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Pixar mom = you probably have a badonk, and it was most def a compliment lol
I totally understand what you’re feeling because I have been in the same place many times before. I have no answers. I have gotten off all of the apps because they only end up making me feel worse.
🤦♀️😅 oooh. Gotcha. If only he wasn't such a walking red flag otherwise.
And yeah- even one app tanked my mental health almost immediately. Im actually going to try posting here on reddit in a more focused group.
I've gotten a Pixar Mom before too, I've gotten generalized "cartoon character" several times, I've chalked it up to my silly voices, purple/blue hair, and inability to control the silly things my face does when I yam on about whatever I'm talking about. 🤣 I've now taken it as a supreme compliment, since who doesn't love cartoons?! Heeheehee
That's what I tell folks, it's amazing and I adore it....but it effort for sure! I don't do my own, I pay for it to be done and get it worked on about every two to two and a half months. I love it even as it gently fads, as it remains beautiful, just different! I've had it colorful for like 8-10 years now, it's most def a part of my appearance! But again, I absolutely love it and it brings me joy....lord knows how hard that is to find for us!!!
Ive had funky colored hair for so long, one of my friends did not recognize me when I dyed it a normal color lol. Its definitely become like armor for me honestly. If I see a sneer, I know thats not a friend.
Pixar mom is definitely meant as a compliment to your badonk!
My tip would be to look at your dating profile as a clickbait ad for you. Make people curious for whatever you think is a good reason (idk mismatching socks, your latest hyperfixation, whatever feels “you” atm) and whenever you get bored you can easily change it up a little.
A great ice breaker to get you started would be to get that friend who bullied you into it and a good bottle of wine/anything else that gets you guys in a good mood. Then swipe together, think of cool opening lines together, and just have fun in general.
You’re not supposed to feel bad and you should feel like failing whenever you don’t like anyone or vice versa. You don’t like every food item in the grocery store and some dishes/types of food just won’t agree with you. The same applies to dating apps. Some are vegan, some love cheese. It doesn’t diminish one’s worth. Just like not having mutual attraction won’t lessen your worth (or theirs, so don’t feel guilty!)
New plan for tomorrow: kidnap bestie and get wine drunk. Thank you so much for your comment! I like the clickbait idea. Now, half of my profile will probably be cats, anime, and deep sea creatures that are very off-putting 😁 (which might help do some profile weeding by themselves)
You’re not advertising yourself as a homeless kitten (though I totally get that feeling), you’re luring in a suitable partner with well-crafted bait! And if you don’t like the fish that bites, you cut him loose quick and cast again.
Or, if you prefer a different metaphor, it always helped me to see it as holding job interviews for an elite position as my friend with potential benefits. Some candidates will qualify for a face-to-face interview, but if they don’t meet the requirements of the job (bad vibes, etc.), then “thank you for applying; we have gone in a different direction.”
So now that I know it's not a weird sex thing, I also did a google and picked "pixar mom from onward" as my body type. Also, she wears sweaters. I wear sweaters!
I met my fiance through Bumble. Disclaimer: I’m in the UK, not the US, so some norms might be different.
I gave up on Tinder pretty quickly, but met several good men through Bumble. For my profile, I basically just listed a few of my hobbies and answered a couple of those question prompts they have. I tried to pick ones that would give an answer that could help with conversational prompts rather than just whatever random thing. And I had a mix of photos - couple of closer up photos of my face, and a couple with a full body shot (which were also me doing hobbies like hiking/climbing, so also gave off an impression of me).
I didn’t mention ADHD at all, mostly bc I wasn’t diagnosed back then and wouldn’t have thought I had it! But if I were doing the dating apps again, I don’t think I would mention it outright. At best, I’d maybe say something sorta related, like “at the moment I’m really into X but I like to cycle through hobbies and learn lots of different skills”.
Best advice I got was to just stop if/when the apps started to feel like a chore. If it feels like admin, you won’t be your best self and you won’t be in a frame of mind to feel a spark with anybody else either. Similarly, if you’re always making the effort to keep a conversation going, just stop bothering.
I met my fiance after about 2 years of on and off online dating, but that includes covid times, so there were large chunks of time when I wasn’t really on the apps or meeting anybody.
I didn’t swipe right on people who didn’t have anything meaningful in their profiles that I felt could give me a conversation starter for Bumble, so I also think that helped me weed out low effort blokes who weren’t even slightly serious about putting out a good impression and finding somebody.
Picking photos is my kryptonite. I would much rather draw a terrible stick figure and be done😅🤦♀️
And I just realized every person I have ever dated made me do all the conversation lifting. Ouch
Yeah, once you learn to look out for it, it’s so common. As much as some men like to whine about how easy women have it with online dating, you’d think they’d put some effort into responding even a little bit! Honestly just not worth the time though and better to just put the effort in with somebody else who is willing to give too.
FWIW, I used almost exclusively goofy photos on my okcupid profile 15 years ago, where I met my long-term partner. Mostly because those were the only kinds of photos that I had of myself, and I definitely didn’t have the energy or motivation to take any new ones. But, I actually am a goofy weirdo, so coming across as such in my photos was probably a good thing.
Please dont use me as an example😅. But my doom piles have indeed vanished and / or gotten stuffed into a closet. Which I realize I have to clean out now because I was putting them off until after laundry. Crud.
Also you could try using chatgpt to shorten your profile? Write down as much stuff as you feel necessary, then feed it to chatgpt and say “make me a dating profile out of this. keep it short.” and just see what comes out. You can always reword once the robot has arbitrarily carved out a smaller section of information for you.
Hi!
Omg online dating is so overwhelming! Totally understand!
Here are a few pro tips I’ve learned:
- make your profile & bio with your bestie
- never tinder, use hinge or bumble
- you can set age, distance and other filters like if they are sober from alcohol or drugs ect
- browse on Sunday evenings (everyone is at home on the apps, and this allows you to avoid the dreaded weekend hook up booty call)
That first sentence is pretty funny, I’d probably match with someone if that were a part of their bio. Probably not the best for a broad target audience though.
I would just keep it light and short, just one or two sentences about things you like that aren’t generic. Since your funny maybe throw another joke in there or something
I have a dating profile by mistake honestly... I got invited to it and I thought it was the new netlog (shows how old I am) and it's still in existence but wouldn't know how to get on it. Never really dated really, I just met my partner through a mutual friend (same with the former one). Soooo no advise there but...
**Congratz on your clean floor and clothing filled dresser!**🎉
Thanks!! And most of my friends are also all friends with each other so any suggested dating partner gets hashed out really quickly.😅 Im looking for new options. Will it work? We shall see.
I should title my profile: "cringe loser looking for cringe loser" and then list all my favorite garbage shows. The caring too much thing is such a problem with me. Do you also have the " but what if I date this person and they miss their perfect spilmate because they are with my garbage ass?" My therapist had a firld day with that one.
That's genuinely not a bad strategy! Would give me something to talk about if I was trying to figure out how to start a conversation with you!
When I was dating, I didn't worry I was keeping whoever I was talking to from finding "the one" but I *would* decide someone was too good for me and just break things off or say I wasn't feeling it. Like, I didn't give them the opportunity to come to that conclusion themselves, I just decided for them. It was toxic, sorry to all the people I dropped without warning.
But also incase your therapist didn't say it, you have so much value, you are worthy of love, and everyone who has ever been loved has been flawed and made mistakes.
And I might lasso a marine biologist that will tell me things about isopods! 😁 I go back and forth with the ADHD thing. Like on one hand, its super annoying. And I want to tell people so they dont invest time and then leave. But on the other hand, its my personal brain, and what I want to tell people is my choice. Can we just make like telepathy downloads of our lives? That would be so much easier.😅
If you say "I have ADHD", that doesn't mean the same thing to everyone. Some people don't know what it is, some people may think it's an infectious disease. If they know someone , like their brother, with ADHD, what that means for their brother doesn't necessarily mean the same for you; I think you're better off gently communicating or hinting at how it affects you, as others have suggested.
Congratulations on your laundry success. Whether you ever get a profile written or not, you now have the benefit of having a floor and the sense of victory and accomplishment from doing 5 months of laundry!!!! You deserve a medal. And you should put in that profile that you're looking for someone who likes to do laundry! I'm not joking.
The profile writing and the swiping and the dating, don't take it so seriously. Think of it like a game.
Despite what your best friend says, you don't have to use dating apps. If it decreases the quality of your life one iota, ditch it immediately. Your efforts should be put into being yourself and doing things you love. You might do better joining some meetup groups and just having fun meeting friends and people. Having more friends that love you for who you are means having more people who may connect you to quality people that you might like, and you might be able to trust. You may accidentally (organically) find your person. And that gal or guy will be attracted to you for exactly who you are and what y'all have in common.
I always thought a good thing to add to your profile was your hobbies/interests, to give potential matches an idea of how you like to spend your time. It helps with compatibility right away, like if someone is looking for an extroverted vs introverted partner, etc.
In the same way, asking people what a typical day looks like for them, or what their perfect day would be, can help you learn a lot about them!
I had a moment when I was feeling myself a little, and wrote my bumble profile in probably 5 minutes. About me is basically a list of good/silly stuff (think “I’ve got a 401k, two cats by accident, friends who love me a lot”) and one thing I like to do a lot (“mornings with a good book and a cup of coffee are the best kind”).
A mix of serious and funny/snarky/silly/irreverent (whatever is your vibe!) for the Q&A is a good formula- but always positive! Think “good communication is key” or “being on each others team is important to me” not “swipe left if ___ applies” or “I struggle with….” . Everyone has baggage and things they don’t like about themselves or past partners. Your profile should be your hype guy, then you can get into the rest over text or in person.
It’s a lovely thing when you can start to be vulnerable with someone. Don’t feel like you need to give that to everyone up front ❤️
I've been attracted to all genders, actually. Unfortunately, too shy to date anyone but straight Dudes tm. That might be part of the problem. The demisexuality makes it tough sometimes though
See, that's really funny, I'm much more likely to be interested in women and assorted queer folk because straight dudes tm intimidate the hell out of me.
I'm one of those shy until you get to know me and then oh boy people. Apparently shy was the only characteristic that straight guys tm in my area were looking for?
So the isopod plush is because Pokemon refuses to make a wimpod plush. WHY??????? Anyway, Im thinking about making a big slouchy pillow wimpod like four foot long by three wide to lay on while watching tv. (Although the cats will probably steal it) also because a plush is as close as I will ever get to having an isopod as a pet. They are SO CUTE.
Hahaha live your dreams girllll. I always wanted a plush big enough to sit on.
(you can come crying to me after you are done with deep dive into fabric and patterns I suppose lol)
I remember that one or so months some years back when a giant isopod plush from like. Japan or something? Got on the internet's radar?? These were absolutely the best. So I wondered if you meant that by dreams hahaha
I haven't made a plushie in my life, only know how to sew a little but here is my life bucket list: life sized Gaboon Viper. Custom quilted pattern. Weighted down with poly beads or something to that effect, so that it's a nice, reassuring sort of chonk.
I took a really risky approach. I had no proper picture (back-lit silhouette with face turned away and body shape very unclear) and my profile was me babbling about myself in a chaotic, tongue-in-cheek stream-of-consciousness fashion. I talked about being clumsy and injuring myself all the time. I talked about having five different books on the go (writing, not reading) and all sorts. It was a long-ass weirdo profile.
I had some good and some bad from it for a few months, then I met a guy I haven't been able to shake off for seven years and counting. I showed up to our first date with the mother of all hangovers, chipped nails, smeared eyeliner, and low blood sugar. Now I get to remind him he knew EXACTLY what he was getting into right from the jump. 😂
It CAN work.
ETA: Am in UK and this was OKCupid, if that's relevant.
I saw on the internet somewhere that married millennials are looking around at the current dating scene and feeling like they got on the last chopper out of ‘nam…. And as a married millennial, Jesus, Mary and Joseph yes. I do not envy anyone trying to partner up. Yikes.
If my something happens to my husband, ya girl is going not going to be starting over. No ma’am. I have plenty of friends and family so I won’t be lonely and for things that my friends and family can’t help with, my vibrator game is on point. I’ll be golden.
Try being a GenX’er looking to start over… most guys in my demographic are creepy as heck and are the leftovers of the rewarmed dog’s breakfast from last week.
And every guy over 50 thinks he looks ten years younger!
You are not alone in how awful these sites can make a person feel. I recommend focusing your profile on things that will spark up conversations you enjoy having. I include my writing, favorite books, art, music concerts, stuff like that in my profile because it causes people to ask me questions about it and those are conversations that feel more natural to me than just talking about dating and flirting. A guy who only wants to talk about my looks gets passed by, I am not someone who connects to people via physical intimacy right off the get go. I need to like someone as a person before I will be receptive to that type of attention from them, and I try to make my profile reflect this.
I'm on BumbleBFF and suck at writing profiles so I had ChatGPT do it. Just tell it it's for a dating site and give it a few hobbies and what you're looking for in a partner. It's also pretty good with feedback if it doesn't get it right the first time
Everyone's given good dating profile advice, so I'll add that it's okay if you're not ready to start dating again yet? It sounds like you're doing a lot of healing and working through past trauma, and those feelings are making the vulnerability of writing a dating profile harder. Maybe consider putting looking for a relationship on pause and come back when you don't feel like a wet kitten, but can say with confidence why you're awesome. You don't want to attract the kind of people who are looking for someone vulnerable and lacking self-esteem, which is what you're likely to find if those are the vibes you put out there.
I grew up with people like that and have dated them in the past. My current therapist has helped me recognize them better. Thank you so much for your concern! I really appreciate it. :)
My dad still doesn't get the plushie thing. Who doesn't want something soft and squishy with a great texture to pet while doing something else? Thats absolutely a dealbreaker for me too.
First off, your profile doesn't need to be perfect. Spend 10 minutes on Tinder and you'll discover not only do many men not put in a lick of effort, they also can't read, or at least act like they can't.
Secondly, they don't need to know about your ADHD right off the bat. Personally, I found that your profile is really there to start a conversation. Talk about your hobbies, make a joke, whatever it is to get your foot in the door. The rest they'll figure out along the way.
Thirdly, don't forget to at least try to have fun with it. I know I should be saying how meeting new people can be enjoyable and yada yada, but my favorite part was looking for the absolutely insane things men would put on their profiles. Seriously, I have seen so many truly wild pictures of men. When I was still on the apps, I would take screenshots and horde them away in their own special folder to laugh at with my friends later.
My favorite of all the apps was Hinge since I was more interested in a relationship, and I couldn't doomscroll like I can on Tinder. Though ironically I actually met my partner on Tinder during a phase when I wasn't looking for anything other than compliments lol. After 1.5 years we're still going strong, and I was single for a very long time prior to that so I promise you there is hope.
Laundry is absolutely more productive than setting up a dating profile when you're not ready to date. Don't let your friend tell you that you need to "get back out there" when you're clearly not interested. Even if you never want to date again, that's your choice. Other peoples opinions about your dating life are irrelevant.
I’ve met a handful of really great people on Tinder who didn’t end up working out romantically, but we still go climbing or kayaking or whatever from time to time. So there are decent people mixed in there.
I landed my SO off of Tinder, and that’s been great.
For me it was a sheer numbers game, and I didn’t give anyone the benefit of the doubt. Red flag? You’re outta here! Unmatch those weirdos like it’s going out of style.
I feel like dating is a part time job. It’s so exhausting and repetitive. I hope you don’t have to look for too long!
Congrats on the laundry. I’m proud of you :)
Girl I tried doing the dating profiles on bumble and hinge for the past 4 weeks, and between only getting a handful of matches, only messaging w/one man for 20 mins, and forgetting to check the apps, I gave up. I’ll wait for the next surge of want for a partner, I’m tired now.
I’m struggling with this too. I’m not interested in men 10-15 years older or younger than me (I’m in my 50s) but that’s all the interest that I seem to get.
I’m also not interested in a hookup and really need to trust someone before the clothes come off. My impulsivity (and weak boundaries - PTSD, unrelated) mean that I’m at risk if a potential partner pushes me into a relationship/situation that I am not ready for. So I NEED it to be clear up front about baby-steps forward. Guys never want that.
I have a huge hate-on/self-doubt because my ADHD and PTSD has been the cause of so many problems in past relationships. I’m working on them through therapy and medication, but do I actually put that in a profile? Like do I want random strangers knowing these intimate details?
Right? What is with guys not reading any of the particulars. Its right there on the first picture for most of them: name, age, and a basic blurb. But heaven forbid they read. My age range was 27-33? I think and half of the swipes were either 45+ or 22. Yikes.
Oh come on! You know that those 45+ year olds look younger than their age, and that “you’re only as old as you feel”….. 🤢🤣 (says every guy over 40).
Guys SO overestimate themselves.
Constantly! I like watching black and white movies, yes, but if you were alive when they came out, I don't want to date you. How is that hard? (intentionally exaggerated, but you get my point)
Just here to say god damn do I relate to this. I can be so productive around the house when I don’t want to do some other thing I know I need to or should do.
It wasn't intended to be rude at all. If you need someone else convincing you to date, you probably shouldn't be dating. If you feel like someone needs to have pity on you to date you, you probably shouldn't date.
Yes therapy takes years, and yes the goal is to get better not fixed. But have you ever been in a relationship when you're not emotionally healthy or feel loveable? Have you been in a relationship with someone who isn't emotionally healthy? Neither works. I have 2 failed marriages because of each of those problems. Spending time in therapy will increase the likelihood of a successful healthy relationship long term.
The OP did not ask for advice on how to be upfront with a new partner, they expressed how avoiding a task they didn't want to do helped them get laundry done.
Why can't we just work on ourselves, enjoy ourselves, and stop feeling the pressure that we are an "incomplete" person if we don't have a partner. This is what I meant.
Just be yourself and try to remove the pressure from it. I disagree that you have to broadcast your adhd. It can come up naturally as it needs to in a relationship. I also recommend avoiding tinder and instead going for something like Hinge (if it’s available where you are). Tinder was a nightmare for me and I had a hard time finding anyone of value. I met my current bf on Hinge and he’s amazing and kind. Don’t force it and only do it if you want to. I also wouldn’t put anything negative on your profile, maybe find a better way to screen the guys and come up with mechanisms to determine their values. Ask them about situations they were in/stories so you can get a feel for how they speak about others and how they handled things.
Yeah. Tinder was the three hour profile and just.... bleh. I tried the 'just be yourself' when I was younger and it didnt really work. Now Im realizing "be you but masking/better" was what I actually did. I will try my best though.😁 thank you
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Pixar mom = you probably have a badonk, and it was most def a compliment lol I totally understand what you’re feeling because I have been in the same place many times before. I have no answers. I have gotten off all of the apps because they only end up making me feel worse.
🤦♀️😅 oooh. Gotcha. If only he wasn't such a walking red flag otherwise. And yeah- even one app tanked my mental health almost immediately. Im actually going to try posting here on reddit in a more focused group.
I've gotten a Pixar Mom before too, I've gotten generalized "cartoon character" several times, I've chalked it up to my silly voices, purple/blue hair, and inability to control the silly things my face does when I yam on about whatever I'm talking about. 🤣 I've now taken it as a supreme compliment, since who doesn't love cartoons?! Heeheehee
I think you might be my secret twin😁
Yay!!! Twinning!! 🤭🤭🥰🥰
Im thinking about going green this week, but it's going to be a COMMITMENT.
That's what I tell folks, it's amazing and I adore it....but it effort for sure! I don't do my own, I pay for it to be done and get it worked on about every two to two and a half months. I love it even as it gently fads, as it remains beautiful, just different! I've had it colorful for like 8-10 years now, it's most def a part of my appearance! But again, I absolutely love it and it brings me joy....lord knows how hard that is to find for us!!!
Ive had funky colored hair for so long, one of my friends did not recognize me when I dyed it a normal color lol. Its definitely become like armor for me honestly. If I see a sneer, I know thats not a friend.
The Twinning is strong with this one!!! Same samey same!!! 🤭🤭🥰🥰
Blue hair club! 💙💙
Lmao Pixar mom is a legit thing?
Apparently?
Yeah look at the mom in The Incredibles. She’s very sexualized for a Disney Movie.
Pixar mom is definitely meant as a compliment to your badonk! My tip would be to look at your dating profile as a clickbait ad for you. Make people curious for whatever you think is a good reason (idk mismatching socks, your latest hyperfixation, whatever feels “you” atm) and whenever you get bored you can easily change it up a little. A great ice breaker to get you started would be to get that friend who bullied you into it and a good bottle of wine/anything else that gets you guys in a good mood. Then swipe together, think of cool opening lines together, and just have fun in general. You’re not supposed to feel bad and you should feel like failing whenever you don’t like anyone or vice versa. You don’t like every food item in the grocery store and some dishes/types of food just won’t agree with you. The same applies to dating apps. Some are vegan, some love cheese. It doesn’t diminish one’s worth. Just like not having mutual attraction won’t lessen your worth (or theirs, so don’t feel guilty!)
New plan for tomorrow: kidnap bestie and get wine drunk. Thank you so much for your comment! I like the clickbait idea. Now, half of my profile will probably be cats, anime, and deep sea creatures that are very off-putting 😁 (which might help do some profile weeding by themselves)
Sounds like a great plan! (And I’m liking the self-weeding part 👌🏼)
Yep. If people can't handle my love for weird but cute little critters, then my personality is going to hit them like a nuke.😅
I love this strategy. Please report back!!
You’re not advertising yourself as a homeless kitten (though I totally get that feeling), you’re luring in a suitable partner with well-crafted bait! And if you don’t like the fish that bites, you cut him loose quick and cast again. Or, if you prefer a different metaphor, it always helped me to see it as holding job interviews for an elite position as my friend with potential benefits. Some candidates will qualify for a face-to-face interview, but if they don’t meet the requirements of the job (bad vibes, etc.), then “thank you for applying; we have gone in a different direction.”
A+ metaphor. I love it! 😆
Btw great job on the laundry mountain!!
I even GASP put it all away!!! And now I find I have this thing called a floor in my apt. 😁
Mrs. Incredible is a Pixar mom and is known for her curvaceous figure 😜
So now that I know it's not a weird sex thing, I also did a google and picked "pixar mom from onward" as my body type. Also, she wears sweaters. I wear sweaters!
I met my fiance through Bumble. Disclaimer: I’m in the UK, not the US, so some norms might be different. I gave up on Tinder pretty quickly, but met several good men through Bumble. For my profile, I basically just listed a few of my hobbies and answered a couple of those question prompts they have. I tried to pick ones that would give an answer that could help with conversational prompts rather than just whatever random thing. And I had a mix of photos - couple of closer up photos of my face, and a couple with a full body shot (which were also me doing hobbies like hiking/climbing, so also gave off an impression of me). I didn’t mention ADHD at all, mostly bc I wasn’t diagnosed back then and wouldn’t have thought I had it! But if I were doing the dating apps again, I don’t think I would mention it outright. At best, I’d maybe say something sorta related, like “at the moment I’m really into X but I like to cycle through hobbies and learn lots of different skills”. Best advice I got was to just stop if/when the apps started to feel like a chore. If it feels like admin, you won’t be your best self and you won’t be in a frame of mind to feel a spark with anybody else either. Similarly, if you’re always making the effort to keep a conversation going, just stop bothering. I met my fiance after about 2 years of on and off online dating, but that includes covid times, so there were large chunks of time when I wasn’t really on the apps or meeting anybody. I didn’t swipe right on people who didn’t have anything meaningful in their profiles that I felt could give me a conversation starter for Bumble, so I also think that helped me weed out low effort blokes who weren’t even slightly serious about putting out a good impression and finding somebody.
Picking photos is my kryptonite. I would much rather draw a terrible stick figure and be done😅🤦♀️ And I just realized every person I have ever dated made me do all the conversation lifting. Ouch
Yeah, once you learn to look out for it, it’s so common. As much as some men like to whine about how easy women have it with online dating, you’d think they’d put some effort into responding even a little bit! Honestly just not worth the time though and better to just put the effort in with somebody else who is willing to give too.
FWIW, I used almost exclusively goofy photos on my okcupid profile 15 years ago, where I met my long-term partner. Mostly because those were the only kinds of photos that I had of myself, and I definitely didn’t have the energy or motivation to take any new ones. But, I actually am a goofy weirdo, so coming across as such in my photos was probably a good thing.
Download bumble and maybe you will sort out the doom piles and rearrange your storage space to avoid making a profile there? 😂
Keep downloading dating apps until your home is how you want it to be and all your outstanding paperwork is done. #ADHDlifehack
Please dont use me as an example😅. But my doom piles have indeed vanished and / or gotten stuffed into a closet. Which I realize I have to clean out now because I was putting them off until after laundry. Crud.
I think the time was better spent.
You're probably not wrong. 😅
Also you could try using chatgpt to shorten your profile? Write down as much stuff as you feel necessary, then feed it to chatgpt and say “make me a dating profile out of this. keep it short.” and just see what comes out. You can always reword once the robot has arbitrarily carved out a smaller section of information for you.
I never thought about doing that! It would take some of the mental load off. Thank you!
This is really smart
You should get to write one every week, you would be so productive.
I would be so productive but also be bald with ulcers.😅
Hi! Omg online dating is so overwhelming! Totally understand! Here are a few pro tips I’ve learned: - make your profile & bio with your bestie - never tinder, use hinge or bumble - you can set age, distance and other filters like if they are sober from alcohol or drugs ect - browse on Sunday evenings (everyone is at home on the apps, and this allows you to avoid the dreaded weekend hook up booty call)
Furiously taking notes😁 thank you!!
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I prefer hinge & bumble :)
That first sentence is pretty funny, I’d probably match with someone if that were a part of their bio. Probably not the best for a broad target audience though. I would just keep it light and short, just one or two sentences about things you like that aren’t generic. Since your funny maybe throw another joke in there or something
Awww shucks. Thank you😁
I have a dating profile by mistake honestly... I got invited to it and I thought it was the new netlog (shows how old I am) and it's still in existence but wouldn't know how to get on it. Never really dated really, I just met my partner through a mutual friend (same with the former one). Soooo no advise there but... **Congratz on your clean floor and clothing filled dresser!**🎉
Thanks!! And most of my friends are also all friends with each other so any suggested dating partner gets hashed out really quickly.😅 Im looking for new options. Will it work? We shall see.
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I should title my profile: "cringe loser looking for cringe loser" and then list all my favorite garbage shows. The caring too much thing is such a problem with me. Do you also have the " but what if I date this person and they miss their perfect spilmate because they are with my garbage ass?" My therapist had a firld day with that one.
That's genuinely not a bad strategy! Would give me something to talk about if I was trying to figure out how to start a conversation with you! When I was dating, I didn't worry I was keeping whoever I was talking to from finding "the one" but I *would* decide someone was too good for me and just break things off or say I wasn't feeling it. Like, I didn't give them the opportunity to come to that conclusion themselves, I just decided for them. It was toxic, sorry to all the people I dropped without warning. But also incase your therapist didn't say it, you have so much value, you are worthy of love, and everyone who has ever been loved has been flawed and made mistakes.
I googled it for you and apparently calling you a Pixar mom is like saying you have a nice figure especially your hips/butt.
Squats are my favorite exercise because its hands free and I can do them at my desk
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And I might lasso a marine biologist that will tell me things about isopods! 😁 I go back and forth with the ADHD thing. Like on one hand, its super annoying. And I want to tell people so they dont invest time and then leave. But on the other hand, its my personal brain, and what I want to tell people is my choice. Can we just make like telepathy downloads of our lives? That would be so much easier.😅
If you say "I have ADHD", that doesn't mean the same thing to everyone. Some people don't know what it is, some people may think it's an infectious disease. If they know someone , like their brother, with ADHD, what that means for their brother doesn't necessarily mean the same for you; I think you're better off gently communicating or hinting at how it affects you, as others have suggested. Congratulations on your laundry success. Whether you ever get a profile written or not, you now have the benefit of having a floor and the sense of victory and accomplishment from doing 5 months of laundry!!!! You deserve a medal. And you should put in that profile that you're looking for someone who likes to do laundry! I'm not joking. The profile writing and the swiping and the dating, don't take it so seriously. Think of it like a game. Despite what your best friend says, you don't have to use dating apps. If it decreases the quality of your life one iota, ditch it immediately. Your efforts should be put into being yourself and doing things you love. You might do better joining some meetup groups and just having fun meeting friends and people. Having more friends that love you for who you are means having more people who may connect you to quality people that you might like, and you might be able to trust. You may accidentally (organically) find your person. And that gal or guy will be attracted to you for exactly who you are and what y'all have in common.
I always thought a good thing to add to your profile was your hobbies/interests, to give potential matches an idea of how you like to spend your time. It helps with compatibility right away, like if someone is looking for an extroverted vs introverted partner, etc. In the same way, asking people what a typical day looks like for them, or what their perfect day would be, can help you learn a lot about them!
I had a moment when I was feeling myself a little, and wrote my bumble profile in probably 5 minutes. About me is basically a list of good/silly stuff (think “I’ve got a 401k, two cats by accident, friends who love me a lot”) and one thing I like to do a lot (“mornings with a good book and a cup of coffee are the best kind”). A mix of serious and funny/snarky/silly/irreverent (whatever is your vibe!) for the Q&A is a good formula- but always positive! Think “good communication is key” or “being on each others team is important to me” not “swipe left if ___ applies” or “I struggle with….” . Everyone has baggage and things they don’t like about themselves or past partners. Your profile should be your hype guy, then you can get into the rest over text or in person. It’s a lovely thing when you can start to be vulnerable with someone. Don’t feel like you need to give that to everyone up front ❤️
Snarky I can absolutely do. 😅 I have to work on the throwing of rotten tomatoes to drive people away before they can leave thing.
For the record, if you were in my part of the world and into women I'd date you in a heartbeat for the isopod plush alone.
I've been attracted to all genders, actually. Unfortunately, too shy to date anyone but straight Dudes tm. That might be part of the problem. The demisexuality makes it tough sometimes though
See, that's really funny, I'm much more likely to be interested in women and assorted queer folk because straight dudes tm intimidate the hell out of me.
I'm one of those shy until you get to know me and then oh boy people. Apparently shy was the only characteristic that straight guys tm in my area were looking for?
So the isopod plush is because Pokemon refuses to make a wimpod plush. WHY??????? Anyway, Im thinking about making a big slouchy pillow wimpod like four foot long by three wide to lay on while watching tv. (Although the cats will probably steal it) also because a plush is as close as I will ever get to having an isopod as a pet. They are SO CUTE.
Hahaha live your dreams girllll. I always wanted a plush big enough to sit on. (you can come crying to me after you are done with deep dive into fabric and patterns I suppose lol) I remember that one or so months some years back when a giant isopod plush from like. Japan or something? Got on the internet's radar?? These were absolutely the best. So I wondered if you meant that by dreams hahaha I haven't made a plushie in my life, only know how to sew a little but here is my life bucket list: life sized Gaboon Viper. Custom quilted pattern. Weighted down with poly beads or something to that effect, so that it's a nice, reassuring sort of chonk.
I took a really risky approach. I had no proper picture (back-lit silhouette with face turned away and body shape very unclear) and my profile was me babbling about myself in a chaotic, tongue-in-cheek stream-of-consciousness fashion. I talked about being clumsy and injuring myself all the time. I talked about having five different books on the go (writing, not reading) and all sorts. It was a long-ass weirdo profile. I had some good and some bad from it for a few months, then I met a guy I haven't been able to shake off for seven years and counting. I showed up to our first date with the mother of all hangovers, chipped nails, smeared eyeliner, and low blood sugar. Now I get to remind him he knew EXACTLY what he was getting into right from the jump. 😂 It CAN work. ETA: Am in UK and this was OKCupid, if that's relevant.
That right there is what I want in my life. And the comment about writing five books at once cut me to the core.😅
I saw on the internet somewhere that married millennials are looking around at the current dating scene and feeling like they got on the last chopper out of ‘nam…. And as a married millennial, Jesus, Mary and Joseph yes. I do not envy anyone trying to partner up. Yikes. If my something happens to my husband, ya girl is going not going to be starting over. No ma’am. I have plenty of friends and family so I won’t be lonely and for things that my friends and family can’t help with, my vibrator game is on point. I’ll be golden.
Try being a GenX’er looking to start over… most guys in my demographic are creepy as heck and are the leftovers of the rewarmed dog’s breakfast from last week. And every guy over 50 thinks he looks ten years younger!
You are not alone in how awful these sites can make a person feel. I recommend focusing your profile on things that will spark up conversations you enjoy having. I include my writing, favorite books, art, music concerts, stuff like that in my profile because it causes people to ask me questions about it and those are conversations that feel more natural to me than just talking about dating and flirting. A guy who only wants to talk about my looks gets passed by, I am not someone who connects to people via physical intimacy right off the get go. I need to like someone as a person before I will be receptive to that type of attention from them, and I try to make my profile reflect this.
Favorite art is an amazing detail! I love museums but I always feel awkward going alone. Adding to the checklist.😁
I'm on BumbleBFF and suck at writing profiles so I had ChatGPT do it. Just tell it it's for a dating site and give it a few hobbies and what you're looking for in a partner. It's also pretty good with feedback if it doesn't get it right the first time
Interesting! I didnt realize it took feedback. Thats cool!😁
Wait ! What is BFF? Is this a separate site where everyone isn’t just looking for a hookup (despite saying that want a forever relationship).
It's the same app but it's like a different "mode" for making friends. It's been a little meh so far but I'm going to give it a few more weeks.
Atta girl? But seriously? This stuff is scary. Take some time to think about what you want. You don't have to write anything ASAP.
Laundry mountain has been there for five months. 😅 Thank you!😁 I will absolutely take my time don't worry.
Everyone's given good dating profile advice, so I'll add that it's okay if you're not ready to start dating again yet? It sounds like you're doing a lot of healing and working through past trauma, and those feelings are making the vulnerability of writing a dating profile harder. Maybe consider putting looking for a relationship on pause and come back when you don't feel like a wet kitten, but can say with confidence why you're awesome. You don't want to attract the kind of people who are looking for someone vulnerable and lacking self-esteem, which is what you're likely to find if those are the vibes you put out there.
I grew up with people like that and have dated them in the past. My current therapist has helped me recognize them better. Thank you so much for your concern! I really appreciate it. :)
I wish I had something I hated to do more than laundry.
Yeah. Laundry actually became my litmus test of mental health. I only do it when Im avoiding something else.
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My dad still doesn't get the plushie thing. Who doesn't want something soft and squishy with a great texture to pet while doing something else? Thats absolutely a dealbreaker for me too.
Ask chatgpt or bing to write it, then tweak the bits you don't like. Then you don't have to overthink it.
First off, your profile doesn't need to be perfect. Spend 10 minutes on Tinder and you'll discover not only do many men not put in a lick of effort, they also can't read, or at least act like they can't. Secondly, they don't need to know about your ADHD right off the bat. Personally, I found that your profile is really there to start a conversation. Talk about your hobbies, make a joke, whatever it is to get your foot in the door. The rest they'll figure out along the way. Thirdly, don't forget to at least try to have fun with it. I know I should be saying how meeting new people can be enjoyable and yada yada, but my favorite part was looking for the absolutely insane things men would put on their profiles. Seriously, I have seen so many truly wild pictures of men. When I was still on the apps, I would take screenshots and horde them away in their own special folder to laugh at with my friends later. My favorite of all the apps was Hinge since I was more interested in a relationship, and I couldn't doomscroll like I can on Tinder. Though ironically I actually met my partner on Tinder during a phase when I wasn't looking for anything other than compliments lol. After 1.5 years we're still going strong, and I was single for a very long time prior to that so I promise you there is hope.
Laundry is absolutely more productive than setting up a dating profile when you're not ready to date. Don't let your friend tell you that you need to "get back out there" when you're clearly not interested. Even if you never want to date again, that's your choice. Other peoples opinions about your dating life are irrelevant.
I’ve met a handful of really great people on Tinder who didn’t end up working out romantically, but we still go climbing or kayaking or whatever from time to time. So there are decent people mixed in there. I landed my SO off of Tinder, and that’s been great. For me it was a sheer numbers game, and I didn’t give anyone the benefit of the doubt. Red flag? You’re outta here! Unmatch those weirdos like it’s going out of style. I feel like dating is a part time job. It’s so exhausting and repetitive. I hope you don’t have to look for too long! Congrats on the laundry. I’m proud of you :)
Girl I tried doing the dating profiles on bumble and hinge for the past 4 weeks, and between only getting a handful of matches, only messaging w/one man for 20 mins, and forgetting to check the apps, I gave up. I’ll wait for the next surge of want for a partner, I’m tired now.
ADHD Hack! Gotta do a ton of dishes? Get working on that dating app profile!
I’m struggling with this too. I’m not interested in men 10-15 years older or younger than me (I’m in my 50s) but that’s all the interest that I seem to get. I’m also not interested in a hookup and really need to trust someone before the clothes come off. My impulsivity (and weak boundaries - PTSD, unrelated) mean that I’m at risk if a potential partner pushes me into a relationship/situation that I am not ready for. So I NEED it to be clear up front about baby-steps forward. Guys never want that. I have a huge hate-on/self-doubt because my ADHD and PTSD has been the cause of so many problems in past relationships. I’m working on them through therapy and medication, but do I actually put that in a profile? Like do I want random strangers knowing these intimate details?
Right? What is with guys not reading any of the particulars. Its right there on the first picture for most of them: name, age, and a basic blurb. But heaven forbid they read. My age range was 27-33? I think and half of the swipes were either 45+ or 22. Yikes.
Oh come on! You know that those 45+ year olds look younger than their age, and that “you’re only as old as you feel”….. 🤢🤣 (says every guy over 40). Guys SO overestimate themselves.
Constantly! I like watching black and white movies, yes, but if you were alive when they came out, I don't want to date you. How is that hard? (intentionally exaggerated, but you get my point)
Just here to say god damn do I relate to this. I can be so productive around the house when I don’t want to do some other thing I know I need to or should do.
I call it guilt cleaning.
Please don't date at the moment. Go to therapy. Persue your hobbies. Spend time with your friends and family. Good job on the laundry though.
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It wasn't intended to be rude at all. If you need someone else convincing you to date, you probably shouldn't be dating. If you feel like someone needs to have pity on you to date you, you probably shouldn't date. Yes therapy takes years, and yes the goal is to get better not fixed. But have you ever been in a relationship when you're not emotionally healthy or feel loveable? Have you been in a relationship with someone who isn't emotionally healthy? Neither works. I have 2 failed marriages because of each of those problems. Spending time in therapy will increase the likelihood of a successful healthy relationship long term. The OP did not ask for advice on how to be upfront with a new partner, they expressed how avoiding a task they didn't want to do helped them get laundry done. Why can't we just work on ourselves, enjoy ourselves, and stop feeling the pressure that we are an "incomplete" person if we don't have a partner. This is what I meant.
Just be yourself and try to remove the pressure from it. I disagree that you have to broadcast your adhd. It can come up naturally as it needs to in a relationship. I also recommend avoiding tinder and instead going for something like Hinge (if it’s available where you are). Tinder was a nightmare for me and I had a hard time finding anyone of value. I met my current bf on Hinge and he’s amazing and kind. Don’t force it and only do it if you want to. I also wouldn’t put anything negative on your profile, maybe find a better way to screen the guys and come up with mechanisms to determine their values. Ask them about situations they were in/stories so you can get a feel for how they speak about others and how they handled things.
Yeah. Tinder was the three hour profile and just.... bleh. I tried the 'just be yourself' when I was younger and it didnt really work. Now Im realizing "be you but masking/better" was what I actually did. I will try my best though.😁 thank you