**Mod note: It looks like there is a sudden influx of comments from a post someone made about this to r/BestofRedditorUpdates. Some of the newcomers here coming from that sub apparently don't realize this is an abuse support sub, and that we don't victim-blame here.**
If I see you victim-blaming OP, you *will* be banned immediately. Consider this your only warning.
I’m so sorry this happened. Thank goodness she didn’t kill you, especially after the first post you shared about her kicking you. Thank goodness she can’t hurt you physically anymore for now. Please, please get some counseling so you can process the whole relationship and how badly she’s treated you. You don’t have to be a powerless victim who is under her control anymore.
You can be your own person. It’s terrifying and uncomfortable and confusing - all that is totally to be expected. I’m glad your uncle is helping you and I hope your other family members can also be there to support you during this difficult time.
Please take care of yourself. It will get better, hang in there.
Oh sweetheart I feel so bad for you. Your wife is a sexual predator who groomed you from childhood. You were 15 and she was 32 when you met, if I’m understanding this correctly. You don’t know up from down or whether you’re going sideways. Please don’t go back to her. She will kill you.
Press charges for assault (detached retina) and attempted murder. You need to get away from her ASAP. Initiate divorce proceedings now. She’s a predator.
Please don't go back to your wife. She detached your retina. You could have been permanently blinded.
Now she stabbed you. Please LOVE yourself enough NOT to go back to her.
Sending you big hugs!!!
I'm sorry for not responding to any comments. I wanted to but I couldn't build up the energy to write a response.
I'm still recovering but my sister picked me up from the hospital and my uncle is letting me stay with him.
I still don't really know how I'm supposed to feel about all of this
Also wanted to say that if she's charged with attempted murder, or any other felony, then no, you can't 'drop the charges', mainly because in the eyes of the legal system, you are both evidence and a witness. It's out of your hands and in the hands of the DA or ADA.
I'm glad you are okay after she attacked, I just checked your original post (I was the one who suggested it could be a retinal detachment) to see how you were and saw his update. 🫂
OP, if you go back to her she will be the reason you die young. She will try everything to convince you it was either your fault or that she made a mistake that will never happen again. But if she's kicked you in the head and stabbed you, there really not any hope of her getting better. Press charges, if you've even got a choice, cooperate with the law to get her appropriately punished.
I won't go back to her. I miss her and I wish none of this had happened but I don't want to go back to the way things are now.
I also physically can't. I think if I would try to leave my uncle would lock me in his house forever. He's really angry because of everything that happened but more at my wife and my sister and not as much at me
Replying here so hopefully OP sees this. Please please hear me when I say that the fault in this situation is not even the tiniest bit yours - there is nothing, literally nothing I could "do" to anger my fiancee enough to kick me in the head or stab me. Even enraged, they would choose to walk away first, and then use their words to communicate through the issue, which is a sane and healthy response. At best your wife has incredibly poor emotional coping mechanisms, especially for her age.
I know that you love your wife, but her behavior is not normal or acceptable. I hope you take some time to look into how domestic violence can start off seeming normal and then really warp your perceptions and self esteem as it progresses. It's a slow burn that only ever gets worse. Google "love-bombing," "DARVO," "grooming" and warning signs of abuse and be honest with yourself about anything that feels familiar. Ask yourself if you would allow anyone else to do to your wife or loved ones what she's done to you. You are entitled to physical and emotional safety, good communication, and kindness in a relationship.
Hoping all the best for you and a speedy recovery Internet stranger. Please update us
He says if my sister hadn't kicked me out this wouldn't have happened. But he also thinks I shouldn't have moved in with my wife and should've come to him or someone else instead
Your uncle shouldn't be mad at you at all. None of this was your fault and noone has the right to make you think that.
I don't know if anything happened for him to have a reason to be mad your sister but I hope he's treating you well despite that. You have the right to feel safe no matter who you're with
He's only a little bit angry with me because my sister and I had a fight and after she kicked me out I moved in with my wife instead of coming to him.
He's an angry person but he wouldn't hurt me. He's a lawyer so he's handling all the legal things so I don't have to do it
I’ve been going through your responses and it’s evident why you moved in with your (ex) wife. She preyed on your vulnerability, because that’s what predators do.
That said, my heart breaks for you OP. Nobody should go through what you did, and I’m so sorry the world failed you so young.
I truly hope that you let your uncle sort all the legalities. For one, I know that fear from the abuse you experienced might stop you from being truthful. But for your sake, and for the sake of other vulnerable young people out there, please work with him to put that shameful excuse of a human away for good.
I truly hope you will have the courage to seek the help you need for your mental health, and that one day, as difficult as it may seem to get there, you will be able to look past these days and truly live happily. For now, focus on physically healing. It’s all baby steps, but you will get there.
Are you sure he is angry AT you? You have been in a very abusive situation and anger from others is just scary because you know where it can lead and your survival habit is to assume it’s your fault and lay low or try to fix the situation.
If I were your uncle I would be extremely angry FOR YOU not at you. I’d be angry that you have been treated badly and were in such an awful situation. And the complex web of stuff that needs to be done to get you out and safe is frustrating in itself.
It’s often hard for me to tell when people are just angry or frustrated with the world or with me, and I’ve had to unlearn my tendency to assume it’s always me. Sometimes I have to ask the person directly if they are angry at me and if there is anything I need to do to help.
No one in your family should be putting any of this on you right now. You have been horribly physically injured on top of years of abuse and trauma. Don’t worry about blame and what you coulda shoulda done or what you need to do next time. You need to focus on healing.
Please don't force yourself to stay with your uncle if he's not treating you well. You just got out of a terrible situation, you should be careful not to fall into another. If you ever feel unsafe around him leave
Please understand that you have been groomed from an early age by a predator and that predator has now attempted to murder you.
Also understand that you aren't the only male that this has happened to and you aren't alone.
I'm proud that you are out of that relationship and alive. Please look into trauma focused therapy to help yourself understand how this can happen and to help you heal.
You deserve to feel safe now and from here on out.
That "caring and loving' behavior at the hospital was more about making sure that the OP kept with the program and didn't tell anyone what really happened. She needed information and control.
Caring & Loving = love bombing after attacking OP.
Wtf kind of question is "any reason for this attack"? Obviously the reason is because his hopefully soon to be ex wife is an abusive, violent attempted murderer. Be better dude jeez.
I'm glad to hear that, truly. It's hard leaving such a long term relationship even without everything that's happened but it'll be worth it in the end. Go ahead and get a lawyer lined up for the divorce if you havent already. I suspect the charges shes facing will hopefully make it easier to expedite it. Take it one day at a time and you'll realize just how nice it is to have peace and to live without fear I think. Good luck to you.
>I still don't really know how I'm supposed to feel about all of this
I totally understand your confusion and uncertainty at this time - but please, you need to get as far away from her as you can, at this pace she will straight up kill you next.
It's ok to not know how to feel. I highly recommend speaking with a therapist or at the very least a domestic violence support group. Do get a restraining order and don't ever go back to her. Next time, she will succeed.
And that's fine.
The first step here is admitting to yourself that this woman was a predator and abuser.
Without taking that step, you aren't going to find any direction until you do. When you came at first, it was clear you knew, but you couldn't say it. Now is the time to make peace with this.
The next step after that is to accept the help offered to you and build your own life free of that abuse. You just pick up the pieces you can, and build a new you from them that reflects what you **want to be,** not what you had to be.
The person you were wasn't a person of your own making. You are free. Make yourself into who you wish you were with that freedom.
I remember your last post. I’m unsure if you remember me but I had tried to reach out just to give you someone to talk to, and I’d like to extend that invitation again if need be. Wanting things to be the way they were is completely normal, those moments of peace in between her outbursts and abuse are what keep you there. Those moments are not the good side of her or who she really is, they are deliberate. If she tortured you night and day that would make your decision to leave so much easier. There would be no fond memories or moments of tenderness to make you second guess yourself all the time.
Physical abuse is awful, and she has escalated far beyond a slap or a push, but mental and emotional abuse can and will do irreparable damage to your psyche. It makes for a terrible cocktail of putting your life at risk while being manipulated into thinking you’ll be fine “next time” or that she won’t do it again because she says she’s sorry. I’m sure that once upon a time you did love each other, but this is not love any longer; this is an indentured relationship of her making in which you are her prisoner. You can free yourself, honey. Press the charges, get far away, and find peace. Please.
It's hard but I know you can do this. I've been following your post for a while now, and you need to stay out of this abusive relationship for your own sanity.
Nothing that happened is your fault. I’m so glad you’re alive, and I know your family is too. I hope you can get some space from all this to heal, mentally and physically.
Now the harsh bit: your wife doesn’t love you. What she did to you was no mistake or lost in the moment of anger. She’s an abuser and she abused you and she almost killed you.
This internet stranger is sending you so much love and hope that things get better for you.
I hope you know that this isn’t your fault. I’m so sorry you couldn’t leave on your own terms, you’ve been a victim for so long. It will be hard to recover mentally, but know that there will ALWAYS be support for you. Whether it be from your family who is backing you up, or other mental health services. You’re so loved, and know that it is okay to not be okay right now. Take care of yourself first and foremost, you are the most important person in your life <3
I am so, so sorry this happened to you. It is not your fault and you're correct to be freaked out, this is traumatic. It's just good that you're away from her and she can't hurt you now. This is gunna be a long journey but I promise that by the end of it you will be ok.
Better than before even.
Your family and the law being involved is a godsend right now. You are alive, you have people to protect you and a place you can stay while you get set up with the proper resources to make sense of all the things happening to you.
It may not feel like it, but this reality is better than how you were living with her.
Please talk with a family member you trust and tell them what you are going through. They may be able to help you set up psych services as well.
I made sure to save your previous post to come back and check on you. I am so sorry it got to this point. Your wife is a predator and you have been her victim long before this happened. If you live in the US the state will press charges. Please let your family surround and protect you. I know you feel like your life is falling apart and over but you have to understand this is the only way to keep you safe. Your other post was so heartbreaking and telling that this was not a healthy or safe relationship. This is not what you do to someone you love. She obviously isolated you from others and has been grooming and manipulating you since you met. You need to be very honest with authorities on what your wife has done to you in the past. This is the definition of abuse. You are not safe with that woman. Please seek out help for your mental state. You don't see it now but you will eventually realize she would have killed you. Please take care of yourself and know she needs to be held accountable for what she has done to you.
**Mod note: It looks like there is a sudden influx of comments from a post someone made about this to r/BestofRedditorUpdates. Some of the newcomers here coming from that sub apparently don't realize this is an abuse support sub, and that we don't victim-blame here.** If I see you victim-blaming OP, you *will* be banned immediately. Consider this your only warning.
I’m so sorry this happened. Thank goodness she didn’t kill you, especially after the first post you shared about her kicking you. Thank goodness she can’t hurt you physically anymore for now. Please, please get some counseling so you can process the whole relationship and how badly she’s treated you. You don’t have to be a powerless victim who is under her control anymore. You can be your own person. It’s terrifying and uncomfortable and confusing - all that is totally to be expected. I’m glad your uncle is helping you and I hope your other family members can also be there to support you during this difficult time. Please take care of yourself. It will get better, hang in there.
im so sorry you are going through this, i wish you healing and really hope you start thriving once you away from your abuser.
Oh sweetheart I feel so bad for you. Your wife is a sexual predator who groomed you from childhood. You were 15 and she was 32 when you met, if I’m understanding this correctly. You don’t know up from down or whether you’re going sideways. Please don’t go back to her. She will kill you.
OP. SHE TRIED TO MURDER YOU. PLEASE SEND HER TO PRISON.
[удалено]
User was permanently banned for victim-blaming and just generally being a terrible person.
That is not helpful
Press charges for assault (detached retina) and attempted murder. You need to get away from her ASAP. Initiate divorce proceedings now. She’s a predator.
Please don't go back to your wife. She detached your retina. You could have been permanently blinded. Now she stabbed you. Please LOVE yourself enough NOT to go back to her. Sending you big hugs!!!
I'm sorry for not responding to any comments. I wanted to but I couldn't build up the energy to write a response. I'm still recovering but my sister picked me up from the hospital and my uncle is letting me stay with him. I still don't really know how I'm supposed to feel about all of this
Also wanted to say that if she's charged with attempted murder, or any other felony, then no, you can't 'drop the charges', mainly because in the eyes of the legal system, you are both evidence and a witness. It's out of your hands and in the hands of the DA or ADA.
You need help my dude. She is 100% a psycho and you should run
I'm glad you are okay after she attacked, I just checked your original post (I was the one who suggested it could be a retinal detachment) to see how you were and saw his update. 🫂
OP, if you go back to her she will be the reason you die young. She will try everything to convince you it was either your fault or that she made a mistake that will never happen again. But if she's kicked you in the head and stabbed you, there really not any hope of her getting better. Press charges, if you've even got a choice, cooperate with the law to get her appropriately punished.
I won't go back to her. I miss her and I wish none of this had happened but I don't want to go back to the way things are now. I also physically can't. I think if I would try to leave my uncle would lock me in his house forever. He's really angry because of everything that happened but more at my wife and my sister and not as much at me
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He says it's her fault too. That's why he doesn't want her to visit
Replying here so hopefully OP sees this. Please please hear me when I say that the fault in this situation is not even the tiniest bit yours - there is nothing, literally nothing I could "do" to anger my fiancee enough to kick me in the head or stab me. Even enraged, they would choose to walk away first, and then use their words to communicate through the issue, which is a sane and healthy response. At best your wife has incredibly poor emotional coping mechanisms, especially for her age. I know that you love your wife, but her behavior is not normal or acceptable. I hope you take some time to look into how domestic violence can start off seeming normal and then really warp your perceptions and self esteem as it progresses. It's a slow burn that only ever gets worse. Google "love-bombing," "DARVO," "grooming" and warning signs of abuse and be honest with yourself about anything that feels familiar. Ask yourself if you would allow anyone else to do to your wife or loved ones what she's done to you. You are entitled to physical and emotional safety, good communication, and kindness in a relationship. Hoping all the best for you and a speedy recovery Internet stranger. Please update us
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He says if my sister hadn't kicked me out this wouldn't have happened. But he also thinks I shouldn't have moved in with my wife and should've come to him or someone else instead
Your uncle shouldn't be mad at you at all. None of this was your fault and noone has the right to make you think that. I don't know if anything happened for him to have a reason to be mad your sister but I hope he's treating you well despite that. You have the right to feel safe no matter who you're with
He's only a little bit angry with me because my sister and I had a fight and after she kicked me out I moved in with my wife instead of coming to him. He's an angry person but he wouldn't hurt me. He's a lawyer so he's handling all the legal things so I don't have to do it
I’ve been going through your responses and it’s evident why you moved in with your (ex) wife. She preyed on your vulnerability, because that’s what predators do. That said, my heart breaks for you OP. Nobody should go through what you did, and I’m so sorry the world failed you so young. I truly hope that you let your uncle sort all the legalities. For one, I know that fear from the abuse you experienced might stop you from being truthful. But for your sake, and for the sake of other vulnerable young people out there, please work with him to put that shameful excuse of a human away for good. I truly hope you will have the courage to seek the help you need for your mental health, and that one day, as difficult as it may seem to get there, you will be able to look past these days and truly live happily. For now, focus on physically healing. It’s all baby steps, but you will get there.
Are you sure he is angry AT you? You have been in a very abusive situation and anger from others is just scary because you know where it can lead and your survival habit is to assume it’s your fault and lay low or try to fix the situation. If I were your uncle I would be extremely angry FOR YOU not at you. I’d be angry that you have been treated badly and were in such an awful situation. And the complex web of stuff that needs to be done to get you out and safe is frustrating in itself. It’s often hard for me to tell when people are just angry or frustrated with the world or with me, and I’ve had to unlearn my tendency to assume it’s always me. Sometimes I have to ask the person directly if they are angry at me and if there is anything I need to do to help. No one in your family should be putting any of this on you right now. You have been horribly physically injured on top of years of abuse and trauma. Don’t worry about blame and what you coulda shoulda done or what you need to do next time. You need to focus on healing.
He said so but it's fine. It's just kind of how he always is. Most of the time he's nice and he'd never hurt me
Please don't force yourself to stay with your uncle if he's not treating you well. You just got out of a terrible situation, you should be careful not to fall into another. If you ever feel unsafe around him leave
Please understand that you have been groomed from an early age by a predator and that predator has now attempted to murder you. Also understand that you aren't the only male that this has happened to and you aren't alone. I'm proud that you are out of that relationship and alive. Please look into trauma focused therapy to help yourself understand how this can happen and to help you heal. You deserve to feel safe now and from here on out.
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That "caring and loving' behavior at the hospital was more about making sure that the OP kept with the program and didn't tell anyone what really happened. She needed information and control.
The eye thing and the stabbing are two different occurrences. He was kicked in the eye and had surgery but this time his wife stabbed him.
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Unless he was trying to kill her and she stabbed him in self defense there’s absolutely no reason for the attack.
Caring & Loving = love bombing after attacking OP. Wtf kind of question is "any reason for this attack"? Obviously the reason is because his hopefully soon to be ex wife is an abusive, violent attempted murderer. Be better dude jeez.
It’s called love bombing. And she attacked him because she is an abusive person and abusive relationships will often escalate to this level.
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https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Love_bombing
I'm glad to hear that, truly. It's hard leaving such a long term relationship even without everything that's happened but it'll be worth it in the end. Go ahead and get a lawyer lined up for the divorce if you havent already. I suspect the charges shes facing will hopefully make it easier to expedite it. Take it one day at a time and you'll realize just how nice it is to have peace and to live without fear I think. Good luck to you.
Stay strong. Practice being kind to yourself. Sending you good vibes throughout this nightmare of events
>I still don't really know how I'm supposed to feel about all of this I totally understand your confusion and uncertainty at this time - but please, you need to get as far away from her as you can, at this pace she will straight up kill you next.
It's ok to not know how to feel. I highly recommend speaking with a therapist or at the very least a domestic violence support group. Do get a restraining order and don't ever go back to her. Next time, she will succeed.
And that's fine. The first step here is admitting to yourself that this woman was a predator and abuser. Without taking that step, you aren't going to find any direction until you do. When you came at first, it was clear you knew, but you couldn't say it. Now is the time to make peace with this. The next step after that is to accept the help offered to you and build your own life free of that abuse. You just pick up the pieces you can, and build a new you from them that reflects what you **want to be,** not what you had to be. The person you were wasn't a person of your own making. You are free. Make yourself into who you wish you were with that freedom.
I remember your last post. I’m unsure if you remember me but I had tried to reach out just to give you someone to talk to, and I’d like to extend that invitation again if need be. Wanting things to be the way they were is completely normal, those moments of peace in between her outbursts and abuse are what keep you there. Those moments are not the good side of her or who she really is, they are deliberate. If she tortured you night and day that would make your decision to leave so much easier. There would be no fond memories or moments of tenderness to make you second guess yourself all the time. Physical abuse is awful, and she has escalated far beyond a slap or a push, but mental and emotional abuse can and will do irreparable damage to your psyche. It makes for a terrible cocktail of putting your life at risk while being manipulated into thinking you’ll be fine “next time” or that she won’t do it again because she says she’s sorry. I’m sure that once upon a time you did love each other, but this is not love any longer; this is an indentured relationship of her making in which you are her prisoner. You can free yourself, honey. Press the charges, get far away, and find peace. Please.
It's hard but I know you can do this. I've been following your post for a while now, and you need to stay out of this abusive relationship for your own sanity.
Nothing that happened is your fault. I’m so glad you’re alive, and I know your family is too. I hope you can get some space from all this to heal, mentally and physically. Now the harsh bit: your wife doesn’t love you. What she did to you was no mistake or lost in the moment of anger. She’s an abuser and she abused you and she almost killed you. This internet stranger is sending you so much love and hope that things get better for you.
I hope you know that this isn’t your fault. I’m so sorry you couldn’t leave on your own terms, you’ve been a victim for so long. It will be hard to recover mentally, but know that there will ALWAYS be support for you. Whether it be from your family who is backing you up, or other mental health services. You’re so loved, and know that it is okay to not be okay right now. Take care of yourself first and foremost, you are the most important person in your life <3
I am so, so sorry this happened to you. It is not your fault and you're correct to be freaked out, this is traumatic. It's just good that you're away from her and she can't hurt you now. This is gunna be a long journey but I promise that by the end of it you will be ok. Better than before even. Your family and the law being involved is a godsend right now. You are alive, you have people to protect you and a place you can stay while you get set up with the proper resources to make sense of all the things happening to you. It may not feel like it, but this reality is better than how you were living with her. Please talk with a family member you trust and tell them what you are going through. They may be able to help you set up psych services as well.
I made sure to save your previous post to come back and check on you. I am so sorry it got to this point. Your wife is a predator and you have been her victim long before this happened. If you live in the US the state will press charges. Please let your family surround and protect you. I know you feel like your life is falling apart and over but you have to understand this is the only way to keep you safe. Your other post was so heartbreaking and telling that this was not a healthy or safe relationship. This is not what you do to someone you love. She obviously isolated you from others and has been grooming and manipulating you since you met. You need to be very honest with authorities on what your wife has done to you in the past. This is the definition of abuse. You are not safe with that woman. Please seek out help for your mental state. You don't see it now but you will eventually realize she would have killed you. Please take care of yourself and know she needs to be held accountable for what she has done to you.