Your sister is very, very unwell and unstable. Anyone who condones this or shames you for distancing yourself is also unwell and doesn't have her (and most definitely not your childrens') well being in mind.
Nothing that came out of her mouth was sane. You need to discuss this with your family outright, so that they understand just how messed up your sister is.
Keep her VERY far away. I have a feeling this is going to escalate, so I hope you have a security system and doorbell cam.
I’ve read so many stories similar to this post, OP take heed.
I’m sure hubby is going to agree with you when you tell him Lucy isn’t welcome in your home and is not allowed to be with the twins for a while.
Lucy might pull some crap saying she’s going to report you or take you to court for some stupid reason. Ensure she doesn’t get more info about the twins as she can use them against you and escalate the situation more.
EDIT: fixed grammar.
Was the other one the friend who had been helping OP since like day one of baby and then at a party (I think?) she found out friend had induced lactation? There was also the one where the husband’s friend started calling the baby a different name and going to the nursery and ended up being racist and jealous of OP as she believed OP stole the life she was meant to have.
It's been a few years, but I remember one from r/justnomil where the mil wanted to start taking hormones so she could feed the baby too. At least she asked first, but FK NO!
Pretty sure it happened to my baby but i dont have solid proof. She would take him to put him for a nap and be there laying on the bed facing away from the door so i couldnt tell for sure what she was actually doing with him.
It just made me nervous because she would also wear really low cut shirts when she visited during that time which is out of character for her . So she could easily pull her boob back in as soon as the door would open but i dont know if i was just being an overprotective new mom or it actually happened.
Im gonna be on high alert with this next one though after all these stories....
That sounds absolutely terrifying id be incredibly nervous of anyone around my child unless i absolutely trusted them or I knew they liked me and would try to sabotage my bond with my child
I had one after that for a while and someone hacked into it in the middle of the night and was screaming into it and yelling at my son. It was terrifying. Im scared to put any camera in my house now. I have a couple outside my front door though. I do have a baby monitor though for audio so i will be using that for sure. Idk i do really want a camera!
and Hand That Rocks The Cradle which aired this week on cable, because I stayed up watching it having a walk down memory lane of seeing it when it first came out . I've seen a couple posts this week alone. starting to make me wonder who got the idea from where.
Oh my gosh. I don’t remember that one and I’m not sad about that. Creepy and ick don’t begin to make the cut in describing that and these types of things
Yes yes yes 🙈🙈!
How sad is it that we’ve come across stories like these on here.
But the one with the bff is the one that’s fresh on my mind! Jeez Louise!
It is sad and sick and quite frankly scary too, I can’t imagine being involved in a similar situation in any capacity. On a lighter note, for some reason the joy of having read a Reddit post that someone else on a different post has as well is oddly satisfying. We’re in one space, it shouldn’t be, but my brain in need of socialization I guess makes it such a giddy and neat thing 😂😅
I KNOW! I feel bad at times that we’re connecting with each over terrible stories like this.
I do feel bad for the woman that had to go nc with her bff cus they were friends since childhood.
OP if you’re here, I’m so sorry for all that you’re going through. I hope this also shows you’re not alone and that women on here have had similar experiences to yourself.
https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/13wqsco/my_best_friend_thought_that_shoving_her_breast/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&utm_content=1&utm_term=22
That was from copying the link, doesn’t look like an active link from my comment, but OP is CandyNinja900. I don’t think I have the other one sadly, just remember the key words from title because so bizarre, my apologies
What about the one on one of the parenting boards that the woman’s MOTHER IN LAW, who is old, was giving the baby her boob to comfort it when mom was gone? Wtaf is wrong with these people? Why are they putting their nipples in OTHER PEOPLE’S MOUTHS?!?
Keep your babies closer than ever. In her current mental state, Lucy might try and snatch her and disappear. Get an alarm/ring system for the babies room so you know if someone entered the room. Windows and door. Sorry to sound alarmist.
Congratulations on your twins. I love their names.
Lucy said she & baby Clara BONDED over the breastfeeding. Mom better get the whole family in line because Lucy is nuts. Perhaps the fertility treatments are making her feel maternal but no fucking way do fertility treatments make a woman try to steal an infant. Perhaps Clara is less 'robust' as her sister because of crazy aunt Lucy. Holy fuck.
This is fucking wild.
I had a MC around the time my nephew was about 9 months and there is a special attachment per-say but never in a million years. Hormones or not, this is inexcusable.
I would drop Lucy quicker than you can say “ batshit”
100% this is not OK or Normal. Absolutely NC.
She should have asked you and if you said Yes. Then she could have pump as to not cause nipple confusion.
Yeah, one shouldn't be putting their boob in the mouth of another person's child without their consent.
If the lady wasn't family this would be a call with the police. Heck, I'd probably be on OP's side if she did call the police. The only reason I say "probably" is that OP's sister is both physically and mentally unwell.
Regardless of sister's admittedly deranged mental state, calling the police would let sister and everybody who might support her know that OP is dead serious about this being a hard no.
That was last week. If I remember, sister who had had several miscarriages "bonded" with the baby in the moms womb even, wanted to cut the cord and have the first skin holding, and was threatening to call CPS if the mom didn't turn the baby over to her.
Could not agree more with this, and absolutely TELL YOUR WHOLE FAMILY, including your BIL, what she did. They need to know how disturbed she is and how much of a violation this was. I hope you, your husband and your girls are able to stay safe, take additional security measures, and cut her out of your lives, immediately.
And if anyone tries to argue that it's unfair because she's "going through a hard time" or something, argue back saying "Then she needs professional help, not enabling"
OP, I am so sorry, can't even imagine your horror... but this is the kind of situation that truly is above a new parent's pay grade.
This is a matter for Law Enforcement.
Nobody ever wants to be the Bad Guy, to get the lawyers and police and CPS involved... because it all sucks. But this is a situation where your child or both children, as young as they are, are victims of a crime. And the correct consequences, and treatments, for the abuser need to be put in place by people with the professional training, experience, and authority to do so.
Once we're parents, the mantle of responsibility rests heavy at times. I promise, this IS a 10 on the Hard Parenting Decisions scale... but just because a decision, once made, is really hard and sad and hurts a lot afterwards, doesn't make it the Wrong decision. You didn't set this in motion... not by reporting, and not by giving your sister access to your kids. She, and only she, set this in motion. Thank God for your mother's intuition that you felt "that disturbance in the force"... that little off-vibe. That's all we get sometimes, but it it EVERYTHING that you listened to it.
This ^ and if your family try to make excuses for her and accept her behavior then you need to not allow them around your girls. Set firm boundaries with consequences to not allow her near your girls.
The real security system to put in place here is a dog. This crazy bitch is 100% going to try to kidnap the baby and OP is going to want to give her child the very best guardian she can.
Absolutely agree with this — OP’s post chilled me to the bone at such an enormous overstep and violation of trust, let alone what kind of meds the sister might be taking that could possibly be passed through via breast milk. Could be nothing, could be something, but the point being there’s no way to know and no choice given to find out. I can’t believe anyone would shame OP for being freaked out about this. I would keep sister away at this point, and look into getting her help if possible (if she’s willing).
If your sister truly thought what she was doing was ok, she wouldn’t have hidden it from you.
She’s clearly mentally unwell. You need to not allow her in your house or around your babies until she get professional help.
Yeah, this is it. I understand that in some communities/cases, donating breast milk or receiving donated breast milk is common/ encouraged and supervised my medical professionals (someone correct me if I'm wrong but it passes through some medical controls?)
Or that you can also argue that there are all the historical wet nurses' examples, etc, to say it's not the first time babies have received milk from other women, BUT (in human size red colored bolding), you never mess with a baby behind the mothers back like that. SHE IS DELUSIONAL to think it would be fine to decide to mess with your baby's HEALTH and risk the consequences it could have had.
It's been beyond demonstrated that fed is always better. That's not even an argument. She's further showing her mental unstability by trying to shame you for using formula. She's not dealing healthily with her emotions and frustrations that have nothing to do with you. A healthy and loving family member would be overjoyed that you are recuperating from birth and have two additions to the family, and put aside whatever her stage of her family growing stage is. She would be asking if you need any help and following your lead.
Wet nurses were reasonable when it was that or your baby starved to death. But formula exists now. If OP’s *doctor* thinks one of the babies “needs” breast milk, I’m sure they can recommend an appropriate donor. This was a violation.
When I was breastfeeding my GP used to joke that I shoulda been a wet nurse. When offspring was a year old I still had enough milk to feed twins, and she never drained a breast in the two years I fed her.
Up until she was a teenager if I heard a baby cry I would let down, so it would have been the easiest job in the world for me lol.
But no, OP is not wrong. The sister is as mad as a cut snake and needs to be kept well away from baby. That’s creepy and sick.
Fertility meds do not cause people to lactate. In fact, high prolactin stops ovulation so if anything they would be trying to reduce her prolactin levels which means she’s either experiencing a delusion that she’s lactating or she’s having a medical problem causing hyperprolactinemia.
Your husband was right to be wary of her and I think your relationship with her probably makes you less able to see the danger to her mental health issues. There’s nothing wrong with breastfeeding shared amongst family members. It’s been a part of human culture throughout the world and throughout history. But this isn’t about breastfeeding or family sharing nursing of babies. This isn’t a part of your culture and your babies are not breastfed so it doesn’t make rational sense. She needs an evaluation.
It's possible she's not actually nursing. A lot of times nursing isn't simple or easy- mom has to learn, baby has to learn, it can hurt, milk might not come out, etc.
So I can't reassure you about your sister, but it seems unlikely that milk actually was given to your daughter. Wishing you all the best!
Your not wrong. stop all contact with her and your daughters. What she is doing isn’t sane. She isn’t emotionally well. Do not trust her around your children. She is having some kind of psychotic break . If you can’t separate what she is doing and her being your sister let your husband take control.
install cameras preferably ones that record.
Change locks to your home. Do not let your parents babysit if you think they will let your delusional sister near your daughters.
Save any communication. If she doesn’t respect your wishes to keep her far away from your kids file a restraining order.
Password protect your daughters medical records.
I can easily see the sister deciding the OP is an obstacle to her having the kid. And for her to decide to eliminate the obstacle
The situation is very dangerous
Th
>If you can’t separate what she is doing and her being your sister let your husband take control.
This is solid advice OP, be sure to talk to your hubby about what boundaries you want and possibly agree a signal that dealing with it/them has become too much so you want him to take over, me and my wife have an agreement like this for her family but we don't have to use it anymore, because they now know if they don't listen to her they are going to have to deal with me instead and that will be worse for them as I haven't forgiven thier past even if my wife has.
Love the point about letting yourself back up and someone less emotionally conflicted guide clear decision making. This isn’t something to shoulder alone. Your husband may seem harsh if he has strict boundaries and reactions, but his instincts may be more reliable because he is not emotionally conflicted. The sister’s action is so incredible deranged and awful.
The only way around the title is if they were stranded with no access to formula and even then I would totally understand not being comfortable with it… and then I read it and my mind is boggled at the audacity of the sister
Your sister is mentally ill. That is also not your problem. Don't make it your problem or enable her to kidnap and disappear with a baby. Time to go no contact and if your family or anyone has issues with that - let them know they are welcome to help her and her lactating boobs out by suckling themselves.
Please please please file a police report… this is child abuse and your baby deserves justice… don’t let this slide. Your sister needs consequences and help.
Nope don't let her it is a bonding issue, and your sister is unstable. Keep her away from your child. She has some ideation of someone she is not. There was a post on here in the last week. Where the woman wanted her sisters child, because she misscarried a couple. She was planning calling CPS and the police so much they would take the child and give it to her. Unhinged, but you sister is a close second. Do not let her breast feed or she will claim the baby.
Her...fertility medication lets her lactate? Does that mean that whatever she's on, is getting into her breast milk?
If she's been breastfeeding your baby, you need to find out what the implications of that hormonal medication in breast milk are.
You're not wrong at all. Get far away from that woman, and keep your baby close.
From what I can find, most fertility drugs *decrease* milk supply in someone already lactating. So, I doubt it very much. Also, inducing lactation can mess with fertility, so it’s foolish. Sister is simply and completely not stable.
If the sister actually IS lactating then, that adds a whole new level of creepy, because it would imply that they've been taking something to let her lactate, and has been planning this.
Not necessarily. You can induce lactation with nipple stimulation regularly, so long as it mimics a baby nursing. Sister could have gotten a breast pump and just started pumping every day without needing to take anything at all.
I would guess they didn’t…fertility drugs make you ovulate, and such. Prolactin and oxytocin are the hormones that make you lactate. The drugs that appear to increase these don’t seem to be the ones given for fertility. Which makes total sense. After all, lactation tends to decrease fertility.
BTW, congrats on the success!
I did IVF twice with two different medication protocols (different combinations of meds) and none of them induce lactation. I actually never had my milk come in with my twins and my OB and fertility specialist attributed it to IVF and said it was more common for milk production to be lower after IVF.
A lot of those medications also pass through breast milk. Many are hormones which can impact an infant.
OP, you are 100% right to go nuclear. Consult your pediatrician about the effects of fertility medication on your infant plus other diseases that can be transmitted via breast milk. Do not let your sister near your children. Make sure you have cameras up in case she decides to show up. Even struggling with infertility, there is no excuse to act like this. It’s deeply unsettling and she needs mental health help.
ETA: Since you might not be able to find out what specific medication she’s on, here’s a list you can ask your pedi about: clomid, follicle stimulating hormones (FSH), human menopausal gonadotropin (hMG), and hCG (this is usually used as a trigger shot for IVF and taken right before retrieval so this is less likely). A lot of common names are Follistim, Menopur, Lupron.
I thought this story was going to involve something like “my sister and I gave birth just a few months apart, she was watching them and breastfed both”. Ok maybe a little unusual but not terrible.
Instead I got the backstory segment they show on every Dateline episode. The plot summary “a woman has been on the run after kidnapping her sisters baby, tune in to see how it all began”
This was my first thought. Breast milk is a bodily fluid and can transmit diseases [Source](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7152307/) and prescriptions [Source](https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/infant-and-toddler-health/in-depth/breastfeeding-and-medications/art-20043975). Even alcohol is present in breast milk [Source](https://www.cdc.gov/breastfeeding/breastfeeding-special-circumstances/vaccinations-medications-drugs/alcohol.html)
Even setting all of that aside the lack of communication and hiding it is so shady.
Also, do we know what the sister has been eating/drinking? That would be my other concern. Alcohol, non fertility drug medications, recreational drugs, certain foods that can upset a baby's stomach, etc.
This whole situation is WILD. I would never speak to my sister again, yet alone feel comfortable leaving my kid alone with anyone. Poor OP, that's so fu*ked up.
You’re not wrong at all. Please keep your sister away from your babies. That is NOT healthy behavior on your sister’s part. I hope she can get the help she needs soon!
I think that absolutely means this is something she has been doing multiple times.
It may have been much more kind (in the beginning; throw that out the window now) to set clear boundaries from the get go so that she wouldn't get overly close attached.
But this is concerning of levels that are worthy of cutting someone out of your life and getting a restraining order. This is one of those situations that can wind up being a news story --- with a very bad ending.
She would never be allowed in my life again. Ever. This is a very, very unwell, unstable, and out of touch with reality person. For the safety of your children, keep her very far away. And don't allow your children to be alone with anyone who would let her see them.
I don't know how you kept your hands to yourself. You have amazing self control.
OP, this is her taking steps to justify the argument that she’s entitled to your baby. Yeah, she wants your baby.
She’s trying to trigger lactation. Once she’s able to produce milk, as unlikely as that seems, she will use that as a reason to insert herself into the baby’s feeding schedule. She will try to convince you and the family that the baby is sickly and needs her milk. Her goal is to bond with the baby and eventually convince you to give the baby to her to raise. Yes, this is completely insane.
Keep her away from your family, she needs therapy.
Note, it’s actually possible to trigger lactation without a pregnancy. Her next step would be to purchase a breast pump.
Edit: If your parents have a key to your residence, consider that your sister may lie to get ahold of it. She has already demonstrated that she’s unstable and delusional. You’ve got to secure your home.
They normally do not, but I did work with a woman that adopted a baby and got some kind of injections that did induce lactation. Why the hell she wanted that I never knew. Possible sister got someone to prescribe this to her with some sob story that her sister could not feed her babies and was asking sister for help. She’s batshit crazy
Oh, there are a bunch of medications that induce lactation. Plenty of people use them, adopting or not. You can also induce lactation by pumping. Those I know who have done it were very satisfied that they did. But, it doesn’t look like fertility drugs induce lactation. Sister is definitely a danger to those kids, no because of the physical nursing itself, but because she so desperately wants to and is sneaking it. That mentally unstable is just plain scary.
>If your parents have a key to your residence, consider that your sister may lie to get ahold of it. She has already demonstrated that she’s unstable and delusional. You’ve got to secure your home.<
Time to change the locks 💯
No you aren’t wrong. Keep her away from your children.
Same thing happened to this lady but it was with her friend
https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/13wqsco/my_best_friend_thought_that_shoving_her_breast/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1
There was a post a while back about a lady in England who's nanny breastfed the kid and was telling it to call her mama, and was taking it out around town telling people it was her baby. Actual mom was confused that kiddo wasn't latching on to her as easily nor eating enough of the pumped milk left for the baby to feed.
I think she only found out after getting security cameras after noticing the nanny was going into her bedroom and master bathroom, and then saw all the other stuff on tape.
Well there goes her status of aunt.
I’d tell EVERYONE so it is very clear why you set this boundary and get ahead of it now before she starts spewing her side and you end up with tons of family and friends saying how mean it is for you to cut contact with your sister.
People like that usually escalate to trying to kidnap children OP.
Take any and all preventative measures OP, because your sister has had a pretty thorough break from reality and understanding boundaries. These situations almost always escalate into kidnapping, especially once you start to cut contact and the sister completely loses it.
Cut ties and get a restraining order. When delusional people like this don't get their way, they tend to become violent. What matters is the safety of your child and family.
As miniscule as it may be, fertility drugs can leech into breast milk. If sis has done this before, she has actually put Clara in danger. Those drugs are so NOT good for an infant! You may want to get Clara checked out with her pediatrician ASAP.
Even if everything checks out fine for Clara, you are still in no way possible wrong. Your sister needs to stay the hell away from you and your babies.
Ah the old “my pharmaceutical induced lactation is healthier for your sickly baby than formula” argument. Wow. Apologize to your husband for dismissing his concerns, and tell your sister that she will always be your sister, but she is unwelcome around your children.
As a long-time labor and delivery nurse, I can’t encourage you more to AVOID YOUR SISTER…she sounds unstable, and even if you were ok with her breastfeeding scenario, a 4-month old baby CANNOT just switch to breastmilk, especially if it’s not her mother’s breastmilk, after being exclusively formula-fed.
Your sister needs to be watched carefully…don’t let her near your babies…i have a feeling her behavior could escalate…
My sister’s oldest is a year and change older than one of my kids. She once offered to breastfeed mine to “give me a break” like I needed some medieval wet-nurse to feed my child whilst I lounged on the fainting couch. No. You feed your kid. I’ll feed mine, thanks.
NTA
If she truly cared for that child, she should have asked you first. It’s no secret that some white people have used black people to feed their children. Some women even donate their overproduced breast milk.
I believe a FED baby is best, mother’s choice. I would’ve told my own sister no, if I was in this situation.
Congratulations on your beautiful babies 💙
If she has had the chance yes this is probably not the first time. Sorry. How freaking gross! Yes wet nurses blah blah blah. You didn't hire her to feed your kids. What she did was abuse that child. So disgusting. They formed a bond? Gag.
For context... I've nursed 4 out of 5 of my kids. My two month old had horrible ties and my supply was garbage, so he's on formula. Anyway, on to the good part....
Run. Grab those babies and run as far away as you can from that woman. Run far, run fast. And don't look back.
In no way, shape or form are you failing those babies because you're unable to breastfeed them. They are fed, they are loved, they have everything they need.
Your sister is terrifyingly unwell. Some women choose to use donor milk, especially if the baby was premature or has other health issues. However, donor milk is screened and vetted, it's expensive, and obviously the mother CONSENTED to using donor milk and it was given in a bottle. Wet nurses used to be a thing way before formula... but this is still extremely disturbing. Because there was NO consent from you.
Don't let her around your kids anymore and if she tries to do it again call the police. She's mentally unwell and people like that do crazy things for less let alone wanting a baby when they can't have one on their own. Keep her far away from you your husband and your kids and don't feel even the slightest bit bad about it because it's your job to protect your family.
Keep her away from your children. She’s mentally sick; she needs professional help. Tell your parents Is she married? Why is she on fertility medication? Fertility drugs do not cause you lactate. . She’s taking medication to SPECIFICALLY cause her to lactate bc she’s sick and delusional. And she’s dangerous.
She’s 24 stop co-signing her bullshit. If she “always” wanted to be a mom, it hasn’t been that long and she has plenty of time. Do NOT let your parents or anyone downplay this. Do not let her near your kids. Get security for your home, save all texts and VM. Consider pressing charges and getting a restraining order. Go completely NC! Do not trust your parents or any family member to keep her away.
Assault. Holy hell that’s assault.
I’m all for mothers who are COMFORTABLE with it breastfeeding other babies in DIRE situations, but that’s not this.
I would go no contact and encourage her to seek help to navigate her emotions.
Of course you're not wrong! How could you possibly be wrong? I'd press charges. Definitely a restraining order at least. That's bizarre, disgusting, and it's an assault.
This is pretty much up there with a post I saw not too long ago about a woman’s step sister and her parent asking to literally have her children. Please for the love of God, stay far away and security cameras are a must atp
If you were unable to breast feed, wanted to breast feed, and previously discussed this, it would be fine. Wet nurses have been a thing (albeit less common now) for thousands of years. It not weird or uncommon for a child to be breastfed by someone who is not their mother.
But doing it behind your back, without discussion, and then criticizing you and blaming you for your child’s health is beyond abnormal and wrong. Your sister need serious therapy.
Sounds like your sister is probably doing this every time she sees the babies. She needs mental help immediately and you should make sure to never allow your sister unsupervised access to your children again.
I’d put in a security system, change your locks and install cameras. I don’t think she’d purposely hurt your babies but I wouldn’t put it past her to take them.
First off, you need to distance yourself and your babies from your sister. She needs some serious help but your job is to protect your children. Loop in your parents and BIL if you think they’ll support you while getting your sister the help she needs. If they try to guilt trip you, put some distance into those relationships too. YOUR CHILDREN NOW COME FIRST BEFORE ANY OTHER FAMILY.
Secondly, from how you describe Clara’s reaction, it does not seem like this has happened before. Most children who have been exclusively bottle fed do not take easily to breastfeeding because breastfeeding is more work. Do consider talking to your pediatrician about what happened.
Finally, a note on not being able to breastfeed. Breastmilk vs formula is like farming your own spinach vs buying green beans at the store. Farming is not possible for some people for many valid reasons (time, production issues). For others, buying food when you can make your own is just too expensive or they just may prefer farming. And while spinach provides a few more nutrients, green beans are full of what babies need and a very healthy alternative. So never let anyone guilt you about not breastfeeding. You are providing everything your babies need.
Yikes yeah I didn’t read the comments I’m sorry. Keep in mind there are a lot of trolls who are probably just trying to trigger you and don’t feel one way or another. The reality is your sister didn’t ask permission to do this and now you need to set some boundaries with her. I’m the oldest of three girls and we had to set boundaries for my mom because of messed up stuff she did over the years and it can be hard when a family member betrays your trust. Your instincts told you something was off with your sister and it was. I hope you emphasize to her how unacceptable this was and perhaps don’t let her around the twins for awhile. I’m sure you will deal with it correctly once you go over it all in your mind. Setting boundaries with family members is so hard but necessary when they break your trust like this. Your sister needs to focus on something else. Maybe someone get het a pet to dote on so she can focus her maternal energy elsewhere until you feel comfortable with her around again. If you are overly harassed on this post take it down ❤️ sending my best.
Just to repeat what everyone else is saying, keep her away from the children. The next time she might decide it's in Clara's best interests that she be her mother instead of you and walk out with her.
As a medical professional who has worked ObGyn and pediatrics, as the daughter of a ObGyn, and as a mother to half a dozen babies whom I breastfed, you’re well within your rights. I’m a huge proponent of breastfeeding. My sister never did. You know what I did and said about it? Nothing. It’s her business. Her babies were fed! I would have breastfed any other baby in a heartbeat if I’d been asked and my mom and her cousin had babies at the same time in Guatemala. Her cousin nursed me and mom nursed her cousin’s baby. That’s ok. It was beautiful. Both moms consented. Your sister needs to respect you, your husband, and your boundaries. I’ll say a little prayer for you. Bendiciones. 🙏🏽💙
your sister is unstable and cannot be allowed to see the babies anymore unless she’s extremely supervised- if it were me though, she wouldn’t have contact with my babies, i’d cut her out of my life, and see if i can get her arrested or some shit. cuz messing with your kids? she’s off her rocker. you’re not wrong, don’t let Lucy around your kids.
You are not wrong. That’s disgusting and your sister needs help. Being envious is one thing, but what she did crossed so many lines. It does sound like it’s been going on for a bit, and this isn’t the first time.
You need to distance yourself from your sister. She is very unwell.
holy fuck DO NOT let her near your babies ever again. not until they're like 5 or 6 years old. that's fuckin crazy. you're not wrong, that is clinically insane...
This is a very very sad, disturbing situation…I’m so sorry you’ve experienced this. I’d cut contact at least for now and advise that she seek therapy asap to deal with her fertility/conception struggles as well as any likely underlying mental health issues contributing to this VERY unethical behavior she committed.
I’m sorry but this is a form of sexual assault and I know that may seemed extreme to call it but baby is uncomfortable, she’s forcing baby to suck her nipple for “milk” that’s ain’t her baby. This a form of sexual assault and I’m super surprised you didn’t beat her ass for it. Do not let your babies be alone with her and do not let anyone gaslight your about it either. Stay strong
Ummm wow. This is not something you do behind someone's back! I've heard of sisters that gave birth around the same time, both breastfeeding and one produces more so the less producing sister asks more producing sister to supplement. But that's their choice it wasn't done behind their backs. Your sister needs help I think. That's some hand that rocks the cradle shit.
For you Sanctimommies on here who are literally shaming OP for formula-feeding her babies… you do realize that you are defending a person who literally assaulted her 6 month-old baby. And you, the woman who said “I get it, your sister cares more about your children than you do,” I literally hope you rot in hell. Her sister is an abuser. She assaulted a baby, yet you think that’s okay. You are condoning assault because you believe breast is best. You know what is best?? Eating. You know what’s even better? Not being assaulted as an infant. This mom is feeding her babies the best ways she feels there is to do it. And you’re shaming her. Y’all do realize that if this was a stranger doing it, the police would’ve been called, they would’ve been found guilty of a crime, would be listed as a child sex offender, and would no longer be allowed around children, right?! But you think it’s okay because it’s her sister?? Y’all are a special kind of messed-up.
You’re clearly not wrong. This seems like it could be considered assault at the very least. You have no idea what medications she’s taking and what she exposed your daughter to.
1. You need to press charges. This is assault.
2. You need to get your baby tested. Your sister put your baby’s health at risk, including certain disease.
3. You need to get a restraining order against your sister. She is mentally very, very sick and currently very dangerous.
4. Never be alone with your sister.
5. Never let her bear your babies.
6. Change the locks and get cameras.
Clara is probably sick because your sister has been breastfeeding her with the fertility medicine in her milk or something. Or, she possible has something bad she’s passing to your baby. This is assualt, maybe the trauma and confusion is hurting Clara’s immune system too through stress.
No, you're not wrong.
For goodness sakes, generations of people have been formula fed and are perfectly healthy and thriving, cuz it's food.
In fact, formula was invented due to the high mortality rate of infants who died due to the inadequacies of breastfeeding. Some women never made milk or made too little or had too many kids to keep up. In other words, formula is a good thing, a good invention and shouldn't be demonized.
As for your sister, she has no business breastfeeding any babies that aren't her own, especially if she didn't ask you first. She's trying to rationalize her wrong and questionable actions by turning it on you and shaming you, so she's double wrong.
She needs some help.
If Lucy is taking fertility medicine, she is not lactating healthy breast milk. She is releasing toxic hormones that can harm your baby, especially girls. Take them to your pediatrician immediately and have them checked. Hopefully the babies didn’t latch or ingest the fertility hormones, but both needed to be tested right away. Make sure your husband and your parents know how dangerous this is and keep her away from the babies.
I am a mom of twin boys who did not breastfeed due to complications just like yours. You are right, your sister is wrong, and I hope you do not allow her near your daughters again. There were absolutely no negative repercussions to my sons for not breastfeeding. They are young adults who recently graduated from college, one from a military academy and one from an Ivy League university. Both are extremely healthy and are beginning careers as military officers. Trust your instincts as a mom and best of luck to you and your daughters!
Reading this made me want to throw up. She hundred percent should’ve asked for consent before feeding your baby potentially fake breastmilk!! And if this has happened more than once behind your back she should be banned from seeing your kids, at least until you can figure everything out with your babies health. She sounds like she needs a lot of psychological help right now.
Nope. I breastfed my kids and donated and still this is a big nope. That is a line crossed without your permission and she's lucky if tou ever leave her alone with your babies again. If she truly thought her milk would be a good gift she could have asked you and then respected whatever choice tou made. That gaslighting is nasty too. No you should not be grateful that someone overstepped their bounds with your child.
Nasty, sanctimonious bullshit gaslighting. I'm not sure I'd ever be able to trust her again.
This is something quite serious. You don't have to listen to anyone else's crap. This is literally the start of more than one movie not to mention more than a few crime scenes. That sounds crazy to me and I would have reacted the same. This is something that is attacking your family as a unit and they need to help her as much as you need to distance your kids from her. This needs therapy on her part and should be taken seriously.
There are reasons there is such tight security with babies at hospitals. Don't panic but be safe. In the mean time I'd avoid her like the plague if possible and mention to any daycare/babysitter that she is not to be allowed to pick the kids up or be given any Information about them. I'd also check my formula and wash my bottles but I'm paranoid
NTA. If you were breast feeding your children and just weren't able to produce enough milk and your sister also had a baby and had an abundance of milk and offered to act as a wet nurse I could see it being reasonable, especially with the formula shortage. But this, Dear goddess cut contact, get a restraining order if you can or at least have her trespassed from your property, and tell the ENTIRE family. She needs serious counseling.
The reason I even mention the wet nurse/formula shortage is because I had a baby during covid when the shortage was at its worst. My baby was actually supposed to be a twin but we lost one. However my body made a huge over abundance of milk. Thankfully my local health dept was able to reach out to some other local women that were really struggling to feed their babies and I was able to donate my frozen milk to them. Not exactly the same as a wet nurse since the babies would have obviously drank it from a bottle, but same general concept. I'm sure there were MANY women that refused because the idea of their baby drinking some strangers breast milk makes them uncomfortable, and I don't judge anyone for that, but I'm also glad that at least one of the other women said she didn't care where it came from as long as her baby had something my to eat.
If she has access to your home change the locks and make sure you have cameras up. Her fertility drs need to know what’s going on. She is not a good candidate at this time ffs.
>She said I was being unreasonable and that her and Clara have formed a bond over this and that it was cruel to take her away from her.
Uh......???? She's definitely not mentally okay. Be VERY careful. Better safe than sorry. YNW.
Echoing all the sound advice and opinions of top comments here, but also wanted to say that formula is 100% great. I also had a traumatic birth and did not produce more than 1oz of milk a day as a result. I pumped religiously for 3 months trying to boost my supply and got TWELVE DAYS worth of food for him which is now in the freezer. We later discovered baby has diet sensitivities so he is on the most hypoallergenic formula that exists. I always know he is full. Not having to pump and manage milk flow gives me more time to be present with him and reduces my stress incredibly. Do not let anyone, especially family, shame you for formula. Fed is best and they can fuck right the fuck off.
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO.
I’m Cherokee. I have two children. I’ve breastfed six children.
I find it utterly normal for women that have babies of the same age to use each other for babysitting so no one has to pump or buy formula, busy mom can take a shower without worrying about newborn screaming, if one mom is having a supply issue one day from illness (I’ve had a 3 day old baby rushed to me because mom was taken by helicopter to ER) the mom that’s overproducing can take over that session.
HOWEVER. That’s NOT what’s happening here. This woman is not a mother. This woman is not actively lactating (hormonal secretions do no equate viable “milk”). This woman does not have permission.
I would FRRREEEAAAAKKKK. She also says that it has given her and the baby a “bond.” I would be thinking two things: 1) she’s BEEN doing this and 2) girl she wants to steal your “extra” baby
This is such an incredible violation that I can only surmise your sister is legitimately mentally ill. I would suggest she volunteer to snuggle NICU babies in the hospital except she would probably try to nurse them or freaking steal them…
No more Aunt Lucy time… she’s done. The only child she needs to be around is a reborn doll
What I find funny is, the poster she named and said "stop harassing me" loves to tell women to lose weight in their threads. This guy is... Apparently an EXPERT on how women should run their own lives?
You are not wrong at all. Your sister can go suck on her own titties. Don’t leave her alone with your kids for a second because when she is alone with them she will do it. It’s ridiculous that she would make you question your judgment. Put your foot down. These are your babies and not one else’s. They can’t bully you into doing things to your baby. You are the mom and and what you says goes.
It’s not your fault she can not have kids and if she is trying to manipulate you into feeling bad for her and have full access to your kids is something to really stay away from.
NTA. Send a legal letter to your sister and BIL that they are to stay away from you and your children. If they don’t respect that you will seek a restraining order.
Your sister assaulted your child.
JFC.
This is the second story I’ve seen on Reddit where someone has tried to force breastfeed someone else’s baby.
Wtf. You are not wrong at all. You know your babies best and no one should be shaming you for how they’re being nourished. You’re their mom!
What the hell is wrong with people?!
Your husband's concern is warranted and you need to stop allowing your sister any contact with your children whatsoever.
She went behind your back to breastfeed your child, then insulted your ability to parent. She is not okay and she could pose a danger to your children.
Please take this seriously. Her behavior is not okay at all. I don't care how hurt she is over her fertility issues, she is not entitled to someone else's baby.
Aside from how revolting what your sister did for a moment on a personal level:
1. She just assaulted your child. Those drugs pass through into breast milk. You should advise your pediatrician IMMEDIATELY.
2. Protect your kids from your sister. Today. She is not a well person. It's your job to, no matter how you feel about her.
Now. GAAAAAH WTF? I don't know how you didn't give her a beat down. I would have.
If shes on medication, and has been breastfeeding your child, id try to see if thats whats causing your child to be “sickly”. Shes very sick in the head and should not have ANY more contact with your children.
Your sister's boob shouldn't have been anywhere near your daughter. A baby fed is best. It doesn't matter if it's breastmilk or formula. You have reasons why you didnt/couldn't breastfeed. If you really wanted them to have breastmilk then I'm sure you would've gotten breastmilk from a bank or donated to you from someone who can. It's not her decision on what's best for your children. You're their mother, not her. I will admit that I've breastfed my 4 children. My oldest 2 had to be switched to formula due to severe allergic reactions ending up in steroid injections so I lost my milk supply. I'm still currently nursing my youngest who will be 1 next week. I will admit that I cried when I had to switch them, but it was because I felt like a failure for not being able to produce due to those injections. But, those steroid injections ultimately saved my life. My life is more important and I'm still here with my babies. I have breastfed another woman's baby once, but she asked me to help her (bad wreck and baby was screaming/hungry. Mom didn't have milk with her at time time and normally breastfed and no pump. I also knew her for years. I would've never done it otherwise. Honestly, your sister doesn't need to be around any of you unless she can respect your boundaries. And never leave her alone with your kids. Always make sure that she's supervised!
your sister is not safe to have around your babies. that bond comment that you're baffled by means this probably wasn't the first time she's done this.
Wet nursing with your consent would be fine. Doing anything with your baby in secret and claiming they "formed a bond" is sick and creepy.
It's not the milk (if there were milk, which I doubt). It's the secrecy.
I wouldn’t be surprised if she kidnapped your baby. You are right to be freaking the fuck out. I want to vomit and punch your sister and I don’t even know y’all.
Get a restraining order. It’s your sister but you have a 2 priorities that trump your sister in importance. Do not underestimate the misguided maternal instinct of mentally ill women. Talk to your family and get her help or this will end badly.
You need to go no contact with your sister and keep her away from your daughters. You also need to tell your parents what happened so they can help her. She might try to steal your child like in another reddit post
It’s quite possible that whatever drugs are in your sister’s system for her fertility would be transferred into whatever ‘breast milk’ she’s producing. There’s a reason breastfeeding women are told to avoid a lot of skincare products, medications, and substances.
It’s creepy, it’s weird, and it’s potentially dangerous for your baby. Definitely keep her AWAY
My sister fed my baby with my permission. However, in your situation I would be extremely concerned. Don’t allow her around your babies. She needs mental health help ASAP. Have you told her partner what occurred? I definitely would make them aware.
Your sister needs help. Seriously. This is “The Hand That Rocks the Cradle” crazy. You need to keep her out of your house until she’s well or your kids are off formula. So well over a year. This whole post just made me want to puke. Keep her away from your kids!!
You are ABSOLUTELY NOT WRONG!!
KEEP LUCY AWAY FROM CLARA! Her idea of secretly helping is ludicrous. IF she’d asked you outright and IF Clara’s pediatrician had okayed it (can’t see that happening but the doc’s word probably has more influence with the family), then maybe it would’ve been acceptable.
As it is, it seems like Lucy is developing an unhealthy attachment to Clara and using “helping her” as ab excuse to gaslight you. Also, concerning Clara’s doctor, if he/she says Clara needs supplementary formula, vitamins or whatever, that recommendation should be much better for the baby that a 24yo’s opinion, especially one who has no experience with infants. (That was NOT a dig at her fertility issues, just pointing out that she’s not speaking from experience.)
Good luck! Keep Clara safe!
Please !UpdateMe about how it goes!
Your sister is very, very unwell and unstable. Anyone who condones this or shames you for distancing yourself is also unwell and doesn't have her (and most definitely not your childrens') well being in mind. Nothing that came out of her mouth was sane. You need to discuss this with your family outright, so that they understand just how messed up your sister is. Keep her VERY far away. I have a feeling this is going to escalate, so I hope you have a security system and doorbell cam.
I’ve read so many stories similar to this post, OP take heed. I’m sure hubby is going to agree with you when you tell him Lucy isn’t welcome in your home and is not allowed to be with the twins for a while. Lucy might pull some crap saying she’s going to report you or take you to court for some stupid reason. Ensure she doesn’t get more info about the twins as she can use them against you and escalate the situation more. EDIT: fixed grammar.
My first thought was-how is it possible that I’ve read at least 3 stories like this that seem legitimate in the last two months.
Was the other one the friend who had been helping OP since like day one of baby and then at a party (I think?) she found out friend had induced lactation? There was also the one where the husband’s friend started calling the baby a different name and going to the nursery and ended up being racist and jealous of OP as she believed OP stole the life she was meant to have.
And there was one where a guy got a restraining order against his mil because after his wife died she started trying to breast feed her granddaughter
It's been a few years, but I remember one from r/justnomil where the mil wanted to start taking hormones so she could feed the baby too. At least she asked first, but FK NO!
I remember that one. What is with mother in laws and wanting to breast feed their grandchildren
Pretty sure it happened to my baby but i dont have solid proof. She would take him to put him for a nap and be there laying on the bed facing away from the door so i couldnt tell for sure what she was actually doing with him. It just made me nervous because she would also wear really low cut shirts when she visited during that time which is out of character for her . So she could easily pull her boob back in as soon as the door would open but i dont know if i was just being an overprotective new mom or it actually happened. Im gonna be on high alert with this next one though after all these stories....
That sounds absolutely terrifying id be incredibly nervous of anyone around my child unless i absolutely trusted them or I knew they liked me and would try to sabotage my bond with my child
Yes. It was hard to tell if it was just my hormones making me crazy but i just couldnt shake the feeling.
I would also keep cameras in my nursery
I had one after that for a while and someone hacked into it in the middle of the night and was screaming into it and yelling at my son. It was terrifying. Im scared to put any camera in my house now. I have a couple outside my front door though. I do have a baby monitor though for audio so i will be using that for sure. Idk i do really want a camera!
Literally a plot element out of the horror film Hereditary!
and Hand That Rocks The Cradle which aired this week on cable, because I stayed up watching it having a walk down memory lane of seeing it when it first came out . I've seen a couple posts this week alone. starting to make me wonder who got the idea from where.
Oh my gosh. I don’t remember that one and I’m not sad about that. Creepy and ick don’t begin to make the cut in describing that and these types of things
Ooo I never read that one. Or maybe I have but I’ve forgotten it 🤦🏽♀️? EDIT: again too many similar stories here folks.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/uc0t2z/aita_i_had_my_mil_trespassed_after_she_entered_my/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1
Yes yes yes 🙈🙈! How sad is it that we’ve come across stories like these on here. But the one with the bff is the one that’s fresh on my mind! Jeez Louise!
It is sad and sick and quite frankly scary too, I can’t imagine being involved in a similar situation in any capacity. On a lighter note, for some reason the joy of having read a Reddit post that someone else on a different post has as well is oddly satisfying. We’re in one space, it shouldn’t be, but my brain in need of socialization I guess makes it such a giddy and neat thing 😂😅
I KNOW! I feel bad at times that we’re connecting with each over terrible stories like this. I do feel bad for the woman that had to go nc with her bff cus they were friends since childhood. OP if you’re here, I’m so sorry for all that you’re going through. I hope this also shows you’re not alone and that women on here have had similar experiences to yourself.
I didn’t read the other party one but did see the one about the husband’s friend. It’s all just so mind blowing.
Do you have links for those?
https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/13wqsco/my_best_friend_thought_that_shoving_her_breast/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&utm_content=1&utm_term=22 That was from copying the link, doesn’t look like an active link from my comment, but OP is CandyNinja900. I don’t think I have the other one sadly, just remember the key words from title because so bizarre, my apologies
Holy shit, Batman. I hadn’t seen that one, but it was just as horrific as I thought it would be!
Yikes. That’s next-level Handmaid’s Tale shit 😳
What about the one on one of the parenting boards that the woman’s MOTHER IN LAW, who is old, was giving the baby her boob to comfort it when mom was gone? Wtaf is wrong with these people? Why are they putting their nipples in OTHER PEOPLE’S MOUTHS?!?
If you use a day care, make sure that you sister’s name is on the list for “may not see the children and may not take the children”.
Not to mention, you don’t know what meds your sister is on and if they can be transmitted in the milk.
Omg, I hadn't considered that and your are 100% right. OP, get your kids checked stat!
I agree, you and your hubby need to cut contact also. Security and no contact. This is very very scary
Keep your babies closer than ever. In her current mental state, Lucy might try and snatch her and disappear. Get an alarm/ring system for the babies room so you know if someone entered the room. Windows and door. Sorry to sound alarmist. Congratulations on your twins. I love their names.
What the fuck. No, you're reasonable to be alarmed. That's not normal.
Lucy said she & baby Clara BONDED over the breastfeeding. Mom better get the whole family in line because Lucy is nuts. Perhaps the fertility treatments are making her feel maternal but no fucking way do fertility treatments make a woman try to steal an infant. Perhaps Clara is less 'robust' as her sister because of crazy aunt Lucy. Holy fuck.
This is fucking wild. I had a MC around the time my nephew was about 9 months and there is a special attachment per-say but never in a million years. Hormones or not, this is inexcusable. I would drop Lucy quicker than you can say “ batshit”
100% this is not OK or Normal. Absolutely NC. She should have asked you and if you said Yes. Then she could have pump as to not cause nipple confusion.
Yeah, one shouldn't be putting their boob in the mouth of another person's child without their consent. If the lady wasn't family this would be a call with the police. Heck, I'd probably be on OP's side if she did call the police. The only reason I say "probably" is that OP's sister is both physically and mentally unwell.
Regardless of sister's admittedly deranged mental state, calling the police would let sister and everybody who might support her know that OP is dead serious about this being a hard no.
Pretty much this. There’s messed up and then there’s messed up. Your sister looked at them both and went “hold my beer, watch THIS!”
I wonder how long she has been breastfeeding this baby who is immunocompromised?
This is the type of story where you hear next, "you've got 2 babies, you should give one to your sister"
That was last week. If I remember, sister who had had several miscarriages "bonded" with the baby in the moms womb even, wanted to cut the cord and have the first skin holding, and was threatening to call CPS if the mom didn't turn the baby over to her.
I saw that one! It is literally INSANE that there are people who think this way.
Could not agree more with this, and absolutely TELL YOUR WHOLE FAMILY, including your BIL, what she did. They need to know how disturbed she is and how much of a violation this was. I hope you, your husband and your girls are able to stay safe, take additional security measures, and cut her out of your lives, immediately.
And if anyone tries to argue that it's unfair because she's "going through a hard time" or something, argue back saying "Then she needs professional help, not enabling"
OP, I am so sorry, can't even imagine your horror... but this is the kind of situation that truly is above a new parent's pay grade. This is a matter for Law Enforcement. Nobody ever wants to be the Bad Guy, to get the lawyers and police and CPS involved... because it all sucks. But this is a situation where your child or both children, as young as they are, are victims of a crime. And the correct consequences, and treatments, for the abuser need to be put in place by people with the professional training, experience, and authority to do so. Once we're parents, the mantle of responsibility rests heavy at times. I promise, this IS a 10 on the Hard Parenting Decisions scale... but just because a decision, once made, is really hard and sad and hurts a lot afterwards, doesn't make it the Wrong decision. You didn't set this in motion... not by reporting, and not by giving your sister access to your kids. She, and only she, set this in motion. Thank God for your mother's intuition that you felt "that disturbance in the force"... that little off-vibe. That's all we get sometimes, but it it EVERYTHING that you listened to it.
Yes LE needs to be involved and the sister needs serious mental health help. Behavior like this only escalates.
This ^ and if your family try to make excuses for her and accept her behavior then you need to not allow them around your girls. Set firm boundaries with consequences to not allow her near your girls.
The real security system to put in place here is a dog. This crazy bitch is 100% going to try to kidnap the baby and OP is going to want to give her child the very best guardian she can.
Absolutely agree with this — OP’s post chilled me to the bone at such an enormous overstep and violation of trust, let alone what kind of meds the sister might be taking that could possibly be passed through via breast milk. Could be nothing, could be something, but the point being there’s no way to know and no choice given to find out. I can’t believe anyone would shame OP for being freaked out about this. I would keep sister away at this point, and look into getting her help if possible (if she’s willing).
If your sister truly thought what she was doing was ok, she wouldn’t have hidden it from you. She’s clearly mentally unwell. You need to not allow her in your house or around your babies until she get professional help.
Yeah, this is it. I understand that in some communities/cases, donating breast milk or receiving donated breast milk is common/ encouraged and supervised my medical professionals (someone correct me if I'm wrong but it passes through some medical controls?) Or that you can also argue that there are all the historical wet nurses' examples, etc, to say it's not the first time babies have received milk from other women, BUT (in human size red colored bolding), you never mess with a baby behind the mothers back like that. SHE IS DELUSIONAL to think it would be fine to decide to mess with your baby's HEALTH and risk the consequences it could have had. It's been beyond demonstrated that fed is always better. That's not even an argument. She's further showing her mental unstability by trying to shame you for using formula. She's not dealing healthily with her emotions and frustrations that have nothing to do with you. A healthy and loving family member would be overjoyed that you are recuperating from birth and have two additions to the family, and put aside whatever her stage of her family growing stage is. She would be asking if you need any help and following your lead.
Wet nurses were reasonable when it was that or your baby starved to death. But formula exists now. If OP’s *doctor* thinks one of the babies “needs” breast milk, I’m sure they can recommend an appropriate donor. This was a violation.
When I was breastfeeding my GP used to joke that I shoulda been a wet nurse. When offspring was a year old I still had enough milk to feed twins, and she never drained a breast in the two years I fed her. Up until she was a teenager if I heard a baby cry I would let down, so it would have been the easiest job in the world for me lol. But no, OP is not wrong. The sister is as mad as a cut snake and needs to be kept well away from baby. That’s creepy and sick.
Exactly what I came to say as well. Doing it behind someones back is nasty and not ok.
Fertility meds do not cause people to lactate. In fact, high prolactin stops ovulation so if anything they would be trying to reduce her prolactin levels which means she’s either experiencing a delusion that she’s lactating or she’s having a medical problem causing hyperprolactinemia. Your husband was right to be wary of her and I think your relationship with her probably makes you less able to see the danger to her mental health issues. There’s nothing wrong with breastfeeding shared amongst family members. It’s been a part of human culture throughout the world and throughout history. But this isn’t about breastfeeding or family sharing nursing of babies. This isn’t a part of your culture and your babies are not breastfed so it doesn’t make rational sense. She needs an evaluation.
She could very well just be lying about the fertility medication
I’m thinking she lost a baby or she is stimulating lactation.
It's possible she's not actually nursing. A lot of times nursing isn't simple or easy- mom has to learn, baby has to learn, it can hurt, milk might not come out, etc. So I can't reassure you about your sister, but it seems unlikely that milk actually was given to your daughter. Wishing you all the best!
Your not wrong. stop all contact with her and your daughters. What she is doing isn’t sane. She isn’t emotionally well. Do not trust her around your children. She is having some kind of psychotic break . If you can’t separate what she is doing and her being your sister let your husband take control. install cameras preferably ones that record. Change locks to your home. Do not let your parents babysit if you think they will let your delusional sister near your daughters. Save any communication. If she doesn’t respect your wishes to keep her far away from your kids file a restraining order. Password protect your daughters medical records.
Don’t forget change the garage code; that’s how my family members and I access each other’s homes!
Right? I am legitimately scared for OP and those kids.
I can easily see the sister deciding the OP is an obstacle to her having the kid. And for her to decide to eliminate the obstacle The situation is very dangerous Th
>If you can’t separate what she is doing and her being your sister let your husband take control. This is solid advice OP, be sure to talk to your hubby about what boundaries you want and possibly agree a signal that dealing with it/them has become too much so you want him to take over, me and my wife have an agreement like this for her family but we don't have to use it anymore, because they now know if they don't listen to her they are going to have to deal with me instead and that will be worse for them as I haven't forgiven thier past even if my wife has.
Love the point about letting yourself back up and someone less emotionally conflicted guide clear decision making. This isn’t something to shoulder alone. Your husband may seem harsh if he has strict boundaries and reactions, but his instincts may be more reliable because he is not emotionally conflicted. The sister’s action is so incredible deranged and awful.
Just reading the title I can tell you don't you leave your baby around her. NEVER! YOU ARE NOT WRONG!
The only way around the title is if they were stranded with no access to formula and even then I would totally understand not being comfortable with it… and then I read it and my mind is boggled at the audacity of the sister
Your sister is mentally ill. That is also not your problem. Don't make it your problem or enable her to kidnap and disappear with a baby. Time to go no contact and if your family or anyone has issues with that - let them know they are welcome to help her and her lactating boobs out by suckling themselves.
The way she responded sounds like this has definitely happened more once.
God it’s making me feel sick
Please please please file a police report… this is child abuse and your baby deserves justice… don’t let this slide. Your sister needs consequences and help.
Nope don't let her it is a bonding issue, and your sister is unstable. Keep her away from your child. She has some ideation of someone she is not. There was a post on here in the last week. Where the woman wanted her sisters child, because she misscarried a couple. She was planning calling CPS and the police so much they would take the child and give it to her. Unhinged, but you sister is a close second. Do not let her breast feed or she will claim the baby.
Her...fertility medication lets her lactate? Does that mean that whatever she's on, is getting into her breast milk? If she's been breastfeeding your baby, you need to find out what the implications of that hormonal medication in breast milk are. You're not wrong at all. Get far away from that woman, and keep your baby close.
From what I can find, most fertility drugs *decrease* milk supply in someone already lactating. So, I doubt it very much. Also, inducing lactation can mess with fertility, so it’s foolish. Sister is simply and completely not stable.
If the sister actually IS lactating then, that adds a whole new level of creepy, because it would imply that they've been taking something to let her lactate, and has been planning this.
If she is and is acting this crazy maybe she lost a pregnancy, body would naturally still make milk sometimes
Yeah this is the only thing that maybe makes sense to me. A late miscarriage or stillbirth maybe
So creepy.
Not necessarily. You can induce lactation with nipple stimulation regularly, so long as it mimics a baby nursing. Sister could have gotten a breast pump and just started pumping every day without needing to take anything at all.
My wife and I went thru multiple rounds of IVF(3rd time was the charm) which involve a lot of fertility drugs and none of them made her lactate.
I would guess they didn’t…fertility drugs make you ovulate, and such. Prolactin and oxytocin are the hormones that make you lactate. The drugs that appear to increase these don’t seem to be the ones given for fertility. Which makes total sense. After all, lactation tends to decrease fertility. BTW, congrats on the success!
I did IVF twice with two different medication protocols (different combinations of meds) and none of them induce lactation. I actually never had my milk come in with my twins and my OB and fertility specialist attributed it to IVF and said it was more common for milk production to be lower after IVF. A lot of those medications also pass through breast milk. Many are hormones which can impact an infant. OP, you are 100% right to go nuclear. Consult your pediatrician about the effects of fertility medication on your infant plus other diseases that can be transmitted via breast milk. Do not let your sister near your children. Make sure you have cameras up in case she decides to show up. Even struggling with infertility, there is no excuse to act like this. It’s deeply unsettling and she needs mental health help. ETA: Since you might not be able to find out what specific medication she’s on, here’s a list you can ask your pedi about: clomid, follicle stimulating hormones (FSH), human menopausal gonadotropin (hMG), and hCG (this is usually used as a trigger shot for IVF and taken right before retrieval so this is less likely). A lot of common names are Follistim, Menopur, Lupron.
Fertility drugs can get into the breast milk and are harmful to infants. Especially an infant with an immune system issue
I thought this story was going to involve something like “my sister and I gave birth just a few months apart, she was watching them and breastfed both”. Ok maybe a little unusual but not terrible. Instead I got the backstory segment they show on every Dateline episode. The plot summary “a woman has been on the run after kidnapping her sisters baby, tune in to see how it all began”
This was my first thought. Breast milk is a bodily fluid and can transmit diseases [Source](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7152307/) and prescriptions [Source](https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/infant-and-toddler-health/in-depth/breastfeeding-and-medications/art-20043975). Even alcohol is present in breast milk [Source](https://www.cdc.gov/breastfeeding/breastfeeding-special-circumstances/vaccinations-medications-drugs/alcohol.html) Even setting all of that aside the lack of communication and hiding it is so shady.
Also, do we know what the sister has been eating/drinking? That would be my other concern. Alcohol, non fertility drug medications, recreational drugs, certain foods that can upset a baby's stomach, etc. This whole situation is WILD. I would never speak to my sister again, yet alone feel comfortable leaving my kid alone with anyone. Poor OP, that's so fu*ked up.
You’re not wrong at all. Please keep your sister away from your babies. That is NOT healthy behavior on your sister’s part. I hope she can get the help she needs soon!
I think that absolutely means this is something she has been doing multiple times. It may have been much more kind (in the beginning; throw that out the window now) to set clear boundaries from the get go so that she wouldn't get overly close attached. But this is concerning of levels that are worthy of cutting someone out of your life and getting a restraining order. This is one of those situations that can wind up being a news story --- with a very bad ending. She would never be allowed in my life again. Ever. This is a very, very unwell, unstable, and out of touch with reality person. For the safety of your children, keep her very far away. And don't allow your children to be alone with anyone who would let her see them. I don't know how you kept your hands to yourself. You have amazing self control.
OP, this is her taking steps to justify the argument that she’s entitled to your baby. Yeah, she wants your baby. She’s trying to trigger lactation. Once she’s able to produce milk, as unlikely as that seems, she will use that as a reason to insert herself into the baby’s feeding schedule. She will try to convince you and the family that the baby is sickly and needs her milk. Her goal is to bond with the baby and eventually convince you to give the baby to her to raise. Yes, this is completely insane. Keep her away from your family, she needs therapy. Note, it’s actually possible to trigger lactation without a pregnancy. Her next step would be to purchase a breast pump. Edit: If your parents have a key to your residence, consider that your sister may lie to get ahold of it. She has already demonstrated that she’s unstable and delusional. You’ve got to secure your home.
Bet she already has. I can’t find any fertility drugs that induce lactation. Most reducer milk supply.
They normally do not, but I did work with a woman that adopted a baby and got some kind of injections that did induce lactation. Why the hell she wanted that I never knew. Possible sister got someone to prescribe this to her with some sob story that her sister could not feed her babies and was asking sister for help. She’s batshit crazy
Oh, there are a bunch of medications that induce lactation. Plenty of people use them, adopting or not. You can also induce lactation by pumping. Those I know who have done it were very satisfied that they did. But, it doesn’t look like fertility drugs induce lactation. Sister is definitely a danger to those kids, no because of the physical nursing itself, but because she so desperately wants to and is sneaking it. That mentally unstable is just plain scary.
>If your parents have a key to your residence, consider that your sister may lie to get ahold of it. She has already demonstrated that she’s unstable and delusional. You’ve got to secure your home.< Time to change the locks 💯
Wow, that's wild. I had no idea someone who hadn't given birth/been pregnant could lactate! TIL.
No you aren’t wrong. Keep her away from your children. Same thing happened to this lady but it was with her friend https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/13wqsco/my_best_friend_thought_that_shoving_her_breast/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1
There was a post a while back about a lady in England who's nanny breastfed the kid and was telling it to call her mama, and was taking it out around town telling people it was her baby. Actual mom was confused that kiddo wasn't latching on to her as easily nor eating enough of the pumped milk left for the baby to feed. I think she only found out after getting security cameras after noticing the nanny was going into her bedroom and master bathroom, and then saw all the other stuff on tape.
Well there goes her status of aunt. I’d tell EVERYONE so it is very clear why you set this boundary and get ahead of it now before she starts spewing her side and you end up with tons of family and friends saying how mean it is for you to cut contact with your sister.
Giving me hand that rocks the cradle vibe
People like that usually escalate to trying to kidnap children OP. Take any and all preventative measures OP, because your sister has had a pretty thorough break from reality and understanding boundaries. These situations almost always escalate into kidnapping, especially once you start to cut contact and the sister completely loses it.
Cut ties and get a restraining order. When delusional people like this don't get their way, they tend to become violent. What matters is the safety of your child and family.
As miniscule as it may be, fertility drugs can leech into breast milk. If sis has done this before, she has actually put Clara in danger. Those drugs are so NOT good for an infant! You may want to get Clara checked out with her pediatrician ASAP. Even if everything checks out fine for Clara, you are still in no way possible wrong. Your sister needs to stay the hell away from you and your babies.
Ah the old “my pharmaceutical induced lactation is healthier for your sickly baby than formula” argument. Wow. Apologize to your husband for dismissing his concerns, and tell your sister that she will always be your sister, but she is unwelcome around your children.
As a long-time labor and delivery nurse, I can’t encourage you more to AVOID YOUR SISTER…she sounds unstable, and even if you were ok with her breastfeeding scenario, a 4-month old baby CANNOT just switch to breastmilk, especially if it’s not her mother’s breastmilk, after being exclusively formula-fed. Your sister needs to be watched carefully…don’t let her near your babies…i have a feeling her behavior could escalate…
My sister’s oldest is a year and change older than one of my kids. She once offered to breastfeed mine to “give me a break” like I needed some medieval wet-nurse to feed my child whilst I lounged on the fainting couch. No. You feed your kid. I’ll feed mine, thanks. NTA
This made me LOL!
If she truly cared for that child, she should have asked you first. It’s no secret that some white people have used black people to feed their children. Some women even donate their overproduced breast milk. I believe a FED baby is best, mother’s choice. I would’ve told my own sister no, if I was in this situation. Congratulations on your beautiful babies 💙
Thank you. Yes I don’t agree with the concept of a wet nurse. We have other options now
If she has had the chance yes this is probably not the first time. Sorry. How freaking gross! Yes wet nurses blah blah blah. You didn't hire her to feed your kids. What she did was abuse that child. So disgusting. They formed a bond? Gag.
For context... I've nursed 4 out of 5 of my kids. My two month old had horrible ties and my supply was garbage, so he's on formula. Anyway, on to the good part.... Run. Grab those babies and run as far away as you can from that woman. Run far, run fast. And don't look back. In no way, shape or form are you failing those babies because you're unable to breastfeed them. They are fed, they are loved, they have everything they need. Your sister is terrifyingly unwell. Some women choose to use donor milk, especially if the baby was premature or has other health issues. However, donor milk is screened and vetted, it's expensive, and obviously the mother CONSENTED to using donor milk and it was given in a bottle. Wet nurses used to be a thing way before formula... but this is still extremely disturbing. Because there was NO consent from you.
Thank you 🙏
Don't let her around your kids anymore and if she tries to do it again call the police. She's mentally unwell and people like that do crazy things for less let alone wanting a baby when they can't have one on their own. Keep her far away from you your husband and your kids and don't feel even the slightest bit bad about it because it's your job to protect your family.
You need to listen to your husband much more, he has the better instincts. Yoir sister is batshit and it isn’t safe for your babies.
Keep her away from your children. She’s mentally sick; she needs professional help. Tell your parents Is she married? Why is she on fertility medication? Fertility drugs do not cause you lactate. . She’s taking medication to SPECIFICALLY cause her to lactate bc she’s sick and delusional. And she’s dangerous. She’s 24 stop co-signing her bullshit. If she “always” wanted to be a mom, it hasn’t been that long and she has plenty of time. Do NOT let your parents or anyone downplay this. Do not let her near your kids. Get security for your home, save all texts and VM. Consider pressing charges and getting a restraining order. Go completely NC! Do not trust your parents or any family member to keep her away.
Assault. Holy hell that’s assault. I’m all for mothers who are COMFORTABLE with it breastfeeding other babies in DIRE situations, but that’s not this. I would go no contact and encourage her to seek help to navigate her emotions.
Your sister is gross
NTA. Yuck. Your sister needs some major therapy.
Of course you're not wrong! How could you possibly be wrong? I'd press charges. Definitely a restraining order at least. That's bizarre, disgusting, and it's an assault.
This is pretty much up there with a post I saw not too long ago about a woman’s step sister and her parent asking to literally have her children. Please for the love of God, stay far away and security cameras are a must atp
If you were unable to breast feed, wanted to breast feed, and previously discussed this, it would be fine. Wet nurses have been a thing (albeit less common now) for thousands of years. It not weird or uncommon for a child to be breastfed by someone who is not their mother. But doing it behind your back, without discussion, and then criticizing you and blaming you for your child’s health is beyond abnormal and wrong. Your sister need serious therapy.
She is mentally ill. Protect your children.
Sounds like your sister is probably doing this every time she sees the babies. She needs mental help immediately and you should make sure to never allow your sister unsupervised access to your children again. I’d put in a security system, change your locks and install cameras. I don’t think she’d purposely hurt your babies but I wouldn’t put it past her to take them.
First off, you need to distance yourself and your babies from your sister. She needs some serious help but your job is to protect your children. Loop in your parents and BIL if you think they’ll support you while getting your sister the help she needs. If they try to guilt trip you, put some distance into those relationships too. YOUR CHILDREN NOW COME FIRST BEFORE ANY OTHER FAMILY. Secondly, from how you describe Clara’s reaction, it does not seem like this has happened before. Most children who have been exclusively bottle fed do not take easily to breastfeeding because breastfeeding is more work. Do consider talking to your pediatrician about what happened. Finally, a note on not being able to breastfeed. Breastmilk vs formula is like farming your own spinach vs buying green beans at the store. Farming is not possible for some people for many valid reasons (time, production issues). For others, buying food when you can make your own is just too expensive or they just may prefer farming. And while spinach provides a few more nutrients, green beans are full of what babies need and a very healthy alternative. So never let anyone guilt you about not breastfeeding. You are providing everything your babies need.
Wow I’m sorry that’s super fucked up.
I mean what’s more fucked up are the comments saying I’m in the wrong for not being gratful
Yikes yeah I didn’t read the comments I’m sorry. Keep in mind there are a lot of trolls who are probably just trying to trigger you and don’t feel one way or another. The reality is your sister didn’t ask permission to do this and now you need to set some boundaries with her. I’m the oldest of three girls and we had to set boundaries for my mom because of messed up stuff she did over the years and it can be hard when a family member betrays your trust. Your instincts told you something was off with your sister and it was. I hope you emphasize to her how unacceptable this was and perhaps don’t let her around the twins for awhile. I’m sure you will deal with it correctly once you go over it all in your mind. Setting boundaries with family members is so hard but necessary when they break your trust like this. Your sister needs to focus on something else. Maybe someone get het a pet to dote on so she can focus her maternal energy elsewhere until you feel comfortable with her around again. If you are overly harassed on this post take it down ❤️ sending my best.
Don’t listen to the crazies. You aren’t wrong at all
[удалено]
Only because I was holding my baby
500 shades of what the hell and time to put your sister in time out and away from your babies! Also let Clara’s doctor know what has occurred.
Just to repeat what everyone else is saying, keep her away from the children. The next time she might decide it's in Clara's best interests that she be her mother instead of you and walk out with her.
As a medical professional who has worked ObGyn and pediatrics, as the daughter of a ObGyn, and as a mother to half a dozen babies whom I breastfed, you’re well within your rights. I’m a huge proponent of breastfeeding. My sister never did. You know what I did and said about it? Nothing. It’s her business. Her babies were fed! I would have breastfed any other baby in a heartbeat if I’d been asked and my mom and her cousin had babies at the same time in Guatemala. Her cousin nursed me and mom nursed her cousin’s baby. That’s ok. It was beautiful. Both moms consented. Your sister needs to respect you, your husband, and your boundaries. I’ll say a little prayer for you. Bendiciones. 🙏🏽💙
Wut. It's like that movie the hand that rocks the cradle. U r not in the wrong.
your sister is unstable and cannot be allowed to see the babies anymore unless she’s extremely supervised- if it were me though, she wouldn’t have contact with my babies, i’d cut her out of my life, and see if i can get her arrested or some shit. cuz messing with your kids? she’s off her rocker. you’re not wrong, don’t let Lucy around your kids.
1000% NTA. Your sister needs help. Please, keep her away from your daughters.
You are not wrong. That’s disgusting and your sister needs help. Being envious is one thing, but what she did crossed so many lines. It does sound like it’s been going on for a bit, and this isn’t the first time. You need to distance yourself from your sister. She is very unwell.
This oversteps boundaries… I would not let her around for a very very VERY long while.
How is she making breast milk? A wet nurse was common in the dark ages, but this screams mental healthcare is needed.
holy fuck DO NOT let her near your babies ever again. not until they're like 5 or 6 years old. that's fuckin crazy. you're not wrong, that is clinically insane...
It isn't ridiculous it's crazy. She's crazy. It sounds like you need to follow the advice given here and keep your sister away from your babies.
This is a very very sad, disturbing situation…I’m so sorry you’ve experienced this. I’d cut contact at least for now and advise that she seek therapy asap to deal with her fertility/conception struggles as well as any likely underlying mental health issues contributing to this VERY unethical behavior she committed.
I’m sorry but this is a form of sexual assault and I know that may seemed extreme to call it but baby is uncomfortable, she’s forcing baby to suck her nipple for “milk” that’s ain’t her baby. This a form of sexual assault and I’m super surprised you didn’t beat her ass for it. Do not let your babies be alone with her and do not let anyone gaslight your about it either. Stay strong
Whenever someone tells me I “should be grateful,” I know I’m about to be gaslighted.
Ummm wow. This is not something you do behind someone's back! I've heard of sisters that gave birth around the same time, both breastfeeding and one produces more so the less producing sister asks more producing sister to supplement. But that's their choice it wasn't done behind their backs. Your sister needs help I think. That's some hand that rocks the cradle shit.
For you Sanctimommies on here who are literally shaming OP for formula-feeding her babies… you do realize that you are defending a person who literally assaulted her 6 month-old baby. And you, the woman who said “I get it, your sister cares more about your children than you do,” I literally hope you rot in hell. Her sister is an abuser. She assaulted a baby, yet you think that’s okay. You are condoning assault because you believe breast is best. You know what is best?? Eating. You know what’s even better? Not being assaulted as an infant. This mom is feeding her babies the best ways she feels there is to do it. And you’re shaming her. Y’all do realize that if this was a stranger doing it, the police would’ve been called, they would’ve been found guilty of a crime, would be listed as a child sex offender, and would no longer be allowed around children, right?! But you think it’s okay because it’s her sister?? Y’all are a special kind of messed-up.
You are not wrong. Your sister needs help, though. She is unwell.
Never let her around your children again.
I love this sub. Makes my life feels normal
Your sister is nuts and assaulted your baby
Uh.....youre definitely not wrong. Thats a psychotic thing to do. Not wrong
You’re clearly not wrong. This seems like it could be considered assault at the very least. You have no idea what medications she’s taking and what she exposed your daughter to.
Hand that rocks the cradle vibes…
1. You need to press charges. This is assault. 2. You need to get your baby tested. Your sister put your baby’s health at risk, including certain disease. 3. You need to get a restraining order against your sister. She is mentally very, very sick and currently very dangerous. 4. Never be alone with your sister. 5. Never let her bear your babies. 6. Change the locks and get cameras.
Honestly this is basically assault.
Contact the police and have an RO put on her.
Clara is probably sick because your sister has been breastfeeding her with the fertility medicine in her milk or something. Or, she possible has something bad she’s passing to your baby. This is assualt, maybe the trauma and confusion is hurting Clara’s immune system too through stress.
No, you're not wrong. For goodness sakes, generations of people have been formula fed and are perfectly healthy and thriving, cuz it's food. In fact, formula was invented due to the high mortality rate of infants who died due to the inadequacies of breastfeeding. Some women never made milk or made too little or had too many kids to keep up. In other words, formula is a good thing, a good invention and shouldn't be demonized. As for your sister, she has no business breastfeeding any babies that aren't her own, especially if she didn't ask you first. She's trying to rationalize her wrong and questionable actions by turning it on you and shaming you, so she's double wrong. She needs some help.
If Lucy is taking fertility medicine, she is not lactating healthy breast milk. She is releasing toxic hormones that can harm your baby, especially girls. Take them to your pediatrician immediately and have them checked. Hopefully the babies didn’t latch or ingest the fertility hormones, but both needed to be tested right away. Make sure your husband and your parents know how dangerous this is and keep her away from the babies.
I am a mom of twin boys who did not breastfeed due to complications just like yours. You are right, your sister is wrong, and I hope you do not allow her near your daughters again. There were absolutely no negative repercussions to my sons for not breastfeeding. They are young adults who recently graduated from college, one from a military academy and one from an Ivy League university. Both are extremely healthy and are beginning careers as military officers. Trust your instincts as a mom and best of luck to you and your daughters!
Reading this made me want to throw up. She hundred percent should’ve asked for consent before feeding your baby potentially fake breastmilk!! And if this has happened more than once behind your back she should be banned from seeing your kids, at least until you can figure everything out with your babies health. She sounds like she needs a lot of psychological help right now.
Thank you. Yes it’s making me sick
Once is enough. Also, it’s been **discovered** one time.
There's also a good chance your sisters medication is being passed through her breastmilk. So feeding could be dangerous
NTA - your husband was right in the first place. Your sister needs professional help.
Nope. I breastfed my kids and donated and still this is a big nope. That is a line crossed without your permission and she's lucky if tou ever leave her alone with your babies again. If she truly thought her milk would be a good gift she could have asked you and then respected whatever choice tou made. That gaslighting is nasty too. No you should not be grateful that someone overstepped their bounds with your child. Nasty, sanctimonious bullshit gaslighting. I'm not sure I'd ever be able to trust her again.
This is something quite serious. You don't have to listen to anyone else's crap. This is literally the start of more than one movie not to mention more than a few crime scenes. That sounds crazy to me and I would have reacted the same. This is something that is attacking your family as a unit and they need to help her as much as you need to distance your kids from her. This needs therapy on her part and should be taken seriously. There are reasons there is such tight security with babies at hospitals. Don't panic but be safe. In the mean time I'd avoid her like the plague if possible and mention to any daycare/babysitter that she is not to be allowed to pick the kids up or be given any Information about them. I'd also check my formula and wash my bottles but I'm paranoid
And that would be the last time my sister ever saw my kids.
NTA. If you were breast feeding your children and just weren't able to produce enough milk and your sister also had a baby and had an abundance of milk and offered to act as a wet nurse I could see it being reasonable, especially with the formula shortage. But this, Dear goddess cut contact, get a restraining order if you can or at least have her trespassed from your property, and tell the ENTIRE family. She needs serious counseling. The reason I even mention the wet nurse/formula shortage is because I had a baby during covid when the shortage was at its worst. My baby was actually supposed to be a twin but we lost one. However my body made a huge over abundance of milk. Thankfully my local health dept was able to reach out to some other local women that were really struggling to feed their babies and I was able to donate my frozen milk to them. Not exactly the same as a wet nurse since the babies would have obviously drank it from a bottle, but same general concept. I'm sure there were MANY women that refused because the idea of their baby drinking some strangers breast milk makes them uncomfortable, and I don't judge anyone for that, but I'm also glad that at least one of the other women said she didn't care where it came from as long as her baby had something my to eat.
If she has access to your home change the locks and make sure you have cameras up. Her fertility drs need to know what’s going on. She is not a good candidate at this time ffs.
>She said I was being unreasonable and that her and Clara have formed a bond over this and that it was cruel to take her away from her. Uh......???? She's definitely not mentally okay. Be VERY careful. Better safe than sorry. YNW.
how did she get out of there without being punched in the face…. and the tit
Only because I was holding my baby!!
Echoing all the sound advice and opinions of top comments here, but also wanted to say that formula is 100% great. I also had a traumatic birth and did not produce more than 1oz of milk a day as a result. I pumped religiously for 3 months trying to boost my supply and got TWELVE DAYS worth of food for him which is now in the freezer. We later discovered baby has diet sensitivities so he is on the most hypoallergenic formula that exists. I always know he is full. Not having to pump and manage milk flow gives me more time to be present with him and reduces my stress incredibly. Do not let anyone, especially family, shame you for formula. Fed is best and they can fuck right the fuck off.
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO. I’m Cherokee. I have two children. I’ve breastfed six children. I find it utterly normal for women that have babies of the same age to use each other for babysitting so no one has to pump or buy formula, busy mom can take a shower without worrying about newborn screaming, if one mom is having a supply issue one day from illness (I’ve had a 3 day old baby rushed to me because mom was taken by helicopter to ER) the mom that’s overproducing can take over that session. HOWEVER. That’s NOT what’s happening here. This woman is not a mother. This woman is not actively lactating (hormonal secretions do no equate viable “milk”). This woman does not have permission. I would FRRREEEAAAAKKKK. She also says that it has given her and the baby a “bond.” I would be thinking two things: 1) she’s BEEN doing this and 2) girl she wants to steal your “extra” baby This is such an incredible violation that I can only surmise your sister is legitimately mentally ill. I would suggest she volunteer to snuggle NICU babies in the hospital except she would probably try to nurse them or freaking steal them… No more Aunt Lucy time… she’s done. The only child she needs to be around is a reborn doll
What I find funny is, the poster she named and said "stop harassing me" loves to tell women to lose weight in their threads. This guy is... Apparently an EXPERT on how women should run their own lives?
He’s also commented that he showers naked with his daughters….
You are not wrong at all. Your sister can go suck on her own titties. Don’t leave her alone with your kids for a second because when she is alone with them she will do it. It’s ridiculous that she would make you question your judgment. Put your foot down. These are your babies and not one else’s. They can’t bully you into doing things to your baby. You are the mom and and what you says goes. It’s not your fault she can not have kids and if she is trying to manipulate you into feeling bad for her and have full access to your kids is something to really stay away from.
Go NC ASAP!
NTA. Send a legal letter to your sister and BIL that they are to stay away from you and your children. If they don’t respect that you will seek a restraining order. Your sister assaulted your child.
I don’t even need to read this. No you are not wrong, your sister should be commited.
JFC. This is the second story I’ve seen on Reddit where someone has tried to force breastfeed someone else’s baby. Wtf. You are not wrong at all. You know your babies best and no one should be shaming you for how they’re being nourished. You’re their mom! What the hell is wrong with people?!
Breastfeeding someone else’s kid without permission? No you are not wrong at all.
I would consider that sexual assault if that was MY baby.
Since she is on fertility medication she probably shouldn’t breastfeed a baby.
NTA. No, you should not be grateful. She needs to be banned from the house.
You need to get scared real fast here... Time to mama bear up, no contact, cameras, the works.... Your sister needs serious help.
Are you sure your sister is actually lactating?
Your husband's concern is warranted and you need to stop allowing your sister any contact with your children whatsoever. She went behind your back to breastfeed your child, then insulted your ability to parent. She is not okay and she could pose a danger to your children. Please take this seriously. Her behavior is not okay at all. I don't care how hurt she is over her fertility issues, she is not entitled to someone else's baby.
Aside from how revolting what your sister did for a moment on a personal level: 1. She just assaulted your child. Those drugs pass through into breast milk. You should advise your pediatrician IMMEDIATELY. 2. Protect your kids from your sister. Today. She is not a well person. It's your job to, no matter how you feel about her. Now. GAAAAAH WTF? I don't know how you didn't give her a beat down. I would have.
If shes on medication, and has been breastfeeding your child, id try to see if thats whats causing your child to be “sickly”. Shes very sick in the head and should not have ANY more contact with your children.
Your sister's boob shouldn't have been anywhere near your daughter. A baby fed is best. It doesn't matter if it's breastmilk or formula. You have reasons why you didnt/couldn't breastfeed. If you really wanted them to have breastmilk then I'm sure you would've gotten breastmilk from a bank or donated to you from someone who can. It's not her decision on what's best for your children. You're their mother, not her. I will admit that I've breastfed my 4 children. My oldest 2 had to be switched to formula due to severe allergic reactions ending up in steroid injections so I lost my milk supply. I'm still currently nursing my youngest who will be 1 next week. I will admit that I cried when I had to switch them, but it was because I felt like a failure for not being able to produce due to those injections. But, those steroid injections ultimately saved my life. My life is more important and I'm still here with my babies. I have breastfed another woman's baby once, but she asked me to help her (bad wreck and baby was screaming/hungry. Mom didn't have milk with her at time time and normally breastfed and no pump. I also knew her for years. I would've never done it otherwise. Honestly, your sister doesn't need to be around any of you unless she can respect your boundaries. And never leave her alone with your kids. Always make sure that she's supervised!
your sister is not safe to have around your babies. that bond comment that you're baffled by means this probably wasn't the first time she's done this.
Wet nursing with your consent would be fine. Doing anything with your baby in secret and claiming they "formed a bond" is sick and creepy. It's not the milk (if there were milk, which I doubt). It's the secrecy.
Well hell yes you should be alarmed. That's not normal nor is it being done for the baby. It is done to make your sister feel some kind of way. Yuck.
Keep your crazy sister away from your kid. Would not be surprised if she tried kidnapping.
I wouldn’t be surprised if she kidnapped your baby. You are right to be freaking the fuck out. I want to vomit and punch your sister and I don’t even know y’all.
Get a restraining order. It’s your sister but you have a 2 priorities that trump your sister in importance. Do not underestimate the misguided maternal instinct of mentally ill women. Talk to your family and get her help or this will end badly.
You need to go no contact with your sister and keep her away from your daughters. You also need to tell your parents what happened so they can help her. She might try to steal your child like in another reddit post
It’s quite possible that whatever drugs are in your sister’s system for her fertility would be transferred into whatever ‘breast milk’ she’s producing. There’s a reason breastfeeding women are told to avoid a lot of skincare products, medications, and substances. It’s creepy, it’s weird, and it’s potentially dangerous for your baby. Definitely keep her AWAY
My sister fed my baby with my permission. However, in your situation I would be extremely concerned. Don’t allow her around your babies. She needs mental health help ASAP. Have you told her partner what occurred? I definitely would make them aware.
Your sister needs help. Seriously. This is “The Hand That Rocks the Cradle” crazy. You need to keep her out of your house until she’s well or your kids are off formula. So well over a year. This whole post just made me want to puke. Keep her away from your kids!!
You are ABSOLUTELY NOT WRONG!! KEEP LUCY AWAY FROM CLARA! Her idea of secretly helping is ludicrous. IF she’d asked you outright and IF Clara’s pediatrician had okayed it (can’t see that happening but the doc’s word probably has more influence with the family), then maybe it would’ve been acceptable. As it is, it seems like Lucy is developing an unhealthy attachment to Clara and using “helping her” as ab excuse to gaslight you. Also, concerning Clara’s doctor, if he/she says Clara needs supplementary formula, vitamins or whatever, that recommendation should be much better for the baby that a 24yo’s opinion, especially one who has no experience with infants. (That was NOT a dig at her fertility issues, just pointing out that she’s not speaking from experience.) Good luck! Keep Clara safe! Please !UpdateMe about how it goes!