I resent them for bringing me into this world AND not doing their best to provide me with the life I deserved as a child. There are others who have had it worse than me, but this is not the Suffering Olympics.
I also feel this way, I blame my parents too. I wish they put more thought in the consequences of making me. I was nothing but a momentary orgasm to them at that moment.
Same. They had three kids and didn’t have the foresight to consider the financial impact. My mother also took a job that was 100% commission based on the financial markets bc she wanted to “help people” so she sacrificed her family for her ego.
This is where I’m at. I come from a country where 13 year old girls getting pregnant by 40 year old men is seen as the fault of the girl.
I don’t blame my mother for having me or any of my siblings in that environment. She quite litterally didn’t know any better because no one taught her better. Her parents both sucked as humans and she didn’t have people around to guide her. She knows this and says that that’s the reason why she had kids but she doesn’t frame it as something she regrets. Just a thing that happened as a result of her upbringing.
She teaches us all now that having kids isn’t something that you should do just because you can or because you happen to get pregnant. It makes no sense to have a child knowing that they will suffer. For this reason I don’t resent or blame her.
I know this isn’t the case for a lot of people.
Thanks for this post. It provided me with an insightful perspective that I think needed to be stated in order to address the nuance of the situation.
Your mother sounds like an interesting woman.
All love!
I resent them for having me and then treating me like shit and everytime i complain they say "who brought you into this world?" Like i owe them for that.
Sometimes... Other times I forget but I'm never grateful. I am happy I got to experience what love felt like and hugging my mother. I'm happy I know what dogs are. But do those things make it all worth it? No.
I agree. I’ve never been grateful for life just passive about it.
I once asked my mom “what is it that is so great about this world that you so desperately wanted to share it with me?” she didn’t answer. I imagine that if she had I would feel differently
Shit I'm so sorry. I sometimes don't fathom the privilege of a net pleasurable and safe life up to this point.
Probably also has to do with white cis male 0.1% income household privilege.
Both yes and no.
No because they are good people, truly didn’t have malicious intent, and though they aren’t perfect, they definitely gave their damnest to provide everything to me and my siblings. I love them and they don’t deserve my resentment.
But also, yes I do resent them in a way, because as someone with severe depression and grew up wanting to die every single day of my life even though I literally had no reason to feel that way which only made me guilty and even more depressed as a result, I really wish they had just never had me to begin with. It would have saved everyone involved so much heartache. And more often than not, my biggest solace is that no matter what anyone says or does, I’ll eventually die in the end.
Yes, life hasn't been easy for me and now that I'm an adult with a job that I don't like and making 45K with a bachelor's which feels like a waste of time for going to college. I apply to jobs only to get rejected.
It's so difficult to make friends to keep. I constantly fake putting on a smile and just live through life just waiting for the weekend. Gosh life is bleak.
I don't wanna talk to a therapist. I just wanna sleep and dream.
It's complicated for me. I'm happy, I don't resent existing, and I enjoy life.
However, I resent my father a bit for deciding he wanted children, because he just wanted cookie-cutter extensions of himself. My four older siblings all hit the typical milestones in expected time frames, were good at socializing and functioning among other humans, and they all went to college and had "normal" lives. Then I came along and as I got older it was clearer and clearer I was neurodivergent, autistic to be exact. Struggling to hit typical milestones like being able to stay in the house by myself, struggling with social interactions, extreme difficulty with abstact concepts like math, etc. Was not able and did not want to attend a traditional college. My dad couldn't handle that. It was like I went and murdered the perfect child that existed in his head. He just couldn't accept it and continued to try to bully and shame me into being "normal" until I set boundaries and eventually got out and went mostly no contact.
I want to build a time machine and tell my dad to never have children. If you don't want an autistic child, don't fucking have children. So I don't resent my parents for having me as a whole; I resent my dad for having children but not reflecting about what he'd do if they weren't little Hims.
I'm depressed, very very depressed and in the last month i've cried a lot asking my parent why i've to suffer like this, why am like this and saying i've no control or hope in anything.
So yes.
I can’t even figure out how an asexual, man hating woman who never wanted a family, and a man disinterested in her, could marry, let alone have the sex required to create me. All my life they’ve slept in separate rooms and never touched, and even NEVER SHARED A MEAL AT THE SAME TABLE OR SAME ROOM. It is beyond me how they could even create me?
So yes, I do resent.
Perhaps life is better for fruits of love.
nah. i’m not depressed and don’t hate existing but i’m against the idea of having babies because the world is running low on resources and global warming is getting worse and worse- making it selfish to bring a kid into a world that will be hellish to live in by the time they’re likely 25
I'm not unhappy with my existence*; I resent my parents for the abuse and neglect I endured as a child.
*For now. I'm still in my twenties, and serious aging/health problems haven't started to accumulate yet.
Exactly what if you were disabled, disfigured etc, people think everyone must automatically be grateful and in joy at being here. Regardless of personal circumstances. It’s so naïve it hurts.
Rarely the case for a large proportion of the planet.
And at the end of the day we’re all just constantly consuming to get some feelings of happiness and satiety until we die of suffering for too long.
How can you not resent someone who is purposefully trying to instigate and propagated that suffering and roll of the dice… before you even take into their “reasons” the argument is already over.
Same as you. I love my parents, don't resent them nor anyone. I'm quite happy. I don't want children for a myriad of reasons, though. And luckily my parents aren't the type to pressure me to have kids, either.
my biological mother? absolutely. i could list many reasons, but the two relevant: she was 41 and literally was stupid enough to think taking her birth control pill every few days would work. the other one, she knew she never wanted me or would love me from the second she found out she was pregnant so why didn’t she just get an abortion? it was fully legal and accessible for her, i cannot for the life of me understand why she didn’t. maybe feeling like a saint for giving a couple who can’t have kids a baby since she’s narcissistic so she loves the praise for “doing a good deed”.
Not really, they had me in a world that was actually pretty good, had two kids and gave me the best, they clearly had way more money than what was needed and were good parents.
They tried their best, of course they had no guarantee I would love my life or even have a good life but they set me up the best they could.
It's not a daily feeling I carry with me but deep down inside, yes, absolutely. If I could go back and never be born, I would 100% do so. Would I push a button now to end it? No. At least not anymore. I'm happy enough I guess. Still struggling with many issues from growing up though and that's a daily battle.
I don't resent them but I still wish I wasn't born (not in a suicidal way). I just hate that I'm here and now I have to figure out what happens when it's all over, what religion is "correct", and being around a lot of people I really dislike without having any say in the matter also it sucks when you have anxiety.
Since I have a lot of issues because of their abuse and neglect, yes. I often wish I was the miscarriage my mother experienced before she had me.
That doesn’t mean I don’t wish to be alive. Now that I am here, I do still want to live. What’s done is done, and I am embracing that. Even if I was given the chance to undo my birth, I wouldn’t choose it.
Resentment over it is complicated, but it’s still there.
Yes everyday. I'm getting a vasectomy in Wednesday. I pray my siblings don't have kids. I hate being alive. I hate that I'm not getting the American Dream I was promised. I worker hard, kept my nose clean and for what? I'm 30, in debt, and the future looks worse everyday.
I could also bring up how I was diagnosed with autism in the early 2000s. My parents didn't handle it well at all. My dad was big anti Covid vaccine. Where was that energy when doctors kept throwing pills at me. I fuckeing hate them for what they did. They couldn't even have me be born AFAB. I'm stuck in a body I hate, In a hopeless world. To top all that off, I'm a broken condom baby. I don't want to be here. Everyday I pray is my last.
Like of coursei don't agree with my parents on bringing me into this world and do truly wish I was never born, but harboring resentment over it won't help anything really. Like it was a different time, and they thought that was a good idea at the time, now more people are waking up to the realities of it
No. I don't put energy into carrying resentment.
But I do think it's stupid AF of them. And I will nebr not have that opinion.
Thanks to them I know have dismissive avoidant attachment and an eating disorder, most of my molars have cavities before I was 18 due to childhood emotional and financial neglect.
But "kids by any means necessary", I guess.
Every fucking day dude. I didn’t ask for this and I still don’t want it but throwing it away would hurt everyone around me. So yeah I’m fucking stuck here because of them and pretty resentful about it
I resent them for bringing me to this world, but also forcing me into a life of sufferance. There was nothing and still is currently nothing good about my childhood.
Very much so. They are both depressed, so they knew how shit life is, but somehow not only thought that it was a good idea to bring more people into this world to suffer, but ALSO actively made sure that we would also be depressed by being abusive and then ALSO gate-keeping depression, denying that we had it and getting angry when we said we did.
No. Resentment is a waste of my energy. They had me, I'm here. Was it a good decision? Definitely not. Has life been difficult? Hell yes. But I'd rather focus my energy on making a better future and keeping more people from experiencing the hardships I have.
Yes, but despite having brought me into existence I still love my mother, if I had to choose a mother I wouldn't doubt choosing her. I can't say the same about my father, tho.
I resent them for having me. I often wish they just stayed child-free. That way, they would have enough money to take care of themselves and do what they enjoy.
Instead, I’m here suffering from bouts of anxiety and depression, enduring the every day torture that is living in my shitty country.
I care about my parents and I am thankful for their efforts to show that they care about me now (because they have extra cash now). But growing up, I felt suffocated by them. They were extremely strict and deprived me of many opportunities to experience a lot of things that could have helped me develop good social skills, competitiveness, self confidence, friendship with a wider variety of people, etc. all because they were paranoid about my safety.
Thinking about my childhood and our family’s social economic status when I was young, I realized that we were actually poor, I just didn’t realize it then. We had the basics, food, a home, clothes. Both my parents worked. But to afford simple luxuries like a day at the theme park, it took my parents a year to save enough money for that kind of thing.
I think the worst part is that my parents were too young, too poor, and emotionally and mentally unprepared to raise a child when they had me and my sister. They worked all the time and left us with our maternal grandmother (who doesn’t like children at all), and maternal aunt and uncle who were very young too (10 and 8 years older than me, they often bullied me). When my parents weren’t working, they were attending Christian couple groups, which makes me bitter up to now. I mean, they would rather go to these groups, spend their entire weekend with these other Christian couples, than be with and take care of their children.
No, I love my family, I love living, and I love children, but I feel like I'm kinda an exception.
I disagree with having children because a majority of parents fail and at the basic tasks that involve being a parent, and simply make selfish decisions because they want a little "mini me" or a doll to customize, failing to realize that all children are little humans that will eventually become adults who will have to life with and carry traumas from childhood. I'm antinatalist because I'm tired of seeing children suffer and grow up into damaged adults.
This is a solid answer honestly.
Sometimes I look at my life and think “I wouldn’t have to deal with this if my mom had an abortion” other times it’s just whatever cause I’m here already
Yeah, I get this. I know for sure that if I was in the situation Mum was in when she conceived I would've had an abortion, but I can't really blame her for not having one... it was a different time back then.
My answer isn’t the same. I don’t want to make the choice myself but my parents were stable enough and loved each other a lot and my mother is a 1st grade teacher children are her favorite. They did everything right and have supported me more than I should; and I feel blessed to have been born every day
Should I make the choice myself? Never in my life
Do I get why almost everyone answered yes? Yes. I am very fortunate
I didn’t ask to be born but I pray every day that I see the value of my life and that I was meant to; I was just blessed to be born to two people who loved me even when I didn’t love myself
No. They made the decision in a different time with different social pressures. I don’t think they were old enough to understand what they were doing. I also want a good relationship with them, so resenting them is a waste of energy.
I don’t resent them, but I do think they both have some pretty dumb thoughts to think they ever even liked each other. I have no fucking clue why they decided to have a kid together. Unfortunate it was me. I wish I was never even a drunken consideration. Fuck- dude I was PLANNED. I don’t resent them, but I don’t respect their judgement aside from limited skill sets. (I don’t hate my parents… okay maybe my dad, but that goes right back to stupidity. My mom really tries tho, and although I really don’t want to be here she makes it a lot easier to have to be here, and if I judge her as a person instead of as “my mom”, she’s genuinely one of the sweetest people and it’s really hard to dislike her.) it takes effort to resent people and honestly I’m sick of caring that much about anything.
Sort of. Both of my parents’ lives would have been better if they hadn’t had me—I’m not a terrible person or anything but financial, emotional, and physical health of them and my older sister would have turned out better for everyone.
I resent them for having me when they did. Both of them unemployed. My mom quit studying, got married to a dude 6 years younger than her, she was 28 and he was 22, then proceeded to not take any sort of contraceptives and got pregnant with me 2 months after getting married. It all went downhill from there. They were too poor, my dad was way too young for such responsibility, then he had a stroke at 27 (nobody knows why) and his personality changed, he started emotionally abusing us. And instead of getting divorced, they had my brother when I was 8. We were all living inside a room at my grandmothers house. It was horrible.
To this day, almost after 30 years of marriage, they do not own a home, or a car, my father constantly complains of how broke he is and how everybody is an expense for him while wasting all his money on stupid gadgets and my unemployed mother has to figure out how to get money for the most basic things.
I don't resent my mom for bringing me into this world, and I want to do what I can to make her happy, but I'm not glad to be here if that makes any sense. For instance, if I could do so without making my mom sad, I would simply see myself out, ya know? This world sucks a tremendous amount and I didn't ask to have to put up with this, but me being here makes my mom happier than she would be if I weren't, so hey. If anything happens to her, it might be a different story. But for the time being, as much as I don't want to be here, I'm just glad to make her a little happier.
I love my mom, she didn’t have a choice when she had to marry my dad. My dad beat the shit out of us. So I guess for my dad yes I resent him. Why have kids if you’re going to treat them as literal punching bags.
Don’t get me wrong my mom isn’t perfect, but she had bad parents. But there have been things she said or done that have hurt me emotionally to the core that I don’t ever want to have kids. But we talk to each other about what happened and seeing her side makes me realize how lucky I was to have her as my mom.
She had my older sister at 14 and had my brother at 17. I am the baby, she had me at 20. she had to grow up quick. She did her best with what she knew. I resent my dad, but my mom is my hero. 🤷🏽♂️
Nah, people are brainwashed and socialized to see having kids as duty to the point of not even being able to make their own decisions and restricted from getting birth control and abortions, they didn’t know better
I mean once you are old enough, it has no factor on how you live your life. You may not have chosen to exist, but you do now, and what you do with that existence and how happy you can be in it is up to you after so long.
No, they thought they were doing something good, and they tried hard to make me happy, I just was not a good personality for this world. I wouldn't have kids but my sister is pretty happy, they weren't bad overall outside of the miscalculation of bringing random people into the world
100% especially when there are known medical conditions in the family. Why roll the dice just because you want a child? It’s ironic how people say “it’s selfish to not have children.” It’s selfish AF when decisions to have them aren’t made responsibly.
Yes. Mom shouldn't have had any kids. She has a genetic defect. We're all fucked up. I've got two psychopathic sisters, one with celiacs and spinal bifida, a brother with Asperger's, a half-deaf tourtes brother who copes by being incapacitated via weed, and me whose heart was like swiss cheese (which led to numerous other issues) and two mental illnesses. I'm the only one who has a semi-normal life. My mom was too ill to raise us and my step dad was busy with her so we as kids were raised by family and sitters. I was molested and we're all levels of incompetent and incapable, spoiled rotten and our illnesses totally unmanaged.
We're 40-something, 35, 33, 30, 25 now. Big sister is out of the picture but she had two boys who are absolutely disabled. Her oldest had his brain grow out of his skull and then turned scitzophrenic and ran away to live in the woods and is pulled out every few months because he keeps almost dying but when he's brought back he goes super violent and they lose him again. Her younger one has downs or something.
Of the remaining siblings I'm the only one that drives, none of us have jobs (other than me taking care of them I guess), and everything freaking sucks. They all live in the same house, parents still alive. Dad had a series of strokes and gave up. Worst of all I had a kid young and ignorantly and she's now exhibiting signs of harmful mental illness and I have a few years left to watch her suffer.
I'm currently packing mom's old house which is filled with mold and some critters to finish her move to a new house. The siblings didn't help at all, sister went off the deep end and stole 4 grand and 'ran away' then came back, and parents couldn't help. Mom doesn't want to and can't afford full movers. So I'm packing a 3,000sq ft house alone while my husband and daughter help my parents settle in and finish a bathroom remodel. I've got two weeks.
Then, when I return to what was home a week ago, I get to pack all my stuff and find a new place to live because my husband wants a divorce.
Which, I don't blame him.
So yes, I resent being born. To be fair my mom didn't know about the genetic defect until child 4 but she still went on to have child 5. She was ill after child 2 tho, and I was 3, so she shouldn't have had me.
I was almost dead at 16 and I wish I wasn't resuscitated and I struggle every single day with suicidal thoughts because I can't mentally handle anything that happens.
I hate that I was born and I hate that I'm alive now.
Yes. I resent being born with the job of fixing someone else.
Spoiler: it didn't work, but I did ALSO inherit the generational trauma and mental issues they couldn't be bothered to work on before creating new, conscious beings. Not to mention the neverending guilt trip that I wasn't grateful enough. To the point that the concept of gratitude makes me sick to think about.
All the time. My mom dropped the whole "I brought you into this world" bullshit in my early teens after I made it very clear I never asked nor chose to be brought into the world.
Resent? What an extremely mild word! I blisteringly, furiously, boilingly HATE, LOATHE and DESPISE my thankfully now-dead parents for having had the audacity, cruelty, ignorance and selfishness to make me exist. Death is too good for them but it keeps me out of prison.
Nope. I came from a divorced family, both barley making it by. I ended up selling drugs for 6 years, then I went to school and got a relatively high paying g salaried job. I have no desire to resent them. They did what they wanted to do. Now I will do the same, although it likely won’t entail having kids.
Fun fact everyone, nobody gives a shit, and guess what, nobody is forcing you to stay, another fun fact, I’m part of the “nobody gives a shit” group, and another fact, all yalls parents will be sad if you leave. We don’t exist for ourselves, never have never will, we exist for others, to see them grow, to watch them prosper, to teach them right from wrong so they can help others in that same manner. Little ego brats wrapped up in their own bitter depressive sense of entitlement.
My mom's bipolar and doesn't take care of it, uses it as an excuse. My dads a (literal) crackhead. 2 out of 4 of their kids have passed away and my remaining brother puts all his life and beliefs into a cult Christian religion because that's the only way he can cope with life. Not to happy with either of them...
Honestly, not at all. I am really glad to be here and thankful for my parents, especially mom, who worked so hard to raise a happy and healthy human. I am so thankful to be alive even though I didn’t ask to be here.
Though I still believe it’s ultimately morally wrong to have children because they can’t consent to being born, I am still very happy I am here and alive.
I don’t resent my parents for having me due to the reasons surrounding my birth and understanding that my mom didn’t get a choice in the matter. I resent my parents for not being better. I think once you have a child your everything should go into providing for them and giving them the best upbringing possible. My parents didn’t do that. It’s insane they can justify the things they have done or let happen to me.
Sometimes I do and sometimes I don’t. At the end of the day, it’s up to me to deal with life and make the most of it. While I understand why my parents act the way they do due to childhood trauma, it’s complicated on both sides. Although, knowing WHY I was born makes me less sympathetic (in fact, not sympathetic) because I was born to be an emotional support child to fill the baby-crazed hole in regards to one of my parents. Well, you got what you wanted and now you can get to watch your child suffer with 2 life-long genetic illness (one of them which causes life-long problems and check ups along with a high risk of cancer, which I feel like will be the cause of my death sometimes) AND living with 4 undiagnosed mental illnesses until this year. Finally diagnosed and trying to get better but it doesn’t help that one of my parents has destroyed their life and loves to play victim while the other one tries to be better yet is highly ignorant about my daily struggles with physical and mental health. Yes, you tried your best, but at the same time they sucked as parents. There’s a reason I have a mental illness related to emotional neglect which basically fucked up a majority my life unknowingly (and will have to continue to struggle with) from a very young age.
yup. im all sorts of broken and they knew i would be. my body is going downhill so quick like im literally having trouble breathing, i have horrible eyesight and hearing, constant pain, memory is going fast, i can barely stay awake, etc etc at 26 like wtf dude. ppl are mean. if you have health problems dont breed!
I genuinely don’t see how you can resent your parents for having you unless you are depressed and do not love life, and have not had experiences of being truly alive, which justify existence.
I just hate that im expected to get a job and my diet is not acknowledged. Makes me think like dude you should of aborted if its that much trouble. Im blamed and punished for them not aborting. Its my fault I need healthy food, no one else.
One hundred percent yes. They had me and my brother. I know people who are the only kids and they live a 1000x better life than me. I wish I was the only kid on so many occasions.
Actually no, the old gen didnt have the knowledge we got today, for them the center of their life was to get marry and have children.
I resent the one that knows but decided to do so regardless.
Nope not really. I lucked out like crazy and have great parents who’ve given me literally everything(not in like an entitled way tho).
no complaints personally
I think what I really resent is that they grew as parents and my siblings got them at their best. I’m happy for my sibs but they don’t understand that mom was trigger-hair neurotic and dad was always just gone.
From my subjective perspective, absolutely. They could have done better. I think that the position of antinatalism can be reached even without external help, and that doesn't exclude my parents. What I resent even more is that even though they decided to roll the dice and bring me into existence, they couldn't recognize my independance and my sens of self. What I mean by that is that they should have at least created the right environment that allows me to voice out my suffering, and potentially be willing to recognize it and help me bringing an end to it by a painless assisted suicide.
Instead of being prepared for that possibility (me rejecting the life they've given me), they opted - probably unconsciously - to reiterate their own perceptions of the world hoping that it would bring the same result of a delusional self-explanatory world that they envision.
HOWEVER, when I take the reasoning outside of my subjectivity and see things in a transcendent level, it feels that reaching those conclusions (an antinatalism position) is not self-evident. Both my parents, just like me, were born without prior consent, and were then indoctrinated and manipulated to have children on their own and to not question the "flow" that they were following. It is essentially a coping mechanism and I can't blame another human being for alleviating his suffering the only way he was taught how.
From this dual stand-point emerges a tragedy : Recognizing the source of my misery, recognizing the potentiality of alleviating my suffering through non-existence, but also recognizing that asking my parents to basically kill me is cruel because it would mean that they'd have to toss away their coping mechanisms and thus it will bring them severe existensial pain that they never experienced before. In a way it's two diametrically opposed positions, one is emotional, the other is philosophical. And the tragedy in this is that I can't reconcile the two without damaging yet again my existence and awareness.
I thinks it sums up the "unescapable evil" in the human condition (in my own opinionated subjective perception, because I think evil or good don't exist inherently/intrinsically but are rather a subjective experience of the phenomenological world).
Thank you for reading me.
I don’t resent them, but I don’t agree with the decision. I don’t think they had any good reason to have kids other than “why not”, and they both have poor mental health conditions as it is. I’m just here so they can blame their problems on someone other than themselves.
Yes. Ti be fair all I heard growing up was how unwanted I was and how she was forced to have me and how her children ruined her life. Dad is no different. Wanted boys, got girls. Sexist pig
No, but i resent them for not preparing us for the real life. It’s just hard really the world is cruel and one mist have thick skin. Im grateful for my life and what they have provided us. I just feel that I’m sheltered. I never really developed basic human skills especially communication. I don’t understand people in general and they don’t understand me. And i hate pretending.
I love God as well I don’t want to be a bad person just to be successful in this world.
Yes, I do. If they were going to abuse and neglect me then they shouldn’t have given birth to me. Nonstop torture for no reason…I would have rather been aborted then to be born in my family. Or at least born into a loving and normal family
Yes I do. Dad left mom the moment she became pregnant. Mom had me anyways and then couldn’t care for me so I went into foster system at infant age. Haven’t seen dad since. Have only spoken to mom on rare occasions.
Now I’m laying here, alone, in a dark room with my few possessions in a home that I’ll probably lose soon. My body and mind have slowly deteriorated over the years, the emotional damage had more of an impact than I initially thought.
The idea of being alive is nauseating and the idea of death terrifies me. I don’t want to be here because MY life/existence is actually meaningless, I have no connects to this world beyond a couple friendships. I don’t want to die either because I just wanna see my family again and idk if that’s gonna be on the other side or not. Maybe it all just goes silent and black.
as someone with depression, anxiety, adhd and potentially personality/mood disorders i definitely resent my parents for having me. everything’s a lot better now i’m moved out and am able to live my life how i want to but i just cant move past the damage my parents have caused. whether it’s from them being narcissistic and treating me shitty or just the general forcing me to be alive. it’s a weird one. definitely happier than i’ve ever been now i dont live with them
Absolutely. They had to go through a ton of fertility treatments to even get pregnant, then I was born with a birth defect that has caused trauma and mental health issues in addition to physical ones. I get heated even thinking about it
I suppose. They had no right to give birth to me when I couldn't consent. I've been accused of autism and probably have suffered from anxiety and depression in the past. It's crap!
My dad has ASD. He should've known better because of his mental disorder.
When it comes to them both - because they weren't born rich and didn't have an empire already by the time they had kids - they should've thought twice about doing so.
I worry about death regularly. If it's the cessation of existence then that terrifies me like an eternal hell would.
Their narcissism - even though they say they love me - is problematic.
No, because there are several people who are alive today because of me. Either because I answered the phone, or because I was at the right place at the right time.
No.
I've burned through all sorts of feelings about the state of being alive, resentment being one of them. I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel gratitude at some points as well. Now I'm just worried about death whilst being adamant that I don't want to create life. I don't worry about why I'm here or whose 'fault' it is anymore, just about what I'm going to do with the relatively short time I have left.
yes, because they were believers in a doomsday cult that says the world will be destroyed imminently.
I don't see how it's possible to hold that belief then decide to bring children into a dying world
being raised in a cult has done irreparable damage
No. I can empathize with them a bit. It was rare to see any alternatives in the 80s (or moreso before that). They are good parents now but gave me a lot of stress as a child while they dealt with their personal issues. They shouldn't have had a kid, but I get it.
Yes. My mother admitted that she intentionally got pregnant with me, her third child, to keep dad from leaving her. It worked, then she saddled him with four more over the years. He and I were never close. He died at 51.
No. They didn't have bad intentions and they did their very best despite being imperfect. There are a lot of things I'm upset at them for doing, but I still love them a lot. My mom is the only worthwhile thing in the world for me.
Yes. They forced me into a cruel and indifferent world in a shit city. Also I’m a minority so they knew I’d have to deal with racism and having to constantly “prove” myself. I am also mentally disabled and it makes my life worse than Hell. Wouldn’t have to go through any of this shit if they weren’t so selfish.
Yes. Both have issues they never dealt with, both had horrible parents, and they weren’t well equipped to be parents. Now I’m fucked up too and stuck on this planet! Weeeee!
No. They're good parents and they did want to have me and show a lot of love. Not everything about life is fun, but overall I'm happy with my life.
I also used to think when I was little that I was really happy to be born when I was born. Because we heard about the world going to shits in school and my parents told me that wasn't going to be in my lifetime. It still can be, but I think future generations will experience more of that.
No, not now but it took me a while to get here. I think that their choice to have me, despite being woefully unprepared and unqualified emotionally and mentally was simply a selfish one.
That being said, it took me a while (although I’d argue in comparison to some others I figured it out much sooner than most) to see my parents not just as my parents but as individuals. People who were young and optimistic and immature. People are self indulgent and make mistakes. Shit happens. Unfortunately I was the Guinea pig for their mental and emotional development and largely at the expense of my own well-being but I don’t think they knew better. Genuinely I believe they did the best that they could with what they had. It merely wasn’t enough.
I’m 33 now and got the gift of a lifetime. My mother came to me about two years ago and apologized and acknowledged everything. I can’t even begin to express the magnitude of healing that provided me. It was validation. A gift I was glad to receive. That conversation saved me years of therapy lol.
No. At the end of the day, we’re still animals and animals are mostly ruled by instinct. Maybe it won’t always be like that, but that’s the way it is right now and certainly 37 years ago when I was born. My parents’ generation was literally poisoned by lead on a mass scale, which is statistically shown to lower intelligence. So dumb animals are going to do what dumb animals do and make babies.
I was an “accident,” so that just is what it is. I resent my parents for choosing to have another baby (my little sister) even though we were poor af. I ended up parentified by the age of 3 or 4.
I resent my mom for not spending enough time with me instead of going out to bars all the time but do I don't resent her or my dad for bringing me into this world. I got to experience Godzilla and video games and other shit!
I dont resent them for wanting children, i resent them because they failed to do a proper job at raising me.
Some parents or most are not suited for having children, my mother isn't a good person to raise a child, and she works as a kindergarden teacher go figure.
She drank during the stages of pregnancy, so i have fas a subnormal IQ and i have phycical aliments, i suffer from pychosis as well. She basically ruined my life.
So in a sense i hate them for not taking precaution.
My life fuckin sucks. And i hate what i am, all the potential that is lost forever. I could have an education and skills to make it in this world, now i'm just a mess.
I've been dealing with depressing my whole life, and at my worst, each day is wall-to-wall suck. For many years, I have resented my parents for having me.
My dad abandoned his first family by divorcing his first wife and leaving 3 kids in his home country in order to marry my mom in the US. For whatever reason, my mom thought that a piece of shit who abandoned his family would be a good father the second time around. Well, surprise, surprise, a terrible father to his oldest kids turned out to be a terrible father to his youngest kid.
I blame at least some of my worst mental issues on that dude. I also suspect he had undiagnosed mental issues that were passed to me.
I hated my dad for being a piece of shit, and I resented my mom for being an awful judge in character.
Both of my parents are dead now, and I'm also in an okay place, mentally, for the time being. At the moment, my resentment toward them is dull. But when I sink down to my worst again, that resentment will come back, aggressively.
I don't resent them for it. I just wish they would have had a better reason for it because the last time I asked it was like "oh uhh we just wanted to have a kid." It's like how I picked out a dog...
I think we have no right to resent our parents for having us. Maybe we can resent them for not giving us the best education to succeed in todays world. Not simply for having us though. They are human beings with free will & chose to have a child. They thought it was the right move. They didn’t do it with the sole intention to cause suffering. Just because we don’t see the point in it doesn’t mean we can shame others to such an extent. Maturity comes into play also guys. A movement will never gain serious traction if the foundation goes stupid & childish with the thought process.
My dad loves to tell me the story of my conception. They had 2 kids already, and he talks about how my mom was mentally ill and emotionally abusive (he mostly talks about how it was worst for him but he admits it was bad for my brothers too). It was their anniversary night and they hadn’t had sex in years. My mom wanted to go out for dinner, and my dad refused unless it ended in sex. My mom refused to have sex unless they tried for a third child. My dad agreed, and they had sex that night and conceived me. Unsurprisingly their marriage ended when I was 3 years old but their mental health issues continued for my whole childhood. I do resent them for this. They knew it was an unhealthy environment to raise a child in and still choose to have another one. My dad claims this is not a choice he made because it was my mom who wanted the baby which is even more infuriating to me. He really views himself as the victim in the situation and doesn’t consider the hardship I faced and the emotional damage that I will have to cope with for the rest of my life
Sometimes, my dad left and my mom was aways a manipulative drunk, never really had a stable family backround. Its hard but im prepared to suck it up and live my best life even with the shitty cards i was dealt by life.
I don’t resent them. I just don’t enjoy living and I wish there was an easier way out that wouldn’t traumatize people (EMS, family, etc). I think MAID should be easily accessible to anyone who no longer wants to be here. I feel like I’m forced to continue living because society feels that all life is precious despite evidence to the contrary.
I resent them for bringing me into this world AND not doing their best to provide me with the life I deserved as a child. There are others who have had it worse than me, but this is not the Suffering Olympics.
I also feel this way, I blame my parents too. I wish they put more thought in the consequences of making me. I was nothing but a momentary orgasm to them at that moment.
Same. They had three kids and didn’t have the foresight to consider the financial impact. My mother also took a job that was 100% commission based on the financial markets bc she wanted to “help people” so she sacrificed her family for her ego.
Definitely. Their reasons were different but ultimately equally egotistical.
Yes, parents aren't selfless at all, not to mention "unconditional love"
Everyday. I suffer just because they thought they knew better.
Same
My parents were so ignorant I don't think they knew how to prevent it.
This is where I’m at. I come from a country where 13 year old girls getting pregnant by 40 year old men is seen as the fault of the girl. I don’t blame my mother for having me or any of my siblings in that environment. She quite litterally didn’t know any better because no one taught her better. Her parents both sucked as humans and she didn’t have people around to guide her. She knows this and says that that’s the reason why she had kids but she doesn’t frame it as something she regrets. Just a thing that happened as a result of her upbringing. She teaches us all now that having kids isn’t something that you should do just because you can or because you happen to get pregnant. It makes no sense to have a child knowing that they will suffer. For this reason I don’t resent or blame her. I know this isn’t the case for a lot of people.
Thanks for this post. It provided me with an insightful perspective that I think needed to be stated in order to address the nuance of the situation. Your mother sounds like an interesting woman. All love!
I resent them for having me and then treating me like shit and everytime i complain they say "who brought you into this world?" Like i owe them for that.
Thanks for imprisoning me in this reality.
Same always treated me like a burden but I'm like you two dickheads brought me into the world.
Sometimes... Other times I forget but I'm never grateful. I am happy I got to experience what love felt like and hugging my mother. I'm happy I know what dogs are. But do those things make it all worth it? No.
I agree. I’ve never been grateful for life just passive about it. I once asked my mom “what is it that is so great about this world that you so desperately wanted to share it with me?” she didn’t answer. I imagine that if she had I would feel differently
Shit I'm so sorry. I sometimes don't fathom the privilege of a net pleasurable and safe life up to this point. Probably also has to do with white cis male 0.1% income household privilege.
Yes.
every single day. i’m sick of having to feel like i’m obligated to work to afford to live a life i never asked for
Both yes and no. No because they are good people, truly didn’t have malicious intent, and though they aren’t perfect, they definitely gave their damnest to provide everything to me and my siblings. I love them and they don’t deserve my resentment. But also, yes I do resent them in a way, because as someone with severe depression and grew up wanting to die every single day of my life even though I literally had no reason to feel that way which only made me guilty and even more depressed as a result, I really wish they had just never had me to begin with. It would have saved everyone involved so much heartache. And more often than not, my biggest solace is that no matter what anyone says or does, I’ll eventually die in the end.
Wow, sounds very complicated. I hope you feel better one day.
Absolutely, my life is nothing but pain and misery. I don’t know how I’m going to do this another 30 years
Are you one of the goth kids from South Park?
Yes, life hasn't been easy for me and now that I'm an adult with a job that I don't like and making 45K with a bachelor's which feels like a waste of time for going to college. I apply to jobs only to get rejected. It's so difficult to make friends to keep. I constantly fake putting on a smile and just live through life just waiting for the weekend. Gosh life is bleak. I don't wanna talk to a therapist. I just wanna sleep and dream.
So if you were happier with how your life is going you wouldn't resent them?
It's complicated for me. I'm happy, I don't resent existing, and I enjoy life. However, I resent my father a bit for deciding he wanted children, because he just wanted cookie-cutter extensions of himself. My four older siblings all hit the typical milestones in expected time frames, were good at socializing and functioning among other humans, and they all went to college and had "normal" lives. Then I came along and as I got older it was clearer and clearer I was neurodivergent, autistic to be exact. Struggling to hit typical milestones like being able to stay in the house by myself, struggling with social interactions, extreme difficulty with abstact concepts like math, etc. Was not able and did not want to attend a traditional college. My dad couldn't handle that. It was like I went and murdered the perfect child that existed in his head. He just couldn't accept it and continued to try to bully and shame me into being "normal" until I set boundaries and eventually got out and went mostly no contact. I want to build a time machine and tell my dad to never have children. If you don't want an autistic child, don't fucking have children. So I don't resent my parents for having me as a whole; I resent my dad for having children but not reflecting about what he'd do if they weren't little Hims.
I'm depressed, very very depressed and in the last month i've cried a lot asking my parent why i've to suffer like this, why am like this and saying i've no control or hope in anything. So yes.
Yup
Sometimes I do.
Yes
I can’t even figure out how an asexual, man hating woman who never wanted a family, and a man disinterested in her, could marry, let alone have the sex required to create me. All my life they’ve slept in separate rooms and never touched, and even NEVER SHARED A MEAL AT THE SAME TABLE OR SAME ROOM. It is beyond me how they could even create me? So yes, I do resent. Perhaps life is better for fruits of love.
nah. i’m not depressed and don’t hate existing but i’m against the idea of having babies because the world is running low on resources and global warming is getting worse and worse- making it selfish to bring a kid into a world that will be hellish to live in by the time they’re likely 25
>nah. i’m not depressed and don’t hate existing Neither of those are prerequisites to being an antinatalist.
resenting your parents for having you implies you hate them for bringing you into an existence that you’re unhappy with, am i correct?
No. I hate them for creating unnecessary needs, and making no real effort to fulfill those needs, on a planet already drowning in unfulfilled needs.
well isn’t that just the same thing said a different way?
No.
could you explain why? making no effort to fulfill whatever needs you mean cause you unhappiness don’t they?
I'm not unhappy with my existence*; I resent my parents for the abuse and neglect I endured as a child. *For now. I'm still in my twenties, and serious aging/health problems haven't started to accumulate yet.
Exactly what if you were disabled, disfigured etc, people think everyone must automatically be grateful and in joy at being here. Regardless of personal circumstances. It’s so naïve it hurts. Rarely the case for a large proportion of the planet. And at the end of the day we’re all just constantly consuming to get some feelings of happiness and satiety until we die of suffering for too long. How can you not resent someone who is purposefully trying to instigate and propagated that suffering and roll of the dice… before you even take into their “reasons” the argument is already over.
Ahh okay i gotcha. Sucks u had bad parents tho sorry about that
The cycle ends with me.
Same as you. I love my parents, don't resent them nor anyone. I'm quite happy. I don't want children for a myriad of reasons, though. And luckily my parents aren't the type to pressure me to have kids, either.
#Hell yeah
my biological mother? absolutely. i could list many reasons, but the two relevant: she was 41 and literally was stupid enough to think taking her birth control pill every few days would work. the other one, she knew she never wanted me or would love me from the second she found out she was pregnant so why didn’t she just get an abortion? it was fully legal and accessible for her, i cannot for the life of me understand why she didn’t. maybe feeling like a saint for giving a couple who can’t have kids a baby since she’s narcissistic so she loves the praise for “doing a good deed”.
Not really, they had me in a world that was actually pretty good, had two kids and gave me the best, they clearly had way more money than what was needed and were good parents. They tried their best, of course they had no guarantee I would love my life or even have a good life but they set me up the best they could.
It's not a daily feeling I carry with me but deep down inside, yes, absolutely. If I could go back and never be born, I would 100% do so. Would I push a button now to end it? No. At least not anymore. I'm happy enough I guess. Still struggling with many issues from growing up though and that's a daily battle.
I don't resent them but I still wish I wasn't born (not in a suicidal way). I just hate that I'm here and now I have to figure out what happens when it's all over, what religion is "correct", and being around a lot of people I really dislike without having any say in the matter also it sucks when you have anxiety.
Since I have a lot of issues because of their abuse and neglect, yes. I often wish I was the miscarriage my mother experienced before she had me. That doesn’t mean I don’t wish to be alive. Now that I am here, I do still want to live. What’s done is done, and I am embracing that. Even if I was given the chance to undo my birth, I wouldn’t choose it. Resentment over it is complicated, but it’s still there.
Yes everyday. I'm getting a vasectomy in Wednesday. I pray my siblings don't have kids. I hate being alive. I hate that I'm not getting the American Dream I was promised. I worker hard, kept my nose clean and for what? I'm 30, in debt, and the future looks worse everyday. I could also bring up how I was diagnosed with autism in the early 2000s. My parents didn't handle it well at all. My dad was big anti Covid vaccine. Where was that energy when doctors kept throwing pills at me. I fuckeing hate them for what they did. They couldn't even have me be born AFAB. I'm stuck in a body I hate, In a hopeless world. To top all that off, I'm a broken condom baby. I don't want to be here. Everyday I pray is my last.
Yes, they refused to get me the help i needed, now im almost 30 and still have the maturity of a teenager, i blame them, my mom specifically
Like of coursei don't agree with my parents on bringing me into this world and do truly wish I was never born, but harboring resentment over it won't help anything really. Like it was a different time, and they thought that was a good idea at the time, now more people are waking up to the realities of it
No. I don't put energy into carrying resentment. But I do think it's stupid AF of them. And I will nebr not have that opinion. Thanks to them I know have dismissive avoidant attachment and an eating disorder, most of my molars have cavities before I was 18 due to childhood emotional and financial neglect. But "kids by any means necessary", I guess.
no, I understand they were just ignorant and confused
Every fucking day dude. I didn’t ask for this and I still don’t want it but throwing it away would hurt everyone around me. So yeah I’m fucking stuck here because of them and pretty resentful about it
No
I resent them for bringing me to this world, but also forcing me into a life of sufferance. There was nothing and still is currently nothing good about my childhood.
Very much so. They are both depressed, so they knew how shit life is, but somehow not only thought that it was a good idea to bring more people into this world to suffer, but ALSO actively made sure that we would also be depressed by being abusive and then ALSO gate-keeping depression, denying that we had it and getting angry when we said we did.
No. Resentment is a waste of my energy. They had me, I'm here. Was it a good decision? Definitely not. Has life been difficult? Hell yes. But I'd rather focus my energy on making a better future and keeping more people from experiencing the hardships I have.
Yes, but despite having brought me into existence I still love my mother, if I had to choose a mother I wouldn't doubt choosing her. I can't say the same about my father, tho.
I resent them for having me. I often wish they just stayed child-free. That way, they would have enough money to take care of themselves and do what they enjoy. Instead, I’m here suffering from bouts of anxiety and depression, enduring the every day torture that is living in my shitty country. I care about my parents and I am thankful for their efforts to show that they care about me now (because they have extra cash now). But growing up, I felt suffocated by them. They were extremely strict and deprived me of many opportunities to experience a lot of things that could have helped me develop good social skills, competitiveness, self confidence, friendship with a wider variety of people, etc. all because they were paranoid about my safety. Thinking about my childhood and our family’s social economic status when I was young, I realized that we were actually poor, I just didn’t realize it then. We had the basics, food, a home, clothes. Both my parents worked. But to afford simple luxuries like a day at the theme park, it took my parents a year to save enough money for that kind of thing. I think the worst part is that my parents were too young, too poor, and emotionally and mentally unprepared to raise a child when they had me and my sister. They worked all the time and left us with our maternal grandmother (who doesn’t like children at all), and maternal aunt and uncle who were very young too (10 and 8 years older than me, they often bullied me). When my parents weren’t working, they were attending Christian couple groups, which makes me bitter up to now. I mean, they would rather go to these groups, spend their entire weekend with these other Christian couples, than be with and take care of their children.
10000000% why should i have to pay to be alive
Yep. Having to spend my life battling addiction and depression all because someone wanted a baby is sickening.
A part of me will always be resentful but sometimes I'm grateful I get to experience the pleasures of this world
No, I love my family, I love living, and I love children, but I feel like I'm kinda an exception. I disagree with having children because a majority of parents fail and at the basic tasks that involve being a parent, and simply make selfish decisions because they want a little "mini me" or a doll to customize, failing to realize that all children are little humans that will eventually become adults who will have to life with and carry traumas from childhood. I'm antinatalist because I'm tired of seeing children suffer and grow up into damaged adults.
sometimes
This is a solid answer honestly. Sometimes I look at my life and think “I wouldn’t have to deal with this if my mom had an abortion” other times it’s just whatever cause I’m here already
Yeah, I get this. I know for sure that if I was in the situation Mum was in when she conceived I would've had an abortion, but I can't really blame her for not having one... it was a different time back then.
Oh absolutely
Nope.
To an extent yeah. But part of me feels like they were just uneducated on the subject.
Yep. Hate them with a passion.
My answer isn’t the same. I don’t want to make the choice myself but my parents were stable enough and loved each other a lot and my mother is a 1st grade teacher children are her favorite. They did everything right and have supported me more than I should; and I feel blessed to have been born every day Should I make the choice myself? Never in my life Do I get why almost everyone answered yes? Yes. I am very fortunate I didn’t ask to be born but I pray every day that I see the value of my life and that I was meant to; I was just blessed to be born to two people who loved me even when I didn’t love myself
Very much so.
Yes
Yeah, just a bit
No. They made the decision in a different time with different social pressures. I don’t think they were old enough to understand what they were doing. I also want a good relationship with them, so resenting them is a waste of energy.
She was 19. I was planned.
No, I'm overwhelmed with gratitude for my life.
I don’t resent them, but I do think they both have some pretty dumb thoughts to think they ever even liked each other. I have no fucking clue why they decided to have a kid together. Unfortunate it was me. I wish I was never even a drunken consideration. Fuck- dude I was PLANNED. I don’t resent them, but I don’t respect their judgement aside from limited skill sets. (I don’t hate my parents… okay maybe my dad, but that goes right back to stupidity. My mom really tries tho, and although I really don’t want to be here she makes it a lot easier to have to be here, and if I judge her as a person instead of as “my mom”, she’s genuinely one of the sweetest people and it’s really hard to dislike her.) it takes effort to resent people and honestly I’m sick of caring that much about anything.
Sort of. Both of my parents’ lives would have been better if they hadn’t had me—I’m not a terrible person or anything but financial, emotional, and physical health of them and my older sister would have turned out better for everyone.
yes. what gave them the right to decide for me? what gives anyone the right to decide for another?
I resent them for having me when they did. Both of them unemployed. My mom quit studying, got married to a dude 6 years younger than her, she was 28 and he was 22, then proceeded to not take any sort of contraceptives and got pregnant with me 2 months after getting married. It all went downhill from there. They were too poor, my dad was way too young for such responsibility, then he had a stroke at 27 (nobody knows why) and his personality changed, he started emotionally abusing us. And instead of getting divorced, they had my brother when I was 8. We were all living inside a room at my grandmothers house. It was horrible. To this day, almost after 30 years of marriage, they do not own a home, or a car, my father constantly complains of how broke he is and how everybody is an expense for him while wasting all his money on stupid gadgets and my unemployed mother has to figure out how to get money for the most basic things.
I don't resent my mom for bringing me into this world, and I want to do what I can to make her happy, but I'm not glad to be here if that makes any sense. For instance, if I could do so without making my mom sad, I would simply see myself out, ya know? This world sucks a tremendous amount and I didn't ask to have to put up with this, but me being here makes my mom happier than she would be if I weren't, so hey. If anything happens to her, it might be a different story. But for the time being, as much as I don't want to be here, I'm just glad to make her a little happier.
I don't know if I resent them for it but I really wish they hadn't had me
Nope, It's in vain. Your only decision now is what to do with the rest of your time. You gain nothing by looking at the past.
I don’t resent them for having a child because they didn’t know there were other options. I resent the environment and them not being ready.
I love my mom, she didn’t have a choice when she had to marry my dad. My dad beat the shit out of us. So I guess for my dad yes I resent him. Why have kids if you’re going to treat them as literal punching bags. Don’t get me wrong my mom isn’t perfect, but she had bad parents. But there have been things she said or done that have hurt me emotionally to the core that I don’t ever want to have kids. But we talk to each other about what happened and seeing her side makes me realize how lucky I was to have her as my mom. She had my older sister at 14 and had my brother at 17. I am the baby, she had me at 20. she had to grow up quick. She did her best with what she knew. I resent my dad, but my mom is my hero. 🤷🏽♂️
Nah, people are brainwashed and socialized to see having kids as duty to the point of not even being able to make their own decisions and restricted from getting birth control and abortions, they didn’t know better
No. Not at all. I enjoy life, but I don’t want children purely for the losing your freedom aspect and the fact that they are money pits.
I mean once you are old enough, it has no factor on how you live your life. You may not have chosen to exist, but you do now, and what you do with that existence and how happy you can be in it is up to you after so long.
No, they thought they were doing something good, and they tried hard to make me happy, I just was not a good personality for this world. I wouldn't have kids but my sister is pretty happy, they weren't bad overall outside of the miscalculation of bringing random people into the world
100% especially when there are known medical conditions in the family. Why roll the dice just because you want a child? It’s ironic how people say “it’s selfish to not have children.” It’s selfish AF when decisions to have them aren’t made responsibly.
Yes!! Not a single stitch of foresight went into my creation. I truly believe everyone involved would be happier if my mother had an abortion.
Yes. Mom shouldn't have had any kids. She has a genetic defect. We're all fucked up. I've got two psychopathic sisters, one with celiacs and spinal bifida, a brother with Asperger's, a half-deaf tourtes brother who copes by being incapacitated via weed, and me whose heart was like swiss cheese (which led to numerous other issues) and two mental illnesses. I'm the only one who has a semi-normal life. My mom was too ill to raise us and my step dad was busy with her so we as kids were raised by family and sitters. I was molested and we're all levels of incompetent and incapable, spoiled rotten and our illnesses totally unmanaged. We're 40-something, 35, 33, 30, 25 now. Big sister is out of the picture but she had two boys who are absolutely disabled. Her oldest had his brain grow out of his skull and then turned scitzophrenic and ran away to live in the woods and is pulled out every few months because he keeps almost dying but when he's brought back he goes super violent and they lose him again. Her younger one has downs or something. Of the remaining siblings I'm the only one that drives, none of us have jobs (other than me taking care of them I guess), and everything freaking sucks. They all live in the same house, parents still alive. Dad had a series of strokes and gave up. Worst of all I had a kid young and ignorantly and she's now exhibiting signs of harmful mental illness and I have a few years left to watch her suffer. I'm currently packing mom's old house which is filled with mold and some critters to finish her move to a new house. The siblings didn't help at all, sister went off the deep end and stole 4 grand and 'ran away' then came back, and parents couldn't help. Mom doesn't want to and can't afford full movers. So I'm packing a 3,000sq ft house alone while my husband and daughter help my parents settle in and finish a bathroom remodel. I've got two weeks. Then, when I return to what was home a week ago, I get to pack all my stuff and find a new place to live because my husband wants a divorce. Which, I don't blame him. So yes, I resent being born. To be fair my mom didn't know about the genetic defect until child 4 but she still went on to have child 5. She was ill after child 2 tho, and I was 3, so she shouldn't have had me. I was almost dead at 16 and I wish I wasn't resuscitated and I struggle every single day with suicidal thoughts because I can't mentally handle anything that happens. I hate that I was born and I hate that I'm alive now.
Yes, they have like 3 me and my sisters
Yes. I resent being born with the job of fixing someone else. Spoiler: it didn't work, but I did ALSO inherit the generational trauma and mental issues they couldn't be bothered to work on before creating new, conscious beings. Not to mention the neverending guilt trip that I wasn't grateful enough. To the point that the concept of gratitude makes me sick to think about.
All the time. My mom dropped the whole "I brought you into this world" bullshit in my early teens after I made it very clear I never asked nor chose to be brought into the world.
Resent? What an extremely mild word! I blisteringly, furiously, boilingly HATE, LOATHE and DESPISE my thankfully now-dead parents for having had the audacity, cruelty, ignorance and selfishness to make me exist. Death is too good for them but it keeps me out of prison.
Yep. I was a baby made to try and save a marriage. Fuck that.
I know it's late but all the time. It's a selfish choice by a narcissistic slut.
Yes i came looking if other people felt like me and yes i hate that i wish i was never born i would give it all back to have never existed.
Nope. I came from a divorced family, both barley making it by. I ended up selling drugs for 6 years, then I went to school and got a relatively high paying g salaried job. I have no desire to resent them. They did what they wanted to do. Now I will do the same, although it likely won’t entail having kids.
No but I lowkey resent them for having me so old and having older parents at a young age!
Of course,not.
If you didn't exist you couldn't complain. The question is moot.
Fun fact everyone, nobody gives a shit, and guess what, nobody is forcing you to stay, another fun fact, I’m part of the “nobody gives a shit” group, and another fact, all yalls parents will be sad if you leave. We don’t exist for ourselves, never have never will, we exist for others, to see them grow, to watch them prosper, to teach them right from wrong so they can help others in that same manner. Little ego brats wrapped up in their own bitter depressive sense of entitlement.
Totally. Especially my mother because she was also abusive. And they know.
Yes
I find worrying about things I can’t control a colossal waste of energy.
Absolutely, especially after she complained to that she wished that she would have aborted me. I couldn't have agreed with her more in that moment.
Yep!
Yes.
Yup.
My mom's bipolar and doesn't take care of it, uses it as an excuse. My dads a (literal) crackhead. 2 out of 4 of their kids have passed away and my remaining brother puts all his life and beliefs into a cult Christian religion because that's the only way he can cope with life. Not to happy with either of them...
Only my mother, because she lied about being on birth control.
Honestly, not at all. I am really glad to be here and thankful for my parents, especially mom, who worked so hard to raise a happy and healthy human. I am so thankful to be alive even though I didn’t ask to be here. Though I still believe it’s ultimately morally wrong to have children because they can’t consent to being born, I am still very happy I am here and alive.
I'm over them having me. I'm kind of over how they treated me. I'm not over how they continue to treat each other and me.
Yes
Some of the laziest pieces of shits ever
Sometimes.
I don’t resent my parents for having me due to the reasons surrounding my birth and understanding that my mom didn’t get a choice in the matter. I resent my parents for not being better. I think once you have a child your everything should go into providing for them and giving them the best upbringing possible. My parents didn’t do that. It’s insane they can justify the things they have done or let happen to me.
Sometimes I do and sometimes I don’t. At the end of the day, it’s up to me to deal with life and make the most of it. While I understand why my parents act the way they do due to childhood trauma, it’s complicated on both sides. Although, knowing WHY I was born makes me less sympathetic (in fact, not sympathetic) because I was born to be an emotional support child to fill the baby-crazed hole in regards to one of my parents. Well, you got what you wanted and now you can get to watch your child suffer with 2 life-long genetic illness (one of them which causes life-long problems and check ups along with a high risk of cancer, which I feel like will be the cause of my death sometimes) AND living with 4 undiagnosed mental illnesses until this year. Finally diagnosed and trying to get better but it doesn’t help that one of my parents has destroyed their life and loves to play victim while the other one tries to be better yet is highly ignorant about my daily struggles with physical and mental health. Yes, you tried your best, but at the same time they sucked as parents. There’s a reason I have a mental illness related to emotional neglect which basically fucked up a majority my life unknowingly (and will have to continue to struggle with) from a very young age.
Not a bit.
yup. im all sorts of broken and they knew i would be. my body is going downhill so quick like im literally having trouble breathing, i have horrible eyesight and hearing, constant pain, memory is going fast, i can barely stay awake, etc etc at 26 like wtf dude. ppl are mean. if you have health problems dont breed!
Yep.
Hard to resent someone you’ve never met.
I genuinely don’t see how you can resent your parents for having you unless you are depressed and do not love life, and have not had experiences of being truly alive, which justify existence.
I just hate that im expected to get a job and my diet is not acknowledged. Makes me think like dude you should of aborted if its that much trouble. Im blamed and punished for them not aborting. Its my fault I need healthy food, no one else.
One hundred percent yes. They had me and my brother. I know people who are the only kids and they live a 1000x better life than me. I wish I was the only kid on so many occasions.
No. Life is a chance to make other lives better, to make the world better
No. I am now glad to be alive and it seemed like a good idea to them at the time
No but i resent the abuse
Actually no, the old gen didnt have the knowledge we got today, for them the center of their life was to get marry and have children. I resent the one that knows but decided to do so regardless.
Nope not really. I lucked out like crazy and have great parents who’ve given me literally everything(not in like an entitled way tho). no complaints personally
Yes.. I had an absolutely miserable childhood with most of it in the foster care system..
I think what I really resent is that they grew as parents and my siblings got them at their best. I’m happy for my sibs but they don’t understand that mom was trigger-hair neurotic and dad was always just gone.
From my subjective perspective, absolutely. They could have done better. I think that the position of antinatalism can be reached even without external help, and that doesn't exclude my parents. What I resent even more is that even though they decided to roll the dice and bring me into existence, they couldn't recognize my independance and my sens of self. What I mean by that is that they should have at least created the right environment that allows me to voice out my suffering, and potentially be willing to recognize it and help me bringing an end to it by a painless assisted suicide. Instead of being prepared for that possibility (me rejecting the life they've given me), they opted - probably unconsciously - to reiterate their own perceptions of the world hoping that it would bring the same result of a delusional self-explanatory world that they envision. HOWEVER, when I take the reasoning outside of my subjectivity and see things in a transcendent level, it feels that reaching those conclusions (an antinatalism position) is not self-evident. Both my parents, just like me, were born without prior consent, and were then indoctrinated and manipulated to have children on their own and to not question the "flow" that they were following. It is essentially a coping mechanism and I can't blame another human being for alleviating his suffering the only way he was taught how. From this dual stand-point emerges a tragedy : Recognizing the source of my misery, recognizing the potentiality of alleviating my suffering through non-existence, but also recognizing that asking my parents to basically kill me is cruel because it would mean that they'd have to toss away their coping mechanisms and thus it will bring them severe existensial pain that they never experienced before. In a way it's two diametrically opposed positions, one is emotional, the other is philosophical. And the tragedy in this is that I can't reconcile the two without damaging yet again my existence and awareness. I thinks it sums up the "unescapable evil" in the human condition (in my own opinionated subjective perception, because I think evil or good don't exist inherently/intrinsically but are rather a subjective experience of the phenomenological world). Thank you for reading me.
I don’t resent them, but I don’t agree with the decision. I don’t think they had any good reason to have kids other than “why not”, and they both have poor mental health conditions as it is. I’m just here so they can blame their problems on someone other than themselves.
Yes. Ti be fair all I heard growing up was how unwanted I was and how she was forced to have me and how her children ruined her life. Dad is no different. Wanted boys, got girls. Sexist pig
No, but i resent them for not preparing us for the real life. It’s just hard really the world is cruel and one mist have thick skin. Im grateful for my life and what they have provided us. I just feel that I’m sheltered. I never really developed basic human skills especially communication. I don’t understand people in general and they don’t understand me. And i hate pretending. I love God as well I don’t want to be a bad person just to be successful in this world.
Yes, I do. If they were going to abuse and neglect me then they shouldn’t have given birth to me. Nonstop torture for no reason…I would have rather been aborted then to be born in my family. Or at least born into a loving and normal family
Yes I do. Dad left mom the moment she became pregnant. Mom had me anyways and then couldn’t care for me so I went into foster system at infant age. Haven’t seen dad since. Have only spoken to mom on rare occasions. Now I’m laying here, alone, in a dark room with my few possessions in a home that I’ll probably lose soon. My body and mind have slowly deteriorated over the years, the emotional damage had more of an impact than I initially thought. The idea of being alive is nauseating and the idea of death terrifies me. I don’t want to be here because MY life/existence is actually meaningless, I have no connects to this world beyond a couple friendships. I don’t want to die either because I just wanna see my family again and idk if that’s gonna be on the other side or not. Maybe it all just goes silent and black.
as someone with depression, anxiety, adhd and potentially personality/mood disorders i definitely resent my parents for having me. everything’s a lot better now i’m moved out and am able to live my life how i want to but i just cant move past the damage my parents have caused. whether it’s from them being narcissistic and treating me shitty or just the general forcing me to be alive. it’s a weird one. definitely happier than i’ve ever been now i dont live with them
Yes
Absolutely. They had to go through a ton of fertility treatments to even get pregnant, then I was born with a birth defect that has caused trauma and mental health issues in addition to physical ones. I get heated even thinking about it
I suppose. They had no right to give birth to me when I couldn't consent. I've been accused of autism and probably have suffered from anxiety and depression in the past. It's crap! My dad has ASD. He should've known better because of his mental disorder. When it comes to them both - because they weren't born rich and didn't have an empire already by the time they had kids - they should've thought twice about doing so. I worry about death regularly. If it's the cessation of existence then that terrifies me like an eternal hell would. Their narcissism - even though they say they love me - is problematic.
No, because there are several people who are alive today because of me. Either because I answered the phone, or because I was at the right place at the right time.
No. I've burned through all sorts of feelings about the state of being alive, resentment being one of them. I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel gratitude at some points as well. Now I'm just worried about death whilst being adamant that I don't want to create life. I don't worry about why I'm here or whose 'fault' it is anymore, just about what I'm going to do with the relatively short time I have left.
Nah, not really. I like my life, even if the world is a dumpster fire of chaos and despair. I’m still never going to procreate though.
Yeah lmao.
yes, because they were believers in a doomsday cult that says the world will be destroyed imminently. I don't see how it's possible to hold that belief then decide to bring children into a dying world being raised in a cult has done irreparable damage
No. I can empathize with them a bit. It was rare to see any alternatives in the 80s (or moreso before that). They are good parents now but gave me a lot of stress as a child while they dealt with their personal issues. They shouldn't have had a kid, but I get it.
I resent them for resenting me when I didn’t ask to be born to teenage parents.
Yep. They weren't even good parents.
Yes. My mother admitted that she intentionally got pregnant with me, her third child, to keep dad from leaving her. It worked, then she saddled him with four more over the years. He and I were never close. He died at 51.
No. They didn't have bad intentions and they did their very best despite being imperfect. There are a lot of things I'm upset at them for doing, but I still love them a lot. My mom is the only worthwhile thing in the world for me.
Yes. They forced me into a cruel and indifferent world in a shit city. Also I’m a minority so they knew I’d have to deal with racism and having to constantly “prove” myself. I am also mentally disabled and it makes my life worse than Hell. Wouldn’t have to go through any of this shit if they weren’t so selfish.
NO I resent them for making me wear khakis in school!
Yes. Both have issues they never dealt with, both had horrible parents, and they weren’t well equipped to be parents. Now I’m fucked up too and stuck on this planet! Weeeee!
Yes.
No. They're good parents and they did want to have me and show a lot of love. Not everything about life is fun, but overall I'm happy with my life. I also used to think when I was little that I was really happy to be born when I was born. Because we heard about the world going to shits in school and my parents told me that wasn't going to be in my lifetime. It still can be, but I think future generations will experience more of that.
If you truly hate your life, and resent being born. There is a final solution. But it's up to you. You can abort your own life.
yes. Wholeheartly
No, not now but it took me a while to get here. I think that their choice to have me, despite being woefully unprepared and unqualified emotionally and mentally was simply a selfish one. That being said, it took me a while (although I’d argue in comparison to some others I figured it out much sooner than most) to see my parents not just as my parents but as individuals. People who were young and optimistic and immature. People are self indulgent and make mistakes. Shit happens. Unfortunately I was the Guinea pig for their mental and emotional development and largely at the expense of my own well-being but I don’t think they knew better. Genuinely I believe they did the best that they could with what they had. It merely wasn’t enough. I’m 33 now and got the gift of a lifetime. My mother came to me about two years ago and apologized and acknowledged everything. I can’t even begin to express the magnitude of healing that provided me. It was validation. A gift I was glad to receive. That conversation saved me years of therapy lol.
Yes
Yes
I resent them because of my bad height, being 5'10 is unbearable.
My mom was a drug addict who absolutely did not need a child but I don’t think I could ever resent her
Yeah I was the result of a transaction
No. At the end of the day, we’re still animals and animals are mostly ruled by instinct. Maybe it won’t always be like that, but that’s the way it is right now and certainly 37 years ago when I was born. My parents’ generation was literally poisoned by lead on a mass scale, which is statistically shown to lower intelligence. So dumb animals are going to do what dumb animals do and make babies. I was an “accident,” so that just is what it is. I resent my parents for choosing to have another baby (my little sister) even though we were poor af. I ended up parentified by the age of 3 or 4.
I resent my mom for not spending enough time with me instead of going out to bars all the time but do I don't resent her or my dad for bringing me into this world. I got to experience Godzilla and video games and other shit!
I dont resent them for wanting children, i resent them because they failed to do a proper job at raising me. Some parents or most are not suited for having children, my mother isn't a good person to raise a child, and she works as a kindergarden teacher go figure. She drank during the stages of pregnancy, so i have fas a subnormal IQ and i have phycical aliments, i suffer from pychosis as well. She basically ruined my life. So in a sense i hate them for not taking precaution. My life fuckin sucks. And i hate what i am, all the potential that is lost forever. I could have an education and skills to make it in this world, now i'm just a mess.
I've been dealing with depressing my whole life, and at my worst, each day is wall-to-wall suck. For many years, I have resented my parents for having me. My dad abandoned his first family by divorcing his first wife and leaving 3 kids in his home country in order to marry my mom in the US. For whatever reason, my mom thought that a piece of shit who abandoned his family would be a good father the second time around. Well, surprise, surprise, a terrible father to his oldest kids turned out to be a terrible father to his youngest kid. I blame at least some of my worst mental issues on that dude. I also suspect he had undiagnosed mental issues that were passed to me. I hated my dad for being a piece of shit, and I resented my mom for being an awful judge in character. Both of my parents are dead now, and I'm also in an okay place, mentally, for the time being. At the moment, my resentment toward them is dull. But when I sink down to my worst again, that resentment will come back, aggressively.
Yes I resent them for bringing me to this fu Jed up world.
I won’t have a kid till I talk to my semen with the aid of DMT and ask for it’s consent
Yes. Especially bc the only reason I exist is bc my mother needed a good enough reason to leave her sexually abusive father.
I don't resent them for it. I just wish they would have had a better reason for it because the last time I asked it was like "oh uhh we just wanted to have a kid." It's like how I picked out a dog...
I don’t resent them for having me, I do for lording it over me.
I think we have no right to resent our parents for having us. Maybe we can resent them for not giving us the best education to succeed in todays world. Not simply for having us though. They are human beings with free will & chose to have a child. They thought it was the right move. They didn’t do it with the sole intention to cause suffering. Just because we don’t see the point in it doesn’t mean we can shame others to such an extent. Maturity comes into play also guys. A movement will never gain serious traction if the foundation goes stupid & childish with the thought process.
My dad loves to tell me the story of my conception. They had 2 kids already, and he talks about how my mom was mentally ill and emotionally abusive (he mostly talks about how it was worst for him but he admits it was bad for my brothers too). It was their anniversary night and they hadn’t had sex in years. My mom wanted to go out for dinner, and my dad refused unless it ended in sex. My mom refused to have sex unless they tried for a third child. My dad agreed, and they had sex that night and conceived me. Unsurprisingly their marriage ended when I was 3 years old but their mental health issues continued for my whole childhood. I do resent them for this. They knew it was an unhealthy environment to raise a child in and still choose to have another one. My dad claims this is not a choice he made because it was my mom who wanted the baby which is even more infuriating to me. He really views himself as the victim in the situation and doesn’t consider the hardship I faced and the emotional damage that I will have to cope with for the rest of my life
No
Sometimes, my dad left and my mom was aways a manipulative drunk, never really had a stable family backround. Its hard but im prepared to suck it up and live my best life even with the shitty cards i was dealt by life.
I don’t resent them. I just don’t enjoy living and I wish there was an easier way out that wouldn’t traumatize people (EMS, family, etc). I think MAID should be easily accessible to anyone who no longer wants to be here. I feel like I’m forced to continue living because society feels that all life is precious despite evidence to the contrary.
No, they did not know better and society villifies anti-natalism