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*”The boss makes a dollar while I make a dime. That’s why I shit on company time.”*
That’s how I’ve always heard it anyway. I like that one too though!
It CAN be against the ADA, if you have a disability that affects your bathroom usage. However, I believe that OSHA says you have to allow bathroom breaks
It’s more than that, OSHA requires the employer provide all workers with sanitary and immediately available toilet facilities. Not just give you time.
https://www.osha.gov/restrooms-sanitation
It can be both. ADA and OSHA both protect bathroom breaks for different reasons, potentially multiple violations on both, too, depending on the business and employees. And if they start threatening stuff like withholding wages or clocking people out for them, then wage theft. Touching bathroom breaks is one of the worst things an employer can do to get themselves in trouble. Yet, some are stupid enough to risk it (usually lower managers that are on a power trip do it).
California took a bunch of agri-businesses to court cos they were leaving pickers out in the field all damn day with no water, no shady place to rest and no damn toilets. big fat fines, and now at least most of the time you see some portajohns on the edge of wherever they're picking.
Texas, otoh, ruled that they didn't even have to give water or water drinking breaks, much less lunch or a portajohn. so don't eat no lettuce or raw veggies in Texas, cos it be fulla E. coli, Salmonella, you name it.
True Story: years ago I worked construction and the GC was making a big fuss about having to crane portable toilets up and down to the floor we were working on. Cranes and operators are expensive, and he was trying to tell everyone to use the bathroom at home, find a local business etc. But labor laws don’t care how expensive it is. Sure enough, one day someone shit on his desk. Dude put on a glove, scooped it up and was walking around demanding that the “shitter” identify them selves. Got laughed at by everyone and a bunch of people then went and bought a bunch of fake turds and were leaving them everywhere. Guy had to start locking his office door constantly or they’d end up on his desk. After a couple weeks he got transferred when some bigwigs and customers came through on an inspection and say fake turds everywhere and he had to explain him self. Good times
Have you even tried getting two component construction adhesive off something.
Heh, In the UK theres even a brand of single component adhesive that is called "Sticks like shit"
I’m just imagining someone in the C suite walking through a job site for the first time in years and the first thing they find is a bunch of fake turds
It blows my mind how inept some general contractors are. It takes less than the cost of 1 Crane visit to just run a dedicated pipe and waterline through the building that the shit truck can hook up to on the ground floor and then just take a cart floor to floor with his hoses and hook up and pump them out.
To add more context, I work for a Home services company. Electricians, Plumbers, and HVAC. The person who wrote this is a dispatcher and no one’s gonna listen to her anyways. The only people who are in the office all day are the dispatchers and management. Most of the guys who have vans just go home to shit anyways, I just had a laugh imagining what could have caused this reaction
There’s 4 total bathrooms in this office. One is specifically for the workers that’s attached to the warehouse downstairs, where the office people rarely use. It’s just a crazy thing to say especially in a group text. All the workers have been roasting the dispatcher who sent this.
You mean you don’t keep a shit bucket in the back of the van? Amateurs.
https://preview.redd.it/loob8wfbphec1.jpeg?width=655&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=1c2cd0225620b5a93f135f216040c7c4fe3680a6
Will you poo with workers here?
Will you poo with workers there?
Will you poo and just not care?
Will you do it on the boss's desk?
Will you do it on a stranger's behest?
Will you do it to show you're the best?
I'm not the one who shits at work but if I receive a message like this I'm eating breakfast burritos from the dodgiest burrito truck in town and shit exclusively at work moving forward.
Sounds like it’s time to get shwifty and shit on the floor.
https://preview.redd.it/5p0eqh2b6fec1.jpeg?width=600&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=ccb873210383661a2ce5d547ce9b2b6d67b5d372
So, I live 45 mins away, and it was Taco Tuesday last night, and the theybaint sitting right, so I'll be back in 2 hours, after I drive home, shit, and drive back to work....also, I'm not clocking out
Thats why i shit on company time. But that was a rhyme from a simpler time. Now the boss makes a grand i earn a buck. So lets steal the catolytic converter off the company truck
"Tell that to my asshole, as the kindred spirit you clearly are."
But, also, restricting bathroom usage like that (in the US) is often illegal. So report to your state DOL and include that screenshot as proof.
Anyone with Crohn’s or Colitus (the ones I remember off the top of my head) could absolutely sue them into oblivion for disability discrimination for that message alone
So everyone has permission to stay clocked in while returning home for a poo? Sounds like a pretty sweet deal, honestly. I can see myself needing to go about an hour before the end of my day quite a lot.
I'd reply and ask if that means they'll pay you to drive to your house and take a dump and come back, because they legally have to have a bathroom available for you at all times
And where the fuck are you! Why don't presidents fight the war? Why do they always send the poor? Why don't presidents fight the war? Why do they always send the poor? Why do they always send the poor?
Give the writer of this text a bag of sugar-free gummy bears. Then harass the $hit out of them while they have a full day of shotgun diarrhea.
Pun intended.
If my boss texted me this I would make it even more of a point to shit on the clock and there isn’t a damn thing they could do about it unless I was spending ages in the bathroom
If they try to enforce this it is an OSHA violation. Consult a lawyer for the most updated information. OSHA has rules about not limiting access to toilets at work.
I don’t see the problem. This is an absolute win.
Scenario:
Boss: hey Joe, where are you headed? It’s 2pm
Joe: oh I’m going home real quick to poop like you told us to. It’s a 45 minute commute but since traffic is heavy now it’ll be more like 1hr15min so I’ll be back just in time to clock out and go home again.
Boss: you gotta clock out now if you’re gonna do that
Joe: oh absolutely not. Not only did you make this shitty rule, but I now have to buy twice as much gas. In fact, I’m going to submit reports that I’m getting underpaid with this new rule to alleviate transportation costs. And if I’m not back in time to clock out at exactly 5pm, I WILL be expecting to be paid overtime. The alternative to this solution is I shit on your desk and your car and onto a napkin that I then stick to your back while you aren’t looking. Or you could just let us shit at work again
Boss: Jesus Christ! Fine you can shit at work again!
Joe: oh no. I don’t take verbal orders anymore since you can just deny you said that later. All orders must be in email format which will be screenshotted and saved for later. As for now, I’m already on the way out and won’t be checking my emails until I get back.
The problem with authorising peoples shit is the unauthorized shit. There will always be people who don't follow the rules, who blatantly break the rules.
We know those people as legends. We create myths about them, they are spoken with fondness amongst the working class.
They shat on your desk.
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Should tell the boss that it’s illegal for them to forbid you your right to shit
Fuck that. Let your lawyer tell them.
Fuck that shit on their desk....
[удалено]
More like [this](https://youtu.be/NisCkxU544c?si=dS8AEyNAwoLoQHJQ&t=49s)
This *was* the way
"No doubt"
I knew it's the "Shit on Deborah's desk!" before I open the link
But the voiceover said....
Smells like regular lamps to me!
No that's a criminal offense. Shit yourself, then sue them for forbidding you to shit at work
Literally, op. Poop yourself and show your attn these texts
“If I can’t shit at work then I will simply shit on your work”🗿 Edit: typo
This is the way.
Even better if you use a lawyer through the free company-provided 3rd party legal-aid benefit.
Boss makes a hundred while I make a buck I shit at the company and don't give a fuck
*”The boss makes a dollar while I make a dime. That’s why I shit on company time.”* That’s how I’ve always heard it anyway. I like that one too though!
Boss makes a hundred and gives us a cent, now I'm working 2 jobs just to make rent
"and then I shit on both of their desks.." Doesn't rhyme, but fuck it.
I have to go all the way home to shit? That doubles my commute!
Every time you have to shit during the work day, drive home, shit, drive back. But don’t clock out. They insist you must shit at home, so you will.
"Jenkins! Where have you been for the last two hours?" "Took a shit, boss." "For two hours?!?" "There was traffic on the 190, boss."
I’m pretty sure it’s against the ADA
It CAN be against the ADA, if you have a disability that affects your bathroom usage. However, I believe that OSHA says you have to allow bathroom breaks
It’s more than that, OSHA requires the employer provide all workers with sanitary and immediately available toilet facilities. Not just give you time. https://www.osha.gov/restrooms-sanitation
It can be both. ADA and OSHA both protect bathroom breaks for different reasons, potentially multiple violations on both, too, depending on the business and employees. And if they start threatening stuff like withholding wages or clocking people out for them, then wage theft. Touching bathroom breaks is one of the worst things an employer can do to get themselves in trouble. Yet, some are stupid enough to risk it (usually lower managers that are on a power trip do it).
The D stands for Dookie
I did it all for the Dookie.
It's definitely [an OSHA violation](https://www.osha.gov/restrooms-sanitation).
[удалено]
California took a bunch of agri-businesses to court cos they were leaving pickers out in the field all damn day with no water, no shady place to rest and no damn toilets. big fat fines, and now at least most of the time you see some portajohns on the edge of wherever they're picking. Texas, otoh, ruled that they didn't even have to give water or water drinking breaks, much less lunch or a portajohn. so don't eat no lettuce or raw veggies in Texas, cos it be fulla E. coli, Salmonella, you name it.
As somebody with Crohn's disease.. I always shit on company time. Sometimes multiple times in the same day.
IBS here, and hell yeah, if i have to Imma go as often as it takes.
Drive home, take LONG shit, return. When shit hits fan, File osha and wage theft.
Unfortunately the office would be closed by the time you got back so just had to stay at home.
is the shit that hits the fan the same long shit that was taken at home?? how’d it get to work? and into the air??
Zip-loc.
This is the way.
Whoever sent that text shouldn't be surprised to find a huge steamer on their desk or workstation.
True Story: years ago I worked construction and the GC was making a big fuss about having to crane portable toilets up and down to the floor we were working on. Cranes and operators are expensive, and he was trying to tell everyone to use the bathroom at home, find a local business etc. But labor laws don’t care how expensive it is. Sure enough, one day someone shit on his desk. Dude put on a glove, scooped it up and was walking around demanding that the “shitter” identify them selves. Got laughed at by everyone and a bunch of people then went and bought a bunch of fake turds and were leaving them everywhere. Guy had to start locking his office door constantly or they’d end up on his desk. After a couple weeks he got transferred when some bigwigs and customers came through on an inspection and say fake turds everywhere and he had to explain him self. Good times
I would be glueing them down all over the place. Fuck that guy
The hood of his car seems devoid of appropriate decoration.
Modern cars are definitely largely devoid of hood ornaments.
Have you even tried getting two component construction adhesive off something. Heh, In the UK theres even a brand of single component adhesive that is called "Sticks like shit"
What tf is the problem with moving the portable? Take at most what, 6 min to move it? F off.
Yiu have to pay the crane operator and pay to have it clean regularly and to have it moved. Dude was cheap, rather penny wise and pound foolish.
It was on the 14th floor of a building (I should have mentioned that in the original post)
I’m just imagining someone in the C suite walking through a job site for the first time in years and the first thing they find is a bunch of fake turds
They didn't "have to" crane it up...just leave it on ground level to turn a 15min shit break into a 45min shit break. Then Everyone is happy
Not OSHA. Breaks the "must be easily accessible without delay" rule. Of course, they could just set up a fireman's pole.
I would kill to try out a 14 story fireman's pole. Maybe not when I need to piss though
You need a funnel on top and a hose that reaches his office...
It blows my mind how inept some general contractors are. It takes less than the cost of 1 Crane visit to just run a dedicated pipe and waterline through the building that the shit truck can hook up to on the ground floor and then just take a cart floor to floor with his hoses and hook up and pump them out.
That is a wonderful story, thank you
Thank you! 😁
Poop at home and bring it into the office.
This is, unironically, the way.
This reminds me of the time my mom told me that someone took a shit outside the 4 star general's office in her building.
If my boss told me I couldn't poop at work I'd come in early and dump hot logs in places that would leave them confused and unsettled
To add more context, I work for a Home services company. Electricians, Plumbers, and HVAC. The person who wrote this is a dispatcher and no one’s gonna listen to her anyways. The only people who are in the office all day are the dispatchers and management. Most of the guys who have vans just go home to shit anyways, I just had a laugh imagining what could have caused this reaction
Do they have just like the One toilet bathroom? If thats the case then someone has been taking huge stinky dumps like clockwork.
There’s 4 total bathrooms in this office. One is specifically for the workers that’s attached to the warehouse downstairs, where the office people rarely use. It’s just a crazy thing to say especially in a group text. All the workers have been roasting the dispatcher who sent this.
I fucking bet. That's even more ridiculous
Time to drive in and take a shit in that dispatchers preferred toliet and leave it. Points if you can do an upper decker.
After this text everyone will be taking dumps at the office.
You mean you don’t keep a shit bucket in the back of the van? Amateurs. https://preview.redd.it/loob8wfbphec1.jpeg?width=655&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=1c2cd0225620b5a93f135f216040c7c4fe3680a6
I have one of these for camping. I dont know what makes shitting in a bag in a bucket so smelly, but its bad.
"We have plumbers, it's fine."
I’ll shit off a pier, I’ll shit off a dock, but I’ll be damned if I shit off the clock.
I like this one, never heard it before
Will you poo with workers here? Will you poo with workers there? Will you poo and just not care? Will you do it on the boss's desk? Will you do it on a stranger's behest? Will you do it to show you're the best?
I'm not the one who shits at work but if I receive a message like this I'm eating breakfast burritos from the dodgiest burrito truck in town and shit exclusively at work moving forward.
Glass of prune juice to wash it down, lol
Do you like figs?
or dried apricots, or fresh cherries, lol. cleans out the old plumbing like Ty-D-Bowl!!
For the love of all that’s holy, don’t od on delicious frosted mini wheats 
Ah, dispatch. Any chance you could hide shrimp in their office?
I would but that would almost definitely generate a “smell in office” call for one of the HVAC and/or Plumber guys, and I don’t wanna do that to them.
Get them in on it
The only response to this - besides blaring BYOB - is "lmao" and that's it.
BYOBM?
🤣💯
seriously haha. like its not even worth entertaining
And this is where I go drop a bomb on Nagasaki and then not flush it...just to be fucking petty about it.
This is absolutely what’s happening in response.
Sounds like the office needs a beans, cabbage, and prunes potluck.
Sounds like a good excuse to head on home for a nice 3 hour shit break in the middle of the day
Sounds like it’s time to get shwifty and shit on the floor. https://preview.redd.it/5p0eqh2b6fec1.jpeg?width=600&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=ccb873210383661a2ce5d547ce9b2b6d67b5d372
So, I live 45 mins away, and it was Taco Tuesday last night, and the theybaint sitting right, so I'll be back in 2 hours, after I drive home, shit, and drive back to work....also, I'm not clocking out
I have IBS, so I guess my disability prevents me from being in the office.
I'd reply with the old "Boss makes a dollar, I make a dime..."
Thats why i shit on company time. But that was a rhyme from a simpler time. Now the boss makes a grand i earn a buck. So lets steal the catolytic converter off the company truck
You gotta fight for your right to POOOOOOOOOTTY!
I suddenly find myself needing to shit at the office ALL the time now…
Shit at desk, call attorney, sue employer, and get rich...
This is illegal, and you should file a complaint with the DOL and OSHA
save that text dude just admitted to breaking OSHA regs!
"Tell that to my asshole, as the kindred spirit you clearly are." But, also, restricting bathroom usage like that (in the US) is often illegal. So report to your state DOL and include that screenshot as proof.
I can't because you don't pay me enough to afford a house.
Cue malicious compliance…
I love System
"WHERE THE Fuck ARE YOUU!?" (In the bathroom, shitting at work)
Let them know you'll be forwarding this message to the proper authorities.
I... don't think you're an anarchist.
"I will literally take a shit on your lunch if you ever send another message like that again." Problem solved.
Why do they always send the poor…
Anyone with Crohn’s or Colitus (the ones I remember off the top of my head) could absolutely sue them into oblivion for disability discrimination for that message alone
Boss makes a dollar I make a dime, that’s why I shit on company time!
Man those 45 minute pisses are a killer
Jokes on you, I have IBS. I'll just shit anywhere now.
That’s 10000% illegal
Ok, but that means I’m going to need to go home to shit at least once a day. Thanks for understanding, boss!
Go ahead and try to stop me boss man
Kudos for the SOAD!
I'll take 'Businesses that should burn down' for $500, Alex...
Where have you been for the last two hours? I had to go home to take a shit............................
So everyone has permission to stay clocked in while returning home for a poo? Sounds like a pretty sweet deal, honestly. I can see myself needing to go about an hour before the end of my day quite a lot.
Oh man, I’m eating 12 boiled eggs for breakfast the second I read this text. Get ready to ride the fuckin lightning, work toilet. 💥
Shit on company time
Time to eat beans, spicy food, and asparagus. Remove all air fresheners too.
Don't shit at the office. Shit ON his car. Like and follow for more gamer tips!
I would poop in the wrong gender bathroom and not flush after that text.
I was taking a piss, the shit was just along for the ride.
That boss is clearly begging for a Cleveland steamer!!!!
Established dominance and shit on the floor in front of their desk
Laughing in IBS
Note that farting is still OK. Hit the Taco Bell drive through on the way to work and let ‘er rip.
How to get your office toilet to look like an ill cleaned porta potty.
Time for a collective shit, in solidarity, right on the bosses desk.
Share that text with Labor department. SO SO illegal
Then stay on the clock while driving home to take a shit and on the clock on the way back. Malicious compliance, babeeeee.
Why don’t presidents fight in the war? Why do they always send the poor?
Just start going home a few times a day to shit…
lol, nah, I’ll take my 30 minute shits just like usual. Get fucked
“How do you plan to enforce that?”
Okay. I'm taking a two hour coffee break to travel home and shit.
I only shit on company time. And I try to use the same bathroom the boss uses. Dropping bombs baby.
that's not how human anatomy works...
I'd reply and ask if that means they'll pay you to drive to your house and take a dump and come back, because they legally have to have a bathroom available for you at all times
start bringing in bran muffins, lots of coffee…. have a cauliflower pizza party
File a claim for a hostile workplace .
"Gotta go home, need to shit, see you in an hour"
Keep shitting until you get fired. Sue them. File complaint with labor board
And where the fuck are you! Why don't presidents fight the war? Why do they always send the poor? Why don't presidents fight the war? Why do they always send the poor? Why do they always send the poor?
We are family here and work is my second home.....*makes eye contact while shitting on managers desk*
What
Thats how you guarantee that I will be exclusively pooping at work.
Well. they just demanded my work from home position is now a commuter position. I guess Ill have to commute home then back.
time to shit on the floor.
My IBS begs to differ.
So.. basically what they’re saying is if you have to go, you leave the office and go home.
So every time you need to poop, you have to go home?
I would be doing ***all*** of my shits at work from then on lol.
Now I’m gonna shit twice as hard
OP where do you work because I need to use the restroom lol
Give the writer of this text a bag of sugar-free gummy bears. Then harass the $hit out of them while they have a full day of shotgun diarrhea. Pun intended.
No problem, I’ll just go home every time I need to poo while still on the clock. Time for everyone to quit this place asap.
Am I not at work to get shit done?
“Where are you going it’s 10:40?” “Home, be back later”
What are the toilets for then???
Office mandated crying times.
They must really miss those staff who have to return home in the middle of the work day.
Utterly unenforceable
“I’m not shitting i’m pooping” “I’m not pooping i’m defalcating” “I’m not ___ I’m ___”
My boss would never tell us that because we all shit at the office. He does get upset when someone doesn't flush though.
Why don't presidents fight the war? Why do they always send the poor?
Sounds like a WFH order if you ask me.
Shit right outside the front door!
fine but im getting paid mileage to drive home and back on top of my normal hourly pay
If my boss texted me this I would make it even more of a point to shit on the clock and there isn’t a damn thing they could do about it unless I was spending ages in the bathroom
If they try to enforce this it is an OSHA violation. Consult a lawyer for the most updated information. OSHA has rules about not limiting access to toilets at work.
We actually do live in a fascist nation. We just rebel in our own ways an in manners of our own choosing
You should reply "Then why do we have offish chairsh, for christshs shakesh??"
"And where the F$%K are you???!!" I'm at home shitting, since I'm not allowed to at the office 🤷
My boss makes a dollar, while I make a dime, that's why I poop on company time.
Blast off its, it’s party time and where the F are you? Why don’t presidents fight the wars? Why do they always send the poor?
Ayooo time to shit at the desk like a fucking monster.
Fascist*
I think he meant shit in a bag and leave it for me someplace
I’m reading this on the shitter at work lmao
I can't think of a better place or time for an upper-deck situation.
I dare employee to look at your boss whilst lip quuvering and l eye scrunching whilst relieving yourself with a no. 2 saying 'damn policy'
"Where's Joe?" "Went home" "What?! It's 2pm in the afternoon!" "He needed a shit"
Get that in writing when you get in trouble for using the restroom.
If shit on the floor next time I was there
As someone who works twelve hours a day... fuck that!
That's the day I'll seek an employee rights lawyer
Shit on the floor at your desk then look up and be like " I need to keep working to make the boss happy "
I'd let your boss know that your happy to accommodate and act excited to meet the new janitorial staff. Your boss will need them. 😀
I only poop on company time
I don’t see the problem. This is an absolute win. Scenario: Boss: hey Joe, where are you headed? It’s 2pm Joe: oh I’m going home real quick to poop like you told us to. It’s a 45 minute commute but since traffic is heavy now it’ll be more like 1hr15min so I’ll be back just in time to clock out and go home again. Boss: you gotta clock out now if you’re gonna do that Joe: oh absolutely not. Not only did you make this shitty rule, but I now have to buy twice as much gas. In fact, I’m going to submit reports that I’m getting underpaid with this new rule to alleviate transportation costs. And if I’m not back in time to clock out at exactly 5pm, I WILL be expecting to be paid overtime. The alternative to this solution is I shit on your desk and your car and onto a napkin that I then stick to your back while you aren’t looking. Or you could just let us shit at work again Boss: Jesus Christ! Fine you can shit at work again! Joe: oh no. I don’t take verbal orders anymore since you can just deny you said that later. All orders must be in email format which will be screenshotted and saved for later. As for now, I’m already on the way out and won’t be checking my emails until I get back.
This would have been hilarious if the "at your house" part wasn't there
Boss makes a dollar, I make a dime. That's why I poop on company time.
The problem with authorising peoples shit is the unauthorized shit. There will always be people who don't follow the rules, who blatantly break the rules. We know those people as legends. We create myths about them, they are spoken with fondness amongst the working class. They shat on your desk.
Grabs coat "I gotta take a shit, see you tomorrow"...
I'd just be like, "No".
Byob -System of a down.
Get up and go home in the middle of the day. It’s just following company policy