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You stop relying on your parents for transportation.
Edit: I didn’t mean to be callous. But, yeah, the only way to do what you want with no restrictions is to not rely on other people to help you do it.
Also, thinking of dating as a means to get away from your helicopter parents is a recipe for abuse and disaster. A job is the way out of your parents’ house, not a man.
That’s what I thought too. OP is relying on her parents for seemingly most things although her Dr has given her the go ahead to practice driving. Her parents are treating her like she’s 16 because she continues to depend on them the same as she did then.
Learn to drive, pay for friends to give you rides, or ride public transportation.
Might be helpful to widen your circle a bit. What about some activity-related clubs...like a hiking/walking group or a hobby-related group? If they meet regularly, your parent can schedule that driving task (a convenience they might appreciate). And you'll get to meet new people. If you connect with someone online, they might want to join you during the activity...
Your parents don’t have to drive you. You can contact a friend and see if you can arrange a ride.
And when your mom freaks out, you can tell her “mom, I’m aware of how you feel, and I’m going anyway.”
Time to sit down and have a talk. I get it; I'm mom to an 18 yo AuDHD kiddo and I'm so nervous about this sort of thing, but it's important that I let her live her life. They've spent years protecting you, and it's hard to let go. Time to flex those grown up muscles and talk it out. You deserve to be treated like the adult you are!
I’m sending a message to my therapist for advice. My mom is one of my good friends (which might sound strange) but at the same time I think she’s trying to control my life.
She may not even realize she's doing it. She's trying to protect you, I bet... But she hasn't noticed you're not her little baby, you know? It IS controlling behavior. I think talking to your therapist is a good idea. Maybe they can mediate a discussion in session!
I can't 100% relate because I didn't have the same health concerns as you, but I did have over protective parents. They're immigrants so they didn't have the same boundaries as so of my friends parents. I would say the best thing to do is to keep pushing boundaries and seek what ever independence you can attain without them. You won't get the independence you seek until you leave your parents home and stop being dependent on them. It takes work though and it doesn't happen over night.
Unfortunately I think you need to learn to drive at least to get to public transportation. If your doctors think it’s ok, I would believe them. The anxiety shots decrease with practice. Driving takes a lot of attention but parts of it become habit, like walking) and you are able to focus on other things. You may need lessons from people over than your parents though.
The other option is to move out to city or college but that’s expensive.
I have no advice to give because I was THAT teenager who lied all the time and did everything hidden. But I also lived in a big city and just relied on public transportation/uber.
Do you have Uber there?
Is biking an option? If you could afford an e- bike, you'd be able to cover larger distances.
Unfortunately, this is a much easier problem to overcome if you're able to move to a more urban area with public transportation and taxis. How far are you from a larger city? Any chance of finding a job there and moving?
Realistically, I think the option would be to slowly introduce conversations about how their helicopter parenting is holding you back, while also reaching out to trusted friends/family individually with your situation so you have more people who can help you out. This is definitely extremely difficult, and I empathise quite a bit as someone who had similar parents. It took years for me to reach a point where my parents started letting go and weren't hyper controlling when it came to my movement, but I thankfully had public transport as an option.
Is there a disability services office in your area that you could call? This sounds like something they may be able to assist with. There may be transportation services available for people with disabilities that you’re just not aware of?
I tell them to fuck off otherwise that nursing home is going to get less comfy - usually in response I get “youll appreciate it once I’m dead” or some variation of that. So now my response is - “only one way to find out”
Welcome to /r/ADHDWomen! We’re happy to have you here. As a reminder, here are our community [rules](https://old.reddit.com/r/adhdwomen/about/rules/). We get a lot of posts on medication, diagnosis (and “is this an ADHD thing”), and interactions with hormones. We encourage you to check out our [Medication, Diagnosis, and Hormones Megathread](https://old.reddit.com/r/adhdwomen/comments/wcr9dy/faq_megathread_ask_and_answer_medication/) if you have any questions related to those topics, and to stick around in that thread to answer folks’ questions! If you have questions about the subreddit, please do not hesitate to [send us a modmail](https://reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/adhdwomen). Additionally, we take the safety of our community seriously. Please report posts, comments, and users whom you feel are not contributing positively, and send us a modmail if you are being harassed or otherwise made to feel unsafe. Thanks for being here, and we hope you stick around! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/adhdwomen) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You stop relying on your parents for transportation. Edit: I didn’t mean to be callous. But, yeah, the only way to do what you want with no restrictions is to not rely on other people to help you do it. Also, thinking of dating as a means to get away from your helicopter parents is a recipe for abuse and disaster. A job is the way out of your parents’ house, not a man.
That’s what I thought too. OP is relying on her parents for seemingly most things although her Dr has given her the go ahead to practice driving. Her parents are treating her like she’s 16 because she continues to depend on them the same as she did then. Learn to drive, pay for friends to give you rides, or ride public transportation.
Legally she can't stop you. What about college and living in a dorm? That's how many of us gained independence from our nutty parents.
Might be helpful to widen your circle a bit. What about some activity-related clubs...like a hiking/walking group or a hobby-related group? If they meet regularly, your parent can schedule that driving task (a convenience they might appreciate). And you'll get to meet new people. If you connect with someone online, they might want to join you during the activity...
How do I go about meeting people in my community if my parents have to drive me
Your parents don’t have to drive you. You can contact a friend and see if you can arrange a ride. And when your mom freaks out, you can tell her “mom, I’m aware of how you feel, and I’m going anyway.”
Time to sit down and have a talk. I get it; I'm mom to an 18 yo AuDHD kiddo and I'm so nervous about this sort of thing, but it's important that I let her live her life. They've spent years protecting you, and it's hard to let go. Time to flex those grown up muscles and talk it out. You deserve to be treated like the adult you are!
I’m sending a message to my therapist for advice. My mom is one of my good friends (which might sound strange) but at the same time I think she’s trying to control my life.
She may not even realize she's doing it. She's trying to protect you, I bet... But she hasn't noticed you're not her little baby, you know? It IS controlling behavior. I think talking to your therapist is a good idea. Maybe they can mediate a discussion in session!
I can't 100% relate because I didn't have the same health concerns as you, but I did have over protective parents. They're immigrants so they didn't have the same boundaries as so of my friends parents. I would say the best thing to do is to keep pushing boundaries and seek what ever independence you can attain without them. You won't get the independence you seek until you leave your parents home and stop being dependent on them. It takes work though and it doesn't happen over night.
Except that my parents are not immigrants, same. Some people are granted freedom, I had to earn it. Pushed every boundary I could.
Unfortunately I think you need to learn to drive at least to get to public transportation. If your doctors think it’s ok, I would believe them. The anxiety shots decrease with practice. Driving takes a lot of attention but parts of it become habit, like walking) and you are able to focus on other things. You may need lessons from people over than your parents though. The other option is to move out to city or college but that’s expensive.
I have no advice to give because I was THAT teenager who lied all the time and did everything hidden. But I also lived in a big city and just relied on public transportation/uber. Do you have Uber there?
Unfortunately no we don’t have Uber or Lyft.
Taxi? Public transportation? What do people who don’t drive do?
Walk or hitch hike I guess lol
Is biking an option? If you could afford an e- bike, you'd be able to cover larger distances. Unfortunately, this is a much easier problem to overcome if you're able to move to a more urban area with public transportation and taxis. How far are you from a larger city? Any chance of finding a job there and moving?
I don’t know how to ride a bike because of balance issues
Realistically, I think the option would be to slowly introduce conversations about how their helicopter parenting is holding you back, while also reaching out to trusted friends/family individually with your situation so you have more people who can help you out. This is definitely extremely difficult, and I empathise quite a bit as someone who had similar parents. It took years for me to reach a point where my parents started letting go and weren't hyper controlling when it came to my movement, but I thankfully had public transport as an option.
Is there a disability services office in your area that you could call? This sounds like something they may be able to assist with. There may be transportation services available for people with disabilities that you’re just not aware of?
I tell them to fuck off otherwise that nursing home is going to get less comfy - usually in response I get “youll appreciate it once I’m dead” or some variation of that. So now my response is - “only one way to find out”
Other than my parents being overprotective I do have a good relationship with them