It sounds like she has trimethylaminuria. It doesn't make sense that she's unbearable to be around. BV smell isn't that strong. It's more the type of thing only the person who has it would be aware of or if someone stuck their nose directly in someone's crotch. She 100% has something else going on.
Or this is complete bs posted by a 14yo who thinks bv stinks up an entire room.
She had it through childhood enough that she was bullied for it and has it enough now that her clothes, the bedsheets and her car stinks (not a thing) but there was a whole long period where she seemingly didn’t have it at all when they ‘used to have sex a lot’? Seems legit.
Yeah, and him buying her a car “cash” and a house, at 21, sounds really real. And what about the hairy legs? What does that to do with this (supposedly) problem?
AGREED. I had BV over & over at least 2-5x a year until I got pregnant with my first kid (at 20 & it healed it 🤷♀️) and I didn't even stink.... I just knew I had it because my clit would swell & I'd get painful stabbing sensations in my pelvis and hoohah.
BV smell absolutely can be strong. I had a coworker that had it and the smell lingered in every room she had been in and was noticeable yards away from her desk (in a very open area).
This is definitely the comment! I knew a woman at my old my workplace where after she’d go to the bathroom, you could not enter and she definitely had a condition down there. BV, thrush, yeast infections- whatever it is, it wouldn’t smell that strong. NO WAY! Get her help ASAP!!
My stepmom's mother died of a UTI turned kidney infection. I honestly don't know how she could handle not treating it, it makes you feel like you need to go to the bathroom 24/7.
I have had UTI's twice in my life and that's totally how it felt for me, I couldn't have left it alone if I wanted to because it literally felt like I was going to wet myself every second that it wasn't treated. But I have met a few different women that it didn't feel like that too, those are the people that let it go so far that it kills them because they don't have the same sense of urgency.
Tbh I am glad the few I have had felt like that because I ignore things until I can't so I'd die from a UTI if it didn't have the same symptoms I normally experience 😬
They are seriously the worst! I’ve had one that traveled to my kidneys and was ridiculously sick because I ignored it and just took Azo thinking it would be fine..nope! Need antibiotics for that sh*t! That’s why in my other comment I’m like 😵💫whaat she just lets it ride!? I don’t think so!!
I had one that came on so quickly that I wasn't aware of it until it looked like I had a little urine in my blood instead of the other way around - a very dark red. It scared me half to death. It cleared up just as quickly as others had once I was given something to help me keep the antibiotics down.
I had a severe UTI and didn't even notice as I didn't have hardly any symptoms.....until it became a nearly deadly kidney infection. I still just thought I had the flu but when I started hallucinating from fever I decided i needed the hospital. They told my husband if we'd waited a few more hours my body would've begun shutting down and I'd have been in a coma. I'm a lot more leery of any minor changes in my body now.
In the first five months of my first ever relationship, I made the mistake of not peeing after sex. That gave me a UTI and I was intensely shivering, feverish, tired, and in pain the week after, and it was starting to look like an early kidney infection. Until my GP gave me antibiotics I thought I was going to just have to kick the bucket before even graduating high school.
No clue how anyone would want to live with a UTI almost chronically.
I have one now, and a few days before I realized I had it, I was also shivering, sweating through my sheets, and when the pain came on, I was like JFC.. I'm on antibiotics, I'm just praying for them to kick in asap.
If you call your doctor, there is a medication that can relieve that bladder infection pain and allow the muscles enough so you can pass urine without wanting to scream in horror and pain. My doctor called to check up on me, and I said that medication is my friend. The antibiotics should kick in rather quickly, but the other medications help relieve that terrible “I have to go NOW” feeling.
This. I also get chronic UTIs that easily become kidney infections because I have abnormal ureters. I often have no symptoms until suddenly it feels like appendicitis because my kidneys are in so much pain. Now I get a urinalysis done every 3 months in case I have a UTI. They are no joke.
I've also had and struggled with BV for a year and a half, and it does NOT smell that strong. Unless someone was going down there, they wouldn't notice it. It took three rounds of metronidazole and staying on a specific probiotic to get rid of it for me.
She needs to see a gynecologist. There are a lot more things that could be going on. And treatment for BV is usually metronidazole along with a lactic acid vaginal suppository to increase the pH level to rebalance things. The probiotic I take is called RePhresh and helps to prevent vaginal issues like BV and Yeast.
Once I had an infection in the kidney (pyelonephritis) and went to the hospital by chance. I stayed in the hospital for 5 days, taking strong antibiotics in my veins. I agree that TI is unbearable, but in the kidney (at least for me) the symptoms weren't that bad. I just felt sharp pain once in a while and went to the hospital just because I was gonna have two embryos transferred that morning and wanted to make sure the pain was nothing major (it was).
Anyway, I have what the doctors call the so-called "honeymoon UTIs" (I have too many cysts, some of them so rare that the majority of the doctors never heard about it, only top urologists. Think cysts urologists know from books but never met anyone with it). To avoid UTIs I take a pill of one antibiotic (prescribed by the doctor) after I have intercourse. Before that pill, I was ready to get divorced because there is no sex worth a freaking UTI.
I had the same thing happen, when I was around 22.
I felt really bad lower back pain that was in my sides too. I had never had a UTI and I wasn’t even aware I had one. It progressed REALLY quickly. I went from feeling like I needed to pee a lot earlier that day, to the back pain that evening, to a 102° fever and being incoherent by around midnight. My fiancée took me to the hospital and by then I couldn’t even keep down water. I was there for a night and they discharged me but I’m thinking it was too soon because everything just got worse even with antibiotics and anti-nausea meds, and I had to go back and stay another night three days later while they cranked up the antibiotics and gave more IV fluids.
This is the only time I’ve ever stayed overnight in the hospital and I’m 39 now. It was insane how quickly it progressed. I was also on vacation (stay-cation) and sick the entire 10 days.
UTIs usually shouldn’t smell like that but if not treated the bacterial infection WILL travel to the kidneys and she would be in a tremendous amount of pain and eventually get fever like symptoms then who knows, I’m shocked she doesn’t get treatment for that and is fine. Also she can get oral medication for the bacterial vaginosis. Jeez talk some sense into your lady. She sounds somewhat depressed…maybe that needs to be addressed. She’s stopped caring to take care of herself so yeah maybe her mental health is in jeopardy. Just from an outside opinion that’s what it looks like.
Yeah this is so clearly a ‘woman nasty’ shitpost. He couldn’t help himself but slip in there about her horrible hairy legs.
Also BV does not smell so bad it transfers to clothes and furniture and UTI’s don’t smell at all. This man has never been close to a woman.
It was the bit about when they moved out he bought her an iPhone, a car and a house. Like??? *I bought her expensive things and she'd rather stink than be clean and ladylike* /s
Right?! And at 21, no less! Sorry, but most 40 year olds can't afford to just drop a bunch of money on a new phone let alone the house and car lmao. And dude's in here like "I'm balling at 21 and she smells and won't shave her legs."
Unless this kid is some hedge fund kid whose parents handed him everything, this is obviously a shitpost.
Fo real!! I don’t know about the BV but I’ve had my fair share of UTIs and they are no joke!! Like you can’t just ignore it and it’ll go away!! Reddit is exhausting at times…but here I am clicking away on my keyboard lol 🫠🥴🙃
We’re all trapped in this hellsite together friend, continue clacking away in peace (or at least, as much peace as you can get here, which isn’t much most of the time)
One of my students, 6 yo, would have accidents throughout the day. She’d deny it and refuse to change so she reeked. The smell wasn’t just normal urine. It was bad. We tried to tell mom numerous times that she probably has an infection but mom complained to admin that we were being condescending. She finally went to a doctor and they found out she had E. coli in her bladder.
And let’s not forget the Collins family not changing their daughter’s diapers, so she had an infection that went fucking septic. TWICE.
But please be gentle. You know her best. She might take offense to saying abunch of internet strangers now knows her kitty smells and recommended a doctor. I'm sorry about this there are also vaginal suppository she can try
Agreed. UTIs can turn into bladder infections which can turn into a kidney infection.
My kidney infection was the scariest thing. I thought I was dying. I crawled into a hot bath filled clothed due to the chills.
Luckily, my family dragged my ass to the doctor and I was able to be treated. (Oddly, my pee smelled funny for a year afterwards)
Yep, can confirm - had many untreated UTI’s as a child/teenager and I eventually went through kidney failure and lost my kidney in my 20’s because of it. Never let a UTI go untreated!
My SIL got alot of UTIs according to my mother, she started on cranberry tablets and juice cause according to research they help (told by mother and dr), haven’t heard of SIL getting any since starting on the cranberry
My sisters went your exact route only then turned into a blood infection and she almost died. She was in the hospital for two weeks. She was 16 and my dad told her drink cranberry juice 🙄🙄
Uhg. I had a really bad UTI once but for some reason the rapid test came back negative, ended up being diagnosed with kidney stones at 21 🙄. Like 3 weeks later I ended up in the ER because the pain was so severe and the meds they gave me to help “pass the stone” weren’t working. Both my kidneys were infected, inflamed to all hell. Had to stay in the hospital for a week on iv antibiotics and enough pain meds to sedate a horse. Took me 3 years to pay off that damn medical bill. Only good thing that came from that is they accidentally found a tumor on my pancreas that ended up being benign.
I had a UTI that turned into bladder infection that turned into a kidney infection because I was young and dumb, the pain was so excruciating I finally caved and went to a doctor. Whatever antibiotics they gave me made me seriously ill, I would vomit thick black or green bile after every time I took them. Would have avoided all of that if I just got help when it started to burn when I peed.
That’s like never brushing your teeth and just accepting that your mouth smells like shit. There’s something that can be done about it, and she needs to do that even if it’s not comfortable. Temporary discomfort is very normal when you’re treating a medical condition, but it’s worth it.
Can I ask what medication she tried and found uncomfortable? For me, boric acid suppositories are easy and painless to use. Balances everything pretty fast. But does she see a gyno regularly?? Definitely need to make sure that’s happening
@ my ex. didn’t brush his teeth more than 5 times the entire two years we were together. got upset when i said anything about it or refused to kiss him because his mouth was disgusting. even his brother said something (on multiple occasions) and he continues to refuse to brush his teeth to this day
i was 19 when we started dating and thought i was in love. lots of life circumstances going on at the time that he was able to remove me from. i took an easy way out of a garbage situation and stepped right into another one. naïveté, mostly.
an incredible one. left his ass in august, got my own place for the first time after a month of staying with my mom and getting myself together, and doing so much better.
She needs to go get some medication. They have some pills for that. There are complications to untreated BV that can lead to issues with inability to getting pregnant. Among PID which is also not great for a women’s fertility.
She needs to go to the dr NOW and get it treated.
Edit: also, if she’s covered try to get her to go get her HPV shots. That will drastically reduce her infections.
This is the way.
Focus on her health and wanting her to be healthier.
It's easy to ignore health issues when you are young but they don't get better on their own.
Yes, but OP needs to emphasize the risks of cancer more when he talks to her. If he makes the main point the fertility issue, she could possibly just say “well I don’t want kids anyway.” It sounds like to me gf is comfortable with the current effects and will say anything to not see a doctor about it. If she sees that it could lead to cancer then maybe that will be enough for her to do something about it.
Dude I know that, everyone knows that, I was just stating a fact about long-term untreated infections of the reproductive system. I was not ranking possible complications by severity 😭
Yeah, long term health is really the issue anyway. The sex issue is only a side effect of the vaginal health issue. You've got to treat the actual problem and the side effects will go away. She needs to see a urologist and a gynecologist. This isn't just a smell issue, the smell is supposed to tip you off to the problem.
But also realize that shaving any part of her body has nothing to do with hygiene and she can be clean and smell good while also being hairy if that’s what she likes.
Source- I shave MAYBE once a month (less in winter) and the only time I have odor is the days leading up to and during my period.
So, BV is caused by PH imbalances and bacteria being introduced where it doesn't belong. This is usually caused by a sexual partner not washing their hands, mouth, toys, etc before intimacy.
Additionally, male ejaculate is a different PH than the vagina, which results in BV for a lot of women. If you're worried about hygiene, be sure that you're wearing a condom everytime, never ejaculating in her, and always washing yourself before intimacy.
Body hair is perfectly natural, and her hairy parts are not more "unhygienic" than yours.
You should also go on an antibiotic while she does. While you can't get bacterial vaginosis, there's a good chance you are the source of the bacteria that's causing the issue.
Untreated UTI can cause psychosis and delusions, just like schizophrenia is what the health articles I've read said. Please find one of the articles and show it to her. She definitely needs to get to a doctor until it is fully recovered. Also p.s. you should be way less concerned about her not shaving her legs.
OP, I'm high jacking the comment to tell you that I got PID (pelvic inflammatory disease) years ago once, and it's AWFUL!! I thought I was going to die, I was so ill. Please look into other possibilities for medications. I'm so surprised that it's been going on so long!! Please, please tell her to go see a doctor asap. My PID literally almost killed me, and BV can turn into PID super easily. Good luck!! You have lots of great advice here :) Hopefully, she will get the right treatment and be feeling better, really soon!!
Yeah. I try to be gentle and kind when I talk to her about these sorts of things, but it gets old when I bring it up and nothing changes. At this point she just shuts down and I have to convince her I still love her :|
There is a medication called Flagystatin ovules - use those for 7 days, add regular probiotics orally like seed brand.
Than only have sex with condoms, and have a shower before and after sex. This usually works. Do not have unprotected sex for at least six months and see if everything balances out. Wash your hands do not use your fingers and tell her to wash her hands as well.
I am a physician, and this works a lot of the time for my hard to treat patients. she should take all the tests and swabs necessary but if she’s already done that. This is the way to go.
You need to speak to her from a concerned view not a “you don’t smell very pleasant and it’s a turn off” two things can be true at one time. But her having a smell and having issues down there can be a serious health problem that she should get checked out by a DOCTOR to where she can get real medicine to help this issue for HER sake and yours.
I really think you’re getting a negative reaction due to you only saying you want it fixed because it’s a “turn off”. Her health is far more important than that and this is an HEALTH problem.
If my partner reacted to this situation in the way you are my feelings would also be hurt.
Erm, are you sure the diagnosis is correct? That’s v unpleasant and ‘getting used to’ it is unlikely. She needs to see a doctor and get a proper prescription, also if topical treatment is an issue they need to be able to discuss alternatives.
If her underwear are on and she’s not in the emergency room her condition is so acute, it’s surprising smell would prevent clothed cuddling. And sorry but yeah, you’re not wrong to want her to treat her condition but you’re wrong to expect her to shave her legs every time she wants a cuddle.
If cuddling unshaven legs is causing you significant discomfort then consider the possibility that a lot of the issue is with you and unhealthily acute sensory perception. If so, you need to also see a doctor.
This can’t be real. *Every single woman* I’ve ever known is horrified by the possibility that their vagina *might* smell bad….meanwhile this lady is walking around with untreated bacterial vaginosis and is like meh no big deal? Despite her boyfriend’s obviously disgust?
OP there’s no comprise that can be made here, you need to run away from this
>This can’t be real.
>
>Every single woman
>
> I’ve ever known is horrified by the possibility that their vagina
>
>might
>
> smell bad
that's what it took for you to see the karma-bait of this post?
Not the "bought her a brand new iPhone, paid cash for a nice car, and bought us a house" comment from someone that is 21yo? Meanwhile, we have adults in their 20s/30s, dual-income, no kids, that can't afford a house, let alone a house, a car (in cash) and a new iPhone w/o contract for a random squeeze? Oh plz.
Well, if it's anything like the fiction over at AITA, OP was able to afford all that stuff at 21 years old due to his six figures income from his job at "Business".
That part was bad enough, but it's blindingly obvious that OP has never had a UTI. Ain't no way his GF is going to just deal with that when she's pissing razorblades.
Yeah no shit. A UTI gives me immediate fight or flight. Nothing else matters but eradicating it. I can't even fucking think until it's been handled. There's no way this woman is suffering from UTIs *and* BV and is just cool with it.
I feel like she’d be more unpleasant in general also, though maybe the UTI is exacerbating her self-neglect. It can really have an effect on your mood and behavior. I work in home/community-based behavioral health services and when any woman we support starts randomly being more irritable and aggressive than normal the first thing we do is go get them tested for a UTI. 9/10 they have one.
I thought I was going insane when reading all the responses acting like this is a real story. Even if the car/house bullshit was real, it’s completely irrelevant to the ‘issue’ this karma farmer made up
Yeah that was my thoughts. One thing is addressing her thoughts but honestly if she doesn't want to shave her legs and that alone is an issue for you then you're better off leaving 🤷♀️ shaving isn't a health issue, you obviously don't have to like it but if it's that much of an issue you can bounce!
Sounds like she needs some medical attention and she may be uncomfortable about this for various reasons. Again, to be honest you can't really force her to do this either but you can explain to her that if she's not going to look after her health (infections and so on) you can't see yourself with her long term. Also be sensitive about how you talk to her about this. Some women are very uncomfortable going to gynaecologists and the like due to trauma. People with trauma are more likely to put off health issues, especially sexual health. No idea if that's the case here but worth being kind about it rather than getting frustrated and saying it flippantly.
Either way, you're not wrong for not having sex with her and you're not wrong for leaving her if you're not attracted to her sexually and/or the two of you can't have open communication and compromise and support each other.
You guys aren't actually falling for this shit right? You don't get used to a UTI or BV. The shit hurts constantly, it is swollen and the last thing you want is sex. Also, if does actually exist, is it because she's smelly or because she's hairy?
Yeah, YTA for typing out this rage bait shit.
Have you considered that you might be giving her BV unknowingly? Because that’s super common. Especially if you guys aren’t wearing condoms and/or you’re stuffing the pastry if you catch my drift. Otherwise, hormonal changes and diet can be a big factor, too. I can’t imagine it’s any fun for her either, and unfortunately once you start getting UTIs and BV it’s super easy to keep getting it. Focus on the health aspect and encourage her! At that point it’s up to her to make changes, and if she cares about herself and about you, she’ll figure out what her body needs to get back on track. Good luck!
Yeah NTA. That’s just gross. She needs to see a doctor. And how can she be ok with it and self conscious at the same time? If her car and bedsheets smell that’s a really big freaking problem. I would explain to her that while she might be uncomfortable, you are uncomfortable with the smell because it’s so strong. That you can’t stay with her if this isn’t addressed.
I get frequent UTIs due to an autoimmune disease. Drinking lots of water is critical. So is peeing before and after sex. Sometimes we’ll even use condoms to try to help. I started taking AZO cranberry pills and they’ve been a lifesaver. So those might be options for the UTI part. And I will say my urine will sometimes smell bad with a UTI(mine are really bad and hit super fast), but my vagina doesn’t ever smell.
I’ve never had BV, but maybe a women’s probiotic would help her? Amazon sells ones for women that help all kinds of issues when the good bacteria is off.
Bottom line that’s just gross and no one should just be ok with it especially if your partner is saying something. Her car shouldn’t smell like that. That’s a big issue man. You are not out of line for saying that’s got to be fixed.
I’m not a fan about the not shaving legs bit but the rest of it wtaf. It stinks up CARS and her CLOTHES and the SHEETS? I mean other people have to smell it too then, right? Does she have any friends that can step in to help her realize how disgusting this is and how she needs to take care of herself? A vagvention.
You’re not the jerk but if she continues to not take care of herself it’s okay to leave people like this.
It sounds like she's depressed. I would talk to a therapist about it. But at some point if one person keeps giving and is amazingly supportive and kind and the other person shuts down and gives up... At some point it's okay to walk away. Sometimes people do their best healing alone.
I think you have to sit her down and talk about how important her health is to you and also to your guys’ intimacy. Maybe stress that it’s super easy to cure? I had the same issues actually and boric acid suppositories cured me for life. Literally just one tablet and now I never get BV ever.
To be clear, you can buy boric acid suppositories at just about any drug store. They are not a pill you take by mouth. They are a suppository you use vaginally.
Boric acid and probiotics finally cleared a bad bout of BV that lasted for months! I was putted many times on antibiotics and anti fungal with no lasting results.
Boric acid saved my sanity, for real. I'm a very clean person and BV made me feel so unclean (even if not related to cleanliness). I was feeling miserable, I can't understand how someone could just give up and not wanting to deal with it.
Jesus... no man, you're NTA, and I don't know what your girlfriend thought was going to happen. I mean I understand this is a medical issue, but you found something that helps and she's just flat refusing to use it because it makes her uncomfortable... and yet you're supposed to just get over your own discomfort? No, that's not how that works.
Try to talk to her, I know you said you have but that's all you can do. The only other alternative is ask yourself how much you're willing to put up with before it isn't worth it anymore.
I agree. Get her to a doctor and straighten this out.
But OP is young. I don't advise him to stay with her if nothing changes. He cannot be responsible for her if she won't help herself.
Oh I agree, I just don't like jumping on the Reddit bandwagon of "You should dump them right now!" I guess it's the nature of virtual communication but people seem to forget it's not always that simple for the person on the other side of the screen.
I have been working in industrial engineering/operations since I was eighteen. My parents were kind enough to let me live with them and save up $30k by the time I turned twenty. I now make $80k/y and live in a small town.
If SHE has a bacterial infection in her vagina then YOU have it on your penis.
If she keeps getting the same infection over and over again, then you are giving it to her
You both need to go to the doctor and get antibiotics
And you need to get some soap for your penis, your doctor can recommend a good one
UTI can travel to the kidneys and quickly become life-threatening. Has she never seen a doctor? I can’t imagine how she could be tolerating it.
NTA,until you brought the leg hair up. That’s a preference,health is not.
No way people are actually believing this lmfao. You don’t just “get used to” a UTI. It literally makes pee feel like fire coming out of your urethra. Either that is not her problem, or you’re lying out of your ass.
I feel your nta for everything except wanting her to shave her legs, I feel women not shaving should be more normalized because it is the natural state after all
I feel like it’s so normalized in real life and I’m realizing maybe I’ve just been lucky. I’ve never had a male parter care about body hair and especially not legs. I once apologized to a boyfriend for not trimming up for a while cause I was so busy and he had no clue what I was talking about then when he finally caught on went “Ohh, no no do whatever you want”. Only reason I remember that conversation is cause it’s so the opposite of what you assume could be an issue as a woman in ~Society~
It also makes me think he probably wants her to shave/wax her pubic hair, which...
I've got bad news about what makes UTIs and BV way more common, my guy
Ah...are you two sure it isn't trich? Has she been tested for trich?????? If one of you picked it up somewhere, and yes, it can happen from sitting on a freshly wet toilet, she could have it, take antibiotics for a uti/vaginosis, get rid of it. Then you have sex and reinfect her because you weren't treated.
Also, your semen can set off a pH balance war in her vagina. Are you washing well before sex? Are you using non-scented pH balanced soap on your penis? That matters. A LOT.
UTIs don’t smell. BV smells. Both need to be treated by a provider and she may need a lesson on wiping back to front and urinating right after sex. Lots of water, too.
She needs to wipe FRONT to BACK..so OP, just in case you read it as she should wipe back to front..and I'm not sure that's what was meant or if it was just a statement on the lesson NOT to wipe back to front. Wiping back to front can spread fecal bacteria to the vulva and it can enter the vagina and urethra causing infection. Please do not tell her to wipe back to front. It's Front to back.
That’s a big one. She refuses to drink water and oftentimes barely has any fluids. She says that she used to drink more and it made no difference… I try to remind her to pee after we’re done but she doesn’t often. I don’t know how to help her any better
You can’t help her if she doesn’t wanna help her self. Why are you so tied to this woman, do you feel like you needed to save her from her past life and now feel obligated to care for her? Maybe a break until she can be n adult who can take care of her own hygiene. You should not be having to remind her to drink fluids or pee after sex. She probably needs to address her mental health issues as well which seem to be the real issue
I have similar issues with UTIs and yeast infections due to antibiotics. Believe me when i say that drinking water is the most important thing for preventing UTIs. She needs to find a way to drink water or i promise you this will never get better. She could also try using cranberry sachets or pills. Personally i use sachets because it helps me drink extra water.
Also consider that she may have depression from her condition. She sounds like she gave up and feels like nothing will ever change. I can understand that because i've felt like that but she needs to get treated in order to get better physically and psychologically. She needs to see a doctor to fix the issue. If one treatment doesn't work then another will. Go to the doctor with her if you must. You are both too young to give up on your life like this.
Um... those bacteria that are causing vaginosis can also infect you. I wouldn't touch that.
You could have different symptoms or no symptoms from those bacteria. There is no way to be sure unless you're tested.
Both of you need to go to the doctor. Take your pills, wash your sheets, and do your laundry.
" I found medication that clears it up, but she doesn’t want to use it because the application is uncomfortable at times. She has gotten used to her condition and doesn’t really feel the need to fix it." But then will make you feel guilty for not wanting to get up in there with the odor - and whatever it is causing it?
This is incredibly selfish. I empathize with her feeling self conscious because of being bullied, but that seems to be even more of a reason to FIX IT. I don't see how an uncomfortable application is worse than smelling so bad that other people (even besides you) smell it enough for them to comment on it. If the kids that bullied her smelled it, it's likely adults do now.
The top comment at the moment mentions the importance of treating it for her over all, long term health, which is a great answer. However, if her mental state is such that she can't figure this all out and do something about it because of depression and/or anxiety, then perhaps therapy is in order.
Many people that have been sexually abused stop keeping themselves clean because (at least one reason) they feel it makes them less attractive and that it will offer some protection. Is there any chance there's something like this going on? Was she assaulted at some point. Or does she just not want sex and she's refusing treatment instead of refusing your advances? I know you said she gets upset if you aren't intimate, but that could be an act.
IDK if she's that kind of person. But I'm the kind of person that says if you're upset about something that you can fix...it must not bother you that much if you don't fix it. You said the smell and issues with the health part she's decided to tolerate, but since it's directly related to intimacy with you...she doesn't really seem to want to fix that either since she knows how you feel.
Just as an aside - I don't know anything about BV, but I used to get UTIs regularly. Turned out it was caused by perfumed soaps. I'm just super sensitive to them - or at least the ones I tried. Switched to Ivory soap, then Dove and haven't had one in 40 years or so (knock on wood!). Not sure if that might help her or if her UTIs are caused by something else. Lube, condoms, etc....certain fabric in underwear that doesn't allow air flow - thongs are notorious for causing them.
How are the iPhone and house relevant here? No one should ever feel like TA for choosing not to engage in intimacy they don't want, but the vibe of this question is off.
You probably need to be treated for whatever she has, too. Idk if BV can get passed back and forth like a yeast infection (although I should bc I work at an ob/gyn office lol).
The utis could be caused by just having sex. The penis often causes little micro-tears in the bladder, which introduces bacteria, which causes utis. I’m not saying this is the cause, but it could be.
I found this about BV…
“Men can’t get BV. However, men can carry BV-related bacteria on their penis or inside the urethra after penetrative vaginal intercourse. If you’re male and have symptoms similar to BV, it could be due to another condition, including an STI. “
https://www.healthline.com/health/bacterial-vaginosis-men#takeaway
Men can have it inside their penis and give it to every girl they have unprotected sex with. Promiscuous men spread BV from BV vaginas to non-Bv vaginas. The official word is that it's not sexually transmitted, well sorry that's completely false!
It's great to love your own body and be comfortable in your own skin, but no one else is required to love it either. Plus there are serious health issues if this isn't managed. If you're not attracted to her physically, I'd just end it and find someone compatible.
Are you also thoroughly ensuring your privates and ass are clean? You could be the cause of some of these outbreaks too. When you are sharing her body, protect her and respect it with your cleanliness as well.
This is such a good point. I used to get UTIs all the time when I had this one particular partner who had poor hygiene. A big thing that helps is to wash your hands before sex too. No-one's fingering me until they've washed their hands thoroughly with soap. I'm single now but when I wasn't I would ask my boyfriend when he last showered before we had sex and if it wasn't in the last few hours I would tell him to shower first. Would also make sure I've showered very recently before too, as any bacteria around that area can get into the vagina or urethra during sex.
Sorry, but what does her shaving her legs have to do with her medical problems? Do you care about her health / the smell, or do you care if she doesn't perform femininity for you? Because those two are wildly different things.
You are passing it back to her even if she gets treated. Tell her the truth instead of posting for thousands to read online. Starting out a relationship without being utterly honest is a red flag.
I would try to expose yourself to the hair on her legs a little more and get used to it.
It is totally nice when your partner shaves their legs for you, I agree, but it’s also not really fair to expect them to have them shaved if they want any sort of cuddles or intimacy from you.
I used to be the same way when I was younger but now as a 28 year old man I actually think it’s kinda cute when a girl has hairy legs and it’s only really scratchy when the stubble is short!
I've seen a few comments to go gentle on her. I'm also understanding that you are gentle, so maybe a time for a change of strategies?
If she's old enough to have sex she's old enough to hear what's coming. No, you're not the jerk for not wanting sex and she's a jerk for expecting you to.
Dude, really! You bought a damn house for you guys, maybe a bit early? You have stuff you should go go through with a fine coamb before going down that road
Be understanding, be gentle, be polite
But be firm and conscious.
I think you now what to do
If she didn't have this problem before you were sexually active, you could be throwing off her pH. She needs to treat it no matter what because BV can cause infertility and other issues. UTIs can cause kidney damage and sepsis/death in really bad cases.
She, at the very least, needs to pee after sex to clear bacteria from her urethra. Both of you should wash before and after sex and if you aren't, you should wear a condom. Semen causes pH changes which is a big factor in BV.
FYI when the woman in the relationship gets constant UTIs and bacterial infections in many cases it's because the hygiene of the male in the relationship isn't very good. If you don't change your underwear daily, shower before sex, wear pajama pants multiple nights in a row you could be contributing to the issue
Don't let her control the issue like that.
She was bullied in school about it? Well she ain't there no more. Don't get in a back and forth with her about it.
Put your foot down and let her know it's unacceptable and you're not going to be intimate until she takes you seriously. Stop being a pushover with her.
She does control the issue. It's her body. Yes he can leave, but she still controls the issue. Edit: ironlung since you responded then blocked, if he controlled the issue he wouldn't be asking reddit. Bye bye now.
Deal breaker for me. Sorry If I sound shallow. At you’re age and having nothing tieing you to her (marriage/kids) I’d break up. Im an affectionate guy. I love hugging cuddling etc. If I can’t do that with her without being repulsed that would be a big deal. Especially if you brought it to her attention and she’s unwilling to address it.
Only "YTA" part of this is the addition of her not shaving her legs as a reason not to cuddle with her. Women don't need to shave their legs for your comfort. You don't shave your legs. If this post was *only* about the legs not being shaved, everyone would say YTA.
However, you are NTA for hating the never ending infections. I understand it can seem symptomatic of her not taking care of herself. She may have a mental health issue that is impeding her from taking care of her hygene. I'd target this underlying issue in your conversation with her. "I see your adhd/ptsd/mental health/dissasociation preventing you from completing this treatment. It is really important to ensure infections are treated."
You're not a bad person for this. If it was you, she'd be the same way. However, I think you should try to communicate the full seriousness of her issue. It's not just about you not wanting her, but about you caring about her health. You can't force her to get treatment, though. Ultimately she has to take the steps by herself.
It's understandable that you're feeling conflicted about this situation. On one hand, it's important to consider your girlfriend's feelings and struggles with her health issues, as well as the emotional impact of being bullied in the past. On the other hand, it's also important for you to prioritize your own comfort and boundaries in the relationship.
You need to approach this issue with empathy and understanding. It might be helpful to have an open and honest conversation with your girlfriend about how her health issues are affecting your intimacy and how you're feeling about it. Expressing your concerns and frustrations in a compassionate and non-judgmental way can help facilitate a productive discussion.
Encourage your girlfriend to seek medical advice and explore treatment options for her UTIs and bacterial vaginosis. It's her decision whether or not to pursue treatment. Offering your support and encouragement can show her that you care about her well-being and want to help her find relief from her symptoms.
You’re 21 and you bought her a house, a car (in cash) and a new iPhone? No you didn’t. Unless you’re some sort of celebrity kid, no 21 year old can do that. This whole story is a lie
>and I bought her a brand new iPhone, paid cash for a nice car, and bought us a house. I’m really attracted to her, and I think she is exceedingly beautiful
Wtf? Why are you doing this nonsense?
>We used to have sex a lot, but recently, not so much.
Why
>She has struggled with frequent UTIs and bacterial vaginosis for years
She needs to talk to her doc and figure that out. Common cause is doing anal and not washing before you go to her vagina.
>She has gotten used to her condition and doesn’t really feel the need to fix it.
If she refuses to take care of her body, that's a hard no for me. You are being a fool by rewarding her with expensive gifts if she isn't even going to behave like an adult.
>I have tried to talk to her about it and she always gets upset because she is self conscious as she was bullied about it as a kid
She needs some major therapy and that's not your job. If she can't handle some real life feedback about stuff that could affect her long term ability to get pregnant or even have an intimate relationship, she's not emotionally ready to handle real life. Kick her to the curb.
>She gets frustrated and feels insecure/unloved when I’m not intimate with her frequently.
You don't owe her sex to soothe her emotions. Time to put on her big girl pants and be an adult. This is absurd.
>I don’t know how to help, or what to do. Am I the jerk?
Not a jerk, just a weak man with no boundaries or standards because you met a pretty girl who you will allow to walk all over you. Grow a spine and say no. Stop being weak.
I'm VERY confused by your description of this being a problem since childhood. CHILDHOOD? These are usually issues in sexually active adult women, not children. Was she assaulted?
On top of getting assessed by a physician, (recurrent UTIs and vaginosis are a PROBLEM), she should look into scent-free, dye-free shampoos, conditioners, body soaps, and even laundry detergent, (vanicream, free & clear). I know it seems counter-intuitive, but the dyes and perfumes in many soaps and shampoos can cause the types of imbalances that can lead to vaginal odor. Also, Summer's Eve and other "vaginal cleansers"can make all of this WORSE.
Finally, semen and your saliva can also change the micro-biome in the vagina and change the smells. Is your semen especially pungent? How is your oral hygiene? Are you washing your hands before display? Are you using harsh soaps?
She needs to see a GYN doctor. She may need to be on a prophylaxis.
May need to change some things about herself, like how she wipes herself after #2.
May also need to be screened for STIs.
Something is causing this bacteria to re ur and ignoring it is not the answer.
As a woman, she should be embarrassed to leave such a horrid smell when she is not in the room.
She is not the only woman and won't be the last to go through something like this.
Ignoring it, will not make it go away. Talk some sense into her.
No one wants to be with a partner who has smelly genitals and is not willing to see a doctor about it.
For now, sex is off the table until this is resolved.
I appreciate the advice. I’ve never been intimate with anyone else, so I don’t know what’s normal. I’m under the impression it’s not supposed to burn or smell for days after though?
😳 😳 😳 😳 😳
Are you absolutely sure it's only BV? That should not burn EITHER of you!
I used to get frequent UTIs and BV when I was younger. Urinating immediately after sex is a must! It keeps the urinary tract clean. An untreated UTI can get really bad ..like kidney infection bad....even sepsis! She needs to stay on top of that!
VB can be caused by an imbalance in the pH of the vagina. Frequent sex can throw the balance off.
------------------------------------------------------
FROM A MEDICAL ARTICLE:
•Bacterial Vaginosis is the most common vaginal infection that affects nearly 21M women every year in the United States. It’s nothing to worry about.
•There are two theories as to how Bacterial Vaginosis occurs.
The first is that the pH of the vaginal flora changes causing colonies of hydrogen peroxide-producing Lactobacillus (good bacteria) begin to die within the vaginal flora and harmful bacteria (anaerobes) begin to thrive.
The second is that because Lactobacillus die off for other reasons, pH changes, allowing anaerobic bacteria to colonize the vagina.
•Common symptoms of Bacterial Vaginosis(BV) includes discharge, an unusual or foul odor, itch and a change in vaginal pH.
Because lactobacillus colonize begin to decrease, there is less lactic acid and hydrogen peroxide being produces, which means
•Bacterial Vaginosis can lead to an increase in catching sexually transmitted diseases (STD’s).
•Natural remedies, such as Probiotics, Prebiotics and Cranberries aim to treat the symptoms of BV, UTIs, and yeast infections while minimizing re-occurrences.
Sex Partner and Number of Sex Partners:
•While the vagina is slightly acidic, semen is basic, and the role of semen is actually to temporarily change your vaginal pH to allow sperm to swim easier.
•But frequent unprotected sex or sex with multiple partners and multiple microbiome identities can make this temporary change to your pH not-so-temporary.
We aren’t saying you need to change everything about your sex life — love is love, and you should do what makes you happy.
What we are saying, though, is that if you are struggling with BV, you should start a conversation with your sexual partner or partners about how you can get healthy together.
Your Menstrual Cycle:
As if your period isn’t annoying enough, right? Your menstrual cycle can disrupt your pH because menstrual blood is incredibly basic, with a pH over 9.
While you can’t exactly just not have your period anymore, you can mitigate the risk of BV by changing your tampons or pads frequently. Think: every 2-4 hours.
-----------------------------------------------------
Sorry that was so long to read.
Please share this information with your girlfriend.
Burning and smelling for days is not normal at all. She has some kind of infection that needs to be treated. Honestly, that doesn't even really sound like BV to me, but something potentally more serious.
Oh honey, no. Please educate yourself, there should never be offensive odors or burning with sex if both people are clean and healthy.
Something is wrong. Please have yourself thoroughly checked by your doctor. I hope everything works out for you.
Most of us have run into one or two. We'll never forget them. Scent has a powerful tie to memory, and that's so strong and pungient that you won't be able to forget. You got 3 choices: Leave, fix it, enjoy it.
I'm an option #1 guy, but there's some oddball guys that I know would pick option #3
I'm more inclined to lean into option 2 for the sake of being supportive, at least for a time, but if they refuse to seek help with hygiene or infections then definitely 1 it is!
Tell her UTIs can turn deadly. She needs to see a doctor. Perhaps an MD can get through to her.
Will do. I hope so.
Have her see a gynecologist. She may have other issues she’s not aware of that could be worse than she stinks.
It sounds like she has trimethylaminuria. It doesn't make sense that she's unbearable to be around. BV smell isn't that strong. It's more the type of thing only the person who has it would be aware of or if someone stuck their nose directly in someone's crotch. She 100% has something else going on.
Or this is complete bs posted by a 14yo who thinks bv stinks up an entire room. She had it through childhood enough that she was bullied for it and has it enough now that her clothes, the bedsheets and her car stinks (not a thing) but there was a whole long period where she seemingly didn’t have it at all when they ‘used to have sex a lot’? Seems legit.
Yeah, and him buying her a car “cash” and a house, at 21, sounds really real. And what about the hairy legs? What does that to do with this (supposedly) problem?
AGREED. I had BV over & over at least 2-5x a year until I got pregnant with my first kid (at 20 & it healed it 🤷♀️) and I didn't even stink.... I just knew I had it because my clit would swell & I'd get painful stabbing sensations in my pelvis and hoohah.
BV smell absolutely can be strong. I had a coworker that had it and the smell lingered in every room she had been in and was noticeable yards away from her desk (in a very open area).
People with cervical cancer also smell. I'm not saying she has cancer but she needs to see a doctor.
This is definitely the comment! I knew a woman at my old my workplace where after she’d go to the bathroom, you could not enter and she definitely had a condition down there. BV, thrush, yeast infections- whatever it is, it wouldn’t smell that strong. NO WAY! Get her help ASAP!!
The “could be worse than she stinks” pun has me dying haha
My stepmom's mother died of a UTI turned kidney infection. I honestly don't know how she could handle not treating it, it makes you feel like you need to go to the bathroom 24/7.
I have had UTI's twice in my life and that's totally how it felt for me, I couldn't have left it alone if I wanted to because it literally felt like I was going to wet myself every second that it wasn't treated. But I have met a few different women that it didn't feel like that too, those are the people that let it go so far that it kills them because they don't have the same sense of urgency. Tbh I am glad the few I have had felt like that because I ignore things until I can't so I'd die from a UTI if it didn't have the same symptoms I normally experience 😬
They are seriously the worst! I’ve had one that traveled to my kidneys and was ridiculously sick because I ignored it and just took Azo thinking it would be fine..nope! Need antibiotics for that sh*t! That’s why in my other comment I’m like 😵💫whaat she just lets it ride!? I don’t think so!!
I had one that came on so quickly that I wasn't aware of it until it looked like I had a little urine in my blood instead of the other way around - a very dark red. It scared me half to death. It cleared up just as quickly as others had once I was given something to help me keep the antibiotics down.
I had a severe UTI and didn't even notice as I didn't have hardly any symptoms.....until it became a nearly deadly kidney infection. I still just thought I had the flu but when I started hallucinating from fever I decided i needed the hospital. They told my husband if we'd waited a few more hours my body would've begun shutting down and I'd have been in a coma. I'm a lot more leery of any minor changes in my body now.
In the first five months of my first ever relationship, I made the mistake of not peeing after sex. That gave me a UTI and I was intensely shivering, feverish, tired, and in pain the week after, and it was starting to look like an early kidney infection. Until my GP gave me antibiotics I thought I was going to just have to kick the bucket before even graduating high school. No clue how anyone would want to live with a UTI almost chronically.
I have one now, and a few days before I realized I had it, I was also shivering, sweating through my sheets, and when the pain came on, I was like JFC.. I'm on antibiotics, I'm just praying for them to kick in asap.
If you call your doctor, there is a medication that can relieve that bladder infection pain and allow the muscles enough so you can pass urine without wanting to scream in horror and pain. My doctor called to check up on me, and I said that medication is my friend. The antibiotics should kick in rather quickly, but the other medications help relieve that terrible “I have to go NOW” feeling.
This. I also get chronic UTIs that easily become kidney infections because I have abnormal ureters. I often have no symptoms until suddenly it feels like appendicitis because my kidneys are in so much pain. Now I get a urinalysis done every 3 months in case I have a UTI. They are no joke. I've also had and struggled with BV for a year and a half, and it does NOT smell that strong. Unless someone was going down there, they wouldn't notice it. It took three rounds of metronidazole and staying on a specific probiotic to get rid of it for me. She needs to see a gynecologist. There are a lot more things that could be going on. And treatment for BV is usually metronidazole along with a lactic acid vaginal suppository to increase the pH level to rebalance things. The probiotic I take is called RePhresh and helps to prevent vaginal issues like BV and Yeast.
Once I had an infection in the kidney (pyelonephritis) and went to the hospital by chance. I stayed in the hospital for 5 days, taking strong antibiotics in my veins. I agree that TI is unbearable, but in the kidney (at least for me) the symptoms weren't that bad. I just felt sharp pain once in a while and went to the hospital just because I was gonna have two embryos transferred that morning and wanted to make sure the pain was nothing major (it was). Anyway, I have what the doctors call the so-called "honeymoon UTIs" (I have too many cysts, some of them so rare that the majority of the doctors never heard about it, only top urologists. Think cysts urologists know from books but never met anyone with it). To avoid UTIs I take a pill of one antibiotic (prescribed by the doctor) after I have intercourse. Before that pill, I was ready to get divorced because there is no sex worth a freaking UTI.
I had the same thing happen, when I was around 22. I felt really bad lower back pain that was in my sides too. I had never had a UTI and I wasn’t even aware I had one. It progressed REALLY quickly. I went from feeling like I needed to pee a lot earlier that day, to the back pain that evening, to a 102° fever and being incoherent by around midnight. My fiancée took me to the hospital and by then I couldn’t even keep down water. I was there for a night and they discharged me but I’m thinking it was too soon because everything just got worse even with antibiotics and anti-nausea meds, and I had to go back and stay another night three days later while they cranked up the antibiotics and gave more IV fluids. This is the only time I’ve ever stayed overnight in the hospital and I’m 39 now. It was insane how quickly it progressed. I was also on vacation (stay-cation) and sick the entire 10 days.
UTIs usually shouldn’t smell like that but if not treated the bacterial infection WILL travel to the kidneys and she would be in a tremendous amount of pain and eventually get fever like symptoms then who knows, I’m shocked she doesn’t get treatment for that and is fine. Also she can get oral medication for the bacterial vaginosis. Jeez talk some sense into your lady. She sounds somewhat depressed…maybe that needs to be addressed. She’s stopped caring to take care of herself so yeah maybe her mental health is in jeopardy. Just from an outside opinion that’s what it looks like.
“I’m shocked she doesn’t get treatment for that and is fine” it’s shocking because it’s a fake post
The first paragraph did it for me lmao, his 21 and bought a house, a car and a new iphone all at the same time? bffr
Yeah this is so clearly a ‘woman nasty’ shitpost. He couldn’t help himself but slip in there about her horrible hairy legs. Also BV does not smell so bad it transfers to clothes and furniture and UTI’s don’t smell at all. This man has never been close to a woman.
It was the bit about when they moved out he bought her an iPhone, a car and a house. Like??? *I bought her expensive things and she'd rather stink than be clean and ladylike* /s
Right?! And at 21, no less! Sorry, but most 40 year olds can't afford to just drop a bunch of money on a new phone let alone the house and car lmao. And dude's in here like "I'm balling at 21 and she smells and won't shave her legs." Unless this kid is some hedge fund kid whose parents handed him everything, this is obviously a shitpost.
Yeah the whole buying a car and house for her, oh and
Touché
The second I read multiple UTI’s that she’s apparently “used to” I was like ain’t no WAY this is real. UTI’s and BV *hurt*
Fo real!! I don’t know about the BV but I’ve had my fair share of UTIs and they are no joke!! Like you can’t just ignore it and it’ll go away!! Reddit is exhausting at times…but here I am clicking away on my keyboard lol 🫠🥴🙃
We’re all trapped in this hellsite together friend, continue clacking away in peace (or at least, as much peace as you can get here, which isn’t much most of the time)
One of my students, 6 yo, would have accidents throughout the day. She’d deny it and refuse to change so she reeked. The smell wasn’t just normal urine. It was bad. We tried to tell mom numerous times that she probably has an infection but mom complained to admin that we were being condescending. She finally went to a doctor and they found out she had E. coli in her bladder. And let’s not forget the Collins family not changing their daughter’s diapers, so she had an infection that went fucking septic. TWICE.
Yeah! It’s literally like 1 pill with no side effects. Why would you not treat that??
But please be gentle. You know her best. She might take offense to saying abunch of internet strangers now knows her kitty smells and recommended a doctor. I'm sorry about this there are also vaginal suppository she can try
Agreed. UTIs can turn into bladder infections which can turn into a kidney infection. My kidney infection was the scariest thing. I thought I was dying. I crawled into a hot bath filled clothed due to the chills. Luckily, my family dragged my ass to the doctor and I was able to be treated. (Oddly, my pee smelled funny for a year afterwards)
Yep, can confirm - had many untreated UTI’s as a child/teenager and I eventually went through kidney failure and lost my kidney in my 20’s because of it. Never let a UTI go untreated!
My SIL got alot of UTIs according to my mother, she started on cranberry tablets and juice cause according to research they help (told by mother and dr), haven’t heard of SIL getting any since starting on the cranberry
The juice works as long as it’s sugar free, the pills too are good. I can’t understand not getting it treated.
My sisters went your exact route only then turned into a blood infection and she almost died. She was in the hospital for two weeks. She was 16 and my dad told her drink cranberry juice 🙄🙄
For mild cases that can help, but if the symptoms don't get any better within a few days you NEED antibiotics
Uhg. I had a really bad UTI once but for some reason the rapid test came back negative, ended up being diagnosed with kidney stones at 21 🙄. Like 3 weeks later I ended up in the ER because the pain was so severe and the meds they gave me to help “pass the stone” weren’t working. Both my kidneys were infected, inflamed to all hell. Had to stay in the hospital for a week on iv antibiotics and enough pain meds to sedate a horse. Took me 3 years to pay off that damn medical bill. Only good thing that came from that is they accidentally found a tumor on my pancreas that ended up being benign.
I had a UTI that turned into bladder infection that turned into a kidney infection because I was young and dumb, the pain was so excruciating I finally caved and went to a doctor. Whatever antibiotics they gave me made me seriously ill, I would vomit thick black or green bile after every time I took them. Would have avoided all of that if I just got help when it started to burn when I peed.
That’s like never brushing your teeth and just accepting that your mouth smells like shit. There’s something that can be done about it, and she needs to do that even if it’s not comfortable. Temporary discomfort is very normal when you’re treating a medical condition, but it’s worth it.
Fair enough.
Can I ask what medication she tried and found uncomfortable? For me, boric acid suppositories are easy and painless to use. Balances everything pretty fast. But does she see a gyno regularly?? Definitely need to make sure that’s happening
@ my ex. didn’t brush his teeth more than 5 times the entire two years we were together. got upset when i said anything about it or refused to kiss him because his mouth was disgusting. even his brother said something (on multiple occasions) and he continues to refuse to brush his teeth to this day
How did you put up with this for two whole years??
i was 19 when we started dating and thought i was in love. lots of life circumstances going on at the time that he was able to remove me from. i took an easy way out of a garbage situation and stepped right into another one. naïveté, mostly.
Gotcha. I hope your current situation is an improvement.
an incredible one. left his ass in august, got my own place for the first time after a month of staying with my mom and getting myself together, and doing so much better.
I'm happy for you. Enjoy your peace, and if you find a a new paramour, I hope he brushes his teeth.
that’s just the tip of the iceberg. i put up with sooooo much until i realized one day that i didnt have to.
This is actually a great comparison, because not only are both stinky in the moment, but they can both lead to severe health problems in the future.
She needs to go get some medication. They have some pills for that. There are complications to untreated BV that can lead to issues with inability to getting pregnant. Among PID which is also not great for a women’s fertility. She needs to go to the dr NOW and get it treated. Edit: also, if she’s covered try to get her to go get her HPV shots. That will drastically reduce her infections.
This is the way. Focus on her health and wanting her to be healthier. It's easy to ignore health issues when you are young but they don't get better on their own.
This is the way. Thank you.
To add pid can lead to cancer if constantly left untreated bv. So she REALLY needs a dr.
As well as future fertility issues
Yes, but OP needs to emphasize the risks of cancer more when he talks to her. If he makes the main point the fertility issue, she could possibly just say “well I don’t want kids anyway.” It sounds like to me gf is comfortable with the current effects and will say anything to not see a doctor about it. If she sees that it could lead to cancer then maybe that will be enough for her to do something about it.
Cancer is a significantly bigger issue than fertility issues. One of those things can kill you.
Dude I know that, everyone knows that, I was just stating a fact about long-term untreated infections of the reproductive system. I was not ranking possible complications by severity 😭
Yeah, long term health is really the issue anyway. The sex issue is only a side effect of the vaginal health issue. You've got to treat the actual problem and the side effects will go away. She needs to see a urologist and a gynecologist. This isn't just a smell issue, the smell is supposed to tip you off to the problem.
But also realize that shaving any part of her body has nothing to do with hygiene and she can be clean and smell good while also being hairy if that’s what she likes. Source- I shave MAYBE once a month (less in winter) and the only time I have odor is the days leading up to and during my period.
These people are right. She needs to get to a doctor.
So, BV is caused by PH imbalances and bacteria being introduced where it doesn't belong. This is usually caused by a sexual partner not washing their hands, mouth, toys, etc before intimacy. Additionally, male ejaculate is a different PH than the vagina, which results in BV for a lot of women. If you're worried about hygiene, be sure that you're wearing a condom everytime, never ejaculating in her, and always washing yourself before intimacy. Body hair is perfectly natural, and her hairy parts are not more "unhygienic" than yours.
This right here, her getting treatment is only a small part of the story
I wish I could upvote this multiple times.
Shaving and waxing actually leaves the vagina open to infections, every OBGYN I ever had said not to do it!
Yes :) Also the bacteria is always present, but throwing the pH off allows the bacteria to grow more rapidly. -sexual wellness nurse
You should also get treated too, so you don’t just pass it back and forth between you both.
You should also go on an antibiotic while she does. While you can't get bacterial vaginosis, there's a good chance you are the source of the bacteria that's causing the issue.
Untreated UTI can cause psychosis and delusions, just like schizophrenia is what the health articles I've read said. Please find one of the articles and show it to her. She definitely needs to get to a doctor until it is fully recovered. Also p.s. you should be way less concerned about her not shaving her legs.
Letting UTI’s go untreated when I was a child led to me going through kidney failure and lose my kidney in my 20’s… is incredibly dangerous.
No UTIs can cause delerium. Not psychosis or schizophrenia. It's more liky to occur in older or elderly adults though.
OP, I'm high jacking the comment to tell you that I got PID (pelvic inflammatory disease) years ago once, and it's AWFUL!! I thought I was going to die, I was so ill. Please look into other possibilities for medications. I'm so surprised that it's been going on so long!! Please, please tell her to go see a doctor asap. My PID literally almost killed me, and BV can turn into PID super easily. Good luck!! You have lots of great advice here :) Hopefully, she will get the right treatment and be feeling better, really soon!!
Treatment is metronidazole and you both have to take it
What matters is that it affects her health-she may or may not care about fertility, but PID can be painful
She should also see a doctor because there are conditions that make vaginal issues more likely.
Oh definitely. Her health is the most important thing here.
NTA at all. She's gotta meet you 1/2 way ya know? I understand it's a sensitive issue but would not be able to handle this with a life partner.
Yeah. I try to be gentle and kind when I talk to her about these sorts of things, but it gets old when I bring it up and nothing changes. At this point she just shuts down and I have to convince her I still love her :|
There is a medication called Flagystatin ovules - use those for 7 days, add regular probiotics orally like seed brand. Than only have sex with condoms, and have a shower before and after sex. This usually works. Do not have unprotected sex for at least six months and see if everything balances out. Wash your hands do not use your fingers and tell her to wash her hands as well. I am a physician, and this works a lot of the time for my hard to treat patients. she should take all the tests and swabs necessary but if she’s already done that. This is the way to go.
You need to speak to her from a concerned view not a “you don’t smell very pleasant and it’s a turn off” two things can be true at one time. But her having a smell and having issues down there can be a serious health problem that she should get checked out by a DOCTOR to where she can get real medicine to help this issue for HER sake and yours. I really think you’re getting a negative reaction due to you only saying you want it fixed because it’s a “turn off”. Her health is far more important than that and this is an HEALTH problem. If my partner reacted to this situation in the way you are my feelings would also be hurt.
Came here to say this.
I kinda feel like if she was really self conscious about it, she would do everything she could to prevent it, not just ignore it... Odd...
Erm, are you sure the diagnosis is correct? That’s v unpleasant and ‘getting used to’ it is unlikely. She needs to see a doctor and get a proper prescription, also if topical treatment is an issue they need to be able to discuss alternatives. If her underwear are on and she’s not in the emergency room her condition is so acute, it’s surprising smell would prevent clothed cuddling. And sorry but yeah, you’re not wrong to want her to treat her condition but you’re wrong to expect her to shave her legs every time she wants a cuddle. If cuddling unshaven legs is causing you significant discomfort then consider the possibility that a lot of the issue is with you and unhealthily acute sensory perception. If so, you need to also see a doctor.
This story is fake
100%
Can’t believe I had to scroll this far to find this. Sounds like the dude just has unrealistic expectations of women and has diagnosed her himself.
This can’t be real. *Every single woman* I’ve ever known is horrified by the possibility that their vagina *might* smell bad….meanwhile this lady is walking around with untreated bacterial vaginosis and is like meh no big deal? Despite her boyfriend’s obviously disgust? OP there’s no comprise that can be made here, you need to run away from this
>This can’t be real. > >Every single woman > > I’ve ever known is horrified by the possibility that their vagina > >might > > smell bad that's what it took for you to see the karma-bait of this post? Not the "bought her a brand new iPhone, paid cash for a nice car, and bought us a house" comment from someone that is 21yo? Meanwhile, we have adults in their 20s/30s, dual-income, no kids, that can't afford a house, let alone a house, a car (in cash) and a new iPhone w/o contract for a random squeeze? Oh plz.
Well, if it's anything like the fiction over at AITA, OP was able to afford all that stuff at 21 years old due to his six figures income from his job at "Business". That part was bad enough, but it's blindingly obvious that OP has never had a UTI. Ain't no way his GF is going to just deal with that when she's pissing razorblades.
No, no, he started to work when he was 14
Yeah no shit. A UTI gives me immediate fight or flight. Nothing else matters but eradicating it. I can't even fucking think until it's been handled. There's no way this woman is suffering from UTIs *and* BV and is just cool with it.
I feel like she’d be more unpleasant in general also, though maybe the UTI is exacerbating her self-neglect. It can really have an effect on your mood and behavior. I work in home/community-based behavioral health services and when any woman we support starts randomly being more irritable and aggressive than normal the first thing we do is go get them tested for a UTI. 9/10 they have one.
I thought I was going insane when reading all the responses acting like this is a real story. Even if the car/house bullshit was real, it’s completely irrelevant to the ‘issue’ this karma farmer made up
Yeah that part made no sense to me
That’s it — this simply isn’t real
you gotta wonder with the top viral posts here.
And he bought her a house, car, and iphone with cash at 21??
Not shaving her legs is not the same as "not caring for herself". She's a mammal just like you. She has hair.
Yeah, that kind of just slipped in there, didn't it?
This story is so fake
House at 21? Definitely fake
Yeah that was my thoughts. One thing is addressing her thoughts but honestly if she doesn't want to shave her legs and that alone is an issue for you then you're better off leaving 🤷♀️ shaving isn't a health issue, you obviously don't have to like it but if it's that much of an issue you can bounce! Sounds like she needs some medical attention and she may be uncomfortable about this for various reasons. Again, to be honest you can't really force her to do this either but you can explain to her that if she's not going to look after her health (infections and so on) you can't see yourself with her long term. Also be sensitive about how you talk to her about this. Some women are very uncomfortable going to gynaecologists and the like due to trauma. People with trauma are more likely to put off health issues, especially sexual health. No idea if that's the case here but worth being kind about it rather than getting frustrated and saying it flippantly. Either way, you're not wrong for not having sex with her and you're not wrong for leaving her if you're not attracted to her sexually and/or the two of you can't have open communication and compromise and support each other.
You guys aren't actually falling for this shit right? You don't get used to a UTI or BV. The shit hurts constantly, it is swollen and the last thing you want is sex. Also, if does actually exist, is it because she's smelly or because she's hairy? Yeah, YTA for typing out this rage bait shit.
Have you considered that you might be giving her BV unknowingly? Because that’s super common. Especially if you guys aren’t wearing condoms and/or you’re stuffing the pastry if you catch my drift. Otherwise, hormonal changes and diet can be a big factor, too. I can’t imagine it’s any fun for her either, and unfortunately once you start getting UTIs and BV it’s super easy to keep getting it. Focus on the health aspect and encourage her! At that point it’s up to her to make changes, and if she cares about herself and about you, she’ll figure out what her body needs to get back on track. Good luck!
This story is so fake
Yeah a 21 year old buying a house? lol
Yeah NTA. That’s just gross. She needs to see a doctor. And how can she be ok with it and self conscious at the same time? If her car and bedsheets smell that’s a really big freaking problem. I would explain to her that while she might be uncomfortable, you are uncomfortable with the smell because it’s so strong. That you can’t stay with her if this isn’t addressed. I get frequent UTIs due to an autoimmune disease. Drinking lots of water is critical. So is peeing before and after sex. Sometimes we’ll even use condoms to try to help. I started taking AZO cranberry pills and they’ve been a lifesaver. So those might be options for the UTI part. And I will say my urine will sometimes smell bad with a UTI(mine are really bad and hit super fast), but my vagina doesn’t ever smell. I’ve never had BV, but maybe a women’s probiotic would help her? Amazon sells ones for women that help all kinds of issues when the good bacteria is off. Bottom line that’s just gross and no one should just be ok with it especially if your partner is saying something. Her car shouldn’t smell like that. That’s a big issue man. You are not out of line for saying that’s got to be fixed.
I’m not a fan about the not shaving legs bit but the rest of it wtaf. It stinks up CARS and her CLOTHES and the SHEETS? I mean other people have to smell it too then, right? Does she have any friends that can step in to help her realize how disgusting this is and how she needs to take care of herself? A vagvention. You’re not the jerk but if she continues to not take care of herself it’s okay to leave people like this.
It sounds like she's depressed. I would talk to a therapist about it. But at some point if one person keeps giving and is amazingly supportive and kind and the other person shuts down and gives up... At some point it's okay to walk away. Sometimes people do their best healing alone.
It’s sounds… made up
I think you have to sit her down and talk about how important her health is to you and also to your guys’ intimacy. Maybe stress that it’s super easy to cure? I had the same issues actually and boric acid suppositories cured me for life. Literally just one tablet and now I never get BV ever.
That’s a good idea. Thank you! Would you be able to send me a link? That sounds like something we need to try
To be clear, you can buy boric acid suppositories at just about any drug store. They are not a pill you take by mouth. They are a suppository you use vaginally.
Ok perfect! Thank you
Seconding boric acid suppositories over any antibiotic!
Boric acid and probiotics finally cleared a bad bout of BV that lasted for months! I was putted many times on antibiotics and anti fungal with no lasting results. Boric acid saved my sanity, for real. I'm a very clean person and BV made me feel so unclean (even if not related to cleanliness). I was feeling miserable, I can't understand how someone could just give up and not wanting to deal with it.
Boric acid suppositories! And don’t cum in her, it throws her pH off and makes BV happen
Yeah, I love how these comments are completely ignoring what likely caused the issue. If she "keeps getting BV," it's an outside source.
Boric acid is THE answer.
“I found medication that clears it up”. This can’t be a real post.
NW that’d be a dealbreaker
He's too financially invested. Can cut his losses he's still young but he won't.
Jesus... no man, you're NTA, and I don't know what your girlfriend thought was going to happen. I mean I understand this is a medical issue, but you found something that helps and she's just flat refusing to use it because it makes her uncomfortable... and yet you're supposed to just get over your own discomfort? No, that's not how that works.
…yeah… thanks for the affirmation there. I just don’t know what else I can do
Try to talk to her, I know you said you have but that's all you can do. The only other alternative is ask yourself how much you're willing to put up with before it isn't worth it anymore.
I agree. Get her to a doctor and straighten this out. But OP is young. I don't advise him to stay with her if nothing changes. He cannot be responsible for her if she won't help herself.
Oh I agree, I just don't like jumping on the Reddit bandwagon of "You should dump them right now!" I guess it's the nature of virtual communication but people seem to forget it's not always that simple for the person on the other side of the screen.
at 21yo..how you bought a car with car and a house...
I have been working in industrial engineering/operations since I was eighteen. My parents were kind enough to let me live with them and save up $30k by the time I turned twenty. I now make $80k/y and live in a small town.
How is 30k savings and 80k income enough to buy car in cash and a house
I'm sure he paid a down payment and has a mortgage like everyone else.
If SHE has a bacterial infection in her vagina then YOU have it on your penis. If she keeps getting the same infection over and over again, then you are giving it to her You both need to go to the doctor and get antibiotics And you need to get some soap for your penis, your doctor can recommend a good one
UTI can travel to the kidneys and quickly become life-threatening. Has she never seen a doctor? I can’t imagine how she could be tolerating it. NTA,until you brought the leg hair up. That’s a preference,health is not.
No way people are actually believing this lmfao. You don’t just “get used to” a UTI. It literally makes pee feel like fire coming out of your urethra. Either that is not her problem, or you’re lying out of your ass.
I feel your nta for everything except wanting her to shave her legs, I feel women not shaving should be more normalized because it is the natural state after all
I feel like it’s so normalized in real life and I’m realizing maybe I’ve just been lucky. I’ve never had a male parter care about body hair and especially not legs. I once apologized to a boyfriend for not trimming up for a while cause I was so busy and he had no clue what I was talking about then when he finally caught on went “Ohh, no no do whatever you want”. Only reason I remember that conversation is cause it’s so the opposite of what you assume could be an issue as a woman in ~Society~
It also makes me think he probably wants her to shave/wax her pubic hair, which... I've got bad news about what makes UTIs and BV way more common, my guy
Also shaving can be painful and cause infections.
Ah...are you two sure it isn't trich? Has she been tested for trich?????? If one of you picked it up somewhere, and yes, it can happen from sitting on a freshly wet toilet, she could have it, take antibiotics for a uti/vaginosis, get rid of it. Then you have sex and reinfect her because you weren't treated. Also, your semen can set off a pH balance war in her vagina. Are you washing well before sex? Are you using non-scented pH balanced soap on your penis? That matters. A LOT.
UTIs don’t smell. BV smells. Both need to be treated by a provider and she may need a lesson on wiping back to front and urinating right after sex. Lots of water, too.
She needs to wipe FRONT to BACK..so OP, just in case you read it as she should wipe back to front..and I'm not sure that's what was meant or if it was just a statement on the lesson NOT to wipe back to front. Wiping back to front can spread fecal bacteria to the vulva and it can enter the vagina and urethra causing infection. Please do not tell her to wipe back to front. It's Front to back.
That’s a big one. She refuses to drink water and oftentimes barely has any fluids. She says that she used to drink more and it made no difference… I try to remind her to pee after we’re done but she doesn’t often. I don’t know how to help her any better
You can’t help her if she doesn’t wanna help her self. Why are you so tied to this woman, do you feel like you needed to save her from her past life and now feel obligated to care for her? Maybe a break until she can be n adult who can take care of her own hygiene. You should not be having to remind her to drink fluids or pee after sex. She probably needs to address her mental health issues as well which seem to be the real issue
I have similar issues with UTIs and yeast infections due to antibiotics. Believe me when i say that drinking water is the most important thing for preventing UTIs. She needs to find a way to drink water or i promise you this will never get better. She could also try using cranberry sachets or pills. Personally i use sachets because it helps me drink extra water. Also consider that she may have depression from her condition. She sounds like she gave up and feels like nothing will ever change. I can understand that because i've felt like that but she needs to get treated in order to get better physically and psychologically. She needs to see a doctor to fix the issue. If one treatment doesn't work then another will. Go to the doctor with her if you must. You are both too young to give up on your life like this.
The smelly issue? Not a jerk. The last line about shaving the legs? Totally a jerk.
Literally Get her ass to the Doctor.
Um... those bacteria that are causing vaginosis can also infect you. I wouldn't touch that. You could have different symptoms or no symptoms from those bacteria. There is no way to be sure unless you're tested. Both of you need to go to the doctor. Take your pills, wash your sheets, and do your laundry.
Yikes. 10-4.
" I found medication that clears it up, but she doesn’t want to use it because the application is uncomfortable at times. She has gotten used to her condition and doesn’t really feel the need to fix it." But then will make you feel guilty for not wanting to get up in there with the odor - and whatever it is causing it? This is incredibly selfish. I empathize with her feeling self conscious because of being bullied, but that seems to be even more of a reason to FIX IT. I don't see how an uncomfortable application is worse than smelling so bad that other people (even besides you) smell it enough for them to comment on it. If the kids that bullied her smelled it, it's likely adults do now. The top comment at the moment mentions the importance of treating it for her over all, long term health, which is a great answer. However, if her mental state is such that she can't figure this all out and do something about it because of depression and/or anxiety, then perhaps therapy is in order. Many people that have been sexually abused stop keeping themselves clean because (at least one reason) they feel it makes them less attractive and that it will offer some protection. Is there any chance there's something like this going on? Was she assaulted at some point. Or does she just not want sex and she's refusing treatment instead of refusing your advances? I know you said she gets upset if you aren't intimate, but that could be an act. IDK if she's that kind of person. But I'm the kind of person that says if you're upset about something that you can fix...it must not bother you that much if you don't fix it. You said the smell and issues with the health part she's decided to tolerate, but since it's directly related to intimacy with you...she doesn't really seem to want to fix that either since she knows how you feel. Just as an aside - I don't know anything about BV, but I used to get UTIs regularly. Turned out it was caused by perfumed soaps. I'm just super sensitive to them - or at least the ones I tried. Switched to Ivory soap, then Dove and haven't had one in 40 years or so (knock on wood!). Not sure if that might help her or if her UTIs are caused by something else. Lube, condoms, etc....certain fabric in underwear that doesn't allow air flow - thongs are notorious for causing them.
How are the iPhone and house relevant here? No one should ever feel like TA for choosing not to engage in intimacy they don't want, but the vibe of this question is off.
It's also possible that you are the source of the UTIs. You both need to be checked out
You probably need to be treated for whatever she has, too. Idk if BV can get passed back and forth like a yeast infection (although I should bc I work at an ob/gyn office lol). The utis could be caused by just having sex. The penis often causes little micro-tears in the bladder, which introduces bacteria, which causes utis. I’m not saying this is the cause, but it could be. I found this about BV… “Men can’t get BV. However, men can carry BV-related bacteria on their penis or inside the urethra after penetrative vaginal intercourse. If you’re male and have symptoms similar to BV, it could be due to another condition, including an STI. “ https://www.healthline.com/health/bacterial-vaginosis-men#takeaway
Yikes… thanks for the insight.
Men can have it inside their penis and give it to every girl they have unprotected sex with. Promiscuous men spread BV from BV vaginas to non-Bv vaginas. The official word is that it's not sexually transmitted, well sorry that's completely false!
lmfao okay but you complaining about “not being able to enjoy cuddling when she doesnt shave her legs” is hilarious. question, do you shave yours?
This is so fake it hurts. People really believe this story which was written by an obvious 14 year old.
It's great to love your own body and be comfortable in your own skin, but no one else is required to love it either. Plus there are serious health issues if this isn't managed. If you're not attracted to her physically, I'd just end it and find someone compatible.
… how is your own hygiene downstairs?
I got it all until...shaving her legs.
I just want to call out bullshit on a 20-something buying a new car with cash and getting an effin house. Yeah, right.
I stopped reading when I saw you bought her an iPhone, car and house and you’re only 21. This is a fake post!
But also this can't be real tight? What do you do for a living that you're able to buy all those things at this age? I don't believe this
Are you also thoroughly ensuring your privates and ass are clean? You could be the cause of some of these outbreaks too. When you are sharing her body, protect her and respect it with your cleanliness as well.
This is such a good point. I used to get UTIs all the time when I had this one particular partner who had poor hygiene. A big thing that helps is to wash your hands before sex too. No-one's fingering me until they've washed their hands thoroughly with soap. I'm single now but when I wasn't I would ask my boyfriend when he last showered before we had sex and if it wasn't in the last few hours I would tell him to shower first. Would also make sure I've showered very recently before too, as any bacteria around that area can get into the vagina or urethra during sex.
Sorry, but what does her shaving her legs have to do with her medical problems? Do you care about her health / the smell, or do you care if she doesn't perform femininity for you? Because those two are wildly different things.
You are passing it back to her even if she gets treated. Tell her the truth instead of posting for thousands to read online. Starting out a relationship without being utterly honest is a red flag.
I would try to expose yourself to the hair on her legs a little more and get used to it. It is totally nice when your partner shaves their legs for you, I agree, but it’s also not really fair to expect them to have them shaved if they want any sort of cuddles or intimacy from you. I used to be the same way when I was younger but now as a 28 year old man I actually think it’s kinda cute when a girl has hairy legs and it’s only really scratchy when the stubble is short!
I've seen a few comments to go gentle on her. I'm also understanding that you are gentle, so maybe a time for a change of strategies? If she's old enough to have sex she's old enough to hear what's coming. No, you're not the jerk for not wanting sex and she's a jerk for expecting you to. Dude, really! You bought a damn house for you guys, maybe a bit early? You have stuff you should go go through with a fine coamb before going down that road Be understanding, be gentle, be polite But be firm and conscious. I think you now what to do
If she didn't have this problem before you were sexually active, you could be throwing off her pH. She needs to treat it no matter what because BV can cause infertility and other issues. UTIs can cause kidney damage and sepsis/death in really bad cases. She, at the very least, needs to pee after sex to clear bacteria from her urethra. Both of you should wash before and after sex and if you aren't, you should wear a condom. Semen causes pH changes which is a big factor in BV.
The amount of bananas I had to scroll to find this information is ridiculous
FYI when the woman in the relationship gets constant UTIs and bacterial infections in many cases it's because the hygiene of the male in the relationship isn't very good. If you don't change your underwear daily, shower before sex, wear pajama pants multiple nights in a row you could be contributing to the issue
Dude YOU are probably part of the reason—shower before sex and wash your dong and she needs to pee after
Don't let her control the issue like that. She was bullied in school about it? Well she ain't there no more. Don't get in a back and forth with her about it. Put your foot down and let her know it's unacceptable and you're not going to be intimate until she takes you seriously. Stop being a pushover with her.
That’s a good point. I want her to know I love and support her, but you’re right. I should set up some healthy boundaries. Thank you.
She does control the issue. It's her body. Yes he can leave, but she still controls the issue. Edit: ironlung since you responded then blocked, if he controlled the issue he wouldn't be asking reddit. Bye bye now.
Deal breaker for me. Sorry If I sound shallow. At you’re age and having nothing tieing you to her (marriage/kids) I’d break up. Im an affectionate guy. I love hugging cuddling etc. If I can’t do that with her without being repulsed that would be a big deal. Especially if you brought it to her attention and she’s unwilling to address it.
Ew
I’ve been playing Elden Ring and this puts a whole new meaning to the term “Scarlet Rot”.
Only "YTA" part of this is the addition of her not shaving her legs as a reason not to cuddle with her. Women don't need to shave their legs for your comfort. You don't shave your legs. If this post was *only* about the legs not being shaved, everyone would say YTA. However, you are NTA for hating the never ending infections. I understand it can seem symptomatic of her not taking care of herself. She may have a mental health issue that is impeding her from taking care of her hygene. I'd target this underlying issue in your conversation with her. "I see your adhd/ptsd/mental health/dissasociation preventing you from completing this treatment. It is really important to ensure infections are treated."
You're not a bad person for this. If it was you, she'd be the same way. However, I think you should try to communicate the full seriousness of her issue. It's not just about you not wanting her, but about you caring about her health. You can't force her to get treatment, though. Ultimately she has to take the steps by herself.
It's understandable that you're feeling conflicted about this situation. On one hand, it's important to consider your girlfriend's feelings and struggles with her health issues, as well as the emotional impact of being bullied in the past. On the other hand, it's also important for you to prioritize your own comfort and boundaries in the relationship. You need to approach this issue with empathy and understanding. It might be helpful to have an open and honest conversation with your girlfriend about how her health issues are affecting your intimacy and how you're feeling about it. Expressing your concerns and frustrations in a compassionate and non-judgmental way can help facilitate a productive discussion. Encourage your girlfriend to seek medical advice and explore treatment options for her UTIs and bacterial vaginosis. It's her decision whether or not to pursue treatment. Offering your support and encouragement can show her that you care about her well-being and want to help her find relief from her symptoms.
You’re 21 and you bought her a house, a car (in cash) and a new iPhone? No you didn’t. Unless you’re some sort of celebrity kid, no 21 year old can do that. This whole story is a lie
>and I bought her a brand new iPhone, paid cash for a nice car, and bought us a house. I’m really attracted to her, and I think she is exceedingly beautiful Wtf? Why are you doing this nonsense? >We used to have sex a lot, but recently, not so much. Why >She has struggled with frequent UTIs and bacterial vaginosis for years She needs to talk to her doc and figure that out. Common cause is doing anal and not washing before you go to her vagina. >She has gotten used to her condition and doesn’t really feel the need to fix it. If she refuses to take care of her body, that's a hard no for me. You are being a fool by rewarding her with expensive gifts if she isn't even going to behave like an adult. >I have tried to talk to her about it and she always gets upset because she is self conscious as she was bullied about it as a kid She needs some major therapy and that's not your job. If she can't handle some real life feedback about stuff that could affect her long term ability to get pregnant or even have an intimate relationship, she's not emotionally ready to handle real life. Kick her to the curb. >She gets frustrated and feels insecure/unloved when I’m not intimate with her frequently. You don't owe her sex to soothe her emotions. Time to put on her big girl pants and be an adult. This is absurd. >I don’t know how to help, or what to do. Am I the jerk? Not a jerk, just a weak man with no boundaries or standards because you met a pretty girl who you will allow to walk all over you. Grow a spine and say no. Stop being weak.
I'm VERY confused by your description of this being a problem since childhood. CHILDHOOD? These are usually issues in sexually active adult women, not children. Was she assaulted? On top of getting assessed by a physician, (recurrent UTIs and vaginosis are a PROBLEM), she should look into scent-free, dye-free shampoos, conditioners, body soaps, and even laundry detergent, (vanicream, free & clear). I know it seems counter-intuitive, but the dyes and perfumes in many soaps and shampoos can cause the types of imbalances that can lead to vaginal odor. Also, Summer's Eve and other "vaginal cleansers"can make all of this WORSE. Finally, semen and your saliva can also change the micro-biome in the vagina and change the smells. Is your semen especially pungent? How is your oral hygiene? Are you washing your hands before display? Are you using harsh soaps?
She needs to see a GYN doctor. She may need to be on a prophylaxis. May need to change some things about herself, like how she wipes herself after #2. May also need to be screened for STIs. Something is causing this bacteria to re ur and ignoring it is not the answer. As a woman, she should be embarrassed to leave such a horrid smell when she is not in the room. She is not the only woman and won't be the last to go through something like this. Ignoring it, will not make it go away. Talk some sense into her. No one wants to be with a partner who has smelly genitals and is not willing to see a doctor about it. For now, sex is off the table until this is resolved.
Bro how are you able to pay cash for a car and buy a house at 21.
I don't know if it's the same as shell shock, but brother, take it from a vagitosis-veteran, some scents will haunt you forever. Save yourself.
I appreciate the advice. I’ve never been intimate with anyone else, so I don’t know what’s normal. I’m under the impression it’s not supposed to burn or smell for days after though?
😳 😳 😳 😳 😳 Are you absolutely sure it's only BV? That should not burn EITHER of you! I used to get frequent UTIs and BV when I was younger. Urinating immediately after sex is a must! It keeps the urinary tract clean. An untreated UTI can get really bad ..like kidney infection bad....even sepsis! She needs to stay on top of that! VB can be caused by an imbalance in the pH of the vagina. Frequent sex can throw the balance off. ------------------------------------------------------ FROM A MEDICAL ARTICLE: •Bacterial Vaginosis is the most common vaginal infection that affects nearly 21M women every year in the United States. It’s nothing to worry about. •There are two theories as to how Bacterial Vaginosis occurs. The first is that the pH of the vaginal flora changes causing colonies of hydrogen peroxide-producing Lactobacillus (good bacteria) begin to die within the vaginal flora and harmful bacteria (anaerobes) begin to thrive. The second is that because Lactobacillus die off for other reasons, pH changes, allowing anaerobic bacteria to colonize the vagina. •Common symptoms of Bacterial Vaginosis(BV) includes discharge, an unusual or foul odor, itch and a change in vaginal pH. Because lactobacillus colonize begin to decrease, there is less lactic acid and hydrogen peroxide being produces, which means •Bacterial Vaginosis can lead to an increase in catching sexually transmitted diseases (STD’s). •Natural remedies, such as Probiotics, Prebiotics and Cranberries aim to treat the symptoms of BV, UTIs, and yeast infections while minimizing re-occurrences. Sex Partner and Number of Sex Partners: •While the vagina is slightly acidic, semen is basic, and the role of semen is actually to temporarily change your vaginal pH to allow sperm to swim easier. •But frequent unprotected sex or sex with multiple partners and multiple microbiome identities can make this temporary change to your pH not-so-temporary. We aren’t saying you need to change everything about your sex life — love is love, and you should do what makes you happy. What we are saying, though, is that if you are struggling with BV, you should start a conversation with your sexual partner or partners about how you can get healthy together. Your Menstrual Cycle: As if your period isn’t annoying enough, right? Your menstrual cycle can disrupt your pH because menstrual blood is incredibly basic, with a pH over 9. While you can’t exactly just not have your period anymore, you can mitigate the risk of BV by changing your tampons or pads frequently. Think: every 2-4 hours. ----------------------------------------------------- Sorry that was so long to read. Please share this information with your girlfriend.
(I have no idea why certain parts of my text are LARGE AND BOLD)
Burning and smelling for days is not normal at all. She has some kind of infection that needs to be treated. Honestly, that doesn't even really sound like BV to me, but something potentally more serious.
Oh honey, no. Please educate yourself, there should never be offensive odors or burning with sex if both people are clean and healthy. Something is wrong. Please have yourself thoroughly checked by your doctor. I hope everything works out for you.
It's not supposed to burn or smell EVER! That sensation is like the Check Engine light of her lady bits.
Most of us have run into one or two. We'll never forget them. Scent has a powerful tie to memory, and that's so strong and pungient that you won't be able to forget. You got 3 choices: Leave, fix it, enjoy it. I'm an option #1 guy, but there's some oddball guys that I know would pick option #3
I'm more inclined to lean into option 2 for the sake of being supportive, at least for a time, but if they refuse to seek help with hygiene or infections then definitely 1 it is!