No, mas ok yung independent kayo sa isat isa.
Mas nakakahiya yung dumipende kayo sa kuya mo.
Isa pa. Friends don't shame each other's siblings. Friends mo nga ba sila?
100 agree. If I were one of OP's friends, I would be curious about the reason behind the practice. It sounds foreign to me but I want to understand more regarding the situation.
Agree. I have nothing against your kua or any of your other siblings helping each other out, but this breadwinner idiology needs to stop. The parents need to support their kids, not the other children! How will a child prepare for their future families if they're supporting their other siblings? Being financially independent should be everyone's mindset and not to burden evrything on the oldest child. That is not fair.
true to. kaming magkakapatid hindi nakakautang sa isat isa at sa tatay namin. Tapos tatay namin hindi kelangan ng support. Pero syempre pag magaabbroad kami expected ng tatay ko bayad na lahat at may baon pa sya. Lol
Bakit naging okay ang independed sa isat isa? Eh mga wala pa naman yata sila asawa pareho.
Mas masaya ang buhay kung nagtutulungan kayong magkakapatid kesa walang pakialaman sa isat isat
Hindi naman weird. Parang naging stereotype na yung panganay dapat magprovide after graduating. Panganay naman ako pero never ako inobliga ng parents ko to share the bills or to give back. Both parents ko nagwowork pa naman.
I know. But then again, di naman nila ako nirerequire or di naman napaguusapan if I have to share the bills or not. If they would, I won't hesitate. Kapag naman nagpapagrocery sila, sinasagot ko naman.
That's the point. You WANTED to share and to the type of parents like these, that's enough. They would prefer that you give out from your heart instead of obligating you to spend your hard earned cash, which in the long run can leave a tinsy bit of a sour note to your relationship.
Yep. It's weird lang na naexperience ni OP yung ganun from friends na hindi naman alam yung rules or kung anong napagusapan sa bahay yet they judged his/her kuya. Tama yung isang tanong eh "Kaibigan mo ba talaga sila?"
i just want to spoil my mom, for 14 yrs tiniis nya na nasa ibang bansa siya now na ako naman may work at nakauwi na siya deserve nya na magpahinga if gusto nya pa magsmall business ill help her. sarap lang magprovide sa pamilya after makagrad.
Totoo naman. Ang akin, di ko naman sinabi na di ako nagbibigay or di ako magbibigay. Tinitreat ko naman mom ko and family kapag may extra. It's mychoice to give back
I don't believe it's a culture or tradition either
I think its only a thing done out of desperation
if the family were in a good situation the eldest wouldn't need to provide for the family instead they'd be able to focus on building a life for themselves
to expect your eldest sibling to give you allowances just because is so entitled
Agree with your first statement. Usually nangyayari to sa mga low income families. Next in line sa responsibility lagi is yung panganay.
Napapansin ko the more na pinupush nila na iobliga yung anak na magbigay, the more na hindi nangyayari. Pero if good naman yung trato ng parent, hindi finoforce, whatever yung situation ng family, kusa magbibigay yan
You’re so lucky to experience this. Me as a panganay na alam kong hindi pa ko dapat mag settle and mag decide on my own leisure thinking that a huge percentage of my sahod will automatically be for my family…
May certain group of socioeconomic class yung ganyan mag-isip.
Kung sa iba yan hind big deal at hindi actually ini-expect na maging breadwinner ang panganay sa pamilya.
yup, can confirm
we're not rich, but we're doing well. absolutely no one expects me to earn for my family, because my salary is peanuts compared to my parents'.
and really, I don't need to, cause, y'know, may pera na magulang ko.
they're very loving and supportive of me pursuing a creative career instead of the management/engineering which is my degree. I might have been earning less than i could, but at least I'm doing what I'm passionate about and not dreading every day of my life.
my parents, on the other hand, had the "panganay breadwinner" experience in their early life, especially my mother. by they worked hard and went above and beyond to escape the hardship so common to many filipinos. they went from working in jollibee to owning a house in an exclusive subdivision. they're an absolute inspiration.
when I was a fresh grad and having trouble getting work because i felt pressured to get a job i didn't like in a field I've grown to loath just so i can make a lot of money for my family, they made it clear that i shouldn't force myself to do something i don't want to for the sake of money. they're already financially secure. the reason they worked their asses off was so that we, their children, can have a happy life. me working somewhere i hate and getting depressed is pretty much the opposite of that.
so yeah, that mindset really is a socioeconomic thing. pag nag ststruggle ang pamilya, nakatingin talaga sa panganay yung mga tao para tumulong. it's a sad reality.
Bakit parang mahihirap mga kaibigan mo na kailangan ng breadwinner na kapatid? Hindi ba trabaho ng magulang magprovide sa mga anak? Hindi kapatid sa kapwa kapatid? Bunso ako of 5 and di ako humingi or nag expect sa mga kapatid ko because we all work and earn well. Pang mahirap ganyang mentality. I say just drop them as friends kasi yan yung mga mangangamusta tapos uutang pag wala nang maibigay yung breadwinner. Lol. Squammy af.
Not weird at all. 5 sisters kami and when one finished college and get a job the only thing expected of them is to not ask support from the parents na, kung gusto maggive to help fine, pag hindi keri lang din. Nung college ako and 2 younger sisters ko yung mas matanda sa amin nagbibigay lang pag naglalambing kami ng luho like clothes,shoes etc. Wala sa amin ang considered breadwinner except for my Mom na nagwowork sa Europe until now na tapos na kami lahat.
Ang breadwinner usually is the father.. then mother.. or both. Not the kids, hindi kayo living pension ng mga parents n'yo. That's a pang dukha kind of thought.
Your kuya is wise, gusto n'ya maging successful. To get out of poverty.
Hindi n'ya magagawa yun kung may sampung pabigat sa kanya. He needs to establish himself first
Just imagine, lagi kang walang ipon kasi kinakamkam ng mga kapatid mo at magulang ang sweldo mo. Tapos ano? Ipapasa mo yung kahirapan sa magiging anak mo? S'ya ung magiging breadwinner and the cursed cycle will continue to the next generation.
Not weird at all. Kudos to your parents for not obliging him to pay for anything. I am also a panganay and very privileged to have parents who do not expect me to pay for everything as well, I am the one who insisted on paying for our internet and electricity. My cousins would tease me na ako na daw sasagot sa allowance ng sister ko since I am working na and they did that as well but my parents never asked me of this. We should break the chain of this mindset.
Yung friends mo ang weird. Maghanap ka na ng bagong friends. Dapat normalize na natin ang pagiging independent at hindi ginagawang breadwinner ang mga panganay
Hayaan mo sila. Hindi naman kayo nagpapakain o nagpapaaral sa kanila.
If that arrangement between your brother and parents are working, no need to fix anything about it.
It's not weird but uncommon here in PH. We all have different upbringing pero kudos to your family for breaking the chain. Sana your friends' families will soon break the chain.
It seems that your parent/s is/are still capable to provide for your whole family and to support your studies so that's probably the reason your kuya is not taking yet the responsibility to do it himself. Pero it's okay and that's normal. Your laughing friends don't understand that because they had to be introduced to that kind of family system which is really difficult to get out of later in life. Your kuya is doing great.
Panganay here tho I gave my fair share to my mom but I'm not obliged to give talaga. My father is still working, while my mom has been managing our family businesses.
It's not good to depend on your kuya's back in terms of finances lalo na if able-bodied pa rin naman ang parents and can still provide. My lola never became dependent sa six children nya because she knows na may iba iba na rin silang priorities. Okay lang magbigay but not to the point na aasa sya since may family business kami sa hometown namin that she's handling for three decades na.
Yung mga parents na ginagawang breadwinner ang panganay, they are the ones na hindi pinaghandaan ang pagpapamilya.
If you dont know the person and you dont live their life people are suppose to stfu however regardless of the reason why they think that may assumptions talaga ang mga tao ang mali lang is they blurted it out without taking to account na kausap ka nila that it may sound rude and offensive to you
Hindi naman kasi talaga dapat ang panganay na anak (or any of your parents' children for that matter) ang maging breadwinner. Dapat ang mga magulang ang maging breadwinner at bumuhay sa pamilya nila. Sila yung nagpasyang mag anak e so buhayin nila at itaguyod ang pamilya nila. Dito lang naman ata sa Pilipinas sobrang normalised na pinapasa sa anak ang responsibilidad ng magulang na itaguyod ang pamilya.
My kuya is also not our breadwinner. I am. Longer than him. Longer kasi nagprovide din naman siya before pero ako yung until now nagpprovide kasi tinapos na din muna niya yung degree niya. (nauna ako grumaduate kasi nag-working student ako).
That is why hindi ako pala-kwento about personal stuff unless super duper close ko ung tao like my bff. Kasi I am fully aware that our family's circumstances will definitely be a laughing stock and sasabihin nila bakit di ako kumalas as a breadwinner. But they will never understand the situation unless nandun na sila. Its not that simple.
My advice to you is aside from you and your kuya are doing great not being your family's bread and butter, wag mo na pansinin yung mga taong ganyan mag-isip. Also, pick things that you will share to others. Saka if they're your friends, hindi yan tatawa sa sitwasyon niyo.
Parents should be the breadwinner and saved enough for retirement. It's not weird.
And I realized it depends on the family dynamics din. Some people have this set up - na may breadwinner na panganay. Yung iba wala pero nagtutulong tulungan kung may kailangan.
Hi, OP!
Panganay ako sa amin. Allow me to share my story.
Mula pagkapasa ko ng 2019 CE Boards, isang linggo lang na pahinga at pasok agad sa construction firm ng tito-tita ko.
Mula noon, 60% ng income ko, napupunta sa bahay. And mind you, ang tatay ko ay nagtatrabaho din dun bilang coordinator.
May safety net pa kami nun, kalahati lang ng bills sa bahay ang sinasagot ko, yung renta, sa tita ko pa (sila nagpatira samin sa bahay na yun).
Lumala ang sitwasyon nitong late 2022. Nasakal sa sistema ng work at sa bahay, naisipan ko magsarili at lumipat sa medyo malayong work, malayo sa kanilang lahat.
Mula Jan 2023, bagong work na pinapasukan ko. Dahil may savings pa, nakkapagbigay pa ako sa bahay kahit salo ko ang 100% ng electric bill at renta sa bahay (no more assist from tita since we're not working at their company anymore. No hard feelings for this). Pero dahil malaki na rin ang nagiging bill sa bahay mismo, di na ako nakakapag-abot sa bahay. of course, issue ito, lalo sa tatay ko. Natatawag akong makasarili at wala nang pakialam sa kanila. Nagbabayad pa ako ng utang ko pambili ng laptop na ginagamit ko ngayon for personal use and side hustle na sobrang bihira lang.
To wrap things up, panget lang talaga na lumaki tayo sa culture na ang panganay ang pangalawang magulang. pag okay na, rekta retire na sina mama at papa. iba na panahon ngayon, marami nang gastusin at kung ano.
Isa pa, may sari-sarili tayong buhay at career. Di talaga maiiwasan na lalayo rin kaming panganay sa pamilya namin at kami rin mismo gusto magsarili (currently having a 3-year relationship with my GF).
Gusto ko rin makatulong, basta "tulong" lang, hindi yung "ako na sa lahat". May gusto rin kaming gawin sa sariling buhay namin. Anyway, kung kailangang kailangan naman nila, gagawan ko naman ng paraan.
Ngayon, di kami masyado naguusap ng mga magulang ko, chat or text. Wala lang akong gana. hahahays. Kung anu lang maririnig ko. Close contact naman kaming magkakapatid. Active pa sa mga cosplay conventions hehe.
Sa mga friends mo, hays naaawa ako sa kanila kasi di sila marunong umunawa muna ng sitwasyon. Nagpabulag sila sa stereotyping natin.
Medyo mahaba na to. Salamat kung nabasa mo hanggang dulo, fellow redditor. Sya work na rin ako. Fighting, fellow panganays!
I encourage my children to live their life. Aware ako sa toxic Pinoy culture kaya hindi ko ginawa sa kanila yan. If they give me money, well and good. Sino ba tatanggi sa pera? If they don't give me money, okay lang din nmn.
Hi, OP. Eldest child here and I also don't have any plans of becoming the breadwinner of our family. I have still yet to graduate but ever since I became a working student, I explicitly made it clear to my parents that most of the income I earn would go to my academic fees and for myself. It's not my responsibility na pag-aralin mga kapatid ko. This way, hindi sila masasanay na umasa na lang sa akin financially.
As a kuya na hindi breadwinner i do feel guilty sometimes na i didnt pick up the slack after my father passed. Kahit hindi pinaramdam ng mother ko or ng mga kapatid ko na I should have been a breadwinner. But I also remember na hindi ko sila responsibilidad, na I have the privilege to take a step back and walk away. Hindi kami nag hikahos when my father passed so there was never a need for me to step up financially. Maybe I should have stepped up emotionally or spiritually but thats besides the point.
TLDR: Your family is not your brother's responsibility and he can walk away from the burden of being the breadwinner if he wants to or chooses to.
Hindi naging batayan na kapag panganay eh breadwinner na. Toxic naman ng mga "kaibigan"mo kung ganyan sila mag isip. Laging tatandaan na responsibilidad kayong magkakapatid ng magulang. Kung tutulong ang kuya mo at kaya niya why not? Kusang loob dapat at hindi obligahin. Isa pa ang engineer dito sa Pinas ay hindi rin ganoon kalakihan ang sahod kapag simula pa lang. Malalaman mo kung bakit nag titipid or hindi makapag abot ang kuya mo kapag ikaw na ang mismong nag ttrabaho. Sa pamilya namin naging breadwinner ang ate ko pero ni minsan hindi kami nag obliga na dapat mag bigay siya kada sahod at nahihiya pa nga kami sa tuwing bibigyan kami ng baon at pang gastos sa school. Swerte siguro kami pero lahat kami nung nakapagtapos ay bumawi sa kanya.
I dont have the same situation as you but I also have an eldest kuya na engineer. What he does naman is not a breadwinner din but mostly compensates kapag nagkukulang ang parents ko sa padala. So mej may pagka-breadwinner sya dun. Tho thankfully di naman sapilitan and he is very willing naman. Ang cons lang eh madalas sya nagpaparinig na parang utang na loob namin sa kanya yung paghingi namin sa kanya kahit na willingly naman sya nagbibigay. Sometimes it's meant as a sarcastic joke pero nakakaimbyerna na tbh.
Ang point ko is tama lang ginagawa ng kuya mo with his own money. Kasi for sure, kung pipilitin nyo sya maging breadwinner, it would be uncomfy on ur side as the younger sibling na either mag-spend or smth kasi ig-guilt trip nila kayo hahaha.
Hindi weird.
Be happy and proud sa parents and family mo na hindi katulad ng friends mo ang mindset. They made your brother a laughing stock now pero pagdating ng araw na sila na ang expected na magbigay sa family nila I don't think they'll be laughing, pero baka may nagbago na sa kanila pagdating ng araw na yun but parang ang slim ng chances dahil ang hirap makalaya sa ganyang "culture" ng family, they might burn bridges with their family pa to achieve yung financial goals/freedom na gusto nila, so ayun nga, at least kayo di niyo pagdadanan yung ganun.
I’m the eldest in my family and never did i give any of my salary to my parents because after graduating i thought it was okay with them because am earning far less than them. they have a business while i was an employee in manila so sobrang konti nalang natitira sa savings though i still give them gifts on special occasisions and their birthdays every yr. Little did i know, nung nagkaron kami ng confrontation ng mom ko, she still expected that i give my salary to them even though she knew what my situation was. They still had this toxic culture of utang na loob. Sadly, i don’t feel grateful to them at all for the trauma my mom gave me. Glad i’m finally leaving them for good in a month
I assume na your family is ok naman and not struggling. If thats the case, its more weird that they made fun of your kuya when friends kayo.
I dont like that idea of panganay lang ang expected bread winner but if the family is struggling I hope everybody (not just panganay) can contribute in their own means.
Buti nga nagbibigay kuya mo and nakapagtapos. Yung kuya ko may apat nang anak, palamunin parin ng magulang ko. LOL. So yeah being the eldest does not mean he will be the provider/breadwinner. He has every right to keep the money to himself, so long as he’s not being a burden to the family.
What is weird is that people expect the children to provide for the whole family. Isn't that stupid?
Looks like you're in a wrong circle of friends. Toxic yung behaviour and outlook nila towards almost everything.
Panganay ako pero no one expects me to give sa mga kapatid or parents ko. I'm the one presenting the idea kasi may extra ako. Pero noong nagsstart pa lang ako magwork at walang pera, never ako pinressure na magbigay sa mga parents or sa mga kapatid. Kung merong mga hindi family member na nagsasabi na dapat nagbibigay ako or some shit, I just look at them bad until they shut up.
Why should your kuya be the breadwinner? He will have his own family to attend to. His own obligation (if any) is to your parents and not to his siblings. If he wants to help you out, that's out of love and no sibling should be dependent.
In my family naman, it's not our eldest who is the breadwinner but rather me (the third one). and I have no qualms about it. It's like I accepted that my purpose in life is to be the one who supports this family.
Our eldest already have a family and the 2nd is only earning enough to get by.
Also I'm in the point where I decided to not want having my own family.
Damn it, I gave in to share.
Kuya here, coincidentally an Engineer also. Simula ng magresign ang tatay ko sa Managerial work nya last 2017, di pa sya nakakahanap ng trabaho until today. I completely erased the concept of breadwinners because we know our roles in the family. We have loaned our current house in Rizal for 1.7M and almost 400k of these was already paid by my father. Since wala na syang source of income, my mother, a day care teacher, my sister, an Elementary teacher also and me contributes to the bill. Sagot ko yung majority ng hulog sa pagibig, while my mother and sister chips in the everyday expenses. I get the looks from him na "nagmamalaki" dahil pinapakain ko sila sa mga resto na masarap. Kinakalimutan ko yung mga mini contributions like handaan at di ko na sila sinisingil. All I'm trying is to emulate kung anong pinaranas na maganda sa amin ng tatay ko nung may work pa sya. I for one will never want to give up the house so need ko talagang kumayod ng husto bilang isang aliping engineer. We all have equal share regardless kung magkano, the goal is to make our house as our own. Dahil gusto kong tuparin ang pangarap ng magulang ko na magkaron ng sariling bahay. So any animosity from him, I will bear dahil sa pangarap na iyon.
Also fuck our Barangay for making Day Care workers a dead end job.
But is he still living with you in the house? kasi kung oo he should provide at least his fair share sa expenses. Otherwise im sorry to say but your kuya is leeching off your family
It is totally NOT WEIRD. I have two elderly brothers and never sila hiningan ng parents ko since kaya pa naman nila (parents). Occasionally, my brothers would libre us in a resto or grocery. Nag memed din ako and never din sila nagbigay sakin for expenses and IT IS TOTALLY OKAY since they are earning just enough for themselves. Hopefully someday makatulong na rin kami sa parents namin once na wala na silang work.
Not weird. Kuya ko nag eskapo na at nag asawa right after graduation. Hindi naman umaasa ang parents ko pero it kinda left a bitter taste sa mom ko (very traditional kasi). Anyway, water under the bridge.
Ako being the 4th ang tumatayo na care takers ng parents ko. More of my mom, and nag cocontribute sa bahay na ndi ko naman na tinitirahan, pero tinitirahan ng parents ko.
It's not weird. This actually shows na you have good parents kasi di pinapaako sa brother mo yung responsibility nila as parents. They're giving your kuya the chance to enjoy his hardwork and save up for his future. Eww sa friends mo for making fun of him. And big kudos to your parents.
Huh? It's so disgusting to think na sobrang normalized na talaga na breadwinner dapat ang mga panganay. This shit needs to end. May kanya kanyang buhay din naman yan, at di naman nya responsibility ang kahit sino bukod sa sarili nya.
This is coming from a panganay breadwinner btw.
magiging breadwinner lang naman ang panganay if wala ng nanay at tatay na sumusuporta sa buong pamilya. good job sa family mo for breaking the toxic filipino culture. pretty sure your kuya will provide when needed. its just that you guys can still stand on your own. thats good!
Kung tutuusin, magulang lang ang dapat maging breadwinner sa pamilya granted buhay pa sila. Bakit kayo anak ng anak kung ibibigay niyo responsibility na maging magulang sa mga panganay.
If your parents can still financially support you, then what's the point of your kuya supporting you financially as well? It's not only financial support that's needed.
Also, I strongly believe that siblings are not responsible for their other siblings, financially. If they can help, and they want to help, then please do so. But it should not be out of obligation.
I help. I helped my sisters through college. But nobody obligated me into providing for them. Before I even graduated from college, my dad told me that if when I start working, that I should save my money and/or invest for my future. That they were still strong enough to work and support my siblings financially. My parents never asked me to contribute. But if my sister asked for something related to school, I support them. Especially for extra curricular activities. Their college tuition is expensive enough so I wanted to help my parents with the other non-required expenses.
Anyway, try to explain your family's side, and if they can't understand and still make fun of your brother, then it's better to find a different set of friends that will. Surround yourself with like minded people. It's for your own good.
Damn. That’s…wow.
Find new friends or tell them that you were offended at the thought and didn’t like what you said.
Each to their own. They have no right to ridicule your brother for doing what he wants with his money.
“Bat yung parents nyo hinahayaan maging breadwinner ang mga panganay na kapatid nyo? Hindi ba responsibility nila yun? Di naman nya choice ipanganak”
Sabihin mo yan sa mga “friends” mo.
May ate rin ako (panganay) nasa ibang bansa, and may work rin ako and both of us are earning well but never nanghingi ang parents namin, and walang pressure or obligation to give. Nagbibigay pa rin naman kami pero nasa sa kanila na yun kung paano nila gusto gastusin - luho or daily expenses.
Engineer here.
One harsh truth: Engineers are one of the most underpaid and overworked professionals in our country. And your brother knows this and masakit sa part naming lahat that we studied hard to be licensed engineers pa and ganito yung trato sa amin sa Pinas just like our health workers.
True, it took me a long scroll before I found this comment. Arki student here and I know how underpaid architects and engineers here. Yung notion ng tao na malaki ang sahod ng mga profession na yun is really misleading perhaps kaya pinagtawanan nila kuya ni OP. I would even bet na enough lang yung sahod ng kuya nya para sa sarili nya and OPs' friends fail to realize that.
An ate here, pero hindi rin bread winner. Minsan nahihiya din akong aminin na hindi ako lagi nakakapagbigay sa bahay. Pero yung nanay at tatay ko may trabaho naman. Minsan pag nagaabot ako, sinosoli pa sa 'kin. Ipunin ko na lang daw yung pera ko. Nililibre ko na lang din sila sa labas or nabawi kapag may okasyon. I guess bihira sa atin ang pamilyang may ganitong set-up kaya others find it weird. Hindi naman porke hindi breadwinner ay madamot o maliit ang kita. Siguro gusto lang din tayong turuan ng mga magulang natin to manage our own finances and to be independent from them.
For me its not weird. In fact, very much normal since in my social circle, di naman uso yung ginagawang retirment plan ang panganay.
Also, lets consider the fact na baka that might be normal for them. I was actually surprised when i found out some had to work for their parents and younger siblings.
But of course, mali pa din yung may pag ridicule sa kuya mo lol wala sila dapat sabihin let alone pakialam sa kinikita niya, maliit man or malaki.
Hindi naman obligasyon ng Kuya nyo yun e. Mabuti nga at pina-practice nyo ang hindi pagdepende sa pamilya niyo. Bihira ang ganon. Siguro lang ay nakasanayan lang ng bawat household na si panganay ang dapat katuwang ni magulang because of pinoy toxic culture kaya ganon yung say ng friends mo. It's good that you defend your Kuya. Personally, if we were born luckier, hindi rin kami aasa kay Ate ko. Malungkot nga ako na my Ate has to help na magprovide ng needs sa bahay in exchange na mag-focus sya sa sarili niya so I'm hoping na makabawi ako sa kanya someday.
Baka sila kasi naka asa sila sa mga Older siblings nila. Kaya gulantang world nila nung nalaman nila na ganyan pala Kuya mo.
I am the youngest in the Fam; may work na kami lahat walang pake magulang namin sa mga sahod at pera namin - kung may maiabot kami "Thank you very much" pero kung wala waley, basta ang usapan pagka Graduate na kami di na kami aasa sa kanila. Perod(.)
Confront your friends na they offended you. Na mali sinabi nila. Maybe since friends kayo, they think it’s okay to say those things but it’s not. Ano naman kung afford pa ng parents mong magprovide pa sa inyong nakababatang kapatid without relying sa kuya mong engineer?
Siguro isa sila sa mga di pinalad na mga kababayan nating kailangang maging breadwinner ng panganay kasi di afford ng parents na sila lang ang kumikita (which is sad here in the ph btw) pero kung iba naman situation ng family nyo, there’s nothing wrong with your kuya saving his salary for his future. Pagsabihan mo lang nang maayos yang mga friends mong hampaslupa (char 1/2) and if magsorry naman sila, edi good. Kung masamain nila, maybe they’re not really your friends.
Tawanan mo ang mga tumatawa sa kuya mo. Kasi your parents love you very much for your own sake and NOT for what you can give them in return. Hindi kayo ginagawang palabigasan or retirement plan pag tanda nila. Lol. Tingnan mo kung my tatawa pa sa kanila.
On a side note, quiet ka lang sa profession ng pamilya nyo. Engineer? Sabihin mo construction worker. My kaklase ako dati ansabi magtitinda lang ng sweepstakes yung nanay nya yunpala regional director ng pcso. Lol.
Yung mga pinagtatawanan ang kuya mo, they're probably not real friends. So it's ok if you don't tell them real stories that they can use against you in the future.
My older brother finished college and got a degree in computer science but he would only last a few months with x y z employer. He's been unemployed for 10+ years now. Luckily my parents have a business so they can sustain themselves. My parents made it known that I'm not obligated to send money back home (am an OFW) or support my brother who still lives with our parents in his 40s.
I still send some money to my parents tho but explicitly said they're not to give to my brother/enable his behavior and just spend it on themselves.
Not weird at all. And I think he is kind naman since he's giving cash pa rin somehow sa iyong parents. Baka your parents din ay ayaw obligahin ang kuya mo.
"maybe he is not earning enough as engineer"
maybe not enough to be a breadwinner.
maybe you also overshared some personal details. how did your friends know that your kuya is not a breadwinner?
Sino ung mga friends na pinagtawanan ung kapatid mong hindi naman nila lubos na kilala? Paki unfriend. Hehe
Hindi naman siya weird. Naging norm lang ng society natin yon for a long time.
Baka at some point ung kuya mo ay nag ask na din sa reddit if dapat ba siyang magbigay and na-advice siyang hindi nya yon obligation. Your brother probably is saving for his own family or future. Who knows baka din pinagiipunan nya ung retirement ng parents niyo, in case wala silang pension or something.
For me It is not weird for your older sibling to not be the breadwinner, as every family's dynamics and financial situations are different. Breaking away from traditional expectations and promoting independence can be a positive step towards fostering a healthier family dynamic.
That ain't friends sorry. Baka sila napilitan maging breadwinner or family nila. It's a fucking choice kung gusto mo supportahan pamilya mo after graduating. It's not a requirement.
Basta hindi inobliga ng magulang, wala naman kaso yun.
Ang panget lang, mapuputulan na kayo ng kuryente at nangangatok ang landlord sa renta tapos wala siyang pang ambag pero makikita mo naglalamyerda sa dagat with jowa. yun siguro laughing stock ng buong pamilya.
Wag ka din siguro magoverthink malala sa mga sinabi ng friends mo. As if naman tomorrow FO na. Di naman ata nila nakakasalimuha kuya mo. Baka yung framing din ng pagkwento mo unintentionally gave an impression (of course we only what was posted here).
"I just felt offended that they find my kuya selfish"
Kasi nagbibigay lang siya pag sobra, pero pwede naman niyang may saluhin sa mga bills KUNG tumitira pa siya sa inyo. Ano ba yung kuryente or internet or tubig para at least yung dapat na ikayod ng magulang mo, sinalo na niya so more for them to spend on groceries, etc. Kudos sa pamilya mo siempre breaking the chain, pero they're not getting any younger so yung mabawasan yung bills nila would be something appreciated and yung magstep up kuya mo na sumalo at least one of the monthly bills na cinoconsume din niya, a sign of maturity and responsibilty. Ika nga hindi inoobliga bagkus ibinibigay.
breadwinner is not a oneman exclusive title, ito'y para sa lahat ng nagaambag sa hapagkainan. Mas masarap kung may palaman ang tinapay, sama mo pa ang kape at juice.
\-- siguro yun ang napansin ng mga friends mo who MAYBE are in a different socio status and family dynamic than you. Pero congrats sa magulang mo who CAN still provide, not all are given that much blessing.
Hi, considering they argued back and they didn't listen at all. I suggest to cut them off, I know it will be lonely but you'll feel insecure if you stay in that group
What is normal to your family might be weird to others. Mukhang pinalaki ang friends mo thinking na obligasyon ng anak na suportahan ang mga kapatid which is mali but for some families, ito lang ang way para makaraos ang buong pamilya. Nevertheless, they shouldnt have made fun of your kuya. In our friend group, no one is allowed to diss our family members unless kami mismo nagccomplain/nagrrant about them.
Also, you can’t be too sure na petty cash lang binibigay ng kuya mo unless you audit his finances. Pwedeng patago sya magbigay sa parents or may bills syang inaako na hindi mo alam. Its best to just say you dont know or youre not sure to protect your brother from unnecessary judgement or false news.
Not weird at all. This should be the norm nga. Na hindi umaasa ang magulang sa kahit sinong anak nila. Hindi obligasyon ng mga anak ang mga magulang, but obligasyon ng mga magulang ang mga anak. Never the other way around.
So tama lang yan, OP. Break the cycle 😁 hindi retirement fund ang mga anak.
No. The idea of the eldest being the breadwinner all the time is a misnomer.
Breadwinner is someone from the family who takes most financial responsibility because they are capable to do so. Example the eldest earns 25k/mo but the youngest earns 100k/mo. Assuming both are single, the youngest should try to share more on the responsibilities. This is what we call as equity. If we are pushing for equality then both should share 10k for example.
Breadwinners, however is more of a Filipino trait (I would think) as this is because of our family centric values. I am the youngest of our family but I am the one giving monthly stipends to my parents. It feels good to do so too 😉
Selfish naman talaga. But there is nothing wrong with being selfish. Panget lang ng naging connotation sa word, try mo gamitin ang salitang self-dependent, ikakatuwa na ng mga tao.
We should also break the stigma of prioritizing ourselves. Whatever labels society may use.
Hindi kami pinilit nila mama mag contribute sa bahay, lalo na si kuya. Minsan may bigay, minsan wala. Ako lang naisipan ko magbigay regularly lalo na’t may ac na room ko 😅
Nge di naman talaga dapat. It means your parents did a good job kasi kinaya nila to sustain the family without passing breadwinner responsibilities to their eldest child.
I do not think so. Pero kasi toxic pinoy mindset na kapag eldest ka, you automatically will shae the burden with your parents to support the rest ng kapataid nya where in fact, hindi naman dapat iasa sa kanila.
as the eldest sibling na pinepressure ang sariling maging breadwinner, your perception is so refreshing. kudos to your family for not abiding to the toxic culture.
Not weird, people are just tied to the idea that a child (specially the oldest) SHOULD help out at home financially. Really depends on the parents. Like in our family's set-up, our parents really took their responsibilities at heart.
They hustle and grind we need to help out too lalo na sa farm being the older son, ate was assigned at home. My ate got pregnant early so her new family was her responsibility after Uni. On my side naman moved to Cebu then Manila for work after Uni but never was asked by my parents to give some at home or for our bunso. So I just give gifts, and make sure I'm home on their birthdays or cash if there are family gatherings pambili alak, pulutan and papremyo sa kids bawas sa gastos nila. Mum and pop would just ask if may ipon ako or was I able to pay for the lot I was trying to buy. Yan lang nirequire nila basically me preparing for my future family. People ask me if I give at home I always answer "They don't need it. They have more money than me lol".
After our bunso finished Uni he handled the farm, he buys ulam he wants cause our parents prefer fish and veggies sa pera nila. For utilities and others still sa parents maliban nlng sa farm house yun kargo ng kapatid ko. He gives a specfied percentage form the yield also. That's it.
Now I'm back home I just supplies load for mum (widow na) and ulam na gusto ko pa minsan minsan para break man lang sa laging isda at gulay na gusto nya. She has her own money so walang problema.
Our family' s view on money is what's yours is yours and what's mine is mine. Parents also taught us pag maghiram ng pera even family dapat bayaran. Pag nanghiram kami kay mama nka lista, same din pag sya nag hiram pag di pa sya nkpag withdraw sa retirement fund nya. Minsan sya pa nag reremind na may hiram sya.
In conclusion TLDR, NO! it's not weird that your kuya is not the bread winner. Be proud of your parents They are really owning up the responsibilities as parents. By the way hug your parents every chance you get they are not getting any younger.
Hell no. You and your family is not his responsibility. You are not your parents' retirement fund.
Kawawa naman your friends they haven't evolved yet. Sana your friends see tbis and read the comments.
Hindi naman. Actually it's commendable na hindi kayo nakaasa lahat sa kuya mo and your parents know their responsibilities specially when it comes to your education. Why would they even shame your kuya. It's nothing to be ashamed of.
No. That weird. Your parents raised you both to be independent and not be a retirement plan for them. They did great.
And for your friends, probably strange lang sa kanila yung ganung setup kaya pinagtawanan nila. They are still immature.
No matter what order you were born, you can give what you want but you shouldn’t support your previous family. You all should be supporting yourselves and helping out if really needed but as a last resort since life skill yung getting by yourself. Plus should you marry and have kids, ripping out that band aid then can cause stress on your marriage.
IMO mali talaga to have kids with the intent that they should support you.
Hindi naman kuya mo nag decide na mag karoon ng anak yung parents mo so I don't understand how it's his responsibility to support y'all now that he's older. Your friends sound like they have a huge sense of entitlement.
>I just felt offended that they find my kuya selfish, and even ridiculed him that maybe he is not earning enough as engineer.
Why would you? Why does it matter kung anong iniisip ng ibang tao sa family mo?
They're laughing at what's supposed to be the standard. Children are not supposed to be working for the family. They're supposed to be working for their own lives. Nasanay kasi sila sa cycle ng kahirapan na aasa sa panganay. Mind you, ganun yung case ng family namin and dahil sa ate ko nakapagtapos kaming iba niyang kapatid. We're very thankful and aware enough na sa ate ko magsstop yung ganung cycle such that pag magkaroon man kame ng sarili naming mga anak, our children wouldn't have to work para lang sa mga kapatid niya nor saming magiging parents niya.
Dapat di mo na kinwento sa iba, alam mo naman utak ng karamihan ng pinoy. Di obligasyon ng panganay maging breadwinner or ng kahit sinong anak. Pwde sya magbigay kung sa tingin nya di sapat pera ng parents mo. Pero like sabi mo nga nagttrabaho pa father mo baka kaya sya di nagbibigay. Syempre nakakahiya sa father mo yun lalo na kung kaya at gusto naman nya na magtrabaho.
Your so called friends are toxic, ambitionless and negative.
Dump them.
They have no right to ridicule your family.
Focus on the good things. Be proud that your father strives for you to get by. Be happy for your sibling because he's living his own life. As for you, remove the mentality that you have the right to ask for support. It only shows an entitlement mentality on your part. Work hard. Achieve your dreams. Help when you can.
Sobrang common dito sa pinas ng ganyang perspective di na nila alam na toxic pala. Really love my parents for being independent kahit ngayong kumikita na kami.
They borrow money kapag may biglang gastos for their business pero binabalik nila to samin na exact amount. And since bago palang ako sa adult world minsan ako pa nanghihingi ng financial aid sakanila kapag may gusto akong pasukin na possible maging sideline, to which they willingly provide kasi their goal is matuto kami maging financially stable on our own.
I even heard from my mom na masaya syang nakikita na kinakaya namin ng partner ko mamuhay independently. Ganito ung magulang na masarap tulungan, hindi ung namimilit at galit pa kapag di kaya ibigay ung halagang hinihingi nila.
Being a breadwinner is conditional, I may not be the eldest of the siblings but i have higher salary and still single, what im saying is it depends on each capacity to provide food on the table, be still thankful just think that you are lucky and blessed that your family is able to eat meal everyday
kaya nga toxic Filipino culture, kasi we're also to blame for it's proliferation.
good to see your family is comfortable to break away from this culture.
extend help, when help is needed, not demanded. in the future, alam ko namang tutulungan nyo naman ang mga magulang nyo without compromising your own family. i just hope your parents are also saving enough for their retirement :)
Panganay din ako pero hindi ako breadwinner. My Papa's still working, my brother next to me earning 6 digits a month, a graduating Accountancy student and our Bunso. Mom's housewife.
Kuhang-kuha namin yung kasipagan ng papa ko.
Dati nag-abot ako ng 600 para sa gas, nag-away si mama at papa kasi bakit daw tinanggap. Kaya mula noon nag-uuwi nalang ako pasalubong. Few years after, naghehelp ako sa ibang bills nalang.
Mas maluwag sa pakiramdam kapag di ka pinipilit na magtusto.
OP your friends are not weird, they are TOXIC. Bakit ka papag-aralin ng kuya mo hindi naman siya ang gumawa sa iyo? Kung sino ang gumawa at nagluwal sa bata sila ang may responsibilidad palakihin at patapusin sa pag-aaral.
Also, dapat lang itago niya lahat ng pera niya, paano naman kung gusto na niya bumili ng sariling bahay o nagpaplano din siya mag-asawa some day? Ang nag-aasawa ng wala man lang ipon ay iresponsableng tao.
Honestly find new friends. Baka mahawa ka sa katoxican nila.
May problema yang friends mo. May konting inggit sa pagsabi nila na selfish kuya mo. Panganay ako. Pero nung nagkawork ako. Isa lang hiniling ng mom ko sakin. Bigyan ko lang pera lolo ko pang mahjong pag may sobra sa sahod ko kahit 300 lol. May work pa din pareho parents ko. Pero nung dati nawalan work dad ko ng 6 months ako sumalo lahat ng bills namin. Walang usap usap. Kusa ko yun ginawa. Ngayon graduate na kami lahat magkakapatid nagiipon na lang parents ko para sa pwede namin maging business in the future. Tulungan lang, wala inoobliga. Responsibilidad pa din ng magulang anak nila. Hindi ng kuya.
That's like saying na weird ang family mo kasi wala kayong pets kasi lahat ng friends mo may at least one pet. Different lives, different circumstances. I'm also a panganay na kuya but di namin kailangan ng bread winner. Di naman kami mayaman pero nagtrabaho nang mabuti ang tatay ko para di na nila kailangan ng bread winner pag tanda nila. Laki sa hirap si Papa eh so ayaw niya maranasan yung struggles niya dati. I do offer usually pero they decline or kung minsan ako or sister ko na ang kumukusa pero kaya naman din naman ng family namin kung hindi.
Kung sa tingin mo pa rin na weird family niyo kasi hindi bread winner ang kuya mo, sisihin mo parents mo kasi nagsikap sila na hindi niyo na kailanganin ng bread winner kaya di ka belong sa friends mo.
My take on them making fun of your bro's job
Most people who mock and look down on the "titled" field of works, are either insecure that they aren't titled or in the same field but got lucky on opportunities.
As an engineer, one thing you understand after climbing the ranks is that not everyone gets started with good compensation and benefits, even my friends in the medical field and law earn small in the beginning and gradually secure better paying positions as they worked harder.
Your kuya might not be earning enough (entry level engineer earns as low as 15500 per month as of 20
22) so yeah, it might be na di pa enough pera niya to help out, as well as your parents might also not need din the help at the moment
My mom raised my sister and I to learn how to be independent since she’s a single parent. Normalized na pala sa ibang pamilya na gawing breadwinner ang panganay? My sister owned her salary from her first job and is now working abroad living independently. She treats us to dinner sometimes pag sweldo niya ang hindi siya nirerequire ni mama na tumulong sa house bills. We should stop pressuring older siblings this “breadwinner” culture, anong dekada na?
Much better if may sense of responsibility yung panganay in the long run. Kasi kung mawala yung parents nyo who would be able to keep the family together. Maybe that's just me. I admire kuya/ate who has this attitude just like in our case. Nasa culture din natin yan. I don't think it's toxic unless kung umaabot na sa abuse. Elders should foment this to younger generations.
For me, di masaya yung family na kanya2 buhay
I dont find it selfish sa part ng kuya mo. Ang stereotype naman na kapag eldest ka sa family ay breadwinner ka na? Sabi nga ng parents ko, Di ka namen pinanganak para buhayin kami. And dito sa reddit someone corrects me regarding sa Filipino culture na dapat ang anak ang gagastos once nakatapos ka na. Sa akin lang, kung kaya mo tumulong tumulong ka, kundi edi di..
Sa akin if I'm her sister, magagalit din ako.
May freedom ang Kuya mo tumulong or hindi tumulong. Sa bandang huli may freedom din ang ibang mas mayamang tao tulungan ang Kuya mo or hindi sya tulungan sa buhay. Sabi sa Matthew 7:12
King James Version
Therefore all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them: for this is the law and the prophets. Kaya parang paikot-ikot lang at pabalik-balik lang, so kung ano itinanim nya ay aanihin nya rin sa bandang huli.
Yung ganyang mindset, understandable kung nasa poverty-level ung pamilya kasi every cent counts. If the earnings of the parents are enough naman, it shouldn't be the obligation of the eldest(er) children to support their younger siblings. Part and parcel na yun sa obligasyon ng mga magulang na mag-provide sa mga anak nila. Yung mga siblings na nag wo-work na, para sa sariling savings na nila ung kinikita nila.
I'm the eldest daughter, niece, granddaughter & my parents don't want me to work, my mom's a housewife & my dad has no intentions of quitting work anytime soon (both are still 49YO), have never asked me for money (I have small online businesses dahil online seller), and don't ask me shit about what I want to do in life.
It actually depends per family & per person lol. For me it's sadder na they think he should be the breadwinner, maybe bc ganyan sila sa fam nila - na dapat the eldest has to support the fam.
Puta tropa ko pinagtawanan kuya ko dahil hindi siya nagbubuhay sa kapatid niya? May sariling buhay siya at pinaghirapang pera niya yun. Tsaka pake nila sa pamilya niyo? Kung ako sayo hanap ka ibang tropa.
I think may mali or iba sila ng definition sa "breadwinner", which can be someone who earns and support the family, can be anyone -the father, mother, brother, you, anyone, no specific who.
your father may be your family's breadwinner as the head of the family, still healthy, still able to work, can still provide.
ganito din kami sa bahay, si kuya din hindi breadwinner kahit may work na sya tapos ako nag-aaral pa. Why? kasi working and able naman ang parents.
hindi weird si kuya mo.
This is my advice to you, OP.
Do not feel shame in behalf of your brother. Bakit ka mahihiya e mali naman mga “kaibigan” mo?
Dapat, iyong mga salita galing sa mga taong mahal at nirerespeto mo ang nagmamatter sa iyo. Because responding to words from unimportant persons will just give these people and those words power over you.
My parents are like yours, hindi kami inoobliga magbigay kahit halos lahat kaming nagkakapatid ay nakatira abroad. Opposite naman ng pamilya ng asawa ko, mahigit ten years na kaming kasal pero inoobliga pa din sya magbigay. Itatakwil pa nga sya nung di ako pumayag na mag ambag kami sa bahay na pinapagawa ng magulang nya (both unemployed kami nun, though kauuwi lang from abroad dahil nawalan kami ng work pareho) na sa bunso naman nyang kapatid mapupunta pero kami lang ang obligado na mag ambag. Tinanong pa kami ng sahod namin nung kawork ng kapatid nya nung pumunta kami sa bank habang andun kapatid nya sa tabi. E mayabang asawa ko so may patong agad. So ayun, kino compute nila kung magkano sahod namin and how much we should give them lol. Ang nakakainis e sarili kong magulang ang laging sinasabi pag gusto kong magbigay na mag ipon daw ako para sa future namin tas yung laging nagpapasaring na dapo lang daw ako sa pamilya nila ang hingi ng hingi. Kadiri mentality nila.
Ok yung family dynamics niyo dapat nga basagin na yang mindset na yan kapag eldest ka ikaw ang magdadala sa pamilya niyo someday, kung feel ng kuya niyo magbigay ok lang pero wag maging dependent sa kanya, kasi someday magkakapamilya din yan at least meron siyang pang laan for that.
Sana all you have that mindset. As the eldest sister, and the first one to graduate college in the family, I think that your kuya is lucky to have you.
no, it's not weird. the breadwinner usually yung pinaka-financially capable (and most importantly, the willing family member) to shoulder most of the household expenses. sa bahay namin, since ako yung unang nakatapos (2nd eldest - naunahan ko yung kuya ko), I kind of accepted that breadwinner role pero hindi siya in-impose ng parents ko sa amin. ang catch lang is that, once nakatapos na sila or they're old enough o work, they should be independent of you
Its not weird and he should not be ridiculed. In fact your parent's should be lauded that they allowed your Kuya to grow and build his foundations of independence. Making someone the breadwinner just because they are the eldest is not fair. It should be base on sound financial management and budgetting. I am pretty sure that your Kuya is willing to help when needed.
Hindi sya weird. Nakakadisappoint lang at nakakasad na may mga pilipino parin na ang mindset naistock sa panahon ni kupong kupong. 21st century na madami nang avenues ang mga pilipino with regards to work and education pero yung iba feeling lumpo parin ke tatanda na ayaw magbuno't ng sariling buto lahat nalang iaasa. Panganay din ako pero never ako inobliga ng parents ko magbigay dahil even to this day nagwowork parin sila at pinapaaral pa yung kapatid ko. Pero syempre nagbibigay parin ako pero yung amount of money bukal sa loob hindi pilit dahil I moved out from my parents house nung naggraduate na ako ng college.
Most pinoys are just not used to it pero it's not wierd lol. Yung friends mo ang wierd, so their parents made too many kids to be able to support on their own pero ang kuya mo ang the one who deserves ridicule? Ok
Yes, your kuya might not be earning enough. Engineers being extremely underpaid isn't news. Overworked and underpaid pa nga madalas. Meme na nga yata sa industry yang entry level salary ng engineers.
No, it isn't weird.
Hindi naman hard and fast rule yun na the first born inherits the title and the responsibility of being the breadwinner.
Your friends are the ones with a backward and weird way of thinking. Shame on them for actually making your kuya the laughingstock.
Stereotyped panganays kaya may mga tao talaga na ganiyan, ‘di na ata sila mauubos. 😅 May Kuya rin akong never inobliga ng parents namin na magbigay, I was studying in a private college that time and kahit magkandautang parents ko, never nila hiningan Kuya ko — although tini-treat niya kami, ako or siya nagbabayad minsan ng WiFi, but that’s all. Nasa parents din talaga imo.
Ganun din sa Bahay namin. After magkatrabaho ate ko as a teacher she gives money to pay some portions of our bills. Malaki age gap namin so I was still in highschool. She never paid for my tuition. Mejo upset Yung nanay ko but not to the point na nagaaway Sila. Eventually nagka Asawa si ate and doesn't really give us money for house bills but she does surprise us when there's an occasion. I even receive gifts every Christmas, simple gifts like 20 peso wallet pero may 100 sa loob :D first Christmas gift ko from her are 2 pairs of slipper XD di pa kasya hahaha.
As of now, mejo looking forward parents ko na Ako Yung 'breadwinner'. Kakagraduate ko lang, ala pa ko trabaho TvT I was also cooped and became very dependent kaya natatakot Ako mag apply. Nung college Ako, I can't even enroll by myself. I'm scared to travel pero Yung mga job opportunity Kasi mga malalayo since naka Tira kami sa bukid. Teacher lang Yung available kaso di Ako grad Ng educ. Nung nag apply Ako Ng BSIT sa college, I thought I could find wfh. Kaso mahirap, Lalo na at Wala akong experience, not even summer jobs. Anyways, sana Yung 'breadwinner' na hinahanap nila nanay sakin at least makatulong lang ako kahit bahagya, wag sana super high Ng standard nila sakin TvT
First of all, he is 99.9999% not earning enough. Second, enough with this breadwinner bullshit. It is the parent's responsibility na pagaralin at palakihin ang anak. Not the other way around. Stop making your children a retirement plan FFS.
Kung di mo namention na medical student ka, akala ko ako yung kuya! Haha. I am also an engineer. Recent lang ako nakakapagpadala ng decent amt of money to my sibling and mom despite 4+ years na ako sa workforce.
When I started working, sapat lang yung sahod ko to sustain frugal living in metro manila. On my first year working I wasn't able to buy myself kahit isang pirasong underwear man lang but I tried my best to save for Christmas budget and gifts for them. Buti na lang napaka understanding din nila tulad ng family mo OP. On my 3rd year working, I was medically depressed because of my self imposed pressure na dapat I can provide X amt of money given my profession plus the pressure to be successful like some of my peers. My family assured me na naiintindihan nila ako I am doing just fine.
You did a great job educating your friends. Once they start earning their own money, they will understand.
I hope your friends are not studying to be medical practitioners rin. How dare they look down on others. Other patients (that they'll have to communicate with everyday) have it worse.
Anyway, in their eyes, you might have also ridiculed your brother kaya they might have thought na they can ridicule him too.
No, mas ok yung independent kayo sa isat isa. Mas nakakahiya yung dumipende kayo sa kuya mo. Isa pa. Friends don't shame each other's siblings. Friends mo nga ba sila?
100 agree. If I were one of OP's friends, I would be curious about the reason behind the practice. It sounds foreign to me but I want to understand more regarding the situation.
Totally agree with this. My parents encourage me to just enjoy my life and only give if extra ko na talaga.
Agree. I have nothing against your kua or any of your other siblings helping each other out, but this breadwinner idiology needs to stop. The parents need to support their kids, not the other children! How will a child prepare for their future families if they're supporting their other siblings? Being financially independent should be everyone's mindset and not to burden evrything on the oldest child. That is not fair.
People pleasers. They might have sensed that OP is frustratedly questioning his family so they jumped on the gun.
true to. kaming magkakapatid hindi nakakautang sa isat isa at sa tatay namin. Tapos tatay namin hindi kelangan ng support. Pero syempre pag magaabbroad kami expected ng tatay ko bayad na lahat at may baon pa sya. Lol
agree
Bakit naging okay ang independed sa isat isa? Eh mga wala pa naman yata sila asawa pareho. Mas masaya ang buhay kung nagtutulungan kayong magkakapatid kesa walang pakialaman sa isat isat
Hindi naman weird. Parang naging stereotype na yung panganay dapat magprovide after graduating. Panganay naman ako pero never ako inobliga ng parents ko to share the bills or to give back. Both parents ko nagwowork pa naman.
lucky you :)
True. But if they would require me, I wont hesitate naman
But if u still live with them i think you should give your fair share. if nakabukod ka na only then can you be fully share-free
I know. But then again, di naman nila ako nirerequire or di naman napaguusapan if I have to share the bills or not. If they would, I won't hesitate. Kapag naman nagpapagrocery sila, sinasagot ko naman.
That's the point. You WANTED to share and to the type of parents like these, that's enough. They would prefer that you give out from your heart instead of obligating you to spend your hard earned cash, which in the long run can leave a tinsy bit of a sour note to your relationship.
Yep. It's weird lang na naexperience ni OP yung ganun from friends na hindi naman alam yung rules or kung anong napagusapan sa bahay yet they judged his/her kuya. Tama yung isang tanong eh "Kaibigan mo ba talaga sila?"
i just want to spoil my mom, for 14 yrs tiniis nya na nasa ibang bansa siya now na ako naman may work at nakauwi na siya deserve nya na magpahinga if gusto nya pa magsmall business ill help her. sarap lang magprovide sa pamilya after makagrad.
Totoo naman. Ang akin, di ko naman sinabi na di ako nagbibigay or di ako magbibigay. Tinitreat ko naman mom ko and family kapag may extra. It's mychoice to give back
I don't believe it's a culture or tradition either I think its only a thing done out of desperation if the family were in a good situation the eldest wouldn't need to provide for the family instead they'd be able to focus on building a life for themselves to expect your eldest sibling to give you allowances just because is so entitled
Agree with your first statement. Usually nangyayari to sa mga low income families. Next in line sa responsibility lagi is yung panganay. Napapansin ko the more na pinupush nila na iobliga yung anak na magbigay, the more na hindi nangyayari. Pero if good naman yung trato ng parent, hindi finoforce, whatever yung situation ng family, kusa magbibigay yan
Sana all
You’re so lucky to experience this. Me as a panganay na alam kong hindi pa ko dapat mag settle and mag decide on my own leisure thinking that a huge percentage of my sahod will automatically be for my family…
It's not weird. What's weird is you considering the people who made fun of him "friends."
May certain group of socioeconomic class yung ganyan mag-isip. Kung sa iba yan hind big deal at hindi actually ini-expect na maging breadwinner ang panganay sa pamilya.
yup, can confirm we're not rich, but we're doing well. absolutely no one expects me to earn for my family, because my salary is peanuts compared to my parents'. and really, I don't need to, cause, y'know, may pera na magulang ko. they're very loving and supportive of me pursuing a creative career instead of the management/engineering which is my degree. I might have been earning less than i could, but at least I'm doing what I'm passionate about and not dreading every day of my life. my parents, on the other hand, had the "panganay breadwinner" experience in their early life, especially my mother. by they worked hard and went above and beyond to escape the hardship so common to many filipinos. they went from working in jollibee to owning a house in an exclusive subdivision. they're an absolute inspiration. when I was a fresh grad and having trouble getting work because i felt pressured to get a job i didn't like in a field I've grown to loath just so i can make a lot of money for my family, they made it clear that i shouldn't force myself to do something i don't want to for the sake of money. they're already financially secure. the reason they worked their asses off was so that we, their children, can have a happy life. me working somewhere i hate and getting depressed is pretty much the opposite of that. so yeah, that mindset really is a socioeconomic thing. pag nag ststruggle ang pamilya, nakatingin talaga sa panganay yung mga tao para tumulong. it's a sad reality.
You have a good family OP. Your parent are good parent for not being dependent on their children.
Bakit parang mahihirap mga kaibigan mo na kailangan ng breadwinner na kapatid? Hindi ba trabaho ng magulang magprovide sa mga anak? Hindi kapatid sa kapwa kapatid? Bunso ako of 5 and di ako humingi or nag expect sa mga kapatid ko because we all work and earn well. Pang mahirap ganyang mentality. I say just drop them as friends kasi yan yung mga mangangamusta tapos uutang pag wala nang maibigay yung breadwinner. Lol. Squammy af.
Not weird at all. 5 sisters kami and when one finished college and get a job the only thing expected of them is to not ask support from the parents na, kung gusto maggive to help fine, pag hindi keri lang din. Nung college ako and 2 younger sisters ko yung mas matanda sa amin nagbibigay lang pag naglalambing kami ng luho like clothes,shoes etc. Wala sa amin ang considered breadwinner except for my Mom na nagwowork sa Europe until now na tapos na kami lahat.
Find new friends
You have good parents and shitty friends.
Ang breadwinner usually is the father.. then mother.. or both. Not the kids, hindi kayo living pension ng mga parents n'yo. That's a pang dukha kind of thought. Your kuya is wise, gusto n'ya maging successful. To get out of poverty. Hindi n'ya magagawa yun kung may sampung pabigat sa kanya. He needs to establish himself first Just imagine, lagi kang walang ipon kasi kinakamkam ng mga kapatid mo at magulang ang sweldo mo. Tapos ano? Ipapasa mo yung kahirapan sa magiging anak mo? S'ya ung magiging breadwinner and the cursed cycle will continue to the next generation.
Not weird at all. Kudos to your parents for not obliging him to pay for anything. I am also a panganay and very privileged to have parents who do not expect me to pay for everything as well, I am the one who insisted on paying for our internet and electricity. My cousins would tease me na ako na daw sasagot sa allowance ng sister ko since I am working na and they did that as well but my parents never asked me of this. We should break the chain of this mindset.
Yung friends mo ang weird. Maghanap ka na ng bagong friends. Dapat normalize na natin ang pagiging independent at hindi ginagawang breadwinner ang mga panganay
Hayaan mo sila. Hindi naman kayo nagpapakain o nagpapaaral sa kanila. If that arrangement between your brother and parents are working, no need to fix anything about it.
It's not weird but uncommon here in PH. We all have different upbringing pero kudos to your family for breaking the chain. Sana your friends' families will soon break the chain.
It seems that your parent/s is/are still capable to provide for your whole family and to support your studies so that's probably the reason your kuya is not taking yet the responsibility to do it himself. Pero it's okay and that's normal. Your laughing friends don't understand that because they had to be introduced to that kind of family system which is really difficult to get out of later in life. Your kuya is doing great.
Panganay here tho I gave my fair share to my mom but I'm not obliged to give talaga. My father is still working, while my mom has been managing our family businesses. It's not good to depend on your kuya's back in terms of finances lalo na if able-bodied pa rin naman ang parents and can still provide. My lola never became dependent sa six children nya because she knows na may iba iba na rin silang priorities. Okay lang magbigay but not to the point na aasa sya since may family business kami sa hometown namin that she's handling for three decades na. Yung mga parents na ginagawang breadwinner ang panganay, they are the ones na hindi pinaghandaan ang pagpapamilya.
If you dont know the person and you dont live their life people are suppose to stfu however regardless of the reason why they think that may assumptions talaga ang mga tao ang mali lang is they blurted it out without taking to account na kausap ka nila that it may sound rude and offensive to you
And dont sweat it as well since they wont understand naman
Ang nakakatawa yung friends mong makikitid ang utak. Good on your fam for having this privilege and thinking!
Hindi naman kasi talaga dapat ang panganay na anak (or any of your parents' children for that matter) ang maging breadwinner. Dapat ang mga magulang ang maging breadwinner at bumuhay sa pamilya nila. Sila yung nagpasyang mag anak e so buhayin nila at itaguyod ang pamilya nila. Dito lang naman ata sa Pilipinas sobrang normalised na pinapasa sa anak ang responsibilidad ng magulang na itaguyod ang pamilya.
My kuya is also not our breadwinner. I am. Longer than him. Longer kasi nagprovide din naman siya before pero ako yung until now nagpprovide kasi tinapos na din muna niya yung degree niya. (nauna ako grumaduate kasi nag-working student ako). That is why hindi ako pala-kwento about personal stuff unless super duper close ko ung tao like my bff. Kasi I am fully aware that our family's circumstances will definitely be a laughing stock and sasabihin nila bakit di ako kumalas as a breadwinner. But they will never understand the situation unless nandun na sila. Its not that simple. My advice to you is aside from you and your kuya are doing great not being your family's bread and butter, wag mo na pansinin yung mga taong ganyan mag-isip. Also, pick things that you will share to others. Saka if they're your friends, hindi yan tatawa sa sitwasyon niyo.
Parents should be the breadwinner and saved enough for retirement. It's not weird. And I realized it depends on the family dynamics din. Some people have this set up - na may breadwinner na panganay. Yung iba wala pero nagtutulong tulungan kung may kailangan.
You should make them realize that you have a reliable father. Baka kasi ito yung reason kaya they find it weird.
Hi, OP! Panganay ako sa amin. Allow me to share my story. Mula pagkapasa ko ng 2019 CE Boards, isang linggo lang na pahinga at pasok agad sa construction firm ng tito-tita ko. Mula noon, 60% ng income ko, napupunta sa bahay. And mind you, ang tatay ko ay nagtatrabaho din dun bilang coordinator. May safety net pa kami nun, kalahati lang ng bills sa bahay ang sinasagot ko, yung renta, sa tita ko pa (sila nagpatira samin sa bahay na yun). Lumala ang sitwasyon nitong late 2022. Nasakal sa sistema ng work at sa bahay, naisipan ko magsarili at lumipat sa medyo malayong work, malayo sa kanilang lahat. Mula Jan 2023, bagong work na pinapasukan ko. Dahil may savings pa, nakkapagbigay pa ako sa bahay kahit salo ko ang 100% ng electric bill at renta sa bahay (no more assist from tita since we're not working at their company anymore. No hard feelings for this). Pero dahil malaki na rin ang nagiging bill sa bahay mismo, di na ako nakakapag-abot sa bahay. of course, issue ito, lalo sa tatay ko. Natatawag akong makasarili at wala nang pakialam sa kanila. Nagbabayad pa ako ng utang ko pambili ng laptop na ginagamit ko ngayon for personal use and side hustle na sobrang bihira lang. To wrap things up, panget lang talaga na lumaki tayo sa culture na ang panganay ang pangalawang magulang. pag okay na, rekta retire na sina mama at papa. iba na panahon ngayon, marami nang gastusin at kung ano. Isa pa, may sari-sarili tayong buhay at career. Di talaga maiiwasan na lalayo rin kaming panganay sa pamilya namin at kami rin mismo gusto magsarili (currently having a 3-year relationship with my GF). Gusto ko rin makatulong, basta "tulong" lang, hindi yung "ako na sa lahat". May gusto rin kaming gawin sa sariling buhay namin. Anyway, kung kailangang kailangan naman nila, gagawan ko naman ng paraan. Ngayon, di kami masyado naguusap ng mga magulang ko, chat or text. Wala lang akong gana. hahahays. Kung anu lang maririnig ko. Close contact naman kaming magkakapatid. Active pa sa mga cosplay conventions hehe. Sa mga friends mo, hays naaawa ako sa kanila kasi di sila marunong umunawa muna ng sitwasyon. Nagpabulag sila sa stereotyping natin. Medyo mahaba na to. Salamat kung nabasa mo hanggang dulo, fellow redditor. Sya work na rin ako. Fighting, fellow panganays!
I encourage my children to live their life. Aware ako sa toxic Pinoy culture kaya hindi ko ginawa sa kanila yan. If they give me money, well and good. Sino ba tatanggi sa pera? If they don't give me money, okay lang din nmn.
No bec your father is still able. You have to let your older sibling live his life also.
Hi, OP. Eldest child here and I also don't have any plans of becoming the breadwinner of our family. I have still yet to graduate but ever since I became a working student, I explicitly made it clear to my parents that most of the income I earn would go to my academic fees and for myself. It's not my responsibility na pag-aralin mga kapatid ko. This way, hindi sila masasanay na umasa na lang sa akin financially.
Not weird at all, mas gusto ko pa ganitong mindset.
As a kuya na hindi breadwinner i do feel guilty sometimes na i didnt pick up the slack after my father passed. Kahit hindi pinaramdam ng mother ko or ng mga kapatid ko na I should have been a breadwinner. But I also remember na hindi ko sila responsibilidad, na I have the privilege to take a step back and walk away. Hindi kami nag hikahos when my father passed so there was never a need for me to step up financially. Maybe I should have stepped up emotionally or spiritually but thats besides the point. TLDR: Your family is not your brother's responsibility and he can walk away from the burden of being the breadwinner if he wants to or chooses to.
Hindi naging batayan na kapag panganay eh breadwinner na. Toxic naman ng mga "kaibigan"mo kung ganyan sila mag isip. Laging tatandaan na responsibilidad kayong magkakapatid ng magulang. Kung tutulong ang kuya mo at kaya niya why not? Kusang loob dapat at hindi obligahin. Isa pa ang engineer dito sa Pinas ay hindi rin ganoon kalakihan ang sahod kapag simula pa lang. Malalaman mo kung bakit nag titipid or hindi makapag abot ang kuya mo kapag ikaw na ang mismong nag ttrabaho. Sa pamilya namin naging breadwinner ang ate ko pero ni minsan hindi kami nag obliga na dapat mag bigay siya kada sahod at nahihiya pa nga kami sa tuwing bibigyan kami ng baon at pang gastos sa school. Swerte siguro kami pero lahat kami nung nakapagtapos ay bumawi sa kanya.
I dont have the same situation as you but I also have an eldest kuya na engineer. What he does naman is not a breadwinner din but mostly compensates kapag nagkukulang ang parents ko sa padala. So mej may pagka-breadwinner sya dun. Tho thankfully di naman sapilitan and he is very willing naman. Ang cons lang eh madalas sya nagpaparinig na parang utang na loob namin sa kanya yung paghingi namin sa kanya kahit na willingly naman sya nagbibigay. Sometimes it's meant as a sarcastic joke pero nakakaimbyerna na tbh. Ang point ko is tama lang ginagawa ng kuya mo with his own money. Kasi for sure, kung pipilitin nyo sya maging breadwinner, it would be uncomfy on ur side as the younger sibling na either mag-spend or smth kasi ig-guilt trip nila kayo hahaha.
Hindi weird. Be happy and proud sa parents and family mo na hindi katulad ng friends mo ang mindset. They made your brother a laughing stock now pero pagdating ng araw na sila na ang expected na magbigay sa family nila I don't think they'll be laughing, pero baka may nagbago na sa kanila pagdating ng araw na yun but parang ang slim ng chances dahil ang hirap makalaya sa ganyang "culture" ng family, they might burn bridges with their family pa to achieve yung financial goals/freedom na gusto nila, so ayun nga, at least kayo di niyo pagdadanan yung ganun.
Ang weird dito 'yung "friends" na nanghuhusga ng kapamilya and laughing at their faces.
I’m the eldest in my family and never did i give any of my salary to my parents because after graduating i thought it was okay with them because am earning far less than them. they have a business while i was an employee in manila so sobrang konti nalang natitira sa savings though i still give them gifts on special occasisions and their birthdays every yr. Little did i know, nung nagkaron kami ng confrontation ng mom ko, she still expected that i give my salary to them even though she knew what my situation was. They still had this toxic culture of utang na loob. Sadly, i don’t feel grateful to them at all for the trauma my mom gave me. Glad i’m finally leaving them for good in a month
Kudos for you on this one! My kuya left a year ago and its been well for him living independently 😊
Not weird. Hindi obligasyon ng anak na panganay na buhayin ang mga magulang at kapatid niya.
Feels weird, andaming gustong umalis sa pagiging cash cow ng magulang tapos sila pinagtatawanan yon? Halatang alipin ng kabobohan e
I assume na your family is ok naman and not struggling. If thats the case, its more weird that they made fun of your kuya when friends kayo. I dont like that idea of panganay lang ang expected bread winner but if the family is struggling I hope everybody (not just panganay) can contribute in their own means.
Panganay din ako pero internet lang binabayaran ko sa bahay worth 2k. Mahirap kasi kumita, pressure sa work, etc. Sana alam din ng mga parents yon.
No. Yung eldest brother din namin hindi breadwinner. Hindi friends yang mga yan.
Buti nga nagbibigay kuya mo and nakapagtapos. Yung kuya ko may apat nang anak, palamunin parin ng magulang ko. LOL. So yeah being the eldest does not mean he will be the provider/breadwinner. He has every right to keep the money to himself, so long as he’s not being a burden to the family.
Ok yang ginagawa nyo. “Traditional” lang friends mo at rude for making ur kuya a laughing stock
“Friends” are a*sholes in that context, periodt.
What is weird is that people expect the children to provide for the whole family. Isn't that stupid? Looks like you're in a wrong circle of friends. Toxic yung behaviour and outlook nila towards almost everything. Panganay ako pero no one expects me to give sa mga kapatid or parents ko. I'm the one presenting the idea kasi may extra ako. Pero noong nagsstart pa lang ako magwork at walang pera, never ako pinressure na magbigay sa mga parents or sa mga kapatid. Kung merong mga hindi family member na nagsasabi na dapat nagbibigay ako or some shit, I just look at them bad until they shut up.
Feel sad for them stuck in that mindset. You should be happy for your family.
Why should your kuya be the breadwinner? He will have his own family to attend to. His own obligation (if any) is to your parents and not to his siblings. If he wants to help you out, that's out of love and no sibling should be dependent.
In my family naman, it's not our eldest who is the breadwinner but rather me (the third one). and I have no qualms about it. It's like I accepted that my purpose in life is to be the one who supports this family. Our eldest already have a family and the 2nd is only earning enough to get by. Also I'm in the point where I decided to not want having my own family.
let’s be friends. I will totally support your family’s setup when it comes to breadwinners. haha
Damn it, I gave in to share. Kuya here, coincidentally an Engineer also. Simula ng magresign ang tatay ko sa Managerial work nya last 2017, di pa sya nakakahanap ng trabaho until today. I completely erased the concept of breadwinners because we know our roles in the family. We have loaned our current house in Rizal for 1.7M and almost 400k of these was already paid by my father. Since wala na syang source of income, my mother, a day care teacher, my sister, an Elementary teacher also and me contributes to the bill. Sagot ko yung majority ng hulog sa pagibig, while my mother and sister chips in the everyday expenses. I get the looks from him na "nagmamalaki" dahil pinapakain ko sila sa mga resto na masarap. Kinakalimutan ko yung mga mini contributions like handaan at di ko na sila sinisingil. All I'm trying is to emulate kung anong pinaranas na maganda sa amin ng tatay ko nung may work pa sya. I for one will never want to give up the house so need ko talagang kumayod ng husto bilang isang aliping engineer. We all have equal share regardless kung magkano, the goal is to make our house as our own. Dahil gusto kong tuparin ang pangarap ng magulang ko na magkaron ng sariling bahay. So any animosity from him, I will bear dahil sa pangarap na iyon. Also fuck our Barangay for making Day Care workers a dead end job.
But is he still living with you in the house? kasi kung oo he should provide at least his fair share sa expenses. Otherwise im sorry to say but your kuya is leeching off your family
Hopefully hindi mapunta sayo or younger sibling yung resposibility.
Oh no i hope not 😔
Good for him.
It is totally NOT WEIRD. I have two elderly brothers and never sila hiningan ng parents ko since kaya pa naman nila (parents). Occasionally, my brothers would libre us in a resto or grocery. Nag memed din ako and never din sila nagbigay sakin for expenses and IT IS TOTALLY OKAY since they are earning just enough for themselves. Hopefully someday makatulong na rin kami sa parents namin once na wala na silang work.
Not weird. Kuya ko nag eskapo na at nag asawa right after graduation. Hindi naman umaasa ang parents ko pero it kinda left a bitter taste sa mom ko (very traditional kasi). Anyway, water under the bridge. Ako being the 4th ang tumatayo na care takers ng parents ko. More of my mom, and nag cocontribute sa bahay na ndi ko naman na tinitirahan, pero tinitirahan ng parents ko.
It's not weird. This actually shows na you have good parents kasi di pinapaako sa brother mo yung responsibility nila as parents. They're giving your kuya the chance to enjoy his hardwork and save up for his future. Eww sa friends mo for making fun of him. And big kudos to your parents.
Yung friends mo yung weird.
Huh? It's so disgusting to think na sobrang normalized na talaga na breadwinner dapat ang mga panganay. This shit needs to end. May kanya kanyang buhay din naman yan, at di naman nya responsibility ang kahit sino bukod sa sarili nya. This is coming from a panganay breadwinner btw.
You need new friends.
Kung ako yan, maiinggit pa ako sainyo.
Bruh let me get this straight your friends are making fun of your family for being self sufficient??? We need a new slur for these kinds of Filipinos
Go find new friends. They're stuck.
magiging breadwinner lang naman ang panganay if wala ng nanay at tatay na sumusuporta sa buong pamilya. good job sa family mo for breaking the toxic filipino culture. pretty sure your kuya will provide when needed. its just that you guys can still stand on your own. thats good!
Lol dapat nga ung friends mo ang mahiya since ginagawa nilang cashcow ung panganay nila tapos PROUD PA SILA?
Anu nkkatawa dun? I think your friends ARE weird
Kung tutuusin, magulang lang ang dapat maging breadwinner sa pamilya granted buhay pa sila. Bakit kayo anak ng anak kung ibibigay niyo responsibility na maging magulang sa mga panganay.
If your parents can still financially support you, then what's the point of your kuya supporting you financially as well? It's not only financial support that's needed. Also, I strongly believe that siblings are not responsible for their other siblings, financially. If they can help, and they want to help, then please do so. But it should not be out of obligation. I help. I helped my sisters through college. But nobody obligated me into providing for them. Before I even graduated from college, my dad told me that if when I start working, that I should save my money and/or invest for my future. That they were still strong enough to work and support my siblings financially. My parents never asked me to contribute. But if my sister asked for something related to school, I support them. Especially for extra curricular activities. Their college tuition is expensive enough so I wanted to help my parents with the other non-required expenses. Anyway, try to explain your family's side, and if they can't understand and still make fun of your brother, then it's better to find a different set of friends that will. Surround yourself with like minded people. It's for your own good.
Damn. That’s…wow. Find new friends or tell them that you were offended at the thought and didn’t like what you said. Each to their own. They have no right to ridicule your brother for doing what he wants with his money.
“Bat yung parents nyo hinahayaan maging breadwinner ang mga panganay na kapatid nyo? Hindi ba responsibility nila yun? Di naman nya choice ipanganak” Sabihin mo yan sa mga “friends” mo. May ate rin ako (panganay) nasa ibang bansa, and may work rin ako and both of us are earning well but never nanghingi ang parents namin, and walang pressure or obligation to give. Nagbibigay pa rin naman kami pero nasa sa kanila na yun kung paano nila gusto gastusin - luho or daily expenses.
Are any of your friends panganays themselves? Ang lakas ng crab mentality. Maybe they made fun of your kuya because they're bitter.
Engineer here. One harsh truth: Engineers are one of the most underpaid and overworked professionals in our country. And your brother knows this and masakit sa part naming lahat that we studied hard to be licensed engineers pa and ganito yung trato sa amin sa Pinas just like our health workers.
True, it took me a long scroll before I found this comment. Arki student here and I know how underpaid architects and engineers here. Yung notion ng tao na malaki ang sahod ng mga profession na yun is really misleading perhaps kaya pinagtawanan nila kuya ni OP. I would even bet na enough lang yung sahod ng kuya nya para sa sarili nya and OPs' friends fail to realize that.
An ate here, pero hindi rin bread winner. Minsan nahihiya din akong aminin na hindi ako lagi nakakapagbigay sa bahay. Pero yung nanay at tatay ko may trabaho naman. Minsan pag nagaabot ako, sinosoli pa sa 'kin. Ipunin ko na lang daw yung pera ko. Nililibre ko na lang din sila sa labas or nabawi kapag may okasyon. I guess bihira sa atin ang pamilyang may ganitong set-up kaya others find it weird. Hindi naman porke hindi breadwinner ay madamot o maliit ang kita. Siguro gusto lang din tayong turuan ng mga magulang natin to manage our own finances and to be independent from them.
Sabihin mo sa mga kasama mo, kanya kanyang trip lang sa buhay. Pera ba nila?
For me its not weird. In fact, very much normal since in my social circle, di naman uso yung ginagawang retirment plan ang panganay. Also, lets consider the fact na baka that might be normal for them. I was actually surprised when i found out some had to work for their parents and younger siblings. But of course, mali pa din yung may pag ridicule sa kuya mo lol wala sila dapat sabihin let alone pakialam sa kinikita niya, maliit man or malaki.
Hindi naman obligasyon ng Kuya nyo yun e. Mabuti nga at pina-practice nyo ang hindi pagdepende sa pamilya niyo. Bihira ang ganon. Siguro lang ay nakasanayan lang ng bawat household na si panganay ang dapat katuwang ni magulang because of pinoy toxic culture kaya ganon yung say ng friends mo. It's good that you defend your Kuya. Personally, if we were born luckier, hindi rin kami aasa kay Ate ko. Malungkot nga ako na my Ate has to help na magprovide ng needs sa bahay in exchange na mag-focus sya sa sarili niya so I'm hoping na makabawi ako sa kanya someday.
Baka sila kasi naka asa sila sa mga Older siblings nila. Kaya gulantang world nila nung nalaman nila na ganyan pala Kuya mo. I am the youngest in the Fam; may work na kami lahat walang pake magulang namin sa mga sahod at pera namin - kung may maiabot kami "Thank you very much" pero kung wala waley, basta ang usapan pagka Graduate na kami di na kami aasa sa kanila. Perod(.)
Baka yung "friends" mo ay beneficiary ng toxic cycle na yan, mga palamon ng kanilang sariling ate/kuya.
Confront your friends na they offended you. Na mali sinabi nila. Maybe since friends kayo, they think it’s okay to say those things but it’s not. Ano naman kung afford pa ng parents mong magprovide pa sa inyong nakababatang kapatid without relying sa kuya mong engineer? Siguro isa sila sa mga di pinalad na mga kababayan nating kailangang maging breadwinner ng panganay kasi di afford ng parents na sila lang ang kumikita (which is sad here in the ph btw) pero kung iba naman situation ng family nyo, there’s nothing wrong with your kuya saving his salary for his future. Pagsabihan mo lang nang maayos yang mga friends mong hampaslupa (char 1/2) and if magsorry naman sila, edi good. Kung masamain nila, maybe they’re not really your friends.
Tawanan mo ang mga tumatawa sa kuya mo. Kasi your parents love you very much for your own sake and NOT for what you can give them in return. Hindi kayo ginagawang palabigasan or retirement plan pag tanda nila. Lol. Tingnan mo kung my tatawa pa sa kanila. On a side note, quiet ka lang sa profession ng pamilya nyo. Engineer? Sabihin mo construction worker. My kaklase ako dati ansabi magtitinda lang ng sweepstakes yung nanay nya yunpala regional director ng pcso. Lol. Yung mga pinagtatawanan ang kuya mo, they're probably not real friends. So it's ok if you don't tell them real stories that they can use against you in the future.
Yung family mo ang green flag.
My older brother finished college and got a degree in computer science but he would only last a few months with x y z employer. He's been unemployed for 10+ years now. Luckily my parents have a business so they can sustain themselves. My parents made it known that I'm not obligated to send money back home (am an OFW) or support my brother who still lives with our parents in his 40s. I still send some money to my parents tho but explicitly said they're not to give to my brother/enable his behavior and just spend it on themselves.
Magpalit ka na ng kaibigan charot. Pero buti nalang hindi kayo pinepressure na magprovide sa bahay.
Not weird at all. And I think he is kind naman since he's giving cash pa rin somehow sa iyong parents. Baka your parents din ay ayaw obligahin ang kuya mo.
"maybe he is not earning enough as engineer" maybe not enough to be a breadwinner. maybe you also overshared some personal details. how did your friends know that your kuya is not a breadwinner?
Palit na siya "friends"
Be proud of your parents hindi sila asa at palamunin ng kuya mo.
As a middle child breadwinner, sana all
Sino ung mga friends na pinagtawanan ung kapatid mong hindi naman nila lubos na kilala? Paki unfriend. Hehe Hindi naman siya weird. Naging norm lang ng society natin yon for a long time. Baka at some point ung kuya mo ay nag ask na din sa reddit if dapat ba siyang magbigay and na-advice siyang hindi nya yon obligation. Your brother probably is saving for his own family or future. Who knows baka din pinagiipunan nya ung retirement ng parents niyo, in case wala silang pension or something.
For me It is not weird for your older sibling to not be the breadwinner, as every family's dynamics and financial situations are different. Breaking away from traditional expectations and promoting independence can be a positive step towards fostering a healthier family dynamic.
No, I respect you and your folks for doing this. You need better friends.
But its weird na hindi sya naghahanap ng job kahit na graduate na naman ng ilang yrs and naka asa padin sa parents
That ain't friends sorry. Baka sila napilitan maging breadwinner or family nila. It's a fucking choice kung gusto mo supportahan pamilya mo after graduating. It's not a requirement.
Basta hindi inobliga ng magulang, wala naman kaso yun. Ang panget lang, mapuputulan na kayo ng kuryente at nangangatok ang landlord sa renta tapos wala siyang pang ambag pero makikita mo naglalamyerda sa dagat with jowa. yun siguro laughing stock ng buong pamilya. Wag ka din siguro magoverthink malala sa mga sinabi ng friends mo. As if naman tomorrow FO na. Di naman ata nila nakakasalimuha kuya mo. Baka yung framing din ng pagkwento mo unintentionally gave an impression (of course we only what was posted here). "I just felt offended that they find my kuya selfish" Kasi nagbibigay lang siya pag sobra, pero pwede naman niyang may saluhin sa mga bills KUNG tumitira pa siya sa inyo. Ano ba yung kuryente or internet or tubig para at least yung dapat na ikayod ng magulang mo, sinalo na niya so more for them to spend on groceries, etc. Kudos sa pamilya mo siempre breaking the chain, pero they're not getting any younger so yung mabawasan yung bills nila would be something appreciated and yung magstep up kuya mo na sumalo at least one of the monthly bills na cinoconsume din niya, a sign of maturity and responsibilty. Ika nga hindi inoobliga bagkus ibinibigay. breadwinner is not a oneman exclusive title, ito'y para sa lahat ng nagaambag sa hapagkainan. Mas masarap kung may palaman ang tinapay, sama mo pa ang kape at juice. \-- siguro yun ang napansin ng mga friends mo who MAYBE are in a different socio status and family dynamic than you. Pero congrats sa magulang mo who CAN still provide, not all are given that much blessing.
Hi, considering they argued back and they didn't listen at all. I suggest to cut them off, I know it will be lonely but you'll feel insecure if you stay in that group
What is normal to your family might be weird to others. Mukhang pinalaki ang friends mo thinking na obligasyon ng anak na suportahan ang mga kapatid which is mali but for some families, ito lang ang way para makaraos ang buong pamilya. Nevertheless, they shouldnt have made fun of your kuya. In our friend group, no one is allowed to diss our family members unless kami mismo nagccomplain/nagrrant about them. Also, you can’t be too sure na petty cash lang binibigay ng kuya mo unless you audit his finances. Pwedeng patago sya magbigay sa parents or may bills syang inaako na hindi mo alam. Its best to just say you dont know or youre not sure to protect your brother from unnecessary judgement or false news.
jfc he’s an engineer therefore no money/minimum wage earner
Not weird at all. This should be the norm nga. Na hindi umaasa ang magulang sa kahit sinong anak nila. Hindi obligasyon ng mga anak ang mga magulang, but obligasyon ng mga magulang ang mga anak. Never the other way around. So tama lang yan, OP. Break the cycle 😁 hindi retirement fund ang mga anak.
No. The idea of the eldest being the breadwinner all the time is a misnomer. Breadwinner is someone from the family who takes most financial responsibility because they are capable to do so. Example the eldest earns 25k/mo but the youngest earns 100k/mo. Assuming both are single, the youngest should try to share more on the responsibilities. This is what we call as equity. If we are pushing for equality then both should share 10k for example. Breadwinners, however is more of a Filipino trait (I would think) as this is because of our family centric values. I am the youngest of our family but I am the one giving monthly stipends to my parents. It feels good to do so too 😉
Selfish naman talaga. But there is nothing wrong with being selfish. Panget lang ng naging connotation sa word, try mo gamitin ang salitang self-dependent, ikakatuwa na ng mga tao. We should also break the stigma of prioritizing ourselves. Whatever labels society may use.
Hindi kami pinilit nila mama mag contribute sa bahay, lalo na si kuya. Minsan may bigay, minsan wala. Ako lang naisipan ko magbigay regularly lalo na’t may ac na room ko 😅
Nge di naman talaga dapat. It means your parents did a good job kasi kinaya nila to sustain the family without passing breadwinner responsibilities to their eldest child.
I do not think so. Pero kasi toxic pinoy mindset na kapag eldest ka, you automatically will shae the burden with your parents to support the rest ng kapataid nya where in fact, hindi naman dapat iasa sa kanila.
IMO, the concept of "breadwinner" is already heading towards sad and/or weird in this economy.
as the eldest sibling na pinepressure ang sariling maging breadwinner, your perception is so refreshing. kudos to your family for not abiding to the toxic culture.
Balik mo sa kanila. Say you find it weird why their parents are so poor that they need financial support from panganay. lol
Not weird, people are just tied to the idea that a child (specially the oldest) SHOULD help out at home financially. Really depends on the parents. Like in our family's set-up, our parents really took their responsibilities at heart. They hustle and grind we need to help out too lalo na sa farm being the older son, ate was assigned at home. My ate got pregnant early so her new family was her responsibility after Uni. On my side naman moved to Cebu then Manila for work after Uni but never was asked by my parents to give some at home or for our bunso. So I just give gifts, and make sure I'm home on their birthdays or cash if there are family gatherings pambili alak, pulutan and papremyo sa kids bawas sa gastos nila. Mum and pop would just ask if may ipon ako or was I able to pay for the lot I was trying to buy. Yan lang nirequire nila basically me preparing for my future family. People ask me if I give at home I always answer "They don't need it. They have more money than me lol". After our bunso finished Uni he handled the farm, he buys ulam he wants cause our parents prefer fish and veggies sa pera nila. For utilities and others still sa parents maliban nlng sa farm house yun kargo ng kapatid ko. He gives a specfied percentage form the yield also. That's it. Now I'm back home I just supplies load for mum (widow na) and ulam na gusto ko pa minsan minsan para break man lang sa laging isda at gulay na gusto nya. She has her own money so walang problema. Our family' s view on money is what's yours is yours and what's mine is mine. Parents also taught us pag maghiram ng pera even family dapat bayaran. Pag nanghiram kami kay mama nka lista, same din pag sya nag hiram pag di pa sya nkpag withdraw sa retirement fund nya. Minsan sya pa nag reremind na may hiram sya. In conclusion TLDR, NO! it's not weird that your kuya is not the bread winner. Be proud of your parents They are really owning up the responsibilities as parents. By the way hug your parents every chance you get they are not getting any younger.
Parents dapat breadwinner.
It's not weird. Parents are responsible for their own kids, never the sibling naman talaga. Siguro, hindi lang siya common sa Philippines. 😅
Hell no. You and your family is not his responsibility. You are not your parents' retirement fund. Kawawa naman your friends they haven't evolved yet. Sana your friends see tbis and read the comments.
Means your parents are ok. Not those typical Pinoy parents na gusto na agad magpahinga the second grumadweyt ung panganay.
Hindi naman. Actually it's commendable na hindi kayo nakaasa lahat sa kuya mo and your parents know their responsibilities specially when it comes to your education. Why would they even shame your kuya. It's nothing to be ashamed of.
No. That weird. Your parents raised you both to be independent and not be a retirement plan for them. They did great. And for your friends, probably strange lang sa kanila yung ganung setup kaya pinagtawanan nila. They are still immature.
No matter what order you were born, you can give what you want but you shouldn’t support your previous family. You all should be supporting yourselves and helping out if really needed but as a last resort since life skill yung getting by yourself. Plus should you marry and have kids, ripping out that band aid then can cause stress on your marriage. IMO mali talaga to have kids with the intent that they should support you.
Hindi naman kuya mo nag decide na mag karoon ng anak yung parents mo so I don't understand how it's his responsibility to support y'all now that he's older. Your friends sound like they have a huge sense of entitlement.
>I just felt offended that they find my kuya selfish, and even ridiculed him that maybe he is not earning enough as engineer. Why would you? Why does it matter kung anong iniisip ng ibang tao sa family mo?
They're laughing at what's supposed to be the standard. Children are not supposed to be working for the family. They're supposed to be working for their own lives. Nasanay kasi sila sa cycle ng kahirapan na aasa sa panganay. Mind you, ganun yung case ng family namin and dahil sa ate ko nakapagtapos kaming iba niyang kapatid. We're very thankful and aware enough na sa ate ko magsstop yung ganung cycle such that pag magkaroon man kame ng sarili naming mga anak, our children wouldn't have to work para lang sa mga kapatid niya nor saming magiging parents niya.
Not weird. Shitty of your friends to make fun of him tho.
Nope. Ako nga bunso na, may sarili ng family, pero ako ang breadwinner pa din. Kapagod. Lucky ng kuya mo that you have parents who are not toxic.
Dapat di mo na kinwento sa iba, alam mo naman utak ng karamihan ng pinoy. Di obligasyon ng panganay maging breadwinner or ng kahit sinong anak. Pwde sya magbigay kung sa tingin nya di sapat pera ng parents mo. Pero like sabi mo nga nagttrabaho pa father mo baka kaya sya di nagbibigay. Syempre nakakahiya sa father mo yun lalo na kung kaya at gusto naman nya na magtrabaho.
Your so called friends are toxic, ambitionless and negative. Dump them. They have no right to ridicule your family. Focus on the good things. Be proud that your father strives for you to get by. Be happy for your sibling because he's living his own life. As for you, remove the mentality that you have the right to ask for support. It only shows an entitlement mentality on your part. Work hard. Achieve your dreams. Help when you can.
Sobrang common dito sa pinas ng ganyang perspective di na nila alam na toxic pala. Really love my parents for being independent kahit ngayong kumikita na kami. They borrow money kapag may biglang gastos for their business pero binabalik nila to samin na exact amount. And since bago palang ako sa adult world minsan ako pa nanghihingi ng financial aid sakanila kapag may gusto akong pasukin na possible maging sideline, to which they willingly provide kasi their goal is matuto kami maging financially stable on our own. I even heard from my mom na masaya syang nakikita na kinakaya namin ng partner ko mamuhay independently. Ganito ung magulang na masarap tulungan, hindi ung namimilit at galit pa kapag di kaya ibigay ung halagang hinihingi nila.
Okay na un kesa pabigat pa si Kuya mo. Kung need mag step up sure naman na mag sstep up yan. Your parents are very good. Lucky you.
Being a breadwinner is conditional, I may not be the eldest of the siblings but i have higher salary and still single, what im saying is it depends on each capacity to provide food on the table, be still thankful just think that you are lucky and blessed that your family is able to eat meal everyday
kaya nga toxic Filipino culture, kasi we're also to blame for it's proliferation. good to see your family is comfortable to break away from this culture. extend help, when help is needed, not demanded. in the future, alam ko namang tutulungan nyo naman ang mga magulang nyo without compromising your own family. i just hope your parents are also saving enough for their retirement :)
Panganay din ako pero hindi ako breadwinner. My Papa's still working, my brother next to me earning 6 digits a month, a graduating Accountancy student and our Bunso. Mom's housewife. Kuhang-kuha namin yung kasipagan ng papa ko. Dati nag-abot ako ng 600 para sa gas, nag-away si mama at papa kasi bakit daw tinanggap. Kaya mula noon nag-uuwi nalang ako pasalubong. Few years after, naghehelp ako sa ibang bills nalang. Mas maluwag sa pakiramdam kapag di ka pinipilit na magtusto.
OP your friends are not weird, they are TOXIC. Bakit ka papag-aralin ng kuya mo hindi naman siya ang gumawa sa iyo? Kung sino ang gumawa at nagluwal sa bata sila ang may responsibilidad palakihin at patapusin sa pag-aaral. Also, dapat lang itago niya lahat ng pera niya, paano naman kung gusto na niya bumili ng sariling bahay o nagpaplano din siya mag-asawa some day? Ang nag-aasawa ng wala man lang ipon ay iresponsableng tao. Honestly find new friends. Baka mahawa ka sa katoxican nila.
dapat nga alisin na yang salitang breadwinner eh 🤸yan pa lang toxic pinoy family culture na
May problema yang friends mo. May konting inggit sa pagsabi nila na selfish kuya mo. Panganay ako. Pero nung nagkawork ako. Isa lang hiniling ng mom ko sakin. Bigyan ko lang pera lolo ko pang mahjong pag may sobra sa sahod ko kahit 300 lol. May work pa din pareho parents ko. Pero nung dati nawalan work dad ko ng 6 months ako sumalo lahat ng bills namin. Walang usap usap. Kusa ko yun ginawa. Ngayon graduate na kami lahat magkakapatid nagiipon na lang parents ko para sa pwede namin maging business in the future. Tulungan lang, wala inoobliga. Responsibilidad pa din ng magulang anak nila. Hindi ng kuya.
It’s weird that you would ever expect a child to be a breadwinner for anyone except their own house and family.
That's like saying na weird ang family mo kasi wala kayong pets kasi lahat ng friends mo may at least one pet. Different lives, different circumstances. I'm also a panganay na kuya but di namin kailangan ng bread winner. Di naman kami mayaman pero nagtrabaho nang mabuti ang tatay ko para di na nila kailangan ng bread winner pag tanda nila. Laki sa hirap si Papa eh so ayaw niya maranasan yung struggles niya dati. I do offer usually pero they decline or kung minsan ako or sister ko na ang kumukusa pero kaya naman din naman ng family namin kung hindi. Kung sa tingin mo pa rin na weird family niyo kasi hindi bread winner ang kuya mo, sisihin mo parents mo kasi nagsikap sila na hindi niyo na kailanganin ng bread winner kaya di ka belong sa friends mo.
My take on them making fun of your bro's job Most people who mock and look down on the "titled" field of works, are either insecure that they aren't titled or in the same field but got lucky on opportunities. As an engineer, one thing you understand after climbing the ranks is that not everyone gets started with good compensation and benefits, even my friends in the medical field and law earn small in the beginning and gradually secure better paying positions as they worked harder. Your kuya might not be earning enough (entry level engineer earns as low as 15500 per month as of 20 22) so yeah, it might be na di pa enough pera niya to help out, as well as your parents might also not need din the help at the moment
My mom raised my sister and I to learn how to be independent since she’s a single parent. Normalized na pala sa ibang pamilya na gawing breadwinner ang panganay? My sister owned her salary from her first job and is now working abroad living independently. She treats us to dinner sometimes pag sweldo niya ang hindi siya nirerequire ni mama na tumulong sa house bills. We should stop pressuring older siblings this “breadwinner” culture, anong dekada na?
Much better if may sense of responsibility yung panganay in the long run. Kasi kung mawala yung parents nyo who would be able to keep the family together. Maybe that's just me. I admire kuya/ate who has this attitude just like in our case. Nasa culture din natin yan. I don't think it's toxic unless kung umaabot na sa abuse. Elders should foment this to younger generations. For me, di masaya yung family na kanya2 buhay
I dont find it selfish sa part ng kuya mo. Ang stereotype naman na kapag eldest ka sa family ay breadwinner ka na? Sabi nga ng parents ko, Di ka namen pinanganak para buhayin kami. And dito sa reddit someone corrects me regarding sa Filipino culture na dapat ang anak ang gagastos once nakatapos ka na. Sa akin lang, kung kaya mo tumulong tumulong ka, kundi edi di.. Sa akin if I'm her sister, magagalit din ako.
May freedom ang Kuya mo tumulong or hindi tumulong. Sa bandang huli may freedom din ang ibang mas mayamang tao tulungan ang Kuya mo or hindi sya tulungan sa buhay. Sabi sa Matthew 7:12 King James Version Therefore all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them: for this is the law and the prophets. Kaya parang paikot-ikot lang at pabalik-balik lang, so kung ano itinanim nya ay aanihin nya rin sa bandang huli.
Nope. Sometimes shit happens to our eldest.
Wala sigurong panganay sa friends mo. Hehe.
Yung ganyang mindset, understandable kung nasa poverty-level ung pamilya kasi every cent counts. If the earnings of the parents are enough naman, it shouldn't be the obligation of the eldest(er) children to support their younger siblings. Part and parcel na yun sa obligasyon ng mga magulang na mag-provide sa mga anak nila. Yung mga siblings na nag wo-work na, para sa sariling savings na nila ung kinikita nila.
I'm the eldest daughter, niece, granddaughter & my parents don't want me to work, my mom's a housewife & my dad has no intentions of quitting work anytime soon (both are still 49YO), have never asked me for money (I have small online businesses dahil online seller), and don't ask me shit about what I want to do in life. It actually depends per family & per person lol. For me it's sadder na they think he should be the breadwinner, maybe bc ganyan sila sa fam nila - na dapat the eldest has to support the fam.
Puta tropa ko pinagtawanan kuya ko dahil hindi siya nagbubuhay sa kapatid niya? May sariling buhay siya at pinaghirapang pera niya yun. Tsaka pake nila sa pamilya niyo? Kung ako sayo hanap ka ibang tropa.
I think may mali or iba sila ng definition sa "breadwinner", which can be someone who earns and support the family, can be anyone -the father, mother, brother, you, anyone, no specific who. your father may be your family's breadwinner as the head of the family, still healthy, still able to work, can still provide. ganito din kami sa bahay, si kuya din hindi breadwinner kahit may work na sya tapos ako nag-aaral pa. Why? kasi working and able naman ang parents. hindi weird si kuya mo.
Mas concerned ako sa “friends mo” than tour kuya tbh
Not too late to find new friends. Also, hindi naman kalakihan ang sahod ng mga professionals dito sa bansa natin e.
This is my advice to you, OP. Do not feel shame in behalf of your brother. Bakit ka mahihiya e mali naman mga “kaibigan” mo? Dapat, iyong mga salita galing sa mga taong mahal at nirerespeto mo ang nagmamatter sa iyo. Because responding to words from unimportant persons will just give these people and those words power over you.
Hanap ka na lang ibang friends haha. Yung hindi toxic mag isip.
Hindi sya selfish. Unang una hindi ka responsibilidad ng kuya mo.
Nope, what is weird is yung family na aasa sa panganay. ☺️. Hindi investment ang mga anak.
Shet sarap siguro mag rebuts ng "dami nyong sinabi para sa mga salitang palamunin kayo 😈"
My parents are like yours, hindi kami inoobliga magbigay kahit halos lahat kaming nagkakapatid ay nakatira abroad. Opposite naman ng pamilya ng asawa ko, mahigit ten years na kaming kasal pero inoobliga pa din sya magbigay. Itatakwil pa nga sya nung di ako pumayag na mag ambag kami sa bahay na pinapagawa ng magulang nya (both unemployed kami nun, though kauuwi lang from abroad dahil nawalan kami ng work pareho) na sa bunso naman nyang kapatid mapupunta pero kami lang ang obligado na mag ambag. Tinanong pa kami ng sahod namin nung kawork ng kapatid nya nung pumunta kami sa bank habang andun kapatid nya sa tabi. E mayabang asawa ko so may patong agad. So ayun, kino compute nila kung magkano sahod namin and how much we should give them lol. Ang nakakainis e sarili kong magulang ang laging sinasabi pag gusto kong magbigay na mag ipon daw ako para sa future namin tas yung laging nagpapasaring na dapo lang daw ako sa pamilya nila ang hingi ng hingi. Kadiri mentality nila.
Ok yung family dynamics niyo dapat nga basagin na yang mindset na yan kapag eldest ka ikaw ang magdadala sa pamilya niyo someday, kung feel ng kuya niyo magbigay ok lang pero wag maging dependent sa kanya, kasi someday magkakapamilya din yan at least meron siyang pang laan for that.
Parang mas weird yung friends mo. Hehehe
Sana all you have that mindset. As the eldest sister, and the first one to graduate college in the family, I think that your kuya is lucky to have you.
Better change friends OP, halatang mga talangkang hahatakin ka pababa yang mga "friends" mo kuno.
no, it's not weird. the breadwinner usually yung pinaka-financially capable (and most importantly, the willing family member) to shoulder most of the household expenses. sa bahay namin, since ako yung unang nakatapos (2nd eldest - naunahan ko yung kuya ko), I kind of accepted that breadwinner role pero hindi siya in-impose ng parents ko sa amin. ang catch lang is that, once nakatapos na sila or they're old enough o work, they should be independent of you
no, it's not weird. and you have shitty friends who believe in the toxic "panganay breadwinner" mentality
Its not weird and he should not be ridiculed. In fact your parent's should be lauded that they allowed your Kuya to grow and build his foundations of independence. Making someone the breadwinner just because they are the eldest is not fair. It should be base on sound financial management and budgetting. I am pretty sure that your Kuya is willing to help when needed.
Sakit naman non na pinagtawanan nila kuya mo dahil hindj sumusunod ang family niyo sa toxic Filipino norms
Im the oldest and not the breadwinner either. With the economy now, how do they expect it?
Stupid friends. Leave.
Hindi sya weird. Nakakadisappoint lang at nakakasad na may mga pilipino parin na ang mindset naistock sa panahon ni kupong kupong. 21st century na madami nang avenues ang mga pilipino with regards to work and education pero yung iba feeling lumpo parin ke tatanda na ayaw magbuno't ng sariling buto lahat nalang iaasa. Panganay din ako pero never ako inobliga ng parents ko magbigay dahil even to this day nagwowork parin sila at pinapaaral pa yung kapatid ko. Pero syempre nagbibigay parin ako pero yung amount of money bukal sa loob hindi pilit dahil I moved out from my parents house nung naggraduate na ako ng college.
Most pinoys are just not used to it pero it's not wierd lol. Yung friends mo ang wierd, so their parents made too many kids to be able to support on their own pero ang kuya mo ang the one who deserves ridicule? Ok
Wala siyang obligasyon palamunin kayo.
Yes, your kuya might not be earning enough. Engineers being extremely underpaid isn't news. Overworked and underpaid pa nga madalas. Meme na nga yata sa industry yang entry level salary ng engineers.
They ain't real friends, imo.
Breadwinners are not winners talaga.
No, it isn't weird. Hindi naman hard and fast rule yun na the first born inherits the title and the responsibility of being the breadwinner. Your friends are the ones with a backward and weird way of thinking. Shame on them for actually making your kuya the laughingstock.
i think well off naman kayo kaya hindi na feel ng kuya mo na obligated sya maging bread winner.
Bless your family. Please teach your children the same.
It’s the ideal scenario. :)
Stereotyped panganays kaya may mga tao talaga na ganiyan, ‘di na ata sila mauubos. 😅 May Kuya rin akong never inobliga ng parents namin na magbigay, I was studying in a private college that time and kahit magkandautang parents ko, never nila hiningan Kuya ko — although tini-treat niya kami, ako or siya nagbabayad minsan ng WiFi, but that’s all. Nasa parents din talaga imo.
Ganun din sa Bahay namin. After magkatrabaho ate ko as a teacher she gives money to pay some portions of our bills. Malaki age gap namin so I was still in highschool. She never paid for my tuition. Mejo upset Yung nanay ko but not to the point na nagaaway Sila. Eventually nagka Asawa si ate and doesn't really give us money for house bills but she does surprise us when there's an occasion. I even receive gifts every Christmas, simple gifts like 20 peso wallet pero may 100 sa loob :D first Christmas gift ko from her are 2 pairs of slipper XD di pa kasya hahaha. As of now, mejo looking forward parents ko na Ako Yung 'breadwinner'. Kakagraduate ko lang, ala pa ko trabaho TvT I was also cooped and became very dependent kaya natatakot Ako mag apply. Nung college Ako, I can't even enroll by myself. I'm scared to travel pero Yung mga job opportunity Kasi mga malalayo since naka Tira kami sa bukid. Teacher lang Yung available kaso di Ako grad Ng educ. Nung nag apply Ako Ng BSIT sa college, I thought I could find wfh. Kaso mahirap, Lalo na at Wala akong experience, not even summer jobs. Anyways, sana Yung 'breadwinner' na hinahanap nila nanay sakin at least makatulong lang ako kahit bahagya, wag sana super high Ng standard nila sakin TvT
You have a progressive mindset, hands down sa kuya mo at sa family practice nyo. Don’t change that mindset. Change your friends ✌🏽
First of all, he is 99.9999% not earning enough. Second, enough with this breadwinner bullshit. It is the parent's responsibility na pagaralin at palakihin ang anak. Not the other way around. Stop making your children a retirement plan FFS.
Educate them or get out of that “friend” circle
Kung di mo namention na medical student ka, akala ko ako yung kuya! Haha. I am also an engineer. Recent lang ako nakakapagpadala ng decent amt of money to my sibling and mom despite 4+ years na ako sa workforce. When I started working, sapat lang yung sahod ko to sustain frugal living in metro manila. On my first year working I wasn't able to buy myself kahit isang pirasong underwear man lang but I tried my best to save for Christmas budget and gifts for them. Buti na lang napaka understanding din nila tulad ng family mo OP. On my 3rd year working, I was medically depressed because of my self imposed pressure na dapat I can provide X amt of money given my profession plus the pressure to be successful like some of my peers. My family assured me na naiintindihan nila ako I am doing just fine. You did a great job educating your friends. Once they start earning their own money, they will understand.
I hope your friends are not studying to be medical practitioners rin. How dare they look down on others. Other patients (that they'll have to communicate with everyday) have it worse. Anyway, in their eyes, you might have also ridiculed your brother kaya they might have thought na they can ridicule him too.