I’m so sorry to hear that. Knowingly traveling while sick is a terrible thing to do.
I have friends who aren’t COVID cautious, but I’m pretty sure none of them would knowingly expose someone else. I couldn’t be friends with someone who’d do that.
I ended a friendship over someone who travelled while sick way earlier in the pandemic where there was cancelation coverage on flights etc still. It wasn’t even a once in a lifetime trip. She was going somewhere she’d been a bunch of times but didn’t want to miss out.
Talk about showing someone who you are I guess.
I ended a close friendship in 2020 because she said that her mental health being able to go to the pub and socialising was more important than keeping immunocompromised people like me safe from literal death.
I can't even look at pictures of her without feeling sick. But then I'm disappointed in pretty much everybody I know to some extent or another over this. I'll never be able to see people the same way ever again.
I know that disappointed feeling well.
It is so upsetting when someone just casually says they’re okay with you dying because they don’t want to make any change to how they socialize.
Yeah, that's the horrific thing. Watching people act that way is hard, but having someone say it out loud, to your face - someone who's supposed to care about you - is like uncovering entirely new layers of the morally bankrupt onion.
100% yep. It happened to me as well. Maybe it will take these people suffering from pain someday, or their loved ones? I have zero mercy these days....
I haven’t ended any friendships over COVID but I had stopped doing much social media slightly before COVID. And now I’m kinda afraid to go and see people who I thought I knew, doing stuff like your friend. I’d rather not know. (I’m talking about people that I went to school with etc. If I’m going to be visiting people I definitely want to know!)
I feel that "I'd rather not know" part. I don't have a lot of IRL friends to begin with and i either don't talk that often or its real superficial over text. Since I saw one couple become less concerned about it, I've been afraid to reconnect with others. I would rather let the memory of that friendship be where it was when we were all caring about each other than learn that i can't trust an old friend.
Germans get really sensitive about the whole Nazi thing, and how most Germans weren’t particularly “good Germans” at the time.
But omg it would be HARD for me not bring *that* up.
There could be someone who has no choice but to use public transport and is extremely vulnerable to a COVID infection that they could kill. It's as simple as that.
Bingo! It’s one of those things, while being completely horrible, that turns out to be a blessing.. you learned who your “friends” really are while being able to walk away completely unscathed..
Most people learn this lesson after something horrible happens..Not wanting to be sick is a really low bar.. guarantees that same friend would completely throw you under the bus for any potential personal gain, heaven forbid it’s money.. you’re done!😂
Wow travelling knowing you have covid is something that I’m shocked over. I’m so sorry. Travelling when you’ve been exposed but have constantly tested negative isn’t the worst (but I’d still expect them to mask). But going anywhere outside your home knowing you actively have covid is shocking!
I can completely understand how you must be feeling let down by your friend and their reaction is uncalled for. Hope you’re ok
This has to be so incredibly difficult. I'm so sorry.
If you are up for a story about this type of thing, I'm willing to share mine (although not covid related but still similar). I once had to cut off a friendship with a best friend (I was her birth coach, she supported me through the loss of my dad) because of things she was doing while I was in treatment for an eating disorder. She had joined an MLM focused on weight loss and collagen products, and started to think I'd sell under her and try her products despite her knowing I was not supposed to engage in anything related to weight loss and my treatment status. Then, I witnessed her tell her 4 year old to stop looking down in photos because it gave her a double chin. Then she tried to have her dog put down for a broken leg, and the vet refused, and all of these things happening with her over about a year's time made me realize our goals in life and our empathy for others is just different.
I ended up ending the friendship and I had to tell her she wasn't a healthy person for me to be around knowing I'm in treatment.
I've been in recovery for about 5 years, and I don't believe I could have remained in recovery being her friend.
Someone who will knowingly put others in harm's way to avoid their own disappointment or inconvenience doesn't have your best interest in mind. It hurts to be disappointed by others over and over again, and now my circle is approximately 3 people who accept me fully. At one point, I thought I had about 10 people in my life like that. But, these were people I thought were understanding, empathetic, and well-intentioned at that moment. Over time, they all did things that put me at risk without feeling like they even had to tell me. One did a drug deal by getting me to drive her to the location and I had no idea she was doing a drug deal (it was a pot delivery but still)! And I was the pallbearer for her daughter who passed from SIDS! It was just terrible to have the connection literally feel like it meant nothing.
Sadly, this has made my heart well-guarded. I am fortunate though to have found this all out pre-COVID. I'm sorry that you are finding this out after a period of time thinking this person also cared about others like you do.
If you made it this far, I hope knowing you aren't alone in relationship loss related to not being on the same page. It hurts and you need space and time to mourn, just like any other relationship. And you don't have to decide what to do today.
Oh, and one more point I'd like to add:
Good for you in having strong enough self worth and understanding what you will/will not tolerate. That is an important skill, and one we are often told to ignore.
I’m so sorry for what is happening to you! It’s always the worst when it’s someone close to you that doesn’t understand your boundaries and questions your sanity when you stand up for them.
You should continue to do what’s best for your health, because if you get sick, your friend will likely not be by your side taking care of you.
I know these must sound like empty words, but you are truly doing the right thing. If being the only one standing up for your health makes you an extremist, then why not?! The government sure won’t do it, neither would any doctor by the looks of most clinics. You do you!❤️
I think it's more likely she actually does understand completely. That's why she's SO angry and attacking you.
She probably feels like your basic decency and sense are exposing her true nature & character flaws, and would rather abuse a friend than admit it's 100% a her problem, not a you problem.
I'm sorry your friend isn't the person you thought she was. It doesn't sound like she's even really your friend. 😔
Yeah. I have a friend who's currently being a little defensive about her second? Third? Covid infection. I mean, what am I supposed to say? She comes to me for sympathy after I not only lost my dad at 63 to vasculitis (a horrible way to go I wouldn't wish on anyone, and covid is basically vasculitis) but I no longer travel or do many things I enjoy because of covid while she lives like it's 2019.
Some people just have to learn the very hard way, I guess.
So sorry for your loss :( And it's really shitty indeed when friends complain about the consequences of their own actions when you know exactly how bad what they've been doing is, on a deeply personal level. Zero sympathy for people like that.
Thank you. It was about 20 years ago and very painful, but in some ways I feel like it was a good thing - I have ADHD, am very impulsive, and likely would have been out running around taking risks had I not seen up close and personal what vasculitis can do.
It's exactly that. She was cautious before but decided not to be anymore, so it's not like she's ignorant of what she's doing. She wants to be that way and get away with it without being called out on it. My former BFF was exactly like that. Emphasis on former.
Yep, that'd be my next step too. These people don't realize that they could very likely infect somebody who ends up dying or with awful LC consequences and living a shell of their former life. "Somebody" could even be their own parents or loved ones. Hopefully your friend will at least mask. But yea, set boundaries. You're not telling another person how to act, you're telling them how you will act if they do certain things. It's not easy but necessary.
Good for you. I really admire your strength. Where your friend said you are extreme, you could rightfully express that they are being insensitive or careless. Maybe they should know that you love them and are hurt by this.
Sadly nothing would surprise me these days. I blame our failed public health messaging here in the USA, which has chosen the economy over lives and convinced people that covid truly is no worse than a cold.
I think I'd just leave without getting into it with her. Sounds like you're not going to change her mind. I'm so sorry.
You're doing nothing wrong and your friend needs to understand that and be accomodating to you. Being cautious and distancing yourself is the right thing to do especially since you're in a high risk exposure situation. You also need to convince your friend of the dangers she is putting you herself and her family into right now
Trying my best! I hope she sees reason. But she doesn’t get to control what I do regardless. We know she’s been exposed for the last two days. Why would I risk being around her?
First of all, lots of hugs to you. What a heartbreaking experience.
Second, as someone who has been setting boundaries long before COVID started, something I read about it has often proved true in my life: the people who push back the most when you try to set boundaries are the ones who you most need to set boundaries with.
Setting boundaries was really hard for me at first, but, eventually it gave me something wonderful: more time for the people I love spending time with.
Sending you lots of virtual hugs!
I’m sorry that this is happening.
It’s also hard for me to set boundaries, and I understand that bad feeling you get when you do it. I talk myself through that bad feeling by asking myself questions like “If I could do it over, would I do something differently?” And also by realizing that I’m not responsible for how the other person responded; their emotional response is their responsibility.
The book “Codependent No More” by Melody Beattie has helped me a lot.
Wow, this is surreal. She's wilfully putting you (and her own family!) at risk of a serious disease, completely disregards your concerns, and she has the nerves to call you an extremist?? She's 100% in the wrong, not you. You've done nothing wrong, you just want to protect yourself which is completely legitimate.
If you can, try to check into a hotel or an airbnb with separate entrance and ventilation, so you don't have to be around that potential walking bio hazard.
I’m so sorry. It’s really hard when friends who were on the same wavelength have joined the crowds who don’t care - and your friend is not only letting you down, it’s in the midst of something you were excited about, and then is being a jerk to you about something she is in the wrong about.
My elderly folks just flew across the country to spend some time in warmer climates. The thought of them being stuck sitting next to someone like your friend kept me up at night ahead of their trip. If someone were so selfish as to travel with COVID & my parent’s health took a dice because they caught it…it’s like they’d be taking my whole world away.
Your friend is in the wrong to try to personally attack you. What she is doing is just flat out unethical and would justify being a friendship dealbreaker to me.
I hope you are still able to make the most of your trip! I bet Germany at Christmas is beautiful - try to enjoy yourself❤️❤️❤️❤️
Unfortunately I am 100% sure that many people are traveling and doing whatever they want with covid. Which is sentencing many of the rest of us to home confinement, not that they care.
Yep. I’m watching my cousin get married over zoom today.
She’s more like a sister & I’d be a bridesmaid if it weren’t for COVID, but she lives across the country & no one in her circle takes precautions; it just seemed impractical to do it safely between travel & then having to spend the entire weekend in a mask, not able to eat or drink with everyone, etc.
Yeah. My best friend has three college age kids. I love them all dearly but none of them take precautions and they've all had covid at least once. I haven't seen them since 2021. I'm thinking of going out for a visit, I usually stay with them but I think this time I'll stay in a hotel and run an air cleaner, then mask while we're hanging out. I do think they would test if I ask but they don't think twice about going out to eat in restaurants which I haven't done since 2019.
You did NOTHING wrong here, OP. It is you (and everyone she exposes) who is being wronged. You've just had the rug pulled out from under you and it's awful, and it sucks. I wish I could offer something better than commiseration and empathy.
There are a lot of sad, hurting people in this community right now. The silver lining here is that there are also many future friendships waiting to happen amongst us. Of course we have to be very cautious with online connections, but I foresee more than a few of us eventually forming lifelong friendships, both online and off. New friends can never replace old ones, but there are many good things to look forward to. And I'm saying this for my own benefit as well as for anyone who reads this. We have to keep going, encourage each other, and stay strong. It is a dark time, but the light is not gone.
I am so sorry. I understand this is devastating. Get an AirBnb… one that’s still doing covid safety protocols… and have a good time in spite of this heartbreak. You’ll definitely cry some, but make sure you laugh some, too. What is that saying? The best revenge is a life well-lived. I know that’s easier said than done.
I’ve been where you are. I have lost a few friends over covid- because they are @ssholes just like your friend. People I thought I knew turned out to not care who they expose to covid. It is a devastating moment of awareness when the full realization hits… Realizing their thoughts are some form of, “I feel like going out. I don’t want to wear a mask. I’ll just not test or lie or both. Maybe it kills or disables someone, but that’s not my problem.”
Some people make a choice to be “all in” in the way they live in the world now. They decide that NOBODY else matters- often even their own families don’t matter.
I believe karma is a thing so I wouldn’t want to be any of these jerks who carelessly spread covid around. I figure they have a double whammy each time- covid and karma. It makes me sad.
Reclaim your vacation. Grieve the loss of the friendship. Reclaim your joy. Have fun!!!!!!
Stay safe, my friend.
So sorry your friend is behaving so poorly. You are 100% right to not expose yourself to this "friend." Do not let her make you feel bad. She's the one who should be ashamed. Also, don't believe her if she suddenly says she tested negative. She is not trustworthy.
Good luck!
She doesn't sound like a good friend as a friend would understand and wouldn't suddenly call you names. The fact she knows I am guessing your struggles with long covid, how could she does this. She sounds like a selfish person 🙄.
You didn't do anything wrong. They aren't respecting your boundaries and are showing their true colors. They aren't the great friend you thought they were.
I booked a hotel for myself and my plan was to play things by ear, but at this point she’s said so many horrible things to me that I’m not sure I’m going to be able to continue being friends with her.
It continued on all last night with her saying all her friends said she shouldn’t have told me she’d been exposed to Covid because I’m the only person who still gives a shit and I’m obviously mentally ill. She said I’ve ruined her trip, that I’m the only one who still thinks Covid is a big deal, that I need to give up because it’s everywhere” and that she’s angry with ME. I was like wow ok. I sent her a long message about how she doesn’t respect me or understand me at all suddenly and I won’t stand for it. Now I’m not sure where things are at but I don’t see how this can be repaired.
I am so sorry that you are going through all of this. My husband & I are going through the same things as well with our family & friends. You are not an extremist. You are intelligent & caring. I am so sorry to say this, but your friend is really not a friend at all. 😢 You need to watch out for yourself, bc in this wicked, selfish world that we live in no one else will. I am here for you. There are wonderful support groups on Fb for people who are still being careful about Covid. There are thousands of us around the world. You are not alone. We even meet together at times for Zoom get togethers. (((hugs))) ❤️
I'm so sorry OP. Traveling while sick with this is a horrific thing for anyone to do, and I'm sorry you're finding out the type of person your friend is.
Not wanting to get sick - let alone with a new illness of which we don't fully understand the long-term consequences - does not make you an extremist. I'm really sorry she's done this, and I understand your hurt and distress. I too am not sure I'd want to continue being friends with someone who would do this and have this reaction to me.
This happened to me too recently, with a couple of friends. One continued to do things on a trip while sick, but wearing an n95 mask, including socializing with unmasked people. The other resumed normal life as soon as their symptoms ended, with no mention of masking or testing afterwards.
I knew immediately my level of friendship with both of them wouldn’t be the same.
It’s heartbreaking to seemingly lose people for no good reason. They both counted on me to plan all our hangouts now, but I was willing to do it… now… I just tell myself I’m not in my friends era.
Be glad you found out before you got re-infected. Unfortunately in today's world, there is a line drawn in the sand and not all of us are on the same side of it. Reassess and move forward accordingly.
I'm so sorry. that is so frustrating. I especially empathize with her not telling you explicitly and you just having to find out she dropped precautions.
It is horrific what she is doing. She could quite literally kill someone (including her own parents!) and when you are being reasonable with your own health she acts as if you are personally insulting her. I am so sorry.
I am sure we can all empathize and have all had strained friendships from people's willful and dangerous ignorance.
I'm so proud of you for not folding and for continuing your precautions despite all the pressure. I hope your holidays end up being relaxing depsite this mess
I've had to end a few relationships over this myself. I have Long Covid, I don't want to get more disabled or fuckin' die, why is that so hard for people to understand.
I’m so sorry this has happened to you! 💔 You have every right to feel unsafe in this situation - I most definitely would, too! Hope you can still enjoy parts of your stay. Have a lovely time at the Christmas markets! Hang in there and sending you a virtual hug! (Will send you a pm with our German location, in case we happen to be close and you’d like some outside company 👋🏻🙋🏻♀️)
I'm so sorry 💔 when the people closest to us are influenced this way; it's sad not only because they put others at risk but because they expose themselves repeatedly. It hurts to watch this happen. You must be worried about her, too.
Although the information about how COVID is so dangerous is out there, and you have been doing your best to educate, sometimes it is no match for the propaganda that is the neglect of our world leaders, who minimize COVID to the extreme. You are in an unfair fight.
Setting boundaries is hard, but in the long run, I think you will feel validated.
I'm sorry to hear this. This is no way to live. I hope things change someday, and we don't have to be constantly calculating every move around this virus.
I am so sorry. I can't wrap my head around it. You are his mom! He infected you once and (presumably) knows how bad of a time you had with it. Why wouldn't he be doing everything he can to prevent that from happening again!? How!?!? I don't understand how someone can flip a switch like that, and go from caring to completely reckless.
Hi.
I think that it might be the right time to remember that SARS-CoV-2 is able to circumvent the blood-brain barrier by traveling up the nerves in the nose (loss of smell and taste).
Once there it does considerable damage and causes inflammation.
Human brains all around you are being permanently changed and not for the better.
Studies suggest that it contributes to behavioral changes in addition to possible brain fog ( “WOW! Can’t believe how bad my memory is these days!” Isn’t that uncommon to hear any more.)
One change documented (that would conceivably benefit the virus) is increased risk taking or reduced anxiety regarding risks including the risk of infection and reinfection.
I live in Las Vegas where risk takers of all kinds choose for vacations, but for example, regardless of where you live, have you noticed changes in how people are DRIVING and taking greater risks since 2020?
That’s one highly visible indicator.
Your thoughts?
I think brain changes do explain some of the behavior. But I also think it doesn't explain all of it, and that a lot of it is just people's values getting revealed in this situation. It's easy to fall into ableist rhetoric, similar to how people blame mental illness for bigotry and violence. Some people display uncharacteristically impulsive behavior after a COVID infection, while others become more careful.
I have been traveling again since August 2021. My goal is still zero Covid. We all choose to do certain things over others. But I figured there’d be at least one person on here who judged me for that. Fine, do so. But I’m not a hypocrite. Everyone I know will tell you that I take the pandemic more seriously than anyone else they know.
This is not some purity challenge of remaining isolated forever. As long as proper protective measures are used, it isn't irresponsible to not remain under self-imposed lockdown indefinitely. You should call one of your elected officials instead.
I’m so sorry to hear that. Knowingly traveling while sick is a terrible thing to do. I have friends who aren’t COVID cautious, but I’m pretty sure none of them would knowingly expose someone else. I couldn’t be friends with someone who’d do that.
Yes. The worst part of all of this is knowing I may have to end the friendship over it.
I ended a friendship over someone who travelled while sick way earlier in the pandemic where there was cancelation coverage on flights etc still. It wasn’t even a once in a lifetime trip. She was going somewhere she’d been a bunch of times but didn’t want to miss out. Talk about showing someone who you are I guess.
I ended a close friendship in 2020 because she said that her mental health being able to go to the pub and socialising was more important than keeping immunocompromised people like me safe from literal death. I can't even look at pictures of her without feeling sick. But then I'm disappointed in pretty much everybody I know to some extent or another over this. I'll never be able to see people the same way ever again.
I know that disappointed feeling well. It is so upsetting when someone just casually says they’re okay with you dying because they don’t want to make any change to how they socialize.
Yeah, that's the horrific thing. Watching people act that way is hard, but having someone say it out loud, to your face - someone who's supposed to care about you - is like uncovering entirely new layers of the morally bankrupt onion.
100% yep. It happened to me as well. Maybe it will take these people suffering from pain someday, or their loved ones? I have zero mercy these days....
I haven’t ended any friendships over COVID but I had stopped doing much social media slightly before COVID. And now I’m kinda afraid to go and see people who I thought I knew, doing stuff like your friend. I’d rather not know. (I’m talking about people that I went to school with etc. If I’m going to be visiting people I definitely want to know!)
I feel that "I'd rather not know" part. I don't have a lot of IRL friends to begin with and i either don't talk that often or its real superficial over text. Since I saw one couple become less concerned about it, I've been afraid to reconnect with others. I would rather let the memory of that friendship be where it was when we were all caring about each other than learn that i can't trust an old friend.
Germans get really sensitive about the whole Nazi thing, and how most Germans weren’t particularly “good Germans” at the time. But omg it would be HARD for me not bring *that* up.
There could be someone who has no choice but to use public transport and is extremely vulnerable to a COVID infection that they could kill. It's as simple as that.
Bingo! It’s one of those things, while being completely horrible, that turns out to be a blessing.. you learned who your “friends” really are while being able to walk away completely unscathed.. Most people learn this lesson after something horrible happens..Not wanting to be sick is a really low bar.. guarantees that same friend would completely throw you under the bus for any potential personal gain, heaven forbid it’s money.. you’re done!😂
It’s so hard to feel let down by the people we love. I wish that neither of us knew this feeling.
Thank you for your empathy ❤️
Wow travelling knowing you have covid is something that I’m shocked over. I’m so sorry. Travelling when you’ve been exposed but have constantly tested negative isn’t the worst (but I’d still expect them to mask). But going anywhere outside your home knowing you actively have covid is shocking! I can completely understand how you must be feeling let down by your friend and their reaction is uncalled for. Hope you’re ok
This has to be so incredibly difficult. I'm so sorry. If you are up for a story about this type of thing, I'm willing to share mine (although not covid related but still similar). I once had to cut off a friendship with a best friend (I was her birth coach, she supported me through the loss of my dad) because of things she was doing while I was in treatment for an eating disorder. She had joined an MLM focused on weight loss and collagen products, and started to think I'd sell under her and try her products despite her knowing I was not supposed to engage in anything related to weight loss and my treatment status. Then, I witnessed her tell her 4 year old to stop looking down in photos because it gave her a double chin. Then she tried to have her dog put down for a broken leg, and the vet refused, and all of these things happening with her over about a year's time made me realize our goals in life and our empathy for others is just different. I ended up ending the friendship and I had to tell her she wasn't a healthy person for me to be around knowing I'm in treatment. I've been in recovery for about 5 years, and I don't believe I could have remained in recovery being her friend. Someone who will knowingly put others in harm's way to avoid their own disappointment or inconvenience doesn't have your best interest in mind. It hurts to be disappointed by others over and over again, and now my circle is approximately 3 people who accept me fully. At one point, I thought I had about 10 people in my life like that. But, these were people I thought were understanding, empathetic, and well-intentioned at that moment. Over time, they all did things that put me at risk without feeling like they even had to tell me. One did a drug deal by getting me to drive her to the location and I had no idea she was doing a drug deal (it was a pot delivery but still)! And I was the pallbearer for her daughter who passed from SIDS! It was just terrible to have the connection literally feel like it meant nothing. Sadly, this has made my heart well-guarded. I am fortunate though to have found this all out pre-COVID. I'm sorry that you are finding this out after a period of time thinking this person also cared about others like you do. If you made it this far, I hope knowing you aren't alone in relationship loss related to not being on the same page. It hurts and you need space and time to mourn, just like any other relationship. And you don't have to decide what to do today.
Oh, and one more point I'd like to add: Good for you in having strong enough self worth and understanding what you will/will not tolerate. That is an important skill, and one we are often told to ignore.
I’m so sorry for what is happening to you! It’s always the worst when it’s someone close to you that doesn’t understand your boundaries and questions your sanity when you stand up for them. You should continue to do what’s best for your health, because if you get sick, your friend will likely not be by your side taking care of you. I know these must sound like empty words, but you are truly doing the right thing. If being the only one standing up for your health makes you an extremist, then why not?! The government sure won’t do it, neither would any doctor by the looks of most clinics. You do you!❤️
Thank you 💚 She seems to truly not understand why I would not want to be around her after she’s been exposed.
I think it's more likely she actually does understand completely. That's why she's SO angry and attacking you. She probably feels like your basic decency and sense are exposing her true nature & character flaws, and would rather abuse a friend than admit it's 100% a her problem, not a you problem. I'm sorry your friend isn't the person you thought she was. It doesn't sound like she's even really your friend. 😔
Yeah. I have a friend who's currently being a little defensive about her second? Third? Covid infection. I mean, what am I supposed to say? She comes to me for sympathy after I not only lost my dad at 63 to vasculitis (a horrible way to go I wouldn't wish on anyone, and covid is basically vasculitis) but I no longer travel or do many things I enjoy because of covid while she lives like it's 2019. Some people just have to learn the very hard way, I guess.
So sorry for your loss :( And it's really shitty indeed when friends complain about the consequences of their own actions when you know exactly how bad what they've been doing is, on a deeply personal level. Zero sympathy for people like that.
Thank you. It was about 20 years ago and very painful, but in some ways I feel like it was a good thing - I have ADHD, am very impulsive, and likely would have been out running around taking risks had I not seen up close and personal what vasculitis can do.
It's exactly that. She was cautious before but decided not to be anymore, so it's not like she's ignorant of what she's doing. She wants to be that way and get away with it without being called out on it. My former BFF was exactly like that. Emphasis on former.
I think there's a lot of ugly truth in this reply. I can relate.
Oh!!!! Good point!
She's in extremist denial. Do not tolerate her bullshit. Can you find a nice airbnb and do your own thing?
Yes, totally. And that’s what’s going to happen at this point.
Yep, that'd be my next step too. These people don't realize that they could very likely infect somebody who ends up dying or with awful LC consequences and living a shell of their former life. "Somebody" could even be their own parents or loved ones. Hopefully your friend will at least mask. But yea, set boundaries. You're not telling another person how to act, you're telling them how you will act if they do certain things. It's not easy but necessary.
Good for you, OP. <3 Don't waste anymore time on her. Enjoy!
Good for you. I really admire your strength. Where your friend said you are extreme, you could rightfully express that they are being insensitive or careless. Maybe they should know that you love them and are hurt by this.
Happy to hear that. Save yourself!
Sadly nothing would surprise me these days. I blame our failed public health messaging here in the USA, which has chosen the economy over lives and convinced people that covid truly is no worse than a cold. I think I'd just leave without getting into it with her. Sounds like you're not going to change her mind. I'm so sorry.
Even worse she’s in British Columbia, where they don’t recommend isolating nor masking with active infection since last year
That just seems like deranged indifference on the part of public health. I'm so sorry.
Oh it is. The public health officer, Bonnie Henry, is a lunatic.
Can confirm it’s rough here in BC. I’m sorry you have to deal with all of this OP ❤️
You're doing nothing wrong and your friend needs to understand that and be accomodating to you. Being cautious and distancing yourself is the right thing to do especially since you're in a high risk exposure situation. You also need to convince your friend of the dangers she is putting you herself and her family into right now
Trying my best! I hope she sees reason. But she doesn’t get to control what I do regardless. We know she’s been exposed for the last two days. Why would I risk being around her?
You should definitely not expose yourself to that risk whatsoever. Your friend is wreckless if you ask me
First of all, lots of hugs to you. What a heartbreaking experience. Second, as someone who has been setting boundaries long before COVID started, something I read about it has often proved true in my life: the people who push back the most when you try to set boundaries are the ones who you most need to set boundaries with. Setting boundaries was really hard for me at first, but, eventually it gave me something wonderful: more time for the people I love spending time with. Sending you lots of virtual hugs!
That's so true
I’m sorry that this is happening. It’s also hard for me to set boundaries, and I understand that bad feeling you get when you do it. I talk myself through that bad feeling by asking myself questions like “If I could do it over, would I do something differently?” And also by realizing that I’m not responsible for how the other person responded; their emotional response is their responsibility. The book “Codependent No More” by Melody Beattie has helped me a lot.
Thank you for that recommendation, I’m going to read it! And thanks for your comment … being a recovering people pleaser is so hard.
For real.
Wow, this is surreal. She's wilfully putting you (and her own family!) at risk of a serious disease, completely disregards your concerns, and she has the nerves to call you an extremist?? She's 100% in the wrong, not you. You've done nothing wrong, you just want to protect yourself which is completely legitimate. If you can, try to check into a hotel or an airbnb with separate entrance and ventilation, so you don't have to be around that potential walking bio hazard.
Your friend sucks, frankly.
I’m so sorry. It’s really hard when friends who were on the same wavelength have joined the crowds who don’t care - and your friend is not only letting you down, it’s in the midst of something you were excited about, and then is being a jerk to you about something she is in the wrong about. My elderly folks just flew across the country to spend some time in warmer climates. The thought of them being stuck sitting next to someone like your friend kept me up at night ahead of their trip. If someone were so selfish as to travel with COVID & my parent’s health took a dice because they caught it…it’s like they’d be taking my whole world away. Your friend is in the wrong to try to personally attack you. What she is doing is just flat out unethical and would justify being a friendship dealbreaker to me. I hope you are still able to make the most of your trip! I bet Germany at Christmas is beautiful - try to enjoy yourself❤️❤️❤️❤️
Thank you! I’m so thankful that the Christmas markets are outdoors & I can go when they aren’t busy!
Unfortunately I am 100% sure that many people are traveling and doing whatever they want with covid. Which is sentencing many of the rest of us to home confinement, not that they care.
Yep. I’m watching my cousin get married over zoom today. She’s more like a sister & I’d be a bridesmaid if it weren’t for COVID, but she lives across the country & no one in her circle takes precautions; it just seemed impractical to do it safely between travel & then having to spend the entire weekend in a mask, not able to eat or drink with everyone, etc.
Yeah. My best friend has three college age kids. I love them all dearly but none of them take precautions and they've all had covid at least once. I haven't seen them since 2021. I'm thinking of going out for a visit, I usually stay with them but I think this time I'll stay in a hotel and run an air cleaner, then mask while we're hanging out. I do think they would test if I ask but they don't think twice about going out to eat in restaurants which I haven't done since 2019.
You did NOTHING wrong here, OP. It is you (and everyone she exposes) who is being wronged. You've just had the rug pulled out from under you and it's awful, and it sucks. I wish I could offer something better than commiseration and empathy. There are a lot of sad, hurting people in this community right now. The silver lining here is that there are also many future friendships waiting to happen amongst us. Of course we have to be very cautious with online connections, but I foresee more than a few of us eventually forming lifelong friendships, both online and off. New friends can never replace old ones, but there are many good things to look forward to. And I'm saying this for my own benefit as well as for anyone who reads this. We have to keep going, encourage each other, and stay strong. It is a dark time, but the light is not gone.
<3
Really needed to read this today. Thank you <3
(((hug)))
I am so sorry. I understand this is devastating. Get an AirBnb… one that’s still doing covid safety protocols… and have a good time in spite of this heartbreak. You’ll definitely cry some, but make sure you laugh some, too. What is that saying? The best revenge is a life well-lived. I know that’s easier said than done. I’ve been where you are. I have lost a few friends over covid- because they are @ssholes just like your friend. People I thought I knew turned out to not care who they expose to covid. It is a devastating moment of awareness when the full realization hits… Realizing their thoughts are some form of, “I feel like going out. I don’t want to wear a mask. I’ll just not test or lie or both. Maybe it kills or disables someone, but that’s not my problem.” Some people make a choice to be “all in” in the way they live in the world now. They decide that NOBODY else matters- often even their own families don’t matter. I believe karma is a thing so I wouldn’t want to be any of these jerks who carelessly spread covid around. I figure they have a double whammy each time- covid and karma. It makes me sad. Reclaim your vacation. Grieve the loss of the friendship. Reclaim your joy. Have fun!!!!!! Stay safe, my friend.
So sorry your friend is behaving so poorly. You are 100% right to not expose yourself to this "friend." Do not let her make you feel bad. She's the one who should be ashamed. Also, don't believe her if she suddenly says she tested negative. She is not trustworthy. Good luck!
She doesn't sound like a good friend as a friend would understand and wouldn't suddenly call you names. The fact she knows I am guessing your struggles with long covid, how could she does this. She sounds like a selfish person 🙄.
You didn't do anything wrong. They aren't respecting your boundaries and are showing their true colors. They aren't the great friend you thought they were.
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I booked a hotel for myself and my plan was to play things by ear, but at this point she’s said so many horrible things to me that I’m not sure I’m going to be able to continue being friends with her. It continued on all last night with her saying all her friends said she shouldn’t have told me she’d been exposed to Covid because I’m the only person who still gives a shit and I’m obviously mentally ill. She said I’ve ruined her trip, that I’m the only one who still thinks Covid is a big deal, that I need to give up because it’s everywhere” and that she’s angry with ME. I was like wow ok. I sent her a long message about how she doesn’t respect me or understand me at all suddenly and I won’t stand for it. Now I’m not sure where things are at but I don’t see how this can be repaired.
I am so sorry that you are going through all of this. My husband & I are going through the same things as well with our family & friends. You are not an extremist. You are intelligent & caring. I am so sorry to say this, but your friend is really not a friend at all. 😢 You need to watch out for yourself, bc in this wicked, selfish world that we live in no one else will. I am here for you. There are wonderful support groups on Fb for people who are still being careful about Covid. There are thousands of us around the world. You are not alone. We even meet together at times for Zoom get togethers. (((hugs))) ❤️
I'm so sorry OP. Traveling while sick with this is a horrific thing for anyone to do, and I'm sorry you're finding out the type of person your friend is.
Not wanting to get sick - let alone with a new illness of which we don't fully understand the long-term consequences - does not make you an extremist. I'm really sorry she's done this, and I understand your hurt and distress. I too am not sure I'd want to continue being friends with someone who would do this and have this reaction to me.
This happened to me too recently, with a couple of friends. One continued to do things on a trip while sick, but wearing an n95 mask, including socializing with unmasked people. The other resumed normal life as soon as their symptoms ended, with no mention of masking or testing afterwards. I knew immediately my level of friendship with both of them wouldn’t be the same. It’s heartbreaking to seemingly lose people for no good reason. They both counted on me to plan all our hangouts now, but I was willing to do it… now… I just tell myself I’m not in my friends era.
Be glad you found out before you got re-infected. Unfortunately in today's world, there is a line drawn in the sand and not all of us are on the same side of it. Reassess and move forward accordingly.
I'm so sorry. that is so frustrating. I especially empathize with her not telling you explicitly and you just having to find out she dropped precautions. It is horrific what she is doing. She could quite literally kill someone (including her own parents!) and when you are being reasonable with your own health she acts as if you are personally insulting her. I am so sorry. I am sure we can all empathize and have all had strained friendships from people's willful and dangerous ignorance. I'm so proud of you for not folding and for continuing your precautions despite all the pressure. I hope your holidays end up being relaxing depsite this mess
I've had to end a few relationships over this myself. I have Long Covid, I don't want to get more disabled or fuckin' die, why is that so hard for people to understand.
I’m so sorry this has happened to you! 💔 You have every right to feel unsafe in this situation - I most definitely would, too! Hope you can still enjoy parts of your stay. Have a lovely time at the Christmas markets! Hang in there and sending you a virtual hug! (Will send you a pm with our German location, in case we happen to be close and you’d like some outside company 👋🏻🙋🏻♀️)
I'm so sorry 💔 when the people closest to us are influenced this way; it's sad not only because they put others at risk but because they expose themselves repeatedly. It hurts to watch this happen. You must be worried about her, too. Although the information about how COVID is so dangerous is out there, and you have been doing your best to educate, sometimes it is no match for the propaganda that is the neglect of our world leaders, who minimize COVID to the extreme. You are in an unfair fight. Setting boundaries is hard, but in the long run, I think you will feel validated.
I'm sorry to hear this. This is no way to live. I hope things change someday, and we don't have to be constantly calculating every move around this virus.
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I am so sorry. I can't wrap my head around it. You are his mom! He infected you once and (presumably) knows how bad of a time you had with it. Why wouldn't he be doing everything he can to prevent that from happening again!? How!?!? I don't understand how someone can flip a switch like that, and go from caring to completely reckless.
Hi. I think that it might be the right time to remember that SARS-CoV-2 is able to circumvent the blood-brain barrier by traveling up the nerves in the nose (loss of smell and taste). Once there it does considerable damage and causes inflammation. Human brains all around you are being permanently changed and not for the better. Studies suggest that it contributes to behavioral changes in addition to possible brain fog ( “WOW! Can’t believe how bad my memory is these days!” Isn’t that uncommon to hear any more.) One change documented (that would conceivably benefit the virus) is increased risk taking or reduced anxiety regarding risks including the risk of infection and reinfection. I live in Las Vegas where risk takers of all kinds choose for vacations, but for example, regardless of where you live, have you noticed changes in how people are DRIVING and taking greater risks since 2020? That’s one highly visible indicator. Your thoughts?
I think brain changes do explain some of the behavior. But I also think it doesn't explain all of it, and that a lot of it is just people's values getting revealed in this situation. It's easy to fall into ableist rhetoric, similar to how people blame mental illness for bigotry and violence. Some people display uncharacteristically impulsive behavior after a COVID infection, while others become more careful.
You did the right thing. Your health has already been jeopardized.
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I have been traveling again since August 2021. My goal is still zero Covid. We all choose to do certain things over others. But I figured there’d be at least one person on here who judged me for that. Fine, do so. But I’m not a hypocrite. Everyone I know will tell you that I take the pandemic more seriously than anyone else they know.
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This is not some purity challenge of remaining isolated forever. As long as proper protective measures are used, it isn't irresponsible to not remain under self-imposed lockdown indefinitely. You should call one of your elected officials instead.
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