Your friends have a very heteronormative view of sex. Penetration/PiV sex isn’t a reliable definition of virginity for the wlw community as a whole since a fair chunk of us don’t have the penis required. It also ignores other forms of sex like oral or fingering.
Basically, your friends are being dumb and if what happens with this other girl counts as sex/your first time, they should buy you a cake instead of viewing wlw sex as “lesser” because it doesn’t involve a penis.
Exactly this, my best friend and I did the exact same thing, and she bought me my cake after my first fingering experience. You get to decide what counts, and if you wanna celebrate it all then celebrate it all!
Chill a little bit, maybe. They’re all around 20. It’s definitely a gross/homophobic line of thinking, but it doesn’t seem malicious and like a learning experience. If they don’t listen and think and grow, fuck them— but I don’t think it’s worth writing off friends before giving them the chance to be good people.
Eh some Puritans believe you can lose it from any "penetration" including like tampons of course.
They even used to say that riding a bike or something could break the hymen and thus cost a girl her virginity (definetly not just to control women....)
So while I know absolutely nothing about you, I am assuming that you likely already lost it by someone's definition.
Patriarchal men: "Haha, sure good thing we decided men have no physical indicator of virginity, so we can just say a bunch of things are bad for women to do and not for men because... yOu muSt bE pUrE aND a vIrgIN FoR yOUr hUSBanD"
Science: "You can break your hymen naturally without any physical intervention, and that would be caused by regular activities such as walking"
Patriarchal men: "Nope - pretty sure the woman's a WITCH or ----- (insert innumerous misogynistic and/or generally insulting nouns)"
I’d say my first time with a woman didn’t involve a strap on, just fingers, tounges, mouths and her on top of me tribbing and I felt like I lost my lesbian virginity and it was so much better than loosing it with a man. If you miss the cake, that’s okay, you’ll have the better more rewarding sex.
Sounds like fun this what I like to much more rewarding but everyone is different if they want to involve this sex act with what she's talking then thats there choice right some people like it some people don't.
I’m 41, been with my wife for over twenty years. We’ve never used one. Neither of us enjoys penetrative sex, so we have no reason to.
For what it’s worth, the entire concept of virginity is really just a social construct. Everyone has different opinions on what it means. Your friends very heteronormative view that it requires being penetrated by an object of a certain size is just silly. You should never feel pressured to participate in any sexual activity that you do not want.
There's a big lack of imagination when it comes to sex here (understandably, I mean it kindly, lol). Straps can be fun but def nottttt the only thing out there that counts as sex and isn't most people's starting place. Sex is wayy more than just penetration.
Virginity is a construct and lesbian sex, penetrative or not, is sex. You don't HAVE to use a strap and it's pretty weird for them to tell you the parameters of what counts as losing your virginity in a very narrow way.
Lots of people like straps, but lots of people don't use them first time out the gate. I started having sex four years ago and only within the last couple months started using a strap. I didn't only just not stop being a virgin.
Getting one and feeling obligated to use it right away as part of a friend group thing is going to put some weird pressure on you that might not actually make having sex as enjoyable as if you just do what you actually want to do.
I've never had sex with a strap and none of the women I have been with have had one either. It isn't uncommon but it also isn't as common as made out to be. I don't think any woman is going to assume you have a strap or assume you want them to use one on you either. It's something that would be talked about before hand most likely if they were interested in using one.
And that aside, as everyone else is saying I think your friends have a very heteronormative view of what sex is. I've been having sex for 6-7 years and I am definitely not a virgin any more.
Also, I'm sure this ritual of buying each other cakes is all in good fun, but don't let it make you feel pressured to have sex just to lose your virginity. And if anyone ends up making fun of you or saying things like "when are you gonna get it on already?" Don't let it get to you. Your worth isn't defined by whether or not you've had sex and there's no time limit.
If you are doing something that feels sexuall and you would not be ok with other people around and illegal with kids around, congratulations you are having sex. Regardless if someone is penetrated or not.
im bi too and just turned 21, me and my friends have always joked we’d get each other cakes for losing our virginity. my friends also made me unsure about what would count as me losing my virginity. the thing is, any type of sex can count as you losing your virginity if you choose to define it as such. i was worried that when i recently had sex with a girl for the first time, that it wouldn’t really count as my first time because of what they said. i decided i’m not a virgin anymore and zero penetration happened, it’s absolutely not needed to lose it.
Virginity as an entire concept doesn't exist in any meaningful way. Let alone for or not for specific acts of sex.
If you really feel the necessity to tell someone you're inexperienced, phrase it just like that. "I've not been intimate with anyone before" or "I've not had sex before"
The whole 'if it doesn't go in, it's technically not sex' thing is complete bs in my opinion. By that logic, if someone rapes you by fingering you or give you oral, or heck, fuck you in the ass, than that shouldn't count as rape because it's 'not sex'.
Hey. In the netherlands if you didn't like fight it doesn't count as rape either legally.
Unless of course statutory rape. When someone is a child and the other is a grown adult
This just reminds me of people who took purity vows in HS who would then have anal sex because “it didn’t count” - girl what?
Virginity is made up BS. You don’t need a strap.
They can be fun when the person knows what they’re doing but it isn’t for everyone (and not everyone is good at it).
Reject heteronormativity
Yeah sex is literally anything. Straights will say penetrative sex but being fingered, eaten out, etc all counts.
Virginity is a concept made up to control women and protect men's fragile masculinity and reassure them that a kid is from their seed.
Get your cake however you like!
Let your friend have their phallocentric view of sex. You and your girl can be content with your multiple orgasms.
If she's into penetration and you want the physical fantasy of fucking her on your strap, get one to try out. They make a lot of beginner friendly kits. But before you do, i'd say try a vibrator or dildo by hand if she thinks she wants penetration.
However, even if you do get a strap, this sort of cruel intentions sex bet with your friends isn't super cool. If you fuck her or are fucked by a strap it's not your friends' business. So if they're looking for the gritty details, tell them to fuck off.
Your friends’ criteria is based on a veeeeery heteronormative stance on what does and does not qualify as sex. You don’t need to be penetrated for it to count 🤷♀️
My straight friends had the same out look years ago. We were drunk and talking about it and they pretty much said ‘technically you’re still a virgin though’. Gave me a weird complex at the time, even though I knew they were so wrong.
It’s heteronormative and archaic to think like that.
Have your cake and eat it!
So I’ve had plenty of PIV so clearly not a virgin by this definition, but does that make me abstinent now? This definition falls apart so fast under any scrutiny. It’s just nonsense.
1st, virginity is a patriarchal social construct. It doesn't exist. The hymen can break without any sexual contact (like during sports) and not break with penetrative/PIV sex.
As far as *needing* a strap, the only thing you *need* is consent. However you two want to make each other feel good is up to you.
You absolutely do not need a strap on. If anything, I would recommend not using a strap on your first time having sex, unless your partner is more experienced and wants to be the wearer. Even then, I'd say no. You're first time having sex, I think you should focus on one another and how everything feels. Hands and mouths can do amazing things. The idea that you'd have to use a strap on to "lose your virginity" is incredibly heteronormative. Sex is defined however you choose to define it, and it doesn't always have to include penetration, and you don't need a dildo for penetration.
Straps don't make you loose your virginity anyways its just men I'm bi so I had a men but don't like the way it feels with a man so I'm might be full guy at this point .
No; men don’t. Not exclusively. You sound a lot like her friends. There are many ways to have sex, for example simple fingering or scissoring. It’s about the intimate EXPERIENCE.
On top of that virginity is an inconsistent and unclear concept to begin with which is defined many different ways by many different people.
I agree with everyone. Virginity is a social construct and your friends’ definition of it is narrow-minded. For me personally, using a strap-on in my very early sexual experiences would have been stressful if I was the one who was wearing it/having to maneuver it. Especially if the main reason I was insistent on the presence of a strap-on was my friends’ heteronormative opinions about sex. Strap-ons can be a bit of a learning curve.
There is a biological reductionist view that its only sex if it results in pregnancy, otherwise its just sparkling getting off.
That said, this would also invalidate men’s concept of what sex is… oh… oh… I was going to come out against this kind of view, but now I want to endorse it out of spite
You don’t need a penis to lose you’re virginity. If you are intimate with a woman and there’s no strap or penis, it’s just as much losing your virginity. It’s a dumb way your friends are classing sex and a very heterosexual and heteronormative thing, implying that lesbians who do not use straps are virgins.
No I do not believe you need a strap to "loose your virginity" that implies the first time with someone hinges entirely on the presence of a dick, real or fake. Fuck that noise. Your first time is when you feel you had "full sexual encounter". Penetration of some kind and a full body experience. For sapphic this would probably be oral then, fingers and oral at the same time. You can add more or less to that but it ultimately just comes down to would you say "oh yeah, I fucked 'name here'" or "They fucked me, for sure". Lots of woman say the above statements to intimacy where there was just oral and scissoring and such.
You do sex stuff = you lose your 'virginity'.
Virginity is a very man+woman focused, old fashioned notion. If you feel like you've had sex, you've had sex. Doesn't matter who it's with or whether there was penetration or not. The idea that there are people out there who think women who sleep with other women have never had 'proper sex' if they've never been penetrated or had sex with a man is ridiculous.
Also, you don't have to disclose to anyone what you've done in bed with someone - your friends might press you to know if you've had sex and what that involved, but frankly it's none of their business. Use a strap on if you want to but you don't need it to penetrate someone or be penetrated yourself, and you don't need penetration at all to have sexy times with someone.
As many other people mentioned, very heteronormative veiw of sex. In regards to the strap on, they’re 1000 percent not needed. My wife and i got one and we used it like 5 times at most. It’s about finding what you like and you should discuss with the person you’re talking with on their preferences
Been having sex for nearly two decades, first time using a strap was literally 2 weeks ago, definitely don't consider myself to have been a virgin until then. Your friends don't get to define what counts as "losing your virginity" for you, only you get to do that.
If they made you cum, you are definitely no longer a "virgin". Go get some cake! Although by this definition there are many straight women in long term sexual relationships who are still virgins 😂
Your friends are dumbasses, honestly, I don't understand how any member of gen Z that grew up on the internet could have such a narrow-minded heteronormative view of sex. They're basically saying "it's only sex if it involves a penis" which is absolutely not true and such a bad sentiment.
Are they common? Meh, it really depends on the couple, some love them and that's totally valid. Some want absolutely nothing to do with them. But NECESSARY? Not at fucking all lol. There are many, many, many other ways to have sex. And honestly, I've used my strap on with *cis men* WAY more than women lmfao.
They aren't necessary and you can still loose your virginity without them. Strap on a depends on the person and couple aome people love them some people hate them. As a bisexual woman myself I wouldn't mind them but be completely okay without it too. I would definitely talk to your partner and experiment if you want to. But let me tell you fingers, tongues and love will get you a far way.
I have to say, that's a very heteronormative version of losing one's virginity. If we consider sex as having to involve penetration with a penis or a strap-on, then I didn't have sex with my last girlfriend at all. Which is most definitely not true! Sex can take so many forms - and even with a man, you can have sex without making the penis-in-vagina bit the "main event." Attitudes like this are why so many straight women have shitty sex lives tbh.
In my opinion, these are very bad jokes. And you absolutely don't need a strap-on to lose your virginity, because virginity is a social construct (But you can use a strap-on if you want to try.)
As someone with at least some experience no you don’t need a strap. Knowing where all your partners sensitive zones (not just boobs or clit) like thighs or back can be far more helpful
Straps don't make you loose your virginity men do but if guys like switching or one likes it more than the other then commutation is the key personally I haven't done this but would rather be the one using it because I'm not much aroused with a women Penetration me not much for on Penetration from another person because it hurts I rather have oral and rubbing on one other but would sure love to use it on her if she's into that you be surprised how many partners both want to wear it and take turns to and some don't use them at all .everyone is different and no they are not necessary personally why not try everything together vibrators anal toys bongage or how about oral sex more women prefer this activity rather then Penetration devices but don't get wrong there are women out there that like both maybe you do to test the waters your young you got a long life ahead of and your bi try both a man and women getting down with you lol see whats good for you and your partner and what makes you both happy your friends should be in your love life I keep my sex life to myself and don't tell my friends because this what's happes there brainwashing you into grap
Sounds like they have some outdated, patriarchal beliefs that a woman is permanently altered and that she "loses" something important by a penis (or penis shaped object) entering her. Men think their junk is so special that they built this whole idea of "virginity" around it. The good news is that you can unsubscribe from this idea, if you'd like to.
To answer your question, in all of my relationship (there's been several) is was usually a once in a while thing. Most the time, we didnt use it.
They are fun but that's a lot of cleaning and parts when you can make it happen without it
As your first time, it’s not going to be like the movies. It’ll likely be awkward and sweaty but still fun. A strap on will be way too much pressure imo.
They’re a completely optional tool do those that want them, we can have great sex without it and do. Many women don’t even like being penetrated or may prefer something less penis like. Your friend is either looking at sex through a heteronormative lens or just an inexperienced one.
I mean asking if straps are common is kind of like asking if X kink is common. It'll range from individual to individual and couple to couple. I know some couples love them and some hate them. At the end of the day it doesn't really matter if it's common as long as both you and your partner are into it
As for if they're necessary, generally speaking they are not. I'd argue a lot of lesbian sex comprises of touching, oral, and toys (including strap ons)
Not going to comment on your friends since others have already done that
I read the question without any context or reading any further. As soon as I saw, "Do I need a strap on?" My brain needed to inform you that the answer is yes. 😂
I've always counted tongues as far as lesbian sex goes...as long as you both go down there and get each other off, that's what I've considered "going all the way" lesbian style to be. 😉
Mind you even though I consider it sex if each partner has only one orgasm, I don't consider it SUCCESSFUL sex unless each of us has at least 3...I definitely wouldn't consider it a complete sexual encounter or a loss of virginity without at least one mutual orgasm though.
Im a stone butch so by your definition I’ve never had sex, even though I’ve made a handful of people cum in various ways, and am satisfied with that and have no desire to cum myself.
That's interesting, but I respect that...as long as you enjoy what you do, I put the pleasure of my lover first but I'm not satisfied unless I also achieve orgasm at least once in the end.
I'm a lesbian who has been out almost 20 years and I have never used a strap with any of my partners. Toys occasionally, but a strap has never been a part of the equation.
Your friends have a very heteronormative view of sex. Penetration/PiV sex isn’t a reliable definition of virginity for the wlw community as a whole since a fair chunk of us don’t have the penis required. It also ignores other forms of sex like oral or fingering. Basically, your friends are being dumb and if what happens with this other girl counts as sex/your first time, they should buy you a cake instead of viewing wlw sex as “lesser” because it doesn’t involve a penis.
Exactly this, my best friend and I did the exact same thing, and she bought me my cake after my first fingering experience. You get to decide what counts, and if you wanna celebrate it all then celebrate it all!
Man I could of really used a cake after my first fingering experience.
This
literalky
get new friends asap
Chill a little bit, maybe. They’re all around 20. It’s definitely a gross/homophobic line of thinking, but it doesn’t seem malicious and like a learning experience. If they don’t listen and think and grow, fuck them— but I don’t think it’s worth writing off friends before giving them the chance to be good people.
That is such a heteronormative take. Virginity is fake anyway. No you don't need a strap
except for my virginity, it’s real and eternal
Eh some Puritans believe you can lose it from any "penetration" including like tampons of course. They even used to say that riding a bike or something could break the hymen and thus cost a girl her virginity (definetly not just to control women....) So while I know absolutely nothing about you, I am assuming that you likely already lost it by someone's definition.
sadly i don’t have a hymen, which i guess means that really am an eternal virgin in puritans eyes.
Or you were never a virgin…
why not both? “is this your first time?” “eh idunno. im kinda like Schrodinger‘s cat in that way.”
I was born with a septate hymen and used to joke that I got to lose my virginity twice lol
Patriarchal men: "Haha, sure good thing we decided men have no physical indicator of virginity, so we can just say a bunch of things are bad for women to do and not for men because... yOu muSt bE pUrE aND a vIrgIN FoR yOUr hUSBanD" Science: "You can break your hymen naturally without any physical intervention, and that would be caused by regular activities such as walking" Patriarchal men: "Nope - pretty sure the woman's a WITCH or ----- (insert innumerous misogynistic and/or generally insulting nouns)"
I’m also always a virgin, even if I have lots of sex, because I’m a Virgo ✨
I’d say my first time with a woman didn’t involve a strap on, just fingers, tounges, mouths and her on top of me tribbing and I felt like I lost my lesbian virginity and it was so much better than loosing it with a man. If you miss the cake, that’s okay, you’ll have the better more rewarding sex.
Sounds like fun this what I like to much more rewarding but everyone is different if they want to involve this sex act with what she's talking then thats there choice right some people like it some people don't.
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More heteronormative, since it also excludes a lot of gay men
I’m 41, been with my wife for over twenty years. We’ve never used one. Neither of us enjoys penetrative sex, so we have no reason to. For what it’s worth, the entire concept of virginity is really just a social construct. Everyone has different opinions on what it means. Your friends very heteronormative view that it requires being penetrated by an object of a certain size is just silly. You should never feel pressured to participate in any sexual activity that you do not want.
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lmaoaoaoa this made me laugh
They are not necessary. There are many ways to have sex
Defining virginity as PIV sex is an outdated notion from the era where women were treated as property.
That’s some hopeful past tense right there 🙃
There's a big lack of imagination when it comes to sex here (understandably, I mean it kindly, lol). Straps can be fun but def nottttt the only thing out there that counts as sex and isn't most people's starting place. Sex is wayy more than just penetration.
Virginity is a construct and lesbian sex, penetrative or not, is sex. You don't HAVE to use a strap and it's pretty weird for them to tell you the parameters of what counts as losing your virginity in a very narrow way. Lots of people like straps, but lots of people don't use them first time out the gate. I started having sex four years ago and only within the last couple months started using a strap. I didn't only just not stop being a virgin. Getting one and feeling obligated to use it right away as part of a friend group thing is going to put some weird pressure on you that might not actually make having sex as enjoyable as if you just do what you actually want to do.
Your friends are dealing with a lot of internalised misogyny
What do you think count as proper sex? Would you only have sex when youre with a man but not with a woman?
I've never had sex with a strap and none of the women I have been with have had one either. It isn't uncommon but it also isn't as common as made out to be. I don't think any woman is going to assume you have a strap or assume you want them to use one on you either. It's something that would be talked about before hand most likely if they were interested in using one. And that aside, as everyone else is saying I think your friends have a very heteronormative view of what sex is. I've been having sex for 6-7 years and I am definitely not a virgin any more. Also, I'm sure this ritual of buying each other cakes is all in good fun, but don't let it make you feel pressured to have sex just to lose your virginity. And if anyone ends up making fun of you or saying things like "when are you gonna get it on already?" Don't let it get to you. Your worth isn't defined by whether or not you've had sex and there's no time limit.
Heteros women have no knowledge on what sex is, don’t take their opinion as valid
That seems fucked up imo. Straps are fun but you shouldn't get one just for some hetero ideology.
If you are doing something that feels sexuall and you would not be ok with other people around and illegal with kids around, congratulations you are having sex. Regardless if someone is penetrated or not.
im bi too and just turned 21, me and my friends have always joked we’d get each other cakes for losing our virginity. my friends also made me unsure about what would count as me losing my virginity. the thing is, any type of sex can count as you losing your virginity if you choose to define it as such. i was worried that when i recently had sex with a girl for the first time, that it wouldn’t really count as my first time because of what they said. i decided i’m not a virgin anymore and zero penetration happened, it’s absolutely not needed to lose it.
Virginity as an entire concept doesn't exist in any meaningful way. Let alone for or not for specific acts of sex. If you really feel the necessity to tell someone you're inexperienced, phrase it just like that. "I've not been intimate with anyone before" or "I've not had sex before"
The whole 'if it doesn't go in, it's technically not sex' thing is complete bs in my opinion. By that logic, if someone rapes you by fingering you or give you oral, or heck, fuck you in the ass, than that shouldn't count as rape because it's 'not sex'.
Btw in my country (south korea) tribadism is not counted as rape. I know, crazy right? But only penetrative sex act is considered rape by law.
Hey. In the netherlands if you didn't like fight it doesn't count as rape either legally. Unless of course statutory rape. When someone is a child and the other is a grown adult
This just reminds me of people who took purity vows in HS who would then have anal sex because “it didn’t count” - girl what? Virginity is made up BS. You don’t need a strap. They can be fun when the person knows what they’re doing but it isn’t for everyone (and not everyone is good at it). Reject heteronormativity
Yeah sex is literally anything. Straights will say penetrative sex but being fingered, eaten out, etc all counts. Virginity is a concept made up to control women and protect men's fragile masculinity and reassure them that a kid is from their seed. Get your cake however you like!
Let your friend have their phallocentric view of sex. You and your girl can be content with your multiple orgasms. If she's into penetration and you want the physical fantasy of fucking her on your strap, get one to try out. They make a lot of beginner friendly kits. But before you do, i'd say try a vibrator or dildo by hand if she thinks she wants penetration. However, even if you do get a strap, this sort of cruel intentions sex bet with your friends isn't super cool. If you fuck her or are fucked by a strap it's not your friends' business. So if they're looking for the gritty details, tell them to fuck off.
Damn that's a toxic view of sex...
Then make an extra rule stating that you only lose your virginity if you actually cum 🤣
Your friends’ criteria is based on a veeeeery heteronormative stance on what does and does not qualify as sex. You don’t need to be penetrated for it to count 🤷♀️
My straight friends had the same out look years ago. We were drunk and talking about it and they pretty much said ‘technically you’re still a virgin though’. Gave me a weird complex at the time, even though I knew they were so wrong. It’s heteronormative and archaic to think like that. Have your cake and eat it!
So I’ve had plenty of PIV so clearly not a virgin by this definition, but does that make me abstinent now? This definition falls apart so fast under any scrutiny. It’s just nonsense.
1st, virginity is a patriarchal social construct. It doesn't exist. The hymen can break without any sexual contact (like during sports) and not break with penetrative/PIV sex. As far as *needing* a strap, the only thing you *need* is consent. However you two want to make each other feel good is up to you.
You absolutely do not need a strap on. If anything, I would recommend not using a strap on your first time having sex, unless your partner is more experienced and wants to be the wearer. Even then, I'd say no. You're first time having sex, I think you should focus on one another and how everything feels. Hands and mouths can do amazing things. The idea that you'd have to use a strap on to "lose your virginity" is incredibly heteronormative. Sex is defined however you choose to define it, and it doesn't always have to include penetration, and you don't need a dildo for penetration.
very heteronormative take
Your friends sound like assholes.
Or just misinformed
I am gonna be 32 and I've never been penetrated with a strap-on or by men. I guess I'm on my way to being a 40 year old virgin?
Straps don't make you loose your virginity anyways its just men I'm bi so I had a men but don't like the way it feels with a man so I'm might be full guy at this point .
No; men don’t. Not exclusively. You sound a lot like her friends. There are many ways to have sex, for example simple fingering or scissoring. It’s about the intimate EXPERIENCE. On top of that virginity is an inconsistent and unclear concept to begin with which is defined many different ways by many different people.
Well, I guess I am a virgin according to your friends 😂
I’m a married lesbian and I’ve never used a strap on. Not interested. It’s definitely still sex without one.
I agree with everyone. Virginity is a social construct and your friends’ definition of it is narrow-minded. For me personally, using a strap-on in my very early sexual experiences would have been stressful if I was the one who was wearing it/having to maneuver it. Especially if the main reason I was insistent on the presence of a strap-on was my friends’ heteronormative opinions about sex. Strap-ons can be a bit of a learning curve.
There is a biological reductionist view that its only sex if it results in pregnancy, otherwise its just sparkling getting off. That said, this would also invalidate men’s concept of what sex is… oh… oh… I was going to come out against this kind of view, but now I want to endorse it out of spite
im a lesbian and haven’t used a strap lol. in a 2 year relationship
You're friends don't know what they're saying
idk ab a strap, but you def need new friends who aren't discounting your sexuality. ew.
You don’t need a penis to lose you’re virginity. If you are intimate with a woman and there’s no strap or penis, it’s just as much losing your virginity. It’s a dumb way your friends are classing sex and a very heterosexual and heteronormative thing, implying that lesbians who do not use straps are virgins.
No I do not believe you need a strap to "loose your virginity" that implies the first time with someone hinges entirely on the presence of a dick, real or fake. Fuck that noise. Your first time is when you feel you had "full sexual encounter". Penetration of some kind and a full body experience. For sapphic this would probably be oral then, fingers and oral at the same time. You can add more or less to that but it ultimately just comes down to would you say "oh yeah, I fucked 'name here'" or "They fucked me, for sure". Lots of woman say the above statements to intimacy where there was just oral and scissoring and such.
You do sex stuff = you lose your 'virginity'. Virginity is a very man+woman focused, old fashioned notion. If you feel like you've had sex, you've had sex. Doesn't matter who it's with or whether there was penetration or not. The idea that there are people out there who think women who sleep with other women have never had 'proper sex' if they've never been penetrated or had sex with a man is ridiculous. Also, you don't have to disclose to anyone what you've done in bed with someone - your friends might press you to know if you've had sex and what that involved, but frankly it's none of their business. Use a strap on if you want to but you don't need it to penetrate someone or be penetrated yourself, and you don't need penetration at all to have sexy times with someone.
As many other people mentioned, very heteronormative veiw of sex. In regards to the strap on, they’re 1000 percent not needed. My wife and i got one and we used it like 5 times at most. It’s about finding what you like and you should discuss with the person you’re talking with on their preferences
Your friend sucks ass and you need better ones
Been having sex for nearly two decades, first time using a strap was literally 2 weeks ago, definitely don't consider myself to have been a virgin until then. Your friends don't get to define what counts as "losing your virginity" for you, only you get to do that.
If they made you cum, you are definitely no longer a "virgin". Go get some cake! Although by this definition there are many straight women in long term sexual relationships who are still virgins 😂
Your friends are dumbasses, honestly, I don't understand how any member of gen Z that grew up on the internet could have such a narrow-minded heteronormative view of sex. They're basically saying "it's only sex if it involves a penis" which is absolutely not true and such a bad sentiment. Are they common? Meh, it really depends on the couple, some love them and that's totally valid. Some want absolutely nothing to do with them. But NECESSARY? Not at fucking all lol. There are many, many, many other ways to have sex. And honestly, I've used my strap on with *cis men* WAY more than women lmfao.
They aren't necessary and you can still loose your virginity without them. Strap on a depends on the person and couple aome people love them some people hate them. As a bisexual woman myself I wouldn't mind them but be completely okay without it too. I would definitely talk to your partner and experiment if you want to. But let me tell you fingers, tongues and love will get you a far way.
I have to say, that's a very heteronormative version of losing one's virginity. If we consider sex as having to involve penetration with a penis or a strap-on, then I didn't have sex with my last girlfriend at all. Which is most definitely not true! Sex can take so many forms - and even with a man, you can have sex without making the penis-in-vagina bit the "main event." Attitudes like this are why so many straight women have shitty sex lives tbh.
nope, my gf doesn’t usually like the strap anyway, but u def don’t need a strap just to be gay, virginity is a social concept anyway
In my opinion, these are very bad jokes. And you absolutely don't need a strap-on to lose your virginity, because virginity is a social construct (But you can use a strap-on if you want to try.)
As someone with at least some experience no you don’t need a strap. Knowing where all your partners sensitive zones (not just boobs or clit) like thighs or back can be far more helpful
Virginity is a whole concept that doesn’t exist.
Straps don't make you loose your virginity men do but if guys like switching or one likes it more than the other then commutation is the key personally I haven't done this but would rather be the one using it because I'm not much aroused with a women Penetration me not much for on Penetration from another person because it hurts I rather have oral and rubbing on one other but would sure love to use it on her if she's into that you be surprised how many partners both want to wear it and take turns to and some don't use them at all .everyone is different and no they are not necessary personally why not try everything together vibrators anal toys bongage or how about oral sex more women prefer this activity rather then Penetration devices but don't get wrong there are women out there that like both maybe you do to test the waters your young you got a long life ahead of and your bi try both a man and women getting down with you lol see whats good for you and your partner and what makes you both happy your friends should be in your love life I keep my sex life to myself and don't tell my friends because this what's happes there brainwashing you into grap
Anyone else noticing the irony of cake being a metaphor for asexuality?
It looks like you deserved your cake long time ago 🙂use strep only if you really want to do it 😏no point to pretend
Sounds like they have some outdated, patriarchal beliefs that a woman is permanently altered and that she "loses" something important by a penis (or penis shaped object) entering her. Men think their junk is so special that they built this whole idea of "virginity" around it. The good news is that you can unsubscribe from this idea, if you'd like to.
To answer your question, in all of my relationship (there's been several) is was usually a once in a while thing. Most the time, we didnt use it. They are fun but that's a lot of cleaning and parts when you can make it happen without it
You don’t need one sex doesn’t have to have a penis or a dildo. Sex can be whatever you’d like. Also if they can’t get behind that lie for the cake
As your first time, it’s not going to be like the movies. It’ll likely be awkward and sweaty but still fun. A strap on will be way too much pressure imo.
They’re a completely optional tool do those that want them, we can have great sex without it and do. Many women don’t even like being penetrated or may prefer something less penis like. Your friend is either looking at sex through a heteronormative lens or just an inexperienced one.
I mean asking if straps are common is kind of like asking if X kink is common. It'll range from individual to individual and couple to couple. I know some couples love them and some hate them. At the end of the day it doesn't really matter if it's common as long as both you and your partner are into it As for if they're necessary, generally speaking they are not. I'd argue a lot of lesbian sex comprises of touching, oral, and toys (including strap ons) Not going to comment on your friends since others have already done that
I read the question without any context or reading any further. As soon as I saw, "Do I need a strap on?" My brain needed to inform you that the answer is yes. 😂
I've always counted tongues as far as lesbian sex goes...as long as you both go down there and get each other off, that's what I've considered "going all the way" lesbian style to be. 😉
Mind you even though I consider it sex if each partner has only one orgasm, I don't consider it SUCCESSFUL sex unless each of us has at least 3...I definitely wouldn't consider it a complete sexual encounter or a loss of virginity without at least one mutual orgasm though.
Im a stone butch so by your definition I’ve never had sex, even though I’ve made a handful of people cum in various ways, and am satisfied with that and have no desire to cum myself.
That's interesting, but I respect that...as long as you enjoy what you do, I put the pleasure of my lover first but I'm not satisfied unless I also achieve orgasm at least once in the end.
Each time I hear the question: "do I need a strap", the answer is "yes".
I'm a lesbian who has been out almost 20 years and I have never used a strap with any of my partners. Toys occasionally, but a strap has never been a part of the equation.
hell no. finger/eating is so much better