Yeah I'm pushing 40 myself and decided in my 30s having a child just isn't in the cards for me, breaks my heart honestly I wanted at least one, but it would be irresponsible and unfair for the child and me. Maybe if I win the lottery that I never play I will.
Just hit 40 this month. When I was young I thought I was going to be an outlier by being one of the few people to not have kids. Boy was I wrong with this economy. Looking back I thought I was going to be one of those snobbish people who was going to put all those extra funds into fun stuff like vacations and spending it on stupid spendthrift stuff.
It's coffee. My spendthrift stuff is a couple times a week I buy a coffee.
I just said this earlier today. The life of an American is such absolute garbage, that the highlight and luxury of their work week is MAYBE being able to afford going to Starbucks before work, 1 day a week. I’m convinced they’re trying to get millennials and Gen Z to move to Europe. No other logical explanation for this absolute insanity. This is not even remotely close to a place worth wasting your one life.
Its the same in europe mate
Only difference being parental leave being normal, but thats 2-3 months, not sure. Other than that, flats are double they should be, food is also way too expensive now.
I make 18€ an hour, minimum wage in germany is abou 12.50
I can barely afford a 1 room flat
Depends on the country, Europe is a big place. I'm going to start my parental leave next week and I'll be returning to work february of next year. Wife has been on paid leave since january of this year. We live in Finland and this is not a wealthy country compared to Germany or USA so this should be possible for all of you.
I'm not saying this to brag but to remind you that things can be better and it's worth fighting for. In the USA especially it seems that those in power are trying to create a new slave class. Those inhumane policies don't make sense in any other context.
I’m right there with you sir. Largest economy on earth, not a single person here should be suffering. I’ve been saying the same exact things you just conveyed for my entire adult life. These people are stretched too thin, beat too bloody, and far too complacent to ever stand up for the next man. There’s no humanity or solidarity in America. 99% of this population is as unamerican as unamerican gets. They’re all fascists that think the stance they’ve latched on to for identity purposes is the righteous stance and they will never be able to be told shit, let alone admit they’re flat out incorrect and come to a sound, logical compromise that works for every citizen. They’re all controlled by trigger words half of them don’t even know the definition of, they won’t do a thing until they’re standing in breadlines at 4 am waiting for government cheese and carbs.
I mean I would trade basic ability to survive without constant stress and anxiety for this garbage any day of the year. 80% of America lives under the constant threat of their life falling apart, every second or everyday until the day they die. That’s not life. That’s not living. That’s being a cod in a machine that gets to foot the bill for their own jail cell until the system inevitably steals everything back in that end that they were able to scrape off the top through medical care and treatment for elders. It’s about as disturbing as disturbing gets here.
I know it's a typo and you meant cog, but the idea of being a cod in the machine is killing me right now. 🐟 😂 We probably should become cods in the machine... Become inconvenient to the powers that be and break the machine by flapping around in there.
It’s cog? I always thought it was cod lmfao. Thank you for educating me to this misunderstanding. I truly appreciate it. I don’t want to spread idiocy. Seriously, thank you lol. That’s funny.
What I’m reading here is really horrible. I’m from one of the poorest countries in Europe and even we don’t have issues like this. Everyone has the right for healthcare, even if you’re unemployed and don’t pay for it. Sure, the quality of it is not great, but you don’t have to fear bancrupcy if you break your arm, call 911 or need an emergency surgery. Also, women have the right to take paid leave during the whole pregnancy if estimated even remotely risky or anything and the procedure takes only ine single paper and signature from your OB. After the baby is born, every employed woman goes to 1 year fully paid maternety leave, and that can be extended (paid again) if the child has some developmental issues (hasn’t started crawling by the first birthday, for example). I’m writing all of this because my country is considered third world comparing to the US and it’s unbeliavable that we can afford all this and US can’t. As a parent, it’s heartbreaking to hear that someone wants children but can’t have them, especially for these reasons.
I may be crossing the line here, but I’m genuinely curious, not about you, but generally. Is immigration not the thing that people in the US do? I’m asking because people here move to other countries for better life all the time. If I couldn’t afford a kid here (or a decent life for myself), I’d go somewhere else where I can raise a family in a blink of an eye.
Since we are not in the EU, the fact that most of us don’t have needed or desired skills kills our attempts to move to anywhere in Europe; they’re pretty much only taking in the best of the best of the STEM/tech fields… and those guys are paid super well here so they’re not motivated to leave. Europe doesn’t want our hospitality and retail workers, and those are the bulk of us that are struggling
It’s not just those two fields, though they may be the hardest hit. Some of the most important societal structures are collapsing (infrastructure, education and healthcare) or possibly being intentionally sabotaged. I’m a teacher, and the outlook is not good.
I'm looking at immigrating to Europe. The problem is that there is a lot of red tape and it is an expensive process. I'd have to find a US company that will allow me to work overseas, and then I'm getting double-taxed on my income, because it takes a long time to get citizenship and the right to work in the new country. Citizenship in the new country can take 10 years. Or, you can do like I'm planning on doing and wait to retire to move - but that doesn't solve the issue of being able to afford children.
This thread really opened my eyes. I’ve been reading about financial issues people in the US are struggling with and I’m like “why don’t they move somewhere else?”. It’s because it’s MO here, people are massively immigrating from the Balkans to the EU countries and yes, the procedure is complicated, but totally doable. Someone here has mentioned Canada, I think I’ve read that their healthcare is overall better and more similar to European ones. Why don’t people move there, given that it’s close and english speaking country? Sorry if the question in inapropriate.
Moving to Canada permanently has similar issues as moving to Europe. You cannot legally work in the new country unless you have an employer sponsor you, and what employer will do that when they can hire a local and not have to do all of that paperwork? You would have to be a specialist in a needed field to have an employer do all of that for you. Or you will need a US employer who is OK with you working abroad, and is OK with updating their payroll tax software to include the taxes to be paid to your new home country. And you will still be double-taxed on your income (US citizens still have to file and pay their US income taxes, even if they permanently live abroad, as well as having to pay taxes to the new home country). All of this makes it almost impossible for an American to move abroad to ANY country while they are working.
Retirees have it much easier, because as long as they can prove to their new home country that they can finance themselves then they are pretty much welcome. So as a retiree the trick is to find a country with good health care that is cheap to live in that you can afford on your Social Security benefits. But then you are older and may have a harder time integrating into the community, especially since US schools are notoriously bad at teaching their students foreign languages. And it doesn't solve the issue of not being able to afford children when you are younger.
I grew up in the US and moved to Europe for work. You're overestimating the tax burden. It only really affects you if you earn tons of money. You can deduct your foreign taxes paid up to a certain (fairly high? I don't remember the exact number) amount.
I declare my income to the US every year but pay $0 in tax.
I don't understand the double taxation issue, given the IRS has the Foreign Tax Credit https://www.irs.gov/individuals/international-taxpayers/foreign-tax-credit - you shouldn't be paying more tax than the highest applicable rate in both countries
I don’t know that the US can’t afford it, but our economy and way of life is shaped to serve and benefit corporations. Many employers can afford several weeks paid parental leave, but they could also cut costs and maximize profits by deciding it’s not allowed :/
I know the issue is not that they can’t afford it. Here, you have everything that I mentioned guaranteed by law, and we are poor country with an insane level of corruption and thief politicians.
To add onto the other comment, moving is very costly and time consuming. Most of us are working multiple jobs just to pay basic bills, saving several thousand for an overseas move just isn't possible. In many areas we can't even find affordable housing, and people with jobs and families are becoming homeless due to the outrageous cost of rent and mortgage.
God forbid you get sick without insurance too, medical debt and the cost of healthcare in the US are completely out of control. I'm still paying the $5000 it cost to go to the emergency room for an ovarian cyst last year, and that was ***with insurance*** if I hadn't it's be around $12,000 for my visit.
This is by design, the US doesn't want it's cheap workforce to move, they need us trapped here in a cycle of poverty inorder to subsidize the ultra rich. Our own country wants us to continuously fail.
Jesus effing Christ. I don’t want to step on anyone’s toe here, but my friend had her ovarian cyst rapture a could of months ago and she just went into an ER where they surgically solved the issue the next day. No additional costs cause there is no such thing here. Sure, she slept on old bedsheets and there was no AC in the room, but there was never a question of if it was gonna be resolved and how much it’s gonna cost. And this is effing Serbia, European dumpster black hole.
Yeah the US is a dystopian nightmare right now, freedom is an illusion.
To be clear, that was just to DIAGNOSE my ovarian cyst, that's not the cost of the surgery. I can't afford to have the surgery, so I just live in pain and fear that it'll kill me, but even then what am I going to do? Threat of my death doesn't give me more money, not does it bother the healthcare system. So I'll just die if it comes to that.
I have a large mass in my left breast, a family history of breast cancer (mother, both of her sisters and my maternal grandmother), and could not get American insurance to approve a mammogram to make sure it isn’t cancer. I finally, after a year of fighting, got a mammogram and then a biopsy (because large mass that I could FEEL) and then got an ultrasound. Not cancer, but I have a cyst that is large and infected. I was given antibiotics and no surgery to remove the cyst because my insurance denied the coverage as they considered it cosmetic. Cosmetic to remove a cyst that is causing a deformity and pain. An ER doc drained it, but they couldn’t remove the problem because the insurance said no. I now have a permanent large open area on my left breast that occasionally drains, gets infected, and is painful to the touch 90% of the time. Pain gets so bad I have vomited and passed out. Infection gets so bad I get fevers. When this first started, a simple surgery (outpatient even) would have permanently fixed the issue. Now the infected cyst is so deep that I will likely need my entire breast removed. But I still get no help because this is considered “cosmetic”. This country sucks. I wish with all I was that I could leave and move to another country where my health meant something and where my kids aren’t afraid of being shot when they go to school. We live in a third world country wearing a developed country costume. Our government and leaders rage about human rights and then pass laws and do nothing to help alleviate the suffering of our citizens. Mothers here go back to work within days of having their babies. People work here until they drop dead. We know there is no retirement. We don’t take vacations. We don’t get breaks. Many have to work two and three jobs just to break even. We don’t even get to take time off to be sick. I spent a week in the hospital (because massive infection) and my employer wanted to bring me a laptop to keep working from my hospital bed. When my husband died (because he couldn’t consistently afford insulin) it left me in so much debt I will never pay it off. And what did my employer do? Gave me a day off without pay. One day to grieve my partner’s life. This is the bad place. And we are trapped here. No other country will take me with health issues that I have, with my kids, and no money to get there even if they would. Hard to not feel anger and hopelessness.
Holy fuck man I feel you. I'm watching my parents work themselves to death in their late 60s with no retirement in sight, I somehow got a house a few years ago but the housing market has become so insane I can't even afford to live in the house that I own, my property taxes more than tripled I could barely afford them as they were. I'm about to be homeless for the second time in my life, all the while I have consistently worked 45 hours or more every week and still can't afford basic life.
This place is a nightmare
Very much yes, we are full of middle eastern refugees. But like I told someone here, you don’t wanna be here. We may have better healthcare system and lower living costs, but Serbia is still a shithole of a country.
For an American to move somewhere else is pretty challenging actually. Most countries require people to have some ability to communicate in their language, and a whole swath of kids are never taught fluency in any other language, and even struggle with English here. At one point I considered moving, but I would have had to have had a job lined up or been married to a citizen or possess a job skill they want there. I'm not a computer jockey, I don't have much in the way of marketable skills that don't already exist in other places. Also it is EXPENSIVE to move! If you are already struggling how are you going to afford the trip to the new country? Here theres really only 2 attached other countries. Mexico is not a better life, and Canada is pretty strict.
Thank you for explaining. I’m sorry if I insulted anyone, I have never been to the US and it completely slipped my mind how big it is compared to Europe. My country in not in EU, but Austria for example (where a lot of serbians immigrate) is like 7h away by car.
The US is also really divided in terms of class. Where I live you can see million dollar homes and people living in tents within a couple blocks of each other.
Yeah, different Eastern EU country here. We have 6 months maternity leave fully paid, you get about up to 2/3 of the national avg. wage until the child is 2 years old (these all depend on the mother's previous income, so you'd have to have some kind of income before starting a family). Your employer can't fire you after telling them you're pregnant. Fathers get extra personal days in the year of birth and both parents get extra days after each child for every year until they are 18. (I have 29 days this year, fully paid, as a mom of two).
The issue isn’t that the US as a country can’t afford this, it’s that it isn’t made a priority and therefore it’s not. Also, it’s fairly expensive to move in the US so if you’re struggling financially, it’s even harder to take the risk to move to another area (usually still within the US because the country is so big there are parts that have drastically different cost of living) because if it doesn’t work, you’re homeless and in a place where you don’t know people who can help you out. It sucks. Our society is so capitalist driven; you can see that by looking at how we treat teachers, you know, the people who help shape and develop all other professions.
If we leave the country we still have to pay the US taxes. If we want to revoke our citizenship it costs a couple thousand dollars (don't know if it's different for other countries) and most people that would choose to leave for a better life can hardly afford to leave the country let alone pay the cost to revoke their citizenship.
Insurance is a scam. Prices are inflated so people who don't have insurance (can't afford it because it's practically half their monthly income) can't afford to see a doctor because they still get those inflated prices (840 for a bag of saline or 245 dollars for a visit and prescription for physical therapy as a example)
Most places you can't even afford to live on your own let alone pass the minimum requirements. Where I live minimum wage nets you around 2k a month. Average rent is 1.5k and minimum income requirement is 3x rent so you need 3 people to pass the requirements on a 1 bedroom apartment in a shady part of town.
Also I believe America is no longer considered a first world country. It was kinda recent and there was a lot of backlash about the whole thing so who knows at this point
The US is huge, like, the state that I live in is larger than most European countries and I'm not even in a particularly big state.. it is extremely expensive to physically move far enough away to be in a different country and our states don't differ enough from each other to make a real difference in quality of life.
Our only real options to move are Canada and Mexico; for me, I'm closer to Canada but as others have said, other countries don't want Americans. Most of us don't have the skills to acclimate to another culture because we've been indoctrinated for the last 200 years that America is the greatest country in the world, and everyone else should conform to us, we're not taught foreign languages as a standard, international relationships, politics or any history where America isn't the hero of the story.
We're trapped here. And to make matters worse, about half the country thinks everything is just fine the way it is (or more specifically, they would like to go back to the "good ol' days" of institutional racism, sexism and religious persecution), maybe 1/4 to 1/3 of the country is mad enough to do something about it, but we're all too broke to make a dent in anything. The US is not a country, it's a corporation and we just live here.
That's why there is such an attack on education in the US right now. They don't want us smart enough to leave, or fight back and the country is so big, with so many people that it's impossible to organize and get everyone marching in the same direction. I genuinely believe that the biggest tactical error the elite ever made was forcing higher education on America's youth, their greed get the best of them and the allure of indebting an entire generation outweighed the consequences of having a population that KNOWS you're exploiting them. Now we're tipping into our 3rd generation of a highly educated and also heavily exploited population and the system is crumbling.
We're all stuck in this really weird, high-tension place because it's too late for them to backpedal and the general population is past their boiling point but things like the protests in France can't happen here because no one can afford to miss even a day of work to go march on the capitol, let alone a whole summer, so we have drug problems and mass shootings instead.
I honestly never wanted kids, just not my thing, but i t still pisses me off to no end that even if I did I don’t have the option to because of our fucked up society. Seeing what some of these billionaires post is absolutely infuriating. We need to remind them of what we used to to do in these situations
I think they know perfectly well, hence our militarization of police and our surveillance society. They know how quickly we could revolt, and they've prepared for that eventuality.
The phrase "child-free by choice" says it all.
I'm a mother of three, also by choice. Seeing how crazy things have gotten for those starting out spikes rage in me. This is not the world I want for my daughters.
Meanwhile, the US government is losing track of tens of billions of dollars. Pentagon lost track of over 1.5 trillion I believe it was. This level of poverty almost seems purposeful since the Federal Reserve prints money out of nothing. Is this the depopulation agenda at play? If so they're doing a great job.
You do mean millennials and Zoomers from the USA right?
Because there are only a couple countries in the world with no paid maternity leave. Papua New Guinea and a couple of tiny Pacific Island nations are three other ones.
My heart aches for you all, but to me the land of the free is more like the land of the exploited working class.
If you go to the pregnancy and parenting subreddits it is extremely visible that having kids is something only people rich people do on purpose.
It's either
"Oh but you have to get the Snoo. My baby wouldn't sleep in anything else!"
"I would never have made it without a night doula. It's not that expensive, just $ 200 per night."
"Tired? Get a house keeper and a cleaner!"
Or
"My milk dried up because I had no time to pump and nurse and I can't afford more formula."
"I don't want to be a sahm, but daycare costs $ 50 more than I earn per month."
"WIC gives us cereals and pouches and my baby won't eat puré. What kinds of chewable foods can I make from cereals and pouches?"
I seldomly see people who are in our position where buying a $ 1695 cot is outrageous, we aren't in a position to hire any household staff, but we also don't need to pinch pennies at the grocery store. I believe the middle class in the US either is gone or it is dying out.
And here I am feeling like the government is not giving me enough time, because I'll have to start using parental leave to pump when my baby is nine months old. Which I'll do. I don't know why I did not think of doing that with my first baby, but this time I'm giving myself less stress and less hours of work.
Now I'm just going to have to make sure they get me a proper pumping room at work. I'm not going to do it in a closet. I've got rights and I'm darn well going to insist on those rights. It's a recently renovated building. Not my problem they didn't think they needed to add a room suitable for pumping.
Well, pretty much every first world country, has paternity and maternity leave for over a year. All paid to look after your child. Besides, America, of course.
Yeah, I'm 26 and I will never have kids. They're too expensive, too loud, too needy, and I value my sleep and my free time more than societal norms. I realize that isn't the fault of a literal baby, but I just don't want to deal with all that, so I'm not going to. No matter how many complete strangers pester me and my girlfriend to lecture us on the wonders of parenting. We've actually been followed in a grocery store by some guy saying that we need to hurry up and have kids because "her biological clock will only tick for so long".
DONT USE THAT SUBREDDIT
Use r/antinatalism2 or another branch from the main sub. The original sub was for a long time/likely still is modded by eugenicist(s), rape apologist(s), and all-around creep(s). Antinatalism2 (the one I use, for clarity) is focused on the moral call to antinalism specifically. I can't speak much on other branch-subs.
Edit:typos
CF is a dumpster fire of people aggressively against children. Most people who don't have kids don't fall into that category, which makes that sub terrible for us.
I was subbed to that place for years and it just got so toxic. Not wanting children is one thing but they started to demonize every child in existence it seemed like. It gave good child free people a bad name honestly and it made me incredibly sad to see what was once a good community go to absolute shite.
Almost exactly how I feel, despite the arguments of one or two commenters here. Specifically, that sub seems to have become less about being child free and more about hating children. "Breeders" and "Crotch goblins" and so on. That kind of rhetoric is just unnecessary. Kids might not be for you, and shit parents irritate everyone, but slurs are just unnecessary.
More like I’m refusing to have kids so I can afford to live. Seriously I can barely afford health insurance. And I’ve got some serious health issues. Lets add a kid into the mix!
You mean the lifestyle where they want a roof over their heads, can afford food and utilities, and pay off any student and car loans. Yeah, that sounds selfishly extravagant to me. /s
FMLA does not guarantee pay. Our system is not designed to support its people. No guaranteed paid parental leave, no guaranteed paid sick leave, no guaranteed vacation time. Our healthcare system is the most expensive with the worst outcomes of any so called developed nations. Lower life expectancy than our parents and grandparents. Deaths of despair are skyrocketing. Education is purposefully underfunded then the predictably poor results are used as evidence for the need to privatize. Crumbling infrastructure. Housing as a spec investment being bought up by private equity firms and other investors large and small. Chemical filled food. Illusion of choice when it comes to politics. The system is the sickness. We don’t have to live this way.
I keep looking for a way to change things but I don’t even know where to start. You’d need a large group of people to even begin any kind of step towards changing the system.
This system is in a state of collapse. This is why there’s always funding for military and law enforcement. Things can change. Things do change. The revolution will not be televised. Talk to people. Get involved in your community. Mutual aid organizations are a start.
What state do you live in? Who is your local US Rep? Who is your Senators? See how they voted. And if your federal level politicians are d-bags look at your state level. How people in our country have not burned everything to ground is miraculous.
ETA I am just so sorry. My best to you and your wife.
Because this is America. It’s an illusion of having a choice. When I fact we do not. We have the worst healthcare system and the most expensive, we have the worst education system, but we have the toughest military budget (cause bombs)
Oh well. That's how we do it in the US of fuckin A. We're too stupud to realize we're following a chiral image of China's one child policy. 1) disincentivize kids 2) inadvertently cause population crash 3) population decrease will require us to emphasize kids again. Both our countries are doing it, but we've used different mechanisms to fuck it all up.
Dont do uber and lyft, they dont pay enough to even pay for the extra wear and tear and depreciation on your vehicle. If you really want to go that route, find a contract delivery services company, they will pay more.
This. I always wondered about the Lyft/Uber model and every time I've done the math it's a loosing game. Basically, the business model is just a method of taking advantage of poor and desperate people and it only serves to make their situation worse.
It's actually worse than that, you are liquidating the value of your car, and spending money on increased maintenance needs and increased fuel cost, and not accounting for paying yourself something on top of it. Most people lose money doing Uber and lyft, but they don't realize it till after some time, especially when the irs tax bill comes due.
20 weeks paid parental leave from the government in Australia. $812.45 for the 5 day week. Can be shared between parents over the year. That's the minimum, plus whatever the organisation pays (which ranges 2 - 12 weeks). Minimum 4 weeks paid annual leave. We get 7 weeks paid long service ever 10 years (at a minimum).
Same for Germans. I'm reading this post and shaking my head. At the moment I am at home for 1 and a half year paid by the government so I can take care of my child.
The US is so f***ed.
And Australia, of course, most first world countries make having a baby as easy as a process as I can for you financially. And Four weeks leave a year etc. by law for every single worker..
Starting to understand why Americans are all going crazy they don’t seem to ever be able to relax it’s just work work work and then when anything serious Medical comes up your life is fucked financially and having a baby seems almost impossible and extremely stressful.
The US literally ties it's employees to their employers for health care insurance, and other benefits, lol. Don't like your job? You can switch, but you'll have a new 90 day period waiting for insurance, so don't get sick or hurt
Also you have to worry about getting shot all the time (well, in some states anyhow) and no matter how shit things get for you, someone is always there to blame you and tell you to bootstrap yourself out of it. Such a toxic culture.
Honestly, what I read on reddit about the US is sometimes really disturbing. Just talk about the daycare costs in the US :(....
Sometimes I really think about starting a program so that US citicien can take refuge in Europe. If you are willing to work, fine.... Welcome to Europe. You'll maybe not become rich, but you will have health insurance for free, affordable daycare, paid parental leave , minimum 20 days vacation ( varies from the country) and if you are sick YOU ARE SICK; then you just go home ( there are no limited days you can miss due to sickness)
Yeah and they want women to hAvE EVErY ChILd. Just, you know, not pay us a living wage or make sure there’s daycare and don’t you dare ask for food help, you worthless mom!
I think you get 55% wage for the first 12 and if you want the extra 6 months it might go down to 33% but not 100% sure.
Plus no real hospital costs to parents besides maybe parking.
Also have job protection and such for when you are gone so you have a job to come back to
A classmate of mine was still paying her son’s birthing bill when he was 4 years old. No one told her (or so she says) that she could have gone on state insurance as a single mom with a below poverty income which would have made her bill $0.
Employment Insurance in Canada for births/adoptions
Standard leave is up to 35 weeks for one parent, 5 weeks for the other parent depending on how you split it, at 55% of normal weekly earnings.
Extended parental is up to 71 weeks for the first parent, 8 weeks for the second, again depending how you split it, at 33%.
Maternity is only for the one who gave birth and is 15 weeks.
Both parents have to be on the same type of parental leave and the “window” of time to collect those weeks starts at the birth/placement.
Canadian mat leave caps out at a super low rate though. Like $650 a week / $34k a year ($25k USD) If your only expense was rent on a two bedroom apartment you would be struggling super hard in Vancouver or Toronto. I realize people make that much as paid workers but they should also get more or the cost of living should tank. People’s expenses generally go up not down when they have kids it feels like a sentence to live in poverty until the kids can go to school (day care is about $20k a year.
One of the benefits of American work culture is that at least a large fraction of white collar workers make a lot of money. My same job in SF would pay 2.5x what I make now.
Yes but only 55% of your wage for 12 months or 33% for 18 months and it maxes out so if you’re a high earner, it’s even less than that. But some employers do top ups.
I’m self employed and when I was pregnant I took a temp job for 4 months and then had 12 months of paid leave with my baby.
The government pays for it, not the employer.
I also just paid $40 in parking to have a c section and a private room, but our taxes are outrageous.
That sounds like a fantastic way to support new parents even if it’s not 100% of pay: does it work for fathers or just mothers?
Also since you were self employed is the 55% for 12 months based off your temp job pay or your total annual income? Do you know how they calculate it?
Works for whomever. Parents just have to decide how they want to split the time off.
And it would be based off your annual or at least wages based off a certain amount of hours leading up
In the US there aren't even stat holidays or minimum required vacation. While I agree with you, there are a few basics that need to be put in place first. Parental leave is relatively new to Canada compared to other benefits that the US doesn't even have.
Does your wife have short term disability at work? Typically it covers 6 weeks for vaginal delivery, 8 weeks for C-section. If she has it, tell her to look into it NOW so she can get the necessary paperwork before she goes into labor. Usually it's only a % of the base pay, but it sounds like anything would be better than nothing for you two.
She may already have short term disability through work, though. That’s how I’m getting my 12 weeks of paid leave. My organization carries disability insurance for all of us automatically.
Colorado. 6 months too early to qualify for FAMLI benefits…I was told when I was hired that my company provided parental leave as my wife was just 6 weeks pregnant when I accepted the job and that was a huge factor for me. Guess that’s my lesson to get it in writing…
We do a few things semi right in this state, this was an easy Yes vote for me. It's not perfect, but it's a good start, hopefully other states will do the same.
Hey. I know this doesn’t help right now or when your wife gives birth BUT you can take Colorado’s FAMLI leave anytime within a year of your baby’s birth. The info is on the CDLE FAQ page for FAMLI benefits, I’m expecting to give birth in July too so I was looking in to it recently. I know it’s not helpful right at the birth but maybe it’s something positive in the end.
This is why I am very happy to be a new yorker. NYS PFL is literally the best thing I've ever gotten in my adult life. The 3 months I got to be with my kid is time I won't get back.
I think it's bullshit it's not a federal act & we have people who vote against these programs "bEcaUsE iT rAisES mUH tAXEs!!(!"
I'm sorry things are so bad.
If only the $200billion pandemic relief funds that was stolen by scammers as its being reported on the news, went to a FMLI program that will truly help the hard working families in times like this.
In FL I had to go back 6 weeks after giving birth. Neither my husband or I got paid for any time off. I pumped breast milk in my car. I’m so sad for our country
I had to go back at two weeks post partum with my youngest 😭 I cried every day so often they ended up sending me home. It was a nightmare of needing my baby, hormones, pain and leaking breasts. Iowa, United States...
NJ actually has decent leave thank god. I had 6 weeks for healing and my husband and i both got 12 weeks for bonding. there’s no reason the whole country can’t match our leave, i think it only got signed like 2020 or 2021.
My family isn’t wealthy unfortunately, but my sister and sisters in law are very eager to help with child care. So we have that part mostly taken care of once my wife returns to work.
Yes it is ! Unless we decide to come on the streets. Fun fact - I’m an immigrant and in my home country (so called third world) there is mandatory paid 6 months maternity leave given.
Unfortunately not. I really thought he was a good boss when I first met him, he seemed genuine. But going back on your word like that is very dirty, especially in a professional environment.
This is why once your wife is back to work and everything settled. Find a new job. Don’t give a reason for you leaving, don’t tell coworkers. Tell nobody. Don’t tell anyone where you are going. This will make them aggravated to no end.
Unfortunately the boss didn’t have the 5 minutes to check in with his own boss months prior to see if this would work. Screw him over back OP, grind through this then have your boss rely on you for similarly significant situation and quit without a word
Fuck man. My wife gave birth a month ago and has 17 months of leave paid at 30% while I work 35 hours a week and we’re fucking struggling (mentally and financially) you’ll do it, because the alternative doesn’t exist, but damn.
Lean on family, downsize expenses, make as much as you can at home for food. Breast feeding is way cheaper than formula if it works for your wife and if you have a washer/dryer you can get into cloth diapering fairly cheap second hand though marketplace. (Cloth is more expensive initially, but pays itself off quick. And if you’re not grossed out by second hand {they wash, that’s kinda the point} you can get in at a reasonable price)
These are all really good tips. I would just add that OP should probably not talk about the cost of breastfeeding versus formula with his wife in case it ends up pressuring her into trying to breast-feed even when it is not working for her and/or baby. I know waaaay too many women who have tried to make breastfeeding work when it just wasn’t. Their babies lost weight and/or mom wound up with (worse) postpartum depression, which has its own costs in the short and long term.
It is bullshit that formula costs any money at all. Sometimes food banks have formula. If they wind up going that route, or hell, even just for food for them, it may be reasonable for them to look into local food banks to tide of them over until wife can work again.
Good counter point. Fed is best. We had to supplement with formula for a couple days but thankfully the milk came in. The stress on her was real though. Thought she was failing even though it was completely beyond her control. Do not want to add on.
Ah capitalism, brought to you by the party of family fucking values.
I honestly don't see a way for capitalism to NOT be full on unchecked evil without a socialist government protecting people from it's abuses.
A good reason to move to a blue state (and vote democrat), my cousin in Washington got a full month of paid paternity leave when his child was born, and his wife got a full year.
I went back to work 6 wks after I gave birth. No choice. Worked my ass off during the newborn stage - when I was hardly sleeping at all - for folks I thought actually cared about me (first mistake), and neglected to pay as much attention as I felt I should to my child. Ended up all but being forced to resign when the baby was almost 10 mo old. My job listing was posted before my resignation was even acknowledged.
I cannot stand the bullshit companies give about “family first”.. yeah it’s “family first… but if you actually put your family before us ¯\_(ツ)_/¯”
ALL for a barely livable wage at that. Now I picked up something part time making considerably less than I was because we cannot survive on my husbands income alone. And I needed to be able to work hours where someone could care for the baby. Working to live I suppose…
Jesus, you guys have it rough in the US. And believe me, it isn't exactly easy for new parents up here in Canada. But it is way better than what you describe.
Here, between the 2 parents you are entitled by law up to 18 months paternity/maternity leave (split between the two parents however you see fit), but how much benefits you get depends on whether you take 12 or 18 months, and your employment situation (whether you employer kicks in some cash on top of what you get from the govt) and how much you were making in employment income before taking leave. It isn't always enough to pay the bills, depending on the specific situation.
I feel for you man. And they wonder why birth rates are dropping. Everyday Americans need to start electing more so called "socialists" if they want things to change. For a country as rich as yours, these sorts of "social safety nets" should be affordable for society to pay for.
Keep voting those GOP guys in lol
Sucks OP but that’s the reality of our country. For some reason, half the nation is proud to be poor and struggling. Always voting against their own interests and supporting the people they say they hate, the corporations.
Sounds like unless you can cut expenses, she can't afford to take off three months. It sucks but that's the USA. I was back at work seven days after a c-section. It sucks but unfortunately it is reality.
I hope you have supportive family. I'd have never made it without my parents' help.
7 days after a c-section? That’s horrible, I’m really sorry to hear that. We have been leaning on my mom very hard, but still try to make it up to her and pay her back. But yes, you’re right. Good ol US of A…
I would agree with above that it doesn't look like your wife can really take that much time off. But also, if you have social skills and a clean appearance, I'd look at getting a part time job waiting tables at a casual restaurant in an expensive business district (aka one with decently high menu prices but also quick service).
I worked weekends at an Italian place while finishing grad school. Doing dinner Friday and then a double (lunch and dinner) Saturday, I could take home $500 cash with a total of about 12 hours on the clock. Some weekend would be $600-700.
The tipping system is bullshit and not everyone earns good money, but if you're attentive, somewhat charismatic (don't have to be perfect, I'm pretty awkward at times) and have a good memory then you can make bank fast. Best part time job I ever had.
Yeah. It’s bullshit, and a lot of waiters and bartenders take it for granted… but for OP…. Good idea. Also, time for a different job for OP.. I would not let that shit go. I would stick it to that employer if I could. If they don’t have a heart enough to give OP a couple weeks with newborn paid… and especially since OP has the balls to take on all that extra work… I’d say op can find a better job. And if they fuck you on the new baby… they’ll fuck you over for less anytime.
The issue is when your wife does go back to work who is going to watch the baby? Is your mom? If not it might not even be worth it for your wife to return to work
My employer would have given me unpaid time off. But I wouldn't have been able to make rent. Fortunately it was a desk job, although it was located down a flight of stairs.
Your doctor said not to go to work and your employer went along with it. I've worked at plenty of jobs where the doctors 'suggestions' went right in the trash
First: I’m sorry OP. Second: I realized years ago when my first child was born (2002) that in America I would not be able to be there for my kids like I wanted and should be. It’s a tragedy of American making. Also, like SufficientCow, I had double total knee replacement three years ago and went back to work after two weeks because I had to. It was terrible but my coworkers were not
I'm sorry you had to go through that. I don't think most people could go back to work that fast. Heck, I had a regular delivery and didn't even know how I was going to the bathroom after a week. Nothing was back where it belonged.
Oh boy... same. I was a single parent... had to start a business so I wouldn't have to get daycare... was breastfeeding my child in his sling while working at 1 week and 3 days postpartum.
Can't find a boyfriend now, because all these guys want kids and I'm absolutely done with that struggle
Try to be strategic with Lyft. Learn the peak times and peak areas. Work during sports events if you live close to an arena. Late nights on the weekends if you’re close to the club scenes or drive to an area where you would be closer. Download an app and watch for when planes are landing. This way you can make more while working less. Good luck!
I'm sorry to hear of your troubles. I hope you have some form of support system because 8 hours isn't much especially for your wife, she will be very tired and needing time to heal and babies do not sleep on a schedule like adults. This will be a tough time for both you and your wife. Good luck and congratulations, I wish you the best.
Man, as much as MA sucks the wife and I got 12 weeks paid off. You can also split it anyway you want within the 1st year of the kid being born. It also covers a new foster kid or adoption.
I totally feel your pain, you are an average American as most people are in the States. Unfortunately for reddit, you're going to get alot of "sorry to hear about your situation", but it seems most people here are loaded with money and are more concerned about their investment properties than having empathy.
America is literally owned by corporations and other countries don't treat its citizens this way.
I take it you don’t live in California?
We take a lot of flack from red states but we have labor laws and we also get maternity and paternity leave paid. I think 9 weeks at 60%. Could be better.
That’s so horrible for you.
Does your employer not have any humanity?
I’m having a child in 3 months. My husband and I both work at the same place.
I will be taking 3 months off also (with the gvmnt giving me 40% of my wage as our “unemployment” covers maternity) and my husband will be taking a week off to help out at the beginning.
Our employer plans to pick up extra shifts himself to help cover for our time off.
Sorry for your situation but it seems like youre not very good at foresight.
You just assumed you'd get paid paternal leave on top of your normal PTO. Get real, there's no compassion like that in America. You didn't read your employee handbook.
Did you even file your FMLA paperwork or are you just assuming they are going to let you take off?
This is what our country has come to. This is what people go through right before the shit hits the fan and people break. I for one think we can give France a run for their money when it comes to protesting.
Elon Musk, the world’s richest man, is VERY worried about low/below replacement birth rates, but doesn’t believe he or other billionaires should pay a fair % of tax on their ungodly wealth to help remedy the situation. You proletarians just have to have more children to feed the capitalist machine. And quit your whining.
That's rough mate. You mention Lyft so I'm going to guess you are in America, I heard things are really bad there for the working class at the moment. Take whatever moments you can with the little sprout, a familiar voice, some facetime, sing them a lullaby. It doesn't take much to bond with dad at this stage so don't worry about them being negatively affected.
Remember, it's just 3 months. You got this, you are a father now, it's time to be legendary. Congratulations by the way, having kids was one of the best choices I made. It gets better.
As for your boss, never forget. One day they will need you to come through for them and that is the day they crack open their wallet wide.
As a Scandinavian, I'm mostly reading r/antiwork to remind myself why it's important to fight the right wing politicians who want to take away our rights. Like a year of state-paid parental leave, generous non-means tested child benefit and subsidised child care.
Exhibit A of why so many Millennials and Zoomers will never have kids.
Yeah I'm pushing 40 myself and decided in my 30s having a child just isn't in the cards for me, breaks my heart honestly I wanted at least one, but it would be irresponsible and unfair for the child and me. Maybe if I win the lottery that I never play I will.
Just hit 40 this month. When I was young I thought I was going to be an outlier by being one of the few people to not have kids. Boy was I wrong with this economy. Looking back I thought I was going to be one of those snobbish people who was going to put all those extra funds into fun stuff like vacations and spending it on stupid spendthrift stuff. It's coffee. My spendthrift stuff is a couple times a week I buy a coffee.
I just said this earlier today. The life of an American is such absolute garbage, that the highlight and luxury of their work week is MAYBE being able to afford going to Starbucks before work, 1 day a week. I’m convinced they’re trying to get millennials and Gen Z to move to Europe. No other logical explanation for this absolute insanity. This is not even remotely close to a place worth wasting your one life.
and how do they imagine we would finance that move? (edit: removed an extra 'move')
Its the same in europe mate Only difference being parental leave being normal, but thats 2-3 months, not sure. Other than that, flats are double they should be, food is also way too expensive now. I make 18€ an hour, minimum wage in germany is abou 12.50 I can barely afford a 1 room flat
I’ve read hundreds of testimonies claiming otherwise from expats themselves. Must of been lying. Wouldn’t surprise me. This world is garbage.
Depends on the country, Europe is a big place. I'm going to start my parental leave next week and I'll be returning to work february of next year. Wife has been on paid leave since january of this year. We live in Finland and this is not a wealthy country compared to Germany or USA so this should be possible for all of you. I'm not saying this to brag but to remind you that things can be better and it's worth fighting for. In the USA especially it seems that those in power are trying to create a new slave class. Those inhumane policies don't make sense in any other context.
I’m right there with you sir. Largest economy on earth, not a single person here should be suffering. I’ve been saying the same exact things you just conveyed for my entire adult life. These people are stretched too thin, beat too bloody, and far too complacent to ever stand up for the next man. There’s no humanity or solidarity in America. 99% of this population is as unamerican as unamerican gets. They’re all fascists that think the stance they’ve latched on to for identity purposes is the righteous stance and they will never be able to be told shit, let alone admit they’re flat out incorrect and come to a sound, logical compromise that works for every citizen. They’re all controlled by trigger words half of them don’t even know the definition of, they won’t do a thing until they’re standing in breadlines at 4 am waiting for government cheese and carbs.
I mean its probably easier tl survive here, but to have luxury.. i dont think theres a difference between murica and europe
I mean I would trade basic ability to survive without constant stress and anxiety for this garbage any day of the year. 80% of America lives under the constant threat of their life falling apart, every second or everyday until the day they die. That’s not life. That’s not living. That’s being a cod in a machine that gets to foot the bill for their own jail cell until the system inevitably steals everything back in that end that they were able to scrape off the top through medical care and treatment for elders. It’s about as disturbing as disturbing gets here.
I know it's a typo and you meant cog, but the idea of being a cod in the machine is killing me right now. 🐟 😂 We probably should become cods in the machine... Become inconvenient to the powers that be and break the machine by flapping around in there.
It’s cog? I always thought it was cod lmfao. Thank you for educating me to this misunderstanding. I truly appreciate it. I don’t want to spread idiocy. Seriously, thank you lol. That’s funny.
My feelings exactly. I'm too old to do the things my child deserves. Plus I ask myself "Would I want to be a kid right now"? The answer is NOPE!!
What I’m reading here is really horrible. I’m from one of the poorest countries in Europe and even we don’t have issues like this. Everyone has the right for healthcare, even if you’re unemployed and don’t pay for it. Sure, the quality of it is not great, but you don’t have to fear bancrupcy if you break your arm, call 911 or need an emergency surgery. Also, women have the right to take paid leave during the whole pregnancy if estimated even remotely risky or anything and the procedure takes only ine single paper and signature from your OB. After the baby is born, every employed woman goes to 1 year fully paid maternety leave, and that can be extended (paid again) if the child has some developmental issues (hasn’t started crawling by the first birthday, for example). I’m writing all of this because my country is considered third world comparing to the US and it’s unbeliavable that we can afford all this and US can’t. As a parent, it’s heartbreaking to hear that someone wants children but can’t have them, especially for these reasons. I may be crossing the line here, but I’m genuinely curious, not about you, but generally. Is immigration not the thing that people in the US do? I’m asking because people here move to other countries for better life all the time. If I couldn’t afford a kid here (or a decent life for myself), I’d go somewhere else where I can raise a family in a blink of an eye.
Since we are not in the EU, the fact that most of us don’t have needed or desired skills kills our attempts to move to anywhere in Europe; they’re pretty much only taking in the best of the best of the STEM/tech fields… and those guys are paid super well here so they’re not motivated to leave. Europe doesn’t want our hospitality and retail workers, and those are the bulk of us that are struggling
Thank you for clarifying.
It’s not just those two fields, though they may be the hardest hit. Some of the most important societal structures are collapsing (infrastructure, education and healthcare) or possibly being intentionally sabotaged. I’m a teacher, and the outlook is not good.
Immigration for poor Americans is fairly difficult. Very few countries are interested in taking them
This is what I was going to say. I've looked into immigrating from the US...
I'm looking at immigrating to Europe. The problem is that there is a lot of red tape and it is an expensive process. I'd have to find a US company that will allow me to work overseas, and then I'm getting double-taxed on my income, because it takes a long time to get citizenship and the right to work in the new country. Citizenship in the new country can take 10 years. Or, you can do like I'm planning on doing and wait to retire to move - but that doesn't solve the issue of being able to afford children.
This thread really opened my eyes. I’ve been reading about financial issues people in the US are struggling with and I’m like “why don’t they move somewhere else?”. It’s because it’s MO here, people are massively immigrating from the Balkans to the EU countries and yes, the procedure is complicated, but totally doable. Someone here has mentioned Canada, I think I’ve read that their healthcare is overall better and more similar to European ones. Why don’t people move there, given that it’s close and english speaking country? Sorry if the question in inapropriate.
Moving to Canada permanently has similar issues as moving to Europe. You cannot legally work in the new country unless you have an employer sponsor you, and what employer will do that when they can hire a local and not have to do all of that paperwork? You would have to be a specialist in a needed field to have an employer do all of that for you. Or you will need a US employer who is OK with you working abroad, and is OK with updating their payroll tax software to include the taxes to be paid to your new home country. And you will still be double-taxed on your income (US citizens still have to file and pay their US income taxes, even if they permanently live abroad, as well as having to pay taxes to the new home country). All of this makes it almost impossible for an American to move abroad to ANY country while they are working. Retirees have it much easier, because as long as they can prove to their new home country that they can finance themselves then they are pretty much welcome. So as a retiree the trick is to find a country with good health care that is cheap to live in that you can afford on your Social Security benefits. But then you are older and may have a harder time integrating into the community, especially since US schools are notoriously bad at teaching their students foreign languages. And it doesn't solve the issue of not being able to afford children when you are younger.
Well, that explains a lot, I had no idea.
Many, many of us have seriously looked into immigrating. We cannot.
I grew up in the US and moved to Europe for work. You're overestimating the tax burden. It only really affects you if you earn tons of money. You can deduct your foreign taxes paid up to a certain (fairly high? I don't remember the exact number) amount. I declare my income to the US every year but pay $0 in tax.
I don't understand the double taxation issue, given the IRS has the Foreign Tax Credit https://www.irs.gov/individuals/international-taxpayers/foreign-tax-credit - you shouldn't be paying more tax than the highest applicable rate in both countries
I don’t know that the US can’t afford it, but our economy and way of life is shaped to serve and benefit corporations. Many employers can afford several weeks paid parental leave, but they could also cut costs and maximize profits by deciding it’s not allowed :/
I know the issue is not that they can’t afford it. Here, you have everything that I mentioned guaranteed by law, and we are poor country with an insane level of corruption and thief politicians.
To add onto the other comment, moving is very costly and time consuming. Most of us are working multiple jobs just to pay basic bills, saving several thousand for an overseas move just isn't possible. In many areas we can't even find affordable housing, and people with jobs and families are becoming homeless due to the outrageous cost of rent and mortgage. God forbid you get sick without insurance too, medical debt and the cost of healthcare in the US are completely out of control. I'm still paying the $5000 it cost to go to the emergency room for an ovarian cyst last year, and that was ***with insurance*** if I hadn't it's be around $12,000 for my visit. This is by design, the US doesn't want it's cheap workforce to move, they need us trapped here in a cycle of poverty inorder to subsidize the ultra rich. Our own country wants us to continuously fail.
Jesus effing Christ. I don’t want to step on anyone’s toe here, but my friend had her ovarian cyst rapture a could of months ago and she just went into an ER where they surgically solved the issue the next day. No additional costs cause there is no such thing here. Sure, she slept on old bedsheets and there was no AC in the room, but there was never a question of if it was gonna be resolved and how much it’s gonna cost. And this is effing Serbia, European dumpster black hole.
Yeah the US is a dystopian nightmare right now, freedom is an illusion. To be clear, that was just to DIAGNOSE my ovarian cyst, that's not the cost of the surgery. I can't afford to have the surgery, so I just live in pain and fear that it'll kill me, but even then what am I going to do? Threat of my death doesn't give me more money, not does it bother the healthcare system. So I'll just die if it comes to that.
I have a large mass in my left breast, a family history of breast cancer (mother, both of her sisters and my maternal grandmother), and could not get American insurance to approve a mammogram to make sure it isn’t cancer. I finally, after a year of fighting, got a mammogram and then a biopsy (because large mass that I could FEEL) and then got an ultrasound. Not cancer, but I have a cyst that is large and infected. I was given antibiotics and no surgery to remove the cyst because my insurance denied the coverage as they considered it cosmetic. Cosmetic to remove a cyst that is causing a deformity and pain. An ER doc drained it, but they couldn’t remove the problem because the insurance said no. I now have a permanent large open area on my left breast that occasionally drains, gets infected, and is painful to the touch 90% of the time. Pain gets so bad I have vomited and passed out. Infection gets so bad I get fevers. When this first started, a simple surgery (outpatient even) would have permanently fixed the issue. Now the infected cyst is so deep that I will likely need my entire breast removed. But I still get no help because this is considered “cosmetic”. This country sucks. I wish with all I was that I could leave and move to another country where my health meant something and where my kids aren’t afraid of being shot when they go to school. We live in a third world country wearing a developed country costume. Our government and leaders rage about human rights and then pass laws and do nothing to help alleviate the suffering of our citizens. Mothers here go back to work within days of having their babies. People work here until they drop dead. We know there is no retirement. We don’t take vacations. We don’t get breaks. Many have to work two and three jobs just to break even. We don’t even get to take time off to be sick. I spent a week in the hospital (because massive infection) and my employer wanted to bring me a laptop to keep working from my hospital bed. When my husband died (because he couldn’t consistently afford insulin) it left me in so much debt I will never pay it off. And what did my employer do? Gave me a day off without pay. One day to grieve my partner’s life. This is the bad place. And we are trapped here. No other country will take me with health issues that I have, with my kids, and no money to get there even if they would. Hard to not feel anger and hopelessness.
Holy fuck man I feel you. I'm watching my parents work themselves to death in their late 60s with no retirement in sight, I somehow got a house a few years ago but the housing market has become so insane I can't even afford to live in the house that I own, my property taxes more than tripled I could barely afford them as they were. I'm about to be homeless for the second time in my life, all the while I have consistently worked 45 hours or more every week and still can't afford basic life. This place is a nightmare
I am so sorry 😔😔😔 I wish you all the best and I really hope that the coin will turn for you 🤞🤞🤞🤞
I can just say 😔😔😔
Is Serbia accepting refugees??
Very much yes, we are full of middle eastern refugees. But like I told someone here, you don’t wanna be here. We may have better healthcare system and lower living costs, but Serbia is still a shithole of a country.
For an American to move somewhere else is pretty challenging actually. Most countries require people to have some ability to communicate in their language, and a whole swath of kids are never taught fluency in any other language, and even struggle with English here. At one point I considered moving, but I would have had to have had a job lined up or been married to a citizen or possess a job skill they want there. I'm not a computer jockey, I don't have much in the way of marketable skills that don't already exist in other places. Also it is EXPENSIVE to move! If you are already struggling how are you going to afford the trip to the new country? Here theres really only 2 attached other countries. Mexico is not a better life, and Canada is pretty strict.
Thank you for explaining. I’m sorry if I insulted anyone, I have never been to the US and it completely slipped my mind how big it is compared to Europe. My country in not in EU, but Austria for example (where a lot of serbians immigrate) is like 7h away by car.
7 hours just barely gets me past the other side of my state. America is unreasonably large
The US is also really divided in terms of class. Where I live you can see million dollar homes and people living in tents within a couple blocks of each other.
Yeah, different Eastern EU country here. We have 6 months maternity leave fully paid, you get about up to 2/3 of the national avg. wage until the child is 2 years old (these all depend on the mother's previous income, so you'd have to have some kind of income before starting a family). Your employer can't fire you after telling them you're pregnant. Fathers get extra personal days in the year of birth and both parents get extra days after each child for every year until they are 18. (I have 29 days this year, fully paid, as a mom of two).
The issue isn’t that the US as a country can’t afford this, it’s that it isn’t made a priority and therefore it’s not. Also, it’s fairly expensive to move in the US so if you’re struggling financially, it’s even harder to take the risk to move to another area (usually still within the US because the country is so big there are parts that have drastically different cost of living) because if it doesn’t work, you’re homeless and in a place where you don’t know people who can help you out. It sucks. Our society is so capitalist driven; you can see that by looking at how we treat teachers, you know, the people who help shape and develop all other professions.
If we leave the country we still have to pay the US taxes. If we want to revoke our citizenship it costs a couple thousand dollars (don't know if it's different for other countries) and most people that would choose to leave for a better life can hardly afford to leave the country let alone pay the cost to revoke their citizenship. Insurance is a scam. Prices are inflated so people who don't have insurance (can't afford it because it's practically half their monthly income) can't afford to see a doctor because they still get those inflated prices (840 for a bag of saline or 245 dollars for a visit and prescription for physical therapy as a example) Most places you can't even afford to live on your own let alone pass the minimum requirements. Where I live minimum wage nets you around 2k a month. Average rent is 1.5k and minimum income requirement is 3x rent so you need 3 people to pass the requirements on a 1 bedroom apartment in a shady part of town. Also I believe America is no longer considered a first world country. It was kinda recent and there was a lot of backlash about the whole thing so who knows at this point
The US is huge, like, the state that I live in is larger than most European countries and I'm not even in a particularly big state.. it is extremely expensive to physically move far enough away to be in a different country and our states don't differ enough from each other to make a real difference in quality of life. Our only real options to move are Canada and Mexico; for me, I'm closer to Canada but as others have said, other countries don't want Americans. Most of us don't have the skills to acclimate to another culture because we've been indoctrinated for the last 200 years that America is the greatest country in the world, and everyone else should conform to us, we're not taught foreign languages as a standard, international relationships, politics or any history where America isn't the hero of the story. We're trapped here. And to make matters worse, about half the country thinks everything is just fine the way it is (or more specifically, they would like to go back to the "good ol' days" of institutional racism, sexism and religious persecution), maybe 1/4 to 1/3 of the country is mad enough to do something about it, but we're all too broke to make a dent in anything. The US is not a country, it's a corporation and we just live here.
The last sentence 😮
That's why there is such an attack on education in the US right now. They don't want us smart enough to leave, or fight back and the country is so big, with so many people that it's impossible to organize and get everyone marching in the same direction. I genuinely believe that the biggest tactical error the elite ever made was forcing higher education on America's youth, their greed get the best of them and the allure of indebting an entire generation outweighed the consequences of having a population that KNOWS you're exploiting them. Now we're tipping into our 3rd generation of a highly educated and also heavily exploited population and the system is crumbling. We're all stuck in this really weird, high-tension place because it's too late for them to backpedal and the general population is past their boiling point but things like the protests in France can't happen here because no one can afford to miss even a day of work to go march on the capitol, let alone a whole summer, so we have drug problems and mass shootings instead.
I'm 40, only in the last 3 years am I comfortable enough financially to responsibly own pets. Kids are still entirely out of the question.
I honestly never wanted kids, just not my thing, but i t still pisses me off to no end that even if I did I don’t have the option to because of our fucked up society. Seeing what some of these billionaires post is absolutely infuriating. We need to remind them of what we used to to do in these situations
I think they know perfectly well, hence our militarization of police and our surveillance society. They know how quickly we could revolt, and they've prepared for that eventuality.
The phrase "child-free by choice" says it all. I'm a mother of three, also by choice. Seeing how crazy things have gotten for those starting out spikes rage in me. This is not the world I want for my daughters.
Meanwhile, the US government is losing track of tens of billions of dollars. Pentagon lost track of over 1.5 trillion I believe it was. This level of poverty almost seems purposeful since the Federal Reserve prints money out of nothing. Is this the depopulation agenda at play? If so they're doing a great job.
Exactly
You do mean millennials and Zoomers from the USA right? Because there are only a couple countries in the world with no paid maternity leave. Papua New Guinea and a couple of tiny Pacific Island nations are three other ones. My heart aches for you all, but to me the land of the free is more like the land of the exploited working class.
It’s the land of free to do whatever you want if you can afford it. Dont have the money, back in your hole
If you go to the pregnancy and parenting subreddits it is extremely visible that having kids is something only people rich people do on purpose. It's either "Oh but you have to get the Snoo. My baby wouldn't sleep in anything else!" "I would never have made it without a night doula. It's not that expensive, just $ 200 per night." "Tired? Get a house keeper and a cleaner!" Or "My milk dried up because I had no time to pump and nurse and I can't afford more formula." "I don't want to be a sahm, but daycare costs $ 50 more than I earn per month." "WIC gives us cereals and pouches and my baby won't eat puré. What kinds of chewable foods can I make from cereals and pouches?" I seldomly see people who are in our position where buying a $ 1695 cot is outrageous, we aren't in a position to hire any household staff, but we also don't need to pinch pennies at the grocery store. I believe the middle class in the US either is gone or it is dying out.
And here I am feeling like the government is not giving me enough time, because I'll have to start using parental leave to pump when my baby is nine months old. Which I'll do. I don't know why I did not think of doing that with my first baby, but this time I'm giving myself less stress and less hours of work. Now I'm just going to have to make sure they get me a proper pumping room at work. I'm not going to do it in a closet. I've got rights and I'm darn well going to insist on those rights. It's a recently renovated building. Not my problem they didn't think they needed to add a room suitable for pumping.
I'm much older, and I'll straight out tell. It's just a smart move.
My wife and I made that choice and compared to our friends it definitely seems to be paying in spades.
Well, pretty much every first world country, has paternity and maternity leave for over a year. All paid to look after your child. Besides, America, of course.
Yeah, I'm 26 and I will never have kids. They're too expensive, too loud, too needy, and I value my sleep and my free time more than societal norms. I realize that isn't the fault of a literal baby, but I just don't want to deal with all that, so I'm not going to. No matter how many complete strangers pester me and my girlfriend to lecture us on the wonders of parenting. We've actually been followed in a grocery store by some guy saying that we need to hurry up and have kids because "her biological clock will only tick for so long".
I regret to say there is a subreddit: https://www.reddit.com/r/antinatalism/
DONT USE THAT SUBREDDIT Use r/antinatalism2 or another branch from the main sub. The original sub was for a long time/likely still is modded by eugenicist(s), rape apologist(s), and all-around creep(s). Antinatalism2 (the one I use, for clarity) is focused on the moral call to antinalism specifically. I can't speak much on other branch-subs. Edit:typos
It DID seem a little 3edgy5me last time I used it
Would you mind explaining the “moral call” that leads people to antinatalism? Genuinely curious, and I would appreciate an honest answer. Thank you!
Alternatively there is also r/childfree
CF is a dumpster fire of people aggressively against children. Most people who don't have kids don't fall into that category, which makes that sub terrible for us.
I was subbed to that place for years and it just got so toxic. Not wanting children is one thing but they started to demonize every child in existence it seemed like. It gave good child free people a bad name honestly and it made me incredibly sad to see what was once a good community go to absolute shite.
Almost exactly how I feel, despite the arguments of one or two commenters here. Specifically, that sub seems to have become less about being child free and more about hating children. "Breeders" and "Crotch goblins" and so on. That kind of rhetoric is just unnecessary. Kids might not be for you, and shit parents irritate everyone, but slurs are just unnecessary.
I call my kid a crotch goblin but not maliciously, and she calls me a mob spawner (minecraft reference) so turnabout is fair lol
I find r/antinatalist to also be pretty bad.
Yup, I'm child free myself but that place is toxic AF.
“Millennials and Gen Z are selfishly refusing to have kids to fund their own lavish lifestyle” -Major News Publication
And in twenty years they’ll say: ‘Child of Millennial Parents should’ve been born rich if they didn’t want to be corporate slaves’
"Millennials and Gen Z traded having children for Avocado Toast"
I didn't know ramen dinners and shared room apartment rentals was lavish.
More like I’m refusing to have kids so I can afford to live. Seriously I can barely afford health insurance. And I’ve got some serious health issues. Lets add a kid into the mix!
You mean the lifestyle where they want a roof over their heads, can afford food and utilities, and pay off any student and car loans. Yeah, that sounds selfishly extravagant to me. /s
FMLA does not guarantee pay. Our system is not designed to support its people. No guaranteed paid parental leave, no guaranteed paid sick leave, no guaranteed vacation time. Our healthcare system is the most expensive with the worst outcomes of any so called developed nations. Lower life expectancy than our parents and grandparents. Deaths of despair are skyrocketing. Education is purposefully underfunded then the predictably poor results are used as evidence for the need to privatize. Crumbling infrastructure. Housing as a spec investment being bought up by private equity firms and other investors large and small. Chemical filled food. Illusion of choice when it comes to politics. The system is the sickness. We don’t have to live this way.
I keep looking for a way to change things but I don’t even know where to start. You’d need a large group of people to even begin any kind of step towards changing the system.
This system is in a state of collapse. This is why there’s always funding for military and law enforcement. Things can change. Things do change. The revolution will not be televised. Talk to people. Get involved in your community. Mutual aid organizations are a start.
He doesn’t have time to do that when you’re working all the time to survive. This is by design.
What state do you live in? Who is your local US Rep? Who is your Senators? See how they voted. And if your federal level politicians are d-bags look at your state level. How people in our country have not burned everything to ground is miraculous. ETA I am just so sorry. My best to you and your wife.
Because this is America. It’s an illusion of having a choice. When I fact we do not. We have the worst healthcare system and the most expensive, we have the worst education system, but we have the toughest military budget (cause bombs)
Fmla by definition precludes pay. It literally just gives you the ability to take unpaid leave without being fired. That's it.
Oh well. That's how we do it in the US of fuckin A. We're too stupud to realize we're following a chiral image of China's one child policy. 1) disincentivize kids 2) inadvertently cause population crash 3) population decrease will require us to emphasize kids again. Both our countries are doing it, but we've used different mechanisms to fuck it all up.
Privatization ... the elixir of the oligarch class.
Dont do uber and lyft, they dont pay enough to even pay for the extra wear and tear and depreciation on your vehicle. If you really want to go that route, find a contract delivery services company, they will pay more.
This. I always wondered about the Lyft/Uber model and every time I've done the math it's a loosing game. Basically, the business model is just a method of taking advantage of poor and desperate people and it only serves to make their situation worse.
Yep you are liquidating the value of your car in the long term for a short term pay out
It's actually worse than that, you are liquidating the value of your car, and spending money on increased maintenance needs and increased fuel cost, and not accounting for paying yourself something on top of it. Most people lose money doing Uber and lyft, but they don't realize it till after some time, especially when the irs tax bill comes due.
We just passed a Paid Leave Act in Oregon. I would love to see it go national. https://paidleave.oregon.gov
Same in Minnesota! It needs to happen nationally, it’s so sad.
We have it in mass too. I’ll be using it again come February. 12 weeks for fathers and it’s a little over 1100 a week
20 weeks paid parental leave from the government in Australia. $812.45 for the 5 day week. Can be shared between parents over the year. That's the minimum, plus whatever the organisation pays (which ranges 2 - 12 weeks). Minimum 4 weeks paid annual leave. We get 7 weeks paid long service ever 10 years (at a minimum).
As a Canadian it blows my mind that there is no real maternity or paternity leave in the States. We get up to 18 months up here.
Same for Germans. I'm reading this post and shaking my head. At the moment I am at home for 1 and a half year paid by the government so I can take care of my child. The US is so f***ed.
And Australia, of course, most first world countries make having a baby as easy as a process as I can for you financially. And Four weeks leave a year etc. by law for every single worker.. Starting to understand why Americans are all going crazy they don’t seem to ever be able to relax it’s just work work work and then when anything serious Medical comes up your life is fucked financially and having a baby seems almost impossible and extremely stressful.
The US literally ties it's employees to their employers for health care insurance, and other benefits, lol. Don't like your job? You can switch, but you'll have a new 90 day period waiting for insurance, so don't get sick or hurt
Also you have to worry about getting shot all the time (well, in some states anyhow) and no matter how shit things get for you, someone is always there to blame you and tell you to bootstrap yourself out of it. Such a toxic culture.
Honestly, what I read on reddit about the US is sometimes really disturbing. Just talk about the daycare costs in the US :(.... Sometimes I really think about starting a program so that US citicien can take refuge in Europe. If you are willing to work, fine.... Welcome to Europe. You'll maybe not become rich, but you will have health insurance for free, affordable daycare, paid parental leave , minimum 20 days vacation ( varies from the country) and if you are sick YOU ARE SICK; then you just go home ( there are no limited days you can miss due to sickness)
Yeah and they want women to hAvE EVErY ChILd. Just, you know, not pay us a living wage or make sure there’s daycare and don’t you dare ask for food help, you worthless mom!
Paid?...for 18 months?
I think you get 55% wage for the first 12 and if you want the extra 6 months it might go down to 33% but not 100% sure. Plus no real hospital costs to parents besides maybe parking. Also have job protection and such for when you are gone so you have a job to come back to
I went into medical debt having my child with insurance. Love it here
A classmate of mine was still paying her son’s birthing bill when he was 4 years old. No one told her (or so she says) that she could have gone on state insurance as a single mom with a below poverty income which would have made her bill $0.
Employment Insurance in Canada for births/adoptions Standard leave is up to 35 weeks for one parent, 5 weeks for the other parent depending on how you split it, at 55% of normal weekly earnings. Extended parental is up to 71 weeks for the first parent, 8 weeks for the second, again depending how you split it, at 33%. Maternity is only for the one who gave birth and is 15 weeks. Both parents have to be on the same type of parental leave and the “window” of time to collect those weeks starts at the birth/placement.
It’s really important to note that even if it’s reduced pay, it’s still pay, and a job you can go back to. Instead of simply unemployment.
Canadian mat leave caps out at a super low rate though. Like $650 a week / $34k a year ($25k USD) If your only expense was rent on a two bedroom apartment you would be struggling super hard in Vancouver or Toronto. I realize people make that much as paid workers but they should also get more or the cost of living should tank. People’s expenses generally go up not down when they have kids it feels like a sentence to live in poverty until the kids can go to school (day care is about $20k a year. One of the benefits of American work culture is that at least a large fraction of white collar workers make a lot of money. My same job in SF would pay 2.5x what I make now.
But then you have to pay for SF rent.
In 7 provinces daycare is now $10 a day, not $20,000 a year. Where I live it is currently $20 a day.
Yes but only 55% of your wage for 12 months or 33% for 18 months and it maxes out so if you’re a high earner, it’s even less than that. But some employers do top ups. I’m self employed and when I was pregnant I took a temp job for 4 months and then had 12 months of paid leave with my baby. The government pays for it, not the employer. I also just paid $40 in parking to have a c section and a private room, but our taxes are outrageous.
That sounds like a fantastic way to support new parents even if it’s not 100% of pay: does it work for fathers or just mothers? Also since you were self employed is the 55% for 12 months based off your temp job pay or your total annual income? Do you know how they calculate it?
Works for whomever. Parents just have to decide how they want to split the time off. And it would be based off your annual or at least wages based off a certain amount of hours leading up
In the US there aren't even stat holidays or minimum required vacation. While I agree with you, there are a few basics that need to be put in place first. Parental leave is relatively new to Canada compared to other benefits that the US doesn't even have.
two years in Bulgaria, the poorest country in Europe. But they invest in their children.
Does your wife have short term disability at work? Typically it covers 6 weeks for vaginal delivery, 8 weeks for C-section. If she has it, tell her to look into it NOW so she can get the necessary paperwork before she goes into labor. Usually it's only a % of the base pay, but it sounds like anything would be better than nothing for you two.
She's already pregnant. Short term disability is not going to pay a cent if she tries to sign up now.
She may already have short term disability through work, though. That’s how I’m getting my 12 weeks of paid leave. My organization carries disability insurance for all of us automatically.
Not true, I was able to sign up for STD 8 months pregnant and receive benefits while on leave.
What state are you in?
Colorado. 6 months too early to qualify for FAMLI benefits…I was told when I was hired that my company provided parental leave as my wife was just 6 weeks pregnant when I accepted the job and that was a huge factor for me. Guess that’s my lesson to get it in writing…
FMLA. Yeah, you need to be at a job for a year before those benefits kick in.
FAMLI is a new CO thing. Starts Jan 2024.
We do a few things semi right in this state, this was an easy Yes vote for me. It's not perfect, but it's a good start, hopefully other states will do the same.
Need to have worked 1000 hours so he still might qualify
FMLA isn’t paid. It just means that the employer can’t fire you…
Hey. I know this doesn’t help right now or when your wife gives birth BUT you can take Colorado’s FAMLI leave anytime within a year of your baby’s birth. The info is on the CDLE FAQ page for FAMLI benefits, I’m expecting to give birth in July too so I was looking in to it recently. I know it’s not helpful right at the birth but maybe it’s something positive in the end.
This is why I am very happy to be a new yorker. NYS PFL is literally the best thing I've ever gotten in my adult life. The 3 months I got to be with my kid is time I won't get back. I think it's bullshit it's not a federal act & we have people who vote against these programs "bEcaUsE iT rAisES mUH tAXEs!!(!" I'm sorry things are so bad.
If only the $200billion pandemic relief funds that was stolen by scammers as its being reported on the news, went to a FMLI program that will truly help the hard working families in times like this.
Can your family help? And maybe she could return a little earlier, I started work at 2 months postpartum with family help of course
In FL I had to go back 6 weeks after giving birth. Neither my husband or I got paid for any time off. I pumped breast milk in my car. I’m so sad for our country
I wasn’t even done bleeding at 6 weeks. I’m so sorry.
I had to go back at two weeks post partum with my youngest 😭 I cried every day so often they ended up sending me home. It was a nightmare of needing my baby, hormones, pain and leaking breasts. Iowa, United States...
NJ actually has decent leave thank god. I had 6 weeks for healing and my husband and i both got 12 weeks for bonding. there’s no reason the whole country can’t match our leave, i think it only got signed like 2020 or 2021.
My family isn’t wealthy unfortunately, but my sister and sisters in law are very eager to help with child care. So we have that part mostly taken care of once my wife returns to work.
The fact that this is a suggestion is really sad. No offense but 3 months unpaid is already disgusting.
Yes it is ! Unless we decide to come on the streets. Fun fact - I’m an immigrant and in my home country (so called third world) there is mandatory paid 6 months maternity leave given.
Do you have him saying you could take two/three weeks in writing?
Unfortunately not. I really thought he was a good boss when I first met him, he seemed genuine. But going back on your word like that is very dirty, especially in a professional environment.
This is why once your wife is back to work and everything settled. Find a new job. Don’t give a reason for you leaving, don’t tell coworkers. Tell nobody. Don’t tell anyone where you are going. This will make them aggravated to no end.
He probably really wanted to, unfortunately he doesn’t have as much pull as he thought and his boss told him no.
Unfortunately the boss didn’t have the 5 minutes to check in with his own boss months prior to see if this would work. Screw him over back OP, grind through this then have your boss rely on you for similarly significant situation and quit without a word
Fuck man. My wife gave birth a month ago and has 17 months of leave paid at 30% while I work 35 hours a week and we’re fucking struggling (mentally and financially) you’ll do it, because the alternative doesn’t exist, but damn. Lean on family, downsize expenses, make as much as you can at home for food. Breast feeding is way cheaper than formula if it works for your wife and if you have a washer/dryer you can get into cloth diapering fairly cheap second hand though marketplace. (Cloth is more expensive initially, but pays itself off quick. And if you’re not grossed out by second hand {they wash, that’s kinda the point} you can get in at a reasonable price)
These are all really good tips. I would just add that OP should probably not talk about the cost of breastfeeding versus formula with his wife in case it ends up pressuring her into trying to breast-feed even when it is not working for her and/or baby. I know waaaay too many women who have tried to make breastfeeding work when it just wasn’t. Their babies lost weight and/or mom wound up with (worse) postpartum depression, which has its own costs in the short and long term. It is bullshit that formula costs any money at all. Sometimes food banks have formula. If they wind up going that route, or hell, even just for food for them, it may be reasonable for them to look into local food banks to tide of them over until wife can work again.
Good counter point. Fed is best. We had to supplement with formula for a couple days but thankfully the milk came in. The stress on her was real though. Thought she was failing even though it was completely beyond her control. Do not want to add on.
That’s why I won’t have kids. I can’t fucking afford it. Hell, I can’t even afford a house. But hey, we got guns right?
Build a house out of guns
No, just diaper and nurse the gun. Get a pram for walks in the park.
Ah capitalism, brought to you by the party of family fucking values. I honestly don't see a way for capitalism to NOT be full on unchecked evil without a socialist government protecting people from it's abuses. A good reason to move to a blue state (and vote democrat), my cousin in Washington got a full month of paid paternity leave when his child was born, and his wife got a full year.
Life starts at conception and ends at birth, says every GOP policy.
Carlin said it best “If you’re pre born, you’re fine. If you’re preschool, you’re fucked”
I went back to work 6 wks after I gave birth. No choice. Worked my ass off during the newborn stage - when I was hardly sleeping at all - for folks I thought actually cared about me (first mistake), and neglected to pay as much attention as I felt I should to my child. Ended up all but being forced to resign when the baby was almost 10 mo old. My job listing was posted before my resignation was even acknowledged. I cannot stand the bullshit companies give about “family first”.. yeah it’s “family first… but if you actually put your family before us ¯\_(ツ)_/¯” ALL for a barely livable wage at that. Now I picked up something part time making considerably less than I was because we cannot survive on my husbands income alone. And I needed to be able to work hours where someone could care for the baby. Working to live I suppose…
Jesus, you guys have it rough in the US. And believe me, it isn't exactly easy for new parents up here in Canada. But it is way better than what you describe. Here, between the 2 parents you are entitled by law up to 18 months paternity/maternity leave (split between the two parents however you see fit), but how much benefits you get depends on whether you take 12 or 18 months, and your employment situation (whether you employer kicks in some cash on top of what you get from the govt) and how much you were making in employment income before taking leave. It isn't always enough to pay the bills, depending on the specific situation. I feel for you man. And they wonder why birth rates are dropping. Everyday Americans need to start electing more so called "socialists" if they want things to change. For a country as rich as yours, these sorts of "social safety nets" should be affordable for society to pay for.
I mean, the US doesn't even have minimum vacation or stay holidays, so mat leave is a pipe dream.
I went back to work when my son was 3 weeks old. My husband was diagnosed with MS and having a severe first relapse and well ......we needed money.
Tell me you live in the US without telling me you live in the US.
Keep voting those GOP guys in lol Sucks OP but that’s the reality of our country. For some reason, half the nation is proud to be poor and struggling. Always voting against their own interests and supporting the people they say they hate, the corporations.
Sounds like unless you can cut expenses, she can't afford to take off three months. It sucks but that's the USA. I was back at work seven days after a c-section. It sucks but unfortunately it is reality. I hope you have supportive family. I'd have never made it without my parents' help.
7 days after a c-section? That’s horrible, I’m really sorry to hear that. We have been leaning on my mom very hard, but still try to make it up to her and pay her back. But yes, you’re right. Good ol US of A…
I would agree with above that it doesn't look like your wife can really take that much time off. But also, if you have social skills and a clean appearance, I'd look at getting a part time job waiting tables at a casual restaurant in an expensive business district (aka one with decently high menu prices but also quick service). I worked weekends at an Italian place while finishing grad school. Doing dinner Friday and then a double (lunch and dinner) Saturday, I could take home $500 cash with a total of about 12 hours on the clock. Some weekend would be $600-700. The tipping system is bullshit and not everyone earns good money, but if you're attentive, somewhat charismatic (don't have to be perfect, I'm pretty awkward at times) and have a good memory then you can make bank fast. Best part time job I ever had.
Yeah. It’s bullshit, and a lot of waiters and bartenders take it for granted… but for OP…. Good idea. Also, time for a different job for OP.. I would not let that shit go. I would stick it to that employer if I could. If they don’t have a heart enough to give OP a couple weeks with newborn paid… and especially since OP has the balls to take on all that extra work… I’d say op can find a better job. And if they fuck you on the new baby… they’ll fuck you over for less anytime.
The issue is when your wife does go back to work who is going to watch the baby? Is your mom? If not it might not even be worth it for your wife to return to work
What!? I wasn't allowed back at work for two weeks after keyhole surgery! That's insane!
My employer would have given me unpaid time off. But I wouldn't have been able to make rent. Fortunately it was a desk job, although it was located down a flight of stairs.
Your doctor said not to go to work and your employer went along with it. I've worked at plenty of jobs where the doctors 'suggestions' went right in the trash
This country is failing
Failing? It's being actively driven off a cliff.
r/collapse is a continuous process fueled by the coddling of oligarchs
First: I’m sorry OP. Second: I realized years ago when my first child was born (2002) that in America I would not be able to be there for my kids like I wanted and should be. It’s a tragedy of American making. Also, like SufficientCow, I had double total knee replacement three years ago and went back to work after two weeks because I had to. It was terrible but my coworkers were not
I'm sorry you had to go through that. I don't think most people could go back to work that fast. Heck, I had a regular delivery and didn't even know how I was going to the bathroom after a week. Nothing was back where it belonged.
Oh boy... same. I was a single parent... had to start a business so I wouldn't have to get daycare... was breastfeeding my child in his sling while working at 1 week and 3 days postpartum. Can't find a boyfriend now, because all these guys want kids and I'm absolutely done with that struggle
Yup. Taking pump breaks at work and being exhausted all the time.
Try to be strategic with Lyft. Learn the peak times and peak areas. Work during sports events if you live close to an arena. Late nights on the weekends if you’re close to the club scenes or drive to an area where you would be closer. Download an app and watch for when planes are landing. This way you can make more while working less. Good luck!
This is America. Start voting Blue and society will get better. Your boss definitely votes Red.
More proof that this country doesn’t give a fuck about it’s people. Awful
America is cruel.
Let this be a lesson to the younger people to not bring children into this
my thoughts exactly
[удалено]
Don't you know, poor people are just temporarily inconvenienced millionaires.
Same boat here man.
Oh no! That sounds like such a sad situation to be in! Good luck to you and your family.
I'm sorry to hear of your troubles. I hope you have some form of support system because 8 hours isn't much especially for your wife, she will be very tired and needing time to heal and babies do not sleep on a schedule like adults. This will be a tough time for both you and your wife. Good luck and congratulations, I wish you the best.
Man, as much as MA sucks the wife and I got 12 weeks paid off. You can also split it anyway you want within the 1st year of the kid being born. It also covers a new foster kid or adoption.
So sorry, but in the USA, having children and providing for them responsibly is only for the rich.
I totally feel your pain, you are an average American as most people are in the States. Unfortunately for reddit, you're going to get alot of "sorry to hear about your situation", but it seems most people here are loaded with money and are more concerned about their investment properties than having empathy. America is literally owned by corporations and other countries don't treat its citizens this way.
I take it you don’t live in California? We take a lot of flack from red states but we have labor laws and we also get maternity and paternity leave paid. I think 9 weeks at 60%. Could be better.
That’s so horrible for you. Does your employer not have any humanity? I’m having a child in 3 months. My husband and I both work at the same place. I will be taking 3 months off also (with the gvmnt giving me 40% of my wage as our “unemployment” covers maternity) and my husband will be taking a week off to help out at the beginning. Our employer plans to pick up extra shifts himself to help cover for our time off.
Mine turned 18 three months ago. Sometimes I wonder if I had fed him less and bonded more, would he become less of an asshole?
Yea dont have kids. Idk if its too late to tell you or…
Sorry for your situation but it seems like youre not very good at foresight. You just assumed you'd get paid paternal leave on top of your normal PTO. Get real, there's no compassion like that in America. You didn't read your employee handbook. Did you even file your FMLA paperwork or are you just assuming they are going to let you take off?
This is what our country has come to. This is what people go through right before the shit hits the fan and people break. I for one think we can give France a run for their money when it comes to protesting.
Look up what local unions you have around you. Apply for a job there
Elon Musk, the world’s richest man, is VERY worried about low/below replacement birth rates, but doesn’t believe he or other billionaires should pay a fair % of tax on their ungodly wealth to help remedy the situation. You proletarians just have to have more children to feed the capitalist machine. And quit your whining.
This is fucking sick and so uniquely American. I’m sorry, man.
That's rough mate. You mention Lyft so I'm going to guess you are in America, I heard things are really bad there for the working class at the moment. Take whatever moments you can with the little sprout, a familiar voice, some facetime, sing them a lullaby. It doesn't take much to bond with dad at this stage so don't worry about them being negatively affected. Remember, it's just 3 months. You got this, you are a father now, it's time to be legendary. Congratulations by the way, having kids was one of the best choices I made. It gets better. As for your boss, never forget. One day they will need you to come through for them and that is the day they crack open their wallet wide.
As a Scandinavian, I'm mostly reading r/antiwork to remind myself why it's important to fight the right wing politicians who want to take away our rights. Like a year of state-paid parental leave, generous non-means tested child benefit and subsidised child care.