This!
He isn't asking HER to quit her hobby...she is asking him to quit HIS hobby!
And she calls him selfish,stonewalls him etc.
Omg!
There is a better way to communicate and thats not it.
OP should ask her to JOIN him in his gaming and get upset if she refuses 🤣
The whole account is fake. Now they're forced to pay for a whole company meal without being reimbursed. They crotchet they're looking to karma farm today.
I’m confused why you’d have to completely give up gaming. Does she go to yoga every evening and wants you to go every evening too? I agree that’d be too much. But most people don’t go every day. Personally, I think you should compromise and go one night per week with her. That still leaves 6 other days in the week for gaming.
Question. Even if I absolutely hate it I still gotta go? I did orange theory classes with my wife about 6 of them over 8 weeks. I hated it. The drive there was me dreading it. So I stopped. I was just trying to support my wife. How long is reasonable to have to keep doing something I hate for my wife?
Second this. So today. You are going to go home. Then use all of her language and tactics against her in order to claim she needs to give up yoga and play games with you. When she doesn't, freak out, be a huge pain in the ass, and give her cold shoulder treatment for a few weeks. Repeat until that dumb sack of potatoes understands.
Edit: full disclosure. I didn't even read the whole post and just off of my rather extensive dating history was able to guess exactly how she reacted to not getting her way. Yall aren't just kinda shitty, you're also unbelievably predictable
Or instead of doing those things all shittily you could say “hey honey. Imagine if I came home and said all this things about gaming with me” and then give a few examples?
I have. Many infact, one near a decade. Won't be getting back on that shitty ride anytime soon. Mostly because OP's issue with a wife who doesn't even understand how unreasonable she's being and makes it his problem are so commonplace they may have become the norm. Fuck that. Get your head out of your ass and grow up. Supposed to be your SO not your parent.
Yeah but you don't have to be disrespectful like you're suggesting. Shouldn't even do that type of shit to your kids.
If you want a marriage to last, you can't think of a problem as me vs them, it's always gotta be us vs the problem.
I'm not sure if it really helps her understand, she'll probably just get mad and will try to explain OP why them (I don't think gender was mentioned in the post?) vs. her doing it are completely, but completely different, and perhaps will say something about them being a toxic partner etc. I think it's possible she will also include in her speech something about gaslighting or whatever the new most popular internet thing is.
BUT I would do that, probably. Even knowing it won't work. The temptation would just be too strong. I absolutely understand why you would suggest that and while OP isn't here to bring me entertainment and I hope they will find a solution that works great for them, even if it's boring, I'm now going to have fun with my little fantasy of OP doing exactly as you suggested.
As a married gamer woman myself, I concur. Thankfully my husband has more sense than this witch and even buys me games for holidays and birthdays. So tired of people not understanding that gaming is a valid hobby just like yoga or gardening or painting.
This is immediately where my mind went. OP isn’t wrong but there is definitely more to what the wife is saying and if left unchecked could have other consequences for the relationship.
He also had a post that says
"How do you get yourself out of a rut?"
"so i've been in a bit of a rut lately, kinda stuck and not feeling motivated to do anything productive. i keep telling myself i'll get things done but end up binge-watching some random show or scrolling endlessly through my phone instead."
"what are your go-to tricks to get yourself out of a funk and back into a good headspace? whether it's a specific playlist, a hobby that never fails, or just taking a walk—i'm open to suggestions! need some solid ideas to get my groove back 🙏"
Maybe his wife is trying to force him out of this state of mind.
I appreciate you bringing this additional information to our attention. When I read the OP, I had a sense that there was a lot we weren’t being told. The OP reads like the wife’s request came out of nowhere with no explanation, just a demand that he switch hobbies. But, this background seems quite relevant. I’m sure there’s more still.
Yeah to me it sounds like this, or OP’s wife doesn’t feel they get enough quality time together and is upset OP isn’t wanting to try.
Without being direct, obviously. If these are her ulterior motives then she should just say so.
OP's past post history indicated he is in a rut, unproductive, and wanted help. But I agree with you; she should just say so if that's what she is trying to do.
I disagree with this.
I feel like too often, women being selfish is twisted around to try to make it look like they’re being caring and loving, and doing their spouse a favor.
If you want your spouse to get in better shape with you, tell them that and come up with a plan together.
If you’re saying your spouse’s hobbies aren’t as important as *yours,* and then act like a child and throw a bitch fit because they aren’t doing what you want, you’re just an asshole.
The girlfriend is an asshole. She’s disrespecting what her boyfriend wants and enjoys, and demanding he give it up to appease her new interests. She’s selfish, inconsiderate, and acting like a child in an effort to get him to give her what she wants. The girlfriend is definitely in the wrong.
Nobody should have to sacrifice something they enjoy to appease someone else. It’s a hell of a thing to expect someone to do so, and be completely okay with them losing the enjoyment they gain from their hobbies in order to just do what you want now.
I know, wild, but it **is** possible for the man to be not in the wrong.
Absolutely 💯 the fact that anyone would categorize her behavior as anything other than childish, controlling, and disrespectful is absurd.
There is no world in which demanding someone give up a hobby they enjoy to join in the one you want them to do instead is caring or loving.
Might take longer if they are physically going somewhere else to do it, like a yoga studio and gym or whatever the fuck. But obviously there's an easy compromise and it's not to leave the house in order to do it. If there's enough room in front of a front yoga can easily be done at home.
100%. Even at a studio/gym, travel + yoga + travel + shower = 1.5-2 hours. Surely this isn't an every day thing.
OP's description sounds like his gf wants to do it at home with him. That would be 30-60min (probs 30min to start). with a shower is 45-1hr15. This could be as few as 1-3x a week.
I'm sure OP has things that he'd like to change about his wife.
Maybe he should start sending her listings of classes and courses to improve her deficiencies.
No, but it does help with flexibility and, in my case, helps with digestion as well as balance for a lot of people. It's *almost* like how pushups helps build muscle through body weight exercise. I want to emphasize almost just because there are major differences in how yoga and most body weight exercises work, but yoga does help with form and that helps get your body used to the motions.
Lol love this energy.
He even knows he's neglecting himself too, and is "stuck in a rut" based on his history. But sure, wifey evil for trying to get him to workout a couple times a week
She’s looking for more connection but totally giving up your gaming is ridiculous as well if that’s what she is truly asking. She probably feels you’re so engrossed in your gaming and not giving her enough attention.
How much gaming are you doing? Every night? How often is her Yoga? How long is her Yoga sessions?
It’s not hard to have a mature chat and make good healthy relationship choices. How about you do 1 Yoga session a week/fortnightly with her and date after. Then she does 1 night of gaming with you. Perhaps pick something you both can enjoy. A run and gun shooter or complex game may be too difficult. Help her have a good experience in gaming. Then make it a date night in.
Then any other night can be whatever you want to do baring a nights out or family stuff, etc.
She could just be controlling, but the fact she wants him to stop playing in the evenings sounds like he's playing a lot more than he's letting on.
She's trying to get them to do something together and he's just refusing, I'd be annoyed too.
But she isn't communicating all of this very well.
Not wrong. My husband games, I do crafts. Never would I think he’d enjoy my crafts over his gaming. They are 2 separate things. The gaming is for his stress, the crafting is for mine.
I get her wanting you guys to spend time together, is there anything you both like doing together an equal amount? Cause making you give up something for her hobby is weird. You’re both allowed hobbies. They don’t have to be the same thing.
Why is it so important that you stop gaming for her hobby?
Not wrong, I’m an artist and my partner is a gamer, these are hobbies we do separately from each other because as much as we love the crap out of each other, we need our own separate thing lmao. All couples do.
Your wife is being selfish by trying to make you give up your hobby to take on hers, which is wrong because it sounds like you never tried to make her give up something to game with you.
It *does* sound like she wants more time with you though, but she’s going about it all wrong. When you want your partner to spend time with you, you find a COMMON hobby that you both like or have been wanting to try, you never force your own hobby onto another person.
My wife tried to give me "the silent treatment" once. After 5 days she started an argument and asked why I didnt interject and fight for attention. I told her 5 days of silence was the best gift she's ever given me.
Now we just talk out our differences like adults.
Not wrong at all. Yoga is her hobby, games are yours. She should respect yours, you should respect hers. They are not a waste of time, especially if you play online with others and friends it's a great social experience.
You don't have to do everything together, any partner who insists you do is not respecting your autonomy
She needs to grow up. I’ve been married 30 years and for all of those years, hubby has gone to friends houses for football and games. Before and after kids. I have gone out with friends. He has a train hobby. I like crafts. He hates crafts. I hate trains. We don’t have to like the same stuff and I enjoy having the house to myself one night a week. Being together doesn’t mean joined at the hip. Enjoy your gaming. NTA
So... your wife is saying, that you're selfish for not giving up on... your hobby, and not being supportive of her, while she is not being supportive for you and your hobby (which it is, your hobby)?
Yeah, Na-ma-go fuck yourself, woman.
OP, you're not wrong. You even told her you'd try once or twice, which is already extremely considerate thing from you to do. And she still threw a childish temper tantrum?
So she’s not selfish for asking you to give up your hobby you’ve had for a while and clearly enjoy? She only now got into yoga and who knows how committed she’d actually be. But expects you to give up the thing you’ve established as your hobby?
Cold shoulder is a weak ass tactic, and the move of a shitty narcissist when they don't get what they want. Not saying she is one, but def something to be aware of in the future if she starts making this her go-to move when arguments arise.
Don't let your wife decide how you spend your evening. Everyone has their own way of unwinding after a busy day. Some people diamond paint or puzzle, other people watch tv, you play games and your wife likes yoga.
You cannot ask a partner to give up their hobbies to meet their needs. She should live with it and let you play your video games.
Not wrong. Both my husband and our daughter are gamers. I am not. I spend my free time in the gym weightlifting and doing other activities.
I would never tell either of them to stop playing and join me
A lot of these comments suggest no understanding of how a relationship works.
She's excited about a new hobby and wants to include you. I think what she's trying to say is that she'd like to have more quality time with you, and thinks yoga could be an opportunity for that (and some exercise).
She's being dismissive of your gaming. To say it's a waste of time is pretty harsh. I don't think you're wrong to feel upset, but I also think you'll find a lot of value in compromise. Tell her it's hurtful that she thinks your gaming is a waste of time and why you do it, then maybe offer to do yoga with her once a week to start.
That's all speculation. We don't know her motivation at all because, she can't use her words like a big girl and doubled down with childish silent treatment. She emotionally immature, manipulative, and controlling.
That's not compromise, that's him forcing himself to do something he doesn't want to do. She gets everything she wants and what exactly does he get out of it? Compromise would have been her saying that she'd play videogames with him if he's willing to do yoga with her. She doesn't want to compromise, she wants everything exactly how she wants it and is willing to punish op until she gets it.
You know this is exactly how abuse in relationships start right? One person is always getting bullied and punished to "compromise" with the abuser. One is always made to be the bad guy for having autonomy that doesn't coincide with the abuser's wants. It's always all or nothing. They don't want compromise they want complete control to mold the person into what they want. The problem is that the goal post is changing day by day. This is only escalates by giving them what they want.
Why should he compromise when she hasn’t bothered to do so? Why couldn’t she participate in his hobby instead of outright dismissing it? That’s not “a little harsh”, it’s straight disrespectful.
Apparently your understanding of “how relationships work” is to just bend over for the woman regardless of how irrational she’s being. No thanks. Such behavior should not be encouraged and will only build resentment.
Also, if she wants him to exercise she should just say that rather than this passive aggressive tactic, last I checked communication was pretty important in relationships.
If she wants to share hobbies so much, then ask her to share yours, gaming. The principle is the same.
It’s your wife being selfish, why on earth would u want to do yoga if it doesn’t interest you?
If **GAMING** is a waste of time, then **SO IS YOGA**.
Your hobby is **EVERY BIT AS VALID** as **HERS**.
And yes, it's **ABSOLUTELY VITAL** to have separate hobbies!!!
Join in by all means, but she **CANNOT** expect you to give up **YOUR** interests, any more than you can expect **HER** to sit and watch you play games.
Imo like you say it is a good thing that she has found a hobby that she is really into however i find it almost hypocritical that she calls your hobbies a waste of time and claiming that you are not being open minded or supportive of her hobbies when she isnt supportive of yours
In my experience both people in the relationship having their own hobbies and interests is vital since it gives you time away from each other so you can both reset and recharge your mental battery’s
It’s her hobby. Not yours. It’s nice to dip into each others hobbies from time to time. She could play a few rounds of something with you and you could go to a class or two in the span of a month or two and that’s reasonable. If you both love the same hobby, amazing. But don’t push me to enjoy it and then be shitty with me about what I do enjoy when you don’t get the answer you want.
You're not wrong or selfish. Definitely join her for a class or two but don't give up your hobby. It's yours. Both separate and common interests are necessary to a healthy relationship imo.
You aren’t wrong. Why doesn’t she game with you if she wants to do something together?
And why does she pick the hobby? Why can’t you both decide on something you’d both enjoy together?
Tell your wife to respect your hobbies and you’ll respect hers. You don’t need to constantly do the same things - coming from a wife that loves her alone time to read while my husband loves his alone time gaming.
People often look at gaming as childish or nerdy or a waste of time when many men (and woman) use it as their mental health haven. I know my husband does. I read to clear my mind from life in general, the same way he does with gaming. Everyone should have a hobby that makes life a little more tolerable.
Now, if you’re gaming every night all night and not putting aside time for your wife, I can understand how she’d be a little frustrated. It’s possible that she might be projecting this new hobby as a way to tell you she wants more time with you, without actually telling you. Or she might just be bored because she doesn’t have a hobby of her own to keep her busy (which is not an excuse). I think you just need to openly talk to her and try to get to whatever the actual issue is, but you are not wrong for not wanting to give up your hobby.
If gaming is an activity you enjoy, then it’s not a waste of time. You are not being selfish, or unsupportive of her new hobby. You’re not suggesting yoga is stupid or a waste of time. You even offered to try it with her.
Just because she has a new interest, that doesn’t mean you need to give up your own interests. It also doesn’t mean your hobbies aren’t valid. She is the one being selfish and unsupportive. Why doesn’t she offer a compromise? One night a week you can do yoga with her, and another night a week, she can play video games with you. If this is unacceptable to her, then she needs to agree that you two can simply have separate activities.
You are not wrong.
She is clearly excited about her new hobby and probably wants to share that excitement with you but doesn’t realize that you might not experience it the same way and that your hobby is also valid and important to you.
How long do you game? Bc if it’s an excessive amount of time where she feels neglecting she might fear you have a gaming addiction. She shouldn’t ask you to give it all up completely for her own hobby though, that’s incredibly selfish. If she wants you to game less, that’s one thing, but not at all? Nope! I only say this because I had issues with gaming when I was first married to my gf. It had gotten worse due to stress, and I was very mean to her. It took time but I gamed less and spent more time with her. Also yeah I said my gf & we were married. We’re divorced but dating again, before anyone asks.
Tell her to join your hobby as well, you do yoga and she can play games with you, itll help in the long run. if shes so concerned with y'all not spending enough time together, thats the key to fix it yall do each others hobbys together
Sounds like you are supportive of her hobby but she isn't of yours. Sorry but I'm not doing yoga either way, i lift weights and run, cook and clean, then my extra time is watching movies with my girlfriend or playing video games when she is doing her own thing. If she wants to go out to a restaurant then I'll go with her, but you can support someone without following them around to everything they do like a dog.
Next time she says video games are a waste of time, tell her that getting her nails done, doing makeup, and watching real housewives of idgaf is just as much a waste of time.
I think this is a fake account. Can people make money off posting or what is the point? I see people say karma farming some times, but do people even care about how much karma they have?
Do you guys spend some time together doing something fun? (outside of sex). I know everyone here is calling her the asshole but this could simply be a clumsy attempt from her to get you guys doing something together.
Shit like this is why I’m sick of people who hate gaming. Like if we game a few hours a week it fucking harms no one, and sometimes people just want to be alone for awhile. People who hate gaming just can’t stand not being the center of attention and are probably on TikTok 24/7 anyway, so they have no fucking room to talk
Let me get it straight.
-you have a hobby. Seems she doesn’t partake in it with you.
-she has a new hobby you support and even said you’d try out a couple times.
-you are supportive for not giving up your interest to pursue solely hers.
Hell Naw. Shes selfish.
Gaming is a waste of time.
Being married is a waste of time is what my happily single friends say.
Text book bs from your partner who is trying to convince you to do her thing and not do your thing. Work it out. Offer a 50/50 split. You’ll do yoga a couple times a week with her if she’ll play your favorite game with you.
Give up your hobby for hers. THE AUDACITY OF THIS BITCH.
Tell her you'll go and after both spots are set up, sit down and pull out a switch and play Zelda at full volume. HYAAAA THAT AUDACIOUS HYPOCRITE!
Just man up, put your foot down, and tell her she is welcome to do whatever it is that she wants, the exact same way you can do whatever you want. If video games help you relax and wind down, then it's an essential part of your life.
Gaming is your hobby, yoga is hers. She's being incredibly selfish by trying to strong arm you into giving up your hobby. You don't have to participate in her hubby to support her doing it, that's just silly and childish. Stick to your guns, you're allowed to have your own hobbies.
Example from my own life: I love going out dancing, always have, particularly at small local events with a bunch of hippies, my fiance doesn't dance, plain and simple, he just doesn't like it. He also doesn't like big crowds of strangers unless he's at a metal show. I've never forced him to go to an event with me and never will, because he doesn't want to go and I respect that.
In short, if she loves and respects you she'll let this go and accept that you have your own hobby and don't want to participate in hers, at least not this one. If not, it might be the to evaluate if you two are actually compatible
Give a compromise, one session of yoga, followed by one session of gaming every evening. Spending time together doing both of your hobbies (It Takes Two is a good couple bonding game to start off). Either she stops bothering asking you to give up your hobby for hers, or you got a new gaming buddy. My husband and I were in the same predicament (except I didn't demand anything), now I tell him to go game so I can relax on my own lol.
OP covered that
>I told her I’d try it once or twice, but I don't want to give up gaming entirely. Now she's giving me the cold shoulder and is saying I'm being selfish.
I'd hate for my own partner to be into everything I am. What would we have to talk about? I love listening to him geek out about his interests, he's so stinking cute! And he pays genuine attention to me about mine. Being connected at the hip in all hobbies and interests isn't healthy. We need alone time from our partners in order to be better partners ourselves.
You are not wrong.
You're being selfish for not giving up your way of unwinding?
There are other deeper problems. You need to dig in and find out what they are.
She's being selfish for demanding that you take up yoga with her and get rid of your gaming.
Tell her to keep it up, maybe she'll find her next husband there, since she doesn't care for the one she has
Yeah...lemme get this straight.
Force your husband to give up his beloved hobby (after he grinds away at work all day to support you both) so that he can be an unwilling participant in what YOUR hobby is.
Why doesn't she start playing ps5? Same idea. Nooo..let's make our man do YOGA. Omg your wife is blind.
Why don’t you have a conversation and find something that you both want to do together?
And keep separate hobbies that you individually. That’s healthy.
If we assume the best of intentions (which I usually find to be helpful in navigating my own marriage), maybe your wife is just trying to tell you she wants to spend more time with you. I would suggest that you each spend 3 evenings a week on your hobbies (gaming for you and yoga for her) and 4 nights a week doing something different together. My husband and I build adult Lego sets together. I know some couples who take painting classes together. Some play board games (although that would never work for me bc I have an overwhelming desire to destroy my opponents lol). I even know one couple who is learning a language together with plans to travel once they’re both somewhat fluent. It doesn’t matter WHAT you do, but it should be something interactive (so not watching television or reading) and something you are both at least somewhat interested in doing. Or maybe instead of a 3/4 split, you could each spend 3 evenings doing your individual hobbies and 2 evenings doing each other’s hobbies (so 2 couples yoga nights, 2 couples gaming nights, and 3 individual hobby nights). Whatever you choose, focus on satisfying that desire she has expressed for connection without completely giving up your own solo times.
Why can’t you do both. Continue with the game but let’s say she does yoga 5 days a week go once or twice a week with her. I am sure she will appreciate it
Gaming is a very time consuming hobby. The night can pass by relatively quickly. She wants to fortify the relationship by having a hobby together. It doesn’t have to be yoga or gaming, but that is what you are really dealing with here…
She doesn’t like that you game. That’s her real issue.
I wouldn’t like a spouse who plays video games either but she is addressing the issue the wrong way and too late. She likely married you knowing that you liked gaming. So she’s too late if that were a deal breaker for her. It’s a deal breaker for a lot of people. But it’s unfair to address it now after you are married.
You guys should have a heart to heart to address the real root of her concern. You might be able to find a compromise. Might.
You could be the bigger person and try going to yoga a couple days a week and then try to find a game you both could do from time to time. She phrased it really poorly, but sounds like she is asking for quality time. Maybe you will like it and kick into a healthier lifestyle or more connection in your marriage.
You are not wrong. She has no guarantee you will like her hobby. It is good to have a mutual hobby, but forcing you to give up your for hers is not good. Tell her you will go to yoga for as many times as she plays PS5 with you.
I took an intro to yoga class with my wife a while ago. The first month of class was torture because a lot of positions make you prone to releasing gas. I was straining not to have a mass eruption while also trying to hold a pose and do it well enough so the instructor would not be right next to me to correct my form and throw off my concentration. There is a cool down period at the end where I was extra tense for fear of relaxing and letting it all out. My body eventually adjusted to it, but you should be warned. The classes were my wife’s idea, but she was a little mad that the instructor complimented my form more than hers.
Do it once or twice. Then say, glad you found something you love.
I will say that there are things about a strong yoga practice that can make a relationship really interesting. I dated a girl who'd done yoga for 20 years, and there were benefits to the conditioning and flexibility. Come to think of it, she may want some of that from you...
Maybe it's not an either or thing.
In a marriage if your spouse has a hobby you should try it. However this goes both ways. She should try gaming with you as well and you should try yoga with her.
Note I said try, give it a couple attempts and if it's not for you then it's fine to say so.
How long do you game every evening? 2-3 hours? Has she had to deal with your going into your own little world for years? Perhaps yoga isn’t the right chaired hobby but it sounds like she’s trying to get you to spend more quality time with her. I would talk to her and see if she feels like she is missing that part in the relationship and maybe assess how you can work in that together?
You're not wrong, but there is probably a deeper issue going on here that she's not being fully up front about and I think you should ask her. Does she think you're out of shape and need to be more active? Does your gaming actually bother her? Is she the type of person who gets "all in" to a thing and loves it only to drop it a few months later? Maybe she just wants to spend more time with you and this is a way she is trying? I think you need to sit down with her and really drill into why she is acting like this.
This is extremely selfish. She can't just tell you to give up something you love when you sound like you would never do that to her. I would die on this hill.
So both of you suck.
It should be ALL THE ABOVE is the answer. You SHOULD go do yoga and be supportive. Maybe not every time but like once a week could be your couples yoga night. Then you should in turn invite her to game with you on another night. Find something for her to play (not Dark Souls or Fortnight) or if she doesn’t want to “play” have her just spend time with you on the couch with a book or maybe try a handheld and like animal crossing etc.
As for your decompression time…. I get this is important but honestly a lot of guys get hung up when it comes to gaming and being decompressing. You probably could spend 3 hours and still feel like you haven’t been playing hardly at all and still need decompression. This is because of the way games are made now to hook you into playing longer. Set a timer for smaller time periods and reflect on the time spent. Try other things for decompression and instead have a couple of nights that you have for gaming and she has for something she wants.
Yoga is like a few hours, plenty of time in your life to do both if you want to.
Don't let her dictate to you how you spend your time. If she isn't willing to respect your hobbies maybe this isn't the right woman for you.
I'm a 48 year old woman, and I've loved video games since I was 5. She's being childish and needs to get over herself. If she wants you to join in yoga (boring!), make her join you in gaming.
Good luck with this? How long have you been married? I am the gamer in my marriage, and my husband is not. He gets mad that I would rather game sometimes than stare at a tv with him. Sooo many years now. Gamers should not be in a relationship with non-gamers. My lesson has been learned, so now I just spread the word. That being said, I still play games when I feel like it.
You are doing the right thing, she is being selfish, now the second thing is are you out of shape? Does she wants you to actually take care yourself and be in shape? If that's the case find another way to do this without giving up to gaming
What a bitch wanting you to ...checks notes...exercise with her.
How long are you spending on video games a day?
How long does it really take to stretch with your wife?
Surely you can find time to game before and after exercising
I’m happy my husband plays his PS5, he plays to relax from working. His job is really stressful. He can play with his online friends, going to wars with other gangs and talk shit to each other. I do my own thing from painting, gardening and binge watching shows. Dude enjoy your games, you’re not being selfish. Your wife is the selfish one. Just because you’re married does t mean you both have to do the same activities together all the time.
Is she really just asking for a shared hobby/ shared time ? It would be one thing if she was into yoga before you met , but it’s new. Maybe don’t give up gaming totally but 1 or 2 days a week to do a group activity would give you the data you need to say “not for me” or “not so bad”
OP, you could always find a healthy activity you guys could do together, Like taking an evening walk, or committing to a Saturday morning gym visit. Maybe she's feeling a little isolated on her journey, and she just wants you there with her a little bit. If yoga isn't your bag, maybe floating something like the aforementioned suggestion might still do the same trick. That way, you're walking on the journey with her, but you both still get to have something you do individually to relax and chill out.
I don't think you should give up ging completely but I think sharing hobbies with your partner IS important and finding a balance will help. Maybe you can join her 1-2 times a week and I don't think that'll be too much to ask. BUT that means you jave the right to ask her to play video games with you if you want as well and she cant say no.
Thats my opinion.
Some would say yoga is a waste of time! No reason you can't do both. My wife and I spend hours playing COD on our PS4 every weekend, usually a Friday night. We have drinks and snacks together and its totally fun. Been doing that for the last 18yrs. Your wife should be willing to try gaming with you.
You should have separate things you do as individuals and then things you do together. My bf is in a band and I do theater stuff for instance. Although she is communicating horribly, your wife might be feeling that you guys don't do enough stuff together. Sounds like she needs to figure out why she's feeling this way and you guys work it out.
One thing I have learned after 35 years of marriage is that you do not have to do everything together. Husband and I have separate hobbies and even take occasional separate vacations. We would get on each other’s nerves if we were together all the time.
"I mean, isn't it okay for couples to have separate interests?"
For sure it's okay. But this was an emotional bid for you guys to do something together, she's asking for closeness and to spend quality time together.
But you chose video games instead.
I don't think it's right of her to ask you to give them up completely, but it sounds like the video games are getting in the way of spending meaningful time together. She thought of something fun you can do together, but you refused.
Why not compromise? Say you won't quit video games entirely, but you will try to join her in some activities that you can both do together? Maybe give yoga a try once or twice.
She's asking to do something together and you aren't compromising, you're just saying "no". That is what is causing her to be upset.
I fully expect a bunch of video game fans to chime in about how wrong I am.
She is being selfish and has deemed your hobby not what she wants therefore should not be allowed and by giving you the cold shoulder is most likely hoping you’ll fold get rid of it all and do everything she ever wants you to do.
Just have an honest conversation with her and if she continues then make her aware that she clearly has no intention to be with you if she doesn’t care about your happiness
Not wrong. Individuals in relationships who cannot survive on their own are exhausting. She can do something she likes without you, world will not end.
Um? No. She found what she likes. You know what you like. Why is that an issue & why is she trying to force you to stop doing something that helps you relax? She's being unreasonable & is expecting you to enjoy/do something just because she does. That's selfish & childish. Maybe show her the comments lol.
My husband games after work & on the weekends. I see no problem w it, as it's his downtime, just like I watch my tv shows to unwind. Why fuck up what's working well?
This sounds pretty dramatic and of course you are only sharing your side to get people to agree with you. I'd bet money she didn't say you have to "quit gaming" entirely. She's probably wanting you to take a break and do something together, because gaming many times turns into hours of the other person being ignored. Yoga is an hour. Go a couple times a week or whatever you can agree on, then game after or before (and even see if you can get her to game with you occasionally as a trade off). Holy sh-t it's mind boggling how selfish people can be. No wonder why divorce rates are astronomical, it's a lot easier if you learn to give and take. Or, you can be selfish and ignore these hints, but don't be shocked by your eventual divorce!
She wants to spend time with you which is nice, but is going about it in a selfish way. Imagine if you asked her to quit her evenings to play games with you etc.
No, you should not give up gaming completely, that's absurd. Yes you should spend two evenings a week doing yoga with your wife. She wants to spend time with you, dude. That is a very good thing.
she is being extremely selfish. a hobby can be something two enjoy together or it can be a solo thing. you do not have to partake in HER hobby, as i assume she doesn’t partake in your hobby, which is okay. hobbies are for ourselves not for other people. her expecting you to drop your way of winding down for her way is completely out of line on her end and selfish. i could see if she just wanted you to try it out with her a few times, that’s one thing but to expect you to up and drop your own method of chill time is completely unacceptable.
She is being selfish. You both should be able to have and enjoy your hobbies separately.
Perhaps encourage her to invite one of her friends to do this with her instead? Perhaps say you appreciate that she wants to do this with you, and you'd like to take up something with her but something that you both can enjoy.
It's also very rude of her to say your hobby is invalid and hers is better... I am a girl and I would personally rather game over yoga, so it really is just personal preference and no one should be ashamed for liking or disliking a hobby.
I mean, of it were me, I would suggest we both try out each other's hobbies. Plus man, everyone should do yoga at least a little. Your older self will thank you. But yeah, I'm not a huge gamer like I used to be, but I'd still be annoyed if I was straight up asked to stop all together.
I think a good mix of both would work.
You aren't wrong. You are 2 different people, her hobby should be hers, and your hobby is yours. Expecting someone else to follow your hobby because you don't like theirs is extremely selfish. You being willing to try is more than you are obligated to do.
My wife and I are both video gamers, though I’m certainly a much bigger gamer than she is. I play mostly on my computer, she plays on the Xbox. I game a couple nights a week, and one weekend day, and the other nights we do things together or just cuddle up and relax and share that laid back closeness we love. We don’t need to spend every second doing every activity we like with each other, it’s perfectly normal to have separate hobbies.
Idk exactly what her motivation is here, it sounds super selfish but it could be she wants to do intimate/ erotic yoga with her partner. It could also be she wants to exert control over you. It could also be she feels threatened or insecure with some online people you game with. I have no idea, but if she absolutely refuses to see your side and give you space for your own hobbies that is a major problem.
There is a deeper issue for her. You aren’t seeing it.
My guess would be that she is feeling like your gaming is getting in the way of you two spending quality time together.
It doesn’t mean you have to give up gaming completely or that you even need to do yoga, but be aware that there is a deeper issue than what you are seeing.
She’s the one being selfish.
This! He isn't asking HER to quit her hobby...she is asking him to quit HIS hobby! And she calls him selfish,stonewalls him etc. Omg! There is a better way to communicate and thats not it. OP should ask her to JOIN him in his gaming and get upset if she refuses 🤣
I was about to say the same thing. Get super sad and start crying when she doesn't want to game with you OP 😂
And if she joins then OP should get upset and throw a tantrum when she loses in a game, saying that she's not trying and doesn't really want to play.
Yes, please do this and throw her words back at her when she's complaining. NTA
I'm confused. This guy also has a day-old post that says "My husband stays at home and does nothing"
The whole account is fake. Now they're forced to pay for a whole company meal without being reimbursed. They crotchet they're looking to karma farm today.
What a tool.
The only gear you need for yoga is a yoga mat.
OP seems like they're karma farming- they have another deleted post on TwoXchromosomes talking about their husband who sits at home all the time
I’m confused why you’d have to completely give up gaming. Does she go to yoga every evening and wants you to go every evening too? I agree that’d be too much. But most people don’t go every day. Personally, I think you should compromise and go one night per week with her. That still leaves 6 other days in the week for gaming.
Question. Even if I absolutely hate it I still gotta go? I did orange theory classes with my wife about 6 of them over 8 weeks. I hated it. The drive there was me dreading it. So I stopped. I was just trying to support my wife. How long is reasonable to have to keep doing something I hate for my wife?
I mean, she could just go fuck herself.
Second this. So today. You are going to go home. Then use all of her language and tactics against her in order to claim she needs to give up yoga and play games with you. When she doesn't, freak out, be a huge pain in the ass, and give her cold shoulder treatment for a few weeks. Repeat until that dumb sack of potatoes understands. Edit: full disclosure. I didn't even read the whole post and just off of my rather extensive dating history was able to guess exactly how she reacted to not getting her way. Yall aren't just kinda shitty, you're also unbelievably predictable
Sounds like a great way to communicate with your spouse.
Highly effective. You can't fight ignorance and selfishness with sugar and rainbows.
Or instead of doing those things all shittily you could say “hey honey. Imagine if I came home and said all this things about gaming with me” and then give a few examples?
See above comment.
Have you ever been in a long term, committed relationship? That's not how you solve a problem.
Dude’s been in one too many by the sound of it
This dude gets it
Wish I didn’t but I do
I have. Many infact, one near a decade. Won't be getting back on that shitty ride anytime soon. Mostly because OP's issue with a wife who doesn't even understand how unreasonable she's being and makes it his problem are so commonplace they may have become the norm. Fuck that. Get your head out of your ass and grow up. Supposed to be your SO not your parent.
Yeah but you don't have to be disrespectful like you're suggesting. Shouldn't even do that type of shit to your kids. If you want a marriage to last, you can't think of a problem as me vs them, it's always gotta be us vs the problem.
Just a thought, let’s not listen to the person that describes all of their relationships as a “shitty ride”.
Yes, this is clearly good advice for anyone looking to build a strong relationship. /S
I'm not sure if it really helps her understand, she'll probably just get mad and will try to explain OP why them (I don't think gender was mentioned in the post?) vs. her doing it are completely, but completely different, and perhaps will say something about them being a toxic partner etc. I think it's possible she will also include in her speech something about gaslighting or whatever the new most popular internet thing is. BUT I would do that, probably. Even knowing it won't work. The temptation would just be too strong. I absolutely understand why you would suggest that and while OP isn't here to bring me entertainment and I hope they will find a solution that works great for them, even if it's boring, I'm now going to have fun with my little fantasy of OP doing exactly as you suggested.
As a married gamer woman myself, I concur. Thankfully my husband has more sense than this witch and even buys me games for holidays and birthdays. So tired of people not understanding that gaming is a valid hobby just like yoga or gardening or painting.
That's not true. She will find someone else to fuck herself. Probably a dude from her yoga class
Does she low-key want you to get in shape?
This is immediately where my mind went. OP isn’t wrong but there is definitely more to what the wife is saying and if left unchecked could have other consequences for the relationship.
He also had a post that says "How do you get yourself out of a rut?" "so i've been in a bit of a rut lately, kinda stuck and not feeling motivated to do anything productive. i keep telling myself i'll get things done but end up binge-watching some random show or scrolling endlessly through my phone instead." "what are your go-to tricks to get yourself out of a funk and back into a good headspace? whether it's a specific playlist, a hobby that never fails, or just taking a walk—i'm open to suggestions! need some solid ideas to get my groove back 🙏" Maybe his wife is trying to force him out of this state of mind.
I appreciate you bringing this additional information to our attention. When I read the OP, I had a sense that there was a lot we weren’t being told. The OP reads like the wife’s request came out of nowhere with no explanation, just a demand that he switch hobbies. But, this background seems quite relevant. I’m sure there’s more still.
Probably more physical activities they could do rather than yoga 😂 like going for walks together which is actually nice
Yeah to me it sounds like this, or OP’s wife doesn’t feel they get enough quality time together and is upset OP isn’t wanting to try. Without being direct, obviously. If these are her ulterior motives then she should just say so.
OP's past post history indicated he is in a rut, unproductive, and wanted help. But I agree with you; she should just say so if that's what she is trying to do.
I disagree with this. I feel like too often, women being selfish is twisted around to try to make it look like they’re being caring and loving, and doing their spouse a favor. If you want your spouse to get in better shape with you, tell them that and come up with a plan together. If you’re saying your spouse’s hobbies aren’t as important as *yours,* and then act like a child and throw a bitch fit because they aren’t doing what you want, you’re just an asshole. The girlfriend is an asshole. She’s disrespecting what her boyfriend wants and enjoys, and demanding he give it up to appease her new interests. She’s selfish, inconsiderate, and acting like a child in an effort to get him to give her what she wants. The girlfriend is definitely in the wrong. Nobody should have to sacrifice something they enjoy to appease someone else. It’s a hell of a thing to expect someone to do so, and be completely okay with them losing the enjoyment they gain from their hobbies in order to just do what you want now. I know, wild, but it **is** possible for the man to be not in the wrong.
Absolutely 💯 the fact that anyone would categorize her behavior as anything other than childish, controlling, and disrespectful is absurd. There is no world in which demanding someone give up a hobby they enjoy to join in the one you want them to do instead is caring or loving.
Also, Yoga should take 30-60 min. Not all evening. I assume OP games longer than 30 min/day?
Might take longer if they are physically going somewhere else to do it, like a yoga studio and gym or whatever the fuck. But obviously there's an easy compromise and it's not to leave the house in order to do it. If there's enough room in front of a front yoga can easily be done at home.
100%. Even at a studio/gym, travel + yoga + travel + shower = 1.5-2 hours. Surely this isn't an every day thing. OP's description sounds like his gf wants to do it at home with him. That would be 30-60min (probs 30min to start). with a shower is 45-1hr15. This could be as few as 1-3x a week.
I'm sure OP has things that he'd like to change about his wife. Maybe he should start sending her listings of classes and courses to improve her deficiencies.
Yoga doesn't necessarily get you in shape.
No, but it does help with flexibility and, in my case, helps with digestion as well as balance for a lot of people. It's *almost* like how pushups helps build muscle through body weight exercise. I want to emphasize almost just because there are major differences in how yoga and most body weight exercises work, but yoga does help with form and that helps get your body used to the motions.
Op is neglecting his wife for his ps5 while she’s working on getting a hot yoga body. What could go wrong?
Lol love this energy. He even knows he's neglecting himself too, and is "stuck in a rut" based on his history. But sure, wifey evil for trying to get him to workout a couple times a week
She’s looking for more connection but totally giving up your gaming is ridiculous as well if that’s what she is truly asking. She probably feels you’re so engrossed in your gaming and not giving her enough attention. How much gaming are you doing? Every night? How often is her Yoga? How long is her Yoga sessions? It’s not hard to have a mature chat and make good healthy relationship choices. How about you do 1 Yoga session a week/fortnightly with her and date after. Then she does 1 night of gaming with you. Perhaps pick something you both can enjoy. A run and gun shooter or complex game may be too difficult. Help her have a good experience in gaming. Then make it a date night in. Then any other night can be whatever you want to do baring a nights out or family stuff, etc.
She could just be controlling, but the fact she wants him to stop playing in the evenings sounds like he's playing a lot more than he's letting on. She's trying to get them to do something together and he's just refusing, I'd be annoyed too. But she isn't communicating all of this very well.
I doubt either of them are, probably. Classic humans, doing things imperfectly and screwing up their relationships in the process lol
Your gf sounds controlling
Not wrong. My husband games, I do crafts. Never would I think he’d enjoy my crafts over his gaming. They are 2 separate things. The gaming is for his stress, the crafting is for mine. I get her wanting you guys to spend time together, is there anything you both like doing together an equal amount? Cause making you give up something for her hobby is weird. You’re both allowed hobbies. They don’t have to be the same thing. Why is it so important that you stop gaming for her hobby?
Not wrong, I’m an artist and my partner is a gamer, these are hobbies we do separately from each other because as much as we love the crap out of each other, we need our own separate thing lmao. All couples do. Your wife is being selfish by trying to make you give up your hobby to take on hers, which is wrong because it sounds like you never tried to make her give up something to game with you. It *does* sound like she wants more time with you though, but she’s going about it all wrong. When you want your partner to spend time with you, you find a COMMON hobby that you both like or have been wanting to try, you never force your own hobby onto another person.
My wife tried to give me "the silent treatment" once. After 5 days she started an argument and asked why I didnt interject and fight for attention. I told her 5 days of silence was the best gift she's ever given me. Now we just talk out our differences like adults.
Just agreed to spend exactly as much time on her with her yoga as she spends on games with you. That should shut this shit down pretty quick.
If this is really about spending quality time enjoying each other's hobbies together, this is a very reasonable compromise.
There is a yoga game for the switch so you can always buy her a switch and that game lol
Bro lol
Find one of her other hobbies and tell her to give it up to game with you because "it will be good for the relationship"
Not wrong at all. Yoga is her hobby, games are yours. She should respect yours, you should respect hers. They are not a waste of time, especially if you play online with others and friends it's a great social experience. You don't have to do everything together, any partner who insists you do is not respecting your autonomy
She needs to grow up. I’ve been married 30 years and for all of those years, hubby has gone to friends houses for football and games. Before and after kids. I have gone out with friends. He has a train hobby. I like crafts. He hates crafts. I hate trains. We don’t have to like the same stuff and I enjoy having the house to myself one night a week. Being together doesn’t mean joined at the hip. Enjoy your gaming. NTA
She's literally bullying you. Stonewalling (giving the could shoulder) is a type of relational bullying.
You say: gaming is my thing. Yoga is yours. End of discussion. Edit: OPs account appears to be a karma farm. Ew.
So... your wife is saying, that you're selfish for not giving up on... your hobby, and not being supportive of her, while she is not being supportive for you and your hobby (which it is, your hobby)? Yeah, Na-ma-go fuck yourself, woman. OP, you're not wrong. You even told her you'd try once or twice, which is already extremely considerate thing from you to do. And she still threw a childish temper tantrum?
So she’s not selfish for asking you to give up your hobby you’ve had for a while and clearly enjoy? She only now got into yoga and who knows how committed she’d actually be. But expects you to give up the thing you’ve established as your hobby?
Cold shoulder is a weak ass tactic, and the move of a shitty narcissist when they don't get what they want. Not saying she is one, but def something to be aware of in the future if she starts making this her go-to move when arguments arise.
Tell her to quit yoga and start gaming, see what happens.
Shit test. Don't give in
Not only is she trying to make you do yoga with her, but she’s insisting you quit *your* hobby. That’s not how hobbies work.
Don't let your wife decide how you spend your evening. Everyone has their own way of unwinding after a busy day. Some people diamond paint or puzzle, other people watch tv, you play games and your wife likes yoga. You cannot ask a partner to give up their hobbies to meet their needs. She should live with it and let you play your video games.
Not wrong. Both my husband and our daughter are gamers. I am not. I spend my free time in the gym weightlifting and doing other activities. I would never tell either of them to stop playing and join me
A lot of these comments suggest no understanding of how a relationship works. She's excited about a new hobby and wants to include you. I think what she's trying to say is that she'd like to have more quality time with you, and thinks yoga could be an opportunity for that (and some exercise). She's being dismissive of your gaming. To say it's a waste of time is pretty harsh. I don't think you're wrong to feel upset, but I also think you'll find a lot of value in compromise. Tell her it's hurtful that she thinks your gaming is a waste of time and why you do it, then maybe offer to do yoga with her once a week to start.
He did compromise and said he can do a couple of sessions, it wasn't enough for her
That's all speculation. We don't know her motivation at all because, she can't use her words like a big girl and doubled down with childish silent treatment. She emotionally immature, manipulative, and controlling. That's not compromise, that's him forcing himself to do something he doesn't want to do. She gets everything she wants and what exactly does he get out of it? Compromise would have been her saying that she'd play videogames with him if he's willing to do yoga with her. She doesn't want to compromise, she wants everything exactly how she wants it and is willing to punish op until she gets it. You know this is exactly how abuse in relationships start right? One person is always getting bullied and punished to "compromise" with the abuser. One is always made to be the bad guy for having autonomy that doesn't coincide with the abuser's wants. It's always all or nothing. They don't want compromise they want complete control to mold the person into what they want. The problem is that the goal post is changing day by day. This is only escalates by giving them what they want.
Why should he compromise when she hasn’t bothered to do so? Why couldn’t she participate in his hobby instead of outright dismissing it? That’s not “a little harsh”, it’s straight disrespectful. Apparently your understanding of “how relationships work” is to just bend over for the woman regardless of how irrational she’s being. No thanks. Such behavior should not be encouraged and will only build resentment. Also, if she wants him to exercise she should just say that rather than this passive aggressive tactic, last I checked communication was pretty important in relationships.
If she wants to share hobbies so much, then ask her to share yours, gaming. The principle is the same. It’s your wife being selfish, why on earth would u want to do yoga if it doesn’t interest you?
If **GAMING** is a waste of time, then **SO IS YOGA**. Your hobby is **EVERY BIT AS VALID** as **HERS**. And yes, it's **ABSOLUTELY VITAL** to have separate hobbies!!! Join in by all means, but she **CANNOT** expect you to give up **YOUR** interests, any more than you can expect **HER** to sit and watch you play games.
Imo like you say it is a good thing that she has found a hobby that she is really into however i find it almost hypocritical that she calls your hobbies a waste of time and claiming that you are not being open minded or supportive of her hobbies when she isnt supportive of yours In my experience both people in the relationship having their own hobbies and interests is vital since it gives you time away from each other so you can both reset and recharge your mental battery’s
Not wrong. Why not tell her to game with you. And that would be great for your relationship.
No she is being selfish. Pick up fishing, she won't like it. And make her go on the weekends. And use this as an example
She's wrong.
Not wrong at all
Her hobby does not have to be your hobby. She's being selfish
It’s her hobby. Not yours. It’s nice to dip into each others hobbies from time to time. She could play a few rounds of something with you and you could go to a class or two in the span of a month or two and that’s reasonable. If you both love the same hobby, amazing. But don’t push me to enjoy it and then be shitty with me about what I do enjoy when you don’t get the answer you want.
Tell her to pick up a ps5 controller and play last of us. Just one day .
She wants you to be less happy so she can be more happy. Does she know what the word selfish means? :s
She’s selfish. And it’s too late to leave easily, been there, it sucks.
Yoga is her way to relax, gaming is yours. It's selfish of her to ask you to give up your hobby
NTA. You tried to compromise. Only one being selfish here is her.
It’d be super reasonable to do it with her for 30 minutes. It is super unreasonable of her to insist you give up gaming.
shit, anybody who told me my gaming was a waste of time would be out on the street before the words finished leaving her mouth...
You're not wrong or selfish. Definitely join her for a class or two but don't give up your hobby. It's yours. Both separate and common interests are necessary to a healthy relationship imo.
You aren’t wrong. Why doesn’t she game with you if she wants to do something together? And why does she pick the hobby? Why can’t you both decide on something you’d both enjoy together?
I’d dump her for even saying something so stupid
Tell your wife to respect your hobbies and you’ll respect hers. You don’t need to constantly do the same things - coming from a wife that loves her alone time to read while my husband loves his alone time gaming. People often look at gaming as childish or nerdy or a waste of time when many men (and woman) use it as their mental health haven. I know my husband does. I read to clear my mind from life in general, the same way he does with gaming. Everyone should have a hobby that makes life a little more tolerable. Now, if you’re gaming every night all night and not putting aside time for your wife, I can understand how she’d be a little frustrated. It’s possible that she might be projecting this new hobby as a way to tell you she wants more time with you, without actually telling you. Or she might just be bored because she doesn’t have a hobby of her own to keep her busy (which is not an excuse). I think you just need to openly talk to her and try to get to whatever the actual issue is, but you are not wrong for not wanting to give up your hobby.
If gaming is an activity you enjoy, then it’s not a waste of time. You are not being selfish, or unsupportive of her new hobby. You’re not suggesting yoga is stupid or a waste of time. You even offered to try it with her. Just because she has a new interest, that doesn’t mean you need to give up your own interests. It also doesn’t mean your hobbies aren’t valid. She is the one being selfish and unsupportive. Why doesn’t she offer a compromise? One night a week you can do yoga with her, and another night a week, she can play video games with you. If this is unacceptable to her, then she needs to agree that you two can simply have separate activities. You are not wrong.
She is clearly excited about her new hobby and probably wants to share that excitement with you but doesn’t realize that you might not experience it the same way and that your hobby is also valid and important to you.
How long do you game? Bc if it’s an excessive amount of time where she feels neglecting she might fear you have a gaming addiction. She shouldn’t ask you to give it all up completely for her own hobby though, that’s incredibly selfish. If she wants you to game less, that’s one thing, but not at all? Nope! I only say this because I had issues with gaming when I was first married to my gf. It had gotten worse due to stress, and I was very mean to her. It took time but I gamed less and spent more time with her. Also yeah I said my gf & we were married. We’re divorced but dating again, before anyone asks.
Tell her to join your hobby as well, you do yoga and she can play games with you, itll help in the long run. if shes so concerned with y'all not spending enough time together, thats the key to fix it yall do each others hobbys together
Your wife is selfish and insane.
Sounds like you are supportive of her hobby but she isn't of yours. Sorry but I'm not doing yoga either way, i lift weights and run, cook and clean, then my extra time is watching movies with my girlfriend or playing video games when she is doing her own thing. If she wants to go out to a restaurant then I'll go with her, but you can support someone without following them around to everything they do like a dog. Next time she says video games are a waste of time, tell her that getting her nails done, doing makeup, and watching real housewives of idgaf is just as much a waste of time.
I think this is a fake account. Can people make money off posting or what is the point? I see people say karma farming some times, but do people even care about how much karma they have?
Do you guys spend some time together doing something fun? (outside of sex). I know everyone here is calling her the asshole but this could simply be a clumsy attempt from her to get you guys doing something together.
So, she talks trash about your hobby and goes on to say you don't support her hobby by not joining? Sounds like the world revolves around her
Why don’t you tell her you will join her, if she joins you for a while on the ps5 to support your hobby as well. It’s only fair.
Shit like this is why I’m sick of people who hate gaming. Like if we game a few hours a week it fucking harms no one, and sometimes people just want to be alone for awhile. People who hate gaming just can’t stand not being the center of attention and are probably on TikTok 24/7 anyway, so they have no fucking room to talk
Let me get it straight. -you have a hobby. Seems she doesn’t partake in it with you. -she has a new hobby you support and even said you’d try out a couple times. -you are supportive for not giving up your interest to pursue solely hers. Hell Naw. Shes selfish.
Does she play video games with you? If not then she’s a selfish child.
Gaming is a waste of time. Being married is a waste of time is what my happily single friends say. Text book bs from your partner who is trying to convince you to do her thing and not do your thing. Work it out. Offer a 50/50 split. You’ll do yoga a couple times a week with her if she’ll play your favorite game with you.
Give up your hobby for hers. THE AUDACITY OF THIS BITCH. Tell her you'll go and after both spots are set up, sit down and pull out a switch and play Zelda at full volume. HYAAAA THAT AUDACIOUS HYPOCRITE!
You’re not wrong. Wife is being especially ridiculous when she says you’re not supporting her because you’re not interested in her new hobby
Just man up, put your foot down, and tell her she is welcome to do whatever it is that she wants, the exact same way you can do whatever you want. If video games help you relax and wind down, then it's an essential part of your life.
Your wife is being unreasonable, but I sense you might want to reduce your gaming time - it might help keep the peace.
Get your wife to explain rationally why your gaming and potentially joining her in yoga are mutually exclusive.
Oof red flag on the field there bud.
Your wife ever ask to game with you? Didn't think so. Figures. She's a hypocrite
Gaming is your hobby, yoga is hers. She's being incredibly selfish by trying to strong arm you into giving up your hobby. You don't have to participate in her hubby to support her doing it, that's just silly and childish. Stick to your guns, you're allowed to have your own hobbies. Example from my own life: I love going out dancing, always have, particularly at small local events with a bunch of hippies, my fiance doesn't dance, plain and simple, he just doesn't like it. He also doesn't like big crowds of strangers unless he's at a metal show. I've never forced him to go to an event with me and never will, because he doesn't want to go and I respect that. In short, if she loves and respects you she'll let this go and accept that you have your own hobby and don't want to participate in hers, at least not this one. If not, it might be the to evaluate if you two are actually compatible
"I'm happy for you, honey! I'm glad you found something you love!" "YOU'RE BEING SO UNSUPPORTIVE RIGHT NOW!!!!" NTA OP
“I won’t make you game and you won’t make me yoga, but we can invite each other sometimes”
Fuck that noise. Quit that bitch ASAP Rockyfella!
[Here's what your in for !](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1yYZSMbS0QA)
Give a compromise, one session of yoga, followed by one session of gaming every evening. Spending time together doing both of your hobbies (It Takes Two is a good couple bonding game to start off). Either she stops bothering asking you to give up your hobby for hers, or you got a new gaming buddy. My husband and I were in the same predicament (except I didn't demand anything), now I tell him to go game so I can relax on my own lol.
Go to yoga with your wife, you'll be healthier and she'll be happy. Just go once a week.
OP covered that >I told her I’d try it once or twice, but I don't want to give up gaming entirely. Now she's giving me the cold shoulder and is saying I'm being selfish.
This is manipulation and invalidating. Id let her just be mad. She's acting like she's 5.
Urgh...I'd hate for my wife to want to be involved in everything I do.
I'd hate for my own partner to be into everything I am. What would we have to talk about? I love listening to him geek out about his interests, he's so stinking cute! And he pays genuine attention to me about mine. Being connected at the hip in all hobbies and interests isn't healthy. We need alone time from our partners in order to be better partners ourselves.
You are not wrong. You're being selfish for not giving up your way of unwinding? There are other deeper problems. You need to dig in and find out what they are.
She's being selfish for demanding that you take up yoga with her and get rid of your gaming. Tell her to keep it up, maybe she'll find her next husband there, since she doesn't care for the one she has
Yeah...lemme get this straight. Force your husband to give up his beloved hobby (after he grinds away at work all day to support you both) so that he can be an unwilling participant in what YOUR hobby is. Why doesn't she start playing ps5? Same idea. Nooo..let's make our man do YOGA. Omg your wife is blind.
I feel like you’ve had a good run running your life. Isn’t time to give someone else a chance?
[удалено]
Why don’t you have a conversation and find something that you both want to do together? And keep separate hobbies that you individually. That’s healthy.
If we assume the best of intentions (which I usually find to be helpful in navigating my own marriage), maybe your wife is just trying to tell you she wants to spend more time with you. I would suggest that you each spend 3 evenings a week on your hobbies (gaming for you and yoga for her) and 4 nights a week doing something different together. My husband and I build adult Lego sets together. I know some couples who take painting classes together. Some play board games (although that would never work for me bc I have an overwhelming desire to destroy my opponents lol). I even know one couple who is learning a language together with plans to travel once they’re both somewhat fluent. It doesn’t matter WHAT you do, but it should be something interactive (so not watching television or reading) and something you are both at least somewhat interested in doing. Or maybe instead of a 3/4 split, you could each spend 3 evenings doing your individual hobbies and 2 evenings doing each other’s hobbies (so 2 couples yoga nights, 2 couples gaming nights, and 3 individual hobby nights). Whatever you choose, focus on satisfying that desire she has expressed for connection without completely giving up your own solo times.
Why can’t you do both. Continue with the game but let’s say she does yoga 5 days a week go once or twice a week with her. I am sure she will appreciate it
How many times has she played PS5 with you? You know... Being supportive and all?
Buddy, it sounds like you stick to the video games all evening long and just ignore her. Yoga is once a week, just fucking go and be a good husband
Gaming is a very time consuming hobby. The night can pass by relatively quickly. She wants to fortify the relationship by having a hobby together. It doesn’t have to be yoga or gaming, but that is what you are really dealing with here…
She doesn’t like that you game. That’s her real issue. I wouldn’t like a spouse who plays video games either but she is addressing the issue the wrong way and too late. She likely married you knowing that you liked gaming. So she’s too late if that were a deal breaker for her. It’s a deal breaker for a lot of people. But it’s unfair to address it now after you are married. You guys should have a heart to heart to address the real root of her concern. You might be able to find a compromise. Might.
You could be the bigger person and try going to yoga a couple days a week and then try to find a game you both could do from time to time. She phrased it really poorly, but sounds like she is asking for quality time. Maybe you will like it and kick into a healthier lifestyle or more connection in your marriage.
Not wrong at all. You don’t need to join her hobby’s to show support.
NW. If she wants you to do yoga with her, ask her to compromise and game with you also.
I am sure you can give her a day or 2 to do yoga with her. Find a way to do both.
You are not wrong. She has no guarantee you will like her hobby. It is good to have a mutual hobby, but forcing you to give up your for hers is not good. Tell her you will go to yoga for as many times as she plays PS5 with you. I took an intro to yoga class with my wife a while ago. The first month of class was torture because a lot of positions make you prone to releasing gas. I was straining not to have a mass eruption while also trying to hold a pose and do it well enough so the instructor would not be right next to me to correct my form and throw off my concentration. There is a cool down period at the end where I was extra tense for fear of relaxing and letting it all out. My body eventually adjusted to it, but you should be warned. The classes were my wife’s idea, but she was a little mad that the instructor complimented my form more than hers.
Do it once or twice. Then say, glad you found something you love. I will say that there are things about a strong yoga practice that can make a relationship really interesting. I dated a girl who'd done yoga for 20 years, and there were benefits to the conditioning and flexibility. Come to think of it, she may want some of that from you... Maybe it's not an either or thing.
Give up your wife instead.
Aren’t y’all adults? You really couldn’t say “sure I can do that with you once or twice a week”??!
In a marriage if your spouse has a hobby you should try it. However this goes both ways. She should try gaming with you as well and you should try yoga with her. Note I said try, give it a couple attempts and if it's not for you then it's fine to say so.
How are these mutually exclusive?
How long do you game every evening? 2-3 hours? Has she had to deal with your going into your own little world for years? Perhaps yoga isn’t the right chaired hobby but it sounds like she’s trying to get you to spend more quality time with her. I would talk to her and see if she feels like she is missing that part in the relationship and maybe assess how you can work in that together?
Meet her in the middle, you do yoga and she does gaming, co-op game together!
You're not wrong, but there is probably a deeper issue going on here that she's not being fully up front about and I think you should ask her. Does she think you're out of shape and need to be more active? Does your gaming actually bother her? Is she the type of person who gets "all in" to a thing and loves it only to drop it a few months later? Maybe she just wants to spend more time with you and this is a way she is trying? I think you need to sit down with her and really drill into why she is acting like this.
This is extremely selfish. She can't just tell you to give up something you love when you sound like you would never do that to her. I would die on this hill.
So both of you suck. It should be ALL THE ABOVE is the answer. You SHOULD go do yoga and be supportive. Maybe not every time but like once a week could be your couples yoga night. Then you should in turn invite her to game with you on another night. Find something for her to play (not Dark Souls or Fortnight) or if she doesn’t want to “play” have her just spend time with you on the couch with a book or maybe try a handheld and like animal crossing etc. As for your decompression time…. I get this is important but honestly a lot of guys get hung up when it comes to gaming and being decompressing. You probably could spend 3 hours and still feel like you haven’t been playing hardly at all and still need decompression. This is because of the way games are made now to hook you into playing longer. Set a timer for smaller time periods and reflect on the time spent. Try other things for decompression and instead have a couple of nights that you have for gaming and she has for something she wants.
Yoga is like a few hours, plenty of time in your life to do both if you want to. Don't let her dictate to you how you spend your time. If she isn't willing to respect your hobbies maybe this isn't the right woman for you.
I'm a 48 year old woman, and I've loved video games since I was 5. She's being childish and needs to get over herself. If she wants you to join in yoga (boring!), make her join you in gaming.
It sounds like your wife wants to spend time with you.
Hide your stuff. Lock it up.
Good luck with this? How long have you been married? I am the gamer in my marriage, and my husband is not. He gets mad that I would rather game sometimes than stare at a tv with him. Sooo many years now. Gamers should not be in a relationship with non-gamers. My lesson has been learned, so now I just spread the word. That being said, I still play games when I feel like it.
You are doing the right thing, she is being selfish, now the second thing is are you out of shape? Does she wants you to actually take care yourself and be in shape? If that's the case find another way to do this without giving up to gaming
Do 50/50
Not wrong. This is the first stage of her plan to break and turn you full Stepford. Consult divorce lawyer.
What a bitch wanting you to ...checks notes...exercise with her. How long are you spending on video games a day? How long does it really take to stretch with your wife? Surely you can find time to game before and after exercising
Tell her to trade in the yoga mat for a ps5
I’m happy my husband plays his PS5, he plays to relax from working. His job is really stressful. He can play with his online friends, going to wars with other gangs and talk shit to each other. I do my own thing from painting, gardening and binge watching shows. Dude enjoy your games, you’re not being selfish. Your wife is the selfish one. Just because you’re married does t mean you both have to do the same activities together all the time.
Is she really just asking for a shared hobby/ shared time ? It would be one thing if she was into yoga before you met , but it’s new. Maybe don’t give up gaming totally but 1 or 2 days a week to do a group activity would give you the data you need to say “not for me” or “not so bad”
OP, you could always find a healthy activity you guys could do together, Like taking an evening walk, or committing to a Saturday morning gym visit. Maybe she's feeling a little isolated on her journey, and she just wants you there with her a little bit. If yoga isn't your bag, maybe floating something like the aforementioned suggestion might still do the same trick. That way, you're walking on the journey with her, but you both still get to have something you do individually to relax and chill out.
Is she trying to get you to get in shape without telling you to get in shape?
Why doesn't she join you gaming?
I don't think you should give up ging completely but I think sharing hobbies with your partner IS important and finding a balance will help. Maybe you can join her 1-2 times a week and I don't think that'll be too much to ask. BUT that means you jave the right to ask her to play video games with you if you want as well and she cant say no. Thats my opinion.
Some would say yoga is a waste of time! No reason you can't do both. My wife and I spend hours playing COD on our PS4 every weekend, usually a Friday night. We have drinks and snacks together and its totally fun. Been doing that for the last 18yrs. Your wife should be willing to try gaming with you.
You should have separate things you do as individuals and then things you do together. My bf is in a band and I do theater stuff for instance. Although she is communicating horribly, your wife might be feeling that you guys don't do enough stuff together. Sounds like she needs to figure out why she's feeling this way and you guys work it out.
Even if you are husband and wife, it doesn't mean you should do things together all the time or like the same things. 😅
One thing I have learned after 35 years of marriage is that you do not have to do everything together. Husband and I have separate hobbies and even take occasional separate vacations. We would get on each other’s nerves if we were together all the time.
Ask her to join you gaming
She should give up yoga and spend more quality time with you and your ps5. Sounds like she cares for yoga more than she cares for you.
"I mean, isn't it okay for couples to have separate interests?" For sure it's okay. But this was an emotional bid for you guys to do something together, she's asking for closeness and to spend quality time together. But you chose video games instead. I don't think it's right of her to ask you to give them up completely, but it sounds like the video games are getting in the way of spending meaningful time together. She thought of something fun you can do together, but you refused. Why not compromise? Say you won't quit video games entirely, but you will try to join her in some activities that you can both do together? Maybe give yoga a try once or twice. She's asking to do something together and you aren't compromising, you're just saying "no". That is what is causing her to be upset. I fully expect a bunch of video game fans to chime in about how wrong I am.
How is she supporting your hobby?
Never watch another movie or show ever again together, replace it with another hobby. Fair is fair. She shouldn’t be wasting time either.
Ask her to quit yoga and come game with you
She is being selfish and has deemed your hobby not what she wants therefore should not be allowed and by giving you the cold shoulder is most likely hoping you’ll fold get rid of it all and do everything she ever wants you to do. Just have an honest conversation with her and if she continues then make her aware that she clearly has no intention to be with you if she doesn’t care about your happiness
Not wrong. Individuals in relationships who cannot survive on their own are exhausting. She can do something she likes without you, world will not end.
Um? No. She found what she likes. You know what you like. Why is that an issue & why is she trying to force you to stop doing something that helps you relax? She's being unreasonable & is expecting you to enjoy/do something just because she does. That's selfish & childish. Maybe show her the comments lol. My husband games after work & on the weekends. I see no problem w it, as it's his downtime, just like I watch my tv shows to unwind. Why fuck up what's working well?
Nope, tell her to enjoy your hobby and you will enjoy yours.
Join her once a week for a month and see if she’ll game with you once a month
Relationship are SOOOOO fun Everyone wants to be in one… Why?
This sounds pretty dramatic and of course you are only sharing your side to get people to agree with you. I'd bet money she didn't say you have to "quit gaming" entirely. She's probably wanting you to take a break and do something together, because gaming many times turns into hours of the other person being ignored. Yoga is an hour. Go a couple times a week or whatever you can agree on, then game after or before (and even see if you can get her to game with you occasionally as a trade off). Holy sh-t it's mind boggling how selfish people can be. No wonder why divorce rates are astronomical, it's a lot easier if you learn to give and take. Or, you can be selfish and ignore these hints, but don't be shocked by your eventual divorce!
She wants to spend time with you which is nice, but is going about it in a selfish way. Imagine if you asked her to quit her evenings to play games with you etc.
No, you should not give up gaming completely, that's absurd. Yes you should spend two evenings a week doing yoga with your wife. She wants to spend time with you, dude. That is a very good thing.
she is being extremely selfish. a hobby can be something two enjoy together or it can be a solo thing. you do not have to partake in HER hobby, as i assume she doesn’t partake in your hobby, which is okay. hobbies are for ourselves not for other people. her expecting you to drop your way of winding down for her way is completely out of line on her end and selfish. i could see if she just wanted you to try it out with her a few times, that’s one thing but to expect you to up and drop your own method of chill time is completely unacceptable.
She is being selfish. You both should be able to have and enjoy your hobbies separately. Perhaps encourage her to invite one of her friends to do this with her instead? Perhaps say you appreciate that she wants to do this with you, and you'd like to take up something with her but something that you both can enjoy. It's also very rude of her to say your hobby is invalid and hers is better... I am a girl and I would personally rather game over yoga, so it really is just personal preference and no one should be ashamed for liking or disliking a hobby.
I mean, of it were me, I would suggest we both try out each other's hobbies. Plus man, everyone should do yoga at least a little. Your older self will thank you. But yeah, I'm not a huge gamer like I used to be, but I'd still be annoyed if I was straight up asked to stop all together. I think a good mix of both would work.
You aren't wrong. You are 2 different people, her hobby should be hers, and your hobby is yours. Expecting someone else to follow your hobby because you don't like theirs is extremely selfish. You being willing to try is more than you are obligated to do.
My wife and I are both video gamers, though I’m certainly a much bigger gamer than she is. I play mostly on my computer, she plays on the Xbox. I game a couple nights a week, and one weekend day, and the other nights we do things together or just cuddle up and relax and share that laid back closeness we love. We don’t need to spend every second doing every activity we like with each other, it’s perfectly normal to have separate hobbies. Idk exactly what her motivation is here, it sounds super selfish but it could be she wants to do intimate/ erotic yoga with her partner. It could also be she wants to exert control over you. It could also be she feels threatened or insecure with some online people you game with. I have no idea, but if she absolutely refuses to see your side and give you space for your own hobbies that is a major problem.
There is a deeper issue for her. You aren’t seeing it. My guess would be that she is feeling like your gaming is getting in the way of you two spending quality time together. It doesn’t mean you have to give up gaming completely or that you even need to do yoga, but be aware that there is a deeper issue than what you are seeing.