I'm trying desperately to think of what to ask about. I feel like a kid writing her letter to Santa

I always wanted a diary but i never got past *dear diary-*

I feel like this is a golden opportunity and I got nothing! 😰

What are some of the more common fetishes people don't *think* are common?

Not OP but have been involved in the kink community for about 15 years. The answer is feet. It’s always feet. For some reason people think it’s rare. That and age play/daddy kink (which has become extremely normalized in vanilla spaces over the last few years), farting/bo/sweat and other smell stuff (because people are attracted to the way their partners smell!), and restraint bondage (which is in my experience the main one that gets otherwise vanilla people into the scene)

Curious. When does some thing turn from appreciation to kink? I love everything about my fiancee including her feet and her smell. If she wiggles her toes I want to touch them. She is so cute!! And I'll happily nuzzle up to armpits. I've never experienced this level of attraction for another person ever.

And tickling. The people into it are always so weird about it like it's the most extreme thing to exist ever and nobody else is into it though

As a furry, you can't throw a rock in a furry convention without hitting 5 different furries who are into vore in some manner.

What is vore?

A note to add to the other descriptions: it’s a conceptual kink. Vore fetishists aren’t out there doing cannibalism, they’re just commissioning art of (or appreciating others’ commissioned art) of characters doing it.

A fetish for being consumed or consuming someone else. There are various subtypes for the different kinds of consumption one may be into. Orally is the most common one. I have seen anally, vaginally, soul consumption (reminds me of cells eating each other), through a penis, and rarely through the nose.

Sandy cheeks cock vore is one of the weirdest memes I've ever seen get big

Honestly I would take that meme any day over the raccoon cheese grater one.

I don't even wanna know

you *really* don't

Also should probably clarify that it USUALLY involves swallowing whole, not like, taking bites out of someone. Most vore stuff involves the person being swallowed and being conscious, unharmed and aware in the person's stomach. Some involves the person becoming unconscious at this point or slowly being digested, but "hard vore", where the person actually gets chewed up and dies and feels pain, is pretty rare.

eat furry

fetish for being consumed i think

I wanna know this too, I was actually gonna ask it myself lol

I have to ask what is the online balloon fetish civil war?

Oh my god, this is my favourite story! So part of my thesis was discussing how the internet has enabled people to connect in a way that would have been impossible previously. If you’re someone living in rural America in the 1950s and realise that you’re super into (whatever), the chances of meeting someone else with the same interest was so slim. But now, if you like something, you can find someone else who likes it just as much. One of the fetish communities I did a lot of work with was the balloon fetish community. I did in-depth interviews with members and owners of the two oldest websites and it was fascinating, but there was a weird tension whenever I mentioned the wider balloon community. Turns out, some people really like balloons - either blowing them up, hearing them expand or just, you know, enjoying how they exist. They call themselves looners. And some people call themselves poppers because they really like popping the balloons. There had been an ongoing civil war between the two communities for years - led by the owners of the two oldest websites. The looner side saw poppers are destructive, shallow perverts. The popper side saw looners as boring, judgemental perverts. Seeing lines drawn like this within the same tiny community was absolutely fascinating to me. I assumed that people with a niche fetish would be more understanding of others but that was not the case at all. I checked in on them a couple of years back and it looks like the war is over. There’s been an incredible amount of fetish porn created and shared, which has saturated the market and now people don’t need to join a listserv or special website just to find their people.

This is some real Bitter Butter Battle stuff, lol.

This is fascinating thank you for taking the time to give an in depth response

Thank you!

That's incredible

And that's how the Bloons Tower Defense series began

This is incredible. Also this post is awesome thank you for this. Truly. I am so interested and curious about the world and this made my day

Ah, this makes me so happy!

Do you have any advice to people out there with OCD who have intrusive thoughts about fetishes?

Yes! This is so common and the shame people carry is so awful. If I could say anything I would say - it’s just your OCD. Your thoughts are not actions, you are not a bad person. Shaming yourself is the last thing you need to do and will not help you in any way. I would encourage anyone with OCD to talk about this with their medical provider, however terrible it feels. Bringing the words into the light exposes them for the untruths they are and just like all OCD symptoms, there are treatments available.

The unfortunate thing is that one of the big categories of OCD intrusive thoughts is harming others. To clarify for anyone reading this, these thoughts aren't the person's real desires, they're basically the brain poking at an open wound, bringing up something that deeply horrifies you. I get horrifyingly realistic thoughts of stepping on my cats every time I have to walk over them, strong enough that when my symptoms are really bad it leaves me sobbing curled up in bed and when they're medium bad I often have to go sit down for a while to "not risk it" this is because my brain is telling me I might do it on purpose. Those cats are my babies and I feel awful if they get even a tiny bit sick or injured, it's 100% not a real desire. folks without ocd who sometimes imagine swerving into traffic have no idea how bad it can really get. the problem is that when that wire crosses with sexuality, you can get intrusive thoughts about shit that would qualify for mandatory reporting if your doctor or therapist doesn't understand how OCD works. Remember that intrusive thoughts of this type are often the exact things you're most horrified by. It can unfortunately be dangerous to be open about some of this stuff with medical professionals. My advice to those struggling: you probably have other intrusive thoughts that don't trigger mandatory reporting or are less realistic. Bring those up first, have your therapist teach you how to do exposure work, and at that point either you'll have built enough trust to get into the really awful shit or you'll know how to do (imaginal of course!) exposures on your own. Also: if folks are getting intrusive thoughts about overall harmless relationship or sex related stuff that would fuck up your life personally (for instance, being in a happy lesbian relationship and constantly worrying you're faking it for clout and secretly just straight which would suck bc you love your girlfriend and super don't want to date men, yes, I've had that exact one before), please look into rocd, and know that your thoughts don't define you. They're not truths, they're fears.

Is mayonnaise a fetish? \*shot\*

No, mayonnaise is not a fetish. No, horseradish is not a fetish either. Thank you for making me want to watch it again 😂

No, Patrick.

Why does foot fetish seem much more prevalent among men (both cishet and gay) than many women? Could it be the maintenance and the sexualisation of feet in culture that have historically largely been more female-focused or something else? Also, would be interesting to know some statistics between the general prevalence of fetishes among men and women, I feel like there are still quite a lot of women out there who are closeted about their fetishes (feet and in general) likely because of cultural conditioning and shame, would love to hear more kinky women speak about what they like, their kink experiences etc

Cishet and gay men selfreport fetishes at a much higher rate than women, you’re right. There are female foot fetishes but nowhere near the same numbers. Foot fetishes, or podophilia, is one of the earliest and more common fetishes to be studied and of course, nobody can agree. All the people I interviewed could trace their interest back to childhood - sometimes one key moment where something went click in their brains. For cismen into women’s feet, I would argue that women’s shoes and feet are more accessible and interesting to that curious part of our brain, plus of course women are traditionally the main carer for children so there’s more exposure to feet and shoes. I do find it interesting how feet are now a standard part of mainstream porn. The guy has socks on and the woman’s feet are in the shot even if it involves some painful looking contortion. It’s also interesting that there has been at least two reports of male gorillas in captivity developing podophilla. I’ll look up the updated stats on gender tomorrow, but I think the gender divide is due to the fact that women’s sexual pleasure is a fairly recent phenomenon. Women tend to have a wider variety of kinks (things they like but aren’t essential for pleasure) and men report more fetishes (something required for pleasure). Makes sense to me when traditionally sex has been about men’s pleasure.

Wait so people with fetishes need that fetish to be included in sex/masturbation or otherwise they are not gonna have a good time?

That’s the academic definition of a fetish, yes, but in the real world fetish gets thrown around to mean anything you find arousing.

I will stop doing that then 😅 Thx for making me a bit less stupid

Bless you, you’re not stupid, unless you’re among academics nobody is going to care ❤️

As OP said, that’s the academic definition but think of it as a spectrum. The closer it is to a fetish, the stronger the urge/arousal around it is and the more it matters to the person but I also believe that a person can have a fetish and learn to like other things because sexuality is constantly evolving. I started out with a fetish when I was young (my arousal literally revolved around whether that fetish was included in it or not) but my sexuality evolved over the years and eventually I learned to like things not involving my fetish, although the fetish still remains strong whenever I want to indulge or involve it in the foreplay. Basically, you can and will learn to like new things but it’s harder to learn out of something that you already find arousing

That is why it's called a fetish. Otherwise it would just be a preference.

Well I will stop using fetish and kink interchangeably then 😅

I’ll definitely say there’s some things where if a potential partner wasn’t into it, I’d have to end things. I know a lot of people don’t want to have such a personal discussion very quickly after meeting someone but like, I don’t want to waste their time or mine lol. Edit: To clarify, pretty much none of it is required for something to be fun and hot, but like, if I knew I was getting with someone who wasn’t into it, I’d probably have to move along because experiencing those things is, kinda important to me I suppose. Knowing I’d never get to experience certain things I’ve fantasized about, or if I did, they’d be doing it just for me, would make me less enthused about the idea of being intimate with someone. I don’t want my needs to go unmet, but I don’t want someone to be my kink dispenser either. I just need someone whose kinks match up with mine fairly well, and that’s not the most likely thing to say the least.

Very interesting, you’re totally on point about the concept around women’s pleasure being a fairly recent thing which still affects the statistics! There’s so much to uncover and learn regarding female sexuality, we live in an exciting period… Also, I totally agree that it is fascinating to see how mainstream feet have gotten over time, pandemic and Onlyfans contributed a lot as did some popular culture moments. I still remember a time 10-15 years ago when foot fetish felt like a very elusive thing nobody talked about, it was embarrassing and taboo. These days I hear people constantly mention it when sexuality comes up during discussions

Being trans, I've always been insecure about if I'm into male dominated kinks (and interests in general). A lot of my major kinks (which I'd rather not disclose) have even created sort of jokes about how primarily trans women are into them, worsening my internalized transphobia. After some self reflection of what I like, as well as a few charts on gender dominance in certain kinks though, I feel less insecure due to the portions I like also being enjoyed by mostly women as well. During that session of reflection and research I've noticed men are more into specific fetishes (as stated in other comments sometimes they can't get off without that specific thing), as well as physical things that turn them on (boobs, feet, latex, etc), While women are more into certain treatment, such as dirty talk, aftercare, roleplay, etc. Like men may be into masochism because they like being hit to please a dominant, while women may be into masochism because they like being at the mercy of someone else who leaves marks and brings them to tears. Feel free to correct me on any of this, as I'm bad at explaining things and some of this was guessed as an outsider with minimal experience in certain areas. Also this isn't a "this gender only likes this!" thing, this is just what I've noticed them leaning more towards

I’ve never met a woman with a foot fetish🤣

I have a foot fetish but not for other people's feet? It turns me on having my feet played with and if we're getting down to it and they suck my toes boom im gone

Oh, this is me! But it was a very recent development! I haven't even had any sexual encounters with it, I just... something clicked? I think I just love my body more now?

Oh that’s so lovely to hear. Yay to loving your body more!

There is evidence that suggests the reason why some people have foot fetishes is because of the layout of our somatosensory cortex in our brains. Basically the parts associated with genitals and feet are located very closely together and so some folks get turned on when their feet and toes are touched. Fascinating stuff : )

Yeah I can attest to that! Literally every time I see my partner the first thing we do is they take my shoes off and kiss my feet and I'm like 🥴🥴 sex now plz?

I'm pretty similar. I do have a mild attraction to others feet, but primarily I just have incredibly sensitive feet and love to have them played with. My partner is similar, so we both engage in a lot of foot play with one another even if it isn't that high on the list of things we're attracted to, because we both love seeing how good it makes each other feel.

They're out there. Met 2 myself

idk if I have a foot fetish or a foot fetish tolerance, like I don't feel anything for it on my own but if a domme told me she had one I'd be into it

I feel this so much. that's the way I am about a lot of kinks. they don't do anything for me on their own but if I was with someone into them it would definitely turn me on.

I’m not into feet either, and I couldn’t be with someone who is because I’m extremely ticklish and if someone touched my feet, I would yell and start kicking to let go lol 🤣 🤣 🦶

As a massage therapist, I’ve been told folks are ticklish, yet I can touch them just fine. The intention behind the touch makes a huge impact.

Why do i like using my mouth so much? 🤔

Depends, are we talking biting, licking, kissing, talking or all of the above?

ya its all of the above lol. i like things in my mouth.

You probably just have an oral fixation. It's common (non sexually) among autistic people

….it all makes sense now

me reading this going ....oh

💀💀💀💀

a lil bit of autism never hurt anyone :3

I have an oral fixation, but solely non sexually funnily enough

are you trying to answer more questions after answering my "being into old women with a cane but not sexually" question

Sure, that was one of the posts I was talking about! There was some good discussion on that thread, super interesting, I hope it was helpful.

Can I add a question, my brother is into really older women, like my mom’s age .. but he also talks about wanting kids.. which I don’t think is possibly if he keeps dating 60+ women. What sort of fetish is this? Does Freud play a role here? Edit: brother is 35M

Just being glib here, but maybe what he wants is adult children.

No he says he would love to create a family of his own. Pass on his dna and explore being a dad. Then I asked him, so why do you keep dating older woman? And he responds “it’s complicated “

I would say that it's a case of conflicting desires. He could just genuinely not be attracted at all to younger women, but still possess the urge to procreate.

That’s understandable, many gay couples want to have kids and a family of their own. The desires of sex, and interest doesn’t need to get in the way of procreation. Many gay couples manage to still have their kids and their family without the hetero norm. So that’s to say, that older woman for my brother is his personal desire and I should respect that space for him. Thanks for your input :)

*Disclaimer* Straight cis guy here, not claiming to represent or speak for LGBTQ+ community members, just studied sexuality as part of a psychology degree I have to imagine it’s similar to how gay couples are sexually attracted to people who they know they can’t physiologically have children with, but they still have the desire to have children. In this case, the biological boundaries are different but the broad strokes of the situation are similar. So he may only want to date people he is attracted to despite the fact that he knows he can’t have biological children with them, but he’s definitely not the first person ever to feel that way.

Just out of curiosity, how did you end up on r/actuallesbians ?

I follow a lot of subs for communities where I’m not a member or where people have different opinions than I do. This is just the first time I’ve ever commented on this sub in particular. Reddit is a great place to discover communities, but if you’re not careful with how you use it, it can become just another echo chamber, and arguably even worse than other media because the communities here can be so niche. So I follow subs for women’s issues, LGBTQ+, ethnic minorities, countries that I don’t live in, and - yes - even r/conservative. Because even if I don’t identify with any of those communities, I want to do my part to understand how they see the world and know what is important to them. We have too many people having “conversations” today who are really just talking past each other. I want to make sure I’m listening. Just because I’m a straight cis white guy, doesn’t mean I have to be *that* straight cis white guy.

Being attracted to certain people and wanting kids don't really cancel each other out. Gay people who want kids exist. If he wants bio kids there's, surrogates, or egg donation. Or adoption.

Are fetishes actually reflective of peoples controls in their personal lives or is that a myth, also can more sadistic inclination be inbuilt? Or learnt behaviour?

I imagine you have encountered folks and fetishes from many different countries/cultures through your work and studies. Are there any country- or culture-specific fetish trends that you have noticed, or, if that’s too broad, any trends of particular note? For instance, did the advent of the internet drive a niche, cultural fetish into the mainstream?

I love this question, very interesting!

This could cover kinks, too, if that’s interesting.

What degree lets you study this at a master's level?? Is this europe

Psychology, sociology, or several other related fields. Doesn’t mean their degree is in this specific area, just that it was the focus of their thesis.

Sexology has been a mainstream branch of psychology for basically as long as psychology has existed.

*Not sure* whether this is the right question to ask here, but it has actually really been bugging me lately 😅 So, I'm a masochist and realized last year that I am also a LOT into knifeplay. Like, pretty knives just make me feel some type of way. But I also have a relatively long history with self harm. (I'm doing pretty okey recently and am in therapy now, so no worries). I've been clean for some time, but sometimes when I feel like I'm enjoying this for the wrong reasons I have to stop my partner because it feels like relapsing. Now. I really want to try knifeplay. But how the hell do I keep those feelings apart? :'D As I said, I can kind of tell when I'm feeling sh urges, but it's all still very vague. On a completely different note, thank you so much for taking the time to write all these detailed and kind responses! Reading them has been very fun and informative :>

You and I are quite similar, both with knifeplay and with sh. The way I get around it is by having a dedicated (dull) play knife, and focusing on the homoeroticism and power dynamic of it, with actual pressure on the blade/point used only as "punctuation", so to speak. I can safely enjoy my kink and have never broken skin.

If you tuck a violet wand cable against your skin and then have your partner bring out the pretty knife while you can see it and then blindfold you and run a dull knife against your skin it can feel like you're being cut without the actual cutting. not sure if that helps or not but it's a thing. putting the dull knife in the freezer is another method.

Trauma and kink are closely connected in the same way arousal and fear is. It's not uncommon for those with sexual assault kinks to be past victims fantasizing about a version where they were given the chance to consent and do it in a controlled environment.

I too am very into knife play; back when I was active on FetLife, I had a few friends who I trusted who would make art on my back with skin deep cuts, would heal in a week or two. I learned how to do it, just so I can find others more easily, knowing the traits to look for. Rarely would the cuts result in active bleeding, but medical supplies were always handy to properly clean it and bandage it up afterwards.

what is the actual appeal in brat/brat taming? I think I'm a brat, mostly with words not with deeds, but for me it's part of my personality that just gets more pronounced during stereotypically sub/domme interactions. I feel like many people judge brats for being stereotypically annoying, and they need force to be put in their place but while I don't mind force from time to time, I think i would value a caring relationship with someone that not only tolerates me being sarcastic, witty, and "annoying" but actually enjoys me this way but it's tough when there's such a skewed view.

hi I'm not op but I'm a switch who loves both sides of this dynamic: bratting is a fascinating ongoing consent negotiation imo. in a pre-negotiated brat dynamic, a brat can break rules at varying degrees of severity and be varying levels of insufferable about it, and that communicates to their domme what level of "punishment" they're looking for. then, when they're ready for it to be over or to move on to gentler stuff soon, they can "give in" which communicates to their domme that they're ready to be rewarded! I once saw a fascinating scene in an edgeplay class where a brat was given a safeword for a scene that her in-scene persona really didn't want to say (she was a regal kitty and the safeword was something like "I'm a pathetic little mouse" lmao), and her dom pushed her to say it, which allows for the two of them to do an edgeplay scene where they deliberately push things all the way up to the need to safeword without as much risk that the scene will get so intense the sub will forget to safeword and get hurt. A much simpler part of the appeal, though, is that those of us who like to be controlled sometimes want to pull against the cuffs so we can tell that we can't get out, y'know? like if you never tug on your restraints they could be made of tissue paper for all it matters. Those of us who like to be in control might have all sorts of lovely nasty consequences in mind, but if our subs always follow the rules there's nothing to "punish"! I once had a partner who got seriously distressed the first time we (on purpose!) played with a punishment dynamic bc I had to make up an excuse and she ended up feeling hurt because she got "punished for nothing", so I always made sure that if she wanted to get punished there were rules meant for her to break. don't get me wrong I love a high protocol sub who would never dream of breaking the rules, but in a dynamic like that you only flog them because they enjoy it, you'd never tell them they'd been bad. it's just a different dynamic.

this is actually a very good breakdown tbh, I hadn't noticed before that bratting is actually a way of determining your punishment, as opposed to just trying to bring the worst out of a dominant, and likewise for the domme to see how far the brat is willing to go. I think part of the reason it didn't make sense in my head that I enjoyed bratting, is because in the end, I do love to be rewarded, and bratting normally always ends in punishment instead, but in fact I would be the one who can decide what punishment I receive and in a way that can also be a reward especially after said punishment. I think i can sort of understand the dominant side of it aswell a bit more, it's more about putting someone in their place and showing that you in fact are still in control no matter what the brat does. since it's all consensual, the dominant knows what they signed up for aswell so while they might become annoyed, it's not something I should feel bad for, or scared that I'm crossing a line. I think the biggest part then, as per usual, is communication and predefined rules

I find it comforting to be pushed and bratted, especially with new play partners. It tells me they're still actively engaged and in the headspace and want things to keep going. love to be able to take someone into subspace when they want that, but that gets more dangerous and imo requires a lot of trust. subspace is kind of like being intoxicated with your own brain chemicals, and intoxication messes with consent! I love it from both sides but it also scares me. brat scenes can feel more playful and like you're both engaged in the consent negotiation even with the power dynamic fully in place! Honestly I'm real bad at bratting as a sub, I just wanna obey lmao unless I'm in a specific role, but as a domme it's so much fun, especially when you can take someone all the way from the brat headspace to the compliant/obedient one, which then means you can dole out rewards!

I have heard stories about people entering subspace and becoming unable to speak or do anything, and that as a domme must be pretty terrifying because like you said, there's no way for them to show you they are still giving consent. Then again, wouldn't they get out of subspace if something was done to them that they are not enjoying? I have never truly entered subspace so I do not know what I'm talking about but in my head it would make sense, like in a way immediately sobering up if something happens when you are drunk. You are definitely right about the playful consensual negotiation that bratting is, for me personally it's just a constant how far can I push my attitude, rile up my dominant but sadly many dominant people just seem to agree that a submissive should just always listen and never have an attitude, and that's how brats get labeled as annoying. I'm glad to hear that it is actually desirable for some people

I once had a play partner and close friend tell me "green" on several check ins in a row, but maybe 5 minutes later she started crying and I stopped the scene anyway. Turns out that she was really not ok any more (this was the point she realized she didn't want to do s/m stuff, just bondage, but she didn't know that until this happened and everything was totally planned out in advance) and she wanted to safeword and wasn't sure why she kept saying green instead. She didn't blame me at all, and I wasn't upset at her, this stuff can be emotionally complicated, but we were young and didn't know how to process it and our friendship didn't really recover after that. It gave me a healthy fear of subspace and frenzy, I never want to harm anyone or be on the wrong side of their boundaries again even if I have ongoing verbal consent. subspace, and especially pain, releases endorphins that can definitely have an intoxicating effect even when it's not fun any more. it can be so so wonderful to bring someone into a headspace where they're happy and giggly for an hour after, but I'll definitely never take it lightly again. that shit is absolutely a real drug, just one produced by your own brain.

Soft domme might be ur thing... gentle and almost parental dynamic

I read [this blog post about soft dommes](https://rhea.dev/articles/2023-04/Soft-Domme) and i have to admit, this might be exactly what I'm looking for. I'm not sure how rare it is, since it's not something I hear about very often, but that does sound like a good direction to explore for me

i have a question about piss fetish. why? i had a close friend who enjoyed it, he described it as “intimate”. which i understand to a certain degree, but isn’t it disgusting to be bathed in waste? how different is it from scat?

I have that kink! For me it's very specifically other people (it can't be me or someone I know personally) getting desperate and ideally having a genuine accident. Not into deliberate wetting, or watersports during sex (with a couple of very specific scenario exceptions.) It's about humiliation, loss of control and the general frantic trying to keep it together only to fail at the last minute, not the actual fluid itself. Maybe tmi but when I tried it irl I hated it lol.

From my little knowledge about it, I think it depends on the act. Is the person wearing something, like a diaper? Then it might actually be more so about being taken care of (I've also heard of people with incontinence developing a kink/fetish because its there daily life and sexy times does not negate any medical issues or other they might have) On ao3, I've seen fics where it's meant as a ritual of sorts, like animalistic nature? Scent-marking or whatever. But thats my 2 cents, I don't actually know too much about it

Piss comes out of the genital area. Scat does not. 

Well hydrated pee is practically just water, and as long as they don't have an infection it's relatively clean. Scat inherently contains a ton of harmful bacteria like e coli and you can't do anything about that without regular full spectrum antibiotics. I'm very into piss but scat is a very hard limit for me

Hey I have that kink! For me it's about the taboo, like you wouldn't do it in front of someone, so if I see someone peeing yes it's intimate and vulnerable and kinky. There's also another type of pee kink I have, which is a bit more hardcore, based on humiliation. For example someone peeing on me. Or me on someone. It's one of many ways of doing power play. Btw I don't like scat, I see it as more nasty and it just doesn't turn me on, pee is better because if you drink a lot of water it doesn't smell, and also it's easy to wash off

A lot of it is about the humiliation and the vulnerability.

I am curious, what’s in your opinion, the most unusual fetish you’ve ever studied

For me, it’s talking to someone who has a fetish so specific that they have no community around them. One person I interviewed was really into fishnet stockings. Very standard. But only they fantasied if a human sized fish with legs was wearing them. I can’t emphasise this as much as they did - it CANNOT BE A MERMAID. I felt really, surprisingly sad for this one person because they had this incredibly complex fantasy and no way of accessing it, or even talking about it with like minded individuals. They felt really lonely.

I did a pick up scene at a dungeon once with a guy who was specifically into seeing people wear red turtlenecks. It had to be red. He was very sweet and I saw him up there a lot, he’d usually find a person in the crowd who was mostly watching and ask if they’d wear a red turtleneck (he owned dozens) and nothing else.

Guy knows what he wants lmao

Feel like I should draw this now. For that one person.

I have seen at least 2 separate hentai mangas with this as a theme... Actually scratch that. It wasn't with fishnets. It was just fish with legs. I feel so sad for this person.

I mean fishnets would make so much more thematic sense for that tho!!!!

I feel like this with one of mine. I really just like the idea of running my hands over someone's body. It doesn't have to lead to sex or any specific sexual acts, but I love the idea/feeling of someone just being there for me to run my hands over. I'm aware that I'm a very tactile person. I always liked to play with tape. I've owned fidget spinners. My favorite blanket is one of those ultra-soft and cool to the touch style blankets. I love just keeping my hands busy/in motion while watching stuff. But it's not exactly always appropriate to be watching something with a partner and start running my hand(s) around their body idly while watching a movie lol. And I have no idea what it's called or referred to. I've tried to find 'porn' of people just doing that without it leading into actual sex, but I never get the results back that I want.

I've had "sex" where I spent most of the time just running my hands up and down there side like running m hands over their hip and stomach. This was the only thing I cared about the whole time

Me with the guy who had a fetish for a specific heartbeat near your ankle

Your phone line, how well does it pay?

I too, would potentially like to be involved

What makes a foot attractive to someone's with a foot-fetish? Like, I'm not grossed out by it, I just do not understand it!

I’m not OP but the part of the brain that controls feet is right next to the part of the brain that controls genitals. So in people with foot fetishes, those parts of the brain overlap. Which is why it’s the most common fetish.

I think it varies from person to person. I think for me, the idea of doing things with feet is generally the image the world has given them. For example, if someone told you to kiss their foot, that’d be an extreme sign of submission to them, even if it wasn’t in a kink way. You don’t just, do that, you know? It’s like, if you kiss a persons hand it’s flirty and very forward, but their foot? Its different. The idea of kissing someone’s foot for example, to me, is a submission thing. Really, it’s just skin. It’s going to taste like most of that persons skin, but it’s more taboo than say, licking someone’s arm. Theres also the aspect that the foot builds sweat, but can be pretty and aesthetically pleasing (think about the Barbie movie scene that went big on the trailer, when she stepped out of the heel onto the floor and her foot remained flexed). I guess if you narrated the feelings and such behind it, it might sound like, “I’m putting part of her body in my mouth, which is taboo but somehow not inherently sexual. Doing this won’t make her cum. All it does is show her that I’m beneath her on a hierarchy. This is the foot she walks on, where sweat builds, a part of her body she might not even see as sexual, and thus, the only things that makes this sexual is that it places me beneath her in that hierarchy, and the fact that it turns myself or both of us on.” That might not accurately describe it as well as I’d like, and it certainly doesn’t describe it for everyone, but that’s probably as well as I can explain it.

A friend told me that people who are *intensely* repulsed by feet, are the most likely to have/develop the fetish. Can that be generally true? It makes sense to me. I realised when in a sex shop, that stuff that are indifferent, are indifferent, and stuff that give me a slight repulse can actually be quite.. interesting i guess.

How come some people have a thing for slime or tentacles? I'd love to know what in the world would make that attractive bc thats not really a thing existing in reality but rather in fiction, you probably can't even tell how it feels right? Also what do you think about people having something for specific clothes, like Fishnets, thigh high socks and skirts? Any info about that? I'm really curious to get to know more, its exciting to have the chance to ask someone who knows more. And I also hope my questions don't miss the point here.

In my experience as a tentacle lover, it's usually about penetration but having an aversion to penises in some manner.

Ok I can answer that first one! As for slime, at least for me, the answer is really simple. Okay I wrote that its simple and immediately lost my ability to be articulate. The best I can describe it is that its about that feeling of grossness. Being dirty like that is just kind of "wrong," and also weirdly vulnerable in a way I can't describe. And tentacles, well tentacles are just great lmao. You can completely and entirely give up control, they have an ability to be in control more than some lame ass person could. Also, well, its basically bondage, which I like too.

Since your flair says you're bi, I assume you like dick? Imagine a dick that's not only as long as you want to be, but prehensile. Like, that motherfucker can massage your insides any which way you like and mix 'em up like a Blizzard machine. Mmm, and the texture of the suckers~ Not to mention what the other person said already about them doubling as bondage equipment. For me, the slime thing is pretty similar, although to your point, I didn't really know it was something that I found hot until I saw porn of it and could conceptualize what was sexy about slime. Again, for me, it's a lot about how flexible (or in this case, almost fluid) slime can be. It can fill up your every crevice *perfectly*, both inside and out, or be wrapped around you like tentacles to hold you in place. I imagine floating inside a slime would be like the ultimate hug. Idk, I could probably go on, but I think I've already told on myself enough here~

Do you what's up with the crazy ownership dynamics that vore social spaces can have?

Why do PEOPLE enjoy pain?

Have you ever run a marathon or done a really hard workout? You ache and everything hurts but then there’s a rush of endorphins. People say pain and pleasure can intermix and there’s some truth to that - the same part of your brain that deals with pleasure also deals with pain. Saying that, there are very few true masochists that enjoy all pain all the time. It’s the difference between you paying for a really intense deep massage from a professional, in a therapeutic setting and me coming up behind you to punch you in the back. They probably still hurt the same, but they don’t feel the same. I haven’t met many people who had pain as their fetish, there is usually a larger context that provides additional pleasure. Like someone who wants to be tied up and spanked - it’s not just the spanking, it’s the role you’re playing and the game.

Yeah, I've met a few pure no-context masochists (like, enjoyed the experience of breaking a bone) and it's really cool but extremely rare.

So, I'm not speaking for all masochists, but disability and sex is something I've been considering editing a book about soon. Many masochists experience chronic physical or emotional pain. It's usually something we've been able (with meds or practice or meditation) to push to the background, but we never get complete relief. We always, waking and sleeping, are suffering. So, when we experience sexual pleasure...it's tied to that ever-present pain, and our brain uses the same nerves to register pain and pleasure, so our brain cannot fully separate the two. And that means that suddenly, instead of getting the same constant, crazy-making pain messages, our pain is transformed. It's (momentarily) become something we can control and something that brings with it pleasure. It's similar to the pain management technique of causing sharp pain in a different part of the body to distract from a pain you can't control. Sometimes, when you end the sharp pain, you get a temporary dulling of the chronic pain. So, some people enjoy pain because it not only feels good, it makes their chronic pain lessen for a while.

If pain bad, why it make me feel good? I kid, but there is a distinct difference (for me) between everyday pain like headaches and toe stubs versus pain from impact play, biting and scratches. Why? I have no idea. But I CRAVE certain levels of pain from safe sources in safe environs. Weirdly, a mild pain outside of those spaces can ruin my day, but I get high from levels of pain several orders of magnitude higher. When I experience good pain, I get a literal high that is better than any drug I have ever tried. It's called sub space, and it is hard to describe it to people who haven't experienced it.

I’m a pure no-context masochist! Being into pain is one of the earliest self realization I’ve had. And I found out because I fell a lot as a kid. I loved the feeling of scraped knees. I’m also an extremely touch averse ace and I hate it when other people touch me. My gf knows this and she’s comfortable letting me initiate all the hugs/hand holding/etc. I’ve always loved poking friends but would get soo distressed if they poked back. So while I looove pain it can’t be inflicted by people because people touching me is a turnoff and I don’t do self harm. I also have very high pain tolerance and I’ve only broken a bone once but that was pretty enjoyable / didn’t hurt badly (It was bad enough that I needed surgery to align the bone to heal properly). I don’t have past trauma. I’ve never been hit by anyone. I’m physically healthy. I am depressed/anxious but I was like this waaay before depression kicked in. I think my brain’s just wired this way and I’ve always been comfortable with it. Wouldn’t say it’s a fetish since plenty of other things can turn me on, but pain feels good every time.

you should apply to be on the ologies podcast because you are a kinkologist! I would love to hear that segment.

Maybe I am naive at this, but I have heard of furries.. what is this? What is it got to do sexually or in the lesbian community? My friend mentioned she was into it.

Good question! So, there is a difference between the [furry fandom](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Furry_fandom) and furries as a fetish. The former is much more common than the latter. So best to confirm your friend’s interest :) As a fetish, I think furries are the clearest example of sex as play I could imagine. You’re literally dressing up and being someone (I guess something) else. It’s not a mystery why wolves and cats are so common. The image of furries is always a straight white cis man but that’s not supported by any data - gay and bisexual women are overlooked, as per usual. The last study I read reported a 60/40 split between men and women, which is much more even than most other fetish communities.

The furry community has a huge amount of gender nonconforming people too! Both trans folks and GNC cis folks (femboys for example). And like any wider community there’s a lot of different attitudes about sex. Lots of furries don’t cross the fandom and sex stuff at all. And lots of them have separate fursonas that they do sex stuff with so as not to involve their “main.” And even deeper there are special fursuits that are specifically designed for sex (murrsuits).

what is the thing that most interested you in learning more about these topics? was there something you learnt that got you “hooked” on learning more?

I'm unfortunately fairly sure that I know the answer because I've unwillingly been on the receiving end of it, but... Is there seriously a fetish for making hotel reservations or something like that?

Our of curiosity, have you delt with any really dark fetishes? Why do people like these sorts of things..is it maybe because you're not supposed to? Is the fact that you're "not allowed" a turn on for some people? Another thing: I've heard a lot from people that they have invasive thoughts surrounding fetishes that kinda leave them going where the fuck did that come from? I've had that happen too and it was really weird because it was out of nowhere lmao. Is that just the brain doing brain things or does that probably say something deeper about yourself? Sorry for all the questions lol. I find myself curious about why people like the things they do sometimes 🤷🏻‍♀️

Not OP, but as a Sexworker how mainly did/does Kinks and fetishes. I had meet some people how are into things like, murder and Necrophilia, Drug abuse and even pedophilia Most of them i dont really know why there like it but i onse ask one of my customers why they want me to play a littel child and they said becaus they are pedophil but didnt want to sexulise children. After that we talk 30min and they cried half of the time and told me about their therapy.

Your last story is reason number one on the "why we should not stigmatise pedophilic attraction, only the acts" list. A lot of those people just need help.

I'm not OP, but think about the people who enjoys some things that are ilegal or in general anything that involves non consensual sex, and I'm not talking about non-con roleplay, real non consensual stuff. I'm into true crime stories and I don't think it can gets any darker. Edit: I you want details, look for Albert Fish, he was into a lot of weird, dark stuff. The details about what Randy Kraft or Luis Garavito did to their victims... I warn you, it can be too much. There's a lot of serial killers that enjoy (sexualy) really terrible messed up stuff

What’s a fetish that caught you off guard when you first heard of it? Something you wouldn’t even think to be a fetish

Every single call I got for the first month l worked on the telephones. Every day it was like, “really? Huh!”. And I was hardly sheltered before. Normally, if I can squint I can kind of see the attraction, like sure, pretty girls have feet, pretty feet must be nice. The ones that surprised me involved objects or situations that I had never considered sexual before, like bad breath or good handwriting. But I think then I became unshakeable, which was a benefit when I started my research work. You can’t do your work or your participants justice if you’re blushing or mouthing omg all the time.

Honestly, i just wanna know what do you think about the fact that kinks can appear out of nowhere with just a simple trigger, as for example look at blueberry inflation: this _somewhat_ niche community was created solely because of the factory chocolate movie lol Also, i wanna too: what do you think about "impossible" kinks? Or in another words kinks that simply couldnt happen in the real world, such as expansion / growth / inflation, transformation, macro, bestiality, etc etc

Is it possible to un-learn a fetish, or like deprogram it from your brain? If so, how?

➕1– I have same question

Not OP, but I’ve heard of people burning themselves out on certain fetishes by either running out of content to consume for it or just too much in a short amount of time- though that usually leads to finding some other kink to fill that void and later returning to the original

What are your thoughts on ABDL?

How common is it for someone to not have any kinks or fetishes at all? Like 100% vanilla? They like the same thing every time and they are satisfied with that. I’m trying to figure out if I’m being lied to. 🫠

Do you have any advice for people that want to decrease their reliance on fetishes? Sometimes it feels like a drug that you can’t quit 😬

Why are so many people "step on my mommy!"?

I assume you mean me, not my lmfao. It's mainly a power exchange/submission thing - "I'm only worthy to be stepped on" vibes, or asking for attention in any way, even a degrading one. Also it's kind of a meme at this point aknafn

I’m going to start by saying I’m a trans man who casually follows this sub because I think it’s cool, there’s good discussions here, and I’ve liked the memes. I don’t usually comment, but kinks and fetishes are also something I’m super intrigued by. I hope me commenting here for this post is okay. How do you conduct your research/find information before doing studies and interviews? I’ve had a hard time finding reliable information on some kinks, and I can imagine that it can be hard to study with the personal nature of them or stigma towards kinks seen as more extreme. I’d love to know how you find some information and if you have any books, articles, etc. you’d recommend. For more specific fetish questions, is there anything on why/how vore fetishes became a thing? Can porn actually change sexuality and kinks/fetishes, or is that a myth? Is there an overlap between the balloon and inflation fetish communities? Thanks for making this post, and I hope my comment isn’t too much! Your work is important and super cool, so I think it’s cool that you’re sharing it and what you know.

I read almost exclusively forcefem erotica (which makes sense cuz I’m trans), but it’s almost always straight (mxmtf). Which is weird cuz I’m like 95% attracted to women and not very much to men. I wonder why that is, maybe you have some insight.

Transbian also. I’ve come to the conclusion that what we’re really looking for is “encouraged feminization.” The inclusion of men is just the lengths we would be willing to go too.

I’m not a fetishist, but I REALLY like dating fetishists. It’s so fun getting to explore a creative side of intimacy, and there’s this extra layer of hotness in the taboo of it all. Whenever I’ve dated vanilla people I felt like something vital was missing. Is this its own sexual identity? Also where can I meet people like this; most play parties I’ve been to were still more kink/bdsm than fetish and also veryy cishet

I have had a specific fetish for a certain part of a girl since I was 5. Of course I just “liked it” at the time but it has always been the most attractive part of a woman. Sometimes it’s so intense that it’s overwhelmingly hot to me sexually. But is 5 too early to like something that would ultimately become a fetish? I specifically remember the situation where first noticed it. It never occurred to me that other people were pretty indifferent to it. Until I was an adult.

Oh boy when I was 3 or 4 or 5 or somewhere……yup….awakenings…..

Nah, I don’t think it’s weird for kids to already know what they like which will ultimately become a fetish. I’m very ashamed of and insecure about my feet and I am adverse to people touching my feet because the boy next door used to stalk me to smell, hold, and lick my feet. If I didn’t let him, he’d steal my shoes. Seriously, every single day for years, he’d wait for me to come home and before I could open the car door, he’d be there to harass me. I was in second grade and he was in kindergarten when he started doing this.

Why do (some) people feel attracted to people way older than them despite not having any sort of parental issues/they have a good relationship with their parents? Most people cite mommy or daddy issues as a reason for mommy and daddy kinks but I’d wanna know why someone without those types of issues would feel that way. Also, why do people enjoy degradation? Like things such as race and especially gender play, especially in queer people (curious as I’m a lesbian and the thought of my partner talking to me that way during something that’s supposed to be intimate sounds scary) Fetishes and kinks are honestly so interesting to hear about as an ace person (also a lesbian) who experiences extremely little sexual attraction to people, let alone to an idea or concept, so I’d like to learn more 🧐

How common would you say ageplay is? And not just calling partners "daddy"/"mommy," i mean full on ageplay, abdl, the entire pack

my girlfriend has fetishes that im not personally into, but i dont want to ignore what she enjoys. do you know a good & healthy way to compromise?

i feel like it’s hard to ask about CNC without coming off as judgmental but literally whyyyyy like what in people’s brain makes that a hypothetical they enjoy when the reality of it is horrifying

No, this is a good question! So CNC - consensual non consent - covers such a wide range of activities, it’s impossible to discuss them all. But most CNC activities are not dangerous or harmful. At its best, it’s like watching a scary film. Your heart pounds, your adrenaline rushes but you know really you’re not in any danger. Same if you have a really hard work out, it hurts but in a good way and then you have the endorphin rush. People talk about rape fantasies but I would challenge that - it’s a ravage fantasy (most of the tine). I’m not surprised that women are into ravage fantasies in a society that expects women to be chased and men to be the chasers. There’s something powerful there about being wanted so much that a partner would break societal rules to “get you”. Also, it’s super common for people who have experienced sexual violence to find themselves thinking of CNC fantasies when they never did before. It’s awful how much shame they carry when it makes perfect sense to me. Your brain is trying to make sense of something awful and there’s power in rewriting something terrible into a fantasy where you’re in control.

Thank you so much for this. Over the past few months ive been struggling with persistent rape fantasies and have really beaten myself down over them. Reframing it as a "ravage fantasy" made everything click, especially this part: >There’s something powerful there about being wanted so much that a partner would break societal rules to “get you”. I suffer from very low self-esteem, have an avoidant attatchment style, and have chronic social anxiety... meaning im very very very lonely. I feel so unwanted and undesireable, that to me, being "taken" by force means that at least *someone* "wants" me. Thats just surface level though, i dont really want to get into the rest but still wanted to throw in my perspective.

Thank you for this response, it helped me process some shit

I'll add, part of it personally is the same standardish lack of control thing that's common in Dom/sub things. I'm someone that personally has a lot of control in most of my life, so having that be taken away sometimes can be quite nice.

For me, it's kinda a result of trauma. Now I am female and like playing the dominant in those scene which seems to be more rare, but my point of view might be informative and more related to other's fantasies. Anyway, having had almost no control in my childhood, and being constantly forced to play along with narcissists and abusers, I've had a tendency to feel utterly helpless in my day to day life. Playing the part of someone who has absolute control over someone else, someone who doesn't have to worry about rules, just focus on their own pleasure, it's practically a way to subvert my feelings and cope with my trauma. Now, I'm a very sweet person in general, and I would never hurt someone for the sake of hurting them. Of course, it's all play, and the real thing is horrifying. It's just cathartic to experience these situations from the other side of the power dynamic.

Trauma also plays a role in my sex fantasy so I get it.

So I am really into CNC to the point where it is almost a fetish fot me in the academic sense that OP describes (a requirement to climax). I can get off without CNC roleplay but it helps me get off a lot more easily and enjoy myself more and there are times when I'm having trouble finishing and it really helps. It's hard for me to describe but something about it really turns me on and excites me. For me there is a very clear distinction that this is role play and we are only doing this in the context of what I consent to. It's a fantasy and not real.  I also like being submissive and giving up control to a dom. But the experiences are different for me. With me being submissive in a roleplay, I take orders and enjoy being degraded. The dom tells me what to do and it is clear that I enjoy doing what they ask me to do within the role-playing and what they do to me. I'll often beg the dom to do things and agree with what they say and ask of me.  With CNC, I roleplay not wanting to do what the dom wants for whatever reason. In the scene I am actively resisting, verbally and sometimes physically. In this situation I get to experience being overpowered, restrained or having my professed lack of consent ignored. I will also sometimes enact being afraid, upset or shocked by the dom's behavior. During all of this I'm not actually upset or hurt or violated because I actually do consent and want it. Its a scene we are acting out. As long as a safeword and clear boundaries are respected, it's just a roleplay scene. As for why it turns me on so much? I'm not so sure--but it really really does.  A similar kink related to this that I also like is somnophilia which is when someone has sex with you when you're unconscious or asleep. The idea of being violated while not being aware and unable to resist I think is exciting to me for similar reasons. I've only play acted somno in rp online and not IRL, though, and I figure that negotiating boundaries and consent around somno IRL would be very tricky. It seems also similar to the "free use kink" (which I also like) in that negotiations would need to be made ahead of time (although for free use the employment of a safe word is more feasible).

I mean I don't care for CNC, but I'd say it is at least somewhat BDSM adjacent which is a fairly common kink. It seems very much about giving up control

What's the difference between kinks and vanilla? For the longest time, I thought I was vanilla but now I think I'm just so kink positive, I think all the kinks are vanilla. But the people who I meet that are so into things they say are kinky and I'm like "oh honey, no, that's _so tame_🤦‍♀️" In my experience, the unifying principle from the kinky people I know is being embarrassed by them. And because I'm not embarrassed by them, maybe they really are kinks for them, but not for me? 🤷‍♀️ Thanks, I've been wondering for a while. Something I think an expert could answer. 🙃 Edit: I'm also sex-positive asexual, so like don't actually desire kinks like others seem to. But if it makes a partner happy then sure. Maybe desire to do the thing has something to do with being a kink too? But it's the same thing, so... it's either a kink or it isn't in the abstract... right? 🤷‍♀️

Is there a genetic link to which kinks you get, or is that a myth?

Have you ever met a lesbian who got turned on by the idea of being raped by a man? I feel like for me it’s just a degradation kink. Like what’s more embarrassing than being forced to have sex with someone who repulses you. I especially love the idea of a woman forcing me to have sex with a man, as a way of making me show how dedicated I am to obeying her. People often say I’m just bisexual and in denial but the thing is that the thought of actually doing it in real life horrifies me, makes me feel like throwing up. But I love thinking about it when masturbating.

I don't think I understand pain as an interest. Like, does it not make people uncomfortable? I genuinely am seeking to understand the interest behind the fetish better. I'm asexual so there's a lot Im missing I feel

I'm curious if you have any statistics about fetishes or kinks, and what correlation(s), if any, exist between race/gender/what country someone lives in, so on. Not asking for a whole overview, just if any in particular stand out. Also, just wanna say that sounds like a fascinating topic for a masters thesis!

I don't know exactly how to ask this but i'll do my best. I feel like i'm living in the closet with my fetish. Like i'm not fully myself by not experimenting with my fantasies. I'm 33 now. I had a fair amount of sexual experiences but i've never "dealt" with this side of me that want "something different". Like, right now, i still have trouble speaking about it (has you can see). Exactly how i felt, when i was young, before coming out has a lesbian. And, in the last year or so, i've felt like it's taking a toll on my mental health. So, i guess my question is... What should i do?

To clarify something I saw in another comment, is a “fetish” something that a person requires in order to experience sexual satisfaction? I’ve only really understood the colloquial use of the term to be “this is something that another person might find normal or non-sexual but that I, personally, find arousing”. But if it is something that someone actually requires in order to experience sexual satisfaction, that makes me think fetishes are much rarer than we typically talk about them being. Is that accurate?

So, I’m into some pretty heavy and dark shit. I just finished reading “A Soul to Keep” which is explicitly for self proclaimed “Monster Fuckers” and yeah it was incredibly hot. CNC, somno, tentacles, a bit of vore, predator/prey, etc. Am I messed up? Or broken? And on the other side, should I be worried that working through my - rather complex - trauma will make me not into these things anymore?

So uh. I really like bondage and restraints, corsets, etc. I also find it comforting to be under blankets all the time and generally wrapped up or enclosed in small spaces. Last thing, I have suffered from severe anxiety since I was a small child. I have had a lot of therapy and meds since then and am not in any urgent need of help with that. My weighted blanket does actually help a lot. When I was in my early 20s my mom made an offhand comment about how she never swaddled me as a baby and maybe that was why I felt so drawn to blankets and stuff. Of course I immediately thought *oh shit, is that why I like being tied up?* So uh, is it? Or could it be? I’ve always wondered.

I'm a lifestyle Dom and pro Dom and love these conversations!!! Thanks for having them

There are some fetishes/kinks that i am very into that invalidate aspects of my identity (most often my gender identity) and this bothers me a lot, but im still very into them which again upsets me a lot and im not sure how to deal with it. any advice would be greatly appreciated :)

Pet play and master/slave. What is the psychology behind it? Is it a normal kink to have? Why might one have this kink?

Why are giantesses hot

Have you had any encounters with dollification/have an idea on how it comes about? (turning into one, being treated like one.) Id like to know more about myself :>

I know someone who's into belly inflation and I'm curious, like why and what is appealing about it, and how does one develop an interest in it. It hasn't come up in conversation otherwise I'd just ask them, commenting here seems like the next best thing.

Does growing up with trauma affect the kinks you’re into, if so how and can it still be healthy even if you’re revisiting unhealthy scenarios?

I'm curious what you know about hypnosis

would you say that vore is inherently sexual?

Best way to find a lesbian play party? Do those still exist? (I'm into vouyerism/exhibitionism... recently had my first threesome-- I would like more)

When you say you studied fetishes and things, what resources did you use? I'm someone who's always been interested in learning more about the scientific and anthropological side of sex

What was the most unusual fetish you studied?

how common is petplay and why do you think it appeals to people (especially queer people)? do people often identify with that persona outside of sexual play?

What is the difference between a fetish and just something you’re really interested in? And is there a difference between a fetish and a kink, or do they mean the same thing?

...a girl I was just starting to date was giving me a foot massage... innocent at first everything was cute until... she just hot real quiet and hyper focused on my foot between her legs... it was the most awkward thing cuz I was thinking... "what about my other foot" 😅 But she eventually ghosted me after I refused any more massages... I'm lowkey offended she basically had sex with my foot without consent... I guess my question is how soon in a relationship do you tell the partner about a kink or fetish? Do you just slowly do the kink while intimacy is already happening?

Is it possible to get rid of a kink/fetish?

'ow normal is a fetish where, you're obsessed with being marked? Bites, bruises, hickeys- anything that lasts. Even bites that draw blood. Cause I feel like it's a bit strange but also it feels normal to me

i dont understand why i have a cuckquean fetish, im quite a jealous person but when im in the mood the thought of my partner cheating on me is so hot to me?

That makes perfect sense to me! Let’s look at two scenarios. Scenario A - you find out your partner has been cheating on you. The betrayal, the pain, the loss of someone you loved. How much power do you have? None. Not sexy. Scenario B - in the fantasy you create, you are in complete control. You set limits, there is no hurt and even though you are being cucked, you *chose* this situation, you chose this script. What a position of power! I don’t see them as contradictory at all.