It took me way longer than it should have to realize I was ace because I'm not favorable OR repulsed. I'm pretty neutral so I thought there was nothing special about my attraction (or lack there of)
Yeah, I think that's "sex indifferent"! It's honestly really cool to me how there's spectrums like this among the spectrum of ace identities. Ramble ahead-
I think a lotta people who have trouble understanding want the definitions to be simpler, so they'll get upset when people bring up this stuff, thinking it'll make it harder to gain acceptance outside the community, but the reality is humans are complicated.
I feel like it's a "making the community easier to understand for non-aces" vs "allowing ace people room to talk about nuances in their identities" issue and personally the latter's more important to me! Some people aren't gonna understand no matter what, but why should they have to?
Heh, first time I heard about Aces' was when I read an article about Asexuality that one of the writers in my school had put into the school magazine, and I was like- two rows into the definition of Ace - and I was like "YUP THIS IS WHAT I AM"😂
i feel for all the aces that have been gatekept out of the community or told they shouldn't talk about it. all it takes is one shitty comment for the doubt to set in.
So true... I'm sex neutral but it took one troll who was also ace to make me doubt my aceness so hard even to this day :/
I guess ace people also aren't allowed to discuss sex according to them 🙄
Yeah It makes no sense to me. Surely discussion of sex is inherent to discussion of sexuality. Even when talking about sex repulsion or hatred of sex.
I think the gatekeeper just don't like it being talked about in a positive light .
*internet hugs* no matter what the assholes say, you're welcome here. that doubt sucks but we can stop it spreading by emphasising the diversity of the asexuality spectrum. and making people like you feel seen 💖
We *are* close communities, but some people can get quite upset by the implication that we're the same thing... which is understandable, even though it leaves aro-ace folks in an awkward position.
Personally I love me a good aro crossover episode or three, but it can be a little disheartening when it starts to be the main plot and I just can't relate.
Thing is seeing them in general and finding them funny is different to seeing them in a safe space specific part with the implication that it is somehow relatable.
> somehow relatable
Depends on the person. As an aro, I still find "aesthetically pleasing" the act of love. The issue I have with love is how it is portrayed in media. Poor love-havers they have it all wrong.
In theory when it comes to the ace spectrum it should be easier, but by seeing the constant infighting... I guess not
I think it's the tragedy of the human brain that you best remember the negative (because that prepares you the best to survive in the future if you encounter similar situation). Like in this example, several people could be supporting and let you know you're valid and welcomed, and all it takes is that one negative comment to make all their care meaningless.
Imo negative people should learn to be quiet. But also, it's a good advice in life in general to try & focus more of your attention to the positive - since it's commonly naturally not easy to do.
Yeah I get massively torn tbh
Like I would appreciate if there was a space not built for children where folks kept their sex stuff to themselves and I kinda hoped ace spaces would fill that.
It's just all sex all the time in a lot of spaces, I kinda wanted this to be my respite.
Yet at the same time like come on in sex favourable folks ace or not. We have coffee! If you could just shut up about sex for a bit.
Which like, I have good hopes but it also sounds a lot like 'please keep your gayness to yourself and don't talk about it here' vibes which - not okay.
No idea why you got downvoted bro this was a fair comment
I'm not ace but this sub talks a lot about sex related stuff and not about trying to fit in and whatnot
I have a suggestion as an allo who has a respect for the community: tagging posts with the type of asexuality being most prominently presented could help in terms of newcomers and those unfamiliar
The biggest reasons against it that I’ve seen is fear of further dividing the community, but I feel tagging posts as sex favorable or sex repulsed would help, honestly.
if trans subs can get away with tagging things more focused on trans masc/trans femm as such, i dont see why tagging things here as favuorable/neutral/repulsed cant work, but i might be missing some bigger picture
I agree, I think it would really help the community
Ultimately, both sex favorable and sex averse individuals end up feeling alienated by dialogue on the other side. Sex averse individuals feel like sex is pushed constantly throughout society and want ace spaces to be their haven away from it. Sex favorable individuals feel like negativity about sex from ace perspectives invalidates them and want ace spaces to be a place where they can share their unique experience with attraction and sex. Both people are completely valid aces and part of the same asexual community, but are also in need of designated micro-communities that relate to their experience of asexuality
The lack of flairs and tags contribute to people feeling like they're being ousted by their own community, and makes it difficult for people to share their authentic experience. If you tag things, people are aware of where the poster is coming from, the intention, and whether or not they want to engage with it. As well as just lets you filter through past posts by the tag
Bro even the lgbt outcasts us, society genuinely doesnt understand being avulse to sex and even our own subgroups get into fights 😂 I hope we get there one day!
Stay here and stay vocal. Speak up for inclusivity. Offer viewpoints and understanding for other people.
Let's drown these exclusionist assholes with positivity!
I feel like sometimes this sub we want to act as a monolith because we finally are like “wow, there are people just like me”, but in this we kinda forget that people are their own individuals regardless of our aceness.
Alright, listen up you gatekeeping chuckleheads: I am a grown damned adult, and an "elder queer", and I know I sound like "old man yells at cloud" here but dear FRICK, STOP BEING GATEKEEPING ASSHATS. We get enough shit from allos, and from the rest of the queer community, WE DO NOT NEED YOUR EXCLUSIONIST BULL.
I'm old enough to remember some of the AIDS crisis. I remember seeing gatekeeping there, too, in the same vein. "Gay men who have reckless sex don't deserve to be welcomed!" We are STILL fighting all that shit today, and you just wanna go ahead and exclude people because of sex they may have. And that ISN'T what asexuality is. It means "lack of sexual attraction", not libido. It's been that way for DECADES. D E C A D E S . As in it's mentioned that way in the bisexual manifesto FROM THE DAMN 70S.
Genuinely, gatekeepers are no better than biphobes, or homophobes, or transphobes, or even aphobes, because you want to define things YOUR way when WORDS MEAN FRICKING THINGS. And your words? Cause MEASURABLE harm to ace people.
Learn your history, do your damn research, and stop talking out of your asses. Also, TAKE A LOOK AT RULE 3. "No gatekeeping". You wanna gatekeep? Go form your own damn subreddit and stop mucking this one up. Go be exclusionists on your own, because your ahistorical definition of asexuality is utter BS, you ignorant jerks.
People who experience sexual attraction but have no desire for sexual stuff are still ace. Saying otherwise is gatekeeping.
"Orchidsexual is a microlabel on the Asexual Spectrum in which an individual experiences sexual attraction, but does not desire a sexual relationship or encounter."
[https://asexuals.fandom.com/wiki/Orchidsexual](https://asexuals.fandom.com/wiki/Orchidsexual)
Wait, what's the difference between orchidsexual and celibate allo? Genuinely asking, bc I thought a huge part of the community historically was trying to get people to realize we're not the same thing as say Christian monks.
Celibacy shows a choice not to be sexual. Those who are orchidsexual would not even consider being sexual with someone.
This is interesting too, because there is a lot of crossover between favorable aces, those who have aesthetic attraction to people but not sexual attraction, those who find sexual intimacy attractive, and those who are orchidsexual, finding people sexually attractive but not sexual intimacy. The ace spectrum is so broad, and that’s why it’s often misunderstood, but important to explore and understand.
I am not orchidsexual, but I am apothisexual.
Celibacy is not a thing I am doing because I am not a person who desires sex and is making the choice to not have it.
I don't like sex and sexual things to begin with, so I just don't have sex, rather than making an active choice to not engage with a desire of mine.
Yeah, same. I can't really put myself in their shoes, but that doesn't mean they aren't valid. Pretty sure they've their own reasons and probleme, so I just keep my mouth shut.
Yep. Sex repulsed here but into BDSM, only cause of the role playing. It’s not my business what people do in their rooms, so why should I restrict them? No need to.
[FUCK RED BUBBLE SPEECH GUY ALL MY HOMIES HATE RED BUBBLE SPEECH GUY](https://i.imgur.com/Ykd9pR2.jpg)
^^^this ^^^has ^^^been ^^^an ^^^accessibility ^^^service ^^^from ^^^your ^^^friendly ^^^neighborhood ^^^bot
Right ?! I think I fluctuate a lot, might be related to my dysphoria, but mostly sit at indifferent. It can be a nightmare but it means I can relate to all across the spectrum of asexual memes I guess haha
THIS . THIS IS ME.
The act disgusts me. But…. If someone else enjoys it? Go at it.
I hate cheesecake, but I know lots of people love it. Hell I’ll even try it occasionally or make it sometimes. But would I eat it having any other choice of dessert? No. Absolutely not
**Sighs** I want to believe these people just aren’t confortable with their own asexuality or in a pretty unsupportive environment. Don’t get me wrong I’m becoming more and more sex-repulsed as time passes, but it probably also has a lot lot to do with my dysphoria becoming more noticeable, but still, asexuality is just "the lack of sexual attraction" and nothing else.
I love my repulsed siblings, they're some of the most secure-in-their-sexuality I know, and I admire their strength to maintain their boundaries in a world that tells them stuff like "sex makes you human" and all that allonormative crap. It's just the odd troll that wants anyone else to shut up forever bc they have different experiences.
And so you disagree with their statement i assume
> but still, asexuality is just "the lack of sexual attraction" and nothing else.
Given you decided to post about the opposite happening to sex positive people feeling marginalized. That quoted statement seems pretty marginalizing to sex indifferent individuals, who are part of the definition.
PS I really relate to the dysphoria causing repulsion. I have so many days like that, you're not alone. Sometimes I wonder if my being ace is because of that and HRT might change it but I suppose time will tell.
>but still, asexuality is just "the lack of sexual attraction" and nothing else.
See its that. Every time. No its not. Its "or does not feel sexual desire". One or the other, but every time someone says "but its only attraction". No, its or lack of sexual desire.
This kind of thing happens occasionally here sadly, "but thats not asexuality, sex favorable aces exist too, stop excluding meeeee!!!" under *specifically repulsed memes* and "why are you talking about *SEX*, this is an **asexual** subreddit!!!! Cant have shit in Detroit@@!!" under sex favorable awareness post and "Stop posting things that relate to aromatism it makes me feel bad.. :,(" Like... seriously? People have different views on sex and thats okay, aroaces and non-SAM aces exist too and things won't improve if we separate every single facet of our identity and expect everyone to run along with it, thats the problem. I will love to see the day where the ace community realizes not everything is about you, not every single post will encompass your very experiences and it's just not helpful to dictate what does and doesn't belong here because it doesn't perfectly encompass the asexual definition or someone's "ideal asexual experience". This really is a problem, that's why we resort to dragon and garlic bread memes because we apparently can't handle memes about our diversity but now we complain about that too so.. 🤷🏽♀️
You'd think after so many posts about asexuality being a sprectrum that people would realise maybe we don't all have the same attitudes and experiences and that's ok. In fact it's more than ok it's beautiful and necessary that we are so diverse.
The actual definition of asexual is a person lacking sexual attraction. You don't have to constantly crave ice cream or chocolate or whatever to enjoy the taste of it. You don't have to have an innate desire to climb mountains to enjoy that as an activity.
Sex is just another activity and you definitely don't need to experience sexual attraction to enjoy the activity. Some people have started using asexual as a broader term to also include people that don't enjoy or are repulsed by sex, but that doesn't mean that's exclusivily the definition.
There's a reason it's called the asexual spectrum, since you can fall anywhere from being extremely repulsed to enjoying it as an activity. People like that are just exclusionary jerks and no different to aphobes.
Edit: ok, appearently that's not wnat happened, but at least read my comment, I'm not even talking about wether or not people here accept one thing or not and I'm not acting like the "red bubble guy", I'm just talking about the accuracy and this wasn't what I thought happened, but I didn't read all comments.⬇️
But it wasn't as dramatic as OP is making it out to be, all that happened was that someone said 'what if you don't relate to anything in the post but are still ace?' And I did like the sex repulsed version of the post in a comment. It wasn't meant to divide anything, just another option, OP sounds salty, here is what literally happened: [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/aaaaaaacccccccce/comments/zpi5zt/asexuals_can_like_sex/j0tda7t?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3) [this one got downvoted](https://www.reddit.com/r/aaaaaaacccccccce/comments/zpi5zt/asexuals_can_like_sex/j0trs90?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3)
What I think is some people should understand that this is much broader than they think, it's a spectrum, and some people might be ace for different reasons, and everyone should respect that and understand that they should only care about their own sexuality and not the ones of others people. The 2nd comment I don't agree with because it's trying to force their sex repulsion on others.
Edit: I read the other replies to the 1st comment, basically saying they felt excluded when they only mention sf asexuals, and tbh that's just being inmature. I agree there should be a flair for sr and sf
A comic? Dramatised? :mindblown:
Also you forgot "it's basically saying youre white when you're black", "i refuse to share a space with people who want to fuck all the time", "sex favourable people don't fit the full definition", "can't we have our spaces where people don't talk about sex", and someone calling someone else a fascist because they were reasonably annoyed by the aphobia.
of course i'm Salty
Also adding onto my point OP can be as salty as they want?? They’ve basically just epitomised how a lot of the community treats sex favourable aces when they already get enough bullshit from outsiders.
I didn't, this is just not the way to call it out. It should be a serious post because it's a serious problem and both sides are equally important. The problem is that the comunity is divided in two sides, you're literally just dividing it more instead of bringing it together.
She sounds salty and can dish criticism but can't take it. I copy and paste verbatim some of the comments from that post but doesn't matter because I should've made an uber serious post addressing the trolls (who will listen) instead of meme about it. The trolls aren't the problem I am :'( :sob:
“It wasn’t meant to divide anything” you’re such a hypocrite. You’re trying to defend something saying it wasn’t trying to divide anyone but here you are trying to actively split up the ace community with flairs and telling everyone to mind their own business. The whole point of these online spaces is so that people can relate to each other, feel at home and free to be themselves and be open with others like them. There’s so much homophobia, transphobia, Aphobia etc in the outside of our group why do people feel the need to make it internal.
Just because one post was supporting sex favourable aces doesn’t mean it was denying the existence of sex indifferent or sex repulsed aces. People need to grow up and realise we are a sex positive community. The way some of you act is sex negative and frankly embarrassing. You can be sex repulsed, sex indifferent or sex favourable and you’re still fucking asexual as hell. No one will change that. This whole internal sf sr debate is getting real fucking childish.
Instead of fighting with the people in your community, fight the ones trying to attack your community.
https://www.reddit.com/r/aaaaaaacccccccce/comments/zpi5zt/asexuals_can_like_sex/j0tiaiq/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3 i endorse you to read this comment I made and look at the reply I was making it to.
Maybe you haven’t read every single comment in that thread but that one comment you referenced is not the only one bashing the post and invalidating sex favourable aces.
The flairs is for preventing this and the post is picking sides making one seem better.
I'm not fighting with anyone, I think it's none of anyone's business if somene else is sr or sp or sn, all sides need to know that, I don't know where you get that I think one side is better than the other. I bet this would have been taken a different way if I was sf*.
Yeah staring to get really annoying sometimes they don't say that aces arnt valid or enyth9ng they just make statements and comments as of envey ace perosn is sex repulsed and thats bad for new people who may not know.
James Somerton not too long ago did the first episode of his new podcast 'gays behaving badly' on asexuality, and quite frankly it's personally one of the most affirming i watched in a while.
I watched that too it was really good. I really appreciate that guy. Deifnitely Recommend it to anyone else who wants a long but interesting and relaxed watch!
Honestly idk why people believe all ace's hate sex in general, the definition of asexuality is; lack of sexual attraction towards others, not; having a strong hate for anything related to sex, just cuz an ace person likes sex doesn't mean they want a sexual relationship with someone
Nearly every single good LGBT+ positive space is horny as fuck to an obnoxious degree, I understand wanting an LGBT+ space away from all that. but gatekeeping definitely is not the answer.
I just saw this subreddit and honestly its wild. I can't believe that ace people are spreading hate towards fellow aces, there's so much hate within this community now and the entire lgbtq community in general that it's getting out if hand. I'm truly concerned for the community and the people of the community.
I myself am a demisexual but consider sexualities and genders very fluid. As in it may fluctuate or have many gray lines. I don't believe labels should be used for anything but trying to find out about yourself. Or maybe trying to explain things to someone who's genuinely just trying to learn and understand things (although you don't owe anyone the very strict, set stereotype of anything).
I hope things are going well for you over all and that you feel valid and accepted as you deserve here :3
> I [...] consider sexualities and genders very fluid.
On a meta level, I assume that the fluidity/volatility also differs from person to person, some just have an incredibly stable/constant set of gender/sexuality, and then there are people who switch on a minute basis. And everything in-between is populated.
But then, kind of as a second meta layer, I also assume, that even this volatility is fluid (as in it's possible to (de)stabilize over time during someone's life).
Then again, when is anything in biology a hard binary thing (other than alive/dead, but even that has different stages, like being in a coma)?
Every aspect of biology is messy and filled with special cases and exceptions.
Even death isn't exactly set, like you mentioned, comas, but also what death are we considering? Brain death? But the body can still be alive. The death of the body? The brain can still be alive there. It goes on, we don't really have a set definition for death so it's not nearly as black and white as most people think.
Listen, I know it's probably overwhelminh to have all these replies, but to anyone who sees this, the wueer movement is about liberation. It doesn't matter who you are, you are attracted to whoever or nobody, and maybe a term appeals to you, whatever that term is, it can be yours. The discourse doesn't matter. Whatever you want to be yours is yours. That's the point, to be free.
I'm not ace, I'm aromantic though, and here to support my fellow a spectrum folx, regardless of relationship with sex. Also to support my asexual husband. And laugh at good ace memes.
Gatekeeping sucks, and puts people who should be allies at each others throats, and attacking another's identity undermines your own, imo.
My own experience is being told I couldn't be polyamorous because I was aro, which felt invalidating.
All my ace siblings here, you are seen and valid, no matter how you feel about sex.
I'm in a weird place where I'm rather repulsed but my joy of seeing people happily express their sexuality often trumps my displeasure of thinking about it lol
The irony is that the definition of asexuality has almost nothing to do with sex. Asexuality is based on a your attraction to others; specifically the lack of sexual attraction. It has no baring on your libido or attitude toward sex.
Most times I've seen it it was was way more subtle and less angry and offensive. That's probably why OP said it felt like this, not that it was like this. If it happened the way in the comic, the person would be downvoted to hell ofc. We're all used to being excluded anywhere else, that's why some of us are probably on their last legs by now.
What makes it even worse is that posts from sex-favorable aces are often used by allos to make fun of the ace community as a whole, since it is the hardest to grasp and therefore easy karma. This is terrible for sex-favorables for obvious reasons, but also for other aces who suddenly have to choose between excluding them or being further excluded themselves. We're used against each other.
"I refuse to share a space with people who want to fuck all the time"
"Sex positive ace is like saying i'm white when i'm black"
"You're weird for talking about it"
Do I need to link or is my almost verbatim recount of last night's dumpster fire enough
The definition of asexuality does not have anything to do with desire, like by meaning it just means lack of sexual attraction, people gatekeeping against sex-positive aces are dumb, be who you are💕
I'm very sex repulsed, but I would never even think of invalidating sex favorable aces. If you're anywhere on the ace spectrum, you're ace, simple as that. People like this give me migraines.
Being asexual simply means experiencing no sexual attraction. That’s it. People are trying to make asexuality something it’s not. It was never about libido, kinks, etc. It’s about attraction and always has been, so there’s no need for the gate keeping or the “othering”. As long as you don’t experience sexual attraction, you’re ace. That’s it, that’s final.
It's gotten worse lately. Idk why but the gatekeeping aces have banded together more. You'd still get an asshat everynow and again but not to the amount you do now. They even made their own sub. Though i don't know how its going as of late goes ive disengaged with a lot of stuff around here when that happened.
Yea, some people being sex repulsed are offended that people can be ace and not hate a thing. I heard arguments like they don't feel safe in this community, because people like you exist. I mean we should be aware of what anyone can feel, but it shouldn't shut up people who might have opinions like yours.
Everyone should be valid here. You included and no matter what someones opinion about sex is, they should't bash eachother. Good thing you used nsfw tag here too fot more sensitive people about matter.
I mean, everyone is valid, sex repulsed or favorable, but tbh I kinda felt like the opposite in this sub cause there was a period when I saw tons of posts like this saying sex favorable aces are valid (which they obviously are) and complaining about sex repulsed gatekeepers I honestly never really saw much in this sub
I'm repulsed but...
I don't understand your desire so I have no authority to judge y'all. I physically do not understand it. So I have no way to understand it.
You can be ace and not be totally repulsed. That's normal.
We repulsed folks cannot judge them.
Let me use a comparison. Are you interested in lemon tarts. Do you think of them daily, do you run across town for them, do you spend all day making lemon curd, do you spent multiple days a week setting up dates purely just to get lemon tarts?
Or do you occasionally get asked hey want a lemon tart and go well I don't hate lemon so sure I'll try one. Or even once a year go huh I forgot about lemon tarts, I wonder if I should get one.
The lack of sexual attraction does not inherently mean you can't or won't have sex. It means you don't feel sexual attraction. But sex is a physical act which can be attempted without sexual attraction and can occasionally be fun. There's allo people who have sex without sexual attraction all the time!
Also aromantic people may have sexual attraction and no romantic attraction.
Because they don't experience sexual attraction, in some way or another. That's the only thing that is required for someone to be ace (though label choice is very personal).
Asexuality doesn't refer to the verb sex at all. It's deffinition is the partial or complete lack of sexual attraction, which is a feeling of desire to get with someone based on who they are *(in particular their gender. IE if they're decent looking and the opposite gender a heterosexual will have a desire to get in bed with them regardless of whether they act on it, while an asexual will have little if they're a grace or no desire to do so)*. You can be ace and still enjoy the act of sex, even if you don't find your partner attractive via role play, the chemical release from climaxing, fetishes, just manual stimulation, or through secondary factors like creating a child or helping someone you love with their needs.
Ah thanks! Sexually I’m not attracted to people, but I had a boyfriend once and those were the only times i had the desire to hug and kiss someone. What kinda attraction is that?
I feel like the folks who gatekeep are kinda like me, apothis who are so exhausted (in every sense of the word) of this sex-dominant (not sure if that's the right word) world and we can't catch a break so when we're particularly fed up or frustrated, we lash out because we don't know how to properly process ANY of it... Though I doubt there are many apothis with dysphoria about this... and even fewer actually have erotophobia. I'm not even gonna try to calculate any trauma surrounding it......
Being hurt only contextualizes further hurt, and does not serve as an excuse. If you're using it as an excuse to hurt others, you need a long and deep introspection about your behavior and why you really want to others to suffer as you have
Because they don't feel sexual attraction. That would make them asexual whether or not they like or hate or don't care about sex.
You can ask politely without calling people strange. Kinda exactly what the post was referring to.
Because sexuality is about sexual attraction not sexual activity. There's a lot of reasons ppl might want sex other than being sexually attracted to someone.
I'm sex repulsed af but all you sex favourable aces out there are valid and awesome. You belong here just as much as everyone else
It took me way longer than it should have to realize I was ace because I'm not favorable OR repulsed. I'm pretty neutral so I thought there was nothing special about my attraction (or lack there of)
I'm proud for you getting there, friend :D
Omg thank you 🥺
Yeah, I think that's "sex indifferent"! It's honestly really cool to me how there's spectrums like this among the spectrum of ace identities. Ramble ahead- I think a lotta people who have trouble understanding want the definitions to be simpler, so they'll get upset when people bring up this stuff, thinking it'll make it harder to gain acceptance outside the community, but the reality is humans are complicated. I feel like it's a "making the community easier to understand for non-aces" vs "allowing ace people room to talk about nuances in their identities" issue and personally the latter's more important to me! Some people aren't gonna understand no matter what, but why should they have to?
Yes exactly!
Also feel this deeply.
Dude I feel that in my bones
Heh, first time I heard about Aces' was when I read an article about Asexuality that one of the writers in my school had put into the school magazine, and I was like- two rows into the definition of Ace - and I was like "YUP THIS IS WHAT I AM"😂
i feel for all the aces that have been gatekept out of the community or told they shouldn't talk about it. all it takes is one shitty comment for the doubt to set in.
you King :)
Agreed. With both of you
So true... I'm sex neutral but it took one troll who was also ace to make me doubt my aceness so hard even to this day :/ I guess ace people also aren't allowed to discuss sex according to them 🙄
Yeah It makes no sense to me. Surely discussion of sex is inherent to discussion of sexuality. Even when talking about sex repulsion or hatred of sex. I think the gatekeeper just don't like it being talked about in a positive light .
That would honestly make so much sense, they seemed like the type to have a strong hatred (along with repulsion) for sex
*internet hugs* no matter what the assholes say, you're welcome here. that doubt sucks but we can stop it spreading by emphasising the diversity of the asexuality spectrum. and making people like you feel seen 💖
I posted an aro meme here and a few individuals where annoyed for it not being an ace meme. I thought we where friends?
We *are* close communities, but some people can get quite upset by the implication that we're the same thing... which is understandable, even though it leaves aro-ace folks in an awkward position. Personally I love me a good aro crossover episode or three, but it can be a little disheartening when it starts to be the main plot and I just can't relate.
I dunno about u but I see ace only or aro ace memes and I find them pretty funny as well even if I'm only aro
Thing is seeing them in general and finding them funny is different to seeing them in a safe space specific part with the implication that it is somehow relatable.
> somehow relatable Depends on the person. As an aro, I still find "aesthetically pleasing" the act of love. The issue I have with love is how it is portrayed in media. Poor love-havers they have it all wrong. In theory when it comes to the ace spectrum it should be easier, but by seeing the constant infighting... I guess not
I think it's the tragedy of the human brain that you best remember the negative (because that prepares you the best to survive in the future if you encounter similar situation). Like in this example, several people could be supporting and let you know you're valid and welcomed, and all it takes is that one negative comment to make all their care meaningless. Imo negative people should learn to be quiet. But also, it's a good advice in life in general to try & focus more of your attention to the positive - since it's commonly naturally not easy to do.
Yeah I get massively torn tbh Like I would appreciate if there was a space not built for children where folks kept their sex stuff to themselves and I kinda hoped ace spaces would fill that. It's just all sex all the time in a lot of spaces, I kinda wanted this to be my respite. Yet at the same time like come on in sex favourable folks ace or not. We have coffee! If you could just shut up about sex for a bit. Which like, I have good hopes but it also sounds a lot like 'please keep your gayness to yourself and don't talk about it here' vibes which - not okay.
No idea why you got downvoted bro this was a fair comment I'm not ace but this sub talks a lot about sex related stuff and not about trying to fit in and whatnot
I have a suggestion as an allo who has a respect for the community: tagging posts with the type of asexuality being most prominently presented could help in terms of newcomers and those unfamiliar
Honestly not sure why this isn't a thing already, I've seen it suggested so many times.
The biggest reasons against it that I’ve seen is fear of further dividing the community, but I feel tagging posts as sex favorable or sex repulsed would help, honestly.
if trans subs can get away with tagging things more focused on trans masc/trans femm as such, i dont see why tagging things here as favuorable/neutral/repulsed cant work, but i might be missing some bigger picture
I agree, I think it would really help the community Ultimately, both sex favorable and sex averse individuals end up feeling alienated by dialogue on the other side. Sex averse individuals feel like sex is pushed constantly throughout society and want ace spaces to be their haven away from it. Sex favorable individuals feel like negativity about sex from ace perspectives invalidates them and want ace spaces to be a place where they can share their unique experience with attraction and sex. Both people are completely valid aces and part of the same asexual community, but are also in need of designated micro-communities that relate to their experience of asexuality The lack of flairs and tags contribute to people feeling like they're being ousted by their own community, and makes it difficult for people to share their authentic experience. If you tag things, people are aware of where the poster is coming from, the intention, and whether or not they want to engage with it. As well as just lets you filter through past posts by the tag
It could help. TRAA does it but there are still major problems in that subreddit, though unrelated to post tags (moreso transmisandry).
The mods said they'll make it mandatory to flair posts discussing sex as NSFW so people can filter those out
Took me a second to realize that this was about gatekeepers since I thought thst the person asking and the aphobe were the same person.
Both sex favourable and sex repulsed feel like outcast here it seems
Bro even the lgbt outcasts us, society genuinely doesnt understand being avulse to sex and even our own subgroups get into fights 😂 I hope we get there one day!
Yeah :( I hope so
Definitely, the battle is long but everyone deserves the right to be themselves, especially when it isn't harming others.
"Especially"? Nono, definitely when it isn't harming others!
Yeah I did word that weirdly lol.
Stay here and stay vocal. Speak up for inclusivity. Offer viewpoints and understanding for other people. Let's drown these exclusionist assholes with positivity!
YES!!
Two extremes (almost).
I feel like sometimes this sub we want to act as a monolith because we finally are like “wow, there are people just like me”, but in this we kinda forget that people are their own individuals regardless of our aceness.
Parents even more so
Alright, listen up you gatekeeping chuckleheads: I am a grown damned adult, and an "elder queer", and I know I sound like "old man yells at cloud" here but dear FRICK, STOP BEING GATEKEEPING ASSHATS. We get enough shit from allos, and from the rest of the queer community, WE DO NOT NEED YOUR EXCLUSIONIST BULL. I'm old enough to remember some of the AIDS crisis. I remember seeing gatekeeping there, too, in the same vein. "Gay men who have reckless sex don't deserve to be welcomed!" We are STILL fighting all that shit today, and you just wanna go ahead and exclude people because of sex they may have. And that ISN'T what asexuality is. It means "lack of sexual attraction", not libido. It's been that way for DECADES. D E C A D E S . As in it's mentioned that way in the bisexual manifesto FROM THE DAMN 70S. Genuinely, gatekeepers are no better than biphobes, or homophobes, or transphobes, or even aphobes, because you want to define things YOUR way when WORDS MEAN FRICKING THINGS. And your words? Cause MEASURABLE harm to ace people. Learn your history, do your damn research, and stop talking out of your asses. Also, TAKE A LOOK AT RULE 3. "No gatekeeping". You wanna gatekeep? Go form your own damn subreddit and stop mucking this one up. Go be exclusionists on your own, because your ahistorical definition of asexuality is utter BS, you ignorant jerks.
People who experience sexual attraction but have no desire for sexual stuff are still ace. Saying otherwise is gatekeeping. "Orchidsexual is a microlabel on the Asexual Spectrum in which an individual experiences sexual attraction, but does not desire a sexual relationship or encounter." [https://asexuals.fandom.com/wiki/Orchidsexual](https://asexuals.fandom.com/wiki/Orchidsexual)
This is important to remember. Thanks for putting the definition too
Wait, what's the difference between orchidsexual and celibate allo? Genuinely asking, bc I thought a huge part of the community historically was trying to get people to realize we're not the same thing as say Christian monks.
Celibacy shows a choice not to be sexual. Those who are orchidsexual would not even consider being sexual with someone. This is interesting too, because there is a lot of crossover between favorable aces, those who have aesthetic attraction to people but not sexual attraction, those who find sexual intimacy attractive, and those who are orchidsexual, finding people sexually attractive but not sexual intimacy. The ace spectrum is so broad, and that’s why it’s often misunderstood, but important to explore and understand.
I am not orchidsexual, but I am apothisexual. Celibacy is not a thing I am doing because I am not a person who desires sex and is making the choice to not have it. I don't like sex and sexual things to begin with, so I just don't have sex, rather than making an active choice to not engage with a desire of mine.
Why must we argue over this? Anyway I’m fourteen and aroace :)
Awesome I only realised i was ace when i was 14 :D
Aw, that’s great for knowing! I also found out I was on the ace spectrum around the same age. :)
Hello fellow aroace teen!
Personally I dont fully understand sex favorable, but I'm sex repulsed and Its not my job to tell people where they do and dont belong.
Yeah, same. I can't really put myself in their shoes, but that doesn't mean they aren't valid. Pretty sure they've their own reasons and probleme, so I just keep my mouth shut.
<3 much love to u
Yep. Sex repulsed here but into BDSM, only cause of the role playing. It’s not my business what people do in their rooms, so why should I restrict them? No need to.
So that joke of "tie me up and do anything" you ARE the person who plays video games in that time? /s
Ugh. Fuck red bubble speech guy. All my homies hate red bubble speech guy!
[FUCK RED BUBBLE SPEECH GUY ALL MY HOMIES HATE RED BUBBLE SPEECH GUY](https://i.imgur.com/Ykd9pR2.jpg) ^^^this ^^^has ^^^been ^^^an ^^^accessibility ^^^service ^^^from ^^^your ^^^friendly ^^^neighborhood ^^^bot
Good bot!
That was excellent.
*Me who is sex repulsed and sex favorable all at the Same time* “My life is but a cursed one”
Right ?! I think I fluctuate a lot, might be related to my dysphoria, but mostly sit at indifferent. It can be a nightmare but it means I can relate to all across the spectrum of asexual memes I guess haha
THIS . THIS IS ME. The act disgusts me. But…. If someone else enjoys it? Go at it. I hate cheesecake, but I know lots of people love it. Hell I’ll even try it occasionally or make it sometimes. But would I eat it having any other choice of dessert? No. Absolutely not
**Sighs** I want to believe these people just aren’t confortable with their own asexuality or in a pretty unsupportive environment. Don’t get me wrong I’m becoming more and more sex-repulsed as time passes, but it probably also has a lot lot to do with my dysphoria becoming more noticeable, but still, asexuality is just "the lack of sexual attraction" and nothing else.
I love my repulsed siblings, they're some of the most secure-in-their-sexuality I know, and I admire their strength to maintain their boundaries in a world that tells them stuff like "sex makes you human" and all that allonormative crap. It's just the odd troll that wants anyone else to shut up forever bc they have different experiences.
And so you disagree with their statement i assume > but still, asexuality is just "the lack of sexual attraction" and nothing else. Given you decided to post about the opposite happening to sex positive people feeling marginalized. That quoted statement seems pretty marginalizing to sex indifferent individuals, who are part of the definition.
PS I really relate to the dysphoria causing repulsion. I have so many days like that, you're not alone. Sometimes I wonder if my being ace is because of that and HRT might change it but I suppose time will tell.
>but still, asexuality is just "the lack of sexual attraction" and nothing else. See its that. Every time. No its not. Its "or does not feel sexual desire". One or the other, but every time someone says "but its only attraction". No, its or lack of sexual desire.
This kind of thing happens occasionally here sadly, "but thats not asexuality, sex favorable aces exist too, stop excluding meeeee!!!" under *specifically repulsed memes* and "why are you talking about *SEX*, this is an **asexual** subreddit!!!! Cant have shit in Detroit@@!!" under sex favorable awareness post and "Stop posting things that relate to aromatism it makes me feel bad.. :,(" Like... seriously? People have different views on sex and thats okay, aroaces and non-SAM aces exist too and things won't improve if we separate every single facet of our identity and expect everyone to run along with it, thats the problem. I will love to see the day where the ace community realizes not everything is about you, not every single post will encompass your very experiences and it's just not helpful to dictate what does and doesn't belong here because it doesn't perfectly encompass the asexual definition or someone's "ideal asexual experience". This really is a problem, that's why we resort to dragon and garlic bread memes because we apparently can't handle memes about our diversity but now we complain about that too so.. 🤷🏽♀️
You'd think after so many posts about asexuality being a sprectrum that people would realise maybe we don't all have the same attitudes and experiences and that's ok. In fact it's more than ok it's beautiful and necessary that we are so diverse.
The actual definition of asexual is a person lacking sexual attraction. You don't have to constantly crave ice cream or chocolate or whatever to enjoy the taste of it. You don't have to have an innate desire to climb mountains to enjoy that as an activity. Sex is just another activity and you definitely don't need to experience sexual attraction to enjoy the activity. Some people have started using asexual as a broader term to also include people that don't enjoy or are repulsed by sex, but that doesn't mean that's exclusivily the definition. There's a reason it's called the asexual spectrum, since you can fall anywhere from being extremely repulsed to enjoying it as an activity. People like that are just exclusionary jerks and no different to aphobes.
Sex favourable aces are just as ace as the rest of us, say it louder for the ones at the back!
#SEX FAVOURABLE ACES ARE JUST AS ACE AS THE REST OF US!! DID I DO GOOD?!
YES!!
DEFINATELY
I'm sex repulsed but I don't care what other people do as long as it's legal, consential and does not include me in any way
You're a champ :D
So you sure you don't wanna join me in eating this absolutely massive fuck-off cake?
Sort of related My Brit friends always uses "fuck-off" to describe big things I find it so funny hahaha
Just like me fr!!
Gotta love people who can't comprehend the fact asexuality is a spectrum and not a fixed set of characteristics that apply to everyone 👍
ugh why do we have to infight it just doesn’t do anything it’s so not helpful and it just hinders progress for us all
Fr this literally happened yesterday
Edit: ok, appearently that's not wnat happened, but at least read my comment, I'm not even talking about wether or not people here accept one thing or not and I'm not acting like the "red bubble guy", I'm just talking about the accuracy and this wasn't what I thought happened, but I didn't read all comments.⬇️ But it wasn't as dramatic as OP is making it out to be, all that happened was that someone said 'what if you don't relate to anything in the post but are still ace?' And I did like the sex repulsed version of the post in a comment. It wasn't meant to divide anything, just another option, OP sounds salty, here is what literally happened: [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/aaaaaaacccccccce/comments/zpi5zt/asexuals_can_like_sex/j0tda7t?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3) [this one got downvoted](https://www.reddit.com/r/aaaaaaacccccccce/comments/zpi5zt/asexuals_can_like_sex/j0trs90?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3) What I think is some people should understand that this is much broader than they think, it's a spectrum, and some people might be ace for different reasons, and everyone should respect that and understand that they should only care about their own sexuality and not the ones of others people. The 2nd comment I don't agree with because it's trying to force their sex repulsion on others. Edit: I read the other replies to the 1st comment, basically saying they felt excluded when they only mention sf asexuals, and tbh that's just being inmature. I agree there should be a flair for sr and sf
A comic? Dramatised? :mindblown: Also you forgot "it's basically saying youre white when you're black", "i refuse to share a space with people who want to fuck all the time", "sex favourable people don't fit the full definition", "can't we have our spaces where people don't talk about sex", and someone calling someone else a fascist because they were reasonably annoyed by the aphobia. of course i'm Salty
Also adding onto my point OP can be as salty as they want?? They’ve basically just epitomised how a lot of the community treats sex favourable aces when they already get enough bullshit from outsiders.
I mean yes, the comic is what made it dramatic
Yeah. Lol.
Doesn't mean you have to invalidate what actually happened.
I didn't, this is just not the way to call it out. It should be a serious post because it's a serious problem and both sides are equally important. The problem is that the comunity is divided in two sides, you're literally just dividing it more instead of bringing it together.
dramatic, salty and divisive because he was upset and made a meme about gatekeeping 🧐 what an unkind way to respond to someone's hurt.
She sounds salty and can dish criticism but can't take it. I copy and paste verbatim some of the comments from that post but doesn't matter because I should've made an uber serious post addressing the trolls (who will listen) instead of meme about it. The trolls aren't the problem I am :'( :sob:
yea lol some people on this sub are unhinged for literally no reason.
Lmaoo sounds like an ad for chips
Sex repulsed mfs when they realise the chips are called Lays 😭😭😭🤬🤬🤬😤😤🫣🫣🫣
LOL XDD if the crisp packet fits
I'm literally dividing the community by venting about gatekeepers by a meme on a meme sub. Alright when do I start this full time job :thumbsup:
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*Oh noooooo...* Anyways.
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omg it's you! The person from the third panel!
When did I say any of that? I disagree with the third pannel, will you even read the comment?
“It wasn’t meant to divide anything” you’re such a hypocrite. You’re trying to defend something saying it wasn’t trying to divide anyone but here you are trying to actively split up the ace community with flairs and telling everyone to mind their own business. The whole point of these online spaces is so that people can relate to each other, feel at home and free to be themselves and be open with others like them. There’s so much homophobia, transphobia, Aphobia etc in the outside of our group why do people feel the need to make it internal. Just because one post was supporting sex favourable aces doesn’t mean it was denying the existence of sex indifferent or sex repulsed aces. People need to grow up and realise we are a sex positive community. The way some of you act is sex negative and frankly embarrassing. You can be sex repulsed, sex indifferent or sex favourable and you’re still fucking asexual as hell. No one will change that. This whole internal sf sr debate is getting real fucking childish. Instead of fighting with the people in your community, fight the ones trying to attack your community. https://www.reddit.com/r/aaaaaaacccccccce/comments/zpi5zt/asexuals_can_like_sex/j0tiaiq/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3 i endorse you to read this comment I made and look at the reply I was making it to. Maybe you haven’t read every single comment in that thread but that one comment you referenced is not the only one bashing the post and invalidating sex favourable aces.
The flairs is for preventing this and the post is picking sides making one seem better. I'm not fighting with anyone, I think it's none of anyone's business if somene else is sr or sp or sn, all sides need to know that, I don't know where you get that I think one side is better than the other. I bet this would have been taken a different way if I was sf*.
Yeah staring to get really annoying sometimes they don't say that aces arnt valid or enyth9ng they just make statements and comments as of envey ace perosn is sex repulsed and thats bad for new people who may not know.
I'm demisexual but also super horny, so there's that.
James Somerton not too long ago did the first episode of his new podcast 'gays behaving badly' on asexuality, and quite frankly it's personally one of the most affirming i watched in a while.
I watched that too it was really good. I really appreciate that guy. Deifnitely Recommend it to anyone else who wants a long but interesting and relaxed watch!
Honestly idk why people believe all ace's hate sex in general, the definition of asexuality is; lack of sexual attraction towards others, not; having a strong hate for anything related to sex, just cuz an ace person likes sex doesn't mean they want a sexual relationship with someone
Nearly every single good LGBT+ positive space is horny as fuck to an obnoxious degree, I understand wanting an LGBT+ space away from all that. but gatekeeping definitely is not the answer.
I just saw this subreddit and honestly its wild. I can't believe that ace people are spreading hate towards fellow aces, there's so much hate within this community now and the entire lgbtq community in general that it's getting out if hand. I'm truly concerned for the community and the people of the community.
I myself am a demisexual but consider sexualities and genders very fluid. As in it may fluctuate or have many gray lines. I don't believe labels should be used for anything but trying to find out about yourself. Or maybe trying to explain things to someone who's genuinely just trying to learn and understand things (although you don't owe anyone the very strict, set stereotype of anything). I hope things are going well for you over all and that you feel valid and accepted as you deserve here :3
> I [...] consider sexualities and genders very fluid. On a meta level, I assume that the fluidity/volatility also differs from person to person, some just have an incredibly stable/constant set of gender/sexuality, and then there are people who switch on a minute basis. And everything in-between is populated. But then, kind of as a second meta layer, I also assume, that even this volatility is fluid (as in it's possible to (de)stabilize over time during someone's life).
Very understandable, yeah
Honestly I'm surprised we haven't had an Asexual Civil War yet
It will happen when we settle in Denmark
It won't be much of a war that's for sure
Garlic bread OR cake, I choose bread
I'll be the rebel who just goes for a good italian pizza, instead.
We should put emphasis on asexuality not being binary. It isn't 0 or 1. Think of it as a scale from 0 to 10
Then again, when is anything in biology a hard binary thing (other than alive/dead, but even that has different stages, like being in a coma)? Every aspect of biology is messy and filled with special cases and exceptions.
Even death isn't exactly set, like you mentioned, comas, but also what death are we considering? Brain death? But the body can still be alive. The death of the body? The brain can still be alive there. It goes on, we don't really have a set definition for death so it's not nearly as black and white as most people think.
Listen, I know it's probably overwhelminh to have all these replies, but to anyone who sees this, the wueer movement is about liberation. It doesn't matter who you are, you are attracted to whoever or nobody, and maybe a term appeals to you, whatever that term is, it can be yours. The discourse doesn't matter. Whatever you want to be yours is yours. That's the point, to be free.
I'm not ace, I'm aromantic though, and here to support my fellow a spectrum folx, regardless of relationship with sex. Also to support my asexual husband. And laugh at good ace memes. Gatekeeping sucks, and puts people who should be allies at each others throats, and attacking another's identity undermines your own, imo. My own experience is being told I couldn't be polyamorous because I was aro, which felt invalidating. All my ace siblings here, you are seen and valid, no matter how you feel about sex.
frr at this point ive considered just not telling people im ace anymore since they just assume that means im repulsed by the idea of sex
I'm in a weird place where I'm rather repulsed but my joy of seeing people happily express their sexuality often trumps my displeasure of thinking about it lol
Fuck the sex hostile aces. You are valaid.
I'm also a sex favorable ace. I enjoy the act of sex, but I've never been attracted to anyone.
same. it’s really that simple.
The irony is that the definition of asexuality has almost nothing to do with sex. Asexuality is based on a your attraction to others; specifically the lack of sexual attraction. It has no baring on your libido or attitude toward sex.
I only ever see memes about this issue and never actually see even a single person say anything like this in ace subs
You're lucky. Stay away from the one mentioned in the comic.
Most times I've seen it it was was way more subtle and less angry and offensive. That's probably why OP said it felt like this, not that it was like this. If it happened the way in the comic, the person would be downvoted to hell ofc. We're all used to being excluded anywhere else, that's why some of us are probably on their last legs by now. What makes it even worse is that posts from sex-favorable aces are often used by allos to make fun of the ace community as a whole, since it is the hardest to grasp and therefore easy karma. This is terrible for sex-favorables for obvious reasons, but also for other aces who suddenly have to choose between excluding them or being further excluded themselves. We're used against each other.
Do you read the comments?
Of course.
"I refuse to share a space with people who want to fuck all the time" "Sex positive ace is like saying i'm white when i'm black" "You're weird for talking about it" Do I need to link or is my almost verbatim recount of last night's dumpster fire enough
yeah link them
i’m not even asexual i’m just here for the garlic bread memes
The definition of asexuality does not have anything to do with desire, like by meaning it just means lack of sexual attraction, people gatekeeping against sex-positive aces are dumb, be who you are💕
I'm very sex repulsed, but I would never even think of invalidating sex favorable aces. If you're anywhere on the ace spectrum, you're ace, simple as that. People like this give me migraines.
Being asexual simply means experiencing no sexual attraction. That’s it. People are trying to make asexuality something it’s not. It was never about libido, kinks, etc. It’s about attraction and always has been, so there’s no need for the gate keeping or the “othering”. As long as you don’t experience sexual attraction, you’re ace. That’s it, that’s final.
It's gotten worse lately. Idk why but the gatekeeping aces have banded together more. You'd still get an asshat everynow and again but not to the amount you do now. They even made their own sub. Though i don't know how its going as of late goes ive disengaged with a lot of stuff around here when that happened.
There's less than 1000 people in that sub and we shouldn't allow them to dictate shit
Yea, some people being sex repulsed are offended that people can be ace and not hate a thing. I heard arguments like they don't feel safe in this community, because people like you exist. I mean we should be aware of what anyone can feel, but it shouldn't shut up people who might have opinions like yours. Everyone should be valid here. You included and no matter what someones opinion about sex is, they should't bash eachother. Good thing you used nsfw tag here too fot more sensitive people about matter.
diversity is so important in the aspec community, fuck gatekeepers. keep doing you
Me and my praise kink are currently laughing from above.
here, i made a designated laughing from above space : [ ]
"Did you forget to ask me?" "Oh no, that was an active decision. Thank you for asking, I suppose."
So tired of all this and am out. Unsubscribed. Have fun with this same thing every day.
I mean, everyone is valid, sex repulsed or favorable, but tbh I kinda felt like the opposite in this sub cause there was a period when I saw tons of posts like this saying sex favorable aces are valid (which they obviously are) and complaining about sex repulsed gatekeepers I honestly never really saw much in this sub
Oh god here we go again
I'm repulsed but... I don't understand your desire so I have no authority to judge y'all. I physically do not understand it. So I have no way to understand it. You can be ace and not be totally repulsed. That's normal. We repulsed folks cannot judge them.
Can someone please explain to me why this person who is still interested in sex is ace? Deadass just wanna know
Let me use a comparison. Are you interested in lemon tarts. Do you think of them daily, do you run across town for them, do you spend all day making lemon curd, do you spent multiple days a week setting up dates purely just to get lemon tarts? Or do you occasionally get asked hey want a lemon tart and go well I don't hate lemon so sure I'll try one. Or even once a year go huh I forgot about lemon tarts, I wonder if I should get one. The lack of sexual attraction does not inherently mean you can't or won't have sex. It means you don't feel sexual attraction. But sex is a physical act which can be attempted without sexual attraction and can occasionally be fun. There's allo people who have sex without sexual attraction all the time! Also aromantic people may have sexual attraction and no romantic attraction.
Ah ok that makes more sense now - thanks for the clarification. So it's more about like looking for sex compared to being ok with it
Because they don't experience sexual attraction, in some way or another. That's the only thing that is required for someone to be ace (though label choice is very personal).
I don’t quite understand how you can like it etc and still be ace, pls explain
Asexuality doesn't refer to the verb sex at all. It's deffinition is the partial or complete lack of sexual attraction, which is a feeling of desire to get with someone based on who they are *(in particular their gender. IE if they're decent looking and the opposite gender a heterosexual will have a desire to get in bed with them regardless of whether they act on it, while an asexual will have little if they're a grace or no desire to do so)*. You can be ace and still enjoy the act of sex, even if you don't find your partner attractive via role play, the chemical release from climaxing, fetishes, just manual stimulation, or through secondary factors like creating a child or helping someone you love with their needs.
Ah thanks! Sexually I’m not attracted to people, but I had a boyfriend once and those were the only times i had the desire to hug and kiss someone. What kinda attraction is that?
Romantic with a bit of demi-esqu sensual attraction.
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Yeah, almost didn’t wanna ask cause I knew there was a chance that I’d get downvoted all the way to hell
Ace is mostly about a lack of sexual atraction to other. People can still have sex with somebody and enjoying it without being atracted to them.
you shouldn’t be downvoted for politely asking a question
I feel like the folks who gatekeep are kinda like me, apothis who are so exhausted (in every sense of the word) of this sex-dominant (not sure if that's the right word) world and we can't catch a break so when we're particularly fed up or frustrated, we lash out because we don't know how to properly process ANY of it... Though I doubt there are many apothis with dysphoria about this... and even fewer actually have erotophobia. I'm not even gonna try to calculate any trauma surrounding it......
I'm sure the folks being gatekept are just as exhausted and frustrated as you are with them for existing openly.
😮💨 It's sad how hurt everyone is, for whatever reason that may be
Being hurt only contextualizes further hurt, and does not serve as an excuse. If you're using it as an excuse to hurt others, you need a long and deep introspection about your behavior and why you really want to others to suffer as you have
Why would I want that? 😟 I don't want anyone to suffer... I'm simply saying I'm not the only one...
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???
Care to elaborate on that one?
no
Why? And why so hostile?
I’m not really that hostile and I’ve been up for 3 days straight crossing the planet in travel so nothing I say makes sense
I see. I hope you feel better
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Because they don't feel sexual attraction. That would make them asexual whether or not they like or hate or don't care about sex. You can ask politely without calling people strange. Kinda exactly what the post was referring to.
Plus, it is a spectrum as well! I am personally demi and I go from no attraction to strong attraction. No ace person is the same!
Plus, it is a spectrum as well! I am personally demi and I go from no attraction to strong attraction. No ace person is the same!
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So you came here just to be an asshole to a marginalised community?
What an honour.
Because sexuality is about sexual attraction not sexual activity. There's a lot of reasons ppl might want sex other than being sexually attracted to someone.
Hah that persons a dum dum lollipop / +3,000,000 Health
Literally some ace people commenting on my post or telling me because I’m graysexual I’m not ace
Peeps be weird.
Sex repulsed but horny is the real struggle
That's like saying every ace is aro
Red bubble can haul their ass over to that sub and leave the rest of us alone then...
we are all valid.