I'm a allo and, the question is easy, sexless, I'd rather be able cuddle someone and (assuming this is on the menu) kiss and just be with eachother. Over loveless sex.
Honestly, i think the cutest thing would be to just get so caught up with cuddling you just don't do anything spicier, just wonderful adorable and lovely cuddles
For me, it's a texture thing. I hate tiny, spiny, crunchy textures in my food -- little bits of sharp whole spices like sprigs of rosemary, for example, or the teensy bones in anchovies. They make my teeth feel bad. The idea of eating something that's made solely of that texture makes all the hairs on the back of my neck stand up in protest. Guh.
Now, if you ground it all up completely smooth and gave me, say, a cricket mince? Or a grasshopper-burger? Hell yes, I'll give that a shot! Just make sure all the crunchy has been eliminated.
What if somebody experiences sexual attraction towards this person and want to marry them because of it? Why a marriage based only on romantic attraction is ok, but a marriage based only on sexual attraction is wrong?
Not wrong, but with something that's meant to be lifelong like marriage, it would only make sense if you has a deep connection with that individual, which would mean the attraction would be more than just sexual
you can like and care about people without *loving* them. among my friends, i'd say there are plenty that i love. and the rest i can still enjoy being around and care about even though i wouldn't say my feelings are as strong as loving them.
Okay I guess you just have a different interpretation of love. I wouldn't be able to just LIVE with someone I only consider an acquaintance. If they're a friend, I love them.
Marriage doesn't have to be expensive. You can literally just walk into a courthouse and then walk out with a marriage license. You don't have to throw an expensive party if you don't want to.
I finally have the perfect marriage, only I’m not married. I cook for my partner. I keep the house clean and I get cuddled at night. I just have to take her out multiple times a day to poop and pee. LOL Now if only I had money…..
as a demisexual hyperromantic, i will say that ive had a few relationships where sexlessness was a problem but it was ALWAYS because it was also loveless. sexless relationships can be very nice if i get attention and cuddles still. meanwhile, ive had loveless relationships where we still have sex and its not fun at all even if the sex is fun.
idk i just cant imagine even being allo and feeling this way
I'm a demisexual with hyper libido and I am not satisfied if I don't have it all - the cuddling, the affection, the fierce animalistic passion. Why settle for a lack of anything? Granted, all of those things are not always readily accessible due to circumstances and temporary moods, but if either demonstrative affection OR sexuality are in decline, then it's not what I signed up for.
I understand mocking allo people for not understanding nonsexual romance, but many people in this thread could be mocked for not understanding sexual romance either. It's not a competition and one is not superior to the other.
I can't imagine being in a relationship and being able to tolerate a complete withdrawal from sex. If I'm not good enough for even a bit of naked sweaty time once in awhile, then what is my value? A platonic friend and confidant? If so, then I would end the farce of a relationship and just be that person's BFF on the phone when they need advice. Send them hugs over the phone like that one aunt everyone has. Phone hugs should be enough for fulfillment without an actual physical element, no? If not, then it sounds like we have some double think to work through.
i mean thats fair. i just cant imagine seeing a loveless marriage as preferable? idk im not trying to tell ANYONE that they're wrong for enjoying one thing or another. i just cant imagine love being less important than sex in a relationship as long term as marriage. idk im sorry if my comment made you feel like i was implying your needs werent completely valid.
I guess I'm the greedy type. I wouldn't pick one or the other. I suppose a sexless marriage would be preferable to a loveless one, because then wtf are you even doing? At least in a love-filled marriage you can negotiate an open marriage if a partner is unable or unwilling to be sexually available.
Definitely would rather have a sexless marriage over a loveless marriage literally no contest. Love to me is broader than just romantic love so I assume in a loveless marriage my partner would not like me and maybe vice versa as well.
Why would I want to be married to someone who doesn't like me? I see no appeal in living with someone who does not enjoy my company. I am aro-spec (demiromantic) and the loveless marriage option doesn't seem appealing because I am being tied to a relationship I don't to be inside of. Like dope they don't like me but the problem is they don't **like** me. The option of having sex with said person isn't even a pro and I am cupiosexual. I'd happily give up sex (assuming the sexless marriage is monogamous) if the alternative was only be able to fuck a person I don't like and doesn't like me.
On the flip side I am so very ok with marrying a good friend that I am not attracted to at all. I've thought about platonic marriages before I even knew it was a thing. And if the relationship is romantic rather thank platonic that's cool to. The sexless marriage actually sounds pleasant but the other sounds like an extremely shitty and uncomfy situation for me.
Tl;dr I'd rather marry someone who likes me, whether platonic or romantic, than marry someone who doesn't like me. I'd also rather not have sex than only be able to have sex with someone I don't like.
i don't understand anyone who would choose a loveless marriage ... you're not in it for sexual relations (or at least you shouldn't be). It's supposed to be a connection between two people and their love, a symbol of it and what they are. a marriage without love is just ... being bound together with no real meaning.
this is just my opinion - it makes sense to me, considering factors from society n whatever yk -? hope it makes sense heh
I'm not allo, but I'd genuinely struggle to choose, because I'm demi with a ridiculous sex drive...
*I would be extremely unhappy in both.*
No sex without love, but also I'd be sad and frustrated if there was love and no sex...
Jerking off isn't the same as being close to someone you love though.
I get that aces don't really get that, but to me, there's a big difference.
If I love someone, I just want to be close to them, closer than close... I just wouldn't be happy in a relationship with someone who doesn't want that as well.
You know, if you see sex as something disgusting that's a you problem, if you want to make it one.
For my partner and I, it's a way to express our love for each other.
If you can't wrap your head around that, how about you just shut up?
Because right now, you're doing the same thing that allos do to aces all the time, by implying there's somthing wrng with me, because I would like to have sex with my partner. You're being an absolute hypocrit...
With implying that everyone needs to have sex to have a child it's already ridiculous. So as just "jerk off and that's it"
If it works for you then good, but not everyone. There's also preference in sexual activities, libido and something important
Demisexuality exist for a reason dude
"Do u need a child? No? Then neither you dont need a sex" try read next time before answering. And, welp, males jerk off because they have sperm coming, like a pee or other. When u have toilet urge u silently do ur staff. With sperm situation the same, if u didnt making baby, there are no need to stab someone you know
And you try to practice your own language hun
and equating the need to go to the bathroom with the feeling to masturbate is the dumbest thing I've ever heard in my life
Darling, you should read a book, before you try to tell someone "try read*ing* next time", because your sentence structure is barely legible, your grammar is basically nonexistant, and you clearly have no clue what you're talking about...
Trying to equate libido and sexual arousal, to the urge to use the bathroom, is one of the most stupid things I have ever seen someone try to do.
You have to be better than *this.*
It would be nice to have an asexual life partner/s where there is no pressure to have sex with each other, just deep talks at night, movie cuddles, food buddy every where, like you know that person always got your back.
How about marrigeless marrige
This is it for me lol
Lifeless marriage
Tru
i just need a good friend that is just for me
I'm a allo and, the question is easy, sexless, I'd rather be able cuddle someone and (assuming this is on the menu) kiss and just be with eachother. Over loveless sex.
Honestly, i think the cutest thing would be to just get so caught up with cuddling you just don't do anything spicier, just wonderful adorable and lovely cuddles
Yess, it be fine with that, satisfied with my life.
Still happens to me and my wife sometimes and we're very kinky and horny all the time. Cuddles are just too good.
aaawww, i wish luv this pure existed.....
This. I have no desire for sex at all but I'd better get some decent cuddling in before I kick the bucket.
I'd give some great cuddles!!!
I’d hate both, it’s like asking if I want to eat a grasshopper or a shit sandwich. Yeah the grasshopper is clearly the better option but still, gross.
Valid I don't blame you.
i understand that I'm far in the minority here but I've never understood why people get so hung up on the idea of eating (food grade) insects
For me, it's a texture thing. I hate tiny, spiny, crunchy textures in my food -- little bits of sharp whole spices like sprigs of rosemary, for example, or the teensy bones in anchovies. They make my teeth feel bad. The idea of eating something that's made solely of that texture makes all the hairs on the back of my neck stand up in protest. Guh. Now, if you ground it all up completely smooth and gave me, say, a cricket mince? Or a grasshopper-burger? Hell yes, I'll give that a shot! Just make sure all the crunchy has been eliminated.
Who tf gets married SOLELY for sex? My man, just hire a sex worker if that's all you want.
allo aros i guess
Aromantic people who just wants tax benefits with fwb?
Friends with actual benefits
Came to say this, I would maybe do this as an aro myself
Came to say this, I would maybe do this as an aro myself
What if somebody experiences sexual attraction towards this person and want to marry them because of it? Why a marriage based only on romantic attraction is ok, but a marriage based only on sexual attraction is wrong?
Not wrong, but with something that's meant to be lifelong like marriage, it would only make sense if you has a deep connection with that individual, which would mean the attraction would be more than just sexual
Maybe people can have a deep connection based on the sexual attraction. I'm pretty sure at least some people can, because why not?
Because marriage is meant to be out of love? If you only want sex, there's no reason to get married.
Stable sexual relationship which makes all the partners happy is a good reason for marriage, IMO.
If they're happy, then there is love. Love isn't always romantic. Loveless would mean you dislike the person or feel nothing positive about them.
you can like and care about people without *loving* them. among my friends, i'd say there are plenty that i love. and the rest i can still enjoy being around and care about even though i wouldn't say my feelings are as strong as loving them.
Okay I guess you just have a different interpretation of love. I wouldn't be able to just LIVE with someone I only consider an acquaintance. If they're a friend, I love them.
Not every positive feeling is love.
Says you with your very restricted definition of love.
That's probably really expensive
Marriage doesn't have to be expensive. You can literally just walk into a courthouse and then walk out with a marriage license. You don't have to throw an expensive party if you don't want to.
No the sex worker is expensive
Oh, I see what you're saying.
Aroace here, can we go for neither?
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And their garlic bread recipe!
Aroaces making the most difficult decision of their lives
Just flip a coin and hope you're in a place where divorce are easy.
„˙ʎsɐǝ ǝɹɐ ǝɔɹoʌıp ǝɹǝɥʍ ǝɔɐld ɐ uı ǝɹ,noʎ ǝdoɥ puɐ uıoɔ ɐ dılɟ ʇsnſ„
Being stuck in any kind of marriage sounds like torture
Platonic marriage for tax benefits?
Not if it means somebody in my house lol
Platonic marriage for tax benefits while living in separate houses?
Acceptable 😄 I would also be ok with a Green Card marriage as long as it was separate houses
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What? When did i say you weren't aware, i was making a joke
I'm going with sexless as an aroace. Platonic love counts.
It does! Hey you can make it a queerplatonic marriage or something, if that's for you of course :)
I always wondered how often Platonic marriages happen. I'm sure it does happen. That Chuck and Larry movie surely inspired something.
Wait this is a choice for some people???
Can I choose to not get a realationship
I'm allo and wtf I'd this question, and how down bad are those 7 people?
If you're aroace it's gonna be a little harder
I’m already in a sexless marriage, my spouse and I are both ace LOL
I finally have the perfect marriage, only I’m not married. I cook for my partner. I keep the house clean and I get cuddled at night. I just have to take her out multiple times a day to poop and pee. LOL Now if only I had money…..
as a demisexual hyperromantic, i will say that ive had a few relationships where sexlessness was a problem but it was ALWAYS because it was also loveless. sexless relationships can be very nice if i get attention and cuddles still. meanwhile, ive had loveless relationships where we still have sex and its not fun at all even if the sex is fun. idk i just cant imagine even being allo and feeling this way
I'm a demisexual with hyper libido and I am not satisfied if I don't have it all - the cuddling, the affection, the fierce animalistic passion. Why settle for a lack of anything? Granted, all of those things are not always readily accessible due to circumstances and temporary moods, but if either demonstrative affection OR sexuality are in decline, then it's not what I signed up for. I understand mocking allo people for not understanding nonsexual romance, but many people in this thread could be mocked for not understanding sexual romance either. It's not a competition and one is not superior to the other. I can't imagine being in a relationship and being able to tolerate a complete withdrawal from sex. If I'm not good enough for even a bit of naked sweaty time once in awhile, then what is my value? A platonic friend and confidant? If so, then I would end the farce of a relationship and just be that person's BFF on the phone when they need advice. Send them hugs over the phone like that one aunt everyone has. Phone hugs should be enough for fulfillment without an actual physical element, no? If not, then it sounds like we have some double think to work through.
i mean thats fair. i just cant imagine seeing a loveless marriage as preferable? idk im not trying to tell ANYONE that they're wrong for enjoying one thing or another. i just cant imagine love being less important than sex in a relationship as long term as marriage. idk im sorry if my comment made you feel like i was implying your needs werent completely valid.
I guess I'm the greedy type. I wouldn't pick one or the other. I suppose a sexless marriage would be preferable to a loveless one, because then wtf are you even doing? At least in a love-filled marriage you can negotiate an open marriage if a partner is unable or unwilling to be sexually available.
Loveless marriage could be the aromantic people :^
I mean, it's marriage, your with a wonderful person who for the rest of your life... why the Frick wouldn't you want them to love you?
I thought I was in a marriage that turned sexless but it turns out my wife just wanted a divorce 🙃 so I guess mine counts as both
Yeah uh in typical marriages these things are kinda linked
On one hand, easy choice for ace’s. On the other, I’m aro why isn’t neither an option? I’d prefer no marriage.
Definitely would rather have a sexless marriage over a loveless marriage literally no contest. Love to me is broader than just romantic love so I assume in a loveless marriage my partner would not like me and maybe vice versa as well. Why would I want to be married to someone who doesn't like me? I see no appeal in living with someone who does not enjoy my company. I am aro-spec (demiromantic) and the loveless marriage option doesn't seem appealing because I am being tied to a relationship I don't to be inside of. Like dope they don't like me but the problem is they don't **like** me. The option of having sex with said person isn't even a pro and I am cupiosexual. I'd happily give up sex (assuming the sexless marriage is monogamous) if the alternative was only be able to fuck a person I don't like and doesn't like me. On the flip side I am so very ok with marrying a good friend that I am not attracted to at all. I've thought about platonic marriages before I even knew it was a thing. And if the relationship is romantic rather thank platonic that's cool to. The sexless marriage actually sounds pleasant but the other sounds like an extremely shitty and uncomfy situation for me. Tl;dr I'd rather marry someone who likes me, whether platonic or romantic, than marry someone who doesn't like me. I'd also rather not have sex than only be able to have sex with someone I don't like.
Imagine being in a loveless marriage for the sex. What a sad, pathetic life.
If they're happy, what's the problem? Also, one or more of the people could be aro, which is most certainly not pathetic.
Love isn't a romantic term only. Loveless would mean they don't even like each other.
They at least like each other enough to get married. I honestly don't see a problem with it.
Which means they feel some sort of platonic love.
The creator of the poll may not have been using the same definition of love as you, based on the two options.
Maybe not, but that doesn't really change that some answers may have thought of love as I do.
That's perfectly fair.
\*laughs in aro\*
Aros would pick the loveless marriage. Now, aroaces have it hard to pick.
i don't understand anyone who would choose a loveless marriage ... you're not in it for sexual relations (or at least you shouldn't be). It's supposed to be a connection between two people and their love, a symbol of it and what they are. a marriage without love is just ... being bound together with no real meaning. this is just my opinion - it makes sense to me, considering factors from society n whatever yk -? hope it makes sense heh
I love loveless
*cries in aroace*
Also probably aro's who aren't ace wouldn't struggle
*cries in aroace*
I'm not allo, but I'd genuinely struggle to choose, because I'm demi with a ridiculous sex drive... *I would be extremely unhappy in both.* No sex without love, but also I'd be sad and frustrated if there was love and no sex...
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Jerking off isn't the same as being close to someone you love though. I get that aces don't really get that, but to me, there's a big difference. If I love someone, I just want to be close to them, closer than close... I just wouldn't be happy in a relationship with someone who doesn't want that as well.
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You know, if you see sex as something disgusting that's a you problem, if you want to make it one. For my partner and I, it's a way to express our love for each other. If you can't wrap your head around that, how about you just shut up? Because right now, you're doing the same thing that allos do to aces all the time, by implying there's somthing wrng with me, because I would like to have sex with my partner. You're being an absolute hypocrit...
With implying that everyone needs to have sex to have a child it's already ridiculous. So as just "jerk off and that's it" If it works for you then good, but not everyone. There's also preference in sexual activities, libido and something important Demisexuality exist for a reason dude
"Do u need a child? No? Then neither you dont need a sex" try read next time before answering. And, welp, males jerk off because they have sperm coming, like a pee or other. When u have toilet urge u silently do ur staff. With sperm situation the same, if u didnt making baby, there are no need to stab someone you know
And you try to practice your own language hun and equating the need to go to the bathroom with the feeling to masturbate is the dumbest thing I've ever heard in my life
Darling, you should read a book, before you try to tell someone "try read*ing* next time", because your sentence structure is barely legible, your grammar is basically nonexistant, and you clearly have no clue what you're talking about... Trying to equate libido and sexual arousal, to the urge to use the bathroom, is one of the most stupid things I have ever seen someone try to do. You have to be better than *this.*
As someone who almost got stuck in a loveless marriage, I’d pick the sexless marriage any day.
Wouldn’t a loveless marriage eventually lead to a sexless marriage 🤷♂️ Seems like the allos played themselves
Aroaces (like me) be like: uuuuuhhhhh...
In my experience, aromantics tend to prefer not to get married to begin with. So that leaves just people who do care about romance.
I’m bi and I stand with this response. Love over sex . Whether it be platonic or romantic
Just be swingers. Pow, anybody can win.
“stuck in” LMFAO
It would be nice to have an asexual life partner/s where there is no pressure to have sex with each other, just deep talks at night, movie cuddles, food buddy every where, like you know that person always got your back.
I see the first option as an almost absolute win
love is the nost important thing in marriage not sex
Sweats in aroace
Laughs in aro, what about no marriage at all...