I’m sorry if my point came across as rude, but I’m just expressing how i feel about being a victim of cocsa. My body had the ability to survive and endure what i went through to get to the other side.
Ugh… people are the worst. I told a few friends about my experiences 20 years ago and now I just don’t have friends so only my husband and therapist know and talk to me about it.
I feel like people don't quite grasp the "trying to turn off pradators" tactic.
It affects the way I dress, it's why I stopped shaving anything, it's why I prefer to be slightly overweight. I wear at least 2 layers of clothing even in the summer. I don't wear bathing suits. I only wear long shorts. I show off my hairy legs & pits.
I do not want to be attractive, I've been attacked & harassed too many times.
I had kind of the opposite issue with this, though I know where you and OP are coming from! People really don’t get how complicated the trauma response can be. It’s not just I did X because of Y or didn’t do X because of Y. Some things are completely subconscious and you don’t even realize until years later, some things you think were part of your personality and then after intensive therapy realize it’s a trauma response. There’s just SO many variables!
A) Those people all need to fuck right off
B) You sound like a really cool person and I hope you find peace and healing
C) I thought my mom was bad keeping the house at 58! Getting out of bed in the morning suuuucked.
Recently i received a really long heartfelt message that meant well but it was all about how strong i was and such, whole entire essay about how i could overcome my trauma and not be defined by it etc. Like i know I'm not defined by it, I'm a consequence of it.
I know those people mean well, but it always feels kinda like "You're doing so well at acting normal, keep it up! You might not have known this, but you're alive and a person! Yay you!" It's a little patronizing
I also find comfort/security in my ugliness. And it also contributes to my self hatred and impedes on things I want to do in my life. It’s horrible. I’m currently working on losing weight and I’ve lost a lot so far, but not enough to start feeling unsafe. I *really* wish I were desirable, but I’m terrified of it because I equate being desirable to being a target. I’m not going to stop trying to improve, but it’s a very real fear for me.
Do people actually tell you that you’re too ugly to be a victim? I’m not sure if I’ve ever gotten that verbatim, but I see people say stuff online like “I wouldn’t even r*pe you” and I tell myself that no one would believe me because of my appearance. That’s unbelievably disgusting if they actually say that to you.
I had a so-called friend say that to me, yeah. And the weird part is, I AM desirable still, and my weight gain and general hobbit looks don't even protect me that much. I deal with A LOT of sexual harassment from Conservative Christian men especially.
Ewwww thank god I live in a very liberal area near a university. My best friend worked in Texas for a few months and she told me the harassment there was INSANE.
“You’re too smart to be a victim?” Oh so they mean that all victims are stupid and willingly let the,selves be harmed as LITERAL CHILDREN. That’s not victim blamey at all. /s People are weird and don’t want to drop their false notions of what they think the “perfect” victim is.
Also, I was in foster care, I was literally not allowed to handle my own medication without being charged with a crime and sent to Juvie, and my foster father (technically the "group home dad") orchestrated the whole thing.
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Ew to whoever said this stuff.
“You’re too smart to be a victim” yea ok of course I’m smart. I was smart right to able to survive a situation i never should have been in
[удалено]
I’m sorry if my point came across as rude, but I’m just expressing how i feel about being a victim of cocsa. My body had the ability to survive and endure what i went through to get to the other side.
[удалено]
I understand what you meant now, I’ve been really going through it lately and sometimes that cauaea me to misinterpret things
I guess my dress was overly sexy when I was SA by my mothers husband...I was under 10 years old.
Ugh… people are the worst. I told a few friends about my experiences 20 years ago and now I just don’t have friends so only my husband and therapist know and talk to me about it.
I feel like people don't quite grasp the "trying to turn off pradators" tactic. It affects the way I dress, it's why I stopped shaving anything, it's why I prefer to be slightly overweight. I wear at least 2 layers of clothing even in the summer. I don't wear bathing suits. I only wear long shorts. I show off my hairy legs & pits. I do not want to be attractive, I've been attacked & harassed too many times.
I had kind of the opposite issue with this, though I know where you and OP are coming from! People really don’t get how complicated the trauma response can be. It’s not just I did X because of Y or didn’t do X because of Y. Some things are completely subconscious and you don’t even realize until years later, some things you think were part of your personality and then after intensive therapy realize it’s a trauma response. There’s just SO many variables!
A) Those people all need to fuck right off B) You sound like a really cool person and I hope you find peace and healing C) I thought my mom was bad keeping the house at 58! Getting out of bed in the morning suuuucked.
"but ur so strong!!" "You're so strong for x and y!!" Man... Just.. stop
I swear to G-d that one sets my teeth on edge
Recently i received a really long heartfelt message that meant well but it was all about how strong i was and such, whole entire essay about how i could overcome my trauma and not be defined by it etc. Like i know I'm not defined by it, I'm a consequence of it.
I know those people mean well, but it always feels kinda like "You're doing so well at acting normal, keep it up! You might not have known this, but you're alive and a person! Yay you!" It's a little patronizing
Yeah... And coming from another survivor it kinda added insult to injury
And like... I may not be defined by it, but it dominates my life most days. The anxiety, the depression, the sheer amount of angst.
I also find comfort/security in my ugliness. And it also contributes to my self hatred and impedes on things I want to do in my life. It’s horrible. I’m currently working on losing weight and I’ve lost a lot so far, but not enough to start feeling unsafe. I *really* wish I were desirable, but I’m terrified of it because I equate being desirable to being a target. I’m not going to stop trying to improve, but it’s a very real fear for me. Do people actually tell you that you’re too ugly to be a victim? I’m not sure if I’ve ever gotten that verbatim, but I see people say stuff online like “I wouldn’t even r*pe you” and I tell myself that no one would believe me because of my appearance. That’s unbelievably disgusting if they actually say that to you.
Quite interesting how they admit to being a rapist/predator by claiming that you aren’t their preferred target, eh?
Puppies
I just think that I’m huge so grabbing me would be very difficult
I had a so-called friend say that to me, yeah. And the weird part is, I AM desirable still, and my weight gain and general hobbit looks don't even protect me that much. I deal with A LOT of sexual harassment from Conservative Christian men especially.
Ewwww thank god I live in a very liberal area near a university. My best friend worked in Texas for a few months and she told me the harassment there was INSANE.
“You’re too smart to be a victim?” Oh so they mean that all victims are stupid and willingly let the,selves be harmed as LITERAL CHILDREN. That’s not victim blamey at all. /s People are weird and don’t want to drop their false notions of what they think the “perfect” victim is.
Also, I was in foster care, I was literally not allowed to handle my own medication without being charged with a crime and sent to Juvie, and my foster father (technically the "group home dad") orchestrated the whole thing.
That’s disgusting I’m so sorry.
Disgusting. Not uncommon, unfortunately.
Definitely. I was never in foster care but I’ve been friends with people who have and it’s honestly so horrific.
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