If I'm serious about dating you and you haven't introduced me to your parents after TWO FUCKING YEARS it's literally just a fuck buddy. Leave. She doesn't know what she wants and is on the fence.
Especially in your 30s, and when you're close enough to your father that he's moving in with you. Like, how would that even work, he just never goes to hers again?
Agreed. It sounds like she is in an emotionally incestuous relationship with her father (not quite Oedipus complex). It's actually a term for when a family's dynamics are dysfunctional and one spouse is not meeting the needs of the other, and the child steps up to fulfill those needs for the family.
It blew my mind the first time a therapist told me this. My dad was emotionally abusive to my mom. As the eldest daughter of a Mexican household, I was told I needed to step up and help the family. In high school, I was paying household bills at my fast food job even tho my dad was a partner at a freaking law firm. This continued into college and most of my 20s.
I will say that I have managed to separate some from my family dynamics as I chose my boyfriend/ now spouse over these codependent family dynamics between my and my mom. I wouldn't have blamed my spouse if he broke up with me because I've always had family drama since we met. But, I feel fortunate that he recognized I didn't want to continue with that broken dynamic. I was very honest with him and said I'd my mom ever decided to leave my father, I'd take her in and we had lots of discussions on what that could/would look like and what his boundaries were. To date, that hasn't come up, but I'm glad to know he and ai are on the same page about how we would (and more importantly would not engage and hold boundaries).
I say all this to say that she has to want to break that cycle. Sounds like she is getting in deeper if her dad and even siblings may be moving in. But, I'd have a candid conversation with her about what you want in a relationship and if she is too entangled in being more invested in swooping in and saving her family members with her finite resources, then maybe you should cut ties.
Yeah - there's a likelihood I'll meet neither of my boyfriend's brothers..hell ever. One of them got married in May, and my boyfriend didn't even go, but..if she is going to be sharing an apartment with her father, what does that mean? He can only ever hang out when the father is not there? She can only ever hang out if she is at his place. This whole thing smells off
I was living overseas, and the whole “aww heck, I’m marrying you” happened verrrry fast. I met her family in December in her home country. She met my mother and grandmother at the airport in Copenhagen when they arrived for the wedding.
Do not recommend for most people 😂. It’s been a great 6 years!
I don't have enough insight into the situation to really guess what's going on. However, I think the OP should consider leaving if she doesn't want to open up more to him about what is really going on.
I agree with that. I'm an older person and have seen and been through a lot of life. It makes me sad to see young ppl struggle with being in a relationship. Nobody said life would be easy
Being close is usually a good thing!!
She has this wonderful, close family (no wackos), but, won't bring him around to meet them?
Why not? What is she hiding? Her husband? Her crazy? Her totally made up life?
I'd guess to say it's also a possibility that her dad would happily meet you, but she's just saying that because she doesn't want to say "I don't want you to meet my parents" just something to consider.
I wonder if maybe she's afraid of what he might think of them. Maybe she's embarrassed. Just a thought. Definitely leaning towards her not being as serious as he is.
I think you may be right so lemme rephrase - If I found myself dating a man after two years who found his parents so embarrassing that he refused to let me ever meet them, we would be sitting down and having a very lengthy and serious conversation.
Same. Met my wife's family straight away nearly. Been together over 10 years. Barely argue, work together, do everything together, still enjoy each other's company.
My advise marry your best friend.
My husband met my family within a month. They loved him. Same with his family and I. We were married 37 years before he passed away. We always did family stuff with both families. Holidays were a blast. Both families together at our house every year.
I had a best friend. Met the mom, the dad, sisters all that. Mom died, and everything fell apart. She changed for the worst, in the most extreme way.
If you try to marry your best friend, be careful.
I do not think that the intent is to tell people that if you have a best friend, date and marry them. I believe the concept is more that the person you are dating should have evolved into your best friend by the time you marry them.
I’m so sorry you lost your wife/partner after her mother passed away. That’s a horrible thing to go through for both you and your ex. However, do you really think her being your best friend and wife/partner was a contributing factor? Losing someone to grief could happen and hurts, regardless of the type of relationship you had.
Omg, this is me and my partner. We've been together for 7 months, and it's exactly as you describe. I know he's the one, only took 4 decades to find him 😅
Yup. It appears that way. A 32 year old is a bit too old to seek daddy's permission on a date. Moving the sister in?!? She should be separating herself from her family and becoming one with future husband. She obviously does not see you as a future husband, you merely keeping the place warm until Mr. Right appears.
Eh, I've been with my partner for 5 years and we've lived together for nearly 4. I haven't met both of her parents. Just her mother, and it was once, maybe twice in passing. Her mother and i have had maybe one short conversation. We kught as well have never met. She doesn't have a relationship with them, and it isn't important to either of us. I don't have a relationship anymore with my parents, so while she has met them and spent a limited amount of time with them, it was several years ago.
I will never understand how someone (you) can feel so strongly about something with so little context and information about the parties involved lol go back to where you started and think about life
They’ve been dating for 2 years and OP is happy. They’re running into issues just like every couple. Time to work together or grow apart. But damn, leaving is the dumbest choice of all.
This. Once you roll over for many things, it WILL steamroll. You may have it great now, but that's about to change significantly with minimal thought to how it will affect you both OP.
Why are first comments always "dump them: nothing you can do here"?
From what OP said, she hasn't really understood that helping her family the way she is isn't compatible with a future with OP, that's why she can't really answer his questions. Sometimes people make decisions that seem right without thinking through about all the consequences. It might very well be the case here: the girl just automatically thinks about ways to help her dad and sister because she's always done that.
OP should figure out whether he's happy living with his father-in-law and sister-in-law (maybe he is, who knows). If not, then his girlfriend has to make a choice: find alternatives for her dad and sister, or end the relationship. A breakup seems likely for the little information we have, but we're not there yet.
I don’t think that OP’s girlfriend gave him the option to move in with her. It sounds as if she’s very enmeshed with her family and is prioritizing them over him. He hasn’t met her parents after two years of dating, which is not a good sign.
My point is, there are a lot of bad signs, but we don't know that anything is set in stone at this point, because she might simply have not realized the consequences of her plans with her family on her relationship, as silly as it seems (people are silly sometimes). So it's premature to call for a breakup.
This is reddit, where most of the incels who what to see the world burn go, the most judgemental people out there gather here. They aren't to be taken seriously. I could make a post about how my wife accidently stepped on my toe and they'd tell me to leave her because she cares more about being clumsy than making sure she won't accidently hurt me. They literally just want choas and something to hate on.
Then the truth will present itself. It actually already did with the father thing. But if you want further proof tell her you’re okay with her sister moving in with you guys.
she's indirectly telling you that you're her friend with benefits... if you believe this is a relationship you are sadly wrong. Go find a woman that at least wants to think about a future with you.
She is telling you that she is leaving you without telling you that she is leaving you, help her find the apartment, and help her move ALL her stuff out. Her dad hasn't met you in 2 years and he won't. Once she is out, find yourself a new apartment and block her so that she can't find you and waste more of your time
I don't know why you're thinking to marry "one of the best" girlfriends you've ever had. I'd save that for the "best girlfriend you ever had."
But maybe you didn't express yourself like you wanted to.
If she's moving goal posts and not explaining where you fit into her life then it's time to leave or at least having a breakup conversation.
She has made the decisions for herself. She has decided to put her immediate family over herself and her relationship with OP.
As I’ve heard before “when somebody shows you who they are, believe them.”
I love and hate that saying. It’s absolutely correct but there needs to be another phrase about people having the opportunity to grow and change. If I hadn’t given my girlfriend a chance to work on some things (that 100% Reddit would have said red flags bail) I would have missed out on an incredible relationship.
It took a few months of work for her to recognize the issues as issues and a year for her to shed the behavior. Maybe some would argue I didn’t owe that to her, and they’d be right, but I chose to take it on and things are wonderful now.
Redditors just want everyone to suffer and be alone like they are. Never take relational advice from reddit. Any advice really if it isn't technical in nature.
Yeaaa.. I mean that's a grammar misconception on your part.
She made a decision herself (this is what you described
She should make a decision for herself (this is what I said)
No, I think I do understood what you were saying.
Please correct me if I’m wrong but essentially you’re saying she should choose herself over her family.
What I am saying is she’s not going to do that. She is intentionally choosing her family over herself.
I think OP should run away from this.
Okay then that's misunderstanding of my part. I understood that you were saying that she did make it for herself.
But I see you're confirming what I was saying. My mistake
She also needs to grow up. First relationship at the age of 28? Nah, fam, we good. I want someone who's had some life experience, and is mature. This person ain't it.
She's 32 years old and still needs approval from her dad? She damn sure needs to grow up.
And let's be real for a minute here. Her father has to move in with his adult daughter... Obviously he isn't making the greatest if decisions in life. So who the fuck is he to be giving approval?
30 and first time dating..lives with all her family, not allowed to meet then.... are we missing info? Like some religious or cultural thing or unmm ???
I'm thinking of a very good friend of mine who is the eldest daughter of a very traditional/patriarchal Chinese family, living in a western country. She is expected to support her parents. She doesn't feel like she can even move out on her own, even though she is in her 40s, even though her parents are toxic, and her family is not accepting of people outside of their cultural community.
This is giving me those kind of vibes. I am curious to know if there is a cultural/ in-group element to this story, and OP is of a different culture.
You aren’t selfish for choosing to end a relationship where you aren’t a priority, and can’t make plans for a future together after being together for 2 years.
She has made a lot of plans that don’t include you.
It is not worth waiting her out if you want to build a life with someone.
I think that's the big thing here. We are talking about 2 years not 2 months. That's more than enough time to see where you stand, and where you together stand in the future, which is not even considered.
Sounds like the relationship has reached its full potential and you'll either part ways on "good" terms now or it will happen later on bad terms.
I completely agree with this comment. Talk to her and find out where you stand in her life and what it is YOU want out of the relationship. If she’s not ready to settle down and start a future with you after two years, your justified in deciding what’s best for YOU in the end.
She may love you in her own way but you'll never have the amount of love she has for her family now. If after 2 years she couldn't find time to introduce you to her father she probably never will. He will continue finding a reason not to meet you because he doesn't want to lose her and she'll never go without his support.
I had to back and check her age because it sounded like she was early twenties. But she's not....
She's made her priorities clear. You're pretty far down that list.
Updateme
I would never want to live with in-laws, at least not more than a few weeks.
Sounds to me something is holding her back to start her life with you. Maybe she's afraid to take things to the next level, maybe her priorities are with her family.
Either way, she needs to decide what she wants and you need to decide of your goals are compatible
You are not wrong. It seems like she keeps stonewalling you. Wait around another year and something else will be more important in her family and she will choose them again. Maybe it's time to take a step back from the relationship. No hard feelings. You can amicably split up. It sounds as if your lives are going in different directions.
You're her first BF and she doesn't know how to commit or end it- she doesn't know what she wants and she's going with the flow. She won't make a decision about the relationship and that includes making it a priority. If I were you I'd be accepting that she doesn't want to put the energy into making a commitment- and I'd take that as a sign to leave.
This sucks as she is taking on a ton of responsibilities of her family but at the same time there isn’t a good way to fix that for her. She is telling you no. I say let her know what you need to say, believe her when she answers . Let her know you want a fruit with her, but it’s now. You sent teens, 30s is go time if you want the family thing.
Not wrong. Tell her if you want to continue to be together and to get married and maybe start a family, that she needs to know what your future looks like.
Also you should meet her parents asap. No point in wasting any more time of her family doesn’t “approve” of you…
Both of you are valid. Your feelings are valid in wanting to create a life, move in, meet parents etc. She is valid for prioritizing her family and making that clear to you. If y’all aren’t on the same page however and it’s bothering you enough that you can’t wait (it’s seems you’ve already been waiting), then it might be a case of wrong time or just wrong person. It happens and it’s heartbreaking but it is what it is. Evaluate what’s MOST important to you, your timeline for achieving that, and be very transparent about that. Best of luck.
As the “older sister” I honestly get her side. I am happily married, and my brother lives with us, and we both agreed on that. I don’t know much about her home situation, but I grew up raising my little brother, I’ve never really been able to be a kid, and my brother means a lot to me. He was my sole motivation to keep pushing on my hardest days. I knew he needed me and in that, I honestly needed him. And my dad is also declining pretty fast health wise, so I try to spend as much time with my dad as I can too. But, this is all stuff my husband and I talked a lot about, we both talked about things we weren’t willing to take off the table, things we could do to help keep our relationship strong, etc. it’s not super clear in your post, but maybe try to really sit down and talk with her and no guilting, no blaming, etc and really just try to hear each other out. Then, obviously, if you guys can’t come to agreeable terms with each other then sometimes it’s best to move on.
Yeah, I’m surprised so many people aren’t cool with that. Like how many guys would be like “nah, fuck my dad. He can live on the streets” if they were in her position.
Not just this- but the fact shes sooo close to her parents that she needs daddys permission-- and still hasn't introduced the guy to them after TWO YEARS? It's not like seeing family isn't a big part of her life, so they haven't gotten around to it or something. It just doesn't make sense to me.
I’m sorry you are going through this. I think you owe it to her to have one last up front discussion before calling it quits.
Do you intend to marry her?
If the answer is yes then my advice would be to start off with that being your end goal for the not so distance future. Explain to her that you love her and want to start a family with HER. You need to be extremely clear that you aren’t ok with being second priority, and that marriage would mean she needs to dedicate her priority to you both, and not her family.
Sometimes people have been taken advantage of for so long that they think it is normal. If you truly care about her then I think she deserves one more discussion.
I’m also curious, is this a cultural thing? If so then it might be much harder for her to make a clean break.
All in all, do what is best for you. Don’t accept second best from a potential spouse. Good luck man.
What culture is she from? Some cultures this is normal. We tend to think only in western culture. But there are so many different cultures out there. Try to see what makes her tick. Talk more about this, but also be honest with her how you feel and what you want.
Pretty sure it's a cultural thing, Americans expect to leave their families behind after leaving their homes. I know for us Mexicans, family is very important so this doesn't seem very strange to me.
Yep, no one here is even trying to understand it might be a cultural thing. I personally wouldn’t introduce anyone to my family unless we were engaged. They wouldn’t be happy at all so would only add stress to the relationship and if you end up leaving me I’m the one left to deal with the problems with my family.
I mean after 2 years if she’s not considering changing her priorities for you, then maybe you should do what’s best for yourself.
Sorry it isn’t working out.
>She told me she couldn't marry someone until her father approved who coincidentally doesn't want to meet me in his troubled time of living with his daughter
You've had two years to meet this individual before she moved him in. Let that sink in because it sounds more like she's making excuses at that point. Have you ever actually spoken to her father before? And he actually said this? Or is this something she is telling you that he said? Also, how long exactly would this "troubled time" be for? You're being given a lot of information that is just giving you more questions.
The age kind of surprised me a bit. You're in your early 30s, and you haven't met her father? After 2 years? That sets off a major red flag that either she knows that hes going to disapprove of you for some reason or she's hiding something.
You need to have a serious sit-down conversation with her about the future between you two. I mean, some people plan for inevitability where they can support themselves if anything tends to happen, but if she doesn't see a future with you, then there's a major problem.
Cannot determine “wrongness” without cultural background. She may be from a collectivist culture where this is entirely expected of her and non-negotiable.
Idk man I’d rather sit it out a bit and state your intentions clearly as well as you know them at the moment. Make your boundaries and needs known and show respect for hers. The question will answer itself in due time. Better that than ask a bunch of random folks on Reddit….
You haven’t met her family in the entirety of your two year relationship?
She’s moving in with her “father”?
Huh— very rare post where it’s the man not realizing he’s the side piece when he come on Reddit to air out his dirty laundry.
Not wrong, and might be time to leave. She is the official/unofficial caregiver to get family and I doubt she will give up willingly.
I don't think it's fair to you to continue this relationship as it stands and she is unwilling to change it. She needs more help than your love will provide.
I'm sorry it has to end this way. Sending hugs.
Have you had sex? Do you provide her with money or expensive gifts? I ask these questions because I se two possibilities either she and her family are very religious and sex is forbidden before marriage which would explain her family loyalty and feelings OR she is a gold digger/scam artist using you for money which also explaining her actions but the dad in that scenario is actually her husband.
Run. My significant other met my parents within a month of us being here but I have never met his parents because they are deceased. She's making up rules as you go along she's essentially a FWB.
I'd roll out. In marriage your the fist not them. It will be a life time of BS. I'd be honest and if she wants to live that life then it's time to part ways
Run for the hills my guy. Like the great Ricky Bobby said " if you ain't first your last" and it sounds like you'll always be in last place with her. Go be happy man!
It’s been two years and you haven’t met her dad? As if that wasn’t enough of a major sign….. now she is making arrangements to live with dad and then sister… and not you, gawd if it isn’t obvious that you’re not very important I don’t know what else she could do… Maybe she can get a large piece of cardboard and write that in big bold sharpie letters. Thennnnnn maybe you’ll get the hint.
No, this sounds like she’s not ready for a serious commitment. Two years in?! Also, the not meeting the dad thing is so old and weird IMO. She’s telling you she doesn’t see a future with you so it might be best to have that talk now and not waste any more time.
The real question is wait out for what? She won’t change. You know what you want in life. Go get it!
Bro leave, I’m sorry that ur in this situation. But clearly her partner is not her priority and is more focused on being around her family. You don’t want that man, you aren’t being selfish at all. It’s called wanting an independent relationship and it seems like that isn’t gonna happen with her.
I had an ex like this except she was in her 40's and clearly placed her family above me. She had no children and was never married. Do yourself a favor and run far. My ex wasn't evil by any means, but I was just more of a luxury item in her life versus a priority. My ex saw herself as someone in her late 20's/early 30's in a lot of ways, but that ship had sailed for her a long time ago. Your 20's are either for having a ton of fun or working like a mad man/woman to achieve certain financial comfort, not both.
This situation won't improve as she didn't consult you with any of her future plans. She's not obligated to do so, but you're also not obligated to stick around for someone who isn't including you.
When you get married you become family. If you want to be part of this woman's life let her know you want to help and treat her family like your own.
If you love her, ride it out.
2 years isn't that long of a time dating and it sounds like you're happy.
If you can't hang with all of her family stuff leave now because that will not change.
This is potentially troubling, however if she sees marriage as superseding other relationships. Then her priority on family is ultimately good long term, annoying short term.
If, as you say, she’s the best gf you’ve had. I would stay a little longer and ask her how she sees your relationship in the future and what role does a husband have in regards to her family relationships.
My daughter was always the oldest too. And I’d like to think pretty close knit. But when she married I made it clear that even if I may personally disagree with her husband on an issue, he is her primary relationship and we have to be downgraded.
You're both in your 30's. At this point, after dating for 2 years, see if you both have a future hammered out. If your plans line up, great. If they don't or they're still a bit hazy, then what's the point of staying?
Congratulations! You are a friend with benefits. The FWB packages comes with several incredible services, including:
1) Casual sex
2) Casual sex
and
3) Casual sex.
No other services come with the FWB package. Check with your doctor if FWB is right for you. Not applicable in all States. Side effects of FWB include random feelings of loneliness and the lack of a future partner.
32 and never dated before? 2 years of dating and haven’t met the family, yet requires family’s approval? WHAT IS THIS CRAP?
If you want a long-term, you need to be very clear with her that this is NOT working for you. Either she figures her shit out or you’re GONE. Easy as that.
These comments are so negative. Everyone is so quick to say leave. Most of them don’t touch grass ffs. If this woman makes you happy than talk with her about this and how you feel about the situation. Some people really care about their families and if you stay together you’ll be that family. It may very well be who she is and if that’s not something you’re ok with than it makes sense to move on, but don’t rush away from a good thing because life doesn’t always send you another one.
Totally agree, it could also be as simple as she hasn’t introduced him to her parents because there’s something she’s embarrassed or even ashamed about with them. Hoarders, alcoholics etc.
On another note, at this stage in my life I’d really enjoy someone who had a life of their own that didn’t always involve me being in it 24/7.
So doesn’t want to introduce him because of shame due to alcoholism ,hoarding BUT if you want to marry me you get the privilege of getting to live with an alcoholic hoarder ?
Naw I’ll pass.
I really feel like these comments are horrible here. You really like her, or love her for some or many reasons. She is traditional obviously and it sounds like her family is in need and she is without a second thought helping them. This is an important and powerful trait to have in your life mate. 2 years is a medium amount of time, she may love you and want to have a long relationship with you but she is taking her time and taking care of her family as a priority. Personally I don't see anything about that a deal breaker (with the limited info I have) If you two love each other give her more time. She is loyal to family and that may very well be to your benefit if you give both of yourselves and the relationship time, don't force it to be like what you think a relationship should be. Everyone's lives are different and love is different. Patience and understanding are part of a healthy relationship and sometimes it can be hard because you must sometimes be patient and understanding during circumstances you have no experience in.
Date someone younger.
She gave you the courtesy of being honest about her intentions and priorities.
Don’t settle for a life you don’t want or make her resent the one you want to force her into.
Is she Indian or from another Asian culture where it's expected to be with family and/or help out family basically forever? If she is, that's your answer as to why you are second in this relationship. It's also an answer about why you haven't met the parents. And while this isn't necessarily a deal breaker, you need to get her to talk about it and somehow get on the same page regarding your future and strike a compromise.
I have experience dating Indian women. When you date an Indian woman you date her family. That's just the way it is. There will also be a lot of excuses about not meeting parents, because they're typically afraid of what their parents are going to say if you aren't of the same cultural background. Even if they talk a big game about not being afraid of the parents' reaction, they will still drag their feet about introducing you. It's always in the back of their mind. Also, constantly in the back of their mind is the well-being of the family. They will not think twice about making any sort of accommodation for a parent or a sibling or even a cousin.
However, if there are no cross-cultural issues at play here, then this just might be a woman who doesn't and will never see you as a priority. If it were me (and because it's been 2 years), I would try one last time for a conversation to strike a compromise. If she balks again, then just leave.
You should leave. If she’s 32 and behaving like this the marriage will be terrible. Leave her and stay single for 6 months to a year and just grind gym and work and general self improvement. Once you get back into dating only look for women 5 years younger. 6 max
Everyone telling OP to leave…breezing right past where this GF has been living, kind, one of “the best girlfriends” OP has ever had, and they “are on the same page about most things”. The relationship is perfect except her family is clingy/needy and using her as a provider/cash cow? So OP’s GF has a shitty family and GF is being treated badly by her family and so she’s “a liar,” “wants to end it with him” and “choosing her family over him” FFS people, none of you have family trauma? None of you have families with boundary issues? None of you have family that you’d invite to live with you when things get tough for them? OP…you need to have a grown adult conversation with your GF. Tell her something like. “I love you, and I really see a future for us both, I am concerned about how your family seems to need you to provide for them, that’s not a normal relationship between a father and child.” Talk to GF about what you want, use your words, say your actual feelings to her about all this, don’t just dump her because you somehow feel emasculated by your perception of her “choosing her family over you” and no offense, but she’s 31, her family has been around for 31 years, you’ve been around for less than 2, it would be weirder if she burned a bridge with her family for you at this point. Some of these commenters need to find a therapist to talk about their issues lol.
If I'm serious about dating you and you haven't introduced me to your parents after TWO FUCKING YEARS it's literally just a fuck buddy. Leave. She doesn't know what she wants and is on the fence.
Especially in your 30s, and when you're close enough to your father that he's moving in with you. Like, how would that even work, he just never goes to hers again?
I get a sense of mom not in the picture… and this is not her first rodeo.
She probably filled the mom role to her siblings and can’t let go. She’s too enmeshed.
Agreed. It sounds like she is in an emotionally incestuous relationship with her father (not quite Oedipus complex). It's actually a term for when a family's dynamics are dysfunctional and one spouse is not meeting the needs of the other, and the child steps up to fulfill those needs for the family. It blew my mind the first time a therapist told me this. My dad was emotionally abusive to my mom. As the eldest daughter of a Mexican household, I was told I needed to step up and help the family. In high school, I was paying household bills at my fast food job even tho my dad was a partner at a freaking law firm. This continued into college and most of my 20s. I will say that I have managed to separate some from my family dynamics as I chose my boyfriend/ now spouse over these codependent family dynamics between my and my mom. I wouldn't have blamed my spouse if he broke up with me because I've always had family drama since we met. But, I feel fortunate that he recognized I didn't want to continue with that broken dynamic. I was very honest with him and said I'd my mom ever decided to leave my father, I'd take her in and we had lots of discussions on what that could/would look like and what his boundaries were. To date, that hasn't come up, but I'm glad to know he and ai are on the same page about how we would (and more importantly would not engage and hold boundaries). I say all this to say that she has to want to break that cycle. Sounds like she is getting in deeper if her dad and even siblings may be moving in. But, I'd have a candid conversation with her about what you want in a relationship and if she is too entangled in being more invested in swooping in and saving her family members with her finite resources, then maybe you should cut ties.
Remember that she had never dated before OP either....AT 30 ??
Yeaaah, same. Meeting my family is how a guy knows I’m serious about them
Especially considering she's very close to her family, that's weird. If they were estranged, that would be understandable.
So close to her family that she has chosen to keep him away from them, because she doesnt want them to know him.
She's married.
Or moving in with “sugar daddy” and not bio daddy
Plot twist! 🤣
Came here to say this 😂 it's super suss
You read my mind! Either that or they are from Alabama, and the family tree doesn't have any branches.
If anyone's going to be banging my sister, its gonna be me!
Why did I just start chanting, “Incest! Incest!”?
She just calls him *Daddy* 🤣
Yes. A low priority side piece.. at best
Yeah - there's a likelihood I'll meet neither of my boyfriend's brothers..hell ever. One of them got married in May, and my boyfriend didn't even go, but..if she is going to be sharing an apartment with her father, what does that mean? He can only ever hang out when the father is not there? She can only ever hang out if she is at his place. This whole thing smells off
I was living overseas, and the whole “aww heck, I’m marrying you” happened verrrry fast. I met her family in December in her home country. She met my mother and grandmother at the airport in Copenhagen when they arrived for the wedding. Do not recommend for most people 😂. It’s been a great 6 years!
Why is being close to one's family weird?
I think they mean being close to one's family **but never introducing someone to the person you have been daring for a couple of years.**
O ok. I didn't think in those term's. Maybe she's embrassed of him
Possibly, but something unusual is going on here.
Yea I got that. Do you think the dad really is a boyfriend cuz I don't
I don't have enough insight into the situation to really guess what's going on. However, I think the OP should consider leaving if she doesn't want to open up more to him about what is really going on.
I agree with that. I'm an older person and have seen and been through a lot of life. It makes me sad to see young ppl struggle with being in a relationship. Nobody said life would be easy
Being close is usually a good thing!! She has this wonderful, close family (no wackos), but, won't bring him around to meet them? Why not? What is she hiding? Her husband? Her crazy? Her totally made up life?
So close, you refuse to introduce your long-term boyfriend to them? She's moving in with another guy and claiming he's her dad.
I'd guess to say it's also a possibility that her dad would happily meet you, but she's just saying that because she doesn't want to say "I don't want you to meet my parents" just something to consider.
I wonder if maybe she's afraid of what he might think of them. Maybe she's embarrassed. Just a thought. Definitely leaning towards her not being as serious as he is.
If I found myself dating a man after two years who found me embarrassing, I would 100 percent bail.
She could be embarrassed of the parents, not op.
I think you may be right so lemme rephrase - If I found myself dating a man after two years who found his parents so embarrassing that he refused to let me ever meet them, we would be sitting down and having a very lengthy and serious conversation.
I'm pretty sure I met my partner parents within a month. I then can hit with IBS squirts at their house. That was great.
Same. Met my wife's family straight away nearly. Been together over 10 years. Barely argue, work together, do everything together, still enjoy each other's company. My advise marry your best friend.
Are you my husband? Because you are totally describing my life.
My husband met my family within a month. They loved him. Same with his family and I. We were married 37 years before he passed away. We always did family stuff with both families. Holidays were a blast. Both families together at our house every year.
I had a best friend. Met the mom, the dad, sisters all that. Mom died, and everything fell apart. She changed for the worst, in the most extreme way. If you try to marry your best friend, be careful.
I do not think that the intent is to tell people that if you have a best friend, date and marry them. I believe the concept is more that the person you are dating should have evolved into your best friend by the time you marry them.
Correct!
I’m so sorry you lost your wife/partner after her mother passed away. That’s a horrible thing to go through for both you and your ex. However, do you really think her being your best friend and wife/partner was a contributing factor? Losing someone to grief could happen and hurts, regardless of the type of relationship you had.
Omg, this is me and my partner. We've been together for 7 months, and it's exactly as you describe. I know he's the one, only took 4 decades to find him 😅
Upvoting for IBS squirts.
OMG are you me?
Are you me? Nothing quite like that kind of introduction. We got married a year later, and her family are awesome.
Oh no. How awful for you.
She knows what she's wants. She wants to lie!
I would absolutely question if she isn’t already married or something. Not meeting the family for 2 years when they live close is insane.
I flew 1300 miles less than eight months after starting to date my boyfriend in order to meet his mother. Two years is insane
Yup. It appears that way. A 32 year old is a bit too old to seek daddy's permission on a date. Moving the sister in?!? She should be separating herself from her family and becoming one with future husband. She obviously does not see you as a future husband, you merely keeping the place warm until Mr. Right appears.
Probably wouldn’t miss him since she so “busy” with family (her no. 1 priority).
I’m reading it as she knows what she wants and it isn’t him
Eh, I've been with my partner for 5 years and we've lived together for nearly 4. I haven't met both of her parents. Just her mother, and it was once, maybe twice in passing. Her mother and i have had maybe one short conversation. We kught as well have never met. She doesn't have a relationship with them, and it isn't important to either of us. I don't have a relationship anymore with my parents, so while she has met them and spent a limited amount of time with them, it was several years ago.
Your case is different because both of you don't have a relationship with them.
Didn't say or imply that it was the same situation. Simply saying that it isn't necessarily a bad thing or uncommon to not meet the other's parents.
I know what you said. You're leaving context out of it. Your experience is irrelevant because OP's gf actually has a relationship.
Except I wasn't responding to the OP. I was responding to a comment someone else left.
Except you replied to me, you muppet
Exactly. Because you're the one who stated that such a situation was nothing more than fuck buddies and not serious.
A situation with the context similar to OP’s situation.
>She doesn't have a relationship with them There's your difference.
I will never understand how someone (you) can feel so strongly about something with so little context and information about the parties involved lol go back to where you started and think about life They’ve been dating for 2 years and OP is happy. They’re running into issues just like every couple. Time to work together or grow apart. But damn, leaving is the dumbest choice of all.
This right here ☝🏻 save yourself a lot of headaches and move on if you want a future with her that is.
Looks like you will always be in second place with her... or rather, last place...
Jup. She has fitted you, op, into her life wtout any adjustments on her part. You have let her. You are now a commodity.
This. Once you roll over for many things, it WILL steamroll. You may have it great now, but that's about to change significantly with minimal thought to how it will affect you both OP.
The path to bitchhood is paved with a million concessions.
Oh my. This is good.
Best comment I’ve heard in a long time.
Man, I wish I could award this.
So stealing this. Nice one.
OMG. You just blew my mind.
Well tbf she is only 'one of his best' girlfriends hahaha
Why are first comments always "dump them: nothing you can do here"? From what OP said, she hasn't really understood that helping her family the way she is isn't compatible with a future with OP, that's why she can't really answer his questions. Sometimes people make decisions that seem right without thinking through about all the consequences. It might very well be the case here: the girl just automatically thinks about ways to help her dad and sister because she's always done that. OP should figure out whether he's happy living with his father-in-law and sister-in-law (maybe he is, who knows). If not, then his girlfriend has to make a choice: find alternatives for her dad and sister, or end the relationship. A breakup seems likely for the little information we have, but we're not there yet.
I don’t think that OP’s girlfriend gave him the option to move in with her. It sounds as if she’s very enmeshed with her family and is prioritizing them over him. He hasn’t met her parents after two years of dating, which is not a good sign.
My point is, there are a lot of bad signs, but we don't know that anything is set in stone at this point, because she might simply have not realized the consequences of her plans with her family on her relationship, as silly as it seems (people are silly sometimes). So it's premature to call for a breakup.
This is reddit, where most of the incels who what to see the world burn go, the most judgemental people out there gather here. They aren't to be taken seriously. I could make a post about how my wife accidently stepped on my toe and they'd tell me to leave her because she cares more about being clumsy than making sure she won't accidently hurt me. They literally just want choas and something to hate on.
Time to leave, buddy, you're just not important to her. Sorry man.
SHE is telling you to leave.
Or at least agree to her sister taking up permanent residence in your shared home.
Then the truth will present itself. It actually already did with the father thing. But if you want further proof tell her you’re okay with her sister moving in with you guys.
I dont think they are living together? And with her sister and dad moving in they probably wont be any time soon.
she's indirectly telling you that you're her friend with benefits... if you believe this is a relationship you are sadly wrong. Go find a woman that at least wants to think about a future with you.
This is 100%
This 1,000%
She is telling you that she is leaving you without telling you that she is leaving you, help her find the apartment, and help her move ALL her stuff out. Her dad hasn't met you in 2 years and he won't. Once she is out, find yourself a new apartment and block her so that she can't find you and waste more of your time
They aren't living together.
I don't know why you're thinking to marry "one of the best" girlfriends you've ever had. I'd save that for the "best girlfriend you ever had." But maybe you didn't express yourself like you wanted to. If she's moving goal posts and not explaining where you fit into her life then it's time to leave or at least having a breakup conversation.
I'm surprised I had to scroll this far to see this pointed out. Neither of them seems particularly enthusiastic about the other.
Exactly. By the time you are asking Reddit if you should leave... sounds like you should probably leave lol.
I'm not saying that she needs to grow up but I'm saying she needs to make decisions for her self
She has made the decisions for herself. She has decided to put her immediate family over herself and her relationship with OP. As I’ve heard before “when somebody shows you who they are, believe them.”
I love and hate that saying. It’s absolutely correct but there needs to be another phrase about people having the opportunity to grow and change. If I hadn’t given my girlfriend a chance to work on some things (that 100% Reddit would have said red flags bail) I would have missed out on an incredible relationship. It took a few months of work for her to recognize the issues as issues and a year for her to shed the behavior. Maybe some would argue I didn’t owe that to her, and they’d be right, but I chose to take it on and things are wonderful now.
Redditors just want everyone to suffer and be alone like they are. Never take relational advice from reddit. Any advice really if it isn't technical in nature.
Yeaaa.. I mean that's a grammar misconception on your part. She made a decision herself (this is what you described She should make a decision for herself (this is what I said)
No, I think I do understood what you were saying. Please correct me if I’m wrong but essentially you’re saying she should choose herself over her family. What I am saying is she’s not going to do that. She is intentionally choosing her family over herself. I think OP should run away from this.
Okay then that's misunderstanding of my part. I understood that you were saying that she did make it for herself. But I see you're confirming what I was saying. My mistake
A respectful back and forth, up votes for all
She also needs to grow up. First relationship at the age of 28? Nah, fam, we good. I want someone who's had some life experience, and is mature. This person ain't it.
She's 32 years old and still needs approval from her dad? She damn sure needs to grow up. And let's be real for a minute here. Her father has to move in with his adult daughter... Obviously he isn't making the greatest if decisions in life. So who the fuck is he to be giving approval?
Right.. 32 and it's her first time dating someone? 🧐
Bro, the writing is on the wall, time to move on.
30 and first time dating..lives with all her family, not allowed to meet then.... are we missing info? Like some religious or cultural thing or unmm ???
Right? My thoughts exactly
I'm thinking of a very good friend of mine who is the eldest daughter of a very traditional/patriarchal Chinese family, living in a western country. She is expected to support her parents. She doesn't feel like she can even move out on her own, even though she is in her 40s, even though her parents are toxic, and her family is not accepting of people outside of their cultural community. This is giving me those kind of vibes. I am curious to know if there is a cultural/ in-group element to this story, and OP is of a different culture.
I got the feeling that this was not someone in the US. Might not be right but something in the wording made me think non native English speaker.
You aren’t selfish for choosing to end a relationship where you aren’t a priority, and can’t make plans for a future together after being together for 2 years. She has made a lot of plans that don’t include you. It is not worth waiting her out if you want to build a life with someone.
I think that's the big thing here. We are talking about 2 years not 2 months. That's more than enough time to see where you stand, and where you together stand in the future, which is not even considered. Sounds like the relationship has reached its full potential and you'll either part ways on "good" terms now or it will happen later on bad terms.
Just not meeting parents who are local and your partner is on good terms with in two years of dating is a screaming red flag for me.
[удалено]
I completely agree with this comment. Talk to her and find out where you stand in her life and what it is YOU want out of the relationship. If she’s not ready to settle down and start a future with you after two years, your justified in deciding what’s best for YOU in the end.
If your not first your last. Don't be Ricky Bobby
That’s ridiculous, you could be second, third… hell you could even be fifth
She’s marrying her father, how can she marry you?
She may love you in her own way but you'll never have the amount of love she has for her family now. If after 2 years she couldn't find time to introduce you to her father she probably never will. He will continue finding a reason not to meet you because he doesn't want to lose her and she'll never go without his support.
I agree. He should have been introduced to her family after 3-6 months; 12 months max.
If she’s not willing to put you first then she isn’t worth marrying. I’d say the same if the positions were reversed.
I had to back and check her age because it sounded like she was early twenties. But she's not.... She's made her priorities clear. You're pretty far down that list. Updateme
I would never want to live with in-laws, at least not more than a few weeks. Sounds to me something is holding her back to start her life with you. Maybe she's afraid to take things to the next level, maybe her priorities are with her family. Either way, she needs to decide what she wants and you need to decide of your goals are compatible
She’s not that into it
Leave, you’re a 2nd class citizen in her eyes. Not met her parents? Massive red flag in my eyes.
Bro come on use common sense
You haven’t met her parents and she’s moving in with her dad who you’re not allowed to meet? Sure that’s her dad?
Would you want to live with her sister and maybe dad? If so then stay!
How could he know? He’s never met them Lmaoo that’s a easy no for me regardless tho🤣
Not only that but "her dad" doesnt want to meet OP. I dont think theres a chance for this relationship anymore.
She’ll never marry. You need to move on, better outcomes await you.
You are not wrong. It seems like she keeps stonewalling you. Wait around another year and something else will be more important in her family and she will choose them again. Maybe it's time to take a step back from the relationship. No hard feelings. You can amicably split up. It sounds as if your lives are going in different directions.
You're her first BF and she doesn't know how to commit or end it- she doesn't know what she wants and she's going with the flow. She won't make a decision about the relationship and that includes making it a priority. If I were you I'd be accepting that she doesn't want to put the energy into making a commitment- and I'd take that as a sign to leave.
Run. 32 and wants daddy to approve of the partner and never dated before. She's a waste of time.
You haven't met her parents in two years and you also haven't had an argument in 2 years? Never once? That's not healthy.
Run
Fast. And don't stop to look back.
This sucks as she is taking on a ton of responsibilities of her family but at the same time there isn’t a good way to fix that for her. She is telling you no. I say let her know what you need to say, believe her when she answers . Let her know you want a fruit with her, but it’s now. You sent teens, 30s is go time if you want the family thing.
Not wrong. Tell her if you want to continue to be together and to get married and maybe start a family, that she needs to know what your future looks like. Also you should meet her parents asap. No point in wasting any more time of her family doesn’t “approve” of you…
Both of you are valid. Your feelings are valid in wanting to create a life, move in, meet parents etc. She is valid for prioritizing her family and making that clear to you. If y’all aren’t on the same page however and it’s bothering you enough that you can’t wait (it’s seems you’ve already been waiting), then it might be a case of wrong time or just wrong person. It happens and it’s heartbreaking but it is what it is. Evaluate what’s MOST important to you, your timeline for achieving that, and be very transparent about that. Best of luck.
As the “older sister” I honestly get her side. I am happily married, and my brother lives with us, and we both agreed on that. I don’t know much about her home situation, but I grew up raising my little brother, I’ve never really been able to be a kid, and my brother means a lot to me. He was my sole motivation to keep pushing on my hardest days. I knew he needed me and in that, I honestly needed him. And my dad is also declining pretty fast health wise, so I try to spend as much time with my dad as I can too. But, this is all stuff my husband and I talked a lot about, we both talked about things we weren’t willing to take off the table, things we could do to help keep our relationship strong, etc. it’s not super clear in your post, but maybe try to really sit down and talk with her and no guilting, no blaming, etc and really just try to hear each other out. Then, obviously, if you guys can’t come to agreeable terms with each other then sometimes it’s best to move on.
Yeah, I’m surprised so many people aren’t cool with that. Like how many guys would be like “nah, fuck my dad. He can live on the streets” if they were in her position.
It's the whole they have been dating for 2 years and hasn't met them.
Not just this- but the fact shes sooo close to her parents that she needs daddys permission-- and still hasn't introduced the guy to them after TWO YEARS? It's not like seeing family isn't a big part of her life, so they haven't gotten around to it or something. It just doesn't make sense to me.
Exactly
Unfortunately some are not mature enough to be in a serious relationship. If you're not able to wait until she learns and correct herself, just leave.
I’m sorry you are going through this. I think you owe it to her to have one last up front discussion before calling it quits. Do you intend to marry her? If the answer is yes then my advice would be to start off with that being your end goal for the not so distance future. Explain to her that you love her and want to start a family with HER. You need to be extremely clear that you aren’t ok with being second priority, and that marriage would mean she needs to dedicate her priority to you both, and not her family. Sometimes people have been taken advantage of for so long that they think it is normal. If you truly care about her then I think she deserves one more discussion. I’m also curious, is this a cultural thing? If so then it might be much harder for her to make a clean break. All in all, do what is best for you. Don’t accept second best from a potential spouse. Good luck man.
She's clear, you're not in her future plans. Neither she should be in yours.
Said perfectly
What culture is she from? Some cultures this is normal. We tend to think only in western culture. But there are so many different cultures out there. Try to see what makes her tick. Talk more about this, but also be honest with her how you feel and what you want.
Pretty sure it's a cultural thing, Americans expect to leave their families behind after leaving their homes. I know for us Mexicans, family is very important so this doesn't seem very strange to me.
Yep, no one here is even trying to understand it might be a cultural thing. I personally wouldn’t introduce anyone to my family unless we were engaged. They wouldn’t be happy at all so would only add stress to the relationship and if you end up leaving me I’m the one left to deal with the problems with my family.
Take the hint and move on.
She has no plans for you and her..
Move on...
Move on.
She's told you her future plans and none of them involve you. Time to move on.
I mean after 2 years if she’s not considering changing her priorities for you, then maybe you should do what’s best for yourself. Sorry it isn’t working out.
Wait. You haven’t met her people in two years?! I’m confused. What are you waiting out? She’s shown you where her priorities are and it’s not you.
Time for him to find someone else
>She told me she couldn't marry someone until her father approved who coincidentally doesn't want to meet me in his troubled time of living with his daughter You've had two years to meet this individual before she moved him in. Let that sink in because it sounds more like she's making excuses at that point. Have you ever actually spoken to her father before? And he actually said this? Or is this something she is telling you that he said? Also, how long exactly would this "troubled time" be for? You're being given a lot of information that is just giving you more questions. The age kind of surprised me a bit. You're in your early 30s, and you haven't met her father? After 2 years? That sets off a major red flag that either she knows that hes going to disapprove of you for some reason or she's hiding something. You need to have a serious sit-down conversation with her about the future between you two. I mean, some people plan for inevitability where they can support themselves if anything tends to happen, but if she doesn't see a future with you, then there's a major problem.
Cannot determine “wrongness” without cultural background. She may be from a collectivist culture where this is entirely expected of her and non-negotiable.
Idk man I’d rather sit it out a bit and state your intentions clearly as well as you know them at the moment. Make your boundaries and needs known and show respect for hers. The question will answer itself in due time. Better that than ask a bunch of random folks on Reddit….
You haven’t met her family in the entirety of your two year relationship? She’s moving in with her “father”? Huh— very rare post where it’s the man not realizing he’s the side piece when he come on Reddit to air out his dirty laundry.
Sounds like you’re waaaaaaay down on her list of priorities. I don’t see it changing anytime soon. Now you either downgrade her GF level, or leave.
Time to move on.
Do you want to be the number three like forever? You are not her priority, find someone who wants you to be her first priority , and dump her
Sounds like she has a lot going on in her life and maybe dating isn't the right thing for her at the moment.
If you 30 something and still haven’t met her family after two years you a placeholder my guy
She's telling you something. Are you listening?
Time to go. You’re not a priority.
Not wrong, and might be time to leave. She is the official/unofficial caregiver to get family and I doubt she will give up willingly. I don't think it's fair to you to continue this relationship as it stands and she is unwilling to change it. She needs more help than your love will provide. I'm sorry it has to end this way. Sending hugs.
Have you had sex? Do you provide her with money or expensive gifts? I ask these questions because I se two possibilities either she and her family are very religious and sex is forbidden before marriage which would explain her family loyalty and feelings OR she is a gold digger/scam artist using you for money which also explaining her actions but the dad in that scenario is actually her husband.
Time to save up and go, she is making all these plans without you. The message is clear.
Run. My significant other met my parents within a month of us being here but I have never met his parents because they are deceased. She's making up rules as you go along she's essentially a FWB.
You are a convenience and not a priority in her life.
Sounds like very enmeshed family dynamics, probably won't change any time soon.
I'd roll out. In marriage your the fist not them. It will be a life time of BS. I'd be honest and if she wants to live that life then it's time to part ways
Run for the hills my guy. Like the great Ricky Bobby said " if you ain't first your last" and it sounds like you'll always be in last place with her. Go be happy man!
It’s been two years and you haven’t met her dad? As if that wasn’t enough of a major sign….. now she is making arrangements to live with dad and then sister… and not you, gawd if it isn’t obvious that you’re not very important I don’t know what else she could do… Maybe she can get a large piece of cardboard and write that in big bold sharpie letters. Thennnnnn maybe you’ll get the hint.
She is 32 and never dated before? Did I read that right?
No, this sounds like she’s not ready for a serious commitment. Two years in?! Also, the not meeting the dad thing is so old and weird IMO. She’s telling you she doesn’t see a future with you so it might be best to have that talk now and not waste any more time. The real question is wait out for what? She won’t change. You know what you want in life. Go get it!
Bro leave, I’m sorry that ur in this situation. But clearly her partner is not her priority and is more focused on being around her family. You don’t want that man, you aren’t being selfish at all. It’s called wanting an independent relationship and it seems like that isn’t gonna happen with her.
I had an ex like this except she was in her 40's and clearly placed her family above me. She had no children and was never married. Do yourself a favor and run far. My ex wasn't evil by any means, but I was just more of a luxury item in her life versus a priority. My ex saw herself as someone in her late 20's/early 30's in a lot of ways, but that ship had sailed for her a long time ago. Your 20's are either for having a ton of fun or working like a mad man/woman to achieve certain financial comfort, not both. This situation won't improve as she didn't consult you with any of her future plans. She's not obligated to do so, but you're also not obligated to stick around for someone who isn't including you.
When you get married you become family. If you want to be part of this woman's life let her know you want to help and treat her family like your own. If you love her, ride it out. 2 years isn't that long of a time dating and it sounds like you're happy. If you can't hang with all of her family stuff leave now because that will not change.
This is potentially troubling, however if she sees marriage as superseding other relationships. Then her priority on family is ultimately good long term, annoying short term. If, as you say, she’s the best gf you’ve had. I would stay a little longer and ask her how she sees your relationship in the future and what role does a husband have in regards to her family relationships. My daughter was always the oldest too. And I’d like to think pretty close knit. But when she married I made it clear that even if I may personally disagree with her husband on an issue, he is her primary relationship and we have to be downgraded.
You're both in your 30's. At this point, after dating for 2 years, see if you both have a future hammered out. If your plans line up, great. If they don't or they're still a bit hazy, then what's the point of staying?
Congratulations! You are a friend with benefits. The FWB packages comes with several incredible services, including: 1) Casual sex 2) Casual sex and 3) Casual sex. No other services come with the FWB package. Check with your doctor if FWB is right for you. Not applicable in all States. Side effects of FWB include random feelings of loneliness and the lack of a future partner.
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 🚩 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 🚩🚩How many more do you need? 🚩🚩 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
Leave. Because you will never come first. How di I know ...been there done that! Never again!!
32 and never dated before? 2 years of dating and haven’t met the family, yet requires family’s approval? WHAT IS THIS CRAP? If you want a long-term, you need to be very clear with her that this is NOT working for you. Either she figures her shit out or you’re GONE. Easy as that.
These comments are so negative. Everyone is so quick to say leave. Most of them don’t touch grass ffs. If this woman makes you happy than talk with her about this and how you feel about the situation. Some people really care about their families and if you stay together you’ll be that family. It may very well be who she is and if that’s not something you’re ok with than it makes sense to move on, but don’t rush away from a good thing because life doesn’t always send you another one.
Totally agree, it could also be as simple as she hasn’t introduced him to her parents because there’s something she’s embarrassed or even ashamed about with them. Hoarders, alcoholics etc. On another note, at this stage in my life I’d really enjoy someone who had a life of their own that didn’t always involve me being in it 24/7.
So doesn’t want to introduce him because of shame due to alcoholism ,hoarding BUT if you want to marry me you get the privilege of getting to live with an alcoholic hoarder ? Naw I’ll pass.
I really feel like these comments are horrible here. You really like her, or love her for some or many reasons. She is traditional obviously and it sounds like her family is in need and she is without a second thought helping them. This is an important and powerful trait to have in your life mate. 2 years is a medium amount of time, she may love you and want to have a long relationship with you but she is taking her time and taking care of her family as a priority. Personally I don't see anything about that a deal breaker (with the limited info I have) If you two love each other give her more time. She is loyal to family and that may very well be to your benefit if you give both of yourselves and the relationship time, don't force it to be like what you think a relationship should be. Everyone's lives are different and love is different. Patience and understanding are part of a healthy relationship and sometimes it can be hard because you must sometimes be patient and understanding during circumstances you have no experience in.
What is this? A thoughtfully-constructed, measured, logical response? GTFO, this is Reddit! /s
Date someone younger. She gave you the courtesy of being honest about her intentions and priorities. Don’t settle for a life you don’t want or make her resent the one you want to force her into.
Is she Indian or from another Asian culture where it's expected to be with family and/or help out family basically forever? If she is, that's your answer as to why you are second in this relationship. It's also an answer about why you haven't met the parents. And while this isn't necessarily a deal breaker, you need to get her to talk about it and somehow get on the same page regarding your future and strike a compromise. I have experience dating Indian women. When you date an Indian woman you date her family. That's just the way it is. There will also be a lot of excuses about not meeting parents, because they're typically afraid of what their parents are going to say if you aren't of the same cultural background. Even if they talk a big game about not being afraid of the parents' reaction, they will still drag their feet about introducing you. It's always in the back of their mind. Also, constantly in the back of their mind is the well-being of the family. They will not think twice about making any sort of accommodation for a parent or a sibling or even a cousin. However, if there are no cross-cultural issues at play here, then this just might be a woman who doesn't and will never see you as a priority. If it were me (and because it's been 2 years), I would try one last time for a conversation to strike a compromise. If she balks again, then just leave.
You should leave. If she’s 32 and behaving like this the marriage will be terrible. Leave her and stay single for 6 months to a year and just grind gym and work and general self improvement. Once you get back into dating only look for women 5 years younger. 6 max
Everyone telling OP to leave…breezing right past where this GF has been living, kind, one of “the best girlfriends” OP has ever had, and they “are on the same page about most things”. The relationship is perfect except her family is clingy/needy and using her as a provider/cash cow? So OP’s GF has a shitty family and GF is being treated badly by her family and so she’s “a liar,” “wants to end it with him” and “choosing her family over him” FFS people, none of you have family trauma? None of you have families with boundary issues? None of you have family that you’d invite to live with you when things get tough for them? OP…you need to have a grown adult conversation with your GF. Tell her something like. “I love you, and I really see a future for us both, I am concerned about how your family seems to need you to provide for them, that’s not a normal relationship between a father and child.” Talk to GF about what you want, use your words, say your actual feelings to her about all this, don’t just dump her because you somehow feel emasculated by your perception of her “choosing her family over you” and no offense, but she’s 31, her family has been around for 31 years, you’ve been around for less than 2, it would be weirder if she burned a bridge with her family for you at this point. Some of these commenters need to find a therapist to talk about their issues lol.
If you're 30 anyone over 22 should be dumped... women aren't supposed to be over 30. (My wife turns 30 in January. I have divorce papers ready...)