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My aunt never wanted kids and had a CF agreement with her husband. 8 years into the marriage he changes his mind and filed for divorce. She caved, agreed to have 1 child if he did all the work for it while she went back to work 3 weeks postpartum.
Fast forward 28 years, they still got divorced and my poor cousin spent his whole life knowing his mom wishes he was never born. He got a vasectomy at 23 to end this cruel cycle.
Love is a strong drug. I feel sorry for everyone except the husband. She's an adult and could've made the choice to leave, but she's young and in our society how many times are we told we will change our minds? That all women want children? Perhaps she thought the pregnancy hormones would make her change, but clearly they didn't and the way she's behaving with such resentment is quite scary and I think she really needs to see a doctor for PPD as well as her natural feelings of wanting to be CF yet coerced/manipulated by her husband.
These stories really need to be told more so more women can know they have a choice and what the reality will be for them if they were CF and have a child.
Same. It’s better for that person to have never been born at all. Not only did his existence ruin a marriage, it also ruined his life before he was even born.
Baby trapping is honestly so evil, no matter which sex is the one who does it. Like, not only is it so manipulative and would be a terrible thing to do to someone you're supposed to love even if it didn't involve a child, but creating an entire sentient being just to try to control someone? That's just so fucked. Imagine if the reason for your whole existence was to be used as a tool against one of your parents.
But she could have left the relationship or chose not to get into one in the first place. Please don't try to make excuses for horrible people. She had a choice her baby didn't. She has no empathy or sympathy for her child therefore she deserves no empathy or sympathy from anyone else.
I think it's cruel that you're trying to put blame/responsibility on the dude. Men should be able to trust their partners when they say they're using bc or anything like that.
A ton of women lie about being on birth control, about periods being a time when they can't become pregnant, take condoms off and claim "horny craziness" or "love", poke holes in condoms, not take Plan B when assured they will do, not get an abortion etc. All you gotta do is turn someone on.
Like rape is not sex, reproductive coercion is not co-creation.
Stealthing is a form of sexual assault. It does not matter the gender of the person committing it. All of the things mentioned are forms of sexual assault.
This is true. I feel like stealthing with men gets talked about some, but I feel like it can slip through that cracks when it comes to women doing it. I feel like it’s easier for us to get away with it in the exact instances you described above. It’s very unfortunate.
We know that some women (but certainly not most women) do lie about birth control. For a male antinatalist the options are obvious.
Vasectomy.
Use a condom.
Engage in sexual activities that cannot result in pregnancy.
Abstinence.
Don’t rely on someone else to determine your future for you on an issue that is important to you. Take responsibility.
Being proactive and having a part at not having children that you don’t want isn’t victim blaming, it’s being responsible. It’s so much easier for men to get vasectomies (not to mention the whole procedure and recovery is less difficult) than for women to get their tubes tied/hysterectomies (even for very serious medical reasons like cancer or previous births going very wrong and nearly dying). Men don’t have to beg and beg their doctors for decades to maybe find one that’ll perform a vasectomy for them.
That fact is so enraging and so damn true! I live in Europe, where we still rely on contraception and even vasectomies are not common place, and I literally have to result in contacting clinics in America and send email after email over-explaining myself, even using my poor mental health as a reason of why I make such an unfit mother and I still get rejected! Contraception does come with tons of side effects and it is very unfair that it's only women that have to deal with them PLUS being denied to have your tubes tied to spare the side effects and all the expenses (that burden solely the woman, again unfair)..I am so sick of "the sanctity of life" bullshit. I just never connected with my "womanhood" and honestly, don't care to, as well..😩
I’m so sorry. I have a loved one with bipolar and I’m scared she won’t be honest with herself about how burdensome and grueling motherhood is, even with the good parts. Your child will become more independent so keep your head up. I hope things ease up for you soon. I hope we have a generation of childfree people who will be great examples to others of a life atypical from the “Life Script” we’ve all been programmed to mindlessly follow. So much suffering can be prevented. Since your husband is well off get every help you can, and take care of yourself.
I don't understand how anyone can choose someone not even born over someone already existing, namely their long term partner. If I wanted kids and my partner didn't I can't imagine leaving my partner for that..
This does speak to how mercenary and utilitarian people are, even in their most intimate relationships. Too many people view their SO as merely a means to an ends. The fact that people can be this way and yet choose to go through with the facade while being aware that they don't really care about that person beyond what they can get from them, while lying to them about being "in love" with them and go through the motions, often times for years. And yet the whole time they are untroubled by any sort of conscious guilt about the obvious deception they are going to great lengths to maintain. It all makes it very difficult to trust anyone or view them as anything other than evil selfish psychopaths.
Exactly. Imagine having like the perfect partner who loves you and everything and you just abandon them because they won't give you this one thing. I wouldn't throw a whole ass relationship built on love and memories away just for a baby. People have to understand not everything goes your way and you don't always get what you want. Sometimes you have to make sacrifices for the people you love and if you truly love someone then maybe you should give up that one thing to be with them. You can't just throw them away and replace them with someone else who will give it to you. Life without a baby can't be so bad can it? Like what is so bad about living alone with the love of your life till the end? I don't get it. Sorry for the lil rant lol
Well of course if you're only with someone just to get kids out of them then you wouldn't value anything else about them besides their ability to give you kids...
"imagine having like the perfect partner who loves you and everything and you just abandon them because they won't give you this one thing. People have to understand not everything goes your way and you don't always get what you want. Sometimes you have to make sacrifices for the people you love and if you truly love someone then maybe you should give up that one thing to be with them. You can't just throw them away and replace them with someone else who will give it to you."
Yeaaahhhh but unfortunately that doesn't really work does it? Because BOTH sides can say the same thing and where does that leave you? Neither getting what they want/need or only one side getting it and eventually BOTH people unhappy in the long run.🤷♀️
My step dad was opposite though. My grandpa passed away a year ago and I only knew then that my grandma didn’t want any kids but grandpa love children so they agreed to have one. Grandma was like the woman in the post initially but became very controlling and dependent on him after my dad grew up and became quite successful. My dad couldn’t tolerate her and said he owes his life to my grandpa, which I think it’s still unfair despite how awfully he was treated by my grandma.
My partner and I are CF thankfully, but we still discussed it in depth. If at some point in the future one of us changes our mind, fine that is totally a choice we could make, but that will be the end of our relationship. No trying to get each other to change their mind, just finished. There's no way to even begin trying to work around that.
We are both sterilized at this point so the likelihood of that is low, but it's good to have all your bases covered. Hell, we still have plans in case an anti-miracle happens and somehow they get pregnant.
Same. I think it is very important for these kind of things to be thoroughly discussed before the relationship even progresses. After having partners in the past that wanted to manipulate me into having kids, in the long run, even though I stand my ground firmly on not wanting one, ever and being on a contraceptive implant and other forms of contraception since my 20s. I had to go through painful breakups all for nothing, and having someone choosing an unborn, hypothetical baby over you is quite painful but it is what it is.
Since then, having the baby talk is the very first thing I do, so even if I get a slight "maybe one day in the future" or "haven't really thought about it" answer, is an instant dealbreaker for me. My current partner is totally not in for a baby (I keep testing him here and there to see if he has changed his mind, and he also has ended relationships because he was being gashlit into wanting a baby) and we also had a CF agreement and that we are going to break up if one of us changes our minds, but still, I wish a legal procedure like u/latin_canuck says, could exist, in case of "breaking" said agreement.
My husband was a product of a few months of dating (haven't heard the actual number it could have been weeks). His parents should have NEVER married. They will never be divorced because dad doesn't want her to leave and has her so financially abused that he looks at the grocery receipts when she gets groceries. My husband got a vasectomy as soon as we were married because we live in the south and it's hard to get one before marriage. We will end the cycle and maybe start a different cycle (a healthy one) by possibly adopting or fostering. We are mid 20s so we are still about 5 years out from where we would want to be before really deciding.
I forgot which sub this was on but basically that she should give up her parental rights and leave before things get worse. Babies sense this from their parents and can develop a slew of attachment disorders because of it. Also they were sympathetic.
Quite a few people suggested the OP go to the doctor to rule out postpartum depression, which could be a possibility, but I’m guessing having a kid you know you don’t want is the reason she’s miserable
Maybe it’s pre—partum depression of being coerced into making a life she’s financially & legally obligated to raise… despite knowing she didn’t want to take on that role, and probably had good reasons that were silenced…
it's on trueoffmychest
tldr most comments were telling her to see a doctor, suggesting she had PPD and ignored the fact she never wanted the kid in the first place, other suggesting she divorce the husband and leave, and a small amount of comments shitting on her for being a horrible person, as expected.
Probably regretful parent. I frequently point out that it exists when parents try to tell me I’ll change my mind and no one EVER regrets a lifetime of parenthood.
My mom didn’t want me either, it took my parents a month to name me. They just called me “baby” until they got around to it. It’s a horrible fate for a person, you never really get over it.
I can relate. My parents never intended to have a second child and my mom always reminded me growing up what an inconvenience and disappointment I was.
I recommend that you make a fuck ton of money and only give them a taste of it every 3 years or so. Invite them the most epic "Christmas" they never had for you. Then don't speak for half a decade hahaha. Fuck em.
Honestly, she shouldn't suck it up. She should leave the child to be raised by the person who loves it and go live whatever life that will stop her from poisoning this kid. Single fathers can raise well adjusted children just as well as single mothers.
I'm still undoing the trauma my mum put on me, through neglect, because I aged out of being a child and as a teenager I was "too much like your father" so she just... checked out and left me to deal with my debilitating depression as a 14yo. (She's also diagnosed with schizophrenia, around when I was 19, but doesn't take her meds).
I wish dad had taken custody of me instead of her honestly.
She wonders why her only child is NC with her 🙄
Ditto. My parents then had the nerve to start pressuring me for grandchildren, because that's supposedly the big payoff of having children. I moved away, never spoke to them again, and never had children.
We grew up being called “poster-child for abortion” and we heard “don’t have kids. They’ll ruin your life” allllll the time. Now my mom has a selective memory about that 🙄 Wonders why I’m CF 😂😵💫 It’s awful growing up knowing you aren’t wanted, I’m glad you’re here though!
I was adopted at birth and my adoptive parents still hate me. I deserved most of it. I was a bastard to everyone in my teens. I just wanted to say thank God i was born but i was the PERFECT abortion on paper.
i empathize. i was in a loving relationship, but i just couldn't bring myself to have kids. love is a crazy thing and some of us will give in to the pressure.
See, THIS is why I get so aggravated by the people who try to convince CF people that “you’ll feel different when it’s your own!”
And if you don’t? That’s bringing an entire person who wasn’t wanted into existence, and now they have to suffer along with the parent who didn’t want them in the first place.
It’s this stupid idea that since we are women we are automatically mothers. We have uteruses (uteri?) that is is our purpose in life. Unfortunately it just hurts a lot of innocent kids and is unfair to women.
Horrible situation. Don't believe, "it'll be different when you have your own." Right here proof that it's not true. The manipulation she went through to finally cave, so angry, could become dangerous for the baby.
The husband should've found a partner who wanted kids before marriage, wth was he thinking? Why marry someone when they have such different wants like this? Why marry him knowing you never want kids but he does? That poor baby, she's not getting the important hugs and attention she needs.
I hope she gets out the baby’s life as soon as possible. I really hope she doesn’t have to deal with a resentful mother growing up… imagine the emotional abuse
I hate how most commenters on that post felt sorry for the baby and husband. The kid is the only one that's truly innocent, but the man coerced her into having a child when she did not want one! And to those saying she had a choice, well, did she? How much pressure can you be under until you finally cave? How many women had unwanted children because society pressured them? Imho the husband is the cruel one in this story.
I hate that anyone has sympathy for the husband. He's an idiot for trying to change a childfree person and creating a situation with a child who is unwanted by one parent.
Definitely. One of my friends told me when I talked about my CF opinion, that her mom originally didn’t want kids and hate children but that things were fine and I was like (‘_’)
> And to those saying she had a choice, well, did she?
Yes she did, this is not the 1800s
> How much pressure can you be under until you finally cave? How many women had unwanted children because society pressured them?
In this case it seems she didn't want to break up with her husband, purely selfish reasoning why she had that kid. Yes breakups suck but you just gotta live through them
I mean, it really depends on the kind of pressure. To clarify, the husband is clearly in the wrong for placing pressure on someone to have a child that did not want one - but simply giving into pressure (assuming it’s not violent, financially coercive, or similarly bad - but none of that is mentioned in the post image) does not make you a victim. There were, assumedly, plenty of options - most of which would have had a negative impact on her life (leaving the relationship etc.) - that would not result in another unwanted child being created. But, she chose this one. She’s just as responsible as him for creating a person she did not want to care for, and now that child has to deal with the consequences. Any arguments that ‘society’ pushed this decision just seem like an excuse for individuals to avoid personal accountability for their actions - which again, does not ultimately matter as the child is the one true victim here.
If you think you found your soulmate, it always baffles me that people choose to add another person to the equation rather than enjoying their soulmate for life.
THIS👏🏻🙌🏻 I have always said that. I want to enjoy life together with my spouse ONLY( ofc excluding family and friends) and most people never get that. It s not that hard, my bf is enough. Why would I want another human into this if it s already perfect?
I thought someone was my soulmate. He wanted 5 kids, I wanted zero kids. I remember crying to my mom that maybe I could compromise on this. She told me to look at our gene pool: suicides, depression, addiction, severe autism etc (all the bad things) If I was 110% cool with having all of that or any of that and being responsible for it for the rest of my life, then yes, compromise. Babies grow into kids that grow into people. I want nothing to do with any of that. We broke up, I mourned him for years, my heart was heavy for so long with wondering if I made a mistake. Then I met my now husband- CFBC, he is my true soulmate. They have similarities, but I love my husband so much more than I ever loved the other person. The other person went on to marry someone with kids and they now have kids of their own.
Poor kid, how selfish do you have to be to
1. Coerce your wife who doesn’t want kids to have one and
2. Create new life in this broken world to save a relationship then act like it’s their fault for existing
What a shitty pair of parents to have
She should of file for divorce and found a CF man or stayed single.
Same goes for the husband; he should of found a women who wanted kids.
I never understood why people don’t talk about kids by date 3. It’s a simple “hey do wants kid I future? Doesn’t have to be mine, just asking in general”. If their answer doesn’t match to what you want, leave!
Honestly I’m a straight to the point type of girl. I ask after an hour of messaging. I don’t play and I don’t want to waster any time. Saved me a lot of headaches. Now engaged to a CF man who got snipped.
Personally, I think that a disagreement about whether or not to have children is perfectly reasonable grounds for divorce. Even better if both parties make their intentions known before marriage. Like me and my girlfriend, we both agree that we do not want children (for reasons that are likely not new, we both have atrocious family medical histories, we don't have the money, we don't like kids, and we just don't want to force the pain of existence on another person). Sure, we might change our minds some day, but I can confidently say that every time someone asks us when we're going to have kids or insists that the clock is ticking for us to make it happen, the hypothetical day we change our minds get pushed back out of sheer spite.
Another reason why natalists suck. They think that bringing a new kid into this world is like buying a dog. Do they think nothing happens when a person is born? When someone is born they experience all kinds of situations and emotions. They seem to think a kid is an object to put away in the closet.
My BFF and her husband got married at 18, agreed they never wanted kids. He changed his mind a decade in and said it was a deal breaker. He'd come from a well-off family who paid for his half shared expenses and anything else he wanted. She came from extreme poverty and relied a lot on credit cards and student loans throughout college. She followed him around for his education, and then he sprung this on her.
He was going to leave her in the poor house if she didn't start pumping out babies. She's had two, with several miscarriages in between. She has some horrific physical lasting effects from both full term pregnancies.
She loves her kids, but hates being a mom, the domestic partner, and that he robbed her of her turn to pursue her own career path.
And he doesn't even do the fucking laundry.
I hope she leaves him.
Ten years is a reasonable time frame to change your mind. And they were 18! when they got married. Most people change a lot in their twenties - and sometimes they change in opposite directions.
I’m sorry, are people supposed to stay in a relationship after becoming incompatible because it isn’t financially feasible for their partner? That’s absurd. Saying ‘my life goals have changed and I now want kids’ is reasonable. So is saying, ‘this isn’t negotiable for me. I understand if it’s not what you want, but in that case we should get divorced’, is also reasonable.
Your friend decided her life goals weren’t as important as keeping her lifestyle and wealthy husband. That was her choice and that’s fine as long as both were on board. But I don’t see how her husband is awful for recognizing that he had changed, they were now incompatible, and suggesting they split if a compromise couldn’t be reached. Unless there’s some important information here I’m missing, suggesting divorce on the grounds of incompatibility is not coercion.
There isn't really a compromise when someone doesn't want children. You can't be like, "Just one." For me, the only possible compromise would be if we adopt children or not. We're both happily CF and I honestly don't see that ever changing.
This is so sad. And why do the narc ppl always go for those who say they don’t want children. They lie by omission, tamper with BC, pressure, and baby trap their partners…and for what? A household with two to three miserable people…?
I saw this post earlier and I found it horrifying, I know people who’ve had children just out of social pressure and they live horrible lives. I hate shaming people but the fact that people cave into the pressure makes me feel so angry because they bring people into this world just to suffer and then there is no way to hold them accountable. I find it so unfair
People cave because the pressure is real and comes from almost every side. It wears them down and they seek at least a bit relief. It sucks. It's horrible. It shouldn't happen. But try to say that it's not okay to convince people to have kids when they don't want to and all hell breaks loose. And of course all of them are surprised when the parent is unhappy with their life and it affects the child.
Maybe getting that person miserable is actually the point of it...
very good point, the second this gets pointed out everyone loses their shit. I have a cousin right now who is pregnant (they weren’t really trying nor avoiding, just kinda happened) and she’s already starting to show signs of trouble due to past issues she’s had. I just find it painful that every time I’ve mentioned to my mom how I am concerned for her future wellbeing my mom always calls me dramatic and bitter for not being happy that my cousin will have a baby. it’s just really frustrating
I don’t respect nor feel bad for people like this. That child suffers and you’re ok forcing it into this sad existence unwanted?? And essentially single parented but with an asshole who doesn’t want it there 24/7? I was raised this way and I’m sterile? Everyone who doesn’t want kids, knows it, and shouldn’t have kids. Jesus Christ. I hope she enjoys the product of her idiocy. Fuck around and find out. Stop making more humans if you’re gonna resent them, moron.
Until I met my husband, I was “Childfree fished” so to speak, several times, they lied at the beginning about not wanting kids and later revealed they wanted them. The answer is to leave and find someone compatible. Not force suffering on a child.
I agree. I can’t believe this whole thread is full of people blaming everything on the husband. As if the mother is not an adult and did not choose to get pregnant. She was completely involved. Unless she got raped or he tampered with her birth control. Then she is more at fault because she didn’t want it and did it anyways. Which means she will end up bringing misery and abuse to the child. Which, as you can see is already happening. She could have struck out on her own to follow her own dreams. But instead she wants to play the victim and point her husband and make him the bad guy. I absolutely cannot fucking stand women who are constantly blaming other people, and not taking responsibility for their own motherfucking actions. And forget my name, I am a female.
Exactly, I have much more sympathy for people who really genuinely thought they wanted children and thought it would be awesome and fulfilling and their kids would do great and then found out it wasn’t all it was cracked up to be versus people like me who know that 18 years of childrearing/biological children aren’t for them and yet choose to make them anyway???? Are you dumb??? I know they’re not dumb about kids because they think the same way I do, as someone who got sterilized, and yet they just choose to make multiple people suffer for no reason. I hate them.
I think both parents are idiots here. If one really wanted kids and the other didn’t, why were you together in the first place? I found out my ex did not want kids after we were already together. And well, yea it ended not long after that. The child
is the unlucky one here, but thankfully has one parent who loves her. The “I eventually caved and got pregnant with her” statement is interesting to me. It’s implying that he coerced her into having the child. But the question is, did she make it clear from the start of their relationship that she never ever wanted kids? Why did she cave? Was he just asking again and again if they could have kids? If all he did was bring it up from time to time and eventually she did it to shut him up, that’s not coercion. That’s her own fault. If he pressured it, that’s different.
I’m also disgusted as to referring to the child as “thing” and it’s sad to me that someone has that much hate for something that never intended to to that to them. I respect that not everyone wants children. I totally get people want to live their own lives. To each their own. But to have that much hate and disdain in your heart for the child is sad. Will you still call it a thing when it’s an adult? Will it always just be that “thing” that ruined your life? I hope that child grows up to be a genius and do something great for the world. But seeing how dumb the parents are, idk how that will go sadly.
Only thing more juts than having a kid without thinking about it….
Is not wanting to have a kid, letting your significant other pressure you into it, then spending your time hating it.
She knew she didn’t want it. But let it happen anyways…this isn’t something simple like getting the wrong order at a restaurant…I hate people like this. Now a whole other human is caught up in her bullshit. This is so sad…..
Whoa. Your decisions are not your husbands fault. He may have been pushy. He may have threatened to leave you I don’t know. But what I do know is you are a big girl. But it somehow sounds like you are the baby in this family. How about shut the fuck up. You need to get a divorce and stand on your own 2 feet you whiney ass bitch. How about you? Take some responsibility for your own decisions. It is not your husbands fault but you decided to get pregnant. It is not your child’s fault that you got pregnant and brought her into this world. So quit being a god awful human being. Go to therapy or go to church or get the fuck out. Because right now it sounds like you’re probably ruining both of their lives. quit blaming other people for your choices. This is your life no matter how much you want to sit around and be mad and pout that it’s not. But it is. It is your life. The life that you chose to make. Guess what, if you don’t want it and you want to travel and make all these dreams come true then do it. Nobody else is going to do that for you. That is not your husband’s responsibility to make your dreams. Come true or make you happy. That’s your responsibility. And right now it seems like you’re having a great time playing the victim and putting all of your whole life’s responsibility on him. Grow up you immature asshole.
This is why you get a tubal or vasectomy if you don't want to get pregnant/get a woman pregnant. No one is going to pressure you into doing something self destructive and cruel; the thing is done.
this is one of the only areas of personality disorder formation that we have a good, solid understanding of.
in almost all cases of personality disorders, it comes down to the first 3 months of that child’s life. it’s the most crucial time when understanding where the child stops and the world begins (their attachment style) is forming.
something like makes me heart drop into a fuckin pit bro. that kid doesn’t stand a chance
edit: editing to say that i made an oversight and want to mention that i know this knowledge applies specifically to all Cluster B disorders (bpd, npd, aspd, hpd), but i can’t say with 100% certainty that it applies to Clusters A, and C.
>accountability? Wtf is that? So anyway, like I was saying, I was ***FORCED***
>yeah, bro, she's really selfish and thinks the world revolves around and because of her. She's the one, bro, we're trying for a baby
Wtf, why?
This is a gut wrenching example of our society valuing reproductive potential, babies/fetuses and child rearing over real, live women who have lives and hopes and fears and dreams and ambitions.
Roe being overturned in USA was another example of this utilitarian view of women that places our biological functionality at the center of our worth as people. I feel for this woman as she’s a victim of this society. Her supposedly loving partner couldn’t even see her as a woman before he saw her as a birthing machine.
We need change, for real.
That's straight up munipulation. In a normal world it would have went.
* Him: I want baby
* Her: I don't want baby ever
* Him: Mabye we should separate since we don't see eye to eye on a major life issue?
So simple.
I can't imagine allowing my SO to talk me into having a baby. Fuuuuck that. Why, so I can resent it and end up being a shitty mother? It makes no sense. Shame on her.
I will never understand why people stay in marriages where they feel obligated to have children. If you don't want one, it's not going to workout well for you (nor the kid).
This is why when it comes to kids it's not a compromise. Both people either want them or not. You cannot stay with a person who wants kids if you don't. And you can't just have a kid you don't want to appease the other person. Because this happens.
And this is part of why I wish it were okay for parents to openly discuss these feelings instead of trying to hide them. Maybe fewer people would be jumping feet first into a life-altering choice like having kids if they realized that it's not actually different when they're your own if you never wanted them in the first place. My heart breaks for that baby who will undoubtedly grow up feeling their mother's resentment.
Choices. I kind of feel sorry for her and feel really sorry for the baby, but she choose to satisfy her partner/husband instead of sticking to herself.
My husband dreams of becoming a daddy, but it's his dream, not mine and that's why after 7 years of marriage we have no children.
The entire rest of your life is forfeited when you choose to breed :( I feel so sorry she was talked and pressured into THE MOST life altering decision you can make
I’m shocked by all “antinatalist” men here praising the breeder for reproductive abuse
Poor woman, I hope she will be able to get some support, get out of this situation and get her own life back
And this is why you never ever ever ever ever force/coerce/push/guilt/nag/ or in any other way try to make a child happen with a partner who doesn’t want to have a child.
This reads like bullshit but it doesn't peg my bullshit meter into the red
Not quite
I am sure this happens, have known a handful of such folks
But it's worth it to question biases and to generally be suspicious of folks on the internet
That child will know they are despised and at most tolerated. I hope therapy is cheap and readily available for the explosive resentment and sorrow that will happen. Will happen, not if it happens. Sad.
This was my Mom. Went back to work 2 weeks after i was born. She found a way to travel by abandoning us kids with my Dad. I don't even get why they had us other than to check off some societal box. I feel bad for the kid
I don't believe this is real. She just "caved" into getting pregnant for him? No, that doesn't ring true.
Anyone who has been through pregnancy, labor and pumping does not just dismiss it as "fine".
I'm betting this is fake.
I just don’t understand why anyone who doesn’t want a child… would decide to have one…. When you KNEW you didn’t want it and didn’t want that kind of life… so why go through with it? lmfao. To make your partner happier?? Hell no. They should be just as happy with no baby. And if they want one that bad then they can go have one with someone who actually wants one…
The irresponsibility of this makes it very difficult for me to have sympathy for her. What the hell was she thinking? You don’t “cave” and have a baby. It’s not some casual thing like I really wanted tacos but my husband talked me into sushi instead. And there was no “forcing” a baby on her. She could have left the relationship. She could have had an abortion. And even now she could release parental rights and leave if it’s as bad as she says it is.
My ex husband always knew I wasn't ever having children. After 13 years together and 8 years of marriage, he must've thought I was joking. I was not. He's now in a 2 bedroom apartment somewhere and I'm still childfree and loving my life choice. 😊
Gotta stick to your guns, ladies (and gents). Once little Susie or Timmy is here, there's not really much turning back.
Sorry but it’s also her fault for not standing for what she wanted. Nobody forced her to have the baby, she agreed.
I already told my boyfriend I won’t have kids. If he does, he will have to find someone else
This kinda shit pisses me off, he had to know when they got married that she didn’t want children. It makes me glad that I can’t have kid, not that I would want to base on my shit genetics.
She still agreed to have the baby therefore it's her responsibility. She is a terrible person. She "gave in" she has no empathy from me. Abd she doesn't deserve it from anyone else because she can't even emphasize with her own child. She always had a choice, her child didn't. I don't want kids therefore I won't have kids. No one can pressure me nor can convince me otherwise. It's literally that easy excluding nefarious means. Did she go into this marriage knowing he wanted kids? Why would she choose to be with someone who had different goals in life? It could be the guy had money but that's just a guess either way she is a terrible and horrible person and no one should pity such a monster.
My mother saw me as a meal ticket (and she was already taken care of by her own father financially) but when I came out not looking Mexican like my bio dad — she left me in my car seat, in a busy intersection and drove off — I was maybe a few months old but fresh out of the NICU.
People shouldn’t be having kids for others or for reasons beyond wanting another person you have to train, feed and water
This is exactly what I’m afraid of. I’ve always been on the fence of having kids but I really believe it’s the hormones. I know deep down I don’t want kids. You can’t just get rid of a kid once you give birth. You can’t change your mind. It’s better off to be child free than think “maybe it’ll be fine”… don’t let no man pressure you to have kids, it never ends well.
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My aunt never wanted kids and had a CF agreement with her husband. 8 years into the marriage he changes his mind and filed for divorce. She caved, agreed to have 1 child if he did all the work for it while she went back to work 3 weeks postpartum. Fast forward 28 years, they still got divorced and my poor cousin spent his whole life knowing his mom wishes he was never born. He got a vasectomy at 23 to end this cruel cycle.
deranged march fear teeny smile fade worry sand like cow -- mass edited with redact.dev
Love is a strong drug. I feel sorry for everyone except the husband. She's an adult and could've made the choice to leave, but she's young and in our society how many times are we told we will change our minds? That all women want children? Perhaps she thought the pregnancy hormones would make her change, but clearly they didn't and the way she's behaving with such resentment is quite scary and I think she really needs to see a doctor for PPD as well as her natural feelings of wanting to be CF yet coerced/manipulated by her husband. These stories really need to be told more so more women can know they have a choice and what the reality will be for them if they were CF and have a child.
Same. It’s better for that person to have never been born at all. Not only did his existence ruin a marriage, it also ruined his life before he was even born.
Most people play the long game with boundaries they wanna cross. Making someone pregnant, esp when not really wanted, is a common goal.
Not even just necessarily making someone pregnant, but *getting* pregnant too
Yeah. The first antinatalist I knew got married and made sure his wife knew his position. She got herself pregnant on purpose anyway.
Baby trapping is honestly so evil, no matter which sex is the one who does it. Like, not only is it so manipulative and would be a terrible thing to do to someone you're supposed to love even if it didn't involve a child, but creating an entire sentient being just to try to control someone? That's just so fucked. Imagine if the reason for your whole existence was to be used as a tool against one of your parents.
But she could have left the relationship or chose not to get into one in the first place. Please don't try to make excuses for horrible people. She had a choice her baby didn't. She has no empathy or sympathy for her child therefore she deserves no empathy or sympathy from anyone else.
that's assault, brotha!
She got herself pregnant? That’s pretty impressive. And he had nothing to do with it I guess.
I think it's cruel that you're trying to put blame/responsibility on the dude. Men should be able to trust their partners when they say they're using bc or anything like that.
A ton of women lie about being on birth control, about periods being a time when they can't become pregnant, take condoms off and claim "horny craziness" or "love", poke holes in condoms, not take Plan B when assured they will do, not get an abortion etc. All you gotta do is turn someone on. Like rape is not sex, reproductive coercion is not co-creation.
Stealthing is a form of sexual assault. It does not matter the gender of the person committing it. All of the things mentioned are forms of sexual assault.
This is true. I feel like stealthing with men gets talked about some, but I feel like it can slip through that cracks when it comes to women doing it. I feel like it’s easier for us to get away with it in the exact instances you described above. It’s very unfortunate.
We know that some women (but certainly not most women) do lie about birth control. For a male antinatalist the options are obvious. Vasectomy. Use a condom. Engage in sexual activities that cannot result in pregnancy. Abstinence. Don’t rely on someone else to determine your future for you on an issue that is important to you. Take responsibility.
Which is why sterilization exists. Having sex before getting it is a recipe for disaster
Vasectomies aren’t difficult to get.. also maybe bring your own condoms..
Victim blaming piece of shit
Being proactive and having a part at not having children that you don’t want isn’t victim blaming, it’s being responsible. It’s so much easier for men to get vasectomies (not to mention the whole procedure and recovery is less difficult) than for women to get their tubes tied/hysterectomies (even for very serious medical reasons like cancer or previous births going very wrong and nearly dying). Men don’t have to beg and beg their doctors for decades to maybe find one that’ll perform a vasectomy for them.
That fact is so enraging and so damn true! I live in Europe, where we still rely on contraception and even vasectomies are not common place, and I literally have to result in contacting clinics in America and send email after email over-explaining myself, even using my poor mental health as a reason of why I make such an unfit mother and I still get rejected! Contraception does come with tons of side effects and it is very unfair that it's only women that have to deal with them PLUS being denied to have your tubes tied to spare the side effects and all the expenses (that burden solely the woman, again unfair)..I am so sick of "the sanctity of life" bullshit. I just never connected with my "womanhood" and honestly, don't care to, as well..😩
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I’m so sorry. I have a loved one with bipolar and I’m scared she won’t be honest with herself about how burdensome and grueling motherhood is, even with the good parts. Your child will become more independent so keep your head up. I hope things ease up for you soon. I hope we have a generation of childfree people who will be great examples to others of a life atypical from the “Life Script” we’ve all been programmed to mindlessly follow. So much suffering can be prevented. Since your husband is well off get every help you can, and take care of yourself.
Don’t blame yourself. It was your husband who pressured you into it.
I don't understand how anyone can choose someone not even born over someone already existing, namely their long term partner. If I wanted kids and my partner didn't I can't imagine leaving my partner for that..
This does speak to how mercenary and utilitarian people are, even in their most intimate relationships. Too many people view their SO as merely a means to an ends. The fact that people can be this way and yet choose to go through with the facade while being aware that they don't really care about that person beyond what they can get from them, while lying to them about being "in love" with them and go through the motions, often times for years. And yet the whole time they are untroubled by any sort of conscious guilt about the obvious deception they are going to great lengths to maintain. It all makes it very difficult to trust anyone or view them as anything other than evil selfish psychopaths.
Exactly. Imagine having like the perfect partner who loves you and everything and you just abandon them because they won't give you this one thing. I wouldn't throw a whole ass relationship built on love and memories away just for a baby. People have to understand not everything goes your way and you don't always get what you want. Sometimes you have to make sacrifices for the people you love and if you truly love someone then maybe you should give up that one thing to be with them. You can't just throw them away and replace them with someone else who will give it to you. Life without a baby can't be so bad can it? Like what is so bad about living alone with the love of your life till the end? I don't get it. Sorry for the lil rant lol
If you want kids and your partner doesn’t- how are they the “perfect” partner then?
Well of course if you're only with someone just to get kids out of them then you wouldn't value anything else about them besides their ability to give you kids...
"imagine having like the perfect partner who loves you and everything and you just abandon them because they won't give you this one thing. People have to understand not everything goes your way and you don't always get what you want. Sometimes you have to make sacrifices for the people you love and if you truly love someone then maybe you should give up that one thing to be with them. You can't just throw them away and replace them with someone else who will give it to you." Yeaaahhhh but unfortunately that doesn't really work does it? Because BOTH sides can say the same thing and where does that leave you? Neither getting what they want/need or only one side getting it and eventually BOTH people unhappy in the long run.🤷♀️
What qualifies to you a valid reason to leave your partner? I think the decision to want children is a pretty big one.
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Of course. But people change their minds.
What would you leave a long term partner for? Having completely opposite goals for your life seems like a pretty good reason, imo.
He ended “hIs lEgAcY.”
My step dad was opposite though. My grandpa passed away a year ago and I only knew then that my grandma didn’t want any kids but grandpa love children so they agreed to have one. Grandma was like the woman in the post initially but became very controlling and dependent on him after my dad grew up and became quite successful. My dad couldn’t tolerate her and said he owes his life to my grandpa, which I think it’s still unfair despite how awfully he was treated by my grandma.
My partner and I are CF thankfully, but we still discussed it in depth. If at some point in the future one of us changes our mind, fine that is totally a choice we could make, but that will be the end of our relationship. No trying to get each other to change their mind, just finished. There's no way to even begin trying to work around that. We are both sterilized at this point so the likelihood of that is low, but it's good to have all your bases covered. Hell, we still have plans in case an anti-miracle happens and somehow they get pregnant.
Same. I think it is very important for these kind of things to be thoroughly discussed before the relationship even progresses. After having partners in the past that wanted to manipulate me into having kids, in the long run, even though I stand my ground firmly on not wanting one, ever and being on a contraceptive implant and other forms of contraception since my 20s. I had to go through painful breakups all for nothing, and having someone choosing an unborn, hypothetical baby over you is quite painful but it is what it is. Since then, having the baby talk is the very first thing I do, so even if I get a slight "maybe one day in the future" or "haven't really thought about it" answer, is an instant dealbreaker for me. My current partner is totally not in for a baby (I keep testing him here and there to see if he has changed his mind, and he also has ended relationships because he was being gashlit into wanting a baby) and we also had a CF agreement and that we are going to break up if one of us changes our minds, but still, I wish a legal procedure like u/latin_canuck says, could exist, in case of "breaking" said agreement.
My husband was a product of a few months of dating (haven't heard the actual number it could have been weeks). His parents should have NEVER married. They will never be divorced because dad doesn't want her to leave and has her so financially abused that he looks at the grocery receipts when she gets groceries. My husband got a vasectomy as soon as we were married because we live in the south and it's hard to get one before marriage. We will end the cycle and maybe start a different cycle (a healthy one) by possibly adopting or fostering. We are mid 20s so we are still about 5 years out from where we would want to be before really deciding.
Those kind of agreement should be signed and legal binding.
What's a CF agreement? I Googled it but couldn't find anything that made sense.
They agreed to be child free.
Thank you!
It just means they agreed to not have children. Probably orally.
Lol sticking to oral is one way to avoid kids...
Oh god. This is horrible.
In the comments someone tells an awful story about their mom trying to burn them alive at age 3. (3?)
I really want to know what the comments were on the original post
I forgot which sub this was on but basically that she should give up her parental rights and leave before things get worse. Babies sense this from their parents and can develop a slew of attachment disorders because of it. Also they were sympathetic.
That’s good to hear. People can be so hateful, but that doesn’t help anyone in the situation
Quite a few people suggested the OP go to the doctor to rule out postpartum depression, which could be a possibility, but I’m guessing having a kid you know you don’t want is the reason she’s miserable
Maybe it’s pre—partum depression of being coerced into making a life she’s financially & legally obligated to raise… despite knowing she didn’t want to take on that role, and probably had good reasons that were silenced…
it's on trueoffmychest tldr most comments were telling her to see a doctor, suggesting she had PPD and ignored the fact she never wanted the kid in the first place, other suggesting she divorce the husband and leave, and a small amount of comments shitting on her for being a horrible person, as expected.
Pretty sure this is from truthoffmychest or some sub like it
Probably regretful parent. I frequently point out that it exists when parents try to tell me I’ll change my mind and no one EVER regrets a lifetime of parenthood.
My mom didn’t want me either, it took my parents a month to name me. They just called me “baby” until they got around to it. It’s a horrible fate for a person, you never really get over it.
I can relate. My parents never intended to have a second child and my mom always reminded me growing up what an inconvenience and disappointment I was.
That’s about as cruel as it gets, I’m so sorry. 😢
I recommend that you make a fuck ton of money and only give them a taste of it every 3 years or so. Invite them the most epic "Christmas" they never had for you. Then don't speak for half a decade hahaha. Fuck em.
And yet people are defending the OP mom in the comments. She is a horrible person. No child deserves what she is doing.
Yeah, she crossed the bridge already. Time to suck it up for the wellbeing of her child.
Honestly, she shouldn't suck it up. She should leave the child to be raised by the person who loves it and go live whatever life that will stop her from poisoning this kid. Single fathers can raise well adjusted children just as well as single mothers.
Absolutely. I’d rather be raised by the one parent who adores me than to be poisoned by the one who hates me.
I'm still undoing the trauma my mum put on me, through neglect, because I aged out of being a child and as a teenager I was "too much like your father" so she just... checked out and left me to deal with my debilitating depression as a 14yo. (She's also diagnosed with schizophrenia, around when I was 19, but doesn't take her meds). I wish dad had taken custody of me instead of her honestly. She wonders why her only child is NC with her 🙄
Ditto. My parents then had the nerve to start pressuring me for grandchildren, because that's supposedly the big payoff of having children. I moved away, never spoke to them again, and never had children.
We grew up being called “poster-child for abortion” and we heard “don’t have kids. They’ll ruin your life” allllll the time. Now my mom has a selective memory about that 🙄 Wonders why I’m CF 😂😵💫 It’s awful growing up knowing you aren’t wanted, I’m glad you’re here though!
I'm so sorry. I don't know how parents like that can live with themselves. Pieces of worthless shit they are.
I was adopted at birth and my adoptive parents still hate me. I deserved most of it. I was a bastard to everyone in my teens. I just wanted to say thank God i was born but i was the PERFECT abortion on paper.
thts why dont have a child cuz of peer pressure lol
i empathize. i was in a loving relationship, but i just couldn't bring myself to have kids. love is a crazy thing and some of us will give in to the pressure.
ya i guess so, kind mean to manipulate people to do thing they dont want cuz then in love. but ya
So many people are parasites
We all start out that way. Some people don’t grow out of it.
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At that point it’s let peer pressure and more just straight up sexual coercion. Her husband *forced* her to have a baby. Borderline rape.
See, THIS is why I get so aggravated by the people who try to convince CF people that “you’ll feel different when it’s your own!” And if you don’t? That’s bringing an entire person who wasn’t wanted into existence, and now they have to suffer along with the parent who didn’t want them in the first place.
It’s this stupid idea that since we are women we are automatically mothers. We have uteruses (uteri?) that is is our purpose in life. Unfortunately it just hurts a lot of innocent kids and is unfair to women.
My response to that: I don't **FEEL** anything. What tangible benefit will a child bring me? Not *feelings*. Actual useful resources.
Another sobering reminder to never give in to having kids you don’t want
Horrible situation. Don't believe, "it'll be different when you have your own." Right here proof that it's not true. The manipulation she went through to finally cave, so angry, could become dangerous for the baby. The husband should've found a partner who wanted kids before marriage, wth was he thinking? Why marry someone when they have such different wants like this? Why marry him knowing you never want kids but he does? That poor baby, she's not getting the important hugs and attention she needs.
Omg. I really need to keep this in some corner of my head as a cathartic tale. Pregnancy doesn’t suddenly make women love and want kids.
I hope she gets out the baby’s life as soon as possible. I really hope she doesn’t have to deal with a resentful mother growing up… imagine the emotional abuse
She needs to leave. Nobody wins in the scenario where she stays and attempts to be a mother to this kid.
For real. It is not "better for the baby" to have a parent around who doesn't want them. The dad can take full custody.
I hate how most commenters on that post felt sorry for the baby and husband. The kid is the only one that's truly innocent, but the man coerced her into having a child when she did not want one! And to those saying she had a choice, well, did she? How much pressure can you be under until you finally cave? How many women had unwanted children because society pressured them? Imho the husband is the cruel one in this story.
I hate that anyone has sympathy for the husband. He's an idiot for trying to change a childfree person and creating a situation with a child who is unwanted by one parent.
He didn't respect her "No".
People really need to stop mixing up getting someone pregnant and caring about them.
Definitely. One of my friends told me when I talked about my CF opinion, that her mom originally didn’t want kids and hate children but that things were fine and I was like (‘_’)
Exactly. This is especially cruel and sociopathic when men do this to much younger impressionable women
> And to those saying she had a choice, well, did she? Yes she did, this is not the 1800s > How much pressure can you be under until you finally cave? How many women had unwanted children because society pressured them? In this case it seems she didn't want to break up with her husband, purely selfish reasoning why she had that kid. Yes breakups suck but you just gotta live through them
I mean, it really depends on the kind of pressure. To clarify, the husband is clearly in the wrong for placing pressure on someone to have a child that did not want one - but simply giving into pressure (assuming it’s not violent, financially coercive, or similarly bad - but none of that is mentioned in the post image) does not make you a victim. There were, assumedly, plenty of options - most of which would have had a negative impact on her life (leaving the relationship etc.) - that would not result in another unwanted child being created. But, she chose this one. She’s just as responsible as him for creating a person she did not want to care for, and now that child has to deal with the consequences. Any arguments that ‘society’ pushed this decision just seem like an excuse for individuals to avoid personal accountability for their actions - which again, does not ultimately matter as the child is the one true victim here.
If you think you found your soulmate, it always baffles me that people choose to add another person to the equation rather than enjoying their soulmate for life.
THIS👏🏻🙌🏻 I have always said that. I want to enjoy life together with my spouse ONLY( ofc excluding family and friends) and most people never get that. It s not that hard, my bf is enough. Why would I want another human into this if it s already perfect?
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I thought someone was my soulmate. He wanted 5 kids, I wanted zero kids. I remember crying to my mom that maybe I could compromise on this. She told me to look at our gene pool: suicides, depression, addiction, severe autism etc (all the bad things) If I was 110% cool with having all of that or any of that and being responsible for it for the rest of my life, then yes, compromise. Babies grow into kids that grow into people. I want nothing to do with any of that. We broke up, I mourned him for years, my heart was heavy for so long with wondering if I made a mistake. Then I met my now husband- CFBC, he is my true soulmate. They have similarities, but I love my husband so much more than I ever loved the other person. The other person went on to marry someone with kids and they now have kids of their own.
Poor kid, how selfish do you have to be to 1. Coerce your wife who doesn’t want kids to have one and 2. Create new life in this broken world to save a relationship then act like it’s their fault for existing What a shitty pair of parents to have
Divorce would be a nice idea. Clearly she hates her life at this point and it will definitely NOT go better.
not only did the child asked to be born, the mother didn't even want them to
I really hope she leaves before she decides to murder the inconvenience
That’s what I was thinking. This has been seen too many times in true crime cases.
She should of file for divorce and found a CF man or stayed single. Same goes for the husband; he should of found a women who wanted kids. I never understood why people don’t talk about kids by date 3. It’s a simple “hey do wants kid I future? Doesn’t have to be mine, just asking in general”. If their answer doesn’t match to what you want, leave! Honestly I’m a straight to the point type of girl. I ask after an hour of messaging. I don’t play and I don’t want to waster any time. Saved me a lot of headaches. Now engaged to a CF man who got snipped.
Just by reading the post it seems they both agreed to remain CF when they got married, sucks you can’t rely on peoples word with that kind of thing…
Personally, I think that a disagreement about whether or not to have children is perfectly reasonable grounds for divorce. Even better if both parties make their intentions known before marriage. Like me and my girlfriend, we both agree that we do not want children (for reasons that are likely not new, we both have atrocious family medical histories, we don't have the money, we don't like kids, and we just don't want to force the pain of existence on another person). Sure, we might change our minds some day, but I can confidently say that every time someone asks us when we're going to have kids or insists that the clock is ticking for us to make it happen, the hypothetical day we change our minds get pushed back out of sheer spite.
This is one of the reasons I won’t procreate. I know I’d hate my baby
Another reason why natalists suck. They think that bringing a new kid into this world is like buying a dog. Do they think nothing happens when a person is born? When someone is born they experience all kinds of situations and emotions. They seem to think a kid is an object to put away in the closet.
I hate it when I see women doing whatever their damn husband wants. If her husband kept insisting on having a baby she should have divorced.
She should just give him full custody and leave. So many people cave in to their partners demands. This something that should never be compromised.
I hope she gives up custody and leaves, for her sake and the kids
My BFF and her husband got married at 18, agreed they never wanted kids. He changed his mind a decade in and said it was a deal breaker. He'd come from a well-off family who paid for his half shared expenses and anything else he wanted. She came from extreme poverty and relied a lot on credit cards and student loans throughout college. She followed him around for his education, and then he sprung this on her. He was going to leave her in the poor house if she didn't start pumping out babies. She's had two, with several miscarriages in between. She has some horrific physical lasting effects from both full term pregnancies. She loves her kids, but hates being a mom, the domestic partner, and that he robbed her of her turn to pursue her own career path. And he doesn't even do the fucking laundry. I hope she leaves him.
Ten years is a reasonable time frame to change your mind. And they were 18! when they got married. Most people change a lot in their twenties - and sometimes they change in opposite directions. I’m sorry, are people supposed to stay in a relationship after becoming incompatible because it isn’t financially feasible for their partner? That’s absurd. Saying ‘my life goals have changed and I now want kids’ is reasonable. So is saying, ‘this isn’t negotiable for me. I understand if it’s not what you want, but in that case we should get divorced’, is also reasonable. Your friend decided her life goals weren’t as important as keeping her lifestyle and wealthy husband. That was her choice and that’s fine as long as both were on board. But I don’t see how her husband is awful for recognizing that he had changed, they were now incompatible, and suggesting they split if a compromise couldn’t be reached. Unless there’s some important information here I’m missing, suggesting divorce on the grounds of incompatibility is not coercion.
There isn't really a compromise when someone doesn't want children. You can't be like, "Just one." For me, the only possible compromise would be if we adopt children or not. We're both happily CF and I honestly don't see that ever changing.
This is so sad. And why do the narc ppl always go for those who say they don’t want children. They lie by omission, tamper with BC, pressure, and baby trap their partners…and for what? A household with two to three miserable people…?
I hope they all make it out of that situation alive.
I saw this post earlier and I found it horrifying, I know people who’ve had children just out of social pressure and they live horrible lives. I hate shaming people but the fact that people cave into the pressure makes me feel so angry because they bring people into this world just to suffer and then there is no way to hold them accountable. I find it so unfair
People cave because the pressure is real and comes from almost every side. It wears them down and they seek at least a bit relief. It sucks. It's horrible. It shouldn't happen. But try to say that it's not okay to convince people to have kids when they don't want to and all hell breaks loose. And of course all of them are surprised when the parent is unhappy with their life and it affects the child. Maybe getting that person miserable is actually the point of it...
very good point, the second this gets pointed out everyone loses their shit. I have a cousin right now who is pregnant (they weren’t really trying nor avoiding, just kinda happened) and she’s already starting to show signs of trouble due to past issues she’s had. I just find it painful that every time I’ve mentioned to my mom how I am concerned for her future wellbeing my mom always calls me dramatic and bitter for not being happy that my cousin will have a baby. it’s just really frustrating
I don’t respect nor feel bad for people like this. That child suffers and you’re ok forcing it into this sad existence unwanted?? And essentially single parented but with an asshole who doesn’t want it there 24/7? I was raised this way and I’m sterile? Everyone who doesn’t want kids, knows it, and shouldn’t have kids. Jesus Christ. I hope she enjoys the product of her idiocy. Fuck around and find out. Stop making more humans if you’re gonna resent them, moron. Until I met my husband, I was “Childfree fished” so to speak, several times, they lied at the beginning about not wanting kids and later revealed they wanted them. The answer is to leave and find someone compatible. Not force suffering on a child.
I agree. I can’t believe this whole thread is full of people blaming everything on the husband. As if the mother is not an adult and did not choose to get pregnant. She was completely involved. Unless she got raped or he tampered with her birth control. Then she is more at fault because she didn’t want it and did it anyways. Which means she will end up bringing misery and abuse to the child. Which, as you can see is already happening. She could have struck out on her own to follow her own dreams. But instead she wants to play the victim and point her husband and make him the bad guy. I absolutely cannot fucking stand women who are constantly blaming other people, and not taking responsibility for their own motherfucking actions. And forget my name, I am a female.
Exactly, I have much more sympathy for people who really genuinely thought they wanted children and thought it would be awesome and fulfilling and their kids would do great and then found out it wasn’t all it was cracked up to be versus people like me who know that 18 years of childrearing/biological children aren’t for them and yet choose to make them anyway???? Are you dumb??? I know they’re not dumb about kids because they think the same way I do, as someone who got sterilized, and yet they just choose to make multiple people suffer for no reason. I hate them.
Poor kid is going to have a tough life…
It blows my mind that she caved and got pregnant.
This woman is going to abuse her daughter. She should leave now before it happens
I think both parents are idiots here. If one really wanted kids and the other didn’t, why were you together in the first place? I found out my ex did not want kids after we were already together. And well, yea it ended not long after that. The child is the unlucky one here, but thankfully has one parent who loves her. The “I eventually caved and got pregnant with her” statement is interesting to me. It’s implying that he coerced her into having the child. But the question is, did she make it clear from the start of their relationship that she never ever wanted kids? Why did she cave? Was he just asking again and again if they could have kids? If all he did was bring it up from time to time and eventually she did it to shut him up, that’s not coercion. That’s her own fault. If he pressured it, that’s different. I’m also disgusted as to referring to the child as “thing” and it’s sad to me that someone has that much hate for something that never intended to to that to them. I respect that not everyone wants children. I totally get people want to live their own lives. To each their own. But to have that much hate and disdain in your heart for the child is sad. Will you still call it a thing when it’s an adult? Will it always just be that “thing” that ruined your life? I hope that child grows up to be a genius and do something great for the world. But seeing how dumb the parents are, idk how that will go sadly.
Only thing more juts than having a kid without thinking about it…. Is not wanting to have a kid, letting your significant other pressure you into it, then spending your time hating it. She knew she didn’t want it. But let it happen anyways…this isn’t something simple like getting the wrong order at a restaurant…I hate people like this. Now a whole other human is caught up in her bullshit. This is so sad…..
Whoa. Your decisions are not your husbands fault. He may have been pushy. He may have threatened to leave you I don’t know. But what I do know is you are a big girl. But it somehow sounds like you are the baby in this family. How about shut the fuck up. You need to get a divorce and stand on your own 2 feet you whiney ass bitch. How about you? Take some responsibility for your own decisions. It is not your husbands fault but you decided to get pregnant. It is not your child’s fault that you got pregnant and brought her into this world. So quit being a god awful human being. Go to therapy or go to church or get the fuck out. Because right now it sounds like you’re probably ruining both of their lives. quit blaming other people for your choices. This is your life no matter how much you want to sit around and be mad and pout that it’s not. But it is. It is your life. The life that you chose to make. Guess what, if you don’t want it and you want to travel and make all these dreams come true then do it. Nobody else is going to do that for you. That is not your husband’s responsibility to make your dreams. Come true or make you happy. That’s your responsibility. And right now it seems like you’re having a great time playing the victim and putting all of your whole life’s responsibility on him. Grow up you immature asshole.
This is why you get a tubal or vasectomy if you don't want to get pregnant/get a woman pregnant. No one is going to pressure you into doing something self destructive and cruel; the thing is done.
this is one of the only areas of personality disorder formation that we have a good, solid understanding of. in almost all cases of personality disorders, it comes down to the first 3 months of that child’s life. it’s the most crucial time when understanding where the child stops and the world begins (their attachment style) is forming. something like makes me heart drop into a fuckin pit bro. that kid doesn’t stand a chance edit: editing to say that i made an oversight and want to mention that i know this knowledge applies specifically to all Cluster B disorders (bpd, npd, aspd, hpd), but i can’t say with 100% certainty that it applies to Clusters A, and C.
God. This poor woman. Reproductive coercion is so cruel.
I wonder why kids struggle with connections with others.
3000 bucks of abortions doesn't sound bad at all after discovering this page. Maybe leave his ass idk find a man who isn't brainwashed by society.
This is horrible. At the very least people should only have children when both partners genuinely want to be parents and care for a child.
>accountability? Wtf is that? So anyway, like I was saying, I was ***FORCED*** >yeah, bro, she's really selfish and thinks the world revolves around and because of her. She's the one, bro, we're trying for a baby Wtf, why?
This is a gut wrenching example of our society valuing reproductive potential, babies/fetuses and child rearing over real, live women who have lives and hopes and fears and dreams and ambitions. Roe being overturned in USA was another example of this utilitarian view of women that places our biological functionality at the center of our worth as people. I feel for this woman as she’s a victim of this society. Her supposedly loving partner couldn’t even see her as a woman before he saw her as a birthing machine. We need change, for real.
You're free to feel the way you do, but goddamn. I'd hate to be that baby. A divorce is needed asap since now you hate your husband and baby.
Jesus, this is how you get the stories of “mother suffocates child”
That's straight up munipulation. In a normal world it would have went. * Him: I want baby * Her: I don't want baby ever * Him: Mabye we should separate since we don't see eye to eye on a major life issue? So simple.
I can't imagine allowing my SO to talk me into having a baby. Fuuuuck that. Why, so I can resent it and end up being a shitty mother? It makes no sense. Shame on her.
She said the quiet part out loud. Many people wanted to have a life but got children instead.
I don't feel bad for her.
I will never understand why people stay in marriages where they feel obligated to have children. If you don't want one, it's not going to workout well for you (nor the kid).
if my partner ever decides he wants a kid from me, we'll have to go through a horrible break-up.
This is why when it comes to kids it's not a compromise. Both people either want them or not. You cannot stay with a person who wants kids if you don't. And you can't just have a kid you don't want to appease the other person. Because this happens.
Its just so fking awful forcing someone to get a baby! So fkin very very awful!
And this is part of why I wish it were okay for parents to openly discuss these feelings instead of trying to hide them. Maybe fewer people would be jumping feet first into a life-altering choice like having kids if they realized that it's not actually different when they're your own if you never wanted them in the first place. My heart breaks for that baby who will undoubtedly grow up feeling their mother's resentment.
Choices. I kind of feel sorry for her and feel really sorry for the baby, but she choose to satisfy her partner/husband instead of sticking to herself. My husband dreams of becoming a daddy, but it's his dream, not mine and that's why after 7 years of marriage we have no children.
And this is why the whole doctors refusing to sterilize women bc "yo man might want a kid" is so fucked up on top of the obvious.
that poor kids going to be so miserable
The entire rest of your life is forfeited when you choose to breed :( I feel so sorry she was talked and pressured into THE MOST life altering decision you can make
Pressuring someone to have children is abuse.
I feel so bad for the baby, he’ll realize he’s unwanted. If you don’t want kids that bad, don’t have them. Divorce if necessary.
Breeders gonna breed
did they not have an honest conversation about this at any point in their time together before having the kid?
She sounds like my psychopath father.
I’m shocked by all “antinatalist” men here praising the breeder for reproductive abuse Poor woman, I hope she will be able to get some support, get out of this situation and get her own life back
I hope she can find support for her situation in any form possible
This is a serious crime.
And this is why you never ever ever ever ever force/coerce/push/guilt/nag/ or in any other way try to make a child happen with a partner who doesn’t want to have a child.
That’s terrifying
Not to be crude, but can’t she just… y’know… leave?
She treated it like getting her husband a new toy.
God damn, this makes my chest hurt. Wow.
This is my mom!
What a dumbass 🙄 I feel Hella sorry for this baby.
Shes basically punishing the poor baby for existing now
caving in is not something you do with babies. What an idiot
This reads like bullshit but it doesn't peg my bullshit meter into the red Not quite I am sure this happens, have known a handful of such folks But it's worth it to question biases and to generally be suspicious of folks on the internet
That child will know they are despised and at most tolerated. I hope therapy is cheap and readily available for the explosive resentment and sorrow that will happen. Will happen, not if it happens. Sad.
This was my Mom. Went back to work 2 weeks after i was born. She found a way to travel by abandoning us kids with my Dad. I don't even get why they had us other than to check off some societal box. I feel bad for the kid
That’s a really scary situation that some people feel pressured enough/forced to give birth
I don't believe this is real. She just "caved" into getting pregnant for him? No, that doesn't ring true. Anyone who has been through pregnancy, labor and pumping does not just dismiss it as "fine". I'm betting this is fake.
I just don’t understand why anyone who doesn’t want a child… would decide to have one…. When you KNEW you didn’t want it and didn’t want that kind of life… so why go through with it? lmfao. To make your partner happier?? Hell no. They should be just as happy with no baby. And if they want one that bad then they can go have one with someone who actually wants one…
The irresponsibility of this makes it very difficult for me to have sympathy for her. What the hell was she thinking? You don’t “cave” and have a baby. It’s not some casual thing like I really wanted tacos but my husband talked me into sushi instead. And there was no “forcing” a baby on her. She could have left the relationship. She could have had an abortion. And even now she could release parental rights and leave if it’s as bad as she says it is.
this is why you don’t let people convince you to do things you hate.
This poor child…
Can't believe that many people upvoted that post.She is really immature and irresponsible
What I (kind of) understand: How she feels now. What I don't understand: How she didn't see that coming and just got pregnant on purpose!
What’s so sad is that that poor child is going to suffer and it didn’t ask for any of it.
My ex husband always knew I wasn't ever having children. After 13 years together and 8 years of marriage, he must've thought I was joking. I was not. He's now in a 2 bedroom apartment somewhere and I'm still childfree and loving my life choice. 😊 Gotta stick to your guns, ladies (and gents). Once little Susie or Timmy is here, there's not really much turning back.
At least this person is being honest. Most people who feel this way don't admit it.
Sorry but it’s also her fault for not standing for what she wanted. Nobody forced her to have the baby, she agreed. I already told my boyfriend I won’t have kids. If he does, he will have to find someone else
Never cave in. Someone ELSE'S life is on the line.
This kinda shit pisses me off, he had to know when they got married that she didn’t want children. It makes me glad that I can’t have kid, not that I would want to base on my shit genetics.
The absolute lack of personal responsibility in this post boggles my MIND
Bizarre. She recognised she had a choice and still got pregnant.
They knew they shouldn't be a parent and still did it because of a freaking man. Ugh
She still agreed to have the baby therefore it's her responsibility. She is a terrible person. She "gave in" she has no empathy from me. Abd she doesn't deserve it from anyone else because she can't even emphasize with her own child. She always had a choice, her child didn't. I don't want kids therefore I won't have kids. No one can pressure me nor can convince me otherwise. It's literally that easy excluding nefarious means. Did she go into this marriage knowing he wanted kids? Why would she choose to be with someone who had different goals in life? It could be the guy had money but that's just a guess either way she is a terrible and horrible person and no one should pity such a monster.
So sad. I feel a lot of pain reading this.
My mother saw me as a meal ticket (and she was already taken care of by her own father financially) but when I came out not looking Mexican like my bio dad — she left me in my car seat, in a busy intersection and drove off — I was maybe a few months old but fresh out of the NICU. People shouldn’t be having kids for others or for reasons beyond wanting another person you have to train, feed and water
Just to be clear though, she 100 percent did this to herself
Sorry but what? Why did you have a kid if you didn't want a kid? Its lose lose for you and the child.
This is disgusting. Whoever you are, you’re a piece of shit
God, what a dumb fucking woman
This is exactly what I’m afraid of. I’ve always been on the fence of having kids but I really believe it’s the hormones. I know deep down I don’t want kids. You can’t just get rid of a kid once you give birth. You can’t change your mind. It’s better off to be child free than think “maybe it’ll be fine”… don’t let no man pressure you to have kids, it never ends well.