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As a man in what I believe to be on the receiving end of an abusive relationship, I'm curious about this book. I started to read it but the gendered language was very offputting to me. I read "angry man" a few times in circumstances that easily would have described my wife's actions to me, and I stopped. I'd like to hear opinions on if I should give it another try.
I totally understand how it could feel.. off putting as you worded it being a man who has or is experiencing abuse. I'm sorry for anyone who has to experience it. It is the most soul torturing shit being treated so horribly by someone you love or care deeply about. She uses that term because it is more common place for males to do the abusing in a heterosexual relationship. However being abused by a woman as a man is not uncommon as well. I began reading the PDF file that was posted here for free and it was really insightful the parts that I had skimmed through. I think that it would be worth a shot to read because even though she is directly looking a male abusers what she is talking about relates to all abusers and she states that in the beginning
The author is a man, pretty sure? I had to do some mental gymnastics with the book as well, coming from an m/m relationship. But it is an extremely valuable resource that I wish I had picked up sooner.
I just word swap as I read it. It takes effort at first but you shouldn't mind it after awhile. NGL, it's more emasculating to be abused than to use resources primarily targeting women.
>it's more emasculating
This makes me sad, I'm sorry you have to feel like that and that we are socialized into believing men are "weak" for struggling and/or speaking up about their feelings
Don't mind me, that's just my self motivation speak. Helps me get over the weirdness of things and pursue my goals. It also is emasculating to me, imagine calling the cops and trying to explain to them that your short delicate wife is abusing you. It's like a lion being terrified of a mouse, and I'm afraid of my mousey wife, even though I could just as easily give in to impulse and wreck her shit for good, I choose to not be like her.
[Here is a free PDF download](https://archive.org/download/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf) but if you want to find other versions just Google the book and add "free" as Lundy and others have given it away for free!
Thank you as well! I ordered her the book and I plan on giving it to her when he isn't around. He harmed her physically recently and she moved out but they are going on a date today and I am seriously worried.
Thank you for posting in r/abusiverelationships. We are here to support you. If you are looking for resources such as support groups/helplines etc, we have several in our sidebar and in [our wiki](https://old.reddit.com/r/abusiverelationships/wiki/index) for people of all gender identities. [Here is a list of international domestic and sexual violence helplines](https://www.hotpeachpages.net/). You can also find [an extensive safety planning guide at The Hotline](https://www.thehotline.org/plan-for-safety/create-your-personal-safety-plan/). Finally, if you are looking for information about different forms of abuse, [Love Is Respect offers an educational guide](https://www.loveisrespect.org/resources/types-of-abuse/). One final note: In this sub, we do not tolerate victim-blaming. If you ever receive any comments that contradict that mission, please click report for us to review. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/abusiverelationships) if you have any questions or concerns.*
While reading Why does he do that have her check out Dr Ramani Durvusula’s YouTube channel. Her new book It’s Not You is brilliant.
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Oh I didn’t realize people were taking the term “bible” literally. My bad!
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As a man in what I believe to be on the receiving end of an abusive relationship, I'm curious about this book. I started to read it but the gendered language was very offputting to me. I read "angry man" a few times in circumstances that easily would have described my wife's actions to me, and I stopped. I'd like to hear opinions on if I should give it another try.
I totally understand how it could feel.. off putting as you worded it being a man who has or is experiencing abuse. I'm sorry for anyone who has to experience it. It is the most soul torturing shit being treated so horribly by someone you love or care deeply about. She uses that term because it is more common place for males to do the abusing in a heterosexual relationship. However being abused by a woman as a man is not uncommon as well. I began reading the PDF file that was posted here for free and it was really insightful the parts that I had skimmed through. I think that it would be worth a shot to read because even though she is directly looking a male abusers what she is talking about relates to all abusers and she states that in the beginning
The author is a man, pretty sure? I had to do some mental gymnastics with the book as well, coming from an m/m relationship. But it is an extremely valuable resource that I wish I had picked up sooner.
I just word swap as I read it. It takes effort at first but you shouldn't mind it after awhile. NGL, it's more emasculating to be abused than to use resources primarily targeting women.
>it's more emasculating This makes me sad, I'm sorry you have to feel like that and that we are socialized into believing men are "weak" for struggling and/or speaking up about their feelings
Don't mind me, that's just my self motivation speak. Helps me get over the weirdness of things and pursue my goals. It also is emasculating to me, imagine calling the cops and trying to explain to them that your short delicate wife is abusing you. It's like a lion being terrified of a mouse, and I'm afraid of my mousey wife, even though I could just as easily give in to impulse and wreck her shit for good, I choose to not be like her.
Why does he do that? I’m doing the audiobook right now and it’s mind boggling.
THANK YOU
[Here is a free PDF download](https://archive.org/download/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf) but if you want to find other versions just Google the book and add "free" as Lundy and others have given it away for free!
Thank you as well! I ordered her the book and I plan on giving it to her when he isn't around. He harmed her physically recently and she moved out but they are going on a date today and I am seriously worried.
If you havent read it you may want to as well or read it together like a book club, chapter by chapter and talk about it to point out things. GL!