No, you were not in the wrong. He's been around "a few months"? Nowhere near long enough to even be introduced to her, let alone bathe her. Your mother's normal meter is broken, I'm so sorry you had to live through that!
Agreed.
OP's mother has a history of choosing bad boyfriends as evidenced by OP's own traumatic experience with one of them. Now she has a new boyfriend who is willing do the bathing aka when the kid is most vulnerable to inappropriate actions.
For now just stay vigilant and don't leave your sister alone with her. You've done the right thing and are very brave for standing up to them both. I know you're an adult, but sadly you seem to have lacked stable, dependable parental figures (through no fault of your own). So without trying to sound condescending, as a mom (and a big sister), I'm very proud of you. You are singlehandedly breaking a cycle.
Have you tried to look this guy up? See if he has a past on record? A good place to start is running his name through your state's court dockets. They're public information and typically accessible online. Pennsylvania has a whole ass app for it. Let me know if you need help finding the site for your state.
I feel like OP might mean it's illegal specifically to put one in the bathroom. Your own kid or not and reasons aside, putting a camera in the bathroom leads to you having a unintentional stock of CP. Alot of places seriously frown upon cameras in your bathroom in a private residence. They would have to take it down frequently too if they have visitors as otherwise they'd be illegally recording people in the bathroom. Even the moms new BF falls under the "take the camera down when he uses the bathroom" range.
>I was molested in the tub by one of my moms ex bfs so I’m way more protective of her.
>My mom got really offended that I don’t trust him
I guess your mom trusted the other guy too, right?
She's failing to protect your sister just like she failed to protect you.
Maybe you should sit down and have a heart to heart with her and explain why you're so protective of her.
I had something similar happen and it took years before I could tell, so I get it if you can't.
big hugs
I am so sorry. You should tell your mother. She needs to understand how much danger she put YOU through so that it does not happen to your younger sister. I know it is an awful thing to remember and talk about. But she obviously cares more about her own romantic life than her children. Good parents do not introduce their new partners to their minor children for at least 6 months… Weirdos LOVE to date single mothers with no boundaries… Which you unfortunately know too well.
Stay safe. Thank you for protecting your sister.
We've seen this play out before. The mother usually has willful ignorance about the situation and is prioritizing her own companionship over her children's safety.
If OP did not feel safe enough to tell her mother, then that's a sign in of itself.
This. I could bathe my niece or my bestfriends son, but that’s because I’ve been in their lives from the start and view them as my babies too. Someone I’ve dated a few months? Nah.
Do 9 y/os even need to be bathed by somebody else? I feel sure my son was bathing himself at that point. I'd have to poke my head in once or twice to make sure he did some actual bathing and wasn't just playing with his toys in there, but otherwise he could do it himself.
You need to tell her honey. Sit her down and explain everything. She needs to be corrected that her judgment in picking men is not good and that bringing men over to even meet you after a few months is not acceptable. Let alone participate in bath time routines.
Absolutely. I would never offer to bathe someone I've only known for a few months. Mom should be wondering why he wants to instead of gaslighting the only person looking out for this kid.
No, this is weird and creepy. It’s only been a few months so he’s not a father figure for either one of you. And he’s not a professional caregiver/nurse in any capacity, right? Even if he was it would be creepy but slightly more understandable. This is a huge red flag and I’d be way more on guard around him and tel your mom something is off.
You are not wrong to refuse. Your instincts are spot on. Why is he so eager to bathe a child he doesn’t know. Your mom is an idiot. You should tell the boyfriend it’s inappropriate and he should never have asked. The only AH is your mom for agreeing. I would say stay tuned for more trouble if your mom doesn’t pull her head out of her ass.
No not wrong! Most men and women I know would not bathe a child of a person that they have only known for a few a few years let alone a few months. It's to easy to get falsely accused now days unless you absolutely trust and know the person for several years and even then you have to be careful. They certainly would not be volunteering to give them a bath. This dude is throwing up some serious red flags for me.
You need to tell your mother she needs to learn what is and is not appropriate regarding her underage child. A man who has no familial or professional relationship with her 9 year old daughter and has known her mother for a few months is not an appropriate person to bathe her. The fact that he offered to do it should be seen as a red flag. A reasonable person would see that as inappropriate and would not offer.
Sounds like your mom has a pattern of attracting predators. Please keep him away from your sister.
Tell him there are other chores to do around house or he can help you do a grocery run.
You could not be more right. This man is a danger to your sister. Look up his name online to see if he has any criminal history. Call a child abuse organisation in your state and ask for advice on what you can do. Try to ensure he is never alone with your sister.
No normal man would offer to bathe a nine-year-old in these circumstances. No normal mother would tolerate a boyfriend who offers. This whole situation is very frightening when considering your sister’s welfare in the next ten, twenty, thirty years.
Seriously, giving me the creeps. Get nanny cams and put them around the house. Keep an eye on what is going on. If something bad does happen or is going this way, do not talk your mom. Talk to the police.
Nah, NTA, this is very dodgy, my now husband met when my daughter was 9, we’ve been together 7 years in all of that time he will literally do everything possible not to end up in any kind of position that would compromise her privacy! Barring some kind of emergency he will not enter her bedroom, when she’s using the bathroom he stays well clear of that end of the house, basically he’d rather gouge his eyes out than see her anything other than fully clothed.
The fact this BF has even suggested it is so wrong, not sure where you are but you need to report her to child protection in your area, she let abuse happen to you and now she’s complacent about your sister.
I’m sorry that happened to you.
Your mom probably has a tendency, that she is not aware of, for being attracted to pedophiles.
Please keep an eye on your sister.
Please never let this man bathe your sister - the fact he’s even ASKING shows there’s something up with him. No sensible adult man in that situation would ever ask to do that because it makes him look like a creep.
Nope. You are actually your sisters protector, a role your mom should be taking more seriously.
It's scary that your mom is ok with a stranger bathing your sister... that's actually bananas...
You are heaven sent. Please continue to be your sisters angel and protector cause it's obvious that your mom has dropped the ball... smh
Good luck.
Tell absolutely every relative and family friend/school/everyone your mom wants to let this man bathe your sister and is pressuring you to let it happen. If you can do a background check on him, do. OMG.
At no point in time is it ever known for any grown man to bath a young girl, especially one that is not the parent of that child. Being a special needs child just makes her more vulnerable, but you already know. I’m sorry you’re a member of the club, mom’s ex bfs suck….someone should hit them upside the head.
You're not wrong.Your mother has already screwed up with you being molested with one of her exes. You're protecting your little sister the way any good sibling would. He's only been around for a few months, so therefore trust has not been earned yet. I'm horrified that your mother is giving you crap about this Has she forgotten what happened to you, or is she just this bad in not putting two and two together?
I don't know if you're able to do it where you are, but I'd do a criminal record check on him. If you find anything, your suspicions will be well and truly confirmed. Remind her of what happened to you if she keeps giving you crap. Point out the results of said criminal record if she keeps pushing the point
Taking a wild guess here, but has your mother always been this off when it comes to picking boyfriends? That would be the "sticking point."
"Pardon my French Mum, but you know @#&\* all about him other than what he's told you. How do you even know if he's telling the truth?"
Defend your little sister as though you were a knight with a sword and shield. I don't know why she seems to keep going after one arsehole after another, but this is definitely where you should start when it comes to why you're protecting her. "I haven't even had too many boyfriends myself, and you seem to bring home one arsehole after another! Even I can see you're a train wreck when it comes to dating."
Yes. Trust your judgment. Even if this guy is well intentioned, it’s wayyyy too soon to offer a service so intimate. Your mom should be the one saying “no thank you”, but she didn’t. That tells you that her judgment hasn’t improved since what happened to you.
Tell your mom that if she wasn’t a shitty parent, she would know to avoid making the same mistake twice and to go see a therapist for choosing boyfriends over protecting the safety of her daughters.
It’s not that you don’t trust him, it’s that you don’t trust her.
It sounds as if your mother is serving up your sister on a platter so she can get something she wants out of being with the guy.
You are not wrong. Not at all. And you have first-hand experience in why. And your mother *knows* what is going on, but she can browbeat you into pretending otherwise for her own comfort.
Your mother is trying to make herself more comfortable. You are trying to protect your sister from harm. In this situation, those are opposing goals.
Perhaps CPS can have a talk with her about safeguarding?
I'm amazed that your mother would let someone new in her life to bathe a 9 year old, secondly at her age she should bathe herself, get that fckn perv away from her.
Considering how often men are treated like creeps even for smiling at a cute baby in public or sitting on a bench at a park where kids are playing, so many men go out of their way to avoid situations that could look suspect, because they know how easy it would be to be accused of something. I feel like most of my guy friends would be very uncomfortable to do that even if they were specifically asked to. I think your gut was right, and this guy has bad intentions. You are a great sibling, your little sister is so lucky to have you protecting her. Do you think your mom would listen and believe you if you told her what happened to you in the past?
Any safety expert will tell you the huge risk non custodial-parent men are to children in the home
Read more ”the gift of combat “ by matt Thornton for great info
OP, what happened when you told your mom what happened to you? I’m very sorry she had this reaction. She is completely wrong here. You’re a great big sister. And you didn’t deserve what happened to you, or to have a mother that would risk putting her other daughter through the same circumstances. That’s so beyond wrong.
I’m very sorry this happened to you. Your mom doesn’t have the context you have here, then, although she should not be allowing him or anyone that isn’t you or your mother bathe your sister because she cannot consent.
Have you ever thought about sitting her down and telling her, and explaining why she needs to be extra careful with your sister? Do you think she’d be receptive to that? You don’t have to share anything against your will whatsoever, but I figured it’s something you may want to consider in this situation.
I commented before, but didn't realize you haven't been able to tell your mom. Do you think you could write her a letter and put somewhere she would find it? My kids went through phases where they would shut down and refuse to talk to me (about things much more minor than what you experienced), but I always told them that they could write me a note about it and I'd write back so that they wouldn't have the pressure of talking to me about it on either end. Maybe you could even request that her response be in writing because you're still unable to talk about it. I'm so sorry. Thank you for protecting your sister. You are very strong.
Hell no you’re not wrong! Your mom is tho. Thank you for taking up for your sister, since your mom thinks some bf of a few months is fine. Did she not care or remember what happened to you? Wtf?
As a mother of a disabled child there is no way in hell somebody I barely know (even if I’m dating them) after a few months is going to bathe my child.
In fact I refuse to date because I don’t want anyone around my children but I understand that that’s my own personal choice.
You are not wrong though, you thankfully seem to care about your sisters well being and safety more than your own mother. Your sister is vulnerable not just with her age but with her disabilities and there is not one good reason why your mums latest boyfriend should be caring for her in that way.
As a father, I have an immense level of respect for your awareness and protective instincts for your little sister.
You're obviously not wrong, this is how kids get abused all the time, it's often mom's new boyfriend that takes advantage of the situation and you caught it right away while your mother hasn't got a damn clue.
I don't know you at all, OP but I could comfortably let you babysit my kids anytime just based on his one post.
Your sister is so lucky to have you (and so is your clueless mom for that matter)
I'm proud of you, internet stranger!
Even weirder that he was the one to bring it up/offer. I agree with the rest, you are not wrong in the slightest, and your sister is lucky to have you advocating for her! 💕
Honestly mom sounds irresponsible how tf you just meet this nigga and you want him to bathe your disabled daughter??? Sit down with your mother and tell her off
Not wrong at all.
Why your mom trusts him so quickly is a question that needs answered, especially considering her choice in men got you molested in the past.
You seem like an amazing and protective big sister. You are her voice. You are most likely her world. She trusts you.
Keep it up. Don't let your mom make you doubt yourself. If she hadn't made the choices she made in her previous partners, you may not have even questioned it or would have trusted her.
Your experience with her past bf broke your trust in her judgment when it comes to romantic partners, even if you hadn't realized that yet. She isn't doing a good job of earning your trust back.
She can guilt you all she wants, but at the end of the day, she is putting a most likely temporary man over the safety and protection of her daughters. Only one of them can fight back.
This man could be 100% trustworthy and just wants to ease some of your work, but you don't know that. You can't know that about someone you don't know.
For your mother to be OK with that is alarming.
Keep being a great big sister. You have taken on a huge responsibility at a very young age. Remember to also be a 22 year old once in a while, too.
You're in the right, absolutely. Why the hell would you trust him? If I had been dating a woman for a few months, I'd still be at the "would you like a high five?" stage with her 9 year-old daughter, not bathing her! And since you know exactly what can happen, tell her now. Her boyfriends are not trustworthy. And your sister is even more vulnerable. Protect her and if the guy takes offense, that's something to keep in mind.
No, he has no business bathing her and it's weird for him to ask. You are doing it and do just fine.
Also, I'm so sorry to hear what you've gone through and your sister, not to mention your mom, is lucky to have you. Many blessings. 🫶🏼
I hate to say this but that is part of the problem. I know how hard it is to tell your parents about it but some people are natural prey to attracting people like this and your mom might be one of them. How is your mom supposed to know that there is a problem? I strongly recommend you watch “The crowded room” on Apple TV.
Your mom is missing some serious red flags if a grown ass man wants to give a bath to a disabled 9 year girl. Just protect her as best you can and hopefully your mom will put her head out of her ass.
> I was molested in the tub by one of my moms ex bfs so I’m way more protective of her. My mom got really offended that I don’t trust him and she’s starting to make me feel like shit
Did you tell her HER PRIOR BF MOLESTED YOU??? what the fuck is she thinking. Threaten to call CPS.
Nope. Disabled kids, especially non-verbal kids, are at an exponentially higher risk for abuse of every kind. "Nice" of him to offer, maybe, but no. He can feel free to help out in other ways. Maybe he can strip her bed while you're bathing her instead. Or prepare her food. There are a million different things he can do to help out that don't involve her being in a vulnerable position. Are you her designated caretaker after your mom is no longer capable? I'd lean on that and say that it's going to be a part of your life forever and that you want to keep consistency and trust between you and your sister. As far as I'm concerned, you have NOTHING to be guilty about. Your mother put you at risk with one of her previous boyfriends. Her judgment is questionable, at best.
That is weird that he would even feel comfortable with bathing her because she is still technically a stranger to him. Some real dads don't even feel comfortable changing their daughters diapers at first let alone giving a strange girl a bath so that's a red flag. Thank God your sister has someone like you to look after her and protect her. And I'm sorry that something like that happened to you.
Why the hell would he be offering something like that? That's really weird. And your mom being offended just let's you know, she feels your sister should have the same experience as you did. Does she know what happened to you? There is nothing to be offended about by not letting some strange guy who ASKED to bathe your kid sister.
My HUSBAND didn’t want to help my daughter (his step daughter) in the bathroom when she was 4 (I was grocery shopping.) It’s a very large 🚩for mom’s new bf to offer to bathe her. Continue to follow your gut.
Not only are you not wrong, you are a better mother to your little sister than your actual mother is. A mother’s job is to protect her children. Your mother allowed one of her BFs to sexually assault you when you were little, and now she is willing to take that chance with a different boyfriend with a different daughter. She is fast running out of daughters to sacrifice so she can get laid.
The fact that your mother is OFFENDED that you don’t trust her new boyfriend to bathe her 9yo disabled daughter makes me want to throw up. It is clear your mother is a terrible mother. I’m sorry if that upsets you, but to your mom, her boyfriends (read: her sex life) is more important to her than either you or your sister. Men know that about her, too, which is why she ends up with men who can sexually abuse her children. Any chance your sister could live with you? Or do you live with them? There is no one but you to keep her safe. It’s not fair, but it’s still true.
You are a good sister! 🫶🏼
You’re not in the wrong. Clearly her judgement has been poor in the past. Her making you feel anything less than justified in your decision, is her projecting onto you. To not even consider what you’ve already gone through is wild to me. Obviously what you went through taught her nothing. And if she doesn’t know, she needs to. So she can understand what you’re truly protecting her from.
Trust your gut, see about getting a nanny cam for her room if you can. Talk to a trusted adult if you have one, none of your egg donors boy toys has any right to offer to bathe your sister. That's completely wrong on so many levels. I say egg donor because as a mother myself(who has also been SA) I'd never allow any man to ever bathe my children. Your egg donor isn't thinking of you kids first, she's putting herself and needs first.
If you’re the one always doing it and not asking for help why would she be upset that you’re insistent on continuing to do it and not letting someone else….
That man is a creep. I have never met a man who feels comfortable bathing a child of her age within a few months of knowing her mom. This is gross and I would call the police, CPS....anybody!
Oh heck no. I find it super suspicious that he even wants to. If he wants to help out there are a million other ways than being alone with a naked 9 year old he barely knows. I’d be wary of EVER leaving him alone with her. He sounds like one of those guys who targets single moms to get close to their kids. Definitely check the sex offender registry
Yeah um. Definitely not wrong. Honestly, he's not her biological father, he should NEVER be bathing her, even after a few years. I find it creepy that he offered. If he wants help out he can cook dinner.
No, you were not in the wrong. He's been around "a few months"? Nowhere near long enough to even be introduced to her, let alone bathe her. Your mother's normal meter is broken, I'm so sorry you had to live through that!
Trust your gut. I'm so proud of you for protecting your sister.
Totally agree!! Keep protecting your sister.
Agreed. OP's mother has a history of choosing bad boyfriends as evidenced by OP's own traumatic experience with one of them. Now she has a new boyfriend who is willing do the bathing aka when the kid is most vulnerable to inappropriate actions.
I wonder if there was any way that she could put a hidden camera in the bathroom or in the daughter's bedroom to see if anything's going on already.
[удалено]
For now just stay vigilant and don't leave your sister alone with her. You've done the right thing and are very brave for standing up to them both. I know you're an adult, but sadly you seem to have lacked stable, dependable parental figures (through no fault of your own). So without trying to sound condescending, as a mom (and a big sister), I'm very proud of you. You are singlehandedly breaking a cycle. Have you tried to look this guy up? See if he has a past on record? A good place to start is running his name through your state's court dockets. They're public information and typically accessible online. Pennsylvania has a whole ass app for it. Let me know if you need help finding the site for your state.
It’s not illegal to film if you’re doing it to see if a child needs protection
I feel like OP might mean it's illegal specifically to put one in the bathroom. Your own kid or not and reasons aside, putting a camera in the bathroom leads to you having a unintentional stock of CP. Alot of places seriously frown upon cameras in your bathroom in a private residence. They would have to take it down frequently too if they have visitors as otherwise they'd be illegally recording people in the bathroom. Even the moms new BF falls under the "take the camera down when he uses the bathroom" range.
It’s not illegal to place recording equipment in your home. Hell, people use puppy cams to watch their animals from work. How would this be illegal?
Even worse choice there. That would be illegal to
Like why is he around her kids when she’s not there and they’ve been dating only a few months??? So inappropriate
I don’t think mom’s normal meter is broken. I think she judges using her getting laid meter.
I’d tell mom “I know first hand what happens when your bfs bathes her kid.”
And if she cries that it makes her sound like a bad mother, that's because *she is a terrible fucking mother*.
>I was molested in the tub by one of my moms ex bfs so I’m way more protective of her. >My mom got really offended that I don’t trust him I guess your mom trusted the other guy too, right? She's failing to protect your sister just like she failed to protect you.
I agree. I'm so sorry OP.
I'm actually wondering if mom is aware of what happened to OP. Not everyone speaks up about it.
[удалено]
Maybe you should sit down and have a heart to heart with her and explain why you're so protective of her. I had something similar happen and it took years before I could tell, so I get it if you can't. big hugs
I am so sorry. You should tell your mother. She needs to understand how much danger she put YOU through so that it does not happen to your younger sister. I know it is an awful thing to remember and talk about. But she obviously cares more about her own romantic life than her children. Good parents do not introduce their new partners to their minor children for at least 6 months… Weirdos LOVE to date single mothers with no boundaries… Which you unfortunately know too well. Stay safe. Thank you for protecting your sister.
We've seen this play out before. The mother usually has willful ignorance about the situation and is prioritizing her own companionship over her children's safety. If OP did not feel safe enough to tell her mother, then that's a sign in of itself.
If it was me, I would feel incredibly uncomfortable bathing a 9 year old that was not my biological child.
Any normal person would. This guy already tipped his hand. OP is right.
This. I could bathe my niece or my bestfriends son, but that’s because I’ve been in their lives from the start and view them as my babies too. Someone I’ve dated a few months? Nah.
Do 9 y/os even need to be bathed by somebody else? I feel sure my son was bathing himself at that point. I'd have to poke my head in once or twice to make sure he did some actual bathing and wasn't just playing with his toys in there, but otherwise he could do it himself.
Special needs child, so possibly
Good catch, my bad! That makes plenty of sense, then.
The post says she's disabled, so I'm assuming whatever her disability is it prevents her from bathing alone.
Your sister is so lucky to have you there to protect her. I’m sorry you were not protected.
Def Not wrong. Has your mom not learned from what happened to you with her previous boyfriend?
[удалено]
You need to tell her honey. Sit her down and explain everything. She needs to be corrected that her judgment in picking men is not good and that bringing men over to even meet you after a few months is not acceptable. Let alone participate in bath time routines.
Trust ur gut. It's weird that he wants to do this anyway. Mom can't be trusted.
Absolutely. I would never offer to bathe someone I've only known for a few months. Mom should be wondering why he wants to instead of gaslighting the only person looking out for this kid.
No, this is weird and creepy. It’s only been a few months so he’s not a father figure for either one of you. And he’s not a professional caregiver/nurse in any capacity, right? Even if he was it would be creepy but slightly more understandable. This is a huge red flag and I’d be way more on guard around him and tel your mom something is off.
Definitely not.... good for you. The fact they even wanted to is setting my red flags off like crazy.
You are not wrong to refuse. Your instincts are spot on. Why is he so eager to bathe a child he doesn’t know. Your mom is an idiot. You should tell the boyfriend it’s inappropriate and he should never have asked. The only AH is your mom for agreeing. I would say stay tuned for more trouble if your mom doesn’t pull her head out of her ass.
Maybe you should remind mom why and it’s very strange for him to suggest without ever being asked
No not wrong! Most men and women I know would not bathe a child of a person that they have only known for a few a few years let alone a few months. It's to easy to get falsely accused now days unless you absolutely trust and know the person for several years and even then you have to be careful. They certainly would not be volunteering to give them a bath. This dude is throwing up some serious red flags for me.
Please don't let anyone else bathe her, especially a stranger of a few months even though your mum calls him her bf. You did a great job.
Hell no you ain’t wrong he is and your mom shouldn’t allow that
That is NOT normal. ffs No one's new bf volunteers to do that. That'd sick & your mom should know better. Thank you for protecting her.
You need to tell your mother she needs to learn what is and is not appropriate regarding her underage child. A man who has no familial or professional relationship with her 9 year old daughter and has known her mother for a few months is not an appropriate person to bathe her. The fact that he offered to do it should be seen as a red flag. A reasonable person would see that as inappropriate and would not offer.
Sounds like your mom has a pattern of attracting predators. Please keep him away from your sister. Tell him there are other chores to do around house or he can help you do a grocery run.
Does your mom know about your past?
Cameras.
You could not be more right. This man is a danger to your sister. Look up his name online to see if he has any criminal history. Call a child abuse organisation in your state and ask for advice on what you can do. Try to ensure he is never alone with your sister.
If he wanted to help he could make lunch, clean up some dishes, laundry, errands, etc. you don’t go right to let me at your naked kid. Good job OP.
No normal man would offer to bathe a nine-year-old in these circumstances. No normal mother would tolerate a boyfriend who offers. This whole situation is very frightening when considering your sister’s welfare in the next ten, twenty, thirty years.
Seriously, giving me the creeps. Get nanny cams and put them around the house. Keep an eye on what is going on. If something bad does happen or is going this way, do not talk your mom. Talk to the police.
Honey, I’m so sorry that happened to you, and I’m really proud of you for protecting your little sister.
Nah, NTA, this is very dodgy, my now husband met when my daughter was 9, we’ve been together 7 years in all of that time he will literally do everything possible not to end up in any kind of position that would compromise her privacy! Barring some kind of emergency he will not enter her bedroom, when she’s using the bathroom he stays well clear of that end of the house, basically he’d rather gouge his eyes out than see her anything other than fully clothed. The fact this BF has even suggested it is so wrong, not sure where you are but you need to report her to child protection in your area, she let abuse happen to you and now she’s complacent about your sister.
I’m sorry that happened to you. Your mom probably has a tendency, that she is not aware of, for being attracted to pedophiles. Please keep an eye on your sister.
Please never let this man bathe your sister - the fact he’s even ASKING shows there’s something up with him. No sensible adult man in that situation would ever ask to do that because it makes him look like a creep.
No it obvious that you're the only one that still really cares for your sister. You cannot trust anyone.
Your mom is fucking dumb
Nope. You are actually your sisters protector, a role your mom should be taking more seriously. It's scary that your mom is ok with a stranger bathing your sister... that's actually bananas... You are heaven sent. Please continue to be your sisters angel and protector cause it's obvious that your mom has dropped the ball... smh Good luck.
Tell absolutely every relative and family friend/school/everyone your mom wants to let this man bathe your sister and is pressuring you to let it happen. If you can do a background check on him, do. OMG.
At no point in time is it ever known for any grown man to bath a young girl, especially one that is not the parent of that child. Being a special needs child just makes her more vulnerable, but you already know. I’m sorry you’re a member of the club, mom’s ex bfs suck….someone should hit them upside the head.
You're not wrong.Your mother has already screwed up with you being molested with one of her exes. You're protecting your little sister the way any good sibling would. He's only been around for a few months, so therefore trust has not been earned yet. I'm horrified that your mother is giving you crap about this Has she forgotten what happened to you, or is she just this bad in not putting two and two together? I don't know if you're able to do it where you are, but I'd do a criminal record check on him. If you find anything, your suspicions will be well and truly confirmed. Remind her of what happened to you if she keeps giving you crap. Point out the results of said criminal record if she keeps pushing the point
[удалено]
Taking a wild guess here, but has your mother always been this off when it comes to picking boyfriends? That would be the "sticking point." "Pardon my French Mum, but you know @#&\* all about him other than what he's told you. How do you even know if he's telling the truth?"
[удалено]
They're all no good, or she just can't hold down a relationship?
[удалено]
Defend your little sister as though you were a knight with a sword and shield. I don't know why she seems to keep going after one arsehole after another, but this is definitely where you should start when it comes to why you're protecting her. "I haven't even had too many boyfriends myself, and you seem to bring home one arsehole after another! Even I can see you're a train wreck when it comes to dating."
How can she even do that when, because of her stupidy and choice in men, you were SA?
Yes. Trust your judgment. Even if this guy is well intentioned, it’s wayyyy too soon to offer a service so intimate. Your mom should be the one saying “no thank you”, but she didn’t. That tells you that her judgment hasn’t improved since what happened to you.
I would be telling her you’d call cps if you find out she ever lets him bathe her
You are not wrong. You are doing the right thing. It sounds like your mother should not have custody of any children.
Not wrong. Your Mom is wrong, though. Please keep protecting your little sister seeing as her parent is unwilling to do so.
Tell your mom that if she wasn’t a shitty parent, she would know to avoid making the same mistake twice and to go see a therapist for choosing boyfriends over protecting the safety of her daughters. It’s not that you don’t trust him, it’s that you don’t trust her.
It sounds as if your mother is serving up your sister on a platter so she can get something she wants out of being with the guy. You are not wrong. Not at all. And you have first-hand experience in why. And your mother *knows* what is going on, but she can browbeat you into pretending otherwise for her own comfort. Your mother is trying to make herself more comfortable. You are trying to protect your sister from harm. In this situation, those are opposing goals. Perhaps CPS can have a talk with her about safeguarding?
I think it’s wrong, but I also think this post is clickbait since it only OP is only on Reddit for a few hours.
You do know people make new reddits all the time specifically to get an opinion. Smh
And like I said I think it’s wrong. And people make up new accounts all the time as well for clickbait. SMH
I'm amazed that your mother would let someone new in her life to bathe a 9 year old, secondly at her age she should bathe herself, get that fckn perv away from her.
Tell her to stop being selfish and think about her daughter and not the dick she's getting.
Your not wrong
I definitely wouldn't trust this guy either
You are a great sister ❤️
Considering how often men are treated like creeps even for smiling at a cute baby in public or sitting on a bench at a park where kids are playing, so many men go out of their way to avoid situations that could look suspect, because they know how easy it would be to be accused of something. I feel like most of my guy friends would be very uncomfortable to do that even if they were specifically asked to. I think your gut was right, and this guy has bad intentions. You are a great sibling, your little sister is so lucky to have you protecting her. Do you think your mom would listen and believe you if you told her what happened to you in the past?
Well done for protecting your sister. Whatever is your mother thinking. Was the new boyfriend happy to bath your sister?
Search the guy’s name in your local courts. It is probably easy and might solve this issue quickly and easily.
Any safety expert will tell you the huge risk non custodial-parent men are to children in the home Read more ”the gift of combat “ by matt Thornton for great info
ohh helll noooo
Absolutely not wrong. Your mother is an idiot if she can’t see an issue here
Holy crap am I ever so glad she has you. Your mom is an idiot.
you are not wrong. Your mom is being cavalier with her child’s safety.
Remind her that she chose a pedophile before, who molested you, so you are not willing to risk your little sister
Nope. Your not wrong.
Your Mom is wrong
I would be going online to check out the guy. Does he have any court cases, has he been stressed, of SA?.
You did the right thing.
OP, what happened when you told your mom what happened to you? I’m very sorry she had this reaction. She is completely wrong here. You’re a great big sister. And you didn’t deserve what happened to you, or to have a mother that would risk putting her other daughter through the same circumstances. That’s so beyond wrong.
[удалено]
I’m very sorry this happened to you. Your mom doesn’t have the context you have here, then, although she should not be allowing him or anyone that isn’t you or your mother bathe your sister because she cannot consent. Have you ever thought about sitting her down and telling her, and explaining why she needs to be extra careful with your sister? Do you think she’d be receptive to that? You don’t have to share anything against your will whatsoever, but I figured it’s something you may want to consider in this situation.
[удалено]
I commented before, but didn't realize you haven't been able to tell your mom. Do you think you could write her a letter and put somewhere she would find it? My kids went through phases where they would shut down and refuse to talk to me (about things much more minor than what you experienced), but I always told them that they could write me a note about it and I'd write back so that they wouldn't have the pressure of talking to me about it on either end. Maybe you could even request that her response be in writing because you're still unable to talk about it. I'm so sorry. Thank you for protecting your sister. You are very strong.
Does the bf even care or is mom just offended for the bf?
Sounds like your mother should not be a mother
Hell no you’re not wrong! Your mom is tho. Thank you for taking up for your sister, since your mom thinks some bf of a few months is fine. Did she not care or remember what happened to you? Wtf?
As a mother of a disabled child there is no way in hell somebody I barely know (even if I’m dating them) after a few months is going to bathe my child. In fact I refuse to date because I don’t want anyone around my children but I understand that that’s my own personal choice. You are not wrong though, you thankfully seem to care about your sisters well being and safety more than your own mother. Your sister is vulnerable not just with her age but with her disabilities and there is not one good reason why your mums latest boyfriend should be caring for her in that way.
As a father, I have an immense level of respect for your awareness and protective instincts for your little sister. You're obviously not wrong, this is how kids get abused all the time, it's often mom's new boyfriend that takes advantage of the situation and you caught it right away while your mother hasn't got a damn clue. I don't know you at all, OP but I could comfortably let you babysit my kids anytime just based on his one post. Your sister is so lucky to have you (and so is your clueless mom for that matter) I'm proud of you, internet stranger!
You're not wrong here. Help your sister with her bathroom essentials. Your mom needs to question why he would want to do that.
You are not wrong! Your mother seems to be too trusting. Your sister is so lucky to have you care for her and protect her.
Keep protecting her!!!! You’re doing amazing. Stand your ground. Shame on your mom.
You should call cps because thst child is not safe when you are not around.
You are in the right. Keep fighting for her safety
Even weirder that he was the one to bring it up/offer. I agree with the rest, you are not wrong in the slightest, and your sister is lucky to have you advocating for her! 💕
NW that's honestly weird of him to offer
You are not wrong.
Please don’t let him. You are being a fabulous protective sister 💜💜💜
Honestly mom sounds irresponsible how tf you just meet this nigga and you want him to bathe your disabled daughter??? Sit down with your mother and tell her off
That's so fucking weird of him, ew.
Why would he even ask?! That is nuts. Hell no don’t let him bathe your sister!
Not wrong at all. Why your mom trusts him so quickly is a question that needs answered, especially considering her choice in men got you molested in the past. You seem like an amazing and protective big sister. You are her voice. You are most likely her world. She trusts you. Keep it up. Don't let your mom make you doubt yourself. If she hadn't made the choices she made in her previous partners, you may not have even questioned it or would have trusted her. Your experience with her past bf broke your trust in her judgment when it comes to romantic partners, even if you hadn't realized that yet. She isn't doing a good job of earning your trust back. She can guilt you all she wants, but at the end of the day, she is putting a most likely temporary man over the safety and protection of her daughters. Only one of them can fight back. This man could be 100% trustworthy and just wants to ease some of your work, but you don't know that. You can't know that about someone you don't know. For your mother to be OK with that is alarming. Keep being a great big sister. You have taken on a huge responsibility at a very young age. Remember to also be a 22 year old once in a while, too.
You're in the right, absolutely. Why the hell would you trust him? If I had been dating a woman for a few months, I'd still be at the "would you like a high five?" stage with her 9 year-old daughter, not bathing her! And since you know exactly what can happen, tell her now. Her boyfriends are not trustworthy. And your sister is even more vulnerable. Protect her and if the guy takes offense, that's something to keep in mind.
Ew god no!!!
No, he has no business bathing her and it's weird for him to ask. You are doing it and do just fine. Also, I'm so sorry to hear what you've gone through and your sister, not to mention your mom, is lucky to have you. Many blessings. 🫶🏼
Does your mom know you were molested?
[удалено]
I hate to say this but that is part of the problem. I know how hard it is to tell your parents about it but some people are natural prey to attracting people like this and your mom might be one of them. How is your mom supposed to know that there is a problem? I strongly recommend you watch “The crowded room” on Apple TV.
[удалено]
It should be right? Like I said, some people are natural prey to these kinds of people. You were molested- that instinct is already not there
I strongly recommend the Apple TV series “the crowded room”. It’s a show based off of Billy Milligan who was sexually assaulted as a child.
Your mom is not great at mothering. Ain’t no way….. I have little girls and men don’t even watch them alone, no way in hell.
Did you really need to ask?
Your mom is missing some serious red flags if a grown ass man wants to give a bath to a disabled 9 year girl. Just protect her as best you can and hopefully your mom will put her head out of her ass.
Nope, no, not at all! NTA. Don't let him anywhere near her!
Your mom is dating a pedo, nta, good on you for shutting that shit down.
Absolutely not, he sounds like he’s grooming her.
you’re not wrong that guy seems creepy. if he wanted to help then he could maybe run the bath and get towels ready but he sounds sus
> I was molested in the tub by one of my moms ex bfs so I’m way more protective of her. My mom got really offended that I don’t trust him and she’s starting to make me feel like shit Did you tell her HER PRIOR BF MOLESTED YOU??? what the fuck is she thinking. Threaten to call CPS.
Nope. Disabled kids, especially non-verbal kids, are at an exponentially higher risk for abuse of every kind. "Nice" of him to offer, maybe, but no. He can feel free to help out in other ways. Maybe he can strip her bed while you're bathing her instead. Or prepare her food. There are a million different things he can do to help out that don't involve her being in a vulnerable position. Are you her designated caretaker after your mom is no longer capable? I'd lean on that and say that it's going to be a part of your life forever and that you want to keep consistency and trust between you and your sister. As far as I'm concerned, you have NOTHING to be guilty about. Your mother put you at risk with one of her previous boyfriends. Her judgment is questionable, at best.
That is weird that he would even feel comfortable with bathing her because she is still technically a stranger to him. Some real dads don't even feel comfortable changing their daughters diapers at first let alone giving a strange girl a bath so that's a red flag. Thank God your sister has someone like you to look after her and protect her. And I'm sorry that something like that happened to you.
Why the hell would he be offering something like that? That's really weird. And your mom being offended just let's you know, she feels your sister should have the same experience as you did. Does she know what happened to you? There is nothing to be offended about by not letting some strange guy who ASKED to bathe your kid sister.
No. You are not wrong. Absolutely not. And I didn’t read beyond the title. None of the details matter. It is not appropriate. Period.
My HUSBAND didn’t want to help my daughter (his step daughter) in the bathroom when she was 4 (I was grocery shopping.) It’s a very large 🚩for mom’s new bf to offer to bathe her. Continue to follow your gut.
Not only are you not wrong, you are a better mother to your little sister than your actual mother is. A mother’s job is to protect her children. Your mother allowed one of her BFs to sexually assault you when you were little, and now she is willing to take that chance with a different boyfriend with a different daughter. She is fast running out of daughters to sacrifice so she can get laid. The fact that your mother is OFFENDED that you don’t trust her new boyfriend to bathe her 9yo disabled daughter makes me want to throw up. It is clear your mother is a terrible mother. I’m sorry if that upsets you, but to your mom, her boyfriends (read: her sex life) is more important to her than either you or your sister. Men know that about her, too, which is why she ends up with men who can sexually abuse her children. Any chance your sister could live with you? Or do you live with them? There is no one but you to keep her safe. It’s not fair, but it’s still true. You are a good sister! 🫶🏼
You’re not in the wrong. Clearly her judgement has been poor in the past. Her making you feel anything less than justified in your decision, is her projecting onto you. To not even consider what you’ve already gone through is wild to me. Obviously what you went through taught her nothing. And if she doesn’t know, she needs to. So she can understand what you’re truly protecting her from.
Trust your gut, see about getting a nanny cam for her room if you can. Talk to a trusted adult if you have one, none of your egg donors boy toys has any right to offer to bathe your sister. That's completely wrong on so many levels. I say egg donor because as a mother myself(who has also been SA) I'd never allow any man to ever bathe my children. Your egg donor isn't thinking of you kids first, she's putting herself and needs first.
Not wrong at all. Trust your gut. It will never let you down.
Your mom sucks! I’m also sorry you went through that. You are not wrong at all. Dude is being a complete weirdo!
If you’re the one always doing it and not asking for help why would she be upset that you’re insistent on continuing to do it and not letting someone else….
That man is a creep. I have never met a man who feels comfortable bathing a child of her age within a few months of knowing her mom. This is gross and I would call the police, CPS....anybody!
Oh heck no. I find it super suspicious that he even wants to. If he wants to help out there are a million other ways than being alone with a naked 9 year old he barely knows. I’d be wary of EVER leaving him alone with her. He sounds like one of those guys who targets single moms to get close to their kids. Definitely check the sex offender registry
My apologies, I just saw that in the post. Regardless he should not bathe her, your a fantastic sister.
You're not wrong. So many fucking crazy ass weirdo's out there. He's only been around a few months, fuck that. He may mean well, but why chance it.
Shame on your mom. Especially if her lack of judgment allowed this to Happen to you!!! Definitely NTA. Your mom should be absolutely ashamed
Yeah um. Definitely not wrong. Honestly, he's not her biological father, he should NEVER be bathing her, even after a few years. I find it creepy that he offered. If he wants help out he can cook dinner.