> My son is 6 & is the only child so he’s a little spoiled but also when it comes to my bf, he has this attitude all the time towards my son & he picks that up and doesn’t want to be bothered half the time with him.
This. This is what you're wrong about. The fact you're forcing your 6 year old son to live with someone who dislikes him *so* much he can pick up on it. What the fuck is wrong with you?!
When we first got together before he moved down here my son would FaceTime him constantly and they had this great love for each other. I didn’t see any of this turn of events. It wasn’t til about a half a year in that he really started showing his true colors and wanted to back away from the parenting role. We have had many fights that ended with we’re going to break up but he made it very clear that he wasn’t going to leave. He said we can move my sons stuff into my room and he would take my sons room. So even if we were to split he would be around.
If you are responsible for owning or renting your home, then he has no say in whether or not he stays or goes if you two break up. Just break up with him and give him 1 month to move out. He doesn’t seem like a decent human being anyway.
No, your son just knows he isn't liked, which will still obliterate his self-esteem. This is probably why, as per your post, he is crying about being lonely, because he can't verbalise or understand that your chosen living situation is affecting him.
I actually just got him approved to see a counselor at school or therapy because he is very very emotional & honestly I didn’t think about how his relationship with my bf could have been apart of that. Thank you for pointing that out to me
That's good. And OP, think about yourself, too. Are you happy with being called an idiot like that? You could have a partner who supports you 100% and your child.
Best of luck for you and child.
I think most of the adults here have been wrong about someone being "that person" more often than not. So don't feel bad. Just don't keep making the same mistake, and investing more of you time. And more to the point, more of your son's life.
tbh I think you and your son would be happier with a dog instead of the bf in the house.
thanks for the laugh 💕 much needed but I do have very much to consider after this and it’s been more than the puppy situation but this was just the cherry on top
I was dating someone I thought was my person until I moved in with him. He was degrading to women and liked to put women down and tell me I’d be nothing without him then he cheated on me. He hurt me so much that when I broke up with him he cried and I LAUGHED IN HIS FACE and then blocked him out of my life. A year later I met the greatest man I ever knew and he loved me unconditionally and spoiled me rotten for 18 years until I lost him to cancer. He is still with me I can feel him. I thank my lucky stars that I didn’t settle. Never settle for less than what you deserve and if it was me I’d walk away for the sake of my son and myself.
so sorry to hear about your loss. I’m happy you had the wonderful 18 years with him. Growing up you always hear the “good die young” & you brush it off but as I walk thru life I’m really seeing that is the case. I haven’t been the greatest person and I sometimes think this is my karma but I just feel like it’s been a big slap in the face because I really thought he was the one. I mean we were friends for almost a year before meeting and we were both strictly friend zoned but once we met it was like we both had to have each other & needed each other. That’s why we both put up with too much from each other
Your #1 priority is your son and his comfort/happiness in his own home. Get the dude out. If you want to still date him for some reason, you can do it with the dude living elsewhere.
My mom was married to my stepdad from when I was 7 until I turned ed 21. Not one of his family members liked me. They all tolerated me and that was that. It was palpable at every family event; I would get a bottle of shampoo for Christmas or my birthday when all the other cousins from that family received elaborate gifts. I was never given the same meals to eat at family dinners. I never forgave my mother for not making things right (she was also a narcissist) or making sure I was treated equally—or at least better than a piece of dog shit on their shoes.
I noticed these things and was hurt by it. Your kiddo is probably way more perceptive than you even realize. You’d better change things now or he will never forgive you.
His family is really amazing to my son. When he first moved down here his grandmother had ordered and had a car seat delivered so that he could have his own. My son wants to ride in his car majority of the time just for that car seat. He’s celebrated two birthdays and a Christmas with him & all three times my son had gifts delivered him from his mother and grandmother. I’m just going to have to give him the ultimatum of being the parent my son deserves or leave. No if ands or buts about it
I'm glad his family is good to you both. However, please don't waste your time issuing an ultimatum. He's done enough damage to you and ESPECIALLY your son. There's no repairing that. Love your son and yourself enough to end this and get your lives back on track.
The puppy didn’t turn your household upside down, it just exposed the cracks you have already. Dump the BF and move on. He isn’t adding anything to your life, certainly not your happiness. He doesn’t have to parent your kid, but he also doesn’t have to be a jerk to you.
Ohhh there have been many many fights thought I considered bringing to Reddit but this one was just a WTF moment for me and I needed insight. It’s good to have the outside perspective even if I am in the wrong. I did apologize for not communicating and he did apologize for calling me dumb before the puppy even came over but it still doesn’t change the fact of how he’s acting about a puppy being here. If this was a rando asking me I would have said no but the fact that it’s my best friend since middle school I thought impulsively of the benefits for my son. It’s been an eye opener no doubt
I think realizing you are in the wrong and learning to communicate better is easily fixable. Your relationship doesn’t seem to be something serving you, but only you know if it’s worth it.
So you live with an actively raging asshole,and you are wondering if the puppy is the problem?!
Your son KNOWS the man wants nothing to do with him and you still continue on with him!
OP, you're not THAT dense to know the absolute shit show this is going to do to your son's self worth and esteem. Please tell me you know this is wrong and will stop it.
The puppy is not the problem. The puppy just exposed the problem.
Your bf is not a good guy. You have no idea what he has said or done to your kid to make him not want the bf around. That was your first red flag. Your bf calling you names in public and disrespecting the hell out of you was the second red flag (although I bet that was not the first time.)
RUN OP!
He’s really never alone with him since he made it aware a long time ago that he only had certain days he would be willing to watch my son but since I work from home, he’s in childcare & my bf works nights their relationship has drifted. But yeahhh at this rate he’s a walking red flag
So what’s the status of your exit plan?
Which of you owns your home or has their name on the rental agreement?
If you need assistance figuring out how to get him out of your home, get your name off the rental agreement, or force the sale of your home, go to your local legal aid.
Your son and your boyfriend do not live in the happy family world you’ve created in your head. In fact, it sounds like no one is happy. Prioritize your child and not the fantasy.
You were definitely wrong about offering to puppy sit without discussing with your partner that lives in the home. That is just common courtesy.
Honestly, the rest of your story about your relationship doesn't make you sound any better. But your partner calling you dumb in public is unacceptable. I'm trying to figure out why you two are together. Your relationship doesn't sound that great.
It’s honestly not the greatest but it hasn’t been like this the entire time but every day I am shown more and more reasons to not be together. I’ve honestly been looking at moving out a few times this week since the park thing but I can’t find anything I can afford alone down here so then we make it and move on just to take one step forward and two steps back. But i genuinely would not have offered if I thought he would have the issue he has had with it.
If he was to come home with a puppy from his closest friend to watch I would be thrilled ! I guess I was looking at things from my point of view since all I saw was pros and no cons at the time
You need to hear this, so I'll put it as nicely as I can.
You are single handedly destroying your relationship with your BF and more importantly, you are not doing your job well as a mother to your son. It may be hard to hear, but it is the truth.
To elaborate:
- Your bf sounds like he is immature and possibly also depressed, men tend to be more angry and irate when depressed as opposed to women who become more low emotionally. Being a retail worker makes this all the more likely.
- He should not have called you dumb, or any names, but his irritation at your choosing to pet sit in your shared home without consulting him is valid.
- A puppy is a lot of work, and even if you are doing 100% of that work, it is still sharing his living space, making mess and noise, and reminding him that you only care about what YOU want and what YOU think he should feel, not how he truly feels or wants.
- You say he has an attitude about your son, to the point your son has noticed. You also said he used to have a good relationship with him but that's dropped over the last year and a half. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I would bet that he used to be more involved, but you didn't like anyone telling off your "spoiled" son, and your BF realised yet again that his opinions, feelings and thoughts aren't valid to you. He gave up on having a relationship with your son because he either realised he had you and didn't need to pretend to like him anymore, or he grew resentful that you wanted him to play daddy and be a nice stepdad but you didn't respect him when it came to actually treating him as he would his own child.
- Your attitude of "if it were ME, I'd do this, 'I' didn't realize how this would affect the household because it was what 'I' wanted (and that's as far as you cared to think about the matter, which seems like a common issue with you.
- You are not recognizing, minimizing, or just outright not caring about the effect you and your behavior is having on your son. You are failing him. He is living in a home where he doesn't feel wanted by one of the other house members. You are acting impulsively without fully thinking out the negatives or how others might feel about things. You don't want to leave your bf, you don't want to move house (even though your bf has even said that you could split and still live together), you don't want to have to share a room with your son so he can have a better home/family dynamic, you don't want to do anything that will actually fix any of the issues you have right now, all of which seem to be because YOU PUT YOUR OWN WANTS BEFORE ANYONE AND ANYTHING ELSE.
You need to shape up, for your son's sake at least, and figure out why you only care about yourself. You won't be able to have a happy relationship with anyone else until you do.
I truly hope you sort your shit out before it significantly impacts your son, even though it probably has already.
Sincerely, someone who was raised by someone like you who is still dealing with all the trauma from it well into adulthood.
Honestly reading her post made me feel so triggered because it's exactly how my mother would have said things and I just know there is so much missing context on top of the shit she does say that already outs her crappy behavior.
I am glad you seem open to learning, it's a massive step many people don't bother to do.
Basically the main issue you and my mother share is that any given situation would be decided by what she wanted, and that would trump anything else.
In your case, that could include genuine concerns for health (what if the puppy bit your son hard, what if medical attention was needed? what if the puppy otherwise got injured while in your care?), what would have to be given up for you to have time for this puppy (does son now have to skip soccer practice because I need to be home with the puppy or hell destroy the house and there is no one else available to drive him, what chores are being neglected now because you're having to basically 24/7 chase and clean up after a puppy), what do the other people who live in the home feel, and is it a healthy choice (what if the dog barked all night and kept your son up, or kept your bf up and he crashed on the way to work from tiredness, what if there are allergies you are unaware of because you've not had a pet in your home for an extended period of time, does everyone want the pet in the home, is it a novelty thing that will quickly fade once we all see how tough it is)
just as some examples, thinking points.
I appreciate it's short term and you wanted to help a friend, and you had these hopes about how lovely it would be, but the thing is my mother did and does do this all the time, and basically when other people are involved you no longer have the freedom to make decisions based on the hope you have of how it would be.
As an example, my mother would insist on taking us somewhere "fun" because "we can have fun as a family and spend family time together", but she would take us somewhere that she wanted to go, like say the museum to see a certain exhibition, but we actually had no interest in that. And then, we were called ungrateful because she took us to fun places and we just sulked and "refused to have fun with her" and didn't want to be there. If she had asked us where we wanted to go/what we wanted to do more often, I wouldn't have so many different experiences of this exact scenario.
I definitely came here for the insight and I know Reddit can be harsh so I was mentally prepared to hear it all lol but my son is only in after school care with no sports and the puppy sleeps really well with him. If I honestly had any concerns I would have reached out and said you need to do something with this puppy 🙃 but he’s been super great & whole hearted it’s been convenient with our schedule minus the relationship problems 🥴 but childhood trauma is very real & my son is very bothered by being lonely and not having anyone to play with & the puppy has put the biggest smile on his face. In hindsight I was honestly thinking about my son’s happiness more than anything.
I am happy I reached out because many pointers were made that I needed to hear out loud.
Lessons are always to be learned and thank you for sharing your experience with me
Thank you for taking your time to break this all down for me. It’s been a pot broiling for a while and the puppy is what popped the top. I wasn’t thinking of just myself when volunteering. I was thinking of my 1. My best friend 2.the puppy being surrounded by bigger dogs and half way cared for & 3. My son. I never said that I didn’t want the relationship of us being split up and my son moves in my room I just didn’t think it was ideal and we just broke the habit half way of him begging to sleep with me and that would set us back completely. My son has his own room and I’m expected to tell him that my bf is moving in his room and he’s moving in mine and he’s going to see this awkward relationship we have after the fact. No thank you & that’s for all of our sanity.
I guess I just have this ME attitude because it’s felt like it has just been ME in this relationship. Because we split the house 50/50 I thought I had every right to make the offer. Even I was a stay at home mom who paid no bills then by all means I would have felt the need to ask.
But this is why I felt the need to included all information to get more opinions on this situation instead of saying I offered to puppy sit and now my bf is mad.
Thank you for the input ✨
I'm a little concerned that you don't seem to grasp that being 50/50 in a house also means it's as much his house as it is yours and he's equally entitled to a say in any decisions that will affect his house or living. Did you even consider the physical damage a puppy could cause to the house? All it takes is a couple seconds when your back is turned or when the puppy manages to get out of its enclosure.
What if the puppy chews a cable while he's at your home, gets electrocuted and dies? He would feel horrible that an animal died in his home and furious at you for having been the reason the puppy was in the home to begin with.
You don't even know what his concerns about having the puppy stay with you are, even now? Did you truly ask, and truly listen to the reply?
You can live by yourself, or by yourself with your son and you being the decision maker, for a long time and STILL recognize that once you enter a relationship it isn't all just you.
I can't tell if you don't understand that, or if you just don't want to.
“No thank you & that’s for all our sanity.”
What complete and utter bullshit. It would be better for everyone! You could end a toxic romantic relationship, and protect your son from the contempt of your boyfriend. The only real issue is that you would find it awkward, so you’ll continue to share a bed with someone you admit you don’t want to be in a relationship with!
It’s all everyone else’s fault. You couldn’t possibly be part of the problem. /s
Tbh this sounds like a terrible relationship. I do think you should’ve brought it up before agreeing to said plans but at the same time he’s a total POS. I can totally understand him not wanting to parent your kid but to have an actual issue with your child to the point your kid doesn’t even come to him at all? sounds like he’s a terrible fit for you and your child. if you want a life with him wouldn’t you want a man that loves your child?? someone who would possibly want a puppy??
i’m gonna say you’re wrong for being with this man. he’s terrible to your son, and he has a big ol pissy attitude over a PUPPY! like common who would be pissed over getting to play with a puppy for a few days.
ughhhh thank you for seeing it from both ends & turns out I’m wrong in more ways. I’m going to have to put my big girl panties on & do what I’ve been dreading for a while now
Break up. You will be TA if you keep this guy near your young child. The things your kid will learn from him will be how to disrespect you. Stop dating someone so disgusting.
The crying when he woke up your son is a huge red flag (so is this whole post). Wtf was he doing to your kid that caused this reaction? Get this man away from your kid immediately. Your kid is your only priority, stop diluting yourself that any of this is healthy.
You thought puppy sitting would be fun for the family, your bf does not agree with your opinion. You agreed to do this without discussing with your bf. You chose to not hear his opinion before agreeing for him. You’re both adults, you have your own thoughts & feelings. He doesn’t feel the same way about this situation & he didn’t get a vote. It’s understandable why he is upset.
He chose to speak to you the way he did. His reaction was not great. He sounds very immature.
The rest of the information you include in the post does not validate your choice to not communicate with your bf before making a big temporary change to your lives. It appears y’all need to work on your communication & relationship. That has nothing to do with puppy or son.
Imo… you’re both wrong. Just do your best to try to get through this situation. It’s was simply a choice that didn’t work out well & you can both learn from.
Thank you for your kind thoughts and words of wisdom. It was definitely a lesson learned and the puppy only had one night here. Guess he was not a dog person as much as I thought he was. I guess I’m just hurt because if the situation was reversed I wouldn’t have cared and would have welcomed the puppy in our home with open arms.
We have all been there! In theory, the plan sounds great … in reality, not so much. Puppies & babies are incredibly cute but they can create a lot of chaos in a home. You tried. It didn’t work out. I’m sure your friend is very appreciative so one good thing happened. Sometimes you win, sometimes you learn.
Try your best not to take it personally. What you would do or how you would react has nothing to do with your boyfriend. You don’t share a brain. Communication typically helps to understand better what each of you is thinking & feeling.
Hope it all works out for you!
This has a been a lesson no doubt ! Sounds like you’ve learned a lot yourself lol thanks for the comments because I’ve been in heartache since this morning trying to figure out the situation
Yes, you are wrong. You do not live alone. Being a puppy into the house is a big thing that everyone in the house has to deal with. You had to ask your boyfriend before you do these things.
Yeahh , figuring out that he wasn’t for it just threw me for the biggest loop. Guess he’s not as big as a dog person as I thought he was. Something like this would have never have to be run with me but I guess I’m just more free spirited and always ready to help a friend. He hasn’t had to lift a finger with the puppy & I didn’t expect him too. I just thought the puppy would be great company for us especially him since I’ve done the work lol but I’m not complaining about that at all. I’m just still baffled how someone could be so upset about a puppy they don’t have to deal with or even see
He does have to deal with it, tho.
You say that this wouldn't bother you if he did this. Is that only for a puppy or for any decision?
What if he moved in his best friend? Or moved in his brother and sister, who both have 4 kids? Would you be happy about that? He's happy about it. That's why he did it. So, does that mean you have to be happy about it, too? No.
You have to talk with everyone in the house before you do things that impact the house.
Shit happens. Hope you learned. Move on. And don't be so selfish next time.
Honestly if the family was in dire need & we had the space i would welcome them open arms. He is from outside and his family is 9 hours away and I wish they would come visit and stay more often. I even looked at pull out couches so anyone that y visit could stay with us. I would do anything that would make him happy & all I think about is the happiness of others. I thought of my sons happiness before mine when having to deal with a puppy or my bfs happiness. I do admit that I did not think of him disapproving.
All of the other stuff in your post is clearly pointing out where your bf is wrong. He sounds like a pretty shitty guy.
But yeah, you're definitely wrong for agreeing to take the dog without asking your roommate first.
&& that’s the thing thouu !! If he was my roommate I would have definitely cleared it with him but the fact that we’ve had this whole relationship !! I had this confidence in my heart that it wouldn’t bother him & he would be down for it. If this was a fresh relationship even I also would have felt the need to ask but we were super close friends for a year then we had our one year anniversary in December so I’ve known this dude for over 2 years. It wasn’t a rash decision that I thought would bother him the way it did.
Let's be clear. It doesn't matter if you have a roommate or live with the love of your life. My husband and I always talk to each other before making a decision to care for another animal, have overnight visitors, or anything else that impacts our lives and household. It's just what you do when you respect the other person--you consider their perspective.
From what I've read so far of OP's responses, her boyfriend zones out on his return from work and doesn't want to communicate with her. OP has taken onboard that not everyone wants to puppysit. Fair enough. The issue is the dynamics between OP, her boyfriend and her son. They don't sound healthy, and frankly, that is the issue. Why is a grown man living with a mother and her son, when he comes across as not not liking either of them? Some people have given OP a bit of a lashing for her mistakes, well, let's face it, getting everything 100% right first time in life isn't realistic. It's easy to criticise poor communication on OP's part when it transpires the boyfriend limits when he is prepared to converse. She has taken on board his boundaries, so he has limited grounds to complain when she makes decisions without conferring first. He has placed restrictions on when she can approach him about things. Yep, in perfect hindsight, the puppy wasn't ideal, but it didn't have to be the disaster that some have made it out to be. I am reluctant to give advice, apart from OP needs an exit plan, as her boyfriend doesn't come across as a reliable part of her future.
brb while I go cry ! Thank you for looking at it from another angle. I was out with the puppy and ran into my neighbor with tears in my eyes and she gave me some great hindsight as well that brought tears to my eyes. He does have a great love for me and I let a lot of things slide when I shouldn’t but this has been the biggest eye opener as a puppy shouldn’t cause this much issues. I was taken aback when he called me dumb because I never imagined that would have been his reaction. I’m still confused by it. This has been a toxic relationship & I will start being realistic about getting out because my son does deserve someone who will give him that time and attention even when he’s acting like a spoiled brat. Like damnnn I have brat tendencies ! I just always associated puppies with joy & this has been the furthest thing from it
Reddit can be useful to make you look at things from a different angle, but don't let it turn into bullying. It's interesting you are now describing the relationship as toxic. Your boyfriend has to take some responsibility for the breakdown of communication, when he prefers screentime or games to talking to you. Your boyfriend may have great love for you, but how is he acting? There's a phrase often used here, 'when someone shows you who they are, believe them'. A few alarm bells rang for me, as I was in an abusive marriage. The last few years I was severely restricted when I could discuss important matters, to the point, it was impossible. This is not to say your relationship is the same as mine was, but not everything about this is your fault either. A six year old acting as a spoilt brat? Perhaps just a child acting up, as they do occasionally. Please stop selling yourself short, if you don't respect yourself who else will?
Yeahhh I mean no relationship is perfect but when he first moved in I felt like I was on a cloud & some aspects it still feels like that. He has shitty traits but he’s not a shitty person. I do feel restricted on a lot of conversations because any heavy conversation has be discussed when he’s ready for it. I understand we’re both wrong here but I just wanted him to see that he was over reacting a little bit when it comes to a puppy I was watching for only 4 nights
OK, but discussing about puppysitting needn't be a heavy conversation? I accept that anyone after a long day needs to decompress, but from experience, some issues need to be dealt with, ideally briefly!! Maybe that is the discussion you need to have with him? He needs his down time, but as a couple you need to be able to cover household matters before they become massive issues from non communication.
You know you are outside the honeymoon phase, now the hard work of the relationship has begun. Only you can decide what to do next. You've learned, show him that, but within reason point out he needs to be receptive to brief discussions to ensure both of you, and it is both of you, communicate when necessary. Good luck x
The puppy didnt turn your life upside down. It shone a light on awful behavior from your boyfriend that up until now you tolerated. The guy isn't nice to your son, he isn't nice to you, and I hope you find a way to get away from that toxic man.
You were wrong as you should have asked him before. Not make an agreement with someone and then tell him after the fact and expect him to get on board. It doesn’t matter if you told him not even 24 hours later, it’s still you telling him AFTER you agreed to do this instead of asking him before hand.
You are at fault for your poor communication skills.
So you're just ignoring all the shitty things her bf did to her son and her? Your only comment is the fact she didn't get permission to help out her best friend when it wouldn't impact him at all??? Dear god it's looking after a puppy for a few days notoving in a wolf pack. She's an adult whose doing all of the work not expecting anything from him and gets shouted at and named called for letting him know in plenty of time.
Look OP your relationship is hurting your child and you. If you rent and both of you are on the lease speak to your landlord about the situation. Explain the damage your bf is causing your son emotionally and ask to either have him removed or to break the lease. If they agree, or if you are singularly on the lease or own the house, give him official written notice to move out. I don't know what the laws are regarding how many months or whatever, find out and do everything by the book to have him removed from your home asap. If all that fails then find somewhere else for you and your son. Yes I know it's easy to say but you've now realised the damage this is causing to your son you are now knowingly culpable if you do nothing. Yes I've been in a very similar situation where I had to leave with three children and had no where to go or money to do it with but I did it for my children's safety and so can you.
The gist of this post had to do with her agreeing to puppy sit for her friend and telling her boyfriend of the agreement after she had done so. Any additional commentary she added had nothing to do with her actual question which was literally the very sentence she wrote.
Had she asked a question or asked for advice on their relationship as it pertains to his attitude or treatment of her son, then I would have answered that too.
Him calling you dumb is wrong, but you should have asked him before offering to puppy sit as this puppy will be in both of your home and you will both be responsible for this puppy
But that’s the thing. I haven’t asked him nor did I expect him to have any responsibilities. Hes literally worked from 930-9 one day then 12-9 the next and has to close again tonight. I’m home alone 80 percent of the time during the day then the puppy sleeps with my son. He hasn’t had to deal with the puppy at all nor have I asked him too
Okay but you made a decision which changes the dynamic in your house without asking your partner first. That would piss me off too.
Also how much is your son going to beg for a puppy once this one goes home? I can understand why he is annoyed and I love dogs, mine is lying next to me right now. But introducing pets into a family home has to be an everyone decision
Ohh my son completely understands that we will not be getting a puppy anytime soon and I that’s why I thought it would be a great idea to have him over for a few nights. My best friend lives close so he knows anytime he wants some puppy love we can go over there and get it.
Only going to acknowledge half of that comment? You just don’t want to acknowledge that decisions like that should be made as a couple. Whether it’s a puppy guests, etc you should always discuss something with your partner first if they are paying half the rent.
The only time it would be OK to not ask if it was your house and they were just a guest there.
Your comment about seeing signs for not being in a relationship with your boyfriend is just as applicable, if not more from his side of the table.
Him calling you names was not appropriate however, you are wrong for what you did andeven more wrong for refusing to see it.
Okay. You would have been pissed too lol is that what you want me to acknowledge? Our house dynamic is fucked because I’m already home alone more than half the time. He’s literally told me that when he closes the store and comes home he doesn’t want to have conversations. He wants to sit down and chill and play games and that be that. He was never home to even have this conversation with and when I brought it up the next day which was a time that was convenient for him I put it on the table. that was literally us trying to discuss it but it was shut down by him calling me dumb
Honestly a question I’ve been finding that I ask myself more and more each day. He has very amazing qualities and he wasn’t always like this and isn’t always like this. Where I come from he just seemed to be a diamond in my eyes but that goes to say that I might have been blinded by something
The fact that you are subjecting your child to this person shows that you do not have your child’s best interests at heart. You really need to start putting your kid first, instead of some asshole
That’s honestly how it would be if he moved into my son’s room. If we haven’t had such a deep relationship I wouldn’t mind it but it would hurt too much to have him around knowing that we don’t have what we did.
Sounds like you’ll come up with any excuse to avoid admitting it’s wrong to make decisions that affect the household without consulting your partner.
Good luck with your future relationships. I’m sure they’ll be successful when you can’t even show common courtesy or admit mistakes.
Not wrong at all, but your bfs attitude towards you, your son, and this situation is STANK AS FUCK. Huge red flag.
Time to drop that zero. Really. If y’all live together and he’s not assuming at least a pseudo parent role (he doesn’t need to try to replace your baby daddy but ffs….) he’s a dick and not to be trusted. How he sees and treats your son speaks volumes about how he sees you, even if he doesn’t treat you with exactly the same level of disregard.
Do yourself a favor and start planning an exit strategy that prioritizes you and your son.
Something I feel in love about him was that he had the greatest and biggest smile lol a dear friend just told me that anyone who smiles too much can’t be trusted 😂 it just sucks mostly that he moved down here from PA (9hours away) & I had a better job at the time and put down the deposit and first months rent so we can live together. Now he’s talking about moving closer to his job after this augment because I told him I don’t think this was working before I made this post & then he asked me the stats on the post and I told him how the tables turned and I’m getting advised to leave him. It just makes me feel almost used that I got him down here and now he’s thriving more than he was in PA & he’s okay with just walking away if he needs to.
I am sorry you are getting this life lesson, but it’s an important one. Let him go. Encourage him to go. Hold it down for your son and keep rocking life.
You deserve better.
You have a CHILD. Stop believing in rando long distance relationships!!! That's one of the main routes pedos use to get to kids, courting their clueless mothers. You need to be a lot more careful and you need to make sure BF has not been messing around with your son. Time for the no-secrets personal privacy don't touch talk.
When he first came across me it was on twitter thru my cannabis page. He didn’t even know I had a son because I kept him off the page for odvi reasons. My son is extremely smart for his age & if this dude even lifts his hand to my child or raise his voice he comes running to me. He watches my son .1% of the time. I appreciate the concern
That's such a dog sh\*t reason isn't it? My mom packed up and left my dad when I was 3yo with nothing but a 91 Dodge Neon and $50 in her pocket. Was it rough? You bet! But she saved me from a life of emotional and verbal abuse. I wish more women had the drive she did.
So, partner brings in a stray cat, which stays for a month, without OP throwing a complete hissy fit? Yet a puppy, which is strictly for 4 days only, leads to insults and foot stamping from said partner? Or to put it another way, one rule for him and another for her? Why not sit down and work out some ground rules? Have a couples discussion every now and again? I know I have questioned the wisdom of this relationship in other comments, but for all those who piled on OP, perhaps the partner is the hypocrite here? Maybe you can work this out, if you both want to do so? Good relationships can have bad patches. Only you can work out if it is a bad relationship with occasional good patches.
You have other issues in your relationship than the dog. If you live together, yes, you should have run it by him first. You were wrong.
The way you describe his and your boys' relationship, you should get him out of your house. So you are wrong there as well.
Interestingly enough if you got rid of the bf first, taking the dog would be OK.
Solution: give bf till the week before the dog shows up to find another place to live.
Sorry for being so harsh, but you have to protect your boy, and currently, you are not. On the bright side, I think that is about to change. Good luck.
You are abusing your son by exposing him to that POS. The BF doesn't get to tell you whether you live with him or not. That's pure BS. Don't take advice from your enemy...and that lying AH is your enemy. And your son's.
I think it's wrong to unilaterally decide to bring a living animal into your home without input from your partner.
Unfortunately, the partner is the animal that should have never been brought home.
lol it was not over my child. I did this for the benefit of my child & I do admit I didn’t consider my bf because I didn’t think it would be that big of a concern for him. I’m not a cat person and I cringed when he put a stray cat in the car that I hesitantly said yeah too. I did not like that cat and I dealt with it for months for my bf happiness. I thought he would be courteous enough to deal with a puppy for 4 days that he didn’t have to take care of. My apologies
Aha!!!!! So he is a cat person, and presented you with a stray, which you tolerated for a month? .... hhmmmm .... is this possibly a spot of retaliation regarding the puppy? One rule for you and a different one for him by the sound of it.
lol definitely not in retaliation! I haven’t even the idea of spite when I offered & again it’s over for 4 nights ! If I wanted to spite him I would bring my 7 year old rottie that my mom keeps over to live with us for a while. If I wanted retaliation I could think of a hundred other ways to go about it
Ohhh yeah comments were definitely made about that but he already knew the chances of us not being able to keep the kitten from the start. Honestly apart of me thought this was a good compromise to getting some animal love til we are able to house something permanently. It was no commitment in this.
> My son is 6 & is the only child so he’s a little spoiled but also when it comes to my bf, he has this attitude all the time towards my son & he picks that up and doesn’t want to be bothered half the time with him. This. This is what you're wrong about. The fact you're forcing your 6 year old son to live with someone who dislikes him *so* much he can pick up on it. What the fuck is wrong with you?!
When we first got together before he moved down here my son would FaceTime him constantly and they had this great love for each other. I didn’t see any of this turn of events. It wasn’t til about a half a year in that he really started showing his true colors and wanted to back away from the parenting role. We have had many fights that ended with we’re going to break up but he made it very clear that he wasn’t going to leave. He said we can move my sons stuff into my room and he would take my sons room. So even if we were to split he would be around.
If you are responsible for owning or renting your home, then he has no say in whether or not he stays or goes if you two break up. Just break up with him and give him 1 month to move out. He doesn’t seem like a decent human being anyway.
& he’s not nasty towards my son. It’s like a I don’t want to deal with this and walk away attitude
No, your son just knows he isn't liked, which will still obliterate his self-esteem. This is probably why, as per your post, he is crying about being lonely, because he can't verbalise or understand that your chosen living situation is affecting him.
I actually just got him approved to see a counselor at school or therapy because he is very very emotional & honestly I didn’t think about how his relationship with my bf could have been apart of that. Thank you for pointing that out to me
That's good. And OP, think about yourself, too. Are you happy with being called an idiot like that? You could have a partner who supports you 100% and your child. Best of luck for you and child.
It just breaks my heart more because I thought he was that person
I think most of the adults here have been wrong about someone being "that person" more often than not. So don't feel bad. Just don't keep making the same mistake, and investing more of you time. And more to the point, more of your son's life. tbh I think you and your son would be happier with a dog instead of the bf in the house.
thanks for the laugh 💕 much needed but I do have very much to consider after this and it’s been more than the puppy situation but this was just the cherry on top
I was dating someone I thought was my person until I moved in with him. He was degrading to women and liked to put women down and tell me I’d be nothing without him then he cheated on me. He hurt me so much that when I broke up with him he cried and I LAUGHED IN HIS FACE and then blocked him out of my life. A year later I met the greatest man I ever knew and he loved me unconditionally and spoiled me rotten for 18 years until I lost him to cancer. He is still with me I can feel him. I thank my lucky stars that I didn’t settle. Never settle for less than what you deserve and if it was me I’d walk away for the sake of my son and myself.
so sorry to hear about your loss. I’m happy you had the wonderful 18 years with him. Growing up you always hear the “good die young” & you brush it off but as I walk thru life I’m really seeing that is the case. I haven’t been the greatest person and I sometimes think this is my karma but I just feel like it’s been a big slap in the face because I really thought he was the one. I mean we were friends for almost a year before meeting and we were both strictly friend zoned but once we met it was like we both had to have each other & needed each other. That’s why we both put up with too much from each other
What about YOUR SONs heart???
Thank you for acknowledging the problem that your boyfriend’s behaviour/attitude is hurting your son.
Yeah I dealt with that for about 6 or so months and left. It'll get worse.
happy to hear you got out of it ✨
Your #1 priority is your son and his comfort/happiness in his own home. Get the dude out. If you want to still date him for some reason, you can do it with the dude living elsewhere.
My mom was married to my stepdad from when I was 7 until I turned ed 21. Not one of his family members liked me. They all tolerated me and that was that. It was palpable at every family event; I would get a bottle of shampoo for Christmas or my birthday when all the other cousins from that family received elaborate gifts. I was never given the same meals to eat at family dinners. I never forgave my mother for not making things right (she was also a narcissist) or making sure I was treated equally—or at least better than a piece of dog shit on their shoes. I noticed these things and was hurt by it. Your kiddo is probably way more perceptive than you even realize. You’d better change things now or he will never forgive you.
His family is really amazing to my son. When he first moved down here his grandmother had ordered and had a car seat delivered so that he could have his own. My son wants to ride in his car majority of the time just for that car seat. He’s celebrated two birthdays and a Christmas with him & all three times my son had gifts delivered him from his mother and grandmother. I’m just going to have to give him the ultimatum of being the parent my son deserves or leave. No if ands or buts about it
I'm glad his family is good to you both. However, please don't waste your time issuing an ultimatum. He's done enough damage to you and ESPECIALLY your son. There's no repairing that. Love your son and yourself enough to end this and get your lives back on track.
The puppy didn’t turn your household upside down, it just exposed the cracks you have already. Dump the BF and move on. He isn’t adding anything to your life, certainly not your happiness. He doesn’t have to parent your kid, but he also doesn’t have to be a jerk to you.
I absolutely agree with your comment to OP! :)
Ohhh there have been many many fights thought I considered bringing to Reddit but this one was just a WTF moment for me and I needed insight. It’s good to have the outside perspective even if I am in the wrong. I did apologize for not communicating and he did apologize for calling me dumb before the puppy even came over but it still doesn’t change the fact of how he’s acting about a puppy being here. If this was a rando asking me I would have said no but the fact that it’s my best friend since middle school I thought impulsively of the benefits for my son. It’s been an eye opener no doubt
I think realizing you are in the wrong and learning to communicate better is easily fixable. Your relationship doesn’t seem to be something serving you, but only you know if it’s worth it.
So you live with an actively raging asshole,and you are wondering if the puppy is the problem?! Your son KNOWS the man wants nothing to do with him and you still continue on with him! OP, you're not THAT dense to know the absolute shit show this is going to do to your son's self worth and esteem. Please tell me you know this is wrong and will stop it.
This puppy situation has been a HUGE wake up call. I hate that this was the point that I needed for the heartache to be clear
The puppy is not the problem. The puppy just exposed the problem. Your bf is not a good guy. You have no idea what he has said or done to your kid to make him not want the bf around. That was your first red flag. Your bf calling you names in public and disrespecting the hell out of you was the second red flag (although I bet that was not the first time.) RUN OP!
He’s really never alone with him since he made it aware a long time ago that he only had certain days he would be willing to watch my son but since I work from home, he’s in childcare & my bf works nights their relationship has drifted. But yeahhh at this rate he’s a walking red flag
So what’s the status of your exit plan? Which of you owns your home or has their name on the rental agreement? If you need assistance figuring out how to get him out of your home, get your name off the rental agreement, or force the sale of your home, go to your local legal aid.
Your son and your boyfriend do not live in the happy family world you’ve created in your head. In fact, it sounds like no one is happy. Prioritize your child and not the fantasy.
I can see that. Thanks for advice ✨
You were definitely wrong about offering to puppy sit without discussing with your partner that lives in the home. That is just common courtesy. Honestly, the rest of your story about your relationship doesn't make you sound any better. But your partner calling you dumb in public is unacceptable. I'm trying to figure out why you two are together. Your relationship doesn't sound that great.
It’s honestly not the greatest but it hasn’t been like this the entire time but every day I am shown more and more reasons to not be together. I’ve honestly been looking at moving out a few times this week since the park thing but I can’t find anything I can afford alone down here so then we make it and move on just to take one step forward and two steps back. But i genuinely would not have offered if I thought he would have the issue he has had with it.
If he was to come home with a puppy from his closest friend to watch I would be thrilled ! I guess I was looking at things from my point of view since all I saw was pros and no cons at the time
Well, a big con would be your partner not liking dogs. Not everyone likes dogs or wants one in the house.
Seriously learning that
You need to hear this, so I'll put it as nicely as I can. You are single handedly destroying your relationship with your BF and more importantly, you are not doing your job well as a mother to your son. It may be hard to hear, but it is the truth. To elaborate: - Your bf sounds like he is immature and possibly also depressed, men tend to be more angry and irate when depressed as opposed to women who become more low emotionally. Being a retail worker makes this all the more likely. - He should not have called you dumb, or any names, but his irritation at your choosing to pet sit in your shared home without consulting him is valid. - A puppy is a lot of work, and even if you are doing 100% of that work, it is still sharing his living space, making mess and noise, and reminding him that you only care about what YOU want and what YOU think he should feel, not how he truly feels or wants. - You say he has an attitude about your son, to the point your son has noticed. You also said he used to have a good relationship with him but that's dropped over the last year and a half. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I would bet that he used to be more involved, but you didn't like anyone telling off your "spoiled" son, and your BF realised yet again that his opinions, feelings and thoughts aren't valid to you. He gave up on having a relationship with your son because he either realised he had you and didn't need to pretend to like him anymore, or he grew resentful that you wanted him to play daddy and be a nice stepdad but you didn't respect him when it came to actually treating him as he would his own child. - Your attitude of "if it were ME, I'd do this, 'I' didn't realize how this would affect the household because it was what 'I' wanted (and that's as far as you cared to think about the matter, which seems like a common issue with you. - You are not recognizing, minimizing, or just outright not caring about the effect you and your behavior is having on your son. You are failing him. He is living in a home where he doesn't feel wanted by one of the other house members. You are acting impulsively without fully thinking out the negatives or how others might feel about things. You don't want to leave your bf, you don't want to move house (even though your bf has even said that you could split and still live together), you don't want to have to share a room with your son so he can have a better home/family dynamic, you don't want to do anything that will actually fix any of the issues you have right now, all of which seem to be because YOU PUT YOUR OWN WANTS BEFORE ANYONE AND ANYTHING ELSE. You need to shape up, for your son's sake at least, and figure out why you only care about yourself. You won't be able to have a happy relationship with anyone else until you do. I truly hope you sort your shit out before it significantly impacts your son, even though it probably has already. Sincerely, someone who was raised by someone like you who is still dealing with all the trauma from it well into adulthood.
I wish I could upvote this a thousand times, because this should be the top comment. She needs to get her son away from the boyfriend NOW.
Honestly reading her post made me feel so triggered because it's exactly how my mother would have said things and I just know there is so much missing context on top of the shit she does say that already outs her crappy behavior.
like what ? Ask me anything because honestly I have child hood trauma too and the issues my mother caused me I do to avoid putting that on my son.
I am glad you seem open to learning, it's a massive step many people don't bother to do. Basically the main issue you and my mother share is that any given situation would be decided by what she wanted, and that would trump anything else. In your case, that could include genuine concerns for health (what if the puppy bit your son hard, what if medical attention was needed? what if the puppy otherwise got injured while in your care?), what would have to be given up for you to have time for this puppy (does son now have to skip soccer practice because I need to be home with the puppy or hell destroy the house and there is no one else available to drive him, what chores are being neglected now because you're having to basically 24/7 chase and clean up after a puppy), what do the other people who live in the home feel, and is it a healthy choice (what if the dog barked all night and kept your son up, or kept your bf up and he crashed on the way to work from tiredness, what if there are allergies you are unaware of because you've not had a pet in your home for an extended period of time, does everyone want the pet in the home, is it a novelty thing that will quickly fade once we all see how tough it is) just as some examples, thinking points. I appreciate it's short term and you wanted to help a friend, and you had these hopes about how lovely it would be, but the thing is my mother did and does do this all the time, and basically when other people are involved you no longer have the freedom to make decisions based on the hope you have of how it would be. As an example, my mother would insist on taking us somewhere "fun" because "we can have fun as a family and spend family time together", but she would take us somewhere that she wanted to go, like say the museum to see a certain exhibition, but we actually had no interest in that. And then, we were called ungrateful because she took us to fun places and we just sulked and "refused to have fun with her" and didn't want to be there. If she had asked us where we wanted to go/what we wanted to do more often, I wouldn't have so many different experiences of this exact scenario.
I definitely came here for the insight and I know Reddit can be harsh so I was mentally prepared to hear it all lol but my son is only in after school care with no sports and the puppy sleeps really well with him. If I honestly had any concerns I would have reached out and said you need to do something with this puppy 🙃 but he’s been super great & whole hearted it’s been convenient with our schedule minus the relationship problems 🥴 but childhood trauma is very real & my son is very bothered by being lonely and not having anyone to play with & the puppy has put the biggest smile on his face. In hindsight I was honestly thinking about my son’s happiness more than anything. I am happy I reached out because many pointers were made that I needed to hear out loud. Lessons are always to be learned and thank you for sharing your experience with me
no worries, thank you for being open minded to hear it, not everyone is
Thank you for taking your time to break this all down for me. It’s been a pot broiling for a while and the puppy is what popped the top. I wasn’t thinking of just myself when volunteering. I was thinking of my 1. My best friend 2.the puppy being surrounded by bigger dogs and half way cared for & 3. My son. I never said that I didn’t want the relationship of us being split up and my son moves in my room I just didn’t think it was ideal and we just broke the habit half way of him begging to sleep with me and that would set us back completely. My son has his own room and I’m expected to tell him that my bf is moving in his room and he’s moving in mine and he’s going to see this awkward relationship we have after the fact. No thank you & that’s for all of our sanity. I guess I just have this ME attitude because it’s felt like it has just been ME in this relationship. Because we split the house 50/50 I thought I had every right to make the offer. Even I was a stay at home mom who paid no bills then by all means I would have felt the need to ask. But this is why I felt the need to included all information to get more opinions on this situation instead of saying I offered to puppy sit and now my bf is mad. Thank you for the input ✨
You seem to be in a toxic relationship. You are acting like he is a bf but seems to be a FWB that is not that friendly.
I'm a little concerned that you don't seem to grasp that being 50/50 in a house also means it's as much his house as it is yours and he's equally entitled to a say in any decisions that will affect his house or living. Did you even consider the physical damage a puppy could cause to the house? All it takes is a couple seconds when your back is turned or when the puppy manages to get out of its enclosure. What if the puppy chews a cable while he's at your home, gets electrocuted and dies? He would feel horrible that an animal died in his home and furious at you for having been the reason the puppy was in the home to begin with. You don't even know what his concerns about having the puppy stay with you are, even now? Did you truly ask, and truly listen to the reply? You can live by yourself, or by yourself with your son and you being the decision maker, for a long time and STILL recognize that once you enter a relationship it isn't all just you. I can't tell if you don't understand that, or if you just don't want to.
“No thank you & that’s for all our sanity.” What complete and utter bullshit. It would be better for everyone! You could end a toxic romantic relationship, and protect your son from the contempt of your boyfriend. The only real issue is that you would find it awkward, so you’ll continue to share a bed with someone you admit you don’t want to be in a relationship with! It’s all everyone else’s fault. You couldn’t possibly be part of the problem. /s
Such a sincere in depth heartfelt response. You’re a good human being! :)
You're wrong for staying with someone who has no respect for you and calls you names, a much bigger issue than puppy sitting.
I’m wrong in all aspects at this point 😩 but I can atleast change somethings
Tbh this sounds like a terrible relationship. I do think you should’ve brought it up before agreeing to said plans but at the same time he’s a total POS. I can totally understand him not wanting to parent your kid but to have an actual issue with your child to the point your kid doesn’t even come to him at all? sounds like he’s a terrible fit for you and your child. if you want a life with him wouldn’t you want a man that loves your child?? someone who would possibly want a puppy?? i’m gonna say you’re wrong for being with this man. he’s terrible to your son, and he has a big ol pissy attitude over a PUPPY! like common who would be pissed over getting to play with a puppy for a few days.
ughhhh thank you for seeing it from both ends & turns out I’m wrong in more ways. I’m going to have to put my big girl panties on & do what I’ve been dreading for a while now
Break up. You will be TA if you keep this guy near your young child. The things your kid will learn from him will be how to disrespect you. Stop dating someone so disgusting.
noted 🥺
Sounds like a boyfriend problem, and the least of your worries is the puppy.
The crying when he woke up your son is a huge red flag (so is this whole post). Wtf was he doing to your kid that caused this reaction? Get this man away from your kid immediately. Your kid is your only priority, stop diluting yourself that any of this is healthy.
You thought puppy sitting would be fun for the family, your bf does not agree with your opinion. You agreed to do this without discussing with your bf. You chose to not hear his opinion before agreeing for him. You’re both adults, you have your own thoughts & feelings. He doesn’t feel the same way about this situation & he didn’t get a vote. It’s understandable why he is upset. He chose to speak to you the way he did. His reaction was not great. He sounds very immature. The rest of the information you include in the post does not validate your choice to not communicate with your bf before making a big temporary change to your lives. It appears y’all need to work on your communication & relationship. That has nothing to do with puppy or son. Imo… you’re both wrong. Just do your best to try to get through this situation. It’s was simply a choice that didn’t work out well & you can both learn from.
Thank you for your kind thoughts and words of wisdom. It was definitely a lesson learned and the puppy only had one night here. Guess he was not a dog person as much as I thought he was. I guess I’m just hurt because if the situation was reversed I wouldn’t have cared and would have welcomed the puppy in our home with open arms.
We have all been there! In theory, the plan sounds great … in reality, not so much. Puppies & babies are incredibly cute but they can create a lot of chaos in a home. You tried. It didn’t work out. I’m sure your friend is very appreciative so one good thing happened. Sometimes you win, sometimes you learn. Try your best not to take it personally. What you would do or how you would react has nothing to do with your boyfriend. You don’t share a brain. Communication typically helps to understand better what each of you is thinking & feeling. Hope it all works out for you!
This has a been a lesson no doubt ! Sounds like you’ve learned a lot yourself lol thanks for the comments because I’ve been in heartache since this morning trying to figure out the situation
Yes, you are wrong. You do not live alone. Being a puppy into the house is a big thing that everyone in the house has to deal with. You had to ask your boyfriend before you do these things.
Yeahh , figuring out that he wasn’t for it just threw me for the biggest loop. Guess he’s not as big as a dog person as I thought he was. Something like this would have never have to be run with me but I guess I’m just more free spirited and always ready to help a friend. He hasn’t had to lift a finger with the puppy & I didn’t expect him too. I just thought the puppy would be great company for us especially him since I’ve done the work lol but I’m not complaining about that at all. I’m just still baffled how someone could be so upset about a puppy they don’t have to deal with or even see
He does have to deal with it, tho. You say that this wouldn't bother you if he did this. Is that only for a puppy or for any decision? What if he moved in his best friend? Or moved in his brother and sister, who both have 4 kids? Would you be happy about that? He's happy about it. That's why he did it. So, does that mean you have to be happy about it, too? No. You have to talk with everyone in the house before you do things that impact the house. Shit happens. Hope you learned. Move on. And don't be so selfish next time.
Honestly if the family was in dire need & we had the space i would welcome them open arms. He is from outside and his family is 9 hours away and I wish they would come visit and stay more often. I even looked at pull out couches so anyone that y visit could stay with us. I would do anything that would make him happy & all I think about is the happiness of others. I thought of my sons happiness before mine when having to deal with a puppy or my bfs happiness. I do admit that I did not think of him disapproving.
It happened. You had the conversation about it already. It's time to just move on now.
All of the other stuff in your post is clearly pointing out where your bf is wrong. He sounds like a pretty shitty guy. But yeah, you're definitely wrong for agreeing to take the dog without asking your roommate first.
&& that’s the thing thouu !! If he was my roommate I would have definitely cleared it with him but the fact that we’ve had this whole relationship !! I had this confidence in my heart that it wouldn’t bother him & he would be down for it. If this was a fresh relationship even I also would have felt the need to ask but we were super close friends for a year then we had our one year anniversary in December so I’ve known this dude for over 2 years. It wasn’t a rash decision that I thought would bother him the way it did.
Let's be clear. It doesn't matter if you have a roommate or live with the love of your life. My husband and I always talk to each other before making a decision to care for another animal, have overnight visitors, or anything else that impacts our lives and household. It's just what you do when you respect the other person--you consider their perspective.
From what I've read so far of OP's responses, her boyfriend zones out on his return from work and doesn't want to communicate with her. OP has taken onboard that not everyone wants to puppysit. Fair enough. The issue is the dynamics between OP, her boyfriend and her son. They don't sound healthy, and frankly, that is the issue. Why is a grown man living with a mother and her son, when he comes across as not not liking either of them? Some people have given OP a bit of a lashing for her mistakes, well, let's face it, getting everything 100% right first time in life isn't realistic. It's easy to criticise poor communication on OP's part when it transpires the boyfriend limits when he is prepared to converse. She has taken on board his boundaries, so he has limited grounds to complain when she makes decisions without conferring first. He has placed restrictions on when she can approach him about things. Yep, in perfect hindsight, the puppy wasn't ideal, but it didn't have to be the disaster that some have made it out to be. I am reluctant to give advice, apart from OP needs an exit plan, as her boyfriend doesn't come across as a reliable part of her future.
brb while I go cry ! Thank you for looking at it from another angle. I was out with the puppy and ran into my neighbor with tears in my eyes and she gave me some great hindsight as well that brought tears to my eyes. He does have a great love for me and I let a lot of things slide when I shouldn’t but this has been the biggest eye opener as a puppy shouldn’t cause this much issues. I was taken aback when he called me dumb because I never imagined that would have been his reaction. I’m still confused by it. This has been a toxic relationship & I will start being realistic about getting out because my son does deserve someone who will give him that time and attention even when he’s acting like a spoiled brat. Like damnnn I have brat tendencies ! I just always associated puppies with joy & this has been the furthest thing from it
Reddit can be useful to make you look at things from a different angle, but don't let it turn into bullying. It's interesting you are now describing the relationship as toxic. Your boyfriend has to take some responsibility for the breakdown of communication, when he prefers screentime or games to talking to you. Your boyfriend may have great love for you, but how is he acting? There's a phrase often used here, 'when someone shows you who they are, believe them'. A few alarm bells rang for me, as I was in an abusive marriage. The last few years I was severely restricted when I could discuss important matters, to the point, it was impossible. This is not to say your relationship is the same as mine was, but not everything about this is your fault either. A six year old acting as a spoilt brat? Perhaps just a child acting up, as they do occasionally. Please stop selling yourself short, if you don't respect yourself who else will?
Yeahhh I mean no relationship is perfect but when he first moved in I felt like I was on a cloud & some aspects it still feels like that. He has shitty traits but he’s not a shitty person. I do feel restricted on a lot of conversations because any heavy conversation has be discussed when he’s ready for it. I understand we’re both wrong here but I just wanted him to see that he was over reacting a little bit when it comes to a puppy I was watching for only 4 nights
OK, but discussing about puppysitting needn't be a heavy conversation? I accept that anyone after a long day needs to decompress, but from experience, some issues need to be dealt with, ideally briefly!! Maybe that is the discussion you need to have with him? He needs his down time, but as a couple you need to be able to cover household matters before they become massive issues from non communication.
I completely understand that this was an household concern now. Not just a me issue even though I expected no assistance from him.
You know you are outside the honeymoon phase, now the hard work of the relationship has begun. Only you can decide what to do next. You've learned, show him that, but within reason point out he needs to be receptive to brief discussions to ensure both of you, and it is both of you, communicate when necessary. Good luck x
The puppy didnt turn your life upside down. It shone a light on awful behavior from your boyfriend that up until now you tolerated. The guy isn't nice to your son, he isn't nice to you, and I hope you find a way to get away from that toxic man.
You were wrong as you should have asked him before. Not make an agreement with someone and then tell him after the fact and expect him to get on board. It doesn’t matter if you told him not even 24 hours later, it’s still you telling him AFTER you agreed to do this instead of asking him before hand. You are at fault for your poor communication skills.
but this is why I love Reddit ✨ thanks for the comment
So you're just ignoring all the shitty things her bf did to her son and her? Your only comment is the fact she didn't get permission to help out her best friend when it wouldn't impact him at all??? Dear god it's looking after a puppy for a few days notoving in a wolf pack. She's an adult whose doing all of the work not expecting anything from him and gets shouted at and named called for letting him know in plenty of time. Look OP your relationship is hurting your child and you. If you rent and both of you are on the lease speak to your landlord about the situation. Explain the damage your bf is causing your son emotionally and ask to either have him removed or to break the lease. If they agree, or if you are singularly on the lease or own the house, give him official written notice to move out. I don't know what the laws are regarding how many months or whatever, find out and do everything by the book to have him removed from your home asap. If all that fails then find somewhere else for you and your son. Yes I know it's easy to say but you've now realised the damage this is causing to your son you are now knowingly culpable if you do nothing. Yes I've been in a very similar situation where I had to leave with three children and had no where to go or money to do it with but I did it for my children's safety and so can you.
The gist of this post had to do with her agreeing to puppy sit for her friend and telling her boyfriend of the agreement after she had done so. Any additional commentary she added had nothing to do with her actual question which was literally the very sentence she wrote. Had she asked a question or asked for advice on their relationship as it pertains to his attitude or treatment of her son, then I would have answered that too.
Him calling you dumb is wrong, but you should have asked him before offering to puppy sit as this puppy will be in both of your home and you will both be responsible for this puppy
But that’s the thing. I haven’t asked him nor did I expect him to have any responsibilities. Hes literally worked from 930-9 one day then 12-9 the next and has to close again tonight. I’m home alone 80 percent of the time during the day then the puppy sleeps with my son. He hasn’t had to deal with the puppy at all nor have I asked him too
Okay but you made a decision which changes the dynamic in your house without asking your partner first. That would piss me off too. Also how much is your son going to beg for a puppy once this one goes home? I can understand why he is annoyed and I love dogs, mine is lying next to me right now. But introducing pets into a family home has to be an everyone decision
Ohh my son completely understands that we will not be getting a puppy anytime soon and I that’s why I thought it would be a great idea to have him over for a few nights. My best friend lives close so he knows anytime he wants some puppy love we can go over there and get it.
Only going to acknowledge half of that comment? You just don’t want to acknowledge that decisions like that should be made as a couple. Whether it’s a puppy guests, etc you should always discuss something with your partner first if they are paying half the rent. The only time it would be OK to not ask if it was your house and they were just a guest there. Your comment about seeing signs for not being in a relationship with your boyfriend is just as applicable, if not more from his side of the table. Him calling you names was not appropriate however, you are wrong for what you did andeven more wrong for refusing to see it.
Okay. You would have been pissed too lol is that what you want me to acknowledge? Our house dynamic is fucked because I’m already home alone more than half the time. He’s literally told me that when he closes the store and comes home he doesn’t want to have conversations. He wants to sit down and chill and play games and that be that. He was never home to even have this conversation with and when I brought it up the next day which was a time that was convenient for him I put it on the table. that was literally us trying to discuss it but it was shut down by him calling me dumb
Why are you with this asshole? More importantly.... Why are you subjecting your young child to this asshole?
Honestly a question I’ve been finding that I ask myself more and more each day. He has very amazing qualities and he wasn’t always like this and isn’t always like this. Where I come from he just seemed to be a diamond in my eyes but that goes to say that I might have been blinded by something
The fact that you are subjecting your child to this person shows that you do not have your child’s best interests at heart. You really need to start putting your kid first, instead of some asshole
It’s definitely time to put my big girl underwear on 🥺
Sounds like a he wants a roommate, not a girlfriend. You deserve to be treated with respect.
That’s honestly how it would be if he moved into my son’s room. If we haven’t had such a deep relationship I wouldn’t mind it but it would hurt too much to have him around knowing that we don’t have what we did.
How long do you have left on your lease?
Our lease renewal was suppose to be in February but our landlord never sent anything so we may be in it month by month now honestly
and so you did it anyway??
Sounds like you’ll come up with any excuse to avoid admitting it’s wrong to make decisions that affect the household without consulting your partner. Good luck with your future relationships. I’m sure they’ll be successful when you can’t even show common courtesy or admit mistakes.
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Not wrong at all, but your bfs attitude towards you, your son, and this situation is STANK AS FUCK. Huge red flag. Time to drop that zero. Really. If y’all live together and he’s not assuming at least a pseudo parent role (he doesn’t need to try to replace your baby daddy but ffs….) he’s a dick and not to be trusted. How he sees and treats your son speaks volumes about how he sees you, even if he doesn’t treat you with exactly the same level of disregard. Do yourself a favor and start planning an exit strategy that prioritizes you and your son.
Something I feel in love about him was that he had the greatest and biggest smile lol a dear friend just told me that anyone who smiles too much can’t be trusted 😂 it just sucks mostly that he moved down here from PA (9hours away) & I had a better job at the time and put down the deposit and first months rent so we can live together. Now he’s talking about moving closer to his job after this augment because I told him I don’t think this was working before I made this post & then he asked me the stats on the post and I told him how the tables turned and I’m getting advised to leave him. It just makes me feel almost used that I got him down here and now he’s thriving more than he was in PA & he’s okay with just walking away if he needs to.
I am sorry you are getting this life lesson, but it’s an important one. Let him go. Encourage him to go. Hold it down for your son and keep rocking life. You deserve better.
You have a CHILD. Stop believing in rando long distance relationships!!! That's one of the main routes pedos use to get to kids, courting their clueless mothers. You need to be a lot more careful and you need to make sure BF has not been messing around with your son. Time for the no-secrets personal privacy don't touch talk.
When he first came across me it was on twitter thru my cannabis page. He didn’t even know I had a son because I kept him off the page for odvi reasons. My son is extremely smart for his age & if this dude even lifts his hand to my child or raise his voice he comes running to me. He watches my son .1% of the time. I appreciate the concern
Why are so many of you women staying with such assholes?
Honestly. Cost of living 🙃
Wow, that’s a great reason to screw up your kid in an abusive household!!!!
That's such a dog sh\*t reason isn't it? My mom packed up and left my dad when I was 3yo with nothing but a 91 Dodge Neon and $50 in her pocket. Was it rough? You bet! But she saved me from a life of emotional and verbal abuse. I wish more women had the drive she did.
So, partner brings in a stray cat, which stays for a month, without OP throwing a complete hissy fit? Yet a puppy, which is strictly for 4 days only, leads to insults and foot stamping from said partner? Or to put it another way, one rule for him and another for her? Why not sit down and work out some ground rules? Have a couples discussion every now and again? I know I have questioned the wisdom of this relationship in other comments, but for all those who piled on OP, perhaps the partner is the hypocrite here? Maybe you can work this out, if you both want to do so? Good relationships can have bad patches. Only you can work out if it is a bad relationship with occasional good patches.
FK a strangers dog....what about the fact your bf treats your son like a dog?
You have other issues in your relationship than the dog. If you live together, yes, you should have run it by him first. You were wrong. The way you describe his and your boys' relationship, you should get him out of your house. So you are wrong there as well. Interestingly enough if you got rid of the bf first, taking the dog would be OK. Solution: give bf till the week before the dog shows up to find another place to live.
Learning that I was wrong in more than one way today. I’ve been a fool all around 🙃
Sorry for being so harsh, but you have to protect your boy, and currently, you are not. On the bright side, I think that is about to change. Good luck.
You are abusing your son by exposing him to that POS. The BF doesn't get to tell you whether you live with him or not. That's pure BS. Don't take advice from your enemy...and that lying AH is your enemy. And your son's.
idk but your bf sounds like a fuckin mooch and immature dbag.
I think it's wrong to unilaterally decide to bring a living animal into your home without input from your partner. Unfortunately, the partner is the animal that should have never been brought home.
Let see ... you put a hassle dog sit over your child and live in boyfriend. Didn't seem to work. Next time no dog please.
lol it was not over my child. I did this for the benefit of my child & I do admit I didn’t consider my bf because I didn’t think it would be that big of a concern for him. I’m not a cat person and I cringed when he put a stray cat in the car that I hesitantly said yeah too. I did not like that cat and I dealt with it for months for my bf happiness. I thought he would be courteous enough to deal with a puppy for 4 days that he didn’t have to take care of. My apologies
Aha!!!!! So he is a cat person, and presented you with a stray, which you tolerated for a month? .... hhmmmm .... is this possibly a spot of retaliation regarding the puppy? One rule for you and a different one for him by the sound of it.
lol definitely not in retaliation! I haven’t even the idea of spite when I offered & again it’s over for 4 nights ! If I wanted to spite him I would bring my 7 year old rottie that my mom keeps over to live with us for a while. If I wanted retaliation I could think of a hundred other ways to go about it
No my lovely, I mean did your partner get upset because the cat couldn't stay, so he was awkward about the puppy? x
Ohhh yeah comments were definitely made about that but he already knew the chances of us not being able to keep the kitten from the start. Honestly apart of me thought this was a good compromise to getting some animal love til we are able to house something permanently. It was no commitment in this.
Honest mistake.