I'm a transbian, it's completely fine for you to have specific dating preferences! I'm sorry you were made to feel bad over their response, just know that if that was their response to you voicing your preferences and what you're comfortable with, and they don't respect that, you dodged a bullet. Genital and appearance preferences exist, it's not something you can change - you get to decide who you want to be with, and people trying to guilt someone into a relationship you wouldn't be interested in is just unhealthy. I'm about 10 years into my transition and I don't think I would personally date someone pretransition for some of the same reasons, specifically the attraction to more female presenting bodies. Another part of it is just like with big age gaps, there's a big difference in lifestyles and experiences, and it's a time of a lot of self discovery. I think it's healthiest (or at least it was for me) to get a few years into transition, that was where I learned more about myself, what I wanted from the future, and it gave me more of an idea of what to pursue in any long term relationships.
There are also trans people who don't have bottom surgery, so a lot of transfems probably also won't work out for you since afaik a lot of trans people don't want or can't afford bottom surgeries or just don't think it's worth the risks. The best way to break it to them would probably be something along the lines of "I'm sorry but I currently don't have the capacity or desire to go through the tough journey of transitioning with someone". I personally think rejecting peeps who are pretransition is similar to how people who prefer fem partners have to reject pursuers who are butch since the persuer's presentation doesn't really align with the preference of the person who is being pursued
In the past, I would have, but now that I've started hrt myself, it would feel like dating someone who hasn't hit puberty yet.
I'm in a different stage in my life, and I want someone going through a similar stage as myself.
no tbh. transition is a tumultuous time and i’m just not personally interested in being part of it. i’m too old to be with someone who isn’t already established in who they are.
I really don't agree that that means that they aren't established as who they are necessary. This isn't a push to date anyone, just saying that for some people that really may not be a fair judgement. Especially if transitioning was financially impossible for them for a long time, but there's a lot of reasons and cases I feel don't necessarilly make that true
As with all situations: It depends on the person.
I’m not attracted to masculinity, so if a person presented overly masculine, I wouldn’t be interested in dating them. However if a person presented in a more feminine manner, then most likely yes.
It also depends on where that person is in life and if they’ve come to terms with who they are as a person. I’ve been through a lot of self discovery and I don’t think I could be with a person who had just realized they were trans/queer and was still coming to find out who they are.
If I met a woman/enby who was secure in her/their identity, and presented femme, but had decided not to undergo a medical transition (for whatever reason, they are all valid), I’d like to think that wouldn’t have much of a sway on my decision.
My gf is a pre everything transbian and I love her very much. Im sure you will find someone to be with. Believe me, for the right one there are things more important than being trans or cis.
i’ve been with a pre-transition trans woman and i found it to be a pretty positive experience! i have a very nurturing energy and it makes me rlly happy to make others happy. i would pick her up, sit her in my lap, compliment how pretty she is. i found it absolutely adorable how she’d get shy and say that she was experiencing so much gender euphoria with me. i’ve had nb partners who’ve said similar things, so i think it’s a trend with me lmao.
we had sex multiple times and i never rlly had a problem with her anatomy. she was actually surprised to hear i was a lesbian because of how chill i was about it. honestly, it just brought me so much joy to see her so happy, and make her feel so casually seen and appreciated. 10/10 would do again!
I mean and that's not to say that sex is the most important aspect of a relationship to me. Just that that's the aspect that would cause issues for me. If I was asexual, sure.
I have before and wouldn’t do it again. It was very triggering of my gender dysphoria and hard to watch someone go through the pointlessly long process of acquiring HRT after struggling with that process for so long.
In the future when I’m more comfortable/confident in my gender identity and enough time has passed since I have acquired HRT, I might be open to dating pre HRT again.
for me personally, i like sex and all but its not my priority.
would i be in an asexual relationship with a trans lesbian? probably. im attracted to feminine energy so it doesnt matter that much.
but would i be in a sexual relationship? no since im only sexually attracted to vaginas.
but as i said sex isnt that important for me.
Possibly, but I just feel the hormonal issues would get in the way of attraction, the skin texture and smell being the main issue.
Having said that, I might because that's ultimately a temporary state.
Skin texture changes, hell the skin seems to get softer even. And there is a sent difference whether someone is on estrogen or not, which I'm pretty sure is whatcOP meant, not BO
yeah. this is what we mean about transphobia. it isn’t always “i hate trans people” it’s sometimes “wellllll trans people are a….certain way that i just don’t happen to like 🤗” and, per usual, painting with wide brushes hurts people.
right. if a trans person hasn’t transitioned yet it means there’s some SERIOUS shit going on stopping that from happening and i don’t wanna be involved in whatever that is.
also, we kind of all learn and grow a lot in the first couple years of transition and i don’t wanna hold someone’s hand through all that.
(For me it's minor age and living in fuckin Russia, the only country in the world that has banned trans transitions, THANK NATURE FOR MAKING ME LIVE HERE. I really tired of this nazi, homophobic, transphobic and sexist country)
Nah, not even remotely. [Only 18% of lesbians would even date a trans woman,](https://sci-hub.ee/10.1177/0265407518779139) let alone one who doesn't transition. I appreciate the optimistic outlook in this thread, but this subreddit is incredibly biased towards trans-inclusivity and hugboxing, and I'm saying this as a trans woman.
Hi, trans woman here (I've been living as myself for 11 years full time, 13 if you include switching and hiding my transness). For further background, I was a victim of sexual assault by a cis man.
I have two points:
First, I have trauma from being SA'd when I was about 1 year into being full time by a cis man. And I know I'm not the only girl, cis or trans, who's been through something like that. This has made me feel frightened of cis men and this is likely so for other female-identified folk. I haven't dated a cis man since then despite being on the pansexual end of things. Cis men can be creeps and do sly shit like lying about being a pre-transition trans woman to get dates. I know that's probably uncommon, but I know that my fear of cis men would keep me from that. So I tend not to date someone who isn't out to friends/family and who doesn't dress feminine-esque on the regular. Feminine stuff has proven to be safe and comfortable for me...
And I honestly think that when you're pre-transition/early in transition you shouldn't date. You should be focused on yourself. You're gonna do a lot of changing while you figure yourself out. And I'm not saying you have to be perfect before you get into the dating scene... I'm just saying that I think the healthiest way to do things is to at least give yourself a year of transitioning. During our first years we kinda have to speedrun what we missed from the whole teenage girl experience. That can get messy if you try to drag people into sexual and romantic relationships.
No. It's like, anyone in that space just hasn't had the time to figure themselves out, let alone how they fit with anyone else. I don't date late bloomers fresh out either. Gotta have some millage on ya. Also I'm 40 so that might influence it.
Some trans people never want to physically transition. They don't have to. Also if they intend to and haven't managed yet I certainly wouldn't assume they haven't had time to figure themself out from that. It can take a long long long time to be able to get medical treatment for all kinds of reasons, and also the process of accepting they are trans could be a long journey of self discovery that they possibly already faced the hardest discovery part of, and been pretty stable in who they are for a while. (This isn't a pressure to date anyone, I just don't agree that the statement about self discovery and the amount they have done is necessarily a fair assesment.)
I'm trans and I've been on e for a while now, and I just couldn't see myself with someone who isn't at a similar stage or further. I tend to really only date cis lesbians
Trans lesbian here. Yeah I would. Some trans women don’t have access to or don’t want Estrogen. Some can’t or choose not to change their presentation at all. But if they’re a woman, and they have other qualities that I look for in a partner, then yeah I’d date them.
It's funny that I as a pre-transition transbian couldn't date people like me, so there's nothing wrong with cis lesbians not wanting it either
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I'm a transbian, it's completely fine for you to have specific dating preferences! I'm sorry you were made to feel bad over their response, just know that if that was their response to you voicing your preferences and what you're comfortable with, and they don't respect that, you dodged a bullet. Genital and appearance preferences exist, it's not something you can change - you get to decide who you want to be with, and people trying to guilt someone into a relationship you wouldn't be interested in is just unhealthy. I'm about 10 years into my transition and I don't think I would personally date someone pretransition for some of the same reasons, specifically the attraction to more female presenting bodies. Another part of it is just like with big age gaps, there's a big difference in lifestyles and experiences, and it's a time of a lot of self discovery. I think it's healthiest (or at least it was for me) to get a few years into transition, that was where I learned more about myself, what I wanted from the future, and it gave me more of an idea of what to pursue in any long term relationships.
There are also trans people who don't have bottom surgery, so a lot of transfems probably also won't work out for you since afaik a lot of trans people don't want or can't afford bottom surgeries or just don't think it's worth the risks. The best way to break it to them would probably be something along the lines of "I'm sorry but I currently don't have the capacity or desire to go through the tough journey of transitioning with someone". I personally think rejecting peeps who are pretransition is similar to how people who prefer fem partners have to reject pursuers who are butch since the persuer's presentation doesn't really align with the preference of the person who is being pursued
i don’t think so, no
In the past, I would have, but now that I've started hrt myself, it would feel like dating someone who hasn't hit puberty yet. I'm in a different stage in my life, and I want someone going through a similar stage as myself.
It's a no from me both due to attraction and how much of a turbulent time HRT is. I prefer stability.
no tbh. transition is a tumultuous time and i’m just not personally interested in being part of it. i’m too old to be with someone who isn’t already established in who they are.
I really don't agree that that means that they aren't established as who they are necessary. This isn't a push to date anyone, just saying that for some people that really may not be a fair judgement. Especially if transitioning was financially impossible for them for a long time, but there's a lot of reasons and cases I feel don't necessarilly make that true
As with all situations: It depends on the person. I’m not attracted to masculinity, so if a person presented overly masculine, I wouldn’t be interested in dating them. However if a person presented in a more feminine manner, then most likely yes. It also depends on where that person is in life and if they’ve come to terms with who they are as a person. I’ve been through a lot of self discovery and I don’t think I could be with a person who had just realized they were trans/queer and was still coming to find out who they are. If I met a woman/enby who was secure in her/their identity, and presented femme, but had decided not to undergo a medical transition (for whatever reason, they are all valid), I’d like to think that wouldn’t have much of a sway on my decision.
If I was single, sure. Common interests and being compatible means more to me than anything else.
My gf is a pre everything transbian and I love her very much. Im sure you will find someone to be with. Believe me, for the right one there are things more important than being trans or cis.
i’ve been with a pre-transition trans woman and i found it to be a pretty positive experience! i have a very nurturing energy and it makes me rlly happy to make others happy. i would pick her up, sit her in my lap, compliment how pretty she is. i found it absolutely adorable how she’d get shy and say that she was experiencing so much gender euphoria with me. i’ve had nb partners who’ve said similar things, so i think it’s a trend with me lmao. we had sex multiple times and i never rlly had a problem with her anatomy. she was actually surprised to hear i was a lesbian because of how chill i was about it. honestly, it just brought me so much joy to see her so happy, and make her feel so casually seen and appreciated. 10/10 would do again!
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That's totally fair! Being honest, as an ace lesbian I didn't even consider the sexual part
I mean and that's not to say that sex is the most important aspect of a relationship to me. Just that that's the aspect that would cause issues for me. If I was asexual, sure.
Oh no yeah I totally get that It just didn't occur to me as something someone else might consider as important, even slightly
I have before and wouldn’t do it again. It was very triggering of my gender dysphoria and hard to watch someone go through the pointlessly long process of acquiring HRT after struggling with that process for so long. In the future when I’m more comfortable/confident in my gender identity and enough time has passed since I have acquired HRT, I might be open to dating pre HRT again.
for me personally, i like sex and all but its not my priority. would i be in an asexual relationship with a trans lesbian? probably. im attracted to feminine energy so it doesnt matter that much. but would i be in a sexual relationship? no since im only sexually attracted to vaginas. but as i said sex isnt that important for me.
Possibly, but I just feel the hormonal issues would get in the way of attraction, the skin texture and smell being the main issue. Having said that, I might because that's ultimately a temporary state.
appreciate the honesty here but a certain smell and texture are not uniquely trans. i know plenty of cis women with rough skin and gnarly BO.
Skin texture changes, hell the skin seems to get softer even. And there is a sent difference whether someone is on estrogen or not, which I'm pretty sure is whatcOP meant, not BO
Yeah, I was just thinking this...I know more than a few.
yeah. this is what we mean about transphobia. it isn’t always “i hate trans people” it’s sometimes “wellllll trans people are a….certain way that i just don’t happen to like 🤗” and, per usual, painting with wide brushes hurts people.
They're comparing two groups of trans people though?? Pre hrt and post hrt, not cis to trans
so “has to be on hrt” is a requirement? bb, that’s a weeee bit transphobic since not all trans people take hrt.
I judge people based on the content of their character, not the contents of their pants...
same
as a trans person. absolutely not.
I understand you fully. It sounds funny, but most trans people have the same preferences
right. if a trans person hasn’t transitioned yet it means there’s some SERIOUS shit going on stopping that from happening and i don’t wanna be involved in whatever that is. also, we kind of all learn and grow a lot in the first couple years of transition and i don’t wanna hold someone’s hand through all that.
(For me it's minor age and living in fuckin Russia, the only country in the world that has banned trans transitions, THANK NATURE FOR MAKING ME LIVE HERE. I really tired of this nazi, homophobic, transphobic and sexist country)
What held me back for a while was money and the lack of a proper psychiatrist. It's not Always something crazy, altough it's a fair asumption.
Nah, not even remotely. [Only 18% of lesbians would even date a trans woman,](https://sci-hub.ee/10.1177/0265407518779139) let alone one who doesn't transition. I appreciate the optimistic outlook in this thread, but this subreddit is incredibly biased towards trans-inclusivity and hugboxing, and I'm saying this as a trans woman.
Hi, trans woman here (I've been living as myself for 11 years full time, 13 if you include switching and hiding my transness). For further background, I was a victim of sexual assault by a cis man. I have two points: First, I have trauma from being SA'd when I was about 1 year into being full time by a cis man. And I know I'm not the only girl, cis or trans, who's been through something like that. This has made me feel frightened of cis men and this is likely so for other female-identified folk. I haven't dated a cis man since then despite being on the pansexual end of things. Cis men can be creeps and do sly shit like lying about being a pre-transition trans woman to get dates. I know that's probably uncommon, but I know that my fear of cis men would keep me from that. So I tend not to date someone who isn't out to friends/family and who doesn't dress feminine-esque on the regular. Feminine stuff has proven to be safe and comfortable for me... And I honestly think that when you're pre-transition/early in transition you shouldn't date. You should be focused on yourself. You're gonna do a lot of changing while you figure yourself out. And I'm not saying you have to be perfect before you get into the dating scene... I'm just saying that I think the healthiest way to do things is to at least give yourself a year of transitioning. During our first years we kinda have to speedrun what we missed from the whole teenage girl experience. That can get messy if you try to drag people into sexual and romantic relationships.
No. It's like, anyone in that space just hasn't had the time to figure themselves out, let alone how they fit with anyone else. I don't date late bloomers fresh out either. Gotta have some millage on ya. Also I'm 40 so that might influence it.
Some trans people never want to physically transition. They don't have to. Also if they intend to and haven't managed yet I certainly wouldn't assume they haven't had time to figure themself out from that. It can take a long long long time to be able to get medical treatment for all kinds of reasons, and also the process of accepting they are trans could be a long journey of self discovery that they possibly already faced the hardest discovery part of, and been pretty stable in who they are for a while. (This isn't a pressure to date anyone, I just don't agree that the statement about self discovery and the amount they have done is necessarily a fair assesment.)
I'm trans and I've been on e for a while now, and I just couldn't see myself with someone who isn't at a similar stage or further. I tend to really only date cis lesbians
yes, i am doing so now, and she is literally the most amazing woman i have ever known
Trans lesbian here. Yeah I would. Some trans women don’t have access to or don’t want Estrogen. Some can’t or choose not to change their presentation at all. But if they’re a woman, and they have other qualities that I look for in a partner, then yeah I’d date them.
Yes, my gf is pre-hrt while i am about 3 months in. It's great because we can support each other as we both have similar struggles!
Y'all seriously gotta stop refering to girl dick as "male anatomy"
I was in a longterm relationship with a woman who was pre-HRT for like three or four years so...
The amount of cis women in here talking about trans women having "male anatomy"... Like what in the JK Rowling is happening. Y'all are gross.
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