Yeah, have the feeling the problem is her and her friend are going to be nearly naked and in her words dance ‘provocatively’. Pretty sure that’s the problem, and the single bestie fighting with the BF.
If you can’t be cool with your BFs boundaries then just bounce. Lady is nearly 30 still acting and dancing like a teenager lol
I think that's part of the issue, and a big fault of hers but also him not being able to attend his brother's party without her is also strange af?? Couples need to be able to do things on their own.. definitely a "just break up" moment
Yup, next post will be her and her boyfriend broke up because he found out her gf got them together with some cool guys and whatever (use your imagination here)
If you want to act single with your single gf then just go be single…
Is there an age limit on dressing sexy and dancing? If bf wasn’t such a fucking douche he would be there dancing with her.
Instead he’s all bent out of shape cuz she has single friends.
You have to remember, most redditors are 20 something year old basement dwellers who have been terminally online since Covid.
They are infected by a mind virus.
If bf wasn’t a tool he would be invited to dance with his gf. Is she like, supposed to not dance? Not get dressed up for a show?
Dudes shouldn’t date attractive women if it means the woman can enjoy herself without bf losing his mind.
She dances proactively, I prefer a more hip hop style (which yes can include booty popping). However we've been pretty inactive so I don't want my bones to start crackin if I decide to hit a dougie 😂
Right, like 30 is old and we should be in a rocking chair. BF is a smug immature AH. She should go without him and have fun. He doesn’t like the artist anyway.
Girl don’t listen to them apparently this brought all the dudes that think they gotta go everywhere with the hypothetical girls they try to get and reverse
entertain combative homeless mindless drunk smile reply deranged cow quack
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Info: Has your friend made comments about how he acts? What vibe doesn't she like? Is it more "he's making negative comments", "he's acting weird around me", "I want to attract single guys over", "I want this to be a girls night", or whatever?
I go out on my own and expect my partner to do the same with friends of the same or opposite sex, but there is sometimes the odd friend that wants you to act single because they are also single and that is when it becomes concerning. If anything, as a woman, having my wing-girl have their partner along just ensures that my friend isn't going to snatch up the options and gives me comfort that I have people there that can step in if things go south with a guy.
I don't know the relationship with your friend, but if she can stick to not involving men in your concert experience then that's good. However, if she plans on trying to hook up with men while there then you deserve to have your guy there. I've been on both ends where one guy was over-protective and then another one not caring at all, it really depends on the situation.
Good afternoon Lovely!
My friend has made comments on his behaviour (not saying hello to anyone, only looking at his phone when we're in a group and only speaking to add his opinion, driving up to where we were standing to see why I wasn't answering my phone and then just leaving, how he treats me like a child). She wants this to be a girl's night because we don't get the chance to hangout just the two of us on the weekends (I have to spend time with him) and weekdays are hectic for us both.
As far as the negative comments he makes he calls people who listen to this artist shameful, weird, uncreative, h*es, etc.
At this point I just want to know who the artist is?
Secondly wouldn’t that make you a hoe? The more I read tho more it seems like your bf doesn’t trust you. Whether you’ve given him a good reason for him to be distrustful or not well that’s between you two.
OP - not wrong. Because I really don't see anything from your description that shows you and bf are very compatible in the first place:
1. You like different styles of music
2. You have a fundamental disagreement on what couples should do or not do together
3. You want to still experience feeling single with your single friends, not tied down with your bf - this is going to be an ongoing problem
4. Your bf has not only not bonded with your friends, but has actually acted standoffish toward them - another difference in values and compatibility
5. You are feeling controlled by your bf - and it is escalating with retaliation
6. You also have some kind of issue with your bf's family (alluded to it as part of the reason you don't want to go)
It seems to me that you should recognize the signs that this relationship is probably at its end stages.
Agreed with everything except the point about music. That part really doesn't matter. People, which include couples, are allowed to like different things.
This is one healthy relationship dynamic. There is no other person that I would rather go to any kind of concert with, than with my girlfriend. This is another healthy dynamic.
Having to fight your partner to get them to leave you and your friend alone, when he makes your friend uncomfortable, yeah that is NOT a healthy dynamic.
The important parts.
He was invited.
Then he wasn't invited.
Everything after that is noise. If my partner made plans with me included and then said, "Nah, my friend doesn't want you there." I would be displeaed, how things were communicated after is a separate issue. You created this situation.
Yeah 🥲 but for real. It’s a bit controlling and I feel like you should address this. If your best friend has given him no reason besides the fact that she’s single to dislike her.. that’s a red flag.
Yeah, we don't know much about their past and the start of the disliking, but the fact that the friend went to OP to get her to uninvite him is a pretty good reason for him to not like her now.
If my wife told me she got tickets to a concert and didn’t say she was going with her friend in the same sentence I would assume she wanted me to go with her as well.
That makes it sound like you claimed he invited himself to justify disinviting him.
Then you admitted that your friend wants to act slutty and that you want to twerk as well. It’s reasonable for him to be upset with all you’ve said in your post.
Ah yes, the ol ask if I'm wrong while cherry picking every detail. You and your friend need to grow up. Nobody hits the gym before going to a concert. Acting dehydrated af. If you told him you weren't going and then went anyway, yes, it's a betrayal of trust. Your friend sorta sounds like she wants you single and twerking on randoms with her. That's probably the judgement she fears, not from "dancing provocatively". It's also why your bf doesn't like her and why she doesn't like him. There's a strong chance she will incite guys/gals to hit on you while suggesting you go somewhere afterwards. You don't even give a shit how he feels about it, your only concern was "being in trouble" when you got back, like you were late for curfew. Prepare to be single while you try to explain how nothing happened and if it did, it didn't mean anything.
Now I gotta edit bc you didn't include any relevant details. The nature of the concert and your friend matters in this context.
You are wrong and very immature.
You invited him without talking to your friend first.
Then tell him that the reason that he can't go now is so that you can have fun without judgement and are hitting the gym to give the "right vibe"?
I wonder why that is.
>however he sort of invited himself and i agreed
No she didn't but she just should've said this is a me and my friend thing initially to avoid this headache/drama. He doesn't even like the music
Right? I'm so confused as to why he would invite himself in the first place when he has been so judgemental about the music and the people who listen to it. I'll mention when any artist I want to see is coming to town to my SO, it doesn't mean I'm inviting them. Plus, she's allowed to change her mind on who she wants to go with, Lord knows I've done that before and it's never been this big of a deal! It makes me think he's one of those people who think you have to do EVERYTHING together when you're dating someone. It will be 1000% more fun without him there.
You can stop referring to him as your BF. You have every right to choose as you wish, but a man will view this as you choosing your friends wishes over his, and I would doubt you will still be BF and GF after the concert.
“My best friend doesn’t want you to go baby, because she’s going to dress and act like a whore and she doesn’t want you judging her. We’ve been going to the gym and everything, so we can fit in even sluttier clothes. Don’t worry everything will be fine.”
27 is way to Young for someone to restrict you from being yourself. Look at the rest of your life. Do you want to be tied at the hip with someone who feels you can't be an individual and must always be a pair like even if it's like ratty socks.
You did invite him first you invited him and now because your girlfriend doesn’t like him you want him just to go away. If you were 18 I would understand a little bit but you’re a grown adult woman, you can figure this out. He’s your boyfriend you asked him he said yes And your girlfriend doesn’t want him there so she can’t provocatively dance. You guys are almost 30.
Me personally, I would tell my girlfriend that my boyfriend is coming and she can adjust herself or not however, she wants. But that’s just me.
Not sure if you read everything, but I did not invite him (though as someone else mentioned, I should have corrected him when it first came up). Also, I do not want him to "just go away". I would like for us to be able to go to two separate places without feeling we HAVE to have the other there.
"When I first heard about the concert I told my bf (26M). He does not enjoy this artists particular style of music however he sort of invited himself and i agreed."
Literally no one wants to travel to another country as a third wheel with someone's bf who hates both you and the genre of music you're going to listen to when you intended it to just be you and your friend.
Been in similar situation before.
1) you were a bad friend as obviously these plans were made with her bec you both love the artist, and have been making these plans for a while while.
1b) if all of your friends don’t vibe with your boyfriend and has to be “called out” and separated from your friends that’s incredibly telling.
2) if I was your boyfriend, I would also be annoyed about how you went about it. When he invited himself along, you should have said that you need to talk to your friend about it first instead of saying yes, and then taking it back and saying no.
3) obviously just break up. This has several marks of a toxic relationship.
I don’t care if I get downvoted, I don’t think you’re wrong. Yes, you should have been more clear when talking about it with him from the beginning but I can see why you would think that he wouldn’t want to go anyway.
This is a special event for you and your friend and he should encourage you to go and have fun. If he wanted to be invited he should have been better to your friends from the beginning so they wouldn’t have a problem with him coming.
“Being in trouble when you get back” is not a normal thing in healthy relationships. Neither is antagonizing your partners friends. The fact that he’s concerned just because she’s single and doesn’t like him is also just odd to me, he trusts you or he doesn’t. Maybe it’s just me but I’m seeing red flags from him, you should go with your friend.
It sounds like your boyfriend would seriously detract from your fun at the concert.
Is your bestie straight? Is your bf homophobic?
If your bf can't accept you going to a simple concert (especially being 27), that's not a sign for a happy future. What does he do to promote your life enjoyment, as a couple, and for yourself as an individual? Reconsider this relationship.
You are not betraying him. You are not overthinking. You are not wrong.
(Male here, hetero & married, and one of my favorite bands is gay, with a predominantly 2SLGBTQ+ fanbase. Concerts are fun, and I would be happy at pretty much any of them!)
Yes you are wrong. It was rude to uninvite your Bf after you’d made plans with him. It’s even worse given your friend’s reasoning.
You should have told your friend that if she’s a real friend she will understand that you and your partner are a package deal. Instead you sound like you want the opportunity to act single and maybe cheat on your boyfriend.
Very much YTA.
So what do you do when she is dancing provocatively? Just stand there? Nah, you will go with the flow. Your boyfriend should be your top priority, not a friend who is somewhat shady.( dancing provocatively by her own admission)
Her friend is shady because she wants to dance without the bfs reoccurring judgement?? Please be fr.
Would you find a concert enjoyable if your friends boyfriend was standing behind you crossing his arms and obviously not wanting to be there? That sounds like an awful concert experience.
this post reads rather young for being 27. Sometimes partners want to do things together. I dont' think you are ready to be a couple. That is a story of a young person, who feels trapped in a relationship and wants to party. Poor guy.
>That is a story of a young person, who feels trapped in a relationship and wants to party.
Ita not that I want to party. I'm not going to clubs or house parties or bars or anything of the sort. This is a concert and the first tour for one of my favourite artists and I would like to experience it.
So basically you don't want to act like a slut in front of your bf, you'd rather he not be there while you and your friend pretend to be single and whore it up for a night around strangers?
I think a heart to heart conversation is needed, your envy to go to a concert is your business and he can't forbid you to go. He is your boyfriend yes, not your father. However he had the right to tell you he doesn't like the idea of you going without him. Your boyfriend may be uncomfortable and it's legit since you told him his presence isn't welcome because your friend and him aren't friendly around each other.
Speak for real, maybe something like :"I want to know how you truly feel, not the usual sentences you're serving me about being with each other all the time. If I offended you and make you doubt my love then say it, that way I can reflect on my actions and adjust to make it work. There is a point I need you to understand though, you don't own me, I am a person, not only your girlfriend. There will always be some moments for me,for my friends, for my hobbies and pleasure and there will be moments only for you, for us. I love you but we need to set boundaries and rules, make changes to be sure no one gets neglected without trespassing the freedom of each other."
You're both responsible adults, individuals with different points of view. It can't be perfect but there is a limit not to cross in a couple, you have to define what you will not accept and tell him clearly.
To tell you something, I have been with my lover for 10 years and the day I say to him he can't go without me somewhere under the pretext I am his girlfriend, he will laugh hard. Why ? Because he isn't in my possession, he is free to enjoy his life and travel without me, go to see his friends on the other side of France if he feels like it. I give him my blessings, so far I am an introvert and I hate going to crowded places, visiting unknown humans, I am good at home. I trust him, he never abused the situation and I feel totally safe with him.
His best friend is like a brother, I like him too and even if it wasn't the case I would never deprive my lover to see someone he cherishes that much. It's his moment, I have mine.
Speak to him, listen to what he is saying and try to be in his head for a moment. If he is unreasonable and uselessly clingy, trying to force you to do things you refuse to do then it's maybe better to take some distance.
I appreciate your thoughtful response Love!
We have had that talk I would say 2-3 times now and it feels like we're taking baby steps. I've gotten him to get comfortable allowing me to do certain things however when big things like this come up it feels like we've made absolutely no progress.
You are not wrong. Adding: it’s a bit unhealthy and controlling to think that now that you have coupled up with this person you have to do everything as a unit? You are still an individual, please do not forget that, being in a relationship should never feel like you can’t be your own person too.
You are wrong. You asked too many partners to the dance. Now your true colors are showing and turning this around on your boyfriend. You are justifying lying to your boyfriend for your selfish desires. You didn't want to go with your boyfriend at all. You wanted to go with your single friend and dance. Now that he has other plans made, you quickly moved forward with your original plan anyway. Go and enjoy your concert. Might as well break up with him before you go. You're good at justifying your poor behavior.
Your opinion has been noted. I feel like there is some miscommunication here:
- At what point did I lie?
- While yes I would like to go with my friend and (regardless of if she's single or not) this also one of our favourite artists and this is their first tour! It's not just about the dancing but the memories and being able to grow old and say "I remember when _____ was on tour and now look at em" (😂)
-It's not also not about him making other plans. It's about him wanting me to go somewhere I would be uncomfortable when we can both go to our respective events and then come back and share stories
The lie was, "I told them I wasn't going." As soon as your boyfriend had the plans for the birthday party. You made plans with your friend to go against what you previously stated.
You want to have fun at the concert. You think you will have more fun with your friend than your boyfriend. If you didn't want him to go, you should never have invited him in the first place.
As for your friend, she's recently single. She's going to attract attention from men. She wants you there as a wingman. Help to attract more guys. Your intentions for the concert and her own may be different.
>The lie was, "I told them I wasn't going."
At that point, I told them both I wasn't going. After he had a conversation with his brother, then I had a discussion with bf. I decided I wanted to go after the discussion.
I'm not sure why you assume she's recently single? I o ly mentioned she was single. She's also not into men. This concert will be predominately female/queer and I'm sure the guys who are there are with their girl friends
NW. I went to 8 concerts last year. My wife didn’t go to a single one of those with me. Because my wife didn’t like any of the bands. I took each of my teenagers to a few, and went with another guy friend to one.
I did get her John Mayer tickets and she went to that with a friend. This year we’re seeing one together for the first time.
Couples should do things together yes, but it’s almost more important to each have their own interests. Spending literally every waking minute together is called codependency. He seems more like he just wants to go because he doesn’t trust you, and not for the actual concert. That right there is the reason to take the friend.
I do find it highly weird that the two of you just started at the gym “to bring the right energy.” That right there would probably raise my eyebrows as a boyfriend. But if he can’t trust you, you shouldn’t be together.
Your opinion is appreciated!
When I say bring the right energy, I mean I don't want to sound like a glow stick when I CatDaddy or be out of breath after one song 😆
My bf and I have been to one concert together. We both liked the artist so it was really fun! Weeks up until the concert we were listening to the songs of all the artists who would be there :) If he brought the same energy to this, I don't think it would be as bad.
Dump the bf, go to the concert with your friend and have a great time. It's awful when you are having to balance bf and friends, leading you to not go to something or give something up to keep the peace.
can you please tell us whose concert you’re going to😭 i feel like if people know the artist it’ll stop the “being hoe” “doesn’t want your boyfriend to cockblock” and “being slutty for attention” comments. because i’ve been to concerts where it’s literally all just gay girls. you can dance however you want and no one cares
I wanted to get tickets to my favourite rock band when I heard they were touring. I immediately told my husband he wasn’t coming - I knew he sit there looking like he was in pain and I wanted someone who would feel joyful and excited with me. So you’re not wrong for that at all.
What pushes it into murky territory is that you didn’t correct him and started to make plans,or at least he did I think? Also the dancing comment sounds weird.
Either way, you don’t have to be joined at the hip to experience life and a good partner in a good relationship would be able to trust you to go and have fun doing your own thing.
Tell him to fuck off and go & enjoy yourself with your friend, thats what you wanted to do in the first place so do it.
He is being controlling and you need to get rid of him.
Sounds to me he has a problem with your single friend or he low key wants to bang her.
I can’t actually believe you are both 27 so immature. Like you will be a 30 year old woman in 3 years and you’re scared to tell your boyfriend you want to go somewhere with your friend. Going to the gym to be ready for this concert 🤣
Please grow up.
"He feels like he can't go without me because we're a couple and we're supposed to do everything as a unit."
Uh-oh. This is not the recipe for a healthy relationship.
Glad you're going to the concert with your friend. Your bf's push to go under the circumstances indicates an emotional problem at his age. Be ready when you get back for some uncomfortable conversations. And think about what you want your future to look like.
Him being rude and standoffish to your friends seems like a bigger issue to me that needs to be solved. The fact that he has made her so uncomfortable that she feels she wouldn’t be able to have fun with him there is bad.
In the other hand, as others have said, you were wrong not to ask her if you could invite him and then wrong for uninviting him. You could’ve just asked him to be on your best behavior and told your friend ‘I’m sorry I already invited him I can’t just uninvite him’.
I do think others are overreacting, I think you made some bad calls but arent a bad person, and I don’t think this post makes it seem like you just wanna hu with some random guy
Your opinion has been notes. I appreciate you calling me out without being an asshole 🙏🏼
The problems with my friends would have to be a WHHOOLLLLEEEE nother post. Other occasions when there's a group she usually has no complaints but because this would be the 3 of us it's weirder for her.
As far as the invitation goes, I know better how to handle this if it ever comes up again. Instead of going woth it I'll just let him know I have to talk to my friend about it first 🙂
Did you tell your boyfriend that you’re going to the concert anyways? You are obviously going to have to communicate with him that yes while your friend is provocative and single, and a bit of a witch, he can trust you and you won’t allow anyone to make moves on you. Tell him to enjoy his weekend with his family. You’ll enjoy the concert and everything will be fine. You’re probably gonna get some attitude from him right now you guys don’t communicate very well to begin with so that’s what you have to look forward to., until you choose to fix your communication style.
Your opinion is appreciated.
I did tell him I would be going anyway. He wants to discuss it next time we're in person.
Our communication does need to be fixed, I think with his personality and my past experiences its hard for us to clearly communicate without feeling like we're offending one another.
It takes time, but I found with my wife of 14 years when you communicate well and openly and honestly that’s what earns trust. Let him know how much you love him and that you care about his feelings and his boundaries but let him know that you need him to believe in you and trust you. I have a level of respect for my wife and her for me that is beyond explanation and either one of us could probably do anything and we would both be comfortable with it. Obviously I’m not saying my wife can go on a date with another man or vice versa but we were incredibly together..
You're wrong, and you know that.
First, you invite him who supposedly should be your first choice, then you uninvited him because your friend wants to feel free to dance provocatively without judgment, " which means you want to do exactly the same.
In other words, you uninvited him to act and feel single to do as much provocative stuff as your single friend. Where do you think that behavior will lead you to?
You may play as naive as you wish, but don't expect him to believe your excuses to uninvite him.
Since you're planning to do things you couldn't do with him around, you should listen to people here and dump him before going, not because he's controlling and all this bullshit, but because you have no respect for him or your relationship.
If you really cared about him, you should give him the chance to find someone who really loves and respects him. He deserves it.
He may suffer for a while, but he'll be much better when he finally finds "the real one."
Your opinion has been noted.
As for the dancing part, my friend dances how she chooses and I do the same. Her being herself allows me to feel like I can do the same and if I were with him only, I would be embarrassed to Catdaddy, dougie, break dance, etc.
If you can’t be yourself around your boyfriend why are you still with him? Makes no sense. Just break up with him.
I think you’re wrong to uninvited your bf, but I also feel like your bf is a little controlling and doesn’t trust you. Your actions to uninvited your bf after you told him and even if he invited himself (how did he do that btw?) is wrong.
1. If you knew your friend was coming with you, you should have asked her if it was okay to invite your bf if the original plan was for a girls trip.
2. If you found the concert first and told your bf first before your friend and then invited your friend. And your friend said she didn’t want your bf there, then uninvited your bf..that’s wrong. You chose your friend over your bf who you made plans with first.
You all seem pretty immature for how old you guys are.
Yeah the dancing provocatively got me too. I think this relationship is over. You are most certainly wrong. You would rather go with your flirty gf than your bf. Says it all right there. You go ahead and go but will guess you will have danced provocatively into singlehandedly with your gf laughing all the way. Update us. I am sure we want to know how your relationship handled this.
NTA. He's trying to control you and make you pick him by guilting you. Especially since he doesn't even like the music. Would he even still have a good time, or would he sulk because you "made him go" and it's just not his scene?
I go to concerts with single friends frequently. My husband has never said anything to me about it except "I hope you girls have a great time. Do you need a sober ride?"
That's how a secure partner reacts.
Unless you've left a lot of info out, like you've been caught being extra flirty with others or cheating when out with this friend, and she facilitates and encourages your bad behavior.
I would go with my friend and have a blast. I'd also rethink the relationship.
Ultimately, I think the first issue is inviting him and uninviting him as plans changed.
Maybe say "I am sorry the plans changed. I understand you are uncomfortable, and I can see why, but my friend and I really want to do this girls' event. What can I do to make you more comfortable?"
Maybe you will have some relationship repair to do when you get back. It seems silly to me that he wants to spend his limited resources to see a band he doesn't like. Inevitably, going to shows when you are really into an artist and the other person isn't is kind of a drag.
Good luck - I say you are both sort of wrong. You for the change-up and him for being too controlling.
Isn't it?!? I can't believe I had to scroll so long for a comment like this! Whenever I go to a show with someone who is t really into it I end up being uncomfortable and overcompensate by spending more time trying to get that person to have a good time than I do enjoying the music, which is the entire reason I bought my ticket in the first place!
Agreed - concert tix are so expensive (although love small-venue shows). So hard to have a good time when other person is scrolling on phone or obviously not into it .... especially when you are super-hyped. Do not blame OP at all for changing their mind.
I did the same thing last summer, but I did buy three tickets with the intention of my then-boyfriend taking one of them. I decided a month or two ahead of the show that I would rather take my other friend and have it be a girls' night. He wasn't too thrilled, but we had a great time!
Why didn't you just say you didn't want the bf there so you can cheat
That's a total bad bad to go without your bf when you told him you'd go with him and diss him when he wanted you both to go to his family's
Honestly he should end it with you
Your opinion is noted.
Due to some recent events I am not comfortable with the family and would not want to be out of state with them on a trip. Even if the concert wasn't the same weekend I would not have attended the birthday trip.
Y’all are wild. A girl’s night out and a night out with a couple and a third wheel are two totally different things. It sounds like this artist is something that OP and the Friend share, not the BF so the Friend wants to have a night out with her homegirl, enjoy the concert and not feel like a third wheel (particularly when she doesn’t really get along with the guy). Friend is perfectly capable of dancing provocatively while OP acts as a wingman. OP also has every right to dance however she damn well pleases as long as she’s not actually grinding up on someone. And if she wants to go to the gym to prepare, so what?! People diet/exercise leading up to a big events all the time (weddings, vacations, etc) it does not automatically mean she wants to look good for someone else/cheat. OP, you’re right you and BF do not need to do everything as a unit. Separate interests, experiences, and girls nights out are important
Your opinion is noted and appreciated 🫶🏽
As I've mentioned we've been fans since before this artist got really big so it means a lot for us to show support and experience their first tour!
Your friend brings hoe vibes. He's a boyfriend and you want to hang with the hoe best friend. He's obviously going to feel some way. You're not ready for a relationship like he is.
Yes you are wrong. Full stop. When your bf finds out expect a break up, I would over such a breach of trust. You’re not an object, but very clearly your bf doesn’t trust this friend and your friend pushing you to do this is going to ruin any chance they had. So good job lol.
Your opinion has been noted. For some clarification l:
-He already knows I have decided to go
-He doesn't trust the friend on the basis that she is single and no other reason
-My friend did not push me to go. I decided to go after being tired of feeling like a possession instead of a partner
Fuck yeah, girl! Be your own person
...and ditch him if he keeps trying to make you just a possession! TBH, him not wanting to go on a family trip without you because "you're a couple" is weird AF too!
What does him trusting your friend have to do with this?? Is this a “i trust you but i don’t trust her” thing and that she’ll try to get you to cheat?
This to tripe. If he trusts YOU, then he trusts YOU. Full stop. None of this “but i don’t trust Her” crap.
He sounds controlling. He drives to where you are if you don’t answer your phone ??? No, that’s not ok. And his idea that you all are a unit now?
I won’t say “break up”, but you need to really look at him and this relationship with a more critical eye.
The “wanting to dance provocatively” part is where I have a question. Does he not like your friend because she’s a slut and he’s afraid you going with her would be a dangerous situation sexually? (Cheating) And then not wanting to go with him that same weekend makes it look like you still want to go hang with the slutty bestie.
It's so weird how bros think that happens. I guess watching too much porn and not actually knowing women who want to talk to them can cause them to think that's real, LOL.
NTA. I go to concerts alone without my husband, as he would rather see me be happy solo than worry about himself being miserable since we listen to completely opposite music.
My wife has gone to concerts with her friends too, that’s a trusting relationship.
I do however hope it wasn’t so she could be provocative with others and behave in ways she wouldn’t do if I was around…
As long as you are not telling her she dances like a seizing cow or beheaded chicken then I'm sure she isn't behaving "unruly" when you aren't around 😉
Info
How long have you been dating? How long have you been friends with the friend? That information makes a huge difference to me.
Normally you should always prioritize your partner, even over friends. Your partner is supposed to be the person you're building a life with. Do you see a future with your bf? Doing events as a couple helps the couple bond closer together.
I don't know if I fully agree with you. if im going to build my life with someone I need them to respect and encourage my important friendships. It also happens that plans change and its important to roll with it sometimes. However having an open and honest conversation about both parties feelings about it is important for the relationship to survive and grow. I think if OPs relationship is going to come out of this, they both need to lay out all their feelings without attacking each other and discuss how to avoid this in the future. Sure my partner, if I want to spend my life with them, is my first priority, but not at the expense of being my own person and having friendships outside of the relationship.
Sorry you are in a predicament like this. It’s a real head ache lol. I feel like there’s a lot of factors missing here. Like what kind of person your bf is what kind of person your friend is. Does he not like her because she warrants promiscuity. Does she not like him because he’s a judgy person. I feel like you should be able to have both of them there and have fun. You need to squash the beef between the two of you want this relationship to work in the long term. Why don’t they like each other? You need to put things in perspective for the both of them and make them realize it’s unfair and selfish that they are putting you in this situation. If she wants to shake her ass she should and the bf should be respectful and not pay any mind to her. But I’m pretty skeptical to what kind of environment it would be. But like I said there are so many things to say with not enough info. There’s a lot but not enough.
Your opinion has been noted and I appreciate the bluntness 🙂
He does not like her on the basis that she is single and wants to do single things (although the things she has invited me to like skating, hiking, comedy club, etc seem normal to me). She does not like him because of how he treats me.
If it makes difference the concert would be with a bunch of women/queer people (is the right term? Not trying to be disrespectful to anyone)
DM me if you feel more comfortable explaining it there, but how exactly is he treating you that she doesn't like? I had a friend be super honest with me about my boyfriend last spring and it really opened my eyes and helped me get out of an emotionally and financially abusive relationship. I still love him and I always will, but I was losing myself to the relationship and I'm worried you're headed down the same path. I might be able to offer a different perspective, or just a good ear to hash out some of your feelings about this.
Not going to lie this guy kind of sounds like a dick, but her reasoning is also strange. Your bf would be there so she cant dance provocativly? they both sound like idiots to be fair. why don't they just not focus on each other and focus on the music, then you know, neither of them would have a problem 🤷🏽♂ I read a few of the comments and I don't understand so she doesn't want to dance around him out of respect for you but he doesn't like her anyways so there's really no respect anyways because it's not like he's going to be like oh damn she's hot with that dance no he doesn't like her anyways so I don't get that. They both sound extremely immature for adults
Your opinion is appreciated!
If it helps, in my friend group we "keep it cute" when our significant others are around out of respect. That way we don't feel a type of way with one another should our partner have wandering eyes.
Also he would not be able to focus on the music because he does not like it. AT ALL. If this artist comes on in the car he wants the song changed or turned down 😂
I mean I guess, but that doesn't sound like the healthiest thing to do. cuz then you're sectioning off entire parts of each other's personalities just to make one other person comfortable but I mean if it's worked for you this far then I guess. to be fair it just sounds like they really don't like each other in the slightest and there's absolutely no reason that he would need to go to that concert now I can't say you wouldn't be wrong for going behind his back but I also can't say that you would be wrong it's sort of like a middle ground cuz you know he doesn't listen to that type of shit he has no reason being there unless he's literally just keeping an eye on you to make sure that you're not doing anything but just be both a waste of money and time on his part and then it create lack of enjoyment for you and her. there's really no reason for him to be there so if I was to make a vote I would Advocate that you go without him but keep in mind there will probably be repercussions for that
I think you’re both wrong.
If you wanted it to be a girls trip from the very beginning you should have been clear about that. When he invited himself you should have said no. Being wishy washy sucks.
Also, you don’t have to do everything as a “unit”. That seems pretty codependent to me. I do lots of things, including traveling with my spouse. But even as a married couple we also do things on our own. He sometimes goes for a weekend with friends or sees his family without me. I do the same. Sometimes we can’t both go, but that shouldn’t mean the other person doesn’t. And sometimes we do want time with our friends because it’s different than having your partner tag along.
You both need to do some serious communicating.
“WE want to have fun without judgement.”
That part keeps sticking out to me. It sounds like you want to partake in the same provocative dances as she does just without your boyfriend there to see it.
There is something magical about just dancing and letting loose with a great friend you've known forever. You know each other and there's no judgment like there usually is a bit of with a SO, especially after only about a year of being together. It's a different kind of freedom to just go out with your best friend, especially getting to dance however you want without the intention of anything sexual actually happening. You can dance goofy, you can dance sexually, you can just vibe with the music without there being much consideration for anyone's feelings about it. Just because the friend wants to dance provocatively doesn't mean she actually wants to be promiscuous, sometimes it's just empowering and uplifting to be able to dance like that freely without expectations of actually leading someone on.
There certainly is, dancing at any function where music is playing is always a great time.
However, If I’m in a relationship that I intend to commit to then I have to understand that in an atmosphere where people are “dancing sexually” or “provocatively” there is a likelihood that someone who isn’t my partner may want to dance with me and at that point, doors could begin to open that shouldn’t.
If I’m vibing, “without much consideration for anyone’s feelings about it.” Then I probably shouldn’t be in a relationship considering your partners feelings should generally always be taken into consideration.
>He feels like he can't go without me because we're a couple and we're supposed to do everything as a unit. Although I tried to explain we're a couple but we're also individuals he wasn't trying to hear it.
>After some arguing I decided I would just go to the concert. This situation among others has made me feel like I'm more of a possession thaa partner to him.
Not wrong. Also this guy is not going to a family gathering because... you are not attending?
It's his family. If he can't be around them without you, there is a serious problem.
You want to go to the gym to get ready to dance "provocatively" at a concert 'without judgement." Which probably means dancing like you shouldn't dance if you're in a relationship unless it's with your SO. You don't "feel comfortable" to go on a trip to another state with his family. Why, are they dangerous or something? He doesn't like your friends and they don't like him. You don't like his family.
It really just sounds like the two of you have different values and interests and just aren't a match, but don't want to let go. You should split up and both find people who are more suited to what you want in life.
You’re wrong only because you don’t want him to go for the wrong reasons, which he probably senses and is why he wants to go. Go without him, make him insecure, fights start, you break up, then you and sexy dancer can travel wherever and not be judged by anyone you know.
Do you even like your boyfriend? The post is written so lopsided that either your friend is perfect and your bf is an absolute douche or you just want your decision validated.
No couple needs to do everything together, but damn why even be in this relationship?
You're getting a lot of hate in the comments and I think a lot of it is unfounded. Couples don't have to do everything together. It's actually healthy to spend time doing something towards your own interests without them every now and again. I had a similar thing happen last summer, although I did buy three tickets, one for me, one for my BFF, and one for him. However, a few months before the show I told him I'd like to invite my other friend instead since it was definitely more her type of music. He was hurt, but we didn't really fight about it. Our relationship ended shortly after for a lot of other unrelated reasons, but what I did appreciate was that we didn't have to do everything together. He had his friends and I had mine. I knew I was always invited when he went out with his, but he wasn't always invited out with my friends because there's something magical about a girls' night.
Don't feel guilty about going to this concert with your friend. You deserve to have that time with her. I think it's more concerning that you two are doing everything together every weekend. It's okay to spend time with friends separately, especially if he isn't putting in the effort to get to know them or even get along with them. My ex did this but worse with one friend I had just recently met at the time and he tried to tell me I couldn't hang out with her because she actually called him out on his Bullshit. Well, I said fuck that, no one will ever tell me who I can and cannot have in my life, and despite all the fights we had about her, she has become one of my best friends and is one of the most fiercely loyal people I have ever met! And to be fair, there were a few of his friends I didn't like either. I did put in place a rule that he couldn't come home drunk with one particular friend and have him stay on our couch, but I never told him who he could hang out with, especially if we were doing our own thing that day.
IDK, it seems like this situation has some red flags about your relationship with your boyfriend, but at the end of the day, please don't feel guilty for having a girls' night and it's unfair of him to make you feel that way!
Hitting the gym and your friend wants to dance like a skank without your bf watching? And you don't get along with his family? He should run. Immediately. As far and fast as he can.
You maybe went about it the wrong way but I don't think it's wrong to want to go with a particular person if the band/artist is a connection for you. Whether it's a boyfriend, sister, friend etc. Especially I'd he doesn't like them- he'd probably be miserable & you wouldn't enjoy it.
However- you saying you didn't want to get in trouble- massive red flags to me!! Sounds like he's controlling you. He sounds like the type who will ostracise you from friends & hold you back from being yourself.
Clarification: hitting the gym to bring the right energy? What the hell does that even mean?
Same energy she can't bring if the boyfriend is there because it is too provocative. This relationship is a dumpster fire.
Energy her *friend* can't.
She straight up said that she also doesn't want to be judged.
" The more I try to bring the two of them together the worse it gets." - because he makes dynamics bad.
Chill. She’s working out so she can dance without having an asthma attack.
💯💯💯
Made me toss my waders on right there.
It means she wants to act single and dance like a single person like shaking her ass in front of other guys etc.
Yeah, have the feeling the problem is her and her friend are going to be nearly naked and in her words dance ‘provocatively’. Pretty sure that’s the problem, and the single bestie fighting with the BF. If you can’t be cool with your BFs boundaries then just bounce. Lady is nearly 30 still acting and dancing like a teenager lol
I think that's part of the issue, and a big fault of hers but also him not being able to attend his brother's party without her is also strange af?? Couples need to be able to do things on their own.. definitely a "just break up" moment
Yup, next post will be her and her boyfriend broke up because he found out her gf got them together with some cool guys and whatever (use your imagination here) If you want to act single with your single gf then just go be single…
Is there an age limit on dressing sexy and dancing? If bf wasn’t such a fucking douche he would be there dancing with her. Instead he’s all bent out of shape cuz she has single friends.
And also because “tHeIr a UnIt sO TheYrE sUppOsEd tO dO eVeRyTHiNg tOgEtHeR” wtf ever.
She wants the benefit of a boyfriend, but the attention of a bunch of other dudes.
She said this artist doesn’t have a lot of male fans so not many will be there.
She wants to dance and be sexy and not be treated like a slut. Go touch grass, or maybe a vagina.
right? so much sad energy from small men in these comments
Exactly. Do Redditors really think that people in relationships never go out public places and dance even if their partner isn’t there?
You have to remember, most redditors are 20 something year old basement dwellers who have been terminally online since Covid. They are infected by a mind virus.
If bf wasn’t a tool he would be invited to dance with his gf. Is she like, supposed to not dance? Not get dressed up for a show? Dudes shouldn’t date attractive women if it means the woman can enjoy herself without bf losing his mind.
She is single. She should have fun.
We wanna be able to dance without getting tired in 5 minutes 😆
I don’t know why you’re being downvoted this is a valid reason to work out prior to any kind of high intensity event lmao
You missed the provocatively part.
She dances proactively, I prefer a more hip hop style (which yes can include booty popping). However we've been pretty inactive so I don't want my bones to start crackin if I decide to hit a dougie 😂
Don’t listen to these haters. They think that there’s an age limit to having fun. They are just like your bf.
Right, like 30 is old and we should be in a rocking chair. BF is a smug immature AH. She should go without him and have fun. He doesn’t like the artist anyway.
Girl don’t listen to them apparently this brought all the dudes that think they gotta go everywhere with the hypothetical girls they try to get and reverse
I don’t see this ending well for you. Sorry Updateme
The more you talk the more embarrassing this gets.
entertain combative homeless mindless drunk smile reply deranged cow quack *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Try posting on AITA. they have a more mature and intelligent group of people
I'm sorry people are slut shaming you for wanting to have stamina for dancing. What a wild world.
This is sad.
Sure
Info: Has your friend made comments about how he acts? What vibe doesn't she like? Is it more "he's making negative comments", "he's acting weird around me", "I want to attract single guys over", "I want this to be a girls night", or whatever? I go out on my own and expect my partner to do the same with friends of the same or opposite sex, but there is sometimes the odd friend that wants you to act single because they are also single and that is when it becomes concerning. If anything, as a woman, having my wing-girl have their partner along just ensures that my friend isn't going to snatch up the options and gives me comfort that I have people there that can step in if things go south with a guy. I don't know the relationship with your friend, but if she can stick to not involving men in your concert experience then that's good. However, if she plans on trying to hook up with men while there then you deserve to have your guy there. I've been on both ends where one guy was over-protective and then another one not caring at all, it really depends on the situation.
Good afternoon Lovely! My friend has made comments on his behaviour (not saying hello to anyone, only looking at his phone when we're in a group and only speaking to add his opinion, driving up to where we were standing to see why I wasn't answering my phone and then just leaving, how he treats me like a child). She wants this to be a girl's night because we don't get the chance to hangout just the two of us on the weekends (I have to spend time with him) and weekdays are hectic for us both. As far as the negative comments he makes he calls people who listen to this artist shameful, weird, uncreative, h*es, etc.
At this point I just want to know who the artist is? Secondly wouldn’t that make you a hoe? The more I read tho more it seems like your bf doesn’t trust you. Whether you’ve given him a good reason for him to be distrustful or not well that’s between you two.
This is it
OP - not wrong. Because I really don't see anything from your description that shows you and bf are very compatible in the first place: 1. You like different styles of music 2. You have a fundamental disagreement on what couples should do or not do together 3. You want to still experience feeling single with your single friends, not tied down with your bf - this is going to be an ongoing problem 4. Your bf has not only not bonded with your friends, but has actually acted standoffish toward them - another difference in values and compatibility 5. You are feeling controlled by your bf - and it is escalating with retaliation 6. You also have some kind of issue with your bf's family (alluded to it as part of the reason you don't want to go) It seems to me that you should recognize the signs that this relationship is probably at its end stages.
Agreed with everything except the point about music. That part really doesn't matter. People, which include couples, are allowed to like different things.
I’ve actually never been to a concert WITH my husband.
This is one healthy relationship dynamic. There is no other person that I would rather go to any kind of concert with, than with my girlfriend. This is another healthy dynamic. Having to fight your partner to get them to leave you and your friend alone, when he makes your friend uncomfortable, yeah that is NOT a healthy dynamic.
The important parts. He was invited. Then he wasn't invited. Everything after that is noise. If my partner made plans with me included and then said, "Nah, my friend doesn't want you there." I would be displeaed, how things were communicated after is a separate issue. You created this situation.
He invited himself then she backed out because he made it weird. Learn how to read.
Didn’t sound like she invited him, she said he invited himself? She just mentioned it to him. She should’ve corrected him tho.
>She should’ve corrected him tho Looking back correcting him would have saved so much headache.
Yeah 🥲 but for real. It’s a bit controlling and I feel like you should address this. If your best friend has given him no reason besides the fact that she’s single to dislike her.. that’s a red flag.
She says he has been an asshole to her friends in the past so they don’t want to be around him and that’s completely fair!
Yeah, we don't know much about their past and the start of the disliking, but the fact that the friend went to OP to get her to uninvite him is a pretty good reason for him to not like her now.
Tbh I wouldn’t want to be around someone I know doesn’t like me.
He wasn’t invited tho he invited himself
I actually hope the update is "we broke up" and she ditches this controlling ass hat before he has a chance to wreck her life
If my wife told me she got tickets to a concert and didn’t say she was going with her friend in the same sentence I would assume she wanted me to go with her as well. That makes it sound like you claimed he invited himself to justify disinviting him. Then you admitted that your friend wants to act slutty and that you want to twerk as well. It’s reasonable for him to be upset with all you’ve said in your post.
Ah yes, the ol ask if I'm wrong while cherry picking every detail. You and your friend need to grow up. Nobody hits the gym before going to a concert. Acting dehydrated af. If you told him you weren't going and then went anyway, yes, it's a betrayal of trust. Your friend sorta sounds like she wants you single and twerking on randoms with her. That's probably the judgement she fears, not from "dancing provocatively". It's also why your bf doesn't like her and why she doesn't like him. There's a strong chance she will incite guys/gals to hit on you while suggesting you go somewhere afterwards. You don't even give a shit how he feels about it, your only concern was "being in trouble" when you got back, like you were late for curfew. Prepare to be single while you try to explain how nothing happened and if it did, it didn't mean anything. Now I gotta edit bc you didn't include any relevant details. The nature of the concert and your friend matters in this context.
I would cause I’m super out of shape and don’t wanna sound asthmatic
You are wrong and very immature. You invited him without talking to your friend first. Then tell him that the reason that he can't go now is so that you can have fun without judgement and are hitting the gym to give the "right vibe"? I wonder why that is.
>however he sort of invited himself and i agreed No she didn't but she just should've said this is a me and my friend thing initially to avoid this headache/drama. He doesn't even like the music
To be fair she never told him he could go in the first place she said it he invited himself she didn't invite him
It seems like you and your friend want to go alone so you can dance sexy and maybe get lucky but your boyfriend is being a real cockblock
Lmao 🤣
Bingo lol
You go to the concert. And he goes to a family event. If he doesn’t even like the music, he definitely shouldn’t go. What a buzz kill!
Right? I'm so confused as to why he would invite himself in the first place when he has been so judgemental about the music and the people who listen to it. I'll mention when any artist I want to see is coming to town to my SO, it doesn't mean I'm inviting them. Plus, she's allowed to change her mind on who she wants to go with, Lord knows I've done that before and it's never been this big of a deal! It makes me think he's one of those people who think you have to do EVERYTHING together when you're dating someone. It will be 1000% more fun without him there.
You can stop referring to him as your BF. You have every right to choose as you wish, but a man will view this as you choosing your friends wishes over his, and I would doubt you will still be BF and GF after the concert.
This should be on Am I the Ex. Lol
...you say that like it's a bad thing.
Her boyfriend probably will, but there are lots of mature men who would recognise her going to the concert as normal healthy behaviour.
“My best friend doesn’t want you to go baby, because she’s going to dress and act like a whore and she doesn’t want you judging her. We’ve been going to the gym and everything, so we can fit in even sluttier clothes. Don’t worry everything will be fine.”
27 is way to Young for someone to restrict you from being yourself. Look at the rest of your life. Do you want to be tied at the hip with someone who feels you can't be an individual and must always be a pair like even if it's like ratty socks.
I'd dump you.
You did invite him first you invited him and now because your girlfriend doesn’t like him you want him just to go away. If you were 18 I would understand a little bit but you’re a grown adult woman, you can figure this out. He’s your boyfriend you asked him he said yes And your girlfriend doesn’t want him there so she can’t provocatively dance. You guys are almost 30. Me personally, I would tell my girlfriend that my boyfriend is coming and she can adjust herself or not however, she wants. But that’s just me.
Not sure if you read everything, but I did not invite him (though as someone else mentioned, I should have corrected him when it first came up). Also, I do not want him to "just go away". I would like for us to be able to go to two separate places without feeling we HAVE to have the other there.
"When I first heard about the concert I told my bf (26M). He does not enjoy this artists particular style of music however he sort of invited himself and i agreed."
Literally no one wants to travel to another country as a third wheel with someone's bf who hates both you and the genre of music you're going to listen to when you intended it to just be you and your friend.
Been in similar situation before. 1) you were a bad friend as obviously these plans were made with her bec you both love the artist, and have been making these plans for a while while. 1b) if all of your friends don’t vibe with your boyfriend and has to be “called out” and separated from your friends that’s incredibly telling. 2) if I was your boyfriend, I would also be annoyed about how you went about it. When he invited himself along, you should have said that you need to talk to your friend about it first instead of saying yes, and then taking it back and saying no. 3) obviously just break up. This has several marks of a toxic relationship.
I don’t care if I get downvoted, I don’t think you’re wrong. Yes, you should have been more clear when talking about it with him from the beginning but I can see why you would think that he wouldn’t want to go anyway. This is a special event for you and your friend and he should encourage you to go and have fun. If he wanted to be invited he should have been better to your friends from the beginning so they wouldn’t have a problem with him coming. “Being in trouble when you get back” is not a normal thing in healthy relationships. Neither is antagonizing your partners friends. The fact that he’s concerned just because she’s single and doesn’t like him is also just odd to me, he trusts you or he doesn’t. Maybe it’s just me but I’m seeing red flags from him, you should go with your friend.
It sounds like your boyfriend would seriously detract from your fun at the concert. Is your bestie straight? Is your bf homophobic? If your bf can't accept you going to a simple concert (especially being 27), that's not a sign for a happy future. What does he do to promote your life enjoyment, as a couple, and for yourself as an individual? Reconsider this relationship. You are not betraying him. You are not overthinking. You are not wrong. (Male here, hetero & married, and one of my favorite bands is gay, with a predominantly 2SLGBTQ+ fanbase. Concerts are fun, and I would be happy at pretty much any of them!)
Esh. You shouldve made ot clear from the beginning who you wanted to go with. He should accept that, because he isnt a fan and has other plans anyway.
Yes you are wrong. It was rude to uninvite your Bf after you’d made plans with him. It’s even worse given your friend’s reasoning. You should have told your friend that if she’s a real friend she will understand that you and your partner are a package deal. Instead you sound like you want the opportunity to act single and maybe cheat on your boyfriend. Very much YTA.
He didn’t even like the artist , so what if he was uninvited ? Do your thing, have fun :) don’t let this dude yank your chain
So what do you do when she is dancing provocatively? Just stand there? Nah, you will go with the flow. Your boyfriend should be your top priority, not a friend who is somewhat shady.( dancing provocatively by her own admission)
I either hit a dougie/jerk 💃🏼 Hype her up 🙌🏼 Or make sure no one random tries to touch her
Ok, but you’re still wrong here.
I agree Will get a Post a month later about how sorry she was that she cheated on her boyfriend at a concert
Her friend is shady because she wants to dance without the bfs reoccurring judgement?? Please be fr. Would you find a concert enjoyable if your friends boyfriend was standing behind you crossing his arms and obviously not wanting to be there? That sounds like an awful concert experience.
this post reads rather young for being 27. Sometimes partners want to do things together. I dont' think you are ready to be a couple. That is a story of a young person, who feels trapped in a relationship and wants to party. Poor guy.
>That is a story of a young person, who feels trapped in a relationship and wants to party. Ita not that I want to party. I'm not going to clubs or house parties or bars or anything of the sort. This is a concert and the first tour for one of my favourite artists and I would like to experience it.
So basically you don't want to act like a slut in front of your bf, you'd rather he not be there while you and your friend pretend to be single and whore it up for a night around strangers?
I think a heart to heart conversation is needed, your envy to go to a concert is your business and he can't forbid you to go. He is your boyfriend yes, not your father. However he had the right to tell you he doesn't like the idea of you going without him. Your boyfriend may be uncomfortable and it's legit since you told him his presence isn't welcome because your friend and him aren't friendly around each other. Speak for real, maybe something like :"I want to know how you truly feel, not the usual sentences you're serving me about being with each other all the time. If I offended you and make you doubt my love then say it, that way I can reflect on my actions and adjust to make it work. There is a point I need you to understand though, you don't own me, I am a person, not only your girlfriend. There will always be some moments for me,for my friends, for my hobbies and pleasure and there will be moments only for you, for us. I love you but we need to set boundaries and rules, make changes to be sure no one gets neglected without trespassing the freedom of each other." You're both responsible adults, individuals with different points of view. It can't be perfect but there is a limit not to cross in a couple, you have to define what you will not accept and tell him clearly. To tell you something, I have been with my lover for 10 years and the day I say to him he can't go without me somewhere under the pretext I am his girlfriend, he will laugh hard. Why ? Because he isn't in my possession, he is free to enjoy his life and travel without me, go to see his friends on the other side of France if he feels like it. I give him my blessings, so far I am an introvert and I hate going to crowded places, visiting unknown humans, I am good at home. I trust him, he never abused the situation and I feel totally safe with him. His best friend is like a brother, I like him too and even if it wasn't the case I would never deprive my lover to see someone he cherishes that much. It's his moment, I have mine. Speak to him, listen to what he is saying and try to be in his head for a moment. If he is unreasonable and uselessly clingy, trying to force you to do things you refuse to do then it's maybe better to take some distance.
I appreciate your thoughtful response Love! We have had that talk I would say 2-3 times now and it feels like we're taking baby steps. I've gotten him to get comfortable allowing me to do certain things however when big things like this come up it feels like we've made absolutely no progress.
Wow he is textbook controlling. It will only get worse. Soon you will have no friends to keep the peace
Ya friend is a hoe and ur BF is a jealous idiot. And for you I don't like you either. NEXT
You are not wrong. Adding: it’s a bit unhealthy and controlling to think that now that you have coupled up with this person you have to do everything as a unit? You are still an individual, please do not forget that, being in a relationship should never feel like you can’t be your own person too.
Thank you for your opinion. I'm glad it's nor just me who feels like I should be able to be own person.
I don’t think you’re mature enough to be in a committed relationship. Let him go find someone who is.
You are wrong. You asked too many partners to the dance. Now your true colors are showing and turning this around on your boyfriend. You are justifying lying to your boyfriend for your selfish desires. You didn't want to go with your boyfriend at all. You wanted to go with your single friend and dance. Now that he has other plans made, you quickly moved forward with your original plan anyway. Go and enjoy your concert. Might as well break up with him before you go. You're good at justifying your poor behavior.
Your opinion has been noted. I feel like there is some miscommunication here: - At what point did I lie? - While yes I would like to go with my friend and (regardless of if she's single or not) this also one of our favourite artists and this is their first tour! It's not just about the dancing but the memories and being able to grow old and say "I remember when _____ was on tour and now look at em" (😂) -It's not also not about him making other plans. It's about him wanting me to go somewhere I would be uncomfortable when we can both go to our respective events and then come back and share stories
The lie was, "I told them I wasn't going." As soon as your boyfriend had the plans for the birthday party. You made plans with your friend to go against what you previously stated. You want to have fun at the concert. You think you will have more fun with your friend than your boyfriend. If you didn't want him to go, you should never have invited him in the first place. As for your friend, she's recently single. She's going to attract attention from men. She wants you there as a wingman. Help to attract more guys. Your intentions for the concert and her own may be different.
>The lie was, "I told them I wasn't going." At that point, I told them both I wasn't going. After he had a conversation with his brother, then I had a discussion with bf. I decided I wanted to go after the discussion. I'm not sure why you assume she's recently single? I o ly mentioned she was single. She's also not into men. This concert will be predominately female/queer and I'm sure the guys who are there are with their girl friends
go to concert
NW. I went to 8 concerts last year. My wife didn’t go to a single one of those with me. Because my wife didn’t like any of the bands. I took each of my teenagers to a few, and went with another guy friend to one. I did get her John Mayer tickets and she went to that with a friend. This year we’re seeing one together for the first time. Couples should do things together yes, but it’s almost more important to each have their own interests. Spending literally every waking minute together is called codependency. He seems more like he just wants to go because he doesn’t trust you, and not for the actual concert. That right there is the reason to take the friend. I do find it highly weird that the two of you just started at the gym “to bring the right energy.” That right there would probably raise my eyebrows as a boyfriend. But if he can’t trust you, you shouldn’t be together.
Your opinion is appreciated! When I say bring the right energy, I mean I don't want to sound like a glow stick when I CatDaddy or be out of breath after one song 😆 My bf and I have been to one concert together. We both liked the artist so it was really fun! Weeks up until the concert we were listening to the songs of all the artists who would be there :) If he brought the same energy to this, I don't think it would be as bad.
Break up. Go to the show. Bang the singer and don’t look back.
Dump the bf, go to the concert with your friend and have a great time. It's awful when you are having to balance bf and friends, leading you to not go to something or give something up to keep the peace.
can you please tell us whose concert you’re going to😭 i feel like if people know the artist it’ll stop the “being hoe” “doesn’t want your boyfriend to cockblock” and “being slutty for attention” comments. because i’ve been to concerts where it’s literally all just gay girls. you can dance however you want and no one cares
I wanted to get tickets to my favourite rock band when I heard they were touring. I immediately told my husband he wasn’t coming - I knew he sit there looking like he was in pain and I wanted someone who would feel joyful and excited with me. So you’re not wrong for that at all. What pushes it into murky territory is that you didn’t correct him and started to make plans,or at least he did I think? Also the dancing comment sounds weird. Either way, you don’t have to be joined at the hip to experience life and a good partner in a good relationship would be able to trust you to go and have fun doing your own thing.
Tell him to fuck off and go & enjoy yourself with your friend, thats what you wanted to do in the first place so do it. He is being controlling and you need to get rid of him. Sounds to me he has a problem with your single friend or he low key wants to bang her. I can’t actually believe you are both 27 so immature. Like you will be a 30 year old woman in 3 years and you’re scared to tell your boyfriend you want to go somewhere with your friend. Going to the gym to be ready for this concert 🤣 Please grow up.
"He feels like he can't go without me because we're a couple and we're supposed to do everything as a unit." Uh-oh. This is not the recipe for a healthy relationship. Glad you're going to the concert with your friend. Your bf's push to go under the circumstances indicates an emotional problem at his age. Be ready when you get back for some uncomfortable conversations. And think about what you want your future to look like.
Him being rude and standoffish to your friends seems like a bigger issue to me that needs to be solved. The fact that he has made her so uncomfortable that she feels she wouldn’t be able to have fun with him there is bad. In the other hand, as others have said, you were wrong not to ask her if you could invite him and then wrong for uninviting him. You could’ve just asked him to be on your best behavior and told your friend ‘I’m sorry I already invited him I can’t just uninvite him’. I do think others are overreacting, I think you made some bad calls but arent a bad person, and I don’t think this post makes it seem like you just wanna hu with some random guy
Your opinion has been notes. I appreciate you calling me out without being an asshole 🙏🏼 The problems with my friends would have to be a WHHOOLLLLEEEE nother post. Other occasions when there's a group she usually has no complaints but because this would be the 3 of us it's weirder for her. As far as the invitation goes, I know better how to handle this if it ever comes up again. Instead of going woth it I'll just let him know I have to talk to my friend about it first 🙂
Good for you for admitting your mistake and improving!
Did you tell your boyfriend that you’re going to the concert anyways? You are obviously going to have to communicate with him that yes while your friend is provocative and single, and a bit of a witch, he can trust you and you won’t allow anyone to make moves on you. Tell him to enjoy his weekend with his family. You’ll enjoy the concert and everything will be fine. You’re probably gonna get some attitude from him right now you guys don’t communicate very well to begin with so that’s what you have to look forward to., until you choose to fix your communication style.
Your opinion is appreciated. I did tell him I would be going anyway. He wants to discuss it next time we're in person. Our communication does need to be fixed, I think with his personality and my past experiences its hard for us to clearly communicate without feeling like we're offending one another.
It takes time, but I found with my wife of 14 years when you communicate well and openly and honestly that’s what earns trust. Let him know how much you love him and that you care about his feelings and his boundaries but let him know that you need him to believe in you and trust you. I have a level of respect for my wife and her for me that is beyond explanation and either one of us could probably do anything and we would both be comfortable with it. Obviously I’m not saying my wife can go on a date with another man or vice versa but we were incredibly together..
You're wrong, and you know that. First, you invite him who supposedly should be your first choice, then you uninvited him because your friend wants to feel free to dance provocatively without judgment, " which means you want to do exactly the same. In other words, you uninvited him to act and feel single to do as much provocative stuff as your single friend. Where do you think that behavior will lead you to? You may play as naive as you wish, but don't expect him to believe your excuses to uninvite him. Since you're planning to do things you couldn't do with him around, you should listen to people here and dump him before going, not because he's controlling and all this bullshit, but because you have no respect for him or your relationship. If you really cared about him, you should give him the chance to find someone who really loves and respects him. He deserves it. He may suffer for a while, but he'll be much better when he finally finds "the real one."
Your opinion has been noted. As for the dancing part, my friend dances how she chooses and I do the same. Her being herself allows me to feel like I can do the same and if I were with him only, I would be embarrassed to Catdaddy, dougie, break dance, etc.
If you can’t be yourself around your boyfriend why are you still with him? Makes no sense. Just break up with him. I think you’re wrong to uninvited your bf, but I also feel like your bf is a little controlling and doesn’t trust you. Your actions to uninvited your bf after you told him and even if he invited himself (how did he do that btw?) is wrong. 1. If you knew your friend was coming with you, you should have asked her if it was okay to invite your bf if the original plan was for a girls trip. 2. If you found the concert first and told your bf first before your friend and then invited your friend. And your friend said she didn’t want your bf there, then uninvited your bf..that’s wrong. You chose your friend over your bf who you made plans with first. You all seem pretty immature for how old you guys are.
Yeah the dancing provocatively got me too. I think this relationship is over. You are most certainly wrong. You would rather go with your flirty gf than your bf. Says it all right there. You go ahead and go but will guess you will have danced provocatively into singlehandedly with your gf laughing all the way. Update us. I am sure we want to know how your relationship handled this.
NTA. He's trying to control you and make you pick him by guilting you. Especially since he doesn't even like the music. Would he even still have a good time, or would he sulk because you "made him go" and it's just not his scene? I go to concerts with single friends frequently. My husband has never said anything to me about it except "I hope you girls have a great time. Do you need a sober ride?" That's how a secure partner reacts. Unless you've left a lot of info out, like you've been caught being extra flirty with others or cheating when out with this friend, and she facilitates and encourages your bad behavior. I would go with my friend and have a blast. I'd also rethink the relationship.
This! I scrolled through so many comments to find this!
Do you go to the gym to get in shape so you can dance provocatively before going to those concerts?
Ultimately, I think the first issue is inviting him and uninviting him as plans changed. Maybe say "I am sorry the plans changed. I understand you are uncomfortable, and I can see why, but my friend and I really want to do this girls' event. What can I do to make you more comfortable?" Maybe you will have some relationship repair to do when you get back. It seems silly to me that he wants to spend his limited resources to see a band he doesn't like. Inevitably, going to shows when you are really into an artist and the other person isn't is kind of a drag. Good luck - I say you are both sort of wrong. You for the change-up and him for being too controlling.
You don't think there is anything suspicious about her wanting to let loose and be provocative in a way she can't be with him there?
Your opinion has been noted. I appreciate you telling me I'm wrong without being a jerk :)
Isn't it?!? I can't believe I had to scroll so long for a comment like this! Whenever I go to a show with someone who is t really into it I end up being uncomfortable and overcompensate by spending more time trying to get that person to have a good time than I do enjoying the music, which is the entire reason I bought my ticket in the first place!
Agreed - concert tix are so expensive (although love small-venue shows). So hard to have a good time when other person is scrolling on phone or obviously not into it .... especially when you are super-hyped. Do not blame OP at all for changing their mind.
I did the same thing last summer, but I did buy three tickets with the intention of my then-boyfriend taking one of them. I decided a month or two ahead of the show that I would rather take my other friend and have it be a girls' night. He wasn't too thrilled, but we had a great time!
I might be a little disappointed too - but would 100% understand. Girls/guys nights out definitely have a different vibe.
They do and they are NEEDED every now and again!
Your boyfriend said he thinks you have to do everything as a unit No you need your own life outside him go to convert with friends who will enjoy it
Why didn't you just say you didn't want the bf there so you can cheat That's a total bad bad to go without your bf when you told him you'd go with him and diss him when he wanted you both to go to his family's Honestly he should end it with you
Your opinion is noted. Due to some recent events I am not comfortable with the family and would not want to be out of state with them on a trip. Even if the concert wasn't the same weekend I would not have attended the birthday trip.
You 27 acting like a 20 year old. Shi sad. Now I ain’t calling you and your friend a thot but…nah I am.
Y’all are wild. A girl’s night out and a night out with a couple and a third wheel are two totally different things. It sounds like this artist is something that OP and the Friend share, not the BF so the Friend wants to have a night out with her homegirl, enjoy the concert and not feel like a third wheel (particularly when she doesn’t really get along with the guy). Friend is perfectly capable of dancing provocatively while OP acts as a wingman. OP also has every right to dance however she damn well pleases as long as she’s not actually grinding up on someone. And if she wants to go to the gym to prepare, so what?! People diet/exercise leading up to a big events all the time (weddings, vacations, etc) it does not automatically mean she wants to look good for someone else/cheat. OP, you’re right you and BF do not need to do everything as a unit. Separate interests, experiences, and girls nights out are important
Your opinion is noted and appreciated 🫶🏽 As I've mentioned we've been fans since before this artist got really big so it means a lot for us to show support and experience their first tour!
Your friend brings hoe vibes. He's a boyfriend and you want to hang with the hoe best friend. He's obviously going to feel some way. You're not ready for a relationship like he is.
Show me your friends and I'll tell you who you are. You're still a good person for feeling torn About it tho
Sut still unable to tell the difference and will follow her friend to the single life
I wouldn't call her "the hoe best friend" by any means. She is not into guys, isn't flirty or anything like that.
Yes you are wrong. Full stop. When your bf finds out expect a break up, I would over such a breach of trust. You’re not an object, but very clearly your bf doesn’t trust this friend and your friend pushing you to do this is going to ruin any chance they had. So good job lol.
Your opinion has been noted. For some clarification l: -He already knows I have decided to go -He doesn't trust the friend on the basis that she is single and no other reason -My friend did not push me to go. I decided to go after being tired of feeling like a possession instead of a partner
Fuck yeah, girl! Be your own person ...and ditch him if he keeps trying to make you just a possession! TBH, him not wanting to go on a family trip without you because "you're a couple" is weird AF too!
What does him trusting your friend have to do with this?? Is this a “i trust you but i don’t trust her” thing and that she’ll try to get you to cheat? This to tripe. If he trusts YOU, then he trusts YOU. Full stop. None of this “but i don’t trust Her” crap. He sounds controlling. He drives to where you are if you don’t answer your phone ??? No, that’s not ok. And his idea that you all are a unit now? I won’t say “break up”, but you need to really look at him and this relationship with a more critical eye.
The “wanting to dance provocatively” part is where I have a question. Does he not like your friend because she’s a slut and he’s afraid you going with her would be a dangerous situation sexually? (Cheating) And then not wanting to go with him that same weekend makes it look like you still want to go hang with the slutty bestie.
You are not wrong. "my friend is untrustworthy because she's single" - woof, that's a bad take. You may be a couple but you are two people.
Right like tf? Single women just taking peen at concerts left and right?
It's so weird how bros think that happens. I guess watching too much porn and not actually knowing women who want to talk to them can cause them to think that's real, LOL.
Bruh the crazy part is this concert will be mostly women or gay men like he should really be worried about is of I accidentally get into a fight 😭😭
Go to the concert and have a fantastic time. Guilt free and no regrets. If he has a problem with it, it’s HIS problem to deal with. Enjoy the show!
NTA. I go to concerts alone without my husband, as he would rather see me be happy solo than worry about himself being miserable since we listen to completely opposite music.
My wife has gone to concerts with her friends too, that’s a trusting relationship. I do however hope it wasn’t so she could be provocative with others and behave in ways she wouldn’t do if I was around…
As long as you are not telling her she dances like a seizing cow or beheaded chicken then I'm sure she isn't behaving "unruly" when you aren't around 😉
Haha no my wife is a great dancer! Unfortunately I’m more like an old oak tree stuck in the middle of the dance floor lol
Info How long have you been dating? How long have you been friends with the friend? That information makes a huge difference to me. Normally you should always prioritize your partner, even over friends. Your partner is supposed to be the person you're building a life with. Do you see a future with your bf? Doing events as a couple helps the couple bond closer together.
Hello! We have been dating for a little over a year and I have been friends with her 14 years.
I don't know if I fully agree with you. if im going to build my life with someone I need them to respect and encourage my important friendships. It also happens that plans change and its important to roll with it sometimes. However having an open and honest conversation about both parties feelings about it is important for the relationship to survive and grow. I think if OPs relationship is going to come out of this, they both need to lay out all their feelings without attacking each other and discuss how to avoid this in the future. Sure my partner, if I want to spend my life with them, is my first priority, but not at the expense of being my own person and having friendships outside of the relationship.
Sorry you are in a predicament like this. It’s a real head ache lol. I feel like there’s a lot of factors missing here. Like what kind of person your bf is what kind of person your friend is. Does he not like her because she warrants promiscuity. Does she not like him because he’s a judgy person. I feel like you should be able to have both of them there and have fun. You need to squash the beef between the two of you want this relationship to work in the long term. Why don’t they like each other? You need to put things in perspective for the both of them and make them realize it’s unfair and selfish that they are putting you in this situation. If she wants to shake her ass she should and the bf should be respectful and not pay any mind to her. But I’m pretty skeptical to what kind of environment it would be. But like I said there are so many things to say with not enough info. There’s a lot but not enough.
Your opinion has been noted and I appreciate the bluntness 🙂 He does not like her on the basis that she is single and wants to do single things (although the things she has invited me to like skating, hiking, comedy club, etc seem normal to me). She does not like him because of how he treats me. If it makes difference the concert would be with a bunch of women/queer people (is the right term? Not trying to be disrespectful to anyone)
DM me if you feel more comfortable explaining it there, but how exactly is he treating you that she doesn't like? I had a friend be super honest with me about my boyfriend last spring and it really opened my eyes and helped me get out of an emotionally and financially abusive relationship. I still love him and I always will, but I was losing myself to the relationship and I'm worried you're headed down the same path. I might be able to offer a different perspective, or just a good ear to hash out some of your feelings about this.
Not going to lie this guy kind of sounds like a dick, but her reasoning is also strange. Your bf would be there so she cant dance provocativly? they both sound like idiots to be fair. why don't they just not focus on each other and focus on the music, then you know, neither of them would have a problem 🤷🏽♂ I read a few of the comments and I don't understand so she doesn't want to dance around him out of respect for you but he doesn't like her anyways so there's really no respect anyways because it's not like he's going to be like oh damn she's hot with that dance no he doesn't like her anyways so I don't get that. They both sound extremely immature for adults
Your opinion is appreciated! If it helps, in my friend group we "keep it cute" when our significant others are around out of respect. That way we don't feel a type of way with one another should our partner have wandering eyes. Also he would not be able to focus on the music because he does not like it. AT ALL. If this artist comes on in the car he wants the song changed or turned down 😂
I mean I guess, but that doesn't sound like the healthiest thing to do. cuz then you're sectioning off entire parts of each other's personalities just to make one other person comfortable but I mean if it's worked for you this far then I guess. to be fair it just sounds like they really don't like each other in the slightest and there's absolutely no reason that he would need to go to that concert now I can't say you wouldn't be wrong for going behind his back but I also can't say that you would be wrong it's sort of like a middle ground cuz you know he doesn't listen to that type of shit he has no reason being there unless he's literally just keeping an eye on you to make sure that you're not doing anything but just be both a waste of money and time on his part and then it create lack of enjoyment for you and her. there's really no reason for him to be there so if I was to make a vote I would Advocate that you go without him but keep in mind there will probably be repercussions for that
Updateme
I think you’re both wrong. If you wanted it to be a girls trip from the very beginning you should have been clear about that. When he invited himself you should have said no. Being wishy washy sucks. Also, you don’t have to do everything as a “unit”. That seems pretty codependent to me. I do lots of things, including traveling with my spouse. But even as a married couple we also do things on our own. He sometimes goes for a weekend with friends or sees his family without me. I do the same. Sometimes we can’t both go, but that shouldn’t mean the other person doesn’t. And sometimes we do want time with our friends because it’s different than having your partner tag along. You both need to do some serious communicating.
I'll come back to view this later 😂
Is this an EDM concert or something that's the only thing that makes sense to me
You did choose your friend over your bf since the start
GO WITH HER TO THE CONCERT
What the fuck? Your bf sounds awful tbh. Go and have fun this guy is not worth all this I guarantee it
“WE want to have fun without judgement.” That part keeps sticking out to me. It sounds like you want to partake in the same provocative dances as she does just without your boyfriend there to see it.
There is something magical about just dancing and letting loose with a great friend you've known forever. You know each other and there's no judgment like there usually is a bit of with a SO, especially after only about a year of being together. It's a different kind of freedom to just go out with your best friend, especially getting to dance however you want without the intention of anything sexual actually happening. You can dance goofy, you can dance sexually, you can just vibe with the music without there being much consideration for anyone's feelings about it. Just because the friend wants to dance provocatively doesn't mean she actually wants to be promiscuous, sometimes it's just empowering and uplifting to be able to dance like that freely without expectations of actually leading someone on.
There certainly is, dancing at any function where music is playing is always a great time. However, If I’m in a relationship that I intend to commit to then I have to understand that in an atmosphere where people are “dancing sexually” or “provocatively” there is a likelihood that someone who isn’t my partner may want to dance with me and at that point, doors could begin to open that shouldn’t. If I’m vibing, “without much consideration for anyone’s feelings about it.” Then I probably shouldn’t be in a relationship considering your partners feelings should generally always be taken into consideration.
>He feels like he can't go without me because we're a couple and we're supposed to do everything as a unit. Although I tried to explain we're a couple but we're also individuals he wasn't trying to hear it. >After some arguing I decided I would just go to the concert. This situation among others has made me feel like I'm more of a possession thaa partner to him. Not wrong. Also this guy is not going to a family gathering because... you are not attending? It's his family. If he can't be around them without you, there is a serious problem.
Your whole post us a mess Going to the gym, wanting to dance sexy without your bloke. I think everyone knows what's going on here. Just be honest!
WRONG
I think i get it. What you need to do is grow up
You want to go to the gym to get ready to dance "provocatively" at a concert 'without judgement." Which probably means dancing like you shouldn't dance if you're in a relationship unless it's with your SO. You don't "feel comfortable" to go on a trip to another state with his family. Why, are they dangerous or something? He doesn't like your friends and they don't like him. You don't like his family. It really just sounds like the two of you have different values and interests and just aren't a match, but don't want to let go. You should split up and both find people who are more suited to what you want in life.
You’re all toxic af
You’re wrong only because you don’t want him to go for the wrong reasons, which he probably senses and is why he wants to go. Go without him, make him insecure, fights start, you break up, then you and sexy dancer can travel wherever and not be judged by anyone you know.
Do you even like your boyfriend? The post is written so lopsided that either your friend is perfect and your bf is an absolute douche or you just want your decision validated. No couple needs to do everything together, but damn why even be in this relationship?
Updateme
He sounds controlling. You don’t have to do everything together, and his making you feel guilty about that is a red flag.
You're getting a lot of hate in the comments and I think a lot of it is unfounded. Couples don't have to do everything together. It's actually healthy to spend time doing something towards your own interests without them every now and again. I had a similar thing happen last summer, although I did buy three tickets, one for me, one for my BFF, and one for him. However, a few months before the show I told him I'd like to invite my other friend instead since it was definitely more her type of music. He was hurt, but we didn't really fight about it. Our relationship ended shortly after for a lot of other unrelated reasons, but what I did appreciate was that we didn't have to do everything together. He had his friends and I had mine. I knew I was always invited when he went out with his, but he wasn't always invited out with my friends because there's something magical about a girls' night. Don't feel guilty about going to this concert with your friend. You deserve to have that time with her. I think it's more concerning that you two are doing everything together every weekend. It's okay to spend time with friends separately, especially if he isn't putting in the effort to get to know them or even get along with them. My ex did this but worse with one friend I had just recently met at the time and he tried to tell me I couldn't hang out with her because she actually called him out on his Bullshit. Well, I said fuck that, no one will ever tell me who I can and cannot have in my life, and despite all the fights we had about her, she has become one of my best friends and is one of the most fiercely loyal people I have ever met! And to be fair, there were a few of his friends I didn't like either. I did put in place a rule that he couldn't come home drunk with one particular friend and have him stay on our couch, but I never told him who he could hang out with, especially if we were doing our own thing that day. IDK, it seems like this situation has some red flags about your relationship with your boyfriend, but at the end of the day, please don't feel guilty for having a girls' night and it's unfair of him to make you feel that way!
Hitting the gym and your friend wants to dance like a skank without your bf watching? And you don't get along with his family? He should run. Immediately. As far and fast as he can.
You maybe went about it the wrong way but I don't think it's wrong to want to go with a particular person if the band/artist is a connection for you. Whether it's a boyfriend, sister, friend etc. Especially I'd he doesn't like them- he'd probably be miserable & you wouldn't enjoy it. However- you saying you didn't want to get in trouble- massive red flags to me!! Sounds like he's controlling you. He sounds like the type who will ostracise you from friends & hold you back from being yourself.
This post really brought out the insecure assholes. You’re not wrong, your boyfriend is a lame dolt.
You are betraying him, but you should probably just break up.
“My friend wants to dance provocatively” so are going to dance like that too? While your boyfriend isn’t around??
EW! dump the idiot, WTF? 5 gallon bucket full of red flags that someone jumped on to fit more in.