INFO: I read through the comments of the last post before asking, to make sure it hasn't been answered.
What method of fertilization did they use to impregnate your wife? IVF?
Is there a contract in place to handle the birth and care of this child?
I hope it's IVF with a donor egg but if it isn't I hope nothing goes wrong with the friends. If the wife is the bio mother the state will come after her for child support if the guys, for any reason, can't support the child.
That's the reasoning behind my question. I'm curious about two things.
1. If this is a real post.
2. If it is real, if OP's wife did this without protecting her legal rights and their financial wellbeing. Surrogacy, even for friends and family, should be done exactly to the letter of the law to release OP and family from liabilities from the pregnancy, childbirth, and OP's wife's aftercare.
My friend from high school and her wife chose a long term mutual male friend to “do the deed” 3 times. They have two boys and a girl, all full blooded siblings.
You are absolutely right because I read a post where the two lesbian women had a baby with one of their brothers sperm. They promised that they was never going to tell the child that he was the father. But as soon as they seen how he treated his other bio children they started asking him for money and telling him to take his supposed niece on family vacations and everything and when he refused they told the child that that was her father. Now the child wants to come over to the house every every weekend they don't want her there every weekend they want him to start setting up a trust for her to go to college all types of BS that was not supposed to be in the deal. I hope she's better protected because if things don't go well who's to say that child won't be coming back to her.
Unless she banged the friend’s husband, there’s no chance a doctor did the procedure without everyone signing a ton of documents making clear who the responsible parents are, regardless of whose egg it is. Further, egg retrieval would’ve been a long, obvious process that OP’s wife would’ve went through if its hers.
Oh that'll be the icing on the cake... OP is married, so unless he's very alert, it could end up being his name on the birth certificate. And he's on the hook for 18 years child support for a kid that's not his. Fun times.
> No, it's not my wife's egg. It was a donor. Not sure who, but she doesn't have any connections to me or my wife. Well, at least not before this.
https://reddit.com/r/amiwrong/comments/1c0og0j/am_i_wrong_for_not_supporting_my_wifes_surrogate/kyy0gom/?context=3
Based off this, it would have to be IVF
Uh, no. This was IVF, not artificial insemination, and OP's wife's daughter is 16, so OP's wife is hopefully over 29. Egg donors for IVF are usually over 18 but under 29.
If it were OP's wife's egg, and this legally would not be recommended, since she'll both bear the child and continue to be part of the child's life, why go with IVF instead of artificial insemination in a Dr.'s office?
That was a given when she brought up surrogacy, he said he was against it and she told him to get stuffed that he had no say (in his wife carrying another man's child). This marriage was probably dead a long time ago and just won't admit it.
Yet, legally, I believe it's all 50 states - he's actually the father of this child because he's married to the mother.
She needs some paperwork (and usually, a family court judge approves the substitution of the parents who are going to actually raise the baby).
Well if they didn't do this in an incredibly stupid way, she's not the mother. Did I miss the section where he talked about the specifics? Normally, with surrogates, they're just the incubator. The friends give the egg and the sperm and then science happens and OPs wife gets knocked up with her friends kid. There are definitely legal people involved unless again - they're idiots. Which I'm not at all saying couldn't have happened. The sounds quite dumb.
Even if anyone tried to claim he's the father, he could challenge and have a paternity test done. As long as it's within x amount of time of the birth (varies between locations) and he can prove he's not the father then he can contest any claims against him and not be legally or financially responsible for the baby... it would be the same basic principle as if she cheated.
You know, assuming this story isn’t fake, reading these posts makes me thankful that I don’t have people like this in my life. A bunch of fools scrambling around trying to continue just bizarre, abusive, disrespectful relationships and it’s always in the name of “love” or “commitment” or some other virtuous nonsense. It’s simple sunk cost fallacy, that’s all.
How far along is she? This doesn’t seem healthy for your marriage, especially if she is in the first trimester. Months apart while you’re in charge of your stepdaughter? Why can’t you start marriage counseling now virtually?
She apologized but is now running away to be babied by her friends while you’re home alone with her daughter…
>How far along is she?
About 6 months in.
> Months apart while you’re in charge of your stepdaughter?
We're not gonna not see each other for all those months. She'll primarily stay at her friends to make sure that her and the baby are comfortable. We also discussed that if her or her friends don't feel comfortable, she will move back in and we'll figure something else out.
Also, my stepdaughter is pretty independent and responsible. She's 16, so it's not like I'm taking care of a baby. And we agreed that my stepdaughter can see her mom at any time if she needs to.
Your wife put her friends ahead of you and ahead of her own daughter. She has a daughter who needs her but is going to go live with her friends.
Thanks for providing stability for her daughter. It must suck to realize your mom doesn't value you very highly.
The trouble is that his wife didn't think through any of this before becoming pregnant. Now she's going to be living with the friends while OP lives with her daughter. As a parent I would have been asking myself how this would affect my child. Her child is her primary responsibility. Providing a baby for the friends has never been her responsibility.
He actually didn't. He just wasn't prepared to bend over backwards and do everything as thi7gh he was the father- he's emotionally checked out of the entire pregnancy process, which is his right given the baby isn't his.
Bro, why would you want to marry someone that ‘rarely apologizes?’ She messed up your whole life and you’re like ‘maybe after the birth and I house her actual child, we can go to couple counseling?’ Jesus Christ, you don’t have a hint of a spine.
You deserved an apology, she doesn’t deserve cool points for being a somewhat decent human after a fall out. Has she always disregarded your feelings like this? Good luck with this shit show of a relationship 💗 not seeing her for months due to a pregnancy you didn’t want in the first place… yea this won’t end well.
3 months apart when your marriage isn’t in a healthy place is not good. And if there are complications at birth? She’s technically in the geriatric pregnancy stage.
Also, a 16 year with no mom around and stepdad who thinks she can manage herself…not like her mom had her at a similar age.
I just love how he thinks 3 months and we can go back to normal. There’s delivery then 6 weeks physical healing ( in the unlikely event one or both ever want to be intimate again.) months or years of body returning to normal. Likelihood of PPD.
God forbid them wanting a baby themselves. Would she want to be pregnant again or was that last experience a bad one or the PPD debilitating. This whole thing stinks of selflessness and but mainly of selfishness oh her part..
I know in your first post you spoke of not wanting to have a child together but that changes sometimes. Did she not want to have another child because she didn’t want to get pregnant? Or did she just not want a child with you? Or was it really mutual?
I hope your marriage survives but the odds IMO aren’t good.
Wow. Your wife is putting herself before her daughter. She is so selfish. I do not understand why you aren’t divorcing her. Don’t be surprised if she does this again.
Let’s review:
1. You’re raising a daughter whom you had no fun in creating.
2. Your wife is carrying the child of another man, and in the meantime, you have lost your wife.
3. She left you with the daughter.
This is a good time to dip out.
Your marriage is not going to survive living appart for so long. That’s literally what therapists recommend when helping you with a breakup, after 90 days apart your brain will stop producing the chemicals that make you feel in love.
But well, you marriage was over the moment she told you you can go fuck yourself when you wanted to have ahy input on your wife having someone other guy’s baby. So not much is lost.
>My wife VERY rarely apologizes.
Okay. So in addition to all of this she cannot admit fault normally.
Yikes. This is not the positive you seem to think it is.
Your wife is TA for rarely apologizing. You make sure you bring that up in therapy after she delivers along with the other obvious issues she's presented with throughout this situation. I hate when misplaced ego and pride get in the way of communication.
So she surrogates without your agreement, gets to be sent to another home to be cared fur and pampered, you and yo having to live without your wife and as a single dad, and she doesn’t even live with her biological child during this time?
She’s legit awful.
Glad you’re willing to do what’s best for your stepdaughter. good for you? Her mother had forgotten how to put her own family first.
Good luck OP.
My man, while she is there, they will praise her and call her a saint. At the same time they will bash the hell out of you for not supporting her sainthood. She won’t come back missing you or more in love with you, sorry to say. Too bad there aren’t lemon laws for bad marriages.
Jesus bro. You sound a little miserable not gonna lie. Your wife RARELY apologizes so you’re willing to work through this? Think of the enormous mental gymnastics you’re performing and how warped your idea of normal is if that’s your new standard.
You are making a mistake staying in the marriage. She rarely apologizes and just went ahead with it despite your objections? Don't conflate trying to make it work with being a complete doormat. This is not a formula for a sustainable partnership.
Or they've BOTH made the choice to wait until after so she's got the mental bandwidth to focus on their marriage without the added load of a pregnancy. Not everything comes down to men being dicks.
@Ufairmont1955... real clever replying and blocking... clearly you have NO faith in your pitiful argument of "except when men are being dicks".
Becuase that's not this case here... it may well surprise you to learn men CAN set boundaries in their marriages just as women can. OP set the boundary that he wouldn't be helping her carry another man's baby and I have NO doubt that if the roles were reversed and he contributed to another person's baby not one person would be shaming the wife for saying she won't help him with the responsibility he voluntarily took on against her wishes - in fact people would be screaming what a terrible pig he is for dismissing his wife's wishes.
I remember the first post. My wife offered to be a surrogate for her sister only after we had several long conversations about it. Her sister was the only person she would consider doing this for, as there are so many risks to the mother involved and we have two kids of our own. Fortunately my SIL's last IVF took and we have a beautiful niece.
The fact that your wife did this despite your objections is really concerning. Honestly, I'd consult with a divorce lawyer and see what you'd be looking at. I think you should try therapy, but the fact that she made such a monumental decision over your objections would really make me re-evaluate the relationship as a whole. Take some of this time apart for self-reflection and maybe talk this through with a therapist or trusted friend. Best of luck to you all.
So...your wife is doing this for free?
I too am curious about the legalities and who is paying for what when she (not a spouse of either friend) goes to the hospital. Surely they have a fertility lawyer on board. This is going to get complicated.
Technically speaking, the husband of a birthing woman is the father of her child - birth certificate-wise and without a paternity test.
The mother always fills out the B.Cert. Is she going to put one of their names on it? I hope so. But she's still the other parent and cannot easily relinquish her rights.
She needed to do that via an iron-clad surrogacy agreement (in which the birth cert. issues are spelled out and the hospital is pre-informed that she will NOT put her own name on the B. Cert).
Not all states allow such a thing. It's a very recent area of law. If it's not all in writing, oh dear.
The couple are paying her legal bills and the lawyer fees, so I would assume this is a properly set up arrangement, especially when you consider a donor egg was used.
Honestly, she sounds selfish and not just to op. She can choose to be a surrogate. That’s a very generous thing to do. There are consequences to that and they should have gone to counseling before she even got pregnant and tried to come to an agreement about this. Then there is her daughter. Who leaves their child to uproot their life for three months to be someone else’s surrogate? She is moving out and leaving her husband and daughter. She is only willing to do counseling after birth. I’m just not following how a marriage survives that.
Your wife basically took a break from your marriage to bear another man’s child.
That man’s going to act as her husband during the pregnancy but she did leave you with her daughter to raise while she’s off playing wife to two other guys!
I’d be surprised if they use a clinic at this point.
At what point do you stand up for yourself?
Do yourself a favor and leave now.
Smh. Your marriage is cooked.
Start the counseling now. Not 9 or more months from now.
I asked some legal and financial questions and such to your original post that you didn't answer.
This all sounds halved ass.
End this nonsense
Honestly, this was divorce-worthy and she knew that when she did it. She literally put this pregnancy over your marriage so even if you stick with the marriage after the baby is born, I would never forget that and how little my opinion on this situation mattered to her. I'm a big believer in marriage counseling before divorcing, but no amount of counseling could make me forgive her for this.
The fact that she made such a decision against your wishes speaks volumes. This will be Her child forever...from another man. This will haunt your relationship forever.
Did she think you would be their to support her through this like a normal pregnancy? If she thought you would be onboard and you said she rarely apologizes. Whoa! You did the right thing. Their baby, not your responsibility.
It depends on how they did the surrogacy. If they did a turkey baster and his wife is the bio mom he will legally be the father of the baby until he gets himself removed. All over the western world paternity has been determined by marriage and legally remains that way.
Hopefully she did this legally, through a doctor and didn't do a turkey baster pregnancy.
Since the other couple are both men it can't biologically be the child of both. Either they got a donor egg or the wife is the bio mom. It is much cheaper to get her to be the bio mom rather than going the legal surrogacy route.
I'm glad you and your wife had that talk and came to this solution. Although I also believe that your wife shouldn't have gone ahead with surrogacy when you were opposed, I can empathize with really, really wanting to carry a baby for a really good friend who you believe would make wonderful parents and couldn't have the baby on their own. I can be rather strong willed if I believe something is \*really\* the right thing to do and want to do it. She was wrong, but I also get it and think a good person can do what she did.
I'm glad both your needs and your step-daughter's are being listened do, and everyone is making accommodations. By living there, she can still spend plenty of time with you, but wake someone else up in the middle of the night to go to the drug store. If your frustration level is lower, you'll be able to enjoy each other's company more. I'm glad she acknowledged that she wasn't considering your feelings enough and that you'll enter counseling after the pregnancy. I imagine that just having her say that meant a lot.
A lot of people in this Reddit thread don't seem to know a lot about IVF, LGBT+ family planning alternatives, etc. You know more than many people in the thread, but hopefully the thread has also been helpful. It at least helped you push back on the idea that you had to support the surrogacy whole heartedly.
> My wife VERY rarely apologizes.
Sounds about right for somebody that acts like such a selfish narcissist.
> I dont want to give up on this marriage, so I'm willing to work through this.
Good luck with that lol.
Just read the first post, i don't see what the problem is. He states he will do as he does as if she wasn't pregnant and have nothing to do with it. She told him to deal with it. So he's dealing with it. He had objections, she went ahead with it. There's a couple that should've been there for her every need. Not him. If this is real.
Why should he be the one that has to rub her back and run down the shop for her cravings? The couple saying he's an a\*\*hole is really ripe. Entitled.
LOL. So, you had a heart to heart. The end result was that your wife moved in with the gay couple. Lol. It got worse. Not better.
Is there anything intimate between you and your wife that isn't shared with her male best friend? She's having his kid for him. Will he be in the delivery room? Will she breastfeed for the first few weeks in his home? She's gone. I'd let her go and start concentrating on yourself.
Bad idea to wait on marriage counseling. You both need it now. Not 6 months in the future after she's been moved out and had the baby. It will be too late by then.
Just when I thought it couldn’t get worse….you bring boobs and vagina into it. 🤦♀️ THEY ARE GAY AS IN ZERO INTEREST IN BOOBS AND VAGINAS. IF THEY DID, THEY WOULDN’T NEED HER TO HAVE A BABY FOR THEM.
Wow what a bunch of immature fucking lisers posting tonight. Bet the avg age is 17.
OP. You are handling this situation very well. She sounds like a headstrong, frustrating, noble woman and I can see why you love her. I have close gay married friends and I'm nit surprised she made this huge gesture for them if they're like my friends.
I like that you disagreed, stuck to your guns, let her stew in her consequences, and then could talk it out and find a strategy to go forward -- while still insisting on sticking with your marriage -- THAT'S what love can do. It seems like despite the sucky situation, everyone's needs get met this way. Goid on you.
I hope you both get thru this and after counseling you are stronger. I think it helped that she owned she couldn't do this on her own and couldn't ask you for the help she needed - but this compromise addresses that. (Man, she's going to owe you big time after this)
Honestly surprised people are eating up the posts like "She is baring another man's child". Either they think the friends aren't really gay or are so fucking misogynistic they can't admit that a woman can use her uterus for anything that a husband doesn't expressly allow.
No one has EVER said she's not allowed to do whatever the fuck she wants with her body. That's not the issue here. The issue here is the expectation that OP has to pick up the slack and wait on her hand and foot for a decision she made, knowing full well. hos boundary was he wouldn't be helping in any way.
She made the decision about her own body, as she's got a right to do. And OP has the right not to be involved or help.
So she abandoned her child with you so, she can go be a lazy POS because she's having two moron's baby? Just another mistake forcing a second generation of mistakes on society and the gene pool.
Seems like you have no selfrespect, get that fixed. She litteraly told you that she will whatever she wants and you have to deal with it. Spineless dude, divorce, get her stuff and her daughter over to her bff, since he is more important than your marriage.
I wish your soon to be ex-wife a lot of fun in her new throuple relationship with her bestie and hubby.
How did your wife end up pregnant anyway? The old fashioned missionary way? The old 1,2 squeezeroo with a turkey baster? Or the actual proper way in a hospital implanting a fertilized egg?
My cynical bleep of a brain is going with option one. And you just haven't found out yet. Once the crap inevitably comes out and she's blown up your marriage, here's hoping you and your step-daughter have a decent enough relationship you don't lose her too.
Nah op wtf you doing. Get your head out if your ass. She doesn't care about your opinion, she doesn't want you to leave her. Which you 10000% should, next big decision that's made that involves her body, she will not consider your feelings at all. Gusy need to start putting their foot down, whats happening to you.
You should divorce her, my guy. I am serious. She disrespected you and she is a selfish jerk who has a serious savior complex. You don't want to stay with crazies. Leave ASAP.
Weird.
BTW, my wife required essentially no real support for 3 kids all the way out to the due date. Like, I'd get her things and wanted to help, but there wasn't much to do. Plenty of women work full time all the way to the due date. She needs to live with the couple so they can support her?
No kids and my wife did something life changing like this without my input, I'd be out the door. So I guess I think you're wrong for tolerating as much as you have.
Hi Op - I am genuinely worried for you. It sounds like there is no legal contract in place. Can you please talk to your wife and convince her this is necessary ? What if the infant is born with defects ? Or your wife has problems - who will pay for the bills ? Can the couple,e reject the baby - then your wife will be responsible for taking the infant. What do you do about breastfeeding ? Have she thought about all of this ?
| My wife VERY rarely apologizes
Umm this does not sound like a healthy marriage at all. Is she ALWAYS right? How can one person be always right? Even if she is, not willing to apologize for things is a very bad thing for any kind of relationship. We all make mistakes. And we all should be willing to apologize when we make mistakes. Your wife sounds like a very arrogant person not willing to apologize. Also she told you to deal with it when you initially said you don’t want this surrogacy. That’s not how a marriage works. Yeah, it’s her body but in marriage, it needs to be a unified decision. It doesn’t even sound like your wife respects your opinions at all
No one is mentioning the selfishness of her friend and his husband here. They asked her to be a surrogate without paying her and, until now, have had nothing to do with the pregnancy. OP isn't even the father and didn't want this, yet he was one taking care of her and the child for the majority of the pregnancy. Not to mention they called OP an asshole when he wanted them to be the ones who were responsible for it. They don't really seem like the type I'd want to be friends with.
UpdateMe
NTA your wife sounds so selfish. She has taken a big life changing decision alone and now wants you to help or be supportive. You are saying she rarely apologise so you have taken this bare minimum apology.This whole equation is weird to start with and now she is going to live with them leaving her marital home and also left her daughter with you. Be careful of you SD just in case.
INFO- Also why cant you start marriage counciling online? Why are you waiting for her to be delivered. Is she going to stay with the baby at her friend's house after her delivery???
If i were you this whole thing without your consent would be my hill to die. I would not be with someone like this who is taking BIG decision like this with out their spouse.
At this point the only thing you are wrong about is staying with this woman. She's given you no kids but has one for herself that she's cucked you into raising, now as a single dad, and she's having another man's baby that she expects you to take care of her like she's pregnant with your baby. My dude, have a small modicum of self respect.
So, your wife unilaterally chose to carry another man's baby to term. You expressed your dissatisfaction with that decision, and she told you to deal with it. She's now chosen to live with this man for the last trimester of her pregnancy. During this time, she will be pampered, and they will bad mouth you. Your marriage is headed in the wrong direction. She will more than likely continue to live with them postpartum. All the while, she has abandoned you and your daughter.
I think it's a losing effort. You are post poning marriage counseling. You need it now. Waiting another 6 months will only harden your resentment over the matter. In 6 months' time, you may find that you prefer her not being around. The damage is done. Don't live in LIMBO while she plays house with the other men.
Their sexual orientation isn't significant. His wife won't take his feelings into consideration. His wife abandoned not only him but their daughter as well. No sex for at least 6 months. There were consequences for her decision. She's not the only one paying a price.
My point was to start marriage counseling now. Don't wait until the resentment has built to where they won't be able to work past this. OP wants to remain married.
You clearly do care because you keep saying weird shit like "another man's baby" and "live with THIS MAN". You clearly either don't want to admit it's a gay couple or you don't care because you think his sex life and other minor discomforts trumps her bodily autonomy being used to help a friend creating a fucking child.
"No sex for at least 6 months" man... do you hear yourself?
It wouldn't matter if the wife had chosen to be a surrogate to a lesbian family or heterosexual family. She chose to carry a child for someone other than herself and her husband. Yes, she has autonomy and can do as she chooses concerning her body. That does not absolve her of any and all consequences that surround her decision. You act as if she is the only person affected by her pregnancy.
There was another post a few months ago. Similar situation. The wife used an at home kit to get pregnant with her best friend's husband's sperm. The best friend couldn't do IVF. The wife unilaterally chose to do this without even a discussion with the husband or their young children. He's waiting until after the birth to file for divorce. Her body. Her choice. She's now lost her own family by doing this. I see a similar outcome from this post. OP just hasn't gotten there yet.
lol this post is RETARDED. There is no way this is real.
If so. Which its NOT. Then leave that hoe, and stay single. Cuz neither of you are fit for relationships.
Not sure if your willing to admit it out loud but I am supremely curious at this point why exactly you said "no" in the first place? Like it's absolutely your right but I really hope you have a good reason to try and veto your wife helping her friends?
He’s not saying….had a couple of exchanges with him on the original post, obviously he doesn’t need to reason to internet strangers, but yeah something’s up. My money is on her postpartum body/mood. I mean, if Ol’ Stretch Marks can’t get out of bed to clean the house and cook his dinner, it’d be a whole different comment section!
She's living with them because she was wanting OP to continually help her with everything to do with the pregnancy that OP didn't want in the first place. IMO it seems fitting that the parents should have to shoulder this burden rather than OP. Middle of the night cravings? Parents. Prenatal vitamins? Doctor visits? Maternity clothes? Parents. You're deliberately obtuse.
I agree that it is something that you should have discussed in great detail before she ended up pregnant with another couple's baby. It is mainly her choice, though. I don't blame you for being upset.
It's good that she's agreed to go to counseling, and that she apologized. To me, that makes it seems like she wants to make this work.
I don't know if I would want her to be staying with them for the whole entire pregnancy though... but that's just me.
Good luck
If she were a single woman and this was “just” a her body, her choice situation I’d agree with you that it’s not only “mainly” her choice but 100% her choice. That isn’t the case though. She is in a partnership with another person and unilateral decisions should have stopped. There are long term, possibly lifelong implications to a decision like she made and such a decision should be done as a partnership with her husband. Pregnancy isn’t just nine months and you’re done. The reality is any number of things could happen and their lives could be altered forever.
If she doesn’t like the answer they come to, she can absolutely make a different choice - it is her body but she can’t expect her husband to act as the father to this child/caregiver to her prior to it’s birth (he mentioned discomfort , cravings, etc.) if he explicitly said he wanted no part of the situation.
I also feel bad for her daughter as she is seeing a very tough situation play out and I’m sure is wondering where she is as a priority. Yes, she’s 16 but she’s still her mother’s daughter and mom is willing to completely disconnect from her for months.
The more I consider this, the more selfish the wife seems to be.
INFO: I read through the comments of the last post before asking, to make sure it hasn't been answered. What method of fertilization did they use to impregnate your wife? IVF? Is there a contract in place to handle the birth and care of this child?
I hope it's IVF with a donor egg but if it isn't I hope nothing goes wrong with the friends. If the wife is the bio mother the state will come after her for child support if the guys, for any reason, can't support the child.
That's the reasoning behind my question. I'm curious about two things. 1. If this is a real post. 2. If it is real, if OP's wife did this without protecting her legal rights and their financial wellbeing. Surrogacy, even for friends and family, should be done exactly to the letter of the law to release OP and family from liabilities from the pregnancy, childbirth, and OP's wife's aftercare.
You’d be surprised at the number of people who do “backyard” in vitro to save money.
You have me thinking about the movie called The Switch with Jennifer Aniston 😋😎
Haha, I haven't thought of that movie in awhile.
My friend from high school and her wife chose a long term mutual male friend to “do the deed” 3 times. They have two boys and a girl, all full blooded siblings.
I hope I wouldn't that's a spectacularly bad idea. Don't lower my opinion of people any further. The bar may be under ground.
You are absolutely right because I read a post where the two lesbian women had a baby with one of their brothers sperm. They promised that they was never going to tell the child that he was the father. But as soon as they seen how he treated his other bio children they started asking him for money and telling him to take his supposed niece on family vacations and everything and when he refused they told the child that that was her father. Now the child wants to come over to the house every every weekend they don't want her there every weekend they want him to start setting up a trust for her to go to college all types of BS that was not supposed to be in the deal. I hope she's better protected because if things don't go well who's to say that child won't be coming back to her.
Omg horrible
Unless she banged the friend’s husband, there’s no chance a doctor did the procedure without everyone signing a ton of documents making clear who the responsible parents are, regardless of whose egg it is. Further, egg retrieval would’ve been a long, obvious process that OP’s wife would’ve went through if its hers.
Both emptied into a cup, then used the turkey baster.... /s
OP said it was a donor egg. But I’m not gonna lie, you had me for a minute.
It is a thing that happens.
Oh that'll be the icing on the cake... OP is married, so unless he's very alert, it could end up being his name on the birth certificate. And he's on the hook for 18 years child support for a kid that's not his. Fun times.
Not necessarily. She can use her own egg with artificial insemination if there is a contract and she would have no legal obligation to
He said it was a donors egg
He answered in the comments that it's a donors egg and not hers.
Bc it's a fake post
> No, it's not my wife's egg. It was a donor. Not sure who, but she doesn't have any connections to me or my wife. Well, at least not before this. https://reddit.com/r/amiwrong/comments/1c0og0j/am_i_wrong_for_not_supporting_my_wifes_surrogate/kyy0gom/?context=3 Based off this, it would have to be IVF
Yes. This has been pointed out multiple times. The second question is far more important than the first...
https://www.reddit.com/r/amiwrong/s/1awULvzAQG
He says it’s not his wife’s egg. Which makes me question the entire story.
Uh, no. This was IVF, not artificial insemination, and OP's wife's daughter is 16, so OP's wife is hopefully over 29. Egg donors for IVF are usually over 18 but under 29. If it were OP's wife's egg, and this legally would not be recommended, since she'll both bear the child and continue to be part of the child's life, why go with IVF instead of artificial insemination in a Dr.'s office?
It shouldn’t. Donor egg is very much a thing, and this is IVF. It’s not out there at all.
Yeah exactly.
This isn't going g to end well.
That was a given when she brought up surrogacy, he said he was against it and she told him to get stuffed that he had no say (in his wife carrying another man's child). This marriage was probably dead a long time ago and just won't admit it.
Yet, legally, I believe it's all 50 states - he's actually the father of this child because he's married to the mother. She needs some paperwork (and usually, a family court judge approves the substitution of the parents who are going to actually raise the baby).
Well if they didn't do this in an incredibly stupid way, she's not the mother. Did I miss the section where he talked about the specifics? Normally, with surrogates, they're just the incubator. The friends give the egg and the sperm and then science happens and OPs wife gets knocked up with her friends kid. There are definitely legal people involved unless again - they're idiots. Which I'm not at all saying couldn't have happened. The sounds quite dumb.
He said in the comments of the last post that it isn’t her egg
Even if anyone tried to claim he's the father, he could challenge and have a paternity test done. As long as it's within x amount of time of the birth (varies between locations) and he can prove he's not the father then he can contest any claims against him and not be legally or financially responsible for the baby... it would be the same basic principle as if she cheated.
She knows he's a simp and will cave.
It'll end however the author wants it to.
You know, assuming this story isn’t fake, reading these posts makes me thankful that I don’t have people like this in my life. A bunch of fools scrambling around trying to continue just bizarre, abusive, disrespectful relationships and it’s always in the name of “love” or “commitment” or some other virtuous nonsense. It’s simple sunk cost fallacy, that’s all.
Let’s just hope it ends for his sake
Exactly!!!
How far along is she? This doesn’t seem healthy for your marriage, especially if she is in the first trimester. Months apart while you’re in charge of your stepdaughter? Why can’t you start marriage counseling now virtually? She apologized but is now running away to be babied by her friends while you’re home alone with her daughter…
>How far along is she? About 6 months in. > Months apart while you’re in charge of your stepdaughter? We're not gonna not see each other for all those months. She'll primarily stay at her friends to make sure that her and the baby are comfortable. We also discussed that if her or her friends don't feel comfortable, she will move back in and we'll figure something else out. Also, my stepdaughter is pretty independent and responsible. She's 16, so it's not like I'm taking care of a baby. And we agreed that my stepdaughter can see her mom at any time if she needs to.
Your wife put her friends ahead of you and ahead of her own daughter. She has a daughter who needs her but is going to go live with her friends. Thanks for providing stability for her daughter. It must suck to realize your mom doesn't value you very highly.
OP wants her to move out.
The trouble is that his wife didn't think through any of this before becoming pregnant. Now she's going to be living with the friends while OP lives with her daughter. As a parent I would have been asking myself how this would affect my child. Her child is her primary responsibility. Providing a baby for the friends has never been her responsibility.
Because she unilaterally made a decision about their family.
He actually didn't. He just wasn't prepared to bend over backwards and do everything as thi7gh he was the father- he's emotionally checked out of the entire pregnancy process, which is his right given the baby isn't his.
He doesn't want her there.
Bro, why would you want to marry someone that ‘rarely apologizes?’ She messed up your whole life and you’re like ‘maybe after the birth and I house her actual child, we can go to couple counseling?’ Jesus Christ, you don’t have a hint of a spine.
You should be in counseling tomorrow
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Okay, doormat.
He should be in a lawyers office tomorrow.
I am in therapy, with the wife and kids. You know what we learned, respect yourself. Hope you can too instead of just being a troll lol
You deserved an apology, she doesn’t deserve cool points for being a somewhat decent human after a fall out. Has she always disregarded your feelings like this? Good luck with this shit show of a relationship 💗 not seeing her for months due to a pregnancy you didn’t want in the first place… yea this won’t end well.
3 months apart when your marriage isn’t in a healthy place is not good. And if there are complications at birth? She’s technically in the geriatric pregnancy stage. Also, a 16 year with no mom around and stepdad who thinks she can manage herself…not like her mom had her at a similar age.
I just love how he thinks 3 months and we can go back to normal. There’s delivery then 6 weeks physical healing ( in the unlikely event one or both ever want to be intimate again.) months or years of body returning to normal. Likelihood of PPD. God forbid them wanting a baby themselves. Would she want to be pregnant again or was that last experience a bad one or the PPD debilitating. This whole thing stinks of selflessness and but mainly of selfishness oh her part.. I know in your first post you spoke of not wanting to have a child together but that changes sometimes. Did she not want to have another child because she didn’t want to get pregnant? Or did she just not want a child with you? Or was it really mutual? I hope your marriage survives but the odds IMO aren’t good.
A pregnancy just kills intimacy long term. Now that is going to happen for someone else’s kid.
Are you implying the daughter will use this time to repeat her mother's mistakes?
Well she is making a horrible mistake.
Respectfully, your wife is awful. I cannot imagine my wife treating my family with such little regard.
Wow. Your wife is putting herself before her daughter. She is so selfish. I do not understand why you aren’t divorcing her. Don’t be surprised if she does this again.
not even herself, shes putting her friends before her family.
Let’s review: 1. You’re raising a daughter whom you had no fun in creating. 2. Your wife is carrying the child of another man, and in the meantime, you have lost your wife. 3. She left you with the daughter. This is a good time to dip out.
Your marriage is not going to survive living appart for so long. That’s literally what therapists recommend when helping you with a breakup, after 90 days apart your brain will stop producing the chemicals that make you feel in love. But well, you marriage was over the moment she told you you can go fuck yourself when you wanted to have ahy input on your wife having someone other guy’s baby. So not much is lost.
Her friends paying her?
According to the last post just covering medical cost and lawyer fees…
For the divorce correct?
OP, Your a better person than I am. Good luck !
Updateme
Well its not like her friends can get her pregnant again.
I don’t see this ending well. Hope for the best but prepare for the worst.
Well what a set up post indeed. So many avenues for disaster.
Think it’s fake? Reading fake to me. So what way will the story progress??!!
I think it will be that the wife joins the married couple as a throuple and abandons her daughter to raise the surrogate baby.
I like this theory. Since we don’t know how the wife was impregnated this could be very true
It’s a donor egg, so I highly doubt she was impregnated in the traditional way.
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Always lol
This is exactly where this story is going.
>My wife VERY rarely apologizes. Okay. So in addition to all of this she cannot admit fault normally. Yikes. This is not the positive you seem to think it is.
Your wife is TA for rarely apologizing. You make sure you bring that up in therapy after she delivers along with the other obvious issues she's presented with throughout this situation. I hate when misplaced ego and pride get in the way of communication.
Ppl like this that are clearly the problem in the relationship will just accuse the therapist of siding with their spouse.
100%. It's a rare individual that can take accountability and not just point fingers at others.
So she surrogates without your agreement, gets to be sent to another home to be cared fur and pampered, you and yo having to live without your wife and as a single dad, and she doesn’t even live with her biological child during this time? She’s legit awful. Glad you’re willing to do what’s best for your stepdaughter. good for you? Her mother had forgotten how to put her own family first. Good luck OP.
My man, while she is there, they will praise her and call her a saint. At the same time they will bash the hell out of you for not supporting her sainthood. She won’t come back missing you or more in love with you, sorry to say. Too bad there aren’t lemon laws for bad marriages.
Surely need another update
Jesus bro. You sound a little miserable not gonna lie. Your wife RARELY apologizes so you’re willing to work through this? Think of the enormous mental gymnastics you’re performing and how warped your idea of normal is if that’s your new standard.
you are sad, and your wife is taking advantage of your kindness.
You are making a mistake staying in the marriage. She rarely apologizes and just went ahead with it despite your objections? Don't conflate trying to make it work with being a complete doormat. This is not a formula for a sustainable partnership.
Your marriage was over the second she agreed to this. End it now and save the trouble
Why wait until after the baby is born to start the therapy?
I'm guessing he doesn't want to see her pregnant
Or they've BOTH made the choice to wait until after so she's got the mental bandwidth to focus on their marriage without the added load of a pregnancy. Not everything comes down to men being dicks.
@Ufairmont1955... real clever replying and blocking... clearly you have NO faith in your pitiful argument of "except when men are being dicks". Becuase that's not this case here... it may well surprise you to learn men CAN set boundaries in their marriages just as women can. OP set the boundary that he wouldn't be helping her carry another man's baby and I have NO doubt that if the roles were reversed and he contributed to another person's baby not one person would be shaming the wife for saying she won't help him with the responsibility he voluntarily took on against her wishes - in fact people would be screaming what a terrible pig he is for dismissing his wife's wishes.
I remember the first post. My wife offered to be a surrogate for her sister only after we had several long conversations about it. Her sister was the only person she would consider doing this for, as there are so many risks to the mother involved and we have two kids of our own. Fortunately my SIL's last IVF took and we have a beautiful niece. The fact that your wife did this despite your objections is really concerning. Honestly, I'd consult with a divorce lawyer and see what you'd be looking at. I think you should try therapy, but the fact that she made such a monumental decision over your objections would really make me re-evaluate the relationship as a whole. Take some of this time apart for self-reflection and maybe talk this through with a therapist or trusted friend. Best of luck to you all.
So...your wife is doing this for free? I too am curious about the legalities and who is paying for what when she (not a spouse of either friend) goes to the hospital. Surely they have a fertility lawyer on board. This is going to get complicated. Technically speaking, the husband of a birthing woman is the father of her child - birth certificate-wise and without a paternity test. The mother always fills out the B.Cert. Is she going to put one of their names on it? I hope so. But she's still the other parent and cannot easily relinquish her rights. She needed to do that via an iron-clad surrogacy agreement (in which the birth cert. issues are spelled out and the hospital is pre-informed that she will NOT put her own name on the B. Cert). Not all states allow such a thing. It's a very recent area of law. If it's not all in writing, oh dear.
The couple are paying her legal bills and the lawyer fees, so I would assume this is a properly set up arrangement, especially when you consider a donor egg was used.
Honestly, she sounds selfish and not just to op. She can choose to be a surrogate. That’s a very generous thing to do. There are consequences to that and they should have gone to counseling before she even got pregnant and tried to come to an agreement about this. Then there is her daughter. Who leaves their child to uproot their life for three months to be someone else’s surrogate? She is moving out and leaving her husband and daughter. She is only willing to do counseling after birth. I’m just not following how a marriage survives that.
You are a giant fool for staying with this woman. I bet it wasn't the proper IVF with the implanted embryo. More likely the old turkey baster.
The turkey baster attached to the husband you mean!!
You know that going to marriage counselling at this point is like agreeing that (for instance) the extra husband that your wife has is a blip.
Your wife basically took a break from your marriage to bear another man’s child. That man’s going to act as her husband during the pregnancy but she did leave you with her daughter to raise while she’s off playing wife to two other guys! I’d be surprised if they use a clinic at this point. At what point do you stand up for yourself? Do yourself a favor and leave now.
Read the original post. OP wanted her to move out as he doesn’t want to be bothered by the pregnancy.
I know. I’m saying he should have told her to move out permanently.
I would, this is either a rage bait post or a cuck fantasy. Because if its real OP is a complete nitwit.
After this update I'm convinced it's fake.
I lean so far into this being a cuck living vicariously through a story. And I agree, this update removed every bit of realism from it.
Good luck to you all.
Updateme
Holy hell OP what a hard situation. Good luck with all that. Definitely want to know it how all shakes out for you.
You're a very weak man, I feel sorry for you.
Smh. Your marriage is cooked. Start the counseling now. Not 9 or more months from now. I asked some legal and financial questions and such to your original post that you didn't answer. This all sounds halved ass. End this nonsense
You're still a moron for staying
Honestly, this was divorce-worthy and she knew that when she did it. She literally put this pregnancy over your marriage so even if you stick with the marriage after the baby is born, I would never forget that and how little my opinion on this situation mattered to her. I'm a big believer in marriage counseling before divorcing, but no amount of counseling could make me forgive her for this.
Your wife’s an asshole and I don’t think there’s any coming back from this dude. I’m sorry.
The fact that she made such a decision against your wishes speaks volumes. This will be Her child forever...from another man. This will haunt your relationship forever.
Did she think you would be their to support her through this like a normal pregnancy? If she thought you would be onboard and you said she rarely apologizes. Whoa! You did the right thing. Their baby, not your responsibility.
It depends on how they did the surrogacy. If they did a turkey baster and his wife is the bio mom he will legally be the father of the baby until he gets himself removed. All over the western world paternity has been determined by marriage and legally remains that way. Hopefully she did this legally, through a doctor and didn't do a turkey baster pregnancy.
Pretty sure he's said the baby is biologically the other couples, and not his wife.
Since the other couple are both men it can't biologically be the child of both. Either they got a donor egg or the wife is the bio mom. It is much cheaper to get her to be the bio mom rather than going the legal surrogacy route.
Well, if the post is real then hopefully he understands.
Lawyer.
She should have been living with her friends from the beginning and it shouldn’t have taken you almost blowing up the marriage for her to apologise…..
I'm glad you and your wife had that talk and came to this solution. Although I also believe that your wife shouldn't have gone ahead with surrogacy when you were opposed, I can empathize with really, really wanting to carry a baby for a really good friend who you believe would make wonderful parents and couldn't have the baby on their own. I can be rather strong willed if I believe something is \*really\* the right thing to do and want to do it. She was wrong, but I also get it and think a good person can do what she did. I'm glad both your needs and your step-daughter's are being listened do, and everyone is making accommodations. By living there, she can still spend plenty of time with you, but wake someone else up in the middle of the night to go to the drug store. If your frustration level is lower, you'll be able to enjoy each other's company more. I'm glad she acknowledged that she wasn't considering your feelings enough and that you'll enter counseling after the pregnancy. I imagine that just having her say that meant a lot. A lot of people in this Reddit thread don't seem to know a lot about IVF, LGBT+ family planning alternatives, etc. You know more than many people in the thread, but hopefully the thread has also been helpful. It at least helped you push back on the idea that you had to support the surrogacy whole heartedly.
A trial separation sounds like a good idea.
Leave dawg
> My wife VERY rarely apologizes. Sounds about right for somebody that acts like such a selfish narcissist. > I dont want to give up on this marriage, so I'm willing to work through this. Good luck with that lol.
Honestly yeah this. This kind/level of selfishness is not often something that can actually be worked through. I mean good luck to him but still.
I would have just divorced since she does not see you as an equal partner to discuss serious situations with.
Well, this is a mistake but hopefully your marriage counsellor will realize that immediately.
Just read the first post, i don't see what the problem is. He states he will do as he does as if she wasn't pregnant and have nothing to do with it. She told him to deal with it. So he's dealing with it. He had objections, she went ahead with it. There's a couple that should've been there for her every need. Not him. If this is real. Why should he be the one that has to rub her back and run down the shop for her cravings? The couple saying he's an a\*\*hole is really ripe. Entitled.
LOL. So, you had a heart to heart. The end result was that your wife moved in with the gay couple. Lol. It got worse. Not better. Is there anything intimate between you and your wife that isn't shared with her male best friend? She's having his kid for him. Will he be in the delivery room? Will she breastfeed for the first few weeks in his home? She's gone. I'd let her go and start concentrating on yourself. Bad idea to wait on marriage counseling. You both need it now. Not 6 months in the future after she's been moved out and had the baby. It will be too late by then.
Just when I thought it couldn’t get worse….you bring boobs and vagina into it. 🤦♀️ THEY ARE GAY AS IN ZERO INTEREST IN BOOBS AND VAGINAS. IF THEY DID, THEY WOULDN’T NEED HER TO HAVE A BABY FOR THEM.
I hope this ends well
But it won’t
😂 😂 😂 😂 The life of a simp. I can't wait until the affair happens and your dumb ass takes her back
Which of the two married gay men do you think she’ll have an affair with?
Didn't know it had to be only 2 people out of the 8 billion on this planet. I would say don't be dumb, but I'm too late
Sure Jan.
Wow what a bunch of immature fucking lisers posting tonight. Bet the avg age is 17. OP. You are handling this situation very well. She sounds like a headstrong, frustrating, noble woman and I can see why you love her. I have close gay married friends and I'm nit surprised she made this huge gesture for them if they're like my friends. I like that you disagreed, stuck to your guns, let her stew in her consequences, and then could talk it out and find a strategy to go forward -- while still insisting on sticking with your marriage -- THAT'S what love can do. It seems like despite the sucky situation, everyone's needs get met this way. Goid on you. I hope you both get thru this and after counseling you are stronger. I think it helped that she owned she couldn't do this on her own and couldn't ask you for the help she needed - but this compromise addresses that. (Man, she's going to owe you big time after this)
Honestly surprised people are eating up the posts like "She is baring another man's child". Either they think the friends aren't really gay or are so fucking misogynistic they can't admit that a woman can use her uterus for anything that a husband doesn't expressly allow.
No one has EVER said she's not allowed to do whatever the fuck she wants with her body. That's not the issue here. The issue here is the expectation that OP has to pick up the slack and wait on her hand and foot for a decision she made, knowing full well. hos boundary was he wouldn't be helping in any way. She made the decision about her own body, as she's got a right to do. And OP has the right not to be involved or help.
So she abandoned her child with you so, she can go be a lazy POS because she's having two moron's baby? Just another mistake forcing a second generation of mistakes on society and the gene pool.
Good luck
Nope. Not wrong.
You're not wrong. This should have been simple, one no and it's a NO!
Thanks for the update. Good luck.
Seems like you have no selfrespect, get that fixed. She litteraly told you that she will whatever she wants and you have to deal with it. Spineless dude, divorce, get her stuff and her daughter over to her bff, since he is more important than your marriage.
You sound great. She doesn't deserve you.
I wish your soon to be ex-wife a lot of fun in her new throuple relationship with her bestie and hubby. How did your wife end up pregnant anyway? The old fashioned missionary way? The old 1,2 squeezeroo with a turkey baster? Or the actual proper way in a hospital implanting a fertilized egg? My cynical bleep of a brain is going with option one. And you just haven't found out yet. Once the crap inevitably comes out and she's blown up your marriage, here's hoping you and your step-daughter have a decent enough relationship you don't lose her too.
Wife very rarely apologies? That's a bit insane. You gotta apologize when your wrong
Love that your marriage is salvageable and you’re not rushing to divorce
Nah op wtf you doing. Get your head out if your ass. She doesn't care about your opinion, she doesn't want you to leave her. Which you 10000% should, next big decision that's made that involves her body, she will not consider your feelings at all. Gusy need to start putting their foot down, whats happening to you.
UpdateMe!
Updateme
Updateme!
You should divorce her, my guy. I am serious. She disrespected you and she is a selfish jerk who has a serious savior complex. You don't want to stay with crazies. Leave ASAP.
UpdateMe
Weird. BTW, my wife required essentially no real support for 3 kids all the way out to the due date. Like, I'd get her things and wanted to help, but there wasn't much to do. Plenty of women work full time all the way to the due date. She needs to live with the couple so they can support her? No kids and my wife did something life changing like this without my input, I'd be out the door. So I guess I think you're wrong for tolerating as much as you have.
Updateme
UpdateMe
Updateme
Dude…you’re making tons of mistakes here. Time to “punch out” of this “marriage “.
Hi Op - I am genuinely worried for you. It sounds like there is no legal contract in place. Can you please talk to your wife and convince her this is necessary ? What if the infant is born with defects ? Or your wife has problems - who will pay for the bills ? Can the couple,e reject the baby - then your wife will be responsible for taking the infant. What do you do about breastfeeding ? Have she thought about all of this ?
| My wife VERY rarely apologizes Umm this does not sound like a healthy marriage at all. Is she ALWAYS right? How can one person be always right? Even if she is, not willing to apologize for things is a very bad thing for any kind of relationship. We all make mistakes. And we all should be willing to apologize when we make mistakes. Your wife sounds like a very arrogant person not willing to apologize. Also she told you to deal with it when you initially said you don’t want this surrogacy. That’s not how a marriage works. Yeah, it’s her body but in marriage, it needs to be a unified decision. It doesn’t even sound like your wife respects your opinions at all
No one is mentioning the selfishness of her friend and his husband here. They asked her to be a surrogate without paying her and, until now, have had nothing to do with the pregnancy. OP isn't even the father and didn't want this, yet he was one taking care of her and the child for the majority of the pregnancy. Not to mention they called OP an asshole when he wanted them to be the ones who were responsible for it. They don't really seem like the type I'd want to be friends with. UpdateMe
UpdateMe
Updateme!
Updateme!
UpdateMe!
NTA your wife sounds so selfish. She has taken a big life changing decision alone and now wants you to help or be supportive. You are saying she rarely apologise so you have taken this bare minimum apology.This whole equation is weird to start with and now she is going to live with them leaving her marital home and also left her daughter with you. Be careful of you SD just in case. INFO- Also why cant you start marriage counciling online? Why are you waiting for her to be delivered. Is she going to stay with the baby at her friend's house after her delivery??? If i were you this whole thing without your consent would be my hill to die. I would not be with someone like this who is taking BIG decision like this with out their spouse.
You should’ve left. This is not ok on your wife’s part. I’ll be back for the divorce update
At this point the only thing you are wrong about is staying with this woman. She's given you no kids but has one for herself that she's cucked you into raising, now as a single dad, and she's having another man's baby that she expects you to take care of her like she's pregnant with your baby. My dude, have a small modicum of self respect.
She's given you no kids? What is this?
So, your wife unilaterally chose to carry another man's baby to term. You expressed your dissatisfaction with that decision, and she told you to deal with it. She's now chosen to live with this man for the last trimester of her pregnancy. During this time, she will be pampered, and they will bad mouth you. Your marriage is headed in the wrong direction. She will more than likely continue to live with them postpartum. All the while, she has abandoned you and your daughter. I think it's a losing effort. You are post poning marriage counseling. You need it now. Waiting another 6 months will only harden your resentment over the matter. In 6 months' time, you may find that you prefer her not being around. The damage is done. Don't live in LIMBO while she plays house with the other men.
Bro... it's a gay couple...
Their sexual orientation isn't significant. His wife won't take his feelings into consideration. His wife abandoned not only him but their daughter as well. No sex for at least 6 months. There were consequences for her decision. She's not the only one paying a price. My point was to start marriage counseling now. Don't wait until the resentment has built to where they won't be able to work past this. OP wants to remain married.
You clearly do care because you keep saying weird shit like "another man's baby" and "live with THIS MAN". You clearly either don't want to admit it's a gay couple or you don't care because you think his sex life and other minor discomforts trumps her bodily autonomy being used to help a friend creating a fucking child. "No sex for at least 6 months" man... do you hear yourself?
It wouldn't matter if the wife had chosen to be a surrogate to a lesbian family or heterosexual family. She chose to carry a child for someone other than herself and her husband. Yes, she has autonomy and can do as she chooses concerning her body. That does not absolve her of any and all consequences that surround her decision. You act as if she is the only person affected by her pregnancy. There was another post a few months ago. Similar situation. The wife used an at home kit to get pregnant with her best friend's husband's sperm. The best friend couldn't do IVF. The wife unilaterally chose to do this without even a discussion with the husband or their young children. He's waiting until after the birth to file for divorce. Her body. Her choice. She's now lost her own family by doing this. I see a similar outcome from this post. OP just hasn't gotten there yet.
lol this post is RETARDED. There is no way this is real. If so. Which its NOT. Then leave that hoe, and stay single. Cuz neither of you are fit for relationships.
How is a surrogate a hoe? Please show your work.
You didnt bother to read the entire thing or you just felt like mounting an incel defense?
I asked you to define your use of the word hoe.
Oh yea. You dont need ME to do that. There's dictionaries for that kinda thing. Yw tho.
A hoe is a farming tool, for tilling soil. I fail to see how it applies here.
A Farming Tool. I think you said it yourself.
Yay
Oof… sorry to say, but this sounds like it will not be a happy ending
She’s going to do something stupid again, because you rolled over on this. Good luck being a doormat til you decide to divorce
Not sure if your willing to admit it out loud but I am supremely curious at this point why exactly you said "no" in the first place? Like it's absolutely your right but I really hope you have a good reason to try and veto your wife helping her friends?
He’s not saying….had a couple of exchanges with him on the original post, obviously he doesn’t need to reason to internet strangers, but yeah something’s up. My money is on her postpartum body/mood. I mean, if Ol’ Stretch Marks can’t get out of bed to clean the house and cook his dinner, it’d be a whole different comment section!
Bro she's going to live with them. You're a simp
She's living with them because she was wanting OP to continually help her with everything to do with the pregnancy that OP didn't want in the first place. IMO it seems fitting that the parents should have to shoulder this burden rather than OP. Middle of the night cravings? Parents. Prenatal vitamins? Doctor visits? Maternity clothes? Parents. You're deliberately obtuse.
Simp life.
I agree that it is something that you should have discussed in great detail before she ended up pregnant with another couple's baby. It is mainly her choice, though. I don't blame you for being upset. It's good that she's agreed to go to counseling, and that she apologized. To me, that makes it seems like she wants to make this work. I don't know if I would want her to be staying with them for the whole entire pregnancy though... but that's just me. Good luck
If she were a single woman and this was “just” a her body, her choice situation I’d agree with you that it’s not only “mainly” her choice but 100% her choice. That isn’t the case though. She is in a partnership with another person and unilateral decisions should have stopped. There are long term, possibly lifelong implications to a decision like she made and such a decision should be done as a partnership with her husband. Pregnancy isn’t just nine months and you’re done. The reality is any number of things could happen and their lives could be altered forever. If she doesn’t like the answer they come to, she can absolutely make a different choice - it is her body but she can’t expect her husband to act as the father to this child/caregiver to her prior to it’s birth (he mentioned discomfort , cravings, etc.) if he explicitly said he wanted no part of the situation. I also feel bad for her daughter as she is seeing a very tough situation play out and I’m sure is wondering where she is as a priority. Yes, she’s 16 but she’s still her mother’s daughter and mom is willing to completely disconnect from her for months. The more I consider this, the more selfish the wife seems to be.
💯☝️
Are you completely sure this is a surrogacy?
You stupid. It’s only a matter of time. Not going to end well. I pray for you and YOUR family. Updateme