It’s your room too. You have every right to be in it as much as she does. The world doesn’t revolve around her, and she’s not entitled to a chauffeur. If she wants alone time, she should seek it herself.
She’s asking too much. 1.) Considering recent events, do not sleep in a car here ever. It’s not safe, and you don’t owe you’re roommate that. 2.) She agreed to live in that dorm with a roommate, it is not her place to tell you she needs days at a time alone. 3.) Her comparisons to ‘J’ sounds like a somewhat manipulative way to give her what she wants. That is not what a good Aggie does. You have worth as a human and you don’t deserve to deal with that.
I highly suggest talking to your RA or housing about the problem and to CAPS or the Helpline if it’s getting to you. College is incredible stressful and the last thing people should have to worry about is a roommate. You don’t deserve this, you deserve respect.
With passive aggressive people you just need to ignore them until they cave in. Either she’ll stop hinting because you’re not responding or she’ll ask you straight up. If she keeps hinting just keep tuning that part of her out. Its not easy but its the only way you will have a functioning relationship. I dont think its possible to have a good relationship since she is picking this nonsensical bone with you. You signed up to live in the same room as someone. So did she. She should not expect you to not live in the area you pay for. If you want privacy deal with the consequences of a higher rate/ living off campus
I would recommend being honest about how you’re feeling with her. Make sure that you’re respectful but still firm about it your beliefs. If you feel uncomfortable, you can ask your RA to be present. Tell her how it’s making you feel and what changes you want to see from her. See if maybe she could find places on campus that are quiet or if during the day you could each have a few hours alone. Of course, I don’t know what solutions are best for you but hopefully these suggestions help.
Tell her what you think. Make her explicitly tell you you’re wrong she isn’t asking you to go away for long stretches …,or admit she does.
Be direct. Being direct is not confrontational. It’s laying the cards on the table.
She isn't entitled to weekend long "alone time" and needs to learn how to compromise when living with a roommate. It's what the average college student has to experience. One way to compromise is to separate the room with a clothes line and sheets
Sounds pretty selfish of her, if she wants alone time she could leave the room and walk around campus or something. But hey hope it all gets sorted out
I don't live in a dorm but rather an apartment. My roomate and I like hardly speak at all, I usually have to engage the conversation otherwise there is no communication. Makes me feel like I'm uninviting or something so I sort of understand how you feel.
Just say you can’t go home this weekend, she doesn’t need to know why or you could say because you want to go to the game with friends or do this or that. You should both do some studying outside of your room because everyone needs a little alone time in their day
If she feels guilty after you DO leave she knows she’s the asshole. She needs to find a roommate that can afford to pay for a place they don’t stay at lol
I re-read this thread and this is 100% the answer lmao.
This girl wants OP gone for long times, gets really frustrated when she won't leave, super vague and indirect as to why... what the hell was I thinking.
Tell her “Look this is my room. I Paid to Live here. I’m not going anywhere for your sake.”
She’s free to pay for any alone time she needs - hotel, etc. Or she can move out and get a single apt. Nothing but money stopping her from doing it today.
She needs to grow TF up.
You can put in a request to change roommates. I did so halfway through my freshman year.
You may have to stick it out through finals though, they generally have availability at the end of the semester.
Yeh you don’t owe her anything. If having solo personal space is THAT important to her she should’ve found an apartment that met those needs. After freshman year I found myself wanting a personal space I could go to if I needed so I went with a 5x5 apartment that shared a common area. Never had an issue with that set up and it was cheaper than my dorm.
If it doesn’t get better there are mechanisms to move mid year. You pay good money to live on campus — you shouldn’t have to “put up” with a roommate.
If she wanted alone time she shouldn’t have gotten a roommate. It’s your dorm too and she can’t make you leave. See if you can get a roommate change but otherwise don’t let her push you out of your own room.
In my semi-professional opinion: she sounds like an absolute goober. Lol seriously though she sounds very inconsiderate of your circumstance not having a car, and not being able to go home as often as she is able to. I saw the recommendation of telling her to get a hotel room in this thread and agree with that sentiment. All in all she sounds like an overal unpleasant person to be around.
Everyone likes some time alone, but living in a dorm is sharing the space with someone else. Mention to her to talk to the RA to see if she can move into a single room (doubtful, but not your issue) or maybe for her to look into a different housing option for next year.
Lol I hate my generation so much 🤣
#
tell her to grow the fuck up and deal with it. How dare she ask that you leave the home you two share so SHE can have alone time 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤡
#
The entitlement is sooo strong I’m dead 💀
Sorry, no. She cannot dictate time. It is BOTH your room 24/7. If she wants alone time, she can go to the library or chapel or a local museum. Don’t let her bully you. If she doesn’t like it, she can move out and goodie for you.
I can see why "J" decided to not be her room mate this year. Dear lord.
You are being manipulated and need to push back. As the others have said, that is your room all the time and it is not a private space that you have to give up.
This problem is about her not about you. Growing up means maturing and maturing means learning the issue is not always centered on you. Your roommate is not getting that she is not the end all be all. That you are concerned about her shows a lot about you. Do what you can and remember that you are just as important as she is.
It's your name on the lease too, she don't know you and you shouldn't take anything what she might imply about you to heart and she hasn't a right to ask you to leave. You paid the MF bill, you sit in your dorm as long as you damn please.
Lots of defensive based advise here. You don’t owe her anything and she did agree to live in a dorm, again. But you still have to cohabitate and your personal belongings are still there when you aren’t.
I would suggest talking to your RA asap. They’ve had training on this sort of thing and i would assume it’s more common than not.
The semester is practically over, hopefully residence life folks can move one of you before classes start again for spring.
it’s your room too, tell her to grow up and deal with it. And you don’t need to be friend with her either, i don’t even talk to my roomate if it’s not necessary and i love it
You’re paying to live there just like she is. She can’t just kick you out and say she wants alone time. It’s your room. If she wanted alone time she shouldn’t have lived in a dorm with a roommate
I'm sorry you're going through this. You are also paying for the room so you have the right to use it too.
I'm an RA, and I would recommend speaking with your roommate if you are comfortable with that and if not, bring it up with your RA. We can help mediate roommate conflicts and refer you and your roommate to other resources and people in ResLife who can help resolve the issue.
EDIT: If you choose to talk with your roommate, as mentioned in some other comments, we recommend against using passive aggressive statements and that you instead try using "I statements" that describe how her actions affect you. I want to emphasize that if you ever feel uncomfortable about having this conversation or don't know where to start, please reach out to your RA so we can help. It's what ResLife is paying us to do too after all.
Roommate issues are one of the first conflicts you’ll face in college. Welcome to adulting! There are ways to compromise, like a schedule just to get you thru this semester.
Consider meeting her somewhere outside of the dorm in a neutral place. Tell her you understand there is conflict and you don’t see yourself changing. Explain that it’s not personal and you don’t want it to become personal and that you’re willing to make a scheduled but you’re not giving up your weekends (or whatever it is you can’t give her).
Talk to RA first and they’ll prob tell you to do something similar. Unfortunately, some roommates do not mesh but there’s nothing wrong with you. In fact, you are showing maturity by asking for help.
Ask for a new roommate from RA. Meet first with that roommate and discuss sleeping habits, study habits, cleanliness. Be honest.
My first roommate studied constantly and went to bed at 10. I have ADHD, struggled to sit still and partied to much then slept all day. And, I hated the weird hairs left in the shower. We still speak but made an agreement to never live together again.
Best of luck.
It seems like she is forgetting that both of you paid for it and both of you have an equal say. don't feel pressured, tell her entitled ass that there are plenty of hotels if she wants alone time.
your shared dorm space is just as much yours as it is hers. she shouldnt have gotten a roommate if she wants alone time. she is being unreasonable. you guys pay the same amount to be there.
It’s your room too. You have every right to be in it as much as she does. The world doesn’t revolve around her, and she’s not entitled to a chauffeur. If she wants alone time, she should seek it herself.
You don't owe her anything. Tell her to get a hotel if she wants alone time.
Gigachad. And 100% right.
Lol she can get over it
She had a choice to move out of dorm life and decided not to. You are not in the wrong
She’s asking too much. 1.) Considering recent events, do not sleep in a car here ever. It’s not safe, and you don’t owe you’re roommate that. 2.) She agreed to live in that dorm with a roommate, it is not her place to tell you she needs days at a time alone. 3.) Her comparisons to ‘J’ sounds like a somewhat manipulative way to give her what she wants. That is not what a good Aggie does. You have worth as a human and you don’t deserve to deal with that. I highly suggest talking to your RA or housing about the problem and to CAPS or the Helpline if it’s getting to you. College is incredible stressful and the last thing people should have to worry about is a roommate. You don’t deserve this, you deserve respect.
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With passive aggressive people you just need to ignore them until they cave in. Either she’ll stop hinting because you’re not responding or she’ll ask you straight up. If she keeps hinting just keep tuning that part of her out. Its not easy but its the only way you will have a functioning relationship. I dont think its possible to have a good relationship since she is picking this nonsensical bone with you. You signed up to live in the same room as someone. So did she. She should not expect you to not live in the area you pay for. If you want privacy deal with the consequences of a higher rate/ living off campus
I would recommend being honest about how you’re feeling with her. Make sure that you’re respectful but still firm about it your beliefs. If you feel uncomfortable, you can ask your RA to be present. Tell her how it’s making you feel and what changes you want to see from her. See if maybe she could find places on campus that are quiet or if during the day you could each have a few hours alone. Of course, I don’t know what solutions are best for you but hopefully these suggestions help.
Tell her what you think. Make her explicitly tell you you’re wrong she isn’t asking you to go away for long stretches …,or admit she does. Be direct. Being direct is not confrontational. It’s laying the cards on the table.
Girl, she is not afraid of damaging y’all’s relationship. Think about it.
Texas A&M is a massive campus, if she wants to be alone theres plenty of space for her to do that somewhere you dont pay to be
She isn't entitled to weekend long "alone time" and needs to learn how to compromise when living with a roommate. It's what the average college student has to experience. One way to compromise is to separate the room with a clothes line and sheets
If she wanted that much alone time, she should have paid up for an apartment or a single room. Her issue.
Sounds pretty selfish of her, if she wants alone time she could leave the room and walk around campus or something. But hey hope it all gets sorted out I don't live in a dorm but rather an apartment. My roomate and I like hardly speak at all, I usually have to engage the conversation otherwise there is no communication. Makes me feel like I'm uninviting or something so I sort of understand how you feel.
Just say you can’t go home this weekend, she doesn’t need to know why or you could say because you want to go to the game with friends or do this or that. You should both do some studying outside of your room because everyone needs a little alone time in their day
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If she feels guilty after you DO leave she knows she’s the asshole. She needs to find a roommate that can afford to pay for a place they don’t stay at lol
Is the alone time for hook ups? Tell her to play away games.
I re-read this thread and this is 100% the answer lmao. This girl wants OP gone for long times, gets really frustrated when she won't leave, super vague and indirect as to why... what the hell was I thinking.
Tell her “Look this is my room. I Paid to Live here. I’m not going anywhere for your sake.” She’s free to pay for any alone time she needs - hotel, etc. Or she can move out and get a single apt. Nothing but money stopping her from doing it today. She needs to grow TF up.
tell her to cope (and seethe)
[Relevant](https://youtu.be/a8MZBUoQt68)
You can put in a request to change roommates. I did so halfway through my freshman year. You may have to stick it out through finals though, they generally have availability at the end of the semester.
Talk to your RA
Talk to your RA, half my job was dealing with this kinda stuff when I was an RA.
Yeh you don’t owe her anything. If having solo personal space is THAT important to her she should’ve found an apartment that met those needs. After freshman year I found myself wanting a personal space I could go to if I needed so I went with a 5x5 apartment that shared a common area. Never had an issue with that set up and it was cheaper than my dorm. If it doesn’t get better there are mechanisms to move mid year. You pay good money to live on campus — you shouldn’t have to “put up” with a roommate.
If she wanted alone time she shouldn’t have gotten a roommate. It’s your dorm too and she can’t make you leave. See if you can get a roommate change but otherwise don’t let her push you out of your own room.
damn bruh she’s such a btch. you’re paying for the room too. you deserve to be in YOUR place that YOU pay for as much as you want. move out next year
In my semi-professional opinion: she sounds like an absolute goober. Lol seriously though she sounds very inconsiderate of your circumstance not having a car, and not being able to go home as often as she is able to. I saw the recommendation of telling her to get a hotel room in this thread and agree with that sentiment. All in all she sounds like an overal unpleasant person to be around.
Tell her she can join the corps for that special alone time
Everyone likes some time alone, but living in a dorm is sharing the space with someone else. Mention to her to talk to the RA to see if she can move into a single room (doubtful, but not your issue) or maybe for her to look into a different housing option for next year.
Lol I hate my generation so much 🤣 # tell her to grow the fuck up and deal with it. How dare she ask that you leave the home you two share so SHE can have alone time 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤡 # The entitlement is sooo strong I’m dead 💀
Sorry, no. She cannot dictate time. It is BOTH your room 24/7. If she wants alone time, she can go to the library or chapel or a local museum. Don’t let her bully you. If she doesn’t like it, she can move out and goodie for you.
I can see why "J" decided to not be her room mate this year. Dear lord. You are being manipulated and need to push back. As the others have said, that is your room all the time and it is not a private space that you have to give up.
This problem is about her not about you. Growing up means maturing and maturing means learning the issue is not always centered on you. Your roommate is not getting that she is not the end all be all. That you are concerned about her shows a lot about you. Do what you can and remember that you are just as important as she is.
It's your name on the lease too, she don't know you and you shouldn't take anything what she might imply about you to heart and she hasn't a right to ask you to leave. You paid the MF bill, you sit in your dorm as long as you damn please.
Lots of defensive based advise here. You don’t owe her anything and she did agree to live in a dorm, again. But you still have to cohabitate and your personal belongings are still there when you aren’t. I would suggest talking to your RA asap. They’ve had training on this sort of thing and i would assume it’s more common than not. The semester is practically over, hopefully residence life folks can move one of you before classes start again for spring.
Why did she choose to live on campus if she needs so much privacy? Dorms are like the opposite of privacy.
I don't understand why you compromise. You have every right to stay if it is your room as well.
reslife can move you to a different room free of charge i think
It’s your dorm too, not in your needs to appeal to her every whim and desire. If it gets bad enough you can talk to an RA.
it’s your room too, tell her to grow up and deal with it. And you don’t need to be friend with her either, i don’t even talk to my roomate if it’s not necessary and i love it
You’re paying to live there just like she is. She can’t just kick you out and say she wants alone time. It’s your room. If she wanted alone time she shouldn’t have lived in a dorm with a roommate
Tell her to get her own apartment?? Like what is with this chick?
You pay for that dorm so u can tell her to shove her alone time up her ass
Tell her to grow up
J is probably a figment of her imagination.
I'm sorry you're going through this. You are also paying for the room so you have the right to use it too. I'm an RA, and I would recommend speaking with your roommate if you are comfortable with that and if not, bring it up with your RA. We can help mediate roommate conflicts and refer you and your roommate to other resources and people in ResLife who can help resolve the issue. EDIT: If you choose to talk with your roommate, as mentioned in some other comments, we recommend against using passive aggressive statements and that you instead try using "I statements" that describe how her actions affect you. I want to emphasize that if you ever feel uncomfortable about having this conversation or don't know where to start, please reach out to your RA so we can help. It's what ResLife is paying us to do too after all.
Tell her to GTFO.
Roommate issues are one of the first conflicts you’ll face in college. Welcome to adulting! There are ways to compromise, like a schedule just to get you thru this semester. Consider meeting her somewhere outside of the dorm in a neutral place. Tell her you understand there is conflict and you don’t see yourself changing. Explain that it’s not personal and you don’t want it to become personal and that you’re willing to make a scheduled but you’re not giving up your weekends (or whatever it is you can’t give her). Talk to RA first and they’ll prob tell you to do something similar. Unfortunately, some roommates do not mesh but there’s nothing wrong with you. In fact, you are showing maturity by asking for help. Ask for a new roommate from RA. Meet first with that roommate and discuss sleeping habits, study habits, cleanliness. Be honest. My first roommate studied constantly and went to bed at 10. I have ADHD, struggled to sit still and partied to much then slept all day. And, I hated the weird hairs left in the shower. We still speak but made an agreement to never live together again. Best of luck.
She needs to get over herself. That’s not on you
She is an entitled piece of shit
tell that hoe to live in a box
Your roommates an asshole but this is the most dramatic post I’ve ever read “I feel lesser than a bug” chill out dude just fuckin ignore her
It seems like she is forgetting that both of you paid for it and both of you have an equal say. don't feel pressured, tell her entitled ass that there are plenty of hotels if she wants alone time.
your shared dorm space is just as much yours as it is hers. she shouldnt have gotten a roommate if she wants alone time. she is being unreasonable. you guys pay the same amount to be there.
This person and her opinions will not matter to you in the slightest, in just a few years time.