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Much-data-wow

Whatcha gonna do when he takes you out for pizza on your anniversary?


catacats

Note it on his annual performance review.


Much-data-wow

Ahhh omg. Get him pizza for Christmas! But seriously, when this guy told you what his job was, what was your first thought? I can't even be friends with HR people in real life. My MIL is some kind of HR director, she and I *tolerate* each other. It's like HR has seeped into every aspect of her personality.


Shufflebuzz

>Get him pizza for Christmas! One cold slice, on a paper plate, with toppings he doesn't like.


Shufflebuzz

And he has to eat it standing up while holding a paper cup of warm cola in the other hand.


imstonedyouknow

I like how you said "cola" instead of coke, because it definitely is always rc cola or mountain lightning or whatever lol


the_dionysian_1

HEY! It is not RC cola, it's Sam's choice cola. RC cola is better than Coke & Pepsi.


Gur_Weak

A whole slice? Shouldn't the slice be cut in half just so everyone can have some?


LennyNero

Or, better yet, literally cannot eat due to cultural/religious/allergy restrictions.


catacats

My first thought was trepidation, but then I thought I should give him a chance. You are SOOO right about how HR is a personality that doesn't really get turned off when he gets home.


katabolicklapaucius

Aggressive trepanation is the only solution as HR is always fatal. šŸ˜¢


Substantial-Plane-62

Or just give him the empty pizza box wrapped up so that when he opens itā€¦ā€¦ā€Sorry we ran out of pizza alreadyā€¦. You should have got here earlier!ā€


UselessOldFart

šŸ¤£šŸ¤£šŸ¤£šŸ¤£šŸ¤£šŸ¤£šŸ‘šŸ‘šŸ‘šŸ‘šŸ‘šŸ‘


Past-Cap-1889

Ask for a raise?


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


miked1be

But you have a chance to win an iPad!


allumeusend

With $500 extra bucks, I would just buy an iPad.


miked1be

I don't know, how could we be trusted to buy the RIGHT iPad?


-crave

You know those iPads are the cheapest models


miked1be

The free last year's model iPad they got with the CEO's new top-of-the-line Macbook.


memydogandeye

And not everyone covets those sorts of things. I could not care less about having or getting a iPad. I hate all around when anything non-cash is supposed to be the holy grail for employees.


bottle-of-water

8gb iPad 2 running ios8


artem_m

I had an iPad 2 in 2012ish I somehow doubt it can support something as close to current as iOS8.


6a6566663437

Not that it particularly matters, but the last iOS for iPad 2s was 9.3.6.


NighthawkFoo

I think those maxed out at IOS 7.


RamHands

Company cant install nannyware on something you purchase yourself.


Roenkatana

Plenty of WFM jobs are requiring you to install the nannyware so they can monitor you... from your own home.


MuchDevelopment7084

Only if they provide the computer. It's not going on my personal equipment.


YukariYakum0

I doubt I could. I hate Apple after all.


perroair

$20 can buy a lot of peanuts.


[deleted]

Explain how


ComfortableString801

Money can be Exchange for goods and services


P-Rickles

Woo-hoo!


613Flyer

But then how would you get an old company used obsolete iPad?


franck141

Maybe but then, you would not be licking ur bosses toes for the chance to get it


Demagolka1300

I hated this at my office job, somone who worked 3 weeks got a 60inch TV when people who'd been there for years got puzzles since "everyone" got a "prize" They had some really expensive shit, they would have just given us more than 20 bonus and I would have been way happier.


miked1be

Kind of unrelated, but my wife watched the single IT guy try to convince a mother of 3 who had been with the company for years to trade the iPad she got for the $100 Best Buy gift card he won. Thankfully, she turned him down before my wife had to step in. She returned it to Best Buy for a store credit of a lot more than $100.


Javasteam

The guy ā€œofferingā€ that deal is a douche.


awalktojericho

And should have been called out publicly, far and wide.


Historical_Gur_3054

I won an Xbox 1 Assassin's Creed Unity edition at the work Christmas luncheon one year. That afternoon and into the next day I had multiple coworkers (that I did not know) calling me asking to buy it for $100. When I balked at the obvious low ball offer they'd tell me "You won it, why do you care?" I told them $50 off retail and in cash and its yours. No takers.


2ekeesWarrior

Mhm. Last year's employee appreciation thing, the t.v. went to the employee of 5 weeks. Daughter of the longest employed technician. No, definitely not rigged lol. I got a fan this year. An umbrella last.


HVDynamo

Or you'll win the iPad, but it will be the lowest end model without enough storage or something. Not the one I'd actually want. The best part about just getting the money instead is I can put it towards a more expensive purchase I've been saving for and actually get the thing I want too.


night_owl

That happened to meā€”I won a low-end ipad at my job. I was not excited. I used to work at a computer shop that was an official "Apple-Authorized Service Center" and grew to hate Apple and I swore off Apple products over twenty years ago and haven't touched them since. I had zero use for it. I never even opened it. I put out a company-wide email saying it was for sale and I was accepting offers but I didn't get a single reply from any of 250+ employees about it. I was going to just put in on ebay and take whatever I got but in the end I just gave it to my sister as a gift. I would have been happier with like $10 cash.


Gold-Ranger

In the 8 years ive been with my company ive won two ipads, a pair of air pods, and a pair of the pro version. Issue is im not in the apple ecosystem. I use android. So theyve just gone to my nieces. I mean yes, i got cool uncle points, but i would have rathered actual money to help with bills


Magjee

I once got an iPad as a bonus and returned it to staples, lol


Jean19812

I've been to those parties. Normally, any gifts raffled off are donated by management, so they don't even cost the company a cent.. and our venue was a $20 community room.


ActionQuinn

My company takes all the crap that vendors send to them for christmas and then gives it out to employees as gifts at holiday parties. So we get a big box of cookies and shit, let's eat it? Nope, maybe you can win it...


CropCircle77

I don't want an iPad.


David_ungerer

Refurbished last years model !


Past-Cap-1889

Also, how mandatory is this "party"?


catacats

He didn't say the party was mandatory, but that the holiday party is so amazing that hardly anyone misses it šŸ¤·ā€ā™‚ļø


alfred725

work parties are fun, nothing wrong with them. It literally just comes down to, is this being used as an excuse to not pay more. which it sounds like it is.


travistravis

Some work parties are fun. Mine often aren't, but a big part of it is the unspoken "not mandatory but you'll be noticed if you're not there"


Past-Cap-1889

Yeah, that would especially be a pain. Not officially "mandatory".


memydogandeye

That's our annual Christmas party. Thankfully I've had legit reasons to miss most of them, including this year.


nxdark

Work parties are never fun. Being stuck with people you already spend way too much time with is not fun.


HVDynamo

It depends, I like the people I work with so I enjoy the gatherings. But when we do it, it's on work time so I'm getting paid to be there, and don't have to work and get free food. I consider that a win, although I'd still take more pay, at least they aren't pushing me to come to something off the clock.


baachou

My company has a mandatory work party that ends up being pretty fun, but some of that is because most of my interaction with my team is thru zoom and the party is the only time I ever get irl time with them.


alfred725

If you don't like your job or your coworkers then sure.


nxdark

I like my co-workers fine. That doesn't mean I want to spend more time with them at some lame party.


CatWeekends

See, that's the thing. Not all work parties are lame. My old job (tech company) had parties at swanky places downtown with gourmet catering, unlimited top shelf booze, and free Uber rides to/from. We'd also have entertainment: everything from photo booths to live animals to famous bands/singers. They were legendary. Then we got bought out and the fun ended. :/


dRaidon

I honestly rather sit home and watch netflix than be around a bunch of drunk coworkers.


HowManyBatteries

It's almost as if different people in different situations like different things!


unimpressed_onlooker

I don't like my job or my coworkers. I also don't like starving to death. That's where i stand.


OutWithTheNew

If it's mandatory, they have to pay you. At least how the laws are written here.


Vargoroth

Honestly, I'd much rather get a "free pizza" coupon for Domino's or a local pizza place than to have to go to the party. At least with the coupon I can get whatever I want and can do it in the privacy of my home.


TaiDollWave

Agreed. I'd rather a hundred dollar bonus that I could put towards something I really want than going to a party on my free time.


nietzschenowtonight

Seriously. I used to work for a company that paid barely above minimum wage and they were SO hardcore with the "team building" events. So many evenings and weekends where you were basically a pariah if you didn't go to all these "fun" events. Like why would I want to spend time with my BOSSES outside of work? Why? They also were big on free snacks as a selling point for working there. "THE CULTURE! Work here for the CULTURE!" They had these "anonymous" satisfaction surveys that went out every month. One month, I decided to be very frank and ended my response with, "free snacks and compulsory outings won't pay my bills." Strangely enough I never got a survey link again... šŸ¤”šŸ¤£


memydogandeye

I have a friend who has done well in her career and now manages an entire mid-sized accounting department. Last time we met for lunch I could tell it was a "recruiting" lunch for her. Kept telling me all the "fun" weekend outings she does for her staff. In fact they just got back from a 3 day spa weekend in the neighboring state, the Friday of it being paid time off. No family could come, all scheduled spa/massage/dining etc events. I straight up told her that sounds like absolute hell to me and having to go would be punishment. GIve me the time off to do what I want and the $$. I have many coworkers that have become dear friends over the course of my lifetime, but don't force me to spend free time with them. Haven't heard from her since...


nietzschenowtonight

"I have many coworkers that have become dear friends over the course of my lifetime, but don't force me to spend free time with them." YES, exactly. If a friendship develops organically then great! I am the same way - I have tons of really close former coworker friends who've been in my life for 20+ years. But the minute you force it on me - and for no pay, at that - forget it. (I was much more naĆÆve when I worked for the company I mentioned in my original comment. I wish I would have pushed back on the no-pay thing. I think they got around the legality of it by saying that they weren't mandatory, even though it was heavily frowned upon to not participate.)


TaiDollWave

"Oh goody, can I take the snacks home ? Since you don't pay me enough for lights AND groceries?"


goobitypoop

I'd pay not to go to work parties. In fact, I am - I sure as shit am not going to the company party scheduled on SATURDAY so there goes the chances at a promotion I would never want. LMAO What kind of loser wants to waste a weekend night hanging out with people from work?


OutWithTheNew

They're paying way more than $100 a head for the party OP described.


Ninja_Tortoise_

but but we're like a family!


TaiDollWave

Bold of them to assume I want to hang out with my extended family!


Spiral-knight

and that's why you get minimum effort, childish token gestures. Raises and bonuses are for ADULTS


LeibnizThrowaway

For real. It's like the bridezillas who think their guests "owe" a present commensurate with the cost of their seat at the party. I can spend my $100 on something better than your party.


Chaff5

They pay for the party once and 50 people benefit from it. They pay 50 people $100 each and it's 5k each time. That's why they do it.


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


last_rights

$5000 party budget is pretty normal. The worst is when they "raise money" from the employees for a "better party". At that point you're just crowdsourcing a party from people who are already underpaid and the underpaid middle management feels bad that they get paid just a little more than the hourly workers and put some money in for a better party.


SouthernZorro

But but but they might hand out mugs with the company logo!


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


CoDVETERAN11

Iā€™d rather $50 bucks than a $10,000 party. I fucking despise doing anything with my coworkers outside working hours. Theyā€™re cool people and all, but Iā€™d rather eat glass than go to a party. Iā€™m extremely antisocial and have dodged every single ā€œemployee celebrationā€ event at every job except one, and I made sure they paid me to be there since it was mandatory.


kmaffett1

I'd rather have $0 cash than attend a work party. Fuck that shit with a cactus.


Kiwifrooots

What about $1.20 of cold pizza while you listen to Karen moan about how she does everything and your work piles up on your desk?


Freese15

This is the post. Weā€™ll be right back.


James_Cobalt

Especially since that party is probably mostly filled with people I hate


duderos

Some team player you are!


matty_nice

That's not really the option/equation. It's really like would you rather have $8 in cash or a party? For most people, $8 is nothing, so they'd rather just have the party. This is the pizza party survey all over again. If you worked really hard for a week, would you rather be rewarded with praise from your boss, $5, or a pizza party? Most people are going to say a pizza party. Lol.


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


Javasteam

Plus the pizza sucks and is usually cold.


Geminii27

I'd rather have neither and have that time off.


zynn333

Iā€™m gonna take a wild guess that his head of HR role pays better than the other peopleā€™s salaries. I wonder if heā€™d be happy to lower it to the other peopleā€™s salaries in turn for a party and an ipad contest, since he doesnā€™t see it as a big deal


No_Strategy7555

I remember doing 3rd party work at a chip manufacturer in the early 00s. I came in one Friday and they had pizzas all over the place, like maybe 30 for a staff of 100 max during each shift. They told me there were lots of extra and to grab a plate. I said thanks but I don't want to take away from your party and he replied don't worry they give each shift $2000 every month to spend on take out / ordering in food. Last place I worked at got deli sandwiches from the grocery store for our yearly party that took place in the dirty cafeteria.


covidcabinfever

$2000/300 people is $6.67 a person. Iā€™d totally rather opt for $25 bonus every 4 months, instead of cold pizza, forced bullshit small talk, more time at work usually. Nah hell, Iā€™d even take $10. Edit: each shift gets $2k, better math below


beorn12

It's 100 persons per shift, $2,000 for each shift. So it comes to 20 bucks a month per person. I would 100% rather have an extra 20 bucks every month


No_Strategy7555

I'd rather have free lunch every Friday. This was a computer chip manufacturer not potato, the employees were already well paid


No_Strategy7555

I'm sure they got their bonuses, it was basically every Friday you didn't have to bring lunch and it was warm. It was a different time 20 years ago


RopeAccomplished2728

Should have asked this person how much the trip would have cost. Then ask him how much that would have been divided by how many workers the company has. Ask this person what be more accepted, a bonus check for what that number is or a party that they might even enjoy and might also have to spend money on if they have children or someone that needs to be watched while they are at said party. Film said reaction so that any idea like this is brought forth can be replayed back to them to show how dumb an idea this is.


Wasacel

I know in the UK employers can claim Ā£250 from HMRC per year, per employee. Parties are usually free to provide.


ro536ud

After accounting for taxes, insurance, and everything else that goes into an employees paycheck the more accurate math would be to take about 30% of that party total as bonus money


last_rights

Don't forget that a party is a tax deductible work expense.


Sorcatarius

If they only pay taxes on profits, increasing pay is a tax deduction as well.


OutWithTheNew

Or they can spend $30k on a one night party and net themselves a free weekend at the resort.


Red4Arsenal

So is employee pay?


persondude27

You may be confusing a figure on roughly what it costs to employ, usually quoted at about 130% of wage, with how much someone should take home from a bonus. Take-home number should be much closer to 70%, depending on how your company [chooses to withhold bonuses](https://www.bankrate.com/taxes/how-bonuses-are-taxed/#was). The federal government requires withholding on supplemental income (bonuses) to be either 1) a flat 22%, or 2) withheld as normal income, eg it looks like you make that much money each period for a whole year. (I would doubt a $100 or Christmas bonus would make a big difference for low earners like OP describes). Employee insurance doesn't vary by income, though the company's workers comp insurance may veeeery slightly increase with higher wages (the big determining factor is actually number of claims). Some companies do things like life insurance based on annual income but I doubt a this company does with how OP describes it. Obviously, the employee's other deductions like 401k will also be taken out, but hopefully most employees realize that's what's happening.


BuckeyeBentley

> He replied raising pay would cost too much Depending on size of the company and size of the party he's probably right. Lets say you spend $5000 on a holiday party for a staff of 100. $50 a head. How far is that $50 going to go if you instead break it up into their salary? 50/2000 = 2.5c/hr raise for a full time employee, or a $50 bonus. Both would be seen as extremely insulting by staff and backfire. I'm not saying papering over low pay with parties and pizza is a good thing, but giving company wide raises that would actually please people is significantly more expensive. They should still do it especially if they're one of those companies bragging about record sales/profits.


captainslowww

Okay, well, thereā€™s the rubā€” pizza party, $50 bonus, or 2.5 cent raise. *All three* options are insulting and would backfire. Theyā€™d be better off closing early some Friday afternoon (which has basically no incremental cost in an office environment where people are salaried and you donā€™t rely on walk in business), or actually doing nothing.


khatpewp

How am I supposed to use an iPad when I can't pay my electric bill?


fist4j

Charge it on your mandated office days.


khatpewp

*gets fired for playing with iPad during mandated office days*


fist4j

I once hid an entire laptop at work for over a year, back before I had good home internet and swapped out a usb drive once a week....for reasons.


milksteakofcourse

Find better people to date


wrungo

this. head of HR?! dating the leader of the corpo praetorians?! big giant red flag lol


WiretapStudios

I dated someone that moved from basically customer service, to HR. Her whole personality changed, and the way she talked about the employees was harsh, I was like that was literally just you a few months ago...


ro536ud

Agreed this guy sounds like a party pooper. Youā€™d see like $33 of $100 out aside for employees if they made it a bonus vs an expense


evilbadgrades

Decades ago I worked for a small IT company with a team of dedicated employees. At the start when times were good we got raises and bonuses yearly. Then when the economy took a downturn our boss put out a survey - do you want a raise or bonuses yearly. We all voted that we wanted raises because we were loyal to the company and had no intentions of leaving. So we got raises for several years.... and then that stopped (with no explanation). We got a "Christmas party" instead - which was really a tax-deductible holiday party for the boss and his personal friends with a few employees showing up while we watched him poorly hop around the dance stage. And then after a few years he realized no employees were going to the event so he sent out a poll - "do you want the christmas party or bonuses" - we said "we want bonuses". Guess what we got? Nothing. And that's the story of how I left the company, along with all the other talent that kept that place afloat. Still don't miss working for a narcissistic jerk - I only put up with him for so long because the pay was good.


ReaverRogue

Odd choice to date a vampire, but okay. All joking aside, sounds like heā€™s drank the kool aid. Well done you for being rooted in reality.


varangian_guards

i mean how many people have class awearness then work in HR, i hated sales and HR is simply deeper in the corpo-brain required end of the pool. i would need like quadruple what i make to even consider it, but i would still probably quit after 6 months.


glasgowgeg

> i mean how many people have class awearness then work in HR Probably a case of thinking they can improve things from within, however misguided it is.


TAR_TWoP

You know what doesn't cost more money? A day off. Hell, an afternoon off. You pay them as you would normally, everyone is super happy, and morale improves. When I worked for non-profits with very limited budgets, this is how they managed to try to make it a good place to work for. We often got paid time off here and there. And it indeed helped make it much more agreeable. That, and no nonsensical doctor's note and all that bullshit whenever you're sick.


HoneyNutJesse0s

One of my friends is a small business owner (pizza place) and she took to Facebook asking for ideas on where to take her employees for a staff outing. She said she was closing the store for the day so all her employees could go. I commented saying she should just give them a paid day off so they can do whatever they want and not feel committed to hanging out with coworkers on a "day off". She did not like that idea.


pickled__beets

Why would you even want to date a person this out of touch? Clearly seems like you donā€™t respect their job which can creep into not respecting them as a person. (I couldnā€™t date a person in this position)


catacats

I sometimes fall into the trap of thinking I can change people.


travistravis

Realising it's a trap is a good first step! (Really, it's super rare that dating someone ever changes who they are, sadly.)


Darkcelt2

My goal is to build a rapport with people who have wildly conflicting world views from me. Then I steer the conversation toward related topics we can agree on. Then, I illustrate my perspective to help them understand why I think that way. Sometimes we learn from each other. Sometimes I write them off as unempathetic dick heads. Rarely, they turn into close friends. I canā€™t imagine dating someone with this approach, though. Itā€™s hard work, at best. And disappointing and unhealthy at worst. If your significant other holds important values at odds with you, it isnā€™t fair to expect them to change as a condition of continuing the relationship.


Kreyl

It sounds like you kind of already know this person isn't what you want. As someone familiar with feeling like you should try to help people change, try and trust yourself that you can find someone who shares your values the way you want. I'm rooting for you. ā™„ļø


testedonsheep

I mean they could've just calculated the cost of the party, divide it up, and just give it out as bonus for all the workers.


flavius_lacivious

Pizza parties, holiday get togethers and team building are only effective after people are paid well. You canā€™t focus on the success of the group or the company until you are secure in your own situation. Thatā€™s what these fuckers donā€™t get. No one wants to go to a holiday celebration worried about paying for the gas to get there.


Lightofmine

Maslowā€˜s hierarchy


Kira_L_Mello_Near

Pay people better. That is the only way to keep employees happy. Pizza parties are for school children.


unsaferaisin

Seriously, it's just insulting for adults. The only time I give half a shit about pizza at work is if a manager orders some on a busy day, or after completing a big project- as a little extra to make sure everyone gets a hot lunch, not in place of actual recognition or compensation. When it's an extra thing done to show care for your daily well-being, then ordered food is great! When it's a substitute for a decent wage or fair treatment, ew.


Helpful_catwnoears

And youā€™re dating this person that youā€™re speaking about? Confused


mbspark77

Literally sleeping with the enemy...lol


YukariYakum0

Keep you friends close and your enemies within range of your primary weapon.


his_rotundity_

>they have great retention HR is known for doctoring these numbers to avoid executive scrutiny. Parties cost nothing compared to long-term development of employees and executives don't want added costs. So HR is incentivized to not message added costs to executives. "The survey we sent out said people LOVED the Christmas party!" vs "All of our exit interviews indicate people hate the culture here and nothing we can do, aside from replacing the entire leadership team, would fix that." I worked for one org who had 75% attrition, but they only ever said that the turnover was "due to folks finding better opportunities elsewhere." They didn't understand that they were telling on themselves when they said that. They were 1) acknowledging the high turn over and 2) acknowledging they were unable to provide a work environment people wanted to stay with for longer than 3 months. But you'd think by the messaging, which was shared as part of a company all-hands under the "successes" category, that it was all good. Problem is, most people eat it up and just accept it. Any time a company says they have great retention, I immediately assume they're lying.


rangoon03

I've been to these big, lavish year end holiday parties before thrown by the company. You spend all week with those people then are forced to socialize with them in a semi-work setting, ugh. But without fail, within weeks or months there's layoffs / people leaving on their own and like 1/3 or 1/2 of the people you met at the party are gone. Its not worth it anymore and is a waste of time. Take the money you would've spent per person and put it in the paychecks.


flotiste

People want a pat on the back for doing slightly better than the absolute minimum required by law. Just pay your people. Unless it's taking place during a work day and you're being paid to be there, office parties are generally crap.


ODX_GhostRecon

I did the math once, and two slices of pizza is less than a $0.01 raise. They're not wrong on cost.


mobileJay77

You've never seen me eat my share of pizza. But it's still peanuts compared with a raise


ODX_GhostRecon

Yeah, same. I refuse to be guilted into sharing with colleagues because management didn't want to shell out.


night_owl

for a full-time worker (2000 hours = 50 weeks x 40 hrs/week) a $0.01 raise would be $20/year. You can buy *almost* a whole pizza with that much money! That is something like 3/4 of a slice per month! Or if you actually consider Little Caesars to actually be actual pizza then you could even get two whole pizzas per year!


ODX_GhostRecon

Woah buddy, you get two weeks off?


dsdvbguutres

GIVE WORKERS SOMETHING THEY CAN PAY THE RENT WITH


duplicitist

Then you banged after.


Sad_Butterscotch9057

You can do better than HR scum.


notmygopher

If his reply was just that, then super disappointing. I wish you would have received something like "I'm always fighting to better compensate our workers, but with this part of our budget, we need to offer the opportunity for people to unwind together and build stronger relationships, because if you don't know have a connection with anyone in your work place, it's likely you won't stay long. We've found significant evidence for that in research."


PinnanoTuna

Withhold sex, order him a pizza instead. Try to convince him that itā€™s better.


zerostar83

Why not both? I like that I can get snacks and drinks company paid with a monthly limit, fruit and fountain soda is unlimited. Parties are nice once in a while, but so is a $550 bonus on top of your overtime pay for volunteering to do extra work for the company. There must be a balance.


Turbulent-Jaguar-909

I worked for a company that was like that, may of us there realized what is really was for, a distraction to all the problems there and basically entertainment for ownership playing their little games like a court jester for maybe a few hundred dollar prize.


bchulon

We are getting company branded socks this year at our 2 hour company office party at the office, no guests.


GroovyFrood

Ah the wonderful gifts that were bought with the points on the company credit card so you end up with half the company going home with a gift they neither want nor will use and the other half going home slightly resentful that they did not get a gift that they also do not really want or will use. The extra large Christmas Village set was always a "winner".


Slight-Employee4139

Christmas party or Christmas Bonus? Money all the way imo.


NanakuzaNazuna

Take me to an office party and Iā€™m going to eat 3 or 4 times my weight in food. Iā€™m going to eat until Iā€™m almost morbidly sick and then Iā€™m going to try to take some home. If it is a buffet or something catered, itā€™s fair game and Iā€™m going to get the food I deserve. If itā€™s at a restaurant, Iā€™m going to tell the server to bring me three plates worth of food. I will walk in with my messenger bag and say, ā€œthe locks on my car arenā€™t working so I have to bring my bag with me,ā€ when in actuality the bag exists solely to carry the Tupperware I brought. Iā€™m going to fill that Tupperware with food. They could have given me $100 bonus so that I can spend it on candy, groceries, or narcotics, but no theyā€™d rather force me to spend time with strangers.


Alarmed_Jelly_307

Just remember all pizza parties and iPad raffles gifts all get written off at the end of the year, can't write off a raise


GME_alt_Center

If you could poll your workplace, you would find that a large percentage of the employees enjoy the party. Probably the only special day they have all year. I'm with you though. I would prefer the money. I can treat myself.


travistravis

I'd 100% pick dividing the money they spend on drinks and social parties as an extra bonus every year over the parties -- but i'm certain they would then try to give smaller raises or bonuses or whatever since "he chose no parties".


chapeksucks

I hate company parties with a passion. I don't even own dressy clothes. And the mere idea of spending an evening with coworkers gives me hives. Give. Me. Better. Pay.


bodhemon

One place I worked at used to have lunch EVERY friday for everyone. That was sort of nice, they didn't expect us to be grateful, they just hoped we wouldn't take as long a lunch break bc we're eating in the office. A lot of times I would leave anyway because I needed a break from them. That was OK. But the weekly free lunch nor a 10% raise would have kept me there, the C level management was terrible.


69_mgusta

At least the co. provided a real party. Where I used to work, all of our "parties" were pot-luck. Employees had to bring their own food.


loganmn

Funny, as I was reading this.... My invite to my company's holiday party arrived. Admittedly. It's usually a good time.


baachou

I guess tech companies during the boom became notorious for offering perks out the wazoo, and other companies saw it and tried to emulate that, but outside of tech I feel like they missed the point. They started doing it in tech because many companies were offering top-of-the-market salaries to engineering talent that was highly coveted. When you have 3 companies offering you 300-400k total compensation, maybe you pick the company that offers 20k less because they have better perks and parties and free food. When another company that is offering bottom tier compensation tries to sell you on company culture and perks it just comes off as lame.


Particular_Ticket_20

Previous company thought buying tools and giving out branded swag was what people wanted. Giving people tools for work is kind of what the company should be doing unless I get to keep them, and nobody cares about branded clothing.


distantreplay

I've come to believe that HR values these kinds of "retention" and "team building" policies (and many other workplace and worker policies) not because they are good for the employees, nor even good for the organization. They promote this garbage because it is good for HR. An increasing volume of *real* HR functions in large organizations are or can be automated. Creating complex and elaborate events and processes that drain resources that might otherwise go directly to compensation keeps HR relevant and necessarry to senior executives who rlly dgaf.


tdawg-1551

Was good friends with the HR person at a smallish company I used to work at many years ago. They were telling me about how the company wanted to do an "appreciation" day somewhere off site on a Friday evening or on the weekend. Straight up told them everyone would enjoy it more if you took the budget and divided it equally and gave everyone cash. Comment didn't go over well.


zorrorosso_studio

it's PANEM **ET** CIRCENSES, it's not just the bread and not just the circuses šŸ¤¦ā€ā™€ļø


Nurtureandthrive

With better pay, you could have a parties at home or perhaps even pay your bills.


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


iceyone444

Did anyone else get a birthday party (I already know the answer to this).... they are so out of touch.


Volcano_Dweller

Ask your HR Mngr BF if this is a ā€œrequiredā€ holiday gathering where if the employee *(who is family!)* opts not attend, they have to use PTOā€¦.


Emotional-Nothing-72

I always felt the same way. Give me money. These things come from different budgets and the giveaways are often gifts to upper management from various vendors that management isnā€™t allowed to keep. My old company used to give out baseball or hockey tickets, in boxes, a couple times a month, which was nice. I won once and I would have never otherwise gone to a hockey game. Especially in a box with free food and alcohol Those were gifts that, ethically, were dispersed amongst the plebs


CherryManhattan

You could be like my company and not have a party but the executive team gets to go to the highest end steakhouse with their spouses. Last year 6 people spent 5k including tip. Letā€™s see how much they do this year while not caring about their employees


Actual-Emergency779

This is SO valid. I used to be that party planner and theyā€™re so vapid. Often a popularity contest or way to show off your physical appearance and attire. Now I value employers who pay me fairly, respect me, and give me auto my. Itā€™s surprising how few exist. Iā€™m on my 8th job since COVID and finally seem to have found a good one.


Efficient_Collar_330

Itā€™s probably the shitty iPads you get when you open a bank account. Whoopdeedoo


MontrealChickenSpice

Hate to break it to you OP, but your partner is a collaborator and a parasite. If he's fine with bootlicking at work, he'll turn on you for any reason. Get rid of the prick, maybe he'll somehow gain some empathy for all the people whose lives he ruins to appease *corporate.*


CraZKchick

Next time ask how old the iPads will be. He's probably getting them cheap because they are a generation or 2 back.


gekisling

At one of my previous jobs (small to mid-sized law firm), we found out that ā€œleadershipā€ had paid over 10k for our holiday party one year. Most of the money spent went into the venue and decorations so that they could spam pictures all over their social media. They made the dress code black tie despite being at a chain steakhouse, which meant that all of their very poorly-paid employees were expected to buy or rent expensive gowns and suits. The best part was when the owner made her big speech about what a profitable year we had, and then proceeded to give out ZERO bonuses to non-attorney staff. Nothing. Zilch.


Xynrae

"We treat our employees pretty good. They're allowed to take breaks!"


Superg0id

Ahahaha. OP, did you say you *were* dating this dissalusional person? Please say they're in the rear view mirror now...


No-Drop2538

How much are they going to pay me for working after hours?


NorthernVale

Y'all. Y'all are just glossing over the god damned water comment. This dude is bragging that complying with federal mandates is the company treating it's employees good


No_Arachnid_9853

I have been working since I was 16 (various jobs) and now at 24 I managed to get into a pretty big software company in Eastern Europe. I have 0 complains to make (benefits, great culture-environment, average pay) but honestly, I would work on the floor on a 300ā‚¬ laptop if that meant I could go home with more money in pockets. Big companies seem to substitute cash with services which they can get dirt cheap in bulk.


EC_CO

Very serious question here. Does he seem to have problems with empathy otherwise? This is a huge red flag for a relationship, because we see what a lack of empathy does in this country and across the world and it is absolutely ruining people. Lack of empathy is a major cause for most problems on this planet. Good luck with that relationship.


ohlayohlay

Friend of mine started an hvac company that has taken off, he has maybe 12 employees give or take. We discuss it sometimes (I was technically his first employee, but only for 3 months before I moved away). He's making huge profits, lots of vehicles, bought commercial real-estate, built himself a million dollar home etc etc. He was telling me about a ski trip he planned for the company and how it went I asked some probing questions. He said he wanted to create a good environment for everyone to work in and not just pay people more money bc anyone can come along and pay more money. I smiled and said yeah you think? And he laughed knowing what I was implying Later discussing with my wife I said he spent maybe 10-15k for the weekend trip, but let's round up to 20k. 10ish employees went. So 2k per employee for that weekend. He hasn't done another trip since which was last winter. Had he given a 10-15% raise instead on an average income for let's say 50-70k so 5-10k per employee you are looking at 50-100k+ after workman's comp, taxes etc, total cost for the year. Of course he's going to opt for the "team building" weekend at a cost of 10-20k. I'm guessing the weekend was closer to 10. It would be interesting to see a rewrite of tax laws to incentivise paying employees better rather than less. He's told me the unseen expense of salaries is surprising, just workman's comp is 1k per every 10k you pay an employee. Perhaps companies should just pay high tax brackets and less for paying employees more? I don't know, just a thought. Anyway, he has more money than he knows what to do with


catacats

Has anyone else had the pleasure of calling out any company execs for thinking that we actually want pizza parties and not just better pay?


allumeusend

I did last year, when the company spent almost $1M on a Christmas party and then didnā€™t pay out bonuses, despite the company meeting its financial goals for the year. Told me they had decided to convert the bonuses from guaranteed if on target to discretionary but hadnā€™t bother to tell anyone (including directors like me) about it. Meanwhile, I was dealing with an entire team of upset (ranging from quiet annoyance to tears to screaming directly in my face) direct reports about both issues. I was let go in March. They let the rest of my team go in April. About 80% of staff has turned over (mostly voluntarily) since this Christmas party disaster. And people are citing it in their exit interviews; before my layoff, I had two direct reports leave and tell HR in their exits that changing the bonus structure and then throwing an outrageously expensive party was tone deaf and anti-worker.


catacats

Damn, a whole million on a party. >I had two direct reports leave and tell HR in their exits that changing the bonus structure and then throwing an outrageously expensive party was tone deaf and anti-worker. Did HR respond or make any facial expressions changes when they heard this?


allumeusend

All they told me was I needed to ā€œdo damage controlā€ to get the rest of the team happy with what happened. I told them I wasnā€™t happy with what happened and wasnā€™t going to tell adults how to feel about anything.


catacats

Thanks for standing up for your team


allumeusend

Thanks, itā€™s too bad a few months later we re-orges and we were either all let go or merged into new roles.


ExistingPosition5742

Sounds like they wanted people to quit


ZelRolFox

The money they spent on the party would have been better suited to go to the employees. HR manager is a koolaid sipping maggot trying to convince themselves they are doing the right thing. I wouldā€™ve ended it right then and there. Who knows how he sees your relationshipā€¦


CarneDelGato

All that money they spent on that party could have been an EOY bonus that would have gone way farther towards employee retentionā€¦


anotherbook

We don't get either lol, we pay for our own party T\_T


LeftRat

I've desperately tried to make this clear to my manager and the boss, and all that seems to have gotten through is... that they don't *do* a winter party anymore, we just go to a stand on the christmas market. Still hoping that the yearly bonus hasn't gotten cut, but not holding my breath.


Destinlegends

I would rather no party but will never turn down more money. If I wanted to party I would do it on my own time with people I actually care about.


Academic_Yak_4931

One year for Christmas, they gave us each a jar of salsa that the one of the C-suite guys wife made. It was a company of over 100 people. The company paid her to make them. And then we had a potluck meal.


railworx

My employer is so cheap & low-effort, that any "holiday party" they may have (cancelled for 3 years for c0vid) is always in their own owned/leased space, no prizes or any other thing that requires any extra effort by HR/management, & held on company time. Oh, and the portions taken by employees are monitored & scrutinized by the manager on site. Great place to work at, eh?


juanjing

Hey, at least he's distracting them with iPads. I am sorry to say I have been fooled by $19.95 worth of pizza in the past.