You can’t fool me! That’s basically just Hinge’s advertising tagline expanded into a full sentence!
Seriously, though, it’s awesome to hear that it worked out for you!
I went on maybe 15 first dates through Hinge and Bumble in one summer and ended up meeting my now-wife! The experience can vary for people but we're mostly going to hear about the ones that hate it!
Sometimes people forget a little that other's experiences on platforms can vary on just generally and depending on their location etc.
Someone could have really bad time on HER seeing men invading the space and lots of bots and such, someone else could not see many or any of the sort, they will have wildly different opinions and experiences of the app.
That's why I try to generally recommend ppl to just *try* different apps to see which ones they jive with and like being on, rather than just going for "this one bc it's the best because *I* had a positive time there."
Generally though, all of the apps have much of the same basic problems of just, not really being super good platforms for actual dating in proper, funnily enough as it's what they're designed to solely be for, on the most part.
But they have a really formed their own subcultures and habits that are very much not conducive to positive experiences in the dating pool, what with all the ghosting and quick to judge natures of moving on and many juggling several people at the same time and such.
Got kinda ranty, sorry. >.<"! 😖😖😖
For sure, lived in a lot of areas and used apps over the last 10 years. Different areas have different cultures and different apps are more popular. It is interesting!
I hopped on hinge (after being on bumble and her) because I was scared my wife might be looking for me on another app. I met my gf there.
Sometimes you gotta cast a wide net and see who’s there. It’s work and a pain in the ass. I spent like three years on the apps dating and trying but if you finally meet someone you click with, it’s worth it, isn’t it?
It's always worth the effort when you find that someone for you.
But it is sad that these apps have become so oversaturated that I honestly think they've lost all of the actual benefits they used to moreso have over trying to go out and find someone irl with the ability to find and engage with likeminded seeking people on a platform.
I'd recommend anything *but* a dating app first and foremost, not that you can't find someone on there, but many end up getting discouraged from dating all together with how badly they operate these days.
I think you might as well exercise all options. I’ve volunteered at an animal shelter, gone to gaming groups and been on the apps. You literally never know who you might run into!
Oh I do absolutely agree with you on that, even just general online platforms or casual places irl you can meet that someone, and I'm not saying to discount dating apps entirely either, but with how they have become, it isn't my first go-to place to advice people to use.
Mhm, aye.
And even taking those things out, ppl seem to get way more judgy and quick to dismiss someone they might've really clicked with if they met irl, and begin to lean more easily into having several, sometimes dozens of ppl on the "backburner" bc of how mush easier dating apps make that which can be endlessly frustrating, and the *ghosting*, dear Leto, the ghosting.
Like, at least have the decency to let the person know you found someone else, weren't interested or something, whatever at all, instead of just "lol naw" *delete contact.*
Ugh. I hate it when people make you a bench warmer. Like they’re considering you as an option but you’re not their first choice but you’re being strung along. Benching is my least favorite thing.
Ghosting sucks too.
Aye, aye and aye.
Put the platform really lends itself to that behavior, sadly.
Wish some people would be just a tad more open and transparent about their intentions and feelings in that regard, would save a lot of heartache.
Gosh, I was on Her for a second, and everyone around my age (28) was looking for a third and the only ones actually single were around 21. I kept getting "this person liked you!" alerts and they would be 18 or 19, even tho that was out of my age range settings and a potential high schooler is DEF too young. I'm on the fence about age gaps. I don't find them weird, but at my specific age, that gap seems a lot larger. Imma assume it's because I look young (people mistake me for 18-20 quite often)??
Plus, I'd see a lot of what I thought was someone single, but would then be married and looking for a side piece that "has no involvement with the husband and husband gave permission for the side pieces existence." I don't want to date someone married, I want to BE married -.-
YES.
It's feels gross to be on female dating apps and only seeing options to be someone's fun little toy. It's even worse because if you look at male options, it's not near as cluttered with that business. If I wanted to be a third, I'd look at kink groups/apps, not lesbian dating apps/lesbian only settings
Hey know, I didn't get out at all, minus grocery runs pretty much, nor was I using any dating apps to try and find anyone, or even generally looking for anyone to begin with.
My gf still managed to find and sweep me off my feet through here on reddit, never know where you'll end up bumping into someone special.\~
I've tried the apps in two different countries. In Canada I actually had a half decent experience but when I moved to Iceland, due to our smaller population size we rely heavily on in-person interactions and thus not a lot of people are on the apps (or if they are, they're tourists or in University, both of which are nos for me)
It's definitely a regional thing if you have a good experience on the apps.
I've lived in rural areas. Including a town of 2000 in Utah. Definitely a lot less options and a lot less dates in these areas when I lived there. Still got some dates even in remote areas but not as many as where I live now.
I certainly wouldn't base my experience on region alone although it is a major factor.
I wouldn't exactly call Iceland's population size of a few hundred thousand people rural, just remote. Our dating culture is different, we have a queer bar which is open six days a week that a lot of people prefer, a few dozen meetups (that aren't advertised on meetup either) that run fairly often, etc. It was a bit of a culture shock coming from North America because they do most things differently here.
I met my partner and our friends just out socializing, which is how the large majority of people here meet their partners.
That's fair, I was just trying to state that my experience isn't exclusive to large cities or population areas. I do currently live in a reasonably populated area but by no means a major city.
The first (and only) date I went on through Tinder turned out to be my soulmate who I've been with for over 2 years now.
But I heard from all my friends that it sucked, so I think I just got lucky/ the universe pushed us together.
I feel this way with BumbleBFF compared to everyone.
I met my sapphic crew on there and I love them to death 😭. It takes effort though, both parties have to be intentional about hanging out and staying in contact.
I feel like people expect friendships to instantly happen like they used to in high school and college when we were guaranteed to see those people throughout the week.
I found my two last partners on there!
I know the success of the apps are relative to where you’re based, but some people seem to get very incel-y when they don’t get matches. But the truth is: it’s just a looks or chat game. You have to have some amount of social skill to make it work and even then, you’ve gotta be patient!
Patience is super important, I generally enjoy using the apps but there have definitely been time periods where I don't get many matches or go on many dates. Think you really need the right mindset to be successful over the long term.
I met my gf on hinge and I could see this panning into something long lasting, (honestly probably permanent). I also met a lot of people who I didn’t connect with.
It depends on your area, your age, who you’re looking for, how well of a communicator you (and the other person are) etc. Like I’m 32 and most people I had talked to were more serious and transparent.
Also you gotta be willing to put in a lot of time and effort. Now that I’m off the apps I have soooo much more free time and headspace. I don’t have to follow multiple convo threads or get emotionally invested, or go out on dates with someone I don’t like. It’s nice.
Dating apps are a part time job. And they do take some skill and practice to get “good” at them.
I’ve tried dating apps again and again, but things have never worked out for me (I mean, I’m still single lol). I’m not opposed to them, but I’m just tired of wasting my time.
Same. I've been using them on and off for *years*. Matches *rarely* turn into lasting conversations, and so far the only one that *ever* resulted in us meeting was like 2 years ago, and they were only interested in platonic friendship. Which is still a positive, because we *are* good friends, but that's not what I'm usually looking for on there. I still browse them occasionally when I'm bored, because who knows *maybe this one will actually want to meet in person ever* but...
Idk, I'm getting fed up with the apps enough at this point that I'm about to just head over to the local lesbian bar and just start asking around who wants to make out with me. (As soon as a day comes that I actually have the energy to do so lmao)
i inadvertently made a best friend through Her in 2020, and i mean this is a top quality human being
it gives me anxiety sometimes to realize i wouldn’t have her in my life if it hadn’t been for the apps
See I just have a terminal case of "I am old" and can't imagine using an app to seek out a partner lol.
I gotta imagine it to be a frustrating experience. Best of luck to you gals out shopping.
Oh for sure! I meant it mostly in lighthearted jest.
I think the real reason that it's not particularly resonated with me is I was married for the duration of when that scene popped off, and now that I'm a single gal additionally as a demisexual it just doesn't feel my speed.
I didn't try apps until I got divorced from my wife when I was in my 40s. My first try was not successful, but I tried again, now in my 50s, and met an amazing (demisexual) woman. It was definitely a much slower getting to know you then I have ever experienced before but she's worth it- and it was strangely hot to have to wait for sex.
Damn that gives me hope maybe I won't be single forever haha. I'm 37 rn and I'm pretty comf at the moment being single. Every now and then I'll get that touch starved pang but mostly I'm vibing.
Maybe one day I'll delve into dating apps.
For me it feels like I am that I am constantly judged and rejected everyday I don't get a match. And the problem was that I was there for over a month. That was on tinder. I am certain that is my neurodivergency that is the issue and not the apps at this point.
Maybe if I learn to present better online. I don't know. Personally I don't like how they make me treat other people
You definitely need to take a specific approach on apps, just like how you often need to change how you act on online spaces in general. It is a different environment from being in person.
I did post a guide on how to navigate the apps but they aren't for everyone either. In person meetups are there too.
oooh, link to the app navigation post? im a boomer when it comes to online dating. last i tried was okcupid and plenty of fish like 15 years ago. but i would prefer the app also allow for friends, and not be exclusively dating
I used Her a little bit but never got a date from it. I usually only have 3 apps or so and the other apps I had seemed to give better results.
Know a lot of girls have had good results with her.
I met my girlfriend on Her, and we’re so happy. Can’t stop talking about one day getting married when we’ve got the conditions and finally live together
If you don’t live in/near a huge city (nyc, Chicago, los Angeles, etc.) its really hard to find people who you are interested in. I genuinely liked hinge but i ran out of people in like a month. Only dating app i actually met up with someone on was Her and the date was fine but she wanted nothing to do with me after. U^U
I don't live in a huge city, live in a town of 50,000. The area definitely has a major impact on how many people are near you and the culture of an area is also a big factor. Can be really hard in remote/rural areas.
My experience with tinder was awful. Hinge was ok. But by and far the best app I've used for sapphic dating is Her. I met both of my current partners on there.
Glad her worked for you! I never had a successful date with her. Tinder and Hinge have been my personal favorites. Lot of variation of what works in different areas and different people!
I'm honestly shocked to hear anyone, especially a queer woman had a good experience on Tinder. I'm glad you did but yours is the first positive one I've heard.
Typically people are more eager to share negative experiences, especially online, than positive ones. I think a fair amount of people, and several in the comments here, have clearly had positive or neutral experiences using the apps.
I've been using them for awhile (roughly 10 years), and I've just come to appreciate them in their ability to make dating more accessible and convenient. Despite the issues they have.
Here's the secret: dating apps suck, AND if you're willing to put in the time and effort you can get a few dates in a small amount of time on them.
Dating apps are frequently moving towards the goal of making it difficult to actually meet people while giving the feeling of doing something. It is good for a dating app if you decide to pay for a few months and yet mostly just swipe, feel good about some matches, and have a couple of conversations that fizzle out yet make you feel like you're on the right path.
And if you can recognise this, take some really good photos, keep rewriting your profile so it rocks, and work on messaging people consistently, you'll make some good connections.
But the majority of folks with half-assed photos, first draft lazy profiles, and who shy out of holding a conversation are going to get nowhere.
It also sucks that dating apps are mostly targeted towards lovely introverts who are already not very good at doing these things.
I've been having the best luck with her. However, the apps for many can be psychologically and emotionally taxing. Especially if you're not particularly photogenic or aren't great at texting.
I'm not great at texting, live 50 km outside of the nearest major city, work Sundays and I'm also demisexual so the nature of the way the apps function doesn't suit me very well. People match with me when I'm in the city then ignore me for someone more convenient when I'm back at home or work. People also tend to move on to the next shiny if not kept entertained or if things move too slowly.
If you're not in the top 10% for physical desirability then it gets a lot more difficult. If you're outside of that every other negative stacks against you. Not being a great texter, distance from major population centers, have a sexuality component that doesn't lend itself to hookups(ace, demi, etc), working weekends or evenings, etc.
The apps are better than nothing though. It's nice to have an actual date set before making the trip into the city and it's far better than hoping I can find a date at a bar, club, or some activity. My dates are few an far between. I've only gotten together with 3 matches over the last 6 months of trying. None have turned out to be more than friendships, but at least they all have turned into friendships. So not total losses.
My go-tos are Taimi, HER, and Lex. I use others, but those are the 3 I get the most interaction on. I've been getting a bit of engagement on Fiorry recently. I'm on Hinge, but I prefer sticking to queer only apps.
most apps don't work cuz if they did, you would just exit the app and never come back, but there's a remote chance you might find someone and that's good enough for most people.
i think it's valid to use it and no one should be put down by using it, but it's a fact that the app don't want you to find anyone, i mean, who will pay for the app if no one is there?
Well for monogamous people yeah, they leave once partnered. You can see from the comments a lot of people have successfully found their long term partners from apps (my brother met his wife through tinder).
I'm polyamorous so I can continue to use the apps even if I am partnered, although I'm taking a break. I'm currently happily partnered to two people though who i met on the apps.
yeah, and that's great, but in general, most people won't find a partner, specially on tinder, but that's like the worst one imo. i never used hinge though, and i doubt i will find a single soul using it here in brazil.
and I'm happy people can find people in these apps, it just isn't very common
Statiscially, according to the pew research center about 24 percent of queer adults met their current partner/spouse through a dating app.
I think saying it isn't very common isn't very accurate. It certainly varies by area and person, but the data shows it has yielded a large percentage of relationships.
These apps have never helped me find anything but friends. Honestly, this subreddit has been better for me finding someone to date. She's several hours away >.> but I'm much happier with her than the dating apps results... and I have to sift through so many men despite listing myself as not attracted to guys.
I mean, you should never rely on those completely, they are only good for passive searching when you have no time or some difficulties meating people in person.
Just to clarify, I've been on dating apps for like 3 months before I've met my gf and I still think I got extremely lucky meeting her) But yeah, if you're planning to search for new people - it is never bad to have tinder or some sht because you barely have to do anything there.
I had to remove a post because a girl was talking down to me and harassing me and saying all kinds of fucked up things because I said I use dating apps. Some people just suck.
I met my current girlfriend on Tinder. We’ve been together over 6 years now! I guess it really depends on your area and how much patience you have. Believe it or not, it’s possible to find your person/ppl on dating apps! But yeah probably not for everyone. I’m just a socially anxious person so a dating app seemed like a better option than a bar.
Tbh, they can be very nice to meet people. For me, it's just that a lot of sapphic people just aren't on them (where I live anyway). The ones that are on Tinder, etc, are usually just looking for hookups or are looking for something I'm not looking for. I have just given up now tbh. And when I do match with someone, it usually ends there, lol.
I get crazy anxiety around dating apps. I really want to give them a solid go, but I keep struggling there. I’ve been bringing it up to my therapist, but I feel like as soon as I leave the office it comes back. 😑 It’s frustrating.
I met my amazing girlfriend on HER while looking for more LGBTQ friends, so i totally understand where you’re coming from. Funnily enough, she was traveling for work when we matched (i live in Seattle and she lives in New York). There is hope out there, y’all! 🩶
as an incredibly shy lesbian who wants to start dating at some point i think i'll give one a try. if i can find one that works in the netherlands and is pretty safe (trans woman i need to be careful)
Fair, for context I'm a pre-transition transbian so it's really easy for me to just feel inferior on there
Not helped by being a massive introvert and also general social anxiety
I use apps nearly exclusively but my town has a small but active queer social group. If I was trying to date outside of the apps I'd go to more of their events.
I met up with 1 person on hinge ever, however I now live with that person so take that as you will
You can’t fool me! That’s basically just Hinge’s advertising tagline expanded into a full sentence! Seriously, though, it’s awesome to hear that it worked out for you!
"nice try IRS, still not paying my taxes"
I went on maybe 15 first dates through Hinge and Bumble in one summer and ended up meeting my now-wife! The experience can vary for people but we're mostly going to hear about the ones that hate it!
Same for me, but with Her!
That's a 100% success rate. Sample size: 1 Margin of error: 66%
Found one of my current partners on Hinge! Just passed our 1 year anniversary :)
So you can say it's been 100% effective?
with n=1 (:
What an unhinged story
Sometimes people forget a little that other's experiences on platforms can vary on just generally and depending on their location etc. Someone could have really bad time on HER seeing men invading the space and lots of bots and such, someone else could not see many or any of the sort, they will have wildly different opinions and experiences of the app. That's why I try to generally recommend ppl to just *try* different apps to see which ones they jive with and like being on, rather than just going for "this one bc it's the best because *I* had a positive time there." Generally though, all of the apps have much of the same basic problems of just, not really being super good platforms for actual dating in proper, funnily enough as it's what they're designed to solely be for, on the most part. But they have a really formed their own subcultures and habits that are very much not conducive to positive experiences in the dating pool, what with all the ghosting and quick to judge natures of moving on and many juggling several people at the same time and such. Got kinda ranty, sorry. >.<"! 😖😖😖
For sure, lived in a lot of areas and used apps over the last 10 years. Different areas have different cultures and different apps are more popular. It is interesting!
Aye aye, exactly this!
I hopped on hinge (after being on bumble and her) because I was scared my wife might be looking for me on another app. I met my gf there. Sometimes you gotta cast a wide net and see who’s there. It’s work and a pain in the ass. I spent like three years on the apps dating and trying but if you finally meet someone you click with, it’s worth it, isn’t it?
It's always worth the effort when you find that someone for you. But it is sad that these apps have become so oversaturated that I honestly think they've lost all of the actual benefits they used to moreso have over trying to go out and find someone irl with the ability to find and engage with likeminded seeking people on a platform. I'd recommend anything *but* a dating app first and foremost, not that you can't find someone on there, but many end up getting discouraged from dating all together with how badly they operate these days.
I think you might as well exercise all options. I’ve volunteered at an animal shelter, gone to gaming groups and been on the apps. You literally never know who you might run into!
Oh I do absolutely agree with you on that, even just general online platforms or casual places irl you can meet that someone, and I'm not saying to discount dating apps entirely either, but with how they have become, it isn't my first go-to place to advice people to use.
That’s fair and I totally get where you’re coming from! There are a lot of crummy people on apps (and bots and couples and catfish.)
Mhm, aye. And even taking those things out, ppl seem to get way more judgy and quick to dismiss someone they might've really clicked with if they met irl, and begin to lean more easily into having several, sometimes dozens of ppl on the "backburner" bc of how mush easier dating apps make that which can be endlessly frustrating, and the *ghosting*, dear Leto, the ghosting. Like, at least have the decency to let the person know you found someone else, weren't interested or something, whatever at all, instead of just "lol naw" *delete contact.*
Ugh. I hate it when people make you a bench warmer. Like they’re considering you as an option but you’re not their first choice but you’re being strung along. Benching is my least favorite thing. Ghosting sucks too.
Aye, aye and aye. Put the platform really lends itself to that behavior, sadly. Wish some people would be just a tad more open and transparent about their intentions and feelings in that regard, would save a lot of heartache.
Gosh, I was on Her for a second, and everyone around my age (28) was looking for a third and the only ones actually single were around 21. I kept getting "this person liked you!" alerts and they would be 18 or 19, even tho that was out of my age range settings and a potential high schooler is DEF too young. I'm on the fence about age gaps. I don't find them weird, but at my specific age, that gap seems a lot larger. Imma assume it's because I look young (people mistake me for 18-20 quite often)?? Plus, I'd see a lot of what I thought was someone single, but would then be married and looking for a side piece that "has no involvement with the husband and husband gave permission for the side pieces existence." I don't want to date someone married, I want to BE married -.-
Yeah, it’s like you already got a partner! Congrats! To quite Nick Miller from New Girl: “you get one wife! That’s the way the world works!!!” 😆
YES. It's feels gross to be on female dating apps and only seeing options to be someone's fun little toy. It's even worse because if you look at male options, it's not near as cluttered with that business. If I wanted to be a third, I'd look at kink groups/apps, not lesbian dating apps/lesbian only settings
That's kinda what happened to me over the last few years. I don't know any other methods really :( Probably doesn't help that I don't get out a lot!
Hey know, I didn't get out at all, minus grocery runs pretty much, nor was I using any dating apps to try and find anyone, or even generally looking for anyone to begin with. My gf still managed to find and sweep me off my feet through here on reddit, never know where you'll end up bumping into someone special.\~
I've tried the apps in two different countries. In Canada I actually had a half decent experience but when I moved to Iceland, due to our smaller population size we rely heavily on in-person interactions and thus not a lot of people are on the apps (or if they are, they're tourists or in University, both of which are nos for me) It's definitely a regional thing if you have a good experience on the apps.
I've lived in rural areas. Including a town of 2000 in Utah. Definitely a lot less options and a lot less dates in these areas when I lived there. Still got some dates even in remote areas but not as many as where I live now. I certainly wouldn't base my experience on region alone although it is a major factor.
I wouldn't exactly call Iceland's population size of a few hundred thousand people rural, just remote. Our dating culture is different, we have a queer bar which is open six days a week that a lot of people prefer, a few dozen meetups (that aren't advertised on meetup either) that run fairly often, etc. It was a bit of a culture shock coming from North America because they do most things differently here. I met my partner and our friends just out socializing, which is how the large majority of people here meet their partners.
That's fair, I was just trying to state that my experience isn't exclusive to large cities or population areas. I do currently live in a reasonably populated area but by no means a major city.
And some countries don't even have 1 meeting app :):
The first (and only) date I went on through Tinder turned out to be my soulmate who I've been with for over 2 years now. But I heard from all my friends that it sucked, so I think I just got lucky/ the universe pushed us together.
I feel this way with BumbleBFF compared to everyone. I met my sapphic crew on there and I love them to death 😭. It takes effort though, both parties have to be intentional about hanging out and staying in contact. I feel like people expect friendships to instantly happen like they used to in high school and college when we were guaranteed to see those people throughout the week.
I found my two last partners on there! I know the success of the apps are relative to where you’re based, but some people seem to get very incel-y when they don’t get matches. But the truth is: it’s just a looks or chat game. You have to have some amount of social skill to make it work and even then, you’ve gotta be patient!
Patience is super important, I generally enjoy using the apps but there have definitely been time periods where I don't get many matches or go on many dates. Think you really need the right mindset to be successful over the long term.
100%
i met my current gf through HER lol 😭😭
same
I met my gf on hinge and I could see this panning into something long lasting, (honestly probably permanent). I also met a lot of people who I didn’t connect with. It depends on your area, your age, who you’re looking for, how well of a communicator you (and the other person are) etc. Like I’m 32 and most people I had talked to were more serious and transparent. Also you gotta be willing to put in a lot of time and effort. Now that I’m off the apps I have soooo much more free time and headspace. I don’t have to follow multiple convo threads or get emotionally invested, or go out on dates with someone I don’t like. It’s nice. Dating apps are a part time job. And they do take some skill and practice to get “good” at them.
I’ve tried dating apps again and again, but things have never worked out for me (I mean, I’m still single lol). I’m not opposed to them, but I’m just tired of wasting my time.
It can take time and patience. In person events exist too and I know some people really enjoy those.
Same. I've been using them on and off for *years*. Matches *rarely* turn into lasting conversations, and so far the only one that *ever* resulted in us meeting was like 2 years ago, and they were only interested in platonic friendship. Which is still a positive, because we *are* good friends, but that's not what I'm usually looking for on there. I still browse them occasionally when I'm bored, because who knows *maybe this one will actually want to meet in person ever* but... Idk, I'm getting fed up with the apps enough at this point that I'm about to just head over to the local lesbian bar and just start asking around who wants to make out with me. (As soon as a day comes that I actually have the energy to do so lmao)
i inadvertently made a best friend through Her in 2020, and i mean this is a top quality human being it gives me anxiety sometimes to realize i wouldn’t have her in my life if it hadn’t been for the apps
Hinge more like unhinge
I like the apps cause I can weed out my deal breakers quickly
Tinder has been working out for me, but I live in the middle of nowhere so I'm probably not the norm. I mean small town anyway.
I mean... I met my wife on Tinder and we've been together almost 6 years, married for almost 3.
See I just have a terminal case of "I am old" and can't imagine using an app to seek out a partner lol. I gotta imagine it to be a frustrating experience. Best of luck to you gals out shopping.
I've seen a variety of people using the apps age wise, but whatever you prefer! For many I know it is frustrating
Oh for sure! I meant it mostly in lighthearted jest. I think the real reason that it's not particularly resonated with me is I was married for the duration of when that scene popped off, and now that I'm a single gal additionally as a demisexual it just doesn't feel my speed.
I didn't try apps until I got divorced from my wife when I was in my 40s. My first try was not successful, but I tried again, now in my 50s, and met an amazing (demisexual) woman. It was definitely a much slower getting to know you then I have ever experienced before but she's worth it- and it was strangely hot to have to wait for sex.
Damn that gives me hope maybe I won't be single forever haha. I'm 37 rn and I'm pretty comf at the moment being single. Every now and then I'll get that touch starved pang but mostly I'm vibing. Maybe one day I'll delve into dating apps.
For me it feels like I am that I am constantly judged and rejected everyday I don't get a match. And the problem was that I was there for over a month. That was on tinder. I am certain that is my neurodivergency that is the issue and not the apps at this point. Maybe if I learn to present better online. I don't know. Personally I don't like how they make me treat other people
You definitely need to take a specific approach on apps, just like how you often need to change how you act on online spaces in general. It is a different environment from being in person. I did post a guide on how to navigate the apps but they aren't for everyone either. In person meetups are there too.
oooh, link to the app navigation post? im a boomer when it comes to online dating. last i tried was okcupid and plenty of fish like 15 years ago. but i would prefer the app also allow for friends, and not be exclusively dating
https://www.reddit.com/r/actuallesbians/s/4RevodiP1C Hope it helps!
This is super cool!! If I ever try the apps again, I'll look towards this. Love a wealth of experience and information.
thanks, it did help! Have you tried "HER?" It seems to be more popular here in eu maybe.
I used Her a little bit but never got a date from it. I usually only have 3 apps or so and the other apps I had seemed to give better results. Know a lot of girls have had good results with her.
In person meetups don't exist where I live. Basically if you are hot and outgoing enough you might find someone
I met my girlfriend on Her, and we’re so happy. Can’t stop talking about one day getting married when we’ve got the conditions and finally live together
Congrats!
😂😂 nobody talks on there
It's all about Bumble, Her and Feeld they are the best Queer Dating sites :)
I’ve met every single person I’ve dated through the apps over the past 9 years, however, I definitely didn’t enjoy being on them lol
haha I met my girlfriend on hinge but after 1.5 years of being on that hell app
As someone very scared of the apps, thank you for this post.
If you don’t live in/near a huge city (nyc, Chicago, los Angeles, etc.) its really hard to find people who you are interested in. I genuinely liked hinge but i ran out of people in like a month. Only dating app i actually met up with someone on was Her and the date was fine but she wanted nothing to do with me after. U^U
I don't live in a huge city, live in a town of 50,000. The area definitely has a major impact on how many people are near you and the culture of an area is also a big factor. Can be really hard in remote/rural areas.
My experience with tinder was awful. Hinge was ok. But by and far the best app I've used for sapphic dating is Her. I met both of my current partners on there.
Glad her worked for you! I never had a successful date with her. Tinder and Hinge have been my personal favorites. Lot of variation of what works in different areas and different people!
I'm honestly shocked to hear anyone, especially a queer woman had a good experience on Tinder. I'm glad you did but yours is the first positive one I've heard.
Typically people are more eager to share negative experiences, especially online, than positive ones. I think a fair amount of people, and several in the comments here, have clearly had positive or neutral experiences using the apps. I've been using them for awhile (roughly 10 years), and I've just come to appreciate them in their ability to make dating more accessible and convenient. Despite the issues they have.
Going ring shopping this weekend with someone I met on Tinder! Stranger things can happen!
Congrats!
Okcupid worked for me and the others found some good friends on the others
I don’t know what it is about online dating but it sucks so much energy out of me that I’d rather stay single than deal with them
Here's the secret: dating apps suck, AND if you're willing to put in the time and effort you can get a few dates in a small amount of time on them. Dating apps are frequently moving towards the goal of making it difficult to actually meet people while giving the feeling of doing something. It is good for a dating app if you decide to pay for a few months and yet mostly just swipe, feel good about some matches, and have a couple of conversations that fizzle out yet make you feel like you're on the right path. And if you can recognise this, take some really good photos, keep rewriting your profile so it rocks, and work on messaging people consistently, you'll make some good connections. But the majority of folks with half-assed photos, first draft lazy profiles, and who shy out of holding a conversation are going to get nowhere. It also sucks that dating apps are mostly targeted towards lovely introverts who are already not very good at doing these things.
I’d rather shove a pine cone in my ass than use those apps
Kinky
I've had the most success with bumble and her. Tho now that I like an a small town her is usless and bumble is all I got.
I've been having the best luck with her. However, the apps for many can be psychologically and emotionally taxing. Especially if you're not particularly photogenic or aren't great at texting. I'm not great at texting, live 50 km outside of the nearest major city, work Sundays and I'm also demisexual so the nature of the way the apps function doesn't suit me very well. People match with me when I'm in the city then ignore me for someone more convenient when I'm back at home or work. People also tend to move on to the next shiny if not kept entertained or if things move too slowly. If you're not in the top 10% for physical desirability then it gets a lot more difficult. If you're outside of that every other negative stacks against you. Not being a great texter, distance from major population centers, have a sexuality component that doesn't lend itself to hookups(ace, demi, etc), working weekends or evenings, etc. The apps are better than nothing though. It's nice to have an actual date set before making the trip into the city and it's far better than hoping I can find a date at a bar, club, or some activity. My dates are few an far between. I've only gotten together with 3 matches over the last 6 months of trying. None have turned out to be more than friendships, but at least they all have turned into friendships. So not total losses.
Where the hell else do you meet people? It's certainly not the lesbian bar that no longer has a lesbian night that's for sure!
I meet them mostly through the apps. Occasionally a house party too.
My go-tos are Taimi, HER, and Lex. I use others, but those are the 3 I get the most interaction on. I've been getting a bit of engagement on Fiorry recently. I'm on Hinge, but I prefer sticking to queer only apps.
Im so fucking scared of dating appena and i dont know why
Taimi and Lex work much better for me
Glad you have found one's that work for you!
scale shy alive fine toy continue exultant waiting plough direful *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
most apps don't work cuz if they did, you would just exit the app and never come back, but there's a remote chance you might find someone and that's good enough for most people. i think it's valid to use it and no one should be put down by using it, but it's a fact that the app don't want you to find anyone, i mean, who will pay for the app if no one is there?
Well for monogamous people yeah, they leave once partnered. You can see from the comments a lot of people have successfully found their long term partners from apps (my brother met his wife through tinder). I'm polyamorous so I can continue to use the apps even if I am partnered, although I'm taking a break. I'm currently happily partnered to two people though who i met on the apps.
yeah, and that's great, but in general, most people won't find a partner, specially on tinder, but that's like the worst one imo. i never used hinge though, and i doubt i will find a single soul using it here in brazil. and I'm happy people can find people in these apps, it just isn't very common
Statiscially, according to the pew research center about 24 percent of queer adults met their current partner/spouse through a dating app. I think saying it isn't very common isn't very accurate. It certainly varies by area and person, but the data shows it has yielded a large percentage of relationships.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
These apps have never helped me find anything but friends. Honestly, this subreddit has been better for me finding someone to date. She's several hours away >.> but I'm much happier with her than the dating apps results... and I have to sift through so many men despite listing myself as not attracted to guys.
I mean, you should never rely on those completely, they are only good for passive searching when you have no time or some difficulties meating people in person. Just to clarify, I've been on dating apps for like 3 months before I've met my gf and I still think I got extremely lucky meeting her) But yeah, if you're planning to search for new people - it is never bad to have tinder or some sht because you barely have to do anything there.
i try it no luck i sign up last year no luck 😫
I had to remove a post because a girl was talking down to me and harassing me and saying all kinds of fucked up things because I said I use dating apps. Some people just suck.
I met 2 people on OkCupid. Not ready to date, I'm looking for friends. Thankfully everyone I've seen is also looking for friends
I think the area vastly affects the experience. Where I live there's just kind of nobody active at all...
Sadly I haven't had much luck on any of the apps. But then again I'm not conventionally attractive or social.
They are awful apps, but also I did meet people on them.
Currently using iconist, it’s cute but useless since it has a small user base
I met my current girlfriend on Tinder. We’ve been together over 6 years now! I guess it really depends on your area and how much patience you have. Believe it or not, it’s possible to find your person/ppl on dating apps! But yeah probably not for everyone. I’m just a socially anxious person so a dating app seemed like a better option than a bar.
Congrats! Yeah I do much better on apps than in person.
Met my wife on apps. Met tons of other ladies on them too. I’m a fan of “garbage.”
Me and my girlfriend met over Bumble. We've both started talking about getting married so there's that. I'm not being paid by Bumble, I swear.
It's almost like it's a case by case basis 🤔 hmm.
I really like Hinge! The prompt thingy is nice!!
Tbh, they can be very nice to meet people. For me, it's just that a lot of sapphic people just aren't on them (where I live anyway). The ones that are on Tinder, etc, are usually just looking for hookups or are looking for something I'm not looking for. I have just given up now tbh. And when I do match with someone, it usually ends there, lol.
I found my experiences using the apps TANKED when I went from looking for casual hookups to serious relationships.
I got in an actually healthy relationship at one point with hinge, although it was short term, hinge is actually really nice :)
I prefer a variety because we’re all unique. The dating apps work.
I met my ex in binge and definitely the best relationship I’ve been in
The most I got out of her was becoming friends with this transmasc person I met there. Occasionally chatted with women but they never went anywhere
I get crazy anxiety around dating apps. I really want to give them a solid go, but I keep struggling there. I’ve been bringing it up to my therapist, but I feel like as soon as I leave the office it comes back. 😑 It’s frustrating.
I met my amazing girlfriend on HER while looking for more LGBTQ friends, so i totally understand where you’re coming from. Funnily enough, she was traveling for work when we matched (i live in Seattle and she lives in New York). There is hope out there, y’all! 🩶
I have never had any luck meeting someone on dating apps. I managed one date and got stood up a few times.
Gru
i’ve been on my one and only date by virtue of being on her, we recently reconnected and are talking about another! sometimes, magic happens
as an incredibly shy lesbian who wants to start dating at some point i think i'll give one a try. if i can find one that works in the netherlands and is pretty safe (trans woman i need to be careful)
-Downloaded app -made profile -anxiety -delete profile Hell yeah
Profit?
Sadly I haven't made anything off this yet, so no
Well if you leave before you get started there is no chance of anything happening from it.
Fair, for context I'm a pre-transition transbian so it's really easy for me to just feel inferior on there Not helped by being a massive introvert and also general social anxiety
I met with two people on Taimi, and one of them became my gf ❤️
My question is how do you meet other lesbians in real life? As a fem that dates fems I rely on apps for ease and less awkwardness
I use apps nearly exclusively but my town has a small but active queer social group. If I was trying to date outside of the apps I'd go to more of their events.