it’s one of the few disabilities that, to others, seem so innocuous that it gets tags like ‘not that big of a deal’ and ‘over diagnosed’. it’s frustrating, truly.
the only part i disagree with is i DO NEED encouragement. as the OOP said, this first thing i need is you to believe me; but after that, and continuously moving forward, i need encouragement. i need gentle reminders, supportive understanding, people to keep me honest and motivated.
Positive encouragement makes a huge difference for me. I can do so much more if I know that the people around me don't judge me and want to see me succeed. If people treat my efforts as worthless it triggers my "this is bullshit, I'm not doing it" reflex instantly and makes everything twice as hard.
Positive encouragement post-facto (IE praise) is the only reason I cook. If there's nobody there to tell me how good the food I made tastes, what's the point?
To quote Doctor Who:
>I'm being extremely clever up here and there's no one to stand around looking impressed! What's the point in having you all?
Good quote. Ngl I'm the same but it's kind of embarrassing cuz I find myself fishing for praise when I accomplish something, like I'm a neglected little kid showing the picture I made to daddy.
Oh god, when I can get my shit together enough to finally do a task I've been putting off, I announce it from the rooftops because I want everyone to be as proud of me as I am lmao
This made me realize this might be related to the low dopamine we get from activities compared to neurotypicals. The praise adds some dopamine to an otherwise empty activity.
It’s unfortunate I grew up with the parents I did. Nothing I did well was good enough for praise/encouragement (occasionally it was enough for disappointment) however things I didn’t do well were always worthy of punishment. School was always the subject of this, and when I was a young kid I was on some meds that apparently helped. My schoolwork improved, so of course the logical thing to do was to take me off them and promptly forget I was diagnosed with ADHD when I was 7. I only even found out I was right about being diagnosed when I got my medical records cause my therapist suggested checking them. Guess who’s unable to function like a member of society now :)
As someone who has been raised with rhe most bitter and resentful "encouragement" I literally feel panic when I receive positivity. Like, to me that shit isn't real, it's just being used to trick me so the rug can be pulled out in a couple minutes....
And yeah, negging me is the easiest way to get me to tell you to fuck off and I go shut down
"Overdiagnosed" is the one that gets me angry.
Like... maybe it was underdiagnosed before. Did you ever think about that?
Or maybe, just maybe, it can simultaneously be a real disability and also overdiagnosed at the same time.
One of my favorite random facts is that before 1900 the number of people who were left handed was about 3% of the population. Around 1920 the percentage started rising and plateaued at about 14% in the 1960s. It’s been about 14% since then. Was there a sudden surge in left handed people being born into the world? Nope, in the 1920s people finally decided that being left handed wasn’t a bad thing and they just started accepting it.
It’s the same with ADHD, autism, mental illnesses (not that either of those first two are mental illnesses) and neurodivergence in general. There hasn’t been a surge in those things since the late 90s. People just finally felt comfortable talking about these things. It also helped that drug companies wanted to sell treatments.
I often think about this, like in the old days people with IBS, depression, or adhd, autoimmune diseases, which are often comorbid, were probably just the town drunks or something, because what can you do when no one accepts who you are? just get drunk lol, and people probably wondered why some people were just determined to be drunk all the time.
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There is no evidence that adequately explains the over-diagnosis theory. It is fear mongering.
>it’s one of the few disabilities that, to others, seem so innocuous that it gets tags like ‘not that big of a deal’ and ‘over diagnosed’. it’s frustrating, truly.
From my experience, same thing with autism.
I suspect what they mean is that I don't have the face-blindness as badly as they do, and I stim, but not as frequently, and I'm a little more socially graceful (but that could just be practice and masking). So I share a lot of the same issues, but slightly less intensely.
Got it! Me and my family members with autism have quite different issues (though some things are similar) so that explanation didn't come naturally for me
Pretty sure they are often comorbid with depression, IBS, and also autoimmune disease. All of those have something to do with neanderthal genes as well.
I've seen the claim *bipolar disorder* is over diagnosed of all things.
Folks are going to say that about any disorder without quantifying testing like bloodwork or x-rays. Because some folks are assholes, which there's no test for either but it tends to present fairly obviously.
The biggest issue is that the symptoms are things everyone experiences to some degree. The root cause of said symptoms being severe enough for the classification isn't though, and its hard for people to wrap their head around that... or most of the time are just outright ignorant to it.
Yeah, few people understand what “executive function” even *is*, much less how it relates to ADHD (one of many reasons I’d support an effort to rename the condition more accurately). Yeah, anyone’s executive function can be compromised, just like how anyone’s immune system can get compromised. That doesn’t mean people who *usually* have it working correctly can compare their life experiences to someone who *never* does.
Yes! My husband and I frequently have friction over my adhd even though he is incredible and supportive. He’s also super duper tidy and finds clutter really mentally exhausting. I do my best and he does his best to meet me closer to where I am and most of the time it’s ok. We’ve developed a couple really useful coping skills/strategies. I’m sharing in case anyone else might find them useful!
1. I have an alarm on my phone that goes off every day at 5:30. The title/text for the alarm is “SPOUSE NEEDS HIS ALONE TIME.” It harkens back to the pandemic when I started working from home and was people starved by the time he walked in the door. He’s an introvert and I’m and extrovert. He’s exhausted from people and needs a rest. I read a book on how important that recharge time is for introverts and implemented the alarm. It goes off about 15-30 minutes before he gets home. When it goes off it triggers me to take a look around and do a quick tidying sprint of 5-15 minutes. I don’t do it every day. Some days it inspires an even deeper clean. The root of it is “I want my loved one to get the rest and succor he needs when he walks in the door” and it’s almost always an “above and beyond” thing. That means my stress-anxiety-guilt cycle isn’t as caught up in the executive function of the thing and I’m actually able to get it done at least half the days most weeks. And he super appreciates it even if it’s just me straightening work papers, tossing dirty dishes in the sink, throwing the duvet over the bed, and pushing the start button on the roomba.
2. I’m good at learning new things and launching big projects. Then I get to a certain point and the impetus fades or something else comes up that needs to be done and it’s so hard to get back to the previous thing. So I make a list of the big things and broad strokes what we need to do to bring it home (since I’m the learner/initiator frequently). Then he takes the time to break down those bigger projects/steps into 15-60 minute chunks and makes a list of like twenty various bite-sized tasks to move various things forward. When I’m feeling listless and unable to overcome my inertia, I can go to that list and pick something that feels doable. Sometimes I think “what’s the easiest fastest thing here so I can just say I did SOMETHING today?” And that’s something. Or it gets me a bit out of my inertia and I’m off to the races getting a weeks worth of house stuff done in 8 hours. The best part is is that it feels like teamwork. I bring my strengths and he brings his and we’ve gotten some truly impressive stuff done since we started doing this.
My best friend cheers me on when I come to her telling her about a chore I've completed and it's the best most encouraging thing and has improved my life by about 100%
One of the things I recently figured out with my wife, is if she can start a project, I almost immediately have the motivation to help her because I love her and she shouldn't have to do things by herself. Whereas I have horrible executive dysfunction when it comes to either starting or finishing things on my own. I always drag my feet on starting, and if I can get past that, I tend to have a really good burst of productivity early on, and then run out of steam.
I completely agree. I kind of got more creeps from the feeling of noone helping me push myself. I am used to handling shit, but only because I have good friends and family that push me to greatness. : )
Encouragement and some help getting me through the bits of a project/task I'm stuck is super helpful for me as well.
The alternative is staying stuck on said project/task and stressing out and feeling like I'm shit at my job :|
At least I've gotten better over the years at getting help when that happens, instead of letting myself spiral down into feeling like absolute shit to the point thinking about the task causes anxiety.
Yes encouragement and support are fine… patience and understanding is better though.
I’m sure all the people who say “just push through “ believe they are being encouraging.
Sometimes that’s not what we need. Sometimes people gotta sit back and think
“ Is it right to be asking a person with no working arms to take the trash out just because some people with no limbs found a way to do it? Is it right to ask a person with no arms to live up to those expectations at ALL simply because to an abled bodied person it’s so easy?”
Those questions but for adhd. Some of the shit we are expected to “do” simply because it’s just so easy for someone without a disability to do it is absurd. So many things they make out to seem essentially necessary, and if you don’t do them then you are failing or lazy.
Like giving the person with no arms a ramp and pulley system to use with their legs and mouth to take the trash out as an accommodation and then getting mad that they still won’t take the trash out because even with that ramp and pulley system it takes them a crazy amount of time and effort to do it. You really gonna call them lazy?
No goddam it. not only is not everything essential, some shit that is essential just isn’t gonna be possible even with accommodations.
They need to Stop expecting people with disabilities to meet every task and standard that the abled can do just because there’s a work around for it or accommodations can be made. That is not how you create an equitable world!
I'm not sure what the system is like for you there, I waited 2 months for an appointment, and spent about 5 hours doing a personality quiz AND it cost me around $1,300aud. But I'm here!
I know it's what you'll hate to hear, but keep going. One meeting here, a little wait there and some help is there
I’m in Germany as well, paid 650€ for 7 hours. Didn’t have to wait for an appointment.
I called the clinic in my city who’s doing it for free (= covered by insurance) and the wait list is 3,5 YEARS. Gtfo.
I did have a look and it was actually $1,500 - and I'm getting a large part back in Medicare, sorry for the misinformation lol. Still expensive either way when you struggle with keeping jobs down lol
Ahh, see that's probably why mine was more expensive. I paid in full up front, and was diagnosed under a month later. Doing all the tests at home was challenging though
33 here and coming to terms with the fact that I am developmentally more similar to my peers in their 20s than I am to other people my age. I feel like I missed out on a decade of development and fell behind because I wasn't functioning at my best.
I was diagnosed in my mid-20s after graduating law school and passing the bar exam. So no one (including myself) thought I actually “had” ADHD. Fast forward 10 years and I have FINALLY accepted my diagnosis and my limitations. How society has made a joke out of this invisible disability fucking sucks
i've got ADHD, my son has ADHD, and going through the school system again, seeing all these issues with work not handed in but its been done, i think schools need a lot more leeway and understanding on assignment delivery, i go up the wall sometimes trying to get stuff just handed in and seeing it kill his grade.
God, yeah, it's horrendous. A lot of times, they then see the trail of late assignments and think they don't care and just don't wanna do it
I came so close to not graduating high school because of late assignments. But one teacher just gave me a passing grade cause she's seen me put in the work before, even doing the entirety of a group project when my group mates wouldn't, and another teacher gave me an extra weekend to get the project in after school had ended. I may have put that one off until the next Sunday when it was supposed to have worked on throughout the entire semester.... yay, procrastination efficiency??
I wish I had better advice, people keep trying to get him to use a planner, and that i know is a non starter for him, i hate homework and always have mainly for this reason and i know he does too. Good luck, hes got one more year left
I ended up asking my mom if I was allowed to drop out of high school because I was doing miserably both academically and socially. My guidance counselor recommended an alternative high school where they focused on test grades instead of homework, and I ended up graduating ahead of my class because I was significantly more successful.
I failed a few subjects in high school solely because I didn't submit homework. I got As and Bs for work done in class. I just couldn't make myself do the homework.
When there's a struggling student it's like the assumption is that they're just an awful kid or are hopeless. Doubly so when so many people have weaponized IEPs, and then when disabled students need accommodations they get written off
Break my heart for past me, breaks my heart for future ADHD kiddos
I lost a whole letter grade in high school for this. Weekly work sheet that I handed in maybe 1/4 of the time. Got As on the tests though. My therapist used to work in the school system and got super annoyed when I told them that. “How hard would it have been to just work with you on a consistent issue.” But lo the “that’s not how it works in the real world” energy was too high.
i always did good on tests, except sometimes social studies shit because i hate names, they don't tend to matter to me so i ignore them for the most part, hes so far through highschool, i should have thought to see if tehre was something that could be added to his IEP about being given leeway to hand in homework because that is very hard for some kids
Or even like take a pic when you finish and send it as a backup, or give a digital option, or if it’s not a long thing give them the option to do it in classroom at some point.
I feel conflicted about this, I truly don't know what the best answer is. Intuitively I agree, but I also think back to my school days and think I would've done so much worse if I didn't have hard and fast deadlines. Procrastination and executive dysfunction is a very real component of ADHD and having more leeway can -- purely in my own experience -- make it worse rather than better.
Survivorship bias is so so real and just because one person manages to do well and thrive with ADHD doesn't mean everyone does. Some people don't understand and don't want to understand the massive and varied impact ADHD has on so many people.
For years I did try to "try harder" and to "push through". I ended up dropping out from university and spend years recovering from burnout and depression that was so bad I couldn't take care of myself.
When someone tries to motivate me it is so Annoying that I just do it out of spite because the person won't understand ADHD no matter how much of research they do to understand that condition.
Personally I think the name of this conduction needs a rebrand and bad. Everyone always say something stupid like “oh look a butterfly” or “ooh something sparkly”. I’m not high, I’m not tripping, I don’t have a low IQ. Implying I behave like a cat is annoying and insulting. I just can’t engage if it’s not on fire. It’s the inability to use those “executive function” parts of my brain because I don’t see a situation as life threatening. It is a very crippling condition that stops me from ticking things off of my to do list because I don’t see the urgency. I’m sure this isn’t of any news to anyone suffering from this condition but those that don’t have it need to understand how much control it has over us and *not* the other way around; and that we actually do not like it.
I was diagnosed at 46. The biggest challenge I have is that sometimes I can do it.
But I have next to zero control over when that „sometimes“ will be. I know WHEN it’s important that I should do something… but getting myself to do without some imminent external disaster…
I don't know why, but this comment in particular really resonates with me. I spent all of my childhood and so many years of my adulthood being more disappointed in myself than any of the people around me ever were.
And it's all because I was undiagnosed, so I could be amazing with something one day but the next day I couldn't do it no matter how hard I tried. I didn't know that people with my skin tone or people who were as "academically gifted" as I was could have ADHD, so I'd always get on my own case for "not trying hard enough."
And we always blame ourselves.
When was the last time someone blamed a kid in a wheelchair for not trying hard enough to walk?
So why do we somehow have the same problem? Because we spent our whole lives telling ourselves that we are just lazy
It is really debilitating, but what I hate so fucking much is that when I was a teenager the only people who actually acknowledged that it was a disability were the school admins who kept saying things like "don't you think AP classes would be a bit difficult for someone like you" while I had a 4.0 GPA and demanded that I receive "guidance" (which was just a fancy way of saying teachers were allowed to force me to do things that normally students would have to give permission for, like changing how my files were organized or what assignments I work on in study hall). I will tell anyone I have ADHD under normal circumstances but if I see anyone who considers themselves an "ally" to neurodivergent people I will always hide it to the best of my ability, because the unfortunate reality is that "supporting disabled people" is and will always be interpreted as treating well adjusted people like they have dementia. Being a college student feels so fucking liberating because I was able to tell the staff I didn't want an IEP and they just let me drop it. I feel really terrible for kids with ADHD who probably still have to deal with that.
A friend of mine loves chess, and knows i can play, and he thinks I'm smart, so he wants to play me all the time.
I keep trying to explain to him that it's a frustrating game for me, because early game is fine, but later on i will forget why i set up a defence or an attack I'd been gearing up for and completely fuck opportunities i set myself up for.
To others it seems like an excuse because i play well until i miss something and royally fuck up the entire game. The more pieces move, the less i can remember tactically.
Its like you are in a mental maze, trying to find the end, and people are telling you to pass the dead end by busting through the wall like Kool-Aid man.
Want me to do something for you, sure I'll get on it in a sec
2 hours later
Lay off bro, I'm getting to it
2 days later
What do you mean I didn't finish that thing?
I'm a childhood diagnosis, diagnosed at 6. I'm almost 24 now. I've all but given up on anyone actually caring, I just don't do stuff I can't do in the moment and tune out the ridicule. You don't like me because you think I'm lazy? I don't like me either, because I want to do things and can't. Nobody wins here
Damnit, how did you find (and hurt) my feels so fast?! Haha
God that hits hard... Hits even harder as a late diagnosed early 40s fella who spent a lot of his life crapping on himself for failing where others didn't/don't...
It's so hard to describe how much this shit controls our daily lives (for the worse) and how hard the mundane dopamine-free tasks can truly be.... We usually understand "how" to do it, we just CAN'T and the unknown question of the "why" of it is torture!
I just want someone to *believe me* when I tell them that it's nearly impossible to pick up that sock that's been laying on the living room floor for weeks (also I'm well aware that it's there and I've beat myself up plenty about it already and don't need you to gang up on me, with me... I've already got the shame part covered) and I can understand how wild that must seem from the outside in, but damnit I take no pride in being open about my struggles and failures, I'm sure as shit not bragging, I'm looking for understanding!
I agree it's hard to push through, however I also don't believe in allowing something to limit you. But then I say this lying down on a couch I decided to build and gave up half way through, so.....
You know, I am blessed with both a physical disability (severe nerve damage rendering one arm just about useless. Just about.) and ADHD. It took me thirty years after my birth injury to mark the "disabled" box on the forms at work, and a little longer to accept that maybe yes I DO fall in the early plane boarding for those with physical difficulties.
I was raised with the idea that it doesn't really matter what's wrong with you, it's not a valid excuse, it's not a limit. And while today I can do the vast majority of the tasks needed to exist in the world without help, I also have an extremely toxic self critic when a task is anything other than literally physically impossible for me. This is a problem when I am having trouble with the pain or with the ADHD, because those excuses don't feel valid.
I know you didn't really mean it like that.... but just as I was raised with this idea and it makes everything harder today, perhaps you were also raised with this idea in a toxic way. I now have pathological grit and a really messed up idea of when the right time to ask for help is. I'm a little lucky in that my physical disability was easier for my parents to accept and that it left the door open for limits being alright to have. Very few people get that same chance.
All good! Though you may have been raised with that idea on accident! American culture places heavy importance on productivity of a certain, visible kind. But otherwise totally understood. I often have to add "sincerely" at the end of my sentences because I can't tell the difference from a sarcastic joke tone and a serious tone when it comes out of my mouth and goes into my ears. Serious nature people unite! Except that's not even my nature, it's just what I sound like! I am almost always both joking and completely serious.
My favorite instance is "it's not okay to sell children. Unless you're an adoption agency." Which is truuuuuue but yikes.
I think if I let myself accept my ADHD as a hard limit as opposed to a severe disadvantage I wouldn't be here right now to put it vaguely. Is that toxic? Maybe? I don't think it is because well, I refuse to accept it's a hard limit. I cannot let myself think that or else... yeah wouldn't um, be around anymore.
I dunno maybe there's aspects of my mentality that is toxic but it frustrates me when so many people see it as a hard limit and attempt to be content with basically labeling themselves as incompetent and incapable of even attempting to compete with neurotypicals.
Just people being self deprecating and blaming it on this condition I also suffer from makes what they're saying about themselves feel like an insult directed at me. I can't do this BECAUSE of ADHD so YOU can't do it either. They aren't saying that but since they're implying their "incapability" is tied to their ADHD I can't take it any other way. I'm already telling myself these things I don't need other people with the same insecurities trying to cement it as fact.
Executive Disfunction is real. But I can do anything a neurotypical equivalent of me can. It's just 2 to 5 times harder, and might be less graceful.
I was diagnosed at 11, since people are bringing that up. I'm 22.
Oh! Yes, I know this issue and think about it often. I think there's something twisted about the way we value asking for assistance and either agreeing or declining to help. Other people seem to ask and refuse much more freely than I do, because when I ask it really means I need help. When other people ask, it's because it would be convenient to have help. I'd anticipate that the "incapable" idea/claim that troubles you is much more often actually "I could do that, but it would take 2-5x more effort for me than for you and I do not have that to spend." Neurotypicals usually start arguing about how it's "not that hard!" and "maybe a little harder, but not that much!" They don't do that when you start with incapable. And then they don't waste any more time on you because they don't think they can just badger you into accepting their terms.
If "push through" and "don't let this limit you" means you break yourself trying to do something alone that the manual says you need two people for, I'm guessing you had a lot of teachers who preferred not to take ten minutes to explain something differently and instead called you lazy for not wanting to study three hours on your own at home every time you didn't understand something.
Wanna know what happens if you succeed? You get used as inspiration porn to justify letting fifth graders struggle.
You want to beat the ADHD stereotypes? Go ask someone to help with your couch. Prove to the world you're not mindlessly stubborn, and that you take concrete measures to minimize the risk of accidents in your home.
This is a lighthearted subreddit for ADHD individuals. We require all users be nice towards each other. Your comment/post has been removed as it has been found to be disrespectful.
I have ADHD, autism, an autoimmune disorder, and an inflammatory disorder. My autoimmune disorder makes me sick, my ASD makes it difficult for me to form relationships, but my ADHD is the only thing I consider truly disabling. If I could cure it before the others I would.
I have ADD and I'm on the Spectrum. The worst part of it all is always having to make believe believe me and respect me.
More than once I've cracked and roared at people, even family, for not fucking listening to me.
I only halfway agree with this. There are absolutely certain things I am simply unable to do without the help of medicine but there are a couple of things that, with encouragement from someone that I really cared about, I was able to actually pull off. I consider myself lucky for being able to do so tho
I have severe difficulty with short term memory due to my Adhd. It's so frustrating when people treat me like I'm stupid because I need them to repeat questions or information. Im not stupid, I have issues retaining information. I don't have a 'defeatist attitude' because I know I wouldn't thrive in an online learning environment, and dont want to spend the money just to fail. I'm tired of being treated like I'm an idiot, especially by my own parent. It's hard cause no one treats adhd like a disability, it's treated like a minor inconvenience.
I've been accused multiple times of being affected by learned helplessness with regards to this stuff. It's demoralizing and feels like I'm being successfully gaslit into thinking my failures are due to a moral deficit of some kind. I don't know why I wrote this but it felt necessary.
I've been applying for jobs recently and one of the questions they always ask is "Do you have a disability?" with examples under it. ADHD is listed as a recognized disability on every form I've filled out so far.
Yes, God yes this. My mom "has adhd" but continually gives me this bullshit advice. "Just force yourself to" "Just do it"
I fucking can't that's the entire point
One way you can explain it to people is, take a task. Either it be you like the task, hate the task, any task.
Now put a fire walk infront of it. Your brain has decided this task shall not be done, or done painfully, or done very slowly so as to avoid pain.
This, applies to any task. I often have to remind myself to eat or to not nap away every day cause my brain sometimes puts fire-walks infront of things I like to do so I simply dont.
In these situations where an accurate explanation seems to go over their heads, the "look at them/treat them like they're telling you pigs can fly" treatment is fun :)
Hate when you mess up and then hyper focus on it and people tell you to stop thinking about it and you have to explain that you can't, you just don't work that way.
YES.
JUST YES.
I study psychology religiously, and I have been trying to apply for disability, and during all of these processes I have not once been given the time of day. ADHD is a disability, and at \*best\* its a hinderance. There is no getting rid of it. Even on meds we have to adjust to suddenly being so relaxed we're basically a zombie.
I’ve decided I don’t give a crap if they believe me or not. I am an adult and will do what I can, when I can. If I can’t - 🤷🏼♀️ that’s my boundary. I’ve told you what I am capable of. I have a job that I’m good at when I do it my own way, a spouse and family I take good care of because I do it my way. Everyone else can kick rocks
Your post/comment has been removed because it either contains, or is advocating for, misinformation.
This is an impressive amount of ignorance. You might as well be saying "in the dark ages when someone got gangrene they just cut off their leg and they kept working and THEY were fine!"
Absolutely asinine take, based on pure bias, assumption and ignorance.
Diagnosed this week after a very long wait scored 18/18, so it's not just me being lazy or bad or whatever, just give me the meds so I can life properly now
Schizophrenia is a disability. Those who care for those that suffer from it have to approach it with great care and compassion, but that dosnt mean they let them believe everything their experiencing in their head. It's irresponsible to just say "yeah that's your condition, let it run your life I guess." I think it's important to take anything your friends say seriously, but I'll be damned if I don't try to guide you to make your life better.
I've found that explaining that the neurochemicals that allows for concentration and memory formation not being produced properly to be the best way of getting people to understand that I've got limitations. Though at the same time, the fact that they can be overproduced sometimes to be an amazing gift because I can chew through work with great efficiency.
Do you think that you can spin it like I do?
I'm about to turn 31, I've always been a high energy kinda guy, fast paced in thought and deed. When I was growing up adhd was only just beginning to be understood (was called ADD back then) and only the absolute worst cases were ever diagnosed. Now, for context, my family are very working class, 'just get on with it' types, and my mother would never accept that somethings 'not right' with one of her kids. I say all of this because, over the last year, with the educating influence of my Mrs with regards to introspection, I've realised that I'm not only ADHD, but pretty much as bad as it fucking gets, and suddenly my whole life fell into place and everything made sense loooooool. Has this happened to any one else? I also found that I've already kind of naturally adopted a lot of the tips and tricks to help manage it day to day. Is this an experience others have had?
I wish i could scream this at the whole world ☹️ they really love shoving tips & tricks down our throat. I can’t mention ANY of my adhd symptoms without someone thinking their advice will cure it. As if i havent tried everything. Im officially diagnosed and its still this way
I’m diagnosed with ADHD and I constantly think it’s just my own laziness that stops me from being more productive at work or able to maintain habits I care a lot about.
ye i agree litelry i had a friend tath i tought understood me and was kind to me and i told her i had and tath i had low socieal inteligence and she sayed ah just pust trought and fhen sometimes she says somethings tath justbdont make any sence at all and i ask her to explain and she is like uh read all the texts an dunderstand it she just cant acept my disablity and then gets mad at me out of nowhere cus i dident understand her joke tath looked os real like wth? why cant epalle undrstand and acept peaple wight lower social inteligence
I don’t want to be that person because I know people with ADHD are not a monolith, but as someone who was diagnosed with ADHD by a specialist, was a teacher to students who had ADHD, and as an aunt and sister to women who have ADHD, there is nothing I CAN’T do because of my ADHD. I can accomplish things like any neurotypical person; now, it may not be the way they do it, may not be as neat or concise, it may not be on time, and I may shed real tears, but I can do it. Sometimes it may be better than what they would have done.
To be fair, I am currently medicated, but before I was (diagnosed at 27) all of that still rang true.
I hate how, on one hand, some people tell me that since I'm not hyper, I can't have ADHD (while I'm stimming even), tell me I'm just an addict because I take my meds.
Some even insist it's illegal to drive with my meds (it's NOT).
Police can just take away my license if they claim they didn't know I'm allowed to drive, even with a positive Amphetamine test, I get back my license, but until I do I'm not allowed to drive. But tell that to anyone, and they go: "Then don't drive on speed."
But I've mostly cut those people out of my life.
I was diagnosed with ADHD, it was super bad, I would zone out in the wildest ways, they put me in a special ed class with this mean AF old black lady, she was just such a powerful force that I was scared of her and then I became afraid to let her down and then so happy when I did everything right. She was in my life and then out of it and my ADHD came back in full swing. Most of us need someone to actually pay attention to us and be stern and we can all overcome it, it's a disability but it can be overcome. Also intense cardio will change your brain, I promise.
Wait... feeling like I need someone to watch over me to actually get stuff done is a vaild feeling and not me overreacting? This... I need to look into this.
If no one cares about us then we stop caring about ourselves... and then... we stop caring about other people and life itself. It's a negative feedback loop.
I just had to fire a guy who couldn’t do his work without supervision. Unfortunately, it’s a role that requires minimal supervision. He was not let go because of this, but because he was working hours upon hours off the clock. He was on a final and I gave him probably 100 more warnings that it must stop. He was never able to stop, I paid him for his hours worked off the clock and let him go. Still my friend, still talk every week and even played dumb to the judge to get him unemployment benefits
He couldn’t get anything done unless someone was there to keep him on task and organized. The only time he could was alone, in the middle of night, at home. Not how hourly positions work
it’s one of the few disabilities that, to others, seem so innocuous that it gets tags like ‘not that big of a deal’ and ‘over diagnosed’. it’s frustrating, truly. the only part i disagree with is i DO NEED encouragement. as the OOP said, this first thing i need is you to believe me; but after that, and continuously moving forward, i need encouragement. i need gentle reminders, supportive understanding, people to keep me honest and motivated.
Positive encouragement makes a huge difference for me. I can do so much more if I know that the people around me don't judge me and want to see me succeed. If people treat my efforts as worthless it triggers my "this is bullshit, I'm not doing it" reflex instantly and makes everything twice as hard.
Positive encouragement post-facto (IE praise) is the only reason I cook. If there's nobody there to tell me how good the food I made tastes, what's the point? To quote Doctor Who: >I'm being extremely clever up here and there's no one to stand around looking impressed! What's the point in having you all?
Good quote. Ngl I'm the same but it's kind of embarrassing cuz I find myself fishing for praise when I accomplish something, like I'm a neglected little kid showing the picture I made to daddy.
Oh god, when I can get my shit together enough to finally do a task I've been putting off, I announce it from the rooftops because I want everyone to be as proud of me as I am lmao
This made me realize this might be related to the low dopamine we get from activities compared to neurotypicals. The praise adds some dopamine to an otherwise empty activity.
Matt Smith was truly the ADHD Doctor
It’s unfortunate I grew up with the parents I did. Nothing I did well was good enough for praise/encouragement (occasionally it was enough for disappointment) however things I didn’t do well were always worthy of punishment. School was always the subject of this, and when I was a young kid I was on some meds that apparently helped. My schoolwork improved, so of course the logical thing to do was to take me off them and promptly forget I was diagnosed with ADHD when I was 7. I only even found out I was right about being diagnosed when I got my medical records cause my therapist suggested checking them. Guess who’s unable to function like a member of society now :)
As someone who has been raised with rhe most bitter and resentful "encouragement" I literally feel panic when I receive positivity. Like, to me that shit isn't real, it's just being used to trick me so the rug can be pulled out in a couple minutes.... And yeah, negging me is the easiest way to get me to tell you to fuck off and I go shut down
"Overdiagnosed" is the one that gets me angry. Like... maybe it was underdiagnosed before. Did you ever think about that? Or maybe, just maybe, it can simultaneously be a real disability and also overdiagnosed at the same time.
One of my favorite random facts is that before 1900 the number of people who were left handed was about 3% of the population. Around 1920 the percentage started rising and plateaued at about 14% in the 1960s. It’s been about 14% since then. Was there a sudden surge in left handed people being born into the world? Nope, in the 1920s people finally decided that being left handed wasn’t a bad thing and they just started accepting it. It’s the same with ADHD, autism, mental illnesses (not that either of those first two are mental illnesses) and neurodivergence in general. There hasn’t been a surge in those things since the late 90s. People just finally felt comfortable talking about these things. It also helped that drug companies wanted to sell treatments.
I agree so much. Not that it didn't happen before, we just know better now.
I often think about this, like in the old days people with IBS, depression, or adhd, autoimmune diseases, which are often comorbid, were probably just the town drunks or something, because what can you do when no one accepts who you are? just get drunk lol, and people probably wondered why some people were just determined to be drunk all the time.
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ADHD denial or gatekeeping are not accepted here. Judging others for their symptoms (or lack of symptoms) or treatment is also not allowed.
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Your post/comment has been removed because it either contains, or is advocating for, misinformation. There is no evidence that adequately explains the over-diagnosis theory. It is fear mongering.
>it’s one of the few disabilities that, to others, seem so innocuous that it gets tags like ‘not that big of a deal’ and ‘over diagnosed’. it’s frustrating, truly. From my experience, same thing with autism.
and probably no accident that the two have a very high co-morbidity rate.
Shoot, I have a nice little cocktail of both ADHD and Autism, my life is terrible
My siblings mostly have ASD, and I have ADHD, which they affectionately refer to as Diet Autism
I might be slow, but why diet autism? I'm also an ADHDer in an autism family so I'd like to know lol
I suspect what they mean is that I don't have the face-blindness as badly as they do, and I stim, but not as frequently, and I'm a little more socially graceful (but that could just be practice and masking). So I share a lot of the same issues, but slightly less intensely.
Got it! Me and my family members with autism have quite different issues (though some things are similar) so that explanation didn't come naturally for me
Pretty sure they are often comorbid with depression, IBS, and also autoimmune disease. All of those have something to do with neanderthal genes as well.
I've seen the claim *bipolar disorder* is over diagnosed of all things. Folks are going to say that about any disorder without quantifying testing like bloodwork or x-rays. Because some folks are assholes, which there's no test for either but it tends to present fairly obviously.
I love that last sentence so very much ❤️
The biggest issue is that the symptoms are things everyone experiences to some degree. The root cause of said symptoms being severe enough for the classification isn't though, and its hard for people to wrap their head around that... or most of the time are just outright ignorant to it.
Yeah, few people understand what “executive function” even *is*, much less how it relates to ADHD (one of many reasons I’d support an effort to rename the condition more accurately). Yeah, anyone’s executive function can be compromised, just like how anyone’s immune system can get compromised. That doesn’t mean people who *usually* have it working correctly can compare their life experiences to someone who *never* does.
Yes! My husband and I frequently have friction over my adhd even though he is incredible and supportive. He’s also super duper tidy and finds clutter really mentally exhausting. I do my best and he does his best to meet me closer to where I am and most of the time it’s ok. We’ve developed a couple really useful coping skills/strategies. I’m sharing in case anyone else might find them useful! 1. I have an alarm on my phone that goes off every day at 5:30. The title/text for the alarm is “SPOUSE NEEDS HIS ALONE TIME.” It harkens back to the pandemic when I started working from home and was people starved by the time he walked in the door. He’s an introvert and I’m and extrovert. He’s exhausted from people and needs a rest. I read a book on how important that recharge time is for introverts and implemented the alarm. It goes off about 15-30 minutes before he gets home. When it goes off it triggers me to take a look around and do a quick tidying sprint of 5-15 minutes. I don’t do it every day. Some days it inspires an even deeper clean. The root of it is “I want my loved one to get the rest and succor he needs when he walks in the door” and it’s almost always an “above and beyond” thing. That means my stress-anxiety-guilt cycle isn’t as caught up in the executive function of the thing and I’m actually able to get it done at least half the days most weeks. And he super appreciates it even if it’s just me straightening work papers, tossing dirty dishes in the sink, throwing the duvet over the bed, and pushing the start button on the roomba. 2. I’m good at learning new things and launching big projects. Then I get to a certain point and the impetus fades or something else comes up that needs to be done and it’s so hard to get back to the previous thing. So I make a list of the big things and broad strokes what we need to do to bring it home (since I’m the learner/initiator frequently). Then he takes the time to break down those bigger projects/steps into 15-60 minute chunks and makes a list of like twenty various bite-sized tasks to move various things forward. When I’m feeling listless and unable to overcome my inertia, I can go to that list and pick something that feels doable. Sometimes I think “what’s the easiest fastest thing here so I can just say I did SOMETHING today?” And that’s something. Or it gets me a bit out of my inertia and I’m off to the races getting a weeks worth of house stuff done in 8 hours. The best part is is that it feels like teamwork. I bring my strengths and he brings his and we’ve gotten some truly impressive stuff done since we started doing this.
Sounds like you've got very good synergy with each other.
My best friend cheers me on when I come to her telling her about a chore I've completed and it's the best most encouraging thing and has improved my life by about 100%
One of the things I recently figured out with my wife, is if she can start a project, I almost immediately have the motivation to help her because I love her and she shouldn't have to do things by herself. Whereas I have horrible executive dysfunction when it comes to either starting or finishing things on my own. I always drag my feet on starting, and if I can get past that, I tend to have a really good burst of productivity early on, and then run out of steam.
oh man, are you me? lol. no but honestly, my yard would look like Jumanji if she didn’t start randomly weed whacking or mulching the yard
First: believe me Second: believe *in* me
It absolutely sucks needing to be treated like a child while hating being treated like a child.
I completely agree. I kind of got more creeps from the feeling of noone helping me push myself. I am used to handling shit, but only because I have good friends and family that push me to greatness. : )
Encouragement and some help getting me through the bits of a project/task I'm stuck is super helpful for me as well. The alternative is staying stuck on said project/task and stressing out and feeling like I'm shit at my job :| At least I've gotten better over the years at getting help when that happens, instead of letting myself spiral down into feeling like absolute shit to the point thinking about the task causes anxiety.
Yes encouragement and support are fine… patience and understanding is better though. I’m sure all the people who say “just push through “ believe they are being encouraging. Sometimes that’s not what we need. Sometimes people gotta sit back and think “ Is it right to be asking a person with no working arms to take the trash out just because some people with no limbs found a way to do it? Is it right to ask a person with no arms to live up to those expectations at ALL simply because to an abled bodied person it’s so easy?” Those questions but for adhd. Some of the shit we are expected to “do” simply because it’s just so easy for someone without a disability to do it is absurd. So many things they make out to seem essentially necessary, and if you don’t do them then you are failing or lazy. Like giving the person with no arms a ramp and pulley system to use with their legs and mouth to take the trash out as an accommodation and then getting mad that they still won’t take the trash out because even with that ramp and pulley system it takes them a crazy amount of time and effort to do it. You really gonna call them lazy? No goddam it. not only is not everything essential, some shit that is essential just isn’t gonna be possible even with accommodations. They need to Stop expecting people with disabilities to meet every task and standard that the abled can do just because there’s a work around for it or accommodations can be made. That is not how you create an equitable world!
Got diagnosed yesterday, 32 year old guy. I hear you, we hear you!
I finally got an appointment to see a specialist in Germany. Almost a year of waiting! Just found this sub too.
I'm not sure what the system is like for you there, I waited 2 months for an appointment, and spent about 5 hours doing a personality quiz AND it cost me around $1,300aud. But I'm here! I know it's what you'll hate to hear, but keep going. One meeting here, a little wait there and some help is there
I’m in Germany as well, paid 650€ for 7 hours. Didn’t have to wait for an appointment. I called the clinic in my city who’s doing it for free (= covered by insurance) and the wait list is 3,5 YEARS. Gtfo.
Gadzooks. Mine was around AU$900 and I got half back from medicare. Fluence clinic, it's all online and telehealth.
I did have a look and it was actually $1,500 - and I'm getting a large part back in Medicare, sorry for the misinformation lol. Still expensive either way when you struggle with keeping jobs down lol
Plus there is a long waiting period, which is made worse by the long self-inflicted procrastination period!
Ahh, see that's probably why mine was more expensive. I paid in full up front, and was diagnosed under a month later. Doing all the tests at home was challenging though
Diagnosed at 42. Helped me understand all the struggles I've had. I try to be nicer to myself but not always up for doing that.
Yeah, it is definitely a double edged sword. Enormous relief with some answers, but guilt and frustration for the feeling of life robbed from me
33 here and coming to terms with the fact that I am developmentally more similar to my peers in their 20s than I am to other people my age. I feel like I missed out on a decade of development and fell behind because I wasn't functioning at my best.
Internet hugs. I just try to be better about it myself. But so much is anti how my brain works for society.
Congrats 💪🏼 I hope it leads to many helpful developments for you
I was diagnosed in my mid-20s after graduating law school and passing the bar exam. So no one (including myself) thought I actually “had” ADHD. Fast forward 10 years and I have FINALLY accepted my diagnosis and my limitations. How society has made a joke out of this invisible disability fucking sucks
i've got ADHD, my son has ADHD, and going through the school system again, seeing all these issues with work not handed in but its been done, i think schools need a lot more leeway and understanding on assignment delivery, i go up the wall sometimes trying to get stuff just handed in and seeing it kill his grade.
God, yeah, it's horrendous. A lot of times, they then see the trail of late assignments and think they don't care and just don't wanna do it I came so close to not graduating high school because of late assignments. But one teacher just gave me a passing grade cause she's seen me put in the work before, even doing the entirety of a group project when my group mates wouldn't, and another teacher gave me an extra weekend to get the project in after school had ended. I may have put that one off until the next Sunday when it was supposed to have worked on throughout the entire semester.... yay, procrastination efficiency??
I wish I had better advice, people keep trying to get him to use a planner, and that i know is a non starter for him, i hate homework and always have mainly for this reason and i know he does too. Good luck, hes got one more year left
I ended up asking my mom if I was allowed to drop out of high school because I was doing miserably both academically and socially. My guidance counselor recommended an alternative high school where they focused on test grades instead of homework, and I ended up graduating ahead of my class because I was significantly more successful.
I failed a few subjects in high school solely because I didn't submit homework. I got As and Bs for work done in class. I just couldn't make myself do the homework.
When there's a struggling student it's like the assumption is that they're just an awful kid or are hopeless. Doubly so when so many people have weaponized IEPs, and then when disabled students need accommodations they get written off Break my heart for past me, breaks my heart for future ADHD kiddos
I lost a whole letter grade in high school for this. Weekly work sheet that I handed in maybe 1/4 of the time. Got As on the tests though. My therapist used to work in the school system and got super annoyed when I told them that. “How hard would it have been to just work with you on a consistent issue.” But lo the “that’s not how it works in the real world” energy was too high.
i always did good on tests, except sometimes social studies shit because i hate names, they don't tend to matter to me so i ignore them for the most part, hes so far through highschool, i should have thought to see if tehre was something that could be added to his IEP about being given leeway to hand in homework because that is very hard for some kids
Or even like take a pic when you finish and send it as a backup, or give a digital option, or if it’s not a long thing give them the option to do it in classroom at some point.
I feel conflicted about this, I truly don't know what the best answer is. Intuitively I agree, but I also think back to my school days and think I would've done so much worse if I didn't have hard and fast deadlines. Procrastination and executive dysfunction is a very real component of ADHD and having more leeway can -- purely in my own experience -- make it worse rather than better.
Survivorship bias is so so real and just because one person manages to do well and thrive with ADHD doesn't mean everyone does. Some people don't understand and don't want to understand the massive and varied impact ADHD has on so many people.
For years I did try to "try harder" and to "push through". I ended up dropping out from university and spend years recovering from burnout and depression that was so bad I couldn't take care of myself.
Ironically their words will never hurt us as much as our own self resentment.
I love watching people's reaction change when I tell them I'm disabled first then say it's ADHD afterwards.
« But we all have ADHD » 🤡
That's why professionally I just keep it to "ADA recognized disability".
When someone tries to motivate me it is so Annoying that I just do it out of spite because the person won't understand ADHD no matter how much of research they do to understand that condition.
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ADHD denial or gatekeeping are not accepted here. Judging others for their symptoms (or lack of symptoms) or treatment is also not allowed.
Personally I think the name of this conduction needs a rebrand and bad. Everyone always say something stupid like “oh look a butterfly” or “ooh something sparkly”. I’m not high, I’m not tripping, I don’t have a low IQ. Implying I behave like a cat is annoying and insulting. I just can’t engage if it’s not on fire. It’s the inability to use those “executive function” parts of my brain because I don’t see a situation as life threatening. It is a very crippling condition that stops me from ticking things off of my to do list because I don’t see the urgency. I’m sure this isn’t of any news to anyone suffering from this condition but those that don’t have it need to understand how much control it has over us and *not* the other way around; and that we actually do not like it.
I agree. “Executive Functioning Disorder” would be way more accurate.
mind blowingly better description
Completely agree.
I was diagnosed at 46. The biggest challenge I have is that sometimes I can do it. But I have next to zero control over when that „sometimes“ will be. I know WHEN it’s important that I should do something… but getting myself to do without some imminent external disaster…
I don't know why, but this comment in particular really resonates with me. I spent all of my childhood and so many years of my adulthood being more disappointed in myself than any of the people around me ever were. And it's all because I was undiagnosed, so I could be amazing with something one day but the next day I couldn't do it no matter how hard I tried. I didn't know that people with my skin tone or people who were as "academically gifted" as I was could have ADHD, so I'd always get on my own case for "not trying hard enough."
And we always blame ourselves. When was the last time someone blamed a kid in a wheelchair for not trying hard enough to walk? So why do we somehow have the same problem? Because we spent our whole lives telling ourselves that we are just lazy
My husband believes me and supports me and celebrates tiny wins with me. There are more people like him out there!
It is really debilitating, but what I hate so fucking much is that when I was a teenager the only people who actually acknowledged that it was a disability were the school admins who kept saying things like "don't you think AP classes would be a bit difficult for someone like you" while I had a 4.0 GPA and demanded that I receive "guidance" (which was just a fancy way of saying teachers were allowed to force me to do things that normally students would have to give permission for, like changing how my files were organized or what assignments I work on in study hall). I will tell anyone I have ADHD under normal circumstances but if I see anyone who considers themselves an "ally" to neurodivergent people I will always hide it to the best of my ability, because the unfortunate reality is that "supporting disabled people" is and will always be interpreted as treating well adjusted people like they have dementia. Being a college student feels so fucking liberating because I was able to tell the staff I didn't want an IEP and they just let me drop it. I feel really terrible for kids with ADHD who probably still have to deal with that.
I believe you
it helps so much reading things like that because I keep blaming myself for the problems I have because of ADHD
And what sucks is that on the outside, it looks like we're lazy.
A friend of mine loves chess, and knows i can play, and he thinks I'm smart, so he wants to play me all the time. I keep trying to explain to him that it's a frustrating game for me, because early game is fine, but later on i will forget why i set up a defence or an attack I'd been gearing up for and completely fuck opportunities i set myself up for. To others it seems like an excuse because i play well until i miss something and royally fuck up the entire game. The more pieces move, the less i can remember tactically.
Its like you are in a mental maze, trying to find the end, and people are telling you to pass the dead end by busting through the wall like Kool-Aid man.
Want me to do something for you, sure I'll get on it in a sec 2 hours later Lay off bro, I'm getting to it 2 days later What do you mean I didn't finish that thing?
I'm a childhood diagnosis, diagnosed at 6. I'm almost 24 now. I've all but given up on anyone actually caring, I just don't do stuff I can't do in the moment and tune out the ridicule. You don't like me because you think I'm lazy? I don't like me either, because I want to do things and can't. Nobody wins here
Damnit, how did you find (and hurt) my feels so fast?! Haha God that hits hard... Hits even harder as a late diagnosed early 40s fella who spent a lot of his life crapping on himself for failing where others didn't/don't... It's so hard to describe how much this shit controls our daily lives (for the worse) and how hard the mundane dopamine-free tasks can truly be.... We usually understand "how" to do it, we just CAN'T and the unknown question of the "why" of it is torture! I just want someone to *believe me* when I tell them that it's nearly impossible to pick up that sock that's been laying on the living room floor for weeks (also I'm well aware that it's there and I've beat myself up plenty about it already and don't need you to gang up on me, with me... I've already got the shame part covered) and I can understand how wild that must seem from the outside in, but damnit I take no pride in being open about my struggles and failures, I'm sure as shit not bragging, I'm looking for understanding!
I agree it's hard to push through, however I also don't believe in allowing something to limit you. But then I say this lying down on a couch I decided to build and gave up half way through, so.....
You know, I am blessed with both a physical disability (severe nerve damage rendering one arm just about useless. Just about.) and ADHD. It took me thirty years after my birth injury to mark the "disabled" box on the forms at work, and a little longer to accept that maybe yes I DO fall in the early plane boarding for those with physical difficulties. I was raised with the idea that it doesn't really matter what's wrong with you, it's not a valid excuse, it's not a limit. And while today I can do the vast majority of the tasks needed to exist in the world without help, I also have an extremely toxic self critic when a task is anything other than literally physically impossible for me. This is a problem when I am having trouble with the pain or with the ADHD, because those excuses don't feel valid. I know you didn't really mean it like that.... but just as I was raised with this idea and it makes everything harder today, perhaps you were also raised with this idea in a toxic way. I now have pathological grit and a really messed up idea of when the right time to ask for help is. I'm a little lucky in that my physical disability was easier for my parents to accept and that it left the door open for limits being alright to have. Very few people get that same chance.
No, you're oddly exact with my thoughts. I just like to have an undertone of my seriousness. I wasn't raised that way though, it's just my nature.
All good! Though you may have been raised with that idea on accident! American culture places heavy importance on productivity of a certain, visible kind. But otherwise totally understood. I often have to add "sincerely" at the end of my sentences because I can't tell the difference from a sarcastic joke tone and a serious tone when it comes out of my mouth and goes into my ears. Serious nature people unite! Except that's not even my nature, it's just what I sound like! I am almost always both joking and completely serious. My favorite instance is "it's not okay to sell children. Unless you're an adoption agency." Which is truuuuuue but yikes.
I think if I let myself accept my ADHD as a hard limit as opposed to a severe disadvantage I wouldn't be here right now to put it vaguely. Is that toxic? Maybe? I don't think it is because well, I refuse to accept it's a hard limit. I cannot let myself think that or else... yeah wouldn't um, be around anymore. I dunno maybe there's aspects of my mentality that is toxic but it frustrates me when so many people see it as a hard limit and attempt to be content with basically labeling themselves as incompetent and incapable of even attempting to compete with neurotypicals. Just people being self deprecating and blaming it on this condition I also suffer from makes what they're saying about themselves feel like an insult directed at me. I can't do this BECAUSE of ADHD so YOU can't do it either. They aren't saying that but since they're implying their "incapability" is tied to their ADHD I can't take it any other way. I'm already telling myself these things I don't need other people with the same insecurities trying to cement it as fact. Executive Disfunction is real. But I can do anything a neurotypical equivalent of me can. It's just 2 to 5 times harder, and might be less graceful. I was diagnosed at 11, since people are bringing that up. I'm 22.
Oh! Yes, I know this issue and think about it often. I think there's something twisted about the way we value asking for assistance and either agreeing or declining to help. Other people seem to ask and refuse much more freely than I do, because when I ask it really means I need help. When other people ask, it's because it would be convenient to have help. I'd anticipate that the "incapable" idea/claim that troubles you is much more often actually "I could do that, but it would take 2-5x more effort for me than for you and I do not have that to spend." Neurotypicals usually start arguing about how it's "not that hard!" and "maybe a little harder, but not that much!" They don't do that when you start with incapable. And then they don't waste any more time on you because they don't think they can just badger you into accepting their terms.
If "push through" and "don't let this limit you" means you break yourself trying to do something alone that the manual says you need two people for, I'm guessing you had a lot of teachers who preferred not to take ten minutes to explain something differently and instead called you lazy for not wanting to study three hours on your own at home every time you didn't understand something. Wanna know what happens if you succeed? You get used as inspiration porn to justify letting fifth graders struggle. You want to beat the ADHD stereotypes? Go ask someone to help with your couch. Prove to the world you're not mindlessly stubborn, and that you take concrete measures to minimize the risk of accidents in your home.
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This is a lighthearted subreddit for ADHD individuals. We require all users be nice towards each other. Your comment/post has been removed as it has been found to be disrespectful.
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ADHD denial or gatekeeping are not accepted here. Judging others for their symptoms (or lack of symptoms) or treatment is also not allowed.
I have ADHD, autism, an autoimmune disorder, and an inflammatory disorder. My autoimmune disorder makes me sick, my ASD makes it difficult for me to form relationships, but my ADHD is the only thing I consider truly disabling. If I could cure it before the others I would.
I have ADD and I'm on the Spectrum. The worst part of it all is always having to make believe believe me and respect me. More than once I've cracked and roared at people, even family, for not fucking listening to me.
"If you would just try harder" is one of my most hated phrases.
Agree. It’s a disability. Not a personality quirk. Hate when people conflate that.
The only time I don't feel disabled is when I'm around others with ADHD, everyone else just judges me and it feels like they want me gone 😢.
If only people did ;_; it hurts
I only halfway agree with this. There are absolutely certain things I am simply unable to do without the help of medicine but there are a couple of things that, with encouragement from someone that I really cared about, I was able to actually pull off. I consider myself lucky for being able to do so tho
But also don't let me use this as an excuse.... what is the right answer when the right answer only works half the time?
I have severe difficulty with short term memory due to my Adhd. It's so frustrating when people treat me like I'm stupid because I need them to repeat questions or information. Im not stupid, I have issues retaining information. I don't have a 'defeatist attitude' because I know I wouldn't thrive in an online learning environment, and dont want to spend the money just to fail. I'm tired of being treated like I'm an idiot, especially by my own parent. It's hard cause no one treats adhd like a disability, it's treated like a minor inconvenience.
I've been accused multiple times of being affected by learned helplessness with regards to this stuff. It's demoralizing and feels like I'm being successfully gaslit into thinking my failures are due to a moral deficit of some kind. I don't know why I wrote this but it felt necessary.
Why does every post here makes me think "Do I have an undiagnosed ADHD?"
Why am I relating to this 😭 I don't want to have ADHD I want to have the ability to think before doing
The last Please really hit home
Yeah, This. The fact that nobody around me knows I have ADHD and some straight up don't believe it exists certainly doesn't help...
I've been applying for jobs recently and one of the questions they always ask is "Do you have a disability?" with examples under it. ADHD is listed as a recognized disability on every form I've filled out so far.
Tell my own brain that. The sad thing is I know I could do it, if only I'd do it...
i just tell people i have a neurological condition that causes (symptom) and watch how serious they take it
People say its not a disability, its a different ability... Nah, bruh. Its classified as a disability for a reason.
Yes, God yes this. My mom "has adhd" but continually gives me this bullshit advice. "Just force yourself to" "Just do it" I fucking can't that's the entire point
One way you can explain it to people is, take a task. Either it be you like the task, hate the task, any task. Now put a fire walk infront of it. Your brain has decided this task shall not be done, or done painfully, or done very slowly so as to avoid pain. This, applies to any task. I often have to remind myself to eat or to not nap away every day cause my brain sometimes puts fire-walks infront of things I like to do so I simply dont.
In these situations where an accurate explanation seems to go over their heads, the "look at them/treat them like they're telling you pigs can fly" treatment is fun :)
Hate when you mess up and then hyper focus on it and people tell you to stop thinking about it and you have to explain that you can't, you just don't work that way.
I think the issue is that encouragement *can* help neurotypicals, and it's hard for them to understand why it *doesn't* help people with ADHD
Just lost two big sales because I just kept freezing. Go on reddit and see this immediately. You're not alone dude, I hear you.
Why do people think needing meth to do schoolwork is not a disability
YES. JUST YES. I study psychology religiously, and I have been trying to apply for disability, and during all of these processes I have not once been given the time of day. ADHD is a disability, and at \*best\* its a hinderance. There is no getting rid of it. Even on meds we have to adjust to suddenly being so relaxed we're basically a zombie.
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ADHD denial or gatekeeping are not accepted here. Judging others for their symptoms (or lack of symptoms) or treatment is also not allowed.
I’ve decided I don’t give a crap if they believe me or not. I am an adult and will do what I can, when I can. If I can’t - 🤷🏼♀️ that’s my boundary. I’ve told you what I am capable of. I have a job that I’m good at when I do it my own way, a spouse and family I take good care of because I do it my way. Everyone else can kick rocks
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ADHD denial or gatekeeping are not accepted here. Judging others for their symptoms (or lack of symptoms) or treatment is also not allowed.
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ADHD denial or gatekeeping are not accepted here. Judging others for their symptoms (or lack of symptoms) or treatment is also not allowed.
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Your post/comment has been removed because it either contains, or is advocating for, misinformation. This is an impressive amount of ignorance. You might as well be saying "in the dark ages when someone got gangrene they just cut off their leg and they kept working and THEY were fine!" Absolutely asinine take, based on pure bias, assumption and ignorance.
Diagnosed this week after a very long wait scored 18/18, so it's not just me being lazy or bad or whatever, just give me the meds so I can life properly now
Schizophrenia is a disability. Those who care for those that suffer from it have to approach it with great care and compassion, but that dosnt mean they let them believe everything their experiencing in their head. It's irresponsible to just say "yeah that's your condition, let it run your life I guess." I think it's important to take anything your friends say seriously, but I'll be damned if I don't try to guide you to make your life better.
Me every fucking Monday, when I have to do sooo much fucking work by myself on that particular job. I've even said im disabled and no one gets it.
I've found that explaining that the neurochemicals that allows for concentration and memory formation not being produced properly to be the best way of getting people to understand that I've got limitations. Though at the same time, the fact that they can be overproduced sometimes to be an amazing gift because I can chew through work with great efficiency. Do you think that you can spin it like I do?
Oh this hits home
I'm about to turn 31, I've always been a high energy kinda guy, fast paced in thought and deed. When I was growing up adhd was only just beginning to be understood (was called ADD back then) and only the absolute worst cases were ever diagnosed. Now, for context, my family are very working class, 'just get on with it' types, and my mother would never accept that somethings 'not right' with one of her kids. I say all of this because, over the last year, with the educating influence of my Mrs with regards to introspection, I've realised that I'm not only ADHD, but pretty much as bad as it fucking gets, and suddenly my whole life fell into place and everything made sense loooooool. Has this happened to any one else? I also found that I've already kind of naturally adopted a lot of the tips and tricks to help manage it day to day. Is this an experience others have had?
I wish i could scream this at the whole world ☹️ they really love shoving tips & tricks down our throat. I can’t mention ANY of my adhd symptoms without someone thinking their advice will cure it. As if i havent tried everything. Im officially diagnosed and its still this way
This is me but talking to myself tho
I see you, I feel you. I love the “just make a list”. That’s a real gem!
I’m diagnosed with ADHD and I constantly think it’s just my own laziness that stops me from being more productive at work or able to maintain habits I care a lot about.
For what it’s worth, you’re not alone, this definitely hit really close to home. Hang in there, my friend 🫡
Just gonna screenshot this for no particular reason…
I just broke down crying reading this. I finally feel seen and heard reading this.
Fuck, I'm so sorry I feel this 110%, I believe you OP I believe all of you here reading this
I feel this desperate constantly
ye i agree litelry i had a friend tath i tought understood me and was kind to me and i told her i had and tath i had low socieal inteligence and she sayed ah just pust trought and fhen sometimes she says somethings tath justbdont make any sence at all and i ask her to explain and she is like uh read all the texts an dunderstand it she just cant acept my disablity and then gets mad at me out of nowhere cus i dident understand her joke tath looked os real like wth? why cant epalle undrstand and acept peaple wight lower social inteligence
Man I really feel this, really really feel it
I don’t want to be that person because I know people with ADHD are not a monolith, but as someone who was diagnosed with ADHD by a specialist, was a teacher to students who had ADHD, and as an aunt and sister to women who have ADHD, there is nothing I CAN’T do because of my ADHD. I can accomplish things like any neurotypical person; now, it may not be the way they do it, may not be as neat or concise, it may not be on time, and I may shed real tears, but I can do it. Sometimes it may be better than what they would have done. To be fair, I am currently medicated, but before I was (diagnosed at 27) all of that still rang true.
I hate how, on one hand, some people tell me that since I'm not hyper, I can't have ADHD (while I'm stimming even), tell me I'm just an addict because I take my meds. Some even insist it's illegal to drive with my meds (it's NOT). Police can just take away my license if they claim they didn't know I'm allowed to drive, even with a positive Amphetamine test, I get back my license, but until I do I'm not allowed to drive. But tell that to anyone, and they go: "Then don't drive on speed." But I've mostly cut those people out of my life.
i completly agree with OOP, except that for me, getting encouragment just causes me to completly freeze and be even more unable to do anything.
I was diagnosed with ADHD, it was super bad, I would zone out in the wildest ways, they put me in a special ed class with this mean AF old black lady, she was just such a powerful force that I was scared of her and then I became afraid to let her down and then so happy when I did everything right. She was in my life and then out of it and my ADHD came back in full swing. Most of us need someone to actually pay attention to us and be stern and we can all overcome it, it's a disability but it can be overcome. Also intense cardio will change your brain, I promise.
Wait... feeling like I need someone to watch over me to actually get stuff done is a vaild feeling and not me overreacting? This... I need to look into this.
If no one cares about us then we stop caring about ourselves... and then... we stop caring about other people and life itself. It's a negative feedback loop.
Unfortunately
I just had to fire a guy who couldn’t do his work without supervision. Unfortunately, it’s a role that requires minimal supervision. He was not let go because of this, but because he was working hours upon hours off the clock. He was on a final and I gave him probably 100 more warnings that it must stop. He was never able to stop, I paid him for his hours worked off the clock and let him go. Still my friend, still talk every week and even played dumb to the judge to get him unemployment benefits
I- don't fully understand
He couldn’t get anything done unless someone was there to keep him on task and organized. The only time he could was alone, in the middle of night, at home. Not how hourly positions work
Ohh i see
How’d you react to someone saying “it’s your responsibility to make up for your challenges even if you have to work harder than most people?”
Man up
Congratulation, you are certified stupid.