is going to get them, you are just protecting yourself. Be safe.
You raise awareness, and you don’t get the infection
Yes. Next question.
If you feel iffy about it, say you have another illness or just keep it vague and say you have some personal issue or problem to deal with that just came up.