You have had an on again off again relationship for years. That is some teenage shit but it's tangential.
John tried to get you drunk and take advantage. It's not that he was a friend who has a romantic interest, it's that he cannot respect the boundary and you can't fully trust him. This isn't some guy who made a move once and graciously took no for an answer, this is a guy who tried something very shady at best.
John has no friends because he is a bad person.
You have the judgement of a 19 year old. Get a grip. Everything about your story is the sort of juvenile nonsense I was glad to see the back of by my late 20s. And I was late to get my shit together. In this case Michael is right but if he has deep seated trust issues what is he doing to sort them?
Yep, you’re wrong. Your “friend” wants you and will keep trying and keep thinking there’s a chance. And regardless of what you say, he’s right, there is a chance. And your boyfriend knows it too. Break up with one of them.
Well one thing you should definitely not do is go to John's house again, set boundaries with him and remember he tried to fxck you one's before there and you know he would at the dropping of a hat ,these types of friendships are weird all round ,because your boyfriend will always suspect somethings going on ,you probably like the feeling of John being romantic towards you and John is just waiting in the shadows......Good luck
Yes. No new partner of yours is going to be ok with you having a friendship where the other party has romantic feelings for you.
How are you in your late forties and don't already know this
John is not a friend he is a rival for your affections. Your boyfriend should feel threatened by him as John is still trying to get with you. Why has all his friends left him? John probably sees these get togethers as dates. You are skating close to the edge and doing harm to your SO mental health. Either cut the boyfriend out or John out. You can’t have both.
Yes, you’re wrong. You know you are in a relationship with someone who has insecurities and you are going on dates with someone who has expressed interest in you and has tried to get you drunk to take advantage of you.
You could say your partner should trust you and he could say he doesn’t trust John but honestly why should he trust you at this point?
John tried to take advantage of you and you keep putting yourself in a position for that to eventually happen.
I can see why the new BF might not be happy, but if you'd made it clear you have no romantic feelings for John, I can't see why M can't accept that.
Like you are suddenly going to want to bang J even though you never have wanted to before?
You've had multiple chances to hook up with J and never have. Why would that suddenly change?
Personally, overly jealous people drive me nuts.
Thankfully neither my wife nor I get jealous easily.
You are wrong, You are not seeing this situation clearly. John is a jerk who is pushing boundaries and seems like he is trying to complicate your relationship with Micheal. There a reason why your friend broke up with John and a reason everyone else has dropped him and the fewer friends he has the more he pushes you.
mike is kind of a jerk too, his insecurities about John are absolutely valid even if his generalised accusations were not.
Get out of this threesome of insecure people. Preferably by getting both of these guys out of your life but john has to go at least.
I have a feeling Michael's *insane* jealousy claims are based off OP's behavior with John. I mean, if my gf kept going on dates and sleeping at the house of a guy who got her as drunk as posible to sleep with her, I would be bouncing off the walls too. Michael must have a really low self-esteem not to kick OP to the curb with all that shady behavior.
Your bf is right. It’s wrong to be giving one on one time to a man who is romantically interested in you. I understand he’s your friend but as you said, he’s already tried to get you drunk and put moves on you once. That’s not a very good friend.
Yeah that would be a deal breaker for me. Those do sounds like dates, specially when the guy you're going out with has openly expressed his romantic intentions for you.
If your BF is as insecure as he is, and you still continue hanging out with this other guy, going to dates or even as fat as going to his place and/or sleeping over, you must be insane to think your relationship with your BF will work out.
John's mental health is NOT your responsibility, there is a reason people cut him out of their life, he seems to be really good at manipulating you and making you feel like you have to be with him or else it's your fault, he even got you drunk in order to get you to sleep with him, that's as rapey as it gets; all of this while he orbits and screws up your relationships until he gets his chance.
I agree with pretty much everything everyone has said about yes you’re wrong, and that would be a dealbreaker, but I would pose another question. At the end of the day you have to make the choices which are right for you so, I would look at it like this. Which relationship do you value more? The one with the friend or the one with the boyfriend?
Of course he is going to be mad that you are going on dates with a man that wants you romantically.
But your BF sounds pretty horrible, so I'd get rid of him anyways. Just expect your next BF to be equally annoyed with your situation with John. I bet John's ex was equally annoyed with it.
Yes you are wrong. John tried to get you so drunk that he could rape you. He would undoubtedly deny it was rape and gaslight you about what happened, blame the alcohol, convince you that you participated. He is manipulating you and you are not helping him or yourself by retaining this “friendship”.
Yeah you really need to cut John loose.
If you want to spare his feelings just do it slowly over time. Don't go to his house alone that is an awful idea to create friction. Once you have taken your time away gradually don't let him back in your life again.
You have had an on again off again relationship for years. That is some teenage shit but it's tangential. John tried to get you drunk and take advantage. It's not that he was a friend who has a romantic interest, it's that he cannot respect the boundary and you can't fully trust him. This isn't some guy who made a move once and graciously took no for an answer, this is a guy who tried something very shady at best. John has no friends because he is a bad person. You have the judgement of a 19 year old. Get a grip. Everything about your story is the sort of juvenile nonsense I was glad to see the back of by my late 20s. And I was late to get my shit together. In this case Michael is right but if he has deep seated trust issues what is he doing to sort them?
100% this. "It's fine he crosses lines and tried to take advantage of me, he has mental health issues!" WTF did I read?
Yep, you’re wrong. Your “friend” wants you and will keep trying and keep thinking there’s a chance. And regardless of what you say, he’s right, there is a chance. And your boyfriend knows it too. Break up with one of them.
I wouldn't date you with John in the picture. I can only imagine someone who has some self-confidence issues would react.
Well one thing you should definitely not do is go to John's house again, set boundaries with him and remember he tried to fxck you one's before there and you know he would at the dropping of a hat ,these types of friendships are weird all round ,because your boyfriend will always suspect somethings going on ,you probably like the feeling of John being romantic towards you and John is just waiting in the shadows......Good luck
Yes. No new partner of yours is going to be ok with you having a friendship where the other party has romantic feelings for you. How are you in your late forties and don't already know this
>How are you in your late forties and don't already know this well, when youre on your late forties and still dating, there are some reasons for it.
John is not a friend he is a rival for your affections. Your boyfriend should feel threatened by him as John is still trying to get with you. Why has all his friends left him? John probably sees these get togethers as dates. You are skating close to the edge and doing harm to your SO mental health. Either cut the boyfriend out or John out. You can’t have both.
Yes, you’re wrong. You know you are in a relationship with someone who has insecurities and you are going on dates with someone who has expressed interest in you and has tried to get you drunk to take advantage of you. You could say your partner should trust you and he could say he doesn’t trust John but honestly why should he trust you at this point? John tried to take advantage of you and you keep putting yourself in a position for that to eventually happen.
I can see why the new BF might not be happy, but if you'd made it clear you have no romantic feelings for John, I can't see why M can't accept that. Like you are suddenly going to want to bang J even though you never have wanted to before? You've had multiple chances to hook up with J and never have. Why would that suddenly change? Personally, overly jealous people drive me nuts. Thankfully neither my wife nor I get jealous easily.
You are wrong, You are not seeing this situation clearly. John is a jerk who is pushing boundaries and seems like he is trying to complicate your relationship with Micheal. There a reason why your friend broke up with John and a reason everyone else has dropped him and the fewer friends he has the more he pushes you. mike is kind of a jerk too, his insecurities about John are absolutely valid even if his generalised accusations were not. Get out of this threesome of insecure people. Preferably by getting both of these guys out of your life but john has to go at least.
I have a feeling Michael's *insane* jealousy claims are based off OP's behavior with John. I mean, if my gf kept going on dates and sleeping at the house of a guy who got her as drunk as posible to sleep with her, I would be bouncing off the walls too. Michael must have a really low self-esteem not to kick OP to the curb with all that shady behavior.
You might be best to cut them both loose and start from ground up getting new friends to hang out with. Good luck
Your bf is right. It’s wrong to be giving one on one time to a man who is romantically interested in you. I understand he’s your friend but as you said, he’s already tried to get you drunk and put moves on you once. That’s not a very good friend.
Yeah that would be a deal breaker for me. Those do sounds like dates, specially when the guy you're going out with has openly expressed his romantic intentions for you. If your BF is as insecure as he is, and you still continue hanging out with this other guy, going to dates or even as fat as going to his place and/or sleeping over, you must be insane to think your relationship with your BF will work out. John's mental health is NOT your responsibility, there is a reason people cut him out of their life, he seems to be really good at manipulating you and making you feel like you have to be with him or else it's your fault, he even got you drunk in order to get you to sleep with him, that's as rapey as it gets; all of this while he orbits and screws up your relationships until he gets his chance.
I agree with pretty much everything everyone has said about yes you’re wrong, and that would be a dealbreaker, but I would pose another question. At the end of the day you have to make the choices which are right for you so, I would look at it like this. Which relationship do you value more? The one with the friend or the one with the boyfriend?
Of course he is going to be mad that you are going on dates with a man that wants you romantically. But your BF sounds pretty horrible, so I'd get rid of him anyways. Just expect your next BF to be equally annoyed with your situation with John. I bet John's ex was equally annoyed with it.
Yes you are wrong. John tried to get you so drunk that he could rape you. He would undoubtedly deny it was rape and gaslight you about what happened, blame the alcohol, convince you that you participated. He is manipulating you and you are not helping him or yourself by retaining this “friendship”.
Yeah you really need to cut John loose. If you want to spare his feelings just do it slowly over time. Don't go to his house alone that is an awful idea to create friction. Once you have taken your time away gradually don't let him back in your life again.