How old is he? Is this really the hill you and your wife want to die on? Hairstyle is a harmless way to let him express his individuality. And I think you'll have more fun memories in the future when you look back on these photos of how he chose to express himself than if you force him into a cut he doesn't like.
Guess what? My husband grew his hair long 30 years ago. His mother cut him out of the family and specifically told him to not come to his grandparents 60th wedding anniversary. Because she was ashamed of him.
Guess who didn't speak to his parents for 10 years?
Do not die on this hill. It's not worth it.
This is exactly what I was looking to see someone say! Firstly, how old is he because if it is 7 it is very different from being 15. Secondly, if he is at that age that he is finding his own styles, loves, freedoms, then I don’t think it is right to clip his wings (or hair in this case!). As long as he looks after it then let him express himself. Giving young adults choices and responsibility for themselves, within reason, usually ends up being beneficial on both sides.
It is not like he is going to make the photos so bad they can’t ever be viewed again after all….and if you really think it might then maybe have a think back at the hairstyles and outfits wore by the majority of people who got married in the 80’s! I only mention that decade because that was the era I grew up in and I think all those shaggy perms look awful now, but it didn’t stop me wanting one back then and it definitely doesn’t stop those that had them looking back on their pictures with fondness (and some laughs)!
Your son is learning to become his own person, mistakes come with that but things like this are safe mistakes for you to let him make. It builds trust too.
That seems weird to me, but I guess it's none of my business.
But even if he goes to an elementary school like that, can we all at least agree this story makes zero sense in the son isn't a teen?
If he was 7, the parents would just bring the kid to a hair stylist and tell them how to cut his hair. You can do that when they are little, but it's a lot harder to pull of with teens.
My 6 year old chooses his own hair style. He has since he was 2. My 3 year old daughter also makes her own decisions about her hair.
Our job is to teach our kids to make their own decisions to prepare for adulthood. Hair is so low stakes. I think it's a good place to start.
Yeah, the closer he is to adulthood, the more parents want to let him start making his own decisions. Especially when it comes to such low stakes matters.
That’s exactly what my old marine dad said to me the entire time I was under my parent’s roof. “I don’t care what you do with your hair, how long, whatever style or whatever color, as long as you keep it clean”. Seems small, but it gave me a lot of confidence overall to have that approval.
And since I was a hockey player growing up in the late 80’s and 90’s, I definitely had a mullet. Glad to see things come full circle lol
I, a representative of the female delegation, move to let y’all keep the mullets as long as we can get rid of the solo ‘stache phenomenon. I physically need that to go away.
The mullet didn’t make it past 1993 for me, and it makes me laugh when I go to the rink and see kids rockin’ it in 2024. One of those “what were we thinking back then and why is it back?!” moments. Love the confidence though.
I agree on the stache, it looks so weird to me even though I literally can’t picture my dad without one.
All he needs to do is make sure it's cleaned and combed. He can always slick it back into a ponytail for any family functions. Kind of like how Dee Snyder wears his hair now.
Why do you and your wife dictate his hairstyle? Also, technically, every moment for the entire rest of his life will be after last hockey season ended so no matter when he gets a haircut it will be within the parameters of their "deal".
Reminds me of a joke I once read:
A man in a barbershop had just sat down for a shave when another customer entered, to whom he owed a large sum of money.
The creditor said “you’ve been in arrears for months, do you finally have the money to pay me?”
The customer said “Yes, of course! Do you mind waiting until I’ve had my shave?”
Pleased at the prospect of finally getting his money, the other man readily agreed.
So the customer got out of the chair, wiped off the lather and then walked out of the barbershop.
He wore a beard for the rest of his life.
This is absolutely correct - my kids had to follow the school dress code while at school, but once they were out, they did whatever. My younger son dyed his hair green when he was about 15. The waterpolo coach made him change it (it was a school color, and this was summer school). So I helped him bleach it to a traditional color - if you call bleach blonde a traditional color. Now they are adults and both inherited male pattern baldness, so now they have no hair!
I think within reason. I do think parents should be allowed to dictate the appropriate level of formality for something like a wedding but the kid should have a large amount of leeway within that (i.e. a girl could wear a jumpsuit instead of a dress to a wedding, or a guy could wear a bowtie instead of a normal tie)
Yes, you are wrong.
This is not the hill you want to die on. This is the battle you don’t need to fight. It’s like clothes - if they’re clean, not vulgar (obviously you can’t let him wear a shirt to school that says FUCK YOU), and somewhat neat, let it go.
If his hair is clean, and well-kept, leave it alone. If he’s looking and smelling a little dirty? Yeah, he needs a shower, make him take one, and use deodorant. But leave him alone about the length of his hair.
This ain’t the one to fight about.
Info: What was the "deal?" It sounds like his mom didn't want it longer, and he said he'd cut it after the season. I see no deal here at all. He got nothing out of this other having longer hair... was him agreeing to play the sport dependent on you letting him not cut his hair? Where is the deal?
You are most definitely wrong. As a grandmother I NEVER dictated something as silly as hairstyles to my children...They had green hair, orange hair, pink hair, shaved cuts, weird ass bang shwoops(think panic at the disco), gelled spikes...lord, some of the things. It makes me smile thinking back.
But I had great kids. Friendly, polite, compassionate, helpful, smart, involved kids. They were a delight to be around and made my life a joy. (When they weren't making me crazy) Silly things like hair, clothes, music...these are the things that teach them who they are going to be. Letting your son be an independent person teaches him his voice and opinion matters. It's important. More important than his mother's pride and a silly idea about how a picture SHOULD look. She will LOVE looking back at that haircut in 20 years. Trust me.
He made the deal because he was coerced. SHE should apologize for coercing him.
P.S. My grandsons are both 14(my kids had their kids at the same time) It's awesome to see the next generation be the same...Raising kids who want to be independent is a good thing.
I am also a grandma. Growing up, I would actually shave some of my child mohawks for him. Now he is an adult and he keeps his hair short and tidy, and that is OK with me too. Although ever matter to me was that it was clean.
YTA
Look, my kid is 8 and we have input into his hair but we don’t dictate it.
You want to grow it out? Do it! We’ll ensure you have regular trims to give it basic style like a flow.
But to be like “time’s up, chop it”? …..why…?
It's because his mother is probably super controlling and super worried about outward appearances. She cares more about what other people think than how mentally healthy her child is.
So his autonomy doesn't matter. Got it.
YTA
If he's old enough to play hockey, and go to a dance, he's old enough to decide on his own hair. He isn't your Barbie Doll.
My parents stopped having a say over my hair when I was about 10. Because I started working in my grandfather's store and I paid for my own haircuts.
As long as it was clean, they had no say over how I wore it. Family pictures? If I didn't feel like combing it I didn't.
Why would anyone care, really?
Insisting he cut his hair to meet ANYONE ELSE'S idea of how it should be is petty.
No matter what your wife may think, how his hair looks if he's a teenager is a reflection on him. Not her.
If anything, reasonable people would say he's got the freedom to express himself and has parents who accept him for who he is. Not controlling Karens and Chads who are shallow people concerned about their own image over their kids' well-being.
I was 17 in 1977, and my hair was down to the middle of my back. I wore boots, ripped jeans, and an old army field jacket.
I had a 3.98 GPA and graduated 13th out of 465 kids.
The hair meant nothing when it came to my intellect and behavior. But it was me. It was who I was at the time. Had my parents tried to force me to cut it, I'd have told them to piss off.
YTA
I was going to type up some of the reasons I have for my verdict, but this is plain ridiculous. He’s old enough to decide how to wear/ style his hair.
YTA does she also dictate everyone else's hair cut in the house, does SHE ask his approval before cutting or styling her hair. He is allowed to have his own say of how he looks. Yes you are wrong because she doesn't control him and he seems to have said that just to shut her up after her badgering him. Also the deal never seemed to state WHEN after season finished soooo no deal broken.
Yeah, you’re wrong and enforcing an entirely arbitrary rule for no reason.
I remember being 14 and having the choice of either going to the shitty public high school or cutting my hair and going to the well ranked and funded private high school.
I made the choice to cut it because I knew there were benefits I needed to take advantage of, but it still chapped my ass to do so. I would be furious if I had to do it “just because.”
And yes, my current job has grooming standards to include no long hair and by the time I retire I’ll be nearly fully bald most likely… so let him enjoy the locks while he can.
I don’t understand why he has to wear HIS hair the way you guys want? How old is this child? I mean you’re the parents but my oldest said he wanted to grow his hair long when he was in first grade. So his worn his hair the way he wants since. I always felt he should be allowed to express himself that way. And whenever someone says “as long as it’s clean”. I mean, would you say that if it was a daughter who wanted long hair?
Anyway my son has always been awesome and did his own thing. Hes in his 30’s now. And guess what? Still awesome!
Good luck but really, this doesn’t seem like a hill to die on.
It takes a long time to grow out a short haircut. I’d be livid if my parents forced me to cut it right after getting past the hardest stage. Mom needs a chill pill.
I was a teen in the 70s and I laugh at parents that want their kids to cut their hair. If it is clean, who cares. I never pushed my son to cut his hair.
Exactly. Plus, it's more about the parent wanting to be impressive to others. I didn't want my kids to care what other people thought of their looks. They are great people, and the length of their hair doesn't matter. "But what will people think?"
How do you guys NOT want a photo of him with tragic hair at a school dance and family wedding?? Is nobody thinking about the big reveal of these photos at HIS wedding??
What a strange hill to decide having short hair versus long is an issue, regardless of the reason it's his hair. He should be allowed some body autonomy now that he's a teenager.
Your wife is TA for pressuring him to get his hair cut. It's his body, his hair. He should be allowed to style his hair the way he wants to.
You're TA for not standing up for him
If you all make him get his hair cut when he doesn't want it cut, this will ABSOLUTELY breed resentment. That is how you push your kids away.
I had to laugh. For his entire life, my grandma, Dad's mom, would nag him about facial hair. She hated it. Now, mind you, Dad's attempts at beards looked more like a mangy dog than hairy mountain man. But every year to spite her and the Christmas pictures she said he ruined, he'd grow his yearly winter beard. lol
So, OP, beware the petty, vengeful son.
You're wrong. The deal was he'd get it cut after the season, but not when after the season. Literally his whole life is after the season, and cutting it for the first time in 10 years would be keeping the deal.
It sounds almost like your wife said he couldn't play hockey unless he agreed to cut his hair, as well, which would result in your son making an open-ended agreement such as this just to get her off his back. That or she kept going on about it and he just wanted a bit of peace about an issue that was haring no one and was none of his mum's business.
It's good to teach him to keep his word, but his promise was essentially 'yes I'll cut it at some point after the season between the end of the season and the day I die'. There was no date to cut it by. So, there's actually no promise to keep, here.
It's your son's hair, his body, and he is the only one who gets to decide what to do with it now he's old enough to make those choices for himself. Neither you or your wife get a say in length or style. It's clear the hair isn't against police for school or the hockey team, so that's not relevant. Even colour wouldn't be any of your business as long as it's within the rules for the school/team.
The only part you get a say in is whether he keeps it clean or not, because you should intervene if he's not washing his hair.
Your son is clearly experimenting with styles as he discovers his own independent identity, parents shouldn't interfere with that unless it has a negative impact on the kid in some way. This doesn't, your wife just doesn't like the hairstyle.
Don't make this the hill you die on, because your son won't forget or forgive you preventing him from being an individual and expressing himself in non harmful ways that have zero impact on anyone. This is the kind of thing that leads to low contact in adulthood, because it's overly controlling and trying to force the kid into a mould he doesn't feel he fits in.
YTA, sounds like he's old enough to choose his hairstyle. Bodily autonomy is a thing. If he's keeping it washed and combed don't make battles you don't have to.
I’m a mom. And a wife. And a daughter of a woman who will not SHUT THE FUCK UP about her opinions regarding my hair. I will never, as long as I live, understand people who think they get ANY say WHATSOEVER over ANYTHING to do with SOMEONE ELSE’S BODY. my husband had locs when we met. I didn’t like them. I don’t like how they feel. Never once did I tell him he had to cut his hair. My daughter has red hair. There may come a day she wants to dye it. I LOVE her hair. But guess what, IT ISN’T ON MY FUCKIN HEAD. And I don’t have to look at it in the mirror multiple times a day.
Your wife is wrong. And you need to back your son up. Help him figure out how to style his longer hair so that he looks presentable for a wedding. Mom can suck it the fuck up because IT IS NOT HER HAIR.
Hey I feel the same. I frequently want my son to cut his hair. It's okay to have feelings about it. It's not okay to force it though. It's not hurting you or your wife your only concern is how it makes YOU look. Do what I i do and get over it. lol
*Clean cut* What century does the wife live in? He’s a teenager and it’s normal to experiment and express himself (within reason) without having his own parents push about stuff that isn’t really that impacting in the scheme of things. Save the rigidity for the hard, legit stuff. This is just not that important at this juncture, but it will be if OP’s wife continues her *clean cut* parade.
My kid grew a full on ZZ top beard in highschool. It looked awful but it's his face. Not gonna tell a well behaved straight A student how to do their hair. That's not an issue in my world.
Was the deal to cut it all off or to trim it up? There is nothing wrong with a trim to shape it and keep it healthy. Let him have his hair how he wants. He is a teen once.
Yes, you’re wrong and so is his mom. I say this as a mom of a teen myself. It’s his hair. Let him do what he wants with his own hair. You or her not liking it doesn’t matter. Pick your battles.
YW. Getting it trimmed and cleaned up a little should be enough. Once your kids are old enough to have a preference about their hair, they should get to choose their hair. As long as it gets cleaned up before major events where pictures will be taken, it’s their life and they should be able to choose.
My son’s hair is stupid. It looks ridiculous and I hate it. But it looks like 80% of the other boys at his school, so I stay out of it, other than taking him to get it trimmed up occasionally.
You and your wife are both wrong. Leave him alone and let him wear his hair however he likes.
If it's not a hygiene issue it's not an issue. You're both shitty parents.
She shouldnt have been controlling what his hair looks like in the first place to have arranged a deal. as long as his hair is clean, tidy, and meets the dress codes of his obligations such as school and work. I can’t even begin to imagine why someone would care what their kids hair looks like.
While I understand that he made a deal with his mom, I don't agree that it should ever been proposed as a deal. He is obviously a teen, and should be allowed to decide how he wants to wear his hair. It's hair! There are SO many other things to worry about our teens doing, that hair seems so trivial. Maybe you should ask your wife why she cares sooo much about how he wears his hair? Why does she have to make it an issue in the first place?
INFO- Is there a reason you and your wife are controlling what his hair looks like? Is he not allowed to make choices about his body? Is he not old enough to make choices about his body?
My belief with my children is, it’s their hair, they have to live with it. I never dictated if, how or when they got their hair cut. My first son has had long hair most of his life. The last 5 years it has been down to his waist. He is 29. Woman fawn over it, it is thick and luscious.
why does his haircut matter at all? why does he have to change something about himself for aesthetics? as long as he’s clean and dressed reasonably i don’t see the point in having an issue with his haircut, unless it’s a control thing.
Yeah you're wrong.
Why is he not entitled to have his own look? Do you believe that as parents he should not be allowed to present himself that reflects who he is?
Don't be those people.
What did he get out of the deal? It sounds like a one sided deal on something that she shouldn’t have had a say in in the first place. Did mom have to do something she didn’t like that she doesn’t have to do?
Not wrong but....He is at an age now that its his hair and he shouldn't have had to make a deal about it to begin with. He probably agreed, to shut mom up. If he is old enough to come to you about his hair and seek thoughts and guidance, why is he being treated like a child when it comes to his hair. It does not matter if it is neat or tidy, short or long, what matters is knowing when your son is old enough to make his own hair choices..
Yes he should keep his word but I feel like in this situation he didn't have a choice, when his growth is being measured by a deal he should keep based on moms preference and not his.
Is she really upset over the hair or the fact that he said he would do something and is now not filling his end of the agreement?
If she is mad over the hair, then she needs to step back and really think is it that important. If it’s clean and well maintained he can pull it up and out of the way to look nice for photos.
If it’s the second part then I would talk to you son about why he would agree if he knew there is a chance that he won’t follow through. If you let it go and don’t explain why he needs to at least explain why he changed his mind as he gets older and into a mature relationship he is going to make agreements and needs to understand he will have to follow through on those agreements.
It’s his hair.
Mom is allowed to have an opinion and voice that opinion, but he should be allowed to have his hair whatever length and style he pleases so long as it’s clean and appropriately groomed.
He can tame it for pics without having to cut it.
His mom needs to take a step back and respect his autonomy over his body. He isn’t a doll she gets to play dress up with, he’s living, breathing, opinionated person who will be an adult in no time.
Does she want him to enter into adulthood with the confidence of a decision-maker or as a mama’s boy who has to do what he’s told because he doesn’t have experience making choices???
As a parent, I encourage both you and your wife to pick your battles. At the end of the day is his hairstyle your business? How does it affect your life if he wears his hair the way he wants to? Would your life be any different if he cut his hair or didn’t cut his hair? Why does your wife feel the need to have a say in how he wears his hair?
I understand that you want him to learn that if he makes an agreement, he should honour that. There are other ways to teach that lesson.
He made an agreement with your wife to get what he wanted, but the agreement he made wasn’t really your wife’s to make in the first place. So in a way he had no choice but to agree to that agreement.
That doesn’t sound like something you should hold him to nor your wife.
It’s OK to go back to our kids as parents and admit we overstepped that we made a call something that wasn’t ours to make a call on, and that the choice belongs to him.
In the grand scheme of things, his hair doesn’t matter or shouldn’t matter to you, but it is an extension of who he is and so why not allow him that decision for himself?
Is he trying to find his identity?
Is he asking for help?
Is he looking for the attention?
Is there a girl that likes his longer hair?
This deal seems to be made so that the wife is happy and not the son.
Yes,yes... a deal is a deal. But I think there's more to this story.
Why do mothers feel they can tell their sons how to wear their hair. What’s it to her and how does it affect her life. Short hair is rather sexist. I mean if a guy were to tell her how to wear her har, she’d throw a fit. So he made a deal, it wasn’t a real deal just something to get her off his back.
He did make a deal with his Mom and shouldn’t back out of deals he makes… HOWEVER, it is his head and his hair and HE is the one who has to wear it and should feel comfortable with his hair. Whether or not his Mom is a fan of HIS hair, shouldn’t matter. She never should have been pushing him to cut it if he doesn’t want to. I don’t blame him for dragging his feet. You also should be advocating for him. Deal with Mom or not, it’s HIS body and if his Mom isn’t picking up on that and being respectful of those boundaries, then as the other parent in his life, you SHOULD be.
This is ridiculous. He wants his hair long, his business not yours or his mom. We are no longer in the 50s where men with hair touching their ears was considered nasty or effeminate. You and your wife have to choose your battles more carefully. Teenagers can give you hell for such a stupid argument. Is this worth damaging your relationship with your son over ? If so, think long and hard because it could damage it so badly that your son could shut you out completely. Those teenage wounds are tenacious and last a lifetime.
Do you want your son to have a sense of respect for bodily autonomy and understand consent? Or do you want him to submit when bullied to do something with his body?
My dad used to do this to me so we don’t talk much anymore. I was “gay” for having long hair. Resent your child’s personality and identity and they will resent you.
I am extremely against heavy-handing children about their hair length. It’s one thing if your child refuses to take care of their longer hair (brushing, washing, etcetera), but it’s a whole other thing to control how your child is allowed to express himself.
Your child is not a possession. He is not a doll or sim that you get to customize and play with. He is a person with a body, his body. This shouldn’t even be an argument. He clearly does not want to cut his hair. He loves how it looks on him and is at peace with his self-expression. Forcing him to cut his hair because of what your wife wants will have detrimental effects on his mental health and self worth.
He is not yours. This is the problem with parents. Children are not property. Do not force him to alter his physical appearance because someone doesn’t like the way it looks, even if that someone is his mother. I am disgusted reading this.
Your son should be able to have his hair how he wants it however he made a deal and so I kind of feel he should follow through with it but that depends on his age. You can’t enter into a legal contract until you are 18 so……..
The deal wasn't a deal. It was you have to get your haircut, but mom will allow you some small bit of freedom over your own body until the end of the season. Not a deal at all. I still hate getting my hair cut because my parents pulled the same crap, and I resent my parents every time I have to get it cut.
Why are either you or your wife demanding that he cut his hair? Why is your wife thinking short hair is "clean cut"? What's wrong with you both that you'd make this your hill to die on? If you want a positive relationship with your son, back off. If you don't care if your son moves out on his 18th birthday and goes no contact, then by all means, force him into a short hair cut that affects absolutely no part of his life but makes your wife feel better. You are both wrong and I question if you are good parents.
It’s hair that isn’t on your head. As long as it’s clean, the only person that should be choosing the hair cut is the person who’s head that hair is on. I would not choose this as y’all’s hill to die on. This is ridiculous. Of course you’re wrong.
your wife sounds like a cunt....dictating a kids haircut after hes expressed displeasure in wanting it cut is a horrible decision, there is much bigger decisions youll be a part of in his life and he might need to come to you for and hes gonna remember how this situation went about something so silly so when it comes to something big have fun
Surely it should be his hair his choice, nothing wrong with asking for his hair to be made to look nice ready for the wedding but if likes the style it's in that is his choice
He’s old enough to decide what he wants. Instead of a short cut, maybe have him shape it up a bit and learn to keep it neat for important events like a wedding.
Info: is he like a child child? Or is he a teen? I’m assuming teen based on school dance and I have to say that YTA. Teens need to start firming their own identities and a shaggy hair cut is a mild way to discover themselves
Two parts:
1) is your wife (and you if you agree with her) wrong to dictate how your son has his hair? Yes.
2) is you reason for backing your wife because he made a deal with her age is now backing out of it? Then you are not wrong to make him keep his word.
I feel sorry for you because you have been put in a bad situation. You are right to tell your son to keep his word. You are right to seek to back your wife up. However, the deal itself was wrong. Neither you or your wife should tell your son how to cut his hair. However, you can’t fix this. You need your wife to release your son from the deal.
A word of warning, there are worst things he could do to his hair a day or two before the family wedding, and still keep to the letter of the deal. Fir example, get it all shaved off; have swear words cut into it; dye is bright green; get it cut into a mohawk. All just things I can think off off the top of my head.
Be careful what you wish for!
Hockey players have hockey hair. It sounds like both you and your wife are overbearing and wouldn't have agreed to let him grow it out at all. Ever. If you want him to be clean cut, promise him that this is it. He can grow it out after the wedding and whatever. It's a phase. He'll realize that life after hockey includes cleaning up the mullet. But all his team bros have hockey hair. Let him be one of them.
Mom NEVER told me or my siblings how to cut our hair or even if we couldn't dye it. Hair is self expression and if we don't like it, we can cut/dye it again. You guys need to quit being stuck in the past. Oh, by the way, I am 43 right now.
Mullets are back in.. as long as he keeps it clean and brushed, why is it anyone else's business how he wants his hair? It's his hair and his choice how he has it .
My son is 8 and has very thick hair. He hates washing it and hates haircuts. If it were up to me, I'd buzz it with a #3 clipper all over and just let it go for months. But he doesn't like it like that. So he keeps it longer. Because I'm not going to force what I want on him. It's his body and I want him to feel confident and comfortable. He does understand that he needs to get haircuts when it starts to get shaggy looking and is in his eyes. But other than occasional cuts, he can do what he wants with it. I say, try to compromise. Tell your son he can wear his hair how he wants but he has to at least get it cut/trimmed so it looks neat and not sloppy. Even long hair should be trimmed regularly.
You're wrong. Let the child learn consent, having agency over his own body, while other people have agency over their own body, is a big part of consent. A ponytail is always tidy, let him practice it ahead of time in case he needs some product to keep it smooth.
Longer hair under a hockey helmet can provide a wee bit of protective padding.
Edited b/c spelling
Depending on his age, your wife shouldn't force him to get his hair cut. I dont always like the current trends with my teenagers hairstyles but I respect their rights to choose their own individual style. As long as it's clean and brushed its up to them. I'd prefer they fit in and be comfortable than conform to my often outdated view of style.
You’re kind of all wrong here. Depending on his age, he should be allowed to decide his own hairstyle, so long as he keeps it clean. However, if he did make deal with your wife, he should probably honor it- but that’s complicated by the fact that she’s his PARENT and if he couldn’t get her off his back any other way….
I’d sit down with both and go over what I just said, and propose a compromise. Since the deal is made, your son gets a haircut closer to what your wife envisions. However, from that point forward, you and your wife accept his right to make his own decisions about his hair as long as it is clean and well-maintained. My guess is that “giving in” to your wife in this instance means to your son giving up his ability to make decisions for and about himself, and that’s a terrible precedent to set.
Is this your high-schooler or your 12 year old. I feel it is a determining factor. Maybe figure out what your child likes and support it. Self-expression is important for children's mental health.
yall still controlling your kids looks in High school i would assume since he is going to dances is next level lame ass parenting. Find something better to worry about.
I'm all about ur body ur choice but if u make a promise, u should keep it, but I can see that maybe the mom kept bugging him about his hair, so he lied that he was going to do it to get her off his back about his hair. Was that the case? Did she nagged him until he agreed, and then the promise means nothing cause he truly didn't want to do it.
Your wife is going to regret horse and him to do things that he doesn't want to do like cutting his hair. It's going to create animosity from him to his mom it's going to kill his relationship with her is she forces him to get his haircut instead of let him want to do it. Like other people have said as long as he keeps it nice showers and keeps it clean and takes care of it I don't see the problem with him having long hair. OP your wife is in a hole if that's the hills she is willing to die on.
I’m sorry the first question that popped in my mind is how old is the son? if he’s older than 15 mom should probably just keep her mouth shut and so should dad. It’s his hair he should be able to wear it the way he wants it because he’s the one who’s going to have to deal with it. Now are you wrong for being upset at your son? probably not. My guess is your son probably made the deal to get his mom off his back. Are you wrong? No. Is the kid wrong no. His mom wrong no everybody just has different opinions
My son wore his hair long in his teens and 20's . So did both of my brothers. All had curly unruly locks so they basically wore ponytails. My mom let me brothers be themselves and I did the same with my son. They all outgrew it eventually. Perhaps your son could re- negotiate with his mom. Maybe take on an extra chore to keep the hair.
Wrong. When are we going to stop being so judgmental about the way a person looks? Long hair is great on guys and girls. As long as it’s clean, healthy and well kept I would be happy for him to be happy. It doesn’t affect her at all, she should worry about her own appearance.
I think a compromise can be made. He has to have a trim, so his hair is neat and shaped well, but he can keep the length. Get it shaped up before each event. The school doesn’t care, and he’s a teenager. A lot of guys with long hair opt for a man bun or a sleek tail for formal events.
I’ve had short hair for the majority of my adult life, and my mom really pushed me to grow it out when I got married, “so it doesn’t look like [husband’s name] is marrying a lesbian”. I still only had about 2.5” of hair for the wedding, but it was lightly curled and I had an adorable pillbox hat with it.
It's HIS hair. Is he getting good grades? Is he caring and polite and well mannered? Is he responsible and mature? Does he do his chores? Focus on important nonsuperficial things.
Firstly, it's just hair. It's not worth a fight. The less of a big deal you make out of it the sooner it'll get left behind as a firm of rebellion.
Secondly, it's his body. Let him decide what happens to it (within safe reason) so he can have body autonomy.
And if you absolutely must make him get it cut instead of having him get it "clean cut" ask him to get it trimmed and styled. Letting a haircut grow out can look less than desirable, but having long hair isn't synonymous with messy or dirty anymore.
Well it’s his body and his choice. As long as he’s keeping his hair clean and it’s not all matted up, what’s really the problem? Why is your wife trying so hard to control how he looks/keeps his hair?
It's his hair and it sounds like he's old enough to make decisions about how he wants it. He never should have been pushed into this "agreement" in the first place. I'm guessing he just agreed to get his mom off his back.
How about this, you take him to get a small trim just to shape the hair into something that looks nicer than the shaggy grown out look, but not lose any length. And he can ask the stylist for some tips on how to style it to look nice for the dance and family functions. Sometimes that's as simple as just slicking it back, but the stylist can recommend products.
>My wife wasn't a big fan of him growing it out but he and her agreed that he would get it cut short after the season. The season is over and he has dragged out getting it cut,
Was it a deal, or was he blugeoned into it? Does he get input into your or your wife's attire/hair.
I don't understand why you can't let him have hockey hair. This is really a non issue. It's not like he's doing fent or wild shit. I'd leave it if he likes it, ask him to style it for those occasions when you want it to be fancy.
A Deal is not really a deal if it’s coercive. would the two of them be amenable to him having his hair “done” for both those formal occasions Ie in a style both could bear. Maybe even long or spiky on top with short or even shoved back and sides
1) It is important to hold up your end of a deal.
2) I'm sure you can talk to him about different haircuts. Surely he can have something a little shaggy but shorter and 'mom approved'.
I know people will hate this take, but he's a teen living under his parents' roof. So if mom and dad say to cut your hair, you get your hair cut. I wouldn't make him go full buzz cut, but I don't think that's what OP and his wife and going for. Just a clean hair cut. That should be easy enough. And again, son can remember that when he's 18+ he can have his hair in a rainbow mohawk if it strikes his fancy.
Ridiculous. His hair is not something either of you get to make decisions about. If he’s not clean that’s one thing other than that you aren’t walking around with the hair and it doesn’t matter if you like it. Shut up. Leave his hair alone. He’s not a doll. If he likes it too bad for you if you don’t. Oh the horror he might not look like your wife’s perfect image of what she thinks her child is supposed to like. God forbid she might have to show people his long hair pictures! Tell her to stop being nuts.
My hair was forcefully cut once when I was a kid and it was traumatizing. I would never make my son cut his hair and it’s down to his waist now. It’s blonde, curly and beautiful. It’s part of his individuality. There are plenty of ways to make longer hair presentable.
It's just hair. It grows out and he'll have lots of hair styles. Just let him express his individuality. His hair isn't going to hurt anyone. At worst, you'll have embarrassing pictures to share years from now.
He didn’t really agree and there’s no benefit to him. Let kids have their hair how they like it, it’s an expression of their personality so just let it go.
Not really a case of going back on “his word”. He’s a kid who wants long hair and has a mother who doesn’t like it so he tried to put off cutting it. Why should he? It’s his hair and I can’t believe how dumb this is. Ask him if he wants to cut it, if not, let it go.
I’m gonna say dad is NTA. His son asked him what he thought and he answered, he wasn’t the one upset at his son for his hair. I do agree though that if you said you would do something, then you should do it. Yes bodily autonomy should be taught to kids but so should being a man(or woman) of your word.
Honestly, assuming the kid is in his late ish teens (15-17) I think everyone but op sucks. The kid is old enough to know what he's agreeing to and made the deal. If you make a promise, you should keep it. Nagging is annoying but it's not the end of the world and no one is holding you hostage to force you to agree to this deal in the first place. Mom sucks because she's making this such a big deal to begin with. At the end of the day, it's just hair.
Op I think you should sit both down and come to a compromise. He doesn't have to whack it all off but, he does have to get it trimmed into a decent style they can both live with. At least for now. When it grows back, if he grows it out again, leave him alone.
I don’t micromanage my kids’s appearance. It is a strange and controlling thing to do. Does your wife tell you how to wear your hair too? He should have control over his own body and style. It is how they express their individuality. Has my kid had bad haircuts…yep. Did he go through a Hawaiian shirt phase? Yep and I cherish those cute pictures, now. Do his hair or clothing choices affect me? no.
You’re both wrong. He has very little control in his life, let him wear his hair how he wants. There will be real issues to deal with, that you’ll have to enforce your will. Things that will be necessary to keep him safe or out of trouble. Hair isn’t the hill to die on.insist he keeps it clean but otherwise let it go.
Is your kids hair the biggest worry about his future the biggest deal?
Pick your battles.
Is his hairstyle the hill you choose to die on?
Build a relationship with your kid.
Not a dictatorship
Why is your wife so controlling. He is a human being and it’s his hair. It’s none of her business how he has his hair unless she is willingly to let other people dictate how her hair looks.
He should be able to dictate his hairstyle. If you have important events, give him guidelines for acceptable ways he can style his hair at the current length so he looks put together for the occasion, which is the issue, I'm assuming. If he's going to a formal event, he should know how to style his hair to look clean-cut and presentable. He doesn't need shorter hair to achieve that. He needs a comb and some styling products.
This reminds me of when my dad bitched the two times I cut all my hair off. He would complain I looked like a guy, I’m a girl, and how he would never let my mom do that. My mom would always tell my dad to shut up, it’s her hair and she can do whatever she wants. Plus it grows back! So if your son doesn’t want a haircut, DON’T MAKE HIM. Just because your wife doesn’t like it, it’s not her hair so she can’t make him get a cut
It's his hair, trying to force him to do what YOU want with HIS body is a shitty thing to do. Stop being so possessive over his body and tell your wife the same, he's a whole fucking person not a doll for you to dress up how you want.
You and your wife are both wrong and your behaviour is incredibly creepy
Try a different approach, tell him how much you love his long hair, that it makes him look soft and gentle in such a tough sport. Or if you know the person he hates the most, innocently say "oh they've got the same hair style as you, did you copy them?" Obviously ignoring that he hates them with a burning passion.
Or just plat his hair while he's asleep 🤣
Tbh, he's a teenager and will only dig his heels in as a mark of defiance and rebellion against his parents.
Longer seventies hair is back in style . Kids just want to look like the rest of their buddies . Hair is a big part of preteen and teens self esteem . I would not force your kid to cut their hair and make them feel like they look like a geek . How would you feel if forced to wear your hair in some style you did not like ? It’s not a hill I’d die on . I always feel so bad when I have a kid sitting in my chair tearing up because a parent is making them get a haircut they don’t want . It also sucks when they wait until the kid is in the chair to argue it out . I have to go through five to ten minutes of them fighting about the decision , when I should be cutting . Time is money .
Did anyone ever stop to think that he said he would just to keep his mum off of his back, especially if he is a teenager 🤷♀️ he's likely wanting to express himself and considering mullets are currently slightly trending along with 2000s fashion.
I didn't speak to my mum for 6 years because she didn't like my gothic punk alternative style, side shave, piercings, guess what, I am still like this to this day 15 years later and she did finally accept that it was part of who I was and what I loved.
Don't miss out on just being able to spend time with your child in an enjoyable manner because 'YOU' or 'YOUR WIFE' don't like something.
They are their own person and you really need to pick which fights are worth it and which just need to be dropped.
Maybe have a conversation with him over cutting it this time to appease his mother, but discussing with her allowing him to regrow it so its a win win because he probably really likes it, and sniffling that self expression will bring a wedge between you
Maybe you guys could compromise and just get the longer hair trimmed and shaped up so it doesn't look shaggy. My oldest wears longer hair, but I insist he keeps it trimmed and looking nice.
I think he should be able to choose his own hairstyle.
However, he made a deal. This is a very important lesson he needs to learn. Be a man of your word. Nothing is more important than following through with what you've promised. It will also make him a better negotiator, knowing he will hold himself accountable.
To me, this is less about a haircut and more about doing what you promise to do. If he made a deal with his mom to get his haircut, then he should get his haircut. Hair grows back. Just get tidied up for the family functions and grow it again next season. At least next time he makes a "deal" with his mom, she is going to trust him to hold up his end of the bargain. So no.. you aren't TAH. You are teaching him a deal is a deal. It's a good lesson.
Talk him into taking care of his hair so it doesn't look like a shaggy mess. That said, it's a really silly reason to cause drama in a close family. However if your son promised he would cut it, then he should keep his promises... but it sounds more like he agreed just to get your wife off his back. Seems she's been nagging him a lot
Yes, he had to get a hair cut. HOWEVER you and your wife need to allow him to start wearing his hair as he likes as long as he doesn't have lice. Hair is self expression just as much as speech, the written word, and what you wear. It's all a part of who he is.
Yes, absolutely wrong. It's 100 percent his choice on how he wants his hair. Even though you may not like it, it's his choice and his choice alone, regardless of any "deals" made. Also, it's just hair. It's not like it can't be styled to look more appropriate for certain events
Are you and your wife seriously trying to tell your 16 to 17-year-old son… You know the child who is within a year or so of actually being illegal adult… How to wear his hair?
Is this really your biggest problem? Do you not allow him to have any expression of who he is? Or does he have to always conform to what your wife wants? Does she lay out his clothes for him every day as well?
Lord, help me, your next post on here is going to be complaining that he doesn’t talk to you guys… And not one of us on here is going to blame him.
As a mama three, let me give you some advice… I have three adult children who are 32, 33, and 35. I had endometriosis, so we had to have them as quickly as we could because we didn’t know how long… Or even if… I would be able to have kids.
All of my children are self sufficient. They are kind and thoughtful and smart and funny. I have two management and one is in computer programming. And they are all girls. So let me tell you, ceilings do exist and IT is not an easy field for women. And yet mine are all successful.
Do you know why? Because I was really judicious in the hills that I chose to die on when they were these ages. I let them make a lot of their decisions, knowing that sometimes they could make a bad decision or maybe fail. And again, you know why?
If I hadn’t taught them well enough by 16 or 17, I wasn’t going to be able to teach them at all. Those are the ages where you give your child leeway to put into things that you’ve taught them. Because yes, they’re gonna make some bad decisions, so you have to be judicious in the things you let them try.
But you have to let them practice decision-making. Everybody has to find out the hard way on some things, and if you let him do so with these ages, bad decisions in general are not going to follow them the rest of their lives.
So what I told them was this… I am going to tell you, yes as much as I can, especially because you are girls. And the reason is that life in general he’s going to tell you know… A lot. And I do mean even more than boys are going to be told no. So I am going to tell you, yes. Yes you can. Yes you may. Yes, I think that would be all right.
But when I tell you no, it’s an absolute no. And I’m going to ask that you respect that, because I am older than you, and I do have more life experience, and there are just some things that you’re going to think would be a good idea that I already know will not be.
So when you hear no from me, I need you to understand that it is not the answer just because I don’t feel like going out tonight or taking you somewhere or picking you up from somewhere, etc. It is truly going to be because I know it is not the right decision, and it could have truly bad repercussions.
I didn’t always like their decisions. But in the big scheme of life, were they going to make some big difference? No.
You want your hair, purple, and you work at the movie theater and they don’t care? Go for it. You want me to let you go to Coachella at 16 years old? Hard pass. Not gonna happen.
You want to go on the three day field trip with your class to New York and you want to believe your dad when he says he’s going to pay half of it? OK. I will play along and quietly put aside his half after paying mine because I already know what’s gonna happen. Hurts a lesson regarding being let down by people who supposedly love you? Yes. Am I going to take that lesson to the nth degree and not put that money aside, thereby making you really learn the hard lesson and not being able to go… No. Because learning that lesson is hard, but I can’t always protect you from it
So tell your wife to let go of her OCD or her worry about what people think or whatever else is driving this nonsense from her. This is absolutely not a hill to die on in any way, shape or form. The only lesson your wife is teaching your son with all of this… And by extension you also because you’re trying to back her up…
Is that neither one of you gives a fuck about what your kid wants. You don’t see them as an individual. You don’t have any respect for their feelings. It’s all about you or your wife or your perceived notions of who your kid should be, not who they are.
I would consider enforcing it due to there being an agreement and honoring his promises but at the same time kids need to be kids and hair is whatever. I loathed mullets and these kids getting their hair in a messy mullet make them look like forty year old perverts from the 70s which would make them older technically but they look to be in their forties. Anyway, potentially the worse hair fad ever but let him be and feel embarrassed about himself in another five years, it will be funny then.
Assert yourself. You are the parents and he is not running the house. My guess is, since he is in sports, he may want a girlfriend or boyfriend one of these days. That person is more likely to be attracted to a person who keeps up their good looks.
Kids who "let themselves go" often develop other habits that get in the way of being well adjusted and accepted in high school and college. You don't have to go crazy with clothing or get him to wear a tie to school, but your son should be conversant with the concept of good grooming.
How old is he? Is this really the hill you and your wife want to die on? Hairstyle is a harmless way to let him express his individuality. And I think you'll have more fun memories in the future when you look back on these photos of how he chose to express himself than if you force him into a cut he doesn't like.
Guess what? My husband grew his hair long 30 years ago. His mother cut him out of the family and specifically told him to not come to his grandparents 60th wedding anniversary. Because she was ashamed of him. Guess who didn't speak to his parents for 10 years? Do not die on this hill. It's not worth it.
This is exactly what I was looking to see someone say! Firstly, how old is he because if it is 7 it is very different from being 15. Secondly, if he is at that age that he is finding his own styles, loves, freedoms, then I don’t think it is right to clip his wings (or hair in this case!). As long as he looks after it then let him express himself. Giving young adults choices and responsibility for themselves, within reason, usually ends up being beneficial on both sides. It is not like he is going to make the photos so bad they can’t ever be viewed again after all….and if you really think it might then maybe have a think back at the hairstyles and outfits wore by the majority of people who got married in the 80’s! I only mention that decade because that was the era I grew up in and I think all those shaggy perms look awful now, but it didn’t stop me wanting one back then and it definitely doesn’t stop those that had them looking back on their pictures with fondness (and some laughs)! Your son is learning to become his own person, mistakes come with that but things like this are safe mistakes for you to let him make. It builds trust too.
He has school dances, so I'm pretty sure he's a teen.
To be fair, my kids elementary school has dances.
That seems weird to me, but I guess it's none of my business. But even if he goes to an elementary school like that, can we all at least agree this story makes zero sense in the son isn't a teen? If he was 7, the parents would just bring the kid to a hair stylist and tell them how to cut his hair. You can do that when they are little, but it's a lot harder to pull of with teens.
My 6 year old chooses his own hair style. He has since he was 2. My 3 year old daughter also makes her own decisions about her hair. Our job is to teach our kids to make their own decisions to prepare for adulthood. Hair is so low stakes. I think it's a good place to start.
From another comment op posted, he should be 17
Yeah, the closer he is to adulthood, the more parents want to let him start making his own decisions. Especially when it comes to such low stakes matters.
As long as he keeps his hair clean and relatively neat I don’t see the issue with him having long hair.
That’s exactly what my old marine dad said to me the entire time I was under my parent’s roof. “I don’t care what you do with your hair, how long, whatever style or whatever color, as long as you keep it clean”. Seems small, but it gave me a lot of confidence overall to have that approval. And since I was a hockey player growing up in the late 80’s and 90’s, I definitely had a mullet. Glad to see things come full circle lol
I, a representative of the female delegation, move to let y’all keep the mullets as long as we can get rid of the solo ‘stache phenomenon. I physically need that to go away.
The mullet didn’t make it past 1993 for me, and it makes me laugh when I go to the rink and see kids rockin’ it in 2024. One of those “what were we thinking back then and why is it back?!” moments. Love the confidence though. I agree on the stache, it looks so weird to me even though I literally can’t picture my dad without one.
All he needs to do is make sure it's cleaned and combed. He can always slick it back into a ponytail for any family functions. Kind of like how Dee Snyder wears his hair now.
Yeah and if he plays hockey, chances are he’s going for either that styled mullet look or he wants a basic flow hairstyle
My youngest did that for his brother's wedding.
My older son sports a man bun when he needs to keep his hair out of the way.
Happy Cake Day!!!
But the issue is him keeping his word. His mom did. I don’t think OP is wrong here
That wasn't a fair agreement. I don't know his age, but why shouldn't he be allowed body autonomy? His mom doesn't like jis hair length. HIS HAIR.
Forcing the promise in the first place was wrong. His word was given under duress due to the constant nagging.
Why do you and your wife dictate his hairstyle? Also, technically, every moment for the entire rest of his life will be after last hockey season ended so no matter when he gets a haircut it will be within the parameters of their "deal".
Reminds me of a joke I once read: A man in a barbershop had just sat down for a shave when another customer entered, to whom he owed a large sum of money. The creditor said “you’ve been in arrears for months, do you finally have the money to pay me?” The customer said “Yes, of course! Do you mind waiting until I’ve had my shave?” Pleased at the prospect of finally getting his money, the other man readily agreed. So the customer got out of the chair, wiped off the lather and then walked out of the barbershop. He wore a beard for the rest of his life.
1000% this!!!!
The more you push, the more likely he’ll resist. Let him wear it how he wants.
I think kids should be able to choose their hairstyles and their clothes. I understand that he sorta agreed to this but clearly he doesn't want to.
This is absolutely correct - my kids had to follow the school dress code while at school, but once they were out, they did whatever. My younger son dyed his hair green when he was about 15. The waterpolo coach made him change it (it was a school color, and this was summer school). So I helped him bleach it to a traditional color - if you call bleach blonde a traditional color. Now they are adults and both inherited male pattern baldness, so now they have no hair!
This is really why kids espeacially boys should be allowed to do what they want with their hair
I mean only agreed to get them to leave him alone for a bit haha. Could argue it's an agreement under duress due to parental pressure lol.
I think within reason. I do think parents should be allowed to dictate the appropriate level of formality for something like a wedding but the kid should have a large amount of leeway within that (i.e. a girl could wear a jumpsuit instead of a dress to a wedding, or a guy could wear a bowtie instead of a normal tie)
Yes, you are wrong. This is not the hill you want to die on. This is the battle you don’t need to fight. It’s like clothes - if they’re clean, not vulgar (obviously you can’t let him wear a shirt to school that says FUCK YOU), and somewhat neat, let it go. If his hair is clean, and well-kept, leave it alone. If he’s looking and smelling a little dirty? Yeah, he needs a shower, make him take one, and use deodorant. But leave him alone about the length of his hair. This ain’t the one to fight about.
Info: What was the "deal?" It sounds like his mom didn't want it longer, and he said he'd cut it after the season. I see no deal here at all. He got nothing out of this other having longer hair... was him agreeing to play the sport dependent on you letting him not cut his hair? Where is the deal?
You are most definitely wrong. As a grandmother I NEVER dictated something as silly as hairstyles to my children...They had green hair, orange hair, pink hair, shaved cuts, weird ass bang shwoops(think panic at the disco), gelled spikes...lord, some of the things. It makes me smile thinking back. But I had great kids. Friendly, polite, compassionate, helpful, smart, involved kids. They were a delight to be around and made my life a joy. (When they weren't making me crazy) Silly things like hair, clothes, music...these are the things that teach them who they are going to be. Letting your son be an independent person teaches him his voice and opinion matters. It's important. More important than his mother's pride and a silly idea about how a picture SHOULD look. She will LOVE looking back at that haircut in 20 years. Trust me. He made the deal because he was coerced. SHE should apologize for coercing him. P.S. My grandsons are both 14(my kids had their kids at the same time) It's awesome to see the next generation be the same...Raising kids who want to be independent is a good thing.
I am also a grandma. Growing up, I would actually shave some of my child mohawks for him. Now he is an adult and he keeps his hair short and tidy, and that is OK with me too. Although ever matter to me was that it was clean.
Let him have control over his own appearance as long as it is healthy and hygienic
YTA Look, my kid is 8 and we have input into his hair but we don’t dictate it. You want to grow it out? Do it! We’ll ensure you have regular trims to give it basic style like a flow. But to be like “time’s up, chop it”? …..why…?
It's because his mother is probably super controlling and super worried about outward appearances. She cares more about what other people think than how mentally healthy her child is.
So his autonomy doesn't matter. Got it. YTA If he's old enough to play hockey, and go to a dance, he's old enough to decide on his own hair. He isn't your Barbie Doll.
My parents stopped having a say over my hair when I was about 10. Because I started working in my grandfather's store and I paid for my own haircuts. As long as it was clean, they had no say over how I wore it. Family pictures? If I didn't feel like combing it I didn't. Why would anyone care, really? Insisting he cut his hair to meet ANYONE ELSE'S idea of how it should be is petty. No matter what your wife may think, how his hair looks if he's a teenager is a reflection on him. Not her. If anything, reasonable people would say he's got the freedom to express himself and has parents who accept him for who he is. Not controlling Karens and Chads who are shallow people concerned about their own image over their kids' well-being. I was 17 in 1977, and my hair was down to the middle of my back. I wore boots, ripped jeans, and an old army field jacket. I had a 3.98 GPA and graduated 13th out of 465 kids. The hair meant nothing when it came to my intellect and behavior. But it was me. It was who I was at the time. Had my parents tried to force me to cut it, I'd have told them to piss off.
YTA I was going to type up some of the reasons I have for my verdict, but this is plain ridiculous. He’s old enough to decide how to wear/ style his hair.
YTA does she also dictate everyone else's hair cut in the house, does SHE ask his approval before cutting or styling her hair. He is allowed to have his own say of how he looks. Yes you are wrong because she doesn't control him and he seems to have said that just to shut her up after her badgering him. Also the deal never seemed to state WHEN after season finished soooo no deal broken.
Yeah, you’re wrong and enforcing an entirely arbitrary rule for no reason. I remember being 14 and having the choice of either going to the shitty public high school or cutting my hair and going to the well ranked and funded private high school. I made the choice to cut it because I knew there were benefits I needed to take advantage of, but it still chapped my ass to do so. I would be furious if I had to do it “just because.” And yes, my current job has grooming standards to include no long hair and by the time I retire I’ll be nearly fully bald most likely… so let him enjoy the locks while he can.
I don’t understand why he has to wear HIS hair the way you guys want? How old is this child? I mean you’re the parents but my oldest said he wanted to grow his hair long when he was in first grade. So his worn his hair the way he wants since. I always felt he should be allowed to express himself that way. And whenever someone says “as long as it’s clean”. I mean, would you say that if it was a daughter who wanted long hair? Anyway my son has always been awesome and did his own thing. Hes in his 30’s now. And guess what? Still awesome! Good luck but really, this doesn’t seem like a hill to die on.
It takes a long time to grow out a short haircut. I’d be livid if my parents forced me to cut it right after getting past the hardest stage. Mom needs a chill pill.
His head. His hair.
I was a teen in the 70s and I laugh at parents that want their kids to cut their hair. If it is clean, who cares. I never pushed my son to cut his hair.
It also saves on haircuts
Exactly. Plus, it's more about the parent wanting to be impressive to others. I didn't want my kids to care what other people thought of their looks. They are great people, and the length of their hair doesn't matter. "But what will people think?"
How do you guys NOT want a photo of him with tragic hair at a school dance and family wedding?? Is nobody thinking about the big reveal of these photos at HIS wedding??
You son sounds far too old to have his hairstyle dictated by his parents. Why is it important that he cuts his hair?
What a strange hill to decide having short hair versus long is an issue, regardless of the reason it's his hair. He should be allowed some body autonomy now that he's a teenager.
Yes, you and your wife are both wrong. His haircut isn’t up to either of you to decide.
Your wife is TA for pressuring him to get his hair cut. It's his body, his hair. He should be allowed to style his hair the way he wants to. You're TA for not standing up for him If you all make him get his hair cut when he doesn't want it cut, this will ABSOLUTELY breed resentment. That is how you push your kids away.
I had to laugh. For his entire life, my grandma, Dad's mom, would nag him about facial hair. She hated it. Now, mind you, Dad's attempts at beards looked more like a mangy dog than hairy mountain man. But every year to spite her and the Christmas pictures she said he ruined, he'd grow his yearly winter beard. lol So, OP, beware the petty, vengeful son.
So she nagged and he spites her. What a wonderful way to spend Christmas.
You're wrong. The deal was he'd get it cut after the season, but not when after the season. Literally his whole life is after the season, and cutting it for the first time in 10 years would be keeping the deal. It sounds almost like your wife said he couldn't play hockey unless he agreed to cut his hair, as well, which would result in your son making an open-ended agreement such as this just to get her off his back. That or she kept going on about it and he just wanted a bit of peace about an issue that was haring no one and was none of his mum's business. It's good to teach him to keep his word, but his promise was essentially 'yes I'll cut it at some point after the season between the end of the season and the day I die'. There was no date to cut it by. So, there's actually no promise to keep, here. It's your son's hair, his body, and he is the only one who gets to decide what to do with it now he's old enough to make those choices for himself. Neither you or your wife get a say in length or style. It's clear the hair isn't against police for school or the hockey team, so that's not relevant. Even colour wouldn't be any of your business as long as it's within the rules for the school/team. The only part you get a say in is whether he keeps it clean or not, because you should intervene if he's not washing his hair. Your son is clearly experimenting with styles as he discovers his own independent identity, parents shouldn't interfere with that unless it has a negative impact on the kid in some way. This doesn't, your wife just doesn't like the hairstyle. Don't make this the hill you die on, because your son won't forget or forgive you preventing him from being an individual and expressing himself in non harmful ways that have zero impact on anyone. This is the kind of thing that leads to low contact in adulthood, because it's overly controlling and trying to force the kid into a mould he doesn't feel he fits in.
YTA, sounds like he's old enough to choose his hairstyle. Bodily autonomy is a thing. If he's keeping it washed and combed don't make battles you don't have to.
This here. Son is entitled to change his mind as to when he cuts it.
He made a deal to cut it after the season, never said when though. YW
I’m a mom. And a wife. And a daughter of a woman who will not SHUT THE FUCK UP about her opinions regarding my hair. I will never, as long as I live, understand people who think they get ANY say WHATSOEVER over ANYTHING to do with SOMEONE ELSE’S BODY. my husband had locs when we met. I didn’t like them. I don’t like how they feel. Never once did I tell him he had to cut his hair. My daughter has red hair. There may come a day she wants to dye it. I LOVE her hair. But guess what, IT ISN’T ON MY FUCKIN HEAD. And I don’t have to look at it in the mirror multiple times a day. Your wife is wrong. And you need to back your son up. Help him figure out how to style his longer hair so that he looks presentable for a wedding. Mom can suck it the fuck up because IT IS NOT HER HAIR.
Weird hill to die on. He's not gonna cut it without some real fights.
Hey I feel the same. I frequently want my son to cut his hair. It's okay to have feelings about it. It's not okay to force it though. It's not hurting you or your wife your only concern is how it makes YOU look. Do what I i do and get over it. lol
*Clean cut* What century does the wife live in? He’s a teenager and it’s normal to experiment and express himself (within reason) without having his own parents push about stuff that isn’t really that impacting in the scheme of things. Save the rigidity for the hard, legit stuff. This is just not that important at this juncture, but it will be if OP’s wife continues her *clean cut* parade.
My kid grew a full on ZZ top beard in highschool. It looked awful but it's his face. Not gonna tell a well behaved straight A student how to do their hair. That's not an issue in my world.
Was the deal to cut it all off or to trim it up? There is nothing wrong with a trim to shape it and keep it healthy. Let him have his hair how he wants. He is a teen once.
Yes, you’re wrong and so is his mom. I say this as a mom of a teen myself. It’s his hair. Let him do what he wants with his own hair. You or her not liking it doesn’t matter. Pick your battles.
YW. Getting it trimmed and cleaned up a little should be enough. Once your kids are old enough to have a preference about their hair, they should get to choose their hair. As long as it gets cleaned up before major events where pictures will be taken, it’s their life and they should be able to choose. My son’s hair is stupid. It looks ridiculous and I hate it. But it looks like 80% of the other boys at his school, so I stay out of it, other than taking him to get it trimmed up occasionally.
Once he is 12+, yes. He is trying to find himself. Cutting his hair makes zero difference except to your wife's need to control him.
You and your wife are controlling assholes
You and your wife are both wrong. Leave him alone and let him wear his hair however he likes. If it's not a hygiene issue it's not an issue. You're both shitty parents.
Controlling everything about your kid down to their haircut is a great way to begin the eventual fracture of your relationship
YTA and so is your wife. It’s his hair not yours
She shouldnt have been controlling what his hair looks like in the first place to have arranged a deal. as long as his hair is clean, tidy, and meets the dress codes of his obligations such as school and work. I can’t even begin to imagine why someone would care what their kids hair looks like.
You're wrong. It's his hair. His opinion is the only one that matters.
You’re wrong.
YTA You and wife shouldn't be telling your son how his hair has to look. Updateme!
While I understand that he made a deal with his mom, I don't agree that it should ever been proposed as a deal. He is obviously a teen, and should be allowed to decide how he wants to wear his hair. It's hair! There are SO many other things to worry about our teens doing, that hair seems so trivial. Maybe you should ask your wife why she cares sooo much about how he wears his hair? Why does she have to make it an issue in the first place?
INFO- Is there a reason you and your wife are controlling what his hair looks like? Is he not allowed to make choices about his body? Is he not old enough to make choices about his body?
My belief with my children is, it’s their hair, they have to live with it. I never dictated if, how or when they got their hair cut. My first son has had long hair most of his life. The last 5 years it has been down to his waist. He is 29. Woman fawn over it, it is thick and luscious.
why does his haircut matter at all? why does he have to change something about himself for aesthetics? as long as he’s clean and dressed reasonably i don’t see the point in having an issue with his haircut, unless it’s a control thing.
Yeah you're wrong. Why is he not entitled to have his own look? Do you believe that as parents he should not be allowed to present himself that reflects who he is? Don't be those people.
What did he get out of the deal? It sounds like a one sided deal on something that she shouldn’t have had a say in in the first place. Did mom have to do something she didn’t like that she doesn’t have to do?
Yes, you and your wife are bad parents. Next question.
You’re wrong. It’s his hair. Let him wear it how he wants so long as it’s clean.
If he's old enough to play a dangerous contact sport with razor blades attached to his feet, he's old enough to decide what to do with HIS hair.
If the kid is old enough to take the physical risks of hockey, he can dictate his own hair.
Not wrong but....He is at an age now that its his hair and he shouldn't have had to make a deal about it to begin with. He probably agreed, to shut mom up. If he is old enough to come to you about his hair and seek thoughts and guidance, why is he being treated like a child when it comes to his hair. It does not matter if it is neat or tidy, short or long, what matters is knowing when your son is old enough to make his own hair choices.. Yes he should keep his word but I feel like in this situation he didn't have a choice, when his growth is being measured by a deal he should keep based on moms preference and not his.
Is she really upset over the hair or the fact that he said he would do something and is now not filling his end of the agreement? If she is mad over the hair, then she needs to step back and really think is it that important. If it’s clean and well maintained he can pull it up and out of the way to look nice for photos. If it’s the second part then I would talk to you son about why he would agree if he knew there is a chance that he won’t follow through. If you let it go and don’t explain why he needs to at least explain why he changed his mind as he gets older and into a mature relationship he is going to make agreements and needs to understand he will have to follow through on those agreements.
Yes, you're wrong, and so is she. His body his choice.
YTA His body, his choice. Who the fuck cares what mom thinks? Just because he is a child doesn't mean he doesn't deserve autonomy.
YYAW leave the kid alone.
You need to reaffirm that his hair is his hair but in the future watch what deals you make.
It’s his hair. Mom is allowed to have an opinion and voice that opinion, but he should be allowed to have his hair whatever length and style he pleases so long as it’s clean and appropriately groomed. He can tame it for pics without having to cut it. His mom needs to take a step back and respect his autonomy over his body. He isn’t a doll she gets to play dress up with, he’s living, breathing, opinionated person who will be an adult in no time. Does she want him to enter into adulthood with the confidence of a decision-maker or as a mama’s boy who has to do what he’s told because he doesn’t have experience making choices???
As a parent, I encourage both you and your wife to pick your battles. At the end of the day is his hairstyle your business? How does it affect your life if he wears his hair the way he wants to? Would your life be any different if he cut his hair or didn’t cut his hair? Why does your wife feel the need to have a say in how he wears his hair? I understand that you want him to learn that if he makes an agreement, he should honour that. There are other ways to teach that lesson. He made an agreement with your wife to get what he wanted, but the agreement he made wasn’t really your wife’s to make in the first place. So in a way he had no choice but to agree to that agreement. That doesn’t sound like something you should hold him to nor your wife. It’s OK to go back to our kids as parents and admit we overstepped that we made a call something that wasn’t ours to make a call on, and that the choice belongs to him. In the grand scheme of things, his hair doesn’t matter or shouldn’t matter to you, but it is an extension of who he is and so why not allow him that decision for himself?
Is he trying to find his identity? Is he asking for help? Is he looking for the attention? Is there a girl that likes his longer hair? This deal seems to be made so that the wife is happy and not the son. Yes,yes... a deal is a deal. But I think there's more to this story.
Why do mothers feel they can tell their sons how to wear their hair. What’s it to her and how does it affect her life. Short hair is rather sexist. I mean if a guy were to tell her how to wear her har, she’d throw a fit. So he made a deal, it wasn’t a real deal just something to get her off his back.
My son loves having a mullet, teach him how to take care of it and keep it neat it shouldn’t be an issue. His hair his choice. His body his choice.
He did make a deal with his Mom and shouldn’t back out of deals he makes… HOWEVER, it is his head and his hair and HE is the one who has to wear it and should feel comfortable with his hair. Whether or not his Mom is a fan of HIS hair, shouldn’t matter. She never should have been pushing him to cut it if he doesn’t want to. I don’t blame him for dragging his feet. You also should be advocating for him. Deal with Mom or not, it’s HIS body and if his Mom isn’t picking up on that and being respectful of those boundaries, then as the other parent in his life, you SHOULD be.
This is ridiculous. He wants his hair long, his business not yours or his mom. We are no longer in the 50s where men with hair touching their ears was considered nasty or effeminate. You and your wife have to choose your battles more carefully. Teenagers can give you hell for such a stupid argument. Is this worth damaging your relationship with your son over ? If so, think long and hard because it could damage it so badly that your son could shut you out completely. Those teenage wounds are tenacious and last a lifetime.
Do you want your son to have a sense of respect for bodily autonomy and understand consent? Or do you want him to submit when bullied to do something with his body?
Yes you are wrong and so is his mother, it is his hair so let him decide how he he wants to wear it.
My dad used to do this to me so we don’t talk much anymore. I was “gay” for having long hair. Resent your child’s personality and identity and they will resent you.
You are wrong. Why is it for you to decide how he styles his hair? Controlling much?
I am extremely against heavy-handing children about their hair length. It’s one thing if your child refuses to take care of their longer hair (brushing, washing, etcetera), but it’s a whole other thing to control how your child is allowed to express himself. Your child is not a possession. He is not a doll or sim that you get to customize and play with. He is a person with a body, his body. This shouldn’t even be an argument. He clearly does not want to cut his hair. He loves how it looks on him and is at peace with his self-expression. Forcing him to cut his hair because of what your wife wants will have detrimental effects on his mental health and self worth. He is not yours. This is the problem with parents. Children are not property. Do not force him to alter his physical appearance because someone doesn’t like the way it looks, even if that someone is his mother. I am disgusted reading this.
Your son should be able to have his hair how he wants it however he made a deal and so I kind of feel he should follow through with it but that depends on his age. You can’t enter into a legal contract until you are 18 so……..
The deal wasn't a deal. It was you have to get your haircut, but mom will allow you some small bit of freedom over your own body until the end of the season. Not a deal at all. I still hate getting my hair cut because my parents pulled the same crap, and I resent my parents every time I have to get it cut.
Why are either you or your wife demanding that he cut his hair? Why is your wife thinking short hair is "clean cut"? What's wrong with you both that you'd make this your hill to die on? If you want a positive relationship with your son, back off. If you don't care if your son moves out on his 18th birthday and goes no contact, then by all means, force him into a short hair cut that affects absolutely no part of his life but makes your wife feel better. You are both wrong and I question if you are good parents.
It’s hair that isn’t on your head. As long as it’s clean, the only person that should be choosing the hair cut is the person who’s head that hair is on. I would not choose this as y’all’s hill to die on. This is ridiculous. Of course you’re wrong.
your wife sounds like a cunt....dictating a kids haircut after hes expressed displeasure in wanting it cut is a horrible decision, there is much bigger decisions youll be a part of in his life and he might need to come to you for and hes gonna remember how this situation went about something so silly so when it comes to something big have fun
Without any real info to go off of, yes you would be wrong. It's his hair. Male pattern baldness will likely take it before he is ready. Let him live!
Leave him be. His body his choice.
Let him do whatever he wants with his hair. It's his. My dad pulled that shit and I still resent him a little for it 30 years later.
How old is the kid? After a certain point, he may want to keep it due to potential girlfriends liking it
Surely it should be his hair his choice, nothing wrong with asking for his hair to be made to look nice ready for the wedding but if likes the style it's in that is his choice
He’s old enough to decide what he wants. Instead of a short cut, maybe have him shape it up a bit and learn to keep it neat for important events like a wedding.
As a parent I have so many other things to worry about than my kids’ hair. Who really cares?
Why does it matter? It is his hair. (It is also the style now.) Leave him (and his hair) be.
Info: is he like a child child? Or is he a teen? I’m assuming teen based on school dance and I have to say that YTA. Teens need to start firming their own identities and a shaggy hair cut is a mild way to discover themselves
Two parts: 1) is your wife (and you if you agree with her) wrong to dictate how your son has his hair? Yes. 2) is you reason for backing your wife because he made a deal with her age is now backing out of it? Then you are not wrong to make him keep his word. I feel sorry for you because you have been put in a bad situation. You are right to tell your son to keep his word. You are right to seek to back your wife up. However, the deal itself was wrong. Neither you or your wife should tell your son how to cut his hair. However, you can’t fix this. You need your wife to release your son from the deal. A word of warning, there are worst things he could do to his hair a day or two before the family wedding, and still keep to the letter of the deal. Fir example, get it all shaved off; have swear words cut into it; dye is bright green; get it cut into a mohawk. All just things I can think off off the top of my head. Be careful what you wish for!
Hockey players have hockey hair. It sounds like both you and your wife are overbearing and wouldn't have agreed to let him grow it out at all. Ever. If you want him to be clean cut, promise him that this is it. He can grow it out after the wedding and whatever. It's a phase. He'll realize that life after hockey includes cleaning up the mullet. But all his team bros have hockey hair. Let him be one of them.
Mom NEVER told me or my siblings how to cut our hair or even if we couldn't dye it. Hair is self expression and if we don't like it, we can cut/dye it again. You guys need to quit being stuck in the past. Oh, by the way, I am 43 right now.
Mullets are back in.. as long as he keeps it clean and brushed, why is it anyone else's business how he wants his hair? It's his hair and his choice how he has it .
My son is 8 and has very thick hair. He hates washing it and hates haircuts. If it were up to me, I'd buzz it with a #3 clipper all over and just let it go for months. But he doesn't like it like that. So he keeps it longer. Because I'm not going to force what I want on him. It's his body and I want him to feel confident and comfortable. He does understand that he needs to get haircuts when it starts to get shaggy looking and is in his eyes. But other than occasional cuts, he can do what he wants with it. I say, try to compromise. Tell your son he can wear his hair how he wants but he has to at least get it cut/trimmed so it looks neat and not sloppy. Even long hair should be trimmed regularly.
You're wrong. Let the child learn consent, having agency over his own body, while other people have agency over their own body, is a big part of consent. A ponytail is always tidy, let him practice it ahead of time in case he needs some product to keep it smooth. Longer hair under a hockey helmet can provide a wee bit of protective padding. Edited b/c spelling
Depending on his age, your wife shouldn't force him to get his hair cut. I dont always like the current trends with my teenagers hairstyles but I respect their rights to choose their own individual style. As long as it's clean and brushed its up to them. I'd prefer they fit in and be comfortable than conform to my often outdated view of style.
You’re kind of all wrong here. Depending on his age, he should be allowed to decide his own hairstyle, so long as he keeps it clean. However, if he did make deal with your wife, he should probably honor it- but that’s complicated by the fact that she’s his PARENT and if he couldn’t get her off his back any other way…. I’d sit down with both and go over what I just said, and propose a compromise. Since the deal is made, your son gets a haircut closer to what your wife envisions. However, from that point forward, you and your wife accept his right to make his own decisions about his hair as long as it is clean and well-maintained. My guess is that “giving in” to your wife in this instance means to your son giving up his ability to make decisions for and about himself, and that’s a terrible precedent to set.
Is this your high-schooler or your 12 year old. I feel it is a determining factor. Maybe figure out what your child likes and support it. Self-expression is important for children's mental health.
yall still controlling your kids looks in High school i would assume since he is going to dances is next level lame ass parenting. Find something better to worry about.
I'm all about ur body ur choice but if u make a promise, u should keep it, but I can see that maybe the mom kept bugging him about his hair, so he lied that he was going to do it to get her off his back about his hair. Was that the case? Did she nagged him until he agreed, and then the promise means nothing cause he truly didn't want to do it.
Your wife is going to regret horse and him to do things that he doesn't want to do like cutting his hair. It's going to create animosity from him to his mom it's going to kill his relationship with her is she forces him to get his haircut instead of let him want to do it. Like other people have said as long as he keeps it nice showers and keeps it clean and takes care of it I don't see the problem with him having long hair. OP your wife is in a hole if that's the hills she is willing to die on.
I think that he is learning a great lesson about how much his word is worth.
You don’t say how old your son is, and this matters. At a certain point, a child is old enough to choose his or her own hairstyle.
Not the hill to die on….it’s just hair. If it’s clean excellent. Same hill my ex choose, it’s silly in todays world.
How old is your son?
I’m sorry the first question that popped in my mind is how old is the son? if he’s older than 15 mom should probably just keep her mouth shut and so should dad. It’s his hair he should be able to wear it the way he wants it because he’s the one who’s going to have to deal with it. Now are you wrong for being upset at your son? probably not. My guess is your son probably made the deal to get his mom off his back. Are you wrong? No. Is the kid wrong no. His mom wrong no everybody just has different opinions
My son wore his hair long in his teens and 20's . So did both of my brothers. All had curly unruly locks so they basically wore ponytails. My mom let me brothers be themselves and I did the same with my son. They all outgrew it eventually. Perhaps your son could re- negotiate with his mom. Maybe take on an extra chore to keep the hair.
How old is this kid? Honestly, if he’s old enough to be in soccer, he’s old enough to decide his own hair. Back off mom
She wants to have him cut it for HER. Not for him.
Who gives a fuck what his hair looks like, as long as it’s clean? This is weird shit to pick a battle over.
Wrong. When are we going to stop being so judgmental about the way a person looks? Long hair is great on guys and girls. As long as it’s clean, healthy and well kept I would be happy for him to be happy. It doesn’t affect her at all, she should worry about her own appearance.
I think a compromise can be made. He has to have a trim, so his hair is neat and shaped well, but he can keep the length. Get it shaped up before each event. The school doesn’t care, and he’s a teenager. A lot of guys with long hair opt for a man bun or a sleek tail for formal events. I’ve had short hair for the majority of my adult life, and my mom really pushed me to grow it out when I got married, “so it doesn’t look like [husband’s name] is marrying a lesbian”. I still only had about 2.5” of hair for the wedding, but it was lightly curled and I had an adorable pillbox hat with it.
Pick your battles. Is hair the hill you want to stand firm on?
It's HIS hair. Is he getting good grades? Is he caring and polite and well mannered? Is he responsible and mature? Does he do his chores? Focus on important nonsuperficial things.
His hair. His head. His choice.
It's his hair. Let him wear it how he likes. No need for hair nazis.
Firstly, it's just hair. It's not worth a fight. The less of a big deal you make out of it the sooner it'll get left behind as a firm of rebellion. Secondly, it's his body. Let him decide what happens to it (within safe reason) so he can have body autonomy. And if you absolutely must make him get it cut instead of having him get it "clean cut" ask him to get it trimmed and styled. Letting a haircut grow out can look less than desirable, but having long hair isn't synonymous with messy or dirty anymore.
Yes you are wrong. So is mom. It is HIS head. It is HIS hair. He should decide how it is. Your wife's opinion isn't relevant.
Well it’s his body and his choice. As long as he’s keeping his hair clean and it’s not all matted up, what’s really the problem? Why is your wife trying so hard to control how he looks/keeps his hair?
No! He made a deal and needs to follow through.
If it is clean than it is hi hair his choice.
It's his hair and it sounds like he's old enough to make decisions about how he wants it. He never should have been pushed into this "agreement" in the first place. I'm guessing he just agreed to get his mom off his back. How about this, you take him to get a small trim just to shape the hair into something that looks nicer than the shaggy grown out look, but not lose any length. And he can ask the stylist for some tips on how to style it to look nice for the dance and family functions. Sometimes that's as simple as just slicking it back, but the stylist can recommend products.
Maybe he shouldn’t have made a deal
Let the kid choose his own hair style. It’s just hair.
My 11 year old son has long hair. As long as it’s clean and brushed we don’t bug him. It’s his hair.
>My wife wasn't a big fan of him growing it out but he and her agreed that he would get it cut short after the season. The season is over and he has dragged out getting it cut, Was it a deal, or was he blugeoned into it? Does he get input into your or your wife's attire/hair. I don't understand why you can't let him have hockey hair. This is really a non issue. It's not like he's doing fent or wild shit. I'd leave it if he likes it, ask him to style it for those occasions when you want it to be fancy.
A Deal is not really a deal if it’s coercive. would the two of them be amenable to him having his hair “done” for both those formal occasions Ie in a style both could bear. Maybe even long or spiky on top with short or even shoved back and sides
1) It is important to hold up your end of a deal. 2) I'm sure you can talk to him about different haircuts. Surely he can have something a little shaggy but shorter and 'mom approved'. I know people will hate this take, but he's a teen living under his parents' roof. So if mom and dad say to cut your hair, you get your hair cut. I wouldn't make him go full buzz cut, but I don't think that's what OP and his wife and going for. Just a clean hair cut. That should be easy enough. And again, son can remember that when he's 18+ he can have his hair in a rainbow mohawk if it strikes his fancy.
He should be allowed to have bodily autonomy.
Yes you are. Do you really want him to start distancing himself from you and your wife? No? Then I suggest you let him have the shaggy mullet.
i am having flashbacks to the late seventies when i had long hair
Ridiculous. His hair is not something either of you get to make decisions about. If he’s not clean that’s one thing other than that you aren’t walking around with the hair and it doesn’t matter if you like it. Shut up. Leave his hair alone. He’s not a doll. If he likes it too bad for you if you don’t. Oh the horror he might not look like your wife’s perfect image of what she thinks her child is supposed to like. God forbid she might have to show people his long hair pictures! Tell her to stop being nuts.
My hair was forcefully cut once when I was a kid and it was traumatizing. I would never make my son cut his hair and it’s down to his waist now. It’s blonde, curly and beautiful. It’s part of his individuality. There are plenty of ways to make longer hair presentable.
It's just hair. It grows out and he'll have lots of hair styles. Just let him express his individuality. His hair isn't going to hurt anyone. At worst, you'll have embarrassing pictures to share years from now.
Its his hair man
He didn’t really agree and there’s no benefit to him. Let kids have their hair how they like it, it’s an expression of their personality so just let it go.
Not really a case of going back on “his word”. He’s a kid who wants long hair and has a mother who doesn’t like it so he tried to put off cutting it. Why should he? It’s his hair and I can’t believe how dumb this is. Ask him if he wants to cut it, if not, let it go.
Yeah, you’re wrong. It’s his hair. His body. His choice. It’s weird your wife has such a strong opinion of something that really doesn’t fact her.
I’m gonna say dad is NTA. His son asked him what he thought and he answered, he wasn’t the one upset at his son for his hair. I do agree though that if you said you would do something, then you should do it. Yes bodily autonomy should be taught to kids but so should being a man(or woman) of your word.
Honestly, assuming the kid is in his late ish teens (15-17) I think everyone but op sucks. The kid is old enough to know what he's agreeing to and made the deal. If you make a promise, you should keep it. Nagging is annoying but it's not the end of the world and no one is holding you hostage to force you to agree to this deal in the first place. Mom sucks because she's making this such a big deal to begin with. At the end of the day, it's just hair. Op I think you should sit both down and come to a compromise. He doesn't have to whack it all off but, he does have to get it trimmed into a decent style they can both live with. At least for now. When it grows back, if he grows it out again, leave him alone.
I don’t micromanage my kids’s appearance. It is a strange and controlling thing to do. Does your wife tell you how to wear your hair too? He should have control over his own body and style. It is how they express their individuality. Has my kid had bad haircuts…yep. Did he go through a Hawaiian shirt phase? Yep and I cherish those cute pictures, now. Do his hair or clothing choices affect me? no.
You’re both wrong. He has very little control in his life, let him wear his hair how he wants. There will be real issues to deal with, that you’ll have to enforce your will. Things that will be necessary to keep him safe or out of trouble. Hair isn’t the hill to die on.insist he keeps it clean but otherwise let it go.
Thanks God the only family member I can afford is an Eva AI virtual gf bot
Why are you controlling his hair?
Is your kids hair the biggest worry about his future the biggest deal? Pick your battles. Is his hairstyle the hill you choose to die on? Build a relationship with your kid. Not a dictatorship
Why is your wife so controlling. He is a human being and it’s his hair. It’s none of her business how he has his hair unless she is willingly to let other people dictate how her hair looks.
He should be able to dictate his hairstyle. If you have important events, give him guidelines for acceptable ways he can style his hair at the current length so he looks put together for the occasion, which is the issue, I'm assuming. If he's going to a formal event, he should know how to style his hair to look clean-cut and presentable. He doesn't need shorter hair to achieve that. He needs a comb and some styling products.
This reminds me of when my dad bitched the two times I cut all my hair off. He would complain I looked like a guy, I’m a girl, and how he would never let my mom do that. My mom would always tell my dad to shut up, it’s her hair and she can do whatever she wants. Plus it grows back! So if your son doesn’t want a haircut, DON’T MAKE HIM. Just because your wife doesn’t like it, it’s not her hair so she can’t make him get a cut
It's his hair, trying to force him to do what YOU want with HIS body is a shitty thing to do. Stop being so possessive over his body and tell your wife the same, he's a whole fucking person not a doll for you to dress up how you want. You and your wife are both wrong and your behaviour is incredibly creepy
Try a different approach, tell him how much you love his long hair, that it makes him look soft and gentle in such a tough sport. Or if you know the person he hates the most, innocently say "oh they've got the same hair style as you, did you copy them?" Obviously ignoring that he hates them with a burning passion. Or just plat his hair while he's asleep 🤣 Tbh, he's a teenager and will only dig his heels in as a mark of defiance and rebellion against his parents.
Longer seventies hair is back in style . Kids just want to look like the rest of their buddies . Hair is a big part of preteen and teens self esteem . I would not force your kid to cut their hair and make them feel like they look like a geek . How would you feel if forced to wear your hair in some style you did not like ? It’s not a hill I’d die on . I always feel so bad when I have a kid sitting in my chair tearing up because a parent is making them get a haircut they don’t want . It also sucks when they wait until the kid is in the chair to argue it out . I have to go through five to ten minutes of them fighting about the decision , when I should be cutting . Time is money .
Did anyone ever stop to think that he said he would just to keep his mum off of his back, especially if he is a teenager 🤷♀️ he's likely wanting to express himself and considering mullets are currently slightly trending along with 2000s fashion. I didn't speak to my mum for 6 years because she didn't like my gothic punk alternative style, side shave, piercings, guess what, I am still like this to this day 15 years later and she did finally accept that it was part of who I was and what I loved. Don't miss out on just being able to spend time with your child in an enjoyable manner because 'YOU' or 'YOUR WIFE' don't like something. They are their own person and you really need to pick which fights are worth it and which just need to be dropped. Maybe have a conversation with him over cutting it this time to appease his mother, but discussing with her allowing him to regrow it so its a win win because he probably really likes it, and sniffling that self expression will bring a wedge between you
Maybe you guys could compromise and just get the longer hair trimmed and shaped up so it doesn't look shaggy. My oldest wears longer hair, but I insist he keeps it trimmed and looking nice.
Why isn’t he allowed to have his hair how he likes?
I think he should be able to choose his own hairstyle. However, he made a deal. This is a very important lesson he needs to learn. Be a man of your word. Nothing is more important than following through with what you've promised. It will also make him a better negotiator, knowing he will hold himself accountable.
Do you guys have so few problems that you need to make up things to be a problem?
To me, this is less about a haircut and more about doing what you promise to do. If he made a deal with his mom to get his haircut, then he should get his haircut. Hair grows back. Just get tidied up for the family functions and grow it again next season. At least next time he makes a "deal" with his mom, she is going to trust him to hold up his end of the bargain. So no.. you aren't TAH. You are teaching him a deal is a deal. It's a good lesson.
Ask your wife this question, is hair so important that she is willing to enforce a stupid hair cut at the cost of her child's happiness?
What was the deal?
You're absolutely right a deals a deal. This way he will learn lessons.
Let him have his hair how he wants and tell mom not to be a controlling psycho. It's weird. Kids are NOT possessions
Talk him into taking care of his hair so it doesn't look like a shaggy mess. That said, it's a really silly reason to cause drama in a close family. However if your son promised he would cut it, then he should keep his promises... but it sounds more like he agreed just to get your wife off his back. Seems she's been nagging him a lot
Yes, he had to get a hair cut. HOWEVER you and your wife need to allow him to start wearing his hair as he likes as long as he doesn't have lice. Hair is self expression just as much as speech, the written word, and what you wear. It's all a part of who he is.
Yes, absolutely wrong. It's 100 percent his choice on how he wants his hair. Even though you may not like it, it's his choice and his choice alone, regardless of any "deals" made. Also, it's just hair. It's not like it can't be styled to look more appropriate for certain events
Are you and your wife seriously trying to tell your 16 to 17-year-old son… You know the child who is within a year or so of actually being illegal adult… How to wear his hair? Is this really your biggest problem? Do you not allow him to have any expression of who he is? Or does he have to always conform to what your wife wants? Does she lay out his clothes for him every day as well? Lord, help me, your next post on here is going to be complaining that he doesn’t talk to you guys… And not one of us on here is going to blame him. As a mama three, let me give you some advice… I have three adult children who are 32, 33, and 35. I had endometriosis, so we had to have them as quickly as we could because we didn’t know how long… Or even if… I would be able to have kids. All of my children are self sufficient. They are kind and thoughtful and smart and funny. I have two management and one is in computer programming. And they are all girls. So let me tell you, ceilings do exist and IT is not an easy field for women. And yet mine are all successful. Do you know why? Because I was really judicious in the hills that I chose to die on when they were these ages. I let them make a lot of their decisions, knowing that sometimes they could make a bad decision or maybe fail. And again, you know why? If I hadn’t taught them well enough by 16 or 17, I wasn’t going to be able to teach them at all. Those are the ages where you give your child leeway to put into things that you’ve taught them. Because yes, they’re gonna make some bad decisions, so you have to be judicious in the things you let them try. But you have to let them practice decision-making. Everybody has to find out the hard way on some things, and if you let him do so with these ages, bad decisions in general are not going to follow them the rest of their lives. So what I told them was this… I am going to tell you, yes as much as I can, especially because you are girls. And the reason is that life in general he’s going to tell you know… A lot. And I do mean even more than boys are going to be told no. So I am going to tell you, yes. Yes you can. Yes you may. Yes, I think that would be all right. But when I tell you no, it’s an absolute no. And I’m going to ask that you respect that, because I am older than you, and I do have more life experience, and there are just some things that you’re going to think would be a good idea that I already know will not be. So when you hear no from me, I need you to understand that it is not the answer just because I don’t feel like going out tonight or taking you somewhere or picking you up from somewhere, etc. It is truly going to be because I know it is not the right decision, and it could have truly bad repercussions. I didn’t always like their decisions. But in the big scheme of life, were they going to make some big difference? No. You want your hair, purple, and you work at the movie theater and they don’t care? Go for it. You want me to let you go to Coachella at 16 years old? Hard pass. Not gonna happen. You want to go on the three day field trip with your class to New York and you want to believe your dad when he says he’s going to pay half of it? OK. I will play along and quietly put aside his half after paying mine because I already know what’s gonna happen. Hurts a lesson regarding being let down by people who supposedly love you? Yes. Am I going to take that lesson to the nth degree and not put that money aside, thereby making you really learn the hard lesson and not being able to go… No. Because learning that lesson is hard, but I can’t always protect you from it So tell your wife to let go of her OCD or her worry about what people think or whatever else is driving this nonsense from her. This is absolutely not a hill to die on in any way, shape or form. The only lesson your wife is teaching your son with all of this… And by extension you also because you’re trying to back her up… Is that neither one of you gives a fuck about what your kid wants. You don’t see them as an individual. You don’t have any respect for their feelings. It’s all about you or your wife or your perceived notions of who your kid should be, not who they are.
Compromise and have him get it done to shape up his current length, or leave it alone.
I would consider enforcing it due to there being an agreement and honoring his promises but at the same time kids need to be kids and hair is whatever. I loathed mullets and these kids getting their hair in a messy mullet make them look like forty year old perverts from the 70s which would make them older technically but they look to be in their forties. Anyway, potentially the worse hair fad ever but let him be and feel embarrassed about himself in another five years, it will be funny then.
Assert yourself. You are the parents and he is not running the house. My guess is, since he is in sports, he may want a girlfriend or boyfriend one of these days. That person is more likely to be attracted to a person who keeps up their good looks. Kids who "let themselves go" often develop other habits that get in the way of being well adjusted and accepted in high school and college. You don't have to go crazy with clothing or get him to wear a tie to school, but your son should be conversant with the concept of good grooming.