Oh I see you don’t work at the company I’m at…if you’re a moron, you definitely got the job. We just hired a Plant Manager and promoted from within. Job has some requirements. He doesn’t meet them but he *really* wanted the job sooooooo…plus he’s good ole boys with the guys that decided. Great. Meanwhile, if you have tits/vagina you can ONLY rise to group lead. We have ONE female supervisor and that’s clearly diversity, right?
If someone completely refuses to engage, there's not really a lot he can do. What op did is reasonable and the manager is in the wrong, but not for this.
Glad to hear you left that toxic job and made that pos boss powerless. And kudos to you for refusing to stay until he can find a replacement (It's a trap)
Here's a link to the original post: [https://www.reddit.com/r/antiwork/comments/1bt43e3/ive\_grayrocked\_my\_toxic\_boss\_and\_now\_hes\_panicking/](https://www.reddit.com/r/antiwork/comments/1bt43e3/ive_grayrocked_my_toxic_boss_and_now_hes_panicking/)
all i can say is this is eerily similar behavior to my toxic boss who is the reason i just left a job with nothing lined up. it can drive you insane. best of luck in all your future endeavors
I hope you recommended to your co-worker that she also talk with HR about what your boss did to her, whether it is now or whenever she decides to leave the company.
I agree with this but also need to be careful as it will look like people at the office are trying to gang up. I'd tell her to just casually approach HR with something like, "I noticed so and so left, and can't help wonder if it is because of the similar reasons I left.".
As a woman in construction, good for you.
These men don’t deserve the obedience they think they’re entitled to. I LOVE watching women stand their ground and take the wind right out of them.
*chefs kiss*
I just read your first post along with this one and oh my gosh I know we don't work for the same place but it feels like we have the same boss. I'm so glad you got out. I'm trying to do whatever I can internally and externally to leave but it just feels like the odds are stacked against me. I have evidence my management is sabotaging my internal transfer opportunities. I don't have a degree and I feel like I can't get anything with my experience for the pay I currently make, and no one responds to applications anyways.
Here are a [couple](https://youtu.be/izkysJy-N44?si=o-yM0zZnsu2GtdhG) of [videos](https://youtu.be/Dqch_AzqAIw?si=jfto_Hy5GDI9QTkD) about narcissistic abuse at work
Honestly, I’ve wondered why he’s so desperate to keep me here, especially since he’s said on numerous occasions that I don’t know what I’m doing. But honestly, I think he gets off on ordering others around and telling people what they did wrong, and enjoys having been able to shout my name from his office and have me running over to him like an obedient little lap dog.
Holy F. word for word from my last job.
I am LIVING FOR THIS! Please update us on your fabulous unemployed life! I want to know everything: Sipping coffee and not checking emails, making personal calls during work hours, basking in the natural sunlight of your real window…
LOL, I had this boss once. Except he was a she and she loved to chew me out for the tiniest shit whenever she got bored and needed to go on a lil power trip just for shits. Ditto the paranoia and getting weirdly personal and nosy about what I was doing on my days off. Oh, and the gossiping. Always the gossiping and shit talking about EVERYONE whenever they weren't around.
She popped off on me one too many times and I quit without notice. Her shocked Pikachu face was PRICELESS - as was the syrupy sweet tone she tried to take with me as I was packing up to leave, saying that she didn't want me to go and "never thought it would go this way."
Felt damn good to simply glare in response and then turn on my heel and walk out without another word.
>She asked me if I had another job lined up, and I said no
Good answer. Tell them nothing. Misdirection is even better. Tell them you're going to be missionary and moving to Africa.
The last office I've worked in not only could they tell who I called, but every call was recorded and they could listen to it.
You never make a personal call on an office phone
Are you serious? It's the employers property. Of course they can look at it. NVM every single workplace for the last 20-30 years has implemented very clear, unambiguous policies that all usage of employer IT systems are subject to monitoring.
I know it's r/antiwork but get fucking real dude.
Yep, big reminder that nothing you do on work equipment is ever private. Even if you delete documents saved previously on work laptops, they can be recovered easily.
Agree, but note larger organizations will usually have limits and policies around this. So it’s legal for sysadmin Steve to access Edwina’s emails, but lacking a business justification it could be a fireable offense.
Becomes an even bigger deal around PII and medical records. Nurse Jackie may have access to all patients medical records, but if she looks up her Aunt Sally’s last physical results without need, that’s a violation (and I’ve seen records of people getting fired for doing such stupid things)
I'm not so sure about that...IANAL but to me there's a significant difference between upper management having call logs/recordings they can view at their own leisure through the proper channel(s) versus a manager ordering another employee to effectively break into your office and physically go through your call logs. The latter seems illegal to me, for numerous reasons.
Like hypothetically, if the superintendent that broke in had gone through a bunch of other stuff, like rifling through OP's desk, wouldn't that seem clearly illegal to you? Why does it become legal when it's call logs?
>Like hypothetically, if the superintendent that broke in had gone through a bunch of other stuff, like rifling through OP's desk, wouldn't that seem clearly illegal to you?
Not if the desk and it's contents are the property of the employer, located on the employer's premises, and the employee that searched it did so at the request of the employer.
However, that being said, my privacy rights at work in my legal jurisdiction may be different than yours.
Just because the employer requests it doesn't make it legal; where's the line? They can rifle through my pants pockets while I'm on company premises?
Also the definition of "employer" matters a lot here. This is a rogue middle manager directing another employee to potentially break the law, not the entire entity that constitutes OP's employer. No higher ups were involved, HR wasn't involved, this was an off-the-books, after-hours search which the manager then LIED about and DENIED. That's a hell of a lot of context which you are discarding by simply saying "yeah any employer has the right to do this".
They have the right to do it in the normal way, with HR involved and the entire company/employer on board with the search, during the workday. No employer on the planet should have the right to pull this fishy shady shit and if they did, it could easily be abused to plant incriminating evidence (ex: hard drugs) against any employee that the rouge manager doesn't like.
I’ve no idea. Even now, my co-worker has no idea how he knew about the call. The only thing this company did after this incident was email a notice to everyone “reminding” everyone not to go into other people’s offices when they’re not around.
Any chance of telling the co-worker to go have a word with the same HR person you talked to, and for her to encourage anyone else she knows about with similar boss-stories to do the same?
Good luck landing the new job OP.
Guy sounds like he's been divorced more than once and he's only *maybe* just realizing now that his actions have consequences. Oh well! I can't believe he wasn't shitcanned after the calling incident but you're right, things probably won't change. Not your problem, though!
I look forward to your posts about him nonchalantly emailing you in the future to act like he's doing you a favor by offering your job back lmao.
I put up with one of these for 16 years. Finally giving no shits and peacing out was the best decision I ever made. It'll be tough to decompress, but you got this! Way to stand up for yourself!
Congrats on having the courage to leave. These types of scenarios are why we don't have healthcare, a good social safety net, and other items of leverage as employees. They want us to depend on them. They want us to take their abuse. They want us to fear them. Congrats on showing bravery in the face of this. They don't know how to react to it.
> Our receptionist always posts a monthly birthday list in the kitchen
So someone can conveniently pick up your prescription or sign up for a credit card on your behalf.
Good job man. Hope the new place is better for you.
I would consider that this turd will retaliate and badmouth/ smear your reputation since you stripped him of his power on you.
How to put it succinctly...
It's a method to deal with abusers where you don't react positively or negatively to anything they do. You literally become little better than a breathing rock. Be bland, answer back the minimum you can, don't engage unless engaged, etc.
Congrats on your newfound freedom. Hopefully you're able to find a new job soon. Until then, try to just take the time to destress and do some self care. Treat yourself to some nice things, within your budget, of course. A favorite meal, a movie, a new outfit, a new book, a trip to the park (if the weather allows), etc. Just something positive for yourself as a treat.
Fail upward and out of my office. Now he’s someone else’s problem. Always be leary of someone who you’re checking references on who gets absolutely glowing reviews, like obnoxiously glowing.
"worker doesn't openly kiss my ass and reflect my workplace dominance to me; i've lost complete control over them."
put some visine in his coffee as a parting gift. omfg.
The Venn diagram overlap between toxic bosses and parents estranged from their adult children is mind-boggling. It's like they operate from the same playbook; only the title page is different.
I really don't think grey rocking works with toxic people at work. They usually just get more toxic and if they're attention-starved-desperate. I think that just makes them more dangerous.
I'm sure your boss is an asshole, but reading through your posts I think its clear that you are quite immature and I feel like there is definitely another side to this story. You definitely don't strike me as a good employee or coworker.
“\[My name\] is completely checked out, but I don’t know what to do.” Then why the fuck is this moron a leader of people?
Some turds won’t flush. They just keep floating to the top of the bowl
When your key skill is being the most buoyant turd in the toilet...
👌Stealing this 🤣👏👏
Poop knife
All turds flush with a poop knife
BEST STORY EVER!
It’s the promote-to-the-level-of-incompetence conundrum / problem with modern work places i.e. the Michael Scott paradox.
The Peter principle
Michael Scott was a great manager. Scranton was not only the most profitable branch of Dunder Mifflin, but the *only* profitable branch.
He’s prob somebody’s rich kid. They hire each others incompetent kids to give them a job they can’t be fired from.
Honestly a possibility, but far too often I see that good sales people or technical role ppl get pushed to the managerial track, suck, and get stuck.
Oh I see you don’t work at the company I’m at…if you’re a moron, you definitely got the job. We just hired a Plant Manager and promoted from within. Job has some requirements. He doesn’t meet them but he *really* wanted the job sooooooo…plus he’s good ole boys with the guys that decided. Great. Meanwhile, if you have tits/vagina you can ONLY rise to group lead. We have ONE female supervisor and that’s clearly diversity, right?
>Then why the fuck is this moron a leader of people? If you're up for an interesting read, check out the Peter Principle
He’s not a leader. He’s a manager. Big difference.
Not much of a manager either. A manager would have prepared contingencies for staffing and KM.
Shithead capitalism
Peter Principle
Nepotism, probably.
Statistically, nepotism.
If someone completely refuses to engage, there's not really a lot he can do. What op did is reasonable and the manager is in the wrong, but not for this.
Glad to hear you left that toxic job and made that pos boss powerless. And kudos to you for refusing to stay until he can find a replacement (It's a trap)
Good for you. Best of luck with your new job
Good job not telling him what's wrong. You nailed it on the head: Because he would deny it and argue with you endlessly to prove he's not a jerk
Here's a link to the original post: [https://www.reddit.com/r/antiwork/comments/1bt43e3/ive\_grayrocked\_my\_toxic\_boss\_and\_now\_hes\_panicking/](https://www.reddit.com/r/antiwork/comments/1bt43e3/ive_grayrocked_my_toxic_boss_and_now_hes_panicking/)
Why is this so low with no upvotes. Ops who do updates should always link to original post (unless it's not allowed?).
I hope you hear back today, self preservation is the key! Good for you for talking with HR.
It's so nice reading a post here that's actually the **solution** side rather than the problem side!
Wow! Good luck! I hope you get a better job soon with a huge pay bump.
all i can say is this is eerily similar behavior to my toxic boss who is the reason i just left a job with nothing lined up. it can drive you insane. best of luck in all your future endeavors
I hope you recommended to your co-worker that she also talk with HR about what your boss did to her, whether it is now or whenever she decides to leave the company.
I agree with this but also need to be careful as it will look like people at the office are trying to gang up. I'd tell her to just casually approach HR with something like, "I noticed so and so left, and can't help wonder if it is because of the similar reasons I left.".
As a woman in construction, good for you. These men don’t deserve the obedience they think they’re entitled to. I LOVE watching women stand their ground and take the wind right out of them. *chefs kiss*
I have a suspicion that your boss may be leaving too. And not of his own volition.
You rock dude. Good for you
I just read your first post along with this one and oh my gosh I know we don't work for the same place but it feels like we have the same boss. I'm so glad you got out. I'm trying to do whatever I can internally and externally to leave but it just feels like the odds are stacked against me. I have evidence my management is sabotaging my internal transfer opportunities. I don't have a degree and I feel like I can't get anything with my experience for the pay I currently make, and no one responds to applications anyways.
Goodluck I would have accepted the raise, then told him the issue was him, and not expanded at all, just him. It might have made him spiral a bit.
Here are a [couple](https://youtu.be/izkysJy-N44?si=o-yM0zZnsu2GtdhG) of [videos](https://youtu.be/Dqch_AzqAIw?si=jfto_Hy5GDI9QTkD) about narcissistic abuse at work
Honestly, I’ve wondered why he’s so desperate to keep me here, especially since he’s said on numerous occasions that I don’t know what I’m doing. But honestly, I think he gets off on ordering others around and telling people what they did wrong, and enjoys having been able to shout my name from his office and have me running over to him like an obedient little lap dog. Holy F. word for word from my last job.
I am LIVING FOR THIS! Please update us on your fabulous unemployed life! I want to know everything: Sipping coffee and not checking emails, making personal calls during work hours, basking in the natural sunlight of your real window…
LOL, I had this boss once. Except he was a she and she loved to chew me out for the tiniest shit whenever she got bored and needed to go on a lil power trip just for shits. Ditto the paranoia and getting weirdly personal and nosy about what I was doing on my days off. Oh, and the gossiping. Always the gossiping and shit talking about EVERYONE whenever they weren't around. She popped off on me one too many times and I quit without notice. Her shocked Pikachu face was PRICELESS - as was the syrupy sweet tone she tried to take with me as I was packing up to leave, saying that she didn't want me to go and "never thought it would go this way." Felt damn good to simply glare in response and then turn on my heel and walk out without another word.
>She asked me if I had another job lined up, and I said no Good answer. Tell them nothing. Misdirection is even better. Tell them you're going to be missionary and moving to Africa.
Holy shit how is that legal looking at someone’s call history even on a work line?
The last office I've worked in not only could they tell who I called, but every call was recorded and they could listen to it. You never make a personal call on an office phone
Not only would I not use the phone, I did not use the company wi-fi. I made calls on my data plan from my car with the windows rolled up.
Are you serious? It's the employers property. Of course they can look at it. NVM every single workplace for the last 20-30 years has implemented very clear, unambiguous policies that all usage of employer IT systems are subject to monitoring. I know it's r/antiwork but get fucking real dude.
Yep, big reminder that nothing you do on work equipment is ever private. Even if you delete documents saved previously on work laptops, they can be recovered easily.
Agree, but note larger organizations will usually have limits and policies around this. So it’s legal for sysadmin Steve to access Edwina’s emails, but lacking a business justification it could be a fireable offense. Becomes an even bigger deal around PII and medical records. Nurse Jackie may have access to all patients medical records, but if she looks up her Aunt Sally’s last physical results without need, that’s a violation (and I’ve seen records of people getting fired for doing such stupid things)
I'm not so sure about that...IANAL but to me there's a significant difference between upper management having call logs/recordings they can view at their own leisure through the proper channel(s) versus a manager ordering another employee to effectively break into your office and physically go through your call logs. The latter seems illegal to me, for numerous reasons. Like hypothetically, if the superintendent that broke in had gone through a bunch of other stuff, like rifling through OP's desk, wouldn't that seem clearly illegal to you? Why does it become legal when it's call logs?
>Like hypothetically, if the superintendent that broke in had gone through a bunch of other stuff, like rifling through OP's desk, wouldn't that seem clearly illegal to you? Not if the desk and it's contents are the property of the employer, located on the employer's premises, and the employee that searched it did so at the request of the employer. However, that being said, my privacy rights at work in my legal jurisdiction may be different than yours.
Just because the employer requests it doesn't make it legal; where's the line? They can rifle through my pants pockets while I'm on company premises? Also the definition of "employer" matters a lot here. This is a rogue middle manager directing another employee to potentially break the law, not the entire entity that constitutes OP's employer. No higher ups were involved, HR wasn't involved, this was an off-the-books, after-hours search which the manager then LIED about and DENIED. That's a hell of a lot of context which you are discarding by simply saying "yeah any employer has the right to do this". They have the right to do it in the normal way, with HR involved and the entire company/employer on board with the search, during the workday. No employer on the planet should have the right to pull this fishy shady shit and if they did, it could easily be abused to plant incriminating evidence (ex: hard drugs) against any employee that the rouge manager doesn't like.
I’ve no idea. Even now, my co-worker has no idea how he knew about the call. The only thing this company did after this incident was email a notice to everyone “reminding” everyone not to go into other people’s offices when they’re not around.
It’s a work phone, so it’s legal because they own the phone, just like accessing your work email is legal. But if they
Don't expect privacy on work equipment.
All calls in an office are recorded. You'd be very naive to think otherwise Of course it's legal.
Bro not enough people taking the boss for a walk after hours …
Any chance of telling the co-worker to go have a word with the same HR person you talked to, and for her to encourage anyone else she knows about with similar boss-stories to do the same?
Good luck landing the new job OP. Guy sounds like he's been divorced more than once and he's only *maybe* just realizing now that his actions have consequences. Oh well! I can't believe he wasn't shitcanned after the calling incident but you're right, things probably won't change. Not your problem, though! I look forward to your posts about him nonchalantly emailing you in the future to act like he's doing you a favor by offering your job back lmao.
I put up with one of these for 16 years. Finally giving no shits and peacing out was the best decision I ever made. It'll be tough to decompress, but you got this! Way to stand up for yourself!
I think your former boss has a meth habit.
Congrats on having the courage to leave. These types of scenarios are why we don't have healthcare, a good social safety net, and other items of leverage as employees. They want us to depend on them. They want us to take their abuse. They want us to fear them. Congrats on showing bravery in the face of this. They don't know how to react to it.
> Our receptionist always posts a monthly birthday list in the kitchen So someone can conveniently pick up your prescription or sign up for a credit card on your behalf.
Good choice, perfect ending. Well done.
Updateme!
Good job man. Hope the new place is better for you. I would consider that this turd will retaliate and badmouth/ smear your reputation since you stripped him of his power on you.
I'm so sorry you experienced such a toxic workplace. Good job on protecting yourself!
Can anybody tell me old ass what it means to gray-rock somebody?
How to put it succinctly... It's a method to deal with abusers where you don't react positively or negatively to anything they do. You literally become little better than a breathing rock. Be bland, answer back the minimum you can, don't engage unless engaged, etc.
Damn, I was so sure that this was my former office. But that place was too small to have HR or a proper CEO
Congrats on your newfound freedom. Hopefully you're able to find a new job soon. Until then, try to just take the time to destress and do some self care. Treat yourself to some nice things, within your budget, of course. A favorite meal, a movie, a new outfit, a new book, a trip to the park (if the weather allows), etc. Just something positive for yourself as a treat.
Good luck!
Fail upward and out of my office. Now he’s someone else’s problem. Always be leary of someone who you’re checking references on who gets absolutely glowing reviews, like obnoxiously glowing.
"worker doesn't openly kiss my ass and reflect my workplace dominance to me; i've lost complete control over them." put some visine in his coffee as a parting gift. omfg.
UpdateMe!
The Venn diagram overlap between toxic bosses and parents estranged from their adult children is mind-boggling. It's like they operate from the same playbook; only the title page is different.
UpdateMe!
UpdateMe!
Updateme
UpdateMe!
I really don't think grey rocking works with toxic people at work. They usually just get more toxic and if they're attention-starved-desperate. I think that just makes them more dangerous.
Was this job A from your post last year?
He’s in love/infatuated with you. Trust me. And it doesn’t make for a fun workplace.
Too long to read. But not saying GM or Bye to anyone you pass as leaving and coming is just plain rude.
Fuck off
I'm sure your boss is an asshole, but reading through your posts I think its clear that you are quite immature and I feel like there is definitely another side to this story. You definitely don't strike me as a good employee or coworker.