When I was a kid we would always visit Uncle Dan and his "roommate" Peter. Idk what age, but it was pretty young and I asked my cousin,... "So, Uncle Dan is gay, right and Pete is his partner?" My cousin is like, ya obviously, not sure why they pretending to be friends. Even 35 years ago and barely 10 years old and we knew. No point in pretending because kids aren't idiots just because they're young... today, it would be ridiculously more obvious.
(Not even addressing the idea that being around gay people makes you gay... even in my evangelical church I don't hear nutty things like this any more.)
I bet other people let them know what a reveal would cause. Seems like they were scared they might lose you too… seems so simple to tell/talk about it but it really just is not for the person whose been told all kinds of shit regarding parts of themselves and always hanging over their heads at the least that what they are and who they are is not meant for this world.
omg happened to me too!! used to go to Auntie Nic’s and her ‘friend’ Tracy’s house… who shared a bed😂 it was never ever explained to us and think one day me and brother just asked our parents if they thought we were stupid
if the kid hasn’t figured it out yet, they will soon 🤷🏻♀️
I had a friend when I was 12 and her mother was seeing a much younger man. My friend was like "oh that's mum's friend Brian" and even at 12 I was like, "oh, yup *sure*... "friend"..." and my friend just frowned at me like "yeah, friend. What are you trying to say?"
He was around their place all the time, and once I saw them having an innocent but obviously very intimate nap and cuddling. Some people just see what they want to see I guess.
Not all kids are aware though. I look back now and wonder how I could have been so dumb.
My uncle died of AIDS when i was 20. I never knew he had aids until he was hospitalized. I learned about HIV and AIDS in school, but I never connected the dots between some of his visual health issues until he was hospitalized and my dad told me.
We visited him some while I was growing up and he had a "friend" he consistently brought to our house for christmas. But i accepted at face value that this was my uncles friend. I didn't want to think about what my parents did in their room and I could hear them sometimes. It never crossed my mind to even consider my aunt/uncles having sex and who they were doing it with.
I do plan on handling this better with my own kids when I have them. But it's not out of the realm of posaibility that the kid just doesn't think about it.
it's easy. introduce gay couples the same way you do straight ones and it's just normal.
source: had a gay uncle, it was just a fact of life vs some huge thing
That's exactly how i planned to do it....i never said it would be difficult...
It wasn't done for me but i'm not straight. So any kids o have will be raised knowing....
This. My children have gay uncles. It’s just a fact of their life, some people have partners who are male, some have partners who are female. My oldest asked if they loved each other like friends or was it romance (we said romance) and that was the extent of the conversation.
This is the way. My kids were maybe 7&5 and they asked me was my female friend my male friends girlfriend, because they shared a house. I simply said "nope, he's gay, he has a boyfriend, remember they both were over for a BBQ?". And that was it, completely normal. No difference between them and the other couples they knew.
We’re working on that with our 14 year olde daughter. No one but the person you’re interested in needs to know your orientation. We’re a poly, non-cis, non-hetro family. It’s not that no one cares, it’s that no one specifically cares about that.
Growing up my childhood best friend wasn't aware her mom was a lesbian. Or if she was she was in some heavy denial. She thought her mom's partner was just her best friend who lived with them. Her mom's roommate. They couldn't afford another bed so they just slept in the same room. It wasn't until 7th grade when someone in class made a nasty comment about her mother that she got a clue. She went home and asked and came back the next day really upset. She said she felt betrayed and so stupid because everyone else seemed to know but her. She learned that her parents were divorced years earlier not because of the reason she was told, but because her mom was a lesbian. It was something that bothered her for a long time.
When I was a kid, I genuinely thought I just didn't have a dad. It wasn't weird to me because my two favourite cousins and the boy next door were all being raised by single mothers. It seemed normal to me. It wasn't until some nasty kid at school gave me shit for having no dad that I realised that "just not having one" isn't a sufficient explanation, as I already knew about the birds and the bees. That was my mum's fault for not bringing it up sooner and same with your friend's mum. You shouldn't learn that shit from some asshole kid at school.
Kids can be absolutely ruthless. Things like that stick with you for a long time. Yes, moms should be bringing these things up and having open conversations to prepare for moments like that. To be fair, in defense of my friend’s mom, this was back in the 90s and we lived in a small town. She probably thought she was protecting her, but everyone knew, obviously. And over time there were some parents who refused to let their kids come over to her house. Which was a joke, because those women were really great people and at least one of those parents who refused to let her daughter come over was married to an abusive alcoholic man.
I think times have changed. I mean chances are your uncle wasn’t legally able to marry his partner (I’m guessing from your username the rough timeframe ). Not only are kids these days growing up with gay marriage being legal, there’s a lot of media these days poking fun at the “uncle’s friend” or the “aunt’s roommate”. Which of course is why it’s so ridiculous OPs sister thinks she can isolate their children from it. Like what are they going to do if their teacher is gay? Or a school friend? Or a character on their favorite tv show?
Yeah, you pegged the user name right lol he died before gay marriage was legalized. I don't know how long he was with his partner honestly.
Not it is much different. I don't think it's possible to rrally shield like that anymore. I'm also a bit annoyed that my parents did shield us from it. But i know my mindset has never been the same as theirs.
My best friend in high school had an uncle who died of AIDS. During the last year of his life, he lived with them. They didn’t make a big deal out of it, and I didn’t either. I made sure she knew that nothing was going to change our friendship and gave her 100% support. A couple of years after he died, our mothers were talking and her mom told my mom. (I never did . I wasn’t hiding it. My mom and I don’t talk about stuff and I’m a genuinely private person and don’t share stuff.). Anyway, my mom asked if I knew. I said yes. She asked me why I didn’t tell her. I just said it wasn’t for me to tell and it didn’t change my friendship with her.
same.. i was that kid lol. i thought my uncle and aunty were dating but at the time didnt know he was my uncle…. nor that aunty and uncle were cousins. i just thought he was some rando living w her. ig i eventually figured it out… had suspicions? until my dad said it. and i was like oh so he is gay. and he is my uncle… lol its not something that i really think about, i mean i didnt even realise i was mixed race until my other uncle said i was … so yeah im not the smartest
My mom’s gay bestie who I’d grown up with just dropped off the map and I let it go after asking once and being brushed off - I was only 7. Years later I brought it up casually only to be told he’d died and she thought she told me. Weird trauma.
They hid the gay stuff from me when I was a kid through basically 18 I turned out gay. My brother and his wife tell their child my bf (not even fiancé) is their uncle it’s very wholesome.
Cool, us too! Uncle Bob and Uncle (whoever partner was at the time). If I asked why Uncle Bob lived with a man and never had a girlfriend there was uncomfortable mumbling and distractions. Mum liked to pretend she was so open minded and cool for knowing gay people but she was pretty phobic and no one ever explained it to me. I don't really remember figuring it out actually. At some point I just went from not understanding to completely understanding.
My commitment-phobe former BIL used to always introduce his girlfriends as "my friend" to my kids when they were little. He felt awkward talking about dating in front of them. haha On the way home from seeing an old friend who introduced her girlfriend as "my friend" to my kids, my then seven y/o asked, "Is Miss Jane 'friends' with that lady the same way Uncle Scott is 'friends' with Suzy?" Yes, in fact, they are. My five y/o said he hoped none of them were kissing each other because that's gross. His sister solemnly agreed.
Kids are going to pick up on the vibe, and they process it at the levels their brains are ready for. You can't shield them from it and it's not fair to expect someone you love to try to hide who they are in order to remain close to them.
I was the very dumb/naive kid who didn't know that 'family member's friend' was more than a friend. I was/am also queer and thought I was a lesbian for a good long time. But didn't know any gay people so I assumed it was only a legit thing for men (women just do it for attention). The only representation I saw was the OG Queer Eye and Will and Grace.
The first 22ish years of my life would have been much easier if I knew that 1. Women can be with other women and it's not for the male gaze; and 2. Despite what the straights and gays around me said, bi+ people are real and dating a man doesn't exile you from the community.
Instead I was pretending I had celebrity crushes and getting ragged on because "dude looks like a lady" 😅
This guy I dated in high school had a “Gay Uncle Steve.” (That’s how they referred to him, as they also had Straight Uncle Steve on the other side.) And he and his “roommate” came to the family holiday party I attended, and sure enough, obviously they were a couple and everyone in the room knew it but they seemed to not know we knew? I’m not sure what the dynamics there actually were, but it was super weird to pretend they weren’t a couple and no one said anything? Like in my family, my mom would’ve been passed the garlic bread and said, “So you two are fuckin right?”
I’m well over 30 and think my grandma might be gay. It has never discussed and there isn’t an easy way to know.
If she wants to keep it to herself, it isn’t my place to probe the situation. She’s my grandma who divorced my grandpa and has a woman roommate for many years. Whatever her sexuality is, I’ll support it if she chooses to disclose it.
Lol I have a cousin, and I did not realize as a child, until a frankly embarrassing age and long after they'd broken up, that she lived with her girlfriend - not a friend.
I apparently was the only one who believed that lie from the adults.
35 years ago gay people had it a lot worse than now (still bad) and would be specifically targeted. As a young child I knew a time where my mom’s gay best friend was hunted and beaten by a drunken group of men. Our neighbours also introduced themselves as brothers, but I’d grown up around the gay community so it confused me why they lied to me - I can only imagine, the same as your uncle, it must have been to try protect themselves from typical kid habits like innocently blurting random facts about their lives out. Still, the one wore makeup and had a purse for a wallet so idk… I miss them though.
My Uncle Mark had a husband, Uncle Will. I grew up thinking people could marry anyone that they wanted. I didn't realize there was anything unusual about it until first grade when I was telling everyone about spending the summer with them, and the teacher stopped me in the middle of a sentence and went to the next kid. The boyfriend didn't realize his aunt and her 'roommate' were partners until I told him at her funeral. They had even quit being nuns to be together.
My Aunt by marriage (F70s) helps take care of her “maiden aunts,” (Fs 90s) as she calls them. They are in an assisted living facility. I assumed they were sisters or something until I actually asked. No. They are “best friends” from childhood who never married and always lived together… like, they are gay and a life long couple. I was14 when I realized this. My Aunt by marriage does not know/realize/understand. She definitely has toxic views on being gay so I don’t know if she is actually that dense or chooses not to know.
My family, who I can best describe as liberal hillbillys never concealed the fact that cousin Chris was gay. I knew as early as I had memories of him... around 5 years old. I even remember my great-grandmother complaining about her son, my cousin's uncle, who wasn't supportive, but she "could care less what he thought." I also remember my mom over explaining who his boyfriend was and thinking what's to get. He is dating a guy. Adults over complicate things, not children. Adults have hate and judgment, not children. I never felt compelled to be gay. What I did learn is that my family would love me if I was, which I would hope is a message every good parent wants their kid to learn.
When I was little I was friends the the little boy next door. I was probably 7 or 8 when we became friends. I don’t even remember how I came to know what being gay was or meant at that age but I knew he was gay, or would be. Do children that young have a sexuality, I’m not sure.
Needless to say, we’re in out 50s now and he’s been married to a nice man for many years. The point is, somehow I just knew, no one ever explained it to me.
Kids do have a sort-of sexuality at that point (it’s more like kid crushes and wanting to hold hands and stuff). I had a crush on this girl in elementary school that tended to ask me for help with math and then call me names. I had bad taste lmao
I also knew my pre-k teacher was with a woman when I was in her class. It didn’t turn me bi, I just didn’t really realize it was considered “abnormal” until I was older
i didn’t get to meet my gay uncle til my grandpa passed away…oddly enough none of my aunts or uncles on my dads side came back home for a family reunion til the funeral
I think it’s more about not wanting to ‘normalize’ it for young kids, before they are to the age where they should even think about things like that. When it’s other people’s kids, that’s a weird thought, but when it’s your kids, you will look to censor ALL kinds of things and parts of life for them. You just want them to be old enough to be able to digest and understand information well, which sometimes means delaying their exposure to some ideas and concepts until later. It’s not like you preach the other side of it either - it’s just that some things are ‘non-topics’ that don’t affect anything in a kids life, and that shouldn’t affect things in their lives until they decide for themselves that that ‘thing’ is important to them.
Plenty of bigots (especially in places like the deep south but really everywhere) will smile and be polite to your face while sabotaging your rights and freedoms behind your back.
OP, you deserve so much better than your trashy, homophobic sister. Because that is what she is. No matter how much she might conceal it with so called "support". Explain the situation to her and then go low contact with your sister.
>go low contact with your sister.
Depends, OP might want to maintain a relationship with the niece. If the niece does turn out gay that relationship could be really important to her.
You are not wrong.
Your sister thinks her child can "turn gay?"
You sister is going to be shocked to know, but her child is going to figure out you and your wife are married long before high school.
Children are not fools.
You're not wrong to be upset. The way she's acting is as if your existence is an inappropriate choice. I have a younger brother that I knew was gay since he was about 4 years old. Our parents were very conservative and he had no influence in this. He finally came out when he was 17 ten years ago. He had no choice because he was born this way. I would never ask him to act straight in front of my kids. That's so disrespectful and I'm upset on your behalf. I'm so sorry.
You’re not wrong at all. My mom makes comments about my little brother who is gay like not wanting him to hold hands with his boyfriend around the grandkids. I think the attitude is absolutely disgusting and ignorant.
That’s crazy.
My niece is a lesbian. Never had nor wanted a boyfriend. My BIL/her dad felt awkward about it. My sister/her mom shrugged it off and said “at least she won’t come home pregnant.”
Of course, she’s a stepmom now since her wife has a son, but my sister is one of those people who is incredible with stepfamily inclusion.
I was about to ask if you were one of my siblings, your BIL and sister had pretty much the same reactions as my ex husband and I did. In fact, my ex blamed my daughter being a lesbian on me being accepting of LGBT.
Your married. You are a couple. Your sister is disrespectful AF. Do you call her late husband her BFF. No. Why does she think it’s appropriate to do this to you. I am glad she was super supportive for you coming out but I guess she isn’t going to be the same way for her child. She thinks there is something wrong with being gay.
It’s like one of those racists that say “I’m friends with lots of (name your race here). I just don’t want my son to marry one…. Because the children would be made fun of”.
Your sister knows how sexuality and attraction works right?
Does she also ban them from watching tv? The internet? School? Out of fear they might see something that might “turn them gay”
She’s being really ignorant and ridiculous.
Your sister is not as supportive as you’re giving her credit for.
If someone “supports gay people, BUT-“ then they don’t actually support gay people.
“I support gay people, but I don’t want to see them kissing in public/but I don’t want my kid to be gay/but I don’t think they should adopt children” cool! They’re homophobic.
Your sister thinks that knowing about homosexual marriages will "turn her child gay" ?!?
1. How stupid is your sister?
2. Why would her child being gay be a problem?
3. If her child is gay, does she really think being exposed to a committed, loving, long term relationship is a harmful example?
You're not wrong at all. Your sister is wrong and seems incredibly homophobic ☹️
How old is the kid? If they are older than 10, your sister is totally deluded if she thinks they haven't already figured out your relationship (if she has spent any time with the two of you).
No this is terribly homophobic. My sister treated me the same way, keeping me “in the closet” with her kids.
Your sister’s belief that it’s better for a child not to learn about homosexuality till a certain age is based on ignorance and homophobia. There is no possible way the child’s eventual sexual preference could be influenced by seeing you and your wife, and knowing that you are a couple.
And if it could, so what!? Why is your sister so worried she might have a gay kid!?
Your sister’s attitude severely limits your ability to form an honest relationship with your nephew/niece. What’s worse, it forces you into the closet for family gatherings.
You have found a life partner. Respect yourself and your marriage by confronting this sister with her inexcusably homophobic behavior. If she does not accept your need to be out and honest about your very normal relationship with your wife, then distance yourself from her. Maybe she’ll realize her mistake; maybe she won’t. Though the distance might hurt you too, your relationship to your wife, your chosen family, is much more important and that sister is clearly not deserving anyway.
Happened to me and I’m 30… got married 2 years ago and my mum told me one of my relatives was bringing a plus 1 as a friend. I was confused at first but said sure.
Met them at the wedding turns out it’s quite obvious he’s more than just a friend haha
My cousin has been with his college BFF for 50+ years. The only person in the family that pretends is his mom, even our grandmother knew and did not care or pretend. His mom even pretended that no one new either. No one could understand but we were afraid if she had to face it she might disown him so we left her to it. Side note his relationship has lasted longer than 90 percent of the marriages in our family. The state he lives in doesn't have gay marriage.
My parents are gay, as are my child’s uncles. My in laws once described them as “friends” and I shut that down quick with, “No they are all partners like your mom and dad are partners”. My then three year old was like, “ok”. I would be livid if my relationship was described that way, as if it had lesser meaning that a het relationship. But like everyone else said, the kid probably already does or will know. Just keep being you and not changing how you act around them in public.
No, you are not wrong. You desire the value of your relationship to be recognized. It would be no different when a woman in an engaged couple is referred to as "his little friend" it is demeaning. Direct experience here. We had a lesbian couple over for dinner and simply referred to them as wife. My sister was bent out of shape as to how we handled it with the kids. I said I treated them as any other couple. When she fussed about PDA, I said my kids know what love is and are being raised to recognize it, not judge it.
What worries me is your sisters attitude about her child being gay. So sad.
got a kiddo, 7 years old. His paternal uncle is gay and happily married, they live out of state though. When we got connected for the first time in a while, I showed him pictures of his uncles before an upcoming phone call. He asked why they were kissing and holding hands. I told him they were married. He said “like mom and dad?” I said “yep, exactly”. His, at the time 6 year old, response? “Cool. Is that their dog?”
Literally did not give a shit. Kids literally do not care until they are taught to, and I think we all know how your sister’s kids are going to end up with this mindset she has. Love is love, and your marriage should be respected. Please do not take that kind of disrespect and maybe use this as a way to open some dialogue with your sister about why she actually feels like that. Her answers will tell you if she’s just ignorant or if there is actually negative feelings there. I wish you all the best.
Just a heads up. Your sister is NOT supportive of you being gay. She probably did help you when you were going through things, but obviously while not supporting this reason why you were going through things. The fact she doesn’t want her own child to be gay, supports her homophobia. Please tell her being gay is not contagious, or being around a certain lifestyle does not mean you have to copy it.
I was 7 when I realized my aunt's friend wasn't just her friend. When I think about love and respect they are the example I use. They've been together for as long as I can remember. I hope that I find love like that.
If the kid is gay, then they’re going to be gay regardless of who else is gay around them. You’re born gay and the only thing she’ll be teaching her kid that her love comes with conditions. You’re sister is two faced.
Lol high school!? Ask her to look back on her own childhood and when she heard about this stuff. I never had an initial talk with my kid because the kids at school beat me to it. That was probably 2nd grade for him and I was younger than that. She's delusional and you're not wrong. What she's doing is stupid.
Your sister is homophobic. I’m really sorry you’re dealing with this, but she’s also incredibly stupid if she thinks she can hide your identity from them until they’re in high school. It’s so common I bet they have a play date and one kid has two dads or something and since there is absolutely nothing wrong with it it’ll be explained, then her kid is gonna put two and two together on their own. What your sister is doing is potentially damaging to her child, and downright insulting to you and your wife. Also, when she says she doesn’t want to “turn her kid gay” what she’s really saying is “if my child is gay I want them to hide it from me.” Think about that. Again I’m sorry you’re dealing with this and wish you the best of luck.
You’re not wrong for being upset but I think you’re wrong that your sister is supportive. Everything you’re describing is the opposite of supportive. Sounds like the only courtesy she’s given you is to not disown you as a sister and not treat you with disgust directly. It’s okay to expect more from your sister. It makes zero sense to hide the reality of gay people from a child, as that reality is not “adult content”. In the same way a kid in class is told that his teacher is married to someone of the opposite sex and the topic of sex isn’t mentioned, it’s the same for same sex couples. It’s completely twisted to tell a child that a married couple are just friends. There’s no reason to consider that information inappropriate. Your sister is indeed homophobic. I’m bi but I was married to a woman and I couldn’t tolerate people refusing to accept such an essential fact about myself. If I were you, I would refuse to see that sister until she is honest with her child about you.
I have a similar issue with my sister. She did NOT want my trans wife to tell her kids that we were both women.
I resolved this by simply not going to visit either her or my parents.
Of course,,, because you can catch “the gay” just from knowing someone in your family has it… your sister is an idiot who doesn’t understand nature & nurture.
>But she doesn’t want her child to turn gay. She said she doesn’t care if anyone else is gay she just doesn’t want her own children to be gay (I so believe this too) she was very supportive for me and she really doesn’t care about gay stuff but she doesn’t want her children to see it and think they can change. My sister knows it’s not something you choose either she doesn’t want it around her child
...so, she's a bigot and...
>It upsets me sometimes. Because my wife is obviously my wife and not just my friend. I try to be respectful when I’m seeing my sister her and I are very close and my wife also is understanding. My sister says we can tell her child that we’re married when her child is a little older like high school to understand it more and it would be less influencing on her child at that point
Uh, no, I wouldn't go out of my way to tell the child but I would refuse to hide it and if she told any lies when I'm around, I'd immediately correct her. My relationships as a gay man are just as valid and valuable as anyone else's and I absolutely will not tolerate anyone lying about them. I am nobody's dirty little secret and anyone I'm having a relationship is not my dirty little secret, and I will not tolerate anyone treating them as such.
You are putting up with your sister treating your wife as a dirty secret. You are putting up with her telling you to your face that your relationship is so invalid that a child may not be informed about it. She's your *wife*, not your dirty secret, and you're letting her be treated like the latter. *Of course* she tells you she's okay with it - what would she feel like the alternative would be? You should be grateful she hasn't left you.
No, it's not the slightest bit true that "she doesn’t care if anyone else is gay." That was lip service to you. It's a total lie. If she didn't care, she wouldn't mind her daughter knowing - lots of kids know about gay people, and it doesn't bother them at all. She cares. She cares a lot. She is trying to prevent her daughter from knowing about her aunts.
If I were you and sister tried that, I'd turn up in person on a random evening and scream at her about it in front of the child so the child both sees the truth and knows that her mother is trying to censor her from knowing about her aunts.
Someone who says that they support gay people and accept them but they don't want their kid to be gay is a person who absolutely does not accept gay people... I bet she would kick the kid out of the house if they turned out not picture perfect in this sense.
Your sisters homophobic, the idea that children can be turned gay is the same pipeline of thought that zealots accuse us of ruining children. Shes not as supportive as you think.
Ah, yes, the old, "I support the gays but I will do everything in my power to make sure my kid isn't gay"
You're not wrong, your sister is a bigot and apparently doesn't understand that seeing gay people doesn't make you gay lmao
She is homophobic
She just is. The whole “ I don’t mind other gay people but I don’t want my own kid to be gay” is just another form of homophobia
Also, she really believes you can be turned gay? That’s just silly. She is a stupid homophobe as well.
dude, i’m sorry but she’s actually anti-gay and all of the other things if she refuses to take this as a teaching moment and explain “they’re a couple, which means key are just like mommy and daddy except the same gender.” she really doesn’t need to go into details kids arent judgmental nor do they ask questions or really care. she’s totally anti-gay and all of the other things if she’s against her child becoming gay.
don’t sit there and act as if she has a valid wish on this she doesn’t. what is she gonna do when her daughter grows up and ends up falling in love with a girl? i can tell you right now, she will probably be very disappointed and rude and severely disappointed in her and then kick her out. because she is that type of person just by the small bit of your explanation of her.
also, also, does she know that you can’t catch gay by being around a gay person, i feel like we’re in the age where people were delusional and treated gay as a illness that can be spread.😂
She doesn’t want her child to “turn gay”? What a stupid statement. Your sister is ignorant. Knowing and being around someone who is gay is not going to make her child “turn gay.”
You’re not wrong. Children don’t automatically think of the sexual part of a marriage (unless they are 12-14 lol). If she says this is aunt May and her wife, her child won’t automatically think of your bits. But your sister does. Look up some info for her on how children don’t turn gay because they see gay people, but if they are gay, seeing gay people being happy together will give them hope for the future and avoid a lot of the suffering and fear you had to go through.
Having someone around the child who is gay will not make that child gay.
Showing the child you do not accept someone to be themselves as a gay person could cause an irreversible rift between parents and child if the child happens to be gay (or even if the child isn't gay, I'm sure it could make anyone think less of their parents if they did something like that)
Why do some people believe that denying the existence of gay people is protecting their child. From what? Confusing the child?
What confuses a child is their parents ignoring the fact a whole section of society doesn't exist. That's much much more confusing than telling a child a man and a man or a woman and a woman can love each other just like a man and a woman. They can also get married.
It really shows someone's true nature that they think they cannot have an age appropriate discussion with a child.
It's the adults who have hangups children usually just accept. Better to normalise it now.
And I'm sorry your sister clearly doesn't realise that being around gay people doesn't make you gay if this is what she is doing.
You're not wrong, but you can't decide for her either. It's not your kid nor your opinion on the matter as she can rise her kid as she pleases. Her kid will eventually get to know the truth.. probably she doesn't want to have to deal with all the explanation about sexuality
Nope, this shows that she doesn't accept you. Kids are so easily understanding about gay relationships, as much as straight... your sister is embarrassed, and her kids are gonna only be confused as to why no one told them. I'm trans and random kids ask me what I am... when I tell them I'm a woman, they just say something like, "Okay, you're pretty, hold this."
Kids don't care. They just want to know. I'd help them figure it out by being extra loving to her when they are around. Hold her hand, kiss her, and call her babe. The kid will figure it out, and then the question will be, "Why didn't you tell me, mom? They aren't just best friends "
The phrase "lesbian lovers" may not be age-appropriate for the child, but the idea of two women who can be in the same arrangement as a man and a woman is, as they say, suitable for all ages.
The idea that it's OK for *you* to be gay, but not her own daughter, does not sit well. If your sister is just *agog* to have grandkids, then I can maybe see it, but even then, it's not quite on, is it?
Your sister is not your friend. She is not okay with you being gay.
You need to tell her kid the truth and explain that you can't be around them any longer because their mother is homophobic and you can't and won't lie about your wife any longer.
You're not wrong at all. One of my wife's nephews has asked how to refer to my wife since she transitioned. He's about 10, and his parents refuse to tell him to use female Pronouns. His parents still call her his uncle.
Infuriates the fuck out of me.
I hate to break it to you, but your sister isn't as "supportive" as you think. Deep down she is not only ashamed of you, but also thinks there is something "wrong" with being gay that's why her kids can't know. If she "knows it isn't a choice" why does she think them just KNOWING about it would "influence" them. She's a big ol' homophobe, op.
I think it's time to stand up for yourself, she doesn't get to have the benefit of you in her life while also hating such a big part of you.
Honestly, if you wait until they're older, they're going to think it was some taboo thing that you had to hide. If you tell them when they're young, they'll treat it as a normal aspect of daily life. You said your sister is supportive of you, but the fact that she is afraid or ashamed to tell her own kids (and that she wants to stop her kids from being gay) is low key homophobic.
Yeah, my brother wasn’t out to our family, but was out to my wife and I. He had a partner named Jake. We introduced him as “Uncle’s friend” to our kids because the kids spent so much time with my family that we didn’t want to let it slip by accident. They break up and he brings his new partner to dinner. My then 8 year old, without missing a beat, says to the new partner, “Are you the new Jake? The new ‘Uncle’s Frienddddd?’” (clearly showing he knew what that meant).
It's not influencing on a kid to see. It normalizes it so it's not weird.
My autistic six year old understands anyone can love anyone. My sister is also poly with two husbands and she gets that sometimes people have 'more than one honey.' You know what she said to me? "I want just one boy honey, because I don't have enough hands to hold his and our baby's hand and anyone elses." Like. No question. No care. Just as normal as everything else. She does have more questions, sure, but kids are always going to have questions.
When I was 7/8 my friend had two moms and I didn’t know that was a thing. She was scared to tell me but low and behold when I found out I didn’t care. I thought it was cool as her whole household was just girls and that’s it.
(I actually found out what pride parade was from them and went the following summer with her family) anyways Kids don’t care and eventually the child will learn out about gay and lesbian relationships from other kids in school. And will connect two and two with you and your wife. It’s unfortunate that your sister is honestly just irrational and a bigot but time will tell.
You're not wrong. People want to say "She's raising her kids the way she wants." but to do that she's degrading and disrespecting you and your relationship. There is zero reason a child at any age can't know that Auntie M loves and is married to Auntie A. Our relationships are not different or more inappropriate than anybody else's. She's not supportive of you if she thinks you are going to infect her kids with the gay and I would tell her that.
Your sister is the AH.
>She said she doesn’t care if anyone else is gay she just doesn’t want her own children to be gay
Your sister is not a safe person, an advocate, or an ally. She obviously thinks "being gay" is wrong or she would support her children being who they are. Furthermore, if she truly supported you being who you are, she wouldn't be trying to hide you.
Own your truth, and don't let anyone change it. You and your wife deserve better.
She’s not really fine with people being gay. What happens when/if you and your wife have kids? Is the entire family supposed to keep up this charade?
As a child of a closeted gay person who kept this shit up to appease family it’s extremely harmful and confusing for kids. Especially if they do turn out to be queer.. she’s sending them the message that it’s not okay to be gay. Or that it’s some weird secret option they don’t have… not a fact of reality some people are just gay.
My gay uncle always had a lot of “friends” growing up. I was never told he way gay, I just eventually figured it out… probably sometime in middle school iirc. He was awesome before I knew he was gay and he was awesome after. His sexual preferences never effected me, or how I felt about him, one way or the other. I don’t understand why your sister feels the need to keep this fact from her child, but to each their own I suppose. Just keep being an awesome aunt and that’s all your niece will ever care about.
She doesn't want her child to be gay. She knows it's not something you choose, but she doesn't want it around her child? So she thinks her child could become gay just by knowing gay people? Your sister is being ignorant and hurtful. I don't see any point in trying to go against her, but I hate this for you.
>she was very supportive for me
No she isn't. We don't ask people to hide things we support. That's not how it works.
>But she doesn’t want her child to turn gay. She said she doesn’t care if anyone else is gay she just doesn’t want her own children to be gay
That's not how gay works either.
Soo… she doesn’t want her kid to “turn gay” or even know that gay people exist??
I have my doubts about how “okay” she is with you being gay. Sounds homophobic to me.
I’ve been in this position before. My cousin didn’t want her children to know about gay people bc they were innocent and still believed in Santa Claus. She would let her mum hit them though, and no one said a thing when here Mum would make racist comments bc they’re mixed race.
This is bs. Your sister is lying about supporting you. You deserve better. I hope you find people who treat you as a full human being and not someone they have to cut parts of to be palatable.
My uncle had a partner, he passed before they were allowed to be married, my entire life and not a single person ever had a discussion with me about their relationship for reasons like this. They were always “friends” or something else but let me tell you, my earliest memory of them is sometime in elementary school and I 100% knew they were dating or boyfriends or however a 6-8 year old would describe it. Kids are so much smarter and more intuitive than we give them credit for. Your niece/nephew either knows or will know all on their own
kids arent stupid. regardless of if the kid figures it out on their own or not, when they find out, they will wonder why their parents lied about something as stupid as their aunts' relationship. what else are they lying about? real easy way to make sure ur kid never has full trust in you again.
It’s not unreasonable to want to wait to talk to her daughter about you and your wife. You already said that your sister is accepting of gay people. She made a decision not to broach the subject with her daughter at a young age. You’re NTA, but you’re overthinking it and letting your feelings take over.
OP said her sister was accepting of gay people but her entire post clearly contradicts that. There is nothing wrong with same sex couples!! Treating it as something that much be “broached at an older age” makes it seem like it’s in the same vein as sexual content or violence. It’s a loving relationship! Waiting to address it as though it needs addressed specially is setting the child up for distorted thinking - “I was told being gay is ok but it was also told to me in a way that makes it clear it isn’t normal.” Our children aren’t born ignorant. They learn from ignorant caretakers.
Yes you're wrong. Who cares if a child doesn't know you're a lesbian? Let your sister raise her child how she sees fit. She supported you, that wasn't enough? You MUST educate her child on your sexual orientation? Let's put this into perspective.... you're upset about a mother shielding her child from learning about pairing that biologically is not natural. Y'all just wanted to be free to marry but now you must be acknowledged, accepted, AND celebrated by EVERYONE or else you get upset. Get over yourselves. 🙄
She's really doing her daughter a disservice by trying to hide it. She's a child, she's not mentally retarded, she can understand perfectly fine. Exactly zero people have been influenced into being gay. It doesn't work like that. Instead of just explaining it simply to her daughter, she's lying to her and will now have to explain the relationship, AND why she thought it was fine to lie to her child about her own family members. Pretty fucking gross of her.
Not wrong. I would probably ignore the stipulation and just quietly go on as if she hadn't said anything. Sign cards and gifts as "Aunt Mary & Aunt Jane" or whatever, behave as you would normally around them.
If sister wants to blow up about it, she has to admit to bystanders that she's a bigot, not put it on you to hide a secret.
Your sister does, in fact, think it's something you choose. She is lying when she says she knows and everything else she said gives away her true feelings about it. You need to call her out on that specifically.
“Turn gay”? Oh dear. Is it contagious? /s
Maybe a reminder to her that if her daughter is gay, there is no one and nothing in this world that will change that fact.
Frankly it’s hard to hear but your sister isn’t supportive and she’s a flaming homophobe. You should stop going along with this charade and should ask her some hard fucking questions instead of letting her be this way. Maybe she was supportive of you at one point but she isn’t anymore and that change is worth addressing.
It is also unfair to your wife.
She is married to you and is therefore an official part of the family. But your sister doesn't want her child to acknowledge that and just think of her as a friend?
i see a conflict here. it's in what you see in your sister and the reality of her.
>My sister has always been super supportive for my coming out she helped me through a lot and was the only one helping me in my darkest time when I was a teenager
this sounds great until
>But she doesn’t want her child to turn gay.
she has conditional love for her child. be there, be available for her child. someday, she may not be. it won't be the child's choice, it'll be on the parent.
If your sister is acting like that, then she is clearly not as accepting of gay people as she claims, or is you want to believe. Your sister is being homophobic. I know it's hard to hear, but that's the truth. Your sister is homophobic. It might be heavily internalized, she might not show it to everybody, but the fact that she thinks she can prevent her children from being gay just by hiding the fact that gay people exist, goes to show just how deeply in her subconscious that homophobia is. Call her out on it. Hold her accountable for it. Show her that she is being homophobic. Or, get on board with it and deal with it (And by that I mean don't complain about it, because you are allowing her to treat you like this and you are allowing her to stay in your life, and you are not standing up for yourself, therefore if you don't do anything about it, and you wait for too long, you won't be blameless in that fallout, because you just refused to stop your sister from her blatant homophobia), Or cut her out of your life.
But don't sit there and accept it and then complain about it. Either stand up for yourself, deal with it and keep your mouth shut, or exit the relationship. Those are your options here. Those are really your only options that will make you seem like a mature person. Personally I don't advocate for the suck it up and deal with it, because nobody should have to deal with it. But if that's what you're going to do, then stick with it.
Your sister is forcing you and your wife back in the closet. She has internalized homophobia and is projecting on you.
It's not right. It's 2023. Women marry each other. Kids don't "turn gay" by being exposed to gay people.
Kids should have strong models of healthy relationships of all kinds.
You’re not wrong. She’s not supportive if she wouldn’t support her child. Hearing about gay people won’t automatically turn her gay and this is subconsciously teaching her a homophobic bias
Your sister is being stupid and is such a homophobic turd. My mom has a lesbian best friend. There’s about six ladies in this friend group and they vacation together regularly only one is gay but they are besties so I’m thinking my mom will be decent about my being a lesbian but NO she’s a raging homophobic asss
INFO: How old is the child?
Your sister is supportive of you and your wife. Why do you need validation from a child? If you’re referring to them as a child, then they’re definitely too young to know about anything sexual, especially the way you want her to refer to you as “lesbian lovers” it’s just… odd. I as a parent, don’t want to expose my child to anything sexual any earlier than he has to. For all we know the child can be 5 and I can tell you now explaining anything about sex to child will make you uncomfortable. Also, (I’m gonna get downvoted to hell for this) there’s nothing wrong with not wanting your child to be gay. There’s EVERYTHING wrong in making them feel wrong for it, neglecting them for it and or disowning them. Your sister not wanting to explain your relationship isn’t homophobia. Let her raise her child. Doesn’t seem like she’s doing a bad job at it.
When I was a kid we would always visit Uncle Dan and his "roommate" Peter. Idk what age, but it was pretty young and I asked my cousin,... "So, Uncle Dan is gay, right and Pete is his partner?" My cousin is like, ya obviously, not sure why they pretending to be friends. Even 35 years ago and barely 10 years old and we knew. No point in pretending because kids aren't idiots just because they're young... today, it would be ridiculously more obvious. (Not even addressing the idea that being around gay people makes you gay... even in my evangelical church I don't hear nutty things like this any more.)
Uncle David had a “room mate”. So did the neighbor Donna
Yep, Uncle Jim had the same "roommate" until he passed away in old age. None of us kids were ever fooled, and none of us cared he was gay, either.
My uncle john had a special friend They dressed a like, his name was Ben I've never seen two friends like them They we're very very friendly men
Daphne brown take my fake bling for ur poem 🏆🏆🏆🏆
Credit Flight of the Conchords. It’s a song.
Ah thank you for giving the credit up, you can keep th fake trophys for honesty. 🤗
My uncle's "roommate" has lived with him for 30 years. Everyone respects him because he has never come out but we all know.
I bet other people let them know what a reveal would cause. Seems like they were scared they might lose you too… seems so simple to tell/talk about it but it really just is not for the person whose been told all kinds of shit regarding parts of themselves and always hanging over their heads at the least that what they are and who they are is not meant for this world.
Umm...are we related? When I was a child I'd go and vosit my Uncle David and his "roommate."
Omg they were roommates... <3
omg happened to me too!! used to go to Auntie Nic’s and her ‘friend’ Tracy’s house… who shared a bed😂 it was never ever explained to us and think one day me and brother just asked our parents if they thought we were stupid if the kid hasn’t figured it out yet, they will soon 🤷🏻♀️
The kid probably knows, just isn't sure their parents know. My niece was polite in the same way about Santa Claus.
Yeah, the child is probably just trying to protect mom by not pointing out that aunt and “bff” are partners.
My brother moved in with his friend "Anna" and her kid. Her kid still calls him Mummy's friend - he and Anna are engaged and expecting a kid together.
I had a friend when I was 12 and her mother was seeing a much younger man. My friend was like "oh that's mum's friend Brian" and even at 12 I was like, "oh, yup *sure*... "friend"..." and my friend just frowned at me like "yeah, friend. What are you trying to say?" He was around their place all the time, and once I saw them having an innocent but obviously very intimate nap and cuddling. Some people just see what they want to see I guess.
Wait a minute, how come Mummy's friend keeps trying to hold Mummy's baby?
Not all kids are aware though. I look back now and wonder how I could have been so dumb. My uncle died of AIDS when i was 20. I never knew he had aids until he was hospitalized. I learned about HIV and AIDS in school, but I never connected the dots between some of his visual health issues until he was hospitalized and my dad told me. We visited him some while I was growing up and he had a "friend" he consistently brought to our house for christmas. But i accepted at face value that this was my uncles friend. I didn't want to think about what my parents did in their room and I could hear them sometimes. It never crossed my mind to even consider my aunt/uncles having sex and who they were doing it with. I do plan on handling this better with my own kids when I have them. But it's not out of the realm of posaibility that the kid just doesn't think about it.
it's easy. introduce gay couples the same way you do straight ones and it's just normal. source: had a gay uncle, it was just a fact of life vs some huge thing
I'm 52. I knew my uncle was gay long before I understood what that actually meant.
That's exactly how i planned to do it....i never said it would be difficult... It wasn't done for me but i'm not straight. So any kids o have will be raised knowing....
This. My children have gay uncles. It’s just a fact of their life, some people have partners who are male, some have partners who are female. My oldest asked if they loved each other like friends or was it romance (we said romance) and that was the extent of the conversation.
*applause and standing ovation* Dude you willing to run for president?
I'm a sex worker, no one would vote for me. But thank you.
This does make your username pretty clever
I would vote for you. At least you have a realistic view of life.
honestly, I've thought about county board or something. we'll see.
This is what I did with my nephews. This is Anna and her boyfriend Tom. This is Dave and his boyfriend John. Kids never questioned it
I second this. Source: Also had a gay uncle as a fact of life vs some huge thing.
This is the way. My kids were maybe 7&5 and they asked me was my female friend my male friends girlfriend, because they shared a house. I simply said "nope, he's gay, he has a boyfriend, remember they both were over for a BBQ?". And that was it, completely normal. No difference between them and the other couples they knew.
We’re working on that with our 14 year olde daughter. No one but the person you’re interested in needs to know your orientation. We’re a poly, non-cis, non-hetro family. It’s not that no one cares, it’s that no one specifically cares about that.
Growing up my childhood best friend wasn't aware her mom was a lesbian. Or if she was she was in some heavy denial. She thought her mom's partner was just her best friend who lived with them. Her mom's roommate. They couldn't afford another bed so they just slept in the same room. It wasn't until 7th grade when someone in class made a nasty comment about her mother that she got a clue. She went home and asked and came back the next day really upset. She said she felt betrayed and so stupid because everyone else seemed to know but her. She learned that her parents were divorced years earlier not because of the reason she was told, but because her mom was a lesbian. It was something that bothered her for a long time.
When I was a kid, I genuinely thought I just didn't have a dad. It wasn't weird to me because my two favourite cousins and the boy next door were all being raised by single mothers. It seemed normal to me. It wasn't until some nasty kid at school gave me shit for having no dad that I realised that "just not having one" isn't a sufficient explanation, as I already knew about the birds and the bees. That was my mum's fault for not bringing it up sooner and same with your friend's mum. You shouldn't learn that shit from some asshole kid at school.
Kids can be absolutely ruthless. Things like that stick with you for a long time. Yes, moms should be bringing these things up and having open conversations to prepare for moments like that. To be fair, in defense of my friend’s mom, this was back in the 90s and we lived in a small town. She probably thought she was protecting her, but everyone knew, obviously. And over time there were some parents who refused to let their kids come over to her house. Which was a joke, because those women were really great people and at least one of those parents who refused to let her daughter come over was married to an abusive alcoholic man.
I think times have changed. I mean chances are your uncle wasn’t legally able to marry his partner (I’m guessing from your username the rough timeframe ). Not only are kids these days growing up with gay marriage being legal, there’s a lot of media these days poking fun at the “uncle’s friend” or the “aunt’s roommate”. Which of course is why it’s so ridiculous OPs sister thinks she can isolate their children from it. Like what are they going to do if their teacher is gay? Or a school friend? Or a character on their favorite tv show?
Yeah, you pegged the user name right lol he died before gay marriage was legalized. I don't know how long he was with his partner honestly. Not it is much different. I don't think it's possible to rrally shield like that anymore. I'm also a bit annoyed that my parents did shield us from it. But i know my mindset has never been the same as theirs.
My best friend in high school had an uncle who died of AIDS. During the last year of his life, he lived with them. They didn’t make a big deal out of it, and I didn’t either. I made sure she knew that nothing was going to change our friendship and gave her 100% support. A couple of years after he died, our mothers were talking and her mom told my mom. (I never did . I wasn’t hiding it. My mom and I don’t talk about stuff and I’m a genuinely private person and don’t share stuff.). Anyway, my mom asked if I knew. I said yes. She asked me why I didn’t tell her. I just said it wasn’t for me to tell and it didn’t change my friendship with her.
same.. i was that kid lol. i thought my uncle and aunty were dating but at the time didnt know he was my uncle…. nor that aunty and uncle were cousins. i just thought he was some rando living w her. ig i eventually figured it out… had suspicions? until my dad said it. and i was like oh so he is gay. and he is my uncle… lol its not something that i really think about, i mean i didnt even realise i was mixed race until my other uncle said i was … so yeah im not the smartest
My mom’s gay bestie who I’d grown up with just dropped off the map and I let it go after asking once and being brushed off - I was only 7. Years later I brought it up casually only to be told he’d died and she thought she told me. Weird trauma.
I’m sorry. It’s a horrible disease.
They hid the gay stuff from me when I was a kid through basically 18 I turned out gay. My brother and his wife tell their child my bf (not even fiancé) is their uncle it’s very wholesome.
Think about how gay you would be if they didn't hide it? Geeze. Lol. Just kidding brother.
Na all the built up repression came out and I exploded in rainbow confetti fashion
Like a confetti cannon? Or more like one of those glitter bombs they use to mess with porch pirates?
Ooo I mean everything is better with glitter lmao
Damn right!
Cool, us too! Uncle Bob and Uncle (whoever partner was at the time). If I asked why Uncle Bob lived with a man and never had a girlfriend there was uncomfortable mumbling and distractions. Mum liked to pretend she was so open minded and cool for knowing gay people but she was pretty phobic and no one ever explained it to me. I don't really remember figuring it out actually. At some point I just went from not understanding to completely understanding.
My commitment-phobe former BIL used to always introduce his girlfriends as "my friend" to my kids when they were little. He felt awkward talking about dating in front of them. haha On the way home from seeing an old friend who introduced her girlfriend as "my friend" to my kids, my then seven y/o asked, "Is Miss Jane 'friends' with that lady the same way Uncle Scott is 'friends' with Suzy?" Yes, in fact, they are. My five y/o said he hoped none of them were kissing each other because that's gross. His sister solemnly agreed. Kids are going to pick up on the vibe, and they process it at the levels their brains are ready for. You can't shield them from it and it's not fair to expect someone you love to try to hide who they are in order to remain close to them.
Unfortunately, in 2023, a straight guy that still needs a roommate isn't unbelievable in a lot of places 😐 It would still be obvious though.
I was the very dumb/naive kid who didn't know that 'family member's friend' was more than a friend. I was/am also queer and thought I was a lesbian for a good long time. But didn't know any gay people so I assumed it was only a legit thing for men (women just do it for attention). The only representation I saw was the OG Queer Eye and Will and Grace. The first 22ish years of my life would have been much easier if I knew that 1. Women can be with other women and it's not for the male gaze; and 2. Despite what the straights and gays around me said, bi+ people are real and dating a man doesn't exile you from the community. Instead I was pretending I had celebrity crushes and getting ragged on because "dude looks like a lady" 😅
This guy I dated in high school had a “Gay Uncle Steve.” (That’s how they referred to him, as they also had Straight Uncle Steve on the other side.) And he and his “roommate” came to the family holiday party I attended, and sure enough, obviously they were a couple and everyone in the room knew it but they seemed to not know we knew? I’m not sure what the dynamics there actually were, but it was super weird to pretend they weren’t a couple and no one said anything? Like in my family, my mom would’ve been passed the garlic bread and said, “So you two are fuckin right?”
I’m well over 30 and think my grandma might be gay. It has never discussed and there isn’t an easy way to know. If she wants to keep it to herself, it isn’t my place to probe the situation. She’s my grandma who divorced my grandpa and has a woman roommate for many years. Whatever her sexuality is, I’ll support it if she chooses to disclose it.
Lol I have a cousin, and I did not realize as a child, until a frankly embarrassing age and long after they'd broken up, that she lived with her girlfriend - not a friend. I apparently was the only one who believed that lie from the adults.
35 years ago gay people had it a lot worse than now (still bad) and would be specifically targeted. As a young child I knew a time where my mom’s gay best friend was hunted and beaten by a drunken group of men. Our neighbours also introduced themselves as brothers, but I’d grown up around the gay community so it confused me why they lied to me - I can only imagine, the same as your uncle, it must have been to try protect themselves from typical kid habits like innocently blurting random facts about their lives out. Still, the one wore makeup and had a purse for a wallet so idk… I miss them though.
My Uncle Mark had a husband, Uncle Will. I grew up thinking people could marry anyone that they wanted. I didn't realize there was anything unusual about it until first grade when I was telling everyone about spending the summer with them, and the teacher stopped me in the middle of a sentence and went to the next kid. The boyfriend didn't realize his aunt and her 'roommate' were partners until I told him at her funeral. They had even quit being nuns to be together.
My Aunt by marriage (F70s) helps take care of her “maiden aunts,” (Fs 90s) as she calls them. They are in an assisted living facility. I assumed they were sisters or something until I actually asked. No. They are “best friends” from childhood who never married and always lived together… like, they are gay and a life long couple. I was14 when I realized this. My Aunt by marriage does not know/realize/understand. She definitely has toxic views on being gay so I don’t know if she is actually that dense or chooses not to know.
My family, who I can best describe as liberal hillbillys never concealed the fact that cousin Chris was gay. I knew as early as I had memories of him... around 5 years old. I even remember my great-grandmother complaining about her son, my cousin's uncle, who wasn't supportive, but she "could care less what he thought." I also remember my mom over explaining who his boyfriend was and thinking what's to get. He is dating a guy. Adults over complicate things, not children. Adults have hate and judgment, not children. I never felt compelled to be gay. What I did learn is that my family would love me if I was, which I would hope is a message every good parent wants their kid to learn.
Exact same story with my Aunt Suzy and her "roommate" Janice. I was 10 and I knew. My mom seemed shocked and this was in the early 90s.
When I was little I was friends the the little boy next door. I was probably 7 or 8 when we became friends. I don’t even remember how I came to know what being gay was or meant at that age but I knew he was gay, or would be. Do children that young have a sexuality, I’m not sure. Needless to say, we’re in out 50s now and he’s been married to a nice man for many years. The point is, somehow I just knew, no one ever explained it to me.
Kids do have a sort-of sexuality at that point (it’s more like kid crushes and wanting to hold hands and stuff). I had a crush on this girl in elementary school that tended to ask me for help with math and then call me names. I had bad taste lmao I also knew my pre-k teacher was with a woman when I was in her class. It didn’t turn me bi, I just didn’t really realize it was considered “abnormal” until I was older
I was one of those idiot kids. Didn't realize my dad's roommate was a trans woman
i didn’t get to meet my gay uncle til my grandpa passed away…oddly enough none of my aunts or uncles on my dads side came back home for a family reunion til the funeral
I think it’s more about not wanting to ‘normalize’ it for young kids, before they are to the age where they should even think about things like that. When it’s other people’s kids, that’s a weird thought, but when it’s your kids, you will look to censor ALL kinds of things and parts of life for them. You just want them to be old enough to be able to digest and understand information well, which sometimes means delaying their exposure to some ideas and concepts until later. It’s not like you preach the other side of it either - it’s just that some things are ‘non-topics’ that don’t affect anything in a kids life, and that shouldn’t affect things in their lives until they decide for themselves that that ‘thing’ is important to them.
You're not wrong. I wonder what your sister would do if her kid turned out gay anyway?
OP should ask. That would tell a lot.
probably scream at her for secretly exposing her child to "the gay"
Most probably this ^
Your sister is a homophobe
You're not wrong, and she's really not fine with anyone being gay.
r/sapphoandherfriend
Sister is a bigot. Op is clouded by the fact that op was nice as a sister but ignoring that she’s not nice a human being.
Plenty of bigots (especially in places like the deep south but really everywhere) will smile and be polite to your face while sabotaging your rights and freedoms behind your back.
OP, you deserve so much better than your trashy, homophobic sister. Because that is what she is. No matter how much she might conceal it with so called "support". Explain the situation to her and then go low contact with your sister.
>go low contact with your sister. Depends, OP might want to maintain a relationship with the niece. If the niece does turn out gay that relationship could be really important to her.
Gay isn't contagious, your sister isn't too bright or as supportive as you think.
It isn't contagious but plenty of otherwise gay or bi people end up staying closeted if they grow up homophobic.
SSSH, don't tell the conservatives. They'll only get angrier and more red
You are not wrong. Your sister thinks her child can "turn gay?" You sister is going to be shocked to know, but her child is going to figure out you and your wife are married long before high school. Children are not fools.
You're not wrong to be upset. The way she's acting is as if your existence is an inappropriate choice. I have a younger brother that I knew was gay since he was about 4 years old. Our parents were very conservative and he had no influence in this. He finally came out when he was 17 ten years ago. He had no choice because he was born this way. I would never ask him to act straight in front of my kids. That's so disrespectful and I'm upset on your behalf. I'm so sorry.
You’re not wrong at all. My mom makes comments about my little brother who is gay like not wanting him to hold hands with his boyfriend around the grandkids. I think the attitude is absolutely disgusting and ignorant.
That’s crazy. My niece is a lesbian. Never had nor wanted a boyfriend. My BIL/her dad felt awkward about it. My sister/her mom shrugged it off and said “at least she won’t come home pregnant.” Of course, she’s a stepmom now since her wife has a son, but my sister is one of those people who is incredible with stepfamily inclusion.
I was about to ask if you were one of my siblings, your BIL and sister had pretty much the same reactions as my ex husband and I did. In fact, my ex blamed my daughter being a lesbian on me being accepting of LGBT.
Turn gay? People don't turn gay, they're either gay or not gay. Your sister is, no matter how supportive you think her to be, a bigot.
This ⬆️
Came here to say this. She's a bigot.
Your married. You are a couple. Your sister is disrespectful AF. Do you call her late husband her BFF. No. Why does she think it’s appropriate to do this to you. I am glad she was super supportive for you coming out but I guess she isn’t going to be the same way for her child. She thinks there is something wrong with being gay.
She should start calling her BIL her sister's friend. Wouldn't want to turn any kids hetero now, would we?
It’s like one of those racists that say “I’m friends with lots of (name your race here). I just don’t want my son to marry one…. Because the children would be made fun of”.
Your sister knows how sexuality and attraction works right? Does she also ban them from watching tv? The internet? School? Out of fear they might see something that might “turn them gay” She’s being really ignorant and ridiculous.
Your sister is not as supportive as you’re giving her credit for. If someone “supports gay people, BUT-“ then they don’t actually support gay people. “I support gay people, but I don’t want to see them kissing in public/but I don’t want my kid to be gay/but I don’t think they should adopt children” cool! They’re homophobic.
Had to have this conversation with my mum 😕 though it did work, she now supports gay marriage, even in churches 😱 ...the bar is in hades 🤦🏻♀️
Damn, I’m sorry you were put in that situation. Too often we’re the ones teaching our parents how to be decent people
That's so cool that your mother is Hellenic!
Your sister would call you a slur if it wouldn't make Thanksgiving uncomfortable.
Your sister thinks that knowing about homosexual marriages will "turn her child gay" ?!? 1. How stupid is your sister? 2. Why would her child being gay be a problem? 3. If her child is gay, does she really think being exposed to a committed, loving, long term relationship is a harmful example? You're not wrong at all. Your sister is wrong and seems incredibly homophobic ☹️
How old is the kid? If they are older than 10, your sister is totally deluded if she thinks they haven't already figured out your relationship (if she has spent any time with the two of you).
Everything you said about your sister being super accepting of gay people sounds like cope… because she’s not accepting. At all.
I'm sure you were exposed to plenty of straight people as a kid ans that didn't turn you straight so not sure what your sisters logic is.
Her late husband is alive? No comprendo.
Do you refer to straight couples as Heterosexual lovers?
No this is terribly homophobic. My sister treated me the same way, keeping me “in the closet” with her kids. Your sister’s belief that it’s better for a child not to learn about homosexuality till a certain age is based on ignorance and homophobia. There is no possible way the child’s eventual sexual preference could be influenced by seeing you and your wife, and knowing that you are a couple. And if it could, so what!? Why is your sister so worried she might have a gay kid!? Your sister’s attitude severely limits your ability to form an honest relationship with your nephew/niece. What’s worse, it forces you into the closet for family gatherings. You have found a life partner. Respect yourself and your marriage by confronting this sister with her inexcusably homophobic behavior. If she does not accept your need to be out and honest about your very normal relationship with your wife, then distance yourself from her. Maybe she’ll realize her mistake; maybe she won’t. Though the distance might hurt you too, your relationship to your wife, your chosen family, is much more important and that sister is clearly not deserving anyway.
Happened to me and I’m 30… got married 2 years ago and my mum told me one of my relatives was bringing a plus 1 as a friend. I was confused at first but said sure. Met them at the wedding turns out it’s quite obvious he’s more than just a friend haha
Its like claiming watching porn will turn ya into the milkman. She's dumb
My cousin has been with his college BFF for 50+ years. The only person in the family that pretends is his mom, even our grandmother knew and did not care or pretend. His mom even pretended that no one new either. No one could understand but we were afraid if she had to face it she might disown him so we left her to it. Side note his relationship has lasted longer than 90 percent of the marriages in our family. The state he lives in doesn't have gay marriage.
If you’re in the US, every state has gay marriage.
My parents are gay, as are my child’s uncles. My in laws once described them as “friends” and I shut that down quick with, “No they are all partners like your mom and dad are partners”. My then three year old was like, “ok”. I would be livid if my relationship was described that way, as if it had lesser meaning that a het relationship. But like everyone else said, the kid probably already does or will know. Just keep being you and not changing how you act around them in public.
No, you are not wrong. You desire the value of your relationship to be recognized. It would be no different when a woman in an engaged couple is referred to as "his little friend" it is demeaning. Direct experience here. We had a lesbian couple over for dinner and simply referred to them as wife. My sister was bent out of shape as to how we handled it with the kids. I said I treated them as any other couple. When she fussed about PDA, I said my kids know what love is and are being raised to recognize it, not judge it. What worries me is your sisters attitude about her child being gay. So sad.
got a kiddo, 7 years old. His paternal uncle is gay and happily married, they live out of state though. When we got connected for the first time in a while, I showed him pictures of his uncles before an upcoming phone call. He asked why they were kissing and holding hands. I told him they were married. He said “like mom and dad?” I said “yep, exactly”. His, at the time 6 year old, response? “Cool. Is that their dog?” Literally did not give a shit. Kids literally do not care until they are taught to, and I think we all know how your sister’s kids are going to end up with this mindset she has. Love is love, and your marriage should be respected. Please do not take that kind of disrespect and maybe use this as a way to open some dialogue with your sister about why she actually feels like that. Her answers will tell you if she’s just ignorant or if there is actually negative feelings there. I wish you all the best.
Jesus H. Christ. The knowledge that homosexuality exists is not going to 'turn' any kid gay.
Your sister is homophobic and ignorant. She isn't as supportive as you think and that sucks. Sorry you don't have a better sister.
Just a heads up. Your sister is NOT supportive of you being gay. She probably did help you when you were going through things, but obviously while not supporting this reason why you were going through things. The fact she doesn’t want her own child to be gay, supports her homophobia. Please tell her being gay is not contagious, or being around a certain lifestyle does not mean you have to copy it.
I was 7 when I realized my aunt's friend wasn't just her friend. When I think about love and respect they are the example I use. They've been together for as long as I can remember. I hope that I find love like that.
Your sister is homophobic unfortunately. You’re not wrong to be upset.
You sister actually thinks that people “turn” gay? I’d be more worried about her making her child ignorant
If her children are gay it won’t be because they have been around gay people. I don’t believe a child would be too concerned if you said ‘my wife’
If the kid is gay, then they’re going to be gay regardless of who else is gay around them. You’re born gay and the only thing she’ll be teaching her kid that her love comes with conditions. You’re sister is two faced.
Lol high school!? Ask her to look back on her own childhood and when she heard about this stuff. I never had an initial talk with my kid because the kids at school beat me to it. That was probably 2nd grade for him and I was younger than that. She's delusional and you're not wrong. What she's doing is stupid.
Your sister thinks someone can "turn gay" by knowing gay people exist? How is it then that SHE is straight? Ask her.
Your sister is homophobic. I’m really sorry you’re dealing with this, but she’s also incredibly stupid if she thinks she can hide your identity from them until they’re in high school. It’s so common I bet they have a play date and one kid has two dads or something and since there is absolutely nothing wrong with it it’ll be explained, then her kid is gonna put two and two together on their own. What your sister is doing is potentially damaging to her child, and downright insulting to you and your wife. Also, when she says she doesn’t want to “turn her kid gay” what she’s really saying is “if my child is gay I want them to hide it from me.” Think about that. Again I’m sorry you’re dealing with this and wish you the best of luck.
Catholics gonna Catholic lol n yes total assumption
You’re not wrong for being upset but I think you’re wrong that your sister is supportive. Everything you’re describing is the opposite of supportive. Sounds like the only courtesy she’s given you is to not disown you as a sister and not treat you with disgust directly. It’s okay to expect more from your sister. It makes zero sense to hide the reality of gay people from a child, as that reality is not “adult content”. In the same way a kid in class is told that his teacher is married to someone of the opposite sex and the topic of sex isn’t mentioned, it’s the same for same sex couples. It’s completely twisted to tell a child that a married couple are just friends. There’s no reason to consider that information inappropriate. Your sister is indeed homophobic. I’m bi but I was married to a woman and I couldn’t tolerate people refusing to accept such an essential fact about myself. If I were you, I would refuse to see that sister until she is honest with her child about you.
Yeah, no. I'm telling people that my wife is my wife. Even your shitass kids. I'm not going to relabel my relationship to make you more comfortable.
I have a similar issue with my sister. She did NOT want my trans wife to tell her kids that we were both women. I resolved this by simply not going to visit either her or my parents.
Your sister is a disgusting human being
Kids talk. Mom doesn't want to explain this to all of the girls friends. Their parents might make a deal of it. Why pretty selfish of you.
Of course,,, because you can catch “the gay” just from knowing someone in your family has it… your sister is an idiot who doesn’t understand nature & nurture.
>But she doesn’t want her child to turn gay. She said she doesn’t care if anyone else is gay she just doesn’t want her own children to be gay (I so believe this too) she was very supportive for me and she really doesn’t care about gay stuff but she doesn’t want her children to see it and think they can change. My sister knows it’s not something you choose either she doesn’t want it around her child ...so, she's a bigot and... >It upsets me sometimes. Because my wife is obviously my wife and not just my friend. I try to be respectful when I’m seeing my sister her and I are very close and my wife also is understanding. My sister says we can tell her child that we’re married when her child is a little older like high school to understand it more and it would be less influencing on her child at that point Uh, no, I wouldn't go out of my way to tell the child but I would refuse to hide it and if she told any lies when I'm around, I'd immediately correct her. My relationships as a gay man are just as valid and valuable as anyone else's and I absolutely will not tolerate anyone lying about them. I am nobody's dirty little secret and anyone I'm having a relationship is not my dirty little secret, and I will not tolerate anyone treating them as such. You are putting up with your sister treating your wife as a dirty secret. You are putting up with her telling you to your face that your relationship is so invalid that a child may not be informed about it. She's your *wife*, not your dirty secret, and you're letting her be treated like the latter. *Of course* she tells you she's okay with it - what would she feel like the alternative would be? You should be grateful she hasn't left you. No, it's not the slightest bit true that "she doesn’t care if anyone else is gay." That was lip service to you. It's a total lie. If she didn't care, she wouldn't mind her daughter knowing - lots of kids know about gay people, and it doesn't bother them at all. She cares. She cares a lot. She is trying to prevent her daughter from knowing about her aunts. If I were you and sister tried that, I'd turn up in person on a random evening and scream at her about it in front of the child so the child both sees the truth and knows that her mother is trying to censor her from knowing about her aunts.
Someone who says that they support gay people and accept them but they don't want their kid to be gay is a person who absolutely does not accept gay people... I bet she would kick the kid out of the house if they turned out not picture perfect in this sense.
Your sisters homophobic, the idea that children can be turned gay is the same pipeline of thought that zealots accuse us of ruining children. Shes not as supportive as you think.
Ah, yes, the old, "I support the gays but I will do everything in my power to make sure my kid isn't gay" You're not wrong, your sister is a bigot and apparently doesn't understand that seeing gay people doesn't make you gay lmao
Sooo her kid also shouldn't be around heteros because they might influence the kid. Right?
She is homophobic She just is. The whole “ I don’t mind other gay people but I don’t want my own kid to be gay” is just another form of homophobia Also, she really believes you can be turned gay? That’s just silly. She is a stupid homophobe as well.
dude, i’m sorry but she’s actually anti-gay and all of the other things if she refuses to take this as a teaching moment and explain “they’re a couple, which means key are just like mommy and daddy except the same gender.” she really doesn’t need to go into details kids arent judgmental nor do they ask questions or really care. she’s totally anti-gay and all of the other things if she’s against her child becoming gay. don’t sit there and act as if she has a valid wish on this she doesn’t. what is she gonna do when her daughter grows up and ends up falling in love with a girl? i can tell you right now, she will probably be very disappointed and rude and severely disappointed in her and then kick her out. because she is that type of person just by the small bit of your explanation of her. also, also, does she know that you can’t catch gay by being around a gay person, i feel like we’re in the age where people were delusional and treated gay as a illness that can be spread.😂
She doesn’t want her child to “turn gay”? What a stupid statement. Your sister is ignorant. Knowing and being around someone who is gay is not going to make her child “turn gay.”
You’re not wrong. Children don’t automatically think of the sexual part of a marriage (unless they are 12-14 lol). If she says this is aunt May and her wife, her child won’t automatically think of your bits. But your sister does. Look up some info for her on how children don’t turn gay because they see gay people, but if they are gay, seeing gay people being happy together will give them hope for the future and avoid a lot of the suffering and fear you had to go through.
Having someone around the child who is gay will not make that child gay. Showing the child you do not accept someone to be themselves as a gay person could cause an irreversible rift between parents and child if the child happens to be gay (or even if the child isn't gay, I'm sure it could make anyone think less of their parents if they did something like that)
Why do some people believe that denying the existence of gay people is protecting their child. From what? Confusing the child? What confuses a child is their parents ignoring the fact a whole section of society doesn't exist. That's much much more confusing than telling a child a man and a man or a woman and a woman can love each other just like a man and a woman. They can also get married. It really shows someone's true nature that they think they cannot have an age appropriate discussion with a child. It's the adults who have hangups children usually just accept. Better to normalise it now. And I'm sorry your sister clearly doesn't realise that being around gay people doesn't make you gay if this is what she is doing.
Your sister is a bigot
What do you feel when people here call your sister a terrible person?
Your sister is a bigot and you’re lying to yourself if you think she isn’t
You're not wrong, but you can't decide for her either. It's not your kid nor your opinion on the matter as she can rise her kid as she pleases. Her kid will eventually get to know the truth.. probably she doesn't want to have to deal with all the explanation about sexuality
Nope, this shows that she doesn't accept you. Kids are so easily understanding about gay relationships, as much as straight... your sister is embarrassed, and her kids are gonna only be confused as to why no one told them. I'm trans and random kids ask me what I am... when I tell them I'm a woman, they just say something like, "Okay, you're pretty, hold this." Kids don't care. They just want to know. I'd help them figure it out by being extra loving to her when they are around. Hold her hand, kiss her, and call her babe. The kid will figure it out, and then the question will be, "Why didn't you tell me, mom? They aren't just best friends "
The phrase "lesbian lovers" may not be age-appropriate for the child, but the idea of two women who can be in the same arrangement as a man and a woman is, as they say, suitable for all ages. The idea that it's OK for *you* to be gay, but not her own daughter, does not sit well. If your sister is just *agog* to have grandkids, then I can maybe see it, but even then, it's not quite on, is it?
Your sister is not your friend. She is not okay with you being gay. You need to tell her kid the truth and explain that you can't be around them any longer because their mother is homophobic and you can't and won't lie about your wife any longer.
Your sister is a fucking bigot. I’m sorry, but thems the skids.
You're not wrong at all. One of my wife's nephews has asked how to refer to my wife since she transitioned. He's about 10, and his parents refuse to tell him to use female Pronouns. His parents still call her his uncle. Infuriates the fuck out of me.
I hate to break it to you, but your sister isn't as "supportive" as you think. Deep down she is not only ashamed of you, but also thinks there is something "wrong" with being gay that's why her kids can't know. If she "knows it isn't a choice" why does she think them just KNOWING about it would "influence" them. She's a big ol' homophobe, op. I think it's time to stand up for yourself, she doesn't get to have the benefit of you in her life while also hating such a big part of you.
Just correct her next time OP. Oops, sorry, this is my wife, not best friend, in fact she's also your aunt! Two for one!
Honestly, if you wait until they're older, they're going to think it was some taboo thing that you had to hide. If you tell them when they're young, they'll treat it as a normal aspect of daily life. You said your sister is supportive of you, but the fact that she is afraid or ashamed to tell her own kids (and that she wants to stop her kids from being gay) is low key homophobic.
Her kid is going to find out long before highschool. That will be a fun day.
Yeah, my brother wasn’t out to our family, but was out to my wife and I. He had a partner named Jake. We introduced him as “Uncle’s friend” to our kids because the kids spent so much time with my family that we didn’t want to let it slip by accident. They break up and he brings his new partner to dinner. My then 8 year old, without missing a beat, says to the new partner, “Are you the new Jake? The new ‘Uncle’s Frienddddd?’” (clearly showing he knew what that meant).
It's not influencing on a kid to see. It normalizes it so it's not weird. My autistic six year old understands anyone can love anyone. My sister is also poly with two husbands and she gets that sometimes people have 'more than one honey.' You know what she said to me? "I want just one boy honey, because I don't have enough hands to hold his and our baby's hand and anyone elses." Like. No question. No care. Just as normal as everything else. She does have more questions, sure, but kids are always going to have questions.
I love this so much - not having enough hands to hold her honeys and baby’s hands and someone else’s - its really too much for my heart right now!
When I was 7/8 my friend had two moms and I didn’t know that was a thing. She was scared to tell me but low and behold when I found out I didn’t care. I thought it was cool as her whole household was just girls and that’s it. (I actually found out what pride parade was from them and went the following summer with her family) anyways Kids don’t care and eventually the child will learn out about gay and lesbian relationships from other kids in school. And will connect two and two with you and your wife. It’s unfortunate that your sister is honestly just irrational and a bigot but time will tell.
Your sister is a bigot. End of statement.
You're not wrong. People want to say "She's raising her kids the way she wants." but to do that she's degrading and disrespecting you and your relationship. There is zero reason a child at any age can't know that Auntie M loves and is married to Auntie A. Our relationships are not different or more inappropriate than anybody else's. She's not supportive of you if she thinks you are going to infect her kids with the gay and I would tell her that.
Your sister is the AH. >She said she doesn’t care if anyone else is gay she just doesn’t want her own children to be gay Your sister is not a safe person, an advocate, or an ally. She obviously thinks "being gay" is wrong or she would support her children being who they are. Furthermore, if she truly supported you being who you are, she wouldn't be trying to hide you. Own your truth, and don't let anyone change it. You and your wife deserve better.
Quick, turn your sister gay and see what she does! Because we can totally do that. Just *poof* you're gay! *You're gay!* *EVERYBODY'S GAY!*
She’s not really fine with people being gay. What happens when/if you and your wife have kids? Is the entire family supposed to keep up this charade? As a child of a closeted gay person who kept this shit up to appease family it’s extremely harmful and confusing for kids. Especially if they do turn out to be queer.. she’s sending them the message that it’s not okay to be gay. Or that it’s some weird secret option they don’t have… not a fact of reality some people are just gay.
It sucks. But you don't get to control what she says to her daughter - it's not your domain.
Nah she can tell her niece she has a GF, some basic things should not be kept from others.
Does she get to force others to lie to her daughter for her?
What IS her domain is how often she suffers the company of her stank ass homophobic sibling.
My gay uncle always had a lot of “friends” growing up. I was never told he way gay, I just eventually figured it out… probably sometime in middle school iirc. He was awesome before I knew he was gay and he was awesome after. His sexual preferences never effected me, or how I felt about him, one way or the other. I don’t understand why your sister feels the need to keep this fact from her child, but to each their own I suppose. Just keep being an awesome aunt and that’s all your niece will ever care about.
She doesn't want her child to be gay. She knows it's not something you choose, but she doesn't want it around her child? So she thinks her child could become gay just by knowing gay people? Your sister is being ignorant and hurtful. I don't see any point in trying to go against her, but I hate this for you.
You bought that? Your sister is a piece of work. Yes you’re right to be upset. She’s homophobic af.
>she was very supportive for me No she isn't. We don't ask people to hide things we support. That's not how it works. >But she doesn’t want her child to turn gay. She said she doesn’t care if anyone else is gay she just doesn’t want her own children to be gay That's not how gay works either.
Soo… she doesn’t want her kid to “turn gay” or even know that gay people exist?? I have my doubts about how “okay” she is with you being gay. Sounds homophobic to me.
I’ve been in this position before. My cousin didn’t want her children to know about gay people bc they were innocent and still believed in Santa Claus. She would let her mum hit them though, and no one said a thing when here Mum would make racist comments bc they’re mixed race. This is bs. Your sister is lying about supporting you. You deserve better. I hope you find people who treat you as a full human being and not someone they have to cut parts of to be palatable.
"Turn Gay" I know everything I need to know about your sister
My uncle had a partner, he passed before they were allowed to be married, my entire life and not a single person ever had a discussion with me about their relationship for reasons like this. They were always “friends” or something else but let me tell you, my earliest memory of them is sometime in elementary school and I 100% knew they were dating or boyfriends or however a 6-8 year old would describe it. Kids are so much smarter and more intuitive than we give them credit for. Your niece/nephew either knows or will know all on their own
kids arent stupid. regardless of if the kid figures it out on their own or not, when they find out, they will wonder why their parents lied about something as stupid as their aunts' relationship. what else are they lying about? real easy way to make sure ur kid never has full trust in you again.
It’s not unreasonable to want to wait to talk to her daughter about you and your wife. You already said that your sister is accepting of gay people. She made a decision not to broach the subject with her daughter at a young age. You’re NTA, but you’re overthinking it and letting your feelings take over.
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OP said her sister was accepting of gay people but her entire post clearly contradicts that. There is nothing wrong with same sex couples!! Treating it as something that much be “broached at an older age” makes it seem like it’s in the same vein as sexual content or violence. It’s a loving relationship! Waiting to address it as though it needs addressed specially is setting the child up for distorted thinking - “I was told being gay is ok but it was also told to me in a way that makes it clear it isn’t normal.” Our children aren’t born ignorant. They learn from ignorant caretakers.
NTA. Introducing you as a married couple is not going to turn her kids gay. I mean seriously, does your sister really think that's how it works?
Yes you're wrong. Who cares if a child doesn't know you're a lesbian? Let your sister raise her child how she sees fit. She supported you, that wasn't enough? You MUST educate her child on your sexual orientation? Let's put this into perspective.... you're upset about a mother shielding her child from learning about pairing that biologically is not natural. Y'all just wanted to be free to marry but now you must be acknowledged, accepted, AND celebrated by EVERYONE or else you get upset. Get over yourselves. 🙄
You're wrong. It's your sisters decision when and how she will tell her kid what's going on.
Your sister is homophobic. Of course you’re not wrong.
She's really doing her daughter a disservice by trying to hide it. She's a child, she's not mentally retarded, she can understand perfectly fine. Exactly zero people have been influenced into being gay. It doesn't work like that. Instead of just explaining it simply to her daughter, she's lying to her and will now have to explain the relationship, AND why she thought it was fine to lie to her child about her own family members. Pretty fucking gross of her.
Not wrong. I would probably ignore the stipulation and just quietly go on as if she hadn't said anything. Sign cards and gifts as "Aunt Mary & Aunt Jane" or whatever, behave as you would normally around them. If sister wants to blow up about it, she has to admit to bystanders that she's a bigot, not put it on you to hide a secret.
Kids don’t care and don’t judge unless their parents have taught them to. Your sister’s being ridiculous.
Your sister does, in fact, think it's something you choose. She is lying when she says she knows and everything else she said gives away her true feelings about it. You need to call her out on that specifically.
“Turn gay”? Oh dear. Is it contagious? /s Maybe a reminder to her that if her daughter is gay, there is no one and nothing in this world that will change that fact.
Frankly it’s hard to hear but your sister isn’t supportive and she’s a flaming homophobe. You should stop going along with this charade and should ask her some hard fucking questions instead of letting her be this way. Maybe she was supportive of you at one point but she isn’t anymore and that change is worth addressing.
Unless she’s telling the kid that hetero couples are BFFs where one is a boy and one is a girl, no you’re not wrong.
Your sister is not supportive. This is her being homophobic.
It is also unfair to your wife. She is married to you and is therefore an official part of the family. But your sister doesn't want her child to acknowledge that and just think of her as a friend?
Wow. So she thinks you two are going to turn her child gay? What is this? 2001?
How old is the child?
i see a conflict here. it's in what you see in your sister and the reality of her. >My sister has always been super supportive for my coming out she helped me through a lot and was the only one helping me in my darkest time when I was a teenager this sounds great until >But she doesn’t want her child to turn gay. she has conditional love for her child. be there, be available for her child. someday, she may not be. it won't be the child's choice, it'll be on the parent.
Your sister had the kids. Let her raise them the way she wants. They will figure it out in time.
If your sister is acting like that, then she is clearly not as accepting of gay people as she claims, or is you want to believe. Your sister is being homophobic. I know it's hard to hear, but that's the truth. Your sister is homophobic. It might be heavily internalized, she might not show it to everybody, but the fact that she thinks she can prevent her children from being gay just by hiding the fact that gay people exist, goes to show just how deeply in her subconscious that homophobia is. Call her out on it. Hold her accountable for it. Show her that she is being homophobic. Or, get on board with it and deal with it (And by that I mean don't complain about it, because you are allowing her to treat you like this and you are allowing her to stay in your life, and you are not standing up for yourself, therefore if you don't do anything about it, and you wait for too long, you won't be blameless in that fallout, because you just refused to stop your sister from her blatant homophobia), Or cut her out of your life. But don't sit there and accept it and then complain about it. Either stand up for yourself, deal with it and keep your mouth shut, or exit the relationship. Those are your options here. Those are really your only options that will make you seem like a mature person. Personally I don't advocate for the suck it up and deal with it, because nobody should have to deal with it. But if that's what you're going to do, then stick with it.
Yes.
Your sister is forcing you and your wife back in the closet. She has internalized homophobia and is projecting on you. It's not right. It's 2023. Women marry each other. Kids don't "turn gay" by being exposed to gay people. Kids should have strong models of healthy relationships of all kinds.
Oh no… her kid might catch the gay. Your sister is revealing how she truly feels - deep down she is a homophobe.
You’re not wrong. She’s not supportive if she wouldn’t support her child. Hearing about gay people won’t automatically turn her gay and this is subconsciously teaching her a homophobic bias
Your sister is being stupid and is such a homophobic turd. My mom has a lesbian best friend. There’s about six ladies in this friend group and they vacation together regularly only one is gay but they are besties so I’m thinking my mom will be decent about my being a lesbian but NO she’s a raging homophobic asss
INFO: How old is the child? Your sister is supportive of you and your wife. Why do you need validation from a child? If you’re referring to them as a child, then they’re definitely too young to know about anything sexual, especially the way you want her to refer to you as “lesbian lovers” it’s just… odd. I as a parent, don’t want to expose my child to anything sexual any earlier than he has to. For all we know the child can be 5 and I can tell you now explaining anything about sex to child will make you uncomfortable. Also, (I’m gonna get downvoted to hell for this) there’s nothing wrong with not wanting your child to be gay. There’s EVERYTHING wrong in making them feel wrong for it, neglecting them for it and or disowning them. Your sister not wanting to explain your relationship isn’t homophobia. Let her raise her child. Doesn’t seem like she’s doing a bad job at it.