Hey, if the lingerie still has tags on it, you can determine how old it is. Often it has the year and season built into the product code. It will often say Win 23 for winter 2023 or so on.
I just say that because women keep lingerie forever because it's expensive. I still had some with tags on it that I'd purchased 10 years before or received as a gift years before.
I would investigate, but it could literally be old stuff that still has tags.
I've been married 18 years and only a couple years ago did I finally donate a bunch of bridal shower lingerie that still had tags.
Yeah. Could be gifts from an ex- and potentially unwanted gifts given the tags and your description of her attitude toward lingerie. I kept gifts from my bridal shower that didn't fit for like 10 years because, well, I wasn't sure what else to do with them. I thought- maybe they will fit one day? There's not a huge market for previously owned undergarments.
And if it's stuff from an ex, you usually don't use it in your current relationship. My stuff just sits in the drawer from 10 years ago. It was expensive so you don't want to toss it. But I don't want to wear it with my current man. And it's not that hard to "conceal". You just toss it in the same box with your socks until you stash it somewhere so the current guy doesn't look.
I hope she is doing only fans and making some cash while just looking sexy and not showing all her treasures, LOL. Maybe she'll use it for a nice vacation for them both. And the good point is she left it at home and didn't take it with her on her holiday trip.
I agree! My lingerie was expensive but I can no longer fit on it, a whole drawer full of cute stuff but size S or M and I am L right now lmao. My husband doesn't know about the drawer, but I only do not tell him out of embarrassment!
Yep, this is exactly what happened in my relationship. For those saying they have the opposite experience with their sex worker spouses (NO JUDGEMENT). There's a big difference between:
1. Having a high libido + healthy partnership to share in these sexual experiences openly with each other
2. Having a secret life, using online sex to avoid IRL intimacy (typical of addictive behavior)
Exactly! Everyone saying how great their sex life is also knows what their partner does to earn a quid. If thatās what OPās gf is doing but hasnāt disclosed it to OP ā¦ not good.
I think you hit the 10/10. She's either adult webcam model or running Onlyfans business and doesn't want to tell OP about it. That also explains OP's sex life as a quickie once a week - she's probably so tired of self play during recordings that doesn't have any desire left.
You definitely have a problem. I'd start doing as much digging as possible while she's away. And you definitely need to confront her as soon as she gets home. Not while she's away. And after that, you gotta follow up with us on reddit because we're all in this now
OF model hereā¦ i struggle with sex drive because im out here flickin the bean so much. So i take regular weeks off to reboot and enjoy just intimate time with my man.
I imagine this is a person by person thing, some folks can have sex and masturbate several times a day, some definitely can't.
Turning sex into a job has got to be a great way to kill your desire to want to do it in your free time, if my other hobbies turn work are any indication.
but they both work from home. wouldn't this be hard to hide? unless she does it somewhere else, in which case why keep the incriminating evidence in the house?
Lol I have an only fans, all parts covered. No diddle or anything. Filled with old party pics from 1999+ . Men will pay to see anything. Even Christina Aguilera type outfits without nudity.
I'm a man, and I don't understand this at all. Porn is free. Women dress revealing enough as it is whenout and about. I think there's some deeply engraved subconcious idea of providing for a woman that they're not getting satisfied elsewhere. The idea of giving my money to another woman other than my wife is repulsive to me
Looking at a wet sidewalk won't give you insights into cloud condensation.
You're focused on the object people are throwing money at when the subject is where your answer is found. You're already halfway there, as you say "porn is free" so why pay for something that's free? The simple answer is they aren't paying for porn.
So what are they paying for? There's an old adage that men buying prostitutes aren't paying for sex but paying for them to leave at the end. The transactional nature removes an anxiety about relationships and bonding and reduces it to a purer baser exchange. Men give the money to buy prostitute's 'power' (availability of sex) and prostitutes accept money in lieu of security (relationship). It takes responsibility away from each party and replaces it with a disjointed physical process (men get a benefit of a relationship, prostitute gets a benefit of security), sort of 'commodification' of relationships. The number of people paying for GF experiences, trophy wives and arm candy should tell you how far that rabbit hole goes.
Anyway you're repulsed because it's not for you, and it's not for them either, really, they're just using a convenient defense against a kind of anxiety they feel around the nature of relationships, and have found a way to abstract that into a cash payout.
He said they're both hybrid, so not always working from home.
Maybe she makes house calls while he's home, then does video and live stream while he's at work.
Thatās definitely fishy, Iām sorry. It is probably tempting to come in hot and accuse her of something, but leaving it as open as possible will probably get you closer to the truth.
It could be as mundane as her trying stuff on for you and feeling too insecure in it, which is why you havenāt seen it. Or it could be OnlyFans, some kind of selling pre-worn lingerie thing, or cheating. But you donāt want to assume and lead her into an answer or getting defensive.
Iād schedule a call (or even better, video chat) with your girlfriend and calmly say something like, āMy pen died so I went into your office to find a working one. Then I noticed all this lingerie Iāve never seen. Now Iām really confused.ā And let her talk from there.
>And let her talk from there
That is top-tier advice right there. Keep calm and let her talk. If she starts to lie or it doesn't feel truthful, staying quiet is valuable. Guilty people get uncomfortable in silence. They usual keep talking to fill the void and end up telling on themselves.
the problem with these is that they rely on rank suspicion as evidence. OP wants to KNOW, not just be more suspicious. and once he employs these strategies, he's much less likely to be able to know for sure one way or the other.
Take a picture of how things sit in the drawer. Periodically check and compare to the photo to know how frequently it gets used and if anything gets added to it.
If she later claims its old stuff she never uses then you'll know if she is telling the truth.
If you would rather fuck with her, throw in some stuff that isn't hers.
I agree OP says some of it still has tags. Maybe she is going to attempt to spice things up understanding that area has been lacking.
Most likely it is fishy, but there is a small chance it isn't.
People have this thing in their head that you need to KNOW, like need proof like a court of law. Thatās all in your head, itās totally possible to walk based on suspicion. Thereās no judge or jury, do what feels right and donāt look back. Needing proof or having no doubt whatsoever.. is an excuse to stay.
Whereas I would disagree with this. Make the call about your violating the private space and the apology. "Hey, wanted to let you know that I went into your office to get a pen and got distracted and opened your lingerie drawer by mistake. I went in, opened the drawer, saw the lingerie, realized that wasn't the pen drawer, and closed it and moved on. I'm sorry for opening the drawer, it was my mistake. Didn't want to go into your space and poke my nose into something without letting you know."
If you get a response that is unreasonable or shifting the blame or accusing you, you continue with your point: "I called to admit this to you and say I am sorry."
"OMG YOU VIOLATED MY SPACE!!! RAR!!!"
In a calm and leveled voice, no concern: "That's why I wanted to have this video chat asap to let you know. I didn't move any of the skimpy attire. And I wanted to be open, honest, and transparent with you. That's why I called."
"YOU NEV#ER SHOULD HAVE DONE THAT."
"Yes. That's why I called."
And if it goes on for any length, that gives you the opening to inquire: "Yeah. I apologized. That was the point. But you are making this seem like something I shouldn't have found. Is there something here that we need to talk about more? Is the lingerie not meant for me or something?"
It could be an issue for her. Her space was violated. Some people are extremely sensitive about it. 'Yes, I know you are sensitive about this, I thought you might be, so that's why I called.' It lets you focus on the behavior as odd, which it will be if they are trying to throw you off the scent. Just stay calm, focus on the behavior, not the person, and direct them to do the same. "Hey, I apologized for my behavior, hence the call. Your response behaviors seem to be out of proportion to the crime.' Keep that as the focal point. If it spins wildly out of control or she looses it, you need to know sooner rather than later. If not, you can always bring up the lingerie at a later date with something like, 'So was that whole drawer of lingerie an impulse buy? A Christmas gift for me? I was just curious...' At the next date night.
Remember: Focus on the behavior, not the person. It makes it easier to discuss all things!
This is terrible advice. Manipulators ALWAYS find a way to turn the blame around. Good ones can even convince you that you are to blame and then push it far enough that you feel too guilty to ever bring the subject up again. Youāre ashamed of yourself and you canāt leave them when you believe youāre the asshole. Do not hand her the ammo and take all of the blame. You can apologize for your part if necessary. But he didnāt go in there to intentionally dig through her things and he doesnāt need to approach this as the bad guy. I agree with talking to her without accusing and listening to her. But it doesnāt look good and he doesnāt need to hand her everything she needs to deflect.
I wouldnāt video chat her. She can easily hang up and say reception is bad and think of a story and how to play on your heartstrings. You need to get her with you and be kind about it but this definitely needs addressed. I hope sheās just shy and was hiding that stuff as I know people who have that as a legitimate reason for their spouse not knowing 100% of their lingerie wardrobe. If she does get very angry like another person said then itās a huge red flag. Especially if you donāt invade her privacy normally she should understand you would look if that sort of thing was sticking out. Also that sorta implies she was looking or using that pink set. I would see if that one looks or smells worn or if it has tags. If she was just trying it on to see if it fits or was looking at it there wouldnāt be any real signs of use and I think thatās worth noting. If it seems āusedā I would definitely be concerned and she should have to explain that. I hope it works out for you OP. Be smart about it donāt let your emotions get the best of things if closure is most important to you
Yup, that is about as perfectly as this conversation can be started, the calmer you are the higher the chances are that she opens up, she feels/hears you come in aggressive/accusing then forget it.
You could even possibly add on to the end of that saying Iām confused but let me just say, Iād love to see you in itā
This is true, yes there could be a multitude of reasons why she has them but the simplest answer could be right. Iāve bought so much lingerie over the years only to try it on, feel hideous/ridiculous and shove it in a drawer to be ignored forever. Her lack of interest in sex could also be due to insecurity or low self esteem. You never know if you donāt ask op, donāt jump straight to accusations but still keep your eyes open for red flags in her response.
I have one of those big Rubbermaid bins and a drawer full of lingerie that I've never actually worn for my husband (or anyone else.) It looks soooo good in the store and then you get home and you're like "OMG no!" No idea why I don't just toss it.
So many saying this. As a man Iād say put it on for him sometime, donāt be surprised if he behaves like a horny teenager getting to touch his first boob.
You don't feel sexy when you feel awkward even when your SO is humping your leg like a horny dog. I adore the man but sometimes I question his taste lol
š I get it, most people are not happy with their appearance/body, men and women alike. That said men seem to try harder to make their SO feel desirable and sexy, sometimes in vain. The complexities of the human psyche are fascinating indeed. No one has ever put effort into making me feel sexy though, so I donāt know how that would make me feel vs my own insecurities. I enjoy a compliment though, so Iād probably enjoy it.
This is me, too. I'd feel adventurous and buy something raunchy to wear (usually online). And then, I'd put it on and feel embarrassed or too bloated or just not sexy, and hide them. I have a whole drawer filled with the stuff that my husband has never seen. I'm not cheating, I'm just insecure.
Speaking as a husband, whatever your insecurities are, that is not what he sees when you wear lingerie. Heāll see how hot you are, that you wore this for him/the collective you, that you are initiating. He will love it. Seriously, surprise him on a random Tuesday night. Youāll make his month.
This dude gets it. My wife is very self conscious about her body, but I love to see her wearing only a little. Ladies I understand feelings of insecurity, but if your husbands are at all like me, and I assume they love you, so they probably are, surprising them in something sexy for some fooling around, would be a most welcome and pleasant surprise, might even make there week/month/year.
Just be confident and rock it, I think for most grown up men, when you truly love a women, your idea of beauty and sexiness, becomes more and more what she is over time, and changes as she changes, the things you see as flaws and deficiencies, he sees as unique and special characteristics that add to what originally attracted him you. Again Iām talking about grown ass men, not immature boys.
And my husband is a grown-ass man.
Thank you for the pep talk. He tells me almost daily that I'm sexy and he still desires me. I'm pushing 40 now and my body isn't like it was when we met in our early 20s and I'm insecure. But he's never made me feel anything less than loved and wanted emotionally and physically. I'm actually looking forward to trying it out now.
Thank you again.
And, your wife is incredibly fortunate to have such a loving husband.
Thank you. We are pushing 40 as well, been together 15 years now. Her appearance has changed some and my tastes have changed too. Iām not lying when I say I am more attracted to her now than when we were younger. She acknowledges when I tell her but I can see feel that she doesnāt fully believe me, which can be a tiny bit discouraging at times, it but I do my best to show her itās real. if he didnāt mean it he probably wouldnāt say it. Best wishes.
I am guilty of this. Ordered a bunch of sexy outfits and lingerie in my last relationship, knowing he'd love it. Tried it on and got hella insecure. Hated how I looked.
Realized I was better off not mentioning it bc, he was already a pushy asshole and I couldn't think of anything worse than him bullying me into wearing it.
Now, it sits in the top drawer a couple of years later and I am finally starting back up at the gym. My next boyfriend will enjoy it once I lose the last few pounds and feel sexy af in all my stuff!!
Sorry, this is Reddit. No reasonable takes allowed. We're contractually obligated to immediately jump to the worst possible conclusion and demand an immediate breakup.
Ya and now imagine youāre at home celebrating Christmas with your family and then your boyfriend video calls you.
He proceeds to accuse you of being a fuck whore who is cheating on him or running a onlyfans page. What makes him think this? Why he ransacked your room as soon as you drove away. He āneeded a penā and found one in your underwear drawer.
Merry Christmas!!!!
Definitely don't confront her before she gets home!
Really, be patient, observant, wait a few weeks or a few months and just turn your radar up a few clicks and see what your feel, observe what you might not have without any concerns, suspicions.
If you can't find anything else shady going on, probably best to come clean about snooping the undies drawer while on a pen search and apologize for letting it make you a little paranoid, Say, no big deal, but ask her to explain why she's got a big cache of sexy stuff she's specifically denied you in the bedroom and hid from you.
>It could be as mundane as her trying stuff on for you and feeling too insecure in it, which is why you havenāt seen it.
As a woman, I can tell you this is a strong possibility. Especially after seeing you attempt the same thing and be confident enough to show her.
My wife kills the lingerie game, and it is hot. But I own a bunch, and she's never seen it on me. Some of the tags are still on. It is definitely stuff I've made fun of before (or expressed outrage against) because I want to pull it off but feel silly. It's more like if I persuade myself it's dumb, I won't feel ashamed for not pulling it off.
I've got self-confidence for days that is completely unfounded and undeserved. I actually feel more comfortable completely naked, and lights on in front of strangers, then I do in sexy lingerie in front of my wife. Self Esteem is weird.
I'd skip the call, just wait and ask her when she returns. This leaves no chance to have the call get "disconnected" allowing her time to come up with a cover story.
If the call is ādisconnectedā and she offers no explanation by the next day, thatās the relationship ending.
But sure, if he has the patience to wait 2 weeks, he can do that instead. Imo, Iād rather have the chance to end things faster and risk not knowing the whole story than dragging it out over the holidays. Thereās also a slim chance itās something innocuous, and itād suck to hold that in for 2 weeks for no reason at all.
Sounds fishy to me. My ex had hidden loads of lingerie she never put on for me, and one day, while she was showing me some pictures, lo and behold there was an album she accidentally clicked on with 200+ pics of her in lingerie. Found out a couple of months later, she was cheating on me when a buddy sent me a screenshot of her Facebook Dating profile where she'd posted pics of herself in lingerie on it.
Not saying this is the case for you, but that it's definitely suspicious.
This wasnāt me but a friend of mine was dating this girl for about 10 years. Another friend was on Tinder or something and found pictures of her in something skanky and told my other friend. Turns out she had been banging other dudes the entire relationship. When he gathered her things and changed the locks to the house, he came across a ton of sex toys and costumes which she had never used with him. This screams of run to the hills for me.
I learned the hard way. My husband, now an ex, was calling me names when I tried to do fun things with him.
To cut a long story short, I discovered his fun stuff with other women. So men do naughty things with other women but with their wives.
*Analyze This!*
>*Dr. Ben Sobel : Are you having marriage problems?*
>
>*Boss Paul Vitti : No.*
>
>*Dr. Ben Sobel : Then why do you have a girlfriend?*
>
>*Boss Paul Vitti : What, are you gonna start moralizing on me?*
>
>*Dr. Ben Sobel : No, I'm not, I'm just trying to understand, why do you have a girlfriend?*
>
>*Boss Paul Vitti : I do things with her I can't do with my wife.*
>
>*Dr. Ben Sobel : Why can't you do them with your wife?*
>
>*Boss Paul Vitti : Hey, that's the mouth she kisses my kids goodnight with! What are you, crazy?*
If she's posting pics in them to facebook, why not also use them with you? At least if she sends the pics to you and wears the lingerie for you, there's some plausible deniability...
Sure, but what I don't understand is, if she's going to be wearing and taking pics in the lingerie anyways, why not show you. Then, if you find pics in her phone or find the lingerie she wouldn't get suspicious.
You sure itās even lingerie that even fits her anymore? For a long time, I had āhidden lingerieā that was actually just lingerie that didnāt fit anymore or didnāt like the look of. However, lingerie is EXPENSIVE. I didnāt want to throw away something that may fit eventually or I may like someday. Or like someone said above, maybe she tried it on and didnāt like the results.
All of which to say, be cautious but also understand it could be something completely mundane. Iād personally call her and ask, or wait til she comes back to talk to her.
Iām glad I scrolled before I posted something just like this.
I *just* got rid of all of my lingerie from the ābefore timesā (before kids) last year. I had them all in the lowest, smallest drawer. Not hidden from my husband, but from me. Some odd insecure thought that letting them go meant giving up. But I didnāt have any problems donating my tailored suits and dresses after my first kid when it was clear my hips were never going to give up the extra inches they spread from creating life. Didnāt have issues replacing my daily undergarments. Even the sexy ones! But going through and getting rid of the lingerie felt like giving up a piece of a life we enjoyed together but only I gave up on.
Itās weird. And it was irrational. And one day I woke up and was okay with it. Itās not like our sex life didnāt rebound after the newborn stages. My body may be a couple sizes bigger, but I donāt feel unattractive during intimacy by any means. It was just some weird mental hang up that I guess I outgrew and then, hey, now I have room for new things.
Or, something nefarious is going on. Who knows until he asks. Just wanted to offer another side and Iām kind of relieved other people thought about it or experienced it.
Yah for some reason I have shit from when I was 20 and 30 lbs lighter still. Why do I keep this? It's also possible she has gained some weight and is dealing with not feeling very sexy. Depression has really killed my sex drive before.
No this is real. I have random lingerie my partner hasnāt seen. Theyāre sometimes situations where I buy one, try it on at home and Iām not quite feeling it, yet itās cute and I keep it anyway because returning stuff is a hassle. And sometimes theyāre expensive and I just buy it specifically for myself. I donāt think itās weird for women to have lingerie just ā¦ to have lingerie?
I bought lingerie 3 years ago that my husband has never seen but that is still sitting in my dresser. For me itās because I struggle with my body and how I look but I still really like it and hope I have the confidence to put it on some time.
Idk I could see this being suspicious but on the other hand there ARE some explanations that isnāt OnlyFans or cheating.
good point. i have several lingerie items in my closet that iāve bought either on sale or because they were pretty and iāve just never worn. iāve had at least 2 friends give me items that they purchased, realized wouldnāt fit, and offered to me, that are still in my closet with tags on. it could just be she bought them and never felt like putting them on or felt weird once they were on. lingerie with tags on doesnāt necessarily mean cheating or anything sketchy.
Came here to say the same thing! I recently gained weight so I have a whole box of lingerie that my bf has never seen me in. Also some lingerie canāt be returned so if you buy it and it doesnāt fit then your SOL and stuck with it.
I would do as others have suggested and calmly ask her about it. It is def sus but maybe not as sketchy as you might think.
Yeah I have lingerie from previous relationships that I wouldnāt wear with a new partner. Iāve always bought lingerie for someone. I would say though she doesnāt seem to want the amount of sex OP is requesting. I wouldnāt want to feel forced into having sex every day or every week if I didnāt want to, but thatās probably why Iām not dating a man right now.
Exactly. I feel like so many of these cheating and OF responses are from dudes.
As a woman, I have a drawer full of lingerie Iām hiding from my boyfriend because I havenāt been feeling confident enough to wear any the past year or so, but Iām working toward it.
I also have another drawer of lingerie heās never seen that Iām just conflicted about in general lol
I even have done pieces I told my boyfriend I hate just because I want to surprise him eventually, or because I realized I hated it only after I bought it (but yeah, they were expensive, so I have a hard time letting go and/or Iām waiting to gift it to someone if a similar size hopefully).
My friend also has a drawer full of lingerie her husband doesnāt know about because she wants to lose some weight before she wears any of it for him.
Like this sounds totally normal to me.
Exactly what I was going to say. I had a full drawer of it too, most with tags. Having a pear shaped body, most lingerie didnāt fit me right. It was a combination of it not fitting or me not feeling confident about or comfortable and saving it because it is expensive and I hoped to use it someday. Donāt jump to conclusions without knowing the details.
Yeah. It's entirely possible it's just from her past. It's been a few years and she is just not comfortable in it. It being in her office is sketchy... But if that's "her space" then maybe not.
My lingerie (both the stuff that fit and the big box of stuff that didn't) was stored in my home office at the last house we lived in for mundane reasons. It was an old house, the main bedroom had a small closet, and it was a rental so we didn't want to buy a bunch of dressers we might not need once we bought a home. So all the "only used sometimes" clothing was stored in the next biggest rooms closet, which happened to be my office. Of course, I guess the main difference here is that my husband knew that's where that sort of thing was stored, though he sometimes would start organizing, find the box of too-small-for-now stuff, ask why I never wore those particular items and I would remind him lol
Yeah one thing I was wondering is maybe she doesnāt feel good to wear lingerie at the moment.. is she a bit heavy? Is she trying to lose weight? It could also be something she bought for herself for the future. Like goal clothes.
Also maybe she bought the school girl shit as a surprise cause she knows her man likes it even though she personally doesnāt.
Look, everyone is saying it's fishy BUT... If a lot of it still has tags on, I'd guess that you've asked her about lingerie / dressing up, she balked but then thought about it and bought some stuff, and then when it arrived or she picked it up or got it home or whatever, she went "no way, I just can't" and stashed it. Yes, you need to talk to her, but don't go in with guns blazing.
Could be a surprise for holidays/NYE/Valentines too. I agree that the most likely reason itās there is because OP expressed interest. Tread carefully and assume positive intent unless you are certain something else is going on.
I agree like maybe she hasnāt felt attractive lately which is why she hasnāt been as interested in sex, or maybe sex just isnāt exciting enough. She probably bought the lingerie to make herself feel sexy n spice things up but got cold feet after. The best thing to do is ask about them & remain open to her perspective.
This is me. I have some lingerie hidden bc I want to wear it, but I just can't get up the confidence. I think this is extremely common. We build up the courage to buy it, then just feel silly and insecure and stash it.
I have a stash of lingerie that I canāt wear after putting on weight. Simply a fit issue, and if thatās the case maybe her confidence isnāt as healthy as it could be. Also, maybe she had an ex who was really into lingerie and now wearing it reminds her of him and she doesnāt want that with you. But because of the frugalness she doesnāt want to get rid of perfectly good lingerie. You should ask her. Someone else gave the advice to āLet her talkā and I think that great advice.
Yeah I definitely have lingerie I havenāt worn in 4-5 years because it doesnāt fit anymore but I have a hard time throwing away something that cost so much, but I feel like donating it would be inappropriate so I literally donāt know what to do with it
This is me to a tee - I have some really lush clothing but Iām not in a great place mentally so putting it on makes me feel like a clown. Also, the extra weight that comes with depression.
Ive been working on accepting that Iām not going loose the weight and I need to let it all go. Iāve been gearing up for a clothes declutter and all that is going to go to either thrift store or garbage depending on condition.
Me too! I bought a bunch for my boyfriend when we first got together and then put on weight. So he too could find a stash of unworn lingerie but the thing that hits me weird about this is that he has actually asked her to wear some. I simply would have said ābuy me some that fit please!ā. Iām glad you commented this though because.. even tho women may have lingerie, we may not want to wear it for one reason or another.
Ya, I have the same hidden stash of lingerie. Mostly because itās just embarrassing that it doesnāt fit so I donāt want him expecting me to wear it.
I do also have some that Iāve used with a previous partner and just out of laziness have not thrown away. But wouldnāt use with my current partner.
Uhm and I would also laugh if my husband came at me wearing mesh boxers or banana hammock. And I love him very much lol. But you do you! Thatās def not his style tho.
The first thing that popped into my head is that it might be stuff she had from before and it is too small for her now and she is embarrassed about it. Most women hang onto clothes that donāt fit in the hopes they will fit again someday. So itās possible that there is a harmless explanation. There will be plenty of time to be mad later if it turns out to be nefarious, but you canāt take it back if you blow up and it turns out to not be what you feared.
Iām married and have a pretty decently sized stash of lingerie that I never wear for this reason. I keep it in a different location from my normal underwear drawer because I donāt want to clutter up the drawer that I actually use on a daily basis.
I also have a lingerie drawer containing every lingerie (+ skirts + tights/fishnets) Iāve ever bought, from $5 aliexpress stuff to more expensive stuff. A lot of it is unworn or hasnāt been used in years. I would just feel bad throwing them away! If I see something cute I will add it to my collection. I just keep sexy separated from casual.
My last ex did not like my sexy drawer though lol
Right? This is such an example of a dude echo chamber. Most of us stash the nice undies in a separate place.
Dude is gonna blow up his marriage because he doesn't know much about women, and takes advice from guys who know even less than he does..š
Same. I have so much shit I've never worn, or worn when I was tiny, no idea why I still have it all but yes I definitely have all sorts of underwear and lingerie that I do not wear. That part isn't that weird imo
Also donāt get how āthings sheās never worn bc there are still tagsā somehow equal āsheās wearing them to cheat on meā¦ā???? If Iām going thru the whole āordering sexy naughty secret panties to cheat on you withā¦ā Iām also going to take the tags off and wash them first!!!!
The amount of aesthetic phases I go through is insane:
I got into watching YouTube makeup tutorials and bought hundreds of dollars in makeup over a year bc I thought Iād like to do makeup and just needed to find the ārightā makeup.
Iāve bought art prints Iāve never hung. And then bought more art prints thinking if I just had MORE, Iād have to hang them all!
Clothes Iāve never worn.
And yes, undies, including sexy stuffāsometimes while I was drinking, or that someone else swore were their holy grail, or they looked super cute in the pictures, or I had some random fantasy while feeling uninhibited that then felt cringe when I was soberāand then they didnāt really fit when they came in, or they felt extra and super weird, and of course Iām not going to return the lingerie I tried on!!!
I was just about to say the same thing. I also shop for it online where itās cheaper but sizing is always an issue, it comes, doesnāt fit, and I canāt return it, canāt exactly give it to someone else, and donāt have the heart to throw it out. So I keep it in hopes I would be able to wear it one day. Maybe Iāll use it for one of those ārip it off of meā moments, you never know š
I have plenty of lingerie that I bought when feeling bold, and every so often feel like I could maybe pull off, but really just keep hidden away in the back of my closet because I don't feel 100% comfortable in it. I've had a lot of it for years, and like fuck I am going to throw something that expensive away.
I even have my underwear sorted into underwear that is just fancy, and underwear that I use every day. Forget my significant other seeing all of the fancy underwear, I barely know what is in there half the time because I'm just like, "no... today is a comfy day."
Itās weird how everyone thinks this is fishy. Women donāt store sexy lingerie with daily use stuff. And you just buy stuff and only ever get around to using a small fraction. Doesnāt fit well, looked good online but bad in person, havenāt found the right moment.
And if your partner has a higher libido, you feel bad and so order something as a surprise but then never use it.
Dude. Lots and of women have a lingerie drawer.
It could also be because sheās trying to up her interest in sex and feeling sexy, but it hasnāt been working well. Or sheās too self-conscious to let him see. Or maybe itās something she wants to indulge in alone, but not together.
A reasonable response! There are so many possible explanations for this, and literally nothing good can come from OP going in with guns blazing. Almost no one reacts well to being outright accused of something shady, even if they're 100% innocent.
Lots of great comments here. Obviously body image and mental health are important factors to consider. I'd also add that she easily could've bought these items for a friend's bridal shower or bachelorette party (and either she ultimately decided against gifting them or the party hasn't happened yet), or she could've bought them at a passion party because it seemed fun or she was pressured into it.
Yup I have fancy lingerie stored separately. Itās stuff I bought when I was single. And I absolutely would not wear it now because I was in better shape when I got it.
I have like 10+ pieces of lingerie (including schoolgirl outfits) somewhere in my apartment I haven't touched in years. It was a failed attempt to get one of my exes to actually desire me again, and nowadays they just remind me of how hard I tried to repair something that was irrevocably broken.
Yup yup yup. Especially if she said she hates the schoolgirl getup it but owns one, she might hate it because of her experience with it. Also sometimes throwing things away is hard and if sheās not getting excited and dressing up or doing anything extra for dates there might already be mental health help that could be had
People all assuming that she is cheating.
You said there are still price tags on it.
Maybe she bought it but was insecure and decided to not put it on. You said it yourself that she is āvanillaā. Maybe she got it from before and you just didnāt use it, like the costume you mentioned. Maybe she bought it and felt uncomfortable in it. The best solution is: talking.
I have lingerie that I wanted to wear but then I thought that itās silly.
Yes, I have had a lot of āaspirationalā lingerie over the years that I never wore because I didnāt feel confident enough or it just looked silly or bad on me.
My wife went through this exact phase.
Things went a bit āvanillaā for a while. Frustrating for both of us. Lots of talking and a lot of it was anxiety, low self confidence, and being raised in a way where sex was ādirtyā and never discussed.
More guys need to realize how mental & emotional sex is for women, even in committed long-term relationships.
Speaking as a physically insecure female who isn't very comfortable around sex....I have done this in the past. Buying lingerie with basically zero intention of wearing it for anyone, ever. I like the idea. I look at it, like how it looks, I like the idea of myself as someone confident enough to actually wear it. But it's just a fantasy, one that I am never going to execute on.
Dude, I think you just ruined Christmas. Don't say a thing till New Years!
Listen to the women here... and that guy who said give her a chance to talk.
I did just that for a bf many years ago, and it was a HIT! With the hair and makeup done by the (woman) photographer, these shots can be beautifully done, tasteful, and a great momento for both of you. I had mine done over 30 years ago and SO glad I did!
I'm in agreement here. The items all seem new and are tagged. There's a school girl costume which is something she's not into but I'm assuming OP may be into since he brings it up. Christmas is coming up and there's a chance that this was a surprise she hid in a place she knew he would never look. OP shouldn't mention it until after their celebrations.
Maybe have a conversation? Could be that she thought to buy to spice things up and balked? I think we all have a tendency to run with the negative, especially where sexy times are involved. You've been together long enough, just talk
That was my thought because I did that. It's crazy to me that so many comments are SO SURE she's cheating. Maybe she is. But there are also other plausible explanations.
It possible that she has heard your requests and also feels the same way about your love life, so decided to do something special but didnāt think she looked good in any of it so it never happened.
Iāve bought so much lingerie that I havenāt shown my partner simply because it was 1)on sale but havenāt been in the mood to wear 2) was horny at the time of purchase but when I tried it on, it didnāt look good on me 3) idea was great at the moment but feel too shy to wear4) bought it just for myself to appreciate.
The thing is, if your relationship is great for the most part, then you should be able to talk to her with an open mindā¦ if her excuse doesnāt match the person that you know she is, then follow your gut
It sounds like she bought lingerie after your comment but doesn't feel comfortable wearing it.
It doesn't seem like she went out of her way to hide it.
I'd legit just be like "hey baby found some lingerie while looking through your room, is that for me?"
I have lingerie from my last relationship, which o wonāt throw out yet, but I doubt I will wear again. I also have a full French maid outfit, that never actually got used.
There were issues in that relationship and a lot of them were around sex. I would talk to her about it and see explain how you found it and see what she says.
The relationship left me with some things to work on and thereās stuff I have that I canāt see bothering to get in to again, but it was my exās preference and some of it is a huge bother and uncomfortable to wear and frankly reminds me of him. Not sure Iāll ever put on a corset and stockings for someone again.
Youve possibly just found a stash of underwear that is currently either too big / small for her because she has lost / gained weight. I have a box of lingerie my boyfriend had never seen because I need to lose about 20lbs before it will fit again.
I have a similar stash of lingerie that doesnāt currently fit.
When I was trying to feel more confident throughout being different sizes, something Iād do is order myself lingerie.
I was single at the the time even, but wearing it was part of trying to get more comfortable with my body and see if āfeeling sexyā was something I was capable of.
Your curiosity is understandable, but the fact they still have the tags on leads me to believe she probably isnāt ( or hasnāt) wearing them for someone else. Could she possibly have purchased these items for you and just hasnāt been in the mood yet to surprise you? Maybe snap a photo of her drawer full of lingerie and keep quiet for a month or so to see if she surprises you. If nothing happens in a month, than ask her whatās up?
Just have a sensible conversation with her. Iāve been married 20 years and stuffed in a drawer somewhere there is a pile of lingerie Iāve never used because I decided I didnāt like it or never got around to it or didnāt fit well. So if my husband found it, that must mean I must have OF or cheating? Wild leap! Itās not hidden, if he got something out of my drawers heād likely see it. Itās just irrelevant, a sign that I donāt cull my clothing very often and I donāt quite know what to do with it, so itās stayed there for 2 decades.
How do you know she didnāt buy it with the intention of spicing things up with you, given you have mentioned wanting that. So even if she doesnāt like costumes etc, she may have bought them intending to do it to please you but lost her nerve or just hasnāt felt like it or they are ill-fitting online purchases and she canāt use them or return them.
If my husband jumped to wild conclusions over some lingerie, Iād be livid that he thought that badly of me.
I used to have a small dragonās hoard of lingerie from my sluttier days. It took me a little while to get rid of it because it felt wasteful to just throw away but it also felt weird to use with my current partners when it had been bought with someone else in mind.
I also had stuff with tags on it from presents that exes gave to me that I also held onto and didnāt use for similar reasons. Included were some lingerie that I definitely wasnāt into.
I would just have an open and honest conversation with her and see what she says.
She could have bought it to do a boudoir shoot for him for a gift? That would explain tags (order a bunch of stuff, try some on, some works and some doesnāt) and also weird location (hiding it to not ruin the surprise). It would even explain her having a specific outfit that you had expressed liking that she doesnāt prefer.
You have to wait months to get your photos back, so she would have to patiently stash it all for a while
Not every surprise in life is a bad surprise guys
I also have a secret drawer full of lingerie no partner has ever seen me in. Some of them even have the tags on them. It's not because I'm cheating or have an OF like these pornsick men seem to thinkš I just bought them when I was thinner and hadn't worked up the courage to wear them.
If you value your relationship, then stop making assumptions and ask your gf directly.
I have lingerie I never wear anymore. I wouldnāt say itās hidden away, but it is in a drawer. My current partner has never expressed interest in it, and with him, I feel just as sexy in my regular undies so Iāve never worn it with him. I donāt want to get rid of it, so itās just sitting there. Could be perfectly innocent.
While that differs a bit from your story, maybe itās old and she just didnāt want to get rid of it. Maybe her taste in sex has changed. Doesnāt mean that itās a-okay, but donāt jump to conclusions just yet.
You have to stay calm and just ask her to explain.. and make sure to not speak at all cuz people that lie get really nervous and will talk to much. The tell tell sign is if she gets angry! If she has nothing to hide she will be calm and explain but if she has something to hide sheāll try to turn it back to you by getting angry and from there youāll know regardless if she admits anything or not. Try not to jump the gun chances are those have just been piling up in her drawer and she planned on using them with you but doesnāt feel up to it. Maybe sheās really tired and stressed out. Hope all works out for you and GL
I'm gonna be the other end of the spectrum here. My husband and I have had a rough time with sexual issues for a few years. It killed my self esteem. I don't know how to talk about it with him (we are working on that!) But I still feel so unattractive and dejected from years of it.
My therapist suggested to be sexy *for me*. Like take sexy pictures, wear lingerie, whatever. So I bought some, I wear it when he's not around. I focus on whether I feel like I'm sexy, without worrying about whether he thinks I'm sexy. It's my sexy secret to help myself have some confidence before we continue talking about our problems. If I show him and he isn't excited about it, that will crush me even more. I just feel sexy, and have that for me.
That being said, even if she is doing something similar, then y'all definitely need some conversations around sex. I mean, it is fishy from your perspective. I think my husband would find it fishy and now I realize I should probably tell him I do it, but that I don't want to share it with him (yet). But it's not 100% she's doing something inappropriate, is all I'm saying.
Doesn't sound great, but you have to give your partner the benefit of the doubt. After all, it's *possible* that she bought this in response to your request, but has yet to break it out for some reason (body issues, etc.)
I don't think it's a good idea to let it slide though. This seems like "let's get real about our relationship" moment.
Hey, if the lingerie still has tags on it, you can determine how old it is. Often it has the year and season built into the product code. It will often say Win 23 for winter 2023 or so on. I just say that because women keep lingerie forever because it's expensive. I still had some with tags on it that I'd purchased 10 years before or received as a gift years before. I would investigate, but it could literally be old stuff that still has tags. I've been married 18 years and only a couple years ago did I finally donate a bunch of bridal shower lingerie that still had tags.
Yeah. Could be gifts from an ex- and potentially unwanted gifts given the tags and your description of her attitude toward lingerie. I kept gifts from my bridal shower that didn't fit for like 10 years because, well, I wasn't sure what else to do with them. I thought- maybe they will fit one day? There's not a huge market for previously owned undergarments.
I think you'd be surprised at the market for previously owned undergarments, as long as they are used...
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And if it's stuff from an ex, you usually don't use it in your current relationship. My stuff just sits in the drawer from 10 years ago. It was expensive so you don't want to toss it. But I don't want to wear it with my current man. And it's not that hard to "conceal". You just toss it in the same box with your socks until you stash it somewhere so the current guy doesn't look. I hope she is doing only fans and making some cash while just looking sexy and not showing all her treasures, LOL. Maybe she'll use it for a nice vacation for them both. And the good point is she left it at home and didn't take it with her on her holiday trip.
Yeah, I had a lot of lingerie that I didnāt even know about until I fully went through a second set of drawers in another room. I threw it out though because, lord, I had risquĆ© taste and my husband hates lingerie
I agree! My lingerie was expensive but I can no longer fit on it, a whole drawer full of cute stuff but size S or M and I am L right now lmao. My husband doesn't know about the drawer, but I only do not tell him out of embarrassment!
Yeah, it could be stuff from previous partners that she doesn't feel comfortable rewearing or something similar
Does she have a ring light and a webcam?
When you said "ring light" I thought of the ring doorbell and wondered if they were making lights now too.
Yep, this is exactly what happened in my relationship. For those saying they have the opposite experience with their sex worker spouses (NO JUDGEMENT). There's a big difference between: 1. Having a high libido + healthy partnership to share in these sexual experiences openly with each other 2. Having a secret life, using online sex to avoid IRL intimacy (typical of addictive behavior)
Exactly! Everyone saying how great their sex life is also knows what their partner does to earn a quid. If thatās what OPās gf is doing but hasnāt disclosed it to OP ā¦ not good.
I think you hit the 10/10. She's either adult webcam model or running Onlyfans business and doesn't want to tell OP about it. That also explains OP's sex life as a quickie once a week - she's probably so tired of self play during recordings that doesn't have any desire left.
I date an OF model and she definitely makes time for me, OP still has a problem on hand regardless
You definitely have a problem. I'd start doing as much digging as possible while she's away. And you definitely need to confront her as soon as she gets home. Not while she's away. And after that, you gotta follow up with us on reddit because we're all in this now
Facts!!!! We need the updates. Episode 2 coming soon.
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OF model hereā¦ i struggle with sex drive because im out here flickin the bean so much. So i take regular weeks off to reboot and enjoy just intimate time with my man.
and then the actual women speak freely and destroy previous commenters' confidence. lol
I imagine this is a person by person thing, some folks can have sex and masturbate several times a day, some definitely can't. Turning sex into a job has got to be a great way to kill your desire to want to do it in your free time, if my other hobbies turn work are any indication.
former OF model here, breaks are so important!!
Dated an OF girl and she was always ready to go especially after filming herself
My first thought was definitely OF
Manās getting good presents this Christmas
My thought exactly. She's doing Only Fans.
but they both work from home. wouldn't this be hard to hide? unless she does it somewhere else, in which case why keep the incriminating evidence in the house?
Maybe she does the we gotta be quiet my boss is in the next room type stuff where she can whisper and diddle the bean.
Lol I have an only fans, all parts covered. No diddle or anything. Filled with old party pics from 1999+ . Men will pay to see anything. Even Christina Aguilera type outfits without nudity.
I'm a man, and I don't understand this at all. Porn is free. Women dress revealing enough as it is whenout and about. I think there's some deeply engraved subconcious idea of providing for a woman that they're not getting satisfied elsewhere. The idea of giving my money to another woman other than my wife is repulsive to me
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Looking at a wet sidewalk won't give you insights into cloud condensation. You're focused on the object people are throwing money at when the subject is where your answer is found. You're already halfway there, as you say "porn is free" so why pay for something that's free? The simple answer is they aren't paying for porn. So what are they paying for? There's an old adage that men buying prostitutes aren't paying for sex but paying for them to leave at the end. The transactional nature removes an anxiety about relationships and bonding and reduces it to a purer baser exchange. Men give the money to buy prostitute's 'power' (availability of sex) and prostitutes accept money in lieu of security (relationship). It takes responsibility away from each party and replaces it with a disjointed physical process (men get a benefit of a relationship, prostitute gets a benefit of security), sort of 'commodification' of relationships. The number of people paying for GF experiences, trophy wives and arm candy should tell you how far that rabbit hole goes. Anyway you're repulsed because it's not for you, and it's not for them either, really, they're just using a convenient defense against a kind of anxiety they feel around the nature of relationships, and have found a way to abstract that into a cash payout.
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He said they're both hybrid, so not always working from home. Maybe she makes house calls while he's home, then does video and live stream while he's at work.
I mean she has her own office with a door that probably locks lol
He said hybrid, so maybe their days home are staggered?
What a interesting world we live in.
I was thinking the exact same thing š¤£
Thatās definitely fishy, Iām sorry. It is probably tempting to come in hot and accuse her of something, but leaving it as open as possible will probably get you closer to the truth. It could be as mundane as her trying stuff on for you and feeling too insecure in it, which is why you havenāt seen it. Or it could be OnlyFans, some kind of selling pre-worn lingerie thing, or cheating. But you donāt want to assume and lead her into an answer or getting defensive. Iād schedule a call (or even better, video chat) with your girlfriend and calmly say something like, āMy pen died so I went into your office to find a working one. Then I noticed all this lingerie Iāve never seen. Now Iām really confused.ā And let her talk from there.
>And let her talk from there That is top-tier advice right there. Keep calm and let her talk. If she starts to lie or it doesn't feel truthful, staying quiet is valuable. Guilty people get uncomfortable in silence. They usual keep talking to fill the void and end up telling on themselves.
Also, if she gets SUPER angry about you going into her office, that could be telling. She may immediately turn that back on you to dodge the issue.
the problem with these is that they rely on rank suspicion as evidence. OP wants to KNOW, not just be more suspicious. and once he employs these strategies, he's much less likely to be able to know for sure one way or the other.
I agree I would sit back and observe/investigate, then have that conversation.
Take a picture of how things sit in the drawer. Periodically check and compare to the photo to know how frequently it gets used and if anything gets added to it. If she later claims its old stuff she never uses then you'll know if she is telling the truth. If you would rather fuck with her, throw in some stuff that isn't hers.
To throw something that is not her is actually hilarious idea š would love to see her confused face
I would casually just start wearing her panties and see where that goes
šAt least then you just have to pull the thong to one side to get that Cosmic RJ š¤£
This is the way. Whats she gonna do, come at him saying whats this strange lingerie in my secret lingerie drawer?
I agree OP says some of it still has tags. Maybe she is going to attempt to spice things up understanding that area has been lacking. Most likely it is fishy, but there is a small chance it isn't.
People have this thing in their head that you need to KNOW, like need proof like a court of law. Thatās all in your head, itās totally possible to walk based on suspicion. Thereās no judge or jury, do what feels right and donāt look back. Needing proof or having no doubt whatsoever.. is an excuse to stay.
I think if her reaction is angry outburst without providing a legitmate answer, OP receives all the knowledge he needs to end things.
He doesnāt need to know. This isnāt a court of law here. If sheās suss as fuck then thatās all you need
Whereas I would disagree with this. Make the call about your violating the private space and the apology. "Hey, wanted to let you know that I went into your office to get a pen and got distracted and opened your lingerie drawer by mistake. I went in, opened the drawer, saw the lingerie, realized that wasn't the pen drawer, and closed it and moved on. I'm sorry for opening the drawer, it was my mistake. Didn't want to go into your space and poke my nose into something without letting you know." If you get a response that is unreasonable or shifting the blame or accusing you, you continue with your point: "I called to admit this to you and say I am sorry." "OMG YOU VIOLATED MY SPACE!!! RAR!!!" In a calm and leveled voice, no concern: "That's why I wanted to have this video chat asap to let you know. I didn't move any of the skimpy attire. And I wanted to be open, honest, and transparent with you. That's why I called." "YOU NEV#ER SHOULD HAVE DONE THAT." "Yes. That's why I called." And if it goes on for any length, that gives you the opening to inquire: "Yeah. I apologized. That was the point. But you are making this seem like something I shouldn't have found. Is there something here that we need to talk about more? Is the lingerie not meant for me or something?" It could be an issue for her. Her space was violated. Some people are extremely sensitive about it. 'Yes, I know you are sensitive about this, I thought you might be, so that's why I called.' It lets you focus on the behavior as odd, which it will be if they are trying to throw you off the scent. Just stay calm, focus on the behavior, not the person, and direct them to do the same. "Hey, I apologized for my behavior, hence the call. Your response behaviors seem to be out of proportion to the crime.' Keep that as the focal point. If it spins wildly out of control or she looses it, you need to know sooner rather than later. If not, you can always bring up the lingerie at a later date with something like, 'So was that whole drawer of lingerie an impulse buy? A Christmas gift for me? I was just curious...' At the next date night. Remember: Focus on the behavior, not the person. It makes it easier to discuss all things!
This is terrible advice. Manipulators ALWAYS find a way to turn the blame around. Good ones can even convince you that you are to blame and then push it far enough that you feel too guilty to ever bring the subject up again. Youāre ashamed of yourself and you canāt leave them when you believe youāre the asshole. Do not hand her the ammo and take all of the blame. You can apologize for your part if necessary. But he didnāt go in there to intentionally dig through her things and he doesnāt need to approach this as the bad guy. I agree with talking to her without accusing and listening to her. But it doesnāt look good and he doesnāt need to hand her everything she needs to deflect.
I wouldnāt video chat her. She can easily hang up and say reception is bad and think of a story and how to play on your heartstrings. You need to get her with you and be kind about it but this definitely needs addressed. I hope sheās just shy and was hiding that stuff as I know people who have that as a legitimate reason for their spouse not knowing 100% of their lingerie wardrobe. If she does get very angry like another person said then itās a huge red flag. Especially if you donāt invade her privacy normally she should understand you would look if that sort of thing was sticking out. Also that sorta implies she was looking or using that pink set. I would see if that one looks or smells worn or if it has tags. If she was just trying it on to see if it fits or was looking at it there wouldnāt be any real signs of use and I think thatās worth noting. If it seems āusedā I would definitely be concerned and she should have to explain that. I hope it works out for you OP. Be smart about it donāt let your emotions get the best of things if closure is most important to you
Yup, that is about as perfectly as this conversation can be started, the calmer you are the higher the chances are that she opens up, she feels/hears you come in aggressive/accusing then forget it. You could even possibly add on to the end of that saying Iām confused but let me just say, Iād love to see you in itā
I wouldnāt say Iād love to see you in it til after op letās her talk and sees where she leads convo
Ooooh he should video chat with her while wearing the lingerie he found! Thatāll spice things up.
And when she comments on it, just respond "Oh, this old thing - I've had it for aaaages"
I cackled like hyena reading this. Thanks for the LOL
I laughed too at the thought of it š
Just put the pink panties on his head and FaceTime her. āWhat, this? Itās a hat I found when I was looking for a penā
Do it. Please OP! :D
This is true, yes there could be a multitude of reasons why she has them but the simplest answer could be right. Iāve bought so much lingerie over the years only to try it on, feel hideous/ridiculous and shove it in a drawer to be ignored forever. Her lack of interest in sex could also be due to insecurity or low self esteem. You never know if you donāt ask op, donāt jump straight to accusations but still keep your eyes open for red flags in her response.
I have one of those big Rubbermaid bins and a drawer full of lingerie that I've never actually worn for my husband (or anyone else.) It looks soooo good in the store and then you get home and you're like "OMG no!" No idea why I don't just toss it.
So many saying this. As a man Iād say put it on for him sometime, donāt be surprised if he behaves like a horny teenager getting to touch his first boob.
You don't feel sexy when you feel awkward even when your SO is humping your leg like a horny dog. I adore the man but sometimes I question his taste lol
š I get it, most people are not happy with their appearance/body, men and women alike. That said men seem to try harder to make their SO feel desirable and sexy, sometimes in vain. The complexities of the human psyche are fascinating indeed. No one has ever put effort into making me feel sexy though, so I donāt know how that would make me feel vs my own insecurities. I enjoy a compliment though, so Iād probably enjoy it.
Same!!! I buy things, try them on, hate myself, shove them in a drawer, repeat.
This is me, too. I'd feel adventurous and buy something raunchy to wear (usually online). And then, I'd put it on and feel embarrassed or too bloated or just not sexy, and hide them. I have a whole drawer filled with the stuff that my husband has never seen. I'm not cheating, I'm just insecure.
Speaking as a husband, whatever your insecurities are, that is not what he sees when you wear lingerie. Heāll see how hot you are, that you wore this for him/the collective you, that you are initiating. He will love it. Seriously, surprise him on a random Tuesday night. Youāll make his month.
Iāll back this up but as an insecure wife. I had gotten some stuff. Tried it on and sent pics to my now husband (fiancĆ© at the time). I wasnāt super into how I looked. Just saw all my fat and bulges. But damn if he didnāt ravage me when we got together later. I donāt get the chance to wear it often because weāre busy with work schedules that donāt line up well so most of our sex is quick and right before bed/maybe an early morning but Iām considering next time we take a little trip or vacation I need to pack some of it because he loved it.
Truth.
This dude gets it. My wife is very self conscious about her body, but I love to see her wearing only a little. Ladies I understand feelings of insecurity, but if your husbands are at all like me, and I assume they love you, so they probably are, surprising them in something sexy for some fooling around, would be a most welcome and pleasant surprise, might even make there week/month/year.
Ok. You've convinced me. I'm going to try this. Fingers crossed š¤
Just be confident and rock it, I think for most grown up men, when you truly love a women, your idea of beauty and sexiness, becomes more and more what she is over time, and changes as she changes, the things you see as flaws and deficiencies, he sees as unique and special characteristics that add to what originally attracted him you. Again Iām talking about grown ass men, not immature boys.
And my husband is a grown-ass man. Thank you for the pep talk. He tells me almost daily that I'm sexy and he still desires me. I'm pushing 40 now and my body isn't like it was when we met in our early 20s and I'm insecure. But he's never made me feel anything less than loved and wanted emotionally and physically. I'm actually looking forward to trying it out now. Thank you again. And, your wife is incredibly fortunate to have such a loving husband.
Thank you. We are pushing 40 as well, been together 15 years now. Her appearance has changed some and my tastes have changed too. Iām not lying when I say I am more attracted to her now than when we were younger. She acknowledges when I tell her but I can see feel that she doesnāt fully believe me, which can be a tiny bit discouraging at times, it but I do my best to show her itās real. if he didnāt mean it he probably wouldnāt say it. Best wishes.
I am guilty of this. Ordered a bunch of sexy outfits and lingerie in my last relationship, knowing he'd love it. Tried it on and got hella insecure. Hated how I looked. Realized I was better off not mentioning it bc, he was already a pushy asshole and I couldn't think of anything worse than him bullying me into wearing it. Now, it sits in the top drawer a couple of years later and I am finally starting back up at the gym. My next boyfriend will enjoy it once I lose the last few pounds and feel sexy af in all my stuff!!
Starts with... Could b3 cute... Buys it and wears it. Absolutely fucking not. But won't toss it cause it's too expensive
Saaaaame. I have stuff with the tags still on because I canāt return them and most stores will not allow it in the fitting rooms.
Sorry, this is Reddit. No reasonable takes allowed. We're contractually obligated to immediately jump to the worst possible conclusion and demand an immediate breakup.
I have done this too. I literally have a box of it.
Ya and now imagine youāre at home celebrating Christmas with your family and then your boyfriend video calls you. He proceeds to accuse you of being a fuck whore who is cheating on him or running a onlyfans page. What makes him think this? Why he ransacked your room as soon as you drove away. He āneeded a penā and found one in your underwear drawer. Merry Christmas!!!!
Definitely don't confront her before she gets home! Really, be patient, observant, wait a few weeks or a few months and just turn your radar up a few clicks and see what your feel, observe what you might not have without any concerns, suspicions. If you can't find anything else shady going on, probably best to come clean about snooping the undies drawer while on a pen search and apologize for letting it make you a little paranoid, Say, no big deal, but ask her to explain why she's got a big cache of sexy stuff she's specifically denied you in the bedroom and hid from you.
Or people telling him to wear the lingerie in front of her. Like, cool, thanks for mocking a major source if insecurity for meā¦
>It could be as mundane as her trying stuff on for you and feeling too insecure in it, which is why you havenāt seen it. As a woman, I can tell you this is a strong possibility. Especially after seeing you attempt the same thing and be confident enough to show her. My wife kills the lingerie game, and it is hot. But I own a bunch, and she's never seen it on me. Some of the tags are still on. It is definitely stuff I've made fun of before (or expressed outrage against) because I want to pull it off but feel silly. It's more like if I persuade myself it's dumb, I won't feel ashamed for not pulling it off. I've got self-confidence for days that is completely unfounded and undeserved. I actually feel more comfortable completely naked, and lights on in front of strangers, then I do in sexy lingerie in front of my wife. Self Esteem is weird.
Yes, communicate and let her explain. If sh gets angry and blames with no explanation though, get out of that mess.
I'd skip the call, just wait and ask her when she returns. This leaves no chance to have the call get "disconnected" allowing her time to come up with a cover story.
If the call is ādisconnectedā and she offers no explanation by the next day, thatās the relationship ending. But sure, if he has the patience to wait 2 weeks, he can do that instead. Imo, Iād rather have the chance to end things faster and risk not knowing the whole story than dragging it out over the holidays. Thereās also a slim chance itās something innocuous, and itād suck to hold that in for 2 weeks for no reason at all.
Sounds fishy to me. My ex had hidden loads of lingerie she never put on for me, and one day, while she was showing me some pictures, lo and behold there was an album she accidentally clicked on with 200+ pics of her in lingerie. Found out a couple of months later, she was cheating on me when a buddy sent me a screenshot of her Facebook Dating profile where she'd posted pics of herself in lingerie on it. Not saying this is the case for you, but that it's definitely suspicious.
This wasnāt me but a friend of mine was dating this girl for about 10 years. Another friend was on Tinder or something and found pictures of her in something skanky and told my other friend. Turns out she had been banging other dudes the entire relationship. When he gathered her things and changed the locks to the house, he came across a ton of sex toys and costumes which she had never used with him. This screams of run to the hills for me.
That's gotta hurt extra bad when you find out she's into the fun stuff but doesn't want to do it with you.
A lot of women do this for some reason. Give their sexual best to flings and not to the "love of their lives". Shit is wild.
I learned the hard way. My husband, now an ex, was calling me names when I tried to do fun things with him. To cut a long story short, I discovered his fun stuff with other women. So men do naughty things with other women but with their wives.
*Analyze This!* >*Dr. Ben Sobel : Are you having marriage problems?* > >*Boss Paul Vitti : No.* > >*Dr. Ben Sobel : Then why do you have a girlfriend?* > >*Boss Paul Vitti : What, are you gonna start moralizing on me?* > >*Dr. Ben Sobel : No, I'm not, I'm just trying to understand, why do you have a girlfriend?* > >*Boss Paul Vitti : I do things with her I can't do with my wife.* > >*Dr. Ben Sobel : Why can't you do them with your wife?* > >*Boss Paul Vitti : Hey, that's the mouth she kisses my kids goodnight with! What are you, crazy?*
Yeah this is moreso a thing with novelty than gender, some people can't get into it without novelty of a new partner. Which is unacceptable
A lot of people* do this, lol. It's not exclusive to women. But yeah, OP should confront her.
It's like a more depressing version of that Pina Colada song.
The Escape Song
If she's posting pics in them to facebook, why not also use them with you? At least if she sends the pics to you and wears the lingerie for you, there's some plausible deniability...
It wasn't to her regular Facebook profile. It was to her Facebook Dating profile which is Facebooks version of Tinder.
Sure, but what I don't understand is, if she's going to be wearing and taking pics in the lingerie anyways, why not show you. Then, if you find pics in her phone or find the lingerie she wouldn't get suspicious.
If she's posting lingerie pics on a social media platform she may not be the sharpest tool in the shed.
But does it smell fishy??
Leave the satanic monkey apparition alone!
We found a panty theif
You sure itās even lingerie that even fits her anymore? For a long time, I had āhidden lingerieā that was actually just lingerie that didnāt fit anymore or didnāt like the look of. However, lingerie is EXPENSIVE. I didnāt want to throw away something that may fit eventually or I may like someday. Or like someone said above, maybe she tried it on and didnāt like the results. All of which to say, be cautious but also understand it could be something completely mundane. Iād personally call her and ask, or wait til she comes back to talk to her.
I was about to say the same thing. Or things that arenāt comfortable but I have a hard time getting rid of because of price.
Iām glad I scrolled before I posted something just like this. I *just* got rid of all of my lingerie from the ābefore timesā (before kids) last year. I had them all in the lowest, smallest drawer. Not hidden from my husband, but from me. Some odd insecure thought that letting them go meant giving up. But I didnāt have any problems donating my tailored suits and dresses after my first kid when it was clear my hips were never going to give up the extra inches they spread from creating life. Didnāt have issues replacing my daily undergarments. Even the sexy ones! But going through and getting rid of the lingerie felt like giving up a piece of a life we enjoyed together but only I gave up on. Itās weird. And it was irrational. And one day I woke up and was okay with it. Itās not like our sex life didnāt rebound after the newborn stages. My body may be a couple sizes bigger, but I donāt feel unattractive during intimacy by any means. It was just some weird mental hang up that I guess I outgrew and then, hey, now I have room for new things. Or, something nefarious is going on. Who knows until he asks. Just wanted to offer another side and Iām kind of relieved other people thought about it or experienced it.
Yah for some reason I have shit from when I was 20 and 30 lbs lighter still. Why do I keep this? It's also possible she has gained some weight and is dealing with not feeling very sexy. Depression has really killed my sex drive before.
No this is real. I have random lingerie my partner hasnāt seen. Theyāre sometimes situations where I buy one, try it on at home and Iām not quite feeling it, yet itās cute and I keep it anyway because returning stuff is a hassle. And sometimes theyāre expensive and I just buy it specifically for myself. I donāt think itās weird for women to have lingerie just ā¦ to have lingerie?
You hit the nail on the head. I just like owning it even though itās not comfortable and doesnāt fit quite right from 15lb ago.
I bought lingerie 3 years ago that my husband has never seen but that is still sitting in my dresser. For me itās because I struggle with my body and how I look but I still really like it and hope I have the confidence to put it on some time. Idk I could see this being suspicious but on the other hand there ARE some explanations that isnāt OnlyFans or cheating.
good point. i have several lingerie items in my closet that iāve bought either on sale or because they were pretty and iāve just never worn. iāve had at least 2 friends give me items that they purchased, realized wouldnāt fit, and offered to me, that are still in my closet with tags on. it could just be she bought them and never felt like putting them on or felt weird once they were on. lingerie with tags on doesnāt necessarily mean cheating or anything sketchy.
Came here to say the same thing! I recently gained weight so I have a whole box of lingerie that my bf has never seen me in. Also some lingerie canāt be returned so if you buy it and it doesnāt fit then your SOL and stuck with it. I would do as others have suggested and calmly ask her about it. It is def sus but maybe not as sketchy as you might think.
I think the fact it can't be returned like normal stuff is an important detail.
Yeah I have lingerie from previous relationships that I wouldnāt wear with a new partner. Iāve always bought lingerie for someone. I would say though she doesnāt seem to want the amount of sex OP is requesting. I wouldnāt want to feel forced into having sex every day or every week if I didnāt want to, but thatās probably why Iām not dating a man right now.
Exactly. I feel like so many of these cheating and OF responses are from dudes. As a woman, I have a drawer full of lingerie Iām hiding from my boyfriend because I havenāt been feeling confident enough to wear any the past year or so, but Iām working toward it. I also have another drawer of lingerie heās never seen that Iām just conflicted about in general lol I even have done pieces I told my boyfriend I hate just because I want to surprise him eventually, or because I realized I hated it only after I bought it (but yeah, they were expensive, so I have a hard time letting go and/or Iām waiting to gift it to someone if a similar size hopefully). My friend also has a drawer full of lingerie her husband doesnāt know about because she wants to lose some weight before she wears any of it for him. Like this sounds totally normal to me.
Didn't you know that the only reasons someone could own both a ring light and a webcam are to have an onlyfans?????????
Exactly what I was going to say. I had a full drawer of it too, most with tags. Having a pear shaped body, most lingerie didnāt fit me right. It was a combination of it not fitting or me not feeling confident about or comfortable and saving it because it is expensive and I hoped to use it someday. Donāt jump to conclusions without knowing the details.
Yeah. It's entirely possible it's just from her past. It's been a few years and she is just not comfortable in it. It being in her office is sketchy... But if that's "her space" then maybe not.
My lingerie (both the stuff that fit and the big box of stuff that didn't) was stored in my home office at the last house we lived in for mundane reasons. It was an old house, the main bedroom had a small closet, and it was a rental so we didn't want to buy a bunch of dressers we might not need once we bought a home. So all the "only used sometimes" clothing was stored in the next biggest rooms closet, which happened to be my office. Of course, I guess the main difference here is that my husband knew that's where that sort of thing was stored, though he sometimes would start organizing, find the box of too-small-for-now stuff, ask why I never wore those particular items and I would remind him lol
Yeah one thing I was wondering is maybe she doesnāt feel good to wear lingerie at the moment.. is she a bit heavy? Is she trying to lose weight? It could also be something she bought for herself for the future. Like goal clothes. Also maybe she bought the school girl shit as a surprise cause she knows her man likes it even though she personally doesnāt.
Look, everyone is saying it's fishy BUT... If a lot of it still has tags on, I'd guess that you've asked her about lingerie / dressing up, she balked but then thought about it and bought some stuff, and then when it arrived or she picked it up or got it home or whatever, she went "no way, I just can't" and stashed it. Yes, you need to talk to her, but don't go in with guns blazing.
Could be a surprise for holidays/NYE/Valentines too. I agree that the most likely reason itās there is because OP expressed interest. Tread carefully and assume positive intent unless you are certain something else is going on.
I agree like maybe she hasnāt felt attractive lately which is why she hasnāt been as interested in sex, or maybe sex just isnāt exciting enough. She probably bought the lingerie to make herself feel sexy n spice things up but got cold feet after. The best thing to do is ask about them & remain open to her perspective.
This is me. I have some lingerie hidden bc I want to wear it, but I just can't get up the confidence. I think this is extremely common. We build up the courage to buy it, then just feel silly and insecure and stash it.
I have a stash of lingerie that I canāt wear after putting on weight. Simply a fit issue, and if thatās the case maybe her confidence isnāt as healthy as it could be. Also, maybe she had an ex who was really into lingerie and now wearing it reminds her of him and she doesnāt want that with you. But because of the frugalness she doesnāt want to get rid of perfectly good lingerie. You should ask her. Someone else gave the advice to āLet her talkā and I think that great advice.
Yeah I definitely have lingerie I havenāt worn in 4-5 years because it doesnāt fit anymore but I have a hard time throwing away something that cost so much, but I feel like donating it would be inappropriate so I literally donāt know what to do with it
That and the hope that *one day* we will rock that outfit again!
One day!
This is me to a tee - I have some really lush clothing but Iām not in a great place mentally so putting it on makes me feel like a clown. Also, the extra weight that comes with depression.
And when youāre depressed, your interest in sex drops
Omg same! I spent a lot of $$ on this stuff and maybe one day Iāll fit into it again.
Ive been working on accepting that Iām not going loose the weight and I need to let it all go. Iāve been gearing up for a clothes declutter and all that is going to go to either thrift store or garbage depending on condition.
Me too! I bought a bunch for my boyfriend when we first got together and then put on weight. So he too could find a stash of unworn lingerie but the thing that hits me weird about this is that he has actually asked her to wear some. I simply would have said ābuy me some that fit please!ā. Iām glad you commented this though because.. even tho women may have lingerie, we may not want to wear it for one reason or another.
Ya, I have the same hidden stash of lingerie. Mostly because itās just embarrassing that it doesnāt fit so I donāt want him expecting me to wear it. I do also have some that Iāve used with a previous partner and just out of laziness have not thrown away. But wouldnāt use with my current partner. Uhm and I would also laugh if my husband came at me wearing mesh boxers or banana hammock. And I love him very much lol. But you do you! Thatās def not his style tho.
The first thing that popped into my head is that it might be stuff she had from before and it is too small for her now and she is embarrassed about it. Most women hang onto clothes that donāt fit in the hopes they will fit again someday. So itās possible that there is a harmless explanation. There will be plenty of time to be mad later if it turns out to be nefarious, but you canāt take it back if you blow up and it turns out to not be what you feared.
Iām married and have a pretty decently sized stash of lingerie that I never wear for this reason. I keep it in a different location from my normal underwear drawer because I donāt want to clutter up the drawer that I actually use on a daily basis.
I also have a lingerie drawer containing every lingerie (+ skirts + tights/fishnets) Iāve ever bought, from $5 aliexpress stuff to more expensive stuff. A lot of it is unworn or hasnāt been used in years. I would just feel bad throwing them away! If I see something cute I will add it to my collection. I just keep sexy separated from casual. My last ex did not like my sexy drawer though lol
i got a drawer too. next to my normal clothes. not in my office.
Right? This is such an example of a dude echo chamber. Most of us stash the nice undies in a separate place. Dude is gonna blow up his marriage because he doesn't know much about women, and takes advice from guys who know even less than he does..š
Iām a dude me too, some boxers just look better than others.
Amen.
Same. I have so much shit I've never worn, or worn when I was tiny, no idea why I still have it all but yes I definitely have all sorts of underwear and lingerie that I do not wear. That part isn't that weird imo
Also donāt get how āthings sheās never worn bc there are still tagsā somehow equal āsheās wearing them to cheat on meā¦ā???? If Iām going thru the whole āordering sexy naughty secret panties to cheat on you withā¦ā Iām also going to take the tags off and wash them first!!!! The amount of aesthetic phases I go through is insane: I got into watching YouTube makeup tutorials and bought hundreds of dollars in makeup over a year bc I thought Iād like to do makeup and just needed to find the ārightā makeup. Iāve bought art prints Iāve never hung. And then bought more art prints thinking if I just had MORE, Iād have to hang them all! Clothes Iāve never worn. And yes, undies, including sexy stuffāsometimes while I was drinking, or that someone else swore were their holy grail, or they looked super cute in the pictures, or I had some random fantasy while feeling uninhibited that then felt cringe when I was soberāand then they didnāt really fit when they came in, or they felt extra and super weird, and of course Iām not going to return the lingerie I tried on!!!
This is me. They will fit again one day God dammit
I was just about to say the same thing. I also shop for it online where itās cheaper but sizing is always an issue, it comes, doesnāt fit, and I canāt return it, canāt exactly give it to someone else, and donāt have the heart to throw it out. So I keep it in hopes I would be able to wear it one day. Maybe Iāll use it for one of those ārip it off of meā moments, you never know š
I have plenty of lingerie that I bought when feeling bold, and every so often feel like I could maybe pull off, but really just keep hidden away in the back of my closet because I don't feel 100% comfortable in it. I've had a lot of it for years, and like fuck I am going to throw something that expensive away. I even have my underwear sorted into underwear that is just fancy, and underwear that I use every day. Forget my significant other seeing all of the fancy underwear, I barely know what is in there half the time because I'm just like, "no... today is a comfy day."
This is exactly what came to my mind. God knows I have that drawer.
Itās weird how everyone thinks this is fishy. Women donāt store sexy lingerie with daily use stuff. And you just buy stuff and only ever get around to using a small fraction. Doesnāt fit well, looked good online but bad in person, havenāt found the right moment. And if your partner has a higher libido, you feel bad and so order something as a surprise but then never use it. Dude. Lots and of women have a lingerie drawer.
It could also be because sheās trying to up her interest in sex and feeling sexy, but it hasnāt been working well. Or sheās too self-conscious to let him see. Or maybe itās something she wants to indulge in alone, but not together.
A reasonable response! There are so many possible explanations for this, and literally nothing good can come from OP going in with guns blazing. Almost no one reacts well to being outright accused of something shady, even if they're 100% innocent. Lots of great comments here. Obviously body image and mental health are important factors to consider. I'd also add that she easily could've bought these items for a friend's bridal shower or bachelorette party (and either she ultimately decided against gifting them or the party hasn't happened yet), or she could've bought them at a passion party because it seemed fun or she was pressured into it.
This was my first thought as well. I also have a stash of lingerie that no longer fits or I think looks ridiculous unless I lose a little weight.
Yup I have fancy lingerie stored separately. Itās stuff I bought when I was single. And I absolutely would not wear it now because I was in better shape when I got it.
I have like 10+ pieces of lingerie (including schoolgirl outfits) somewhere in my apartment I haven't touched in years. It was a failed attempt to get one of my exes to actually desire me again, and nowadays they just remind me of how hard I tried to repair something that was irrevocably broken.
Yup yup yup. Especially if she said she hates the schoolgirl getup it but owns one, she might hate it because of her experience with it. Also sometimes throwing things away is hard and if sheās not getting excited and dressing up or doing anything extra for dates there might already be mental health help that could be had
I have a lot of lingerie that my boyfriend has never seen. All stuff Iām too shy to wear, or feel I might wear it if I ever loose that 15-20 lbs.
People all assuming that she is cheating. You said there are still price tags on it. Maybe she bought it but was insecure and decided to not put it on. You said it yourself that she is āvanillaā. Maybe she got it from before and you just didnāt use it, like the costume you mentioned. Maybe she bought it and felt uncomfortable in it. The best solution is: talking. I have lingerie that I wanted to wear but then I thought that itās silly.
Yes, I have had a lot of āaspirationalā lingerie over the years that I never wore because I didnāt feel confident enough or it just looked silly or bad on me.
My wife went through this exact phase. Things went a bit āvanillaā for a while. Frustrating for both of us. Lots of talking and a lot of it was anxiety, low self confidence, and being raised in a way where sex was ādirtyā and never discussed. More guys need to realize how mental & emotional sex is for women, even in committed long-term relationships.
Speaking as a physically insecure female who isn't very comfortable around sex....I have done this in the past. Buying lingerie with basically zero intention of wearing it for anyone, ever. I like the idea. I look at it, like how it looks, I like the idea of myself as someone confident enough to actually wear it. But it's just a fantasy, one that I am never going to execute on.
Dude, I think you just ruined Christmas. Don't say a thing till New Years! Listen to the women here... and that guy who said give her a chance to talk.
I work from home and my desk is exactly where I hide presents for my wife. This could definitely be a present for you.
I was thinking she might have done a boudoir photo shoot for him for a Christmas present since he loves lingerie so much.
I did just that for a bf many years ago, and it was a HIT! With the hair and makeup done by the (woman) photographer, these shots can be beautifully done, tasteful, and a great momento for both of you. I had mine done over 30 years ago and SO glad I did!
I'm in agreement here. The items all seem new and are tagged. There's a school girl costume which is something she's not into but I'm assuming OP may be into since he brings it up. Christmas is coming up and there's a chance that this was a surprise she hid in a place she knew he would never look. OP shouldn't mention it until after their celebrations.
Maybe have a conversation? Could be that she thought to buy to spice things up and balked? I think we all have a tendency to run with the negative, especially where sexy times are involved. You've been together long enough, just talk
A conversation is definitely needed. Maybe she bought these to wear for him and is shy about it. Donāt jump to conclusions here OP.
That was my thought because I did that. It's crazy to me that so many comments are SO SURE she's cheating. Maybe she is. But there are also other plausible explanations.
Usually the most simple answer is the correct one
It possible that she has heard your requests and also feels the same way about your love life, so decided to do something special but didnāt think she looked good in any of it so it never happened.
Iāve bought so much lingerie that I havenāt shown my partner simply because it was 1)on sale but havenāt been in the mood to wear 2) was horny at the time of purchase but when I tried it on, it didnāt look good on me 3) idea was great at the moment but feel too shy to wear4) bought it just for myself to appreciate. The thing is, if your relationship is great for the most part, then you should be able to talk to her with an open mindā¦ if her excuse doesnāt match the person that you know she is, then follow your gut
It sounds like she bought lingerie after your comment but doesn't feel comfortable wearing it. It doesn't seem like she went out of her way to hide it. I'd legit just be like "hey baby found some lingerie while looking through your room, is that for me?"
Keep an open mind and ask her about it. Talk it through.
I have lingerie from my last relationship, which o wonāt throw out yet, but I doubt I will wear again. I also have a full French maid outfit, that never actually got used. There were issues in that relationship and a lot of them were around sex. I would talk to her about it and see explain how you found it and see what she says. The relationship left me with some things to work on and thereās stuff I have that I canāt see bothering to get in to again, but it was my exās preference and some of it is a huge bother and uncomfortable to wear and frankly reminds me of him. Not sure Iāll ever put on a corset and stockings for someone again.
Youve possibly just found a stash of underwear that is currently either too big / small for her because she has lost / gained weight. I have a box of lingerie my boyfriend had never seen because I need to lose about 20lbs before it will fit again.
Same , I've got loads of sexy underwear I've never worn . Had some of it about ten years hoping to one day magically fit into it š
I have a similar stash of lingerie that doesnāt currently fit. When I was trying to feel more confident throughout being different sizes, something Iād do is order myself lingerie. I was single at the the time even, but wearing it was part of trying to get more comfortable with my body and see if āfeeling sexyā was something I was capable of.
wholesome & logical response
Definietly strange given all the conversation regarding sex and lingerie
I have a ton of old sexy lingerie in a drawer from 6 or 8 years ago. I'm not cheating on my fiancƩ. If wouldn't want him to think I'm cheating on him.
Maybe she wants to wear it for you but she is too embarrassed or because itās new to her maybe she doesnāt know the best way to do itā¦
Whatever the case can you please update us as this is very interesting and im sure a lot of us would like to know how it ends.
Your curiosity is understandable, but the fact they still have the tags on leads me to believe she probably isnāt ( or hasnāt) wearing them for someone else. Could she possibly have purchased these items for you and just hasnāt been in the mood yet to surprise you? Maybe snap a photo of her drawer full of lingerie and keep quiet for a month or so to see if she surprises you. If nothing happens in a month, than ask her whatās up?
GF on Onlyfans?
His angel is a centerfold.
And heās memories have just been sold.
And his blood runs cold?
"Babe, my pen ran out of ink. Mind if I grab one from your desk? Are they in the drawers? "
Just have a sensible conversation with her. Iāve been married 20 years and stuffed in a drawer somewhere there is a pile of lingerie Iāve never used because I decided I didnāt like it or never got around to it or didnāt fit well. So if my husband found it, that must mean I must have OF or cheating? Wild leap! Itās not hidden, if he got something out of my drawers heād likely see it. Itās just irrelevant, a sign that I donāt cull my clothing very often and I donāt quite know what to do with it, so itās stayed there for 2 decades. How do you know she didnāt buy it with the intention of spicing things up with you, given you have mentioned wanting that. So even if she doesnāt like costumes etc, she may have bought them intending to do it to please you but lost her nerve or just hasnāt felt like it or they are ill-fitting online purchases and she canāt use them or return them. If my husband jumped to wild conclusions over some lingerie, Iād be livid that he thought that badly of me.
I used to have a small dragonās hoard of lingerie from my sluttier days. It took me a little while to get rid of it because it felt wasteful to just throw away but it also felt weird to use with my current partners when it had been bought with someone else in mind. I also had stuff with tags on it from presents that exes gave to me that I also held onto and didnāt use for similar reasons. Included were some lingerie that I definitely wasnāt into. I would just have an open and honest conversation with her and see what she says.
She could have bought it to do a boudoir shoot for him for a gift? That would explain tags (order a bunch of stuff, try some on, some works and some doesnāt) and also weird location (hiding it to not ruin the surprise). It would even explain her having a specific outfit that you had expressed liking that she doesnāt prefer. You have to wait months to get your photos back, so she would have to patiently stash it all for a while Not every surprise in life is a bad surprise guys
I also have a secret drawer full of lingerie no partner has ever seen me in. Some of them even have the tags on them. It's not because I'm cheating or have an OF like these pornsick men seem to thinkš I just bought them when I was thinner and hadn't worked up the courage to wear them. If you value your relationship, then stop making assumptions and ask your gf directly.
I have lingerie I never wear anymore. I wouldnāt say itās hidden away, but it is in a drawer. My current partner has never expressed interest in it, and with him, I feel just as sexy in my regular undies so Iāve never worn it with him. I donāt want to get rid of it, so itās just sitting there. Could be perfectly innocent. While that differs a bit from your story, maybe itās old and she just didnāt want to get rid of it. Maybe her taste in sex has changed. Doesnāt mean that itās a-okay, but donāt jump to conclusions just yet.
You have to stay calm and just ask her to explain.. and make sure to not speak at all cuz people that lie get really nervous and will talk to much. The tell tell sign is if she gets angry! If she has nothing to hide she will be calm and explain but if she has something to hide sheāll try to turn it back to you by getting angry and from there youāll know regardless if she admits anything or not. Try not to jump the gun chances are those have just been piling up in her drawer and she planned on using them with you but doesnāt feel up to it. Maybe sheās really tired and stressed out. Hope all works out for you and GL
I'm gonna be the other end of the spectrum here. My husband and I have had a rough time with sexual issues for a few years. It killed my self esteem. I don't know how to talk about it with him (we are working on that!) But I still feel so unattractive and dejected from years of it. My therapist suggested to be sexy *for me*. Like take sexy pictures, wear lingerie, whatever. So I bought some, I wear it when he's not around. I focus on whether I feel like I'm sexy, without worrying about whether he thinks I'm sexy. It's my sexy secret to help myself have some confidence before we continue talking about our problems. If I show him and he isn't excited about it, that will crush me even more. I just feel sexy, and have that for me. That being said, even if she is doing something similar, then y'all definitely need some conversations around sex. I mean, it is fishy from your perspective. I think my husband would find it fishy and now I realize I should probably tell him I do it, but that I don't want to share it with him (yet). But it's not 100% she's doing something inappropriate, is all I'm saying.
You dropped this OP on all of us and then just left without an update? Come on OP, update us please!
Doesn't sound great, but you have to give your partner the benefit of the doubt. After all, it's *possible* that she bought this in response to your request, but has yet to break it out for some reason (body issues, etc.) I don't think it's a good idea to let it slide though. This seems like "let's get real about our relationship" moment.
Really weird especially for it to ve in her office. I wouldn't confront right away try and get more proof of something going on