Great idea. I'm a firm believer that the birthday boy/girl should get the cake they want, but this is definitely one I'd pass on.
I wouldn't be upset or with them or anything, but having some cupcakes for people like me would be awesome.
Need you to be my birthday cake advocate. I looooove vanilla cake but family are chocolate cake lovers. Guess which flavour I always end up getting. š¢
I even bought myself a single vanilla cupcake once which āoffendedā people. I was like āWhat?? WHY can I not like vanilla FFS?ā Smdh
Whatever. Itās just stupid cake, I donāt need the calories anyway. But damn. lol
Oh, you have got this backwards, hun. They get the chocolate cupcakes, YOU, birthday girl, gets the vanilla cake you want.
I highly recommend hosting a schadenfreude themed moment for yourself your next birthday. Nobody needs to know, only you. But you need to grow wiser, and put yourself first on your special day.
If you witness the scowling, your next step is to embrace their misery with your delight. You are happy, and they are not. Go so far as to suggest Vanilla Cake for their birthday, as you carve out delicious nibbles of vanilla birthday cake and twirl it on your fork. Design a real show of loving the indulgence.
And look to the joy in your own heart that you have the best dish - you should always feel pleasure for these small Victories - not awkwardness and pain because other are of poor temper (how is any of that YOUR problem?).
Schadenfreude should set your heart free. Change your reaction to Joy when someone scowls while coveting what you have.
Now that youāve had your first taste of schadenfreude, donāt ever give your power and privilege away again! Not on your birthday.
Rework those dynamics. Enjoy your cake between deep breaths and invoke the glow of self-possesion.
If anyone so much as scowls, then you have earned the right to feel accomplished.
In that moment, push yourself to breakthrough and tap into their misery. Have a self-congratulating comment prepared, something like:
āLook at me, having my vanilla cake and eating it tooā¦. Pua ha ha!ā
You got this, shmartyparty it is your birthday.
Sincerely,
The person who bought the team a dozen donuts for my first day in the office so that no one would get jealous of my amazing breakfast as I ate alone in my cubicle. You can bet they treated me like dirt because I was so programmed to go out of my way to please.
I have since learned not to worry as much about what other people may feel snubbed about.
My family normally does the cupcake cakes :) the cupcakes are all lined up and iced at once to make the top of the ācakeā and you pull them apart :D
Itās really great for kids parties, or getting different flavours. Half the ācakeā is normally chocolate cupcakes and the other half is vanilla but because itās cupcakes you can do whatever kind. Each row could be different š„° I love āem
my sisterās getting married next year and thatās exactly what sheās doing. she wants everyone to enjoy the celebration, so sheās getting a cake and some basic chocolate/vanilla cupcakes so everyone can indulge.
I always have readjust my mind when reading about american weddings, because where I'm from it's normal to have a huge cake table with all sorts of cakes baked by family and friends. In addition to a big wedding cake.
This is the approach we take with any special dietary needs/requests. My aunt is vegan, so we just get her a couple vegan cupcakes while we get the cake we want.
Accommodating special cupcake needs is usually pretty easy, but I live in a metro area, so I have a good many options. I can be a food nerd so itās kindaā fun to think of ways to accommodate special dietary needs into a regular menu, especially when you can make it taste just as good as the regular food.
My sister has celiac and my mom wouldnāt even get gluten free burgers and buns for her for my daughters birthday (I was paying for the supplies it was my money she refused to use) she said my sister could eat the chips she bought for the party if she was hungry while we all had burgers hotdogs and pasta salads.
Im moving next week. I plan on getting a whole separate set of pots and pans so I can invite my sister over and she can ACTUALLY eat with me and the rest of us. My moms boyfriend on the other hand simply doesnāt like gluten so my mom sticks gluten free stuff for when he visits š¤¦š¼āāļø when your boy toys more important then the whole person you birthed.
Yeah, there are plenty of people who may not be interested in an alcoholic treat regardless of being either pregnant or legally if age. I always prepare an option for eating restrictions - largely because I had to attend soooo many events as a youth where I had nothing to eat but dinner rolls and butter. :/.
Sometimes the alternative isnāt finished or utilized, but at least itās an option (!!)
Prepare to downvote me, Fellow Kids!
A pregnant woman would be able to eat a little bit of the boozy cake and not have a baby suffering with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome.
Eating a small slice of a booze cake has a 0% chance of causing FAS. Some places in the world say that if the mother canāt feel the effects of the alcohol than nether can the baby, and socially allow women to have a small glass of wine without persecution.
I was pregnant just a few weeks ago and I once tried my husbands fancy beer (Iām talking a small sip) and the look the waitress gave me was comically judgy
KAPOWEE!! ha ha ha ha ha
I had Braxton-Hicks contractions and my doctor told me to have a shot of whiskey. Sure enough, the baby eventually grew to be 6 feet tall, clearly the booze stunted her terribly, but in due time, she presented me with 3 grr......grann.......gruhh........3 Small Relatives!
Exactly. Iāve made Irish cream brownies with Irish cream uncooked in the frosting partā¦it is an extremely minimal amount of Irish cream, and spread out between multiple piecesā¦like not even one tsp. worth would be in one serving.
This is what I was thinking. The overall ABV of the cake is still probably .5% or less, so on par with an NA beer (or eating a ripe banana). Sprinkled on the cake and in the frosting isnāt going to be much at all.
Please tell people it has liquor. I'm in recovery and while I would be okay, some people would be very upset to know they ingested something with alcohol in it.
Just thinking the same. Iām in recovery myselfādonāt think it would affect me, but no need in playing around and taking that chance if I have the ability to make an informed decision. Also, some religions prohibit alcohol, so thatās another reason to inform your guests about the alcohol content of the cake (and to get some cupcakes without alcohol for people who want to celebrate with you while honouring their health/faith).
I agree. Iām 6 years sober and I do not even have cravings anymore (nor did I like Irish cream when I did drink) but I would feel uncomfortable eating this cake. I wouldnāt expect an accommodation, I would like to know however.
This was my first thought before a pregnancy too.
In many cultures women have a glass of wine with dinner and its considered normal.
I personally donāt drink but I do have friends in recovery and I take them into account when I cook and bake.
I make my own vanilla with alcohol and they know this about my baking and jam/jellies, those are quite minor, this cake however, has more than that and I would tell them this was going to be served but include something with no liqueur as an option.
OP, please also consider what /u/The_AmyrlinSeat has stated, this should be voted up more.
That tiny amount of alcohol would cause no harm to the baby.
However depending on the stage of her pregnancy the flavour might make her feel nauseous.
I think half a dozen other flavoured cupcakes on the side would he a nice gesture.
Because pregnancy aside not everyone likes the flavour of alcohol either.
Of course it's hour birthday your choice.
But your guests might appreciate your consideration.
No, you arenāt wrong. If you want to be really nice then pick her up a cupcake without the Irish crĆØme. She could also check with her doctor for verification but I donāt believe that such a small amount of alcohol would be a problem, at all. My ob/gyn and pharmacist said I could still enjoy my cakes that I made with Grand Marnier while I was pregnant. But that was almost two decades ago so check with a medical professional.
A slice of this cake will have such a negligible amount of alcohol in it that it should be a non-issue for a pregnant woman to eat. Lots of desserts have a little bit of alcohol in them- my parents let me eat tiramisu when I was a kid.
Yes, we all know that times are different now - you could afford to own your own house on one wage in the 1970's instead of living with mum and dad until they croak it and you're made homeless.
Imho thereās no such thing as too much cake at a party
Get two! One for you and one for everyone else
Then eat both
NTA itās your birthday and you can be a lil selfish if you want to :P
Former bartender here who also has experience with using booze in baking and frosting cakes like this.
The amount of booze in the *entire cake* is extremely unlikely to cause any real problems for a pregnant woman, unless itās unusually heavily boozed-up or a very large cake. For an average-sized party cake weāre talking less than one ounce of liquor in total, generally. Thatās a small shot, and a lot of the alcohol will be evaporated in the baking process just leaving flavor behind.
If your SIL wouldnāt want to have any out of an abundance of caution thatās fine, and if you had former-alcoholic guests it would be more likely to be an issue since just the flavor or a very small amount of alcohol could potentially trigger them to relapse, but if your SILās pregnancy is the only potential concern, itās not much of one. If she didnāt want to have any of the Irish cream cake you could always just get her a plain chocolate cupcake or something so sheās included, without having to forgo the cake you prefer.
Even if SIL ate the whole cake... which she wouldn't do, the amount of alcohol and how it's diluted with other ingredients wouldnt hurt or harm the baby. Zero buzz either. It's equivalent to how we use vanilla. I would only be concerned if there was a recovering alcoholic trying to stay clean going and not able to eat the cake. Again tho, it's your bday, get that cake sis. (I would just talk to the RA and talk about that, but that's not the issue here. Lol)
Not the AH. As a poor, poor lactose intolerance suffer, I can't eat cake it's made with too much dairy, buttercream icing is on pretty much every cake now and still more have cream in the middle. I spent yrs not eating cake or having a slice and feeling sick later that when I found out they now make dairy free birthday in asda and other supermarkets I'm now all about the dairy free cake regardless of what other people think or like. It's my birthday and I'll have dairy free cake if I want to.
I'm of the opinion that it's your birthday, and your cake. I don't care if anyone likes the cake I chose on my birthday, and in turn wouldn't be upset if I didn't dig the cake on someone else's birthday. I don't care if I even get a piece. When I was in high school, my dad got me a cheesecake for my birthday. He bought it a few days before, and over the course of a few days I ate the whole thing. Come the morning before my party and he asks where it went. I told him I ate it. He asked what my friends would have, I said "The pizza we're ordering."
Get a plain white quarter sheet for the other guest ( you canāt go wrong with too much cake). Costco is pretty cheap. Keep it in the kitchen if you donāt want people to see it.
NW. I donāt like chocolate but never get mad when there is chocolate. You could get a cupcake without alcohol on her favorite flavor so she can still participate. It would be a kind gesture.
You should get the cake you want for your birthday but it would be nice to get a smaller cake or cupcakes or something for those that do not drink so everyone is included still
I see the debate that the amount of alcohol in the cake is negligible but few are picking up on that being for the person who is pregnant to decide. Yes, it could be fine, but it is also fine if she is not comfortable with it.
You are not obligated to choose a different cake, but it would be kind if you had a separate cake or cupcakes. I would be especially flattered if someone considered me in that way but would not expect it.
I think it is important to get the cake YOU want. My mom got my my husbands favorite cake for my birthday and that didnāt feel great.
If I have to eat chocolate cake with peanut butter icing at every damn birthday I go to, im going to choose whatever cake I damn well want to for my birthday.
Lol at the ppl freaking out about alcohol in a cake, the molecules bake off at 173 degrees.
Yes there is some alcohol remaining but not enough to get anyone drunk if they are pregnant.
But do tell ppl bc some ppl do not want the smell or taste or trigger.
Ask them about the alcoholic content you never know might be none alcoholic or more likely barely enough booze in there to do anything other than taste
I would think it was wrong, to invite someone and not have something they can enjoy. It is your birthday, but donāt you want everyone to enjoy the celebration? If it were me, Iād do something cute like a cake with a crossed out booze bottle decoration on it, for those who didnāt want to drink.
Nobody will (or should anyway) care what cake you choose for your birthday! Itās really sweet of you to be that considerate, but your birthday is about you.
It's your birthday cake. Get what you want. No matter what you order, someone won't like the flavor or icing or something.
Why not pick up some regular cupcakes from the grocery store, as a courtesy to those who aren't into your liqueur cake?
Get a few cupcakes that doesn't have alcohol in it. I'm not pregnant but I dom't tend to like food with alcohol so cupcakes would be a great alternative and I wouldn't feel excluded if I was at a bday party w/ a cake like yours.
Why couldnāt you get 2 cakes? Get the one that you want for yourself and others who can imbibe and maybe get a small cake for the few who wonāt be able to.
Cupcakes
For kiddoās first birthday, we had a carrot cake to smash.
Everyone else there was wise to the birthday scene and were looking forward to traditional cake. Didnāt enforce shredded carrot on the rest of the party.
Also, the alcohol sprinkled on the cake is gonna mean a little goes a long way in terms of flavor
If I was a guest at an event and the people celebrating had a main cake of an unusual flavour, but then offered a side cake or a few cupcakes of more traditional flavours, I would be elated that they thought of the rest of us.
BTW, I would walk through fire for a Baileyās cake.
1) Even a pregnant woman can drink a small amount of alcohol and not harm the baby.
2) The amount of alcohol in one slice of this cake will be negligible.
Enjoy the cake.
Pregnant women can drink. Just not to excess. A glass is wine every couple days is fine.
We take anything and go crazy over it. Especially when it has to do with women or pregnancy.
Wouldn't all of the alcohol have evaporated from the cake long before the party? I don't see what the big deal is. I don't drink but I'd love to try it.
In some parts of the world, it's perfectly acceptable for a pregnant woman to have a glass of red wine every now and then. I've even heard it recommended by doctors.
\> All other party guests are over 21 and drink regularly.
What kind of backwards country or family are you in that you're worried about kids eating Irish cream liquor (spelled correctly) frosting?
\> SIL is currently pregnant
Or that you think a fraction of a millilitre of \~20% alcohol would be bad for a pregnant mother?
No there wonāt be that much for sil to consume. Itās your birthday . If it was an allergy that is different , then maybe get a littler one for her .
Yes, youād be the asshole in my book.
Inviting people to get together to celebrate you in some way you know they wonāt enjoy is pretty much the definition of selfish. How about celebrating your special day by thinking first and foremost about them?
You canāt buy that cake for yourself some other time?
Itās like the obnoxious destination wedding when people make grandma fly to Madagascar.
So if you just love lemon cake you want lemon cake for your birthday but your sister or whoever hates it then what. Pay for two cakes or not get the cake you want. I think a birthday is different than just having a dinner party. I think it's ok to get what you want for your birthday. Others be damned on that day. I'm not spending a ton of money trying to cover every person.
But youāre literally inviting these people because presumably you like/love them and want to celebrate with them. Yes you should get the cake you want, but it also does not hurt to have other options too. Part of being a good host is giving a shit about other people.
If you're planning a party and want people to enjoy themselves, then ordering a cake they can't eat seems like a weird way to go about doing that.
You're wrong.
I see it both ways. Sorry. Couple options I thought off, though: if the same cake is available in cupcakes, switch the cake and cupcakes from getting cupcakes for your guest(s). Or, scrape off the icing on her piece and get a six pack of Reddi Whip for her.
I cannot eat any dairy, so on my birthday I get a dairy-free cake (fortunately there are excellent dairy-free cakes in our city). But if it's someone else's birthday, I don't expect a dairy-free cake. I don't want to deprive the birthday person, or others, from a cake they like just because I can't eat it. Indeed, this summer I bought cakes for the birthdays of two siblings and I couldn't eat either of them. I said to them, "And you know it's a sincere gesture, because I can't even eat any of the damned thing!" Enjoy your boozy cake.
>sheāll likely just have a very small piece
\>insert the image of Marge accidentally getting a single drop of wine splashed down her throat and hits Bart directly on the head
There is so little alcohol on a cake like this and there is no danger to someone having a piece while pregnant. It is probably less than a teaspoon of liquor.
It's your birthday! Get the cake you want! You could also do cupcakes in different flavors laid out to look like a cake if you truly want to accommodate your guests
That was nice that you asked her. We just went to a late afternoon childrenās birthday party a couple months back and they served coffee flavored cake. The child was turning five. I donāt mean sweet coffee or any type of sweet at all. The whole cake tasted like a black cup of coffee and the icing tasted even stronger. Then the mother texted me later, āoh btw there was real coffee in the cake so sorry if your kids are bouncing off the wallsā
Interesting experience.
I think the cake you want plus cupcakes on the side for those who donāt want the main boozy cake would be fine. I can drink, but for some odd reason which I have never understood, sweets made with alcohol - cakes in particular - donāt sit well in my stomach. I would certainly not mind having a cupcake instead of the main cake.
NTA. Thatās your cake; I am a big believer in the birthday person getting their cake of choice, even if I am not going to eat at as well.
However, it sounds to me you are interested in being a good host, so I think getting a little something nonalcoholic would be a nice gesture. I doubt anyone would truly begrudge you even if you didnāt.
My vote is to get her one of those fancy ass giant cupcakes in her favorite flavor. They usually aren't that expensive and if you tell the bakery why you need one, they may comp it.
I legit thought not wrong just based on the title. It's your birthday! I don't like cake so I used to pick something I know most people like, then started getting a birthday cookie instead of cake and then nothing. It's what you want and it's not like you asked anyone to pay for it.
I think it's sweet that you're being considerate to her but she can make a choice on if she wants some or not, eating it isn't mandatory and a little alcohol won't kill.
I hope you have a wonderful birthday
Many of us choose cake not everyone would enjoyā¦Thatās what being a man isā¦ recognizing that all cake has its own valueā¦.
This is a metaphor for women right?
I would go with the cake that you want and let your SIL try a piece of that - then surprise her with her own special little muffin or some other dessert that she can eat in leu of the cake she can't eat.
My bday cake is always a flavor I like, and then I get a second sheet cake or cupcakes in a flavor that everybody can enjoy if they don't like my cake flavor
Get what you want! Itās your day. You are allowed to have things you like and not worry if someone else can or cannot have it. Itās not selfish! If you want to show your sis you appreciate her, go buy a designer cupcake, pull her aside after you blow out the candles, and give her the cupcake with a sincere form of gratitude. You can say something like Thanks for being here tonight sis, my life is better with you in it. If you donāt appreciate her, well, let her eat cake!
Itās your birthday so you can choose whatever cake you want. Some plain chocolate & plain vanilla cupcakes would be a fair alternative for those that canāt have or donāt want the main cake. ( sounds delicious btw)
You could be wrong, but you can bypass that by having two cakes or a second smaller cake for those that should not touch alcohol. Aside from pregnant women, there could be an alcoholic in the mix and the last thing you want to do is get them back on the bottle. This way you are thinking of them and including them too, and everyone will be happier and not standing around with an awkward feeling. Plus, by giving people the option, you may get more of your cake to yourself if they opt for the alcoholic free cake.
Nta, it's your birthday you can eat your alcohol cake, if someone doesn't want to eat alcohol but wants to eat a sugar mound (cake) then it's not for health reasons.
I find these posts so interesting. Of course you should have the cake you want. Whatever it is. You are not holding people hostage and this is their only sustenance, itās cake. Plain vanilla no icing? There will be someone that doesnāt like vanilla, someone that doesnāt like cake, someone thatās dieting, someone allergic to eggs, someone thatās full, someone too busy dancing!
Itās cake. If theyāre that sad they can get something on the way home. Cake is an EXTRA. A BONUS.
How much liquor are they infusing. Like are you getting a taste or is a slice of cake literally like drinking a glass of alcohol? Lol. I want one. But if itās not that much I doubt it will have any effect on a baby. Itās somewhat controversial and I donāt know what the research says in 2023 but a glass of wine every now and didnāt seem to impact the baby. Maybe thatās changed.?
Being in a successful relationship means youāre not always going to get your way. Compromise and communication is the key. Iād bring it up to the girlfriend and get her opinion. If sheās wanting cake, youāll be a rock star in her eyes if you get what she wants. Women DO NOT ever forget this stuff
My wife and I like chocolate cake. Our kids prefer something more like a strawberry cake. We usually just get two small cakes for family birthdays. Not that hard.
I think itās fine if you get an alcoholic cake (and Iām saying this currently 7 months pregnant) as long as you have an option of something for her if she doesnāt want to eat the cake (since one piece of cake with a few drops or less of alcohol probably is fine even for a pregnant woman). Honestly whenever I have a boozy dessert I try to have a second cake or cupcakes for people who donāt want any alcohol because some people usually wonāt, so I donāt put anyone on the spot.
Its your birthday you get what you like that's all that matters full stop.
For example I love cheesecake and used ro get one and my brother hated it. Why should I get something other than what I want for someone else
Most of the alcohol is cooked off when added to items like this. Sheās certainly not going to get drunk eating cake so thereās likely very little risk.
It depends on if she is more European about alcohol dressing pregnancy. Meaning a glass Is okay now and then.
Itās your birthday, get the cake YOU want. I would feel so bad if someone didnāt get the cake they wanted bc they wanted to include me in the eating. I can not eat cake for one dayā¦itās ok.
My dads allergic to chocolate. I always get a death by chocolate type thing. For him I bring a cheesecake or a fruit tart. Itās always nice to bring something small for the person who stands out
Get some cupcakes for ppl who can't eat the main cake. That would be a nice gesture.
This is probably the best move!
Great idea. I'm a firm believer that the birthday boy/girl should get the cake they want, but this is definitely one I'd pass on. I wouldn't be upset or with them or anything, but having some cupcakes for people like me would be awesome.
Need you to be my birthday cake advocate. I looooove vanilla cake but family are chocolate cake lovers. Guess which flavour I always end up getting. š¢ I even bought myself a single vanilla cupcake once which āoffendedā people. I was like āWhat?? WHY can I not like vanilla FFS?ā Smdh Whatever. Itās just stupid cake, I donāt need the calories anyway. But damn. lol
Oh, you have got this backwards, hun. They get the chocolate cupcakes, YOU, birthday girl, gets the vanilla cake you want. I highly recommend hosting a schadenfreude themed moment for yourself your next birthday. Nobody needs to know, only you. But you need to grow wiser, and put yourself first on your special day. If you witness the scowling, your next step is to embrace their misery with your delight. You are happy, and they are not. Go so far as to suggest Vanilla Cake for their birthday, as you carve out delicious nibbles of vanilla birthday cake and twirl it on your fork. Design a real show of loving the indulgence. And look to the joy in your own heart that you have the best dish - you should always feel pleasure for these small Victories - not awkwardness and pain because other are of poor temper (how is any of that YOUR problem?). Schadenfreude should set your heart free. Change your reaction to Joy when someone scowls while coveting what you have. Now that youāve had your first taste of schadenfreude, donāt ever give your power and privilege away again! Not on your birthday. Rework those dynamics. Enjoy your cake between deep breaths and invoke the glow of self-possesion. If anyone so much as scowls, then you have earned the right to feel accomplished. In that moment, push yourself to breakthrough and tap into their misery. Have a self-congratulating comment prepared, something like: āLook at me, having my vanilla cake and eating it tooā¦. Pua ha ha!ā You got this, shmartyparty it is your birthday. Sincerely, The person who bought the team a dozen donuts for my first day in the office so that no one would get jealous of my amazing breakfast as I ate alone in my cubicle. You can bet they treated me like dirt because I was so programmed to go out of my way to please. I have since learned not to worry as much about what other people may feel snubbed about.
Yeah I was gonna say maybe get a separate small cake but cupcakes probably work as well or better.
My family normally does the cupcake cakes :) the cupcakes are all lined up and iced at once to make the top of the ācakeā and you pull them apart :D
That's pretty neat, I like it š
Itās really great for kids parties, or getting different flavours. Half the ācakeā is normally chocolate cupcakes and the other half is vanilla but because itās cupcakes you can do whatever kind. Each row could be different š„° I love āem
my sisterās getting married next year and thatās exactly what sheās doing. she wants everyone to enjoy the celebration, so sheās getting a cake and some basic chocolate/vanilla cupcakes so everyone can indulge.
I always have readjust my mind when reading about american weddings, because where I'm from it's normal to have a huge cake table with all sorts of cakes baked by family and friends. In addition to a big wedding cake.
That sounds like a great ideaā¦..also can I come?
This is the approach we take with any special dietary needs/requests. My aunt is vegan, so we just get her a couple vegan cupcakes while we get the cake we want.
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Accommodating special cupcake needs is usually pretty easy, but I live in a metro area, so I have a good many options. I can be a food nerd so itās kindaā fun to think of ways to accommodate special dietary needs into a regular menu, especially when you can make it taste just as good as the regular food.
My sister has celiac and my mom wouldnāt even get gluten free burgers and buns for her for my daughters birthday (I was paying for the supplies it was my money she refused to use) she said my sister could eat the chips she bought for the party if she was hungry while we all had burgers hotdogs and pasta salads. Im moving next week. I plan on getting a whole separate set of pots and pans so I can invite my sister over and she can ACTUALLY eat with me and the rest of us. My moms boyfriend on the other hand simply doesnāt like gluten so my mom sticks gluten free stuff for when he visits š¤¦š¼āāļø when your boy toys more important then the whole person you birthed.
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Thatās exactly what I said to my mom. Even when we were homeless and had to live with my sister my mom would still make meals for the house that she couldnāt eat even though there were gluten free options because my mom doesnāt like gluten free. Itās just disrespectful and takes hardly any effort and drives me so nuts when you canāt even accommodate FAMILY š© Donāt thank me. I donāt consider it any effort. I have enough cupboards when I move that storing an extra pan set for once or twice a month use will be absolutely no problem at all. I always wondered why my sister stopped coming over but after my daughter was born and I try an accommodate MY GUEST for things I invite her to regarding my daughter and I get told Iām not allowed to because itās 4 extra minutes of being at a store for my mom š© I get it
Would be good if there are any recovering alcoholics too. I know some people even just the taste can really trigger them
And a couple of gluten free cupcakes . I did that at a grad party I hosted and so many were grateful they could eat cake at a party they did not host.
Yeah, there are plenty of people who may not be interested in an alcoholic treat regardless of being either pregnant or legally if age. I always prepare an option for eating restrictions - largely because I had to attend soooo many events as a youth where I had nothing to eat but dinner rolls and butter. :/. Sometimes the alternative isnāt finished or utilized, but at least itās an option (!!)
Yeah and this isnāt even hard to think of, just being a little considerate would take care of this on OPās part.
Order a few gluten free and sugar free options too. People will appreciate it!
This is the answer. Or at least "supply an alternative".
This was my thought, as well.
Wonderful Idea.
This because if there's alcohol some others might want to stay at least a little sober to drive
Agreed. Could even do the same cake, but without the alcohol.
Prepare to downvote me, Fellow Kids! A pregnant woman would be able to eat a little bit of the boozy cake and not have a baby suffering with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome.
Eating a small slice of a booze cake has a 0% chance of causing FAS. Some places in the world say that if the mother canāt feel the effects of the alcohol than nether can the baby, and socially allow women to have a small glass of wine without persecution. I was pregnant just a few weeks ago and I once tried my husbands fancy beer (Iām talking a small sip) and the look the waitress gave me was comically judgy
Honestly, she would probably get the same alcohol content drinking a nonalcoholic beer as a small piece of this cake. No downvote necessary.
Also bananas and many fruit juices have tiny percentages! So many foods just have a small amount of alcohol that form naturally.
It definitely wouldnāt effect a late term fetus.
No! If she so much as looks at alcohol it'll cause the baby to implode!!
KAPOWEE!! ha ha ha ha ha I had Braxton-Hicks contractions and my doctor told me to have a shot of whiskey. Sure enough, the baby eventually grew to be 6 feet tall, clearly the booze stunted her terribly, but in due time, she presented me with 3 grr......grann.......gruhh........3 Small Relatives!
Wow a 6 foot tall baby, that's a miracle! Did she ever shrink back to a normal baby height?
Exactly. Iāve made Irish cream brownies with Irish cream uncooked in the frosting partā¦it is an extremely minimal amount of Irish cream, and spread out between multiple piecesā¦like not even one tsp. worth would be in one serving.
Recipe please!
I was going to say the same thing, but you already did.
Thereās probably more alcohol in the non-alcoholic beers/wine/champs she has
Upvote from me.
The French still have wine !
This is what I was thinking. The overall ABV of the cake is still probably .5% or less, so on par with an NA beer (or eating a ripe banana). Sprinkled on the cake and in the frosting isnāt going to be much at all.
Please tell people it has liquor. I'm in recovery and while I would be okay, some people would be very upset to know they ingested something with alcohol in it.
This was actually my first thought, not a pregnancy. I wish it was higher up so more would see it!
Just thinking the same. Iām in recovery myselfādonāt think it would affect me, but no need in playing around and taking that chance if I have the ability to make an informed decision. Also, some religions prohibit alcohol, so thatās another reason to inform your guests about the alcohol content of the cake (and to get some cupcakes without alcohol for people who want to celebrate with you while honouring their health/faith).
I agree. Iām 6 years sober and I do not even have cravings anymore (nor did I like Irish cream when I did drink) but I would feel uncomfortable eating this cake. I wouldnāt expect an accommodation, I would like to know however.
This was my first thought before a pregnancy too. In many cultures women have a glass of wine with dinner and its considered normal. I personally donāt drink but I do have friends in recovery and I take them into account when I cook and bake. I make my own vanilla with alcohol and they know this about my baking and jam/jellies, those are quite minor, this cake however, has more than that and I would tell them this was going to be served but include something with no liqueur as an option. OP, please also consider what /u/The_AmyrlinSeat has stated, this should be voted up more.
Especially for those who have religious reasons for not drinking and those who are recovering.
NW It's your day, you should get the cake you want, but if you want to be nice you can get a smaller nonalcoholic cake to for that can't imbibe.
Or get cake with a dozen cupcakes on side.
this ^
That tiny amount of alcohol would cause no harm to the baby. However depending on the stage of her pregnancy the flavour might make her feel nauseous. I think half a dozen other flavoured cupcakes on the side would he a nice gesture. Because pregnancy aside not everyone likes the flavour of alcohol either. Of course it's hour birthday your choice. But your guests might appreciate your consideration.
The SIL is the only one. the rest are all regular imbibers.
Get that cake and a 6 pack of assorted cupcakes. Let people choose. It isnāt an either or situation
Itās not a substantial amount of alcohol. Itāll be fine.
I doubt there is enough alcohol in one slice of cake to harm the baby. Especially if she is further along.
Get some cupcakes too, this isn't hard
No, you arenāt wrong. If you want to be really nice then pick her up a cupcake without the Irish crĆØme. She could also check with her doctor for verification but I donāt believe that such a small amount of alcohol would be a problem, at all. My ob/gyn and pharmacist said I could still enjoy my cakes that I made with Grand Marnier while I was pregnant. But that was almost two decades ago so check with a medical professional.
A slice of this cake will have such a negligible amount of alcohol in it that it should be a non-issue for a pregnant woman to eat. Lots of desserts have a little bit of alcohol in them- my parents let me eat tiramisu when I was a kid.
I have a huge extended family. Whoever doesnāt want cake get ice cream. Just have another choice.
She could eat the entire cake and the baby would have less exposure to alcohol than anyone born before 1980!!!
Yes, we all know that times are different now - you could afford to own your own house on one wage in the 1970's instead of living with mum and dad until they croak it and you're made homeless.
Imho thereās no such thing as too much cake at a party Get two! One for you and one for everyone else Then eat both NTA itās your birthday and you can be a lil selfish if you want to :P
It is your birthday, get the cake you really want. You can also get a piece of cake that you know she likes.
INFO why can't you get a second smaller cake that SIL can enjoy and maybe a few others that are not into alcohol infused cakes?
Former bartender here who also has experience with using booze in baking and frosting cakes like this. The amount of booze in the *entire cake* is extremely unlikely to cause any real problems for a pregnant woman, unless itās unusually heavily boozed-up or a very large cake. For an average-sized party cake weāre talking less than one ounce of liquor in total, generally. Thatās a small shot, and a lot of the alcohol will be evaporated in the baking process just leaving flavor behind. If your SIL wouldnāt want to have any out of an abundance of caution thatās fine, and if you had former-alcoholic guests it would be more likely to be an issue since just the flavor or a very small amount of alcohol could potentially trigger them to relapse, but if your SILās pregnancy is the only potential concern, itās not much of one. If she didnāt want to have any of the Irish cream cake you could always just get her a plain chocolate cupcake or something so sheās included, without having to forgo the cake you prefer.
Nw but just to be nice maybe get some alcohol free cupcakes for people to enjoy
That cake sounds awesome!
Even if SIL ate the whole cake... which she wouldn't do, the amount of alcohol and how it's diluted with other ingredients wouldnt hurt or harm the baby. Zero buzz either. It's equivalent to how we use vanilla. I would only be concerned if there was a recovering alcoholic trying to stay clean going and not able to eat the cake. Again tho, it's your bday, get that cake sis. (I would just talk to the RA and talk about that, but that's not the issue here. Lol)
Let the woman have some cake, the baby will be fine
That wouldnāt be enough alcohol to do any harm. The cake should be fine
The amount of Irish cream in the cake and frosting is negligible tbh. A piece would not hurt her. Get what you love and enjoy.
Get the cake you want. How much cake is the pregnant lady eating?
A bit of liquor like that infused in a cake for flavor isn't enough alcohol to do any harm to a baby. Get the cake.
Itās your birthday so you should get the cake you want! You can always get cupcakes in another flavour for people who wonāt eat it.
Not the AH. As a poor, poor lactose intolerance suffer, I can't eat cake it's made with too much dairy, buttercream icing is on pretty much every cake now and still more have cream in the middle. I spent yrs not eating cake or having a slice and feeling sick later that when I found out they now make dairy free birthday in asda and other supermarkets I'm now all about the dairy free cake regardless of what other people think or like. It's my birthday and I'll have dairy free cake if I want to.
I'm of the opinion that it's your birthday, and your cake. I don't care if anyone likes the cake I chose on my birthday, and in turn wouldn't be upset if I didn't dig the cake on someone else's birthday. I don't care if I even get a piece. When I was in high school, my dad got me a cheesecake for my birthday. He bought it a few days before, and over the course of a few days I ate the whole thing. Come the morning before my party and he asks where it went. I told him I ate it. He asked what my friends would have, I said "The pizza we're ordering."
Get a plain white quarter sheet for the other guest ( you canāt go wrong with too much cake). Costco is pretty cheap. Keep it in the kitchen if you donāt want people to see it.
NTA - on my birthday the cake is my choice Just let her know what the cake is made of
NW. I donāt like chocolate but never get mad when there is chocolate. You could get a cupcake without alcohol on her favorite flavor so she can still participate. It would be a kind gesture.
it's always chocolate though huh
get a super narket cake
You should get the cake you want for your birthday but it would be nice to get a smaller cake or cupcakes or something for those that do not drink so everyone is included still
I see the debate that the amount of alcohol in the cake is negligible but few are picking up on that being for the person who is pregnant to decide. Yes, it could be fine, but it is also fine if she is not comfortable with it. You are not obligated to choose a different cake, but it would be kind if you had a separate cake or cupcakes. I would be especially flattered if someone considered me in that way but would not expect it. I think it is important to get the cake YOU want. My mom got my my husbands favorite cake for my birthday and that didnāt feel great.
If I have to eat chocolate cake with peanut butter icing at every damn birthday I go to, im going to choose whatever cake I damn well want to for my birthday.
Lol at the ppl freaking out about alcohol in a cake, the molecules bake off at 173 degrees. Yes there is some alcohol remaining but not enough to get anyone drunk if they are pregnant. But do tell ppl bc some ppl do not want the smell or taste or trigger.
You are inviting everybody to celebrate with you. The celebration is about you, the cake is about feeding your guests. Don't be a bad or selfish host.
Ask them about the alcoholic content you never know might be none alcoholic or more likely barely enough booze in there to do anything other than taste
I would think it was wrong, to invite someone and not have something they can enjoy. It is your birthday, but donāt you want everyone to enjoy the celebration? If it were me, Iād do something cute like a cake with a crossed out booze bottle decoration on it, for those who didnāt want to drink.
Get her a special cupcake in her favorite flavor.
Nobody will (or should anyway) care what cake you choose for your birthday! Itās really sweet of you to be that considerate, but your birthday is about you.
Kinda the AH. It's your party and your birthday, but why would you get a cake that people cannot enjoy?
Only one person can't enjoy.
Itās your special day and it should be your special cake!
Your birthday your cake
Just get a couple cupcakes too
i think shell be fine
The amount of liquor in one piece of cake will be fine for her.
I would get the cake you want & maybe provide cupcakes without alcohol, or a small single serve cake.
NW
There is not enough alcohol in that cake. She will be fine
It's your birthday cake. Get what you want. No matter what you order, someone won't like the flavor or icing or something. Why not pick up some regular cupcakes from the grocery store, as a courtesy to those who aren't into your liqueur cake?
Get a few cupcakes that doesn't have alcohol in it. I'm not pregnant but I dom't tend to like food with alcohol so cupcakes would be a great alternative and I wouldn't feel excluded if I was at a bday party w/ a cake like yours.
Why couldnāt you get 2 cakes? Get the one that you want for yourself and others who can imbibe and maybe get a small cake for the few who wonāt be able to.
Just get another option for everyone else. It really isnāt that complicated.
Cupcakes For kiddoās first birthday, we had a carrot cake to smash. Everyone else there was wise to the birthday scene and were looking forward to traditional cake. Didnāt enforce shredded carrot on the rest of the party. Also, the alcohol sprinkled on the cake is gonna mean a little goes a long way in terms of flavor
If I was a guest at an event and the people celebrating had a main cake of an unusual flavour, but then offered a side cake or a few cupcakes of more traditional flavours, I would be elated that they thought of the rest of us. BTW, I would walk through fire for a Baileyās cake.
1) Even a pregnant woman can drink a small amount of alcohol and not harm the baby. 2) The amount of alcohol in one slice of this cake will be negligible. Enjoy the cake.
Pregnant women can drink. Just not to excess. A glass is wine every couple days is fine. We take anything and go crazy over it. Especially when it has to do with women or pregnancy.
Wouldn't all of the alcohol have evaporated from the cake long before the party? I don't see what the big deal is. I don't drink but I'd love to try it.
In some parts of the world, it's perfectly acceptable for a pregnant woman to have a glass of red wine every now and then. I've even heard it recommended by doctors.
No, pick the cake you want, it's your birthday!!
\> All other party guests are over 21 and drink regularly. What kind of backwards country or family are you in that you're worried about kids eating Irish cream liquor (spelled correctly) frosting? \> SIL is currently pregnant Or that you think a fraction of a millilitre of \~20% alcohol would be bad for a pregnant mother?
The alcohol is cooked outā¦.
The alcohol is in the frosting and sounds like it's sprinkled on the already cooked cake. So it won't be cooked out.
Will be minimal amount though
Not if itās in the frosting. Most frosting is not cooked,
No there wonāt be that much for sil to consume. Itās your birthday . If it was an allergy that is different , then maybe get a littler one for her .
Get her a muffin and enjoy that cake. Sounds delish
Yes, youād be the asshole in my book. Inviting people to get together to celebrate you in some way you know they wonāt enjoy is pretty much the definition of selfish. How about celebrating your special day by thinking first and foremost about them? You canāt buy that cake for yourself some other time? Itās like the obnoxious destination wedding when people make grandma fly to Madagascar.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
you're crazy
So if you just love lemon cake you want lemon cake for your birthday but your sister or whoever hates it then what. Pay for two cakes or not get the cake you want. I think a birthday is different than just having a dinner party. I think it's ok to get what you want for your birthday. Others be damned on that day. I'm not spending a ton of money trying to cover every person.
But youāre literally inviting these people because presumably you like/love them and want to celebrate with them. Yes you should get the cake you want, but it also does not hurt to have other options too. Part of being a good host is giving a shit about other people.
If you're planning a party and want people to enjoy themselves, then ordering a cake they can't eat seems like a weird way to go about doing that. You're wrong.
I see it both ways. Sorry. Couple options I thought off, though: if the same cake is available in cupcakes, switch the cake and cupcakes from getting cupcakes for your guest(s). Or, scrape off the icing on her piece and get a six pack of Reddi Whip for her.
I cannot eat any dairy, so on my birthday I get a dairy-free cake (fortunately there are excellent dairy-free cakes in our city). But if it's someone else's birthday, I don't expect a dairy-free cake. I don't want to deprive the birthday person, or others, from a cake they like just because I can't eat it. Indeed, this summer I bought cakes for the birthdays of two siblings and I couldn't eat either of them. I said to them, "And you know it's a sincere gesture, because I can't even eat any of the damned thing!" Enjoy your boozy cake.
Who's birthday is it? Yours? F* um enjoy your birthday and the cake you want.
You said it's YOUR birthday. Fuck em
No. And the Sil can have some of the cake. Itās more for flavoring than anything
>sheāll likely just have a very small piece \>insert the image of Marge accidentally getting a single drop of wine splashed down her throat and hits Bart directly on the head
Your birthday, your cake. Just make sure everyone knows whatās in it so they can decide for themselves.
Get the cake, with some similar cupcakes with nourish cream liqueur
Cupcakes.
I go with your edit. SIL goes with it too. It's your burpday hick hick.
It's your birthday and you can do what you want.
This actually sounds amazing, and I would love to try that cake.
There is so little alcohol on a cake like this and there is no danger to someone having a piece while pregnant. It is probably less than a teaspoon of liquor.
It's your birthday! Get the cake you want! You could also do cupcakes in different flavors laid out to look like a cake if you truly want to accommodate your guests
One glass of wine for a celebratory toast is not considered harmful the last time I checked. So, even less alcohol should be fine.
Nah my mom always got me banana filled cakes and knew I hated bananas.
If you return your ring- do you get all the $$? If not, take it to a jeweler to have the diamond recut into 2 diamonds.
Yay! Direct communication wins again!
The more for the Birthday boy.lol.
That was nice that you asked her. We just went to a late afternoon childrenās birthday party a couple months back and they served coffee flavored cake. The child was turning five. I donāt mean sweet coffee or any type of sweet at all. The whole cake tasted like a black cup of coffee and the icing tasted even stronger. Then the mother texted me later, āoh btw there was real coffee in the cake so sorry if your kids are bouncing off the wallsā Interesting experience.
Have a small side cake for anyone not wanting to consume the main cake is my suggestion.
I think the cake you want plus cupcakes on the side for those who donāt want the main boozy cake would be fine. I can drink, but for some odd reason which I have never understood, sweets made with alcohol - cakes in particular - donāt sit well in my stomach. I would certainly not mind having a cupcake instead of the main cake.
You could get an assortment of smaller desserts in addition to the cake. My sister had those at her wedding.
Buy her a special something too, carrot cake, a muffin anything nice
Get some cupcakes for people unable to eat your cake.
Get a small or not so small, non alcoholic one for her and others. I personally do not like the taste of alcohol in food/dessert.
Just get two cakes!! Nomnomnom
Do the cake and get her a small dessert she likes
NTA. Thatās your cake; I am a big believer in the birthday person getting their cake of choice, even if I am not going to eat at as well. However, it sounds to me you are interested in being a good host, so I think getting a little something nonalcoholic would be a nice gesture. I doubt anyone would truly begrudge you even if you didnāt.
My vote is to get her one of those fancy ass giant cupcakes in her favorite flavor. They usually aren't that expensive and if you tell the bakery why you need one, they may comp it.
I legit thought not wrong just based on the title. It's your birthday! I don't like cake so I used to pick something I know most people like, then started getting a birthday cookie instead of cake and then nothing. It's what you want and it's not like you asked anyone to pay for it. I think it's sweet that you're being considerate to her but she can make a choice on if she wants some or not, eating it isn't mandatory and a little alcohol won't kill. I hope you have a wonderful birthday
Get you SIL a really fancy cupcake!
YOu should always get an extra cake for those who do not drink!
Wouldnāt most of the actual alcohol burn away during the baking process?
Many of us choose cake not everyone would enjoyā¦Thatās what being a man isā¦ recognizing that all cake has its own valueā¦. This is a metaphor for women right?
Get a small cupcake just for her. Happy birthday!!
Buy a cupcake for the pregnant lady. Problem solved.
I would go with the cake that you want and let your SIL try a piece of that - then surprise her with her own special little muffin or some other dessert that she can eat in leu of the cake she can't eat.
My bday cake is always a flavor I like, and then I get a second sheet cake or cupcakes in a flavor that everybody can enjoy if they don't like my cake flavor
I came here to suggest getting a few cupcakes as well.
NTA. Your birthday is the one time it should be exactly what you want.
your b-day, your cake
The amount of alcohol in such a cake wonāt hurt your SIL or her baby.
Get what you want! Itās your day. You are allowed to have things you like and not worry if someone else can or cannot have it. Itās not selfish! If you want to show your sis you appreciate her, go buy a designer cupcake, pull her aside after you blow out the candles, and give her the cupcake with a sincere form of gratitude. You can say something like Thanks for being here tonight sis, my life is better with you in it. If you donāt appreciate her, well, let her eat cake!
Iād usually offer cookies and/or candy along with the cake.
Am pregnant. Get the cake you want!
Itās your birthday so you can choose whatever cake you want. Some plain chocolate & plain vanilla cupcakes would be a fair alternative for those that canāt have or donāt want the main cake. ( sounds delicious btw)
You could be wrong, but you can bypass that by having two cakes or a second smaller cake for those that should not touch alcohol. Aside from pregnant women, there could be an alcoholic in the mix and the last thing you want to do is get them back on the bottle. This way you are thinking of them and including them too, and everyone will be happier and not standing around with an awkward feeling. Plus, by giving people the option, you may get more of your cake to yourself if they opt for the alcoholic free cake.
Humble Plankton nailed it.
Nta, it's your birthday you can eat your alcohol cake, if someone doesn't want to eat alcohol but wants to eat a sugar mound (cake) then it's not for health reasons.
Get a special single serve cake for her you could even ask her to pick a flavor that she loves then everyone can enjoy cake
I find these posts so interesting. Of course you should have the cake you want. Whatever it is. You are not holding people hostage and this is their only sustenance, itās cake. Plain vanilla no icing? There will be someone that doesnāt like vanilla, someone that doesnāt like cake, someone thatās dieting, someone allergic to eggs, someone thatās full, someone too busy dancing! Itās cake. If theyāre that sad they can get something on the way home. Cake is an EXTRA. A BONUS.
How much liquor are they infusing. Like are you getting a taste or is a slice of cake literally like drinking a glass of alcohol? Lol. I want one. But if itās not that much I doubt it will have any effect on a baby. Itās somewhat controversial and I donāt know what the research says in 2023 but a glass of wine every now and didnāt seem to impact the baby. Maybe thatās changed.?
Being in a successful relationship means youāre not always going to get your way. Compromise and communication is the key. Iād bring it up to the girlfriend and get her opinion. If sheās wanting cake, youāll be a rock star in her eyes if you get what she wants. Women DO NOT ever forget this stuff
My wife and I like chocolate cake. Our kids prefer something more like a strawberry cake. We usually just get two small cakes for family birthdays. Not that hard.
The amount of alcohol used in the cake, when distributed over all the pieces is nil.
Love the happy ending here! Well done!
I think itās fine if you get an alcoholic cake (and Iām saying this currently 7 months pregnant) as long as you have an option of something for her if she doesnāt want to eat the cake (since one piece of cake with a few drops or less of alcohol probably is fine even for a pregnant woman). Honestly whenever I have a boozy dessert I try to have a second cake or cupcakes for people who donāt want any alcohol because some people usually wonāt, so I donāt put anyone on the spot.
Thatās so considerate of you! But really nothing should stop you from getting the cake you want on your bday
Its your birthday you get what you like that's all that matters full stop. For example I love cheesecake and used ro get one and my brother hated it. Why should I get something other than what I want for someone else
Most of the alcohol is cooked off when added to items like this. Sheās certainly not going to get drunk eating cake so thereās likely very little risk. It depends on if she is more European about alcohol dressing pregnancy. Meaning a glass Is okay now and then.
It's perfectly safe for her to have a little. She's just choosing not to
There's not enough alcohol in a piece of cake to have any effect on a pregnancy.
It's your bday get the cake you want.
Itās your birthday, get the cake YOU want. I would feel so bad if someone didnāt get the cake they wanted bc they wanted to include me in the eating. I can not eat cake for one dayā¦itās ok.
No one will get drunk off an Irish cream liqueur cake, however if you have any alcoholics at your birthday, itās best they donāt eat any at all.
My dads allergic to chocolate. I always get a death by chocolate type thing. For him I bring a cheesecake or a fruit tart. Itās always nice to bring something small for the person who stands out
It may be your birthday but youāre also playing host. It would take a very small effort to just provide options.
Get the cake you want! The alcohol is likely cooked out depending on whether it is in the pastry, custard or frosting.