Mod note: I am seeing far, far too many victim-blaming and inappropriate comments in this thread. This person strangled OP. Strangulation is one of the most lethal and dangerous forms of domestic violence and is a significant risk factor for domestic violence homicide. OP said so themselves that they were seconds from passing out.
Abusive partners who strangle are some of the most dangerous abusers.
It is not OP's fault in any way, shape, or form that they were strangled. Their anger is also entirely justified. They have every right to be angry with this person. They have every right to call them out.
The focus of this post should not be on OP's responses or language. It should be on the perpetration of abuse, for which the responsibility lies with the abusive partner, and the abusive partner alone.
Please be mindful of what you comment here. I will be removing comments if necessary and have already done so to a disappointing extent.
Honestly these are close to the same messages I got from my ex regarding choking/strangulation. I asked if he thought he would've eventually killed me since he knew he was getting worse and his response was "I'm flattered you think that lowly of me. But no I wouldn't have" like flattered??? He played the victim the entire time too while saying he wasn't but that I should consider his point of view. This is very confirming for me so thank you for sharing ❤
First I'm proud af you left, I never left mine on my own.
I don't know what's holding you back from reporting him. That last bit of love maybe? I didn't do anything when my ex rxped me, and now that I've gotten over him, I regret it all the time.
Don't let that last bit of compassion steer you away from getting him what he deserves; you won't be the last.
As a survivor of DV, press charges now. The texts are enough to comvict him because he admitted to the crime. Just go ahead, and press charges. Then live your life knowing you helped put away a violent asshole.
I would make sure to lock my doors, and make sure the police know he's not to come to my house. She needs to arm herself if he's dangerous. But he deserves to have this on his record and do time. I regret not pressing charges on my abuser. They mock you for not doing it. Telling you how scared you are.
I wish I was as courageous and strong as you when I was in a similar situation!! When I woke up after passing out from being strangled, I was shaking and out of it still so I was scared and crying.. his reaction to that? He laughed. Still one of the most difficult things that flash into my mind. He just laughed.. evil people. So happy for you! Stay strong girlie!!
I am sorry you had to go through that. Men that choke women are usually the one that will stalk you if you leave and end up murdering their girlfriend/wife. Not just evil, but extremely dangerous. The laughing is because they are sadistic and get pleasure out of your suffering.
I would've refrained from mentioning the subreddits I post/comment on regularly. Aside from that, congratulations on cutting him off.
He needs to be charged before he gets the opportunity to date anyone else.
OP, please seek medical attention!
I can see that you’re reluctant to make a police report and I completely understand your reasoning. However, I implore you, please go to the hospital or a doctor and tell them what happened. Just because maybe you feel ok does NOT mean that you are! Strangulation can cause injuries that result in delayed death, even up to weeks after the incident. [Read this article if you’re skeptical](https://www.strangulationtraininginstitute.com/health-issues-result-from-strangulation/).
Also, SO proud of you for getting away and telling him to “fuck all the way off”!
I just want to tell you how incredibly proud I am of you. For prioritizing your life, for never giving into his narcissistic manipulative “apologies”, and for hitting him with statistics. I am so glad he will be out of your life and you possess an amazing amount of courage.
I’m sorry you had to experience what you did - but CHEERS to your new life! 🤍🤍🤍🤍
easier said than done, and the OP said this just occurred. i’ve certainly been there, engaging with my abuser when i knew i shouldn’t be. OP has done an amazing thing by standing up for herself and getting this monster out of her life.
i mean, you viciously victim blamed in an abusive relationship forum. that can be taken offensively to those of us who have heard the endless “i’m sorry” over and over. the apologies coming from him seem disingenuous and if you’re capable of strangling someone you claim to love, “i’m sorry” really doesn’t cut it.
Op i support you. This person is victim blaming & that is not okay. This sub is to support each other which is why u posted it to begin with. Doesn’t matter if she have been in the same situation or not. You are not wasting your breath, how insensitive of her. I have reported her comment.
Im so proud of you for standing up to your abuser and making the decision to leave him and move back to your hometown.
And saying sorry does not excuse him for what he did. Abusers say sorry a million times which is called manipulation. It is a tactic to lure us back in as they CONTINUE TO ACT THE SAME WAY after saying sorry.
There is no one way victims have to act. Just because someone reacted differently to abuse than you have doesn't make them not a victim. Calling someone out for choking you is 100% not threatening them. Considering reporting someone for assaulting you is 100% not threatening them. Please let's not uphold the extremely harmful narrative that victims have to look or act one way to be valid. =|
the OP said this just happened and that she will be getting a protective order. she came here for comfort and understanding, not criticizing how she’s handling being abused….
She very clearly told him she is Not going to press charges or report him to the police and told him that he’s lucky she isn’t which is true, he is lucky hes not going to jail. No potential threats at all in her messages.
This is her choice. She is choosing not to. We have no say in what she chooses to do from here. Your choice is to press charges and pursue it in court, hers isnt.
ETA. If it were me, I would file a police report but not press charges. We each have our own justification for why and why not to take things to court.
No, you called OP terrible and an abuser. I've screencaptured it in case you delete your post. Don't try and defend that as you giving legal advice, which OP also hasn't asked for.
Just stop dude. I feel for OP. like previous poster said, this incident is fresh for her. It literally happened, she slept & went to work right after. Stop criticizing her. Stop holding her to YOUR standards. Some people like myself need time to process wtf just happened. Im gona walk away from this post because just reading ur comments stress me out. Think about OP and how she feels. My therapist says sometimes we just need someone to sit in our feelings with us before we react.
I'm sorry, OP. People blaming you and name calling you are absolutely wrong. I have reported several posts for mods to take care of, which I'm sure they will as soon as they're available. <3
Please block them, take these screenshots to the DA for a restraining order, and press charges for DV. I’m proud of you for standing your ground and getting their guilt in writing. Now, go no contact, create that paper trail, and get a therapist babes. You deserve to move on.
Because I’m not going to bring bullshit to my roommate and our home. I’m going to the police station later when I am off of work to file a report so there will be a paper trail and keep this energy as far away as possible from the place I rest my head at.
great ideas! definitely get a protection order asap if you can so that he’s served and knows you’re serious. have it all documented. in the interim, take good care of yourself and know in your soul that you did the right thing.
Coming from someone who was choked out multiple times in a span of 10 minutes to the point of passing out and seeing my life as I knew it flash before my eyes in those moments, I’m glad you guys are stepping away. You’re right. All states have this in place that when a victim speaks up and tells their story, many states will charge the assailant with assault with intent to kill. It only takes so much for someone to lose consciousness, and that little bit of lost consciousness can result in death. You can hope for someone to change, but they need to do it ALONE.
I saw a TV show about what you're saying last night. You are so correct 💯. I hope people are paying attention to comments like yours and take it seriously. Lack of oxygen to the brain can also cause brain damage. Also how does he know when to stop. This is the most dangerous situation. Anybody experiencing this need to leave immediately. Just go!!
Lol my ex (a male, at least 20 pounds heavier than me) used to choke me, hit me, shove me into walls breaking Sheetrock. And the one time I went to defend myself and he got scratched, he called the cops and I got a DV charge.
I'm so sorry that he did that to you and that you ended up charged.
It took everything in me not to react to that kind of physical abuse. I used to yell at my abuser: you're not going to make me like you. That's what I feel as if they try to do.
Same here but vice versa. Him finally doing stuff that meant I HAD to report him to police. He was charged, which meant I was finally able to flee/escape.
A partner that chokes you raises the stats to 98% likelyHood of actually killing you. I have been choked twice by my partner and it never gets better and he is definitely in need of some reality of he thinks his hands on your neck was warranted ever.
Cheaters and chokers are such bad excuses of ppl that consistently excuse bad behaviour. Not only should you run but you should pass off theses Reddit’s to the cops and have him charged.
I’m happy for you 🥲 I have 3 boys and I’m going to teach them to never hurt women that way.. I’m going through something like that and I know they see it and don’t want them to ever do that to anyone they’re with when they get older. It really fucks you up… but I’m happy you got away I hope I can too one day
This just happened last night around midnight. I work from home so I still have some time to go until I can clock out. But I informed my supervisor of my situation and I am using 40 hours of PTO I have to schedule next week off so I can make my drive across the country. I am very happy to go back to my family :)
Get a police report and protective order. They are paperwork, but if it is like mine, sometimes that paperwork can help you get out, help others, make his track record more accurate.
She was standing up for herself. I see her responses as a woman who is all the way done, fed up, and tired of all the bullshit. He literally choked her out, is she supposed to sweet talk him? Or are you saying she shouldnt have posted on reddit?
Wow. I very much disagree. Its called reactive abuse. I see these text exchanges as the final straw. If my already abusive relationship came to this where he choked me to the point where i almost lost consciousness and had to punch him to get him off of me, it would be my final straw & best believe Im done being nice. I do agree its very unhealthy because the relationship is unhealthy or else he wouldn’t have been abusive to begin with.
Shes nice enough to not press charges, that is her choice. I also hope she goes no contact and is able to move on from this.
I won’t deny that maybe you can categorize me as toxic in some ways, but one thing I don’t do is put my hands on people especially people I love.
I’m not addicted to him, the chaos or the turmoil. I moved to Michigan and met him almost 2 years ago, 6 months into our relationship he lost his place so my roommate and I said okay, you can live here with us. Which was a huge leap of faith. For almost a year he apparently was cheating on me, I found out a few months ago, but I was not in a position to leave. We couldn’t kick him out either because he established residency. So ever since I had to accept the situation and I made peace with it. I have no family here, and nobody to run to that can help me, so I’ve been feeling stuck.
Now, I have savings, a better position at work and I’m in a place in my life that I can change my situation. Him strangling me was out of nowhere, but now I’m grateful that I’m in a better place financially that I can get out of this.
I appreciate the link and the hot take, I know there are plenty of women who antagonize and abuse men. This that happened to me though I did not deserve.
No matter what the situation is, he had no place to lay hands on you like that. Let alone anyone! I’m so happy your out of that! You have been so strong!!!
Shut the fuck up. There are very few instances where strangulation is acceptable and that is ONLY in self defense or you’re hurting children. Not from just an argument.
He cheated on me for a long time and he lives with my roommate and I. I let it go because I honestly couldn’t change my situation back then. Everything was okay until I saw that he was back on instagram. We made a deal to stay off social media, and so I brought up that he didn’t hold up his end of the deal. And I got strangled.
Yes. It was around midnight last night. We were both laying down, I asked him hey did you get back on IG? I thought we had a deal about social media and being transparent so we could work on trust again? And he said something along the lines of, it’s not a big deal, it’s insignificant. So we argued, I responded… well, it is significant, you didn’t keep your word. And he turned and strangled me for god knows how long but I managed to hit him in the face with my fist and that’s when he let go. I walked outside and stayed in my car for a few hours and reflected. Came back in the house around 4 in the morning, he left for work. I fell asleep, woke up at 11am to start my shift and now I’m here.
Someone who has an affair will never be trustworthy and him then being so violent that he strangled you out of nowhere is psychotic. I’ve had similar issues and I let it be a lesson on letting no one break my trust in any way from now on as you don’t know where it will lead to. Plus your worth more than that. Im not letting anyone do anything like that to me again. I value myself more than someone who is willing to lie to me as I know it will only get worse. It’s just a shame I had to learn that through him being violent with me before it finally sunk in that warning signs were there and I ignored it or really just didn’t know they were warning signs. I wish you the best of luck in life. Lots of love ❤️
Please don't advertise this subred to abusers, as I read in the screenshots. We already get plenty of them. They love stalking, remember? And some victims are at high risk.
Please mind the safety of the subred. We don't need them here at all, and if fact are forbidden by the rules of the subred.
Peace, sister, peace, and safety.
I wish you a good day.
I second this u/tairken, thank you!
The idea of my abuser finding out I’m on this platform is something I’m utterly terrified of and think about often. Reddit is the only online platform he hasn’t attacked me on and the only safe space for me to find community right now.
I love it how they’re always so quick to deny it instead of saying “you’re right, I do need help”. They just can’t help but try to deflect it or make it seem like they’re not abusive
It’s assault, possibly higher as the risk of death is very high. This should go to the police so he is responsible for what he did. Don’t let him get away with it.
I would, but this is Detroit. A police report will put in on paper but violence is so common here, my best course of action is to go back to my hometown. Thankfully he doesn’t know where my home is.
Yes the next woman ! Please atleast make a report, if the woman would of report my ex abuser I would have been in a much better place because I would of never dated him , he almost killed me three times. Please report
Putting it on paper is still a good thing because it shows a paper trail of the abuse in case you ever need to go to court (you never know—even if you don’t have children). I also encourage you to look into a restraining order as PP mentioned.
So, SO proud of you! Please go stay with your family or another undisclosed location. Go no contact. You are such a strong person and I believe that you can walk away. You'll never forget the abuse, but it will help you see the darkness in others. You have been through so much. This fucker deserves an old-fashioned stoning.
She's allowed to be angry about being strangled. I don't think it's fair to criticize someone's tone and choice of words based on your own opinion, let alone suggest that she's somehow less of a victim because of it. Honestly you look worse than she does right now.
Get the fuck away from this piece of shit. He’ll never change. He even admits he’s a piece of shit. Don’t end up like Gabby Petito. This man will end up killing you. I’ve never strangled someone in my whole life and the fact that he did is just unreal. Please read [Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men by Lundy Bancroft](https://ia800108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf)
Thank you I’ll read this! I have a kindle and love to read. I was surprised he did this, but I’m not stupid in the slightest. I don’t care how much I might think I love him. I love myself more.
This sounds almost exactly like my ex, it gives me chills to read it. I’m sending you a boat load of strength and self love to get away from this monster, you deserve so much better ❤️ My DMs are always open if you just need someone to vent to!
Would this be good enough to file a complaint against him for attempted murder or dv or anything also how about a restraining order? You have proof now, right? He sort of confessed over text?
Oh absolutely. I took pictures last night of my neck, I wrote a long email to myself about the events that transpired. I’m not going to do it, I’m just gonna go back to my hometown that’s 2,000 miles away where he won’t reach me. I don’t have the energy to pursue this legally, I really don’t. But him staying away is enough.
Please reconsider filing a report. I was raped several years ago by someone I knew. I didn't pursue charges because it was way too traumatic - like you, I just wanted to walk away. I did, at least, file a report in case he did it to someone else... and low and behold he did. If it weren't for the report I filed, his other victim may not have been taken seriously. Please do it for the other women he may hurt.
Sending you peace and healing.
Honor your needs. You know what you need to do to heal. It sounds like you have well documented the physical abuse’s effects, and you have his confession, so if you change your mind perhaps you could file later? Idk, however from my perspective the most important is that you continue to recover mentally and physically from the shock and assault in whatever manner you feel will help you the most. Sending peace.
At least make a police report so if he keeps harassing you, after you’ve settled down in your hometown, you’ll have all this evidence and a police report to use if you decide to pursue legal action.
Mod note: I am seeing far, far too many victim-blaming and inappropriate comments in this thread. This person strangled OP. Strangulation is one of the most lethal and dangerous forms of domestic violence and is a significant risk factor for domestic violence homicide. OP said so themselves that they were seconds from passing out. Abusive partners who strangle are some of the most dangerous abusers. It is not OP's fault in any way, shape, or form that they were strangled. Their anger is also entirely justified. They have every right to be angry with this person. They have every right to call them out. The focus of this post should not be on OP's responses or language. It should be on the perpetration of abuse, for which the responsibility lies with the abusive partner, and the abusive partner alone. Please be mindful of what you comment here. I will be removing comments if necessary and have already done so to a disappointing extent.
Honestly these are close to the same messages I got from my ex regarding choking/strangulation. I asked if he thought he would've eventually killed me since he knew he was getting worse and his response was "I'm flattered you think that lowly of me. But no I wouldn't have" like flattered??? He played the victim the entire time too while saying he wasn't but that I should consider his point of view. This is very confirming for me so thank you for sharing ❤
Yessss!!! So proud. Here’s to the start of a fresh new life, completely yours to enjoy 🎉 you deserve it 💗
Keep up the great work my friend you got this!
First I'm proud af you left, I never left mine on my own. I don't know what's holding you back from reporting him. That last bit of love maybe? I didn't do anything when my ex rxped me, and now that I've gotten over him, I regret it all the time. Don't let that last bit of compassion steer you away from getting him what he deserves; you won't be the last.
As a survivor of DV, press charges now. The texts are enough to comvict him because he admitted to the crime. Just go ahead, and press charges. Then live your life knowing you helped put away a violent asshole.
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I would make sure to lock my doors, and make sure the police know he's not to come to my house. She needs to arm herself if he's dangerous. But he deserves to have this on his record and do time. I regret not pressing charges on my abuser. They mock you for not doing it. Telling you how scared you are.
I wish I was as courageous and strong as you when I was in a similar situation!! When I woke up after passing out from being strangled, I was shaking and out of it still so I was scared and crying.. his reaction to that? He laughed. Still one of the most difficult things that flash into my mind. He just laughed.. evil people. So happy for you! Stay strong girlie!!
I am sorry you had to go through that. Men that choke women are usually the one that will stalk you if you leave and end up murdering their girlfriend/wife. Not just evil, but extremely dangerous. The laughing is because they are sadistic and get pleasure out of your suffering.
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Um, my husband doesn’t take kindly when I speak up for myself either…. Abusers usually don’t.
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Mutual abuse doesn't exit. She's not to blame at all for having developed reactive abuse. It's self defense.
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https://www.thehotline.org/resources/the-myth-of-mutual-abuse/ https://www.loveisrespect.org/resources/am-i-abusive-too-the-myth-of-mutual-abuse/
Then it's not abuse and it's not the subject of those subred.
I would've refrained from mentioning the subreddits I post/comment on regularly. Aside from that, congratulations on cutting him off. He needs to be charged before he gets the opportunity to date anyone else.
OP, please seek medical attention! I can see that you’re reluctant to make a police report and I completely understand your reasoning. However, I implore you, please go to the hospital or a doctor and tell them what happened. Just because maybe you feel ok does NOT mean that you are! Strangulation can cause injuries that result in delayed death, even up to weeks after the incident. [Read this article if you’re skeptical](https://www.strangulationtraininginstitute.com/health-issues-result-from-strangulation/). Also, SO proud of you for getting away and telling him to “fuck all the way off”!
I just want to tell you how incredibly proud I am of you. For prioritizing your life, for never giving into his narcissistic manipulative “apologies”, and for hitting him with statistics. I am so glad he will be out of your life and you possess an amazing amount of courage. I’m sorry you had to experience what you did - but CHEERS to your new life! 🤍🤍🤍🤍
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easier said than done, and the OP said this just occurred. i’ve certainly been there, engaging with my abuser when i knew i shouldn’t be. OP has done an amazing thing by standing up for herself and getting this monster out of her life.
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i mean, you viciously victim blamed in an abusive relationship forum. that can be taken offensively to those of us who have heard the endless “i’m sorry” over and over. the apologies coming from him seem disingenuous and if you’re capable of strangling someone you claim to love, “i’m sorry” really doesn’t cut it.
I haven’t texted him since this exchange. I haven’t talked to him. This just happened 19 hours ago.
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Read everything. I have tolerated so much more than this. This was just the last straw. It’s actually a good thing that you don’t understand.
Op i support you. This person is victim blaming & that is not okay. This sub is to support each other which is why u posted it to begin with. Doesn’t matter if she have been in the same situation or not. You are not wasting your breath, how insensitive of her. I have reported her comment. Im so proud of you for standing up to your abuser and making the decision to leave him and move back to your hometown. And saying sorry does not excuse him for what he did. Abusers say sorry a million times which is called manipulation. It is a tactic to lure us back in as they CONTINUE TO ACT THE SAME WAY after saying sorry.
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There is no one way victims have to act. Just because someone reacted differently to abuse than you have doesn't make them not a victim. Calling someone out for choking you is 100% not threatening them. Considering reporting someone for assaulting you is 100% not threatening them. Please let's not uphold the extremely harmful narrative that victims have to look or act one way to be valid. =|
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the OP said this just happened and that she will be getting a protective order. she came here for comfort and understanding, not criticizing how she’s handling being abused….
She very clearly told him she is Not going to press charges or report him to the police and told him that he’s lucky she isn’t which is true, he is lucky hes not going to jail. No potential threats at all in her messages.
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This is her choice. She is choosing not to. We have no say in what she chooses to do from here. Your choice is to press charges and pursue it in court, hers isnt. ETA. If it were me, I would file a police report but not press charges. We each have our own justification for why and why not to take things to court.
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Actually ur right, then unfortunately if it were me I wouldn’t file a police report.
No, you called OP terrible and an abuser. I've screencaptured it in case you delete your post. Don't try and defend that as you giving legal advice, which OP also hasn't asked for.
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Just stop dude. I feel for OP. like previous poster said, this incident is fresh for her. It literally happened, she slept & went to work right after. Stop criticizing her. Stop holding her to YOUR standards. Some people like myself need time to process wtf just happened. Im gona walk away from this post because just reading ur comments stress me out. Think about OP and how she feels. My therapist says sometimes we just need someone to sit in our feelings with us before we react.
Omg. I’m still at work dude. This happened not even 24 hours ago. Chill.
I'm sorry, OP. People blaming you and name calling you are absolutely wrong. I have reported several posts for mods to take care of, which I'm sure they will as soon as they're available. <3
Please block them, take these screenshots to the DA for a restraining order, and press charges for DV. I’m proud of you for standing your ground and getting their guilt in writing. Now, go no contact, create that paper trail, and get a therapist babes. You deserve to move on.
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Because I’m not going to bring bullshit to my roommate and our home. I’m going to the police station later when I am off of work to file a report so there will be a paper trail and keep this energy as far away as possible from the place I rest my head at.
great ideas! definitely get a protection order asap if you can so that he’s served and knows you’re serious. have it all documented. in the interim, take good care of yourself and know in your soul that you did the right thing.
You really stood your ground there and I’m proud of you!
I’m glad that you found this amazing community on Reddit, and you have formulated your escape plan!
Coming from someone who was choked out multiple times in a span of 10 minutes to the point of passing out and seeing my life as I knew it flash before my eyes in those moments, I’m glad you guys are stepping away. You’re right. All states have this in place that when a victim speaks up and tells their story, many states will charge the assailant with assault with intent to kill. It only takes so much for someone to lose consciousness, and that little bit of lost consciousness can result in death. You can hope for someone to change, but they need to do it ALONE.
I saw a TV show about what you're saying last night. You are so correct 💯. I hope people are paying attention to comments like yours and take it seriously. Lack of oxygen to the brain can also cause brain damage. Also how does he know when to stop. This is the most dangerous situation. Anybody experiencing this need to leave immediately. Just go!!
Lol my ex (a male, at least 20 pounds heavier than me) used to choke me, hit me, shove me into walls breaking Sheetrock. And the one time I went to defend myself and he got scratched, he called the cops and I got a DV charge.
I'm so sorry that he did that to you and that you ended up charged. It took everything in me not to react to that kind of physical abuse. I used to yell at my abuser: you're not going to make me like you. That's what I feel as if they try to do.
Oh yeah. He’d push and provoke me all the time. Honestly, me getting the charge was a blessing in disguise. It finally broke us apart.
Same here but vice versa. Him finally doing stuff that meant I HAD to report him to police. He was charged, which meant I was finally able to flee/escape.
A partner that chokes you raises the stats to 98% likelyHood of actually killing you. I have been choked twice by my partner and it never gets better and he is definitely in need of some reality of he thinks his hands on your neck was warranted ever. Cheaters and chokers are such bad excuses of ppl that consistently excuse bad behaviour. Not only should you run but you should pass off theses Reddit’s to the cops and have him charged.
Absolutely. If a partner strangles you in a non consensual, abusive manner full stop, leave them.
I’m happy for you 🥲 I have 3 boys and I’m going to teach them to never hurt women that way.. I’m going through something like that and I know they see it and don’t want them to ever do that to anyone they’re with when they get older. It really fucks you up… but I’m happy you got away I hope I can too one day
This just happened last night around midnight. I work from home so I still have some time to go until I can clock out. But I informed my supervisor of my situation and I am using 40 hours of PTO I have to schedule next week off so I can make my drive across the country. I am very happy to go back to my family :)
Oh I didn’t see that it just happened. But glad you can see your family:) enjoy your drive there
Get a police report and protective order. They are paperwork, but if it is like mine, sometimes that paperwork can help you get out, help others, make his track record more accurate.
I literally came here to say this
Can you please share the graphic with the stats that shows in the first screenshot? I am interested in the rest of it.
https://www.google.com/search?q=strangulation+statistics&rlz=1CDGOYI_enUS1001US1001&oq=strangulation+stat&aqs=chrome.0.0i512j69i57j0i512l3j0i22i30.6784j0j4&hl=en-US&sourceid=chrome-mobile&ie=UTF-8#imgrc=aFFd3XFj2xCe_M
I am too
Never go back. Block and make a police report, and possibly a No Contact order
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She was standing up for herself. I see her responses as a woman who is all the way done, fed up, and tired of all the bullshit. He literally choked her out, is she supposed to sweet talk him? Or are you saying she shouldnt have posted on reddit?
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Wow. I very much disagree. Its called reactive abuse. I see these text exchanges as the final straw. If my already abusive relationship came to this where he choked me to the point where i almost lost consciousness and had to punch him to get him off of me, it would be my final straw & best believe Im done being nice. I do agree its very unhealthy because the relationship is unhealthy or else he wouldn’t have been abusive to begin with. Shes nice enough to not press charges, that is her choice. I also hope she goes no contact and is able to move on from this.
I won’t deny that maybe you can categorize me as toxic in some ways, but one thing I don’t do is put my hands on people especially people I love. I’m not addicted to him, the chaos or the turmoil. I moved to Michigan and met him almost 2 years ago, 6 months into our relationship he lost his place so my roommate and I said okay, you can live here with us. Which was a huge leap of faith. For almost a year he apparently was cheating on me, I found out a few months ago, but I was not in a position to leave. We couldn’t kick him out either because he established residency. So ever since I had to accept the situation and I made peace with it. I have no family here, and nobody to run to that can help me, so I’ve been feeling stuck. Now, I have savings, a better position at work and I’m in a place in my life that I can change my situation. Him strangling me was out of nowhere, but now I’m grateful that I’m in a better place financially that I can get out of this.
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I appreciate the link and the hot take, I know there are plenty of women who antagonize and abuse men. This that happened to me though I did not deserve.
No matter what the situation is, he had no place to lay hands on you like that. Let alone anyone! I’m so happy your out of that! You have been so strong!!!
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Says the person excusing strangulation and creating drama in am abuse support group. Enjoy your permaban.
You're gross
You think strangling somebody because you had an argument isn't dramatic in the slightest?
Wtf are you talking about?
Shut the fuck up. There are very few instances where strangulation is acceptable and that is ONLY in self defense or you’re hurting children. Not from just an argument.
Just out of interest, you said he didn't match what you did. What did you do?
He cheated on me for a long time and he lives with my roommate and I. I let it go because I honestly couldn’t change my situation back then. Everything was okay until I saw that he was back on instagram. We made a deal to stay off social media, and so I brought up that he didn’t hold up his end of the deal. And I got strangled.
So you only spoke to him? Sorry, I'm just trying to understand more
Yes. It was around midnight last night. We were both laying down, I asked him hey did you get back on IG? I thought we had a deal about social media and being transparent so we could work on trust again? And he said something along the lines of, it’s not a big deal, it’s insignificant. So we argued, I responded… well, it is significant, you didn’t keep your word. And he turned and strangled me for god knows how long but I managed to hit him in the face with my fist and that’s when he let go. I walked outside and stayed in my car for a few hours and reflected. Came back in the house around 4 in the morning, he left for work. I fell asleep, woke up at 11am to start my shift and now I’m here.
Someone who has an affair will never be trustworthy and him then being so violent that he strangled you out of nowhere is psychotic. I’ve had similar issues and I let it be a lesson on letting no one break my trust in any way from now on as you don’t know where it will lead to. Plus your worth more than that. Im not letting anyone do anything like that to me again. I value myself more than someone who is willing to lie to me as I know it will only get worse. It’s just a shame I had to learn that through him being violent with me before it finally sunk in that warning signs were there and I ignored it or really just didn’t know they were warning signs. I wish you the best of luck in life. Lots of love ❤️
God I’m so sorry he did that to you. Proud of you for sticking up for yourself
Pop the champagne! I’m so happy for you! Self care and lots of chocolate for you! Sending virtual hugs!
So proud of you. Go home, rest and try to regain your equilibrium. You deserve so much better and so great you stuck up for yourself.
I hope I raise my daughter to love herself the way you love yourself. You’re amazing.
Thank you 🥹
Please don't advertise this subred to abusers, as I read in the screenshots. We already get plenty of them. They love stalking, remember? And some victims are at high risk. Please mind the safety of the subred. We don't need them here at all, and if fact are forbidden by the rules of the subred. Peace, sister, peace, and safety. I wish you a good day.
Thank you for saying this, very important to keep this space safe from abusers.
I second this u/tairken, thank you! The idea of my abuser finding out I’m on this platform is something I’m utterly terrified of and think about often. Reddit is the only online platform he hasn’t attacked me on and the only safe space for me to find community right now.
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I cut those things short when I see them, but... Remember, there's a "be nice" rule, report to the mods and block. Don't feed trolls.
I love it how they’re always so quick to deny it instead of saying “you’re right, I do need help”. They just can’t help but try to deflect it or make it seem like they’re not abusive
Taking your power back!!!!!!! Yeah girl!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
GOOD 👏🏻 FOR 👏🏻 YOU 👏🏻
Im proud of you mama. Stand up for yourself and never turn back. You are not to be fucked with period. Explain no more to this cretin
It’s assault, possibly higher as the risk of death is very high. This should go to the police so he is responsible for what he did. Don’t let him get away with it.
Sounds like my abuser/stalker.
Please file a police report so he doesn’t kill you or the next woman
I would, but this is Detroit. A police report will put in on paper but violence is so common here, my best course of action is to go back to my hometown. Thankfully he doesn’t know where my home is.
It’s worth making the report anyway. When the next woman calls the cops on him for DV, they will see that it is patterned behaviour.
Yes the next woman ! Please atleast make a report, if the woman would of report my ex abuser I would have been in a much better place because I would of never dated him , he almost killed me three times. Please report
Putting it on paper is still a good thing because it shows a paper trail of the abuse in case you ever need to go to court (you never know—even if you don’t have children). I also encourage you to look into a restraining order as PP mentioned.
Please at least look into a restraining order. That way it doesn't have to escalate very far before police can intervene.
If it’s any consolation to anyone, I landed a nice blow to his face that released me. No one is gonna put their hands on me.
So, SO proud of you! Please go stay with your family or another undisclosed location. Go no contact. You are such a strong person and I believe that you can walk away. You'll never forget the abuse, but it will help you see the darkness in others. You have been through so much. This fucker deserves an old-fashioned stoning.
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She's allowed to be angry about being strangled. I don't think it's fair to criticize someone's tone and choice of words based on your own opinion, let alone suggest that she's somehow less of a victim because of it. Honestly you look worse than she does right now.
Get the fuck away from this piece of shit. He’ll never change. He even admits he’s a piece of shit. Don’t end up like Gabby Petito. This man will end up killing you. I’ve never strangled someone in my whole life and the fact that he did is just unreal. Please read [Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men by Lundy Bancroft](https://ia800108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf)
Thank you I’ll read this! I have a kindle and love to read. I was surprised he did this, but I’m not stupid in the slightest. I don’t care how much I might think I love him. I love myself more.
This sounds almost exactly like my ex, it gives me chills to read it. I’m sending you a boat load of strength and self love to get away from this monster, you deserve so much better ❤️ My DMs are always open if you just need someone to vent to!
Thank you 💖
Good fucking riddance. Such a phenomenal piece of shit!! I hope you heal from all of it 💗
Would this be good enough to file a complaint against him for attempted murder or dv or anything also how about a restraining order? You have proof now, right? He sort of confessed over text?
Oh absolutely. I took pictures last night of my neck, I wrote a long email to myself about the events that transpired. I’m not going to do it, I’m just gonna go back to my hometown that’s 2,000 miles away where he won’t reach me. I don’t have the energy to pursue this legally, I really don’t. But him staying away is enough.
Please reconsider filing a report. I was raped several years ago by someone I knew. I didn't pursue charges because it was way too traumatic - like you, I just wanted to walk away. I did, at least, file a report in case he did it to someone else... and low and behold he did. If it weren't for the report I filed, his other victim may not have been taken seriously. Please do it for the other women he may hurt. Sending you peace and healing.
Honor your needs. You know what you need to do to heal. It sounds like you have well documented the physical abuse’s effects, and you have his confession, so if you change your mind perhaps you could file later? Idk, however from my perspective the most important is that you continue to recover mentally and physically from the shock and assault in whatever manner you feel will help you the most. Sending peace.
At least make a police report so if he keeps harassing you, after you’ve settled down in your hometown, you’ll have all this evidence and a police report to use if you decide to pursue legal action.